Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: The Legend of Ass Ho

Episode Date: November 10, 2017

Below Deck had a Hawaiian party this week, and the Stud of the Seas came through. Also, EJ got ready to say goodbye and a guest complained. A lot. This week’s bonus is a full recap of the Married to Medicine premiere. To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends

That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I have cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramp Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors Cindy Burgess Gerson was an amazing person Jason our gay son Andrews just saying okay Kelly Barlow when she goes Barlow we go high Christy Dowry the OG Prem supreme and our super duper premium sponsor Kelly Grant the most gorgeous girl in Texas we love you. Hello and welcome to watch what happens the podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on

Yeo Braves. I'm Ronnie Kerram from the Rosepricks Bachelor podcast and Trash Talk TV.com and here I am with the gorgeous, talented, lovely, and newly located Ben Mantelger of the B-side blog and the banter blender. Hello, Ben. Hello, hello. I hope everyone's enjoying the new ambient sounds in my neighborhood that are coming through the window. I had to keep the window open a little bit because it was very hot in this room. Yeah, we're in that time of year where it's like 100 degrees and then 50 degrees and then 100 degrees and then 50 degrees. Mm-hmm. Make up for mind, Los Angeles. Yeah. Everybody, we are so happy to be here with BoloDec. Last week was our BoloDec musical. But do you not worry, this week

is not. This is just a little look. Yeah. Last week was not planned. Last week just returned into a musical. Yeah, I told you that, which is great. Yeah, which is great. It was sent to Blow Deck the Musical, and she was like, you guys actually wrote a musical, and I was like, no, it's me and Ben, of course not. Well, I liked how it all happened, because it started because we were talking about the opening theme song, which I actually tried to sing again when I was watching it. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It was sort of like halfway through the episode. We just started singing. And then by the end, we were every single line of the recount. We were just singing it. The songs didn't even make sense.

They didn't even have a tune. And they were all sort of the same tune. And it was just like. That's a lot of musicals. You know, I've listened to tons of musicals and seen tons of musicals, and especially a lot of the new ones. They're like, why bother making a song? They're just like, and then I got something off a kitchen

counter, and then I went to the store. Like, what? That doesn't what it was very Sontai. Yeah, it was very sontai. I was very like must clean the must clean the yacht clean the yacht clean the yacht into the yacht But I do still want Baker to do every scene like just sliding by on the deck going wow That's been in my memory all week. I would love to actually do below deck the musical as a proper production. You're not one of these little black boxes here in Hollywood like where he's not good performed earlier this year. That's I would like to do that someday. Well, for this night, I've always made these

little videos like Big Brother in two minutes or survivor, or I used to do housewives, redubs and stuff like that. And I haven't been making videos because we've been so busy with this. But also, I just want a new idea. And I've really been wanting to do musical video recaps of these shows. But man, music is hard, y'all. It is hard. It is hard. And I don't know how to compose music. I feel like I could come up with, like, if we want to tie this into Bravo, I would be one of those people on Platinum Hit who doesn't know how to read music, doesn't play an instrument, but I feel like I'd be able to write a song,

but I just don't, I would need someone who knows how to compose it and like, and like, do it. And you know how to do that, right? So I feel like between the two of us, we could really make a really hilarious musical. Well, I don't play anything well. That's the problem. I can compose it, but I do like acapella loop layers that's a hobby. We don't need that. Do you think Walter would do would compose for us?

Like if we did, if we would come up with the songs, he would like work like work it out could you imagine could you imagine if we have like a world-class producer if he just started playing and let us improvise over it I would love that and that's all what it means could you even imagine if if our below deck the musical was like written by Ronnie Caron Ben Mandelker and also the same producer as Barbara Streisand. Well, we're going to be in his wedding. Let's just get him really drunk. We'll pitch it. We'll pitch it. And let's take a piece of paper to sign because you can even sign in napkin and it's still kind of counts in court. I watched Judge Judy. Yeah. What if Barbara Streisand's at the wedding? I just, I just realized what if she's there. Oh my

God, she will not be there. She will not be there. No, she won't be. She's probably terrified of Katie. Wouldn't you be Katie would be like, Hey, Barbara Strison. Hey, did your movie like Katie has no fear. She really doesn't. That's why she's having this crazy wedding with like one month. And that's why she's having this crazy wedding with like one month. No, we're going. We're going. She says jump. We say how high? Yeah.

So let's go back to below deck where we left off last week. There was some very serious shoe drama happening or foot drama because everyone got in drunk and Nico's brother was there and they came back on the boat and you just like Our feet are dirty. So hey you guys mind. Oh, maybe you want to like wash up your feet a little bit and he goes like No, you're gosh, you're such a dick. Why would I why would I ever want to wash my feet gosh? God congratulations, and they put subtitles with it spelled wrong He's like my feet are dirty. Why don't you clean them? How are you cleaning them? And he just like, what an asshole.

