Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Big Deck Energy

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

Below Deck is back, and the boat has never been bigger! Or maybe it has, but who cares? Lee, Rachel, and Fraser have returned, and we have a new gaggle of self-involved crew members joining them! Yay!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens What What Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Madelker and joining me today is the handsome and beautiful and hilarious and wonderful Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie. How are you? Well, aren't you a sweet little Amanda Peach? Oh, I just

well, you know, it's sincere. It's very sincere. We are here today below deck season 10, premiere day. God, 10 seasons of this show. Who would have thought, who would have, I remember when this show here. 10 years, man. 10 years. And we've done not, well, we haven't done every season because we didn't do season one, right? When did we start with this show season two? I think we started checking in with season two. And last season, we only did a part of, of below deck. We actually stopped doing last season because we needed, we needed a below deck break. So we just stopped. But here's the recap of last season it was Heather the chief's do saying my apologies my apologies

That was her and then season we stopped doing yeah, oh god. Yes that girl was terrible Yeah, I liked her at first, but then I was, I think I was just wanting to like her. And then it became apparent that she was terrible. And then she said the N word. She did. She did? She did? What was her thing?

Remember there was something? Hi apologies. Well, I do remember, I don't remember her saying, what is, oh, she was like wrapping her something. Yeah, she and Raina were coming back from the bathroom and like Raina said us on there or something and then she paraded it and it was not a great point. Why are you bringing that season back?

I've rubbed all of that out of my one lot still, I'm robbing it out, but we are talking below deck. I had rubbed that out of my brain. Well, Ronnie, I have one thing to say to you. Who am I, apologies? My apologies. I do remember her making an apology post while she was wearing like cornrows or something.

I was like, this is not the look for your apology picture. Ma-damn. Yeah, well, either way, we've moved onward and upwards and we're here with below deck. Well, Monty Moore, I'm re re-fucking traumatized Ben. So thanks a lot for feeling all that trauma flooding right over me Now I'm like die show. I was actually excited for a season 10 not anymore. You're dead to me show get dead Well, she's not back. She's not back. She's gone and Frazier Frazier Frazier British British stew. He's back and he's chief stew.

So let's dive into it. Unless, of course, join our Patreon. Patreon.com slash watch or crap. Oh, by the way, tomorrow, we have a family karma recap. You guys have been begging us. So we have like an update of family karma. We sort of catch up on the season and the latest episode. That's also going to be a crap and on demand episode. So go join patreon.com slash watch or crap and if you support at the

crap and on demand level, you can watch us do the recap, probably get a a builer cameo in there, which we all love. So go check that out and of course get access to our bonus episodes and our discord community and all sorts of other things. So patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. And by the way, Friday is black Friday consumer holiday. So go check out crap and smurch.com and buy some merch for your loved ones for whatever holiday. Yeah, you're just. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Thank you for mentioning that because I forgot. Yeah, we're going to put up some new stuff probably next week So you guys can get some stuff some new stuff But we put all a bunch of our most popular Previous designs and I don't want anyone going there and being like Ramona. Why are you putting Ramona on leggings? This was pre-season Whatever this last season when Pre-final season of Ramona on those

leggings. So don't get mad. I just put it back up there because we made them already. So they're there. But yeah, go check out stuff. There's fun design there to check out. Crackpants match.com. Yeah, there'll be some new stuff to see.

Crackpants merch.com. Okay. There's some blue and leggings. There's my blue and shirt. I'm wearing my blue and shirt right now. Okay. Just some blue and leggings. I'm actually wearing my Luhan shirt. I'm wearing my Luhan shirt right now. Well, there you go, guys. So go check that stuff out.

I'm very excited. I'm making a shirt right now that says, um, healing journey. So that'll be fun for any Salt Lake City fans. We're working on some other stuff. Hopefully a little Christmas design. But you know, gonna sit down and start knocking some stuff out here this week. So just keep checking back, grab some merch, dot, com, and marrying Christmas to you and your whole family in a month. And thanksgiving right now. Ben, take it away. Please do not talk about

season nine anymore. Okay, he got the taste out of my mouth. Question, should we do a Giz for Jazz T-shirt? How do people feel about that, too, vulgar, or just write on the money? Let us know. I would love to know because I feel like no one will wear a jizz for jazz t-shirts, but you know, if you want it, we'll make it. Build it and it will jizz. Build it and it will jizz. So I love that. I love jizz for jizz. But anyway, just for jizz, while right now we're doing just for y'all, because we're on below deck. So it opens up, you know, the way below deck, except for adventure.

The way they open up is there's it's like a semi-trailer. It's kind of trailer, but also with interviews. I'm skipping all the trailer parts. I'm just gonna do the parts where people talk. So we have Rachel. She's back and she's like, I'm the mercenary of cooks. Yeahhehe, quitter butthole, fuck face, mwah, mwah, mwah, and then you have Fraysh, I don't know, I don't know why I couldn't that, then Frayshur, he's like, I'm back, I've been crowned king,

well, Chiefs stew, and I guarantee everyone around me will be fifth, garbage trash hos. Yes, because Frayshzier is like the snooty dude who last year was like, that girl doesn't know what she's doing. Oh, I'm trained. Oh, no, everything. And then the guest are like,

ah, there was trash left on our bed. And he's like, dammit. So he's the one who likes to talk real snooty, but then falls apart of the seams. So I'm excited to see what he does, especially his chiefs do. I was really excited to see him on this. It's funny, because last season I think I came down on him

and I was like, oh, well, he thinks he knows it all, but he doesn't know it all. But then this season when I saw him, I'm like, oh, it's like a warm hug, because I realize what am I turning my nose up for? My favorite thing is how he's so nice to people to their face, and then he's so mean to them, but like, to him, like, and he has,

he has like lots of monologues. He's like disgusting. I don't even know why I try with that. Feels crap bag on the human being. Yeah. I'm actually glad to see him again too. And also I have a little pity for him because I know that,

and I mentioned this on the below deck adventure recap. So sorry to repeat to anybody who listened to that, but he was supposed to lead this Bravo Con panel for below deck. And Kyle, who was not invited, ended up paying for his own plane ticket to show up and just took the whole thing over. So I feel kind of bad for Frazier, because I know this was like his big moment. And then Kyle just came in and stole all of his shit. Of course. And then we meet Ross, who's the new boss. And he is like, he's like all of his shit. Of course.

And then we meet Ross, who's the new boss, and he is like, he's like, hello, my name is Ross. I have a Brian Cranston face, and I come from the old school of yachting. And you work hard, and you work hard, and you work hard, but you play hard. And then you make meth an abacurkey. And I've definitely overstepped that line,

but I try to be professional. Breaking bad face is probably the funniest shit. He really does have Ryan Krassen breaking bad face. Also, he looks like he has a severe alcohol problem, so that works. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like he had a situation. He had like a Dorian Gray situation,

but the picture of Dorian Gray, whoever did it, just did like a body shot They're like, oh sorry. We didn't include your face on the canvas. Did you need that? Your body will stay young, but your face will brand cramstein till it's dead, you know I think that was the point. You're supposed to get a full face shot. Sorry Yeah, watery eyes blood shot eyes red, red nose, get the man, get the man some help. I mean, we're at one minute into the show and I can already tell you need some help, sir. Um, so then who is, oh, English, I wrote, that's his name, Alky Faces, when I wrote,

I like yours better. So then we get a list, she's like, I'm definitely a flirty person. It's like, oh, God, here we go. One of these overly happy people again. Yeah. Hooking up and yawning. I mean, you're on these boats. Pant up stress.

The attention is like a fucking dream on a yacht. I'm like, throw her overboard right now. Before we start the season. And then we get Camille, who is being played by the chick from Homeland. And I think I'm like, yes, Claire Danes. Oh my God. Isn't she? Yeah.

And she like, she is actually a Lisa's redemption because a Lisa coming in strong with the, the attention is like a fucking dream. You're like, oh, she's the worst. But then here comes Camille with, I'm just a small town Mississippi gal. And I'm a really big personality. I love to twerk. Okay. Boo.

Who else should have their TV really? You're going to retread the love to twerk story in line. Courtney is not fascinating enough to copy. Another skinny white girl using twerking as a personality trait. Oh, and then we see her twerking. They show her twerking all over the boat. And it's like one of those real slow sad, white college girl twerks. It's like a cat scratching its butt up against a post.

It's not a twerking, man. Your butt, it's your swamp ass. And then we have Ben, who has like Disney face, he has like, smee face. Is that his name, smee? Snee? Smee? I don't know.

Look up, smee. Just smee. How do I spell it? SME from smee. From Peter Buck. I'm not easy. Or maybe it's like seven dwarfs face. So which one is this Ben? Ben.

