Watch What Crappens - Below Deck Med: Ponzu Scheme

Episode Date: July 21, 2020

Below Deck Med has one final chance to impress the elite entrepreneurs from Miami, but a missing side of ponzu can ruin everything. For this week's premium bonus about Zac Efron's new Netflix show Down to Earth and our video recaps, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **New merch! We designed lots of new face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Well hello and welcome to watch what crapens! A podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on Yo Bros! It's me Ronnie and that's been over there. Hello Bean. Hi, how are you? Good baby. Everybody go check out our other shows. I do the Rose Pricks Bachelor Rost, which you can find anywhere. You listen to podcasts.

And Bean does the Game Brain podcast and he does a cartoon called The Real House Wares of Kitchen Island on YouTube so go subscribe to that masterpiece. We're also selling a bunch of masks right now so really really funny. Luanne masks and Carl masks from Summer House. We just added Lisa Rina lips. You can find those at crappensamerts.com. A portion of those proceeds go to medshare and We are doing a live show this Friday night. We're gonna do our real housewives of New York recap live at

6.30 p.m. Pacific time 9.30 Eastern on our crappens on demand channel on patreon We'll do a little pre-show before that at 6pm Pacific time on Instagram. So come check that out. And today it's time for Badole Deck Mediterranean. Okay. Yes. But first let's do some small business shout outs. Um, I got one. This is a, this is, this is great because it's a small black fee belt business shout out. So we love that.

We are trying to lift everyone up as much as possible. This one comes from Diane, who wants to give a shout out to a small black female owned business in Metro Detroit called Lush Yami's Pies Company. And they are on Instagram at Lush Yami's Pie Company. And she says they have the most delicious lemon butter pies. So go check them out at lushyummypies.co slash shop. Let me double check that it's .co and not a typo.

No it is .co not .com. And by the way, yummy is spelled, it's Y-U-M-M-I-E, not with a Y. So lush yummys pie.co slash shop. And catch yourself a delicious lemon butt of pie, everyone. And next up, this is from Carly. She, let's see blah blah blah. Okay, she does custom drawings, paintings, and ornaments see blah blah blah. Okay, she does Custom drawings paintings and ornaments in whimsical style one time she did a group watercolor of the real house loads of Orange County and Kelly. Dot commented and called her talented. She died

She's not sure if we're still taking submissions. We are She has a crew, a coupon. I'm so sorry everybody. She has a coupon code for us. It's crap ins, use that and you'll get 20% off anything and she always ships priority mail for free. Okay, so to find this, she's on Instagram and Etsy at Poppy and Bird.

That's P-O-P-P-Y, Poppy and Bird, and go get your artwork. Okay and Bird and go get your artwork. Okay. Yeah, go get your artwork. There was another one. I was gonna give a shout out to a business that like my friend had and I can't remember what it is and it's killing me. Well actually I've got one. You can save that one for later because I've got another one we can do because this shout's out Dom, your man. She says that her five-year-old took one of Dom's Broadway classes online, and she's been playing the Spoons to Old Town Road ever since. That's adorable. Yeah, Dom, my boyfriend Dominique is a choreographer, and he occasionally

does virtual dance classes. So I'll try to keep that, I'll try to alert everyone when one's coming up because you can just go on to Zoom. And I've also been talking with him about the idea of doing a crap ends dance class. So we just have to figure out a good time to do that. Yeah, yeah, why not? Like why not?

We have a lot of listeners who love to dance or just bored and just want to learn to dance a little bit and so I'm we're just trying to figure out a time that works with him with his schedule and And then I'll let everyone know and then people can sign up and do that because I think that'd be really really fun Why not? Yeah, why not? All right everybody. Well, thanks for those go support your small businesses We hope everybody is taking care of each other out there taking taking care of yourselves and each other. Like Jerry Springer used to say. Um, it's a tough time out there. So let's laugh for a little while. Shall we? Yeah, let's do it. Let's talk about some

below deck, man. It's fucking crazy. Okay. So let's take our mind off the stress of a pandemic and put it into the stress of a yacht with awful guests. Yes, please. I need to get away from this goddamn world. I made the mistake. I woke up and I was like, you know what I'm gonna do. I've read the news and so long. I'm gonna lay here at bed and just read. It's gonna be so peaceful. Oh my God. I came out of that shell shot. It's like, oh God. Never let me read the news again, please. Never. It's horrifying, it's horrifying, horrifying, horrifying,

and it just gets worse and worse and worse. Thank God for TV, like, reality TV. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, I added that, that was my embellishment. OK, so for those of you who aren't caught up on below deck here's a previously. Oh my god. There's 12 guests Oh my finger. I just need someone who can work You're no longer the lead deck and I'm considering leaving you at the dock Bernardo is put together my amy's elite

Most elite it's not really my style to cook for a vegan. It's a worst day of my life. Okay, we're cut up! Yeah, basically what it all comes down to is a really demanding vegan. Okay, so guess what? The guests were just served food. And they're still hungry and they want more courses, so until they get their food, they're just going to jangle their jewelry and be like, more, more, more, more, more.

You swallowing me that fucking bracelet, you jangle that shit at me, I'll tell you that right now. I know. So Hannah, she comes down to the gal. I just like, hi, honey, we need to work on the portion size, hi. All right, you need to do this. He's like, ah, keep going, having more of a day of us live, keep going. We don't know. I also love seeing this new version of honeyane, because it's like so kind. It's like, all right, Hane? That was like, all right. It was a kind version of Hane.

