Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Brico Suave, Eh?

Episode Date: October 27, 2017

"Below Deck" is looking an awful lot like the Loveboat this week. Nico and Bri finally hook up (byeeeeeee Melissa), EJ and Baker strike up a casual romance, and Matt, well, he doesn't quite find the balloon knot he was searching for in his ex, but hey, there's always another banana Foster around the corner. After the recap, stay tuned for Crappens Mailbag! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ranchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. To talk to other crapens listeners about the shows as they air, come over to Facebook.com slash watch what crap ends. And to follow us on social media, go to watchacrapens.com to find all our social media links. And for our bonus episodes and all of our extras, come over and be a premium member over at

patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch what crap ends podcast, but all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from VsideBlog.com and the Bantur Blender podcast, joining me on this lovely Friday. He's the one and only, the perfectly lovely yacht,

going luggage demanding, Ronnie Caram from trashtalktv.com and the most special podcast oh brain sorry i haven't taken your luggage downstairs yet oh my god i hate this i hate this like a literally hate this i hate it uh... man

you know the best thing about below deck is it's these people actually have to pay to go on this show it's not like someone says oh you're great you're You're gonna be great for this show. You want to come on? No, they still they still rent that yacht Yeah, and it's someone is this big of an asshole just Naturally and actually pays to be this big of an asshole. Oh, Lord They they pay For America to see them being an asshole. Yeah, that is the joy of Belodak, part of the joy. So yeah, today we are here to discuss some Belodak, followed by the crap in's mailbag.

And I guess that's pretty much all there is, because it's Friday, so why don't we just dive in to Belodak, shall we? Let's do it, please. Let's do it. OK, I'm down for it. So. Oh.

Oh. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- like, now listen Jen, I'm gonna give you all the stuff things to do and I don't need to be telling you five million times because if you don't know how to do your job, I can't teach you now. Whatever. One thing I love about below deck is it's probably the only show that could ever make filling up a craft of orange juice, a cliffhanger for a whole week. I need you to fill up this craft with orange juice, please. Can you squeeze that? week on below that?

We're doing the graph. Yeah. Oh, and she's, yeah. So Jen is cleaning and she's, she's that kid you make cleaning the kitchen because they fucked up during the day, which I was that kid. Yeah, like four out of five nights on the weekdays at my house. And she's that waltz, he's just like, and she wipes the counter.

I'm like, man. And she knocks shit over on the counter. She's basically like middle school been mowing the lawn, which is that my dad would say Benjamin, it's time for you to mow the lawn, and I would get out there and I'd be like

I need a break and then I'd go out there I need another break and then like dad I ran over a rock the lawnmower is not working right anyway it doesn't work it caught on fire you know and like I would prolong what would just take a simple hour to do and I turned like an all day affair and then I'd be like dad Doesn't want more I broken dad. I was the Least successful weed puller on Mount Crystal Ray Lane growing up I would have to pull weeds I would barely get one out and I'd be like my back hurts My answer, but I couldn't come back inside So I would like go hide in the corners of the exterior of the house wherever they were Shade, you know, the desert is hot. Okay, that is not cute. Listen, I was an expert at tromping around and just

Be like, oh, I need a break. I was just like the worst lawnmower and I remember when I got to being like 18 I was like, oh, it turns out that if you just mow the lawn it takes about an hour. That's really easy I hated those fucking Punishment sure is so bad that I when I was you know I used to tell you when I watched little Lord Finani I used to dream that I was adopted because I thought You know whoever my real parents are would accept my humor and not expect me to pull weeds, okay? I would do anything to get out of that fucking house except Garden. Yeah, I would work any job but never weed pulling, never again, I don't care.

Well, I luckily did not have to pull weeds. I really had to mow the lawn, which had its own challenges. But like our childhoods, Jen is suffering with a kitchen cleaning and she's like, so she does all these things and then it's like 245 in the morning and she finally gets around to making the orange juice and she can't find the orange and she's like, where are the oranges? God forbid she actually opens up a cabinet so she just writes a letter being like dear Kate, it's 3 a.m. They're no oranges. I have to go to sleep because my daughter

I have a daughter good night. So she goes to bed. Brute Nico and Brianna wake up and enjoy the sunrise together. Kitchen blindsides husband comes in. He's like, I want to have glasses of orange juice. It's like That big guy is not not a warning person. That's for sure. I'm sure. He's definitely not. So he's ready for his orange juice. It's like that big guy is not not a morning person. That's for them. Sure. He's definitely not. So he's ready for his orange juice. Meanwhile, Captain Lee is sitting there with binoculars looking at who knows why I think I can see every goddamn detail on that beach right now He's goddamn binoculars are a miracle of mankind. So he listens to someone who understands diabetes, you know, from just an age point of view You might not want to start with orange juice in the morning. Yeah, damn it. So breeze like sure, I'll make some orange juice. And then, of course, the crap is empty because it's like, I couldn't find the orange. So breeze just opens up like a drawer

and five 10 oranges, you know, they're like falling out of every single opening. She's like, can you believe this? She could not find oranges. There were some here. There are some downstairs. The chef's like, not the sharpest tool in the shed, eh? Whoa. Chef. That's bad. Talking while he's sober. That's bad when the vanilla ice cream forgetting chef shames you for not finding oranges. And the vanilla ice cream sold. Chef getting bitchy about you. Everything is vanilla about him except the actual ice cream. So, so Nico is now like, Nico's doing something and his girlfriend Melissa's texting like, hi, and he's just fully ignoring her. And instead he's talking to Baker and he's like, yeah, every sunrise in sunset on this boat is epic and because like yeah.

Yeah, you know what? Yeah, that's why I can't do sit and I can't sit down. Babe, you drive all over the country in an orby. Like you've chosen an entire life of sitting down. What are you talking about? So Nico's talking about like whether or not he's gonna go to the city after the after yawning season, et cetera. Then we get a EJ in the morning. He's like, Hey, Kate, how are you all this lovely day? She's like, I'm good. Thanks. Thank you for asking you Jay. Is he an addict to methamphetamines?

Anybody? Anybody? I'm great. I'm great. Oh, so awkward. Do you have such a positive person? Because you don't want to destroy it. You know, like, of course, the part of any sarcastic evil person, of course, we want to destroy it. We want to destroy that sunshine.

I want to be the clouded friend of that because your sunshine shouldn't be allowed to shine all over everybody when they don't want it. of the And she knows too early so she's just gonna let that son just rise and rise and rise for the perfect moment for her to say You know just to basically cut them down and yeah, she's gonna wait till that sunshine is it strongest? Yes Then she's gonna geo engineer a goddamn rain cloud that won't lead for days God bless her for it exactly So now there's like a deck meeting and Nico's essentially running it because EJ is like all right He's on a power trip. So I'm just gonna let him call shots here, make him feel better, you know. Let the little chat play in the napin. Okay, EJ is getting crazier by the episode.

And I think it's just because we're noticing his eyes and his expressions now. Yeah. And last week Kate said that he was like Ned Flanders. He's a really terrifying Ned Flanders. He's got an intensity to his niceness. That's uncomfortable. Yeah. Well, because his eyebrows would go up and set his hair. He's like, yeah, we're going to work out this a little bit.

