Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: Mountain Dews & Don’ts

Episode Date: September 14, 2017

Below Deck is still dealing with a green crew and a guest list full of the lamest thrill seekers ever. Thankfully, it leads to lots of passive aggressive Chastain perfection and Captain Lee curse rants. Enjoy! **This week’s premium bonus is a recap of LuAnn’s one on one with Andy. For bonus episodes and extras, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find this on social media.

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And Kristi Doudi, the OG Prem Supreme. We love you, girls! Hello and welcome to Watch What Happens, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Yeo Brawls. I'm Ronny Karam from the Roseprix Bachelor podcast, here I am with my gorgeous morning sunshine little friend Ben Mantelker of the B side blog and the Banta Blender podcast. Hello, Ben. Hello.

Hello. How are you? So good. Bana. Oh God. I'm so glad. Yes, I got. I'm so.

God. Yeah. I decided to start cleaning my crazy person's house by just doing one thing every morning. So when I say one thing, I mean, literally pick up a pile of clothes off the floor and throw a box away from like five months ago. Yeah, and it needs to be working.

So slowly but surely, I'm looking less crazy. What's going on over there? That, that's inspiring me. I'm going to do my laundry today. Now that you've said that, I'll tell you what's going on over here. You know, I have this ongoing, you know, experimentation with making homemade cold brews because everyone may remember that we on Amazon Prime day, I got a French press and a, like a copy grinder. So I worked through my first bag of Dunkin' Donuts beans

to make my cold brews and they were just delicious. One after the next was delicious. So I worked with the bag and I went to the supermarket yesterday and I said, let's change it up. Let's see what a different bag is. Let's be crazy, okay. And so I got, I was like, let's see what's in it. Living on the cold brew edge. Yeah, so I got I was like, let's see what living on the cold brew edge.

Yeah. So I got like the generic, I got like a French bag of French roast beans from like the local Ralph's brand was like the private selection, which is I'm sure Ralph's. Yeah. Like nice private selection that's generic. But I was like, you know, let's try this out. So I made my cold brew and I just started sipping it right now. It is the most disgusting cup of coffee I've ever had in my life. And I'm not even doing that to

be dramatic, like it amounts to scoff at my, no, this is truly the most disgusting thing I've ever drank. And I'm going to keep drinking it because I'm thirsty and I want some caffeine. But I've never, I've never chased anything as foul as this. Like people stay away from the prior, the Kroger private selection French dark roast beans please please. Yeah, there's no up and up. That's for sure. It's like even when I just smell it, it's like what happened to this coffee? Well, I'm always saying what kind of coffee entering, right? Because it's strong, it's bitter, it's cafe bustello, it's delicious. And so my sister got some of that,

and she's like, this is like gasoline, why in the hell? And then she made me a cup of her little curing thing. And it was like mocha, nut, hazelnut, spirit, angel wing. I don't fucking know, it was like some fancy curing thing. And it was delicious. Like, I never knew. I just thought all coffee tasted like ass.

I thought that was the point. Well, I never knew. I just thought all coffee tasted like gas. I thought that was the point. Well, I mean, it is the point, but, you know, I don't mind a gasoline coffee. Like, that's why I go to Tiago because they'll serve me in like a cold brew and it's like, woo! You know, and you get that gasoline feel like jet fuel. You know, this is just tastes like cardboard.

It tastes like wet. Like, I was, I was steeping cardboard in my French press all night. I'm gonna make one more batch, just to make sure it was something didn't go wrong on my end, but I was, I was steeping cardboard in my French press all night. I mean, make one more bash, just to make sure something didn't go wrong on my end, but I have to tell you, it's a horrible way to start the day. Well, the other day I was by Starbucks, and I haven't gone there in forever because I've been making my own coffee for a while now.

And I went in there just to get like a bottle of water. I did not know one person and it felt I felt so lonely It's like this is what happens when you don't keep up a relationship. Yeah By the way, your friend Frankie says hi. I played board games with him. Oh, I love that guy Yeah, he was like I know Ronnie and I said oh cool And cuz he I thought of that because he said that you guys both had a mutual friend who worked at Starbucks Bailey Yeah, So all right. Let's get on with this because this is not a bonus. And we will talk about cold brewing all day long. And could there be

anything more insufferable than then someone complaining about their cold brew when people have lost their houses down in Florida and the Caribbean. So we get it. We're old world out there. Jesus, we love you. We hope you guys are holding tight. Red Cross, everyone. Everyone donate to the Red Cross because we have our crap and family in Houston, which is still recovering. And now we have our crap and family

all in Florida and the Caribbean. So like, let's help everyone out. You know, set, and if you decide to send like beans to the people, coffee beans, to look their spirits, don't spirits don't send the croaker ones do not yeah no one deserves that Send the croaker beans to Irma. Yeah, they've been throwing them out of the room. Oh no, she does not need any more energy that shit is just Fucking terrible and it looks like a movie when you're watching it just on the news and stuff. Yeah So yeah, we love you guys We don't talk about all that stuff too much because you know,

you probably come here to get away from that. Yeah, but we love you. And that's probably one of the reasons why you also watch Bravo, but of course in great Bravo timing, below deck this, you know, below deck, the season is based in St. Martin, which just got totally ravaged by by Irma, which is very sad. I went to St. Martin when I was a child twice and I loved it. I like some very cherished childhood memories there. So it's like, I'm not saying that I'm like the victim here, but I, you know, it personalizes it a little bit for me. And so I was really sad to see what happened to that super, super beautiful island. And so at the top of Belodec this week, Bravo put up this thing saying, the following series was so at the top of below deck this week

Bravo put up this thing saying the following series was filmed on the island of said Martin a location devastated by Hurricane Irma our thoughts and prayers go out to all those affected also it was shot three weeks before Luan left Tom Yeah, and that's that's what I want to say was that basically Luan, Luan divorcing Tom is at the same level as a hurricane. I know. They're taking it so seriously. We're gonna all get amber alerts on our phones. Luan, Luan has escaped from Tom. Lices plate code. X-O-X-O sad, sad, ZZ. This episode was filmed two weeks before LeWand went to a Helen Hardy for lunch. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh The low deck, the musical begins. So the beginning things go so quickly on the show.

It's hard to see them all at one time. But I love that the chef is like shaving lemons. I didn't even see that. Because that's very professional. It is shaving lemons. And then Chris is like trying to figure it out. Yeah, he's making lemon zest. No, not zest.

