Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: Thunder Down Over(board)

Episode Date: December 12, 2018

The hot stripper loses his footing on this week's Below Deck, and Captain Lee cries for the first time ever. This week's bonus is dedicated to Top Chef, Real Housewives of New Jersey, and Ben's fortieth birthday celebration. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live has added a second show to Dallas on Feb 8, plus announced shows in Vancouver, Irvine, Boston and DC! Find ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com **All of this year's Limited Edition tees avail at www.CrappensMerch.com until Christmas! You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

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me over on the Rose Prax Bachelor roast, which is coming back to cover the bachelor. In the beginning of January. So I'll see you over there. Here I am with my lovely co-host Ben Mandelker, who has made a new cartoon series called The Real Housewives of Kitchen Island, which you can find on YouTube. I'm not a fan of the most of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world.

I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. I'm not a fan of the world. on Thursday, tickets are going on sale for our Boston and DC shows. So excited. Those were two of my favorite markets that we went to, markets, gosh, cities that we went to this year in Boston. I remember we talked Vanderpump rules and real house was New Jersey and it was absolutely

crazy. It was an amazing audience. And in DC, I think we talked Beverly Hills and Vanderpump rules in both cities and making amazing audiences. You guys were so good to us. You guys bought those tickets up so quickly last time and so I think we will probably have pretty quick sellouts again this time when they go on sale on Thursday. So if you want to come see us in those cities 10 a.m. Thursday be ready with your ticket-bying finger because those tickets are going on sale then and of course we also have Irvine on sale that's already like halfway sold out already and then we also have we're going back to

Just for laughs and man koe ver. So that's awesome the people in the North Pacific Northwest have treated It's very well last month when we're there so we're heading back back. And then last but not least, we are at we added a second Dallas show. Dallas, home with the real house, lots of Dallas. You never know who might show up at our live shows. Y'all so come see our second Dallas show. Those are on sale now. Watch your crap Crapids.com. Shul shul shul. Yes, and today is below deck day. Now, people are so mad at below deck because they keep showing Ashton dying over and over and then they're like today, you see, you have a sound. And then last week, we see someone go overboard, but then they ended it so we don't know what happened.

And Ashton was supposed to go and watch what happens live. And since we didn't know what happened and Ashton was supposed to go and watch what happens live and since we didn't know what happened they were placing with somebody else I forget Riley and Ross. Riley. And people are like, come on get to it already. It's like by the time you kill off a character no one even cares anymore, okay? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, the good news is Ashton's alive. No, Ashton died. He's just the one we're seeing now. It's just his ghost, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was, yeah. It's ghost Ashton. Yeah.

He's now played by Bruce Wheelys. I want to see, I want to see the movie Ashton is back. And it's about Julia Roberts being hugged by Ashton in the snow. Okay, I'm down. I'll go to that with you. I won't have that in many snow. This is okay. I'm down. I'll go to that with you. I won't go to many movies, but I'll go to that one. Ashton is back. He's like, Julia Roberts, thank you for saving me from the water.

Let's go. I wrote, he was a, I wrote, he was a male stripper. That is so rude. Like I've killed Ashton off in my mind, just because I'm a person who doesn't believe in positive attitudes. I think it's stupid and it's a failure and it'll just lead to more depression in the end. So what I've found that works for me is a very negative attitude because then I'm constantly being surprised by how things could have been shittier.

Like if you're expecting it to be shittier, you know, then it's kind of good. And so I've like mourned Ashton. I saved an ashtot from last week when they showed his ass like a cryover it yeah, you processed yeah I processed it, so now I'm like they got him out gross Yeah, he almost lost his leg, but that's okay cuz he has two more He is now a bipod again So this week's episode begins well actually what's funny is that we see the previously Zon and you know it's like we see Ashton on that that deck thing in

the rope grabs his leg and he gets pulled over like man overboard man over what he's drowning he's drowning and it's like Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Human resources complaint box when this show comes on the air. That's basically all Twitter is when below deck is on It's like that girl didn't do her work right You know, I've never seen Twitter turned into such like a mundane task, you know, dissing oriented Yeah, yeah, that's or an episode of that forecast before below deck, but it is hilarious and all week people were like Riley didn't do her job. God damn it look back, but it is hilarious. And all week people were like, Riley didn't do her job. God damn it. And there, you know, Twitter, Captain Lee voices. Yeah.

But nothing wrong. Yeah, I don't think Riley did anything wrong. Cause this time we got to look, right? We got to look a slow mo. Is it happened? Yeah. Yeah. And we also got to see the angle of like the security camera too. So basically we see Ash and go overboard again. And they're all getting their life rings. And we see this security angle. And we see Ash and go overboard again, and they're all getting their life rings, and we see this security angle, and we see him getting dragged off, et cetera. And this is like, there's panic happening.

