Watch What Crappens - Below Deck Sailing: Failing Yacht

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens* Below Deck Sailing (S04E01) is back with a yacht that's clearly not up to the task. Thankfully there's a fresh man bun to keep Gary on his toes. This week's premium bonus is a recap of Tom Schwartz' appearance on WWHL. For bonus episodes and video recaps, join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Tour Dates: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/2023-cheater-brand-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. This episode is sponsored by Uber1. We've all used Uber for rides, and I love using UberEats for food delivery. Okay, hello. I mean, I kind of live off of it. But have you ever heard about Uber1? Uber1 is a membership that helps you save on Uber and UberEats. With an Uber-1 membership, you get exclusive member perks, like up to 10% off UberEats and a $0 delivery fee on eligible orders. It just makes sense. I'm always getting Uberes.

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I'm Ronnie, hi everybody, welcome to the show and let's please welcome Gorgeous, talented, thin, enhanced, still has hair and a soul, then mantle girl, Hello, Ben. Not sure about either of those two things, because I definitely just saw a photo of myself in the back. And it looks like, you know how like monkey butts, sort of like those two little circles, whatever. That's what's going on in the back of my head right now, but you know what, I don't have to look at it. So I'm like,

So you have the infamous male monkey butt male pattern baldness. That's crazy. I've got monkey butt. Yeah, I've't have to look at it. So I'm not. So you have the infamous male monkey butt, male pattern baldness. That's crazy. I've got monkey butt. Yeah, I've got monkey butt up there. And it's like really, you can really see it because my hair is long right now. I've gone like a month without a haircut. I'm actually getting a haircut

after this podcast recording session. And I am so excited. But when my hair grows long, you can really see, like, because obviously there's areas that haven't grown long. So you know, just go with the compliment. Take your talking to a bald person. Also, while we're hating on ourselves before we start the show,

for those of you who are on crapments on demand, this is an extra crapments on demand because we gave the bonus away for free this week. So everybody's, you know, on demand, we love you. It's actually an extra extra because I put girls trip up as our bonus. But it's fun. Just let them marry, you know? Yeah, that's great. I forgot to tell you.

I forgot to tell you. Surprise. Yeah, a lot of this space. So I have to apologize to everyone watching on video. I just went and got my face, the micro-needled to fuck. Okay, I looked like raw meat. I can't even believe I was trying to figure out a way to put an animated face instead of my fate look at me Well, we don't have to do this one on video shit out at me. Yes

We're gonna have to do I don't look so you don't buy what you don't look like you you look lovely and hot as usual Roddy, so you're so hard on yourself. I'm not being hard on myself I'm being hard on the lady at the esthetician place, you beat the shit out of me. I mean, who does this to a person? I paid her, I tipped her. I had no idea what I looked like until I just got on this tall with you.

And I'm horrified. I look like hamburger meat. I don't even eat that. No, you don't. You don't. Alright, everybody. Just like a tan a little bit. Well, in a week, I'm gonna to look gorgeous as hell. So everybody,

you're all beautiful. I love you. I love you. I love you. It's a fun self-hate session, wasn't it? It's kind of good to have the best friend. So everybody, the welcome to the show today, today is the return of below deck sailing out, super exciting because guess what? I'm like some other below decks that seem to have given up. Hi, all of you. That's who I'm talking to, the entire class of below decks. This show has not given up at all.

It's coming back stronger than ever. I mean, I don't know who's casting this or what the fuck they're doing, but it's gonna be amazing. I already can tell it's gonna be. Oh my goodness. What did you think, man? Yes, Yes. Yes. Like nothing happened this episode and I was just into it because this is the only below deck of all time where they've

really found a core for people. Like normally you have two people that stay over, maybe three. There was a long run of Kate and Ben, Kate Ben and Captain Lee. And we had, obviously we had Hannah and Sandy for many years where we, you know, we have these duos, whatever. But we have Daisy and Gary and Colin and Glenn. And they actually have such amazing chemistry as a, as like on a TV show that like I'm actually excited to go back into it. Like this is the below deck, the only of the, the only below deck I feel like has that energy of like, I'm not saying like real housewives, but the sense of like a cast you go back to because it's like, oh my God, it's my favorites, you know.

Well, you know who else is back? The boat because this boat has been on every season and I think this is Captain Glenn's boat, right? Isn't just like his boat. No, it's not. I think he's just been hired on this boat since forever. I feel like you know what else is back? The ghost of Pajit and Sierra really fucking up this boat. Do you remember Pajit and Sierra from season one?

Oh, they were like the strange caretakers that came with him. As the brother sister of the fuckers, like the brother and sister that were fucking well they weren't technically brothers and sisters, but she's like, yeah, we basically adopted

page. Was that his name? Yeah, he worked for like her family when she was like 13 or something. Yeah, he came to work on our boat when he was when I was like, you know, in junior high or

something. And I was like, he's that perved. And then what was his name is pageant? What was her name? Paget. Hers was Sierra. They just were strange. Real weird.

Real weird. They had a real saltwater in the engine energy. You know, that was real weird. That is truly this is going to take at least 14 days to fix that energy. All right, everybody. So welcome back to the show. Here's where we are going next week.

We're super. It's a cup. We need to get our webmaster to update this site. Who was that? Who was that? Who was that? Sorry, action is gonna do it last night. I totally forgot.

I played board games instead. Oh, okay. I watch succession. Guess what? Now I totally forgot. I played board games instead. Oh. May it cool, but okay. I watched succession. Guess what? I'm to now I have depression. I have succession depression. Okay, so here's what's coming up next week. On the 21st, we are going to be in Toronto. Super excited. Royal Theater sold out. Thank you guys for selling that out.

And then the next night, the 22nd, we're back in America in Philadelphia. One of America's original cities, I think, was about, was super excited. And we're going to be doing that the 22nd. Okay, then in, May, we're going to be in New York City. Another, another very original American city, I'd like to add, Another, another very original American city. I'd like to add. Truly.

We're going to be in Philadelphia, no, New York City on May 11th. Then the 13th, we're going to Washington, D.C. And that's classic American right there. Classic America. Okay. Now we're going to get to some newer cities. You already? Yeah.

We're going to be in San Diego, St. Paul, Chicago, Columbus, Boston, and a Mashin' Tucket, Connecticut, which is the Foxwoods Casino. We're going to do all of that in June. So go get your tickets because this is almost over. I can't believe it. I know. It's crazy. It is. It is. I am so excited to go to Toronto, by the way, because you've never been to Toronto, right? No, I've been to Vancouver and Montreal. Montreal. Montreal. Toronto is just so great.

