Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Pigs on Deck

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

This week on Below Deck, a bunch of idiots come on board to curse at each other, get drunk, and cry. What's not to love?Get tix to our live shows: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/10th-anniversary-hunky-dory-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watcher Crapins, a podcast that all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is someone who would never curse me out on a yacht. Ever, ever, I hope. It's Ronnie Carram.

Hey Ronnie, what's up? Time will tell. Hi, man. Hey, how are you doing today? I'm good. Cornel. I'm doing well. Thank you.

What's going on in your world? You know, just enjoying that below deck life. We're talking below deck today. Also, just a quick reminder that tickets are on sale. Come get your live tickets to see us live next year. We're going to 21 different cities Nashville, Philadelphia, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Chicago, San Diego, San Francisco, all sorts of places. Los Angeles, I'm so excited to do a show in LA. The last few years, we've our only live shows in LA have been the crappies. And so this year since the crappies are in New York, we get to do a proper, what a proper like cra crap ends live show, not a special

event. And I'm really excited to do that here in my hometown. So go to watchcraftens.com and get your tickets. And we'll see you there on the road. We'll see all your bright smiling faces. And we can't wait. It's been too long. Yes. All right. Let's get on to simple low deck action. Today is called bourbon buffoonery and listen as a as a larger bald man in his 40s. This was very triggering to watch for me. Okay. It's like I saw little clones of myself just being horrible human beings. We all know when I'm wasted I would never ever act like that You wouldn't you really wouldn't you'd be like doing a performance You'd be like singing in some sort of ballad From like a forgotten song time musical like we that's what you're doing

This was it was funny this felt like It was like a Tommy Tommy from Shazza sunset I felt like the boat was taken over by like five zombies. Yes. Except Paul, like, Tommy's. Except Tommy is actually like charming and sweet. And these guys were just like awful. Yeah. So we start with the previously, which is basically just the guy with the handle bar mustache going, you trying to fuck me up the yachts? Yeah. You gonna fuck me up the yachts? Hey. You trying to fuck me up the yachts? So we started 605 in St. Earth of Kids. And everybody's waking up and Captain Lee's on a stair climb.

We're like, God, this is amazing. Face on the ocean on this goddamn stair climb. Who thought of this? Great decoration skills. Great decorations. And then they're just picking up cigarette butts on the deck and things like that and then Frazier wakes up and he steps a shirt because no I can't bother that disgusting. This is the head of shits Grills

So Jake comes into the mess and he's like how's it going and no one answers him He's like how's it going? I mean it's like one answer to him, he's like, how's it going? I mean, it's like, gaaaad. I mean, really, that hungover voice, and I have a lot in common with her, just that laugh alone. It's like the gates of hell opening every time she laughs. Yeah, it was. It sounded like a coffee grinder or something. So it was like the fullest preso experience, isn't it?

It was like I heard the latte foaming, like everything. Like that smoker's hung over smoker laugh. Ooh, she had it rough. So yeah. She's, but she's like definitely, you know, feeling horned up and she's like talking about last night. She's like, the pulse of my coach was like, all right. See you on back in five. Are you trying to fuck me up the ass, Eddie?

You're trying to. So that he's giving orders on deck and telling people to wash. And then Heather goes up to Jess and tells her that she's going to start you on cream ass and fracture. You need to get on the master. And Heather tells us, I'm annoyed with my team, but I'm going to be more hands on with them because we need-ER better. And then we just see the deck hands cleaning and Jake, it's like, you know what, I don't like American music. You know, there's not enough songs about being pegged up the ass. You know what I'm saying?

And then he's like, yeah, you go to a concert, it's just like a guy standing behind a desk and be like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, right? I mean, it's like stupid. Music is the same where you come from. I'm sorry to break it to you. There are a lot of guys where you come from standing behind your desk on a computer. Okay, and they're called musicians. How dare you?