He's like Australian. He does have kind of a cartoony face, doesn't he? I was really like all about me. It means like some old white guy. I thought when I said it, I thought he was going to all about me. It means like some old white guy. I thought when I said it, I thought he was going to be younger looking. So we'll, we'll, we'll revive. I will find that Disney character. That's more appropriate.

Well, we're definitely printing Brian Cranstein and X-Ting. Yeah. Brian Cranstein, yes. Okay, let's let's look at the question. Cranstein, why am I calling a Brian Cranstein? What is wrong with it? I like it. That's like someone I went to a Hebrew school with.

He's like the, you know what it is? He's like the young, is it dopey? I'm looking at now to sweat seven dwarves and they all have white beards, but one of them doesn't. Are you saying it's because he, I wrote Ben, funny face. That's what I wrote. I could be Peter P.

and I'll just go to Fond More Tinker Bell. So maybe That's what I wrote. I could be Peter Payne. Oh, I just got a phone more tinkerbell. So maybe that's why you wrote that. Yeah. Who says that? Isn't it? Peter, I don't think Peter Panfuck tinkerbell anyway. She was too tiny. What are you talking about, sir? I don't like your mixed, your mixed metaphors. Who was the, who was the one who did things for Pinocchio? Wasn't that Tinkerbell also? That wasn't Tinkerbell to my crossover. Oh, that was Jiminy Cricket.

Jimmy Cricket, yeah, but wasn't that... Oh, that's fucking, you wanna talk about a fucking though at all? Fucking Jimmyiny Cricket. Walking around in his tuxedo. Change your cricket. No, I like a fancy cricket. You're actually a fucking cricket. Wait, then who gave Pinocchio his special powers?

I mean, take a bite. I hated Pinocchio anyway. I was like, what's so bad about lying? And what's bad about big news is stop coming for the Lebanese people. You know what's funny about Pinocchio? For some reason, directors feel like they can read, like they always are are taking a stabs

at the Pinocchio story. Like Guillermo del Toro literally has a Pinocchio movie I right now. I was like, why are you doing this? There's only one version that works and every other version is creepy and unpleasant. Stop it. Every version is creepy.

Well, like half of it takes place in the stomach of a whale. You know, like I'm not gonna watch that fucking thing again. Fucking Pinocchio. They're, whoa, as you get older, you start lying more. I'm like, welcome to Instagram. What year was this made? Oh, way. Then, shaming little boys for having fun

by turning them into donkeys. It's a weird fucked up story. It's a fucked up story. It really is. It's a fucked up. It's a fucked up, no, Keel. No, Keel. And then you turn old, you know, where you're supposed to learn better against lying and

you're like, God, what I would do to stay that hard all the time. Well, I'm looking, it's a just lying everywhere I go, you know. But in the Disney one, Pinocchio is brought to life by a blue fairy who informs him that he can become a real boy if he proves himself to be brave, truthful, and unselfish. Well, as far as I can tell, based on the man we've seen on below deck, none of those attributes are present. Many of you are going to be a real boy. So then, I would be a yacht captain if he had the chance in life. like if the else had been invented, you know, Jim, it would be like below, below deck, Malaysia, and here's your captain, Jimmy, okay, all right, let me take a how we're running this boat. I want to talk about it.

I got a pack of full of plane tickets. Well, I don't got pockets. It's God damn time, you touch. But I do got a top half of a goddamn plane tickets. When you wish upon a star, how about you wish for some good weather for once and clean up this window? You got time to wish, you got time to swish. The floors and mop water, swish it. So then we get Katie, gravely voice Katie who's like being a woman, you have to work harder. I may be a pretty face, but I do know how to rock it She knows that I read in England

So then now we have Tony who's like all my life fits in I don't know what accident. I'm doing I'm like you turn I'm not gonna try this doing. I'm like, I'm too tired. I'm not gonna try this time. I'll give this three weeks for Tony, okay, coast of the weekend. It's, yeah, he's from coast of Rika, but I can't, like right now. So all my life fit in the backpack.

If I don't fit it in the backpack, you throw it away. I'm not gonna even attempt that for a good, solid three weeks, and then you'll get a very terrible accent that will come out of that waiting period. Congrats on your backpack life. Marie Yachtdo. And then we get, what's this, Haley? Haley? People would scrolled me. It's a sensational stunning hot mess crazy bitch. Like, you're my type. Love you. Exactly. And then we, Captain Link, we are going to work your asses

to the bone. If it means I have to wear this Germany cricket top hat every single day, OK? Try to wrap. So if I catch you wishing on a star, you're going to be wishing on a scar. Got it? Boots so far up your ass, all you're

going to be scarred from cheap to chin. It's not far, but still. It's amazing how much Jiminy Cricket is an enduring cultural icon when he really only has one notable song and no good quotes. Really can't do a lot of running jokes with Jiminy Cricket beyond when you wish upon a star. Am I right? Am I right? And then we get the ending line by Frazier. He's like, by what a horrible group of people. So now we're in St. Lucia. And I believe somewhere in here, Captain Lee, they always give some sort of like nod

to the tourism board, like, you know, the locals, whatever. I'm, I'm, I assume that whatever country or area that they film and they have to like, it's like, you're allowed to talk here, but you gotta say something nice about where we are. So Captain Lee's like, Saint Lucia, they got trees that go all the way to the top, but the mountain tops, they got roads, and they got a beach, and it's nice. It's there. It's in the shape of an island because it is an island. It's circular, but a little square is two. So we love it here. Captain, it's just like years and years into this. It's just like Saint Lucia and rather be Saint elsewhere. All right. Let's roll it again. I'll just keep saying shit.

All right. So Frazier is the first I'll just keep saying shit. All right. So Frazier is the first step rolling his little suitcase. And he says to the boat, the same thing my Mima says, every time I roll up to pick her up on Sunday, wow, she is big. I didn't know she also say, oh, for God's sake, because then he can't get his shoes off. He's trying to take his shoes off on me. For God's sake, because then he can't get his shoes off. He's trying to take his shoes off on the fuck's sake. So then we have Captain Lee, he's like looking at resumes.

And he's like, why is it with every CV? They call themselves self-motivated. One of these, it's a group of, y'all tell you what self-motivated, a group of five-dicked chickens going after some hands. Well, this is brilliant, so nice. Are you kidding me with this boat? Are you kidding me? Well, they could have made the beds at least. All right, well don't knock that. Fuck you trash beds. Otherwise, perfect job on the boat. Hello, Captain. He's like, great to see you again. Gay who's not Kyle. I'm sorry.

I'm gonna only keep one of you in my mind at one time. You're gonna remind me of your name. Wait, hold on. Hello, it's me, Kip-Din! I'll just jump straight in front of Fraser. Look at that smile! Kip-Din, I love you, Kip-Din! Ciao! So, Fraser, tell us, I left my Sienna, and I went back to the med, and I've been a chief for a season now, and the kind of boss I want to be, I want to be a friend but I want to be a leader but the friend I want to be is the kind of friend that says you're disgusting get out of my side you pathetic excuse for hair extensions. Which coincidentally is also the kind of leader I'd like to be so I'm just hoping I can mesh both of those terrible attitudes towards people into one terrible attitude towards people. So they're looking at their list of stews or their

resumes and Kathleen's like, oh, okay, I hate it. And this one right here is going to be a floater. Oh, a soft piece of shit. Now she's going to make it all the way to big brother at the end of big brother without doing anything at wrong show stupid Do we have a a a brazen redhead who can say floata get your life vest actually we do believe it on our name is hailey He's like brilliant And this one Camille. Yeah, she's a flutter already said her all right. Well, this is a big boat Okay, so calf muscles are gonna burn like a baby demon at a baptism all right bigger boat means longer house more stairs There's a whole other deck here. That means more echoes of Kyle screaming

Every time he falls Here's so this is me Frazier Damn it. He's here. Well, I guess since we have an extra deck, that means the name of this show would be below below deck. Or is it below deck deck or below the deck, but above another deck, we're gonna work. Shapet below below a shit ton of deck. Scott dammit. I'm gonna call this show. Hey, this is like being in a casino when the table falls, you. Blow dicks. Of course.

Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's no-bought into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums.

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder Yeah. Well, this deck stew is going to be be splitting her duties between deck and interior. What could go wrong? What could go wrong? All right, everyone else has one boss she has to. All right. I mean, at this point you might as well just call her a Judith Light and say, who's the boss? Because she's got two of them, am I right? Well, this is great. Thank you so much for welcoming me back. Captain just grunts. Yeah.

And then Frazier just goes into his room and goes absolutely appalling. That's actually like the affirmations he gives himself just to get ready for work. Absolutely appalling. Here we pick a piece of trash garbage sluts So then Rachel shows up and she's standing outside the Captains bridge or whatever and she's playing like elevator pantomime outside the windows You're putting your actual goddamn fingers against the glass, Rachel. It's not pantomime. Hey, don't make fun of your elevator situation, because you're going to have 10 floors to go down just to get to your crisper.

