Watch What Crappens - Below Deck: You’re a Good Man, Chris Brown

Episode Date: October 13, 2017

Chris Brown gets the gift of a plane ticket on this week’s Below Deck, and EJ finally loses his cool beans. Enjoy! For bonus episodes and extras, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find us on social media, on Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram

and Facebook at Watch What Crapins. We'll see you there. I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens! The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Yeo Bros. I'm Roni Kerrum from the Rose Pricks Bratular podcast, and here I am with my gorgeous talented getting over the final part of his illness friend Ben Mantelker of the B side blog and the banter blender hello Ben. So howdy duty, how's it going? So good, how's everything with you, baby? Well, I tell you, I tell you, I am in great spirits today because I just watched the trailer for the upcoming season of Top Chef 15. And I'm like, it's Top Chef time and I'm excited. And I already know that next week's bonus episode, we're going to go through the cast because we love looking at the cast of Top Chef and making judgments. Yes, and I predict without even having seen it that there's two fo-hawks because this Top Chef and Top Chef will keep the fo-hawk alive.

And there'll be many, many terrible tattoos of things like spoons and forks and pigs. Yes, and people who like, well, live it on the street and then food saved, man. God, it was roughly in heroin addicts, but now I know what an amuse bushes. So the trailer, I'm excited for you to see it because it's kind of ridiculous. It's like, it's getting very self-important in a hilarious way.

It's like Tom, well, I mean, the trailer is Tom Clikio. You hear him talking, I'm talking about like, you know, food, it's worth it just cooking. It's a journey. We're all going on that journey together and we learn something more than just ingredients. We learn about life. And there's like, you see them like trudging through the snow

and climbing mountains and it's like, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. I'm like, oh my god, I love this show. see them like trudging through the snow and climbing mountains and like don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don that was not compressed lobster salad on real house size of Orange County. Did you read that? What was it called? I did. It was apparently it was a crazy, but between they're all their crazy accents and mispronunciations, we're like, oh, compressed. Yeah, it's still in my head that way,

and it still makes sense that way. So I'm going to keep it. Yeah, I thought that they were saying compressed because it was put together in a ring mold. Yeah, I did too, which is, you know, so food in 2017 anyway, like I could believe it. So before we get into today's episode of Blow Deck. Blow Deck, not Blow Deck.

Blow Deck is a very different show. And it's only available for certain audiences. I want to do something that we just love to do here, which is chill for ourselves. We have our San Francisco show coming up, and we may be sold out by now, maybe we're not, I don't know. But we have to check in with our peeps to find out where our ticket sales are.

But if we aren't, get yourself a ticket, November 4th in San Francisco at Social Hall San Francisco Bay Area. You know, I know some people up there are in need of some laughter because there are some terrible fires up there. So if we can help bring a smile to your face, you know, then let us do that for you. But it's a life shows. It's a journey.

So it's a journey. Yeah, well, yeah, journey. So, but for those of you wondering what we'll be discussing on this show, we have decided that on that show, we will be discussing that week's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. So that week, you won't hear our recap on Thursday, like you normally would. You just have to wait like two more extra days and we'll talk about it. We'll talk about New Jersey on a live show.

And we're excited because New Jersey has been very funny so far this season. Yes. It's like Ziggy. That's all you have to do is just grow really loudly. People are going to get so fucking sick of that by episode four. Oh yeah, they'll be sick of it. So we're excited. We're really excited to see all our Bay Area peeps and to be in a big old theater like Social Hall of San Francisco with full seating

The abit tickets are sold out though unfortunately for those people who are looking for those Well today guess what's not sold at bloating That's right. This God damn Yeah, it's green Floating into the mouth. He's back in Falcon right. Flouting into the mouth. He's fucking falcon. Thanks to God damn amateurs. That's a multi.

This is a failed. He's falcon. God damn it. Was that a god damn sale? You can't just run into a boat and watch yourself run into the boat and go whoopsie daisy. That's fun. We're running to a god damn boat.

Multi's Falcon straight ahead! So anyway, opening credits, EJ is not in the opening credits yet. No worthy enough. Well you never know how long he's gonna last. This is below deck. Maybe I feel like he's gonna earn himself a spot in the Mondrian painting that is the blow deck opening credits. Yeah, I think so. I think below deck is the only place that can seriously hire somebody that says cool beans that much and get away with it. Well, he has shown some growth this week because he transitioned from cool beans to numpties.

Numpties. What is numpties? He says it 20 times in this episode. I think it's like the Canadian version of the sea word. Nump-tees. What is nump-tees? He says it 20 times in this episode. I think it's like the Canadian version of the sea word. Nump-tees.

But because it's Canadian, it's super benign. And like, fine. I'm looking up nump-tees. PTE. This is in the urban dictionary for all of those, all of those of you who need to understand urban lingo, okay? Canadian urban lingo. Can urban. Okay, this is another key. An insult for someone who doesn't have a clue or people who seem to be spaced out slash tripping, slash sketching. God damn it. Oh, here's an example. Oh, you numpty. But the second one. I love that numpty. God, I love that numpty. The second definition is numpty, a properly clueless cut fitness with a vacant look. Is it really?

Yes. I told you, I mean, I was just joking, but see. But to be fair, like, that's the second definition of everything on the air conditioner. Like Starbucks coffee. Oh, that's just like for, you know, a perfectly vacant seabird. Yeah, that's a better seabird.

It's like, okay, urban dictionary. So we are still with the last guest, sober Brad and wife and their friends who are celebrating their anniversary. And Kate's doing this thing where you know she's like in true hate mode because she keeps speaking in that really nice high voice, which makes me up.

It opens up with her going, anything to drink besides sparkling? And like no thanks, she's like the most boring charter ever. The lamest. So Nico's like God the ham break you fucking idiot who wouldn't choose that who would check the ham break. His name rhymes with me K. E.J. God idiot. And today it's like, well, I should have checked it. But I thought Nico would have done that. Turns out these guys are just a bunch of numbs.

Numpties, you're vacant. Can't need an. So it is ordering, you know, ordering Jen around. Okay, Jen, do some laundry. Think go back up. Then do some laundry, think go back up, then do some laundry, think go back up. Anything besides sparkling, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Yeah. Yeah.

Jen's like, got it. Add sparkling water to the laundry. I'm trying to feel myself with cheer. So I'm gonna put an entire bottle of cheer into the watching machine. So this is the music. Is that all? Okay put all the all in the laundry. The music on the low deck is like and it's genuine laundry. And she's still trying to figure out how to do laundry. She's just looking at it like why did those doors have see through things on them?