Yeah, zest, yeah, zest. Yeah, I was thinking of twist. I was making lemon zest. No, not zest. Yeah, zest. Yeah, zest. I was thinking of twist. I was thinking of twist. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't like microplans zest. It was just a full on. Yeah, it was a lot of zest. Slab zest. Yeah, so it's not going to be cold cheeseburgers

the whole season is what I'm saying. You know, you're not truly clean until you're zestfully clean. Someone once said. And that goes for a lemon. Lensen and anguilla. Lunch in anguilla, beach picnic. Uh, and Bruno is still eating.

Then he's just like, show it, show it. They cut to a shot of him in the galley. Just eating Bruno just eating sadly. Yeah, yeah, I think I have more this board. Understand no one. Sometimes I feel like his English stuff is almost put on because one minute he speaks perfectly. And then the next minute he's like counter wipe. Like wait, what?

You just like spoke a monologue and perhick. Sandwich sats. Shrimp you sad sad no talk sad sad respect sad. and pernicking. Sandwich sats. Shroom peered satsat, no toss satsat, respect satsat. So this picks up where we left off with the lunch on the beach and the cold hamburgers and those mountain dew lovers, like this is delicious. And Kate running to the tender, like get me the fuck away from here. I like how these guests are adrenaline junkies and then it's like cut to them

putting an Oreo on Brianna's face and be like okay make it go from your forehead to your mouth. I'm like adrenaline. Oreo extreme. And I also like to breeze that much of a monkey that she's just like okay look I can balance an Oreo on my monkey. That she's just like, okay, look, I can balance an Oreo on my eye. That's not something people balance things on a closed eye. Of course you can. It's like a round eye socket. I would have gone with more of a seal analogy,

but that's fine. Yeah, put it on your nose. Yeah, seal it on your nose, Andre. No one's impressed with seals eyes, okay. Okay, the nose balancing. Yeah, the eye is arguably the easiest place to balance an Oreo. Yeah, the most dangerous thrill-seeker here is Jen. He's opening a wine bottle for the first time. Did you see that? No, but it's still just a funny thing to say. Look, we've all been there, okay? Important, like the foil is all ripped.

It's like a foil flower because it's just like, how do you get it off? It is a little scary when you use, when you use like a traditional, what, church key, whatever, not church key. You know, like a bottle open where you have to like, you screw it in and you've got a yank it out because you never know how much of the yank and then like are you gonna hit yourself with your own hand and all that like I think a waiter's quirk screw is the way to go a waiter's quirk screw is a wine key isn't it though that I actually know is that our church key maybe not a waiter's the waiter's one is the little one that just like looks like a like a like a Swiss army knife for what Swiss army knife yeah those are the

best by far well isn't that what she was using? Who knows. She's probably using a conscious. She was like, I don't know what to do. When I was 18 and moved to New York and had to lie that I had a waiter's resume to get a job waiting tables, I got stuck in this situation. I was working at a really nice place. And the first time I had to open wine, like you can't lie about a waiter resume and then say, how do I open a bottle of wine again? So I had to do it. Like, you can't lie about a waiter resume and then say, how do I open a bottle of wine again? So I had to do it. And of course, it was this table of like rich, fancy,

older gays and I pulled a gin, which I think is why I noticed it both times because I was filled with that horror of just like, what is this foil and why is it like this? And they're like, you have to cut it with a knife, honey. Like, they were nice, but. Oh, it's a coming of age story. I've been there, Jen. I've been there.

I mean, I was 18 and God knows what you are, but still, you know. We each take baby steps at different times, okay? So me and well, Kate gets back onto the boat and she just, she, she, she like walks into, I think this is when she walks into the laundry room and she sees, just a disaster. She's like, hmm, laundry, Armageddon, and, and, you know, everything is everywhere. Nothing is, nothing is clean, nothing is in the dryer, et cetera. And she just, Kate just goes, Prius worked on yachts. She should know better. And for KHS Day, and that's like the equivalent of her saying, you mother fucking asshole,

do your fucking job is stupid fucking bitch. I'm gonna rip your nose hairs at one by one, you little. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP She should now pass it. She should know better. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP B And then we cut back to Jen on the beach and she's trying to wrap up the food with plastic wrap, but she only has a bald up thing of plastic wrap that they had already used. And she goes, I wish we had like, wrap the roll. It's like 30 minutes of her.

You know it was trying to unwrap that. You cannot unwrap a plastic wrap. It's over. Once it's wrapped, it's like, it's like the toothpaste can't go back in the tube and the plastic wrap cannot be unfolded. Yeah, it's like watching the market trained but also kind of evolution, you know?

Yeah. Meanwhile, Baker's struggling with something called a sea bob, which kind of looks like a little mini version of Captain Sandy's favorite bananas, this little yellow, like a spider crab or whatever you call those things. And yeah, she could not get it to work and the guy, the guy was trying to get it to work with her, but it couldn't, we just could tell, no one on the ship knows how to do anything. Poor thing.

She didn't know how to do it. And she, because he brings it onto the sand sand and he's like this isn't working and she goes Yeah, well It's because these don't work on the sand. They only work in the water And he goes I know I brought it in from the water where it wasn't working and she's like oh all right I'll help you so she grabs the other end and they both walk into the water and she just kind of pokes it with her fingers Just like poke poke and he's looking at her like, really lady.

She's like, well, I'll figure this out for you. All right, keep your post, did he? She's like, I just don't want any sand to get in it. He's like, it won't get in unless it's on. OK. This first five minutes of the show was like my favorite. I had to press pause a million times. Yeah.

So then the slides coming out and then there's also like a climbing wall. And meanwhile as Breeze hand is starting to hurt because she last episode, I'm surprised they didn't do a flashback but she fell over getting into the tenders. Now her hand is hurting. So she's struggling with that and we know that could be an increasing problem for her. My God, in the drama with Jen, she's like, look how wet my bum is. From falling? Yeah, I need two hands and I only have one hand.

But it's the guest's first as she carries placements, like that's like the most important thing. She's like, oh, it's so hard with two hands. And Jen goes, if it makes you feel any better, I hit my knee. She just looks at her like, no, it doesn't, doesn't make me feel better. Thank you, though. So then they're like pulling in the tender and Chris Brown, I'm Chris Brown.

He's pulling the tender and Captain Lee's just standing there and be like, what's this goddamn celibate asshole doing with my tender right now? And those ropes, get away from her, get away from her. Well, it's that rope thing again. It's like they're trying to bring down Dumb O and no one knows how to control her, you know?

Yeah, I mean, I've heard of learning the ropes, but this is really like taking a junior level. This is really literalizing it. Here comes the intrapid, lickety split. It's right down to everything the captain says. And he's just looking at them rolling his eyes. And then he goes back upstairs to his boat captain place. And they're back on the road or back on the scene. He goes, oh, God for Christ. Wait, he's like, what's that? What is that? A sailboat?