Okay, come on, get in here, kiddo. You got one kiddo to start the season. You thought it was pantomime, but it's really, uh, over-chirp to your entire goddamn season stupid get in here kid out. Congratulations you just discovered your story arc for the season stairs. So she said I'm so excited to see my butt daddy again. Please captain, we don't shit on me. I don't like being a bunch of ass. Well we got brand new boat. It's big and has a lot of really disgusting design in it. That Frazier thinks is beautiful for some reason. So you're going to have a cabin to yourself, my

dear, and you're going to knack their sacks off. And you look right by the way, someone in Carl told me that I should say that to you. So then a Frazier and Rachel see each other and start screaming like, and the captain beats Ross. He's like, wow, hello, you must be Ross. He's like, oh, yeah, I am captain. I'm Ross, just an in-issue high school teacher who wants nothing but to help

his son who possibly has a disease and is running nothing out of this car wash illegal. Oh, was not expecting that. Yes, well, I've worked on 26 yards and before that I was an intern for Jeylenow and I judged a few drag queen competitions over the years, one on Emmy or so and here I am, Ross. So Frazier and Rachel are checking out the galley and he's like, oh, look at the lighting in here. You have your own cabin, bitch. He's like, oh, at 11 you try to act like a fun gay around me. It's so cute.

Y'all, bitch. It's Larry's. It is funny watching Frazier do that because he has so much disdain for just that. You guys can be like stupid annoying gaze. The yosses. It's the word is yes. Yes. Yeah, he's not a fun gay, but he knows that's what's expected of him.

So he's like calls people bitch, but it doesn't sound like the fun bitch. It's just like, you have your own cabin, bitch. It's like, whoa, whoa. The B was a little hard there. Sorry. So Ross has 11 years of experience on yachts and he says he tries to hold back when people meet him He goes, I'm not one to walk on board, but you know and say hi, I'm Ross. I like group sex. Although I suppose I did just say that my bone is already sticking out of my pocket, isn't it?

I suppose I did just say that my owner is already sticking out of my pocket, isn't it? I know that I've never worked in the yacht and industry, so let me preface what I'm about to say with that. I don't think saying I've worked on 26 boats sounds very good. It sounds like you just get fired a lot. That's what it sounds like to me, you know. It's like, here's my resume. It's 19 pages long. It's like, wow, wow, wow. It's a lot of books. So then Fraser meets Ross and he's like, oh, he looks cute. Like a brillo pad that I found behind the dishwasher one day. It's sexy.

You're a bousin, right? But I'm going to give you the choice on where you'd like to live, bro. And he's like, well, I like a small train, but I'm afraid it's just like brilliant. I was like, oh, God, we're already here we go. Another below deck, now a trope with the guy who loves group sex. Yeah. Ross, I found a room that I thought would be suitable for you. It has, it has an arrangement, but you can put your pillow right by the portals. That way the sun comes in bright in the morning and just gives you extra wrinkles if you want it. Is that what you'd like?

Since Shoko seems to be turning into a leather belt, I thought I'd give you that option. Did you already say what you were saying? I'm not going to walk on board to a ship saying hello, I'm Ross, I like Roops X. I did say that and then I mean, I'm so sorry. I'm just a joke about a boner and a pocket afterwards. I remember the boner joke, but not when you led up to it because I was scrolling through notes trying to figure out what they meant.

It's okay, that happens from time to time, which is why people are wondering why sometimes we repeat each other. It's because usually we're trying to figure out where the hell we are. I didn't give a moment in our thousands of thousands of notes. Anywho, it's because usually we're trying to figure out where the hell we are at the end given moment in our thousands of thousands of notes. Anywho, he is actually in a new below deck. It's like, oh my God, there's a lot of nothing here. There's a lot of nothing. How could you say that? There's a lot happening here. Anyway, so now Rachel is trying to open a dishwasher and she can't figure it out. I like that they just keep cutting derailleur going, fuck you!

You fucking teach Roger! Stupid bitch. So now Alyssa's on board and she says that she enjoys making cocktails. And the guests just like enjoy me for some reason. I don't know what it is. My goal is that I want to make as much money as possible and meet as many high-end people as possible and mooch off them and live a fancy life? Okay

Could the yadi who was discovered by a wealthy Guests who then was swooped up and then became wealthy also could that person step forward because I don't believe that person really But everyone seems to think that this is a path I don't believe that person really is. But everyone seems to think that this is a path. Yeah, the mooching doesn't last, you know, it's not a reliable gig, you know. Yeah, I feel like the, I think in general, the being on a yacht to marrying into wealth, pipeline is very dry. And that goes for whether you're working on the yacht or you're hired to be on the yacht. But like, I don't think that's a successful

path in life. Well, the yacht girl thing is, you know, like the yacht hooker-ish stuff that goes on. I think that that can lead somewhere, I think. I don't know. I'm not sustainable. I'm doing push-ups for every day. Well, sustainable. What good is sustainable? You know what I mean? Like plastic is not sustainable. It's like the best invention we've ever had in the world. Saccharine. Saccharine. You know, asperate. Really just all sweeteners. Splendid. Yeah. That's not that stuff is sustainable.

Sustainable things. Sustainable is bullshit, okay. Okay, so now the redhead hourglass. Haley. Haley. I'm on Haley, you stupid ass. Three things I like about myself. It's quite obvious in it.

Us, tits, hair, catching. I don't know why I added a caching at the end because I wasn't checking anything out at the store or receiving any money. But it sounded like a good punctuation. So that's what it is. Asked tits hair, caching. So she meets a listener and all this is like, oh my God. Hi. She's like, oh, hello. Oh, is my giggling coming off a sincere? I'm just like, yeah, my god, totally. We're going to totally meet friends. And she's like, oh my god, I love your hair.

She's like, you too. I was like, hair flick, hair flick. Oh my god, so as I as well. Wow, we'll be great friends. We both have hair. This is going to be a great season, eh? So then Captain Lee is up in his real house. And he's like,

okay, damn it. This is the first time I've ever had a captain's chair that didn't swivel like, wow, it's crazy. I'm just, left and right. It's just silence. Strange. So Ben meets Katie. He's like, hello, I'm just left and right. Just silence. Strange. So Ben meets Katie. He's like, hello, I'm Ben. He's like, hi, Katie.

And he's like, well, hello, good morning everyone. Oh, no, this is Ross. Sorry. I've been in Ross. You know, what are you gonna do? But Ross is like, hello, good morning or afternoon when am I waking up? Am I right? I'm only 47, expect me to know. On Bozin, welcome aboard. Does anybody have a beer?

And then Fraser is now gathering the stews to talk and Haley's experience is more on the service side. Analyst goes, actually, I love housekeeping, which generally is the biggest lie that's ever said on from stews on below deck, because I always say that and then they get so mad. The exception of Natalia, Natalia was the first person who like got into the laundry room and stayed there all season and like absolutely adored it. Yeah, but it's hard to know really because everyone's on their best behavior. He's like, let's talk about your experience. I like big hair.

I like big hair as well. In boots. In boots, you're experiencing boots. Service, I guess, tits. Hey, do you have something? What works best with tits hair and ass? That's what I wanna do. All right, send me there.

Yeah, so with them, Melissa says, I actually like love housekeeping. Frater goes, boom. Did that how skipping phrase or goes, boom. Did that sound natural? The little casual, boom. Because what I really wanted to say is, of course you do use stupid garbage or... But also all I really have to do is take one look at, um, clear beans and say, boom, there goes the wine of might.

I see it coming from a mile away. So, well, I just inhaled my own spittle, excuse me. And then, so now Camille, Tony comes on board. He's all smiles like, wow, and then Camille, the decks do, comes on board. And Frazer starts sending everyone to the cabin. And he meets Camille and he goes like, this is so exciting. I'm so excited to meet a daft, blonde American girl. She probably has a sense of entitlement and can't even

wash a stupid spot off of a wall. Great to meet you, brilliant. And he's showing her around, they pass Ross and he's like, well, hello, I'm Ross. She's like, oh, like the discount store. He's like, yes, yes, the Ross dress for this. Always good to have an American on board. Frazier's like, I don't understand this concept, Ross dress for this, is that an American thing? Disgusting, whatever it is, I can old gel. So then Camille's like, oh my God, are you the bozen? Because I'm a stew too.