It's the laundry going in circles or is it me? I work harder than Rihanna. Kate isn't trying to wear me down, but it sucks to be me. And then it shows like this montage of her doing laundry while she's trying to eat a sandwich. So then we have Nico upstairs, it's telling Baker to double check everything that EJ does and then we have like Yeah, he's telling Baker I have to tell this because Baker only gets like one line in episode What was that? I don't know something fell in my house rolling through Well, okay, we're talking about me, right? Me cuz like yeah, you gotta watch EJ cuz cause he left that handbrake on to the-

Yeah, well, it's like a break for your hands or what, where his hand's going fast? He's like, it's like a bike, okay, like picture a bike. Okay, I'm on it, I'm on it. It's going downhill. Hey, J, I heard you broke your hand. I'm on a bike, it's going downhill, well Well, he's like now pull the break. Hey, guys, when's our break to eat the ham? We're having ham sandwiches apparently is going

to be a break to eat ham sandwiches. Poor bacon baker. Every time they show baker, she's just like, wow. But Nico is kind of, it's funny. You know, we obviously we met Nico and he's like super sweet and adorable. We hung out with him a lot and we really love Nico, but he's in full like his eFIT mode and this is what he did last season two when Kate was like, um, Nico, you burnt something in a pinnacle press. He's now, you know, he's playing like a, um, mode right now. Right now.

Right now. Right now. Right now. Right now. Right, man. It's like, So he's doing whatever he can to undermine EJ, because he doesn't like that EJ has been brought in. And, you know, EJ is just kind of like, I actually don't have any problems with EJ. I think he actually seems nice. And I think he's just trying to kind of like,

be fun and nice, but also be a little authoritative a little bit there, but I don't want to be mean, but you kind of have to clean the windows. So he kind of he kind of does the same thing as Kate. His voice just gets really high when he's like, he has crazy eyes and so think about Mary come beings. So I can't with him. And also, no, I kind of manager where they're like, I'm really nice. I'm really not. Hey, buddy. Gotta let you go. You know, I kind of want to be an asshole. I just wanted to be a straight asshole, like a straight up asshole. And he gets there. He gets

there. Yeah, give him to him. But then I like Bruno's like, I really want to learn. I want to learn from E.J. Because I'm I tired. I tired. I want to learn how to be tired by silver. And he's telling each a look, you say one thing and then he says another thing. and it makes me confused. And he's like, there's a reason I'm here. He's like, what is it? What is that again? To make you less confused or that's so confusing. I mean, like, you know,

it's like nothing going on bad is because of Nico's methods. I'm tired. I tired. Is it, uh, EJ? I want to learn from you. So do you get better sleep sleeping on your side on your back on your stomach? I need to know because I tired a lot. Hey EJ, what do you think yoga or go get? I'm tired Just popped up some plan So in the kitchen fucking Brad is in the kitchen, fucking Brad is in the kitchen. You know, you would get your fucking head cut off with any other stuff in the world. You don't get to just go hang out in the kitchen, Brad.

Well, when you're spending $20,000, you still don't, nope, you still don't go over to the four seasons kitchen and try and stand in there and see how long you keep your hands. So he pokes and he's like, so I just want to know what the plan is for it today. Um, which I think normally is pretty obnoxious, but I think he's kind of saying, are we going to be getting just another wedge salad or we get something more exciting? Are you just going to throw some risotto in a bowl without cooking it first or her? Did you mean to serve us salmon with broccoli that's steamed or so you're going to have enough ice cream tonight right? It's like all Brad really cares about.

Is it like good ice cream or is it that generic like Cisco brand ice cream that comes in giant because we can taste the ice crystals. Well, we know things are going on a good path because we get a close up of Bri making a perfect toilet paper diamond. Ooh! I love this show. Oh, there's leakage in the laundry room. Yeah. There's fucking water everywhere because, you know, it's Jen.

Yeah. And Briana is like, well, I have patience with Jen because like, boating is like new to her, but I feel like I'm doing more work than her cut to Jen. She's like, I be more work than everyone. It's like, they're thinking their own fucking phone. Yeah, and so they're all, I like Kate's way of scolding Jen because Jen's like, oh my God, they're washers. And Kate's like, okay, let's just use less soap.

So much soap. How much soap did you put it in the washers? How much soap? Let's just use less soap, which is her way of being like, you fucking idiot, don't ever fucking do this again. It's our fourth charter, how you not know how to wash clothes. Well, Jen's answer to, how much soap did you put in? And Jen's like, not much.

Okay. Well, I heard that there was a rising tide. So I just put it more tide because it was rising. Look, I don't want to bring you down. But I need a little more cheer. Okay. So okay, it's like, well, just try to have her bounce. Okay, well, I'm going to show you how much she used with this little cup which twists on to the actual container of soap. What? I can never be good enough for Kate. So they arrive at St. Barrett's and there's all these fancy yachts, including this one mega yacht that's called the multi-facin.

And I fucking hate this yacht. I've decided I hate it. You know why? Because this stupid yacht that probably costs a lot of money. In fact, I know it costs a lot of money because I read an entire Wikipedia entry about it. It's a yacht, but it has three masks on it, like an old-fashioned boat. And according to Kate later on, she's like, when the sales come down all at once, it's really magnificent,

which I believe, but I also feel like I feel like that's annoying. I feel like it's showy. I don't want that for my yachts. It's showy. It's like we have motors while T's falcon, okay? With your sales. I'm just like, be a yacht. Don't try to... It's like a car that's like... Don't talk to me. Like look at me, I'm using a sail. You know what it is? It's like a Lamborghini with giant truck wheels on it.

Like, no, no. You've chosen to be a yacht. Be a yacht. Don't be, like, don't be. Try to pretend like you just came from South Street seaboard. Okay. Yeah, I'm I'm jerking off maltees Falcon So we know what you are and I saw and I also I saw photos the maltees Falcon And when it gets its sales out and it turns the entire boat goes on its side basically

Which I'm sorry that maybe cool in an Instagram photo But if I'm paying a lot of money, I don't want to be at a 45 degree angle while I'm eating my compressed lobster salad, okay? Why am I on my side in this multi-spot? You're like writing bad y'all pervuse for the multi-spot, okay? I'm sure I'm not on my side, okay? I'm sure it's like magnificent to see in person because the mass are tall and it's like it's a vision. It's huge I'm sure it's like whoa, but having the luxury of perspective, I'm only looking at it from a it's a it's a vision. It's huge. I'm sure it's like, whoa. But but having the luxury of perspective of only looking at it from TV and from a Google image search, I'm pushing back. I'll push back. Well, Niko tells us how nice it is. He's like, well, there's some

big boys on that boat. There's there's Mark Wahlberg. Anyone who's anyone? Marky Mark. Wahlberg, comma Mark. The guy from the movie about how the step-dad's a jerk, but then he gets along with the real dad. It's like, it's Marky Mark, Nico, OK. They're all Marky Mark. The guy from the Calvin Klein ad.

