Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Going Overboard

Episode Date: January 6, 2021

This week's Below Deck goes into unchartered territory. Or maybe the right term is de-chartered? Hard to say. All we know is that Elizabeth still can't figure out how to iron Captain Lee's pants, and the cliffhanger is quite the doozy...Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm gonna watch you rap in this one. I'm gonna watch you rap in this one. I'm gonna watch you rap in this one. Hello and welcome to Watch Your Crapins.

A podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on the old Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker, also of the real house where it's a Kitchet Island, which has been on hiatus and also of the game brain podcasts. And joining me is the hilarious and wonderful man who would never jump into shark-confested waters when he was when he's drunk. It's Ronnie Carrom.. What's going on Ronnie? Well, hello, being yeah, I don't know about that one. I Never know I would this charter is over

Yeah, sorry everyone. We were gonna do a full podcast, but unfortunately captain Lee has already shut it down So thank you for listening today and Yeah, break. Yeah Yeah I'm just kidding. Guys if you didn't hear the announcement earlier this week the crappies are coming. The ballot is open. Go vote for your favorite categories. We have previously been saying that the ceremony is going to happen on January 14th but we actually pushed it back a week to January 21st just to give it like more time for where to get out and for voting, et cetera, et cetera. We will have a ticket link up as soon as possible.

We will tell you all about that. But in the meantime, save the date, the 21st, and go vote. There's lots of fun categories below deck is up for many. Captain Lee himself is up for Bravo Liberty of the year or best Bravo Liberty. So go check that out. You got to watch your crappens.com and there's a big old chunky link to the to the ballot. You'll have a you'll have a blast. Send it to your friends who love Bravo. We've already had in the past in the first 24 hours. We've already had 8,000 votes, which is crazy.

It's crazy. It's insane right now. It's insane all the voting. But we're having a blast with it. That's the answer. Yes, that's it. That's it everybody. So here we are after a little break for the Christmas Hanukkah New Year's holiday.

Here we are back with balloon tech. for the Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year's holiday. Here we are back with balloon tech. We missed a really interesting episode last week. Really hard one, to get. Oh yeah, that was too bad that we missed that one where James and Elizabeth kissed in a hot tub. Yeah, everybody made out. I mean, Elizabeth made out and I think that was it.

People cleaned. The gay love. The gay love. I mean Elizabeth made out and I think that was it. People cleaned the game. Gays left. I love those games. I was like, by the time they left, I was like, these guys were my favorite. Yeah, I really liked how Rachel said goodbye to the main gate because she was like, I saw your preference sheet and I wanted to put your balls in the back of your throat and choke you with a goddamn hose. But you know what, you're trying to have to be pretty nice. Thanks, gay guy.

See you. He like wept his way off the boat. He's like, I don't know why I'm getting so emotional about this right now. Yeah. Yeah. Could you, because you could make requests like that and not get hit in the head with the dodgeball.

It's the same time, sir. That's why. This is, this is also the first episode. That was the first episode where we saw the crew finally get like drunk and by drunk mainly was Rachel who just was like the most annoying drunk of all time, just like yelling at her everyone at their table and going to other tables and just like interrupting other people's dinners, etc. I was hilarious. Yeah, Rachel is a horrible drunk. She's made for Bravo. Yeah, perfect. Yeah, she's perfect for this channel.

And so this episode reminds us of all of that stuff and Eddie is just mad at her. And the other thing, actually something significant is that Francesca demoted Elizabeth back down to one stripe. And then in the wake of that Elizabeth was bitching about Francesca to Izzy and then Francesca overheard and it was like, drama, lots of drama, which we'll come back in the next. It wasn't really that much drama. She was just like, listen, or can he, what the, now I'm going to sleep. I know, get your ass up there and that paycheck.

What if you're going back to sleep? Throw it. Throw a rag at her or something. Yeah, you're under reality. Show you better drip some viseine into her water assumption. I'm trying to make that mustard gas again. Close the door. Yeah, so here we are. Just in case you forgot, Izzy got paralyzed once. They put that in the opening. I was like, why are they putting that again? But then I saw as it went on she's like I'm sick. Yeah, not easy Elizabeth. Yeah, is it damn it? Why do they have to have an Elizabeth and an isy? Okay, this show is hard enough with names with you guys without you guys doing that to me And there's also an Ashling and not an Ashley and Ashling which is funny because like it's the first not an Ashley and Ashling, which is funny because like it's the first cast member we've had whose name is like a gerund. She was like in the act of Ash, Ash, Ashling, she's Ashling.

She's also went sling away from a gay sex party. So, so it's, it's a bright new morning on below to act. People are waking up, you know, we're in foul mouth harbor. God damn it. God damn foul mouth. And Ashling has woken up as a second stew and Ashling is a new person this this episode. I don't know if you noticed, but now that she's seconds to like, I feel like the real Ashling is coming out like the like thirds to Ashling was like the little Cinderella or whatever, who is just like very sweet diligently doing everything, not making mustard gas and just Like, third to Ashling was like the little Cinderella or whatever, who was just like very sweet,

diligently doing everything, not making mustard gas and just like, like, oh, he'll be out, we have Roy Keane. And then now, Ashling is like, it's so broad out here. Fuck, I'm like, oh, real Ashling is here. Yeah, it's like, oh, I'm not going to tell you anymore. It's like, okay, lady, who found her panties, finally. Calm down, over there. So Ashton is talking to Elizabeth and she's like what talk did she come to bead? And Elizabeth is like

oh probably like I was probably the latest one again. Hey don't ask me anything. spill the beans. spill the beans. Oh my, you make out with Elizabeth and look what happens. Like little hearts are coming out of her eyes. She's like, we're getting married! She reminds me of a little cartoon. I'm trying to think of what cartoon it is, but you know when cartoons, like what you said, hearts in her eyes, but she looks like an actual cartoon sometime. Like SpongeBob or something, you know,

like, like if SpongeBob falls in love. Yeah. So she's, ashting is asking you the answer. I was just thinking, it's fine. I was like, that is the least flattering cartoon you could have come up with. SpongeBob is adorable, but she does, she does have a big square.

