Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: Pirate Peaked

Episode Date: November 19, 2019

A pack of douchebags board Below Deck to sexually harass Simone and play beer bong at their pirate party. It's sad and amazing. For our premium bonus about dog movies and our trips to Mexico and Thailand, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. *** Limited Edition Shirts! "Shannon Bowldor", "Twerp", "Dork", "When Life Gives You Tacos Make Taco Salads" merch available plus we re-released our Ramona Christmas and Chanukah gear at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to NYC, St Louis, Philadelphia, Denver, Seattle, Los Angeles (The Crappies), Detroit, Columbus, Austin (late show added!), Houston, NOLA, Birmingham, Vancouver and Oklahoma! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Mina kuchiku-chiku-chi! Watch what crap is! Watch what crap is! Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is! Who happens? Who happens? Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap In. So podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yeo Brons. As usual I'm Ronny Caron and here I am with my little bestie. Internet Husband Mr. Ben Mantelker who also writes, draws, voices everything.

The real house where's kitchen, you can find them, do you see a guy? Hi. Hi. How's it going? Sup, bro. Sup, bro. kitchen island, you can find them, do you see a guy? I've got a guy. How's it going? Sup, bro. Sup, brie. Sup, brie. How you doing?

I'm doing good. Guys, we're doing a little traveling week for work, so we're in hotel rooms and it's just a delicious audio coming your way. But you know what, we're not going to quick, because we, the, re-capping below deck, that's it. Real quick, we had a really fun weekend this weekend in both Indianapolis and Chicago. We met a bunch of you, we had the time of our lives, and we've got a bunch of new live shows coming up here,

so I'm just gonna listen real quick, okay, so listen for your city. We are going to New York actually this week, which is nuts. I can't believe you know. We're doing two sold out shows there. So thanks for everyone in New York for selling those at. That's going to be a great time.

After that, we're going to be heading to St. Louis, Don Philadelphia. One of those shows is sold out, but we still got tickets for what is basically traditionally now an insane late show. It's just going to be nuts. So come if you want a party real late. Then we're going to Denver, Seattle. We're having the 2020 Golden Crappies in Los Angeles, California.

Then we're heading over to Detroit, Columbus, two shows in Austin, earliest sold out. Houston, Birmingham, Sleshuver, Alabama, Nola, Kansas City, Omaha, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, and Oklahoma City. It's super exciting and now that the real housewives of Salt Lake City has been announced, that Salt Lake City date is going to be a hot ticket, I think. Yeah, it sure will be and we're very excited to go there. You have Salt Lake City. I'm excited. You know what? It's like you said last week, I like salt and we're very excited to go there. You have to assault like city. I'm excited, you know what?

It's like you said last week, I like salt and I like lakes and I like cities, okay? I have to warn everyone by the way. I am still nursing a weekend hangover from Indianapolis and Chicago. And this inapses are barely firing off. So that means that this is either going to be an absolutely crazy episode or probably an absolutely crazy episode actually. So I'm just warning everyone right now just just getting it out there You've been for warmed matey's this is also a pirate episode So our bad accents are gonna be tripled. This is also an infected knee episode which means

We'll have a the spirit of Infections with us. We'll have the spirit of infections with us. Let's have the spirit of Caroline Bedoulle with us. Oh god, Caroline Bedoulle actually tweeted something like, oh Kate was asked at Bravo Con if she regrets herpious shaming me and Kate said no. So I hope she enjoys the million viewers that she lost because of it too. And Kate responded something like, um, Caroline, I still have a plus one if you actually want to be a part of this. Oh, so shady. So, uh, by the way, just a news flash below deck has not lost a million viewers.

So I don't know. I'm not really sure where you're getting that news, but, uh, thanks. Yeah, the chiming in the million viewers who are like really passionate about her be shaming awareness Shame everybody guess who we're gonna shame today her people from Florida people from frat I'm just a shame every single thing that I think of and I see even if they don't deserve it I'm just gonna shame everyone it's gonna be a shameful episode. We shame the world.

We shame the children. That's gonna be our charity. Just shame people more, okay? So we can all just get hardened to it and stop feeling like it's a shitty about everything. I feel great about that. So the this week's episode of Below Deck opens up in the morning, and you know what, what a terrible time of the day. Morning, you've been shamed

Hey, hey, would you like a would you like a bowl of shame for breakfast cereal breakfast? Stupid morning Of shameyos fucking stupid morning Shameyos Speaking of shameyos In the previous years we got to see Ash didn't going on. Are we three of girls just wanting to have fun and bang? I'm sick of working so hard to get me. Dexit!

Um, you know, I don't know that we gave him enough shame, but shame. Shame. Okay. Yeah, consider yourself walking naked through the streets while people throw poop at you right now so are all the game of thrones. Shame. Shame. Shame, sir, all the game of thrones. Shame. Shame. Shame, sir, shame.

So, yeah, so everyone's like waking up after that crazy night of craziness. And they're all sort of just like remembering all that madness, all the drunkenness, all those, you know, not so sober, tongue, assaults, et cetera. And then there's a lot of like, she's went down less not brew. She went down, right, brew, brew, went down less not brew.

But Brian does that favorite, my favorite thing where he answers a question and then asks a question that he just answered. He goes, I kiss courtly less not brew. And then Tanner goes, oh no, Tanner died. He's like, bro, what happened last night? Like Tanner, he just told you what happened last night. Okay, kiss Courtney last night. The shame train is off to a great start. I'm shaming myself for reading my notes backwards.

Like who does that? I'm shaming this hotel internet because I'm shaming the yacht internet. I'm gonna send them on a yacht a yacht. Let's just blame Simone for everything that happens in this stuff. I'm just shaming Simone for talking instead of listening to her podcast right now. Good morning. Courtney is doing some, she's doing some dishes and then the captain walks into Simone who's standing right out. So, inside the door and he's like, God, don't do that to me, girl, geez. Jesus Christ. Don't do that.

Oh, man, I can barely do a cat to leave voice right now. I'm gonna shame my own throat. Wow, you just got been shamed by Ben. Yeah. Yeah, I got medicine to shame. I'm so sick. Hit me.

So then Kate passes Ashton and it's really awkward. Her hair is all over the place because it's just the morning and she's got that like fuck laundry You know who I shame laundry. That's why shame And she's like good morning lover boy. He's like hey, well you can't she's like um you that's how I am okay I didn't even when I was snoring last night. I was going like, I was going, ew. Ew. Ew, ew. Ew.

Ashyn's like, hey, Kate, how did we hook up last night? Kaker's, we did not hook up. You put your tongue in my mouth and it felt it help happen. Ew. Ew, ew, ew. Yeah. You know what? Could we just do something?

Let's stop saying it. Okay? Just stop. Just stop. And it's like, I'm not sure what stop saying it. Okay, just stop. Just stop. And I'm not sure when my head was, when I kissed Kay, but on note, when they are drinks involved, it's not me, it's smashed in. Okay, no, that's you.