The guy from those really annoying Verizon commercials now. They made that HBO so about him. He has a big penis. He represents America in every movie that comes out in January. Marcus Walberg. Yes, Nico. It's Mark Walberg. Okay. So now they're putting Dawn on the slide. So Brad can slop down that slide. I don't know if the editors hate him or what, but Brad shouldn't be shown so much slopping down the slide. And how come Don is put on the slide? That is not

good for the fish. Wait, it was Don, his friend. No, Don is the dish soap. Oh, Don. Yeah, they put dish soap soap on it so fucking Brad can slide down. Oh Man captain goes hey good one you got style points for that one Brad What are you doing out here go back into your cabin? Man, it's a cabin, judging. He needs a captain standing there judging every slide they make. Well, that was all right. All right.

Well, hey, you know how to do a Jackknife, Jackass. Doesn't look like it from here. So then I wrote down something that makes no sense to me. I said, Chris asking Kate how long EJ will be around? Who's Chris? Chris Brown. Oh, Chris Brown. Oh, poor Chris Brown.

Oh, poor Chris Brown. Oh, poor Chris Brown. I can't remember. Look, hey, how long do you think you I want some advice you've been in yawning longer and she goes, um, yeah. It's so sleeping in the mirror. It's like how long how long that guy other guy going to be here? And she goes, well, he's going to be here until he doesn't have to be here. So. Why are you making me say words right now? other guy gonna be here and she goes well he's gonna be here until he doesn't have to be here so

Why are you making me say words right now? Well all right well I'm gonna go ahead and take the bilge that's okay and she's like yes make that bilge your own and on the other hand you know what a bilge is now so I think you're winning get you yeah yeah oh my God. I have to tell you something after this podcast. That's hilarious. Sorry, everyone. I hate to do that, but I couldn't help myself. So the chef is at the fridge and he's like, whoa, this is bizarre. I don't have lobster. I promised them lobster. I promised bread. Chef, chef, it's the chef, uh, uh, Captain Captain, it's the chef. It's the chef, Captain Captain. Can't be that. I don't have lobster. God damn it. Okay, it's just like, that doesn't think I had too much. So let's see here. Uh, now Nico Baker and Ej Baker and Ejie is like, okay, here's a shaming help with that.

And then we'll get this knocked at and then we'll get the rope and then we'll do this. And he goes like, don't do that. Do it later. She's like, it's like that cartoon music is playing, you know, that that that sound effect that plays when someone is like slipping on ice and their legs are moving but they're not running, you know, do I try to run? It's like it's like a lock and steal or something., well, you know, clean the floor. No, don't clean the floor. Mom. So now we're back to lobster drama. It's twinkering the middle.

Picker, I love that show. So now it's 12.45 pm. And the what's his face? Don Bob, whatever his name, what's his name again? Doug Brad, do spread. He is hungry. His friends are hungry. They were promised lunch 12. again, Doug? Brad? Dude, Brad. He is hungry. His friends are hungry. They were promised lunch at 12.45 and guess what?

The lobsters. They haven't arrived yet. And you know why? Because they sent Nick to get the lobsters. Remember who Nick is? Nick is the guy who stood on that little dinghy that Kate was trying to get on. And Kate's like, um, um, can you please grab me?

Grab me please. Can you move over? Can you move over? Can you move over? And he's like, uh, thick. Yeah, look at you, lady jumper. Why did they have options aren't there? Cause Nick was in charge of them. Yeah, why did they have no handy cam following Nick around town?

Yeah, yeah. And then that's like, oh my god, I don't have, I don't have the options. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. And probably I think, I don't know if he came up with the idea or maybe like Kate was like, so can we send something out instead? He's like, I guess we can send out in salad. It's like, what a revolutionary idea. Hey, we got the lobster, three day back with the lobsters. Nope. Are the lobsters here yet?

Kate does that really bitty thing, where she just sips her straw and stairs. She's like, just sips her straw and stairs. She's like, please let the suction in my mouth remind you of how much this could have been an easier moment if you had just planned ahead, like just 30 minutes. Just look at your pantry. Yeah, a little salad to start.

So what's addressing? Mm, them and in vinegar? Mm. Mm-hmm. Oh, I see, it's a chop, let us out with with cheddar cubes and some crazy. And wonderful, wonderful, perfect for a yacht. Yeah, lemon. Whoa. And meanwhile downstairs downstairs, because there's all this talk back for laps. There's laps. There's EJ, you know, EJ,

Nico and Bruno Bruno like, communication is like a lot of confused because you're giving orders, then EJ is giving orders. I tired. And Nico goes, just because someone's in the yachting business doesn't mean they know yachting. Bruno's like, oh, God, I exhausted. He's so frustrating. Communication is a lot of confused. So when I'm glad I'm not the only one. So I had like the Cates like, well, don't worry, behind the salad is a very, very fresh lobster tail. And so, and so what's the guess?

He's so boring, I can't remember it. Brad, Brad's like, oh, this salad's great, but that is wife or whoever the lady is. It's like, this salad's like a but it is wife or whoever the lady is like, um, this salad's like a little bland Yes, yes, you're the wife of Brad who the fuck are you to talk? So the lobster finally arrives and he's like, oh my god, lobster. Wish I do. I'm gonna do it in the tails and she's like, well tail bowls They ready Just chomping on the straw just sitting sitting created in her mouth at this point.

How long on those lobsters? Are we still gonna be serving lobsters? Are we just gonna switch over to air? I just want to know what to tell the guests. Well lobster, Miracle on lobster street. It's a lobster miracle. So the lobster is finally at the table at one away. So that's a solid, let's see, 15 plus eight.

That's 23 minutes after lunchtime. I don't know. Well, to be fair, all they do is eat on this, but like we see them eating every five minutes. So the chef is like fresh lobster. And then Brad's still giving his like dirty look, like I could chill up in the kitchen at any time, look. But then he goes, well, didn't get any better than this.

Matt is on fire. All this needs is a little more ice cream. Okay, it's like, oh good, I'm so glad. Which is really, I'm thinking like, I'm gonna throw myself off this yacht and some to the multi-svalcan. Well Kate knows that she's like bitchy a lot of the time. So you can tell when she's really trying to be nice.

Like her voice doesn't really change, but she does that thing where she actually ducks down so she can see her face under the counter, which I never realized that he couldn't before. Like this whole time, Kate's just like, okay, look at my torso, while I make passive aggressive remarks at you. And now she's like,

Matt, they love the lobster. She's like bending down and putting her head into the cabinet. He's like, whoa, my face. Thank you. Thank you. So now it's a nice face. Congratulations for doing the basic level of your job. So now it's like water toys.