She's a big square with holes in him, then. She has like a sponge bob quality, but like in the adorable way. Not like, she doesn't look like a square sponge with like literhosen on. She looks, she's, she's like, it's like a, okay. We'll move on. But now you're not gonna not see it.

SpongeBob with some highlights. It's fun to all this a bit. It's like, yeah, we sit up like heeey. And Ashley is like, did you guys get in the hot tub? Just you and James. She's like, um, I guess we kissed. Um, and then Eddie is texting his mom about coronavirus and you know he's telling Francesca that the US just had its first death. I'm really liking the way that

Blow Deck is handling coronavirus because it's like a it's a slow creep sort of a way Orange County was the first half of its season. It's like Pete. What's so creep? It's like Pete a slow creep It's like Pete the blow deck Med cast member and also like Pete that you would get from a bog just a slow creep Sorry, I'm sorry. How could you interrupt interrupt me making a very funny joke about Pete Moss? No, I interrupted your loving how they're slow creeping corona virus. I like that Bravo has given us enough material that we can be like, you know what?

Love how they're doing corona on this show. Yeah, I'm not even going to continue my point because there's like such an uninteresting point. You know, like they're on Corona is, their release schedule on Corona is just really tight. Love it. Love great work guys. You just never know when I'm going to start like, pontificating about like, anything,

like and that's where I decided to like, stop the entire show to be like, guys, let's like look at how Brabo's handling this. Let's talk about something more interesting, which is that Francesca can't find Elizabeth. And there's this great little passive aggressive interaction between the two of them because Francesca can find Elizabeth. So she thinks that Elizabeth is late, but Elizabeth is doing dishes because Elizabeth is trying to show that she's like, you know, judicious or industrious or whatever. And then Francesca Spines are doing the dishes And she's like, oh straight into it as if it's a bad thing she's doing dishes Yeah, I know and how are you two? I'd like if we had a meeting before work

But I didn't hear the radio or didn't say anything about it But I was like, where are you here then? But I came down here because you weren't up there and I thought you were late, but I'm not late I know you're not late. Oh my god. Stop yelling at me I thought you were late, but I'm not late! I know you're not late. Oh my god, stop yelling at me! She's yelling at me! So then Elizabeth runs away.

Oh, why do you keep running away? What's going on? Okay, so we're just going to meet here. Okay, I know it's been here for like three weeks already and I'm reminding you for the 15th time. We'll have a pre-day meeting here, but this is where it's going to be. And, um, I'm just going to speak past progressively to you for the rest of the chatter

Yeah, she does have that tone the whole time. She's like alright. So both of you already know what's happened with Elizabeth All right, do we both know that? They're both smiling and maybe we all know that It wasn't I and incorrectly all right. There's a hint So I don't want animosity going on between you guys. All right, we have to work as a team. Now, no one's better than anyone else, except for Ashlyn, who's better than Elizabeth. All right, do we get there?

All right. All right, Elizabeth, you know in Australia, we have a phrase, which is, I didn't go ate my baby. But in the case of Elizabeth, I think I didn't go raised my baby, okay? Once Elizabeth visited Australia, we've changed it to Dingo, please eat my baby. All right, here she is. Teacher, we've changed it to my baby is actually a dingo. We're the elderly country that has named an animal in insult. Hey, Dingo. All right, now listen, you're the same on this boat. So Liz, do the captain's room,

or that's what I want you to do. And Ashley's like, Hello, I'm sick and soon here. Take his lawn free, Bee. That's what you do when you go in there. It's like, okay, Ashley is. Okay, thank you, boss, Ashley. Ashley has like the smirk now,

and she's like, you know, she's like, oh, oh, oh, I've reasoned up to second. So she totally has an attitude now, but I kind of like it, you know, because I like that she's not just a sweet goody-to-toe shoe. She's now becoming obnoxious. And then, so, you know, Elizabeth bless her heart. She's just like trying to keep up.

Like all she has to do is do the captain's room. And Francesca is still stewing about this. Newt Pond intended. She's like she could have been foiled and now she's disrespecting me all of head naff. She needs a wake up call. I'd have to give herself one but I know it would be late. So captain's like all right we got guests coming tomorrow and unfortunately they want to be picked up and Jolly Harbor and set a goddamn foul mouth, which is two hours away. So the day or moving the boat, because what we do on this boat, please people and by please people, where am I goddamn Cheerios? I'm really glad that we had this moment because it really amounted to nothing. I'm like, so guess what everyone?

Guess what all of Bravo audience? We have to move the boat and this will to nothing. I'm like, so guess what, everyone? Guess what, all of Bravo audience? We have to move the boat, and this will impact nothing. But that was literally this whole episode, okay? A lot of below deck episodes go this way. There was probably 90% of this in the episode. We're like, okay, I start to type something, and they're back to me. They're back to me.

They're back to me. I guess if we didn't have Captain Lee telling us that, you know the continuity. So we know like, cause I guess, I guess if they, if we didn't have captainally telling us that, you know the two of us would be like, and then all of a sudden they're moving the boat, why are they moving the boat? Like what's the point of, I mean, don't aren't the guests at the dock?

