Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: Smoke Master

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

Master Pearson returns to Below Deck. Will his family have better luck this time or will they be smoked out? For this week's premium Project Runway recap, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. *** Limited Edition Shirts! "Shannon Bowldor", "Twerp", "Dork", "When Life Gives You Tacos Make Taco Salads" merch available plus we re-released our Ramona Christmas and Chanukah gear at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to St Louis, Philadelphia, Denver, Seattle, Los Angeles (The Crappies), Detroit, Columbus, Austin (late show added!), Houston, NOLA, Birmingham, Vancouver and Oklahoma! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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In the next eight, you're out. Lordus, the Lordus of the Rings. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. She ain't no shrinking violet kuchar. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. Yes, we can with Howley, Carolyn and Anne. Yes, we should with Carrie Bridgewood. You're the Windom beneath our wings. Joindom.

Nancy C. C. C. C. Sto. Hey Grant. The Clant Master. Somebody get us 10 C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins. The podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yo Bros. I'm Ronnie Carram. You can find me on Rose Pricks, which starts again next week. My god, the new year. Is that crazy? Wow, we're doing a two part preview episode for the new season,

like our cast break down or whatever, so that starts next week. week and well I guess it's the end of next week whatever whenever new year's is and then here I am with Ben Mammogrom co-host friend Ben writes draws voices does everything for the real house where it's a kitchen island which you can find on ill-YouTube oh hi babe, what's going on? Well, you know, I love a below deck day girl. I love me. Some below deck. Love it. So that is what we're doing today. We just announced tickets are on sale for 2020 in San Francisco and Boston. So if you guys live there, come see us. Okay. I'm going to list everywhere else. We're going to go so far in 2020. So listen up for your city. First we're doing the 2020 Golden Crappies in LA.

Then Detroit, Michigan, Columbus, Ohio, Austin, Texas, Houston, Birmingham, New Orleans, Kansas City, otherwise known as Lawrence Fucking, Kansas. Omaha, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, Oklahoma City, Azbury Park, New Jersey, Washington, D.C., San Fran and Boston. So go get your tickets at Watch What Crapins, Adult, Oklahoma. Okay, everybody. Yeah, that's going to be great 2020.

We're going to be touring a lot for those first six months. And then after that, we'll take a little bit of a break, John from touring only. And probably just three days. Yeah. So I don't know what you're going to do And probably just for two. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know what you're going to say. Probably just for about three days. Yeah, hopefully, because I thought, God, that's going to be a lot for the end of 2019.

We went to a lot of places. But now I'm like, oh, Ford, OK. Like how many times can I go to a home goods? I'd rather be some place else. You are not appreciating life if you're already burnt out by home goods, OK? I'm not burnt out. I'd rather be making money, the spending money. Okay. Well, while we figure out just how long our break is going to be in the

future, let's talk about people who are actually actually on break people who are chartering yachts and then the people who aren't on break, the people who are servicing the charter guests. The point point is this let's talk about below deck below deck So previously on below deck the men were assholes and pigs and Kate got drunk and had a meltdown and did something uncharacteristic, which is that she sniffled a little bit and I think there was maybe three tears.

Yes, and so we come back, she was like legit crying. And so she's throwing their clothes on the floor right in front of the captain. He was like, hey, I'm not arguing with a drunk. I'm not a goddamn idiot. Yeah, so Ashen is, Ashen is all pissed. He's out on the deck and he's like, your captain is sitting in the crew mess

and you have the audacity to throw the clothes all around. Like, oh, I'm sorry, and you had the audacity to just like go and kiss her on the face a few weeks ago, but I guess that's okay. But she can't throw pants on the floor. I mean, it admittedly Kate was wrong too. I mean, Kate should not have been throwing pants on the floor in front of the captain, but still, the point is this, Ashen is a little bit on a high horse, and he is, there's no, there was, he's on a high horse, and what he doesn't realize is that the horse he's

riding is like a little like pole with a horse head on it. And it's not very high, it's low and not a real horse. You tell him, Ben. Thank you. You tell him off for that stick horse, Ben. He's not a stick horse. He's not a stick horse. Okay.

Also asked him super tough when he's drunk, you know. He's just one of those guys who's like all big and strong when he's tough. And then the next day he's very apologetic. Did you see the tweet that Kate put up last week? I was about to say something. And I hope it's the same tweet that that was in my mind. So you said, you go ahead.

Well, the tweet that I saw was Kate saying something along the lines of like, ah, I'm sorry that I threw the pants on the floor, but that wasn't me, that was smash Kate, which means that everything's okay. Yeah, because that's, here we go. It's like more excuses. Home smash, it's hilarious. Yeah, I can't be held responsible for anything I do

because I'm smashed in. Yep. So then Brian is knocking on Courtney's door and because he's just obviously gotten into it with Kate and she stuck up for Kate and he's like, well, obviously, there's going to be a problem. I'm kind of upset that you took his side and she's like, I didn't.

Yeah. And he's like, are you coined or did? And she goes, no, I tried to talk to you about it and you shut the car door on me and then dismissed me. So now. Yeah. And in his interview, he's like, well, she should take my soul because Katie's room. Yeah. He goes, can you still think that in your interview session?