Okay, that is drunk you. And you don't get to give yourself a cute sexual assaultor name. Joao, Joao's a Bub. Joao's a Bub. I don't like these ultra-egos to explain away bad behavior. Jowowzebub and Smash-Tin,

at least come up with better names. Yeah, it's like Matt blouser. Like, I don't know what Matt Lourdes is. Like, I was just drunk. Like, why are you mad at me? I was just splat-lour last night. Or what about me? Harvey Weinstein spelled the I-N-E too much wine.

Harvey Weinstein. They're like, wait a minute. That's literally the same name Harvey Weinstein. Like, yeah. That's barely an alter ego. That's just like a rearranging of the letters. Yeah, that's why he's getting the most trouble. Yeah, because he had the lazyest sexual assault alter ego.

Mm-hmm. And it's also the biggest monster of all. Although Matt Lauer was pretty bad. You know, he had that trance situation or whatever it was. I don't like it. Okay, you're gross. Okay, drunk or not. So then we get a clip of them kissing and then the kairan says sma-ston I didn't know so that that's kind of funny. Well it wasn't the editors fault It's just that the editors were drunk too, you know, yeah Blast editors to work on that after working the editors all it's sexual assault alter ego It really is harder coming up with sexual assault altering goes, then you would think it

would be. It really is. Like, like, I really shouldn't have come down so bad on smash tin, because that's that was given the situation, it's actually a pretty good one. Yeah, well, here's what I have to say to you. Shame. Okay, so then we're cleaning the deck. Wow, and Tanner's ready to do this. He's like, I'm ready to do this this morning. Tidelene's there where it's kicking in. Eh!

Yeah, and Kate is still weirded out by the whole Aston thing. She's like, I look at Aston, like a brother, and I'm not that kind of family. Sorry. I mean, Karla and on the other hand. He he he he. How about you stop shavingaming families that make out with each other?

Yeah. And this very special shame up a soad. Yeah. So, yeah, so Courtney is like talking about the Brian's situation and she's like, I don't know how I feel about Brian. I mean, I suppose I'm kind of picky. Okay, fine, I'm very picky.

But like, did I cringe or was I like, let's get some again? I don't know. Give me a seafood tower. Yeah, she's like, it's not gonna happen. Okay, it's like, what are you making babies with them? And then Brian comes in and he's like, how old, how are you feeling?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, because she's trying to pretend she's not into it. And you know what, I'm even into it at this point. Stop playing. Yeah, I'm into it too. So there's like, it's like cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. And at one point, like Tanner is just stopping to go up some water, like, yeah, this is some good water.

You know, I like this water. And Simone's just like gazing at him because she is now all of a sudden deeply, deeply infatuated with him. And she's just staring. She's like, it make a tennis totally my type. Like she is just, I mean, deeply, deeply infatuated with him. And she's just staring. She's like, oh my God, Tana's totally my type. Like she is just, I mean, I'm sorry, Simone's telling Courtney this.

And she's like, oh my God, Tana is totally my type. He's just like a Greek god. And Courtney is just like looking at Simone. And she does her patented smile of the stain where she opens her eyes really big and smiles and opens up her mouth like, oh my god You have no standards. Oh my god. I'm happy for you

It's so easy for dumb people to live They'd like literally have nothing to complain about So then Kevin is eating really unattractively. I don't know I like that they just keep getting the most unattractive shots that they possibly can't have Kevin. It's like, look, here's Kevin putting an entire loaf of bread in his mouth at the same time. Yeah.

And so Kate is meanwhile going to put some on on plates because Simone's been stuck doing a lot of laundry and ironing and she wants to get more experience. So Kate is at first very excited about this. She's like, so what parts of service would you like to work on? Do you want to do table scapes? Do you want to learn how to shame the people who work under you? How to open up a bag of cheetos? What would you like to work on?

And someone's like, oh, she was, okay, well, let's start here. How are you at opening a battle? Why? Someone's like, oh, Kate's head just goes from 1 p.m. to 10 p.m. Like anytime Kate's head has to go from morning to night, you know you're in bad bad shape. Yeah, the sun dial.

If Kate's head was a sun dial, it just totally changed the time of day. Yeah. So Kate's like... Um, actually appreciate the initiative. Um, it's like, you have someone like on a B squad, but then they want to be like on the A squad, and they're saying put me in a coach because bench of squad, um, you know what?

I don't know sports. So, basically I just don't want to crush the Mos question most soul, which is basically me winning my own emotional super bowl because I've never said that my entire life. So give me a high min trophy. Thanks. A high min trophy. I don't know what you think about sports either. What the high min trophy is a very big difference between high min and high min and the fact.

High min trophy. So, it's okay. I mean, I know what Heisman is, but I thought it was a difference between a Heisman and it's like a Weinstein and a Weinstein. I thought it was like a spell of death. I think the Heisman trophy is what happens when the Heisman trophy gets drunk and tries to hit on other trophies So I'm in trophy is like I am sick of working so hard

To get my high men Oh god, so Kate is like okay Well, let's work on teaching you how to do a very basic thing like opening up a bottle of wine that you should have learned about 10 years ago Just that's part of normal life. Okay, so all right. So here you go. Here's Bob Wine and here is a corkscrew. Okay, no, actually you want to stick the screw part not into the glass, but into the cork. Great, great. You literally just stabbed yourself in the stomach with a corkscrew.

Why are you doing that? It's like, let's all you up in the wands. No, that's not it. Now you're believing. Why are you wrapping the, when you're trying to tap the bottle with the corkscrew? You actually want to twist me. Okay, all right, let's work on the foil. Well, it can be tricky. Okay, you want to cut it. Okay, you're trying to cut the glass. That's not the cutable part. Why do you have the wine bottle in your mouth,

right? Nope. You don't take that off with your teeth. Okay. You know what? Why don't you just go up and take some orders? Okay. Actually, you know what? It't you just go up and take some orders? Okay, actually you know what it's actually not a ukulele so you can stop trying to strum it. Okay. Let's hold it. Let's hold it right. Okay So Kevin is in the kitchen entertaining himself by singing put your hand in the boiling water Paul just burn your recording like She's like, honestly, if you're gonna sing about boiling your hand in water, could you just choose a song that's already established? Because your songwriting skills are not good. So we're still trying to open a bottle with you, someone.