God damn idiot. The mother fucking sailboat. God damn it. Yeah. So Kate. Kate tells Captain Lee that she needs another stew because she's working with equivalent of like an elbow of one person right now. So he's, so he's like, well, when, when Kate said she needs some help, wow, then I know she really needs some help. So it looks like she's going to be getting some, some reinforcements. Thankfully. Yeah. then I know she really needs them out. So it looks like she's going to be getting some reinforcements, thankfully.

Yeah. He's like, it's like working with half a person, huh? She goes, well, three quarters, but unfortunately, it's the three quarters below the next. So can we hire a head? That would be great. Just one head would be fine. It's like, all right, I'll get you someone. So in the kitchen, Brianna is like, oh my God, the guests are happy, but I fell and I can't move my wrist. And oh my god, what am I going to do?

And Kate's like, she can't even do her job with two hands. Yeah. And Kate, I love how she becomes the mother-hand, not really. She's like, what happened? Oh, you're her, you're hand. I'm going to start spading here. He's like, suck it up cupcake. This was weird. Was it weird to you? I didn't like this side of the captain where he's like, oh, right, suck it up better cup. Ha, so you're not

going to be able to get my massage, right? I'm not going to be paying for a one handed massage. Ha, let's see. Other ones warm enough to cut my walnuts. It was not talking about massages with the hot young worker, okay, Captain. I know. So then we outside, because like everything is like happening all at once, just everything outside. They just cut to Bruno trying to tie a knot. It's clearly is going to be his character arc for the season. When he finally ties a knot in episode 13, I did eat. I've not worked on yachts and I don't know much, but I know I'm a hard worker and I keep

my mindset on that. You keep your mindset on the fact that you're a hard worker. Learn some knots, dude. So when the tender falls off the yacht and just sinks into the bottom of the ocean, it'll be okay because we know you're a hard worker Yeah, exactly he'll drown the whole boat and be like well, I tried and that's what matters Next time I'll say iceberg straight ahead instead of straight ahead nothing I Tried so Nico's like they're not getting it. This is embarrassing, you know, and then they do the ropes on the jet skis

and the captain's like, I don't wanna be crawling up someone's ass full time, but until they're comfortable, head meat ass, ass meat head. I'm gonna be up there, tinkering, tinkering around with your ass. I'm crawling right in. God damn, it's not clean in here. So take my credit card number

down because I'm officially staying here until I'm ready to leave. It's an S B and B and I'm taking a residence. I will not be paying the $100 made fee either at the end. So everybody do your own goddamn dishes. And clean these goddamn windows on this asshole. So Kate loves the chef down in the kitchen. He's like, I made crab cakes, a, uh, and he's like, what do you think of maybe some small plates for these? And she goes, um, done. Did that. She says, I love him. It's really nice like cooking with Canada instead of North Korea. Yeah. I feel like it's going to turn on her. I feel like it's really nice like cooking with Canada instead of North Korea. Yeah, I feel like it's

going to turn on her. I feel like it's all nice right now, but it's going to go it's going to go sour. We're only on episode two and we know that below deck is a it's a slow simmer to a boil and it's going to go downhill. Well, these are our cartoons and in a cartoon whenever somebody says nothing else could go wrong, you know, the mountain. And they're all so their head. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, so now, uh, Kate starts to decide it's going to teach Briana some, some lessons on laundry and everything. So she just goes, so, um, did you say you're done with laundry before? Because there was a completely empty washer and that's not usually how it's done. And this is my favorite kind of Kate because she's got a huge napkin that she's pretending to fold.

Like I like that she's always got some passive aggressive like prop business. Like yeah, I am working while I tell you in a semi nice voice that you can't say is yelling. Even though I'm inside yelling at you, you fucking moron. Even though I'm inside yelling at you, you fucking moron. So here's the basics on how laundry works. You put dirty stuff in the washing machine. Oh, actually, I think she was saying that basically Brianna put dirty stuff in a washing machine, but didn't put in the dryer, right? That's what I was getting.

I rebound it twice, and I couldn't tell. But Brianna immediately knows she's wrong, so she puts up her hurt wrist and just like waves it in front of her. So Kate does her like flat-handed, um, that she does. It's like if you're gonna fight with me nonverbaly, I'll fight with you nonverbaly. She's like, I'm putting a flat hand to your broken wrist. You want to drop that bitch? And Brianna says, you know, when Kate says, well, you put dirty clothes in the wash machine

and Brianna goes, are you telling me or are you asking me? And Kate just goes, well, which one do you need? What's such a great response? What language do you need me to tell you you're an asshole land? I doesn't really matter the punctuation at the end of the sentence, you still fucked up. And for you, he's like, well, a leader is more than somebody to just give you direction. They need to present themselves in a way for people to follow them. Okay, and I don't know if Kate does that for me. Well, then by all means call in Michelle Obama, okay? I know. This is your boss. This is not the leader of the free world.

She says do the laundry. Just do the laundry. I'm asking you to. I heard an initiative about the youth of America. If everybody needed to be inspired, no one would have a clean toilet. Kids like when they go low, we put the washing in the drying. Is that inspiring? When you go

low, please do the laundry all you're down there. Thank you. The laundry goes low. The dryer goes high. Do you understand? Once on top of the other. Okay. They're called cycles. Yeah. So Kate stays, you know, calm in that hateful way. And she's like, uh, brigas, I can check it. She was, I just did it. Please stand service. She's like, okay. And she just kind of waves around her wrist.

And Canada chef is like, oh, I'm so uncomfortable. Those were some pointed words there, pointed to them. I hope this doesn't affect my lemon zest. So then we saw this like funky little montage of Jen changing clothes. And then we go to to Matt the chef. He's preparing's preparing dinner service and Chris Brown has decided to stand in the corner of the gallery and just started babbling about booze and stuff and he's like, so I think we have to work on our lines of communication because I asked Jen what her least favorite liquor is and she said, grand monnaie. It turns out that's her favorite. So yeah, and then my buddy got a divorce and like

at first he thought we just fell out of love, but then like later we found out it's why she's cheating horror, you know? Like, and then one time I got wasted and had sex in this like igloo kind of thing. It was like this round like igloo kind of thing. I love beer, dicks, pussy, speer, dicks. My favorite singer is Janoma Neh, because that's also my favorite kind of grand, like her grandma neh, I love it. Also, I really like moans, eh? Hey, that was Canadian, get it? That was Canadian. I love drinking my beer from an igloo koozy, because reminds me of that time I was in that igloo that one time. Is that crazy? Crazy story. Call back. And that's just like, you know, Matt tells us that he really

likes silence when he's preparing the meal so he can concentrate. So I love Matt's passive aggressive way of dealing with it. He just starts washing his sheet pan and goes, okay, yeah, let's wrap up the galley. Okay, let's just wrap this up. Yeah, wrap it up like my dick, before I'm about to get in the box, you know what I mean? Like an igloo box. Get it? Yeah, wrapping up the 40 in a paper bag because you can't drink it on the street. I know a lot about booze. I know how it works.