And then I was like, will Nico and his brother actually ever wash their feet? And then it was like, you just see Nico's brother wiping his foot with like a paper towel. It's like, I guess we got the answer to that question. That very important question. And Josh is like, oh, I guess I'll watch my foot with a paper towel So you don't have to clean it. You can hear my sarcasm, right? I'm like, okay, you guys just need to go to bed

Yeah, and then it's a production meeting. They're like yeah, okay guys episode 10 starts with the foot drama, okay? Yeah, we were gonna resolve that foot cliffhanger We don't want to draw it out. So let's just resolve it in the first five seconds Do we do does clean his foot? Yes, he does. Can we get an establishing shot of the paper towels? Is that possible? Do we have anything on B-roll? Should we should we have Josh stay the night and really just like have a continued Dirty foot problem for the next day. No, no, let's just like, I haven't leave like immediately after. So we are going to set up the fact that Nico's brother is there

and this can be an ongoing problem. That's going to build and build and build. And the foot, the dirty feet is just the tip of the iceberg. No, let's just like, have it like resolve at the dirty feet and just like then send them off. Oh, okay, sure.

By the time watch what crap is get it, they'll do it for 10 minutes anyway. It'll seem longer. But I've noticed that when Nico finally got into his bed, even on the infrared camera, his feet were, like, it's like he had walks through sewage. Yeah, they were dirty. Yeah. Well, look, that's why they made a swiffer.

Okay, you guys are walking around barefoot or in your flip flops. It'll be okay, everybody. Yeah. So the next morning, Kate's like, Brianna, will you see how much coke we have? And I was like, finally, they're going to get this party started. And EJ is like, I'm on Whits and with this guy. Yeah, EJ, it's, it's, it's, it's, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,, EJ goes up to see Captain Lee and he's like, um, uh, Captain Lee is very distraught because it's windy and sharp and he's like, wow, the worst thing you can have happens that you can't get off the duck. That's the worst thing.

I, I guess the yacht sinking and everyone dying will be terrible, but also didn't suck at the duck. Terrible. The forecast is 39 to 40 knots, God damn it. Right, I'm up to 99 goddamits. If I go above 100, we're really screwed. So EJ is like, eh, Captain A, cool beans, numb nuts. So, remember when I said I had that other boat in Fort Laudie?

And he's like, now, well, I have another boat. So let me go Wow a guy who says Fort Laudie That's really that's really youthful. That's gonna be sad to lose him, huh? You know, I defended I defended EJ all these weeks, but Fort Laudie I just It's the straw that broke the canals back And just so we know how windy it is Let's get a shot of Baker. She's like oh Lord is blowing

So Baker's like hey EJ how to work out last night is dreamt about cleaning my feet. Ha It's like sorry, it's the yadi in me. You know, I'm real worried about the here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here.

I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. meeting gagging is there. And we have Jason and Michaela are gonna be the primaries, but the real star of this charter is gonna be Eden Albert, who owns a restaurant here in Los Angeles that I have never heard of. It's like a, apparently it's a jazz club that's up in Bel Air like it's up to your mouth.

What's it called? It's called Biberado Jazz Club. Dude, which is not to take away that I'm sure it's a perfectly fine restaurant, but it's just, you know, it's funny, concerning the way she carries on the rest of the episode. It's like, I haven't seen you getting written up in Eda LA and I read that shit, okay? Well, I was worried because last year the internet blew up as some sexual harassment stuff with Jen, and this time their name is Jason Swing, which you know, Swingers, and then they're going to be playing something like he's a relative of

her Albert who made the album with dreams. Yeah, Eden is. She's I think the daughter of her Valper who runs this club, which is a extremely sexy album guys. I still listen to it. Okay. Oh, so she owns a restaurant and they all want lavish meals and they want to be impressed, which is too bad because they've got Matt who makes Caesar salads and pairs the kilo with eggplant parmesan. So, yeah. And poor Matt's getting sad towards the end of the tour.

He's like, I'm used to long charters, you know? You build a relationship with people. They see those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches coming and they're like, thanks Matt, instead of complaining, you know? Yeah, it's like, you know, when you have three days, it's not enough time to learn whether or not they like chocolate ice cream with your bananas foster. Kate looks at the list and she has Polynesian birthday party.

So furious. Huh. And then so Kate is, Kate is just like in a mood, justifiably, um, because she's, you know, Jen's doing nothing. Jen's just getting worse and worse and worse. And she's like, so Jen, this is all the ironing you still haven't done. So if you're sneaking breaks, the crew notices and it makes them resent you. So stop telling me.

I will not be telling on it. I will not be telling on you, but don't let it happen again Madri is a vicious cycle It's like don't break don't break. Okay, do not take a break The captain's don't bringing out because they they can't go anywhere So he has to come up with all these like or they have to come up with all these extra plans And he's like Nika we need a plan being in place. He's like I have some in my backpack I make Brianna take it every day. Not the abortion pill. Cock

walker. Oh, yeah. Me and while, by the way, we should mention that Jen is just still complaining. She's like, this laundry never ends. The cleaning never ends. I'm like, you are, you are a stew. That is literally your job. Laundry does not end. That's the ishtaf. It's like, what did you sign up for? It's like people keep getting their clothes dirty again. It's like people keep eating food on dishes and the dishes get dirty and then we have to clean them. It's like happens after every meal.

It's crazy. So is it is Bueller okay? Is he? I'm so sorry for the barking you guys. I don't even know who's out there But he's just growling. Yeah, he's angry at Jen. Yeah, he's like god damn it to you laundry. You lazy So things are choppy Nico goes out on a boat to do something who knows what he's still trying to prove himself as a as a big man on the campus and Bruce cleaning and he's cleaning the interior and he's like I see this mess and it is all interior Come on girls pick it up

Like a Bruno made a couple of chocolate balls and he's ready to take over the interior Yeah, seriously, so Nick goes out on this boat and he like reaches down to do something. And like I like how they have like this footage from like the dock and they like they darken everything and put like a highlight on Nico bending over, not that it clarifies anything because all we see is him bending over.