Well, I'm sure we'll be meeting later because I'm not just on laundry, okay? Just want to get that out there. So Ross tells us, you know, I'm attracted to a few of the girls on the boat. Convolution to working relationship. It's even more complicated if they're on my team. And I'm going to try to be as good as I can, but I'm not very good at that kind of thing. All right. I'm in trouble of like, oh no, it's another Gary. Uh, whether it's like the, it's just like the crinkly drunk dude who just keeps doing

yachts because there are so fewer guys to choose from that he always ends up getting some. Yeah, exactly. He knows how to play the yacht game. So what are your other options? So then we have a situation here that we know is going to be disastrous. Fraser and Ross are talking about what to do with Camille. And Fraser says, oh,, you know, I'm gonna just, I'll just have like Camille clean. And if you ever need her, you can just take her.

Like, sure, that's gonna be workout just perfectly on below deck. Yeah. So then Camille meets Katie. And she's like, where are you from? And Katie's like, oh, I, oh. And she's like, oh, yeah, I was gonna say, because I hear a little of that midwestern. And Katie's like, yeah, and I hear a lot of idiot. Where are you from? The South Southern girl. Katie's like, awesome. I'm from a small town in Mississippi

that was like too small for me. And I was like very ready to get out of there. Like it's growing up, people wouldn't invite me to the party because I ended up being the center of attention. So, I'm not trying to be, I just love being a little extra. I'm like, that means you're trying to be the center. That means you're trying to be dumb dumb. It's so fucking boring not to be, does that sound

egotistical? Yes. I'm just glad because I thought she was going to people wouldn't invite me to the party because I'm like too pretty. Like, I thought she was going to people would invite me to the party because I'm like too pretty I like I thought she was gonna go with that trope but instead she's like because I was always the center of attention So I'm like I'm trying to be I just like being extra I just always had to radiant of a personality and to magnetic a Draw to be invited in to parties otherwise I would distract people away from the kegs

and the iPod. I was like, what are you talking about? This is, yeah. People are like, listen, your light shines too bright to be at this cow-tip and... Can you, can you come up the train? You don't belong here. And fight your way. Lady with personality that we enjoy.

You don't belong here. So yeah, she's like, is that egotistical? And then we see Fraser talking to Camille now. And he's like, well, you're going to be with us most of the time until I realize what a tweet you are. So now, look at this hole that opens and closes in the ceiling. You see that? She's like, yeah, what's that do? He's like, the bottom of the hot tub is up there. Can you imagine? Have fierce as that. That Yars queen, although I'm reluctant to actually say the word queen around you as you are far far from

Her Majesty rest in peace So then Ross is talking to the dequees and he's like, are you familiar with anchoring and Tony's like a lot of anchors So many anchors. I'm so good with the anchors and Katie's like, yeah, so many anchors meet you like so many so many If there's one girl that knows a thing about anchoring in the middle of the ocean. It's a girl from Ohio so you can trust me I'm you I needed to get out of that town that town was too small for me. I was just trying to anchor things all the time Do you know how hard it is to pull lines on a boat but it turns out you're in a supermarket throwing cereal down the aisle. It is hard. All right, well, if you bring this, if you turn this wheel too far up, even the

tiny instrument, it gets stuck to the world dead. So full spins up, full spins down. How many boats have we done? And then it's like, I've done two boats and Tony's like I'll do whatever you tell me to do I have below hands ready for everything Okay, seven spins to the left three to the right and then kick it with your foot got it. Oh, no, no Katie. That's not what I said at all So then We can tell right off the bat that Camille is a great worker because she's just walking through the hallway and passes by an open door and just sprays for breeze in it. That counts. So then Fraser tells Captain Lee that they don't have coffee or cream and Captain Lee's like,

a 30 million fucking dollar yacht and we don't have Kaffee or cream what sort of god damn non shoe like non motor home yeah yeah is this gotta plane ticket for this god damn boat. So Ben Pat's freezer on the shoulder he's like. I've got you. Well I don't know it was a weird pat. So the captain's like all right let's get this party

started. I'm the captain, I got two rules. Donabare's the boat. Do not embarrass your god damn selves. Now I've got a pocket full of plane tickets. We clear. Ha! All right, here's on my list. I got hold on.

Let me just wait for the vulnerability to just watch the fuck over me. All right, one thing I got to cover. I'm a little incapacitated, I've got a nerve issue on my left hand side, so just make sure no one stands on it. Cause it's a nerve issue, got it? You'll get this cane right up your bunghole.

Let me tell you something, just cause I got a nerve issue. Doesn't mean I don't have a top hat issue, Jimmie Cricket taught me a few things and I'm going to be walking around here ordering your round but also crooning a little bit this season. Now, I just want to point out. I just want to circle back to something that when I said do not embarrass yourselves. Of course, I understand that our uniforms have a base level of embarrassment because look at this and that our uniforms have a base level of embarrassment. Because look at this stupid, basic Microsoft word fond

that they use for St. David. What the hell is this bullshit? Could they not select something other than Calibri fond for crying out loud? Do not embarrass the boat. Do not embarrass yourselves embarrassing your parents is implied. So don't worry about that one.

All right, let's get to work. Oh,, one second just to reiterate that I want I have a pocketful of plain tickets. Please welcome pop sensation Natasha Beddingfield singing a parody of her hit song pocketful of sunshine. I got a pocket, pocket, pocketful, pocketful of plain tickets, pocket full of plain tickets pocket full of plain tickets thank you Natasha you can go back to singing other songs now I love your hair so they get back to work and Alyssa and Haley are holding these big round rectangle things I don't know all belong to things and Alyssa's like what all the no Alyssa's like what are those and Haley's like massive penis? That's what it is like Oh my god, you're all ears. No, you are And then Fraser like there's like what there's like a pillow that's out of like just a pillow

Maybe two pillows that are out of order and Fraser seeseding and he goes, what is this absolute pile of shit? Hahaha. A many walks in a season working and he's like, ladies, I love that. This looks fantastic. Alyssa knows what she's doing and she's doing it very well, polished, structured. Let's watch her make a bed together, shall we? And she's making it. She's like, tits, hair tits hair. Yes, look at her. Come around the corner, it's perfect hospital corners.

Look at that. Blink it perfectly. Crocodile. Just wonderful work. Haley not so much, but she's very enthusiastic. Catching, okay, I start by saying the catching noise and just do a hospital corner please. So yeah then he's like he's like lost in this boat and so he is talking to himself in the hall where he's like where have I come from? Hell that's where I've come from. So now it's provisions and everyone's like oh my god it's like so hot and Frage is like I'm sweating like an absolute swine. So then Rachel is in the walk-in and she's like this is a massive boat which means she's a big bitch and sorry I went through so many levels I have to walk down to my walk when I walk in and my dry swords as well. These stairs are definitely gonna build a nice ass You wanna fucking burn them down first with a sledgehammer. Maybe a sledgehammer and then burn them down

Maybe I'll sledgehammer burn them down. They'll cut them cut them with a mask. It's like, uh-oh Rachel's coming in extremely psycho This did she that she was just receive a text from Austin girl? What's going on here? Yeah. Why do they put the freezer two stories down from the galley? I do not understand. I, I, I, I, I, I don't want to do not respect chefs. Okay. They just don't.

We've learned that on these boats. There is no respect for the artistry. That's a shiveryri just seems so bizarre. So now, um, Katie and Tony are cleaning and Katie is like, my Emmy style, we'd be working in our bikinis. Yeah, like Monday and Tuesday, I would eat whatever I wanted and then Wednesday and Thursday, I would like drop all the carbs so I could be in the bikini and then like Miami style Miami style. She should do crap in style, which is on the way on T-shirt. Just wait for your boobs to fold in on themselves.

So then she's like, yeah, I grew up in Cincinnati. I live back in the woods and we'd go hiking and I would someone who ventured out. I was like boom, fell into the awning. I can do anything the boys can do. Everyone just like cliches. It's like we have the, I love attention. We have the, I don't, my childhood trauma is that I just was like, people were jealous of me and I'm just like one of the boys and twerking.

It's like all the cliches and they're just scattered amongst all the ladies this season, it's kind of amazing. So then we go to the preference sheet meeting and it's Frazier, Rachel, Ross and Captain Lee. Okay, I have to just say this name's over and over until I'm getting everybody. So the captain's like, I have to just say this name's over and over until I'm getting everybody. So the captain's like,

I need to do a phrase here. I mean, he's like exhausted, but well, all right, well, I mean, I need to work on that one. God damn it. Okay, all right. Well, looks like we someone brought a bathroom vent. Oh, no, sorry, that is Ross's face.

Wow, just a lot of lines. Anywho. So no one's been assigned to Ironing yet. Faces. Am I right? Okay. So the primary name is Pang Lim and he's an in demand tax professional. I'm not sure where he lives, but I'm sure his street is HR Anyone get it HR Block is nice this whole goddamn block. Is that better anybody? He's no more laughter. All right. He's no block. No All right, no, I just want to say this again because I know that nobody has ever heard this phrase before ready for it in demand tax professional Yes, I did just say that on below deck. I did hold on one second. I'm I

Need to I it reminds me I do have to do my taxes. Okay. I got a look for I want to look for an out of demand tax professional of demand tax professional because apparently that's the professional loser. All right. Looking for. Well, I do believe he was recently on the cover of in demand tax professional magazine where he had a center full spread of just him with receipts. God, they love that text guy.