I love that it just kept cutting back to this. I know. It's someone's like, so like that and cake us? No, no, no. Just losing your patience, but trying to keep it together. Yeah. So she's like, okay, well, we've got a bottle of wine open. That was called a miracle. So yay, Bible. And now we'll practice pouring wine into a, okay, got a meeting. Sorry, got to go. And Simone's like, most of my experience is wondering and asking me, which I could get the day for service less in. I mean, it was learned, it was great to learn

to open a wine, but hello. So they, so at the preference sheet meeting, we find out that the next primary is someone named Michael Blackton, who has a helicopter charter business. So we just already know he's a douchebag based on that. I, I don't think how you I just don't know how you could have a helicopter charter business and not be a douchebag So we find out that mr. Blackton attended the most infamous party school Florida state And kids like um, I know a lot of people who went to Florida state and The only major they have there is drinking beer. Ha ha, it's true. It's true. I mean, I don't think there's any employer that's like, oh, Florida State, unless it's like maybe a douchebag,

helicopter, charter company. Simone put down the wine bottle. No, it's not a key. You can take it out of the door knob. Simone, you don't need to screw that in to an actual light source. It's not a let but oh, okay. Simone's on the floor. Oh, look at that. Simone, Simone, take the wine bottle out of the laundry. It's not a tide pot. Simone, no, okay. Okay, well, if we just floor the state, can we just take a minute to watch Simone try to iron that bottle of rosé? Everyone? Okay. So the captain is like, hand is college pals, or I'll single and ready to party.

He says they're not ready for we're not ready for what's about to transpire. And Kate's like, oh, I'll serve red cello cups. Because that's what people from Florida say. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then she goes, oh, they want jello shots. So gross. Well, I'll just walk it night or soulmate. Yeah. Well, they won. They won a beach picnic with a gold thing. Gross. Florida. And then day two, they won a pirate thing. That is disgusting.

And so Florida state. And then they want you to speak in pirate lingo and come up with another thing if you're choosing. Oh, Florida. Right out. Wow. That is so Florida. That is Florida. Gross.

Do they want me to buy Florida's greatest hits and play them? Because you know his name spells out Florida. See what I'm doing there. Anyone? Wow. Hey. And then in the middle of all this, like randomly they just like cut away to like Brian walking along and just like banging his foot, his, his knee. And it's just like this cut away thing where you think it's just like a funny slapstick moment and then it becomes like a major plot point for the rest of the episode. Yeah, every other couple of minutes you just hear Brian go, I have money. Oh, my money. My money. My money. Yeah, like the entire episode just seems like my knee. Like that's it. He'll be saying it the rest of the season, let's be honest. Ru, my knee. So Kate makes her call for provisions and she's like,

um, hi, it's Kate from Valor again. Okay, I'm going to do some things for Florida State because people from Florida State are apparently rich men have to charter a boat, which is funny. So okay, um, let's see, um, that, that stuff that you squirt on your hands that gets rid of germs. Okay, let's do that You know what get some of that stuff you put on the hamster the bottom of hamster cages those wood chip things I just have a feeling you're gonna need those not really sure why but you know, I don't know if I mentioned this Florida state gross Do you have any

condoms Lou loob, anything really? I'd appreciate it if you'd send over some lowered standardized testing standards. That would be great. Yeah. Oh, we got it. So Courtney meanwhile is like continuing with her like season long arc of trying to iron a single shirt. She's like, I don't understand ironing. This doesn't work. This doesn't, not steaming. It's every time I try to iron.

It doesn't work. So Captain Lee is walking through and he's like, well, did you see that there's a button? A steam bun? Did you know about the bun? Did you know about the button? Did you know about the bun? No, about the bun. It's like, oh, it's about the button.

I was like, I think it's malfunctioning because whenever she does it, it doesn't stain. She's a good friend. She's trying to say, yes, there's something that happens. It just doesn't like her. So, he's like, all right, here's the button. Check this out. The first thing you iron is a collar, all right, here's the button check this out the first thing The iron is a collar. All right kid and then the scene so I'm gonna see these scenes iron So he's ironing his own shirt and Kate's like guys

This is an honor and a privilege learning from the best Guess you didn't go to Florida State his name rhymes with Faptin. Okay Let me tell you something this iron has a better shot at getting a job than an e-floor steak red. So then Kate's exhaustive, so she's going into our room and asking Caesar and he's like, Hey, it's your tongue too, and after the take-less, not key. And she's like, well, I've required them to the back of my mouth a little, So that hurt. And just so my tongue was ready to come out. Captain, you told me a bunch of florist A people are coming on board. So it's

back there. It's done. Kevin goes, Jesus, yes, I'll Kevin shut up. Just close the door in a space. Okay. And then we get, oh, man, yeah, you can are going next morning. I'm not sure if it's hurting. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is basically this season is just going to like, will down to a bunch of taglines. It'll be like, Germany cricket, money,

Germany cricket, money, did you know about the button? No, about the button. Oh, M G. Simone. And to go solid Kate Florida State. So so Brian's needs still hurting and they're cleaning, etc. And apparently with Brian's knee, like some some skin came off his knee when he hit it

and now it's all swollen and infected because I don't know, maybe he didn't put a bandaid on it. It sounds like he did not put a bandaid on it when it happened because who knows why not. But maybe you thought it'd be like, make them look tougher for Courtney, who knows. Well, you don't think of that stuff when you get like a scrape, you know, you get a scrape and it gets a scrape. I'm a dude with that, I'm a man.

Yeah, patriarchy. And you just keep like going on with life and then, you know, before you know it, you're dead. Like people in the old days, that's how they would die. It's like, boom, you get a scrape, you're dead, you got it, you're dead. Like people on the old days, that's how they would die. It's like, boom, you could have scraped your dead, you got scurvy or something and like it killed you. If I get a scrape, I have the Mayo Clinic on Speed Dile. I'm like, there's a scrape.

Especially if I'm getting a scrape in Thailand, I'm like, I just, I'm like assuming I'm getting some sort of exotic infection, which is totally, you know, of course, like a crazy like western bias because It would be the same as sort of infection, but you know, I'm like crazy like that. Yeah But he didn't he's like, oh my man and some air is gonna die. So then they're doing provisions and kids like Yeah, money and kids like yay Florida. Wow, I love beef jerky and Tender's like it's no bull tongue, huh? I missed that somehow because I may be able to to distract it by Kate who started reading this guy's preference sheet

And he wrote to those vodka is life and she goes, oh God, I'm going to his life Anyone who says the length is life gets your red flag you Yeah, yeah, that's a problem. Yeah, I'm a All right guys, let's start with a good attitude tonight Which translates to let's all vacuum so then they get dressed and Kate has arranged for them all Kate has arranged for them all to get lays in their school colors and the guests come on and You know these guests are gonna be super class because All they're talking about is farting the good one guy's like, hey, I hope they got drinks waiting for us and then another guy's like Yeah, we're getting lit every night. They have no idea what's coming for him. We're gonna get shit face

Yeah, and kept the things like like really oh god. Oh god. There's gonna be a lot of Huh face from it. You know what I'm saying and ashtim's just like a walking boner at this point He's like slow keen. It's beautiful. Pity's beautiful. Shadow is beautiful. Annie's beautiful Patricious beautiful. It's like it's beautiful He's basically about to do mumbo number five. Yeah, he's just naming every orphan and Annie at this point. I'm like, what are you even talking about? Yeah, he's like, look, one more beautiful to the next. And he know Kate's just like,

one more uneducated than the next. Of course, yeah. So she's like, all right uneducated than the next. Of course, that. Yeah. So she's like, all right, we're gonna give you a tour of your rooms. I hope you like your state colored lays and one of the girls goes, oh my God, they're garner and gold.