Yeah. So Jake is flirting with Reina, who's still doing her laugh. And Captain calls Rachel and Eddie and Heather together. Guess for what guys Press sheet meeting All right, our primary is Michael Durham He's a Seattle based real estate broker with an appreciation for fine whiskey Okay, look at that picture. It's like a classic real estate post. Can't you just picture that on a billboard somewhere?

Rachel's like I can see myself sitting on his face at a bus stop. So they're all big bourbon drinkers and they want to have a new join for dinner and they want like white party and they want to do a luau. We want to hit golf balls, all that stuff. Who really wants a white party? I mean, I'm blue. That's what I was thinking. They make it sound like everybody just wants a white. Nobody wants a white party? I mean, I'm below deck. They make it sound like everybody just wants a white.

Nobody wants a white party, okay? I don't know anybody in real life who actually even has a white part. I think I've been having like one white party. Yeah, exactly. I feel like thirst. I, okay, if I'm doing a white party, there have to be like a lot of people there. So that way it's like, oh, look at all these people dressed in white.

But if it's just like six people dressed in white, it's just you're just six people dressed in white, I'm sorry. And also, yeah, I'm sick of white parties and gatsby theme parties. I don't think them anymore. And it's like, that's just like how many time, like if I'm going on to Blow Deck, I think I want to have like a fun theme that no one's done before.

Not the most cliche things. Yeah. Also people who say they have an appreciation for find whiskey and make their whole life about whiskey. None of them are calm, fun people. They're all dark, yelling kind of people. Okay. That shit will make you yell. I'm sorry. If you ever want to see me yell, give me some of that and then throw up a lot. Let's give you this. Yeah so with his business in my underwear, sliding across the floor in my parents' house.

So now Eddie and Rachel are talking. And they're just having like mindless pattern and Rachel's just being barely tolerating him because she still really mad about last year. She's like, yeah, you know what? Last year, you know, to my face, he was my friend, but behind my titties, he was like a jerk. And like, I have a little bit of bitterness, but like, I really need to get rid of it because that's not my flavor. You know, it's my

flavor? Cooters. Yeah. You're an obnoxious drunk, okay? And the person that did try to say it to your face, you're still talking shit about this year. So I'm really not sure how to win with you. So Fraser is talking to Reyna and he's like, so I had a little bit too much to drink last night. Titta, titta. I would laugh realistically, but it's really not good for your lungs. And she's like, ah! Did I do something silly? Now did we all go to bed at the same time, sillyly? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH chance. No, okay, what did you do? Did you have a smooch, a little kissy, a little fucking fuck? No, did you? Did you? Did you? Did you? Well, don't be ashamed, he's amazing. And she's like, but I like someone. He lives in Canada.

Yeah, I met him in the club. You can't stop drunk, Rayna. Poooo! Yeah, so Easter, last week, we thoughtSA was a lady because of ESA Ray, but ESA is a man. So how about that? So yeah, Reina was in the club. And Reina is saying that she's like, I guess she asked like if she says, well you know the thing is this, I don't want to fuck Jake. And he goes, well you don't have to. You just want to have a friendly flirt

I would friendly flirt and do the cows come home. I've fully flirt all day long. I fucking hate friendly floating especially a trash You know what else I hate cows coming home like seriously all at the same time like that fuck off cows garbage cows Just get out of here already. We already replaced a goat So anybody wondering what Jess is doing? It's laundry. And she's like popping a soda. That's her big exciting moment. It's like popping a soda and sipping from it. Yeah. She drinks it like all of them, like holding the ring. Right. She like clutches it with like two hands like, my precious. Okay. And then we get the norma of this season. Nick, who's the yacht provisioner and Rachel calls. And then we get the Norma of this season, Nick,

who's the yacht provisional and Rachel calls. And she's like, uh, Nick, this is Rachel at the boat. I'm calling for a pig for the beach, Louelle. All right. Well, I can do that for you. Also, if you got a spit available, of course, where there's a pig, there's a spit. You know, if you were a kind of a wind,

