Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Check Yourself Before You Shipwreck Yourself

Episode Date: January 9, 2019

Below Deck is finally back!! Will Captain Lee fire Laura? Will Rhylee and Ross ever stop fighting? Will Ashton dry-hump the anchor? All these pressing questions and more are answered in our recap! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from the Real House Wares of Kitchen Island, which is on YouTube, three episodes, fourth one coming soon. And joining me is the wonderful hilarious star of all stars. It's Ronnie Karam who can also be found on the Rose Prick's Bachelor Rost podcast, which is back because the bachelor's back. So go listen to that. You've bachelored heads. Hey Ronnie, what's going on? Happy Wednesday. Happy Wednesday. We made it to the middle of the week. It's very exciting.

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The, yeah, bend into the streets, Ronnie, the sheets available at crap and switch.com only for another couple of weeks. Now, let's get on to our favorite part of the show, the recaps. Yay. Oh my God. I'm so happy that it's below deck day. I missed this show. I want to give it a hug.

I just want to grab that yacht and hug it hug that yacht. Well you better um what does she say? I don't want my notes open. Check yourself. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself is he? Kate did not seem to really enjoy Laura saying check yourself because where we start up is where we where we left off last time Which is Laura downstairs being like I'm sorry Kate. I'm sorry But you really need to figure your shit out. Okay. Have some respect and consideration for me constantly cleaning up for you all day Okay, you need to check yourself understood understood You need to seriously figure your shit out

Yourself And then yeah, and case just standing there looking at her like Without look on her face I feel like you could have you could have just handled that situation differently. I'm sorry You could have left the towels situation differently. I'm sorry. You could have left the towels on the floor and considered it. Or you could have left the toilet and flushed. I'm sorry.

You could have left the back hair in the backshaper. Rancency. Sorry. I feel like everyone from Kildrey to Edmonton, to Berda would agree with me. I'm sorry. You just want, you got to check yourself So do you want to quit? I want you to check yourself

Keep like um roll number one don't scream at your superior in front of guests rule number two Don't scream at your superior period rule number three Check yourself story did. Rule number three, check yourself story. It's like you're so fake. It's like you're telling people you're from BANTH, but you're really from Ottawa. Check yourself. I'm sorry. So then Laura is in the best place to be when you need to get punished. The laundry room. It's like, well, that worked. You know, now you're standing in front of some washing machines again. And Kate goes straight after the captain and she's like,

um, is that how you're able to do anything? I was like, I didn't hear nothing unless you count the sweet sign of those who's wave-piping through the non-mechanical disc man I was born with, call ears. Ha, ha, ha. So you were not able to hear what's happened like a collection of fog horns going off, no?

I'm like a mad at someone again Did you hear what sounded like a tuba sonata? No No, I'm turning the cat into Laura. No, no, I'm sorry By the way, I just want to say that when Kate said, do you want to quit the Lilt in her voice? She was so excited. She was like, I finally pushed her to the right place. Like, I'm here. It comes. I'm giving her the opportunity. Do you want to quit? You want to quit? The Lord said no. You could just, you could just hear Kate's stomachs thinking. Like, huh? Yeah. There was the lids only heard by people really used to having

to fill out paperwork from the unemployment office. So we have an issue, the issue is named Laura. If this were ESPN, they'd be calling it the Laura issue. It's like a body issue, except instead of naked bodies, it's just towels on floors. She has temper tantrums, screamed at me within the air shot of the guests. You know, after you turn down, there's towels everywhere, she gets you together. She's just running it down like a grocery list. So I'd like you to get for her a gentle reminder of the hierarchy hierarchy of the boat or we can fire her or I can quit. Those are three options.

He's like, what about captain captain jacks I'll get you a boat of captain jacks as well Okay, so there's four options There's a fifth option. We do have some neuterios. Oh, okay. Well, this is getting interesting listen I can't just be pulling stews off the fig trees out here Actually, you can Laura just climbed up one. Oh God damn you have to go that fig tree three is out here. Actually, you can. Laura just climbed up one. Oh, God, Daniel, how'd you go on that fig tree?

Well, I have a word with her. And if she didn't get on board, that figure's off the tree. Okay. It's like, all right. Well, Captain Jackson is then we just get shots of a ossa who's just hilarious. Yeah, every time they show her, she's eating something, every time they show it.

And she's like, Oh, delicious. They literally had a birthday attack. She's like, oh, I don't know what you did to make these tick-tax of delicious Adrian, but they are giving me amazing breath right. Mmm. I love a dick-dack. I mean, so in the crew mess Laura Ross and the surfer guy Tyler are there and surfer is like you're right to like M.I. all right. Have you tapped yourself, sorry! He rises like, um, actually, you yelled, and you shouldn't yell.