Wow, you couldn't even notice your own school colors which you requested. Glad I made the effort. You fucking morons. Okay. I mean, you are only wearing your school colors on your bikini and you thought that far ahead, but that's okay if you can't actually continue to logic on towards the Garnet side. I source for you Thailand.

I was already taking Garnet's for you in Thailand. Anyway, here's the Sunday. These are literally the dumbest lays I've ever made So she's like the destroy that is remote controlled and one of the guys is like this great cuz I don't want my own butt It's so awful So the worst they're like they're they're like what you're afraid of seeing come down the airplane aisle You know, and I feel like it's always on Southwest Airlines when I'm on there that these guys come on. They're like, we're gonna party. I guess because that's what I take to Vegas.

And they're like, okay, we're gonna get so booked up. They, yeah, they are the, like the human incarnation of Los Angeles to Vegas. Like LA to Vegas is represented by these people, whether it's driving, flying, especially flying, especially flying jet sweet X. Yes. So then it's time for a sparing keep pulling. Let's go guys. Come on. And this one girl named Salainly, Shailin Whitley is like Just wondering when you shit comes out as to hey, ask someone to take the shirt off.

Oh, yeah. And then meanwhile, Kate is, like, she's in the gallery and they're like, so what's the primary? Like, she's like, he seems like he was like an infrurgeurnie. Please go up on the weekends. He's got that like Republican haircut, you know? And then it just cuts him going, if you guys don't vote for Trump in 2020 You're never getting invited on a trip again

So So I'm like, oh that guy ordered an old-fashioned, which I'm gonna wait where they go where they go I think like um, that's you got to go find out, okay? You're gonna go there. You're gonna some of the people that paid to be here, and you're going to see if they have things that need to be cleared, maybe they want water. Okay, do not put that. Okay, you're putting the wine bottle in the garbage disposal, but it's not how you open that. Okay, we've ruined another bottle of wine.

Okay, Simone, I'm going to have to ask you to get off of Amazon and stop trying to search for a penny-farthing. Old-fashioned is the type of drink that was not an adjective that they were asking for. So then it comes to the guys and one of them's like, why aren't the other boats this big? And the other guy says, because Kings can't talk to peasants. Yeah, he's like, you know, no, that's actually a more civilized version. Instead he sort of does like a rap, he goes, peasant bitches, can't just kings.

I'm like, oh my God, is this like law, law and man form? I love that I'm like censoring it. In my notes. I'm like, I'm gonna class these people up, right? I know it's like, don't do the many favors. They're awful. I'm like the said it's like Lala ad man for me. It took me a minute. Yeah, because Lala, there hasn't. I mean, I always, I talked a few years ago about, and my old building, there was a pool, and one time Lala was hanging out at the pool, true story, and she was talking

kind of faith with her friends, and she was like really mad pool true story and she was talking about faith with her friends and she was like really mad about faith and she was like going on and on and on because faith did something and so Lala was debating whether or not she was going to block faith on Instagram or maybe unblock her and say something and block her again. It was like this whole thing. It was like the best thing. I was like, I cannot believe I get to live next to this right now. And at one point Lala said you know what I'm just gonna let her be let the peasants be

peasants or something. Oh God. So whenever I get people say like they're just peasants I just think of La La at the pool being angry at faith. Cap fix peasant. Peasant. Number of lives. I'm not doing right.

So how is this real? How is this like a real aside in an actual podcast? Like how is this like what we do for a living is that like we talk about this stuff and then like break into the side about Lala at the pool called people peasant. Like this is not supposed to happen in real life. Sometimes I feel like it's not really,

it's like a sad hotel I went into from eating like too many French fries, you know? Like, we're in a French fry fever dream. Wake up, we still work at like hertz. Yeah. I wake up in Catholic school, you know, with someone throwing a book on my head. I wake up and I'm like,

I'm trying to make a hymen trophy joke. Yeah, I just wake up on just like an intersection still driving Uber. You know. So Kate has told Simone, okay, so basically you just go check on them, ask them if they want anything. And so Simone just goes up and starts walking around and I don't know if she's too nervous to approach the guest because they're disgusting. But for whatever reason she doesn't approach them, so then she just starts walking around the deck and then to the back deck and she's just kind of wandering around. And now is when we start seeing Kate get pissed off. And it's been the entire season.

Kate's had a very easy season this year. I mean, she's had Kevin to deal with, but even that's chilled out. So now we start getting the passive aggressive Kate starts to bubble up to the service. Yes, because Kate has been on this like weird thing where she doesn't want to break people's spirits, which is very out of character for her. And I think that she's starting to realize that like she might have to break a spirit by the end of the by the end of the charter at some point. I think that maybe because there was some sort of blowback about Caroline that she's

like, no, I'm going to show that I don't have to break people's spirits. I can be a good cheats too. We'll sit here patiently while Simone takes that bottle of wine and tries to paint the wall with it. I don't know why she's doing that. Yeah, but I'm not funny if they brought wall with it. I don't know why she's doing that. Yeah, but they brought up a pet training later, which I thought was funny because I was writing down, like if Robert Redford had this attitude, then horses would never be broken. And then horses would just be kicking people off of them and people would be getting hurt all the time. Okay.

This recent horse whisperer breaks the horse. You got to break the horse. Listen, if your spirits can't be broken, you shouldn't, I'm sorry, if your spirits can be broken, you shouldn't be a yachty. Yeah, you need unbreakable spirits. So, Kate's like, so how they doing? Are they good on drinks? And some of it's like, they didn't say anything. It's like, I don't think you understood that. Okay. Of course it's unbroken. So Robert, Robert Redford is on hold. I'm just saying that. Robert Redford's in the wings. I'm gonna break you. I will do it. I can break you in a second actually.

I really kept you alive a lot longer than you should be But it would be nice. Just wait till later tonight. I have some real good past aggressive moments start up for you So I cast one of the guys like anyone ready for drinks And then a guy comes into the kitchen. He's like can I get some vodka and kids like Yeah, okay now take this vodka to him look them in the eye and say, do you want anything? Water, champagne, because we never want them to ask us, okay? They're from Florida State. They're going to be asking the world for planning.

Okay, so the way that you hold the glass, I guess we really do have to go back to basics. You want to take at least one hand. Yes, you want to take at least one hand. Yes, you want to put it in your hand. There you go. Now you're holding a glass. You figured it out great. Nope. You're putting it on your head now.

Okay. Well, we're just going to be a while. And no, no, no. The wine bottles stay here. We'll hold the wine bottle. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parents life. But come on. Some days parenting is unbearable. one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday,

parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts.

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as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Okay, great. So Ashton is checking with Brian. He's like, breathe, what's wrong? You look like you're having trouble getting your exit and he's like, Almanne! Almanne! So then Simone goes out to the guests and she's like serving them and Michael's like, Simone, Simone, all these all this drinking. I'm going to be like, Simone, over the toilet.