Hope you enjoyed that. Yeah, Kine-Hane. I mean, I think something is off with Hane at the season, because we have never seen a kind Hane before. Yeah, it was our first kind hane in the wild. Yeah, I feel like Lara put a hex on Hannah, and it's slowly working its way through her system. It's like, I never saw that movie

that was like, well, it dragged me to hell, but I know it's about a woman who gets a spell put on her, and then over the course of the movie, things just get worse and worse for her. I feel like Lara put a hex, like a drag me to hell, hex on Hannah, Hannah is slowly going from honey to, honey. Drag me to Honeye, Honeye. Drag me to Honeye.

Drag me to Pith, honey. So Robin Belier talking in the wheelhouse and he's like, all right, he feel about you know that he's demoted. And she's like, well, you know, I've decided to put him on late because he'll be away from females, but also he'll have time to realize that he's just creeping out the whole crew. And while she's talking, it just keeps cutting to unit in bed, just rubbing his boobs. He's like, yeah, oh, yeah, I'm dreaming about me, baby. Yeah. Rob me and Miles like, why did you have to yell that at me? I would appreciate if you gave that to me in a different energy. Thank you. So the guests now they've had their foods, they go up to the jacuzzi, it's like party time, party time, party time.

And Hannah has decided not to stay up on the lights. She is now assigned that to Bugsy, so she's going to sleep. And we see the first of several shots of Hannah taking pills this episode. So this is the new, this is like a new, um, a new element. Normally we get Hannah smoking cigarettes and sleeping in bed. But this season we're getting a lot of pills and we did get that one self-help thing that someone said was Anna Win-Tor. That is hilarious. She's listening to self-help by Anna Win-Tor.

Yeah, it was apparently Anna Win-Tor's master class according to one of our listeners. I don't know if you guys have heard Anna Win- tour not had the best year. Okay Pretty much canceled this year. So I might have been the wrong thing to listen to Also, I just don't know if I want Anna went to order to give me a pep talk mean I hear about that. How about how about here's my pep could hawk and a win tour your hair stupid Okay, you've had your hair longer than Lisa Rina get a haircut. Yeah, Anna win tour Why do I feel like if I were to eat your head, I would double-in-size and be able to stomp on gummies. Yeah, this Hannah with Pills thing, I mean, we saw it a couple weeks ago, they show

Hannah and the dark taking a pill, and I think they stopped the music at that point. And I thought, well, that's weird. Why would they make such a big deal out of taking a pill? But this time, it's deal out of taking a pill but this time it's like Yeah, yeah, I'm the music stops and the boat stops rocking It's like what is she to definitely made heroin pills like what is she taking over there? That's causing this much of a ruckus and can I get some please all the fish in the sea just stops swimming for a moment like a shark Is about to bite a grouper and a shark was like, wait a sec. They both like look up at the yacht.

You know, it's like a Disney movie. Ariel stops brushing her hair with a fork. Totally. So anyway, it's 3.45 a.m. And we see Pete waking up for anchor watch. I think this is the official beginning of Pete being minimized out of the show because he doesn't have a confessional and he's really not very much, they don't, they really give him very little

except for like lying in bed or walking up a staircase. Yeah, they're like, cat, everything except the part where he's rubbing his boobs because that's gold. Yeah, everything else good. That's the good stuff. So he shows up for Anchor Watch. I was afraid this was gonna turn into a thing, but he just went to Anchor Watch.

And then it was the morning. So the next morning, Jess is trying to open a cabinet but her finger hurts. So there's that. And then in the kitchen, captain comes down to Kiko. She's like, so how did they like dinner last night, Kiko? He's like, they like it, I don't like it. I was not happy with the dinner last night. She's like, well, you know what? We're going to figure this out. You're going to figure out your

plates, but first you've got to figure out the plates. You're going to put them on and then you figure out what ingredients you're going to use and then you prep all those ingredients. Okay? You chop them, you get them at a little bowls then you line them all up then you start putting them together and then you use a thing called fire Okay, because fire helps Okay, and you cook them okay, that's how every chef has done it Every chef has done it since I've been working with them. That's how they've done it I'm like that's how you cook get out of the kitchen Hey, you know, it's okay. You're just fine tuning your machine

Okay, and let me tell you something here's how you fine tune your machine. It starts with you got it It's a hug bring it in Kiko. Come on bring it in right here. All right. All right. Let this hug organize your emotions There you go big guy So of course Jess is taking breakfast orders and she's like, can I get you some breakfast? And I got like yes, I would like some avocado toast with, guess what it's gonna be? Is it gonna be, is it gonna be snails? No, is it gonna be kind of lettuce? No. Mushrooms! That's right! Get me some mushrooms!

I'm gluten-free bread, don't leave out the best part. I'm gluten-free. Just in case, just in case it couldn't be any more of a high maintenance meal. Man, that guy just loves his mushrooms. He's obsessed with the mushrooms. I feel like he's probably on, well, maybe he's on keto because like mushrooms are big on keto. So then how does it talk into the gas to be like, all right, Hone is today, we're gonna go take the boat out

on the water, then we're gonna have the toys and then we'll have a 15 minute break for you guys to complain about things. And then after that, we'll have offer you some food with very minimal vegan options and we'll let that go in the corner, get all mad and we'll get some mushrooms for him and then after that it's extra honey time, we're all go downstairs and tell everyone honey in a nice way and I'll be weird and then we'll take your order for the rest of the chat. All right enjoy.

Yeah and then the guys like oh good what a good day for my birthday. Oh it's your birthday honey. It's like yes 36. I'm getting so old. I was like yeah you're 30 what a good day for my birthday. I was your birthday, honey. He's like, yes, 36. I'm getting so old. I was like, yeah, you're 30s. Yeah, I'm 36 too. Yeah, you know what's old, you're attitudes, sir. I wish I just hope they give him some European juice

and call out a day. So yeah, so everyone's doing, it's like morning activities, you know, let's get those ropes up, Malia, and Alex are working with ropes. Get in the ropes up and here comes the anchor and here comes Buzzy. Good morning! Um, where's Buzzy here in my notes? I'm scrolling down.