This is craziness. He's being dragged off. He's about to get killed, and then it cuts to the ladies up on the deck, holding their cocktail, saying, someone's got to go and get him. It's like, thanks, Cameron Westcott got to go and get him. It's like thanks camera west god. Yeah. Oh my god. Somebody phone the water.

Oh, I see the water guys. He's the water. So much. Get him. The gap does like I need a status report. God damn it. Jesus Christ. And Jesus is like a status. No one has asked me for a status report for a long time. So first of all, thank thank you I am still here Humanity seems hopeless waiting to be born again. We'll figure that out. Not you God damn it. I got a man drowning

Okay, dad is back to you Get his ass out of the water. We're not bored right now And we're also like the tinda get the tinda and the ladies are like, oh my god. I'm like having an adrenaline. Yeah, I'm having a Journal on Russia. I'm like, well, I'm so glad you are because you're standing there having a cocktail while this man is drowning. Well, I don't even know what's real. You know, it's like a big TV show. Maybe they're I'm like wow, what a great show. Where's the whale? I love to film Blackfish. I hope she's in the show. Ooh, this is exciting. What a great show for us. I thought it'd be set to music though. Yeah, a stripper in the water It's like Cirque de Soleil with like a quicker trick So the good news is that Ashen is safe and so he sort of like makes his way out to the

tender, et cetera. And Riley starts explaining to us what happened, which is that he basically he stepped on the line and it circled around his foot in like a millisecond and dragged him out and essentially like the camera guy had the wherewithal to put down the camera and to like go to the ropes that were around the thingy and he unspooled the rope enough that it wouldn't get too tense and basically save this guy's name is Brent, Brent saved Ashton's life. Brent, can we please date?

I love a cameraman, you know, it's hard to find any one of the TV business to date because they're all bunch of jackasses But a cameraman literally just stands there and stares at you silently while you do things, you know I'm so I would not have yeah, I mean, I don't think I would have had that instinct to I would have been like What what what what what you know, I'm not like a life-saving sort of person I don't know what to do I panic and I We're normal America. That would do it any normal American would do. We would whip out our iPhones and start taping that shit. I know, but I would be already holding a camera.

So I just don't, I don't think I would have the instinct to say, oh, I have to like get on this rope and loosen it up and everything. Like, it's like very, very, very scary. Although what I thought was interesting was that when this all happened, Ashton was saying Rorylee, look at it for the line, look at it for the line, look out for the line, as he steps on the line and lets it swallow him up.

So I'm like, hmm, well, man's lighting. Oh God. So, yeah, Rorylee's like, he owes Brett his life. And I'm like, oh my God, that's all you need. Ashton, follow you around. Like he owes you something. All right, man, I'm going to pick up this napkin off the floor with McConehold.

All right. It's like, okay, okay. You said thank you. You said thank you. So grass, grass to the bridge, razz, razz, razz, razz, razz. So Ross goes up to the bridge and he has to tell Captain Lee that Ash and got caught on the line and Captain Lee is not happy at all.

Yeah, then Captain Lee starts going down his more roast, the more roast road he, he goes down through the rest of the episode. He's like, we're 30 minutes for me to have in call his parents and tell him he's dead and I'm responsible. I don't know how to deal with that. I have kids, which you know, thank God, because I don't have kids and I don't even care when people die.

You know, it's weird how only people with kids feel things. But he's like, I don't know how I'd make that call. I need a minute. And then he cried and I felt so sad. I mean, I know I don't feel like it now because I'm talking about it the next day. No, I got emotional. It's like, yeah, I actually cried twice in this episode,

which is never, that's never happened. I was on the verge because Captain Lee's one of those people that if he gets emotional, I get emotional. You know, he has like that effect because he's like, no, me like, God damn it. But when he was like, that was a really stupid move. Scares the heck out of me. Like, I'm scared.

I mean, I'm scared. I'm like, wait, I don't like seeing Captain Lee being vulnerable like this. It scares me. It's getting, but it is really heartwarming to see somebody still be able to reach out for a bullet cheerios, you know? Yeah.

So the lady's like, whoa, well, I just heard him and then I turned around. Oh, another lady goes, God, that seemed like it would took forever. She's like, well, when you're about to die, it does seem like forever. And I was like, oh, I'm glad we have cameras on these you, who's, yeah. I know. It's like when you were waiting for seafood and get chicken and you have to wait for the proper course to come out. It takes forever. Am I right, ladies? So Adrian, Adrian, you can't get out.