I don't know what to go and grab, but I'm just like, yeah, you don't. I'm like, you, you little dumb dumb. Well, Josiah's upstairs already plotting the next movie. He's like, why don't you just fire her Kate? Then we can do two charters by ourselves. Dedicate them both to Master Pearson. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Then we can do two charters by ourselves, dedicate them both to Master Pearson. Knowing that Master Pearson is going to grow up to be the Master Crusader, the least I could do is

a few extra loads of laundry while I'm coming up with the plans for that flying car. What Kate doesn't realize is that my job now is to come and do this yacht and bring it to Master Pearson's Lair. Part one of that plan means getting rid of law. Part two is getting rid of everyone else. So then in the kitchen, the chef is making fun of Laura. He's like, you better check yourself and say, you're better! You everybody better check themselves. Where the God it'm gonna beat up everyone ZO REEEAT! ZO REEEAT! Meanwhile Helen the Goth chick is like this is a palette Aphrodisiac is like Helen you have a napkin in your mouth so I should also remind everyone that this charter is like a weird frankincin sign charter dr frankincin sign's charter because it's like basically three or four couples

stuck together, because clearly these are people who volunteer to come on the show and they were not matching groups, so they just were all jumbled together and they clearly don't know each other, which makes us even more hilarious, because watching the other guests just stare at Helen, it's like it's like it's one of the like the ongoing jokes of this entire episode. Because the ladies are just like, oh, well, how do you think of that? Well, that looks dangerous. What is that?

A ladder to go up to the mix? Oh, that looks scary. I don't know if I want to do that. And then Laura's are also having like, you know, what am I trying to say? Orgasm's over the food. They're like, I don't know about that. They're just staring at her. Oh, so good.

I don't know about that. They're just staring at her. Oh, so good. Oh, yeah. So now Ashen goes and checks it on Laura because he's trying to get in her pants still and he's like, everything okay? You're doing okay? Yeah, she's like, you know what? It's not cool. You know, don't laugh at my expense.

She tells us, I was being walked all over and humiliated. Like, sorry sorry not sorry Yeah, you were probably humiliated you just screamed to somebody in front of everybody you dope so dessert Osis like I'm already a Sort of visual danger. Where's Adrian? I want him to watch us bite into those. Oh, the thrill of watching this lady bite into a chocolate. So, so she's like, she's like, she's like, bring Adrian up.

So he comes up and he's just like, everyone's just like staring at her. She's like, all right everyone, time to bite into the chocolate and she bites in. And I don't know if you noticed it, but this other guy at the table was just staring How to like this fucking bitch. I paid $10,000 to get to to heady and this is what I have to sit with this bitch Eating a piece of chocolate for the first time

Adrian I wanted you to witness that he's like, hmm awesome. I just like like, like she's the best charter guest ever. Ganking says, I want to dress like her for Halloween. And then also goes, who else can taste the crunch? Original, uh, original slogan for Skittles. Just a taste of crunch. So now me while, um, down in like the beach club, as they they call it Laura and Riley are hanging out and Laura's venting about everything and she's like She's like you know what I had to go off on Kate. I was like Settle down like all you have to do is say oh hey you forgot to tell on the floor or pick it up like God forbid you pick it up yourself

You know I'm like or you could like not leave it there because it's your job. Yeah, don't do Doe and Laura Riley's like, um, yeah, well, I want to fuck that guy and marry him. So Good talk Yeah, like I was saying Kate, right? I mean, you're like, she's like the most fakeest, most horrible woman I've ever met in my life. It's like, Swarie, what needs you? Check yourself. Are you even human?

We literally check yourself. Swarie, does that like I want a relationship or anything? Because I know we're just on a boat. I really want a relationship with that guy. Just saying, don't care what he does. Totally care what he does. I'm sorry

Um, and that's actually the best kind of friendship where you're just like both talking and either listening It's like but both of you leave with something you know, yeah, exactly My little sorry a chain link now I just got body shamed by my bracelet because the chain link just broke off. It's like really, it's like that scene in the rest of the development where Lucille Booth is like, he says to what's her face, the daughter being like, well I feel like you're chestening the real tensile strength of that bracelet and I was always like, ha ha ha ha, and now I actually have done it myself. Where did the chain link go?