So Jen calls her kid on FaceTime from her bunk. And she's like, you didn't let it ring. You must be waiting for me to call. And her kid's like, yeah, well, I want to show my kid that it's okay to just leave your kid alone with your mom and go live your dreams, okay? The kids like, it's okay. Sad poor kid. I know very, very sad. So Captain Kate, Kate, Kate, it's Captain, Captain Kate, Kate, Captain, Captain Kate. He's like, how you doing, Kate? I'm great.

I think I missed that. I'm great. I mean, it's like, all right, now listen here, Kate. Instead of teaching these dumb, dumbs, as we go, I'm going to need to take a training day and teach them. And I'm going to bring in some, some day work, day players. Yeah. She's like, thank you.

And then at dinner, everyone is drinking Mountain Dew. Matt has served up these beautiful prawns. Really, they look delicious. And they're all drinking Mountain Dew with them, which is crazy. And then Chris, meanwhile, he's starting to like, stake his claim with Brianna. He decides he wants to go up to Briegos. Yeah, Brie's probably priority number one at this moment.

Oh my God. This is... You got your priorities wrong. I got to move. I got a couple moves and tricks. She'll see me make a fool of myself. It's pretty awesome to talk about beer. I'm an explainer, the difference between Bud Light and Miller Light.

One is the champagne of beers. One is beer that looks like champagne. It's a pretty subtle difference, but it's important to know. He's trying to flirt with her and he's like, yeah, I'm a pro washer at this point. You know, washing boats, washing dishes. She goes work glorifying janitors. I love when people are shocked when they do this for the first time. They're like, all we do is clean. Yeah, exactly.

Well, we knew that she was going to be the one doing this because she said on the first episode, something along the lines, it's like, I just love the ocean. I love an amatic lifestyle. Or, you know, I lived off the grid and I just want to be in the water. It's like, okay, well, that's all well and good, but you're going to be doing laundry and cleaning dishes for the next eight weeks. Yeah, she's like, I'm the 1% now, LOL. Yeah.

So Chris is like, I'm going to open a business called washing things. She's like, that's hot. So these guys, the guests, they're having the chef pair things with Mountain Dew? No, I don't think they're having the chef pair things with Mountain Dew? No, I don't think they're having him chef pair things. I think the chef just wants to pair the food with with like a wine, but he's like, I don't know what to do with Mountain Dew. He's like, this isn't the food network. Okay.

Normally I pair things with things people want to drink. Because on the food network would be like, all right, you're going to put kimchi and Mountain Dew together. Kimchi, what's that? Because on the Food Network it would be like, all right, you're gonna put kimchi and mountain do-de-gatherer kimchi, what's that? Like they're not charged with the mountain do-part. At a little cat poop and some boogers and sardines and some bread. Bear with Mountain Dew, shall we? We want you to recreate chicken-ala-king and make it into chicken-ala-king but with like

a meatball on it. And tootsie rolls. It's like chopped. Fucking so that's why that lady always looks mad on there. Yeah. So, um, so the details. Yeah, so go ahead. Oh, no, I was just going to say the chef, the chef, the captain's like, all right here,

Nico, I don't want Bruno or Chris near the lines. Okay. Nothing in their hands, but a mop and a shimmy. A shimmy. Oh a shimmy. A shimmy? They can shimmy with their shimmy, but they better not shimmy with those ropes. That's what I gotta say.

Not in your one goddamn rope. Get those shimmy's ready. If you're gonna shimmy, you better do it on your own time. This is God damn life and death we're talking about here. Fingers up your asshole, Hollywood type. It's God damn it. Did that guy trim his beard. Jesus Christ. I'm going to have Gareth and Daryne do the lines. That's right. You know it's bad when

Gareth and Daryne make another appearance on an episode. Okay. Not even Larry and Barry got past the first episode of this goddamn show. First we had a scene of Daryne doing his God damn Google sheets while someone looked for my goddamn bedroom. This is getting goddamn embarrassing. Now we got to see Garith looking through a window wondering what the hell's going on. I don't want to see Garith and Darry and they got to be downstairs working in the boiler room, okay? So let's see here.

So over the dinner table, over the dinner table, these guests who are obsessed with Mountain Dew because they are, they really, I guess they just sort of take their adrenaline junky thing very literally, they're like, well, you know, we got to do the do if we're going to do this. So that's a commercial that has people like flipping over on skis on a mountain. So we're thrill seeking bra. Yeah, yeah, or you know, balancing or you want a nice socket. So then this one got one guess is like, you know, they have a craft brew mountain do you know, apparently I'm not kidding.

I'm like, the fact that you were look that you were, I don't know if it's true or not, I'm happy to look it up right now. But the fact that this excites you has me very sad for you and the yachting industry. And even mountain do, even there probably like, what the fuck? Yeah, I'm looking up right now.

Craft, brood, mountain, dude. I have not had Mountain Dew in probably 20 years. When I was a kid, I loved it. Oh, my goodness. I'm more of a doctor. Oh, wait. Wait a second. Wait, well, this is 2012.

Wait, they keep on, they had something called mount brew which was a mountain do beer but that's two thousand twelve oh wait not your father's mount a small i don't know interesting through the damn crap proves whatever happened to a god damn bud like you know i hate crap brews by the way you know i really do i just don't drink brews because in Weight Watchers, when I was 12, my lady, Janelle said, drinking beer is like drinking the sandwich. Well, it's true, which also sounds kind of nice. Okay, so in

2015, Mountain Dew rolled out something called Dew Shine, which is made with real sugar, and it was craft, it was craft, but it was like, that was back two years ago. So there. He's just trying to get it in. Do you think they're stockholders? Stockholders is the most generous, generous way we could look at them.

So Nico, after being told he can't have the deck hands on, is like, OK, I'll have a meeting and say this in a really nice way, right? So he's like, okay, everybody, the setup needs to be done before nine, blah, blah, blah. And Bruno has this gigantic, gigantic jar of protein shake that he's meddling around with. I don't know what he's doing in there, but it's taking forever. He's trying to un-not it.

Yeah. I can't tie the knot. Like, there's no rope on it, Nico. I mean, you know, how you tie knot out of your powder. At least I try. How you tie knot? Yeah, at least I try. I got to work on my Portuguese accent. You know, Portuguese accent, they got a lot of pow sounds.