Like I get it when you're drunk and whatever, but how can you still hear it back and think, wow, she was really being like, classist with me by calling me a yoddy. She does the same job as you. Yeah, and he's like, you know, Kate is the issue on this, but she's causing this to create reactions, which is again, more of the bullshit that women have to deal with in the workplace. The moment like a woman, like speaks up

or challenges male authority, it's like, oh, she's just trying to create reactions, she's trying to create a scene. She's so emotional. So Riley is making Kate's bed to try and make it better and Kate's like, just don't. It's like, well, I want I want you to maybe have something nice to come back to you. Okay? So Kate's like, I really, everyone hates me. And then we get the clips of everybody basically hating her. Yeah. And she's like, I don't know what I've done. They're so bad to these people.

I don't think it's my job to point out that they should respect my stripes, but I wish someone would. Yeah. And then like a really weird thing happened, which is that like Riley tucked Kate into bed, which is like the scariest tuck in we've ever seen on Bravo. It's like, God it. God it. They're there. Steve, well, got it. Got it.

Rock. I got it on the got it tough When the wind got it's the cradle will got it got it the cradle gets it. Okay got it got it Yeah, I know how to put up the cradle. I know how to do that. I know how to do that I'm like old so Kate is crying yourself to sleep. Yeah, I'm so sorry. There's someone at the door. Hold doorbell. It's just UPS dropping off a envelope. Oh my god. Just drop it off. I saw everything. I know. I do everything to. Sorry. Got it. I got my envelope. Got Okay, so Tanner is texting Simone cuz everyone's wasted so he's doing a booty call for Simone He's like you still up. Uh-huh. Hey Brian you still up cuz I'm gonna text Simone

You want to do the old switch or room? I'm Jiminy. I'll switch you some Jiminy with your cricket Crickety Jimmy that's what I'm gonna say now So of course Simone goes for it, which is so sad because everyone was just telling her, when he texts you for a late night booty call, don't do it. Because even she said, or last episode, like, am I just a booty call? And it's like, if you don't wanna be treated like a booty call, like, don't go when he tries to treat you like a booty call, okay?

So Brian, so she goes over to the room and Tanner's like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Now let me eat you out. You know what I'm saying? Hey, Jiminy Grickett, oh, switch the root again. And then, Brittany is with Brian. And she's like, oh my God, how many times does he have to apologize before I realize how cute he is?

Okay, he's like a lost puppy, sorry. So she looks him into bed. And then Ashton is hanging out with Riley. And no, they're just like, next morning, well, the next morning when Riley wakes up down, the next morning, Riley wakes up and when she wakes up, a pillow falls off the bed onto the floor and she's like,

like, really pillow, really? Have I next time? If you don't like sleeping in my bed pillow next time, just tell me to my face. Tell me to my face, but you calm down pillow. You calm down pillow. So Courtney's doing lemons and stuff and she goes, you want this?

Whole lemons I've said. And then captain. Captain, captain, captain, captain, Captain Leely, captain, Captain Lee, Captain Captain Lee, and Kate's and Ben's like, go ahead. It's like, can you join me for a cup of joe? I can't. Okay, fine. So, so Kate probably knows she's in trouble. So then, you know,

Ashton and Ashton and Riley are talking about the whole situation. And Ashton was saying how Kate was being totally immature. And Riley was basically like, yeah, I think that Kate was pretty surprised that, you know, Captain Lee didn't defend her like normal, so Kate was very rattled. Yeah, actually, she used to getting her way. I like how she started the conversation. She goes, so, what do you think of the elephant in my room? Wow.

You guys really took that class trip seriously. So, Kate walks into the wheelhouse and captainly is like, I'm not going to tolerate somebody blowing up. I think everybody knows that about me. Oh, is that serial? Did you bring me serial? No, okay. What was I saying again? Well, I think I've hadn't been drinking since 10 AM. I wouldn't throw a black shirt on the ground, but I was. So there you have it. He's like, I know, but you've

got to be bigger than that Kate. She's just like, I know. Yeah. She's like, it's never a good idea to talk to Captain Lee about behavior from the night before he didn't like and I'm still hungover and I have makeup on my face from crying. It's a lot It's not a great morning. No, so he's like well Kate's been with me five years now She's certain to certain degree of preferential treatment, but I guarantee you that will never happen All right, come and keep give me another hat. Come on. All right, never happen. All right, come and kid, give me another hat, come on. All right, kiddo, all right. Sorry to the uniforms on the ground,

it will never happen again. It wasn't your uniform, so bye. So outside Tanner's talking, he's like, he drinks a bottle of water and his sunglasses fall off his head and break on the floor. He's like oh shit I was like yeah, that's what you get broken sunglasses It's like a like a small like a smidge of justice in the world. I'm Riley and Brian are working. I'm Riley goes

So how are you in Courtney doing? He's like good. She just that sucks. What nothing? Got it got it. Oh Corny oh First first it flashes to Courtney at the ironing board going I actually created more wrinkles than where they are ongoing ongoing torture from the ironing machine I'm going on going torture from the ironing machine. Mm-hmm. So preference sheet meeting captains like need list the same last man I wouldn't please. I'm going forward and expect you all to act like adults.

