Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Eggs-hausted

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

The first charter on Below Deck continues to be a source of constant frustration, thanks mostly to a bevy of picky eaters and obnoxious behavior. It doesn't help that they're one deckhand down and stuck with a stew who moves slower than a sloth. So much is happening, and we've barely even started the season.Don't just listen to the recap, watch it too. Check out today's episode with Crappens on Demand here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/43762598Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who happens Who happens Who happens Watch what happens Watch what happens Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who wants you what crap Who wants you what crap Hello and welcome to Watch or Crapins, a podcast about all that crap we just love to watch

on Bravo. And you know, Netflix and Hulu and all those other places, I'm Ben Mandelker of The Real House, where there's a kitchen island, and also the Game Brain podcast for all you fellow board game. Crazy people like me. And joining me is the one and only Ronnie Caron. What's going on, Ronnie? Hi. Whoa, welcome to the show, Ronnie.

Thanks so great to be here. Thanks so great to be here. Don't die. Always, always, even more so today. It's a wrap. It's on demand episode So go to patreon.com slash watch a crap and it's to watch this or you know what else speaking of watching things We are just two days away from our big virtual live show where we're gonna be recapping the

Real housewives of Salt Lake City world premiere. We're gonna be recapping that we have a special guest You have two days left to get your tickets and then after that you don't have tickets. It's gonna be really fun because we're gonna be recapping but we also are going to be you know able to interact with you guys. You guys can chat with each other. You guys can chat with us. We will definitely be having lots of fun Thursday night. So that's gonna be 6 p.m. on the west coast 9 p.m. on the east coast and if you're in the middle of the country You'll have to accommodate okay. I'm sorry. I don't know the time zones okay. You have to figure it out Central time it's gonna be eight mountain times gonna be seven. It's like nuts. How many times? Well, it was back back

I like got it goes from nine eight seven six. Whoa, and if you're in Hawaii, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That just blows my mind, okay So why actually the truth is what's cool is that you can come to the show if you're in Hawaii or in England or wherever Everyone in the world can come which is really cool because normally at a crappy show All the people that city can come. Let's have an internet work. God bless the internet God bless the internet bringing us all to get there I mean, I feel like sometimes on the internet I feel like I'm just like part of the world's biggest and most loveliest yacht charter Don't you Ronnie? Yeah, except where the awful gaze of this charter Oh my god, Ben, I'm so sorry. You just seem so exhausted. I'll just do this today for you

Why don't you just get off the camera right now? I'll just go ahead and do this for you. No. Ronnie, Ronnie, okay. Today's podcast is really good, but like as I always say, day one is fun. The day two is on you. So tomorrow, you better really bring it to the next level.

Okay, bring the podcast to the next level, Ronnie, tomorrow. Okay. I hate these queens on this. I'll bring. I hate level around tomorrow. Okay. I hate these queens. These are all for me. I hate them. They're terrible. They're everything wrong with the world. Kay.

They really are. They are terrible. They drive me nuts. I felt so bad for everyone involved on this boat. This was one of those below deck episodes. You know, it happens usually at least once a season, if not like three or four times. There are some of those below deck episodes that, you know, it happens usually at least once a season, if not like three or four times. There are some of those below deck episodes

where you just hit there and just cringe. You're like, oh no, they didn't do the bedroom. Oh no, not the luggage. Oh no, they've got to make all of them. Oh no, there's no omelette pants. And like you aren't like feeling so stressed out about the smallest things. Like how can omelette pants make me so stressed out?

Yeah, I used to work at this restaurant for a long time in LA, like the longest, I've ever worked somewhere, okay? It was called Shammo, and I would take all the tables most nights, I worked there three nights a week and two nights of those, I would take all the tables myself, and it was a busy restaurant, and there were nights that were just so in the weeds,

and one of the other waiters there told me, Caroline, she was like, listen, who gives a shit what they do? Okay, who gives a shit if they yell at you? Just smile on their face and know that it has to end eventually because that's how time works, you know? Like it's gonna hit 11 and then you get to kick them all out even if they hate you and you make no money.

So just calm down and somehow that really helped me until I started watching this show and it stresses me the hell out. But it also makes me mad at things like crying at work. Yeah, like I'm so I'm mad at also several people on that staff But the difference is that Shem O at 11 o'clock you can kick everyone out But on a yacht you like go to sleep and all those people are just like Above your head like you're stuck with them for three days straight. That's true.

Okay, good point. I'll never be a yachtie, that's the point. I'll never be a yachtie. I will never be a yachtie. I would sink that shit, the media. I'd be throwing some queens overboard. I'm actually not just the queens, all of them are horrible. They're literally all horrible.

Like, it's omelet torture, okay, to do that to a chef. You know what it is, we've all been to a buffet where there's an omelet guy. And there's like one omelet torture okay to do that to a chef you know it is we've all been to a buffet where there's an omelet guy and there's like one omelet guy's even when there's four omelet guys standing there seeing how much they're going through to get those omelets out like would you sit there when if your mom ordered first and then you ordered fifth in the family are you gonna sit there like every minute and be like oh my god you got yours first yes you did shit that's how eggs were and be like, oh my god, you got yours first. Yes, you did shit. That's how eggs were.

That's why that's, by the way, this is why I never go to the Amma station at a buffet. Like what is the point? I don't go to a buffet is to stand in a very long line, although even though that is actually a lot of what a buffet experience is, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna wait in a long line to get into the buffet

to then get into another line at the buffet. Like there's a whole world. There's a whole world of opportunities. And you know what, if an omelet's the best I can do, then shame on me, because I could be having a tiny box of cereal with a bagel, with some bacon, with a strange pastry, and perhaps with like a roll for no reason.

Yeah, but it's when most people feel that they get to boss somebody around. You know, it's like where you get your power in life, or you just get to tell someone how you like your damn eggs. And I think that sometimes people feel very powerless in this world, which I totally get, and they take it out on, you know, the simple things in life, like the omelette maker. Leave the omelette maker alone. We're omelette maker.

And there's not a damn omelette maker in this world that I've ever looked at who doesn't look like he hates me and literally everybody alive Like they hate everybody and I can see why especially after this episode I feel like every omelette station always features like a hot plate That's a little too too low and a very tall omelette chef So they're always like hunchover so miserable and they're always like so dressed up They have the full on are always too tall There's like too tall and they have like the full,

they're like dressed like a full on, like they're in culinary school. Because I guess they're like front of house. So they're always so formally dressed and they're like out of proportion with their omelet stand and they're miserable and people are being like, so you think it's done yet and they'd be like, hold on, ma'am, they got like two omelettes going

and they're just angry, they're angry, angry, angry and justifiably so. Yeah Um, so sorry, I'm like people sorry. I'm like guys out there and girls who have to suffer through this But let's do it again this episode All right, so those of you who are like me and don't remember who the hell anybody is here's the cast Eddie Francesca Rachel James Elizabeth chain and is he now I might say Francesca Rachel James Elizabeth chain and Izzy now I might say Elizabeth instead of Izzy or Izzy instead of Elizabeth because I get those confused and frankly Elizabeth is working too hard to be on this show

Yeah Elizabeth Give her time give her time. She is the one who is very much who was who said that Perseus died or something like that for five minutes. Perseus lives on a different journey. Ridley Scott made Perseus so that we could have this omelet today. People screamed in space and no one heard them, so that way we could have this omelet. Harden me everybody. God.