She's everywhere you need her to be. Just listen for the sound of thunder! Yeah, bully, bully. Buzzy's in front of the boat pulling it. It's like, I've got it. I've got the boat Should they pull up the anchor and bugsie sitting on it stirring some cookies harvesting mushrooms the guests

Well, we had a mushroom shortage so I put some mold down under the boat and now I got thunder mushrooms Mm-hmm, and then we cut to the lady one of the ladies One of the lady clients and she's just sitting there with some weird lip mask on. What is that? She looked like she was trying to be Lisa Rina. But what does that thing do? Do I need that? It was alarming to me.

It was very strange. And then we see Jess, she's like, she has some surface cleaner, she's spraying it. But she's also got her cast up and she's trying to hide her face from the spray of it. She's like, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh hangover, whatever. That's not good. By the way, have you seen this show before? People with really bad hangovers get in trouble all the time. Yeah.

So then they're putting toys out and stuff. And Rob tells me, yeah, I wrote my toryus today. Right, the whole inside, Bon Menel. And she's like, gross. Yeah. So then inside, because today I'm going to show everyone what I can do. I'm going to make sushi. I'm going to make lots and lots of sushi.

So he goes until it's the primary. He's making sushi and the end of the sky, Bernardo. Is his name, I guess? He's like, okay, do you have Ponzu sauce? And he goes, hmm, not sure what that is. I'll Google for you. So I'm like, oh gosh, please don't let Ponzi sauce. Play a pivotal role in this episode because that's just so below deck.

Yeah, so then Hannah and Malia, dick team, dick team, guess headed towards water sports. And Malia's like, we need a few minutes here. More toe, more toe. But we have to always, we have to ours. But more toe, but to us. But my toe. Rob, Rob, Malia, how far are you on that toes? I just sat down

First I have to examine the two and then I have to touch the toe and then give it good energy. Hey What did the little toe say to the big toe? What rob? Why are you so much bigger proportionate than I am? Ha, ha, ha. I may be one two down, but that doesn't mean I have to be two up. Get it. So Malia sends Alex to look for some manual. She's like, okay, it's in the white box, Alex.

Okay, it's in a white box down there. He's like, all right, I'm gonna go look for the manual. So he goes down and he's like, Malia, I'm gonna go book for the manual. So he goes down and he's like Malia. Malia Demenu was not here. Yeah, and she's like, um, she's like, uh, just keep looking or whatever and then Rob is now done with this to but he's now kissing Jess in the laundry room, of course. So she's Malia is just telling everyone to hurry up because everyone's being really slow. And then Alex comes back. He's like, yeah, I found you wicked wicked awesome manual here but it wasn't where you said it would be okay you know it wasn't there she's like okay yeah it wasn't it wasn't where you remember how you said it was gonna be in a

white box wasn't there wasn't there she's like okay great did crew did crew booze I've got some rubbish can I leave it somewhere and Robb goes, what did she say? I love that Rob is so supportive of Jess. He's going to pretend he can't understand bugs. He's accept. Yeah, okay, Rob. I'm like, you guys are from the same country. So then, are they?

I think he's South African. Wait, where's Bunchie from? She's South African. Well, there you go. Yeah, unless maybe like one of them's from Soweto, which is technically a country within South Africa. What? So then Rob is back and he tells Malia, he's like,

Let's all be polite to one another. There seems to be some tension between my little toe and my big toe. I'll call back. You have to understand that the guests are the first priority here. OK? He's like, it's transferring that energy across now because people are sensitive and I'm just being mindful of energy

I know I'm like hey, right about it go cry about it Seriously, and she's like Rob your boss is gonna ask you to hurry sometimes. It's just what it is He's I'm just going to keep quiet today. Oh, so I Rob I'm devastated that you won't be sharing your sparkling personality with us for the whole day. I'm so devastated So like you don't have to take things so personal every single time Rob is like I said I'm gonna keep quiet That's the opposite of keeping quiet is saying the same thing to us. He's like you're holding space for negative energy. Oh, yeah You literally have like a bleeding toe just wrap it up. She said hurry up. She was so nice about it too

She's like I just need you to hurry up. Okay. Like it was so nice. God, just with the world, another sensitive male model. Who used to be a drug runner? So Malia's like, I don't give a fuck about your energies right now. When you tell your, when your boss tells you to pick up the pace, you pick up the pace.

Am I right everyone? Yeah, she's like, pace needs to be paced no matter what people are feeling. A cell. So then the girl with the big lip stuff on is like taking selfies and water, Yeah, she's like pace needs to be pace no matter what people are feeling a cell So then the girl with the big lip stuff on is like taking selfies in water Which is all we really see them do whenever it cuts to them to like look at us in hot tub look at us standing at rail I was like wow fascinating Instagram Yeah, exactly to follow these people fast So Kiko's working on his sushi and Bugsie and Hannah

are doing the table-scape. And then there's some sort of weird slide drama, because I guess the slide twisted itself up a little bit and inverted. So Rob is down on the tender and he has to untangle it. And Mule is like, OK, just take that cable and just go with it. And then he'll be fine. I'm going to toy not. No, you don't have to tie not. Just believe it's like, okay, just, you know, just take that cable and just like go with it and then I'll be fine. I'm going to Tory not.

No, you don't have to try not. Just believe it's like, I'm going to Tory the not. You don't have to, please tell me this isn't a marriage joke. Why would I joke about something so serious? Okay, so then don't touch the night. I'm making a knot. She's like, okay, please. I'm going to, I'm divorcing a knot.