And he's like, oh gosh. All right, can someone help me? Can someone I need to go to the hospital? And to Bruno's credit, she just. All right, can someone help me? Can someone, I need to go to the hospital. And Bruno's credit, she just jumps right in the water and goes to save Nico. I was like, the whole Bruno. Yeah, he's sweet. Nico's like, jumping the water and getting the fucking boat.

Can they take off my shirt now? No, god damn it. Just getting the water. So just went this charter, couldn't get anywhere to send man down, I'm down and boasting and the weather is a shit sandwich. I don't know. His analogies are getting stranger and stranger

and better and better. So Nika talks to the captain. He's like, I was getting the line and I hit my elbow here. And then I lost feeling in the whole thing. I can't move my fingers and then he moves his fingers. I was like, minute and the captain's like that sounds like someone hurt the funny bone, okay? Not so funny, yes, I But that was funny right? I did chip to Nelbo or something better go to the chip Delbo place or whatever and because like I could have permanent

North damage. It's like okay my left foot permanent nerfed damage. It's like, okay, my left foot. That's not best to confuse him. My left deck hand. I like he circling over to Captain Lee. Hey, Captain, what just happened in Eko? And you like get her mind. She's saying, is this gonna make up for the fact that he caused a pinion fire last week last year? I just want to know if you if we're like paid up. Because if he has permanent nerve damage,

then I'll stop holding that Pinnini grudge. But if it's just a nothing, he still has to work to get my respect back. That Pinnini fire was a problem. So what happened with Niko? Did the black on his feet finally start to burn? So Kate is like, okay, Jen, I'm going to need you to iron really quickly because it's time to set the table and then I'll give it to her while you're doing that. She's like, oh, be your slave. Yes, Jen. This is the exact same thing as slavery.

Okay. Yes. By doing the exact things that are on your job qualifications and getting paid for it. Yes, just like just like slavery. Just like slavery. It's like slavery with the curling iron. So E Jan Baker hanging out, you know, his hardest breaking because he's going to have to say goodbye to his one true love. And he's like his his love language is saying things like this. Well, if you don't mind being late, I don't mind being late. It's like, whoa, this is getting hot and heavy.

What does Bruno say? Here's what I wrote down. I don't know what that means. I was trying to write as it sounds. I don't know what that means. But you just like, you have a heart attack. What happened to him? Does anybody know what happened to Nico?

Well, I know this. He drinks a lot of red bulls. Okay, red bulls, Samar. Now it's going to be Nico's fault for drinking an energy drink. Come on. Come on. So Nico comes back and he's in a cast because he does have a pensioner's and this gives Captain Leah chance to try it out yet another one of his Captain Leah. Since I'll let you do this one since I did the last one. A one handed deck hand is about as useful as a one-legged man at an ask kick and contest. I feel like a one-legged man at an ask kick and contest could be useful. He can still hold the guy and just like kick or you could just do it seated.

I mean, there's ways to like, you know, handy cap it or whatever. do it seated. I mean, there's ways to like, you know, handy cap it or whatever. Yeah. Like you could actually even like balance on your hands and do like a kick from that, like do like a headstand kick. No, I think he's just very good. God damn toaster in the middle of a swimming pool. He's about as helpful as a no handed guy trying to shammy the salt off the windows. He's about as helpful as a bread box and a basement on a yacht. He's about as helpful as a pintful of chocolate ice cream on a

banana sposter man. He's about a no two-matte moisturizer on a marble face made out of ice cream at Coolstone. He's about as helpful as a bag of Doritos when you're drowning in the middle of the Atlantic. I can't even come up with any. I just put moisturizer on a cold cream, cold stone, creamery, ice cream. It's like a drawer full of spoons when all you need is a knife. You know what I'm saying? He's like, I would say it's ironic, but there's not a lot of ironing happening around here, huh?

He's about as helpful as a paperclip for the 10 Commandments. So Bruno's like, um, you got that nerve screw up, right? I knew it was nerve. I knew nerve. I tired. I knew it was nerve Sunnika's like I've never been the one who's injured in my entire career like to just bow out It's horrible so they show him in his glasses while he's just flicking through his phone. Yeah, like the entire rest the episode Every five minutes on this show for the rest of the episode is Nico like like reading his iPad or whatever, like eating an apple, like it's just under there. It was, it was great. So now the guests are coming on board. We meet them, we meet the primaries are like fine. We even the restaurant owner is okay, but the real issue with this charter group is that there is a very personality gay named Charlie who was reminiscent of the personality gay earlier this season who also came with a restaurant owner

and this guy Charlie is complaining about everything because they everyone comes on board and captain leaves like well man news is we're stuck at Doc because it's real choppy and nots, et cetera. And so this guy who's like not even the primary, okay, he's sitting there and he's like, oh, well, not really songs, well at least it's sunny, that's one good thing. I'm like, one good thing, you're on a yacht. You're on a yacht. Well, at least he's honest about extending his critiques to the weather.