All right. Well, Peng wants an all day celebration with images of Peng's face decorating everything. And it really does say that. I think how to show his crazy or every fucking year. And Rachel's like, one of his floats, what if his face floats in the day head? That would be good. Fuck him. I turn to that he's in demand by, from himself. He's in demand of himself. So that's what he needs all of his face On decorations. All right, so all right now he's gonna want a lot of food that he can call mushrooms Okay, so just get anything that he might be able to say is this mushrooms

Also, he wants him evening with a playboy theme and he wants an exotic dancer and Rachel goes a young Sexy male and Roska's wait a minute. Did you not pick that up? Because Brazier's like what I didn't see that one coming young sexy male I didn't realize that he was gay. He looks so Kemp's so he's like well, I thought he was, I thought that he was quite closely connected to Madame Bress, which is the, like, the lady who's also a primary or something, like that Madame Bress.

So Ross is like, as an added bonus, his friends would like someone to jump out of a birthday cake. And the captain's like, who are leaving my old ass out of that one? Fuck God! You couldn't even get me out of my chair since it doesn't god damn swivel. Fuck this. Everyone go do whatever the fuck you want to. I really don't give a shit.

Uhhh. So meanwhile Haley is talking to a lesson in Camille. She's saying that she's a Pisces and she's like, so I'm an emotional mess and my poor friends are Gemna and we're like the most compatible top But most uncompatible top in it. No, I'm saying in it in it in it catching And Camille's like, um, you know what my mom says love didn't last at the beach and Alyssa goes so true and she goes, yeah, I've definitely attracted to bad boys

I've dated a football player and football on the south. That's like no joke. You got 45 year old man. They're like super fans of 17 year old boys. It's like so fucking weird. I can't stand it. I can't wait a second. Nothing about that. I was at a bad boy. Not a bad boy. That's like a good old boy. Why is your date in the old man who are fans of the 17 year old boy? Those are the bad boys.

Yeah. Like literally bad boys. In the terrible way. Yeah. Yeah. I'm back to the corner with my joke, everyone. I'm sorry, I'm not just sliding my way out. Yeah, I'm out of fun way.

So. She just won't. But she's the type of person who's just gonna transition, use any transition to brag about something. Like, and that's why I don't eat yogurt, because let me tell you something. I dated a college SEC player. Yeah, he has a quarterback, he's a professional now.

So yeah, he's like, that's not what the yogurt actually. Yeah, man, here's why I use clean mix to blow my nose instead of paper towels. Hot guys love me. It's like, okay, all right. So after she says, my mom says love the last of the beach. Hey, he's like, what's that even mean? She's like, well, love can't last at the beach because everyone's tan and everyone's hot. Hey, he's like, well, to be fair, I live by beach. She just described me, didn't you? All you really

mean to did at the end of that was a cching! Yes, exactly. Well anyway, nice perspective on white people dating. Thank you. So, now the stews are dining and Haley's like, she's like, I've been in yachting for four years on and off, mostly off, just basically. I put up a picture of Yacht on my wall once, and that's, I think that's the extent of my experience. But I did a lot of weightressing, and I did, I was a Shally host. So I once, I've been in an Airbnb. So I think I'm pretty qualified. I did Shally hosting and Shamily.

Oh, so, Shally hosting and Shamily. I love that. And it's Shally hosting and Shamily. Did you see that phrase? So he's like, I saw that great state again. Shally hosting and Shamily. Again. Shally hosting and Sham again. Sally, you're seeing the family again. Sally, you think, Sally, got your good.

I know, right, Queen? How dare you? And Ed, who was your, what's your client at the Shale and Shammale? Timothy Shalamay. So say that now all together. Timothy Shalamay and Shale and the Shammale. Sally, you're seeing for Shilay and Shamilay. So, I'm in and out of the yarding industry, it's like an ex lover. You used to spend a lot of time with, you really liked the sex, but you didn't really

want to commit, but occasionally you want to dip back in the room, I was like, stop fucking the boat. What is this? What are these people? What was this casting? Boats are like, fucking. the boat. What is this? What are these people? What was this casting? Yeah, boats and like, fucking. They're really not, okay? But don't worry everyone.

I'm very qualified to be astute because when I'm not on the boat, I do boat talks and fillers. Like, oh, okay, well, it sounds great. So then, Pradege says, oh, yes, well well I've freshly just got mine done, she like it. And they're like, where Fraser? Where? Like, Fraser's face never moves, but I think that that's natural, because I don't remember

it moving last year either. But he's like, what do you can only do it from here up, can't you? From your eyebrows up. And Richard's, no, I mean my God, people are doing it to their grumbles Please we don't call that to helis face so Now it's like times it's like cleaning so it's like now it's nighttime so phraser sent like the the students to bed But he's like I need to do it all so we're trying to do everything and he's organizing where you get a montage of him cleaning late at night And he's like this is ghastly. He's just making fun of everything and he's like, and we get a montage of him cleaning lid at night and he's like, this is ghastly, he's just making fun of everything.

And he's like, I'm feeling the stress, I need to give my absolute all to this. This is everything, because I grew up being hideously bullied. And there's- Of course, of course, that's why you need to do a good job, because you were bullied. I mean, come on, come on, come on. Camille's like, oh, your personality was just way too good for everyone. It's like no, I was gay you bitch I probably dated the guy that did it like all right Camille back down He's like yeah, there's this voice in the back of my head. This is you're not good enough You're not good enough and this is pretty huge. So yeah, I'm freaking out, I'm fucking tired.

Haley just comes by and shoves this head into a locker. I also do this on the side. Shove gay people's faces into toilet places. So... So now it's morning and for ages like, let's not not have a panic attack today and they're all waking up and then Tony. Tony is like the really optimistic happy guy of the season. He's like, he's like, yachting. I'm very, very nudist. I mean, I've worked like a small boat, like a tiny boat, like basically it was a rubber boat in my bathtub, you know? And the adventure was so good. And like nothing like a megayot, nothing, nothing at all, because then from Costa Rica, and I have the free spirit because, you know,

Costa Rica. And so if I can go five days in the mountain with my backpack, oh, I love that. Well, like, sir, I hate to break it to you. You're not on the mountain with a backpack, you're actually in a boat somewhere far away. Yeah, I got some slides, but I hate mountains and I hate backfacts and I hate outside and I hate positivity really.

Yeah, that's not good to me already. You're happy, you're happy, wonderful attitude, just like prepare yourself to have it all destroyed by these people. Yeah, but he's the first guy to cry. So then Alyssa is like, oh my God, this second eye wake up. I'm like left fucking go. And hey, they guess right. That's because she's like seven years younger than me. All right, you can get the fuck out of my way. Love your hair. Hey, do you hope you die? So then Rachel and Frazier are talking and she's like, he goes, can I help you? She is, yeah,

you can give me some cooler boards. I'm like I said So cutery as much as I'd like talking about your cute. Yeah, for sure God, just no, there's no risk by Is she's like yeah, it's for a melancholy it's for a melancholy my meat thin slice on a platter You're not are you sure you're gay you're really not picking up any of my, uh, my time-tested gay humor. They used to say I had cootries in school. Now it's cooties stupid. Sharkootery. This is gay shit out of bored. The people eat.

Boole. So, um, uh, so there's like more more cleaning now there's a stew meeting and Frazier's like alright I've printed out some lists of your responsibilities assuming you idiots can actually read anything I'm not convinced yet anyway. Now if something's not been done I will know who's responsible for what so here it is it's a list and as we all know list work very well on below deck. It's a list and as we all know, list work very well on below deck. And he tells us last night I was having a mentor breakdown and I realized I can't do everything. So I had to learn to delegate. Like who made you chiefs do? But you just learned last night that you have to delegate.

That's literally your job. Okay, I don't know any who any of you are more than a few hours. There's redhead over here, big eyes over there, blonde girl talking about yogurt over there. So I'm just going to go off of the experience. And the one who seems to have the largest experience of being a trash bucket, redhead. Congratulations. Wait, who does he make? He makes a list a second. Yes. A list of seconds, too, but, but he only has first stew of being garbage. First stew of sheet changing.

Hey, congratulations. A lissa second stew, which would normally be first stew, you were second stew. She's like, thanks. I am going to absolutely smash it. I want to focus on the triangle of importance Captain Lee on one corner Frager on the other corner. Don't once paying me and who will hopefully give me a life of not having to do this shit anymore on the third corner People inside the triangle. Do your work, please Or people not inside the triangle. Do your work please. So also Haley and Alyssa

are both sitting there with their bare feet up on the couch. Gross, you're both fired. Yeah. Haley is actually like Haley's like the, the stews in general seem like a disaster. Haley is like the only one that's likable so far in In it, she's likable, but I feel like she's gonna try and like overcharging for incense. Yeah, she definitely will. She's just gonna try to like make you sign up for something at a farmer's market. So, but compared to a listen, Camille, I mean.