No, it's okay, you got this Nezis, it's all right. It's all right. It's because we're talking about omelets. I know you got the omelets niezes. I'm allergic to hard now, God damn it. And he's reminding me this episode. I'm starting to see glimmers of why and he started to annoy me all those years ago. Just like a little faint, like little comments he makes. I'm like, oh, that's right.

I didn't like you. You were like, you're like a dick. Yeah. So, but not in this scene. So he's like, this is like below deck how they make it now in modern time. So it's 97 episodes. So I have nothing to say about Eddie. Like I need to give it some time because-

Well, just like, just like stupid shit like, oh my god, like I can't look at your jockstrap right now. Oh, like like this super like rowy kind of like, oh my god, it's a guy who has shurn off. Whoa. Sort of. He doesn't like somebody, he'll start bullying them with the other guys. He's like totally that guy, but you know that he got pushed into so many lockers as a kid. And now he's bullying people.

That's the impression I'm getting from this, because they show next to coming next week when Shane's like, you're being mean to me, brah, I love turtles. And he's like, if you can't take a little joke and brah, all right. You got a little bow. Like shut up. You were so bullied, okay? I don't know you, but I know that about you.

I know that you were put, but you got damn lockers. So how about you be nice to the poor little guy who just wants to have reef safe shampoo or whatever the hell he's yapping about. Yeah, he reminds me of too many people who made me feel sort of like shitty during like group hangout sessions at a bar, you know. So, you know what I'm talking about. I do. You know, with someone just like you make a joke, because it was, uh, yeah, they do that

and you're like, oh, maybe I should leave this bar. So, um, so, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I did that. No, sorry, I made you feel that way. No, no, it's not you. It's Eddie who did that. Eddie and his, and his ilk. So Eddie's talking to the guys because, whoa, my best friend slash daughter, every just had to leave the, okay,

because it's grandma's ill, which is very sad, but I still have to talk to her in my own voice because I started this way. Okay. Yeah And then captain's calling good old Norma. Norma? I got an issue. I need a goddamn deck head is what I need, right? Yeah, and then Eddie is uh, he's talking he's he like so he's still talking uh to his group and he's like All right, so we're already down to deck hands, so we have to pick it up. Okay, guys, pick it up and Shane goes boom.

And then he goes boom. Boom. I'm like, see, right? Like, as Eddie, you are the guy that would say boom. Like how many times does Eddie like chammey to railing on a boom? Boom. Yeah.

And he's like terrified that someone's cooler than him. Yeah. I think he's like, that someone's cooler than him. Yeah, I think he's like look at this southern California Idiot who doesn't know how to do anything and everyone still wants to bone him more than they want to bone me and that really pisses me out You know how hard I you know how hard I work for these ambulance I like I like how you're like and trust he's going to puberty You know his leg voice is going up and down because like you making him captain leave He needs to be like the spawn of captain

Yeah If there was like muppet babies for a below that he needs to be like the baby captain Lee He's having like he's imagining himself an old stock footage of things. So, so it is he is like slowly dumping carrots into bowls. Because she's slow. So as an example of that, she's slowly pouring carrots. And she's like, I wish I were a deck ham. Because that was her whole thing is that you can go indoor outdoor, but truthfully, she can really only do outdoor.

Yeah, people who were slow inside are also slow outside. I don't believe this whole, oh, it's just the, I need fresh air, maybe I'll move faster. No easy, you're a slow ass, okay? You need a fire under your ass, inside or outside. I mean, that girl was slow and listen. She's slow. I will usually stand up for a lazy worker

because I am one, so I get that. But yeah, this girl's terrible. I will usually stand up for a lazy worker because I am one. So I get that but yeah, this girl's terrible She is and I also realized she sort of looks like Dave from the great British baking show if you just think about it Just think about it for a second look at the face look at it next time you look at her face You were gonna see Dave's face. I'm telling you right now. I guess that they're, I usually look at like the look that people have in their eyes and Dave looks like terrified he won't please anybody and is he just has none of that care in the world. Like, she doesn't, she doesn't care if she makes anybody happy. She just has like kind of dead eyes and then she says clitoris to make herself feel like a repal. Yeah, so Charlie the primary, he encounters Captain Lee and Captain Lee's like, has everything

going and he's like, hey, well, normally it's Rocky's Seas, but this time it's just Rocky Service. No worry, I hope I didn't get out all of your crew in trouble right now. I'm going over there. Yeah, Rocky Service. Well, he's like, tell up to the mountains, Capcake, which you know Captain Lee just wants to tell him. And Charlie's like, Rachel, I hope you're, I hope you're not worth less. I guess time will tell, right, Rachel? All right, well, I gave Francesco all the different company, all the different countries that

we're gonna address us. And I'm very international. I've got a cape. I'm a guala ha. Yeah, he's like, the more countries that. I've got a cape. Amiguaal Ab. Yeah. It's like the more countries that could be represented the better. He's talking as if this is going to be like a UNICEF gathering. And it's like, and ultimately that is. And most of the fans have shit ever, by the way. Yeah, ultimately it is just that.

It's like, literally like they've got like a like towels wrapped around themselves. Wigs, you know. So Rachel is like, Rachel has to cook like a million different, a big tasting menu from like a million different countries and then something's have to be vegan and some have to be keto and some have to be gluten free, but she's like, she's like, I can do this. I really enjoy it. Nothing go wrong.

I can do this. It's fine. I love it. I mean, Vito. I'm okay. I can do it. I really enjoy when I have this many things to do. Like you're gonna go crazy. Five, four, three, two,

and down and coming. I know. So then, so then the deck hands are pulling in the Jetskies. And Kat DeLise watching from afar. Or actually just like his season is walking away. It goes, it's like three bears trying to fuck a football. Yeah, because I be like,

bringing the jet skis, somebody set up the harness and she goes boom, and he's like boom, no, no, not boom. Get the hose, not the air hose, the water hose. Captain's just like Jesus Christ. Boom. Never had my wildest nightmares that I think this is how this season would start. Hi, maintenance guests, new crew, injured captain,

a man down, this is the worst day ever. And now there are actual three bears on deck, fucking a football. It's not just theoretical anymore. There are three bears, someone brought bears on board. It's a perfect storm, minus George Clooney. Without George Clooney, what the fuck is the perfect storm? Anyway, then anyone see that movie? No, that's George Clooney without George Clooney. What the fuck is a perfect storm anyway? Then he will see that movie. No, that's George Clooney and then and anymore. God damn it. Has anyone calm down?

Mary Elizabeth, Master Antonio, okay, she is freaking out Everyone in the wheelhouse. All right It's just like doing that thing where he's like exhausted already. Alright everyone's here. Boom guy. It's a boom guy here. Alright, boom guy. Alright, unfortunately Avery's grandmother's ill is he's a hair is stringy and we're gonna have to suck it up and get through it and get a comb. Alright? Anyone got a comb? Nobody? Alright, nobody come there here then. The rest of the charter. I fucking give up. Alright, please use a condom if you're gonna be fucking the football, thank you.