You like that one, was a good pun. Turn your name into like, Simone, but it's Simone, like it. Turn your name into me barfing in the morning. It's not hot, you wanna fuck right now? She's like, gee, Riz. Oh, Riz. So she's like, are you guys good? And he's like, yeah, you good?

She's like, she's like shattering out her way back in. It's like, poor thing, it's her first day on real service, and this is what happens to her. Exactly. So now Courtney is tending to Brian, he's like, and she's like, maybe you should put on an actual bandage, like I appreciate your craftiness and taking five pieces of sandpaper and taping them to your wound, but actually not helpful. Maybe a bandage, you know what a bandage is, you don't know what a bandage is, really. Wow. Wow, you're really dumb. I cannot wait half sex with you after this charter. You're really dumb in case like penis ravine. Yeah. So like, we're all my cabins gone. We're all my fellows gone. So then Kevin is in the

kitchen and he's making me and he's like, I'm actually shocked sometimes that how good I am at cooking bait It's like Kevin you only prepared one slice. Oh, Mr. Dolbson. Yeah, I thought you were gonna say how good I am He's like this guy is this fat guy's into the classics steakhouse or a bucket beat Chipotle beat sweet potatoes my mouth is kind of watering Yeah, he needs to stop being such an asshole off camera and being so nice on camera because I think I would love to see him get tossed Because not I shouldn't say on camera, but like in diary room He's acting one way. He's acting like a petal little shit head. And then on the boat, he's acting fine.

Like, he's acting like everything's great. He gets along with Kate fine now and they're past all their issues. But then he gets in the diary room and he acts like a total prick. And I'm wondering if they just took all of his diary room sessions from the end of his charter when he's just lost it already, you know, most likely, most likely. It probably means that per-aid production does not like him, or they just want to make him the villain. I mean, that's got to be what it is, because I agree. He seems more or less okay on the boat, like, not still not great. I actually still don't really like him that much. But yeah, he is much more of a dick in his, in hisctionals. They probably, you know, give him a cocktail or two, get him

loosened up, you know. Yeah, or they did. It was like the last one where he finally gets fired or quits or whatever happens. And, yeah. And now he's full of bitterness and rage. And they're like, okay, take this hour long interview we have with him and just interspersed throughout the entire season. I mean, that's why you have to be careful as a reality source. I feel like what happens is they pull you in through the interviews and they pepper you with questions

for like hour-spot hours and you get worn down and then you make some like off-handed, you know, like jackass comment and that's what goes in. Yeah. Thank God. Thank God, you know, I love a reality producer. They do great work. So Kate goes, so Kate's in the galley

and Courtney walks up, she comes in and she's like done her do great work. So Kate goes, so Kate's in the galley, and Courtney walks up, she comes in, and she's like done her hair for some reason, and Kate goes, your hair looks pretty, and Kevin goes, annual face looks well put on. And they just stare at him like, he's like, you look different today, is it because Lova's in the air? She goes, no, I just have a sore back,

and they start cracking up, because that's so Courtney. Then they cut to the deck hands talking with each other. And then it's like, so, Brian, you're going to take Courtney to marry you the day or what? And Brian doesn't really get it, but that's just funny. And then they cut back the cake and she goes, well, maybe it's just a glow. Maybe it's just a glow you have Courtney. And she goes from this time I got yesterday, she's like, yeah, well, maybe it's just a glow. Maybe it's just a glow you have caught me. And she goes, from this time I got yesterday,

she's like, yeah, well, he's the son of someone. Hey, I just got to Brian saying, fuck money, fuck money. Then that girl, I think it's that girl, Shaily. She's like, oh my god, where's the crew? Why are there shirts all on? Oh, sorry, Simone, we're just getting divorced, so we're like really horny. And Simone's like, well, you couldn't go from the bed stuff, so that's good. Simone! Simone, why are you trying to play violin with a wine

bottle? Simone? You're actually making her do the most intelligent thing and the most unintelligent way. Wow, Simone is a master chess player, but she's playing with a wine bottle. Just crazy. What's that noise up on the deck? Oh, Simone, could you please stop playing soccer with the wine bottle? Thank you. So the guy starts hitting on Simone again. He's like, hey Simone, you get a day off. Simone Simone. Hey Simone Simone. That's like his nickname for her now.

I'm like, oh my god, a thought I was hearing things. It's like it's because I was right behind you. You know, I thought I was gonna bring my girlfriend, but we broke up right before the trip because I found out she was a hooker. Oh, what size does she ring fingers to? Oh, you know what? Is ring fingers a six and a half? I'm good at that. Yeah.

She's like, yeah. Nothing is more of a turn on for a lady than knowing that your previous girlfriend was a hooker. Yeah. And that this guy's tried so many women that he knows how to size fingers right away. Yeah. That's true.

It's hard to say. Then the guy, I can't help but feel like someone from any other school would have realized what a hooker is. Then the captain's like, four shots in a drop. And I was like, wow, if that doesn't sum up this episode. So then the guy's like, some ounce of my own. And she goes inside and he goes, she's going for the dick.

He's just terrible. There's just always some truly awful person every single season on all the blow decks or all two of the blow decks every single time. So then we go over to Courtney who's just like grappling with her iron. She's like, I don't understand ironing. It just re-wrinkles. I'm going to go to the girls upstairs, two of the girls upstairs. Someone goes, is that a peckle? Another one says, no, it's a cucumber, but aren't pickles

just cucumbers? And Kevin goes, I didn't know that and just somewhere you just know Kate's going Florida State actually I think it's even worse I think that the girl thought she goes aren't cucumbers pickles she got the cucumber ruled wrong she doesn't know her basic pickling that's what I'm trying to say you're you're You're not right estate. How fairing not for a estate if you've been. So Kevin's like, okay, let's go over with the food app. She's like, how about right now? He's like, well, I want to go over to the picnic with you.

She's like, I really don't have to do that. He's like, I don't want to give you too much work. And then he tells us, I wish I could trust Kate more with serving a beach picnic, but she's checked out of the stewie this inside of the things point now. And I need to manage it, because there's no aspect of Kate that the chief stew at this point. And thank you very much.

I'm like, she's just only teaching her other stews how to do things like iron shirts and peel away foil from things. So, yeah, she's not busy at all. Yeah, correct. So then we get a shot of Brian lowering the tender into the water and then he jumps into it and guess what he says, it rhymes with duck my pea.

Duck my pea, that could actually be something that happens on this episode. It's a really gross episode. So the captain sees him and he's like, what did he do to his leg? It actually goes, that's how he felt for cooltony the other night and they all start laughing and I'm like, uh, guys. Ryan's just like in the fetal position. My knee. They're like, the fetal position. My knee! They're like,

I'm gonna move. So, Kevin and Ashton are in their room, and Ashton's changing, and Kevin's like, you smell delicious. I just want to lick you up and down, Ashton's like, didn't see that, that's weird. Oh my. And at this point, it's only person even close to sucking my dick.