Are they just doing this for show? Yeah. That was just a bag. Yeah, so now Eddie and Izzie are talking and they're talking about deflating something. And yeah, of the fender, yeah. Now Eddie and Izzie are talking and they're talking about deflating something and Yeah of the fender. Yeah, and Eddie is complaining about Rachel Because she abandoned them and then she would get so drunk a restaurant

I learned it by watching Rachel. So, so then we go to James and Rob and oh something we learned last week about Rob which I really appreciate is that he's into Sellers of Catan. So that like one so many points in my book and we also had someone who messaged us who said that geographical, whatever he does, treasure hunting is a real thing that you're hired by companies. So there's that, but whatever. He's still a treasure hunter. So anyway, James and Rob are just like growing out. And James is like, look at all that black sweat. It's like you've been hugging me front sweat, huh? Oh God, love this man. And James is like, so, uh, Lucid Beth, how'd you sleep? I got eight and nine hours and she's like, Eee-ee-ee- relationships on boats before the less people that know the better. I'm a little peeved off that she's total people, a little, but I can't blame. I mean, look at me. I'm the cone man.

Right. You've made that with the man who has put cones out on the road. You're welcome. Some men live to lay track. I actually lived to lay cows. So, so now Rachel calls her boyfriend because they appear to be extremely codependent. And it's sort of quaint because this was back when Italy was this like epicenter of coronavirus and they're, we have 10,000 cases, and people are staying inside, and it was back in that time, and I was like, can you believe what's happening in Italy right now?

Wow, what's happening in Italy? And now it's like, I'm in Los Angeles, which is literally the worst place in the entire world with like 25 million cases of coronavirus. I know, I keep planning on coming back and not looking good. Yeah. It's not great, but hopefully it'll get better. And maybe now that the holidays are over and people are like,

stop, stop traveling and hang out with people that we can like get it back under control. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to talk about the. get it back under control, but that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to talk about the nostalgia of February. 10,000 people in Milan was like the scariest thing we'd ever seen. And we find out that Rachel talks like she's the kind of person in a relationship that talks like this. Love you. No, you do not love me more. I love you more. I love you more. I love you more. And that was her just talking to the operator.

Yeah. It's just Norma there on the phone. Like, hello, do you need me to connect you to someone, ma'am? So you're not still mad at me about the provisions, huh? It's the provisioner. So that's how it's like that. So then we go to Francesca who's talking to Eddie and Rob who has I'm sorry. I know he likes games But the man has no light my desires at all like take a pulse. What is wrong with he looks like a Simpson's character when they're confused

So fine, it's okay to say he's a Simpson's character, but I can't call his SpongeBob-esque Well, you could make them a hot Simpson's character. You could make them Homer. Well, she's in the SpongeBob universe. How about that? No one wants to be compared to SpongeBob. I'm trying, you know, there is a cartoon quality about her and I can't put my finger on it.

I'm going to come back to that. I'm going to research and I will come back with something that's less insulting than SpongeBob. Sorry. and I will come back with something that's less insulting than a SpongeBob. So let's see. So now everyone's just asking each other how late they stayed up. And so Francesca's like, I didn't stay up late and then she just kind of stands there

and it's really awkward non-flooding. And then we see a clip of last night when they were really wasted and Eddie's like, yeah, damn, I think that girl really likes my friend. And then she came in and said, good night boys. And Rob said, miss you. She said, oh, miss you too.

I'm not teeing here. Note first, you, what it looks like when a girl does not teeing just because there's a boy around. And Rob says, she's like a hot nun. You can look, but you cannot touch. But you can ask her, it should give you three sheep. From one word. And this is something that I want to do with that girl is really

build a road between our villages. The longest road. Can I put some cowons on that road? So then we get a quick clip of Rachel and her fridge going what the fuck is this shit? Time to meticulous and clean this bullshit And then Izzy Cleaning down a railing saying I could literally step dicks with the strength of this hand right now Which is hot I I guess, for

some people. Yeah. Is last week when Izzy came out of the closet too? It was like two weeks ago, two or three weeks ago. Yeah, she's out the closet. She's, she's, she's, yeah, she's a grad. If we miss that, congrats. If we set it before, sorry, I was bored, MF to remember, but congrats again.

Hey, I'll crew all crew. We are now docking in the happiest harbor of all time, Jolly Harbor. And it really is the dropping the lines music today is like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do are there no almost crashes are

is someone not about to crash the boat into another like super billion dollar yacht. I need more from you show. Like not one. It need more from you show. Like not one job. It's not called tragedy harbor. But we get one docking drama of show. This did not have any docking drama in the entire episode. Well, you get docking drama at Falmouth Harbor.

It's literally, it almost sounds like Falmouth. It has to be. That's where the drama is. Okay. You don't say, God damn it. Get those fenders ready in Jolly Harbor. You say,'t say damn it get those vendors ready in Jolly Harbor you say wow that was a great tacking in Jolly Harbor which is what happened he's like you did great

so is he an Elizabeth or in the galley and again what time did you get to bid last night all anybody cares yeah what was a what's been what's a bad? Everybody's asking. I think it's just their way of sussing out. Did you happen to make any more poison last night? Yeah. Is there a plan with us? When did you go to bed last night? And was it without the help of bleach mixed with soap?

Did you fall asleep naturally or did you make some sort of poisonous gas? Yeah, so she's like, I don't know is he? I just don't know Is anybody gonna try to talk about my relationship with me? Yeah, did you have any kissy kissy with James? She's like, yes, so You know is he is like well, this is gonna be a disaster because basically, you know, Izzy is like, well, this is gonna be a disaster because basically, you know, Lisbeth clearly wants to have an emotional connection with James and James, you know, he's already emotionally committed to his traffic cones. Yeah, is this a part where we cut to James like shaving his nipples or something? It's hard to remember when that really was.