I love Toronto. And I'm just really excited that we're going to go there. And we're going to party and do it up. Yeah, because that's where they film a lot of TV shows, right? So I want to see Harry Hamlin or Patricia Arcade. I just feel like Patricia Arcad will be there for something There's a Harry Hamlin and Patricia Arcad statue right below the CN tower and you can take photos with it just so you know It's just to make Americans feel a little bit more at home

Okay, well, we're obviously in a kooky mood today. I love it. Let's get on with this recap, shall we? Let me get this stupid schedule out of my way. And now let me bring up my notes. Yeah, don't be up to date schedule. Yeah, seem to be. Or else, so let's see, could you imagine? Okay, below that, it's sailing yacht.

This episode is a season four episode one. It's called, harciful, don't don't don't. Very good title. It's such a good name. Really, yeah, we have to say, like we were saying beforehand, like that is, it's hard to,

it's hard to top that. It's just so good. Whoever came up with that, our, it's like me, it's hard to top. So, we have, well, so they've tried. So we've got some guitar music, because we're in Stardinia, and the captain's like, I've been, you know, with Parsable for 13 years, and she's had a lot of problems, but she's never let me down. Really?

You literally crashed her two years ago at New Rannaground last year. I know. I bet she's not saying the same thing about you. She's ready to retire. She's ready to, she's ready to Richard Simmons this out. She's like, you know what? Just, just, you know what? I'm gonna just go away somewhere and you can make a podcast about me,

but I'm no longer doing this. What ever happened to that guy? Did they ever sue the guy who made that podcast? They totally should have sued his ass. Richard Simmons. Can a man just get fat and obscurity? Like why? Maybe someone doesn't want to maintain their perm anymore.

Okay, let him be. We all have a right to disappear, sir. So it's sort of like a trailer right now. It's not a trailer, but it's like they take part in the trailer, but they take part in the trailer, but then that's also Like hey introducing people, you know, so there's trailerish stuff and Len says my expectation for the crew is higher every season

We always take it up another notch and if you're not doing that you're not doing your job I'm like I love how he says this stuff and then they always show like an extended montage of people falling out of beds and Bunking their heads and falling downstairs. Yeah, it's like it's like the slapstick It's like he's don't cops on a boat or something. Yeah, and He's like yeah, we're gonna take it up a notch and then we hear someone go we need more eyes My god, you really are you're putting ice and drinks now. Wow Really this is too classy for me. Also, they, they're like, don't worry, it's not too much

straightness people, okay? Because then we cut to a guy going, I haven't bent over this much in a long time. That's the boat's like rocking and stuff. That's the boat's effort to shake everyone off of it. But I was like, come on, we can do this. Yeah, get off me. So then, Jason's like, I don't feel like I'm chief stew anymore.

I feel like I'm a life skills coach at this point. Really? You fuck Gary. So I don't think anybody is gonna accuse you of being a life skills coach. Yeah. And then it's like, you see the girls walking through like a room with plates on their hands and she's like, no, start from the top. Start from the top. It's like, oh, that's a great life skill right there holding plates in a room.

I like that Daisy has begun to kind of morph into dance moms. From the top, do it again. I want to speak again. A bunch of Ahemahs who was speaking of dance moms. Bravo just announced earlier this week a new show called I forgot about I think it's not dance mom. It's I forgot what it is, but it's basically like Game of Crowns but with dancing it's basically middle-aged women doing ballroom dancing against each other. You know what happened when I saw that preview I died okay flatline

And then I went up to heaven and God was like no I sent this soda earth for you And watch the preview three times what is that no it looks fucking amazing? I don't know it came out of nowhere I don't know where and there's like a lady with, there's like accents too. There's dancing. There's like high strong ballroom coaches. Like a big lady with, there's like a bigger lady with blonde, like really short hair. There's like this ballroom dancer. And she's like, I win everything.

And I'm not winning at this. And I just can't. And then one lady who looks like Amy Sideras is like, yes, doesn't she look just like Amy Sideras? I was like, I was gonna say that she looks so much like Amy Sideras. She's like, we pay hot men to dance with us and I have no regrets. Or whatever. And then they're like, we're friends and we don't have any problem.

Fuckin' each other over to get the best dance partner. I was like, what? And you know, it takes place in like Kansas City or like, you know, some little place in Kansas, Kansas City actually would give it a lot more flavor. We've been there. But you know what I mean? Like some little small town somewhere. I'm like, what is this? When is this? Put it into my veins already. I just wanted to take place in Rhode Island. I just wanted to be just the the sequel to Game of Crowns. Because we've always talked about, you cannot see Game of Crowns anywhere. They don't have it on peacock. They don't have it.

At least I haven't looked recently. Game of Crowns was basically the same kind of show except with pageants. And it was like literally, people don't realize how amazing Game of Crowns was. Like, no one talks about it. They're known to nostalgia posts. There's no like, whatever happened to Game of Crowns was unhinged. One of the most unhinged Bravo shows. There was like death threats on it, murder threats. It was releasing of dubs. It was amazing. And I feel like it was, it was like right in the same vein. Um, yeah. This is going to be really, really good.

And I don't care what's going on. We're recapping the show. I don't care what we have to cut. If real, but Housewives of fucking Beverly Hills comes back, that's like the biggest show for us at least, like for our ratings. If even if that comes back, I don't care. We're not recapping it. This show we are recapping.

Let me tell you some care. Yep. You know what? If Summer House doesn't get it shit together, it's going to be the dance this whatever this dance show was dancing queens. I think it's called oh my god I can't we can't we don't know the names, but we're still like so excited for it So I know we're like the best show ever don't know the name coming on at some point somewhere We'll take care of it. Let's be out one. It'll be one season on Bravo. I never heard from again Yeah, this is this definitely has one season wonder energy for sure.

Yeah, but I'm going to follow it forever. Okay. So back to this like little preview thing. So Daisy's like, all I do is just baby sat by the way, just a reminder to people who are new to our below deck recaps. We have terrible accents. We don't give a shit. We're having fun.

So if you're offended, you know, call your mom. Okay. Yeah. Gary is like, uh, Gary's done. Oh, uh, Gary, Gary. Gary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's something there's something wrong on the boat. What? Oh, look at me. It's Gary on the boat. I'd watch myself from how I acted and I said, whoa, cringe, Gary. cringe. I don't even have any game. I just say just do something and people fall for it and look, I'm in the water.

So Colin is a free man this season. He does not have a girlfriend for the first season ever. So he's not going to be able to just sit in the hot tub and stir shit between everybody else's season. Gary, it's going to do something with somebody someplace. Yeah, and Collins like yeah, there's the fifth season that I'm gonna be single or haven't been single in very long And you know it was a tough break up and all right, let's meet the cook now. Let's meet the cook Plenty of seasons for me to tell my break up story. I don't even let him finish his break up story

And then we meet Alicia, but it spells I-L-E-I-S-H-A Which means she's an Aussie or I? Oh, Alicia. Oh, Alicia. People, she goes, people describe me as energetic, insensitive, and they just like cut to a close-up of like a lobster Like about to get the knife through its head, and she just runs away. But I'm a chef. I'm a little crazy. A crazy little lobster killing thin. You know what I'm saying?