All right. We're not gonna let everything fuck this charter up. Got it. And everyone's just quiet. He's like, all right. Well, surprise. I've got something for you kids. Master Pearson's back. surprise. I've got something for you kids. Master Pearson's back. Master Pearson who famously was this adorable child from last season, who I think I think when we were when we were recapping and we saw that like

children were coming on board, we're like, Oh God, there are going to be two little brats. And they were like the most wonderful children we've ever seen on television. And you know, Josiah basically was like, you all my master now, I will do anything for you, master PSM. I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. So he's like, yeah, that whole family's coming back, you know, and that was a pain of the

S charter for him, all right? You know, one of these ladies is the one Chandler dropped on her ass. Flashback to Chandler, dropping a dropped on her ass. Flashback to Chandler dropping a lady on her ass. Oh, that was a great cluster of f**k of an episode. So, Aston's like, well, Kate and I are already each other's threats, but we need to put all differences aside, because today, on Soba. Yeah. So, Kate, Kate Aston, Kate,in, uh, he's talking about how she has no respect for his leadership and the rest of the crew. And, uh, you've tried to fuck one of your crew, one of your underlings already, and you've

fought with another one. And you didn't recommend someone on your department for calling the lead of another department of bitch, so. And then stuck your tongue down, tongue down another coworker's throat. So I don't know how much respect you're expecting over there. Yeah. So so Kate comes over and he's basically, she's like, I hate this. I hate today so much because she knows she has to have a talk with

the action and everything. And meanwhile, Kevin's fiddling with a switch in the kitchen, because we find out later on that the fan doesn't work so he's just sitting there being like Jesus Christ Dead I said this isn't my fault father. This isn't my fault. Jesus Christ So Kate's like all right what's her past's like, well, obviously we had seen in the mess lesson, I think it was quarter soon. And she's like, oh God, I guess what was the issue, Kate?

She's like, well, rank out annoying, call me a batch. And I was max as I didn't like being called a batch. So I threw his class on for ground. Yeah, because, and well, let's, let me explain. It's important for me to know why, because when we're told to get ready I'll feel like you and Riley have really you know You've taken up 30 to 40 minutes of our time while you're late. She's like um

She tells us she goes Who do you think you are if you lost your fucking mind? I thought I was coming here for it for you to apologize It's gonna be like a mound of clothes on the floor. Like literally people aren't gonna be able to walk tonight. Yeah, it'll be a full like a snow fort of laundry. So then K is basically like, you know, everyone hates me right now and I'm feeling really down.

There's only one thing I can do to make myself feel better, a passive aggressive delivery of stripes. Courtney, hi. Hey Simone, come over here. Come stand over the class Courtney Here's some new stripes for you Because you earned them you're so good extra stripes for you see this Courtney see this a see this a month Shracks for Courtney. Yeah, yeah, she really did it. She really went thick on that because Courtney's like

Can I still one of those preference sheets? I wanna put one on the wall. Here's what you can steal an extra stripe. How about that? She's like, you, you've definitely earned it. Everybody noticing this? You've had two stripes before, right? She's like, yeah, cause I worked on a boat where I was like one of two.

So yeah, she goes, yeah. To me, we're wondering if it's passive aggressive and then Kate goes this is about to reward for Courtney and a punishment for Simone. Yeah Did we do we order any red stripe? Oh, okay, we didn't okay, I guess we'll just have to we'll just have to use Courtney's extra stripe that she just Urned herself So okay, it's like so Simone burned herself. So Kate's like, so Simone, you don't seem to be upset about this. What was your first second job, Simone? She goes, this one, she says, yeah, yeah, well, you know that extra stripe is really heavy.

It comes with a lot of extra responsibility, not Simone. Yeah, yeah. And Courtney is like, um, it's a bit awkward, but I don't think it's unwarranted. Tower of Seafood from one. Tower of Seafood for one. Tower of Seafood for one. Did you notice that she said when Kate says it has a lot of responsibility? Courtney goes, um, you mean everything I'm already doing? And they both start laughing.

I'm so rude. So then cleaning time Tanner is talking to Ashton. He's like, dude, you would like dance with those dancing girls. I got so much trouble for that shit. It's like having a fucking girlfriend, you know? Like it's like, come on I dance with those dancing girls. I got so much trouble for that shit It's like having a fucking girlfriend, you know like it's like come on dancing with the party girls like pretend and to strip Like you come on He's so obnoxious like don't he doesn't even get it like of course Tanner just puts it all on the girl like she's crazy. It's like no because you're acting like

Because you you you told all the guys exactly half of behind closed doors which made her feel like shit and then you bone her and then but in public you don't want to be around her you want to go with some other girl. So it's all degrading, it's not about like her being a clinger, clinger it's about you just not respecting the person that you're sleeping with. That said she is a fucking cl, and she shouldn't be around that guy. Well, she already has problems because she's been obsessed with Tanner, which is questionable to begin with. And she is a clinger. She is. She even said earlier, she's like,

oh, I'm so weak. I'm so weak. I want to be a goddess. I was a goddess before this strong goddess. Like, you know what, you need to know your worth and say no to him. So Simone calls her mom, she's like, so last night Kate Fault and she practically threw clues on the floor and then she gave a stripe to someone and I had to send the iron on low to teach that girl how to use the iron. I mean that's not my friend. That shit. All right, but you know what? I'm gonna get that money. Yeah, I just love her speed talk with her mom.