We're doing it like we're doing good. Yeah. And his eyes bug out, but he does that like squint over the bug dies, but it still can't hide the irises. It's terrifying He's a terrifying person. That's the guy who will end up killing the entire family He just married into all a stepfather, you know exactly one two three four or five Whichever you choose to or the or the revamped with pen badgley So Bruno is pulls up an actor would be a pen badgley. he seems like a pen like hey my name is pin like oh

He doesn't want to talk about gossip girl years anymore. He wants to focus on his music. Shut up, pen badge Lee You were the worst part about that gossip girl And I don't even want to talk about it like you ruined it for all of us So you talk about it when we want you to talk about it. Wait, which one was pin? He was like the poor From oh the four one. Oh shut up. Yeah, at least your sister is making an effort in the world and You know, it's like I had to sit and suffer through your high-minded sanctimonious bullshit being like or you shouldn't be drinking because we I live in Brooklyn and I know the real value of life and you are just being

You're being immature Serena shut up. Yeah, he was obnoxious like your daughter is selling her soul to be a popular girl. It's called the American Wacer. Yeah, exactly a sister. Yeah, and I was never Jenny Jenny daughter. Yeah, Jenny was a hero. Jenny also, I think Jenny was influenced by Penn Badge because then she got her own Mike shoe head raccoon eyes and decided to become a musician herself and they basically fired her from that show. But like Jenny used to be my favorite character and she got ruined too.

But Penn Badgely I'm saying, I'm not my theory. No evidence for that. I'm just going to say that. So basically effect and then Vanessa. He J. Root Gossip Girl. That's what we're saying. He J. Root Gossip Girl. EJ ruined Gossip Girl. So Baker's working with EJ and EJ's like, oh, the rope, huh?

Well, it's goodly-dirty, Maver. Great job on that tie-off. And she's like, yeah, oh, yeah. I prefer EJ, you know, only is more level-headed, I guess we'd say, oh, yeah. I love her enthusiasm because he's like cuz he's like so this is the way I like to roll up a tarp, you know because you roll up like this when you just unfurly just what I'm for like

Brrrrr and she goes yeah That that that high that only comes from an easily unfurling tarp He goes the wow. I think everyone's graduated. And she goes, yeah, from rookie lean to less rookie. I love Baker. I write down every single line baker says, which are basically her just going, yeah. So now the, of course, these two are going to be together because they're like the most positive people in the world. Yeah, and very goofy so now the boat docs and It's time to pack and liens like I want to take Kate and my suitcase. I want to take it right with me

I'm gonna adopt her too. We call it the Kate side Lord knows I mean it's like fitting the size of a sandwich in here which she needs hey if we take Kate Can we also fit a subway sandwich in here? Would you get my sketch if we reference subway? It's another mode of transportation. I know she's yacht primarily Well, I wouldn't have chosen subway like this like okay husband shut up. Okay. You're not the reason anybody's famous in this group I love so I know We have the same transition you're like also, I don't like to point out. Yeah, I want to see if yours is the same transition. You're like, also, and I'm like, I'd like to point out. Yeah, I want to see if yours is the same. Mine was, I guarantee, mine's very specific, which is that they docked next to a yacht called

the Syrene, and it had papyrus pumped. And I'm like, now why, if you are going to spend $100 million on a yacht, why would you have the SS Syreen in Papyrus? It's on sale. SNL just made a head of skit about it two weeks ago about Papyrus. Why is it in Papyrus? What? Something is in Papyrus.

What was it? What was the SS in Papyrus? I don't know. I don't watch that one anymore. Not out of hate, everybody because I'm bored, but um, I liked it, uh, did, uh, what was I gonna say? Hold on. I don't know. I'm a virus. Oh, I was gonna laugh because I thought it was hilarious when the internet totally turned around. Let's turn on this woman last week after the episode because she was like, Hey, boat people. And that

girl needs a sandwich. The internet was like, fuck you, you stupid bitch. They all went crazy on her, which I thought she was just being like, good-natured, little ribbon. Speaking of ribbon, I've never seen so many ribs on an adult. Or you're okay, would you like a side of anything carbohydrate based? You know, people are- I see a problem. People on the internet, including us are ridiculous because like, I

how, like, how obnoxious saying she needs to eat? Like, that's ridiculous. When we all know that we would be the ones on a boat, if we saw someone saying, be like, she needs to eat something. Okay. So we all would do it. Okay. Everyone's everyone relax.

Yeah. To be fair, we've also said, you don't need to eat a sandwich. Yeah. You know, I think I said it last week to the husband. I was like, guess what? You don't need vanilla ice sandwich. Yeah. You know, I think I said it last week to the husband. I was like, guess what? You don't need vanilla ice cream, okay? You don't. Just consider the banana sposter, sans ice cream, your diet plan.

Yeah, but I actually, I would really like a sandwich right now, to be honest. Be too. I would love it. I really love a sandwich. Oh my God. I might go to all about the bread after this. So yeah, by the way, the papaya were saying on SNL was they did a skit about someone being deeply troubled about the fact that Avatar, the font for Avatar

was papyrus. Like why would he? The success will be all time. Why would they choose papyrus? Well, when you spend that much, it's hard. You know fonts are very expensive. If you're using a font that's not in your regular Photoshop collection They're really expensive. They'll be like $500. Wait a minute. Wait. This is basically a hellvector

Camarot off. Not like like but on a yacht. I mean, can't you just like maybe like cut the Lapis lazuli budget by $500 that we can get a better font for the outside of the out of the out of the out. No, like 90% of mansions you'll see if you look really closely, their outdoor patio lighting is from Home Depot. It's like the cheapest from Home Depot. It's like, I don't know, I don't get it. Yeah, it's like they all have the same backsplash from Flip or Flop.

Yes. It's like, TORIC, I got subway tile for for the back splash. I think it'd be really cool And there's gonna be small rock and inserts like that. Yes We clearly you have a deal with the Subway tile manufacturer you have an entire like like shipping container full of Subway tile Because you always announce it like it's a big surprising mother fucking deal like I have a great idea Subway tile. Let's put Subway tile on the shower, too, but we'll put it vertically Yes, I actually Really, that's a way tile black splash so okay. Yeah, I did do yeah

I also really enjoyed Tarik and Sam Tarik and that crazy ladies break up. That was really fun I love the hatred from the back seat while she was pregnant It's like my favorite thing on any show. Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm excited to track that relationship as it continues to fall apart Yeah, so Sam I'm I'm excited to track that relationship as it continues to fall apart. Yeah. So Sandy will like his back in, you know, trying to make up to the internet and be nice. And she's like, can we put you in a suitcase? In case like, no need. I'll just walk off confidently. They won't do the math.

Yeah. You know, sometimes when a guest leads, you just get sad because you're left with your inexperienced asshole crew members. I take you with you. because you're left with your inexperienced asshole crew members. I take you with you. So Sandy's like, y'all did a great job. I wouldn't be proud of a crew if I gave birth to it myself.

You've all been adopted. Army Weinstein will be sending us a contract. I answered my door. I said, who could that be? It's Harvey. It's Harvey Weinstein, that's you you I'll tell you a one thing that man is a gentleman you heard it here first you know that guy just needs a he asked me for a massage it's not the sweetest thing ever he asked me if I could take care of his pot of plants I think that's what he said something about a pot of plant you know he, he had so many nuts, he just wanted to empty some nut with me.

And it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. You know, I remember the first time I offered him bananas, foster, he said he'll show me his banana foster and his special vanilla ice cream. I thought that's so great. So you know, he's great. He would have been such a great addition to this charter. Although, I don't serve him that chocolate.