Oh, so, Shay, who Shay. Shay is the guest, so Shay is one of the guests, and she's the one who since last episode has been sweating James. She's like, I need to tell him more about James. I think I've been very clear about my intentions. I'm like really into James. And she really wants James to wear a speedo tonight at dinner. She's just like hot for James. Yeah, it's gross, okay? James, like it's gross.

If Charlie was doing that, he'd be kicked off the boat. Everyone's acting really gross with James. Like, do you guys not have people who work out where you're from, okay? The guy is a pair of really overly thin eyebrows and some push-ups. Okay? You'll survive this. There's plenty of them around. You're on a goddamn ocean on a yacht. Look around. I'm sure there's plenty more. I don't know. If you say guy has, if you just say guys push-ups, I'm like, tell me more. I'm like, okay, I would entertain that as a speedo situation.

So then we see Rachel, she's just like looking through Google images and she just goes, to make and carry. You have to have a lot of one second shots of Rachel, just doing random things. So then we go to Francesca talking to Elizabeth and Izzy, or talking to Elizabeth about Izzy. She's like, we are gonna nail Izzy down together. We only need to be more of a team. I know it's challenging, but I'm taking a lot on. I just can't have one more thing to think about. Right. And it cuts to Izzy just walking around the boat going, I'm lost.

She's just a lot, literally lost in the boat going, I'm lost. She's just, literally lost in the boat. Yeah, and they're gonna do cocktails for every country. Okay, this, like you're just biting off more than you can chew, you know? Look, look, some people want to reenact the joy of freshman year of college. And, you know, like maybe they'll do some lung on, as T's also, it's like a nice throwback

to when they were, you know, first learning to drink. Yeah, yeah maybe they'll do some lung on as T's also. It's like a nice throwback to when they were first learning to drink. Yeah, they're just giving themselves too much work on this charter. You know what they have in every country? Beer. Okay. Yeah, that's what they should do. Cintra cocktail is beer and wine. Yeah, we're doing a beer flight.

Okay. Beer from every country. There. It's not your work issue. So here's the next scandal they didn't unpack Chez bags because normally The stews unpack the bags for people when they come in so Charlie walks chase like they didn't unpack my bag and Charlie walks in and he's like Like his jaws dropped and he's like They didn't unpack your bag

Hold on one second, which is like his dream, because whenever he gets to go up to Francesca and do what you described last week, I'm like, hold on. I know how this boat works. One, hold on one second. And so he goes up there and he's like, Hey babe, listen, real quick.

Remember that conversation we had about luggage and stuff? So ours got unpacked, which is awesome, but the other guys are like still sitting with our luggage and it cuts to one guy going, my bag is still sitting on my bed. He's like lying on his bed, looking on his phone. He's like, oh my god, my bags on my bed. Charlie goes, that puts me really behind. Charlie goes, um, that puts me really behind. That's you behind. You're not doing anything. You're on vacation. Oh my God. I mean, like, look, I get it. That's a service and everything. But I also, it's

so passive aggressive the way Charlie does it in his attempts to be like super friendly and sweet about it. It actually makes it like worse. Just be like, hey, by the way, could you unpack our bags? Thanks. You know, it's just terrible because he's doing everything so we can say, well, I did do everything on this bow. Yes. You remember me? I did every job on this bow. I deserve the tap. You know. So yeah, he's horrible. Now about the unpacking things, that's by request. I mean, you don't just go on to it. Yeah, they can't just go in and unpack your shit. You have to ask them to unpack your shit. If you went in and somebody opened your suit, I mean, where's your coke?

Where's your adorac? Where's your ambience at? You know, you have to know they're coming. I don't know. Maybe it's a thing that they requested on the preference sheet. I'm not sure. I don't know how it works. Like maybe I don't know. Maybe it's a request for me to be a Charlie requested. I want to be anti-Charlie, because he's a monster. But a lot of the stuff that he's asking for is like, well, you know, to take an hour and a half to get breakfast out. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, he's not totally unmerited.

He's not wrong. He's just gross. Yeah, not wrong, just gross. Yeah. Commissions, here comes one right now. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle.

And we're the host of WonderZ's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber. A seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out. So Francesca's like, well, I just wish I could do all these things, but I don't have their space, I don't have the capacity to have three still hats on, no, no.

And then she actually says something that I think is really funny. She's like, well, I'm really getting pissed off. Now he keeps saying that he's doing my job while he's also pulling me away from my job. Yeah. And Charlie's like, okay, baby, I did it. I talked to him. Let's go get ready.

Let's go get ready, baby. And then Francesca goes to Izzy. And she's like, okay, listen, I'm packing is a preference thing. Okay, but they all want it and I'm going to need you to do it. And is he's like, okay, okay, she's so slowly. She's like from a horror movie, you know, I know she really, she's like a ghost. She really does move as quickly as it goes, because ghosts generally don't go quickly unless they want to scare you.

But like, you know, actually, she says, quick as it goes before it scares you, because you know when you first see ghosts, she's like, oh, I'm being slow. Yeah, they're just like, I'm slow. I'm just a lady in the library reading a book at the beginning of Ghostbusters. But then like, they like,

but like is he just never gets that point? Yeah, she's just stays in the hovering position. She's like ghost. She's a ghost candlelobber. You know like in haunted houses. You know that haunted houses that there's like candlelobbers that sometimes float around and like in ghost candlelobbers.

So they never really have to run it you because their whole purpose is just to be spooky. That's what she is. She just sort of like a ghost candlelobber. Yeah, but at least that those things are lit I mean at least they're useless I mean at least they're useful somehow okay so then hot and shame try to figure out slide what did I put hot and James and Shane are trying to figure out the style of hot guy I should have put

quotes around that like hot and Yeah, and basically James is, because Shane is more or less useless and they have this heavy ass slide and like, James is trying to like, James of course is all the muscle and Shane is just like, you know, paper straws. So he is like not picking up his end and he's like, Mate, I thought you had it mate.

He's like, this show was meant to be fun, but now we're down to man. Fuck my life. And if I could fuck my life, I would fuck it. Because I like who fucking I fuck my life. Fuck it. Real good. Yeah.

And then we see Izzy down stairs, like, put taking out one piece of clothing after another and just like looking at it. And she's like, who the fuck brings 5,000 pieces of clothing for a 3-day charter? It's like, I agree. But let's also not look at every piece of those, every 5,000 pieces of those from that bag. Yeah, she's like, how much are you playing to shit your pants, mate? Rebel, yeah, I'm a Rebel!

And she says again that she really just prefers throwing lines. Like, she really needs to be outside Listen if you can't clean the toilet and hang up some clothes you are not going near the fucking machinery One of my one of my least favorite tropes on low deck is the person who needs to be outside whether they're like interior or deck And like like I just have to be outside. That's one on myself, and I'm outside. Remember, I mean, that was Rocky. Remember she had to go swimming, because she just needed to swim.