Here we go. Carry on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I lost my chain link and my bracelet. Mm-hmm. And so Laura's bitching about Kate and Raleigh's like, look, I just want to say you can be strong for two weeks, okay? Just rise above it, girl. It's going to be fine. Which is really hilarious advice coming from Raleigh. So then Kate's like, I don't think I've ever been this best. I don't like Sass and I don don't like us do. We can't do rich a hop. And I don't like Sassie's stew either,

which actually is a thing. Have you ever had Sassie's stew? Very hot, brincher tongue. You know, that combo is the worst. So Adrian comes in for a creep hug on Laura, because that's what happens. You know, a girl's like, my feelings are hurt and guys are like,

my penis can help it. Exactly. And on top of that that to make things even worse He comes in it's like not only is he doing that creepy hug, but he makes a schmoopy noise is he's like Come on So now right a truly amazing moment. It's breakfast, it's the next morning. And Kate is just walking through the downstairs

part of the yacht. I'm Kate, I'm just gonna walk. And Laura is there, she's got like, just staring at my phone. Just staring at my phone. Clearly nothing's gonna interrupt me right now. And Laura is holding a giant thing of core water. And as Kate walks by, Laura's like,

Kate, do you know where the bread pleats are? And Kate just doesn't respond. And now she's just totally ignores her. And so then Laura's like walks behind her and is like, Kate, Kate. And Laura and Kate just is like, oh, well, look at that. I have zero messages in the past 15 seconds.

I guess I'll check again. I'll look at my phone again. She just walks up the stairs, looking at her phone, ignoring Laura. And Laura just is like walking right up behind her. So the gate just slows down, basically comes to a stop and it starts moving, then stops, then moving the stops. Could you like go, could you like hurry up? Cause I am, I am holding something. Thanks. Could you like go could you like hurry up because I am her I am holding something things. She's I don't know what you're doing that on purpose but

So funny Laura then like serve some stuff to the guests outside and they're like can we have some R&S use or whatever she's like sure so she goes into the into the galley to get the R&S use and Kate's already there and Kate does the other amazing bitch power move, which is that she answers the question five and say it or so. Laura's like, I'm just gonna come in and get some orange juice and Kate goes. The bread plates are up here. That's where they've always been with the salt and pepper. They're right about the bread knives.

That way you can always figure out, you know, bread knives, bread plates. It's sort of obvious, you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. So, God, I guess I'm too short to see it. She goes, yeah, I spend there the whole time. Yeah. Okay. Well, I guess I'm too short to see it. She goes, yeah, I spend there the whole time. So, okay, well, I'm taking over. You need to go talk to Captain Lino because there's a fig on a tree that needs to be pulled.

So have fun. So that's not what that means, but sorry. Just go up there, I'll be serving the bread place from the carpet that they've always been in. Okay, bye. That's fun. So she goes up to see the captain. She's like, so what's up, sorry.

And he's like, I understand we had an issue last night. And here's what I need. I need you to do your goddamn job. All right. Listen what this is not adventurous in. Baby city. All right. Get your own goddamn bottle out of there.

All right. Milk a breast, put it in the bottle and drink it on your own, all right? I'm not babysitting anymore. You know, I'm not an angry person, but unfortunately, what came out of it was like, it just came out of me in a less than eloquent way.

So I'm sorry for that, you know? Smooth sailing ahead, sorry. And he's like, yeah, she wrote a checker ass couldn't cash. And that's one of my favorite captionally things, because it always makes me imagine an ass trying to catch a check. It made me imagine him being in top. Isn't it from top gun? Isn't that what Kelly McGillis says to Tom Cruise?

Like, you're writing a check. Oh no, it's like you're writing a check that your body can't cash or something like that I'm just imagining captain Lee driving a little little car through like Florida Oh Maverick Maverick I have a right to say that to you and then he starts kissing time cruise That never gets old. I miss that guy So the captain's like, so

Lord tells us out of all the time she abused me, did it ever occur to me to go to the captain in title on her? No. And I'm like, yeah, because you don't have firing power. You fucking idiot. Yeah. She also was probably told that she'd have to put a towel away in his captain quarters. She's like, Oh, I'm not going to go up there. So, Adrian, so now Adrian and Josiah are talking and Adrian's like, hey, so I heard you today. He's like, not very good. I'm having a bad hair day, which is in general just a bad hair day. Don't let Master P. S. and see me.

So then we see Riley being forced to do Minio labor, which I just kind of what she's there for. But she's mad that Tyler is under her now and he's getting to do all the stuff she doesn't get to do like slide duty. Yeah. So like I've never get to see slide set up or the anchor. Yeah. I mean, if I bring it up, I'm shut down immediately. I'm like, I don't think that anybody has begged to be on fly duty. Yeah. This is the first. This is the down immediately. I'm like, I don't think that anybody has begged to be on fly duty. Yeah, this is the first. This is the first in like the entire blow deck.

And including blow deck med. She's, Ross gives her like a little joystick. Like she's like doing an Atari thing and she's like, ah, fine. I guess I'll just control the apparatus that picks up and drops off the toys. That's very important and basically the safety of the entire boat. It depends on, ah, hmm. So then breakfast is served and Kate's like,

what I've learned from these guests is that at least two of them were in the mafia, or it wouldn't mouth off to Richard. That's what cement boots will get you. Submission. Yeah. So then, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Just, then I was just like two minutes of Katie green with herself. Yeah, yeah Yeah, pretty much at least he a bunch of quick clips and there was a shot of Ross looking out at the sky He's like wait. It looks like Royne in the Ducyne say I'm like it's rained every single day on this show Yeah, of course, that's rain in the distance. I know I can't tell if he's talking about actual rain or if he just sees Riley coming towards him. Yeah, she's the way. Tyler is doing a lot of work and he's like, um, he picks things up fast. And with Riley in a good mood, it's totally worth it. It's so good and great.