Pow. Yeah, I don't have pow. How do you do it out of powder? We got to like get back with our like Adriana not up to my standards Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parents life, but come on Some days parenting is unbearable. I love my kid But is a new parenting podcast from oneondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown Aller, we will be your resident not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story

that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. So he's like, what you think of today? And he goes like, well, you know, it's only the second day, but individually, we're kind of in different places. And he goes, yeah, you know, with the pass of time, we can get there protein shake protein shake because like yeah but that time needs to be sped up or we're fucked and he goes yeah but you know I'm trying my best and never work on yacht and he's like we all need to work better and some people are catching on quicker like he's trying to be nice to Bruno. Well he he go good work on his delivery I have to say because you could have just said

oh yeah you guys know the lines you're not quite there yet so we're gonna have them do it that's all he had to say but instead could have just said, oh yeah, you guys know the lines. You're not quite there yet. So we're going to have them do it. That's all he had to say. But instead he was like, he's like, well, you know, some people are learning faster than others. And some people just aren't learning right now because they are inherently dumber than others. So if they want to be smarter, well, that's too bad because this is their

lot in life. So some people are slower and you're one of them Bruno. There's basically lots of reason because Bruno's like, so you're saying I'm slower than the other guys. And he goes like, yeah. And he goes, I think you'll being unfair right now, saying that, okay? Like, sorry, I'm slower, but cruise ships don't go fast, okay? Bow.

I'm trying new things. Okay, here's your fucking gold star. Well, that's the thing. Like at first, he starts trying to do it in a nice way because he knows Bruno's sensitive But Bruno won't take the hint so his like over talking it turns rude But yeah, that's not what you get on a boat I mean, I would imagine it's like anything when you're in service someone comes in and they're like you fucking idiot You didn't marry your catch ups And don't tell me you polished yourself a wherever you didn't you're you're a service, someone comes in and they're like, you fucking idiot, you didn't marry your catch-ups. And don't tell me you polished yourself

a wherever you didn't, you're a bad apple, okay? Yeah, if you work it out, it'll be. See, Bruno needed the gentle touch of Kelly, our sweet, sweet Kelly from last season. Kelly would have been able to handle Bruno, but Nico was like, Nico was actually, when we met him, he's very, very sweet, but you can see that when he's like working, he's like, oh, he's like, you're just not smart enough. I'm sorry.

That's it. Okay. I've got to know for you. Uh, get smarter. Yeah. For now. Yeah. Yeah.

How about you untie the knot in your brain? It's like, I'm fast learner, but, you know, here I can't learn so fast it makes me feel uncomfortable And because like let's work on it little guy Just want to pat him on the head So cute that's Reno so cute Caiton's in speaking of slow learners Kate's like Kate's like you know with Jen She's like a puppy or kind of gardener.

She needs visual learning. And Kate just keeps laughing really big in Jen's face. Yeah, because the guest asked for a cup of tea. You are funny. I am like, you are, you are funny. Really, really funny. Yeah, because the guest asked for a cup of tea. So, so, okay, it's like, okay, I'm gonna time you Jen, just so you can see how much time you really waste. And so, at one point,

Kate has her back to Jen and she turns around and Jen just right there with like bug eyes and Kate just like can't stop cracking up. Because she keeps opening every cabinet. It's like all the shit that Jen shoved in there. It's like, are there seats in that cabinet in the kitchen? What is going on there? What is Bruno's real doing here? And Kate's like, you only have one more second before the bomb goes off or whatever.

And she's like, I'm not trying to embarrass Jen. I'm just trying to make her aware that she should be embarrassed. You know, if she stops wasting so much time, she could be amazing. Ish. So she's like, you're funny. And she does it. And Kate's like, okay, I'm going to write that time down.

At least you make me laugh. Twenty five minutes to put a tea bag in some hot tea. Hot water. I Could have watched an episode of Blow Deck in a time it took her to find a tea bag. I Literally could have watched House Hunters International and passed judgment on all the people in it by the time you made that tea and Chris Brown passes Like it took me 26 years to get a tea bag Hey, if you're at sweetVodka, it's a thing. Is it?

So, I'm a sister loves that. I used to love it, and in fact, I like found a bottle of it recently, and I was like, you know what, I'm going to get back into this. You know, why did this have to fade away? It was delicious, sweet T-Vodka with some lemon juice. Sign me up. Delicious. D-B-B-D.

Lemon, not lemon juice. Lemon A, sign me up. Delicious, deep-ready. Lemon, not lemon juice, lemonade, I should say. But so now we have Nico and Baker, they're chatting on the side of the boat, and it's Baker's dad's birthday, and we found out that he died 10 years ago, which was sad. I know, that was sad, but I like hearing Baker's life. She's like, no, I haven't called my family. I haven't even fucking thought about it, you know?

Because like most of the time I just travel around among the tarvino. It's like cool. Like boyfriend, no, no boyfriend. Cause like, I'm in Charleston sometimes, but it's like seasonal, cause RVs are seasonal, you know? Like I've got play money for my dad passing. Today's his birthday. He's like, wait, what?

It's like, I like McDonald's sometimes, but sometimes they go to Burger King and get an unring. It feels good. She's like a boat worker from a Disney movie, you know, that takes place like in the Pirates of the Caribbean days. Like poking a hole in a box to get some ale. She's definitely more convincing than Zoe's cell, Dana as a pirate. That's for sure. Yeah, she would be a good pirate But she's smile too much. She'd be like we're here. We're here to get your stuff Get here to get your booty guys. Sorry. We're late. But the RV had a flat tire

Guys you hear what the parrots said the parrots like probably want a cracker and I was like, okay I got a cracker for you in the barred the par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par-

par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par-

par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par-

par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- par- connections it's like more important than settling down like you just got to wait and see where like Destiny's gonna lead you and then it cuts to her

holding a mop. Some things are left better on set. Yeah when people don't believe that the universe or the god or that there's god or whatever that are kind of guiding things. I'd never understand that it's like do you ever watch these shows like this has to be set up by somebody bigger than us Maybe she's just She's just on her Benjamin button journey, right? Wasn't there like a whole hour in the middle of that movie where Brad Pitt was on a boat mopping?