I'm like, okay, relax. Okay, we all like being indoors and outdoors. We all have different preferences. But like, you're acting as if you've been cooped up in like an underground bunker for 45 days. Like, you're in a kitchen, there's a window. There's light coming through. It's okay, you're close enough for now. I'm mopping inside, but I could be mopping outside.

Am I air? Am I air? How about you stand outside, but you put the mop, extend the mop inside, so you can mop the inside from the outside. So Izzy goes to the captain and she's like, Hey, look, I know you're what is her. What is how does is he talk to you in New Zealand? New Zealand. I was like, Hey, Cap, I know you lost a deck, and I was wondering, you know, I could work a deck. And then you could find a new still. And he's like, huh, well, maybe I should think about that because I realize I'm down a deckhand, but first we gotta get through this charter and art your sleep wake up.

Top in the middle of the sentence. Come on, you can do it. All right, welcome back. Just get back to doing whatever you were doing. Nothing, that's great, sounds great. Captain Domo and me, I'm just gonna take a little nap and you just walked into the freezer. So, my wife turned herself around and downstairs.

And then it just got to Charlie go like, glitter, glitter, I need more glitter. I need glitter. I'm fortunately to glitter girls busy, so she's not getting it yet. All right, I got it. I can do your glitter, I can do it. I'm here to represent Brazil,

so therefore I need glitter glitter So I don't remember what country he was actually I'm guessing Australia because he's the one with the koala bear on his head Oh, you're right. He's wearing a cape and glitter on his face. So I'm not really sure Well, you know just like a didgeridoo. I need lots of glitter glitter glitter I blow harder than a didgeridoo all right all right hot god now put a lot of jock strap So Francesca's like I've said Brad Pitt Eminem Chelsea Handler. I can handle Charlie like I said Chelsea Handler I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be

I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be

I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm not sure if you're gonna be I'm looking I will say that are yeah, no no booger in my nose And you got nice earth tones today. I sure do I'm green Green Actually, no, I'm really wearing do you see what this is? It's my t-shirt from the round up The round up Texas

So Charlie yeah, Kuala on his head. He's like I speak Australian. You just say instead of saying cheese fries you say cheese fries Turn the ease the a's sorry, but the the person who teach you accents is lazy as hell So I'm gonna be the one to teach you that right? All and then meanwhile Francesca announces that for the international night She's gonna dress as a gaysha, which I'm already like, maybe don't do that. And then, but when we actually see her Kodoko Gaysha outfit, it's just like, sort of Kamono-esque, it's like a light robe.

It's like a light, it's like a light Kamono-esque silky thing she got from Marshalls. And she looks, her hair is all undone, it's like stringy and all over the place. And her robe is kind of undone. And she's carrying around all these bottles of booze. She just looks like a very harried mat I mean, capillary the musical.

Yeah, it was a full gaysha fail, which I feel like it's probably a good thing. But it was just, it just looked like, she looked just super casual. She just looked like a lady just passing by, just helping out. So now everyone sits down and everything. And Eddie is helping in the kitchen with Rachel. And Rachel's talking about how she became a chef

because of Anthony Bourdain. And she went, what, she went, went to all these countries and learned all these cuisines and all this stuff. And Anthony Bourdain's got too many fingers in this show's pot. Okay, the fuck Anthony Bourdain, got too many fingers in this shows pot. Okay, the fuck Anthony Bourdain the last chef was like Anthony Bourdain! Oh what for him? That's why I learned to be a dick in the kitchen. No, no, no, no, no, no, that was Gordon Ramsay Big difference. Oh, geez. Why did I have maybe because they're both on TV guys? I know the difference between Anthony Bourdain and Gordon Ramsay. Hello

I'm gonna let you spiral for a moment. No, I won't. That's it. That's all I had. There were both on TV. What do you want from me? Okay. I'm old and stupid. Yeah. Well, I studied under Nigella Lawson, so.

Yeah, I got that. That's someone in a loose kimono at the end of the show that I can. She would do that. Yeah. She'd come in and be like, oh, it's my midnight snack. Mmm. I'm gonna taste the sausage dish. I mean, because she always makes something the sausage to be sexy. Oh, my, Jell-la. Oh, we have a plate from every country. All the most intimate, beautiful

countries in July. So, hello, Francesca. Have you seen my black pants? All my black pants are missing. And for some reason I need to put my black pants on right now, even though it's the end of the night, more or less for me. My pants are everything is spinning out of control. So Eddie is like, interior crew shoppers

for our age requesting service, interior crewaffers requesting service God damn it. And Elizabeth's like, I'm going as fast as I possibly can. Like I'm really going fast. But the food is just sitting here wasting away. Oh no. Yeah, because Francesca has to go deal with like find the pants and then on top of that there's like Izzy is still unpacking bags the rooms turn downs haven't even begun So then the guests are sitting there like this is taking way too long to have some Which is like you know it's bad when when the gaze are requesting bread that means that shows a level of desperation I'm just so Charlie being obitzy, like sitting there so mad,

he's fanning himself with his glitter face and squalahat in his cave. I'm like this picture really sums you up, Charlie. Yeah. This says everything that needs to be said about you. And they're just complaining. I need like food, okay? It's time forever. So now Francesca puts Izzy on ironing.

So now she's ironing Captain Lee's pants. And now finally Francesca serves the first dish. And Charlie is like, oh my God, you served international but take you all the dietary restrictions into account Rachel. Oh my God. Pics, Nides and Clops. Pics, Nides and Clops. I did that for her. I did that for her.

So the captain finally gets his pants, which is a huge huge Plot coming to an end right now. He finally does get his pants. Let the credits roll And Shane is helping out Elizabeth with drinks and and Shane is helping out Elizabeth with drinks. And she's like, this is a German meal. And Charlie's like, oh my God, she knows her drinks. A boss, you're gonna boss too. You're gonna boss. Germany.

Is this West German or East German? That was a trick question. There are one country now. You did great, good job. You did great. Good job. Good job. Good job. And I have to say, my dear friend, Angela Merkel, she says thank you so much.

Yeah. She couldn't come on the crew tonight, but. And Carlos, the husband is like, well, you take our picture, Francesca. And she's like, I'll be right back. And she goes down. And Charlie's like, oh my god, Francesca, she looks like she's going to have a breakdown, you guys.

A breakdown. Let's ask for 50 more things all at once. So then Elizabeth goes out to present another thing. And so she goes to bring out the drinks and Shane goes to help serve them. And then when she announces what the drinks are, he stands with her like as if they're like, she is an ambassador from the world of

beverages. She's like, this is a Japanese countercasi. It means divine when and someone's like, come I got well done. And so Eddie sees Shane standing out there and he's like what the fuck is Eddie and what the fuck is Shane doing all right Shane Shane Eddie Shane God damn it Shane what are you doing out there and Shane basically does 13 year old Ben Mandelker like not knowing what to do while dad says Benjamin get over here. I'm like, uh Should I walk run do I see the authoritative what do I do?