Only poor people drown like that. So Adrian, Kate are in the galley and kids like, hmm, that was scary. I was like, yeah, I was scary. Yeah, scary. Good talk. Scary. You know, we don't want to tell people how scary the job is, but it is. Like, thanks. So captain's like, how scared the job is, but it is. Thanks. So captain's like, Ashton, Ashton, you're okay. Ashton, you're okay. I was 30 minutes from calling your parents and telling him you were dead. Well, my ankle is hit, but my cornhole still flips on fine.

Means like, all right. Well, I can't bring the tender out because the swells are too big. So I have fun over there, Tom Hanks, we're throwing you a deflated volleyball. All right. The bad news is I almost lost my life. The good news is that while I was hanging out there, I had sex with a stingray. It's pretty exciting. So now Ross is all choked up. It's like everyone gets a chance to get choked up. So now Ross choked up. He's like, oh, the crawling, I mean the beef, the drum, I'm crawling. Just want to give him a hug.

I want to see him. I want to, I don't know if I want to give him a hug. We'll slap him. We'll suck his dick. you know what I'm saying? It could be any other three. If not all. You know, sometimes you flate, sometimes you sink, but this time I'm gonna swallow, I'll tell you that. Nah, so the, so, they're getting up, the set up for the lunch, and the lady, Brandy's like,

I'm hungry, I ate a lot like shut up you double zero yeah it's like lunch time lunch time and so the lunch comes out and it's flank steak I love the shape of this place I know we should use them more often master pierce and gifted them to us the All right, now's the greatest plates you've ever seen in your life. Ooh. She's like, um, Laura, you can take it to Ireland, okay? Mm-hmm. So Laura leaves and they're eating their flanks.

I just have to point that out, because they do say at one point, they're only poor people eat chicken, and I'm like, you know they eat flanks, they two, right? Like, a lot of it. Yeah. So Ashton's finally back. He's back, Ashton's finally back. He's back. Ashton's back, Julia Roberts.

And he's resting his ankle and Adrian's checking in on him. And he's telling his story about how he was like fighting for air at first and he thought his foot was going to be torn off. And he was bracing to lose his leg and he thought it was just going to bleed out, but in the water and just basically die. And Captain Lee comes in and checks on it and means like Hey, hey kiddo. How's it going down here? Can I? Oh, that's bad. I thought it would be a lot worse You want a lot? He's a get your ass up there and back on the deck

Now he was very Catchingly was like very paternal in that moment. It was so sweet and so lovely. Yeah, he's like, will all head the entire ATINY to rod to think about, hey, stupid I was. And about hand nice to read to Wilson's really been to me. So, Ashton Laura and the chef are talking and she's like, So, Ashton Laura and the chef are talking and she's like, do you always tear the tender? And they're like, yeah, she goes, well, why doesn't somebody drive at?

And Ash is like, oh, because we want to send someone that they'd drive the tender every way. It's just easier. She goes, oh, easier. Wow, there are a lot of corners being cut around here. Look, okay. You know, you had one week where it was not gonna jump on you for being a jackass,

but God, you're a jackass. Yeah, yeah, I mean, like really settle down, Laura, settle down. So Adrian's very cute. He says he's gonna get Ash and some chocolate, which gave Ash and instant boner, which was cute. And now it's like fun times with wacky ladies on jet skis, the toys are out, et cetera, et cetera.

And Adrian and Kate are in the galley and Kate's like, I haven't decided to Laura's more help than annoying yet, probably more annoying. Yeah, I'm safe now. And he's like, well, you know, because the chef is like, he wants peace in his own life, but no one else is apparently because all he does is go tattle tail on everybody all the time. So he's like, well, yeah, she was saying that corners are being cut around here and stuff and she's, huh, well, hold on, let me have LOL. How, how, how, am I smiling right now?

Am I smiling? She's like, she's not experienced enough to be negative. But I like that Kate even has a level that you have to get to to complain about things. Yeah, exactly. Have you trained for this? You don't have enough epilepsy to be negative. Okay, pick up the mop stupid. So then Josiah checks in on action. He's like, hi darling, how are you? Good. Goodbye. And then Josiah's like, I've never seen anything like this before and I've walked on deck before and they cut to a photo of him being like, He's like I was like up on a railing. He's like things on deck can be very dangerous. One time I put my ankle behind my head and coughed.