There you happy. Okay, okay, that was at least trying. Okay, okay, please. I'm going to I'm divorcing a not there. Are you happy? Okay, okay, that was at least trying. Okay, I was trying. He's like making me stressed out. Jesus Christ. Okay. She's the world doesn't revolve around your fucking feelings. I know. Just do what she says. You don't have to tie the not

whatever. I don't even know what the not meant. Just don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah, so then we go to bugs and chess. Bugs is calling chess on the radio. I'm like, just, just, books, just, just, books. Could you bring me some wine glasses? She's like, uh, mixers, what?

Wine glasses. Fine, asses, thank you. Wine glasses. That's just mean, that was really mean, what you just said. Mung beans. What? Yeah. She's also, Jess is also trying to open up a trash bag.

And she just, it's like, she's got, it in her mouth and her hand, like, she's got like a toe in there. She just can't, she just can't do it. So, um, bugs is like, did you copy that? Um, I can't, I can't ever understand you. One glass. Is that oh, yeah, what are you talking about? Oh, one glasses. See what happens when you are an NNC8. She's like, oh, I'm the queen of anunciation, my doll. She goes, okay, back to not being able to understand you.

Although hilariously, Medal is actually not non-seating very well, just by the virtue of it. It's like literally like a, there's an apostrophe in there. So, so yeah, so Jess is like rolling her eyes and she also probably has the garbage bag like wrapped around her like at this point. So now it's lunchtime and Hannah's just on her phone and Bugsy is serving. Susiella Kiko!

And the main guy, Bernardo, is like, is there Pronto sauce? It's just like, Ponto sauce, KK, they would love some Ponto sauce. He's like listen guys I know that sometimes things are stressed, but things have to happen, okay? And I have to say things and sometimes they're gonna hurt your little feelings, okay? So why don't we just go eat and stop being angry, okay? And Rob, yes, I do see that you found a dandelion and tied a knot and it's damn that's very nice It's very nice not what I need right now. But it's beautiful.

I think ponzu. Ponzu. Ponzu. Ponzu. Ponzu. Excuse me, the Kiko is still working on the ponzu. Perhaps I'll offer you a little bit of thunder. Because I can bring that. Kiko, can I get some pon you? They're eating very quickly very quickly He's like I have to make the mushrooms the mushrooms and then the guest upstairs like I'm not full I'm not full. Well, that's because you all you eaters mushrooms and gluten-free bread. Of course you're not gonna be full So Who's Hannah talking to you here the gas? She's like, oh yeah, so hey, hey, go in. You know, this is what my stewardess is

get a normal fucking day I'm taking. So you know what, I've done this shit a long time. I deserve a day. I'm not getting fucking bullied anymore. Kiko, they want tempura! tempura! I get my balkdor. He's getting so frustrated.

He's like, I'm not fucking McDonald's. Okay, I cannot do things like that fast all the time. I'm Kiko! Yeah, they are making like a million demands. I think at some point, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what the role is, but I feel like Bugsie is supposed to maybe like manage this, like, rather than have like an onslaught on to Porquico who has to make homemade ponzu and

slice mushrooms or whatever, like, there's gotta be some way to like control the flow of information that's going to him, right? Or maybe, or is he just disorganized? I think he is because the guy asked him for ponzu this morning and he still hasn't made it. And he knows that they're always gonna eat more more than they order so he didn't do that and then what was the other thing? Ponzu?

Oh, mushrooms. Always have fucking mushrooms out. The guy's had mushrooms every five minutes, okay? Give the guy his mushrooms. Yeah. So by the way, it's now like three o'clock. It's been an hour. I actually feel a little bad for these guests because the service has not been great.

In terms of how long they have to wait just to get their food. They had like whatever the rules were at two o'clock and now it's three fifteen and they still haven't had their tempura and all this and they're just going, they're just basically going bonkers. Yeah, and bugs is doing coffees but just, well, bus tell. Now they want to serve. Bus tells Jess how to do coffees but she's not doing them. Now they they guess like some guess want dessert now they all want different types of coffees one wants Oh, milk one wants I'm in milk one wants this and that and in the vegan is like I want more vegan rolls So it's just they want everything all it wants. Yeah, it's a cluster fuck and bugs is really stressing out And so she's like just just coffees. I'm trying to focus

But can you know, multitask? Not while you're talking, lady who speaks like she's underwater. Well, how far you were trying to clear here. Just and you're still talking. I just need to know how far you are. I don't know about six feet away from you. No, not distance. Do you know how to use an ice cream scoop?

You just sort of plunge it into the ice cream and then pull it out and put it in the bowl? Is that a little too hard for you? And Bugsie is like, I cannot not be a control freak, but working under others and showing me how to let go. Look at me right now, letting go. It's like freaking out.

Let go, look at me right now, letting go. It's like freaking out. Meanwhile, it's 3.30 a.m. and the tempera is finally ready that they ordered like 45 minutes ago. I mean, I would be going bonkers, to be honest. Yeah. So then Jess pulls the bugs aside. She's like, um, bugs.

Could you do me a favor? Could you maybe speak clear or something? So I can't talk how I can't I can't change how it's born all right I was born with these pins in my hair and I was born to talk like this It's like lady Gaga says I was born this way. I mean, that would be like me saying to you Hey, Jess could you just be smart for one day? It just doesn't happen, you know? Actually, yes, hold on and let me get that book.