Hey, I'll tell you a secret, Pete. His wasn't real vanilla ice cream either. What? It was the strangest thing, order. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. job and Kate's like there are times when your guests are so amazing you're sorry to see them go because you know you're just stuck with your idiot asshole crew. And Sandy's like yeah I did a great job and her big ass husband's like except for the ice cream.

Lord man that would be me. I'd be like I cannot let this go. Someone has to know that there is an issue here. He served chocolate. He's never gonna let it go. Get out of here. So I wouldn't let it go. I'm gonna harp on the whole rest of the season. Look, we've already made fun of this chef a million times, but I have no ice cream

situation. I know, but our biggest disagreements in this entire season, the bullet deck has been ice cream. Well, this guy has messed up ice cream twice, which is the thing that you should never even mess up. Like, you can't mess up ice cream. But either way, so Jen, meanwhile, we should mention the fact that, you know, Jen, since she went to sleep at three, she woke up at around like 11, 11, 30. So she woke up just in time for it to be like,

bye, and then as soon as everyone leaves, she's like, oh, I need a red bell, I'm so tired. They're like, you just woke up. Okay, it's like, yeah, basically, she's just woke up. And Kate's like, um, yeah, basically she's just acting exhausted. Everyone else has done all the work the home morning. And Kate's like, um, oh, because we see EJ trying to be nice to Nico. And Nico's still just being a total asshole to him. Okay, it's like, yeah, go ahead.

Now, let's go say that Nico is so nice in real life. But he really is, he really is being petalined on the season. Yeah, he's being a little shithead It's hilarious. Oh, I next week he's bringing his brother on and they're gonna be shit heads together I know and his brother was so nice and the that's funny because we met the brother before we ever saw him on below deck So my my impression of the brother he's so I mean he was really nice like so nice I mean they were both so friendly so I love that like the preview for next week is like dun dun dun double the asshole I'm like what okay I'm down but it's duty with you know to stand up for your sibling it's like just being an asshole whoever you're sibling is mad at it doesn't mean you have to be right yeah he'll

be fun but yeah he's being a little sit head on this one. Yeah, and so Kate's like I feel bad for EJ because it's like middle school. Nico's just icing him out. I will find a way to make it up to him So the captain brings him all up for a meeting and he's like great job everyone If we got the big things down we didn't crash the boat no one drowns, that's great Now let's concentrate on the small things. Like ice cream, am I right? God, the amit. That's like, oh geez, G Willikers. I'm never going to live that down, huh? Oh man.

We got it. G Willikers. You know, it's funny, you know, you have one ice cream mess up, and it just seems to cancel an entire chart entire season of Lovely Caesar salads. That was actually two ice cream disasters. So Caesar salads and meatballs and spaghetti everyone forgot about them Hmm want to make some more eggs for breakfast So we give the chip they get their chips $21,000 and Bruno goes, $21,000, that's a lot of pasta.

I was like, I didn't really get it, but I appreciated it. It is a lot of pasta. You do not eat a lot of pasta, sir. I can see like 20 packs on your stomach. Yeah. And there's like, all right, well go out and have a good time over there, but don't get thrown in jail because I don't do bail money. Okay. It's like it's true.

But he does do bailing money. He just loves blue whales. He will bring you bailies while you're in jail, but you are going to learn your lesson. I'll tell you that much. are going to learn your lesson. I'll tell you that much. He will make you roll some bales of hay. So because wine yelling on the phone to his girlfriend. Now, this is my favorite thing that guys do. When we act like assholes, total assholes, like no excuse. Yeah, he's basically been cheating on your ass openly on camera, ignoring your text daily on camera and now when he she finally gets a hold of you

The guy will make himself the victim and he's so wrong. He's like what I'm working What he's like you know I'm working right now You know goes Hey, by the way, did you know somewhere over the rainbow has only one cord? I learned it. Gotta go. Listen, Nico, this is your, I mean, it's one thing if it's like your mom being like, okay, I need to talk to you, okay, how do I turn on the Apple TV? Like mom, Mr. Bozier girlfriend.

She's like, not to be all Egypt, but like, she's kind of texting you, you gotta text her back. Yeah, he's like, I'm gonna make you crazy and insecure, and then act like I can't take that you're crazy and insecure. Yeah, exactly. Good job. Nice job, gas sliding.

It's a classic male behavior. We all learned it at a young age. Thank you for helping it live on, Nico. So now, speaking of girlfriends, here's a young age. Thank you for helping it live on, Miko. So now, speaking of girlfriends, here's a hilarious scene. Matt finally gets ahold of his ex, Samantha. He's the one that he, like all the last episode, he's been texted, be like,

we talk, we talk, we talk, we talk, we talk, we talk, we talk, we talk. So she's finally like, oh, she's like, okay. So he calls her up and he's like, hey, how's it going? She's like, I'm fabulous. How are you? I'm like, I love how bitter lovers in Canada are still

super polite to each other. Yeah, she's like, well, I cried for four weeks, sobbed, gained 30 pounds, joined Weight Watchers, and had sex with randos on match.com, which just forward my soul even further. Fabulous. How are you, a? Like that's what's said in one Canadian fabulous

to an American rant. Fabulous. He's like so I'll be back on that 22nd and she just goes oh, I was just going to use to life without you here. Because would you possibly want to get together and she goes no Like a full on nope, that's a pretty good idea. I will she was a full-shanomadored nope

Yeah, full-on be-to-wear. Yes, nope and he's like well rejection sexy, but I broke up with her So I guess I had that one coming Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts.

Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Yeah, and that was it. That was the end of that. I was like, oh, okay, well, glad we waited like three episodes for that moment, but it was pretty hilarious. Kate has decided to help out the, help out EJ who's been bullied. And the way she's gonna help him is to get Nico laid.

So she changes everybody's room assignment so that Nico and Bri are in the same room. Yeah. Now, you're lucky that there's not a central human resources on this, because I don't think this is very modern. Yeah. To be like, Hey, here's an employee you can fuck. There seems to be a few human resources and fractions on this episode if you ask me. Yeah, there's quite a few. Yeah. Which is why it's so terrifying, but also entertaining

jobs on about. Like, who are you going to tell? You know, you're in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. So, yeah. So, she thinks that basically if Nuprido, if Nico gets laid, he's not going to be so annoying about EJ anymore. But I don't think that's going to happen. So, I will tell.

So, they get to go party and there's this big cabana swimming pool thing rented out for them. And Matt just starts panting those drinks. Yeah. I was really impressed that he didn't do anything like, yeah, I want to come over here and ride my vanilla all the way to the bean. Like whatever. Nasty shit. He does when he gets drunk. And he and Kate immediately just like separates herself from the group and gets in the hot top She's like I'm kind of kind of tired of looking at the ocean. Lottery farm is perfect. Just a bunch of trees Trees I want to hug them all which is more than I can say for this crew

So EJ tells Nico. He's like hey Nico. What's up? The sun is shining today the day is bright. What a good day to become friends, huh? And Nico's like, God, fucking hell. See, yeah, this guy, I literally think that all you do is say, what are you drinking? And Nico's like, oh, I'm just having some water to hydrate before I start really drinking.

And then he's like, God, fucking God. I fuck this guy. He says, a after everything in the sun, so too. He's says A after everything in this episode too. He's like, God, yeah, me day. So chef and Bruno. The chef is like, so Bruno, he's like, yes. I'll be Bruno and you can be the chef. Okay, he's like, hey, Bruno.