One time I am outed. Maybe this time. Herde of it. Maybe this time. I'll be lucky. Maybe this time he'll stay. So Kate's like, um, I have never really had a crew member die in front of guests, but I think in a situation like this, cocktails are the answer? Yeah, that sounds good to me. So then the lady doctor comes on the boat to check after Ashton. She comes in, she's like,

show me that ankle and he's like, oh yeah, you to see my ankle It is he's like I feel a look at it be it hard you with a light at the end of my tunnel Now let now let me be the light inside your tunnel. You know what I'm saying. She's like yep got it Yeah, like gotta go I gotta go by the way he was totally hitting on her right. He's like yeah Thanks for coming out me give sex face. I was like oh my god, dude At this point Dom was like you know that Caroline is watching this and just fully jealous about action treatment She's like, you know, I heard my foot and no one even cared and action hurts his foot and everyone's like giving him chocolate I bled out every day. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And he's like, uh, Russell, you're on the the pan. He's like, a little, you want

metal rub it for ya? A little. And Ash is like, now I'm gonna let you do this on your own. And without me there, you can see how much I can actually do. And then it becomes like the greatest solo scene ever known to below tech. Thank you. So now it's nighttime and nighttime means one thing. Time for a table scape and we

hear the sound of pebbles being scattered across the table. I think we're going for a jungle theme. I'm like really into it. Yeah. So let's see glass. Laura, Laura, Kate, Kate, Laura, Laura, Kate, Kate. Hi, we're up here doing important things. Can you please turn around three times in a circle, bang your head on the door, and do the guest cappons? That would be great. Yeah.

And there was like, you know, since I've been chiefs to somewhere at one point in my life, like, it reminds me that I may have shot shot myself in the foot which is surprising because Canada has much better come laws than US because like I have not done turn downs in years but it probably doesn't matter because this yacht has the bar set kind of low with you know what I'm saying a is my mother used to say you are cruising for a breason lady okay so the chef is like God the chef's got off to a bad start. So I got him chicken because that's comfort food, bro.

Yeah. So I love how condescending he is about comfort food. Like, I just feel like he's never had comfort food in his life. I mean, chicken can be comfort food, but it's like chicken soup, fried chicken, but chicken inherently is, I don't think, is necessarily come for food. Maybe a roast chicken. Yeah, steamed oven steamed chicken breast.

Yeah, I'm not sure about that. Yeah. So why does it Tyler? Yeah, I'm, yes, which is funny, because I actually had, I made poached chicken last night, and I was thinking about that top chef season when the guy made poached chicken, we're like, that's the blandest shit we've ever seen.

And we actually ate that poached chicken too, and we're like, that's the blandest shit we've ever seen. And we actually ate that post chicken too. And we're like, what is this bland shit? Yeah. Anyway, I don't know. Chicken, chicken tangent everyone, I'm sorry. So, um, yeah, so he serves this oven-steamed chicken to these ladies. And at first, I was like, oh, this is really good. And this one drunk and folkhandous burger and it was like, who ordered chicken?

Anyone? Anyone? drunken folk and disburekin is like who ordered chicken anyone anyone I mean it's well done but none of us ordered it and then her friend goes chicken is what poor people eat and they all started laughing and whatever friends goes well you're not wrong like don't enable your terrible friends I know don't enable it and yet at the same time I love their awfulness they're like like secretly all loose-heeled blues. Yeah, and they've probably just all watched that top chef because I've never heard anybody be like, chicken, that is disgusting. I mean, here's my feeling on it. Like, whenever I go to a restaurant, I will I rarely ever get the chicken option. I'm always going to go for a fish because it's usually more interesting to me.

However, I will say this, when chicken is done right, it can be the most delicious thing on the planet. But I mean, oven steamed chicken, I feel like this is a little bit of a draw, but the poor people think that was nasty. That was nasty everywhere. I just found it funny because the next thing, they're like, it's like, okay mom, we made you scallops instead. And they're like, that is amazing.

With scallops are like the trashiest of seafood. It's like the seafood that the trashy people are like, ah scallops, they are amazing. And so I thought it was funny that it's almost like he did it on purpose, you know, like all right, there's some scallops and it looked like a pile of shit to it actually looks worse. Oh, it looks worse I have to say I mean I love scallops. I love love love scallops But what was funny is she's like I mean chicken I can make it at home

I would actually argue that scallops are 10 times easier than chicken. Yeah It's like you you fucking throw them on a pan for two minutes Yeah, and they're done as opposed to chicken Where there's like a moving target of when if it's done properly chicken is so mundane and yet the same time it is so hard Yeah, and Kate's like well This chicken does look amazing and while I agree that he could have added some shrimp or something to it I wouldn't be an asshole about it and trust me, I'd be an asshole about almost anything. Yeah, they're dicks.