And hey, Chris, we got to zip up these cushions. Then well, thanks for another backer line, everybody. So they do the water toys and everybody's like working and getting stuff in. And then it's sunset. And you just see Chris standing there and he goes, well, that's a little sense it's been aah. Kate also goes over to Matt and she's like, okay, Matt, well, I just want to remind you that the guests want to taste at the Caribbean tasting menu tonight. So that's my way of saying

could you look in your refrigerator first before you start planning it great. Thanks. So anything that you're planning on doing, go ahead and do that and then plan on doing better. And just a reminder that eggplant parmesan does not come from the Caribbean. So. So could you do me a favor? Have you ever been to chilies? Okay. Could you pull that menu up on your cell phone? Great. Okay, could you not make anything from that? So, um, just so you know, Caesar salad, not Caribbean. Now, I don't want to say that you're not great, but this is not the great American buffet. Okay. This is not the hometown buffet. So, um, are you gonna? Great, great, great. So then what did the chef audition for the show when he was drunk? Because that's the only time he has a personality, which sucks because that's everybody's fear when you're drinking too much or doing too much

drugs or something or hell, even eating too much, you know, like you'll ask a comic, you know, if you want to lose weight, just lose weight, it's like, but I lose my jokes. And then you see this and it's true. It's like the chef has nothing to say unless he's wasted. She just gets real past, past so aggro with him and he goes, she's right. But that's not even doing it. He's a reality, so sir. So meanwhile, now that the guests are done with the water toys, they're bringing back in the water toys and Bruno's bringing in a jet ski. So he takes off his shirt and Captain Lee is watching. He's like, hey, listen, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever without a shirt.

Bruno's like, but DC's drying his shirts. Captain Lee's like, those shirts are made for it to be wet. They're called wet shirts for that reason. Hey, now, now, Bruno. Now, now, Bruno. Now, now, Bruno, what's, what shirts is confusing? Oh, the captain of all the things to happen that the captain wants to go, this is the one that really kills him is somebody taking off their shirt.

Which I don't blame if it is totally unprofessional, but it's hilarious. It's like he's finally the straw is finally breaking. The straw that broke the camel's back is Bruno without a shirt. It is funny. Also Bruno trying to dry out his wet shirt while he's still in the water. Yeah. And the ocean on a jet ski.

I drying. I dryered. Never ever without a shirt. I'm drying. I dried. Never ever with that. I shirt. No, no, no. Brune out. Okay. So the captain.

So the captain is sitting in his little captain's room. And he's just looking at, he's leaning back with his legs crossed. Just like I'd love the captain poses. He's like leaning back on his catch with his legs crossed, looking at his phone like this. Like his head's like tilted up, but he's this legs cross looking at his phone like this like his heads like tilted up But he's looking down at the phone like half-hound

And Nico the door is wide the sliding doors open so Nico's with EJ and Nico's like the windows are salty EJ and then he slides the doors to the captain can't here Like the captain the captain is looking at Twitter right now. Okay boys They have this amazing a passressive bro fight and so basically EJ is like so you know this man there's just like so much like crustacean like residue on these windows is like so much so brown and I just feel like like I know you have your methods but like I don't know because like well Bruno just washed them like yeah I know but like they're so broke yeah this is what I wrote down you know people do what they

like who like what huh good one guys then EJ is like he's just maintaining he has no future acting like this This is like beams not cool, okay warm beams Nico warm beams I know I just thought it was funny because EJ what EJ really wants to say was these windows look fucking terrible on whatever I do whatever like whatever method you're using it's not working so this is how we're gonna do it. But he's like so I don't know I mean I know you're trying but like Nico says he's like dealing with syphilis. You don't want to deal with it but you have to like you know just like claim to salt off your weener like how hard is it?

So now they have this little you know what they showed just little clips of people Jen is just like kind of touching a rag tour wall I almost snorpped my tea I rewinded it four times. Jen's just like, hi wow I'm applying makeup to the wall Hey, can I call my daughter real quick and Kate's like, hi, wow. Hi. I'm applying makeup to the wall. Hey, Kate, can I call my daughter real quick? And Kate's like, well, well, this is what we call special time. So I don't want you to forget that you had this time. And she's like, yeah.

People, they are like preparing for dinner, by the way. They're preparing for dinner. So Kate's like, OK, 10 minutes, 10 minutes, 10 minutes. And this is what every daughter wants. Her daughter is stuck at home with grandma. She's like, hi, mom. I miss you. And she's like, well, I was told like a doctor for 10 minutes and 10 days.

And my boss can get over it. And that's what I'm going to say. I don't know. I guess I could. Jeez. There, there, mom. Did you remember to put less hope in the washer? No.

Mom, grandma's dead. And you didn't leave me any food in the cupboard. I got it! Oh my boss is a bitch! So now my next note by the way I watched the first half of the show like late at night. So some of my notes I don't remember what I'm talking about. So I said Nico and EJ bitching about each other. Let's see here. She's like, you could be a lot of this. Yeah.

Let's see, Jen cleaning while Jen crying to daughter, Nico whining to breathe. And he's like, well, first Nico tells me, she's like, has echoing. And he goes, gosh, you know, it's just like, I was finally getting somewhere with these guys. Where were you getting? I'm gonna know offense, but

Oh, I thought you needed the ukulele sorry You were not getting anywhere with these guys like there's only so far you can get yeah, and she's like look it's a G chord So yeah, there's bitching and meanwhile it's time. I wrote this down because for some reason, I just love this, that Kate, she goes up to the gas and she's like, just so you know, that's salted and unsalted butter. And I'm like, that's her way of saying, you should be drinking. Like the excitement from dinner should not be coming from unsalted, unsalted butter. We've given you two kinds of better, so don't get your bad ice cream.

And sure enough Brad's like whoa. Also I found this note that you were trying to talk about EJ and Nico bitching about each other when it switches to EJ bitching about Nico. He's telling Baker. He's like, well you know like beans have different ways of growing on the stalk or whatever. I'm one kind of bean. He's another kind of bean. And you know it's frustrating but let's just clean salt off the windows. Well, I pondered, you know, bean cooking and Baker goes, yeah! And then he's bitching and cleaning.

And she's literally not cleaning, she's leaning. And you know, I mean, it's a simplest rule of serve. You got time to lean, you got time to lean. Oh wait, you got time to lean? You know what I'm saying. You got time to lean, you got time to lean. Wait, you got time to lean. You know what I'm saying? You got time to lean. You got to lean. If you've got time to lean, then you truly have time to lean. I stand by my, I stand by my assertion, assertation, whatever. I started my full brain assertion that Baker is basically in early 90s cartoon mascot. I believe I called her the seven Up Dot with the cool shades.