you would be shut the fuck up. Just bring me a pig, there's a spit. You know if you were a kind of a wind, you would be shuck the fuck up, just bring me a pig on the spit, right, bitch. We also get the first insight that I've had about Wes. Like Wes has like unbridled enthusiasm about everything. I didn't really notice it the first few episodes, but at one point he'd like, there's like some sort of fixture on the deck that's like come out of place,

and he's like, how is this just popping off? It's crazy. It's crazy It's like you're way too excited about that fixture Really is so Rachel calls Eddie to have a meeting and he's like so What's up? And she's like well kind of wanted to have a little chat because last season there were some alarming things said on you army half about me It was viciously attacking going straight for my integrity and character and it was really uncalled for In it threw me for a loop and it stayed with me for the whole duration until the season

It's like well, I'm really sorry for saying that hurt your feelings. I mean, I just did not get it long with Rachel Lassie. She said, I never came and talked to directly about my issues, which were that you were a terrible, terrible drunk. And I'm sorry that I didn't. Yeah. He's like, well, last time we worked together, she started drinking and she's just a different person,

but I should have talked to her personally. So she's like, well, just make sure it doesn't happen again, cause it's super herfault, and I don't wanna have to fart in your throat, and I'll fucking do it. Yeah, she's like, she's like, yeah, I can get like, the Eddie and I, like we couldn't play in the same tabox

to see using it in each other with the speeds. Like, yeah, I won't have to flip a table or eat someone's larynx. All right, let's go fuck this charter in the face. So now Eddie, then Eddie calls the provisional. And he's like, he calls the nigga now. Yeah, he calls the nigga and he goes, hi, this is Ed Lucas on my Sienna.

I'm like, Ed Lucas, I'm sorry. Oh, hi Ed. Wow, that sounds like a handsome name. Guess what? I'm a, Ed Lucas, I'm sorry. Oh, hi Ed. Wow, that sounds like a handsome name. Guess what? I'm a numerology expert. Your name stands for sexy. What can I do for you? Well, I just want some bio-degradable golf balls.

I mean, to make sure this is okay. So people don't think I'm living the ocean. Yeah, just last my bone around the bio-degradable golf balls. Okay, Ed, sir. I mean, I'm gonna look a little more into numerology. Find something sexier and calm me back. Right, that. So then Jessica is in her room. I thought the same thing you did that they made sure to get the biodegradable golf balls thing because like people really do get mad every year on Twitter.

They're like, how dare you golf into the ocean? Like they're leaking like thousands of gallons of fuel into the ocean as well. Okay. But glad you're super upset over those golf balls. Well, you're watching a yacht show. Yeah. Exactly. So, um, so then Jessica is in her room and she calls her mom and her mom is Susan and her mom's like, well, you look tired. You have your jammies on your old lady jammies. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, tired face, old lady, tired face. She's like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha All right. So she's like, my mom and I are really close. She had me at 19, so we bicker a lot. I decided I was going to school to be a cosmetologist,

so she went back to school to become a mortician. She wants me to do hair and makeup on her bodies. And I'm like, and now. I love that season just assumed that they were gonna be developing a pitch for a sitcom. She's like, oh, you're gonna go back to Cosm's Hall. I'll do more Tishin and then we'll have our sitcom. It's like, no mom, I did not sign up for a sitcom. She's like, oh, you're gonna go back to Cosmolge. I'll do more Tishin and then we'll have our sitcom. It's like, no mom, I did not sign up for a sitcom right now.

I'm just so funny, your mom's like, wow, you wanna be a Cosmologist? That's amazing, honey. How about a dead body? So let's do it. Just be- I thought she was gonna say so my mom went to school to be a hairdresser or something or like a statistician

and but she's like, no, my mom went to school to be a hairdresser or something or like a statistician. And but she's like, no, my mom went to be a, to be a mortician. So I can do makeup on her dead bodies. Oh, I mean, that's the ultimate in support, you know? You care about your daughter so much that you just want her to have clients who won't run away. So Rachel's got a, she walks into a messy galley and she's like, no to self do not start projects.