He's on a tugboat. I know it's like different when you end up as Brad Pitt Like it's all worth it. You know what I mean It's worth it if you're if you're aging into Brad Pitt, even if you're going the wrong direction, because you'll still wind up suckling at Cape Lanchette's teeth as a baby. Oh, Brad. So now it's yeah, it's like, I have an absolutely moronic crew, but at least God gave me good guests. Yeah. So it's midnight and now Nico is talking to Matt and hit bunk about his brother Which is still so sad so so sad, but Matt's like I'm gonna be there for you. I'm gonna be there for you

Just in between me licking some girls balloon not hey. Oh God. Yeah, that was shocked I'm gonna come out jumping ahead But at this part I think this chef was like is everybody gonna talk to me at all times? Like I just like the kitchen where fucking Bruno told me his whole or Chris told me his whole life and now you're telling me this like I'm sorry, but I want to sleep. Can I just scroll through pictures of girls asses in privacy? Please, please I love that when the camera right over his shoulder. Yeah. So it's the morning, and Nico's telling the deck crew about Docky and he tells Chris and Bruno not to go anywhere near the lines. So it's like, okay.

And then Matt starts making breakfast sandwiches. And there's like some strange confusion over like, he's like, it's like a BLT. She's like, okay, so it has lettuce on it. No, no lettuce, but it has egg. Yes, so it's a BET. Okay, so this is like the BET awards? No.

That's made I want it? No, so it's just a BET. Yes. Could you just do it without lettuce? Could you just do it without lettuce? That would be great. Doesn't mean we don't need to trade Mark a new title, okay? He's like, listen, it's bacon and iceberg and sorry, I was trying to sell it about Bieber in honor of him being Canadian, but I couldn't get there.

Elephant garlic, I know, couldn't get the. It's a Bieber. Okay. So that's bacon, iceberg, egg, bacon again, egg again. Egg, I'm so stupid. We're talking about eggs, which is like, I couldn't think of the E. I'm like, what's the E? What's the E? I got stumped on the E. And to remalade? He's like, no, it's just a hot sandwich. She's like, oh, okay, well, just say that. But I call it the Bieber. So is this a sandwich that everyone suddenly likes again, even though there's no appreciable talent in it?

Is that what it is? So is this sandwich converting to Christianity right now? For a decent test. This is this sandwich been spitting on people recently? Who did you spit on? That was like a while ago. He had like a spitting phase. I don't know.

Did this sandwich wrap right? Carrie of her record? No. OK. Did this sandwich have the song of the summer for no good reason? OK. OK. OK.

So let's see. I'm letting it all out. It's all my feelings are getting projected onto the sandwich everyone. I Did write down BET and I was like, what does that mean? So I'm out of head you to explain that to me. I was like, what the fuck? So the guests are like, let's dress like sumo wrestlers and float Thrilling thrill Stream

Stream Extreme they're like, let's see what it's like to be 400 pounds. Three LCKS. I think their version of extreme is like when the band extreme sits down with the acoustic guitars and sings more than words. I'm not looking at you. They're called Extreme, that band. That band's Extreme. Well, they're like rockers, but that was like their one slow song. And then that was like fun fact.

I used to have an American Idol karaoke game, and you would sing the songs, and then Simon Randy and a fake Paula, because Paula did not agree to the project, would criticize you. And the only time I ever got a perfect score was when I sang that song. Oh really? I would only get Phantasia Scores because she's the only one I paid attention to that much. I love her.

They still love you, Phant. Okay, so the guys are wanting to jump around and let's see here. So the... Oh, no. No, just say nothing really have. It's just like, sumo. It's like, wow, we jumped off. And then it's time for them to leave.

Yeah, so they're about to get ready to leave. And Kate goes to Jen. And she's like, will you do me a favor? And she's like, she's like, you are so funny. OK, could you iron stuff? She's like, you are funny. She's like, you are so funny. Okay, could you iron stuff? She's like, you are funny. She's like, what's going on? I really don't think I'm that funny.

You have Rachel Dratch face. You are inherently funny. Take it as a compliment. And when people ask you to do things you go, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. Also funny. Also funny. Also funny. So yeah, so they're turning over the boat.

Now the guests have laughed. They're turning over the boat and Kate keeps laughing at Jen and Jen doesn't really know why and Jen's like, yeah, Kate has a very special way of making you feel inferior. I'm like, that's what we love her. It's called honesty. And if you haven't been feeling inferior for a while now, you haven't been paying very close attention. Okay.

Consider it a gift. And then didn't Jen say, well, I'm going to make, I'm going to, I'm going to like just play the dumb roll and make Kate feel inferior. I don't know. I don't even know what that means really. I got lots of my men. Of course, she's like, I just, it's down to good. It sounded good.

So she's, I'm going to bake her comes in, she's like, Hey, Jen, what's up? Did you get a chance to do these pantalones? And she's like, the ones you just laid down, she goes, yeah, just lay them down this morning. She's like, okay, it's like, I'll do it. Grab some. And just like, just looking around. And this is when it actually cuts the Captain Lee and the Captain Corp is going out of nowhere, he just goes, what is that little fucking sailboat doing, a little prick? And it just cuts away from him. And the music's like, dun dun dun dun.

So Chris brings this like bowl of stew into the crew mess. It's this big old bowl, like a pot. It's a pot of stew. We don't even know what's in it. It looks like just a stew and he brings this big old pot. He puts it down in the crew mess and Bruno is like, oh, food, okay, wow, I'm going going now. So he, Bruno comes in with like a little bowl

and he starts to dip into it and Matt is like, Bruno, do you want to help bring stuff down and just plating yourself? So it's, you know, it's bad when the Canadian's getting bitchy. Yeah, you just got some attitude from Canada. That's it. You're like, you're the first person ever. Okay, that's where Candace Olson comes from. And Bruno's like, oh, I'm so tired.

And he goes, everyone seems to have this mentality on board where they can just talk to you direct and not worry about your feeling. Oh my God, where did you grow up? I, okay, I had no idea that he said mentality. I literally thought he said everyone has these medallion boards. And I was like, what is he talking about medallion boards? But it's mentality on board, where they can speak to you directly and they don't care about your feelings. Reveal's places that I work, I was never talked like that. When they were showing the anchor up before,

Chris is like trying to help with the line or at least watching. And Bruno's upstairs, like checking that the cushions are still like locked in. I was dying. So funny. It's a little thing. So Bruno runs to the bathroom to cry, basically. Yeah. And the girl coaching powder is coming out of his eyeballs. Muscle milk. Jens, like, how's Bruno? Is he okay?

He's just in the bathroom. You having lunch? You having lunch, Bruno? It's like, no, I know feel. I don't want people to be jerks. So back on the deck, Bruno's walking around like sniffing. Yeah. And Chris tries to make small talk. Well, Chris is always making small talk. But he's like, yeah, beer pussy. So you worked on cruise ships before with their beers with their pussies and Bruno's like, they don't work the same. Like how are they different? Well, some stuff they don't tolerate, for example, the way that people talk to each other, I've been feeling disrespect. Oh my God.