Yeah. So yeah, Josiah goes into the kitchen and is like, Oh, Adrian, drunk Carrie said she didn't ask for chicken. That's luck. I love that drunk Carrie said she didn't put chicken on a prep seat. And he's like, whoa, so I do scallops. And he goes, you can go to the fanciest mission in Starvestrot, and they'll make you chicken.

They'll also bully you, take all of your money and make you lose hope in humanity. But that's a different day, different story. Yeah, exactly. So then the ladies are still going off. Chicken is not acceptable. And she's very offended. The poultry is served. I, yeah, I, well, I think actually that woman said it tongue in cheek. But then this, the scab come out and this giant pile of risotto. And the woman's like, I mean, he should have

made this from the beginning. You can just see Josiah pining off into the moon. Moonlight is being like, I wish Master Pierson were here. He would have never complained, he would have appreciated this chicken for what it was. Genius! He would know how to take care of Trump, Kerry. That evil villain. That evil chicken denying villain. Master Pierson, we need you now more than ever. And Kate talks to them like they're just little children. She's like, you like that scum ups.

He made extra so I think I'll win here. Right? Winners? Winners? Yeah, enjoy your simple foods. Yes. Losers. Losers, they should call it not scout, they should call them loser loves.

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What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums?

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It's actually really, really important. So here's the even best part is that for $20 off, you can visit storyworth.com slash wc when you subscribe. Okay, so that's $20 off. It's storyworth.com slash wc. So then we have this like random moment where Tyler's like the new guy Tyler's like Back when I was 22 I started my own insurance agency in Seattle and I crushed it Okay settle down But that's like you shaving something on fire right now

And then he's like and then a guy must die. Like, that's not the rest I'm looking for. Like that he's like a trip advisor in his job on the boat. He's like, he was fun until a guy must die two stars. Yeah. I'm looking for adrenaline, but not that kind of a adrenaline like, what the hell?

So this Laura chick has really rubbed Kate the wrong way already. And so Kate and Josiah cleaning and there's towels on there's the wrong towels put out and there's no waters by the bed and she's like The water is by the bed that's a Caroline's down mistake Is she actually here? Oh wait? Oh my gosh. Yes, you're oh, sorry. That's just a bottle of Heinz Heinz Heinz It's a that's funny attached to it's a that's funny stuck on the lampshade so I girl like I carry on Oh my god. Oh, I'm sorry. It's just the dot on the seven up logo carry on So she's mad she's like that girl doesn't even know how to turn town rooms. Like, what kind of, but were you working on?

So then we get a cut while she's complaining about Laura. We see Laura in her room doing shitty yoga. Like she's doing yoga to you. And I love that they hate Laura on this show so much. It's cracking me up. I agree. And then I also love that we got an extended sequence of the moms like dancing on the deck They had like their own little dance party and it was basically like every bar mitzvah had ever been to just like

excessive mom dancing So um so now uh Okay, mom. So now, uh, uh, what's this? Okay, Adrian was like looking for something in the galley and kids like, oh, I have it. I still have it. Yeah, sorry. I had to go do turn downs that weren't done by the girl who used to be a chiefs to. Sorry about that. So he's like, I really don't like talking about people. Okay, she's basically chickened to that table up there. Okay, okay. So the chef goes to bed,

cause he's with Laura, right? So he goes to his room. And Laura's like, how was the rest of service? And he goes, he's he goes, really? She's like just dying to hear something bad. And because yeah, I mean they were super rude and apparently you forgot to do turn downs. Asian is such a sneak because he talked. He talked. He basically went and told Kate what Laura

had said about cutting corners. And now he goes and tells Laura what Kate had said. He is like a little sneaky fucker. Yeah, he is. I like it because you would like when you don't expect it from them You know and the rest like but I did everything is she mad and he goes Aggravated she goes. I don't know what the deal with Kate is but I've been working super hard And I could really appreciate some positive feedback instead. I'm getting this like little mean girl thing I'm like you're welcome. It's an honor to get the Kate mean. Yes, she's a mean girl. Exactly. Yeah, so she complains. Are you surprised? Yeah, she complains to Adrian. She's like, um, look, as third stew, I'm doing the bitch work and I'm picking up their slack and he goes, uh, that's your job. You do the bitch work and you shut up.

I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to get you integrated into the group. It's like, whoa. Yeah, where did that come but I'm just trying to get you integrated into the group. It's like, whoa. Yeah, where did that come from? He did like a hairpin turn on that one. He comes in like, he basically like rats out Kate sort of creates a fake alliance and then turns it out or has like shut up and do your work.