Yeah, it's like five times an episode. Commissions, here comes one right now. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened,

and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows, it snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted

narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Then Francesca is just walking around talking to herself. Oh my god, I have to talk to Elizabeth. What is she bragging on me? I've got to settle this. Yeah, it's the weekly Francesca has to

Talk with Elizabeth's in so Elizabeth is making it bad so Francesca goes into this room and sits on a chair and it's like last night The reason I came into your cabin when you and Izzy were talking extremely loudly I came in not knowing you were talking about me and how you feel the point is You're affecting the entire crew by doing that. I mean, you're screaming it down the hallway to provoke me and get my attention. And if image share, it's unprofessional. And a second stew would never get involved in something like that.

You didn't go. And the whole time she's talking Elizabeth is smiling really big and nodding. Like, she's talking Elizabeth is smiling really big and nodding like she's not complimenting you. But they tried not to talk about it. It's like, oh, I don't give a fuck what you say, you know what I mean. And then we cut away the commercial. But then when we come back, it's not really like that. This is like, um, okay, well, if it happens again,

where I have to say something like that, it's like, we're seeing everyone gossip states Fine, it's just how you do it. Here's what I'm gonna need for you. You're gonna need to gossip better All right, you're not even a good golsepper first you yeah, cuz Elizabeth was trying to she was like Elizabeth she was trying to defend herself in a very sweet way. She was like well if it happens again Well, I'm literally laying in bed and someone comes in to talk to me She basically saying like I was just sitting there. It's not my fault But you didn't want to say that and right just because like listen

Gossip but gossip with the dual closed which was sort of a weird Do it better gossip better talk shit about me better all right and chick But I really do respect you And I want to keep rocking these charters. Well, I need you to prove that could happen For the way what time did you get a bit less? I'm not really going to know Everyone's talking about it. So then Elizabeth is once again playing the victim car She's like she took my stripes and now she's trying to take away my co-worker sympathy. Think what I found James, I've just again the love of my life. Yeah.

It's like, what did I say that we want? He raised. Oh, I'm going to go away with this. I mean, it's just so like you're fucking up every single episode. She's so sweet, but this is just like not her. This is not meant for her. Uh oh, this is just like not her. This is not meant for her. Uh oh, she's telling like Captain Sandy. You know what? You're just not meant for this. You know what? You know what? You know what? Kiko, you know what Kiko Kiko's do? This is just not, you know what? It's you're not mean for this, okay? You know, instead of three stripes, you use what I'm going to give you three words. Do your food. Instead

of two stripes, I'm going to give you two minutes to pack up and you can go home to wherever you do what you do. Okay. So now Izzy and James are talking and James is he's like, oh, you had a sneaky smooch with that girl. And they just have some fun band to back and forth. He's like, what are you jealous? I'm just happy because I called that two weeks ago. Right. Yeah. And then in the galley, Captain Lee is coming through and Rachel's like, hey, I'm just trying to

make this more like make my galley more efficient. And he's like, wow, well, if you haven't been efficient so far, then I think to see when you are, because I am impressed, because nothing scares me more than a hyper-efficient chef. Wow. So now it's time for a proof, or whatever you call it, a proof meeting about the preference meeting.

Thank you, preference meeting. I kept in lead, does the unthinkable. He quotes Kim Zolciac and goes, am I tardy for the party? I was like, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Am I tardy for the party? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The ring didn't mean a thing, apparently. So the new guests are Tina and Mark Mulani, they're avid boaters. They socialize at their local yacht club. I'm already, everyone's like, these people sound fucking terrible. Yeah, and we know they're terrible

because they wanna have a Gatsby party, the most cliched party of all time. Yeah, the worst party on Bravo, the Gatsby party. So yeah, they're people and they want to do a lot of things. So everyone's dreading it. And then, oh oh guess what? Eddie's with James and he's like oh so what happened last night? By dual Eddie impersonations

Well cuz sometimes he's like well, he's gonna go tell dad and sometimes he's like yeah, I'm just like asshole camp counselor. Oh just a bro bro. I'm just a, asshole camp counselor. Oh, just a bro bro. Just a bro bro. So Ashling and Izzy are talking. Izzy's like, I literally cleaned a hot tub with James's gizz in it. So that's my bag. And, um, yeah, Ashling is basically saying that she thinks that Izzy has a crush on James, which is funny, LOL. And then she's like, you know what?

I really can't. His oil breath is just too much for me. I mean, he's a crush on James, which is funny, LOL. And then she's like, you know what? Oh, I really can't. His all-brez just team-match for me. I mean, he's a fuck boy. Sorry, Elizabeth. And I was like, I think this is probably a great moment for Ronnie. It was, it was total validation. I was like, thank you, Ashling.

I've only said it every goddamn week. I was like, the moment she said that, I was like, I think Ashling will always be on Ronnie's good side. Yep, I love her for her. I mean, I already liked her, but yeah, anyone, because that's a very tell-tale sign, you know, in a person. And I browse.

Yeah, and I love that she just was like, James is a fuck boy. Sorry, like I was like, thank you. Thank you for addressing that. I feel like it hasn't been articulated. So then Francesca is calling Norma about getting together some theme parties and then we get another shot to James shaving something. And then Izzy's getting a text about, oh Elizabeth gets a text that's like, let's meet on the Sunday. I've just shaved my nipple. Yeah. So while James and

Elizabeth convene on the Sunday, we then go to Rob and Eddie in their bed and Rob's like, man, I mean, I'm on a boat. You think I'd get enough, but I'm checking out. I keep looking at knots. He's basically looking at not porn on the internet. And he's like, dude, check this one out. Bo line on a blight because it seems pretty heavy on ballards. I was like, I don't know what you guys are talking about. I know. And he's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not on allards, ballards.

Hey, Dad, I saw some ballards. So then Elizabeth and James have their romantic scene. He's like, where have you been on my life? And she's like, oh, tell me about your mom. Well, her mom loves wine and her dogs. And guess what? He's got three French bulldogs, which was actually a surprise to me. Yeah, that is a surprise.