Whoa. Yeah, it was really great. Remember the other day when you helped me with those chocolate-billardous j'on? Oh. Yeah, so I was thinking, you and I should collaborate. Whoa. All right, I could make stuff and then you could make stuff

and the wool makes stuff together. Whoa. You really did. It was really good the whole time. Whoa. It was because the It was like, he really did the whole time. Whoa. Because the chef was like, so you'd love this place. We know they had this charcuterie platter. So it's like me, it's like prosciutto.

And they really did it in front of you. And then just roll the prosciutto right in front of you. Whoa. And he's like, oh god, we couldn't even do that. Roll the prosciutto. Whoa. So because like, are you basically asking for a sous chef? And he's like, yeah, I thought he could be my sous chef.

We're going to collaborate. And he goes like, okay, you have a sous tuff for every day. And he just, he's just like, hello. I think that's Michael. Hey. So then EJ and's Michael. Uh, hey. So then EJ and Baker go to the gift shop. Baker's like, oh, I see so much animal print, which is my favorite thing. Yeah.

Like no one surprised. You know she's like hitting Armadillo and her RV and like turned that into like a top. This little guy hit him on Route 66. Looks like you got 86 and Route 66. Because you're like a thereadumerology. Anyway, he's my hat now. If you're going to eat it, you got to use every part. My right, wow.

These shoes are made from porcupine quail. These shoes are made for walking. Walk out, no they're not My bad my best turns out this be a better back scratcher. Oh feels good. Poccupine quail Okay, so EJ What does he say he's like Baker Baker Baker? I feel the most friendly with you, you know and she's like yeah Baker Baker I feel the most friendly with you, you know, and she's like yeah You handle the very well. Yeah, we'll me go very well. Yeah, I'll be well

Every time she's I just write all the letters together because there's some effort space. Yeah He's like yeah, well Nico seems to have some lingering shit going on She's like no worries. Just know it. I like you He's like holy smokes there could potentially be something there and then he nods like a dad like Meanwhile in the corner. There's a rooster running away from Jen This was so good. He just like, she's like, come here, come on, come here, come on. And he's just like, what are you doing? She's like, shut up. Don't let him scare you. He scares me to come on, dude. Fucking

roosters. I'm leaving. I can't get any sort of cock around here. I just came on myself just for you, where you're staring, you're still running away. Meanwhile, Matt is fully drunk at the pool. This is like what after his umpteenth time of slowing down. And he's like, yeah, man, Nico, like, fucking ex. I hate her, you know, she's like the worst. I'm realizing, hey, just see me do backflips over there. It was great, man, I did some great backflips. Oh, hey, my ex take a collar

And then Nico of course is like fuck that man Why do you think I hang with Brianna man? Hey? It's like the chef is sad and his mood affects his food which affects our tips So just dump her cheat honor, you know, hey look at EJ over there. He's sitting on a chair. God so annoying you see some chairs So nighttime and they're back. I really love that they showed Kate walking to her room going. I'm tired I tired. Yeah, she's like Bruno just runs by and hands her the tired mantle Okay, thank you. I'm tired. Bruno, I finally understand you.

I tired too. That was a lot of confused. So, um, so Nico and Brie go on the deck and she's like, hold on, let me bring my ukulele. So they're at on like the sun deck, but it's nighttime. He's like, hold on, let me bring my ukulele. Bipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipip and she jumps on them and they kind of make out and stuff instead. Yeah, I then Baker and EJ are also hanging out. And both couples are talking about each other like, whoa, looks like Bri and Niko are getting together. Briko!

Briko! Also, of course, Niko and Bri are like on the front of the boat looking over the waters, they travel the seas. One plays a chord on the ukulele before giving a hand job to the other. These other two, he's sitting on a stool and she's lying on the ground behind like the hot tub heater. Yeah, they're like a sump pump or something. What is it? So if Briana and Niko or Brico, what is what are EJ and Baker? Are they like Bay J? EJaker, Baker, Eager,

Edge, Edge, Edge, Eager, Eager, I like that. Eager, because that infer is someone who never cried climaxes. You know, because when you edge, because an easier each

girl. Eager. I like Eager. Well, we just barely eat that one out of the right. Well, Brico and Eager. Well, anyway, so Nico, Nico's like, I know what I'm doing right now and I don't care, man. And so Baker's like, technically, you're my boss right? He's like technically. So they don't do anything. I don't know what show they think they're on. Also, yeah, way to kill the mood Baker.

So before we like, you know, get frisky, I just wanna remind you that you're my boss and I work for you and if this goes to our it's going to probably be a whole Fiasco for human resources a bravo, right? He's like, oh being school. So the chef is in his bedroom stretching or whatever and then he's like, oh, Matthew. Hmm. But I like that even when he's single and alone, he can still mother himself.

Yeah. It's like, oh, gosh, Matthew, come on now. So then the next morning, we get the what's becoming a familiar trope for the season. We hear the, it's music and then it comes to max. It's a sad, sad, hungover Katie and everyone. Oh, Matthew. So, Brianna's like, I hungover Katie and everyone. Oh, Matt, you so very honest. I have never been that girl.

He has a girlfriend. I am not the bad guy. I am single. He makes his own decisions. It's like, okay, thanks, Siri. Thanks for giving us your opinion online. Yeah. So, yeah,

Yeah, so yeah, so glad she continues to refuse to show any emotion in any scenario whatsoever. Yes, and I'm glad that you've made that statement public so that when Nico cheats on your ass next time you have no bitch to throw a brick through their windshield. That was a terrible sentence, but you know what I mean? Yeah, you know what, you worked, you got through it, you got to the end. Sometimes you just have to say a sentence and make it sound like it was a great put down even though it's a quad. It's the quad school of widestisms. I'm celebrating their return to a period of minutes. I'm not sure I understand any of that sometimes the reins of all of us got a snap got a snap Sometimes a flag sonate nothing more than a Starbucks cup. What? Sometimes there's lotion in the ocean and motion in the sky

Okay, why? Mary to medicine coming back next week everybody tune in without Lisa Nicole. Thank thank God I feel like it's gonna be much better without her so so now out on somewhere on the boat on a deck somewhere bigger goes and well I'll let you do it because you you're really good at Baker I'll let you I was just I was just gonna check my messages while you're doing that intro okay so she's like you're here you say hey I want to go maybe have some dinner with me later let's fire it up hello he's like whoa whoa let's fire it up hello what I'll put on my best chest through the Cheetos on some delay and then we're gonna hit it on the beach You know how some of those cheetos I was just talking about two steps forward one step back. Oh, no, I'm MC's cat cat. I'm all the cats

Tiki-toy surfing city. Whoa, hello, paradise He's just like you're more like a bill. Sorry. Yes, yeah. No, he's like, well, you know, normally I'm the one asking people out, but it's kind of a turn on. Not gonna lie. Not gonna lie to you.