Yeah. And the captain's showing West. He's like, ah, look at that over there. That's our new home. What do you think of that? West is like, it's great. Well, I think because we got about 18 feet to get in there. That's great.

Yeah, it is fucking great. We're going to get in there. 18 feet. We're going to squeeze right in. That's great. You're not is fucking great. We're gonna get in there 18 feet. We're gonna squeeze right in That's great. You're not gonna be the lead backhand. I'll tell you that much right fucking now sir Captain Lee is very chatty right now. He's like yeah, we got luckily we have all this room to newer and we got 18 feet It was like that and we only draw it in a half that thing and then West goes what? My potency it's 0.5. I can't get to know this. Oh my god.

It's like I'm nowhere wet. It's like, in the half feet. Damn. Because Captain Lee is not going to stop talking till he gets some kind of preaction. Listen, I know I'm a little chatty today, but have you ever done a stair climber with a view? Chase, I got damn wife. I'll tell you that. Well, no, I've definitely climbed stairs before it. No, a stair climber. It's an exercise advice where the stair cycle through. What?

What? Stairs cycling through? Are you kidding me? So Heather goes into the laundry room. She's like, Jeff, I'm going to need you to iron Captain Leigh's clothes within an hour and a half flames. And Jeff is like, Jeff, I'm going to need to do the iron captain least close with them an hour and a half flames. And Jess is like, I'm not happy.

Which wow, it's episode, what is this three, four? Where she's already miserable in laundry. It's always the person who volunteers, who says they love laundry, who gets so mad when they have to actually do laundry. So yeah. So now they're doing more provisions or arriving and Heather hits her funny bone.

And Jess is just like giving herself a pep talk. She's saying, as my grandma always says, good enough. Good enough. You come from a really inspiring family. I know, seriously. All right, everyone, get your asses into the mean salon. We're gonna have a crew meeting, okay. We

didn't get to have our formal meeting that we normally have. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to do what I call the plane ticket, plane ticket tango, okay. I'll expect is you to do your jobs, rad are my pet peeve all right if you're looking for your radio odds are I've got it all right so I don't want to hear it no no I want to hear it can can got it I do have two rules do not embarrass yourself and do not embarrass the boat because even though this is a show about boats I'm not afraid to put you on a plane And do not say god damn it without a damn it at the end of the must-you praying wait the three rules all right

Rule number four don't do math on my goddamn rules god damn it Rule number five there's three more rules. I have no problem with letting someone go in the middle of a charater and I got a packet full of plain tickets Okay, I don't know if you may have heard of a pocketful equipped night by the by the spin doctors Well, I call this a pocketful plane tickets by the least doctors my doctors actually came up with that when I have my a-fib So I hope I don't have to use it, but if I do it'll be quick and severe It'll be a dark and hold out your hand and I'll be like You know the, it'll be quick and severe. It'll be a bit dark and hold out your hand and I'll be like, what? And you have a plane ticket in it. Quick and severe. He reminds me of my dad, it's Reyna. He's like a chocolate chip cookie. There's been

sitting out. He's hard on the exterior, but he's chewy and soft on the inside. And sometimes with the finger they're left in there because my dad's always nervous when he bakes. What is she, what cookies are she? This is definitely what we've learned that rate is that is terrible at baking. I know, I'm like, like, how thicker are cookies that they're able to have these dual textures? Like, normally, like, once a cookie goes stale, it's all hard or it's all soft. Whichever, like, if it's a soft cookie, it's going to go hard, if it's a soft cookie, it's gonna go hard, if it's a hard cookie, it's gonna go soft. But I don't usually get that, like nuance of texture.