You're holding it upside down and I'm pretty sure that's just a shoe. I can reach you's upside down now who's stupid stupid So bucks is like okay, then I'll talk clearer then and she she goes I mean what do you think I don't want to understand you on purpose? Like is that what you think? And she's like okay, I would try to be more clear than if that's what you want And San Diego Hannah have both walked to this but they're on opposite sides of them just kind of watching What's going on? Yes. And just like, and by the third time, like, finally I can understand you finally,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey there. Um, can I finish what I'm saying? No, we are done here. Yeah, because she's like, can I finish it because this is the part that like she's, I feel like she's about to say, this is is this is like my really good point that I'm Giving up to say like no, no, you can't and she's like well Kiko can't understand you either and either can Malia But he's just like fuck these bitch I got to tell Hannah. We're gonna have a little less amount of the radio later so they can all understand bugsy

Please do that. I would love that scene. All right, everybody. Bugsie, go ahead and say you need something. Oh, Tempura. Well, that was really good. She asked for a mattress. Temporaropedic. And she has a point this, Jess. Multiple choice.

Where did Bugsie say? So, yeah, so Hannah and Bugsie are and yeah, Bugsy's just telling Hannah, like, she's losing her mind with Jess because Jess keeps saying, oh, I can't understand, I can't understand. So Sandy goes up to Jess and it's like, okay, okay, little one, okay, can you take that garbage bag out of your mouth? Okay, great, listen, I think, you know, we train our ears to hear how people talk in the industry. I mean, everyone has different dialects and different accents and, uh, oh, did you just close your, the door on your other hand? You did, didn't you? Okay, you thought I said, walk into the door, didn't you? Okay, maybe you do have a hearing issue. We've got to learn to adjust our ears to their

communication. Okay. So I'm trying. Oh, I get that you're tired. Okay. We're got to learn to adjust our ears to their communication. Okay, so I'm trolling. She goes, oh, I get that you're tired, okay? We're going to figure it out. We're going to figure it out. Look at me, wink in it. I'm going to wink at you a few times to stand there and take it. You're being washed over with winks. Yep, yep, like that.

And done. Okay, I've winked on you about five times. You ready? Now maybe it's time for you to catch those winks in bed. Nap time, young lady, you're tired. So Bugsie's talking to Hannah still and she's like, when you're way down, taking your much-steated rest, I'm trying to make the interior good for you. I'm not the chiefs, so I can't structure everything myself. So then she goes on break and Sandy, Sandy is basically talking to Hannah about Kiko being just saying that he's just really disorganized and wants Hannah to help Kiko

keep his shit together. Yeah. And so Hannah is the handles way of doing that. She goes into the kitchen and she is alright Kiko. Keke, dinner has to be, because I have a Mary Archie being coming in and the Tommy has to be perfect. Got it? Great, good talk. Surely by me adding more pressure onto you, that should get you organized. Great. Okay, so then Bugsie sees Alex and she's like, hey Alex, and he's like, I love your smile. She's like, well. Thank you. I love to smile. He's like are we floating right now? Hey? Hey I don't know because apparently no one can hear what I say

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while the guests are sleeping, so they're gonna wake up to a whole different experience and one of the guys goes, yeah, this is what we've been wanting. Yeah, everyone like applause. Wow, the yacht is going to move someplace. And by the way, because they're now they're all sitting at the table, the primary his shirt's just like, I think between all eight of these people, there are maybe three buttons that

are buttoned collectively amongst all these people. Yeah. And so the Maryachee band comes and they're singing on the boat. They sing like on their little tender and all the way up the boat and that's enough Maryachee for me now those guys are very talented But I love going to El Compradre but God from those Maryachee guys come it's like I'm trying I was in the middle of something And of course you have Venmo. Do you have Venmo? Okay? Yeah, dude does Maryachee does that have roots in Spain and Mallorca or is that just purely a, it's purely a Mexican art farm? Mmm. I'm just curious.

I don't know. On ignorant, on this point. All right, well we'll let all listeners inform us. So then, the, so now the first course is being served Kiko is of course going nuts Cassandre is just hovering over his shoulder and so he serves this first course and They it seems to go well the lady says it's perfect. It's perfect. I'm so perfect I'm gonna put a mask on my lips. Oh there even more perfect now. Oh yes Cleaning cleaning cleaning and bugs comes down bugs come down and she's like,

they love and you're food. He's like, if they're happy, I'm happy. Kiko's take on a surf and turf and gluten free vegan pasta with some vegetables. So she delivers that. And one of the guys is like, how come I don't get any pasta? You got the pasta.

It's like, oh god. And then of course the vegan guy, he is upset. He's like, I don't need to set out in one any pasta, it's like oh god. And then of course the vegan guy, he is upset. He's like, I don't even want any pasta, which I'm not sure if we heard him say that. I don't seem to remember hearing him say that it wasn't caught on camera. I think if it were caught on camera, he would have shown that.

And also like, what are the odds that this guy did not pay for any of this trip, right? This guy is totally reading like the classic below deck guest who didn't pay for any of the trip but complains the most. Yeah. And so one of the guys tells him, but you're not liking anything, right? And he's like, well, he can't eat the pasta because it's cold. Now it's cold.

Oh, man, poor Kiko. I like Kiko. Not looking good for Kiko at this point. Yeah. And then the prongs are also too soft So they don't have a good texture so people aren't eating anything and then Hannah's like Hey, lady, do you want to have a piece of fish? A little piece of fish honey my little grilled piece of fish now now no fish now now all right no fish for you

Yeah, so Kiko's super depressed about it. And then they deliver the cake. And the guys like, I'm already the luckiest guy in earth. So what could I even wish for? And then another guy's like, is this cake vegan? Nope. Oh, no. You could wish for a vegan dessert for your friend. Oh, this cake isn't vegan or dairy-free. Right, Kiko. Yeah, it's like, he goes like, nope. She's like, well, what do we have for the vegan? He's like, well, all I have is a scoop of ice cream I'm like, I don't know if that qualifies for vegan or dairy free either, but unless it's being dairy free ice cream, but yeah, oh

Yeah, so that guy is the vegan guy is really pissed off despite the fact I mean listen he has a right he has a right to have you know If he's he's spending a lot of money, whether he's spent it or not, and if he says he's a vegan, he has a right to get basics, like a piece of dessert. Yeah, at least send him a fucking fruit bowl. I mean, if you have dairy-free ice cream or whatever, put that with fruit or something, mushroom. Can't eat mushrooms. Yeah. Come on, Kiko. So the captain comes up and she's like, how was your dinner?