It's like listen, he's going on mom. It's like a conspiratorial. I know speed talk with her mom. She's like little, she's like little does she know that I'm very good at being professional even though I don't like you. If Kate thinks she's gonna get a reaction, she's got the wrong person because I'm not that basic bitch. I'm going to be very pleasant and nice. I'm not that basic bitch. I'm going to be very pleasant and nice. Yeah, so then Provisions time and Captain gets a really long email.

So he's like scrolling through this email and he's just going, shit, God dammit. Yeah. Okay. God dammit. Dammit. And I paused it to read some of the email and,

and you know what, it was about, as we find out a few seconds later. It's about the DJ equipment and like Ashens Cannonball. And last week, I got really mad because I felt like Ashens did that cannonball and then there was like a quick shot of the DJs wiping down their equipment. And I seem to remember on the pile, I was like, and did you see that Ronnie though he ruined, he like splashed water on the DJ's equipment and I was like really outraged by like the like the and did you see that Ronnie though he ruined he like splash water and did you use equipment? I was like really outraged by like the like the lack of consideration for that. So it made me deeply happy that that came back as a major plot point for this episode.

Yeah, it did and my reaction was kind of the same as then I was like, why do you put DJ equipment by a pool? That's true too. Well, because most people don't act on cannonball. Yeah, they don't act like monsters. So they have a meeting and he's like, I'm not happy with something. It's not you, serial. You're doing great. All right, curious. I'm not happy. I had only two rules. Don't embarrass yourself. Don't embarrass the boat. Seems like all of us aren't get that message because I got an email from the Drain Beach Club. What is it? Kate? Kate does a slow 180 head twist, which is like her favorite thing to do. She's like, well, I'm looking to the left and I'm slowly now looking to the right.

Kate was literally looking into the camera like this, like the camera at us, like the author from Golden Girls. Like, whenever someone said something stupid and she just looks right to the camera, like, are you hearing this? Do you know what's funny is I had a dream last night that I was like hired to write an episode of the Golden Girls. That was going to be like presented live. And I was like really like, oh my God, how am I supposed to write an episode of the Golden Girls. That was gonna be like presented live. And I was like really like, oh my God,

how am I supposed to write an episode of the Golden Girls? I don't even have an idea. It's gotta be ready in 30 minutes. And I don't even know what the, I don't even know what's gonna be about. And how can I write something on the same caliber as the Golden Girls? This was a real dream.

I mean, Kate gave that lick. And then Kate slowly was like looking left to right and in the camera to say, wow, wow, dedication. So of course, this is all Aston's fault and he's going to have to pay the beach club back the dream beach club. He's like, you guys iron it out and pay for this. And by ironing out, I don't mean you courtings. All right. And I'll mean you courtings alright i'll mean you please forgot say we're already gonna have a fire on this book is rewrinkles always rewrinkles so yes or ashen then afterwards is like uh... i said

okipanee that was me and i apologize and i'm going to pay for everything and right a little of apology and constantly is like you know i mean you know he's a good guy but you know what the pond that he's ice skating on, the ice is getting real thin. It's a thin, I'm putting up a sign that says, be careful of walking on the thin ice. You don't want to fall in and have to be hauled out.

Okay, because if you have to be hauled out, guess what? Guess what's hauling you out? One way to take it to a warmer weather with no icy ponds, that's what I'm saying. You're going to be hauled out by a goddamn Southwest Air, air, flying with a fucking rope tied to the tail of it, right? It is. It's going to tell you out. You're going to be, and you're going to be section Z43, okay?

Beyond last, and sitting in the middle seat, which were other people on that rope. So next we get a close-up of Kevin sniffing his armpits. I don't know why they're showing us the most disgusting, fucking close-ups of Kevin ever, but they need to take that camera out of his room. And not only does he sniff his armpits, he goes, lavender. Who has lavender deodorant by the way? I do thank you very much actually cucumber lavender to be specific I use degree and degree because degree has

Deodorant for women and for men and their men's deodorant They're like men don't like real descriptions because men are men So instead of saying that this smells like lavender or mint, we're saying cool rush or extreme blast. I'm like, what is cool rush smell like? What is that? I know that's true. I wear the ladies deodorant. Yeah. I sure do. Well, right now I'm wearing a unisex because I prefer native deodorant. They're an advertiser, but I really do actually use their deodorant. Love it. So, Ashton and Kate.

Here we go. Ashton and Kate. Kate is folding laundry, I'm guessing. And so he comes in and he's like, Kate, I wanna apologize. Like, okay, it loses its luster when every fucking day after you go out, you have to apologize to somebody.