So then now Ross has requested, now Camille has to go up to the deck meeting the deck meeting and so she's up there and Ben standing next to her and he's like you smell good. You don't have to say that to me Gross fucking inappropriate sir and Ross like all right lines Katie here Someone else you might be going in circles commute you'll be in the middle all right and Katie's like, all right, lines. Katie here, someone else you might be going in circles. Camille, you'll be in the middle, all right. And Katie's like, I've worked on a small boat, but if I had to choose, I would choose deck outside with the boys.

Put the sunglasses on, drink a Coca-Cola. It's a vibe. Yeah. So now there's stuff, Frazier's looking for, he's sourcing a giant cake for someone to jump out of and Alyssa asks Camille for napkins. Oh, here's a drama. Alyssa asks Camille for napkins and Camille goes, and where would I find those?

Alyssa goes, I have no idea. That's where I'm asking you. And Camille's like, this girl got me running around doing shit for her. I'm like, well, she's the second's two. And you're the dex stew. Find the napkins. Yeah.

So then Alyssa is talking to Camille. And she's like, so, oh yeah. Again, this is like, we see Frazier like, cake, cake, am I going to bullied? I've been bullied. Where do I get the cake? And then we go back to Alyssa. And she's like, so are you going to get the napkin thing done?

Camille's like, like, I don't know where the napkins are. So yes, but that's what I'm saying. Do you want to ask Frazier or do you want me to ask Frazier? Uh, you can ask him. She's like, okay, so this Camille girl's giving me attitude, right? So this is like Frazier, Frazier, Alyssa. Do you know where the napkins are? And he's like, Lewes D. Pantry, Galley Pantry, just do it. And came's like, Lewis D pantry, Galley pantry, just do it.

And Camille's like, well, I never would have expected them to be there. So like, well, that's why you can ask him to do it. Okay, you can ask him where they are. It's a disaster because Alyssa's approach is pure passive aggression. And Camille's approach is pure snottiness. And so it's gonna be,

it's gonna be amazing to watch. Yup. So then Camille meals mumbling to herself. She's like, I mean, you're the month stocking the battery. So why aren't you the one calling and asking, I mean, you can't find napkins. Okay. It's like this in Claire Danes. You're going to need a lot less attitude working two damn jobs. Asking me for napkins, this is why I dated the star quarter back somewhere. Napkins. Just want to mention that bad boy.

Bad quarter back. So now they're cleaning the guests are showing up. So now the guests are arriving and we have paying. And he's like, at first I liked paying. At first I was like, oh, I like this guy. And then I came to realize that I feel like he was playing dumb. Like I feel like he's bullshitting us

this entire charter. And it starts right from here. Cause he's like he walks up. He's like, I have to pee again. Hey guy, wait, hey, what's that flag up there? And there's like a girl, like he has like a whole bit where he plays Extremely dumb. He's an in-demand tax professional. He's like what's that?

It's a boat. Oh my god What is that flag mean? They're like st. Lucia. Oh, cute The whole episode he's doing this and I first I was like, oh, that's funny. And I was like, wait a second. This is all bullshit. This is all he is playing, he is playing a part right now. He is thinks he's being very charming. And I am on to Peng and his and his what he's doing here. I'm on to Peng. So the captain's like, welcome aboard. We've got a great few days planned out. Birthday boy. Okay. I'm gonna have mr. O'Lander give you a tour That's his name just in case anybody wants to know it is Boring face O'Lander, okay go for it boring face

Thank you very much captain. I suppose I'll take it away And by take it away. I mean my soul. I am going to let it evaporate away out of my body upon immediately seeing your stupid faces. Follow me. Currently bullied. So paying falls up the stairs. He's like, he's like, I love that. Oh! And they're like, oh my God, he falls to, he doesn't understand what flags are. And he falls down. That is hilarious. And then he goes to the bathroom. He's like, oh my god, he falls to he doesn't understand what flags are antifulls down. That is hilarious And then he goes to the bathroom. He's like, um is there a Cell and phrase was like there would be apologies. Oh my god. So phrase was like mortified that there's no soap on the first day Well, they've been here 10 minutes and we've already fucked up. So that's great

He's like, oh and by way, those urine stains are not mine. So now we go to, oops, sorry. I was gonna say, back down in passive aggressive theater, Camille and Alyssa are trying to figure out things now. And so Camille is like, um, Alyssa, do you want side plates? And Alyssa goes, do you want side plates? I can be like, I'm asking you. I mean, look at your stripes and she goes, and I'm asking you to. She's okay stripes. I mean, you're on service. Alyssa's like, well, you can bring plates then just because, sure, sure. She's like, okay, she's got a mad attitude problem. Come. You're both jackasses. Like, why is it?

I know. It's so awful. Yeah, they're trying it too hard to have a fight right at the beginning. So before I go into so, I think that's a thing on the show since they change cast every year and everybody learns how to do it from watching it. They all come in with these preconceived notions

of what they're gonna be. Like, I'm gonna be this character and I'm gonna be that character and I'm gonna fight with the chiefs too. It really takes a few weeks on below deck until they are overworked, exhausted and really start getting cap and fever. The show really takes off, you know. Always. So now, Captain Lee, Captain Lee does the standard monologue

for a captain on the below deck franchise. We got a new boat, we got a new crew, we got a new location, we got, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, new attitude, we got new everything. It's a lot of pressure. And they're gonna point fingers and be like, look at that dumb shit.

Holding the cane in a tap hat, thinking he can run a boat when he's just a cricket. Am I right? Yeah, get out of my dreams and into my car. All right, can't put toothpaste back in the tube. Can you have recast the sausage? I don't think so. What the fuck am I even talking about? I'm really not now. But take this pointer sister. Get to work on Fenders fenders fenders fenders fenders fenders fenders fenders fenders lunch at three. So

They are okay, so this one that became suspicious of Peng because up to this point. I was like he's cute He's nice. It's funny and then he he like stands at the edge of the boat and he goes is this the ocean? stands at the edge of the boat and he goes, is this the ocean? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Anyone who's doing taxes with him, please reconsider. I forget what he says, but at one point he sits down and puts his feet in water and he goes, why is this what? His friend's like, cause it's the ocean, the fuck, Pang.

Well, I think that like, I think it now upon saying it, I think that he's doing it just to annoy his girlfriend because she falls for it every time. He's like, what's that? It's your feet, Pang. I think he just like having her correct him. They're also getting extremely wasted really fast and he moves to a table with Ashley.

Ashley is his friend, like his bestie. So they're like, oh my god, can't wait to drink in here. What a beautiful room spill it all over. And they're like, oh my god, Frazier, Frazier, we spill them. Peng just starts screaming, ah, Frazier, we spill the whole face. Is there any way we can get more towels? It was Kwai who did it, the way, not me and Fraser's like Things happen. Is it too soon to throw oneself over the board?

Because I'm sure it's how they're going to try So then we see they they're done and docking or getting out or whatever they're doing and Tony goes up to the captain And he's like so how long have you been Capitan? And he's like 40 goddamn years. Oh, that's a long time now. So you started like normal deck hand and then you made your way all the way up, right? He's like every shit job there was, I did it. Backpacking?

No, fuck that, I do it. Even I have my limits. Know what? Tony is green. He's literally green. I think he's seasick. You know, skillsets can be taught, but Jesus Christ. Look at that kid's attitude.

He's got a smile as big as all the outdoors, and a willingness to learn. I can work with that. Okay, get out of my goddamn face and wash some salt off the windows, white angel. God, that kid's gone some places. And Tony's like, well, you start from the bottom and then you work your ass off and then you go all the way up.

All right. I guess I'm going to start going to work for the God. Think you captain. God damn it. I love that kid. Normally I'd hang him by his toes and till his, his head's in the water and just drive the boat around until he was cleaning the side of it.

Like, you've got damn morning, but you know what? I'm going to start teaching with hugs. So, who are you? This is not how you train people. You just let that kid feel good about himself. Yeah, it's not right. Who are you? So then Ben and like a meal and Ben are like talking, I think in like the the crew mess.

And she's like, hey, hey, nice job on the bow. I didn't realize you knew so much. And he goes, yeah, I'll get you up on the bow next time. It's because dad be real nice if you now were on the bow. And he goes, yeah, we'll get a real Titanic vibe going. Like, you know what, when you're at the Yacht Cruffa boat, let's not go for a Titanic vibe. Let's go for a... Yeah, isn't it bad enough to guess and do it all the time?