So EJ comes over to the guys, the guys who are hanging out and he's like, hey, how you dirty dogs doing? Nurdly snurdly. You won't believe what just happened to me. Baker asked me out on a date for a later. And you can't tell if he's mocking Baker for asking him out or if he's really excited because he's always talking to dad boys. Yeah, and uh, uh, uh, Niko's like, yeah, he needs to get laid because of freak. So stop that guy. Hey, hey, hey, goddamn, how annoying he is. He walking both his legs. So, um, meanwhile, Kate's like, hmm, all right. So, uh, we're gonna have a little bit of a drill this way because it doesn't seem like gen response to anything. So, at least I'm gonna try this way to shame her. We're gonna do turn down service. Whoever I'm

gonna time you girls and whoever does it fast, this will get to have two hour breaks on the next chart and whoever's slowest gets a one hour break. Jen, Gus. You have to participate to K. I've participated for years. Kay. And she goes, um, I've participated for years. Okay. And she goes, uh, when I know long stuff, yeah, when I can stop explaining your job to you, you can start questioning me. And she's eating like she's throwing fried calamari into her mouth at the same time. And it's, I don't know why it made me laugh because she's like, I

would rather risk the chance of poison myself with the Grand City calamari than deal with Jen one second longer. So the Jen is also looking directly into the camera. She's like, yes, you did see me just got a tiny little Kalamari in my mouth. She didn't look at the camera. I noticed that. She's like, see what I did there? A Kalamari, and I know it's from craft services and not from the galley. So, um, Jen. So Jen, of course, has such a Such a windy complaint. She's like, normally usually managers have have people do team building activities But not Kate. I'm like, yeah, good luck on a ropes course, Jen. Okay. Like you're gonna be the first one to like hang yourself by accident

Oopsies, I forgot. Ugh. I'm just swinging from the gallows. How did she even get into a news? That is the girl who never catches anybody in a trust fall. You know she doesn't. Well, you look heavy. I have a daughter. I can't die.

Sorry. So, this is a great moment because now Kate is setting them up for their like non-amazing race and she's explaining the rules. Like, okay, what are you going to do? Is you're going to be turning down the bed? And then... Can I interject? Can I interject?

Remember what I said about interjecting? That's a no. So Jen's like, okay, I'll just be a robot. Robot or respectful, whichever one you want to call it. I'll just be a robot robot or respectful whichever one you want to call it She's like respect what you know about that. She's like well lately. I've been missing it That's what I know and breathe like god damn if you give Kate respect She is cool and if you don't your life is a living hell make a left into blocks in 600 feet You will be at your destination you have

arrived at 333 you're a stupid bitch make the bed this is not throwing you to the wolves it is your job.com in half a mile merge onto i90 going west and turn down the bed you know Jen would even argue with the fucking directions machine in the car she'd be like you turn well! Why don't you turn, huh? Oh, damn it, I went the wrong way. He's like, I'm trying to turn it. Normally, phones will give you team building exercises. This one just has to bring me down!

Okay, I guess I'll just be a robot and just listen to whatever directions you give me. Oh my god. I just admire how Kate is so quick with a comeback, because I wouldn't be able to, but you know, the, you know, Jen saying that she's like, might as well be a robot and Kate saying, well, a robot, I respect whatever you want to call it. I respect.

Like, all my robots are their order following machines. So that would be nice. Actually, that would be an improvement. So then the race begins and immediately Jen is like, you know, painting a wall or something. I'm like, ah, Jen, you shouldn't be painting a wall. You should be turning down the bed. Oh, look, Breach and Honor light by the nightstand.

And Jen is like, I can't find the chocolates or the arid juice and kids. Like, that wasn't part of the task. Maybe you should just focus on turning on the light Sand it's right by your hand. You could just very easily turn it on note. No, you're not okay Okay, your hands back there. You can no no, you're still not turning it on okay. Gem is like doing the stop drop in roll Like what are you doing? Get up get up. Oh No, it's not a fire drill. Please get up and make the best. Okay, no. Oh, are you playing hangman again? Okay.

Is that a, is that a illusion to the ropes course? Is, you know, it's a totally different thing. The ropes course, Jack, that didn't. Okay, no. So she's like, pre is done in one 30 and Jen is still fucking going. And Jen goes, I don't prefer foul language. And, and, and kids like, oh, foul language. She's like, yeah, because, you know, civil rights.

I guess like, oh, civil rights. Okay. I'd love to see how you tie this into it and by tie it into it, even me, I mean, finish your turn down service. You know so little about civil rights, I wouldn't ask you to get M-I-L-K. Okay? So then Jen starts to get really obnoxious and she's like, okay, Kate, is this good enough for you? Look at me. I'm folding it just right. Is

that good enough for you? And Kate just gives her like ultimate resting bitch face. Like, hmm, doubtful. And she goes, oh, that's fine. Then I get some work longer than both of you today. And then, oh, yeah, that's one cake goes. Doubtful. Brianna, you get two hour breaks now. Jen, you get Jen, and Kate goes, what worries about me, what worries me about this is, it seems that Jen actually believes she's doing all the work. Yeah, Mimal out in the gallery, Katzindli has finally opened up his cereal box after a week's worth of tampering with it.

Notice it's a different one. He's like, wow, Applejacks, I'll tell you what. These gave me a lot less trouble than those god damn Cheerios. You know what I'd call this group of Applejack offs? That's what I call them. They're green, like this Applejack's box. Hey, you guys are a bunch of Apple slacks. Applejack are. So the chef and Nico lunch. Chef is like, so, oh, they're walking off to have lunch off the

ship together. Yeah. Yeah. The chefs like, they go, yeah, Canada in the house, because they're both, I guess, Canadian. And because, well, Nico's not Canadian, is he? Why don't they say Canada in the house? I guess he's like, well, yeah, each is Canadian and I'm Canadian. Canada in the house.

And then the show goes, yeah, I hear EJ and I'm like, do I sound like you? God. I love this bitchy stuff coming out to play. Where have you been? I know. It's nice. So then Nico does his thing where he's like, my girlfriend's being so insecure. But you know what? I'm stressed because of my brother and I'm like that is so sad But please sir do not mix the two things okay? You're also stressed because you're cheating and you're not texting her back. You are making her crazy. Stop using that is Excuse, that's not fair Yeah, I mean because he's like yeah, I probably owe it to her to tell her and even the chef is like yeah, you probably do

It's not good. I'm in the chef is like well as, you probably do. It's not a beautiful thing. And then the chef is like, well, as long as we're going to make it sound like we're the heroes, yeah, yeah, our victimizing stories. He's like, you know, people at home don't understand what we do. Chefs have a reputation to drink and always, and he goes like, yeah, tell me about it. He's like, yeah. And I do the same thing almost every night. It's rough, you know. And then I met this beautiful girl and she just didn't get it. Yeah didn't get your alcoholism. Yeah, like what the hell. She just didn't get that I

love to get shit faced and sloppy and then lick her balloon knot. She just didn't get it man that's just what being a chef is. Oh men excusing their city actions. So speaking of you know like it wasn't just the men excusing their city actions and then you have Jen who's sitting somewhere and be like, that's her up she cries in my mind. And Bruto's like, Oh, Jen, you look diured. What's wrong? I comfort. We got an email that was very kindly worded. It wasn't bitchy at all. But they were like, guys, I cringe when you do your Bruno because it's just so it's like you make him sound Mexican

You make him sound like he doesn't even know English and I wrote back. Okay. We'll make an effort to do less ignorant sounding Brunos. I'm sorry, but I know my accent sucks, but Bruno does sometimes like Why? He is what you need work about think And that's not a quote, but it's just Bruno so silly. It's not racism. It's embracing Bruno's silly. He does speak sort of in broken English.

So that's not like, we're just mimicking him speaking for the English. It's two weeks in a row that I've tried. And if you've noticed that I have made no improvement, that's why I'm bringing it up. I literally did try, but I'm done trying because I don't think it's that and I actually am actively not I'm actually trying to do a Portuguese accent like I'm no you know Actually sounds yours actually does sound like you just that's a like always Yeah, yeah yours is just E.co. It's not as D.co's accent, which is basically what I learned from living in El Paso for a million years.