Yeah. Yeah, because he's clearly doing like an apology toward everyone. So he's like, okay, I just wanna apologize for my behavior last night and she goes, that's okay, I'm sure it was just built up frustration from waiting for Riley and I, which was great. Great, and he goes, well, it's two separate issues

on a slate, she goes, oh, two separate issues, got it. Got it, okay, two separate issues. I'm just gonna rotate my head a little bit. This time I go right to left. Right to left, felt good. She's like, has no fakeness to give. And so he walks off and is like, oh, fuck, say. I'm going to rain with my tail between my legs

to pull a joy-sing day. Okay, yeah, your tail between your legs because you got called out for it and you're apologizing because you got called out for it and you're apologizing because you got called out for it. But before you were trying to make her apologize to you, he goes, I'm going around with my tail between my legs saying, start everybody, but the queen bee bitch has to have the last say and jab the knife into my side one last time and it's fucking irritating. So he's the

victim because she's not letting him apologize easily. It's like it's, it really is like it's so entitled. It's like awful, you know. Yeah. So yeah, I just, oh, sorry, I was telling him off in my notes. So then Ashton is like, what I need is when you've got time to speak to somebody about something and it's said you want to pass stupid comments on the fly He's bitching and then he's he's telling this to Kevin which is another one you asked to apologize all the time Yeah They're just it's just so bad. It's time for commercial. It's time for

Celebrity beef you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserves session with these feuds say about us?

We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is team jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. But crap is commercial. So now the the the chart guess or to arrive. It's like all right everyone I don't know what the fuck you guys are doing. It's time to change into white. It's okay get into those whites. It's assuming they aren't dirty from being thrown on the floor last night. Luggage bunny pads anchors, anchors, luggage, bunny pad anchors. So like the family arrives and Master Pearson's like,

I see Captain Lee. And they go on the tour of the boat and everything. And at one point, cute Master Pearson can't open up a door. He goes, hmm, the cake goes, oh, did he help? He goes, yeah, it's okay, it's a heavy door. It's been closed a lot by really awful people. So maybe you can fix it. My shoes are waterproof.

Fine. Fine. Oh. Yeah. So it's 89 degrees in the galley because the vents don't work. Mm-hmm. Down.

Down. So Kevin is making our Caprese salad, not to be confused with a Caprese salad, a Caprese salad. And then out on the deck, one of the ladies that's there, I don't know if it's his mom or whatever, is like, master Pearson, you said that I look like I lost weight and he goes, no. He goes, were you lying?

He goes, yeah. Jellyfish, there's jellyfish all over the face again Everywhere everywhere you look so ladies a lady is like oh my god Did you put one of those swimming thingies in there and after it's like oh the critter pool. I guess we'll figure that out Yeah, so he's like god God, up to this point, we've been avoiding it, but now we've got to do it. And it's my redemption to, let's do this. Yeah, because there have been a lot of critters on this boat.

So they are putting out the critter free pool and Brian's like, oh, it seems big, breathe, it seems big. So they're setting that whole thing up because it's a whole big giant thing. And the meantime, the Caprese salads arrive at the lunch table and we have instant drama. Yes, there's hair on my cheese. Also, just, yeah, this Caprese salad, I was like, wow, you're really, you're really going above and beyond again over there. Yeah, exactly. Three ingredients. It's okay.

It's like wanting to get you another one. Can not wait to take this down. Here on the here on the food is disgusting. And the worst thing you can experience. Yeah. The worst thing in the world. So she brings it back and she's like, there's hair. There's hair.

Do you want to apologize to anyone for the hair? Perhaps. So he like Kevin is like doesn't even believe her. He looks at it real close. He's like, what, here? And she's like, yeah, it's like in the cheese, which is my way of saying it's definitely your hair. It's embedded.

It's your hair, your hair. It's crazy. It's crawls. Jesus crawls, Mr. Dolpset. So did you notice when he pinched the hair up, I totally zoomed in on that hair. I was trying to get a good read on that hair so I can accuse somebody of having their hair in the cheese.

Alas, couldn't get it. He needs to hold it up to the white background of the vent and off the low background of the black background. Yeah. How much supposed to investigate, sir? I know. He ruined our CSI moment, our BDI moment, Blow Deck, scene investigation, BDSI. So meanwhile, they're blowing up the critter pool,

they're doing this, all this stuff. And like, the guys are totally clueless. They don't know what to do. And Riley's like, okay, well, there's Valve there. You can do this. How about that? There's a loop there that you can use. And then one of the guys is Brian or Ashton

goes easy toga, which was just totally dismissive. She's like the only one who seemed to have any idea of like what was going on. I'm like, whoa, easy tiger. Who's Brian? And she's like, what's that? And he's like, it's all of our first tone here. She's like, um, we're gonna hit that boat with it. And Ash is like, um, all right, everyone's getting frustrated because right this like, uh, maybe we should do it. That's right. Maybe we should do it that way. Maybe this fucking critter but shut the fuck up for it. Step in the face. Yeah. So then they finally get this critter pool,