To prove that they show her sitting on the ground in a pink wig almost like holding her knees going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going , he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going , he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going

, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, This is what kills me. Does lady in the pink wig this? I just don't recite this. I have some respect. I'm also a better dancer. I don't know. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don, don, don't, don, don't, don, don't, don, don, don't, don't, don, don, don't, don, don, don, don't, don't, don, don, don, don, don't, don, don, don, don't, don, don, don, don't, don, don, don, don't, don't, don't, don, plucky, but guess what? Lucy is lucky. She's unlucky actually. In fact, I didn't, she was talking about luck so much. I thought her name was lucky.

Well, no, because she said, in the beginning, she said lucky is my name, but then it was spelled Lucy. So I was about to be like this idiot. Her name is spelled Lucy, but she just found lucky. But then later on, she says Lucy. So I wonder maybe, I don't know, I don't get it. There's a lot of things I don't get about her, but this month, this the way the introducer was so amazing

when she says, Lucky is my name, and they show her lying in bed, and there's like a plastic, like a plexiglass guard, so she doesn't fall out of bed, and she leans over and just like, bops her head right on the plexiglass. Yeah, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, for sure. And she's like, my name is Lucky and people would describe me as energetic and then we

see a shot at her on the ground. Oh no, sorry. Lucky is my name, but I'm not very lucky and then we see her hitting her head. And she's like, and I don't know why they call me Lucky and then we see her falling out of bed. Like, literally like, I don't know how she call me lucky. And we see her falling out of bed. Like literally like, I don't know how she's not in a full bobby cast by the end of the season. They show so many shots for falling and popping her head.

Like it's clear that that plexiglass guard on her bed. It's not there at the beginning of the season. They installed that clearly because she fell out of bed too many times. And she still, she still just falls out the hole of it, like the exit hole. So I love her already. And then we get this chase guy. Now we know we're going to hate chase

because he's got a goofy face. And you know, I'm not judging his face, but this is what comes out of it. He's like, people love me or they hate me when people say that I hate that. Like if you're going to give me an option, I'm going to choose hate. That's like, people love me or they hate me when people say that I hate that. Like if you're going to give me an option, I'm going to choose hate. That's just how it is. I'm pro choice for everything and I choose hate. That's what it is. Well, and also he looked way too much like that

douchebag from Blow Deck adventure, but there are actually two really big douchebags on that show and he looks like kind of both of them rolled up together. So immediately I was cringing. I was a little surprised by the end of the episode that I didn't like really hate him, but I was really expecting to. But then they also show him being terrible because he's like, I know people think I'm just like too high energy and extra,

like maybe a little crazy. And they show them all like lined up for the guests. And he's like lying on the dock in a fetal position and Gary's like, come on, get up, come on, get up. I was like, I don't know what's going on with this guy. He's wacky. That's his thing. I'm the wacky guy and he's like, yeah, love me or hate me. And then it cuts to him like holding a piece of equipment like his dick, like a big dick. And I'm like, yeah, I choose hate. So then we go to Madison and Madison. Oh my God. Madison's gonna be trouble because she's gonna annoy the fuck out of the audience.

And I mean, are we telling of her? Because her voice is so hilarious. I was actually practicing it. And now, I'm fast forwarding through this so I can actually play it for you right now. Where are you at? I don't remember her voice anymore. You don't?

I actually detected a little bit of an accent as the episode went through. Did you notice that? Okay, here it is. I hope you can play us. I have a bruise on my ass. I wouldn't be opposed to screwing the crew. You didn't hear it?

I didn't hear it, but what I will say is also know that like her name is Madison, but you can just call her Mads. Hi, Mads. I'm Mads. So her voice is like, I'm Madison but you can hit. I don't know how to do it and I'll work on it before I give you all I think but it's like it's kind of like I'm Madison and I have a bruise on my ass. I wouldn't be opposed to screwing the crew but like if we got some banner on or cut to her making out of Gary on the van and say,

all you need to do is make me laugh and we can have sex. I don't have eyes, standards, guys. Aaaaah! I think today casts this person. This is my wordl. This girl's accent is my wordl, okay? I'm gonna work on it every morning until I get a high score. I don't know if that's really how her voice sounds,

but I'm fully committed to making it. I would say, I'm not a said, she's like a Hippitch Dode, Dode, Dode, Dode. Pristin Dode. So then we had it on the regular recording, but not the video because of how I have all the things hooked up. So I won't blame I have every other things I will say wow what a Thank you to the proper gods for this one what a puzzle

She sort of has grace the brisky face a little bit which I appreciate who's that again and Laura Palmer's mother in Twin Peaks. If anybody doesn't know who that is, look it up. Everyone has homework. Everyone has homework. You have to look at her face again, look for the grace of brisky features, and then you have to listen to her voice. We're gonna circle back to Mads. That's so funny, shit.

It's time for commercial. It's time for a crapence. If you're a hiring, you know what it's like to deal with economic uncertainty, and now more than ever, it's really important to hire the right people faster and more efficiently because you gotta keep the overall cost down. And thankfully, there's a hiring partner who's focused on you and your needs. And that is Zip Recruiter. From pricing to technology, everything that Zip Recruiter does is for you and what works best for you. And right now, you can try them free at ziprecruiter.com slash crappins.

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Again, that zippercruder.com slash C-R-A-P-P-E-N-S. Zipper Cruder, the smartest way to hire. I'm going to say something scandalous, Ronny. Go on. Plants are meat. And not only are they meat, they're delicious, especially if they're from impossible foods. They taste like beef.

Exactly. Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are. Summer of impossible. I am so excited to be spending time, cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff, and guess what? We can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's gonna be a great summer for impossible foods. Impossible beef is

made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving and it's better for the planet. And it's meat. Plant meat. Correct. So if you're looking for something to grab for your grill, grab some impossible beef. Summer of impossible. Start making meat history today. Just head over to the meat aisle, a your local grocery store, grab some impossible beef or patties and get grilling. Commercial. So then we get to Alex. Now Alex is the biggest conundum

because wow, what a hottie. But there's something about him that's not as hot as you think, what do you think? What do you think? Agreed. He actually kind of like hot, I think, but he's not as hot as you think, what do you think? What do you think? Agreed. He actually kind of like, Hot, I think, what's the thing? He's hot, but like,

but so there's an element about him that reminds me of Daniel Levy and like if Daniel Levy were straight in her own hair, I can, yeah, I can sort of see some Daniel Levy. That's not a criticism or anything. I'm just like me, since we're doing celebrity comparisons, like I can sort of see that.