Because I probably have not mode the lawn as I was supposed to done two hours ago So he goes and then she's like I'm helping her boom and then he's like um airy back cam, okay? You help out you do dishes and stuff. It means behind the scenes, okay? And she's like is that it and goes yeah, that's it and she like slinks back to the Bartle this and he's like I can't help you anymore move It's opposite of boom, okay? Sorry, it's like a very dramatic party. It's been I I have to tell you I I could no longer help you serve those drinks.

I'm sorry, this is the end for us. So thank you, Divine Wind. Thank you. So they're getting some chimichurri, on some steaks down to the galley, and Francesca's in just a hellhole of a bedroom. I mean, these guests, like they walk into a room and they just, they're like, we're rich! And they just throw hellhole of a bedroom. I mean, these guests, they walk into a room and they just, they're like,

we're rich! And they just throw shit all over the place. Yeah, they're so concerned about the fact that the students haven't unpacked their bags and yet, whatever was unpacked, they've just now thrown on the floor, right? So it's not only have the turn downs not started, but these are like turned downs in like a trashed room.

It is disaster down there. And Francesca's like a trashed room. It is disaster down there. I mean Francesca's like Oh, boy gold she looks like I mean I felt bad for her I feel like you know you want to say it's mismanagement or whatever, but like I mean Is he as a disaster and I don't even know I don't even know how they're gonna go forward so She calls Elizabeth to the bedroom and meanwhile Rachel's like Frances So she calls Elizabeth to the bedroom. And meanwhile Rachel's like, Francesca, I need help up here.

And she's kind of a little captainly too in a way. I'll bet Captain Lee loves her. Because she's like Francesca's spread out all over the place which sucks because it's affecting me. It's like herding fucking cat. And I was like, oh my God, you know, Captain five just gave like an invisible, Captain five, Captain Lee just given invisible high five

to the TV. He's like, all right, Rachel, I like what you did there, hurting fucking cats, that's good. But it's a little obvious. I say, change up the animal and then add, like add a prepositional phrase, the end. So instead of, it's like hurting fucking cats,

say, it's like hurting f***ing c**ts. Say, it's like hurting f***ing rhinoceros is in a Walmart. Done. Like hurting the gerbil, you're f***ing, okay? Wait a minute. There we go. Wait a minute. It's like hurting a bunch of gerbils that are f***ing each other.

Yeah, that's a job to do. That's better. So she's requesting service and Francesca is just like, oh my God, I'm being pulled in every direction. But it's been an hour and a half since dinner started. Yeah, I mean, it's- So this is another thing where you wanna be on the cruise side, but like,

ew, ew, ew, ew. But also like, yeah, 90 minutes, like I kind of get it. So now like the steak is coming out and it's and it's cold for some people. And the cabins aren't done. And now like Elizabeth has to make three more espresso Martinez. It's like one thing after another after another. And then Charlie is now like, wow, it's taking as long as the real parade of nations here. I mean, hey, um, we're not complaining because he then goes into the kitchen with a galley. And he's like, we're not complaining because he then goes into the kitchen with a galley and he's like, we're not complaining We just want to help you because we can see that you've had the longest day ever perhaps on our account

So you're just you're tired you look tired. You're like literally exhausted right now So we're gonna help you and Rachel's like no, no no oh yeah you're exhausted come on Carlos and she's like I have never in 14 years had a guest come into Galley and tell me I'm exhausted and they need to help me I actually like need to help right now because I've just had such a long day and you're so exhausted right now and like I can tell it's actually kind of fun it's kind of fun because it means I can like, complain a little bit more effectively later when I say that I had to do all the work.

You know, I love this. You just see how soon it's over. She's like, yeah, he's wanting, oh, I'm here to help you. No, you're not. It's like, well good. I'm just going to do some with these. And so Carlos is like, what are we serving?

She's like dehydrated raspberry so it's past and fruit pearls and a keto chocolate cake. Oh, how exhausting for you I mean dehydrating and keto in the cake Get her a pillow She must be exhausted so Francesca is now like losing her mind and she's like really she's like mortified that the guests are serving themselves that are going into the kitchen

It's just like and she's like really, she's like mortified that the guests are serving themselves that are going into the kitchen. It's just like awful. Yeah, and she's breaking down. And Francesca is starting to freak out and she's like, you want to make a good impression and I feel like this is not really happening right now. It just, it, it, soaks. I'm like, okay, don't you start.

If you start fucking crying, I swear to, listen, this show works best when there's like one incompetent person on the debt crew and one incompetent person on the stew crew. You can't all be fucking incompetent, not all of you, okay? Yeah, seriously. It doesn't work. So now, and then, so then the guests, they clear their table, they bring the guests plates into the kitchen. So it's like more failures and

And now everyone's pretty much going to sleep and Rachel tells Katyn Lee who's who's walking by she tells him that there's some issues with service so then So he's like, I got damn it and then Francesca goes in the bathroom and starts crying so she's like Broke me day one fuck us. Broke me day one fuck us So she's heard of the bridge and he's's like so I'm gonna lean on the antenna of my radio so you'll sense my disproveful Who loves that what was your assessment of your first day and she's like um, it's hard I mean I haven't cracked today at all, but obviously right now. I am

Cracking on fully own cracking right now Oh holy shit, and he's like Jesus Christ. There's no goddamn crying and yawning all right Yeah I'm sorry So Captain Lee's like listen Charlie is just difficult. He's difficult. He's a douchebag. He's annoying. He's problematic We we just uh, we honestly we hate him, but we thought hey you guys are all new Let's start off the season with him right. You got a broken rib and that doesn't help either So what can I help you with Fran?

Well, we don't have any goddamn beds for more people and I'm sure it's hell not sharing one not with mr. McRib the McRib is back and it's broken, okay check Well, thanks for support. Thanks for the support. She coasted bad sobbing So then any sense everybody to bed and He wants it cold as possible. Well, I sleep shame and change just like you know what that does to the ocean I sleep shame and change just like you know what that does to the ocean All of the electricity from the air I can't finish that airing So basically everyone goes to bed and Francesca subs herself to sleep

Yeah, and in the morning everyone wakes up as they do in the morning and now Francesca She meditates in her room and she's like on meditating and I'm Australian and guess what on you to be strong And I'm not afraid to give up. And this is day two, Francesca 2.0 and I will not cry, especially not when I think about what happened yesterday and I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna be alright back. I'll be alright back. She's gonna be alright back.

I'm gonna cry. And then it cuts to Izzy dropping an orange. She's like, it's like the slowest. It's like this slowest dropping orange I've ever seen. So the captain talks about his ribs hurting and then Charlie is like, oh Francesca, did you get some rough last night? That makes me happy. Exhausted, right guys? That makes me happy. Exhausted, right guys? Exhausted.

I just want to show America that I'm actually a really cool chill guest and you know I care about people, you know, so good. You're rested? Okay, good because we're going to be even worse today. Okay, enjoy. Yeah. And Rachel started me to freak out in the kitchen because nothing is put away. It's still not organized.

And she's like, I mean, I'm attentive. I can't help it. I can't wait for her to lose her mind. So poor Francesca, she's like, tonight's a new day. A new new day, new frame chest go, what will happen? I can take it all on. I'll just take a few simple breakfast orders run out. And what would you have?