But he's so house-wise because now we can go to okay. Yeah, she said she does all the bitch work and I told her that's her fucking job. Yeah Oh, it's good. Yeah, so now it's the next morning and Laura's on early she's supposed to do like morning service and this lady She is like ready to work out and Laura like this lady probably is happy get onto treadmill and Laura does that thing She's like, oh you want to you want to do Pilates or yoga? You want I can change if you want you want to do oh, you want to do Pilates or yoga? I can change if you want.

You want to do that now. You want to do that? I can do that. Sure. Okay. I'll do that for you. And they'll just like, sure. I guess Pilates maybe.

I don't know. So Laura, because she's also Laura's a yogi, right? That was like on her CV. So she basically goes up to Kate's room. Kate is like climbing out of her bed like she's in the grudge. You know, she's like, like not ready to receive any sort of human or ghostly interaction in fact. And Laura's like, oh hey Kate, so I think I'm gonna do Pilates with Caroline. So is that cool that there's no one else on service?

It's like, what are you talking about? There are people out there waiting to be served and you're gonna do yoga with them? Yeah, she said dope. There's only one side of the bed, but this is definitely the wrong one to get me up on. Yeah, which means like your ass is grass. Okay. Yeah. So she goes, I guess I'll just wait until you're up and she says, yeah, that's, that's, that's smarter. So now they're both in the kitchen and They're just like an amazing passive aggressive war being waged Because kids like okay, so like what we like to do is put the coffee and the machine at nights That we just have to press the button. That's ready to go in the morning

Also, um, have you ever done turn downs before in your life? Like in your life. In your life. I'm in Kate's tire like she's got just woke up face and it is hilarious watching her be so busy because she's barely keeping it in. And the words like, oh my god, what did happen? Because the chef totally came up in Tatl-Telts on you talking shit about me. And she's like, um, and you don't put waters by the bands. So even three stars hotels do that. So yeah, unless you were a chiefs do on a motel six, then you should know how

to do that. Oh, I'm sorry, I guess, uh, I just didn't really know what we're doing since everything looks so shitty around me. I thought we were all supposed to maintain the level of shittiness I saw with my own eyeballs. Oh, uh-huh. Well then you can ask me the chief suit of the interior And if she does like a done with her hands, she's like and cleared you I just cleared you like I was opening curtains on the fresh summer day. Bye So meanwhile out on the deck captain Lee is giving Ross instructions on how to actually work on a boat without dying. So he's like, see this? Don't step on that.

Don't step here. Don't move there and let that do that and be careful of the starfish, okay? And be here. Like, hold it. Hold it, keep it. No one should ever be down on this deck. Do you understand me? God, man it.

Yeah. And then later, the chef's like, should I just cook this on the deck and kids like yeah, just do it on this deck Yeah, I just put the just put the put the table right around all those reps. So So then we see Laura. She's like sitting down with the women being like hello. Welcome to yoga time. Great. Let's get started. Namaste at which point the. starts on the boat. Yes. So here we go.

So the chef is still mad at the guests. He's like, when they're flaming assholes, I really go all out. Like I know the food was great. And if they didn't like it, that's their problem. And I was like, well, welcome to the season, sir. I've been waiting for this. Yeah, exactly. I mean been waiting for this. Yeah, exactly.

And meanwhile, Ross wakes up Riley to get to work and everything. And he's like, all right, we're going to, like, we're going to, here we got to go to the Tinder. And then we have to like, don't step there, don't step there, that's lava, that's lava. It's not lava, Ross, that's a dick, that's a dick. No, it's lava, step back. Step back. Well, step it It just becomes chaos. They're like yelling at each other over basically

Yeah, I'm like how to step over the line or whatever that he just got bitched out by the captain Yeah, if you want me behind the line, I got behind the line. He's like getting there That's what you said. That's what you said. Yeah, because Captain Lee is watching this on his video and he's like, so he first he calls up, he's like, I don't want to see a body out there. I don't want to see another severed leg. So he calls up Ross and he's like, who was down there? Was that Tyler?

He's like, no, it was, it was royally. He's like, all right, get a rest up here. So Riley goes up there and Captain Lee just yells at her saying, like, don't stand there. We know whatever Etc now right now Riley's bad at Ross. Yeah, it's like I'm not saying anything to you right now But in my head I'm going oh He's like all right get your mother fucking ass off this boat, okay? Yeah, so break the gluten-free pancakes You sure showed them your anger. He's like I am so mad. All right. Here's some gluten-free pancakes. You sure showed them your anger. He's like, I am so mad. All right, here's some gluten-free pancakes, guys.