It's not, it's not real. All my accents. Yeah. I think it would be more offensive if we were, if we were making Bruno sound like like, oh, I want to take an amp, I'm going to take an amp, they're, hey, it's, it'd be like, well, now that is a blatantly obvious like Mexican like stereotypical Mexican accent and it makes no sense. But like, I really am trying to be like, oh, I tired, you know, like, that's, that's to me is more of a Portuguese accent. And it like, so there you go. You have 50% of this show making an effort.

I can't. Sorry. That's right. It's over. I'm just announcing that my effort time is over now. So it's an, it's Jen opened up the flood gates, which of course you never do to a Jen. We've all got a Jen in our life.

You never say what is wrong. That's like the most dangerous words you say to a Jen. Yeah, give her like some grapes and then just move on. And she's like, Is that one thing to work yourself up a ladder? And it's another thing that got narrowed my brain, taking time away from my daughter, because I worked out hard, is that work harder

than anybody else making a mockery of me? I'm gonna fucking unleash on you you stupid fucking Yeah, she's like she's like yeah Kate talks to me like I'm a peon. I'm like you are her peon She's your boss and you're her peon. That's how it goes and then she's and then she's she's like Yeah, Kate she's taking away time away from me for my daughter I'm like you're the one who chose to go on a yacht. Okay, if you didn't want to go, if you want to be around, wait for your daughter,

work at Starbucks, okay? Yeah, it's called the Lime River. It's called the Banditment Gin. Yeah, child abandonment, look it up. Yeah, I love my daughter to go after my dreams of making bad. Gin, you need to get some better dreams. It's called getting new, okay.

I want to be on the water. So Bruno is so Bruno is like you know what even Bruno is like you know what you just have to work harder Because he goes like you need to think about work Yeah, he goes don't show those tears to her because she'll be the winner here. You are the winner here I'm like he keeps saying we know I. And also he told her flat out, even though it was a mistake because of his accent, but I love what he said, you're the weener here. You're the weener. Because she is the weener here. So Brune joined.

She's like, um, may I interrupt? And so Bruno walks off. She's like, you do not have to leave. You may come back. And he's like, no, thank you. So she's tired. Can make me tired. Yeah, he's like tired now. Also, but Bruno got engaged this week. So congratulations, Bruno. Congrats, Bruno. You know it's real love when you can get engaged and your new, your new fiancee doesn't get mad that you're posing on Instagram with the boner showing through your underwear. So my

job, Bruno and Bob boner. I hear their wedding shirts are optional. God, you see this is why really worked out people can't have fat friends. Like I can not be at that wedding. They't be like, no. I tried to put on Tuxedo, but I got tired. So I just didn't docked Joxtrap. Poor Bruno, he's really been trying to like also, he's really trying to extend his cheesecake ball moment because he was like all weekend long because you know I follow him on Instagram follow some too on IG and like all weekend long it's like coming soon guys cheesecake ball video chef Bruno showed you how to

make cheesecake ball I make ball coming soon guys I'm like okay Bruno let's just relax you made I made a mistake balls he's like half thick chef hashtag cook so three of them is like um see can't handle the truth. Like, do you know how boring that movie would have been with Brihan and the Jack Nicholson role? What did I do? You cannot handle the truth, Tom Cruise. Yeah, because Bribase is like, listen,

I hate to break it to you, but you've been laid on every single shit and Jen's like, I just wanted to vent. I got you a friendship bracelet And she storms off. Where's that you got her a friendship bracelet cuz Kate made you you idiot. Yeah So Briana calls Kate she's like Kate Bri Bri Kate Bri Jesus

So you sound like the you sound like the saddest fire alarm of ever heard So yeah, she basically bitches. Oh, bitches with that was a monster sound that just came out of you. Really? You went. Oh, one of those robotic Skype sounds just came roaring out of you. No, the Skype was like, dude, not make fun of my sister. So, meanwhile, Baker and E.J. go on their date and, uh, you just, you, you could tell he puts his foot in his mouth a lot on dates because he starts talking about like whether he likes, whether he likes, uh, Baker. And now he's like, well, I'll never know if I'm into Baker unless I'm in her. I'm like, whoa.

Yeah. So gross. I'll never know if I'm into Baker unless I'm in her In her mind I mean and then Baker's like She's like you Jesus My Finn and like cut to him like juggling gobstoppers or something Check this out baker Suddenly she just has like a big electric guitar like These two are perfect for each other she's like like, what's together, what year we're with to the night with? Huh?

Still in my pen. And he's like, that's the jam. It's like, oh my god, you're going to know it. Am I right? So the chef and Bruno, let's see. Bruno is like, oh, they're talking about what Brienne and he got their talking about Brienne Niko kissing. And then they're talking about Baker and EJ

State too and then when they get to Baker the chef's like funny match those two a and Bruno's like there's like some sexual tension over there they want a bang he starts laughing he's so cute he's like a little boy with a lot of muscles. Yeah, he is. I feel like he seems really sweet. So then Jen is now finally FaceTiming with a daughter and the daughter is like, I have to take a test tomorrow and then Jen's like, what the test on? And the daughter is like, I don't know. And Jen goes,

well, don't stress out about it. I'm like, yeah, actually you should stress out about it. You have a test tomorrow. You have to find out what it's about'm like, yeah, actually you should dress out about it. You have a test tomorrow. You have to find out what it's about. Like you can't just like, that's not how it works, Jen. This is why you are who you are. If you have a test coming up, prepare for the test. That's what tests are for. Well, I was proud of Jen for not just being like.

A test, I had a test today. Kate was me and me, and suddenly I'm fair. And I didn't more work than anybody else. I was just wanting that test. I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh else. I just want that chance. I said, she's like, do you want me to draw you a funny picture? Cause I can draw a funny picture and send it. Our kids like, I guess how about you come home? So I can stop supporting myself on the fucking fruit roll ups. You left in the back of the pantry mom.

I'm just running vet daughter. in the back of the pamphrey mom. I'm just right in vet daughter. So let's see, EJ and Baker. We got a little statue up into club. Um, I need you. We'd be doing it big time girl. And she's like, I'm home girls with everybody. But maybe EJ can be like my auntie.

Yeah. So they get back and EJ can be like my aunt. Yeah. So they get back and EJ is like, oh, it's a Grey Zone. Do I hug her? Do I kiss her? A real gentleman knows how to court a lady. And what I do, she won't be able to resist. No kiss. No, because they just awkwardly walk in the separate rooms down Naby's style.

That's a neat go. I'm a fucking on camera. Oh. Oh. They're walking in separate rooms down Nappy's style. That's a Nico and Brianna fucking on camera. Oh no. So it was the next morning's time for the charter meeting. So chef, Kate, EJ, and Nico too, I thought. I was like, that's a little curious, right? Nico's not the boss in, but whatever.

So they're there, and then we find out who the primary is. His name is Robbie Lotus. He's big fat and old, but guess what his fiance is young hot and pretty Well, she's young and worked out, you know, I don't think I know that that's basically where we're at in the world It's like you work out your hot you can wear jeans made out of spandex and a crop top That see through every time, but come on. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, so there are everyone's like, whoa, because they look at the main guy and they look at her and they're like, oh, I can't just go. I can just tell that these are not my kind of people.

You could just tell this girl has the ugly insides. Oh, you could just tell right away. And he goes, whoa, they're like two different species. And Kate goes, Cress. And he's like, she's hot. And the captain goes, why don't you say she's a lady and I cannot wait to treat her with respect. She's like, that's better. I can't wait to get in her all the way in her inside. I want to stick myself in her in her mind and get to know what she wants on this crew.