I've got a free pool out in the water and Brian's like, well, look how cool it is. Can you walk on it? And Riley goes, yeah, just make sure you don't slip and fall? I'm so thanks captain obvious and she's like so then I the guests come over and then he's like and the guest is like Oh you guys gonna go in the water just be careful you can get caught in the net and she goes thanks captain obvious Got it He's like no actually this is safety heads that I was pointing at she goes oh and slipping on a wet surface Surface isn't a safety hazard. I was pointing out she goes, Oh, and slipping on a wet surface surface isn't a safety hazard I'm sorry Riley just thanks for that and then she turns the guest and goes not just to state the obvious

But this is very slippery got it We got it Like got she's in the line yet. Yeah So just ski time Yeah, hmm. I got it. It's like God cheese in the loin. Yeah. Yeah. So just ski time, Kevin close up of Kevin, just giving you a huge on. They only give Kevin the most flattering close ups. I know. So the guests like swim in the critter free pool for 40 minutes and then they get out.

And they're like, we're done. And so now they're like, Jesus, like all this work for 40 minutes. So then they spend well it's still either way it's so they come out and now that the deck crew has to start folding it up and in the meantime it's like boiling hot in the kitchen and Kevin's like you look hot and bolted tight and she goes well I am hot and that makes me bothered you idiot. I mean, it's a standing fan. If you have an office fan on you, you're somewhere depressing, like the DMV sucks. So the debt crew starts hauling up this critter free pool and we see a timestamp. It looks like it takes at least two hours if not more because I wasn't paying attention

to the timestamp when it started, but I know it started in the five o'clock hour, and it was like, by the time the montage ends, it's like after seven o'clock, which is crazy, and also should have really take two hours, something that's probably, there's probably an inefficiency there. Doesn't the thing come with directions? So, Ashton's like, oh, it's like a joke. Kamehameh Dickens does the tech to fold up a pool,

and Riley goes, maybe we should fold it in the larger squares and bring us relaxed, Royley. Relax. You relax. You just calm down, bro. I am fucking calm. Does start with me. Fuck, face. Yeah.

I was like, Brian has no idea what he's tangling with. He has no idea. You don't tell Riley to calm down. You tell her, hey, Royley, there's a bear over there. Okay, I'm gonna go fucking kill it. I'll be right back. Fuck her. And she tells us, don't look at me not doing a fucking thing and then tell me to calm down. You fucking moron. So then court me goes up to one of my favorite kind of customers. Oh, I hate these fucking guys.

She's like, here's her wine and he goes, wait, wait. So she stops and he goes, that'll do. And then she asked, when I saw that, I was like, Ron is going to hate this guy. That's not how glasses of wine works. You eat it. You don't order a glass of wine and then have the chance to smell the entire glass. You smell it when you order a bottle of expensive wine or any wine, really. You order a bottle, then you smell it. You don't order a glass of red off the menu that's smelling. Yeah.

It's literally like yellowtail wine, whatever it's called. So then like moment after that, Courtney, like a stock heaven to talk to Pearson, and you can tell she doesn't know what to do with kids, like, like, same like with me because she's like, Oh, are you looking for a stuffed animal? Here's one here and she starts shaking it like a rattle. Like here's a stuffed animal. And he goes, that's mine. So here, here is this has awkward for you as it is for me because it's pretty awkward for me. No. Do you want to help me finish testing this lemon? I think I have to do the whole thing.

So then Riley and Kate are talking and Kate's like, um, strap ones are different. Yeah, you want to know what three stripes feels like? And Riley's like, yeah, you should, I don't know, you should give it to the boys because they're joking about like that they're so heavy. And she goes, you want to know what three stripes feels like? She's like, no, you should give the stripes to the boys up there because they clearly know what three stripes feels like. Got it upstairs, got it.

So Kate's like, are you annoyed with the stripes or something else? Because personally, I'm trying to jab it some own. So, you know, if you want wanna join your plot line with mine, that's fine, just let me know where we're going with this. And I'm just like, I'm in a way to Brian, okay? I just don't know what it is about him. Like he gets under my skin.

I'm gonna fuck him until his ankle's fall off. I know. And upstairs, Ashton's like, hey, Brue, Brue, you have to be careful with your words with Riley, you know? You have to be really careful, because you know, she's a woman and women understand things differently, you know, they're less advanced and they don't know how to do things. So, use your words carefully and he's like, but Brue, that's not how the way the bit works, Brue, okay? That's not how it works, Brue.

Yeah, and he's like, it's a little bit like walking on egg shells. Fodding with, farting is just not gonna work. They need to work it at and so Riley's like, are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Asked in junior you're a bit of a bitch huh? Yeah, and like Kate says you're a bit of a bitch, huh? So then Riley Riley is also like I don't understand how someone so good looking can get under my skin. I'm like that's what good looking people do like that is, they look good. So then you're like, oh my God, they're so good looking. And then you find out they have terrible personalities.