And she's like, um, how about, uh, uh, oh, Ross is like, Tyler, come with me. I'm going to give you more important duties. And Riley's like, oh, great. I'm gonna give you more important duties and Riley's like oh great I'll just finish down here whatever And Ross follows Tyler of the stairs and he's like no cap muscles Boa Ross he's just so perfectly gay porky. Yeah, he really is like he's finally decided to invite somebody else on to his webcam show Yeah, so then they're pulling into the dock and Ross is like, hey, Royley, could you set that line? She's like, I already did it, I already did it.

And he's like, okay, I'm like, if it is sort of bullshit because like Tyler wiped down something on like the Jetsky and Ross is like, my straw, great gift muscles, you look sexy, you got a bone, but then like, Riley does something, she did something ahead of time and he's like, okay So like I get it. I don't see how much she's annoyed Yeah, but you know, that's the thing of like yelling at people all the time

They tend to not want to work at you. It's crazy how that works. Yeah, sure So she's like I'm sick of this growing up at what point does it end? So just I was like, um, can we get a glass of whispering angel? Just thought was funny. Yeah. And then Asa is on the phone, I think talking to herself, they probably don't even have service out there. And she's like, you know, I have a store in Beverly Hills.

So that would be great. Have you ever tasted crunch? You know, it'd be great. They should make a cereal based on this cronch. I just named after Captain Lee. They could call it Captain Crunch, you know. It's my idea. David? David!

I think it's time to go to commercial. Do you want to go to commercial? David? David? David! Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter, or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife

And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon.

Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So, um, then this finally set up this whole slide. I love this to the older ladies like come upstairs to look at the slide like oh Wow, that is a tall slide Doreen. Are you gonna give it a whirl? No, it's too tall. What about Bruce? Is Bruce gonna go no Doreen? You gotta get yours to go. No Leslie. No, not gonna do it. That's dangerous. Margaret. Nope. I'm not doing it.

Bernie's slide time for you, Bernie. No. Tyler's like, always push me on this. Remember that time you taught me you tried to make me drink frosay and my teeth got cold. That really hurt. I just love this. And inevitably there's some charter on every below dexies and that just has

like pleasant older ladies That just are like no, I'm fine. Just sit here. I'm don't mind me. I'm okay password and Tyler's like I love old people, but these guests are lame Yeah, he's like I like more active guests. Yeah, you know what like on my old fire crew my nickname was throttle I'm like congratulations. He sounds like he was like in the cast of cars by Pixar. He probably was. Yeah, no. He's got that kind of why I'd look on him. He's like, I used to be a snail named turbo. How about that? So Ross sees Riley and he's like, I'll help you clean up down here and get everything done. She's like, I've got it. And he's like, oh God, it's like she's trying to produce something with all this work she's

doing. For cross take woman, grab a dish and rag and get to it. It was so patronizing though, because it's like the fact that he, this is actually like, again, another sort of like complicated situation, because in a certain sense, she is trying to prove, you know what, you don't have to treat me like woman. I might say like a woman, like the way they're saying women, you know, you don't have to treat me like less or then, I should elaborate as, you know, like I'm just as capable just because I'm a woman, you know. So in a sense, she is proving something, but at the same time, there's an element of

like, she's just doing her job, and the fact that he perceives that she's needing to prove something is sort of like, an inherently condescending perspective to have. So it's like a really fascinating sort of like workplace dynamic that I think probably a lot of people deal with. Yeah, so he's like, let me just help.

Let me just help. I see you trying. I see it, he's like, let me just help. Let me just help. I see you trying. I see it. And she said, I got it. You sure? Yes, I got it. I've got it the third time. I've got it.

You want to ask me a third time? One asked me a fourth time? I said a fourth fucking time. You want me to go somewhere? Let me go. I said, I got a fourth fucking time. Oh, well, well, she's like a one woman riot in the streets. I know I love it when she gets mad She's like I said four times and the fifth time it's be rid of it in the fourth time

And the sixth time is even more obnoxious than the fifth time and the seventh time will be surprisingly nice But in the eighth time will you even worse worse of one of all in the night time? You don't even know about the ninth and ten time I can say it backwards Yeah, well listen here you've you're just saying so sure and you've got an attitude properly check I haven't added to cuz I'm being interrupted Ross, okay? That is why you want to do it a fifth time to the fifth time hey about a 19th time I'll sit here and wait for you to get your five six seven eight nine ten eleven Probe 34 15 15 16 18 talking here you doing it like a guy

Got it to infinity and then meanwhile Josiah just casually sneaks and he's like don't mind me I'm just here to get gossip that's all carry on the fly. I just have to pull back to Kate So Ross is like she's got to go bloody hell and she's like yeah bloody hell's right And so he leaves and she's like storming through the boat and she's like that is it I'm eating noodles in my room. And they just cut the door rein napping with the quar water on the deck. As long as I have this quar water everything is hunky-dory. They should call it door water as in hunky-dory water.