So just don't say it, Bri. Don't say it, Bri. So now it's time to set up the beach picnic. And so it feels like half the staff is out there setting up the beach picnic. Simone has left on her own, she has to make a banana daiquiri, which is, I thought this was, I was actually surprised. I thought this was going to be a big drama. I thought it was going to be a whole thing where Simone has to go make it like four times in a row and then we have a commercial break.

But shockingly, she managed to get it done. Then again, this girl, this is the girl who thought all cucumbers are pickles. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's true. And she's telling Courtney, she's like, oh my God, I have to make a panini deacory. And Courtney goes, it's just a daquery with bananas. She goes, well, I don't know how to do that either. Yeah. When Courtney said it's just a daquery with bananas, I'm like, Courtney,

you're giving your way too much credit right now. So they get to the beach to set things up and Kevin's just bossing everybody around. He's like, I don't want you to put that there. Put it there because I reckon you'll get more shade there if you've added all the way there. And Ash is like, for phone brutally, it's just do everything how you want Kevin and Kate goes, welcome to my life. Yeah. So yeah, she's like, Kevin is very OCD, which makes everything more difficult. Not as difficult as you know, saying the alphabet for a floor stay crab, but up there.

So he's bossing her around, bossing everybody around and he's trying to control everything. So she goes to the cooler and she's like, um, can I have the cooler now? And he goes, all right. So she starts breaking the ice in the cooler and he's just standing next to her and he goes, Jesus. So she's not breaking the ice up in the way that you wanted, sir. Like, what are you complaining about now, Jesus?

Jesus to your Jesus. Jesus to your Jesus The Dolby So then Kevin starts talking about dinner. He's like I'm gonna do a pumpkin risotto and kids like Are we talking about dinner? Can we wait until we're done setting up on a luxury bit? But setting up a luxury lunch on a beach on an island I've never been to with guests that are on their way right now And there's a crab walking right there. Can we wait and he goes, yeah, okay, great. Great, that would be great.

Thanks. So it's like, all right, it's monkey waves to put with my these barada, let me check it. Don't forget salt and pepper. It's on the table, but thanks. It's on the table. It says largely labeled for the sort of state people. Thanks.

Yeah, that is what the S the SNDP and gigantic lit up letters means. Okay. Thanks. Starting to wonder if you two went the Florida state if you catch my trip. No, I started school when I was 10 after we daddy passed on the to take okay, Kevin. We've heard it before. So it's like Whenever Kevin jumps into the service realm, he's doing it to overpower me. He needs to stand a sign, which is the theme of the season. He needs to stay in his lane. He needs to stay in his car gambling. All right. It's a no passing lane, right? Carpool lane. You don't just get the carpool lane is a double-devil lane. And the carpool lane. So now Courtney's still doing laundry and she's like, you know what?

Of course laundry sucks, but with these guests, I really don't mind. It's like they are at a front party, but they're like 40, like you. You. That's pretty sad. And she's like, this iron doesn't work. Ah! So then the bunch is over. And

case like, okay, everybody wanted to service her pack and smells like pack. Please get me out of here. This is terrifying. So she stays behind to work with the guys and get everything packed up. And Simone asked, I think Ashton, right? She's like, Brian, Brian. She's like, what do you think of the guest? And he's like, I guess Kim is hot. She's like, yeah, she's a school cha. I was like, can I have your legs? I mean, it's okay. It's okay that you do that because I make him want to bet to guys sometimes. And he's like, what about the guys on the boat? She's like, OMG, honestly, Tina. Seriously, seriously. Seriously, he's like a school teacher also,

Drew. You say, Drew also, well, if you can say, Drew, I can say, Drew, okay, Drew. All right, Drew, my knee. Yes, my knee too. No, my knee, my, your knee, my knee, Drew, what? School teacher, what are we doing about anymore? So then, and the kitchen,

guess how it sounded to me at least. Bro, bro, broute bro, brute school. So back in the kitchen, Kate's like tonight is going to get in gold with beer, bong and beer pong. Go ahead and just do jealous shots. What are we going to do? These guys want a college-sneemed party? Well, naturally, because those were the best years of their lives, kept to a guy going, BAAAAMN! Like the biggest burp ever. She goes, anyone's still talking about college? Peeked in college. Thank you. And that's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. So then the guests all, they all had like, jump into the water from the boat. But, and we see like this beautiful, like, drone shop from afar. And we see like five of the water from the boat, but and we see like this beautiful like drone shot from from far and we see like

Five of the six of them jump in and then like a six one jumps in like two seconds later and then captain Lee's just watching from his window going There's always one who's late always one I was like that seemed like a very joyful moment until captain Lee started speaking and then I was like, oh, I feel bad It was probably the cucumber girl. It's always the cucumber girl. So then the guy sees some money, he's like, Simone's back. You made it. So gross. And then one of the girls is telling you asked me, how am I going to make me wait? Ashton. And he says, Hey, much, how much can you take? And she's like, Oh, there's that. Well, I'm glad to have everybody being gross. You know, it's not like divided really against between men and women. It's just everybody's gross. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Everyone's

just like, so sort of state. Am I right, everyone? Am I right?? So Brian's what? Brian's me. It hurts. It's bad. It's getting worse and worse. Yeah. It's just, it's like painful and this infection is growing very rapidly. So, Ashley has to go tell Captain Lee about it and Captain Lee's like, oh god damn, I mean, we're having to be down another man. I mean, I feel like a one-legged man and an ass kicking contest. You know what I'm saying? Get it? See what's going on there. You can kick the ass, but then you fall on your own ass. So you're getting your ass kicked too. That's layers.

So Kate and Kevin start going over dinner and stuff and then Simone Tanner talking and they start bonding, right? So they're bonding up watching the beautiful scenery because this is the Cools place with that being brewed and they start talking about how much they love the grand And she's like I love hanging with me grand and he's like I love hanging with my grand too Like we just changed smoke and play cribbage. I'm just like oh my lord We're in love Meanwhile the people still need to be served and Kate can hear them talking and now she's getting more and more annoyed. Yeah, basically, Kate's like, Simone is experiencing the exhibiting all the

tell-tale signs of a yachty with no experience. I mean, aside from the fact that she is looking through the unopened bottle of wine like it's a telescope, She also doesn't know how to get up on the ladder. And she's been ironing the wall. And also she's just talking a lot. And if I can hear you, the guests can hear you. And yes, they can hear you talking into the bottle of wine. It's not a phone. Not a phone, Simone.

She just tried to FaceTime me through a bottle of rosé. So that's not going well. So then Kate makes a mistake of telling this to Kevin. I have him feeling this is going to be a huge mistake in the future. So she's talking to Kevin and the kitchen. She's like, well, I'm a little worried because they're talking and it's like when you have a puppy and you don't want to train it, but you don't want to kill it spirit. And he's like, you go to give it ass rules. By the way, pee outside, cake. Or I'm sticking your nose in it next time.