But he feels I'm getting such big douche from him, like that, the hair and then the, the sort of like reserve. I'm like, mm, I don't trust it. I do not trust this person right now. You get Dan Lovie from this face. Well, no, I was right here, though. I'm sorry. No, not from, no, this is a terrible. Do you know what I get from this face. Well, no, I was right here, though, I'm not. No, not from, no, this is a terrible.

Do you know what I get from this face? Booner. That's what I get. An actual, but this guy is so cute. Could you please scrub through a little bit more so we can support my thesis a little bit because this is, here he is sideways. There's a little profile, even.

Oh my God. I find Alvresend, Alvresend it, Alvresend it. No, you don't have to resend it. Listen, there's nothing wrong with Daniel. It might bring, in my brain, that's where he, my brain it was like Daniel Levy with long hair. And I'm not saying that Daniel Levy is not hot. I'm just saying, I thought it was more like that,

but now I'm seeing the evidence and, you know. Well, Daniel Levy is not hot. I feel like that kind of thing, you know? It's like, yeah, I'm into this kind of guy, but then this guy is hot if you like any kind of thing. Like this? It's like, yeah, I'm into this kind of guy. But then this guy is hot, if you like any kind of thing. Like this guy is like unquestionably hot. Yeah, he's hot, but I don't trust it. It's hot.

It's hot. Oh, no, he's gonna be terrible. No, he's so hot that he's gonna be terrible. It's like his, he has to be terrible. I don't think there are good people that are this hot, right? Yeah, and it's gonna be great watching Gary no longer have long hair privilege on the boat.

That's right. He's although Colin has long hair too. They were a lot better. Yeah, and we all think Colin's hot, right? But on the boat Gary gets everything because he's got that, and that fucking man band that he takes down and Alex knows the power of that because he takes it down right. It does. Right. It's the right time to turn everybody on. Oh my God. They're all going to be battling with that hair.

They're all going to be going doing as much as they can. They sort of look like a baseball team. You know, baseball players, I don't know if you've seen baseball players recently, but they all have fucked up hair like to a tee. They all have some weird beard. Like, they have a beard like that grows on like a cheek here and they all do it as a team as like solidarity. They always look crazy and they always have, they do like the long hair comes down.

And these guys are like a, they're like baseball players. Yeah, I don't know. All I see when I see baseball players are but, like that's all I can look at. I'm not, I can't focus on it. Yeah, I can't focus on it. Aaron Judge. I tell you. So anyway'm not, I can't focus on it. Yeah, I can't focus on it. Aaron Judge, I'll tell you.

So anyway, Alex, how does fuck Decky? And then Alex tells us, I'm kind of wild chaotic, back sheep part of the fam. Oh, you're a black sheep. Oh, he's the affected, affected loner. Oh, Alex is the rest of your family like a golden corral every night, because that's the only way you're gonna be a black sheep of any family. Okay, you're the hot sheep. Okay.

You're like, you're the you're the sheep on a porn hub. You're the one on porn hub that like they make family porn for. It's like my step brother, whatever. So I was wondering what family porn was. So, um, then we see like, oh yeah, guy doing step sister. Like everything. Like the stepdad or what? We've entered really, I just didn't know that was called family porn.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what it's called. Yeah, I don't know what it's called. It's like family dinner, family meal, whatever. So now we see like things going wrong with this boat over the course of the season like smoke another collision about to happen things falling over a blender exploding more things breaking so and then once we get done with that then we settle in at this Marina because we're in Sardinia by the way and

I said it thanks for listening sorry also the captain at the end of seeing all this stuff fall over. We just hear Captain Glenn going, she's never let me down. She's never let me down. She's never let me down. Oh, we got to put this boat out of its misery at the end of the season. Is it going to be like oldie Eller or something? I think that's how this podcast should end. I feel like the work, I feel like when we've decided that Watchdog Crafts is over and it's time to move on, I just wanted bet to come in and give me a shot. And just I'll slowly fade away. I promise me. Some setting over like the Smoky mountains or something. Probably. We'll be like that later. We'll go.

No, we'll have a long descent into a relevance. So romantic. Yeah. So Glenn is like, well, the first time I came to Sardinia, I always thought it was Sardinia. Is it Sardinia? I keep writing Sardinia. So I don't know. I always, in my mind, I think I just misspelled Sardinia.

You know more words of me. What did you say earlier? I don't know. I always, in my mind, I think I just misspelled Sardinia. You know more words of me. What did you say? I don't know. It's a rubber. What did you say earlier? I said, ossified. He said, ossified. I was like, who the fuck are you talking to?

I barely, that's a lot for me. Ossified. What does that even mean? I wrote down, look at that word, and then I forgot the word, and then I also forgot to look it up. It's like the moment you, like, things get set in stone. You know, I said, ossified to look it up. It's like the moment you like things get set in stone You know I said I'm ossified. I like it. It's like yeah, it's like It's like my joke that I made six years ago has been ossified and now that's the only joke I will make

I feel like it's when when Brooke finally let you give him a BJ not Brooke Brock finally let's see. I'm a B.J. It's like, you just go, also for it. All of a boy. It's got all of a boy. Another pony tailpiss, no longer, he cut his hair. So, I- Looks so good too. We're never gonna get through this recap.

I'm in a weird mood today, my face hurts. I know, me too. Also, it's Sardinia. I did look that up. It is Sardinia. Okay, I don't know why I had this moment of doubt, but I did. So anyway, Glenn's like, well, my first time

coming to Srirginia was, that was when I first got my first taste of yachting, which is way back in 1984. I mean, it's got white sandy beaches, endless anchorages, beautiful turquoise water. Oh, man, I can't wait for my crew to release all their terrible bodily fluids into the waters here. And then we get some nice hot shots of Captain Glenn. Captain Glenn, looking good.

I mean, damn, how old is Captain Glenn? Captain Glenn's still hot as fuck. But these pictures, I was like, you're still as hot as you were in 84, sir. Keep it up. Keep it up. So then Daisy arrives and she's like, hello, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

That's how she hugs people. And she's telling us, at this point in my life, I've imagined I'd be married, Hello, ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho She's like, what I'm happy to be back. I hope to bring the same motto as I bring every season 19 peaters how many peaters were in that basket But her motto is really more wise the best why so then Colin comes and he hugs the captain He's like honestly so good to be back kept in I've missed the boat miss my friends I kept in, I've missed the boat, missed my friends, pastivals always so entertaining, get the popcorn. I've left my boat in Costa Rica. We've all gone to money, we're gonna come back together.