I stand by that, but she really could be anything. She could be like Chester the Cheetah, like whatever Cheetah for the Cheetahs. Anyone from the 90s who like war maybe like sunglasses in a funky hat, but was a cartoon. That's basically Baker. Yeah. Re-bans.

You know what I love Baker too. Like she's also like one of those people that you can never get mad at her, you know? Because she no matter what you say, she'll always go, whoa buddy. Yeah. It's like you could be crying about, you know, a dead relative. You could be saying, hey, you want to go to the amusement park later. Yeah, buddy. Yeah. Well, so anyway, the Matt is making the tasting menu. The guests are loving everything. It's like, Sivi Jid, delicious. There's Bisk off the chart. Best Mahi Mahi they've ever had.

And they're all, they're like super happy. Matt's back on track. They like give him a round of applause. He comes out and everything. And my favorite part of all this was back in the galley, Kate's there with Jen and Bri, and they're talking about Matt, et cetera, and Kate goes, well, you know,

sometimes when you get bad feedback, it makes you prove yourself a little bit more, and then she just stares at Jen. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life, but come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident

not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen

to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Do you see what I'm saying there? No. Butter. Oh. It's melted. It's melted.

Okay, it's like, who is this man at the kitchen? And where is Matt? He's so intense. He's breaking a sweat. He is being amazing. And then they cut to the kitchen and Chris is like, well, I'm gonna eat that thing. So stuff's like, don't eat out of the pan. It's like, oh, sorry, Bill. Then they cut to bake are working really hard. And she's still at the salted window but she's got like a shami and she's just slapping the window with it. Roar! The salt's not shaking off. Blah! So Kate and the chef, let's see, she goes, uh, chef, Brad wants to give you an out of

boy. Watch out. I'm gonna lean below the counter again so you can see my face. Do you see it? And he's like, whoa! I'm gonna lean below the counter against you can see my face. Do you see it? He's like, well I've done it. So next they have to get a casino party together a casino party. Yeah, yeah So and okay, you go ahead. I just say no, no, no, so many notes. All it was is that basically that they're doing a casino party So kid asks Chris to be the crew PA because she's like, you know, she feels bad for Chris because he's, he, he is literally so bottom of the barrel that he's sleeping beneath the ship. Like he is down in the bilge now. He's so literally at the bottom

of the barrel. He is. So he's the group. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can do that. I'm able to charge and jarring people on this planet. She goes, I feel bad for Chris. He's a black sheep. He doesn't have a bed. I'd love for him to participate. Chris, can you deal? He's like, no. Well, have you ever heard of 21?

He's like, yes, like when most people get to drink, I didn't start till years later, but I'm still waiting to have sex. He's like, okay, it's a game. You play it with cards. Are you okay with this? And then it cuts to Chris to us. And he goes, whose idea is this?

What makes her think I can deal cards? It is challenging. I know. Giving little cardboard pieces of cardboard to be able to add all those cards up. You're really rough. I don't like a job where I need to wear a suit. No, no, no, you're just dealing out idiot. Yeah, so it's like status update time

How's everyone doing and Nico's like well, you know, I think that Bruno and Baker have improved a lot But Chris has had no improvements since EJ arrived The captains just like playing with his antenna and scratching his head. I just love all captain movements Well, I also like when they're like well, you know, you know Bruno had to come by he came from a cruise ship and they're like Cruise ships Now there's a there's a giant ship without a sail So he tastes like well ship without a sail. Ha.

Uh, so EJ's like, uh, well, what the captain is, all right, EJ, your turn. Well, uh, in my time in the industry, I've learned that you can improve people like Chris, if you just give, you know, just give them a chance and he goes like, but um, Bruno comes from Prizes and he's like, well, that's a culture shock. You know, I like, I think that's a culture shock. You know, I like. I think it's okay to take off a shirt. What the heck are they doing on God damn cruise lines? Now, what are they?

I'll tell you one thing. And maybe a carnival over there with a bunch of princesses, Bill over here. It's working business, buddy. The valor is all nuts and no play makes Jack a man. All right, boy. So he's like, we just crashed another boat. Whoops.

Who should I fire? All right, carry on. So sad music and the chefs in the bunk alone just like a poor thing because it's always dark and he's in like these awkward boxers and then he's like staring up in the night cam and just rubbing his belly. Yeah then he's like staring up in the night cam and just rubbing his belly. Yeah, he was like a sad Brontosaurus and he was just, you know, thinking like, oh yeah,

I had redemption and I'm just some sad because I have no one to share my redemption with. Yeah, so I'm going to text that girl who dumped me because I was a drunk because I finally learned when someone didn't like my risotto that I shouldn't be a drunk. And so he's like, taxed. He's like, Hey, you eats me. And there's no answer. So he just rubs his belly in bed. Alright. Maybe tomorrow, we can talk about revisiting that balloon knot. So now it's like nighttime montage, like, I'm going to

sleep, they show breed like in a thong-ting up for sure Which you know, I was like oh, okay now. I see why all the straight guys are in love with her I was like okay, okay, I get it and Chris in the sleepy in the closet He's like well sleep in next to peanuts and toilet paper not my first pick But I could jerk off here and I don't even have to clean it up. So that's great Hey, you ever line a hammock and just jerk up straight up and see where it lands like sometimes down your nipples and something to ride but sometimes right on your nuts so exciting. There's a 90% chance it's gonna land on some toilet paper so that's a good

thing about this. It cleans itself up. So the next morning Bruno's like, hey guys I'm not tired because I just slept and guess what? Last night, Brianna kissed me in my dreams. I tire it again. And E.J. goes, oh you. And then he, uh, Baker goes, oh yeah. Alright, kissing Bruno. So don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don don't don't don It's the pinnacle. So Captain Lee's like, well, looks like we drag some anchor last night As well as well as drag and some ass. All right, we need some hustle up here. Yeah Ah guys gotta move from the Falcon. All right gotta move to just like Writing straight to the Falcon. All right. Well, there's lots of boats and lots of wins and lots of dumbass. Goddamn it.

It's on this goddamn boat. Mark Wahlberg's already filming his next January movie on from the multi-spoken about like a great American shipwreck. He was the one man who survived until he died also. DROP. Goddamn it. Lone Sailor by Mark Wahl Wahlberg directed by Peter Berg. So the guest who have courage on the Maltese Falcon went a smaller yacht crashed into it.

And Baker's like, oh, Savia, she's slapping the window with his shami. He's calling Connie Britain at home be like, if I don't make it back from this multi is Falcon Just know I love you Give my regards everyone in working class main Connie Britain's like can I be in one movie where the man's not a total fucking pussy Do I have to spend the entire movie sitting on a couch waiting for a phone call from my husband who's about to die on a boat? I'm from Nashville. Can I get some respect here, people? Can I get on the yacht, too?