Okay. So he's gonna win over the crew by making them some extra cheesecake. And it starts to work. Cause someone's like, oh, I'm g. She's so excited. I would be one over by extra cheesecake. Yeah, especially with an Oreo crust.

So Kate is steaming and someone's like, do you need me to bring out glasses? Like, and water glasses and red wine glasses, okay? So then Brian tells Tanner that Samo likes him. And Tanner's like, oh-oh, that's dangerous. You know what? Crush is a tough, because you hook up with a girl and then the crush is upset with you.

Okay. And then you gotta tell your mom, like, hey, mom, I was born in this girl, but now I wanna bone someone else, but I think the first girl still likes me, you know what I'm saying? And then, you know, your mom will be like, that's okay. You're a great boy anyway.

And I'm like, yeah, mom, you're awesome too. You know what, let's go change smoke together Hey, my get grandma some more cigars to change smoke over cribbing. All right. Yeah, so Kate's like wow So Simone that was a beautiful sunset. She's sitting there folding napkins. So like so Simone Why wasn't that a beautiful sunset? Hmm, it was wasn't it. Is that why you were talking to Tanner? Because I was serving and I could hear your voice and I could hear everything that you were saying.

And I couldn't hear every single thing you were saying because I was busy making drinks while you were talking. So anyway, are you getting anything to that? Okay, should I? I have to care. You're not talking about that. Stop singing Donkisshaven into it. Okay.

Yeah. I'm smelling. I appreciate that you want to fold napkins with me, but that's actually a wine bottle not an napkin, so you can stop trying to fold it. Um, so what were you talking about? Or should I just, uh, should I just ask the guests because they could hear everything? Because you were talking while they were asking for shots. Is this, are you understanding my pat? Would you see what I'm trying to say here do you get it no no okay? You're just okay. You're just doing the one Okay, great so someone's like I hear you and she goes no I hear you So then we come back and Kate is still folding napkins and Ashton's like I have a man damn. She's like how down as he

Everyone's getting ready for dinner and That weirdo Shayla McShane Shane is still walking around the boat going with my boy toy Where's my boy toy? Hey Kevin is still like acting out a childhood demons because he like does something wrong and he goes fuck off Mr. Jolbson So then Kate reminds him, she's like, okay, let's keep the conversation to the minimum with the guests because the guests can hear you. She goes, cool beans. And also Simone, just

please remember, you do not have to serve that or so to the wine bottle. It is not a living being or a guest. Thank you So back to the classy guests one of the girls is like isn't this nice like this little breeze? It's like a nice wind isn't it? And the guys like yeah, I haven't had a blowjob like this in years Says just awful He says, just awful. Look literally every second they show of this guy is terrible. Every single moment. He's just like this.

And the thing that's sad is that he is as awful as he looks. You know you see someone and you're like, oh, that guy's probably a creep. But then you're like, no, I shouldn't judge a book by its cover, even if the cover looks like it had some nasty stuff spilled on it, so sticky. It looks like a fruit roll-up melted on it, so if you touch it, you're like, it's sticky and has a weird odor. And they're like, no, but the book is probably good. And then you read the book and the book is about sticky fruit roll-ups. That's disappointing.

Yeah, it's important to be able to judge books by their cover, otherwise they're going to be reading really stupid books. Okay? The lot of money goes into marketing and making book covers, you know, attractive. Okay. Yeah. Exactly. Otherwise, you know, if we didn't judge books by their covers, Frankie Katani would not have a side career. Okay. Yeah. Exactly. So Kevin's like, well, I went to a culinary school in the little town called Timoroo Didgerido, Watson, Michilde, Peter Jackson, Lord of the Ring, Hobbit, Sheep in New Zealand, and I haven't really been around college students before, so I don't really know what they like to eat. I don't know what I was thinking maybe hamster food or I don't know popcorn or I saw some algae and the lake maybe they'll want that. Well I could just serve them meat. I just figured maybe this time I'll just give them three less plates instead of

two less plates. See if anyone notices. So he brings the food out and he's like all right the foam on this is a pecorino cream and they just all look at each other like I'm surprised I got that ass I'm surprised they didn't look at it. I think I was like pecorino. I know what sort of pecorino I want Yeah, I met my pecorino suck like this in a long time. Yeah And then one of the guys gets the then one of the guys gets the food. One of the guys gets the food because, hmm, it's good. Let's get lit. Yeah.

That's what I always say whenever I have a corn, pacarino, a foam. Let's get lit. Yeah. So then the captain is checking on Brian because all you can really hear through dinner is my leg. My leg. So he goes to check it on him.

He's like, has your leg. And Brian's like, it's getting worse. It's getting worse. And he goes, from that cut, God. This is going to be a pain in my ass, right? You have to get a goddamn doctor up here. It's like, wow, thanks. That was some lovely bedside manner.

Thanks. Feel great. At what point are they just going to have a doctor on call? Just like wherever Gary and Larry are, the chief engineer and the chief other engineer, like can we just get like a doctor and just put them downstairs and steer it or something? Because we're getting the doctor every single day at this point. Yeah, they do need one. That would add some extra drama to having a doctor on board. I just like, you know, I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to me like that, I'm a doctor.

Just Kate to Dr. Kate Chastain. Maybe she can graduate to being the doctor on every note. I would love that. She just gets a, she just gets like a degree just randomly. It's just like now a doctor. Like a soap opera. You know, like I went to med school in the off season. I'm a doctor now. I'm feeling like it's a huge change in the show. Kate Chastain is now a doctor, but nothing really changes. She's just saying, all right, I'm going to pass the progressively school to you as I fold these bandages.

Okay? Does anyone notice that the doctor is making a tablespoon of pebbles? You know what would heal? You know what would heal? You know what would heal this me. Some hobby lobby glue gunned Pebbles to it. Okay, I'm going to glue Garnet and Velvet Pebbles to your knee. How do you feel now? Hi, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Primary Charter, man, but I'm afraid that you have tie fever and you must be quarantined

to your room for the rest of the charter. Okay, everyone, fix the situation. So they're working on shots for the guests and Kate does seminal shots and then she takes one. She's like, delicious, but I thought this was really funny because one of the fights last season or one of the pieces of drama was when Caroline got, which she's just going to come up in every five minutes of this recap, but when Caroline got kicked off and everything, she was like, oh my God, and Kate was sneaking drinks on the boat.

And that is number one thing you don't do on boats is drink. And so this season, Kate's like, yummy shots. Well, all right, let's get back to work, everybody. Yeah. She's like, look, I'm not seeing the shots. I'm doing it on the open sea. There is something I've learned from Longer. Oh, so Kate.

Yeah, sorry. Kate checks in. Oh, Kate checks in on Courtney down in the larger room. And she's like, has laundry, isn't it nice? Isn't it nice? and the Courtney is like It is nice, but I don't think why do every time you know It's my way of staying doing ever so me down here again because the shirts just keep re-wrinkling and re-wrinkling What's the point of even ironing and the first place? What is the point?