What's not a surprise is that he says, I just want to take it slow right now, which is the anthem for all fuck boys, right? That way you always have an out when you're ready to get, when you're ready to jump out of it? You can say I wanted to take it slow and you got too committed. Sorry, I got to go. He likes rapping on B. I know. He likes psychology.

Yeah, which is pretty hilarious. I don't know. I always think that that's a way to tell that's like a signal when you're telling someone. I want a relationship with you. When you're like, you know what? That's just like lie here on this yacht and talk about ourselves and really get to know each other instead of just making out that's like basically asking this girl especially a girl like this he's like we can't stop that's like asking for her handed marriage well it is well that's what this is the way fuck boys work. Okay. They usually, they, they go after the girls who are like this because they know they can get them, you know, and then they have moments where they talk about like, let's talk about psychology

and rap and OMB because it makes them feel like they're not fuck boys, like they actually are people of substance that they want something more than just hooking up, like they're not just in it for the hook up, they wanna have a deep conversation. But the truth is, they always say the thing about, like I need to take it slow, so they always have an escape hatch. I mean, and by the way, I based this all off of Carl from Summer House.

Like he's basically textbook fuckboy, and he does all these things, right? Like every single one, like, oh, you're already fast for me. I want it to go slow, won't go slow. Oh yeah, and then, you know, then just so we don't hate him when he does the inevitable, he's got his sob story.

Here it comes. He's like, my first girlfriend cheated on me and I've never admitted it. And that was, that was, thought of me as a guy, and it's still the fact, am I crying right now? Am I crying right now? It's like, no,'re not okay. You're just like touching your your stupid pin eyebrows and looking up

Yeah, I didn't buy it when Bugsy was emotionally scarred from like Like a boy when she was 14 and I'm not gonna buy it from you either from whatever girl was from five years ago So now Izzy feels sick. She's sick, guys. She's sick. So then we go, it's the morning now. Izzy still doesn't feel good. She's like, do not come near me anybody. And she says, today I feel like an asshole.

Just dirty. Dirty, dirty and sick. She feels sick. My, one of my least favorite things on below deck is the crew member feels sick storyline just because it's like too real. And I'm not even saying that with coronavirus contacts, it's just like watching someone actively get fall under the weather on TV and as they try to go through their day. We've all been there. It's like, oh, I hate this. Yeah, I mean, especially on below decades, like once you've had the guys leg almost ripped

off or leg almost ripped off, you can't just come in with a common cold. You know what I mean? Like I need more. I need more from you than the common cold. What's assuming it is, I'm hoping she doesn't have corona. She doesn't have corona virus. She definitely has a lobster in her hand because she's bringing a lobster inside. It's just big as a damn dog that thing is huge. And then the best scene of the show just Rachel sucking out the last juices of her popsicle. Yeah. Yeah. Francesca Francesca Lee, I'm gonna need pants. Maybe some square pants. Is there anyone who's special to you? His square pants on board. Anyone.

It's really not that difficult, guys. So Liz comes in and she's like, oh no, Lizabeth is freaking out because of course she hasn't done what she's supposed to do. I'm shocked, everybody. I know everybody at home was shocked. And this is the thing that she's on the righty up with earlier in the season two.

Don't forget. Yes. And so she's like, Francesca, Francesca, where's the star? I can't find it. Where is it? And so she tells Ashling to go help her find the star. And Ashling's like, I already told her where to find the star. All right.

First, you would have taken this a little bit better than second two is taking you right now. Yeah, because Ashley was like, this Dutch is in the laundry in that box, you know, emphasis, like the hidden contact is or subtext is you idiot, right? She said, like, why do I have to tell you these things? So then like Ashling comes in and then there's like, talk and Ashling's like, it's over there in the box and she's like, I don't get it, what's the box?

In the box over there. Francesca's like, all right, but if you all need you to communicate better and so Ashling is mad because now she's kind of in trouble. And she's like, I've picked up her slick, but now on Team Francesca, trying to make me look bad in front of my boss, not gonna happen. She's so, she's so pissed and she even gives Francesca a look like that idiot over there. I mean, really? Are we really gonna tolerate that so She's fully like now that I'm second stew. I'm ready to show on Elizabeth

I'm Fred Chuskis like and now that you figure that out I've got to get Cheerios upstairs and Elizabeth Irons and she's like got it glad that we're in light now It's like a Elizabeth you are ironing your hand right now. So final preparations, final preparations and then they're standing ready for the guest to come and Eddie is like, hey Francesca, did you have to moat yourself too? Because she forgot her stripes. Yeah and of course Francesca has to get on a or Elizabeth about vacuuming the floor right. She's the way her's like, but he didn't vacuum it, but I did, but I did.

So these things on the floor, they all those in my head. But I'm back for you, this is the only thing I'm gonna be. So now the guests come up and we know they're gonna be awful because they're like, look at the size of that David. Like, okay, we got it. You've been on a boat before boat people people are right Yeah, so One of them's like look at the sparkle on this chrome Okay

So someone's like oh do you guys have a boat we all have boats yeah Hey, you can actually go to the bathroom and throw up at the same time. I'm like, that's how most bathrooms are actually. But most bathrooms have toilets, nice to sinks. So yeah, they're going on their little boat tour and everything. And Izzy's feeling worse and worse. And Rachel, meanwhile, has her own interesting drama that unfolds over the rest of this episode.

She left her phone in the freezer. Yeah. And then she says such a bad habit. Freezing her phone. Freezing your phone. Like she's done it multiple times. And so she's like, yeah, my phone is frozen. And it's a pandemic.

This is how this is, by the way, this is how future generations will know about us. Okay, because Rachel is going to leave her phone in the freezer and it's going to be thought out in a thousand years and people are going to be like, what was life like back in 2021? I'm going to be like, I miss you. I love you more. I love you more. No, I love you more. No, I miss you. Yeah, suck my ass. I love you more. I love you more. No, I love you more. No, I love you more. I've got camel cooter. Wow, such a trying time. Yeah.