How about we go for a clean-tanic tide? How about a clean-tac? How about we go for a not crashing into things on the boat tide? Not killing people type. So then he's like, yeah, I will stay right behind you and we can do the whole tour of Tienic thing. She's like, my heart, well, what was it? What was it?

I was like, oh my God, you guys can't even do Titanic. Yeah. Get out. Seriously. So Rachel's making like a pretty simple lunch of like, you know, she's making like some hummus and bobbin-g-a-noosh and some chicken skewers, like a sort of a chill lunch. And now the anchors are going down and anchors down, anchors down, anchors down and anchors are down. Cheated death once again. And so one of the guys is like, so Haley,

does the boat make you feel drunk when it wiggles like that? Just you need to get more drunk. That's a secret. And I got a lover. Her hair is fabulous. So you love her because she really is. I feel like she's built for the gaze because I love her too already. Yeah, I mean, for the kids, she's just gonna betray you. Yeah, but I love her. Yeah, I'm gonna say. No, we're gonna like probably go the happy with her one day.

I can already sense it. So, so then the guests are getting hungry and Rachel is behind because the meat that she's planning to use is still frozen. And she's like, you know, I went there so many, there's so many things that play, like there's new crew, new equipment, we're a very vast boat boat. And then she's like running down the stairs and suck my fucking sphincter. Now I feel like a rushed asshole. But now the guests are waiting and so they're getting really annoyed. And especially one guy, I didn't write down this name but he's like we haven't

had lunch yet would you like a drink? No actually I want to eat. And Custard Rachel going mother about me bitch and I don't mean you I mean life. And so then he's talking to Ashley's like oh my god if you're not topless on this oh Ashley's our friend he's like if you're not topless on this trap then I don't know what to say. So she just pulls out her booze and he's like, YAAAASSSSS! Fracious like, YEEES! YEEES! So, YEEES! Yes, brist! Yes, yep, YAAAASSSSS! Yes, yes, yes, Gaga. Yes, Gaga.

So now the guests are sitting at the table and Peng comes over and says, wait, is this dinner? No, Peng, it's lunch. Oh. So Connie, one of the guests is like, um, guys, let's pray. I think we should pray for some food. First of all, God, that was good. And Alyssa is like, all um, guys, let's pray. I think we should pray for some food first of all. God, that was good. And a list is like, all right guys, here we go. Oh no, a list is like, hey guys, here we go.

Boba Ganesh, Hames, Olives, and Pankas. I don't even know what I'm eating. There's beans in this, right? Pang, it's Hames. Oh. Ha ha ha. And then, and then, and then the shocking, one of the guys goes, we need more bread. I was like, excuse me.

Do you understand? No, he said, we need more than bread. Oh, more, okay, there we go. That makes more sense. Yeah. Okay, that's back on brand. I have been cursed. He's not that hungry.

Order has been restored. So now Frazier is like an attizzi. He's like running around. And he's like walking the hallways. And he has like a pillow under his arm. Because why have I got a pillow? God, the trash has become the trashy. Does that make sense?

I don't even know. My metaphors won't even work right now. I am turned around. And then Pank Spills, another drink. OK. Less cute now, Pank. OK. So now chicken and lamb is served. And, less cute now, Peng. Okay. So now chicken and lamb are served.

And he's like, I'm already full. Where did this even come from? And Frazier goes, I'm sweating already. Like an absolutely filthy reckless fucking little whore. And that is a direct quote, by the way. So Frazier is telling Ross that they need to get the cake and the dancers. So, they have to like take the boat to pick them up. And this is where Ping puts his feet in the watering goes, it's wet.

Why is that wet? Because it's the ocean, Ping. There, there are comedy routines that's really wearing on me. So, now it's like, um, so now the plan is to have dinner at nine and Rachel's gonna do a whole tasting menu and it should be easy. She's like, it'll just be like a like 90 minute, like it'll be really easy. She only needs 90 minutes to put it together. Super easy.

And then afterwards are gonna have this rave, but Camille keeps calling it a rage. She's like, yeah, we're gonna have, I'm so excited for the rage party. And I hope that like, I hope we can do the rage part. I'm so excited for the rage party. And I hope that like, I hope we can do the rage party. I'm so excited. You know, if I were seconds to, I'd have fun with it because Alyssa is saying that she hopes that she doesn't have to work the rave. So Camille's like, I mean, if I were seconds to,

I'd have fun with it. Like, a little fun. Alyssa is that kid in class that got all A's. And I was that kid that was just like, get a C-man, we're just gonna go and roll out without degree with my seas Am I right everyone I did it a quarterback? Congratulations on mediocrity Camille and

So Frazier's like Camille and Frazier Camille Frazier Camille and Frazier Frazier Camille called who even am I a couple of whole meet me please? It's like I'm just delivering a couple of drinks mediocrely and then I'll be right down possibly at some point. And a list is like, oh, you can just go. She's, I am going. She goes, no, I meant to, I meant to phrase her. She goes, oh, okay, I guess I will go. And then meanwhile, Katie and, and Ross are going gonna go pick up this, the big cake thing for the dancer to jump out of. And so they're like in the tender.

And Katie's doing this thing where she's like, oh my God, I am so small. Aren't I so small? I'm like small. And Ross is like, yes, we could fit a couple of you in the cake. Me, just small me, Katie. I'm like everyone's.

Now lunch on Wednesday or Thursday, Katie, that's me. Cleaning Miami style, that's me. So the guests are running around, Drunkas Hell, and then the captain's watching, and he's like, they're drunk, I'm in a bunch of four-packered ghosts. Thank God. Oh, my yeah, I was What happened? You miss the classic paying moment? I lost my sunglasses

They're on your face paying oh Yes, Queen So then they pick up the cake everything goes fine everybody changes for dinner and then dinner, and then a couple of the guys are talking to Fraser at the bar. And one of them is like, so you've never been to Utah, have you? I mean, I think Utah would surprise you. And he goes, oh, I haven't. But I just adore gay things. So is it to gay things?

Because I would like it then. And they're like, paying us, wait a minute, do you even know about Mormons? Yeah, do you know that we're all Mormon? Like we were Mormon. And for example, it's like, what does that mean? Is that a word for stupid American? Is that a word for trashy spilling things all over the place? Yassas. And he's like, yeah, it means multiple wives. One of the guys goes, yeah, more men's, you know, multiple wives. Like that is not what it means, gay person. It does not mean multiple wives. So then captain leaves like, yeah, I. It's time for me to have another same Lucian monologue.

You know, looking at the weather. And I've been a captain for 37 years, and I've been knocking around the Caribbean for a long time. Where should I say Caribbean? Which way do you say it anyway? Caribbean Caribbean? I don't know. Stupid either way.

So Saint Lucius, one of my favorite islands, just breathtaking. But you got trade winds down here and it's gonna blow. Just like our guests in a back alley, it's gonna blow and it's gonna make your life miserable. So second up cream puffing, nothing but wind. So Frazier asks the students if somebody could bring eight wine glasses from behind the

bar and so they start getting them and then the boat rocks and things start crashing down and they lose a glass. They're home, don't, don't. Yeah, because this is the new thing on below deck is that they realize that there's a lot of drama on below deck sailing when things fall over every episode. So like once, you know, once per season now, the big boats, the motorboats, they're like contractually obligated to rock around

and make sure they get footage of things falling off of counters. Yeah, they need at least one of those things to use in the preview. The old classic, a cupboard door flying open. Yeah, every time. So things like, oh my god, is that the boat? Or is it me? And there can no, it's the boat paying. And he's like, help, help me. Things have fallen all over the galley. So Rachel's like, what the fuck God damn happened in here? Yeah. And so now she has to clean everything very thoroughly because you know, because of broken glass and

That says this puts dinner super far behind because of it Yeah, so we start to see the unraveling of Rachel begin. Yeah, so now it's mine 30 and dinner was at mine I think and so for issues like Rachel Rachel have you got me T.A. Should I seat them? You know, there is an EAT in seat So I don't mean to double down on the ETA, but they would love to eat my seat. ETA. CTA. Can we think?

You've been. She's. So everyone's got, yeah, like she's just behind. She's losing her mind. And meanwhile, Ross is talking to Katie, and Ross goes, these towels are a bit wet. She goes, yeah, they're wet Stupid Especially with tiny person

So then tiny little wetter drops They're waiting at the table. They're just like sitting there waiting and Ashley goes, y'all, we look like Mississippi porch whores out here. That's their look. Yeah. Right, because they're in their paying shirts. They're in like, you know, sleeveless shirts. So then downstairs there's bread, but Camille's like, can I get butter?

And for instance, like, just give me two seconds. And she kind of stands there while he's looking all over for butter. She's like, oh, fuck it. And so she just walks off. He's like, I've got it. I've got the but no one here. No one here to appreciate my bullied.