So I know you guys are worried about Brad in his eating schedule. Well, don't worry, he's eating again. It's lunch. And everybody's looking at the Maltese Falcon. Brad's like, well, that lobster is great. Anybody need more ice cream? And Kate's like, we are so close to the mouth.

Maltese Falcon. Like almost look in the windows. Is that Jesus? Is it? I'm coming. She's just like jumping onto the next boat. So the thing is that because they're picking up the because they drag anchor, they got to move.

They got to bring up the anchor. And the thing is they have all these jet skis and tenders all in the ocean. And so in order to move, they got to move all their little boats out of the way. And that's something for Niko and EJ to do, which means that it's up to the you know, Baker and Baker and all the other dumb dumbs. All the other numpties on board to do the anchor. So this is already a lot causing lots of anxiety. And so Nico and EJ, they get out to the tender to tow all these, all these Jeskies away. And Nico forgot the keys. So they can't even control the tender. And I'm like, why don't they go back and get the keys? I don't really know what's going on here. All I know is there are no keys

and they're just floating in their boat. Oh, I didn't even notice if they forgot the keys. I just wrote down, man, these guys will argue over anything. And then goes like, Paul, Paul, Paul, no push, push, push, Paul, Paul, Paul. And it's like crash. The editors get to do their favorite thing ever, which is when there's like a total crisis on board, they got to guess me. Like, I love these pancakes. They're favorite things.

Son of a bitch. She caught it loose without the engines running. Why? And he's like, boom, to nub these. And then Chris is standing there watching all this and goes, in this moment, if I'm like, the only one he doesn't screw up, no one will know this. Oh, no. And Lee is just furious. He's like, Nick has gotten his head up. He's asked. Because he had up the ass, but don't got enough confidence to go around. We look like God damn

many. It's like, all right, you can do. I was going to say the captain Lee was just like all right. We got bring up the anchor Baker wake up wake up Baker he's like oh Gruey dog dude. Oh this was so good. He's like Baker grab that rope. She's like oh Yeah, he's like Baker do you hear me? Oh? Baker god Baker doesn't know Baker, do you hear me? Whoa! Baker! God dammit! Baker doesn't know. She's like, I'm gonna crush Masoda.

Oh, what? Huh? I'm imagining that's her early 90s tagline. I'm like Kate narrating disaster. Well, we're now about 100 feet from the mouth he's falcon. I can almost jump over to it. He's like, I've never seen such a collective group of fucking idiots in my life. I never wanted to goddamn get away from a goddamn mother fucking boat so fast so I can rip the crew a new goddamn new goddamn asshole fuck goddamn shit shit shit. And I love that after Captain Lee calls in a bunch of fucking idiots. They cut to Jen me like,

whoa, do you ever notice that this boat actually rocks? If the boat comes rocking, I can't believe the washers leaking again. So the cake Jen, because cake goes up to Jen and she's like, um, before you start playing Hangman, will you watch these mugs? Uh, I love that Judd doesn't even play an interesting iPhone game. Hangman. Hey, so is this bedspill. You know, 90% of those game that poor man gets hung. He'd have thought survive.

Dive mortality rate. So funny. So I guess they avoid hitting the multi-fallocan, right? And like, we can only imagine what the people of the multi-fallocan were thinking with that little... ...the little parade of jet skis and dingy skis comes by. With these guys on it. But I guess they somehow like fix it. I don't even remember how they fixed it But they didn't they they avoided certain death

And then ultimately like everything works out and the guests leave and each is like you know what? Nico isn't in it to win it Okay, okay, so bye guys. Bye everybody and then the captain's like who's that? Brad his name is Brad god damn it. the captain's like, who's that? Brad. His name is Brad. God damn it. All right, Brad. Now, who's that? Doreen, I think. All right, Doreen. Now, who's that? Just, just not and say bye. And who's that guy with all the different types of butters in his bag? You know, that's Chris. Chris.

So now it's time for the crew meeting and Captain Lee is Bay, you know, they get their tip and everything and Captain Lee's like He's saying something. He's reprimanding everyone that they got to be better. Okay, Baker pay attention Back argue less than usually. Look we've done Who touched my soda, am I right? Well poor Baker almost cried, you know, it's like a Baker She may not have a lot of experience, but at least she cares, you know He's like Baker goddamn at a hand break as a hand break. It's not a goddamn leaning cleaning slapping windows with a goddamn machine or whatever and she's like

You got it, dude. You got it, dude. I felt bad for Baker. It's like poor Baker. So let's see. She's sort of like Dory. You know, Dory from Finding Nemo. She's got two movies for a reason. Everyone loves her.

Yeah, I love Dory. So now Captain Lee brings the whole deck crew up to his bridge to yell at them. This charter was new for me sober people. Okay, sorry, you already did that part. I'm scanning through a million notes. Sorry, I didn't have to be right into it. I didn't mean to know. I'm writing shit down like I'm just writing stupid shit down.

I never know what to pay attention to on this show. So I just keep writing, you know, Baker and Chris clean. Is that where we are? Um, probably not. Well, this probably a little past that because I was like a mom. I knew that that grew in the goddamn wheelhouse. So then he's sitting there. He looks like Lucy from peanuts. He's just miserable. He's got his like double like his second chin leaning on his fist. You know what I mean like and he just stands there while people filing and he just stays in that pose and then his monologue begins. He's like that anchor drop weed did did they was fucking embarrassing and I should put a fucking bag of my goddamn head. Nico EJ were four charters and can't happen.

Like how are you blaming EJ for four charters? I know. He's like Baker, you know, when the pressure is on you forget everything. She's like, what we're at by. See, exactly. All right, boss. That's captain. Where am I? God, bro. And Chris, you can't just sit there and go, well, shit, this boat is going to hit us and then watch it happen, right? Now, I actually hate that. I hate when a boss wants you to act busy,

even though there's nothing you can really do. There was nothing Chris could have done in that situation. I mean, he could have, I don't know what he could have done, but there's nothing he could do, but I hate when people are like, well, you weren't looking busy, so therefore you're in trouble Chris was literally just standing there and saying I'm not gonna do anything so no one can blame me for doing anything wrong He's such an idiot. He's such a cute. I mean his I mean it attitude is wrong I agree like his attitude is wrong, but I also don't like of all of this made it worse

He would have he would have you just going to like. Maybe if you volunteer to like dive into the water and help pull the, I don't know. There's nothing you could get. I tired Bruno stirred out. So then so then you know, so cap and Lee excuses everyone except for Nico and Chris. It's like you know standing before me are two boat people and each one has what the other one needs.

Unfortunately, only one can go forward. I'm sorry, Chris. You're an on-American next top, Yaddy. He's like, oh, it's cool. My life's back all. That's not cool. Your heart's in the right place, but all the toilet paper we get out of storage has sperm stains on it.