You know, when I work on Garnaville cruise lines, gathily gifred will come out and she was nice. She wasn't a jerk. If she needs something, she say, you're beautiful. Yeah. Please maybe get me some water if you feel it. And I would try my best to do it. And sometimes I couldn't get that water because it's far away. And I need a snack. And Chris is like, don't take it personally. You know, yawning attracts a certain kind of person, you know.

Well, which kind of jerks? No, people like Baker because like, yeah, you know, like going around on my RV. One time I saw a deer in the road and I pulled over and I pulled it over to the sand. I was like, sorry, you have to die, deer. And I like petted it on the head. Then I went head dinner at the denny's. It's like just wherever life leads you, you know, bro. Like people like that. But I was like, okay, I'm going back to Portugal now.

He's not pleased for me. So then there's's time to dock, which means it's time for Garith and Darian in action and like, Garith is like, I need someone right now. Someone to hold my walkie-talkie and Chris is like, I'm going to come over. I'm going to help you. Hey, bro, you ever have a thing called scotch? It's really cool. Garith's like, not now. So now is where they dock and stuff and everything. Baker does well. Baker does well. Yeah, she's got a kill.

She's not killed. Yeah, by the way, by the way, before I referred to something as a spider crab, I meant a horseshoe crab. Just encourage me right now. Well, I said once the boat gets on the road, well, that could happen with this crew. Have you ever seen speed 2? Crews control. Yes, and it wasn't the same with that Keanu and you all know it. Yeah, I'm not fighting you on that. Not fighting you on that.

So, okay, it's like, okay, here's how I'm gonna train you today. You are gonna go through cabinets. Okay, and you're gonna memorize what's in there. And they're like, okay. If you see a cardboard box, please let me know to memorize what's in there. And they're like, okay. If you see a cardboard box, please let me know. We don't need those. If there's a bread machine box with mold in it, let me know. And I will still see that bastard from last year. Thank you. So let's see now.

So that's Nico and, yeah, Rihanna and Nico have their flirting sex or session. And he's like, so what have you been up to? It's been a few months wet, huh? Few months, huh? It's like yeah, now I'm in LA By yourself. Yeah, like you know, I hear you're in a relationship. How is it like that's great? That's great. You're in a relationship. That's awesome I mean, I've been great. I've been in my Jonas born cover band and like what if God was one of us? I don't know You know when I broke my wrist and thought I was about to die

I thought what if God was one of us like what if God broke his wrist or her wrist, you know What would he do? What if Bruno was God? Are we in trouble? What is it Bruno was God? Are we in trouble? What is that? No Mars was God So Nico's like, yeah, it's really hard because you know, I'm always a waste There's a lot of temptation, but it's working out so far which basically means No, she's alive and a polyguise, so I catch you when we're drunk bitch. Yeah So now Chris Chris tells Nico that Bruno is sad. Nico's like, that's okay.

All right, all right. I'll deal with it. I don't know. I was sniffling or crying or something. Like, I don't know, bro, but I need some whoo-ching. I'm going to have to have to wash down that experience with some Zemo. So now it's time for crew.

Crew get down here, crew, crew, crew, captain, crew, crew, captain, captain, crew, crew. And Kate's like, well, he doesn't hide his emotions, so we're in trouble. Good job. So he's like, all right, so here's the deal, the tip meeting, and all I've gotta say is that no one was working out to their potential.

All right, there's no, but you didn't reach your potential. And I want to see some solid effort moving in the right direction. Or there will be consequences. You feel broken, you are broken. I'm not here to fix you. All right. Listen, I'm going to put you on that goddamn sailboat doesn't like goddamn way. And you're going to have that prick sailboat doesn't like goddamn way and you're gonna have that prick Sailor right back into the bay. All right one way to get on the fucking sailboat You want to be on that goddamn idiotic sailboat goddamn it. Yeah goddamn idiot. I fucking hate that banana

so they God I hate that banana I think that can sum up the differences between the two captives perfectly. God, I love that banana. I got I hate that banana. Because they pretty much have the same voice except one his is like a like a lot more growl in it. Yeah, hers is like slower. That's pretty much it.

So now it's another cleaning. Well, they can have every no goes, yes, that is recognition. I wasn't getting. Look, oh, good. My means. Yeah, for the tip of generous, the tip is generous, but I'm annoyed the crew didn't realize that they should give more to me because this wasn't an equal effort. Girl, I hope that's a joke. Cause you know, you ain't getting more kind of a tip. She certainly won't be. No, I hope that that was a joke. Cause hell no, you'll have a revolution on your hands. People for you overboard. You try and take their tip. Yeah, you gotta be careful. So now Nico and Chris are talking about chicks

and Chris is like, yeah, I mean, I'm really into Bri You know, I was selling it for 26 years. I was like Christian like really Christian But then I realized I could have sex and drink. I love drinking and sex. You ever have sex? You ever drink something It's pretty cool, bro. I know a lot about it. Can't be walking around with a loaded gun right, bro Yeah, and by loaded gun. I mean a full bottle of Schlitz. So guess who else is super horny? Jen. They're looking through the cabinets and breeze like,

there's only three condoms. So I guess we're going to have to reuse them. And I think there were four condoms, which made me laugh, because you know, so simple. And Jen's like, are you sure they weren't looking at coffee filters because you never know what these girls. And Jen's like, being a single mom, you don't have time to think about how lonely you are.

And then when you lay eyes on eye candy who realize you need the eye snickers, oh, snickers, satisfy me, snickers. I was like, this lady is going to lose it on this ship. And I cannot fucking wait. She really, really will. And probably sooner than later. So do you want to go to where they're going out? Sure. Let me see if there was, let's see if there was anything. I was with this this show I have like

multiple lines of notes that I'm like they're untying a rope. Yeah no I'm just looking like I see my notes are all like Chris talking about alcohol and saying things like he's bragging to Brianna Lewis saying like I know a lot about drinking which is such a ridiculous thing to ever say to anyone. There's a scene of Nico talking to his girlfriend Melissa on FaceTime, which is like whatever. It's just like, she's just basically saying, say you're working with a girl, huh? And he's like, oh, sorry, connect, losing connection.

And now we're breaking up. I was like, that's the wrong time to be getting about the connection. We also saw Chris's ass. So, okay, now we're out and about. Dinner, dinner about dinner. Dinner. Chris is like, I'm gonna make my move. Chris Brown is gonna whip out that choreography and dance his way to Rihanna's heart, man. Yeah, yeah. But

bring on the next one. Yeah, Sanico. And she's flirting like she's already flirting off the chart. She's like, can you tell me if I have any nips lips? Nico's like, um, and meanwhile Chris is like, well, I can't really flirt with her right now. So let me talk about something else. Booze. And so he gets a cocktail and he's upset and he goes, dude, top shelf bartenders make such a difference.