And he's like, oh, for us good, but for some people. And the vegan's like, for this kind of yacht is average. She's like, I am not happy. And I'm going to show that by hugging myself right now. We can hit your five times, turn me into a circle, pulling into tail, like, don't, are we happier now nope all right I'll yell at Keiko be right back she goes you know what it's my goal to have your experience be the best it could possibly be so you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna lie up the engines

and it's gonna get smoky I'm like you're gonna flood them with exhausts so that's all right my job is My job is to make this your best experience and they're like great job. I was like, then she failed. What are you applauding her for? Yeah. So now after all this mess, they're like at the hot tub now or wherever they are.

And so everyone else is cleaning up. They're cleaning up the table and everything. And Malia and Alex are in the bridge talking about I don't know Boats radars If they do where that manual was I didn't write down what they talked about the guys are parting and talking to bugs and Like guys like can we we need boys can we like call for like boys and

The ladies like is anyone gay on this boat anyone Peter what about Peter like guys like no he's mine and so they're like this is this is where the vegan guy by the way this is where he this is where he I was giving him some credit I was like you know he has a right to have his own dessert but then when he says that he he reserves Peter for no, you don't get your dessert anymore. You have no taste. You have proven you have no taste. You do not deserve dessert anymore. Yeah. That didn't age well with that guy for sure. No. Yeah. So then, yeah. So then the guest asks Bugsie who she and she's like, oh, I would shack the thunder, marry the thunder, and kill the thunder! They're like bugs, z, bugs, z. They love bugs, z, so that's where we are with these guys.

So then in the mess, Kiko's like, I'm so tired, someone please shower me, please just clean me, and Hannah sees Jess dress just normally in her casual clothes and she's like, oh, well, I lock you dress, Jess. And she's like, thank you. It makes me feel like I'm not on a boat. Like I'm not even working. And Hannah goes, oh, yeah, suit is valium. It's like dun dun dun.

All the fish stop again. Like wait a second So I did so Alex and Bugsie flirt some more with their little flirty right I guess she was She wanted him to taste something right she was like, would you taste this and he's like Would you accept me how I am and otherwise I won't taste it or something? Because she says, hey, you want to, you want to piece that bread and he's like, I'm done eating bread for the night. And she goes, you call yourself a real man, eat that bread. And he says, when you accept me for who I am, I love me, I will.

And she's like, no. I don't accept you. So then, uh, Hannah popping pills again. The sequel. Music stops. The music stops stops close up of Hannah taking a pill and not trying to hide it at all I mean she's taking it right in front of the close-up cam in her room so that's why I'm so confused about this same and then I'm and then the guests are up there saying it's talking about how they like Hannah but bugs bugs these the better stew they just love bugs they etc and then they start hugging

her good night they're like a night they just like love her and she's hugging them all good night and then the weekend falls down the stairs which felt great so the next morning 5.50 a.m. Kiko tells us the stress of this boat makes me depressed no I mean my food is about feeling and if I'm stressed my food is not the same. What is it with every fucking man on this show and their feelings? I don't care about your feelings.

Do your job, okay? Exactly, exactly. Even you pinko who I love, but Jesus Christ. So this whole segment, from this point to, for the next, this whole next segment, this breakfast segment was extremely stressful for me. Like I was just cringing during this entire thing. So the guest wake up, it's 8.38 a.m.

and I think it was Giancarlo, he says, they're gonna be ready by 9 a.m. for breakfast. So, you know, they say breakfast is at 9, okay? 9.03, they're all sitting at the table. And for whatever reason, Hannah's doing laundry and Jess is just vacuuming. Yeah. And then the slides going, I'm still no one's there, right? No one's helping them. They're pouring themselves their own water. And, yeah, shameful on this show. And I thought they said mine 30, but I can't be sure. So then Jess is talking to Hannah and she's like,

oh, there's something wrong with that vacuum. She's the vacuum bag full. She's, I don't know how to do that. She's like, severe honey on, severe honey on. Trying to figure out what kind of honey I'm gonna give Jess. I mean, the whole new world of honey honey's I'm gonna give her maybe a double-finger honey. No, no, no, no. How about that? How about just a... I'm resigned to my lot in life honey. Okay, that's good.

Alright, guess. Now, how's everything going with Netty Nice right over night? How's the crew taking care of ya? And they're like, oh, they haven't been here yet. She's like, no one has been out here. And then she gets pissed. And so she's on the radio, like, where the frickin' fracking is everybody out here? Gosh dang it, I am not gonna have this humbling, dumberling. Somebody better get here. So then Hannah is like, she comes up from the laundry

and she's like, well, Jess was supposed to radio me, which I don't, maybe I missed that detail. I don't seem to remember hearing that that was something that she was supposed to do. And again, I, she was with you. So how could she radio, how could she,

that's the other thing. That's the other thing. So Sandy is just, she's furious right now. Yeah, and she's like, this is what I'm waking bugs up. This is ridiculous. So she's like,

she does, she wakes bugs up and she's like it's already a nightmare Chris on get it out now get that Chris on out now Just take that back and back off your head. I need you on Chris on duty right now Key cool. They've been waiting for an hour He's like I didn't know that my god the house of I know So you should have stuff prepared. There's nothing out but fruit like what the hell? Well, I'm you the cheese plate. I need some meat So then Sandy goes upstairs. She's like hey guys so sorry about that Hope you got to take a little micro nap always makes me feel better. So you guys want eggs or anything?