And everyone's like banana pancakes and omelette. I would like my omelette with bell peppers, but also green bell peppers, but not too green, and onions, but Vidalia and not brown onions, and maybe white onions, if you can, maybe not onion and medley, but again, no yellow onions in that. cilantro, broccoli, no broccoli, any Himalayan sea salt, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and Bre or hard palm. Bre and hard palm are not like,

those are not like, those are not swappable. I'm sorry, it's not like if you say Bre and like come and bear something or like, or like, palm or, or like, pecorino, like, Bre or palm, and it's like,

what, have you had an omelet, you're just excited to boss someone around, right? Yes. And someone orders avocado toast and someone orders toast, but keto toast. And she's like, I'm not in a diner right now. There's only one chef back there. Okay, now listen, I'm no extra. I've never worked on a boat.

Why don't they have breakfast just already ready for people? Normally they do it where you have breakfast set out for everybody and then you say, if anybody wants anything extra, then you have to make one omelette. Or maybe give boundaries and say, like, we can't do that. I guess we can't really do that on the yacht, but these people are terrible. And the Himalayan sea salt on the, on the Himalayan sea salt on the omelette to me shows like complete idiocy, because I know that there there are like there are people who are very much Talk about the their health qualities. There's some some benefit to Himalayan sea salt. I forget what it is

But I don't think you're gonna use it because of Caroline Not standberry the other one Fleming from ladies of London. It's just like, ooh, heavenly and sea salt. Ooh, it's so different. So I buy it, but of course I buy it from like Ross, you know, like when you're checking out at Marshalls or Ross, they have it in the checkout aisle. I'm like, wow, and you know it's probably cancer, but it's pink and Caroline Fleming said to use it.

So I use that kind, but I would never say, I would never order, who orders that? I would never order that for your omelette, right? Like I feel like that's a finishing salt anyway. So I just did a quick Google search. It's pink Himalayan sea salt better than regular salt. So many people claim that it's loaded with minerals and providing incredible health benefits.

And that's why it's much sought after and considered to be healthier than regular table salt. However, little research on pink Himalayan sea salt exists, and other people insist that these extravagant health claims are nothing more than speculation. So take that, I'll let fuck her. Yeah, it's a trendy thing. It's a trendy thing. I was thinking the other day, what happened to fish oil?

Remember fish oil? Everybody took fish oil. I used to take fish oil. And then it came out happened to fish oil? Remember fish oil, everybody took fish oil. I used to take fish oil. And then it came out of the fish oil. It was just like the grossest shit ever. Like they told you how they made it and it was all like the scraps of the fish. It was basically like the hot dog of the health food store,

you know, like just all the scraps and nasty shit that they extracted fish oil from. And now I don't hear about fish oil anymore. Anyway. People definitely say, I just don't think it's trendy. The point is this, we both are very triggered by this Himalayan sea salt situation because it should be a finishing salt

and this guy. I hope he breaks it too. Yeah, that counts. Yeah, enjoy your, enjoy your Brio or Parmesan omelette. Yeah, so she doesn't give a order to Rachel and it takes forever just to give her the order. And then Eddie is asking everybody what they want to do, and they're like, well, I guess something at the beach,

and she's like, and tell James to talk more. Lady, this man is not your sex toy. Okay, whether or not he wants to be, you're somewhere where there's employees grows, keep it in your pants. You try to date the stripper. This is that girl, you take to the strip club and she's like, oh my god, he's really into me.

No, he's not. He's not, it's an illusion. Also, who wants to really hear James talk more? Let's be honest here. He's, like you said, eyebrows and pushups. Yeah. So, I think Rachel. James actually, sorry, but I just saw this. He's like you said eyebrows and push ups. Yeah So James actually sorry better just saw this

Like touch answer top more and then it cuts to James and he's going Like singing to himself what a dope so so Rachel is fully like she can't find her omelette pants and like her only pants that she has are like these 12 inch pants which are really not conducive for omelette making. So she is just like starting to spiral and she like she like knocks over a whisk and it's like fuck you whisk fuck you. Yeah and

pants are falling down around her head. It's a nightmare in there. So she gets a banana nut pancakes done for Ashley Carlos. But then we cut to the debt crew and kept it like, all right, three shots. And she's like, so when he says three shots, am I allowed to help with that kind of shot? And he's like, yes, boom, come on. And then he's like, he encompasses that Southern California life. Like, man, I mean, I got an education degree in the venture,

but whatever. So I can train. I can teach somebody. I was like, I, again, I was picking up on Vod from Eddie that I didn't like. I was like, he may not be wrong, but he's saying it in a way that I didn't like. I was like, he may not be wrong, but he's saying it in a way that I don't like. So he's trying to teach him to memorize the colors of the different

shots. Shackles. Yeah. The shackles. And he gives him, Rob, your balls in Greece. That's how to remember it. Rob, your red, yellow, blue red indigo and cream Whatever happened to Roy G bib I mean come on so I guess there's no boy. I guess there's no oh in there, right? Is it's red yellow rub your balls in Greece and the greens in the wrong place the point is this I think they should have Followed the Roy be jit right okay never mind. I'm not Right. Okay, never mind. I'm not going to, I'm not going to, I'm not going to die on this hill. So Rachel is Armo Pan Hell. She, her omelets, they're not coming together. I think that she's also having a greasing issue. Her

pan's looked really dry and it looked like they, it was just, those pans were not working out well for her arm. So she's struggling and it's now now like been like for they got the guests got there like nine o'clock And now it's 10 40 and they still don't have all their omelets so admittedly while their omelet order is ridiculous and annoying They they probably should have their omelets by now. Yeah, give them choices people come on watch a show So Charlie comes up to James is like hey James, Hey James, oh God, how am I? I'm even better now that you're here. Hey, you're gonna get in some swim gear? Oh, that'll make me feel better.

Come on James. Yeah, and then like, you know, one more slow food comes out of the kitchen and it's like avocado toast for this lady, Jamie. And she's like, actually I'm pretty picky and I don't want guacamole on my taste I actually just want sliced avocado. Thank you very much. They're like, hmmmm.

Well the other guy's like just like, he's like, has his tongue out. Just hoping he can taste some of the salt in the air. You know? Yeah, idiot. That's not what avocado toast is. It's not just sliced toast on sliced avocado on a toast, okay? Yeah, tell them you want sliced avocado on a toast. Exactly. So James goes on the jet. Well, we get a shot of James just staring in the mirror to himself like he does. As he takes off his shirt, he's like, yeah. And then he goes out on the jet ski to get a line out of the water.

And then France, Francesca goes down to tell Rachel to make a new avocado steak. Rachel's like, my life is ending as we speak. And then there's an omelet that one of the few rare omelets that does make it out of the galley has bell peppers where there aren't supposed to be bell peppers and potentially they got mixed up by the service. So now an omelet's going back again. And she just starts type of ventilating And a friend Francesca's like um, it'll be alright. It'll be fine. I promise you

She there's one shot that I it's just like seared into my mind where she's like over the Omnication and she's just like look to the camera like She's just like she's like crying into the camera while she's making oblike why why you capture my misery why? And we're also gonna need three espresso martinis and then you hear a lady go is this keto friendly bread? Okay, fuck all of you, okay? Fuck every single person on this show right back. Who go, I'm sorry, don't go on, don't go on a yacht trip and still be on the keto.