So Francesca has to go change. So she's like Elizabeth, I need you to stay up in case the guests come up and meet me. So could you check on the guests? I'm like, yeah. Angie Milly goes into like a couple of little and starts like arranging doilies, you know, it's like and the guests are sitting there waiting for cocktails.

Like, way as hard drinks for sober, you know, what should we do self-service? And she's just pulling around as usual. And is he's in the galley and she's still sick. And Eddie's like, do you want some vitamin C? And she's like my mom didn't raise a little bitch. She's like no she raised a six foot tall one. Oh, so then the guests are all mad that they're not drunk yet because no one's bringing them a drink. Yeah. And then we keep getting shots of all of the drinks that Elizabeth is not making. Like every time they they cut to her, it's like, now I'm holding a bowl. Then they cut to her again.

It's like, now I'm flying a kite. They're gonna come back to her and just like, now I'm oiling the motor on the garage door open. What are you even doing? She's like juggling fish. She's like juggling fish. Yeah. What is she doing?

I mean, she really is becoming more and more sponge bobby the more we discuss her. So then this lady in Marseille goes walking around and she does that like tentative thing where she's like, am I allowed to be in the galley? Can I be in the galley? And Rich is like, can I help you? Kooter face and she's like, ah, we're just looking for a cocktail. So, so then so then Rachel has to like message the like page the interior and then Francesca is like Elizabeth Elizabeth Francesca. All you able to look after the guests is all I mentioned earlier

Stupid face Do you know I'm doing it right now. I'm sorry. I can't hear all of this because you're yelling so loudly at me So the ladies are like, I'm doing it. Elizabeth goes outside to offer them another drink. And the lady goes, you don't ever have to ask if you'd like another. So, yeah, so meanwhile, guess what?

Is he still getting sick? And she wants to power through it because she doesn't like feeling like she can't do her job. But she's sick. And then Rachel's talked to us about the glories of Mahi Mahi being freshly caught. Because it's important to know about that. So she serves lunch and one of the ladies smacks with her mouth open and I throw things at my TV. Okay? Learn to do better, man.

and I throw things at my TV, okay? Learn to do better, man. Be better. Eddie checks on them and tells them, you know, he's fun camp counselor right now. Yeah. Hi, it's me, my dad runs this boat. How's lunch? We're gonna have so much fun.

Now we have horseback riding. And when the ladies are like, we don't want to go horseback riding. We want a shop. No, I want to go, I want to dig in the sand. No, no, I want to shed trees. No, I'm shopping, shopping. I want to run around naked.

Jot skis. Jot skis. Jot skis. Jot skis. Bird shooting. Let's blow up a boat. Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs. And Eddie hates their guts.

And also that Dolores lady is basically the Ursula the Sea Witch of the Surface. She is. And at this point she's pretty normal. At this point, at this point she almost seems like the reasonable one, because they want champagne and she's like, no, no, no, I don't want a champagne. I will have a lemon cello though, I will have a lemon cello, which I guess we should have known was a bad woman, right? Well, I thought she was saying she was being a smart ass because it

hadn't been brought to her. Like they had ordered it and she was like, uh, would like that glass. Cause then they're right. And then they have like 10 glasses or whatever of Limincielo. I don't know. But the point is, um, they are starting to drink. And then we go to Ashling, who goes up up. Ashling is she is a shit starter. She doesn't like Elizabeth So she's like, hey, did you hear the hot gals? James and Elizabeth were smidgey smidgey raw. I guess she was selling that to Rachel, right? Yeah, and Rachel's like, shit the front camel toe that you know what? I really don't like that she hooked up with her.

Like Rachel's all mad now. So Jane, if anyone ever catches me saying, hey, did you hear the hot goss? Just slap me in the face. Just do it. I will get it. Please. So they're getting on the water toys and Ursula is like, hey, you know what? I used to race jetetski. It's gonna be one of those Jetski's on the ground. She's like standing up on her and trying to be a Jetski badass. Yeah, she's like really living her Jetski life,

which is cool. Cool to be a pioneer in the Jetski racing. I'm Jetski racing. So then, yeah, Captain Lee, meanwhile, he has to get dressed. He's like, they invite him to go for the Scotsby dinner and he's like, I'll tell you one thing. I'm not wearing one of those silly-ass costumes, okay? But I'll tell you, maybe they'll get one of my white shirts

with a cool flower pattern in one corner. I'm wearing the shiny dress shirt with a goddamn black flower on it. More a bird. Don't remember what it is right now. So he's like Rachel's like, well, they invited you to dinner. That would have been good to know. He's like, just make me a filet. I don't give a crap. All right, put some cheerios on my goddamn head. Okay. So now the guest room bottle number five and Francesca brings it out to them and the patina the primary is like Can you open the bottle in front of us? I just love the pop. I'm like, uh, please lady

stop So Eddie is making fun of captain. He's like you got to get out of this dinner dad Whatever you have to do maybe it just came down with a cold or something, needs to leave. Just come up with something, dad. Do it, dad. I can't see you in this position, dad. So then Dolores goes up to the bar and she's like, I'll have some gym, babe.

Someone has to be the responsible one, I suppose, right? Okay, you can quote me on that. All right, you know the same, don't you? One, two, three, four. Now it's time to stop the poor five, six, seven, eight. Now the drink is really great. I just bitch on the jet ski. Nine, ten, eleven, 15, 16, give me some ice and stop that mixing. 17, 18, 19, 20. Hey, I'm wearing Fenty.

Wow. So James, James. James and Izzie have some sparkling, or Elizabeth have some sparkling conversation. He's like, what is this party even about? And she's like, well, I think it's like they all have to hide right now because of prohibition. He's like, oh, she goes, I just made that up. It's like you two are destined for marriage.