They're like yeah, I'm like okay great has Hannah taken your order yet? Like, no, she's like, okay, what's my, okay, okay. All right. I'm going to take an anti nap right now. Going downstairs, take an anti nap. I don't think that Hannah is leading right now. It feels like she just doesn't care. So then slide drama. Alex does actually slide anti-drama. It's like the anti-nap. Alex is done with the slide and Hannah's super happy that he's always stepping up to the plate and now back to egg drama. So Hannah again is blaming Jess for not taking an egg order. She's like, did you take that egg order yet?

No. Oh, okay. You dummy. Also that vacuum cleaner, that vacuum cleaner, you have it wrapped around your knee. Oh, good luck. So, okay, you dummy. Also that vacuum cleaner, that vacuum cleaner, you have it wrapped around your knee. All right, good luck. So, and then there's like confusion between the, oh, the oat coffee and the almond gummy. It's just like things are just like going so far wrong. Yes, and Hannah doesn't come to the table with that. Like, oh, hey, I'm so sorry you were waiting.

There was some confusion in the whatever. She's just like, all right, there's Oat. So he won't say, I mean, I can make a new one if you want. All right, there you go. Do you want some eggs? And she says in a way like, fuck you guys. Yeah. She seems really, really rattled and annoyed.

And like, maybe she had just been crying or something. So then Sandy's down in the galley. And you know, she just told Kiko to get some stuff stuff prepared so he has taken a whole bunch of slices of cheese and just like layered them like a stack of documents on a plate. Yeah. That's the cheese. I mean I'm getting me a flashbacks. Oh my god. You know what? You know what? Today's not good for me. This whole breakfast. I'm not. I'm not happy. I'm serious. I'm not happy at all. I I am still gonna hug you though because I love a hug, but I'm not happy. It's not a happy hug.

It's like where is Yana? And then she looks over and Hannah is just riding down toast Hannah is like Blair witching in the corner. She's just standing up against the wall like Possessed by some other entity. Oh, God. So now Hannah's delivering the eggs kind of bitchily, and it's 10-12. 10-12. 10-10.

hour and 10 minutes later for some eggs, I would be beside myself. And the thing is, is that they are, they're supposed to a lot of time for them to play with the toys Because at 11 a.m. They've got to pack everything up Yeah, and they're fine They finally get to go play in the water and Kiko's like I don't want to go out tonight

I'm very tired and Jess is like if you're happy and you know it clap it so I lens So then like the toys come out and then the toys are there to bring them back in. And Rob gets knocked over by the slide, which I'm sure he took very harshly. Listen, you're listening to a slide. I don't like your energy. Slide. You're holding space for negative gravity don't like that I feel like no no matter how far the divine with you slide you're always going down get it ha ha you know what it is with the slide it's very slippery slope hmm so then bugsy is taking orders and the guys like I'd like a little

coconut water. It's like it's unfortunately we don't have coconut water. Sorry. Oh my goodness. So yeah. So then Sandy is like you know what's gonna make me feel better. The old classic I'm gonna teach my 16 year old how to drive. Molly, I guess yourself up here, you're gonna drive out of this anchorage. And Molly is like, I think she's trying to make me into a mini-herr, and that's great. I'm pretty happy about it. Now I like Branzino, I've been hugging more people, and I'm really obsessed with toast. Yeah, so let's see here. Parking time, parking the boat time.

So all the guests are getting ready to go and let's just send them off, shall we? So they're shaking hands with all the guests. And Bernard is like, well, we wanna start by saying we've charted yachts. Oh, we have charted some yachts in our day. But this was amazing. Now, some people were not crazy about the food.

OK, this should have incredible food. OK, Kiko, you suck. I hope you die in a fire. OK. Captain Sandy, your shirt looks very wrinkled. Almost as if you have a stew who refuses to do your laundry. You should have had more mushrooms, more coconut water, better being vegan desserts.

Didn't like the feeling of the wood on my feet, could you get more better deck next time? Thank you very much. Also, the main point. Bugsie, we love bugsie. Bugsie is amazing. We love bugsie. And then it just shows Hannah looking at Kiko. Look, oh no.

She just walks back on the boat after they're leaving us. Fuck off. Yeah. Oh, so Jess is really worried that she's about to get yelled at because the whole breakfast fiasco, but also because she had, because Sandy was looking for her shirt or whatever and apparently Jess just did not do the captain's laundry all charter for some reason. So she's telling Rob and she's like, yeah,

Hannah asked if I was giving it my all. And I was like, I literally don't even understand the words coming out of your Australian mouth right now. Like, could you speak English like proper American English? Thank you. So then it's tip meeting time. Yeah. All right. Here, I'm going to tell you where we failed. All right, here, I'm gonna tell you where we failed. All right? Our priorities became about us and not our client. Okay, this was basically a tray of sliced cheese, this charter, it's a tray of sliced cheese. You know what, I'm tired of having the same conversations. We're on Charter 4.

We should be there by now. We should know how to arrange cheese on a plate. We should know how to iron a shirt. We should know how to not cheese on a plate. We should know how to iron a shirt. We should know how to not tie something onto a slide. Okay, where do they have, where do they need to be there by now? Now look, I might have to let people go. Okay, now we got 15 grand, which in my opinion is a good tip. And they're all mad.