All right, so, you know, let me talk again about the first time I came to Sardinia. All right, that was also the first time I had orangina. It was a great time. Wow, just filled my mouth up with bubbles. Were you saying something calling? Me and my girl parted ways, and it was right in the middle of me reading the directions off of a

Tricks box which let me tell you this more in that serial than you could ever have imagined All right, so then Colin Colin's asking Daisy if she saw Gary's like so do you guys have any steamy makeup sessions So Gary's like, so do you guys have any steamy makeup sessions? So I'm sure. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh worse thing, he keeps testing positive, it sucks massively. Wow, I mean, he often tests positive for things, but this is the first time for COVID. So we don't know when he's going to come. And so then the chef arrives. And she's like, well, I'm shefelecia. And I was in the restaurant industry for a long time. And then I started to try the chef and families. And they had a small yacht. I would go on there for a few charters and I'd be like,

why would I work in a restaurant when I could work in the elements, in my rot? I'm like, you're not under the sea cooking for every other hour, you're still on a boat. I don't know. I'll tell you what, working in the element sounds like bloody hell to me, but more power to your lady. And to say, definitely, I start myself at sometimes, but hard work is how you achieve great things.

I'll just get born to better people. Okay, that's my advice to everybody out there. Get born to better, find better parents, find richer parents. Okay. So then Chase comes on board, and so like the biggest red flag of all time, he's like, I'm from Charleston.

I was like, oh, oh, I don't think we've had a single upstanding male come out of Charleston on Bravo. Never. Not one. And he's like Charleston is a hospitality center of the South says he. I've never heard that bullshit before in my life. And from everything we've seen, that is absolutely not true. Okay. It's about Southern hospitality, which by the way,

congratulations on a second season. Southern hospitality. We love you. I know. So he's like, we're all about being on the water, sailing, crabbing, and this is why I knew yawning is what I wanted to do. I'm like, there is a slight difference between going out on a robot and picking up some crabs versus working on a mechia, but that's okay. I enjoy this

journey for you. Yeah. He went to Fort Lauderdale. He got a job on a big motor yacht. And he's like, and I want to retire by the time I'm 40, so I'm going to make money, money, money. I was like, you're going to need to, I don need to think bigger. You know what I mean? You may need to rob one of those yachts. You need to commit some things. You're gonna need to get somebody drunk and have them sign one of those yachts over to you to sell or something money. Yeah, I don't think you're gonna be retiring. Yeah, just so soon. So then now Alex comes on board and he's talking to Glenn and then Colin.

Oh, no, no, it's not. Alex comes on board and then Glenn is like, Daisy, this is Alex and then Daisy's like, you're gonna be with Glenn and the cabins, okay? And then Glenn's like, you sure are lucky. And then he's like, yeah, yeah, I just wanted to remember Alex being on camera. Before I hate him, because you know I'm gonna hate him and about. In about two episodes, it's gonna do something terrible.

So let me just bask in the glory that is Alex every time he comes. Okay, you can go ahead. I'll let you have that. So yeah, he's gonna be there with Glenn and staying with Glenn because Chase and C came on first. He's gonna be he's gonna be with the boys in the boys room and Collins like, yeah, welcome to the boys room. We like to stay up late and giggle a lot. I hope you're okay with that. Giggle session with Giggle session with Colin Gare. You have a first guest, Chase. Excited about it. It's like you're already not listening to me. Wow that was quick

I know chase has like earbuds in already Mads is like hi, I'm mad and captain glimps like where are you from today? Where are you from today? Not where you from yesterday? Where are you from today? And she's like oh Florida Bucka Raton and she tells us I grew up in Boca Boca Raton is a bunch of old retired people with money in boats. So getting in the yachting is the only thing you can do. The hardest thing about yachting is how I look because people think I'm gonna be a bitch. But I swear I'm a ray of sunshine.

But she just scowls at the camera. A ray of sunshine that has already sat like some that's on the other side of the planet. Do you think she has our RBF? I can see it. You do? I mean, I'm telling you. Well, once I'm a question, do you think Rase Briskey has RBF? She has our T.F. Rasing terrified face because she always looks terrified and everything.

I don't think I've ever seen that lady playing anything that's like Confident like they're not like hey, we need a confident a confident woman to run a company like Sigorni Weaver and working girl like She's just not that she's always like she's always a little bit harry. She's been through like her characters have always been through shit I remember she was on Seinfeld. She wasn't she's Susan's mom on Seinfeld. I think she was she just been through shit. I remember she was on Seinfeld. Wasn't she, Susan's mom on Seinfeld, I think she was. She's just been through shit no matter what. So this is sort of like race to brisky before that shit happened to her, his mads.

Yeah, that's her origin story, her origin face. So then Alex meets Mads and Chase is talking about deck and he's like, hey Alex, you're a Jack, right? You ready to crush it, bro? Let's have a great season, all right? All right. All right. We're gonna crush you guys.

Hey, whose turn is it for their mom to bring coax after the game? Who's sure? Good question. Gonna crush you guys. Alex is like, for sure. Sorry bro, I can't say more than that. Gotta keep up the strong silent mystique.

So good luck. Sorry, I can't talk to you. To even lift bro. To even lift. Lift, rush. So then Lucy's on next, Lucy or Lucky. And she's like, I grew up in a small town in Wales where everyone knew everyone annoyingly.

I can speak Welsh though, to a certain extent. I mean, I can say, harsh of harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, which means thank you very much. Oh, service station. Oh, go south, go, go, Okay, and she there's a flag blowing over the bridge. And she can't figure out how to get past the flag. Okay, so then she finally figures out that it's cloth and that you can move it. So she does that and then she almost trips and falls. I mean, I'm going to love this person. So then Daisy is asking the captain, what are we going to do with

that guy? Right? What should I do with the boys? And he's like, oh Alex, go with Chase and make a list of what she would do. And then I'll come out and I'll just kind of point out any other things and maybe you could do and then you guys could get started. So they, yeah, they go up to do that. Basically, I'm like, I don't know, it's like, so here's some toys kids,

go do something. So then now there's like a stew meeting and Dave's like, well everyone, I have to know, it's like, it's like, here's some toys kids, go do something. So then, now there's like a stew meeting and days like, well, everyone, I have to say that last year, I had drama with a second stew and a third stew. So I'm gonna make you both join your stoves. And as far as I'm concerned, we're all a team. Lucy, do you have a question? Servicitation?

Yes, we will find one for you soon. All right. I wanna make sure every charter, you you both get time with the guests and Mads is like, I'm just here to learn and Daisy's like, well, you know, it's too early, but I'm gonna let you show I'm gonna show you where everything is All right, so you do late's Lucy because your dumb and people are drunk or at that time and Mads you're in the middle and I'm in the the morning because frankly it's my favorite time. Alright everybody, we're a team equal, except I'm better. Go away.

So then Alex, we learn a little bit about Alex. He's a captain of a boat in the Miami area. Oh yeah. He's glad for the afternoons. Yeah, brah. Yeah. He probably has a whole like, hey welcome to Miami you guys have been in bachelor's day. Oh right we're gonna go down to date and look at someone call for a captain. You know they shot Miami Beach in parts of Miami Vice around here a little bit so yeah I know things. I like through this going for like super current references to getting people's fans. So can anybody watch Miami Vaz? Yeah!