I know these poor people are having to sit through so many staff fights on this episode. So, so yeah, so Riley's stomping through the boat. She's like, fucks sake. And she just like storms by and tired. I feel like I'm out of the loop on so much stuff. I'm like, wait a go, throttle. And Laura goes, me too, bro. I'm like, how are you left out of shit? You're causing this

hit. It's not the same. And he's like, I love to see people lose their shit as long as I'm not in the middle. Unless I'm in the middle and there's also a fire in which case I'll be in the middle with the hose getting that fire hashtag. Throttles. So Ross goes to ask you to to cry about it He's like if she well listen, I'm gonna place her after fun some of that listens and ask just like one day She's happy the next she's miserable. It's annoying It's annoying so then Then meanwhile Kate's like

Okay Laura. Okay Laura. Anyway, Kate and Laura Laura Okay Laura. Okay Laura. Okay Laura. Anyway. Okay Laura. Laura. Um, could you do the cabins for me please and like try not to leave towels everywhere like usual? Thank you. There was like no problem. Laura, did you, did you copy? She didn't copy. Did you Laura? Laura, did you copy? Did you copy? Laura's like this? She goes, yes, I copied, but I did it in my Mike piece and it wasn't plugged in Zubari Zubari in cakeers Copy I'm in the worst like she's just trying to make me so mad and making me unplug my mic from my radio like that Did you see as she made me do that? I'm sorry she always gets me every single time So then lunch has served and Helen is just like

sitting there table threatening Adrian with a good time She's like so I'll see you in the kitchen at six, right? I mean a little fun time in the kitchen at six Which is you know It's really I mean it's hilarious to us, but it's also like Adrian I hope you take notes because this is basically what you're doing to Laura every single time every single time Yeah, but he kind of likes it He does does. He's like, yeah, I mean, she's hot. She reminds to me of my first girlfriend, who is Peruvian, had a big bosom. But unfortunately, she's

married to Tony Suprano. So, I was like, he's like the only person who's like loving, loving the attention, you know? Yeah. So then, um, so Ross is with Captain Lee and there's some bad weather coming in, so I was like, I tend to bring in the slide and all the toys. Goddammit! So they're bringing all the stuff and Ross is like, all right, Toilet, you bring in the slide and Ashton, you bring in the Jetski and Riley, here's a tissue. Why don't you just bounce the tissue up and down, make it look like a little ghost and be like Oh, I'm too young to be on to be on to be on She's like she's doing and then we get another good little porn scene

Where Ross is like moon to pull to get in hard and ask just like grosses bowl strivel up when the storms are coming Hey, royally, how's that tissue going? How's it going? I need to see it lift up lift down lift up lift down She's like damn it Ross get that tissue ready it's it needs to be ready to take a load or Jesus is it had to load bearing tissue don't all right Riley what I need you to do I've got this coaster I need you to bring this upstairs and put it onto someone's drink and then come back downstairs. See it again. See it again, Ross. So Laura and the chef, Laura's complaining because she has to dance because they're going to do this big Tahitian dance thing for the guests. And then Ross is, Riley is still so fuming at Ross. So she goes up to Ross. She's like, where would you like me?

And he's like, you can go. We don't, whatever. We don't need you. And she's like, I am over it. Tyler has no experience on both. And now he's above me. You know, I don't respect these guys because I don't give me the respect I deserve. Which I mean, I can see, but I can't wait to see this explode.

But this is one of those things that's exploded so many times. Yeah. It's like, how many time can you be at the great geese or in Yellowstone before you like a steam coming out of the ground? Yeah, that was fun. So, so Helen is now getting ready for her big moment, her big moment in the kitchen. She's like in these high heels, her tits are like out, she got a bra out. I mean she's like going in for the full Adrian seduction. Yeah, bra under a blazer. It's like yeah, like some sort of like mylar contraption. So she's just like, she's up there helping Adrian chop cauliflower and she's like dinner is how I unwind it's the anticipation of what's to come later on that can be an amazing experience you know I'm saying I'm saying he's just like so gross and he's like yeah

I'm a bit of a hectic chef and she's like that's okay and he, okay, so right now I'm making creamed celery. I'm like, why would you make something creamed? Why? Like at this point, you're just egging your on, you know? Yeah. You probably all thought that just by merely mentioning celery that her lady boater might go down. Yeah, but he creamed it. It's like a phallic vegetable that's creamed, like things.