Yeah. But she's like, you know what, you know what, this, we're going to chart her five, we're going to be there. I want to finish this all together. Right now we're in one big group hug. But she's like, you know what? You know what? We're gonna charter five. We're gonna be there. I wanna finish us all together. Right now we're in one big group hug. And I don't wanna have to loosen my arms and have someone fall out of the group hug.

Okay, let's just all keep it tight. Like the opening crates the Golden Girls. All right now, who wants cheesecake? All right, now, Hannah, can we just have a talk? Come on, Hannah. Let's have a big, big, big, big, uh, big talk. Self-confidence talk, okay? I just wanna check talk come on, Hannah? Let's have a let's have a big big big big talk self confidence talk Okay, I just want to check in with you Hannah. How's it going? Oh good? Well, you know Hannah You're different like you're not you almost like you're taking pills and it's turning you into a zombie lady

I don't even recognize anymore. But what are you talking about? You don't even like Hannah. Isn't it better if she's not being herself? Yeah, I mean, I do think that Hannah at least the way she's being portrayed She does seem a little checked out, you know and Sandy's like, you know, you got a lot of challenge challenges and I brought Bugsie in to support you not to not to replace you and I feel like you've sort of resigned I think ever since you did that double honey finger we all saw that I think that sort of like it kind of peaked and you just sort of say that ever since then huh took a lot out of you the double honey finger didn't it? Yeah if you don't have that patch in I

mean there's something wrong Hannah and Hannah's like I'm tired alright but all I know that when Sandy's on a rant like this is nothing you can say it to you so the best thing is you can do is just keep your mouth shut and prepare to be squeezed today. You know, I just don't buy it. I mean, you know, as a captain, I complain every day on this boat, you know, because you either have that passion you're done and like with Mela and Anastasia, everyone else, you make no bones about their cooking. Everyone else you make no bones about their cooking, but you haven't mentioned anything about Kiko and you saw that cheese You saw that cheese Hannah and you love to complain. Where is your complaining about the cheese Hannah? I want the other Hannah back. Okay, give her back I'm gonna say well, I think today's things that Kika can work on but it's not laziness I will say that she's like, you know what? I have a feeling he's reached this capacity

All right, I don't want to fire him But if I don't get what I need, he's gone. And I just need to make sure that you feel supported by me. And to make you feel supported, I'm going to present to you this trophy that the guests have left that says Bugsie. And it has her face on it. And it's going to Bugsie.

Sorry, I'm giving this to the wrong person. All right, go on with your day. Feel great about yourself. Thank you. And then Kiko runs in. OK, here's the Pomsu sauce. I got it. Pomsu sauce is ready. So, um, okay, so, okay, so Robin Jess, they're flirting around and stuff and, um, Bugsy is, Bugsy is bossing Jess around and saying how she's saying, I don't sweat the petty stuff as much as I used to.

If it's not gonna bother you in five hours or five days or five weeks or five months or five millennia, why should it bother me for five minutes? So now it's time for the captain and Kiko to have their meeting. And she's a Kiko, could we tack in the bridge? Now I'm gonna close and lock this window just in case things can't be. Hold on, wait for me to finish lacking this window. Okay, let's have a talk.

All right, no, thank you for the mushrooms. I actually don't need those and the guests have left. Okay, so Kiko, amazing guy. Don't get nervous. Don't get nervous. I know that I opened up by saying you're an amazing guy.

Don't get nervous. Even though that's the worst thing a boss can say to an employee because it makes you think that you're about to get fired, but I just want to say you're an amazing guy. Everyone loves your person. You're so good at what you're a good person. You're a good person. Are you still nervous? Okay, how can I how can I calm you down? It's not it's not you. It's me. It's not you. It's me Okay, that make you feel better, huh? You know who has one of the best personalities of anyone I know the homeless guy outside my apartment building. I mean that guy is so happy You know, so you could be happy too. You don't need a job to be happy. Do you okay? You know I you know I I I

I cook a lot for my big have I mentioned I've got a big family and I had I was on that punini press all that time And I thought gosh I guess I'll have to be a cook and then I realized You don't have to be a cook in life just to get ahead So why get why you look so scared? Yeah, so listen here, okay? I've got a reputation. I don't want to ruin it. You're gonna be fired if you if you don't stop if you don't stop second Okay, nice guy, okay. And he's like, oh, I'll try my best. And check this isn't a beat-up session. It's a reality session.

And the reality is, you're getting beat up. Wouldn't that fun? What a fun circle. Take it, you're shit together, stupid. All right. Now, go Google cheese and how to arrange it. Great. Great.

Chris on. That's my favorite part. We're like, Chris on. Now. Chris on. That's my favorite part. It's like Chris on now. Chris on. Oh God, I am worried for Kiko. I feel like he is in over his head. Well, especially if they showed clips from next week and they show a tray of Miele nachos.

Did you catch those sloppy nachos they showed at the end? Oh no. It's like he's done for us. Not Milla Nachos. It looked like bad store-bought chips that you know someone pooped on. It was not good, not good, keep going. Not good. But I love that guy. I hope he pulls through. He seems so sweet. Everyone, thank you for listening. We will be back on the next episode with Selling Sunset. Also check out our bonus episodes. Last week we did the series premiere of Down to Earth, which is that silly, silly Zach Efron travel show. So go check that out because that was really fun. People apparently are really enjoying making fun of Zach Efron on that show. And then this week we're doing unsolved mysteries.

We're going to check out unsolved mysteries, which we'll also keep on. Sort of sampling things around the world. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Yeah. All right, everybody, we sure love you. Have a good one out there.

We'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye. Bye. Music Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watercraftens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wundry.com slash survey.