It's like, well, at least God did a nice job today. Let the sun out. Thanks a lot. I guess we're not going to be on the water even though we're in a boat. Yeah. This kind of sucks. I'm not going to lie. And the thing is, you could tell everyone's like, okay, sure, it's fine.

Now we'll hang out on the yacht. And then he starts saying things like this kind of sucks. And they're like, yeah, I guess it does kind of suck. Yeah. And I'm like, see, you're turning everyone negative. The poor primary wife is trying to be so positive. Like she's coming down the deck going, yeah! And then they get on the boat.

And she's like, yeah! And then they go inside and she's like, yeah! And then he's being so negative. And I think it's trying to overcompensate, but she can't because she's just yelling gas a lot and he's he's like I mean luxury accommodations where I got like weighted on hand and foot like it all hours the day I mean it's okay but it could be better because this sucks we have to stay here do we know about tomorrow no the water doesn't

tell you. I'm sorry. Let's we're going to go page Alroker to see if he can give you a personalized weather report. The captain's like, but this is a teaching moment. And I want to teach you something. It's called weather. Welcome up, a word. Meanwhile, Kate is still teaching Jen how to place silverware on the table. She's like, I'm actually let's not put it on the mat because the plates are large. Oh, I'm such a slave. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. But is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident, not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story

that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to,

I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder e app. So Kate's giving the tour and the wife is like, yeah! And the gaze like, do all the ribs look like that? Oh my god. Okay, so let's see, I'm gonna skip out for a little bit. But then he, but then he is like, it's so funny for as like, oh, he is about everything when he sees Bruno,

his heart goes a flutter, And he is like such an obvious flirt because he's like, oh my God, like how do you open the door? Oh, is that how you open the door? Oh my God, I didn't even know how to open the door. I'm like, it's opening a door. Like, I hate one people flirt by acting like morons. Like what? I know.

And by the way, you have- I don't even know. I don't even know. You're so strong. You really saved me and you have beautiful eyes. Well, and then Bruno, oh no, you are the one with beautiful eyes. Like, uh-oh, wrong thing to say. But Bruno's nice. He's like, oh, they're sliding doors. Everybody does that the first time. He's like, I'm so glad you're here. Where are you from? Portugal. Although if the door didn't open, I would be from

Argentina. It's really weird. Like if you can't open this door, the boat goes in a different place. It makes me tired thinking about it. It's like parallel universe. I'm tired. If you need anything else, when I'm not tired, let me know. And the guy's like, oh, I will trust me. And Bruno bends down to like tire rope or something. And I was like, Bruno, now's not the time to bend down. OK? So then Bruno makes a card, no mistake, which is he talks down to Kate. He goes over to Kate's like in the kitchen, in the galley.

And she's already, you know, she's every day, she's going to war because she has Jen, which is a problem, and then she has these guests. And then like a chef who is up and down. So she's in there doing whatever. And Bruno comes in and he's like, Kate, the guests are already complaining a lot. So, you know, if you need anything,

just like communicate better, like communicate everything. And I thought he was gonna be like, if you need anything, I'm here to help. He's like, just make sure you really communicate it okay give him a look like the look on Kate She was like I need you to I need you to evaporate instantly. Please. Thank you. Well, why isn't it working? Um, he's still there Okay Thank you It's like okay. Thank you

I appreciate it for a whole speech Okay Thank you For a whole speech. Yeah, it's like this is challenged for us and them and also us. She's like why is it a challenge? They already complain you should have seen the guy at the door. It's like oh god So she's just gives him that evil lick and that she's like um I think Bruno is confused if you want to be a stewardess, go clean some toilets and then we'll talk, okay? Also tell me where Jen is, and let me know if she's found the door to the underground railroad entrance, okay?

When I inform you about the things that I need, should I do that before or after you are prematurely ringing out your shirt that doesn't need to be ringed out? Just tell me, anytime. Thank you for communicating. I'm tired. There I communicated. Hello, this is Bruno. I'm not here right now because I tired and I'm sniffling in bathroom. Bye. Matt Matt, guest are at a table. They're at the table, Matt. And he's like, God, being a chef, when we're not leaving the dock, is a ton of pressure. Like normally, we'd have a relationship right now.

Like, shut up. So it's a jerk, mahi, mahi, and clown music. And the wife is like, yeah. And it's hard to tell if they're nice or fake, because they're from Los Angeles. So in an effort to raise everyone's spirits, EJ is like, well, good news, even though we can't go out on the ocean, like whether we can't take the boat out on the ocean,

we can still get the water toys out so we can like, who jet skis and all this stuff and all that stuff. Which is honestly great. That's all they need. Like, who cares if they're actually on the water or the dock. They still get the water sports they want. So everyone's like, yay, but then the day is, the guys like, well, we'll make the most of it.

It's not ideal about whatever. I mean, what would you prefer sir? You want to be on a jet ski like farther away from the port? Do you want to be close to the port where it's still beautiful? What do you want? It's not helping the EJs talking like a dad. He's like guy. Yeah. I know it's bad But look we're still at the Grand Canyon. There's a hoverboard like back to the future. It's really fun We have ribs. What do you guys want to do? What a fun day. It's like shut up dad. Okay, this sucks. It's a bowling alley. This is not a vacation.