So now, Ashen is downstairs writing the script for the big show. He's like, oh, here's what I want. I want it to be sitting in Opera House and there's a very pretty lady, but she's being haunted by a man with a mask. Like, oh, okay, it's very Taheson. So, Kate and Riley are on the deck and Kate's like it's very Taheshin So in Kate and Riley you're on the deck and kids like hmm. Hello Riley. How's it going today? It's like it's this ever happened. Yeah, who is Kate? Yeah, it was what did you do with it? Riley's like that's a loaded potato So kids like all right

Here's the thing Riley like you're complaining a lot, but like you should be so happy because you get to be on the hunt You don't have a lot of responsibility, so just like enjoy it and like be the bigger person and don't get sassy and But I was like, oh Fine fine fine. Yeah, she's like I should just let them do all the work like what the hell? Okay, it's like yeah be lazy. She's like, oh my god. This is like the best advice anyone's ever given me Yeah, be like seashells and and see rocks and see glass and let yourself be scattered along a tablespoon. Yeah, I mean, sure enough, at one point, you're going to be picked up and put back into

his a pluck back. But then just know you'll be taking that again for a different theme. It's all going to work out. So she's like, just be honest and say you want to finish the season and you're sorry, okay? Be the bigger person, okay? Which is funny because it's like that advice be honest and say, you want to finish the season and you're sorry, okay? Be the bigger person, okay? Which is funny, because it's like that advice coming right back to Riley.

And Riley is the bigger person compared to Ross. So that's, you know, it's easy. So just, I don't know, I don't know why I thought it was so funny, but just like, of course, I'll take a picture of you, Asa and you, Chef, to the death of your pot. Perthack. Oh. of you, Asa and you, Chef, to the death of your pot. Pathak. He's like, I'm sending this to Master Pearson. I'm gonna have a know. His best time.

Oh, sorry. So now it's time for the Riley Ross showdown. Yeah. She's like, or I guess the makeup, but she's like, I just wanted to say, I like working for you, but I don't get to do big things. I don't get like, called into big things. You want to say I like working for you but I don't get to do big things I don't get like called to do big things you want to say it again Ross. Yeah which is something she should have said a long time ago so she's starting to choke up and everything because she feels like she's always doing it me else up and Ross is like

well I like working with you I really do and what you don't see is if you stop and listen you'd realize that while you're doing the little tissue dance, that is actually the most important thing we could do on the boat because if you weren't doing the tissue dance, then... Do you remember when I asked you to take gum off the bottom of tables? That's so important because if you didn't do that, people eating at the tables might get gum on the knees. Do you understand? It's extremely important. Remember the time I told you that you have to scrub down the window by the salon. That's extremely important because if you can't see out that window you might not see a seagull. If you're not seeing a seagull you might not realize there are more seagulls coming and they could get gummed up in the boat and that's very important

And she's like, I just so like feeling like I'm doing many of work like I don't even give a shit if you let me go And he's like, I'm not good. I'm not gonna let you go But I'm gonna let this go you can disagree all day or agree with me. Okay now in the position with the tissue up and down with hello No, let's let's now let's see how your progress has come. Okay, three two one the tissue up and down with hello. No, let's let's now let's see how your progress has come. Okay, three, two, one, tissue dance up and down and up and down and up and down and left and right. Left and right left and right. Riley, what do we say about left and right? I was like, I'm doing anymore.

It's like you surrender. All right, great. She's like, damn it. I fell into that one. So the captain joins the guest for dinner and and then Kate. Everyone's gathering downstairs in the mess to get there to do list for the night. And Kate goes, um, I made checklist for Laura. She's going to checklist herself. So she told Laura, you need to check list yourself. And Laura's like, like, okay, that was good. That one was good. You're like Dave.

D-D-A. That was good. That was hilarious. Sorry. That was actually funny. That was funny, Kate. Then Riley me, Mom, was like, well, I'm coming to realize I actually have a a temper so maybe I am the issue. Yeah, that's why we do the tissue dance. She's eating her noodles alone in a room like I got it from my dad. It's hard to admit it but I guess it's me. So if one has dinner and then like towards the end of dinner the crew comes up to do a Tahitian dance. I felt uncomfortable during this. I was like this. Like they. They always have to do these

little Heatian things, but this one felt like really like, I feel like they're gonna get some heat for this. I don't know. Why? They didn't do anything. Wasn't this where he did the little play? He's like a bunch of white people being like, like Sephiroth, being like, oh, we're Tahitians and these are ancient Heatian traditions and like and like here's our like I don't know I was like this feels like it's gonna be get it get some blowback. Oh good I have I mean I doubt it it's pretty innocent just a bunch of guy in Hula skirts he's like this is that this is the story of a man on the slide. It was really the least inspiring to he's in power.