Kevin's just trying to charm America. He's like once, twice, three times, so cheese cake. Just shut up. Just shut up already. I'm not afraid of how it could be. I'm scared you. What's his face? Yeah. So then, the guy's like, yeah, you know, here's the waking up drunk and then getting pissed drunk again. all right? Hey, what's how we're streakin'? Okay, it's like, well, first we have beer pong and then we have two story beer pong, okay? Wow, Florida State. Florida State didn't even realize

the word play that was going on there. Well, it wasn't really wordplay, it was just sort of like, just saying beer a lot. I guess they didn't get that. Well, so they do play their two story beer, long, long, long beer beer, and then they got a bet. Wow, I tried to send it. They got a poster party on my...

Well, this is, no, the guy tries to send the kayak down the slide, which is ridiculous. There's like some old dude there who's like trying to do it. It was just, and Ash and it's like, please don't do that. Please don't do that. Um, I will sleep with the woman with the desperation on her face. If it means that you will not do that, I will take her off your hands. He's like, Hey, thanks for telling me that. It's such a classy accent. Okay. Good. So then, uh, Kate is talking to Kevin and she's like, so it's the next morning. And she's like, um, hi, happy pirate day. So Kevin, have you been practicing talking about a pirate? And it's like, yeah, old beef and ever grateful. She goes, wow, that was really good. He's

like, no, it wasn't. I don't think they've ever seen it. Great for actually the pirates. So like, wow, hey, pirate day is pirate dayiberty an elegant wonderful thing. No, but can I play along? Yes, can I'm gonna play along. I'm gonna wear a hook on my hand all day long Watch me try to pay for some milk with a hook in my hand This is great. Yeah, I have it a great time. Yeah Yeah with a hook in my hand. This is great. Yeah, having a great time. Yeah. Yeah. Shivery in the timbers. That was me playing along. That was me playing along. So Brian is this fun going out my knee and his knee is getting worse and worse but he's like, oh, nothing to talk to just lay around to do nothing. So as I was like, hi,

bro, has the pig leg. Like worse. Look, guys, maybe at this point, we should stop joking about this and, you know, cut that thing off already. All right. Yeah. Yeah. This is a little bit too close to pirate day. I think Ryan is fun having like pirate theme day. But I don't know if we actually need to have gangrene on the episode. So, yeah, so Kate is pretty into this. She's like, um, captain, captain Kate, just a general reminder that today is Pirate Day.

So, you know, be Pirate and he's like, names that die, be the lucky ones. Yeah, that's nice, but could you speak like a pirate? He's like, that wasn't he speaking like a pirate. Oh, I thought that was just Tuesday. So anchor time. So they pull up the anchor and now they're on route to a new destination. And, Ashton, you check out the new suit today. What's that mean, Brian? Ashton you check out the new suit today What's that mean Brian ashton?

There was a bathing the the the the what's her face? You know what I didn't write any notes about her You know why because her name was so annoying to write I didn't even want a bother. I love it. Salupa. No, Lily. Salupa. Because I would have. Oh, and you can lay the jelly. It is so long. Sully. So it means you good.

I love saline. Woodley. Hollow bread. Love. Hollow bread. No, I love. It's not to be worth. Shelfish.

That's a selfish. I'll sell it. So salty. So Shetland Island. Okay. I don't even know what that is. So we can say him. Her with that. Here's your same name.etland Island. Okay, I don't even know what that is, so we can shame her with that. Here's your shame name, Shetland Island.

So they say, Shetland Island is wearing a really revealing bathing suit. It's basically pasties attached to some sort of, it's just like a very intense one piece. So of course, you know, Aston is like, you know, boner time. Yeah, you know, look, I like, you know, boner time. Yeah, you know, look, I'm a man. I have a penis. I get like, I get it. But at the same time, like do something else. Can you read, like read a book and a hobby, get a PlayStation?

Like, I don't know, donate to the needy. Like, do some work. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean sure I mean, it's like a Sheldon Island or Aston? Aston. It's like all Aston does. It's a year. That one's what we're gonna get my dick. We're gonna get my dick went, bro. So Jesus prize. Fucking is the normal part of life. You're like you're obsessed. Okay, do something else.

There's so many hours in a day for Christ's sake. Do a puzzle, you know? Yeah, well, you're asking a lot of these people right now. Okay, especially if it's trapped on a boat for like three weeks and like boiling hot and then like the hottest thing you've ever seen has like walked in and is wearing like floss, you know, and more power to wear it by the way. She's going to a divorce. I think she's one of the ones going to a divorce.

Whatever. The point is this, emotions are running high and Courtney has decided to grace us with her pirate costume, which is basically she took a bandana and stopped like basically turned it into a headband and put it in her hair and she's like, I'm a parent. So then it's like, you're looking like a very lame, non-team player. So this is your last chance to choose a parrot costume, and then after that I choose. So, and Kevin goes, just such a bitch, Kate.

She goes, you say that like it's a bad thing. So then, the captain calls Ashton up. He's like, Captain Captain Ashton, maybe, have your ass on a plady, plady, is that pirated or poilly? Not really sure. Just get your ass up here before I eat for dinner how about that yeah so uh Lee uh yeah so Lee is there and he says uh he's like I don't know why did Captain Lee say if I see his ass up oh no he's like hey uh Ashton uh tell Brian that if I see his ass up and around, I'll have his ass up and around my foot, which is part of a

Okay, ask a competition at the moment. I am the number three seed, which is a great ranking. I personally think I should be at number two and number one, but I'll accept number three, but I guess it's because I'm a one-legged person, and so I have that going against me and I get person and so I have that going against me and well, he's not going to kick his ass. So make sure he's sitting down. All right, well, I just want you to know we've got a new debt can't come in and I want around board immediately. And as soon as I go, can I look over her CV and Kevin

Kuf, you already know it. It's Riley. Got it. Got it so much of CV as a know it. It's Riley. Got it. So much of CV as a got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. I could not believe it's Riley and I loved that it's fucking. I really. Oh my god. So excited. I know I wrote down for my note. I said, it's Riley. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I said, it's Riley. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You'll find out. And the point is that it's Ryan's emotion. I wrote Riley. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It is like I have never been more excited. And then they're like coming up this season, Riley starts a fight with everything.

I'm like, yes. Riley starts a fight with a baby elephant. It, yes! You know, we're at least starting a fight with a baby elephant. It's like, every shot is Riley being like, I would fuck him so hard he wouldn't remember who Corny is. Oh yeah, you got a bruise in your leg. Well, I got a bruise on my entire body. Fuck you. Oh, you want a paratheem?

Well, guess what? I just chopped off my own leg to be indiscreet. Yeah, got it. Got it. Oh, God, everybody. Thank you so much for being with us today. We will be back tomorrow with a Merry Damedicine recap, everybody. Yes, we will talk to you later.

Bye. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to WatcherCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. a short survey at 1dry.com slash survey.