Yeah, so then they're they're gonna go out on the rib. I think it's called the rib or the gym. Whatever it's called They're gonna go out on a little boat and they they're gonna go out to the beach and set up like a M&E picnic and Bruno is like, I don't want to stool because the girls on this boat don't know what they're doing. They have no pride, they're not like Carnival Cruise Line and so I'll show the girls how to do their job. Will someone be Kathie Lee? She's great. Okay.

Okay, could see me now. Oh my god, those Kathie Lee commercials are carnival. I remember when Carnival like got everybody on it got sick at one time. And they were all barfing off the side of the boat. It's like great commercial Kathy Lee. Yeah, so Kate offers a stew for this beach thing and brother, like, no, I think we got it.

She's like, hmm. She's just like filing it in her her in her Kate filing talent to bring out Do you have clickhole rules a she's like? So beach food and the gaze like let's give it up for Bruno literally he delivers Well, I hope literally but like world time will tell right Bruno. We Bruno. How did you do that? How do you like fold that like that? Like, prosciutto? So what you just you just like put it on the plate, just like that? Oh my God, I've never seen anything like that.

Bruno, you are so good. Two weeks in a row now, we've had the older people being sassy with the younger people. And I think they're doing it to look younger. Like, look at me. I'm still sexually still sexually active yeah it makes you look older okay we're actually doing we're actually doing the wrong gay boys for him we're doing like boss voice and he was more like this one Bruno doesn't matter I like the old one better the only thing I remember about him in real life is that whenever he talked to Bruno he kept winking and it was really gross it was like hey it's Bruno wank literally wank he delivers wink wink wink I hope

It was like hey, it's Bruno Wink literally wink he delivers wink wink. I hope It's fine. I guess I mean I'm only here on a beach picnic being waited on by like a gorgeous man Fine, I guess is Bruno gone. All right, let's keep bitching. What is this like catch up in a bottle like who does that put it in a bowl So Kate comes back from I guess getting stuff for stuff for the party. And she's like, where is everybody? I thought they were just going to skin. And the chef's like, Sam, and he's still sleeping, reading his phone. Why am I writing all this down? I don't know.

So basically, there's going to be like an 80s party tonight. And Matt's making Sam in, which is important to know. And Kate is like, you know, I'm all for costume parties, but like an 80s party tonight and Matt's making Sam in which is important to know. And Kate is like, you know I'm all for costume parties, but like an 80s party like really, like crimpers have no place on the yacht. I would argue they have no place anywhere to be personally honest, but they're up in the gallery,

so the guests are now back on the boat and getting into costume. And Bruno is in the gallery and he's like squawking about EJ. He's like, you know EJ, he's like funny. He's Canadian and stuff, but he's going to someplace called Fort Laudys. And even Jen is like, Bruno, you're talking so loud. He's like, what's the problem? He's like, because we're in service, honey, it's service.

He's like, honey, I know service. Oh, Bruno. He's getting all cruise line all cruise line car key. The flower blooms. So Jen runs of course right to Kate, which I loved because she's in her 80s headband or whatever, like her scarf and she's like, Bruno, like Bruno just said right now,

I have to be, I told him to be quiet because he's yelling and then he told me he knows service and he was like, what the heck? Like, I've Jen tells the story is so you know huge and yeah, because um let him shine and do things he loves okay. He's like okay. Yeah, so everyone gets in costume it's dinner time a shrimp salad with snow peas comes out which looks lovely and then the controversial moment salmon, Dijon salmon, which Matt was

making by the way because the primary wife really liked salmon. So then the restaurant lady who is drunk now, this woman, Eden, who lives here in LA, she's drunk, she's like, why would you do two pieces of hish in one that I don't want my myh in salmon and shrimp? I mean why? Also, it's horrible to see Mrs. Roper be mean. She's wearing Mrs. Roper wig and she's older and I don't I have good memories of Roper, okay? Leave her alone bitch. Also, you're in the Caribbean. It's like not like crazy to have three different fish dishes. I mean, I get it. Like, he could have done some variety.

It would have been nice, but honestly, I would not have been mad with that entire lineup. Honestly, shut up. Broke up. Honestly, shut up. And the life is like, well, it's like, it's like,

it's like, but we're not on the sea. That's the point. We're on land. I'm like, like but we're not on the sea. That's the point. We're on land I'm like, you know, you're not you're not on land either. You're still in the water Jerk and Kate's voice goes up to that upper register, which says that I hate you, which is like oh, well, you know what? I'm don't be sorry. I'm sure we can accommodate you and then the lady is like I'm not even hungry anymore Meanwhile, she's chewing food the rest of the episode. Yes, that's my favorite part of Kate's register. Her soprano I hate you but I'm being nice for you because I have here. Yes, I'm sure we can accommodate you somehow. I think the 80s I think the 80s party sounds like a great idea.

I have some rap whaise in downstairs would you like to try it? So the chef finally breaks he's like those mother fucking guests. Yeah. And he's like, how are they Kate? And she's like, well, with themselves, they're very pleased with life. She's so funny. So now it's like, you know, it's nighttime. Now that now they're like, it's like, it's the party time, whatever, the playing some game or parties, whatever Bruno shows up short list of the game is super happy. And nothing really happens beyond there. So we go to the next morning and...