And then they get under your skin. That's like why we have good looking people to know what it feels like to have someone get under our skin. Yeah. It's like, it's like God's gift to them. Yeah. Yeah, my favorite part is like when you're, if you follow someone on Instagram who's really hot,

I know like they're so hot, like I can't get over how hot they are, but then as their personality starts coming through on their Instagram, they just be, you realize how terrible they are, and then finally there comes that day where you're like, you're no longer hot, you're just purely terrible for me, and the spell is broken and I can live my life. All right. That's what I call dating

I don't know anybody. I don't know how anybody gets married So Kevin is making a meal in pineapples, which is cool like he's got it the pineapples and he's serving them and kids like huh nature's Ram again the pineapple Dr. Sramakin, the pineapple. That should be the next commercial for the pineapple association of America. Dr. Sramakin, so he's like, this looks bad, doesn't it? He's like, no, it doesn't, it looks great. And he goes, well, I'm also making meat on a stick

because my daughter likes it. I mean, come on with you. I know, I mean, it looks really good. I'm not gonna lie, but seriously, I mean, this is a yacht and you have a gentleman on there who's being pretentious enough to taste the wine So like you got to step it up So they serve the food and by the way, you know what I love about these kids they Just eat it. They like like master Pearson was like oh a pineapple full of exotic ingredients. I'm eating it

He just went in with his spoon. You and the guy, the dad or whoever, it's like, well, I mean, it's not like crazy food, but I guess it's good. And the mom says, poor, it's not my favorite, but it's not that bad. These are some stellar reviews. Right for you.

Yeah. So then a tie dancer comes out and starts dancing for the guests and Captain Lee's staring at her like where they held it This person come from is that a question that a question you look a lot different a makeup So Brian and Courtney are hugging in the galley and Kevin's like no Nope, nope not here in the galley, please Yeah, I have here. I'll have to shed onto the food out of the way So then Kate is like wow this tie dancer is fantastic

I really respect her. She's got commitment to her craft something. I wish Simone only had him Simone would you come up here? Good glad you could make it. I just wanted you to witness me giving an extra stripe to this dancer. Thank you, dancer Thank you so much for your eye. Wow, okay. Yeah, go show them. Share those stripes to everyone. Yeah, there you go. So they so Kevin serves up for dessert, like a rice pudding, but he uses like a black rice or whatever, and a mango parfait, and this one girl who didn't like the pork is like, I don't like it. I'm just like not into rice for dessert. I know. My city just rolled over in her grave.

Thanks a lot, lady. So the guys like, yeah, it's not really amazing tonight. I asked for five stars. Oh, and then the wine guys like, I have five star courses, meet on a stick, he could do better. It's like still kind of hate you, not gonna totally disagree with you. Yes, exactly.

I'm like, you're kind of right. Well, it was weird because I want to be like, you're kind of right. By the same time, I kind of felt like the meat on the stick looked really good. So it's like, but you're also being a snob, so I hate you, but then again, you're also making Kevin's life harder.

So I kind of like you. So I don't know where it stands. So Kate goes down to Kevin and she's like, the old guy doesn't like it, he said, meet on a stick, gross, I just brought up to my own face. I mean, it's like he's expecting five star Michelin food or something. Kevin's like, what a dick. I'm sorry I wasn't listening to you, I was giving another strive to your microwave because it's been doing such hard work for you. And Kevin's like, well I guess I could have done better than being on a stake, but I just came in with these guys.

It's like, well, you know, you could do better than being on a stake. Yeah. So then downstairs, Tanner's with Simone is like, hey, yeah, Simone. So it's pretty cool that you and I are keeping this casual, right? Huh, huh, huh. And she's like, well, as long as there's respect, he's like, got it, I don't have to respect you. Great. See you tonight. Yeah, I mean, yeah, as long as there's respect there. You stuck your tongue down my throat right after you, uh, worked, right after you barfed, and then right after I got mad at you, called me for sex. So,

I mean, I like hearing the words, just follow the words. And then you gyrated your boner up on a lady who works at the club right in front of my face after it was evident that it made me uncomfortable. Great. So next morning, Ashton, Ashton, Brain, Brain, Wheelhouse, Wheelhouse. So I just got a cop from the water taxi. They're going to be able to bring them all out there

for their beach, or they're going to be able to bring them all out there. And Ashton's like, it's a surprise arrival for the kids grandparents who live in Thailand. We've already got two young kids which is the safety hazard and now we're about to have elderly people as well. Not to mention all the women on board who don't know even how to handle themselves if I'm right. So then the water taxi arrives and the the, the water tax you arrives and, uh, the Pearson's mom is like, who's that? Why is that boat coming so close to us totally tipping the surprise? Like, okay, you know, lady chill out, okay? Your son eats from a pineapple. He can handle the surprise. You don't have to like, spell it out for him. So she's, so she's like, who's

that? Who's that? And he's like, it's Mike Wamba. Which was like so cute. They're so sweet. Okay. It's like, I love old people. They're so cute. And they have so much wisdom. I'm getting stripes to both of Pearson's grandparents. There you go. You each have a stripe for being great grandparents. She's like, has this y' yacht turned into a hallmark movie? Oh no, I don't see Dean Kay and so no,

we're not a hallmark movie just yet, no. If this was a movie, it would not star Simone and the movie would be called Stripes. So if this were a movie, it would not star Simone, it would be called a competent Christmas. Christmas. A competent Christmas. We'll workshop that.