So then Ross and Riley, now she's furious, right? And he's like, yes, he's why I told you. He's like, this is why I told, I don't want to be working up 10 minutes before it's supposed to be concentrating. Yeah, which is, I feel like not Riley's strongest point that she's made all season. I love that she's ready to kick someone's ass from like minute two of being away. She's like, good morning. How's it going on? I fucking kill you.

I know she's not a morning person or after you know what you think. So, and I like that this is all being intercut with like this stupid yoga class going on. And it's like, Laura, it's like, well, thank you for allowing me to guide you through this practice. Namaste. God damn it Ross, you know. Yeah. And he's like, let's go Dan. He they're watching. And she's like, you are another fucking Chandler. Yeah. So good.

So then the staff fucking sack it to respond to you. Yeah. So everyone keeps going and throwing food at Ashton's head so we can eat Yeah, sweet and then the guests continue the the fight between Ross and Riley continues and then it ends with Ross She's like next time you say get behind the lines. I guess I'll get off the fucking platform because now I know that's what you mean And he's like you know what you're right. I should worded it. But I you're right? You're right. I should've waited it. You're right. You're right. And I'm wrong. I'm like, okay. And then she hugs him Which actually is like stupid channel and that's all you had to do is take like just a shred of accountability and she'd be like, oh, okay fine. Thanks So yeah, next up is Caper rings, Caper rings ash in some core water. She's like, hi. I thought I'd bring you something like it from our sponsor

Here you go enjoy some core water while your ankle heals from being almost torn off. Great. Thanks I'd like you to put some of this in a espresso on your ankle. Okay, great So then in the kitchen Adrian is making an alleged carrot cake even though it's totally the wrong color and like two the rounds are totally different colors And Josiah is just standing there's like what sort of cake is that? carrot cake, even though it's totally the wrong color and like two of the rounds are totally different colors. And Josiah is just standing there and he's like, What sort of cake is that? Carrot. So it's a mix-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j- It's not made for a mixture. I'm home making this carrot cake master Pearson. We have an issue

I'm bleeding all right. You're not ready go back to the cave Learning Master Pearson you've been presented with a mixture cake. What do you do? I? No again No, again. Oh, so he's like, yeah, you've got two different kinds of cakes. So it's a mixture and he's like, I don't know what you're on about. Because I'm going to punch you in the face in a minute, drunk, carry. So they start sending up this party and cake goes, I just think it's annoying when

anyone wants to celebrate their birthday unless they're like a child. And on that note, Kate, thank you again for sending in that video for my birthday in Nashville. I really appreciate that. I wish this video had been out so I could have added it. I know. It's hilarious. I love your child. Like, no one wants to celebrate your 43rd birthday. I was like, thanks. So then, so then they're setting up the birthday party for some reason in the Quarrelville Beach Club. And Josiah has a little box of balloons,

and he like pours it out and like five balloons come out. And he goes, yay, it's a party. So then the chef and Laura are in the kitchen. He's made that cake. And it looks like a misshapen boob. Like it looks terrible. Yeah. And he's like, do you think it looks like a nipple? And she goes, yeah, it looks like a nipple is that on purpose? And he's like, yeah, I was inspired by you, the lay of your chest. Yeah, the shape of your breath. I thought he said the shape of your breath either way. I didn't know what

lay of your chest, man. I just thought that was was like I think I don't have to deal with boobs Like there's so much terminology. I just don't understand. I thought he said their shape of your breast But either way she's like that's hilarious. I was like hmm Fee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e Oh, that yeah, so now he basically serves up a giant seafood lunch, you know, make this at home bitches Oh, and then Ashton watches Laura to laundry like it's the sexiest fucking thing he's ever seen because he's gotten up and he's Lumping around now. He's like oh, yeah, steam coming out of that. He's like, joy. Yeah you need someone to give you a rib. And she's like, oh, jeez. And then he tells us his game. He's like, I've played an interesting game with Leroy, or just dropped their seeds.

And then I lift him alone. And their seeds grew. Told you. Ha, ha, ha. And then he does the, uh, it's that guy from last season that we wanted to murder. Is this name? It was Joao out.

Oh, Joao. He's like, ho ho gonna hot. So then, cake presentation. So, Riley and Tyler are talking while everybody else is up parting, they're working. And she's like, what, it's not ring on your finger. Stay in bed, I'll fucking kill you! It's nice. And he's like, well, actually it's a promise ring. And she's like, you were engaged.