When they play porn music anyway, it's like bedtime. They're like, everybody's going to bed and you see shots of everybody going to bed and it's like, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, why are you? Why are you, stop trying to make this more interesting with your music, okay? Nothing happened. Yeah, exactly. So then the next morning, Bree brings Nico some breakfast and Captain Lee's like, wow, I guess I need to get some nerve

damage. You got some dreamer like this, huh? Good luck in the ask you can contest. The captain loves Bree. It's like, well, I guess I better hurt my elbow chipper there to have someone open the goddamn Cheerios box for me. That would be great. Hi, cutie. So Captain lead does something hilarious, which is he knows these guests are going to complain about not going out on the water a second day because it's super choppy. So he he tried he asks if anyone wants to come along with him on the on the water a second day because it's super choppy. So he he tried he he asks if anyone wants to come along with him on the on the tender or the speedboat or whatever that thing is to test the waters. And like, yeah, sure, that sounds like, yeah, it'll be all right. You'll enjoy it. And it's his way of being like, I'm going to get these feckers now. And

they go through the chop water and he makes sure they get splashed with so much. This was so good. They always think you're lying to him so I'm going to give him the ride of their life. God damn it. They're getting soaked and they're like oh my god. I'm going to die. Jesus. And he's like you see?

Those waves look so nice and those are just the small ones. The primary is like well I guess the joke's on us. Yes it is bitch so sit down and shut up. It was the equivalent of the property brothers taking a couple to a gorgeous house and then be like, yes, we'll take it. Well, guess what? This is what it actually costs. Two million dollars.

Yes, the reality is you cannot afford a hovering yacht. Okay, jerks. So now they're like ready for breakfast and like hey Jen Could we just get like a child latte and then like a regular latte? She's like she's a thing and it's like 10 42 and then downstairs kids doing laundry. She's making beds. She's cleaning walls and they're like still showing you know Jen opening up a sugar packets I'm 10 56 11.08 11.20. She's like trying to call a delivery store on an orange.

Yeah. So the gay is telling fascinating stories upstairs. He's like, I had a dream that I married Bruno in Portugal. So the guys come back and they're like, oh my god, the waves are crazy. And he's like, well, how crazy? Because they kind of been better. It's like shut up gay. So upstairs, they're like, oh my God, the waves are crazy. And he's like, well, how crazy? Because they could have been better. It's like, shut up, gay.

So upstairs, they're still waiting for their coffee. And now they're sitting around the breakfast table. And they're like, well, Kate, you can get the, Kate will get us our coffee. And Kate's like, I can see it being made right now. It'll be out right one second. And Kate goes out, she's like, Jen, I don't care. What is in that cup?

Just get it out right now. Jen's like, oh, done. I have to add more coffee because I forgot to put coffee in the coffee. So Kate brings all the sugar and stuff upstairs to make it make them think it's coming and she goes, oh guys, you know, when you get that coffee after you have it, we're gonna have so much fun. We're gonna go shopping where we book stuff man made reef a sunken helicopter Oh, she's like I fucking hate you people and I hate send my head's gonna explode Yeah, me and my kneecoe is still in bed and he's like I'm pissed off. I'm grumpy. It sucks

I'm like kind of sounds like you every day. Nico He goes well. I guess now it's eJ's deck It was given to eJ like three weeks ago, buddy. So the captain calls him meeting with Kate and EJ. And he's like, all right, guys, this sucks. That gay guy is about to rape Brune out. We got to do something between tomorrow and noon. What are we going to do?

And the chef's like, how about a Luau party? And Kate's like, how about Hula dancers? And the chef's like, how about salmon?au party in case like how about who the dancers and the chef's like, how about salmon? No, how about fireworks? How about salmon again? No, he's like, how about turkey and Hawaiian punch? We could do better So either way they settle on Luau and so Matt is like struggling once again. He's like, oh Never have I done a Luau I know at this moment, I just don't feel like myself. I have an ex who hates me and I have these three day charters

and turns out chocolate doesn't go with bananas foster. I just don't feel like myself. What's a Luau anyway? Is it for someone named Lou who's her? Lou, ow, Lou, ow. Oh, it didn't hurt, I was drunk. Like, if Osley,, if the preference sheet does not ask for Caesar salad, he falls into an existential crisis.

He's like, I feel like the world's biggest punching bag. My mind is just for lunch. Lunch would be good. That's your first good idea here. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, there we go. So he's like, hey, Jen, they want a Lou out party, but I'd never been to Hawaii.

So God, do you have any advice'd never been to Hawaii so God do you have any advice like oh my god you're really screwed if you're asking Jen. Yeah. And she's like well um how about those flowers that are like a necklace and you're like how are those staying together? Like thanks you're really helpful. Yeah I mean it's like just go onto Pinterest and find a recipe for a Kaluah pork you know, or a Kailua or whatever that. You know, that's like the famous pork. It's really good. So, well, nothing's happening.