From this great reason reference sheet. And she's like, champagne no coffee no tea and capping as well she does like martinis she doesn't like hilarious that's why yeah exactly so Kate's like I've seen it before made December relationships I can already tell these are not my people yeah so hey also they want a pajama party. Ugh, hot girls always want a pajama party. If I ever rent out a yacht, I don't want to have a stupid party. Like, I don't want a pajama party. I don't want like a... If I rent out a yacht, I'm there to like lie out, drink. Maybe I'll get in the

water, but I'm not sure I'll even do that. I'm there just to drink, lie out, eat food, and then at night continue to to drink, maybe play cellars or coutan, and then, you know, failing that, just continue to drink and hang out and have a good time. Which is why you're perfect for an apartment and not a yacht. But like, why would I want like a, I would be like, why would I go on to a yacht? Domino's does not take pizza to a yacht. What the fuck am I going to do? You know what? I would do a karaoke party. I party I would do care but the thing is is I don't want like I don't feel the need to like go into like a small room in a yacht without have streamers up I feel

like that's just not not what I need out of life not necessary but then again I guess if you get really drunk it's fun I mean but if there's karaoke I would do karaoke and a yacht oh my, I snored it. I don't even know why. That wasn't even like a hard laugh. It was just an intake of breath. Well, it's a good, I think that means I might need the hospital soon. Well, that's a good transition to the next scene.

Nico's just like sitting in the crew mass. He's just like, hmm. And then he's texting with Melissa, his girlfriend, and he just goes, I can't do the text reads. I can't do this anymore, Melissa. I met someone on board who's giving me what I need right now I'm like damn Oh over text not only was it like I can't do this anymore It's like I can't do this and I found someone better by yeah, it's like when you've learned the cord to somewhere over the rainbow

Give me a call until then done with you got a bleak gotta be a day last night. Thanks Maybe if you could work on your Don Ho game or even your Ho-Koo game, then we can talk. Your Don Ho game. I've been working on my Ho game and that's time for you to work on your Ho game. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, so she was like, you know, you used to screw,

she probably was like, Devisa, she's like, I was with you through your really hard time And she's like, I can't believe this is happening, but okay, I guess I'll give you your space if that's what you need He's like, yeah block This new for a girl, but you know, I always tell my girlfriend this that was a breakup That was a very it's almost like he wrote that text so it would be entered into evidence as a written formal declaration of breakup.

Don't say, okay, I'll give you some space, I guess. It's like, no, it's over. I'd have somebody in the walk away. Yeah, had to be fair, even though it was cold, at least it was like a clean break. It was like, nope. And I actually, actually actually I do really respect Nico for breaking up with her because he basically did cheat and that's how you cheat after you cheat

well but they had like yeah but that's what you're supposed that's what you should do so you know what I'm vibing with someone else right now it's over like if he had prolonged it and if it had been a whole season of like oh my god I'm cheating on her what do I do. It's over. Like if he had prolonged it and if it had been a whole season of like, oh my god I'm cheating on her. What do I do? Like how do I say it? And it's like, okay, you know what you got to get it together But he was like, okay, I slept with Bree so yeah, you can call it on. I was a yeah It was like really cold. It was like really like the the guillotine really just like camera right down out of nowhere It's so big she bent down to Shoe and her head fell off. Yeah.

Okay, well I guess I'll just give you some space. Text me. It's like no, honey. Okay, so let's see here. What about like the 35 on answer text? Does not indicate that you have not, that he's already given you your space. I know. Poor thing.

Hudum. So let's see. that he's already given you your space. I know. Poor thing. Hutt. Um, so let's see. Nika dumps via text. Arrivals. Okay. So this is the beginning of the end. The arrivals. This girl comes walking down the, and also I wanted to say that earlier I was not, I was

not calling her ugly. I was, wait, who am I calling? Lindsay, I'm sorry if I called you. I pressed talk on my phone somehow. You're friend Lindsay just years. Now I wasn't calling you ugly, but, oh, sorry. Oh, I know, no kidding. I think that was an answer too, yank.

So I wasn't calling her ugly. I was just saying this girl's like, you can wear skin tight pants and like a crop top, but you ugly on the inside girl, and you cannot get that fixed. Yeah, I mean, you could, but you would never make that much effort to do so. So you see, now this lady's calling me back, God damn it, this is my neighbor,

Linda, who just, I gave her a, I gave her my number a long time ago, and now she just like calls randomly, but she's drunk. Okay, so she's coming down the, the deck, the dock, she's like, I can't be flaky, a f, right? Yeah, she's afraid she the the deck the doc say Can't be flaky a f-ride Yeah, she's afraid she has to androof. She's like Aren't I hilarious I'm like Meg Ryan and top gun right now like take me now or lose me forever

I'm gonna sit on the piano and you can play it But every top gun that's old Hases I like a duck Thanks for the chance to eat dick Get it guys I'm hilarious. I'm hilarious. Hey guys love me. Everyone's already rolling their eyes the captain's like welcome Kate is so you're your horters. Okay. Kate, come around.

Don, I like soda like your dad up blue. We have still with blonde hair. It's so bright. Sick. Wow, there's an elliptical machine. So you can continue running, running and running and still getting nowhere. No, I'm not happy with that. I like burns like one.

Calorie. And then she starts the... Let's get this started! Crank it! Uhhh! And everyone's just like, aww. Come on, drink everyone. Drink!

It's come on, drink! Mazel have another one right now. Come on! Okay, it's like, I have no problem with Bimbo's, marrying old rich man if you're gonna be an old rich man and buy yourself a Bimbo pick quiet one And she's like love you babe cheers to us Just like disgusting old guys like yeah, I was like he's like not even orange like pink orange He's salmon colored his his fake tan went awry because he got like sunburned on top of his fake tan Yeah, he's like locks. Yeah

Basically just a Gretchen at her worst doesn't just remind you of season season one Gretchen like Gretchen's for a season I think it's your mind to season season one Gretchen like Gretchen's for a season No, cuz I like Gretchen's her seat her for a season So to me, I don't know what she reminds me she just reminds me of so many awful people I've encountered here in Los Angeles and you know She just wants they want everything all at once. They want margaritas. They want a swim They want to get their bikinis, but the luggage is in downstairs yet and the luggage is in downstairs yet because they're not they're leaving the port it's like They're just she's like come this being mad. I want my swimsuit, but like the luggage is up here like why is that can I get a frozen skinny

Magarita? Please oh disgusting And she asked for a skinny strawberry margarita, I believe which is already like a ton of sugar you idiot Yeah, and then she's like a and luggage. I'm honestly passed like what the fuck? Yeah, and then even the guy is like trying to be too picky He's like I don't like my regular mugger. It's got too much orange juice. It's like, oh god God, please just make them crash into something exactly So then finally Kate just enters the galley where Matt is, you know

So then finally Kate just enters the galley where Matt is, you know, clicking up some sort of meatloaf probably and she's like, Hey, Matt, it may be Sutun to tell, but I'm getting the feeling that I hate these people. And then it cuts to her going, I just want everyone in swimsuits. Hell yeah, OMG, I hate this. What the fuck? I hate that.