That's so sweet. Oh, I want to rip your fucking throat out and eat it with my bare hands. Now you listen and you listen well I need more than 10 minutes before you tell me your promise ring story, okay? You got that So he wasn't engaged to his high school sweetheart, but she's married and kids she's married with kids now because You know she wanted him in construction and I wanted to be in fire so instruction and I wanted to be in fire so Work out

Sorry sorry Jocelyn so yeah, that's his big stories and he'd be him a firefighter Yeah, Rally's like I have an X2, but we cheated on each other and they're like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was like, this is the honest romance I've ever seen in my life. I know. So now Adrian's preparing for dinner and he's like, yeah, I don't talk it to guests about dinner.

I just serve him what I want to serve them. And tonight I'm making lobster and beef. And he makes a, he makes actually a dinner that looks pretty amazing. He makes like a lobster-bisc. And that beef, that beef was pretty close to perfect. And he said that to Laura, because she's like, you just do what you want and you don't care what they think.

Fine. You can see her marking it down in her brain. That's what I do when I do a turn down service. Yeah, I mean, I guess no standards are still what we're aiming for, huh? So yeah, so dinner goes off really well and everyone's really happy. And now it's the next morning and Ashen is, he's now like limping around because he wants to work. So he's like, he's like bundling up ropes and stuff. He's like the trauma. I have to,

I have to gather the ribs to remind my mom, it's a persevere over this trauma. That's it. That was the story he told himself Yeah, it's like I hate lying on my back and not doing anything Which is why I've got Ross here Ross a mind on my back and he's like oh, yeah, oh, we're just doing this is brothers Just hear that to he shouldn't grill So Riley has exactly what she's been looking for so much she can boss around she's fan thiler So she's just following him around bossing him around like okay, that's that up do that cross the line cross the line Something looks out of place put it somewhere, which is I hate when people say that like how am I supposed to know what looks out of place?

I need context and he's like I've spent years on sailboats I mean I have those skills no doubts, but this is a motorboat. It's a different animal bra Saddle my daughter's shown me the ropes Yeah, it's like construction versus She's building me up then someone's gonna burn me down then I'm gonna put myself out So he thank you for that Kate laugh. No, I was trying to think if I could tie killing it at the insurance agency into it, but I really couldn't.

So the anchor comes up, date, breakfast, vendors come out, and the guests leave. I mean, I don't know, I feel like nothing really happened during that part, right? Yeah, nothing really happened. Basically, the guests leave, and then the captain pulls everybody up. They got 16 grand for their tip,

which is decent, I guess, because it was only two days. And so he calls everybody up, and he's like, we're gonna watch a video of exactly what happened here. So because it's going to be sobering because in 30 minutes, I was going to have to call his parents to say, you said just like the goddamn ankle and blood out and he's dead. I need a second again. And you've been there. Yeah. Also, we should mention the action wanted. He's like, I would like to address the grid and I have to say's like, I would like to address the

group and I have to say I want to thank everyone for checking in on me, Ross, that blowjob, top notch. Also, I didn't really do any work, I mean, for me, joking off to all of you guys, that's pleasure. So, honestly, I don't think I deserve this tip and I'm not talking about that tip if you know what I'm saying. So here, I'd like to give it to the group and the He's like now that's not how it works around here. I'm 30 seconds from calling your parents and saying hey He better keep his tip. So now you keep your tip time for a sobering meeting a sobering meeting alerts sobering meeting of soberness

sobriety of the brain is happening Yeah, so they watch the video of him and he's like God damn it and That it's really sad cuz you know, I'm a star so everybody cries and stuff and he starts to cry Captain Lee yeah, that's you right there run to water. What are you what are you doing Riley? You just say man overboard once I'm supposed to hear it you gotta go man over real bad man over I'm god damn it man overboard. Yeah I'm then they cut to everybody's face And like every single person is crying and then it gets to Kate and she's like

Are we going to address the cake that was shaped like nipple? Are we gonna address the fact that Adrian made a care cake, but then garnished it with strawberries. Are we gonna talk about that? Because that was also pretty terrifying and so good. That is, that is pretty bad. Oh gosh, alright everybody, well that brings us to the end of the VeloDick. We will be back with two more shows this week, both Real Housewives of New Jersey and Real Housewives of Dallas. And if you want to get caught up on last week's top chef in New Hood Jersey, we did those in our premium bonuses over on Patreon, so thanks for everyone who supports that. Go get your live-sode tickets, Boston DZ, Irvine, Vancouver, Dallas. Go on and get them at www.wattrootcrapins.com. That's our soul, where you'll find links to our

merch. We've got all of our limited edition t-shirts up for two weeks on that. Anything to add Benjamin. I love everyone. Bye everybody. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.