Okay, like I'm sorry, you just don't do that. You don't do that, you don't do that to the crew, you don't do that to yourself. Okay, if you're going on a yacht excursion, there's no room for keto. Yeah. So they're all getting ready to go to the beach. They're gonna have a beach picnic day or whatever.

Is there a beach picnic there just a beach day? I don't know. I just want to go to the beach. There's one thing going on in the beach. Yeah. So, breakfast is finally all served by 11. And that one, that one, Bichigae is like, I, I gotta, can we post me breakfast that is, ba-wa-wa-wa.

It's Himalayan sea salt. He got his last, which is great. So now they're, they're, they're like getting ready for the next activities, et cetera. And Charlie is talking to Francesca about the idea of doing body shots off of James. Yeah. And that's like the plan for tonight's dinner. Yeah, it's like the birthday girl really likes James, so we can do body shots off of him,

okay? She's really into him. So we'll have whatever for dinner and James for dessert. Oh. And they got the James and he's like out there like expecting his sleeves. He's saying, and they call this a vacation to get ton lines on my arms. Yeah. And he's like, all right, you're allowed to sing. And they call this a vacation to get ton lines on my arms. Yeah. And he's like, all right, you're allowed to sing now, James,

OK? But you will be touched in this exercise. But are you up for them to be body shots off of you and being in the jock strap? And he's like, oh, I'm definitely up for that. Yes, tips, yeah. Yeah. So meanwhile, Rachel is, finally coming down.

Like, now that the stress of breakfast is done, she's like, I think I have distention in my stomach. Oh. And she's like, while these guests do suck, but I'm my worst critic and I need to do better. So then, um, they go to the beach, the guests go to the beach, and Charlie's like, okay, say, is she the birthday girl? Is she the birthday girl? Does she, the birthday girl?

No, this is where the drama begins. But she is the one who's been saying, and she even said the top of this episode, I'm into James. I think I'm pretty clear with my intention. She actually says she's clear with her intention. And this is Charlie being a fucker. He's like, so James could be on the jet ski.

And then maybe you'll have one of the girls wrapped around you and she is like, all excited. And he's like, Lexi, Lexi, you go with Lexi. You go with James. A little birthday gift. And she is so angry. Yes, because Lexi gets to ride on the jet ski. I have a friend who does this and it makes me crazy every time we go out

He just picks the hottest guy and he's like that's mine And if anybody else talks to like anybody hot he's like I like him first like it's not a cookie You know what I mean? You don't get to just call people like Yeah, she's that kind of girl so Charlie's like Lexi your present, James is taking you. So she goes and you just see Shay getting so mad. She has to go on the boat with everybody else and she is be curious.

They keep cutting to her and she's like, and Green's like watching the Jeske from afar, you know? I think that like maybe in her mind, she's like, it's fine, I'll get to ride with James on the way back. It'll be fine. So, uh, so they go off there, they go off to the beach, and then Shane is back on the boat. And so he's like, now that there's no guest in the boat,

he like lies down and he goes, yawning, it's so me. I got my biodegradable sunscreen. I got my reef-shape shampoo. All I see are Listerine Seas. I'm like, yeah, this is life. This is life. And the captain's watching him, by the way. Well, he's done. Yeah. And then he's like, wow, look at that Listerine Seat. And then he takes off his shirt and just jumps in the water. And the captain's like, yeah. Damn it, goddamn. I thought he was

about to lose it. So the guests get to the little beach or whatever the little island and start working, you know? And so I'm so distracted by Bueller behind you. Bueller is trying to get himself comfortable and it is the most adorable thing ever. He wants...

Like if he's not getting attention, he does something that I'll yell at him for, which is currently scratching up the furniture. He literally perfectly positioned himself on camera. He's like, if I sit right here, I will be visible on camera, but on Ronnie's elbow. Like he's just going in circles right now. Oh boy, what a good boy.

Oh look at the approval. Wow. He's also adorable. Oh my god, he's adorable. Okay, Mary can take a nap. He got some of approval. Wow. Oh, God, he's adorable. Okay, Mary can take a nap. He got some of proof. That's that was a snack for the afternoon. So, um, so now Elizabeth starts talking to us about how she got into yachting. For some reason, we got a little Elizabeth moment. She's like, I thought, you know, I never got yachting before ever, but you know what? I was in Long Island and I fell in love with a yachting on the beach.

And then I was on a yacht. So there. Okay. That's it. The story and Francesca's like, alright, here's what I'm going to need you to do. You're going to need to concentrate on this bar. Think the pantry and also the galley. And she's like, uh, but there's like four spots and I'm not complaining.

I mean, it's just a lot. She's like, well, I'd like to think about it more and talk about it, but it's out there. So let's just do it So then Eddie's on the beach and he's like Decroo Decroo. It's Eddie Decroo Decroo Eddie Decroo Decroo Eddie and But we then see Shane when he says that crew it's mainly Shane He's asking for and we see Shane and he he says, Decker, it's mainly Shane, he's asking for,

and we see Shane and he's swimming on the, like, the size that wrap is like, Shane, Shane, Eddie, Shane, Shane, Eddie. And then that's when Captain Lee's like watching, and he's like, God damn it, he's like, what's going on? He's like, whoa, we need some fresh guest towels and we need them when the guests come back on the boat, serve.

So he sees them on the dock, he sees Shane on the dock. Sir. So he sees him on the dock. He sees Shane on the dock. He's like, get out of the water. All right, come on, dude, running around here. Board shorts and no shirt. Bood. Not on my boat. And then Shane was like, oh, it's so annoying.

I can't just be in a bathing suit. I have to wear this uniform. Is it, you know, form in the morning. You're in the day, you're in the afternoon. That's like, this is why I like a Hawaiian shirt guy, okay, because you can wear it any time for any occasion. Like, how about the Tonys, try that. That's a very Nathan Lane thing to do.

Like I'm in a Hawaiian shirt. So on the beach, girls like Spring Champagne everywhere. And someone else is like, you okay honey, we'll get you with James. I think now the girls are gonna start here, it goes. So then Rachel tells us, she's making crab and lamb and all of this stuff. And she's like, this charter right now, not a fan.

But I paid a lot of money and I'm paid to be a professional except for my fucking mouth Yeah, so I'll do it And then on the on a beach is he's talking to Eddie about how she wants to be a decan and everything He's like maybe and then like the boat starts stripped away and he's like, oh, oh, hey, is he will you go and like Grab that anchor and and like walking up onto the beach and so that she does it and he's like wow Good good job interview. I'm like she literally picks up me up and like walking up onto the beach and so that she does it. And he's like, wow, good, good job interview. I'm like, she literally picks up me up and like,

like she had like, she showed like mild hustle. And like, wow, she was still really slow. She's like, yeah. Okay. And she puts like the anchor thing under the sand slowly steps on it. And he's like, wow, good job. She picked up the anchor.