Apparently we've seen it the very least. It will get blue back just for being an uncreative. Yeah, just bringing us. I mean, if they got blowback for the book, okay, the book of the musical, then okay. So Kate's like, okay, well, she's checking Laura's work and she's walking through the room. She's like, okay, well, she's checking Laura's work and she's walking through the room. She's like, yes, well, Laura has done a fantastic job. Now that I've given her a checklist, good job. You did your job. You did it.

Wow, wow, that's amazing. It's amazing how you do your job so well when you do it exactly the way I ask you to do it. Oh, so Lauren Ashton are talking at night and she's like, God, I'm so exhausted. But we're nice to each other. So that was good. And he's like, move your foot off that. She goes, um, why is it dirty? He's like, no, because it's an anchor. And if you don't move your foot, anything can happen. The anchor could go down, your foot could go down. She goes, you know, about that.

Wouldn't you know, like, Laura, Kate, Laura, Laura, Laura, feel free to put your phone on the anchor. Thank you. Kate, Laura. So Laura's like, Oh gosh, you know, I don't really know him yet, but he sure is adorable. Soon the morning Everyone's you know just having morning time or whatever and Riley just goes up to Ross And she's like you want to hug it out and then they hug it out And he's like oh the soft spot because she means well, and I'm done with the attitude and I hope I got through to her

God she doesn't teach you dance for the ages Never seen it it in like it. Dear mom, it's your boy Ross. I'm writing to tell you, I know we haven't spoken in 15 years, but I saw a tissue dance today that was so powerful I felt. I had no other choice but to reconnect with you. I miss you. Like it's you.

I want that on purpose. Love your son Ross. So Riley's like, what are you doing, Tyler, after the boat? Like, maybe we could do something together. Like, I would thinking it would be cool to see but the jungles are like, and he goes, yeah, there's epic shit out there. Which is like the notebook, you know? And so Riley is like, yeah, I, yeah, of course I have feelings for him. Like he understands me the best. Maybe because I had sex with

him right away. That'll help. That'll help. So, uh, now it's time to come into, uh, come into port and like radio silence until we get to the dock, which I thought was like, oh shit, something's gonna happen. But I forgot that Chandler and Caroline weren't there anymore to fuck it up. So they just went to the dock. Yeah. And the lady's like, hardy is such sweet sorrow. They're like, okay, thanks Shakespeare.

Just hand us that money, Jalya. She's like, beforehand this tip, we haven't finalized the tip amount, but... Oh my god, I'm just getting really choked up leaving this yacht. I don't know what's happening to me. I wish I had a tissue right now and Ryan's like, Oh, get it now. Thanks for this tissue, Riley. You know what?

We're gonna add in an extra 10% tip. It's not... It's not... it's not being healed after all. You do have an important role, Riley, after all. Say it again, say it again, say it again. So it's time for the tip meeting. The captain's like, all right, now speaking as a critic, those skits last night were high, hilarious. Broadway came back to life. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared.

I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared.

I'm so scared. I'm so scared. It's an e-god dammit, what am I a babysitter? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now some of you guys don't seem like you got, I don't even know what you guys are doing. Rather, you look like you've been downstairs playing with a tissue all day long, okay? God dammit Ross, you set me up, sorry. Now look, this is not a democracy, you don't get a vote. I'm asking you to love everyone. You don't have to, but if everyone's doing their job, no one should have complaints. Now, let's end on a strong finish. Ross, Ashton, that's your cue.

They're like, all right, let's spend more over each other. And they got 20 grams. Yeah, which was really good. So now, so they're all happy. They're cleaning and now it's time to ready go out. And they pile into the vans and stuff. So they're all happy. They're cleaning and now it's time ready to go out and They're they're they're they pile into the vans and stuff and Laura's like I'm cold I'm cold and ashes like come over here. I'm gonna warm you up with my bona if you don't mind and

Actually, but before they do that though Adrian's with Laura She's getting ready to go out. She's doing her hair and Adrian's like, oh yeah, um, yeah, it's not should be fun. It's gonna be really cool because the guy, that guy, Ashen, that you're interested in, yeah, he likes to grind on all the girls when they go up. I'm just saying that just, you know, just casual piece of information for you. Yeah. And at first she's like, yo, I'm just a number. And she tells us like, I'm unsettled.

I'm definitely not just a girl who except randomly with people, sorry. But then she tells Adrian, she's like, stop putting shit in my head, Adrian, you're just miserable, which is pretty accurate. You know, she's a lot of things, but she's also a decent judge of character. You gotta have to have that. She got that right.

Yeah. So we get to the club and ask him, like, I'm gonna hold back because of Laura. I'm only gonna draw a hump five gills tonight instead of the usual twales. Mmm. Oh, yeah. But of course they immediately get there and they're like, yeah, gills. Yeah. They're like sweating their faces off like just grinding up on everybody. Yeah, they're literally so sweaty. And Riley's grinding on Tyler and, you know, looks like they're gonna have sex on the dance floor right there. But then there's just more and more dancing.