And they just cut to Kate, staring at him like, why are you talking to me? Why are you saying, why are you doing, why, why? It's like you look bored, maybe you didn't hear me say, mess gal. He goes, the bar usually speaks to me, you know? And Kate just dares at him. Like, please die, just die.

Yeah, she goes. I can be sure. I'd rather clean toilets. At least toilets don't make awkward conversation at the table. I'd rather do my taxes. Chris is like, I want to open a tequila bar and sweet in. That might be my next thing. I'm just going to walk over this bar and just quit.

Jen's like, water, look at the water. Wow, God, look at that water over there. It makes me want to go skinny dipping. Huh? Just saying. And everyone's pretty much ignored her because Bri and Niko are trying to remember what happened in Barcelona one night. I mean, clearly, clearly Bri is trying to resurrect that night by mentioning it again and again and again. Yeah, she's like you were drunk to right I was so drunk. I don't remember like I don't really remember do you remember like what do you remember? Because I don't remember. He's like I don't remember

And all this sexual chemistry between them is just rubbing off on Jen. She's like She's like I can come on to man that was so weird. She's sitting there with her eyes really big going I can come on demand. That was so weird. She's sitting there with her eyes really big going, um, I have the ability to come on command. Just saying, um, it's like a more a yield like getting very excited about dinner time.

It's like a more a yield getting very excited about dinner time. It's like that scene in when Harry Matt Sally, except that no one says I'll have what she's having. I don't know where's the exit. Yeah. They're like that woman with hiccups is choking today. A ghost is giving her the Heimlich. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, and they're on the beach and he's walking behind Bree and the camera just like lingers on Bree's ass like multiple times and he's like Look at her ass and those pants. How much really look her balloon knot? Balloon knot that is so gross and yet so accurate. I've never heard that before. I think I have it's it's really gross

Yeah, and So Nico pulls Brino aside in the club and he's like, you know, Bruno I know you get upset, but it's not your chance to hit the reset button You know sometimes you'll get yelled at and sometimes you won't and it's okay and Bruno's like He motivated me by talking to me and I can do much better and I look forward Here Bruno. Here's a biscuit. Thank you So even though Brianna is basically into Nico and everybody sees it Chris still is gonna try so he comes up behind her and starts

rubbing her back and he's like I like your attitude in life is that like so awkward to say have you ever had a scalped she's like uh and he tells us that his plan is to be flirty and to be mean to her. So obviously this guy has read the game because he earlier said that his plan, his initial plan was to isolate her. And now he wants to be mean to her. So I've read this stupid book, the game, because it's the one that all the, um, the, like the pickup artists use, you know, came out like 10 years ago.

I read it for a book club, which is hilarious. And it's like the doucheyest book. And clearly this guy was reading it for tips, not in a book club sense. Yeah. Don't even ask me why my book club was reading the game. Because it's actually like a novel. It's not, it's not, it's not like a how-to book. but he was using basic. He was clearly trying to be like mystery or whatever the guy's name was in that. And he was failing. And I remember when that came out, so gross. Yeah. And he's like, well, look, I've learned by being me

to see if she's interested in the Chris Brown project. Ew. The forever review. Forever with you. Forever with you. He's so gross. I'm not sure if I can get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little's like, well, I did no Brianna a little and she's like, biblically, he goes, no, we just hung out. I don't think he knows what biblically means. Yeah.

He's like, well, we didn't meet on a knock or anything. I've been real life and real life. I mean, we didn't meet like in a whale, crazy Kate. So then now they're like at the club and they're drunk dancing and Matt's grinding on Jen. Now Jen, obviously if I were you, Jen, I would like to do it because Matt is hot and you're horny. So just just get it over with. Just do it. And he's like, I've never seen myself dance. Hey, it feels good. It looks good. Let's get the drugs. So at this point, Kate and Nico are like, okay, they're disasters. Let's get Lala Lala I Love the drug staff so at this point Kate and Nico are like okay

They're disasters. Let's go back to the boat and so time to go and Chris is like whoa. Let me get a Rudy bro Good So back on the boat the chef is immediately looking at insta porn. Yes, it's growing through it and Chris and Brianna in the kitchen so Chris tries again. He's like it. And Chris and Breonna and the kitchen. So Chris tries again. He's like, man, did you think Matt had it in him? God, that guy's good looking. He can cook. He's a good personality. He's hot. Whoa. He's like, do you go that way? Because you look gay. He looked kind of gay. He's like, oh, oh, I think I messed something up in the game. Say, no, no, no, uh, here, let's have a hug.

And she's like, okay, he's like, I want to stay here forever. She's like, I just breaks out of it. She's like, good night, gay guy. You know that Chris Brown song forever with you. I want that hug to be that song. Hi, my girlfriend. And then the next morning he's so hungover, he can't do his job. And he's like, God, that alcohol, like I'm just getting used to it, guys, give me

a chance. I'm used to hangovers, but I'll tell you one thing, that mad is fantastic. Probably going to have a crush on him if I don't already. He's like, Nico, you probably have a hangover too. Nico's like, no, because I didn't drink enough to have a hangover. Dude, why would you half way party? Well, I live life half ass, bro. Alcohol's there to be drunk in, man. So he's like, yeah, and then even when he's alone, he's talking to himself. He's like, God, that hangover is kicking in right brown. Yeah, sure is Chris Brown. You know, Chris Brown, I'm going to take a minute, Chris Brown. He's like, all right, Chris Brown, take a few. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he walks off and then the captain's radioing. He's like Captain Chris, Chris, Captain, Captain Chris, Chris, Captain. And he goes like... Oh, he's Nico. Nico was calling for Chris. He was like, Nico to Chris, Nico to Chris, Nico to Chris, Nico to Chris, Nico to Chris, Nico to Chris, Nico to Chris, Nico to Chris, he's like, God, German. This is in Chris. This is the captain. I'm just wondering why I don't hear the response. I mean, even like, God damn sailboat would respond at this point. I had a half hour Goddamn conversation with that stupid fucking cellboat last night.

Goddamn it. Even that answered. And no, it's and basically Chris has passed out and I was like, he's sleeping and that's the cliffhanger. With how much trouble is Chris going to get into for sleeping on the job? I don't know, but they already told us they couldn't find any better to work on the boats. So, I think they're stuck and that brings us to the end of Bulload Dick. Yeah, super fun episode.

It's a good way to spend a Thursday. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, tomorrow we're back to talk real house as a Valkyland always a good time Always we sure love you guys We do we'll be back tomorrow Yeah, talk to tomorrow guys Hey prime members you can listen to watch our Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

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