Yeah, I do, because I overcook my cookies. You see, that's why I'm calling the dad a bad baker because I'm not the best either. So my cookies are really hard on the outside when I make them and then they stay soft on the inside longer. It's weird, like you chip a tooth, but then it's all gravy from there.

Okay. That's right. All right, I'm gonna let you have that. Work harder, get fired, that's it! And Heather's like, let's get this charter's food there! So then laundry, more laundry. So Heather comes in and she's like, oh my God, Jess, don't steam those.

There is so much to do before you get to that I mean look at all of this just like Just clutching her little cook can like So he's like, oh, Eddie, this could be the year. I like what I'm seeing so far. I hope we're not gonna have a Captain Glenn situation if you know what I'm talking about. He had the goddamn deck on his show. Well, look at that Jake Gaul, that's his name, right?

Yeah, he's great, Captain. One of his last two boats, he was promoted to lead deck hand. He was like, while on my last two boats, I slept in my underwear. That didn't make me a chip and they all stand sir. What else he got God he hustles like someone's trying to shove something up his ass. Yeah, that's actually a motivating factor for him You're having you better listen to me. He's gonna get my foot up his ass. Actually don't tell them that. We'll stop listening. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Today's parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident

not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us

as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So that we, Captain Lee is just nervous about promoting Jake to lead DeCand because in the past, he's promoted people before they were ready, like Kelly and Nico, and it's burned him. But the thing is, this is that Eddie

really doesn't want to work anymore, and he's just like very hot to try. He's like, well, you know, the other day Jake did chammy a window. So I think he's pretty much well, so let's do that. Yeah, he wants to get into his first officer's role. But it's weird because on this show, you never see the first officer. And there's usually a first officer and then a bowson, right? Yeah, and there's an other reason.

So I don't know, it's making it all, it's making it all weird. I don't like the number shift. But weren't there like three dudes at the beginning of the season like engineers? And wasn't there already a first, well, maybe it was first mate versus first office, I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. So Heather is checking the primary bedroom. And she's like, oh my God, Fraser, you need to tell her here, another tell her here. I mean, oh my God, Fraser, you need a towel here, another towel here. Oh, these orchids need some love. Okay, you know, there's checking on towels and then there's kind of insinuating that someone is to blame for an orchid that doesn't look well.

You know what I mean? Orchids, orchids don't comply with even the best chiefs do. I'll just say that. Orchids, orchids. It was actually their own dumb fall for putting an orchid in there in the first place. Why put a temperamental flower in there? Like it should be a, I don't know.

I don't know what's, I don't know what's a better flower, but almost a firm. Literally, literally like a pinch, like a little firm. A little pikes. Yep. Yeah, just put a shrub. Just put a shrub. Just put a bamboo in the pebbles.

Those last really fun. Yeah. Just put a dry stick in Just put a bamboo in the pebbles. Those last polypons. Just put a dry stick in there. So it has a drop. A daisy. Okay, it's definitely going to be on sales from a kid. Guys, I want you to both know where I come from. Okay.

Now, I'm going to need you to both be a little fluid. I feel like we need to pick up the paste and laundry and cocktail. You know, 15-minute martinis. I'm not saying let's drop the standard. I just want to keep the ball rolling because I busted my ass to climb the ladder. Okay, so I need shorter martini times. I need the ball to roll down a ladder, okay?

And so Frisha just staring at her like, Dari, I'm housekeeping, okay? Oh, so short of martinis, why don't we just take some trash and show them that in a glass. How about that? How about instead of baking a cake we just pull batter all over their heads moron We just line them up with a hose and just spray it in their mouths at this point. I mean for crying out loud it takes 15 minutes for a good martini You need to show them how to make a martini and two seconds is what you need to do.

Don't just tell him no 15 minute martinis. No one chooses to spend 15 minutes on a martini. You know what I mean? He needs to be trained in the martini lady. I can't believe I'm on Fraser side because he is not a little wing guy. I'm not on the inside because he was not amazing. Let in the first charter, first two, whatever. Has there been one or two charters?