Nobody likes a crusted god damn piece of toilet paper. All right, kid. And then he's like, well, he's a good kid, but you know, my past have hats and cools. And it's just not where we need him to be right now. But he does like him at least because he's like. Yeah, she was pretty nice, I thought, in the fire. Yeah, he's like, listen here.

You're fired, G-D-E-T. But I'll put you up at St. Bart's for a night. You got a pocket full of cash, right? That's huge from the captain. I mean, yeah, he said he's like, listen, you can't hold it against him that he doesn't have experience, but we just can't have him on. You're not growing.

Yeah, and then Chris. Now, this is what Chris has been doing all over Twitter for the past few weeks. It's like, how could you blame me when you're a shitty captain? You're the one who hired me. Yeah, that's like a hard man. Build a shitty, he goes, he goes, build a shitty team, he gets shitty results.

Cleveland Browns aren't going to go on the Super Bowl, you know? So like, it's Captain Lee's fault that you're shitty. And that you're not like willing to grow or learn. Yeah, he's like took a nap I can't wait for the rest of the cast to fuck up and for those assholes to highlight that shitty They really are like they have been that's the problem. It's not like you suck. So they're good you suck so bad That you're worse than them like a woman was just slapping a window with the guy damn shanny Okay, it's probably like I don't know what a Cleveland Brown is, but could you please clean your sperm scenes up? Thanks

Jen Jen could you stop playing Tatecto for a moment and help Chris scrub the scene scenes out of the build thanks So no one is shocked at all Chris is is like, I'm out of here. And Jensy only one of you goes, what? I don't even know if she was talking to him. Yeah. It's just something that Jen says that she walks around. Yeah. So Chris is saying he was dealt with, should he hand in the one with help?

I'm not. I'm a Lenny. But unfortunately you were the dealer. Like you literally were last night's dealer, Chris. Exactly. So now that he, Jen, and Nico and I wrote it, I wrote a note here. I was like, this is what I realized something and I I should have mentioned it earlier

on the episode, but when E.J. and Nico were talking, I realized that E.J. is kind of like Kathy, you know, because he's like, he just responds everything. And it's like, well, you know, I tell them to do one thing and then you say no. And I'm like, girl, you know, I told him to do one thing and then you say no. And I'm like, Gaaah! Chocolate chocolate chocolate! He is a little Kathy.

He's like, Kathy is a stepdad. Buddy, I just want to have a talk with you, buddy. Which is how the talk's like, shuddered. Yeah, you make it this little harp, like, Gaaak! So I just want to know how you feel about today and he goes like well, there's a lot of fuck ups on the last day Well, yeah, but how do you feel about me and you well, you have real strong beings

Yeah, and he goes like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, when people talk to me like this, especially when they're under me. No bueno. So, um, so then, so then, so down in the kitchen, Jen's getting tired. So she's like, Fading. So Breeze like, oh, how can I, can I help you with anything? She's like, yeah, we organized those cabinets and then Breeze like, well, wait a second. Like, isn't that like your job? Now, you know, she was basically like, oh, I could take something downstairs for you, you know? Yeah, she's like, it's not your job. It's not your complete job. What are you doing?

And she goes, organizing. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Now it's like nighttime. She goes, I'm going to open the fridge. And see open that she has something reeks. Anyway, night. I'm gonna try to save the guy. I like the Kate sick up for for Chris. She's like, I feel bad for Chris.

It's not like he ever pretended not to be stupid. So it's time to go out at night. And they're all they're they're at the club at St. Barth's. Nico orders espresso martini's, which is like the official drink of the below deck franchise. No, sir. He does not order that. He ordered espresso martini's. No, I went back. he said it correctly i was giving props for for saying it correctly oh i wrote three x's like she's the first same with your expresso no because at first i thought he said expresso but then i went back and i heard him say espresso maybe he said like something in between like a like a espresso espresso all i care about is that EJ is still saying super white things.

Bruno is like, are you ready? And he's like, I was born ready. And EJ is like, he kind of also talks like he's a radio DJ because he's he's talking to everyone. He's like, no, listen everyone. Today out you're a drive at five. I want everyone to know. I don't get any treatment, any special treatment, I've got my fair share

of yellow eggs from Mr. Lee, so don't you worry and coming up, we've got Celine Dion back in his set. Okay, four guys, just trying to be a good coach to a terrible softball team that doesn't want to be there. You know, they're like good. He's just trying to fit in and he's like his nervous energy when he talks makes people not like him.

So I kind of feel bad for him. I feel like he's just trying to like, he's just trying to be cool and trying to fit in but he's like, he's like the new kid. I know one will give him a chance and bring on it. Just squint smiles while she sits. She's like, she's like, die. Everyone's like, yeah, we're gonna say we hate you. So Jen Teneco, she's trying to get some more Nico stuff if coming in her own pants while going

Oh A couple weeks ago doesn't work now. She's gonna try another classic Jen move where she's like Vui vui, Kishia La qualis why? He's like, what does that mean? Hey, it's all I have sex with you right now. Means I can come in my antenna skirt. So then I guess Baker was asking Kate about, were they doing like a, I don't remember,

were they doing like a silly interview, moment or whatever, she's asking Kate about her interior and Kate's like, well, between you and me, I think they're awful. I'm joking. Yeah, and Jen's like, the negativity, the ungratefulness, the disrespect, poke me in the eye with a pitchfork. Yeah. She's talking about how she works all the time, hard to solve the time and then Bree,

who like her bitch flower suddenly bloomed out of nowhere. Like, there's a little bitch flower flower in her hair. So I was like guess what? I'm alive. I'm gonna eat you and she's like bitter all the time Someone's like what's wrong Jen and she's like Jen Jen Um, you have to catch her when she's looking Right So now Jen and Bri start picking up and being bitter. She's like, what'd you say? What'd you say?

You're making me bitter by saying I'm bitter. Yeah, you made me bitter. How about that, all the time? Make me bitter. What sort of bitter am I, South, or unsalted? It gets like Jen. Jen. Yeah, she puts that finger on her cheek.

Like the stiff finger. She goes, Jen, take a pal her cheek like the stiff finger she was Jen Jen take it down take it down to not Jen She's like I am 33 she goes if either of you ever talk about this again. You are both cleaning the head all day tomorrow Jen's like that's all I've been saying I wanted you So they go to the next place and he goes like, God, I'm sure over that dinner. Get at everyone fighting. By the way, EJ, you suck. I can't break up. And Jen's complaining to EJ.

She's like, I'm not bitter. I'm not bitter. I just fucking hate this job in my life and everything that's happened to me. I'm not bitter. And the chef's like, Ha, Ha. So the poor chef is just staying sober but miserable about it. So Kate goes to J and she's like, hi honey, how you doing? Better. I mean better.