I've been bullied, but a bullied. Yeah, I mean, she's lucky that these guests don't eat bread, because otherwise they would have been pissed with a lack of butter. So then upstairs, oh, ping, drop silverware. Girl. So then upstairs, oh, ping, drop silverware. Girl. Oh, I'm so silly.

Yeah, the hungry case like what time is dinner? I just want food. So Rachel's like, okay, the first voice is call of our puree because it's a multi-core stasing menu and a lot goes into it. And the pancreas downstairs, you're like, okay, it's like a zero to 100. Okay. And so they start serving and junior is giving a speech about paying. And he's like, paying up was like my first friend in Salt Lake. And he just like, loved you. I'm sure he did.

Have you seen yourself? Yeah. God damn. I love you too. I do sure he did. Have you seen yourself? Yeah, goddamn. I love you too If you whatever you need sir. Yeah in the man-to-experfessional in search of Hunky-Junia so Said I have a lot more friends if they I look like that. I bet come over and knock on my door whenever you feel like it I don't care Come on knock don't go, my doll. So, so now this course of roasted mushroom, this like cauliflower puree, they're eating it and pengas like, it's mushrooms.

And she's like, um, actually, it's roasted cauliflower. Many different types. And he's like, it's totally mushrooms. She's like, no, there's no mushrooms in it. And peng goes, it's so good. I just ate it all. But then Rachel at the end says, and there's a morale broth like rails or mushrooms. I actually was right on this one.

Yeah, I was. And she walks off and gets totally mushrooms, but that's okay. Yeah. How could you say there's no mushrooms in this and then say it's served in a morale broth? I am shocked and appalled. Yeah. So then Camille and Haley are making a bed and Camille's like, I mean, it's supposed to be a five star, but it feels like a three star to me. I mean, there was no butter prepared. There was no wine pulled.

You know that you're a service, do right? Right, you know that's your job, right? You know that the lady who is just very proudly bragging about how she aimed for seas in school is now going to be the one to be like, why is this not 5-star? 5-star? Because of you, ma'am. So Haley's like, yeah, she needs to stop with the whining really.

I mean, it's just to, but to her face. She's like, do you think it was Frast or what do you think? What are you saying? It's like, um, it was discombobbled. I can't believe it. But you mean to say that Camille did not get A's also discombobbled. Discombobbled. That's like, that's like the worst. Okay, so sometimes people, obviously we all do it. We all say kind of the we add a fictional Conjugation or whatever to a word to make it sound more Real it's like what we talked about last week with Malintent how it's not really a word

But it sort of sounds a lot like word but discombobbled like that's the that's the dumbest way to make a word sound real It was discombobbled. He was discombobbled. Like at least say discomb, discombobulated or something, but discombobbled. Yeah. So then the boat arrives with the dancers and stuff and the guest takes shots and Peng is like dry heaving now. He's like, Oh, I need bread now. I need bread. So now he'll eat bread. So then Tony is talking to the dancers and he's like so long How long have you been doing this? And they're like doing what?

You know this what it is. You're doing it looks so amazing and He tells us the guests are already so drunk and it doesn't make you a good person being so rich I want to hang with the Lucians. I'm sorry because that's what makes me a richer person Respect their locals always, you know The dancers are like oh god I hate when the crew members try to talk to us about our careers like we're suddenly on 60 matches Let us twirl our lights and get back to home. I hate to respect the locals types You know if they're probably telling each other like oh god. It's another, that's another one who wants to respect the fucking locals.

Respect the locals by shutting the fuck up so we can do our job. Thank you very much. So then they're getting really restless up at the table. Paying is like trying not to barf. It's been 20 minutes since the last course and they're supposedly six of these coming, right? So many minutes since the last course and they're supposedly six of these coming, right? So, Frazier's like, uh, Rachel, he still need to feed them where you at. She's like, God damn it, get out of my cooler. And so they're bored.

So then we get a tiny Brussels sprouts. I would, I would've been pissed, to be honest, like, dinner was already like an hour late and then it's like 30 minutes between portions and then it's cool. It looked like because she was using negative space to so it really accentuated how small it was. It looked like there was like a missing protein. I've been like, what the hell? I waited 30 minutes for this. Yeah, it looks like she sent out like a little pile of cool slaw. And so there's truffle oil on it. Is that is there my stream on this? Nope. There is. Nope. Just truffle oil on it. Is there my stream on this? Nope.

There it is. Nope, just truffle oil. There's my stream. Nope, no, there's not. She seems a little discombobbled. So I have to say, it's killing me. It's killing me inside, because I know me get a message if I don't say this right now.

When I just said about Discombobbled that like at least try to make it sound more official like Discombobulated. Of course, Discombobulated is the word she was trying to use. And so I know people could be like, actually been Discombobulated is the right word. So I just had to get that out. No, you said Discombobulated.

Discombobulated. Either way, what I was trying to say was she could at least try to make the fake word sound closer to Discombobulated, Either way, what I was trying to say was she could at least try to make the fake word sound closer to discombobulated. Like, discombob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-bob-b of the game. It's like, hi, baby gorgeous. Which I loved. I love that. I love that they were basically all SLC fans because it sounds like they're all from Utah. And Frazier's like, well, hello, baby gorgeous. What is that? What baby is actually gorgeous? Why do they say these stupid things? What am I not getting? So finally, the customer like, you know, I'm bored.

That's not even finished dinner. This sucks. And Frazier's like Rachel just skipped the dessert. They're leaving the table. They said and I quote, they're bored. I'm just like I'm gonna fucking cry. Just get rid of this. I don't care.

Just get it out of my face. Suck my dick. So now the crew's changing into like a raveave outfit and now it's like they're all doing the rave and the guy pops out of the cake. He's not really an exotic dancer but he dances and there's the cake doesn't really pop open either. It's just the lid comes off. He's like hello. I told me he's like a local everybody a local. Yes, local, kind of like locals. And there's like limbo and there's a cake and then paying us like, oh my god, thank you so much.

And it does like a prayer hands like, thank you. I'm doing the prayer hands thing. I'm sincere. Yes, yes, queen. And Frater meanwhile, it's like, I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I'm better off way more than I can chew. And I feel like I'm not capable of doing this job. So then comes the most important part, because now everyone's gone to bed, and it's late at night, and the stews, everyone's winding down.

And Frayser is told Alyssa to give Camille a task before she goes down. So now comes flat water gate. We're in Alyssa tells Camille to restock all the bars with a lot of flat water because everyone here is drinking a lot of flat water. Right. So then Camille does it. She's like, okay, water's stopped. And she's she goes, and if anything, you know, there's always tomorrow gets this time for bed. And Alyssa says, well, the crew area needs to vacuum right now. I mean, if you don't want to, then just know that I'm going to do it. So I'm going to check the fridges while you vacuum.

So she goes and Camille hates her, right? It's like two in the morning. So Alyssa's like, oh, God, I have to stop what I'm doing to chase this girl around. Um, wait, Camille, there's literally no water in the fridge, okay? This water right here. She says, I did put water in the fridge because I'm, but it's not stocked. And as much as you hate to hear it, trust me, I hate telling you even more. The most condescending thing that a manager could say, I hate telling you to do it, even more. So let's go down and like, let's bring some water with us. Shall we put some water and we'll just talk it

with the water that we're gonna bring with us that you should have brought in the first place. So Camille, but then Camille does this thing of, you know, there's a weight lead and there's bossing. So there's like the combination of Alyssa being a passive aggressive supervisor and Camille being like, this is not the way I like to be led. It's just like a terrible combination.

So, Melissa's like, well, we're trying to get you to bed. We're trying to get you to bed, but we're trying to also get you to do it right. Okay. So let's look at this fridge right now. Okay. So she opens her fridge and she's like, look at this. There's space for flat, there's space for polygrenos, there's still space. Okay.

To me, this is an empty fridge because there's space in it. She was right, but there's flat water there that I put there. Yeah, but it's not full, so you put something in there, but it's not to the top, so don't need space, okay, don't need space.

So basically, Alissa was exaggerating because there was flat water in there, but Camille was kind of honored by only putting in some flat waters and then not finishing the rest of the fridge. Both of them are just totally ridiculous. But they're going to try it. You know, they're going to make their first big fight about water, which, yeah. Hey, is it more fitting on below dick? Bigger, better than ever. Below dick. And as they say at the end, it's going to be a long season. So that's where we're at with that. So anyway, nice to have a good to see Captain Lee back on our screens again. Hope he's doing well. It's a little scary with that nerve issue that yes,

and you got a lot of nerve talking about my nerve issue. That's what he says, yes. Gingha, drunk. All right, everybody. Well, thanks for being here for Bologdaq. We'll be back soon. Some other time, not gonna promise when. But goddammit, we sure love you. Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella. Itch-o-s.

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