I can't remember. One charter. He was not amazing in it, but he's acting like he's like the shit and that it's like her fault for giving him bad direction. And it's like, and then they get mad that she micromanages, but the truth was that there was like trash left in on a sofa, the towels

that were not taken care of, and even if you're being pulled for service, that should be able to do. Yeah, based on how we agree. I agree, but she needs to show him the martini. Like Chris, we just mean it, just saying, I need you to be fluid. And go faster.

I was happy to show the rest. I had to do it faster. She also kept wondering a lot of the Wii, instead of saying, you need to be faster. She was like, we you have to show the rest. How to do it faster. She also was kept wondering a lot of the we, like instead of saying, you need to be faster. She was like, we just need to be faster with our Marchinis, even though it's like direct to that freezer. So he's like, and also he does the thing that I hate where he's like, listen, all I got from this meeting

is that we're running this chart of the exact same way as the last, which is shit. I've never worked with a chief stew that hasn't been impeccable in every way. And so I'm feeling a little insecure with her as my leader. Like, oh my God. You need to, you know, now I'm gonna totally flip my flop. Okay?

You still need to know how to do this goddamn job. I didn't even say he's only been on like one boat or two boats for like two years. He's acting like he's had like 10 years of experience. I know, and fucking Mary Poppins is his, you know, chief stew. So then Heather's like, yeah, I feel like if you don't keep progressing every day, you die.

So let's kick some ass. Otherwise, I'm literally gonna have to kill you, okay? Frazier. Tell that to my face, okay, which is definitely not improving every day, ma'am. Okay, that's not how life works. So Jessica gives another insight into her family then, and she's like, Heather reminds me of my grandmother, my grandmother, Marion.

She always has to have something in her hand and something, and we just have to do everything that way, otherwise the way Heather wants to do it done otherwise it's like the ghost of Micromanager Marians back and she'll kill me. She really hates her grandma, huh? I love it. She does. I think it's hilarious. Like my grandma we said, well it's another fucking day on earth. So then the captain calls everyone to get in their white because it's time to the captain, it calls everyone to get in their white because it's time to meet the guests and they're just passes a window and guess, Frasier, get those streaks off. So it's like every little thing. Yeah.

Frasier really don't like hardwood instead of carpeting, okay, change that. I don't like Trash. So then, so now they're all getting, they're all getting to their whites and everything. They line up and here come the guests. Just again, it's like a bunch of Tommy fights. Just, you know what, it's like, it's like an Andrew Zimmer convention. It's like a bunch of Andrew Zimmer. Just ambulance towards the boat.

And then there's like two random gays in the back, which is, I was not expecting that, like a there's like two random gaze in the back of which is I was not expecting that like a gay couple so They they walk on up and they guess like yeah, this crew has no idea what they have installed for them. I'm doing someone in the fucking water Yeah, you know what I'm gonna do slap someone with the fucking towel. That's what's about to happen, huh? Yeah, just like oh dear So then well let's get the hell out of dodge and have fun. You're about to happen. Yeah, just like, oh dear. So then well, let's get the hell out of Dodge and have fun. You're about to get a tour from Western Bons over there. Have fun. So they get a tour and the sky is just so fucking obnoxious through the whole thing. He's like, oh my god, look at that. My hot tub at home is set up the same way. My

is the hot tub in the bar. Hey, oh. And then like he's being so obnoxious, and it cuts to Wes and Jake in their room, and Wes is like, these guys are great. Jake is like, I think they have a bit pissed already. He's like, nah, they're just great guys. Wow, they're so good. Hey, did Captain Lee tell you about how the boat has eight and a half feet when it goes in the slip?

Oh my god, that's the best. I was asking about the stair master, too. So one of the guys says to the lady who I thought was his wife, but I guess it wasn't. Go right. He's like, I'm gonna kick you ass down these goddamn stairs. And she's like, okay. Because I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want.