Yeah, that's the only one for my reference. Miami Vaz, anyone? So can anyone tell us a little bit about himself? He's like, I'm socially charged person, so sometimes my energy comes from other people. I would say I'm empathetic, tough to read. I know who I am, and I know how I affect other people around me. Ding! Any winks under the camera.

Has he been in isolation for a few months because when he says he's socially charged, I think his battery's at zero during this. I'm a very socially charged person. Like, can we get some people around him please? My energy comes from how turned on people are by me. Who are around me. And we see like gorgeous shots of him,

like modeling on his iPhone and stuff. Yeah. And he says he doesn't have a background in sailing, but it's probably time to take it to the next level. So then Glenn, there's a meeting. So Glenn is like, welcome. Well, looks like we have a good group of people here. Oh, Lucy just

fell off the sofa. I don't know even know how she did that, but congratulations. You guys may have noticed our first officer Gary is not here at the moment. He tested positive for COVID. So, uh, if you want to laugh, I don't know if this is a laughing thing or crying thing or whatever emotional reaction you want to have, that's okay. We'll work with it. And Chase is like, we're new crew. We're supposed to pick up our first charter tomorrow. I'm thinking we're screwed. People think you're too much, Chase. That's crazy. Bridget.

Yeah, who told you that? So Gary's not gonna be coming before the first charter. It seems like it seems like it'll be a long shot. So Gary's not gonna be coming much in general. Now he's got a single call in and Alex man, Ben. Gary's going to be coming a lot in his hand. Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max companion podcast. And just like that, the writer's room, each episode members of the writer's room and I unpack

moments from season two, sharing juicy details you can only hear from us. Stream and just like that season 2 is starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to end just like that, the writers room on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. It's gonna be happening. Yeah, that'll be happening. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. Yeah. So then, it's like, well, as far as I'm concerned, all the department heads, they are God in their departments. So, okay, so pay attention to them and bow down to them. And Chase goes, he's like, dude, we got no boss.

Like, I guess we're going to show what we're made of, huh? In my case, it's 95% crabs that I got from, well, not those crabs. I'm a lot of crabs I got from a boat. But those two, I guess. All right, from those crabs. I'm a life of the crabs I got from a boat. But those do, I guess. All from Charleston. So the captain pulls Colin aside and he's like, well, what I'm thinking is you should step

into chief officer role. I don't know. Let me know if you need anything. And Colin's like Gary has two years experience on this boat. Me having to try and fill that role. Such big hair nets to fill. I'm gonna have to grow my bun even bigger. So now it's time to clean the boat and Glenn FaceTime's

guaranteed to see how he's doing. And Gary's like, oh, hello, Glenn. Well, I'm feeling fine. I'm waiting for a negative COVID test. Really, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then Glenn's like, we'll just get back these up. Ciao, ciao, ciao. So Daisy and Alicia are talking and Daisy is saying, listen, listen, you're a chef.

So we all know you're going to be a monster eventually, all right, but I'm going to try and give you a communication. And if I give you a message, no, it's not coming for me because I don't give a shit pattern with them that happens really. It's coming from upstairs. Jigot it. And Elise says, like communication is my favorite as well. I'll just let you know when you're being a bitchy, mixed-deep-it face right then. I'm going to have trouble with this one.

Trouble with this one. Yeah. So then Colin is now working in the engine room and just doing his thing, doing his Colin thing, and then something's wrong. So it's like Glenn, Glenn, Colin, can you come to the engine room? Well, it depends. Are you going to tell me a story about your ex girlfriend? Maybe. Well, I think I'm going to go on break right now. Sorry, but there's also an issue. Okay, fine. I'll be there in a second so it comes down and Collins like my engine's not starting captain he's like well are you thinking of something sexy or you know just calm down don't stress

yourself out about it it's just natural not that kind of engine okay the actual engine that's right there oh that's funny because this boat has never let me down never let me down never let me down Never let me down You know, we just crossed the Atlantic to get here I mean we did run over about three blue whales in the process, but I think the boat should probably be fine There was a nice burglue too. Oh, and then we did get attacked by pirates And then there was that time we sort of sank and then a tug boat just brought us here the rest of the way

But I think the boat's fine. There should be fine. Give it an oil change so then Colin keeps trying to hotwire this engine and Captain has a meeting with Daisy Alicia and Colin in the dining room and then it just cuts to Lucy going oh I hate pubes And now we're going to get everything sheets pubes. Alright everyone. Charter one, eight people. Okay, Stephanie works in sales in Austin, Texas. Oh, and she's gonna bring a group of her best friends they're excited to experience sailing on such a large sailboat. Specifically, the

act of being out on the water and not on the dock with a boat that's moving. They want an EDM party, a beach party, steak, seafood, and they want truffle oil on everything. Oh, that's so tacky. And Collins is like, well, what's the plan if the engine doesn't run? And Daisy is like, what?! So I talk of update, you know? Half of the fuel for a boat is dreams.

That's not true, that's verifiely untrue though, isn't it? Let's then we come back to Lucy and Mads. And Lucy's making small talks, so she's like, do you have any brothers and sisters? Do they lack service stations? And Mads is like, oh, that's what keeps me humble, I've got brothers. You know, people can talk to you to me all day and it's fine. And I'm like, you know, I just like to play around like I'm like an internal child. Like even if I'm like talking shit, it's like genuinely a joke. And like some people will create arguments and I'll be like, bro, it's a joke.

I grew up with brothers who call me fatty. What do you want from me? And Lucy's like, same. I mean, say we've grown up, bro. Oh, why did you just put that iron on your head? I thought I was calling the same station. Hello, same station. Ow! It's fun as hot.

So, um, Colin calls Glenn down again because it doesn't look electrical and we get horror music and... Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little and we get horror music and it's just scary. So it comes like here's the low dim. It's too hard to turn over by hand. Well, you know they have a lot of toys for

that kind of thing now. There's no shame. Not that the engine is probably the engine or a gearbox but the only way they tell is to separate the gearbox from the engine. And the captain's like, well, here's what I know. We need a motor, so we can't start the engine, we're fucked. Just put up the sales, just let the win take you wherever you need to go, you know. So, Colin's like, I don't even know what the best case scenario is. So, it's like very dramatic. So, now Daisy is talking. She's very impressed with her girl so far.

And she's like, oh, I love their initiative. And they're common sense. You know, they're going to be a Daisy, a mini Daisy one and a mini Daisy two. And soon they'll be walking all over this boat screaming about Peter Brad. I'm so proud. So now people are kind of done working except for Colin and everyone's having a beer on deck and getting to know each other and Alicia's like new fan, bam, it's like too soon. So then Chase is like you know someone's got to be missing someone from home, right? And Datesy goes, I've met someone since like 1999. And then Lucy has a really salient observation.