So the grandparents are checking out the wheelhouse and saying, hi, the captain Lee and stuff. He's like, well, you can check that one off your bucket list. It's like, oh God, don't say that. Just say that to other people. It was literally a movie starting with people checking things off their bucket list. That's not nice.

Yeah. So meanwhile, Kevin wants to do, while everyone's at the beach, Kevin wants to prepare a giant family style meal, which I know is already triggers you, because I know you're feelings about family style and the inherent laziness. Ooh, sorry, microphone. So you want that to be, that's Kate. Oh, it was Kate, but I thought you felt that way too. I just sort of assumed you felt that way too.

Well, I mean, I see her point. But family style just reminds me, I don't like counting things, you know? Like who had that, who had how many pieces of sushi, and how much pasta did I eat? No, Kate, so when he's like, that's lazy. You just want to do family styles, you don't have to plate. But he puts it, he's like, family style, it's like a fairy tale for me. It's like I like it. It's like I'll shut up, Kevin.

You can break with that. He does this whole thing about family style meals about a bit of a fairy tale for me because growing up I had a small family. So family style meal was basically just me heating up the macaroni and the toaster oven and that was me, me and my family. I'm like, okay, listen, I'm not taking away that you had a tough childhood because your

dad was a master bake or a grandfather was on the Titanic and they both hated you, that's fine. But let's not turn family style meals into a representation of the life you never had, okay? Family style meals, as long as you have one other person, it's family style. Yeah, stop making me feel for your shitty childhood every time I go to Bukka to Peppo. Yeah, so a boat goes to the little island and master pierce and say, can I go? And they're like, no, no, stupid, you're a kid.

And so they make him stay on the boat and And the lady's like the wind is coming. He's like, yeah, I feel with a wind on my face. Yeah. Daddy, look at the island. There's an island, daddy. We're basically turning him into Porsche. So it's windy and there's waves and the ash is like, well, I've come as close as beaches I possibly can,

but I'm afraid to say it's a little too rough it's almost like Riley was here so we have to turn around and go back and it's all it's all for safety. I'm not comfortable with this especially with kids and old people. Yes I'm afraid that if we go to the island I might get drunk and I could wind up making out with a child or an old person and we don't want that. So I'm uncomfortable with it. Well, if you can't do it safely, you can't do it. So they head back and Kate calls captain. It's like, am I hearing correctly that they're not going to the beach? That's kind of a big deal. And now it's ruined. So thanks a lot.

Yeah. Thanks to Ashton. There's no beach. There's disappointed guests and a whole bunch of ways to time. So thanks, Ashton. Thanks for nothing. Yeah. Take away your stripes. Thanks for creating all those waves. Ashton. Yeah. Ashton. Thanks for creating wind. You'll help. So Ashton is talking to the dad. He's like, sorry, wasn't comfortable with the waves. We'll put the boolean in the dad's like, oh, okay The dad's all depressed and sad. Like how am I going to spend on this fucking boat before we have a good charter? Exactly. So master Pearson's like, can we have the toys please? And so they now are putting out all their toys and Riley is like There's some sort of like knot

that she's supposed to do, and she does like a fishing boat knot instead of the yacht knot. And like, it's like causing a little bit of chaos in the world of knots. Yeah, because they can't get it untied. Yeah, and then there's like a slide going in. Yeah, and she's like, um, you were the one you told me to untie it in the first place, Tanner.

What the hell Tanner? And Brian's like, oh my god, these Riley notes. What all these? I can't untry them. Oh, I can't. Is this wait a second. Is this rope tied in the shape of the letters? G O T I T. I don't get it. Oh God.

It's a god it tie. It's a god it not. So then, um, yeah, so then Tanner keeps on being like, Riley, Riley tie it on. Come on, now I'm dying here. I got a jerk off after this. Just cutting into my time. And she's like, I'm working on it. Working on it, you had me on tie at first, you fuck face.

So there all, there's like chaos with all the deck hands. Then me, while in the galley, because there's no ventilation, the smoke alarm is going off. And the guests are like, we don't know what you're making, but whatever it is, we don't need it. We don't need it. We don't need it. Yeah, and so everybody's coughing.

The mom's like, God, we can just go to the island to eat. Yeah. And then Tanner's like, oh yeah, they're still fighting about the line. It's like the not thing really goes on for like a while. Yeah, I was like, we already did this. It's just the same scene. So then Kate holds up the floor fan and she's like,

Hey, Kevin, I'm your biggest fan. And then master piercings like running around without the smoke and he says it's smoky all around. I'm Weeding. And that brings us to the end of below dick everybody. We will be back tomorrow with some real housewives of Orange County. If you need some more of us go check out our bonus episodes of Ron Patreon this week. We did a full recap of project runway and then we're going to do later starting of this week and continuing to next week a two part recap of the top chef cast announcements that just came out. So until then, I have a great one everybody we'd love yeah. Yeah, talk to you guys all later. Buying. Bye. Hey, prime members, you can listen to watercraftens and

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