And then the other one's like, hey, you're gonna sit like Richard Nixon at that desk and he's like, like Trump. Like Trump. Wow, look, I got two toilets. One Nixon at that desk and he's like, like Trump, like Trump. Wow, look, I got two toilets, one for what I shit and one for what I don't shit. I just like, I can't believe these people. I think they all worked together.

I was like, I cannot believe it. So this guy's being so crude. And then the gays retreat to their room because they clearly cannot stand him and they're like inspecting the closet. And there's like, the gays are Sean and Curtis and Curtis is like the really pursue one and he's like, um, will this work for the queen for your 38,000 shirts? And how there's like, how's everybody feeling?

You know what? We need the bikes because we just shared a bottle of T-dose before we boarded. She's like, having cashed off as a great drunk is a great sign because that just means they're gonna get their hangover in three hours. They're gonna skip dinner, hopefully. She's really trying to, she's really trying to use the secret to make this happen

because like the rest of the episode, she's like, I think we're about to lose a gas. I think they're about to pass out. I think it's we're about to lose one. It's like, it's like one a.m. I think they're about to pass out. I think it's we're about to lose one. It's like, it's like 1 a.m. I think they're about to pass out. Like Heather, they're not passing out. Give up on the dream.

So Rachel's in the kitchen tried to catch cheese in her mouth and misses. And then let's get the romps. Let's get the romps. Oh, bravo, bravo, bravo. All right, we're off. Great job, everybody. Yeah.

So then Terry tries to take a picture of through the guys. She says, OK, all right, we're off. Great job everybody. Yeah. So then Terry tries to take a picture of the guy. She says, okay, all right, so let's get a take a picture. The three of you guys, oh shoot, it's all shadows. And then just so just as the biggest like boar of them all. And he's like, oh Jesus, tap dance and Christ for crying out loud. Terry, come on, the shadows, come on, Terry. So then Frazier is delivering munchies to the bar

and Heather goes to talk to the gas and she goes, first of all, Heather does the thing when she talks where she does hand dancing to look fancy, where she just does kind of Mr. Miyagi hands for everything that she's saying. And she's like, just sit back and wait because Chef Rachel is going to take you on a wild ride. So tonight is the white party and for the whiskey pairing, Chef Rachel just wants to know

which ones you're drinking so she can work with those. Now what we have is this is wax on wax off I'm gonna do. This is for wood fire creek. Okay, then we're gonna do wax on wax off but on the car hood. That's knob creek. Okay, do you guys following this? She goes, she says that they have for their big bourbon pairing, Woodford Reserve, Bullet Bourbon, knob creek,

Shevas Regal, that's how she says it. Shevas Regal and Makers Mark, which are all, you know, they're all delicious. Bacac. But I was like, if I were going on a yacht, and I'm like a big ass bourbon drinker, it's like you're serving me like the basic stuff from like 7-Eleven, you know, like it's good,

but like I would be, I'd be actually kind of annoyed. But then again, what would they really be expecting? Yeah, but yeah, you need more for it. They should brought their own bourbon, honestly. So then, Justin's like, the first three, that sounds good. Hey, can I have it? My, can I have all mine in a thermal cup? All right, a Swiss going to make you like these here.

So he also speak thermos and how they're like, nothing says classy like whiskey and the thermos on a mega yacht. Oh, also we know this is not quite whiskey. We do have fireball. If you'd like to add that to your tasting. Yes? No? Okay. So then West, West then checks in on Jess in the laundry room.

He's like, hey, how's your department work? Like, what does being a stew really mean? Well, I'm third or as grandma would call me, you know, the usual, right? I'm always third. And I just do the grunt work. And then, Frazier's on service, which is great, because I don't like doing service, and I can only hold a stew phase for so long, right?