And everything seems to be going along swimmingly for all the showmances. But then something happens. The ground cold. So Ashens like, I don't know what's going on, but Lo is acting cold to me. I'm like, I don't know what's going on, but Lord is acting cold to me. I'm like, I don't really understand. I don't really see her acting that cold.

I mean, like, she, like, just because she's not dry-humping you every single second of the club does not mean she's acting cold. Well, she is probably, like, less all over her hand because she just heard that stuff from Adrian. And, you know, she wanted him to come up and be like, is everything all right? Lovely, love. Yeah. But instead, he used that as an excuse to just go hunt on some girls. He's like, well, she was being cool, so I'm gonna hunt on some girls.

Yeah, I mean while Tyler is just like also, he's like fully making out with a girl right in front of Riley and he's like, you know what? This is a throttle here speaking and, ah, listen, I want to sit in my rocking chair when I'm 75 and have some stories, man, I'm like, you're already into Heady on a yacht on a TV show. I don't know if you need to add the random, like, lady on the dance floor right in front of Riley. Although we do all have- We all do have good memories of our grandpas sitting there on a rocking chair telling us about all the girls they fucked when they were 25.

So, you know, there's that. That's true. That's true. So yeah, the boys are making asses out of themselves. And Riley's like, well, we're not in a relationship. So I guess I can't hold them to standards, but you know, he's just thinking with this dick. And Laura is not taking it like that. Yeah. She's like, yeah, whatever. You do you, Suri. Yeah. Well, because Riley's in mindset is like, yeah, that's fucked up, but I'm horny. So I'm gonna have sex with Tyler anyway. But Laura's like, you know, like he can do whatever he wants to do, you know, but like don't hold my hand an hour before and then go dancing with these other girls. Just rude. Like where are we in Halifax or something? It's rude. I love your Candid's assaming.

It's more like just a counter referencing. What is he like a new fee? You know what I'm saying? Stupid Hojo. She's your Candida one-up thing. So let's see, um, right on the way back, Riley is in the Tyler sleeping on rather like cuddling and Riley's badge and Ashton's also in there. And she's like, God, you guys did not go.

You guys did not hold back going after this local Tahitians. I mean, I'm just going to chalk it up to drunk a brotherhood. Let's bone. I got a pee. I could do it right now. And when Riley says she asked a pee, I do get worried for everybody else. I'm like, oh no. I know.

Riley's like, okay, Tyler, let's get this done with I learned a new technique. I like to call the tissue dance. Let me show you something. So they are just as good as ever and go bone all night, which is hilarious because they keep and are cutting it in between this scene of Ash Dillin or they're talking on the deck while that starving dog is just staring at them.

Yeah, Tyler's like slapping Riley's ass. Yeah. It's a lot of stuff happening all at once. Yeah. So Laura and Ash are talking, they're like talking on like a random, like a post or something on the dock on the pier. And Laura's like, am I pissed off? Yaaah, yaaah!

I'm really pissed off. It's like driving over Niagara Falls and forgetting your piss port. Sorry. But what I do to it, sit here. What I do to it, sit here. It's like nothing, but nothing. Yeah, but what I do, slap on Riley's ass, slap on Riley's ass. It's like, but what's changed from before we went out to now? He doesn't remember being out of me. Come on. This guy's so, so practice. You lead

your bed, which doesn't make sense. And you meet your bed and you stayed your in your bed and you fled your bed and you paid for your bed and now you're gonna go sleep in it, okay? It's like I love beds, you wanna get in it? She's like, no, listen to me. I'm not gonna say what you have to do to yourself, but it possibly involves personal checking and to yourself. She's like well the chef told me that you hooked up with girls like a lot of girls and he's like I didn't hook

up with anyone from the charm we'd left until right now. It's a problem. She's like I'm gonna walk away. He's like alright and he's good. And got my dick in a local and then over the court over the sound of the Tahitian breeze we hear oh my god the and then from far far away I fired I fired hey that's exactly what I am I tired so that was below deck for the week another fun thing I'm so sad that the season is drawing to a close but we are really excited because we're gonna be doing our very, very, very first below deck live show

for the first night in Charleston. So whatever the below deck is that week, that's what we're gonna recap in Charleston at the intimate venue. And then we're also going to be doing below deck for our first Dallas show. So we're gonna cram in two below deck live shows. We think the finale is going to be airing that weekend Dallas

So it should be good to leave the be finale reading and we'll see we'll see we'll talk so Go to watch our crap and calm to get tickets for that Dallas show and all our other things Ronnie you're my favorite. I love talking with you. I love my time with you Yeah, babe when I do the tissue dance, I'm gonna think of you. Okay. Oh, man Okay, everybody we'll talk to you next time. Bye everyone. Bye. Hey, prime members.

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