Stand up, eating soddles for dinner. She gets her break and she's eating muscles very slowly and asking questions to lame bands on music. Like, um, what do you like, but your favorite color? Whatever. Yeah, because by the way, I just want to point out just a little context of this. Before Kate left to go to the short while they are like playing around in the ocean and stuff, she told Jen and Bri, okay, you guys clean the master, clean the bathrooms, do this in this, whatever. And then you can like sort of chill out. And then when they come back, we're going to be like crazy and we'll discuss like two

hour breaks. So it's like great. So Bri gets to work. And then it's like, guess what? It's lunchtime. So now as you were saying, Jen sits down with a bowl of muscles,

and then just starts eating and eating and eating and eating. And Bre comes down and she's like, um, could you do that twin batch? Like, yeah, later eating break. I mean, I'm not a slave or am I? Uh-uh. I'm like, yeah, all those slave dinners of muscles. You idiot. So, uh, Bre's, it's been like an hour by the time

stance. This is, Jen is eating for like an hour these, these muscles. And if they didn't have time, Stan, you could see it on Nico's face because he's so bored. He's like, it's been an hour. Yeah. And breathe like, well, could you maybe come? Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen's like, I sense anger with her. Really? I'm not lounging, I'm eating.

I've been eating for 20 minutes. I'm eating food. I'm entitled to eat food. Okay, I eat food. That's smoothies. I was like, is that a Bruno burn? Cause he's not even here. If I were a Bri Abyss of yours,

because Bri was working and I mean, it was an hour. She was supposed to be just sitting there and eat it for like 10 minutes. And muscles are not, they do not take a long time to eat you yeah and like little chat a tiny bowl I also like the way Niko was sadly scooping muscles onto his plate like yeah nerve damage muscles. He's like we're just like scraping his socks bro yeah he was just like slowly scraping the matter thing and by the, that was a ton of muscles. I got so hungry.

I am so hungry. Well, I love Jen's tell off because she just starts going into tell off mode. She's like, I'm going to eat food and you're going to shut up. Why do you have so much aggression? I'm eating my food, sweet heart. And Bree's like, OK, sweet heart. She's like, oh, what? When it's hot, she's like, uh, nothing to say, nothing to say.

And why, by the way, why did Matt not ask Bree about Lou Ailes? Cause Bree actually lives on Kauai. Yeah, Bree knows a chord on a fucking tiny banjo. Okay. Like, why does Hawaii like that? Did Bree play her ukulele at this, Lou Aile? I don't remember. It was a major oversight.

Or maybe she was making a good dramatic music during this scene. Cause it was like a one-quard banjo going like So Bruno's making a cake for the guests and Baker is Baker and E.J. are enjoying a little boat ride back from the from the afternoon activities So like things are things are happening the chefs like what the hell is Bruno doing making a cake? He said that can't what that? Captain Lee. Yeah. Yeah. What did I say? Yeah, the chef. Sorry.

Shame for so Kate is back now after afternoon of activities. And guess what? Like nothing is the laundry's not done. This is not done. That's not done. And she is mad. And she we later learn is angry. Yes. And Brie comes in, she's like, um, hi Kate, the laundry's up to speed and she's like, no, it's not. And I would like to sheet tyrant.

She's like, uh, she's pissed at the wrong stew. She's like, very upset, which when Kate just states her feelings like that, you know she's pissed. Like, yeah, it's not even hidden behind a joke. It's just like I am very upset Normally I like to elude to my feelings. So I have to if I have to explicitly state them That's a problem. So warning orange So now Kate is like you know Kate is trying to get to the bottom of why after five hours nothing is finished

so first you talk to Jen and She's like so tell me about what happened. And she's like, well, well, there was a big fire because I was having lunch and then Bre walked in and she was on a rampage and Bre was like, Jen, what are you doing? What are you eating? What's going to be doing? I'm like, that's enough. But she picked up a chair and she threw it at my face and it hurt.

And I was dying. I was bleeding on the ground. And then she was like, Jen, you're a pissy. No one likes you. I mean, that's not fair. I was bleeding on the ground. And then she was like, Jen, you're a pissy, no one likes you. Yeah, I mean, that's not fair. Like I deserve a break. And then I had to go to clinic

and I had nerve damage in my elbow and I pitched a nerve and I had to spend the whole day networking and grumbling. Like, Jen, you're stealing Nico's storyline now, Jen. Jen. You know, I'm refused to let me open the cheerios box and it was really hard.

It's like she's trying to stop me from eating. That is the captain's storyline, okay? Stop feeling storylines, Jen. Kate sees all the way through it. She knows that Jen is lying to her and she's just getting angrier and angrier. She goes, here's two things I know about Jen. She likes breaks and she's competitive with Bree

and she's lying to my face right now. Dun dun dun. So the captain's like, Bruno, Bruno, could you get up here and help Kate? And he's like, well, I'm getting dressed. So should I get dressed or should I go? What should I do? Like, oh my god, diva Bruno, I'm loving it.

Where have you been? Yeah, I love it. I love diva Bruno. So six stars yacht where everything is fuck up. How could the boat be empty all day and nothing is done? Yeah, it's like these look terrible. Not doing with don't for tonight. What's up with that? Yeah, the show is well the guests seem happy and he goes I'm not Okay, so Bre checks on whoa somebody is falling over. It's probably the moving truck. Uh, brief calls over somebody was falling over. It's probably the moving truck.

Brief calls of, not brief. Bre checks in on Nico. And he's like, so, Bre, I was thinking that tomorrow we could like, Nico have to hotel tomorrow night, you know, go to a hotel. And she's like, yeah, it's time to go. You know, like, we go to a hotel. Yeah, we can go to a hotel.

I was like, yes, Nico, we get it. You know what a hotel. Are you trying to make her do the orbits or what? He's like, you pay for it. So let's see, then Kate goes to Bri and she's like, what happened, and Bri and Bri is like, I had to get her to get up and then I told her, but she didn't come back off, that's it.