Yeah, so much chemistry. And then meanwhile, Ashley and Francesca are decorating Gatsby and then Ashley and the little gossip goes, well, let's be gone, the romance, James and Liz, just putting that out there, Francesca. I just, no, she literally just is like, she's just like actively gossiping very hardcore

and Francesca's like well I'm not surprised that basically they obviously don't have any work if they're going on so of course they're just gonna hook up and get drunk all the time and talk about traffic hans and crystals Mitch made an heaven traffic gones and crystals so is he is talking to Elizabeth cut jam it is trying to take a glass from one of the customers like so you want me to take that glass from you? And the lady just gives her a death stare to us to fill it up. Yes. Okay. Fine. You can take it. Yeah.

Cause the Laura says now just in a, she's like out of the shower and she hasn't even changed. She just like, I'm in a towel. I don't care. It's time to drink. Yeah. She's wasting. So then is he called someone to talk about being sick, but doesn care, it's time to drink. Yeah, she's wasting. So then, Izzy calls someone to talk about being sick, but doesn't think it's coronavirus. Oh, her sister. And I pressed pause, but then I was like,

you're rewinding for an Izzy 16, just fast forward. I felt bad for Izzy because, first of all, her sister is like, Izzy is like, I don't think I have coronavirus. I think I just haven't gotten a lot of sleep. And her sister's like, well, isn't that what happened when you got Guillaume Boss syndrome last time? It's like, well, thank, wait a minute.

She's probably already thinking that. Wait a minute, wait a minute, like, make her more nervous, sister. I mean, this poor girl has to live in fear that she's gonna wind up in paralysis every time she gets sick. So settle down sister, just say say I'm sure it's nothing. Take some tea. You'll feel better in the morning. Like everyone else does to their friends. Yeah, yeah. So then Elizabeth is on a headpiece, but I show the headpiece. I don't know what I don't know what I'm talking about.

I'm on headpiece now because I don't know what to do. Stop yelling at me. It's headpiece Stop yelling at me. This headpiece is yelling at me. Yeah, I try my best headpiece. I'm sure we like got it warm. So that we see we get some foreshadowing here because the ladies are looking at the water. And one of them is like, Oh my God, I think I just saw bear cuda. And one of the other ladies, I think it's Ursula is like, I'm not going to dinner. I'm getting into that water. Yeah, that's always bad news when,

whenever anyone comes on below deck and says, I just want to get in the water, they are always a disaster. The people who need to get in the water on below deck are problems. Yeah, so Rachel is making dinner and she's doing this great Gatsby theme and she's like, what is great Gatsby? Uh, I don't know, but to me,

Roy and Twenties, Shenanigans. I'm gonna do something for poor people who maybe have money for five minutes. Taker Tots in a waffle iron. See, Kiko, that's how you improvise with a theme. You don't know what to do for. So then we see Captain Lee dropping something on the floor and he goes, God dammit. God dammit. So then we get a Robin James bromance, the below deck bromance. And they just say a lot of like silly things to each other. And then Rob's like, well, I think we knew each other in like other lives because this energy that we've got has existed from Nalania with two guys at sea.

I'm trying to think of a mushroom joke. I was trying to think of a surely McLean joke personally, but mushroom joke also works. So then we go to the Gatsby party. Yeah. And Captain Leason is Tuxedo and D'Lores is drinking more and more and then it's fun times and then in the galley More sparkling conversation with Elizabeth and James What color am I thinking of is it grain is it grain? No, is it red? It's red. It's red. It's red. No Dawn she's like it's okay. It takes some practice

Ice boy, it's really fun. I spy My dick yeah I spy Rachel oh wait no, that's not how it goes. I spy a woman who's cooking food. Green Yeah, no red I spy something that is will be called in frees' things red I spy Something that holds trash and is like a can. Blue, blue, blue. It's blue.

I like the idea of her playing on spy terribly, and him still doing a totally different game. I'm just doing so. So they've decided that he decides that they're going to develop their own language, that only they understand. She's like, like, real words? Yeah. Like real words. I mean, other words. It's called a code. God. So Rachel is watching this disgustedly.

And she's like, so Liz and I are friends. And then we see a clip of Rachel like shaking her boots. And she's like, it my Kooner camel toe mother fucker. Dancing around with Elizabeth, which is apparently like a scene from beaches before Barbara Hershey bites it. It's like the deepest, it's like the deepest friendship. See, you've ever my Kooner camel toe mother fucker. And she's like, I'm really disappointed to hear her and James hooked up like really bad.

I mean, he was hitting on all the girls and he just pushed a little harder on the weakest link. Yeah, it is it is sad for Elizabeth because I think she's like falling in love. Like if we, if you want to think if she's just, if she was just like, I want some ass and he has a good body, so why not? But I think she's really seeing a future with him.

Hmm. I mean, he's like, custody him. Like, you know, I'm having a real, you know what, I'm really craving some lasagna tonight. That's code. It's code. It could mean, it means something totally different. Does it mean you want to go to the gap to get a shirt? No. No. And then he says, the perfect way to wake up is if someone drops a sandwich on my chest. She goes oh my god I love to do that. I love when people like to eat It also explains why she dropped sandwiches all over the place

My god, I thought you wanted me to drop a sandwich Warm away. They just let it please my man. Do not hire her at subway. So then we go back to the table and Dolores just goes, this huge burp. Captain Lee just there's a. There's a her horrified. It was so funny. Invite the crack and un on board to this, yeah.

So then one of the guys is like, it's a good thing Pro-O-Bitch-N-Dit and Dolores Ursula's like, yeah, cause we'd be in jail. All right, listen, can I address the elephant in the room? We haven't had the captain make it in the water yet. Everyone's like, is that the elephant in the room? Is that really what it is? Hey, Captain Lee, do we need to get a taxi somewhere?