Makes me excited because there's once every, every every season of below deck there's always some awful charter and then you have to wait like that I've been waiting for them you know everyone's been relatively pretty nice so far the season finally the assholes have arrived Yep and season skin tight dinner Yes, sir, so that's it for below the yuck. Why don't we wrap up this week with some Kroppin's Mailbag. Kroppin's Mailbag is where you get a chance to ask us questions. We'll read them on the air. Just go to patreon.com slash watch for crap and support us

at the mailbag level or above. There you go. Do we're up, B.M. So first question is from our sweet little Michael Horn who says, since the Dallas and New York housewives both went to Mexico this year, what do you think it would have been like if they'd all gone at the same time together?

Oh man. I don't know if my brain is in New York how so I was in New York. Wow. New York and Orange County going together. No, New York and Dallas since they both went to Mexico on their seasons. New York and Dallas. Oh my God. Like what is that? It killed us seriously. Give it to me. I'll use it. I'll take it like seriously. Like it's better than a man. It's like a big big it's a BBC that's not going to like film me with all their stupid, stupid, stupid information about their lives or their stupid mans planning. It's not gonna stalk me, right? Right? Like I can just suck at this on the table and it'll just stay on the table, right? I'm in, give it to me. Now listen here, you mimic her. I want you to bow at me with that BBC because let me tell you something. I like deal do you like deal do everyone likes

deal do deal do's are for everyone and deal does will make you happy deal do 2020 that's what I said my new president deal do. Hey Paco or whatever your name is okay I need three different Vaseos, glasses as, okay? Went without ice, one with some lemons, and then I need one so that it can look empty, and I suck on my straw, and then tell some cute little poncho via tie. Like, could you please give me some water? Cause I'm thirsty, okay?

It's so funny that you are ordering those in front of me and not offering one to me because John Blond's get one glass Smart Blond's get every glass As long as you can you can just stay you win my room and then you made a bubble bag and The bubbles were all over the floor Fuck you young great Well, why can't we just be friends? And the bubbles were all over the floor. That's you, young great plan.

Why can't we just be friends? You know what I gotta say, say you're right there right now, Dorena. You know what I gotta say? You gotta clean up those bubble baths. Because even though it wasn't your bubble bath, you gotta do that. Okay, you're not gonna get anywhere in life

if you're not, if you're not, if you're not playing about that with the people in the bubble bath. You what you gotta do is you gotta get in there. You gotta clean up with the towel, and then you gotta, you gotta quit complaining, okay? That's the only way you're gonna get a life. You think I'm gonna get ahead of my business to you? You think my month, my, you think my month is gonna

head over my business to you, Dorena? If you're just complaining about bubble bath, no, sorry, no, sorry. I'm a life you think I'm gonna get ahead of my business to you You think my mom might think my mom's gonna hand over my business to you to render if you're just complain about bumpeth No, sorry, no sorry. I'm a poke at your eyes and roll him around in a bowl The end Yeah, my brain was about to explode. I was like that's too many opportunity too many like things I can't process all the voices That's a lot of screaming ladies and when in one trip would have been amazing. It would have been a me I can't even imagine Bethany and Leanne in the same space like I don't think that even works I think

the world just explodes I think it's like universe collapses in on itself is too much who what else is in their man well here's something from daffy one to two seven uh... daffy twelve twenty seven says what is the difference? Uptown and downtown in New York and is there a midtown? I keep hearing about them on Roni and on million dollar listing Ronnie, which one did you live in? Well, I lived all over the first place I could afford was in Staten Island, okay? So I had to live there. I lived in St. George, which is all the

way downtown at a ferry ride away. And then I lived in Queens, which is all the way uptown. Way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way uptown. But what they're talking about on the show, and I lived in Brooklyn, which is all the way downtown, down, down, down, down. But they're different, you know, they're off the island. The main thing that's the difference is uptown is where they're talking about like the Upper East Side and stuff is rich and fancy and glitzy. Downtown is like artisty and wall streety, you know, if you go really far down.

And midtown is like, you know, Madison Square Garden and like a bunch of factory places and yeah, district and it's more like where the public goes. Yeah tourists. Yeah exactly like uptown is also perhaps more family oriented where downtown is like younger and hip opposite those families and both in both areas and there are hip people in both areas too and midtown is just like midtown is people obviously live in Midtown but yeah that's like Broadway, Times Square,

it was like the Bryant Square Park, Empire State Building Masswear Garden, stuff like that. I feel like Midtown, I feel like, again I'm not an expert on this but I feel like this more, like isn't Murray Hill sort of Midtown and Hell's kitchen is midtown, but they're off to the side Right am I right am I saying Murray Hill? Yeah, midtown is like a more of a dump to be honest, but it's not a dump It's just it's not it doesn't have as much care. There's a lot of dump dump area is in midtown Like the around 34th street Madison Square Garden in the fashion district of 40 second Street. Oh yeah. A lot of that's just gross. But then when you get to the bottom of it, there's Chelsea, which is like 23rd Street, right? And below. So it's

started 23rd, like 14th Street to 23rd Street on the West side. Yeah, then it gets real good. Yeah, it gets gay and muscular. And then below that is like the village man, this is artists and really nice brown below that is like the village man Artists and really vice-browns village cuz then the East Village where the regular village is like in La-U And the East Village used to be very hippie and art artsy and now that's like expensive Lowry's yes, yeah, so basically yes, that's the difference. That's the difference So basically yes, that's the difference. That's the difference Here's one last question from Christine McAvoy who says

I'm a mom to two young boys and I usually have no clue what I'm doing other than trying not to raise Asshole children. I could really use some parenting advice from Peggy and Alexis from real house What oh Peggy from Peggy isn't Peggy Peggy and then Alexis from Real House is my army. Love you guys Doing well giving children advice parenting advice to Christine. How to raise children. Oh Well, you know when you know if your baby is named a speeder or well, you know Peter, you know Sometimes he likes to make poo poo and he make poo poo in his pants and I tell him oh well You know Peter is okay because you're a baby and then even when he's seven years old and he'll make the poop on his pants I say, oh my god, he's just a deputy. He loves me, you know, that's how he shows me mommy. I still need you, okay? Oh, well, you know, Peter, he always makes like all sorts of, you know, he makes attention to him and stuff and like he was when you little boy You know, he kicked axes and punch homeless people, but I'm like, you know, he's he's an artist and like I have to support that

So oh well, you know, Peter. Yeah, it's just that's just what he does. He's an artist. He just makes music to you know, he's an artist and like, I have to support that. So, oh well, you know, Peter, yeah, that's just what he does. He's an artist, he just makes music to, you know, beating homeless people. That's all, you know, he had a hard time with Frankie, et cetera. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. On all day, no ball or nose cocoa, no ball in house ever. You look at your baby and you tell him, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. And then you scratch part of your eye and you walk away and behind you, baby screaming,

what? What? What I do? I do leave. Here's what you do. Little piece of advice. Changes the entire world for you. Life came, changer.

Black and white crib. Half crib white. Half crib black. Done. Done. It doesn't matter if your crib is black or white. The end. It's a joke. What if she was like good at Michael Jackson's song? Oh, Peggy.

Peggy Peggy Peggy. Okay, well, thank you everyone for crap and mail back. And let's close our mouth. Thank you everyone for crap and mail back and close the wrong So we made it to the end of the week Ronnie. We did it. We did it everybody Thanks for listening y'all. We'll be back on Monday Oh remember next week, we are changing up our recording schedule a little bit. We are not going to be doing New Jersey on Thursday. We are saving that for our San Francisco show.

So we'll do below deck for next Thursday. And we'll figure out what Friday is, if anything. So in the meantime, we'll be back on Monday, and we'll see you then. Have a great weekend, everyone. Hi, everybody! Bye! Bye! Bye!

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