So Nico and Brianna, let's see, they dance and flirt. Boy. Okay, are we almost ready? Everyone's so bored hanging out with each other here. I know. Yeah, Jen's complaining. Yeah. They finally just go back to the boat.

They're like, let's just go back. Oh, yeah, this is good. They go back to the boat. And EJ is like, they're on the small little motor boat or whatever to go to the big boat. EJ is like, I got the rope for the boat. Nico's like, whoa, I got the rope for the boat. He's like, I got it. I got it.

I got it. Oh, Jesus. So EJ like jumps from the boat onto the yacht. And they're like, oh my God. Because he almost slaps. Oh my God. They're like, yeah. I can't just like.

Oh, yeah. I can't just like. Yeah, because like you're the boat isn't there and you jump. Good job, Boasting. And then he's like say, then Nico's accusing EJ of being drunk. He's like, if you can't control your fucking drink, you have it. Then don't get drunk. I'm not drunk. Oh, yeah, have a drink.

I'm not drunk. Hey, you want some olives with that teeny breath? I am not drunk. Oh, yeah, have a drink. I'm not drunk. Hey, you want some olives with that teeny breath? I am not drunk Go to bed bro. Go to bed bro So then EJ he finally gets EJ man and You don't tell me what to do and he's like okay, buddy I mean, he's like I'm fine. I'm not drunk and he goes get your shoes off my deck And he goes it's my deck now buddy boy Which I thought was great because it was like finally the beast was on leash. I was like ooh

Yes, that's what we want to see out of you EJ. No play no buddy boys I tried saying cool beans but now you get cold beans Because like hey, yeah boy. You want to play you want to play boy? I love like a straight guy chest, chest bumping. Like is this rope tied yet? Yeah, well, they look up. It's like, oh shit, we just crashed into Malton's family. I'm like, what are you doing?

Next week, the captain's like, all right, we got someone named Leigh Ann coming on the boat. She had her life turned into a movie called The Blind Side. All right, we got someone named Leanne coming on the boat. She had her life turned into a movie called the blind side I am so there for that episode. Yeah, I'm excited. I guess I should watch the blind side. I've never seen it the real life Sandra Bullock Yeah, I've got a job to you giant football player, man Let's let's move on to a quick little crap and smell bag shall we? Sure. Well, the crap and smell bag is where you can write in some questions and we'll answer them

on the air. A lot of times the questions are pure lunacy and we love that. If you go to patreon.com slash watch our crap ins. That's where you can, that's where you can sign up and if you, if you support us at the crap ins mail bag or above, like Kelly Grant, the grand master. Who's a super human officer. She can do it too.

So today, let's see, we've got let's start with Benjamin Cohen who says Let's pretend that Bravo asked you both to be guest editors for a house I've shown But it's for a filler episode Which franchise would you most want to edit an episode for what would you want to focus on feel free to be completely selfish? What would be a good? Well, what would be a show we'd wanna make a filler episode for? I mean, I already know my answer, 100%. A filler episode of what now of Crappens? Like, basically we get to do,

we get to edit an episode of something on Bravo, but it has to be a filler episode. So what show would you wanna edit a filler episode for? Oh my God. Something easy where there's like one set maybe top chef or something because I think of all the final cut footage and it scares me. For me, I think of like real hassles of New York because they could be like literally walking down the street and it's hilarious. I mean, every single scene on that show is funny. So like some shows, some shows are bad fillers, smart shows are everything

fillers. But I think New York City, you can literally have like Ramona going to get a library card and it'd be just like I could watch 10 minutes of her being like, whoa, this is crazy. It's a it's a it's a building full of books. What do we do with all these books? I want to I want to get one out. Do I need a library card? Is it from Hallmark? Or is it from the library itself? This is crazy. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. But I don't like having a library card. If I don't know where it's coming from, OK? Hi there. I just have a question. Shhh. You shh. I just have a question.

I'll say OK. It's a question, OK. How much is this book? It's a question, okay. How much is this book? It's a library, ma'am. Yeah, but how much is it? I want to buy it. Do you have a card? I have a master card, okay?

Or an amuse. This is black, okay? Well, this reminds me of this one time when I was a little girl. I went to a bookstore and I was like, I want to buy a book. And Jolly and Parsons said, no, you can't read a book because you're too stupid to learn words. And to this day, I've never read a book. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but that's the truth. Kai?

Where's the Starbucks? Okay, I need a coffee right now. I don't see any coffee shop in here. I'm going to go on Yelp. I'm going to tell everybody, you don't even have a Starbucks. You know, like the last time I went to a Barnes and Noble, I went in there and I say, here's my Starbucks card and they said,

you can't use that here. I said, it's a Starbucks, it says right there, Starbucks. And I say, no. What's this book, it says it's called Twilight? It's a book about Twilight. Why don't we read a whole book about when the sun goes down and look, there's like four of them that's crazy what is this world coming to why do people read these things it's not

interesting I want more interesting content you know a book I would read I would read a book about a woman who goes to a bar and she's a very sexy woman and her husband left her and he was dumb for doing it but instead she goes to the bar and she puts out a glass with some tequila and then a taller glass with some water and a lime and then a shorter glass with three limes in it, but nothing else. Okay. One of my favorite fucking Ramona things. Ramona's guy to dating one glass, then another glass, then another glass.

And you say, uh, I'm thirsty. Is that book in? Who's do we? Do we decimal? Who is that? Is he a duck? Is that like Huey, do we decimal system in Louise? Do we have any funnier cards to go inside of these books? I like Maxine from the shoebox ladies. I don't understand. I want to buy a card. So I went to the card catalog and I go in there. It's just a bunch of index cards with letters on. We are Maxine.

Sorry, I'm sorry. Dorenda just comes in. She's like, hey, hey. What is that? I don't know. I can't be here and I'm drunk. Are you a? I clip clip clip microfiche clip Anyone but can't get a book I can't You don't tell me be quiet. You don't tell me to be quiet

You What's your way to the truth? Tell me to be quiet What you The way I didn't come up with her little like Would you believe the girls they load me a book? I'm that important. They just load me books. I don't need to buy it. Oh My god, all right close up that goddamn mailbag We have many, many more questions. We know we have all of you guys to get to. We'll get to them, but we've had a long week, it was a very fun week. That is for damn sure. So thank you, Brava, for giving us so much joy. And thank you all for listening. Gotta get you tickets for seeing Fran.

And if you're listening to this in the future, we are gonna be all over the place this year. So just go to watch whatcraftmins.com to find ticket links. And we will talk to you guys on Monday. Yeah, bye everyone! Bye! Hey, Prime members! You can listen to WatcherCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts,

before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. and add free with Wondry Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.