I think these people are a little irritated. If you know what, I'm saying, just pour unfortunate souls on my right, am I right? And he's like, right? I think she goes, you know what, when you're gonna time out me, how are you gonna time out me for being a lover? How are you gonna time out a beautiful octopus who controls the seas? Am I right everyone? Okay, all right

Thoughts fun and games, so you find some half naked bitch coming her hair with a fork That's what I say, right? It's a good song. I took her voice. So Dolores is yeah, Captain Lee is like Dolores is drunker than a four-pecker goat, which I Don't even know what that means, but it's just a word. I think at this point. It's just Captain Lee word solid Yeah, that lady is more wasted than a goddamn high hill and a tap dancing show with elephants and paint was flying overhead. What? What?

He's basically just magnetic poetry, you know, like he's his own magnetic poetry. And then she starts making farting noises for some reason. We don't get the context. We just see Ursula being like, do we ever need a context for farting noises? They are in their own context. So then Rachel still serving her meals, some chocolate mousse and everything. And then Dolores Ursula is like,

Hey, Captain Lee, I can fix you up on a Jetski. You don't even know. You don't even know. I like that that's like her line. That she, like Jetsky, like, like, like she's gonna, she's gonna win someone over with her Jetsky prowess. Yeah, and he's like, all right,

did I hear a random alarm going off? Gotta go and join the night crazy bands. And then she's, so then Ursula gets up and she's like, I'm gonna get a hot tub. I'm gonna get a hot tub But she has to like squeeze behind a chair. So she just thrust her body at the chair Like get out of the way boom boom boom And Francesca tries to stop her shift

You know, it's not very safe to jump in right now James James come to the swim platform immediately We've got an octopus strong to go overboard Do you need me to swap a sandwich on her? Maybe she'd probably get turned on Code red code red blue no, no, it's not association game James So the captain is on the upper deck and he looks down the sea certain He's like you are not getting in the water. If I have to come in there, if I have to come down there and get you, I'm gonna be pissed and you are not gonna like you what I pissed.

Alright, it's gonna be like four goat speckers on a skateboard going backwards on a tundra freeway. And Dolores is like, can I have some peas? Can I have some peas? And then her friend says peas. You mean red wine She's like no no peas fish like peas And then her friend goes those are sharks Dolores you don't like sharks Yeah, and then she just jumps in and her dress will start She's a man those are sharks Dolores those are sharks Dolores Son of a bitch

So he marches down there all pissed off, and he tells us Dolores jumping into the water is the ultimate fuck you to the captain. And then Frances says, it's just a mantel! What's happening? And then Tina's like, I'm sorry, she's a good swimmer.

Do you want me to jump in and get her? I don't care if she's a good swimmer. She's drunk, and I don't need dead bodies here. Okay. I need dead bodies the way a four-pecker goat needs to play piano in the middle of the s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s- And he's like screaming out at the lady and she's like can I have some wine No, she says can I have some bacon? She says can I have some bacon? She's in the middle of shark-infensive waters away from the boat asking for bacon

I mean you can't have anything get your ass back to the boat now and go on the other side because there's no way to get you up on Here I'm pissy. I'm very very pissed and the ladies like oh no, he's not gonna like us anymore Yeah, the guests are all upset. Well, you know up at the dinner at the table. Someone's like, it's not gonna like us anymore And then someone else says because of your goddamn friends Which adds a nice new answer to this, someone was probably like, does anyone mind if I bring Dolores and everyone's probably like, oh, we don't know.

It's okay. Dolores. We'll bring Dolores. And I'm like, fine, it's all coming out to the fore now. We've got a damn friend. So he yells at her, he's like, you stepped over the light and I'm not gonna tolerate this behavior.

And she goes, I have paid a lot of money to be here. Which is like the classic, the exact, I'm surprised she waited so long to use that line right and he goes I don't give a shit what you've paid okay your charter just ended now. Yeah and so he tells he goes up and yells at the gas he's like your charter is over she's in the water she drunk, she won't come out. We're heading back to the dock. I'm not putting up with this. Can't you fucking shit and get the fuck off my boat.

It was pretty amazing. Like it was like, at last, you know, one of the captains stands up to these awful gas. Because, yeah. Because that's the thing, they always were like, well, you know, you're sort of in a position, you gotta do what they want,

you gotta do it for the tip. And I like he finally was like, fuck it. We are, this is not, we don't care. You're going home. Yeah, Bayes did. So they're supposedly gone, but I don't think so, because one of the clients,

one of these people was on Instagram last week. I saw it on L Facebook and they were like, oh my God, it's time for our episode. I hope everybody's watching. I don't think, don't publicize that. You guys look like a bunch of idiots. Yeah, I don't think it's gonna get canceled. I don't think I think somehow it's gonna work out but but man I love that Captain Lee just did that. I she was just being an asshole and when she does

the I have paid a lot of money. It's like well just because you pay a lot of money you still got to follow the rules. Money doesn't money doesn't buy you class. Oh just I know my music. I like the part where somebody said, hey, do you live on a boat? Yes, and I pay a lot of money where I live. Oh, God, so sad. It's like the sad lady who lives on a boat. You know, they're like, do Lord please don't bring to Lord? Sad lady on the boat with the jet ski race?

Please don't. Please don't. Yeah, seriously. So that was a pretty spicy episode. I'm excited to see what happens next. Go check out the crappies, watch crappens.com. You can find the link there. Follow us on social media.

So that way you'll know when the tickets go on sale and you'll be able to get access to that link, all that fun, fun stuff. And we're back tomorrow, ooh, the season premiere of Real Housewives of Dallas. That's gonna be fun. Can't wait to talk about that. Everyone stay safe, don't jump into shark-infested waters, and we'll catch you on the next episode. Bye, everybody!

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