She goes, I love how the old blonde, I want brown once. Never again. Oh, God, I love being blonde. And then this is where Alex is like, Oh, yeah, we're talking about hair. And then he pulls down his man bun and flicks his hair around. And he's like, that's not very nice. Yeah. Hey, you ever see my happy voice? It's great.

So Colin is, so then they're basically things are just terrible with this engine. So they're not going to be moving until tomorrow. And because it's the engine, the engine is out of control. So then Lucy is talking and she's like, I'm so clumsy. I broke my nose when I was drunk once. I went like that. Boom. And I smacked it right in the middle. And I broke my nose after that happened. It's crazy. Thank God I'm blonde. So, Glenn, it's like, well, we have an engine. We have an engine with the main engine. We're not going off the dock. We have to keep these guys entertained somehow.

So what are we going to do? And Chase is basically like, well, I mean, we don't have anybody to show us how to run this boat anyway. So it's probably good that we're stuck here, right? So now everybody's going to bed. And Lucy tries to get in her bed and can't get up there. And she's like, does anyone think I'm gonna be able to get up here

pissed? How's this gonna work? Like we've already seen in the previews. How this is gonna work. I wish I had learned the worst word for later. Oh. So now it's the next morning and people waking up and Daisy's talking about how Gary

like last year had like special coffee in the kitchen and Alicia is like, oh you miss him, don't you? And she's like, absolutely not. And Collins like, well, he's talking about how he's not going to be able to help out on the deck that much today because he has to work on this engine. So he's just trying to show the guys everything he knows and just hopes it all works out for the best. So already this is, this is disaster. That is not a great way to start the season.

This is so this show that asks every other, every other below deck seems to have it so together. And this show is always, it's like everything's taped together on this one. Yeah. And so Chase is talking about like maybe they could do some water. He's like, whoa Alex,, what are we gonna do? I mean, I'm from the hospitality center of the South. I mean, we can't take him out. Maybe we can do some water sports with him.

What do you think about that? Do you think they'll catch balls? Like if you throw a ball, do you think their natural reaction is gonna be to catch the ball? And Alex is like, hey man, no stress. That's the left believe in. No stress. No woman what I believe in. No stress. No woman, no cry, right?

So then there's more cleaning and Gary calls in to Glenn. And so I'm assuming at this point, it's like, oh, guess what, he's ready to go, but he got another positive result. And he goes, well, I don't really understand. I mean, I'm sleeping on my pillow. And I'm breathing out onto my pillow. So if I do have COVID, then I'm just like

breathing the COVID back in again. Well, I mean, literally, it's like a double-edged factor. One goes, yeah, no, I don't, I think it works. I don't think it works. I'm like, oh, okay. Well, the internet isn't working. It's like, maybe Golan can take the matter on the tent for a cruise just something like that. Maybe she's just suggesting. So now it's 30 minutes until charter.

They're all getting into uniform. Lucy knocks things out of a closet. I don't remember what she knocked out, but she knocked things out of it. And then they're just all getting ready. There's like champagne, poppin' popping champagne's, and Alicia is late. She's like still in the kitchen, everything. So the guests are arriving, and Alicia's still in the bathroom getting changed,

and they're like, Alicia, Alicia, Alicia, Alicia. So we see her running, so we know that she's gonna have a problem with time. Okay, that's what we learned from her. That's gonna be the thing. So then, Daisy's like, well, it's not gonna be easy for Glenn to be the better a bad nose, but it's up to me to have the pressure to give them lifetime memories.

So the goal is to keep the plate full, the glasses dropped and the memory gone. Well, ladies, that was nice. That was nice, Daisy. Hey ladies, welcome onto par civil or as we're calling it a Perse fail. Anyway, bad news. The engine's broken and we're all probably gonna sink if we say on this thing much longer. So we're just gonna enjoy it while we can. Alright, fun with Daisy. Just drop that on him and just walk right away. And ladies like Glenn, you're breaking our hearts. Hey, ladies, why don't we get drunk?

Yeah. So they go on the tour. They get their little snacks and everything. And Alicia saying how it's like it's our first meal. So she has a lot of pressure to really knock it out of the park because she knows like everyone is wondering like, can she actually cook? So she wants like, kill it right now. So she's making mac and cheese,uffle or she's making mac and cheese balls, basically. She's like, this needs to be the most class, this needs to be the classiest shit I've ever served. And she serves mac and cheese balls, but she does pour truffle oil all over them. Yeah. So, so the guests are just like, hey, can we do something? I just don't want to sit here and drink all day, which is exactly what they wind up having to do.

Their waist is like 30 minutes. They are. This is like they have not been drinking a long time, but they are blitzed. So they're like, what are our options, y'all? And the captain's like, well, we can go on tender, we can play with toys. You know, there's no shame in that now.

Not that concapt in keeping your pants. No actual water toys, but it is really pretty in this area. So we can go look at that. And someone's like, but tomorrow we're leaving off the dog right? It's like, lady, just kidding. It's broken. Okay. The engine is broken, man. You have to wait. And then we like this chick named Amory, and we're warned that she has grouch face, because she's like, but then as it goes through, I think that's just her face. And I love her.

I've fallen in love with her face. I kind of just... I actually love all these women. I wish I were on this charter with them. They just look like they're having the most fun. It was a little puzzling why they have, why they chose to do an EDM party, but I'm still down for it.

I think below deck doesn't really give you a choice in he more. None of these people are actually coming up with this stuff. So like here's what we've got for the season. Take your pick. Because everyone, they have an EDM party every year. I've never heard anyone ask to go to an EDM party. Well, except my friend Mike,

who's dating my older friend Michael, he likes it. Cause you know, he's young. He's young. Like a group of older ladies from Austin are not gonna be asking for an EDM party, okay? No, they're not. But they're funny. They are good, they are a good group of people.

They are, you know what, it's, yeah. They just, I just feel like I could just like get drunk with him and just like talk shit about marshals, you know? Yeah. We're like, you know, like, you be like, it's like, you know, you need to get, okay. And then it's when you need to get waffle iron. I'm telling you, you think it's single use, you can do so much with it. Just get one, okay.

And I'm like, yes, I'm getting it now. I've cooked bacon in a waffle iron. You know, you're that shit for anything. I'm not even kidding you ladies. So Daisy's like, what do you need to do with Santa Alex? Cause he's hot and the guests will love that. Oh, I can't be.

Yeah. So he apparently really loves a show called Miami Vice or something like that. I don't know. It was born mid to tears. We're talking about it. So, so while they're figuring that out, so they all get on this tender ride. And one girl goes, well, when the cats away, the mice will play.