Okay, it's like, okay. That sounds like a normal day. So, yeah. Three are in the kitchen and Jen's like, Um, where's the best day? And she's like, well, here's what, it's family style, so we're gonna serve it. Just follow me and do what I do. And Jen's like, well, here's what it's family style. So we're gonna serve it Just follow me and do what I do and just like

ah And then Jen's like being all past aggressive. They're like, oh, what's this? She's um well, Bri has this set up so I'm really not sure what's going on I'm like, you know, it's like mashed potatoes. Okay, just say they're mashed potatoes She's like Brianna just gave me this plate in a big fork like I'm supposed to know what to do So I guess I'll wait for her to explain it to me me this plate in a big fork, like I'm supposed to know what to do. So I guess I'll wait for her to explain it to me. And then Bruno also serves Fune and Charlie is like, yeah Bruno, oh my god, the way you just scoop those peas out of there. Oh my god, I don't even know

you could use a spoon like that. That's amazing. And Bruno's like, I would, I would lay it down and he's like, yeah Bruno, get laid. So Kate's like, I'm very angry, but the one thing that will bring me pleasure is humiliating Bruno. So when Bruno walks back into the garage, she's like, Bruno, how are you feeling about this evening? He's like, I ready for cake. No, but like, how are you feeling about everything? Well, the buffet outside, it was basically terrible.

There's like nothing set up. Okay, will you please go tell Captain Lee everything you've done, you would have done differently because he'd like to know. Thanks. It's like all tired. So the captain upstairs, when he gets there, he's shirtless and dressed in this Hawaiian-like king outfit with the turban and everything. And there's these luau girls.

And Bruno's like like oh my god respect Respect oh my god cultural appropriation makes me tired And he's like how do I look Kate and she goes you look amazing. He's like thanks and she goes That's what more stripes gets you Bruno no matter what they say you say they nailed it right Bruno And he's like oh Bruno learn lesson Bruno Bruno go to toy like this nipple I Have learned thank you for the college gate and Kate's like I remember when I was green and I thought I knew everything. I was an idiot. Huh?

You hear that Bruno. So now the Luos starts and Lee comes down there and he's like, I'm done. He'll his brother named S and well, yeah, I got it. I get it. I had to say that lab before I got it. He's saying stuff and like, I didn't want to be like all PC and everything, but I was like, saying stuff and like, I didn't want to be like all PC and everything, but I was like, this feels slightly problematic. I don't know. I'm just gonna turn to blind eye to this. I don't know how I feel about this. Like in the one hand, Lueh has become so like,

you know, they're so generic at this point, but there's something about Captain Lee, making all these like Hawaiian jokes. And like a white guy dressed in like tribal thing. I was like, EJ like a white guy dressing like tribal thing. I was like EJ like EJ Come on, this is fun guys. I declare this Jason swing day not you gay stop complaining. He's like, yeah So the captain's like look. I'm right outside my comfort zone. Okay

Normally my comfort zone is a cyclist tennis shoes Okay, normally my comfort zone is a sockless tennis shoes Leaned back on something while I complained about tiny boats that are trying to block my way But my nipples are hard and that's fun. So you know, you gotta do it. That's what it is when you're a yaddy So basically everyone loves the luah everyone's happier with the food and a cake calls Jen Jen up to clear the table And she is like in no mood. And she's like, um, Jen, guess who do not have lunch? Me, okay? And you did it, Bri. So you're gonna clean this table, okay?

I'm not in any mood. I am actually being, you're forcing me to be visibly angry right now, okay? I am sticking noting this so that everything I said is on the record of sticking notes, okay? And Kate's like, I've been nice to her and now it's just time for good old that everything I said is on the record of Sticky Notes. Okay. And Kate's like, I've been nice to her. And now it's just time for good old fashioned work. You better work. And Bruno has learned his lesson.

He's like, I am in press. I know nothing about the surprise party. Kate knows lots of things. It's like, oh, hugs. You went from like bitch to angel again in one episode. Yeah, and basically it ends with Kate, uh, sit telling Jen, okay, you're gonna, you're gonna do these dishes and breathing me on late and I may be on early and like, you're gonna be staying up late. And so Jen, Kate goes to sleep and Jen's like, huh, I just

find out at this hour that to stay up and do dishes before I go to bed. It's like, yeah, it's your job. It's your job. You're the lowest rankings, too. Okay, you have to do the dishes. You do the dishes. We all do dishes. You know what I did this morning, Jen?

Dishes. To be fair, her autobiography could be called Roots. It ends with Jen going miserable going miserable bitch fucking piece of shit you know that you're might write and that you can get your ass kicked after the fact right now oh well and that was basically an episode of below deck um... normally we do

uh... crap and smell back on friday's but you know what we are exhausted from a week that never seem we had all of last week in the event. San Francisco in this week. So we are exhausted and we're also headed to Mexico. So we're gonna call this one. Call this call this one short today and and just wrap it up and we'll bring mail back back next week and apologies to those who are eager to have their questions read. We're sorry. We'll do an extra long one next week, y'all. Thank you for being with us. This has been a really fun week.

Absolutely. We love you guys. Thanks, everyone. Have a great weekend. And we'll see you guys next week. Bye. We'll see you later, though. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at 1dry.com slash survey.