So Lexi then goes up to James and is like, hey, could you bring me back to the boat, please? So now Shay is probably double jealous, double angry because she thought, especially after what Charlie said, that she was going to get the special jet ski ride with James, but instead Lexi went in there and has gotten it. Yeah, so Francesca is talking to the stews, getting everybody ready for dinner or whatever, and Charlie calls her into his room. And he's like, we have to pick up James's speedo. What a help. Yeah. And so you not only have to wear a speedo, you have to wear one of Charlie's speedos. Yeah, I was like

Can we get this in provisions? So he's like hey James, so what do they call? What do they call speedos in your in your like your UK? What do they call it? They say budget smugness is like oh, yes. Yes budget smugness. That's great. That's great And then we see a flashback from two years ago when Charlie terrorized poor Josiah and Josiah had a whole existential crisis about like these with the guys who used to make fun of me and I never put that like I've 15 and I wasn't attractive enough and now I'm here serving in a gold speed. Yeah and Charlie that's just Charlie's thing. He knows like, that's my thing. I'll blow that, I make someone feel really uncomfortable in speedo. Yeah. I hate that guy. So the captain sees James and he's like, what are you doing there,

kid? And he's like, oh, this is something they passed on to me. It's like, let us speedo. And he's like, huh, better him than me. So now they're like getting ready for getting ready for the for dinner and this neon carnival theme and she is muttering. She's like, oh, so there's basically just a bunch of craps and wheelchairs now. Oh, I missed to make that, making that joke. Good one. So yeah, so yeah, they're serving all the stuff and Charlie's like, this is how you throw a theme party. This is how you must be so tired. You're tired, aren't you? I'll do the rest. Everyone sit down. I'll do the rest.

So the captain and Eddie talk and captain's like, well there's some interest in Issy going to work for the debt crew. And then he's like, oh yeah. Well she helped out today, dad. And she's got a better sense of urgency than Sunsign does. And he's like, huh, Sunsign. Same. He's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hate shame so much. Guys, everyone's loving dessert and it is almost time for the big surprise. So the blonde girl out of nowhere is like avocado toast girl. Yeah, tells Lexie. She's like, and also they're in more costume staff and like neon for this, this is their neon party. So they all look ridiculous again. And so she's like, when we initially came on this trip like see

Shea like the hot guy. So how did you end up on the desk? You with them because if my girlfriend like somebody I would not do that to them. I'm just saying I'm a girl's girl, which is why I'm calling you out on your birthday dinner. You know, and then I don't know what happens next, but then Carlos gets up and he's like, Jamie, come to my room now, now. And then Shay is like, no, no, no, you stay there. No, no, you do not do this, Carlos. And so they start fighting.

I don't understand, I don't understand Carlos. I don't understand what Shay is mad at Carlos for. Say is mad, no, Shay is mad that the blonde girl was trying to stick up for her, but also made her look stupid at the table by saying, oh, she's totally into that guy. No, no, no. She's like, this is not the time for your girl power. Like, what are you doing?

She's like, why are you yelling at that girl? And then Carlos is like, no, I'm done. She's like, don't you talk to me that way, Carlos. I thought that my interpretation, because she seemed really mad at Carlos. My interpretation was that the blonde girl was standing up for Shay and Carlos was like, no, no, no. And Shay was like, no, she's defending me.

And don't tell her. Oh, yeah, that makes more sense, yeah. But it wasn't clear. Yeah, I'm just stupid. So Eddie is, Eddie hears them. He's like, huh, sounds like they're fighting over James. He said, that can't. Not a boy toy, even though I just told him to get

a G-Straing so I can make some warm honey. Yeah. Yeah. And then Carlos and Shay are having basically a nonsensical fire. He's like, you know, don't do that to her. Don't do that to her. No, you don't do that.

You don't, don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. You don't do that to her don't do that to her no you don't do that you don't don't do that to me Don't do that to me you don't do that. I will do that But you don't do that how about we both do it for a little bit and then we don't do it And then I'll do it and then you don't do it and Charlie's like they're not even fighting right I mean, I'm gonna help them fight okay Lexi I need you downstairs right now Lexi, I need you downstairs right now He's like say this is not the time honey and you just hear him yelling at say downstairs and she's like this is done But this is a friendship thing you fucked up and he's like oh, will you please just be quiet just for me just for me

I like what she says do not sit there and dismiss me and he goes no it's not the time. I'm like you literally just So then and we mother entire cruise just like watching it like this has been a terrible charter But watching them all like scream at each other has been worth it And you just see Francesca like poking around the corner of like who knows what her head's just like around the corner It was watching like this is pretty good might Mike. I really am enjoying this after all. And it's like, this is why like, yachts, you got grown ass women fighting over this guy that shaves his chest. And then so now they're all like just, down they're back at the table and they're so

so angry and Charlie is like, you're rooting this moment right now. You're rooting this moment. I'm like, you guys are wearing like glitter paint from Hobby Lobby and a black light. Like, trying to pretend that this like dinner table is a club in Ibiza. Yeah. It's like, it's already ruined.

Yeah, so everybody's so mad. He's like, I'm so special, Planned. What's thing, Happy Birthday? It's like, Happy Birthday. Everyone's so mad. And then James is the most awkward go-go boy ever. He comes having his glitter jockstrap thing, and he's just dancing so awkwardly and terribly.

And then he tries to twerk. Aw. It was not. It was not. It was like, you know when you spin a penny and at the very end it's like That that those last few seconds as it starts to settle down That's kind of what the twerk looked like just like a Just like a sad like oh wasn't it fun when that penny was twirling but now it's not

Yeah, it was it it was not good. And Charlie's like, wow, great job. You're the only guy with the balls to do that. Literally anyone? Anyone? Do I need to laugh for you? Because all your bad laughers are doing for you. And Eddie is like, um, I can't watch the guy I work with

every day, do lap dances on people. I can't. I can't. Like you're the one who asked him. Either you him to do it Eddie Jesus Christ. Don't be so afraid of like male sexuality This was her Charlie runs downstairs and you hear and telling say I'm very upset you need to stay here He's gonna make her stay in her room. Yeah, he's like, it was, that wasn't saying, that wasn't saying, there's no excuse. Howdy, that was really embarrassing for me.

And by the way, no one ate any of the cake. All the cake is just sitting there. And here fighting all the kiddo cake. And that's the end of the low day, everybody. It just a nice little fight between the guests. That's my favorite thing when they fight. So these guests suck. I hope they're out of here soon.

They're terrible. I can't believe that they've come back. This is the third time that that's always been on. But I'm gonna understand why. I mean, it's good for me. It's good for me. That's why they have to pay a lot of money to come on this show.

First, first, first. First, first, first, first, first, first, first, first. But that brings us to the end of this, come see our live show. It's gonna be Thursday night 6 p.m. Pacific 9 p.m. Eastern. It's gonna be a recap of Salt Lake City, okay real housewives of with special guests. So come check it out It's gonna be so fun and Tomorrow we have the Great British Biggin Show, which will also be fun. It's 80s week. Yeah Okay, everybody. We'll see you later

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