I'm like, I think you just got away from more mice. I think the cat's been away for a while. She's like, is your boss on this yacht? What's happening? They're so dry. So it's like, we're aiming for eight for dinner because they're homer'd. And then it just cuts to the ladies trying to paddle board, but they're not only falling off, they're falling headfirst into the paddle board. Like they're not even aiming it,

they're just flopping all over and laughing their asses off. I think they're trying to do surfboard yoga or something like that. Like it's definitely, it's very chaotic. It's just definitely the energy of this show. Yeah. The parts of L's of surfboards. Yeah.

So then Daisy is talking to Alicia and asking what dinner is. And only she's like, like we'll saw Dini and Dina and Daisy's like, I don't know what that means. But she's going to be famous. Doll are plighted. And meanwhile down in the engine room, Colin's like, oh no. That means, but is it going to be a famous dollar plighted? And meanwhile, down in the engine room, Colin's like, oh no, look, what, so it's bad news happening in the engine room. And so it's Glenn basically, well, that's happening.

The tender, sorry, it's like a million things happening on the show at once. And I'm like, wait, what happened next? The tender comes back and Glenn is like, Hi, ladies. Well, ladies, whenever you ladies are ready, we'll get you off. Like, ha, Glenn, ha, Glenn. Whoa, he really has a toy for that.

Wow. He's really going for it. Yeah, that, that, that when I really meant. So then they're getting ready for dinner. They find out that that, not they, but the captain finds out that he's gonna have to call on the actual caterpillar manufacturer to come fix this engine,

because there's no other way to fix the engine. So everybody starts getting set up for this EDM party and the ladies are their for dinner. And when the ladies goes, hey Karen, you look like Aphrodite with that hair. And she goes, when I die, I'm going to come back as a man. So I don't have to do any of this shit. I can just put on boxer shorts and be bald and just be like,

please. I love Karen so much. Because she was wasted while she was saying it too. Karen is trying to find her own hero. Yeah, so she has some big fake ponytail on anyways. It's not like she made that much effort. Oh, she was so great. And the women are just like wasted.

They're just so wasted. It's one lady. She just sits down in the chair and just like, she just falls over, right? And she's like, she's like, it did just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just,

she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just,

she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, she just, lady you felt goes, I love how you all came to the rescue. I mean, what the hell only Ashley from all the way across the table is going to help me. Thanks a lot, bitches. And they they give her another chair and she says, she's dancing. Oh, this is good. And

she like back to make sure she's not going to fall. She falls again. Yeah, those chairs. Wow. Everything just falls over on the show at all times. Yeah. Everything. I just got news. There's saltwater in that chairs engine. Wow. What a rough season premiere. That's so funny. So, um, then Alex is getting his makeup to his EDM makeup done by Lucy. And he's like, this is intimate. I don't just let anyone do my makeup. God, just feeding off your energy. Hey, listen, if you put a cock on my face, you can be in trouble.

All right. Yeah, this is, here it comes. It's happening now. The Alex, your moment of bliss with Alex is starting to fade. I'm sorry to tell you this. No, I still love him. He just said, but don't put a cock on my face. I also like that Lucy, then she was like painting Chase's

torso and she wrote, I love EDM. It's an EDM party. It's like, so shouldn't we do that? Like, he loves EDM, doesn't he? So, the crew goes and parties with the guests, right, to give them this EDM party. The guests are wasted. The crew looks ridiculous with all this paint all over them. Chase is holler, like he's trying to beat like, dance sexy, and it's just not working at all.

And a lady goes, can you give me a light dance? And he goes over there and he just bends over and starts like bump bumping up against her pelvis like she's boning him. I was like, where have you worked? No wonder you feel like Charleston is a hospitality center. You work for your money. I feel like Charleston is a hospitality center. You work for your money. Listen, you don't just get a job at Republic. Okay, you gotta show off some moves in order to get up there.

Good, good. So now everyone is eventually just like going to bed. There's one drunk lady who's painting Alex's knee. She's taking it very seriously. I'm like, and then now they just all go to bed. This is so good. She's painting us neat. She's just painting a circle on us, me.

Just a circle. She goes, so here's the deal. My sister is so much artsier and fartsier than me. And he goes, well, maybe after this, you can send your picture of my knee and be like, hey, mom, look, we're both talented. But. And what's funny is they show it like when we first see her, she's painting it, it's

like a close-up and she has such focus and she has that, she has the brush and I thought it was going to be like this beautiful, knee kind of painting and it's literally just a red circle. Just a red circle. So funny. So now they go to bed, like set and chase wakes up and what we see Alex working all night So we know he wasn't just lazy and yes, I am sticking up for Alex because I want to put my cock in his face Floated the idea and

He we see him working and chase is on morning. So he wakes up and he's like, this should have been done last night. Fucking body pain everywhere. Yeah, all of a sudden he's like the body pain police. And then Daisy's telling Con that she thinks the guest's gonna be disappointed if they can't get off the dock and everything. And then, Sordynia's cat crew arrived.

The cat or pillar team or what. The catapillar team or the catapillar team? Catapillar squad. That's on new to any catapillar squad. Catapillar team. So they come on board and, um, they're going to, they're starting looking around at, at the stuff and they're like, oh my God, there's like, do like, look at this evaporation in the system. And well, the problem is like, you have to move the aftercooler, see where it's broken.

And it's so funny because I'm watching it as if I'm like an expert because they pull the show like inside the afterburner and there's like water in there. And I'm like, ah, that looks terrible. I'm like, I don't know, I don't know what looks terrible. I'm like, guys, look at the, look at this, look at the water in this aftercooler. I'm below the exhale.

Like this. Oh my god, you guys. Talking. Could you believe that the cooler wasn't working in that other salt water in this after cooler on below to say like this. Oh my God, you guys. Talking. Could you believe that the cooler wasn't working another salt water in there? That was just hard to watch. Look at that. That was just like, when they pulled off the top

of the after cooler and I saw that and I saw what was going on in there, I was like, this, they're lucky to be alive. We're all lucky to be alive, frankly, even having to see it. So they're like, we can't do this for 14 days, basically. And the captain's like, what? Why would you call a company called Caterpillar and expect them to move quickly?

Because once they're done with their job, they'll have a beautiful, flourishing engine. Yeah, they're going to take two weeks. Literally, and then they're going to be too hot to do the work. They're just going to fly away. Yeah. The engine's going to be just wrapped up in silk. I mean, this is crazy, by the way. 14 days, I'm assuming that what's going to happen is they say, oh, you can just get a new engine, and we can have that installed later today.

Yeah, that's what hopefully they get that new engine, because that's what I was thinking. But also, why would you do an across the Atlantic, what do they call those where they make the passage? A passage. Why would you do a passage and not have an engineer coming to check the boat? Why would you wait until the day before charter starts? Like, what the hell? Yeah, it's, that's crazy. There's no way. There's no, I had to say I was actually a little gobsmacked by this cliffhanger. I was like 14 days. We are shooting a TV show here, guys. How could they do this to us? Yeah, it's not everyone. How do they do it? It's for giving you these ladies, as for sure.

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