Have I poured you yet, Wes? It's like, no, not at all. I'm really enthusiastic, but literally everything, even this mindless conversation about laundry. So the anchor goes down, and the captain's like, wow, Jake is a hard worker. I'll give him that. Oh, he said Jake do not sit on that traffic cone.

That is a warning for the swim platform. So that back into the toys. So then Reyna is twerking in the galley. You know, I guess is the new thing on blow deck. You have to just like twerk in your free time. So she's twerking in the galley with and Rachel's sort of dancing and Rachel announces that she's going to be doing some some Thai food. And she's like, yeah, this one time I was in Bangkok and I'm like drinking like shots of whiskey and like all of a sudden like I'm across this like

really dodgy guy on cows on road and like he's selling bad Thai with like this random street meet. That's like really greasy and like nothing smells a good time. Like the next morning when you have fire snakes. I was like, oh, very specific imagery. I thought it was going to be, I thought it was going to be like some story of how she saw this little guy doing street food. And it was the most amazing thing. She's going to try to recreate it. But she's like, nah, shit, fire snakes.

That's what happened. Every time I look at them throwing lines onto the dock, I have a traumatic flashback. So Heather goes to ask Captain if he's joining for dinner. He's like, yeah, I'm not gonna be tasting bourbon though. She's like, what's your like some apple juice? I'm thinking we're down to two soon. Third waisted.

It's gonna be great. And she does this thing when she goes and sees Captain Lee wanna want. She's so nervous. She's like, well, we give you Apple juice. We're like, Apple, they're gonna be passing, they're passing out soon. I think I might pass that soon also. I'll film up here too much longer. Okay, good chat. They weren't lying when they said they curse like goddamn sailors, goddamn it, where they fah. They cursed more than three goddamn moose that are skiing down a goddamn ski, the ski mountain during the zombie apocalypse, am I right?

Fuckers. So Wes brings in the pig and it's in the back and he's just shaking the back going, it's in the back. He's just shaking the back going, it's alive. And then one of the guys tells Eddie to get him some golf balls and the other drunk ones, like he's not supposed to hit the boat because they can't hit the ball. You know, they're wasted. So they just keep hitting the deck. And then the guy, the main charter guest, the primary Michael Durham, he like, he goes to hit the golf ball and his club kind of hits the little turf, the ashroteurf tee,

and Justin goes, Jesus Christ Durham, you haven't played with that much carpets since you were married last time. So the captain and Eddie are talking and Eddie's like, oh gosh, I'm really proud of everybody. I think, yeah, they're fine. And I like the Jake Pays attention. You know, we could use a lead deck hand, but I'm concerned it's too soon. Does he step up to the plate or does he fold like a cheap suit?

I have to say, I thought his way of, uh, of Stoingwayway those golf clubs in his butt was very fascinating. I never saw that before, man. Well, I'm ready to move off the deck. I'm most three straight boasts in right now. And he's like, well, roll the dice. I hope I don't regret this. Get him up here. And if I do regret it, so will you.

All right, Eddie, here's the rule. You want to be a big boy now? Fine. But whatever you do, don't touch Dragonona's pot. Okay, then we'll really know if you're a big boy. Oh, too late, I already started putting pasta and I was taking over the yacht. Oh god, damn it, god damn it!

Someone gets Dragonona back on his boat. So they call Jacob and Eddie's like, oh, hi, Jake, we just want to give you the opportunity to be lead that can't. You're going to have a big day tomorrow. It's a lüau. Oh, thank you, thank you very much. And the captain's like, all right,

you need to do something about that hair. Try and keep it as nice as your mustache, all right? You're going for that look of someone who's just tied a damsel to a train track, okay? I can't have you look a microsurfer on top. Surfing doesn't work on trains. Yeah, let me shake your hand. Oh, no, why? I don't know why you're presenting your butt to me. I'm not going to stick my hand in there, but okay. So Frazier is telling Jess to go touch up a cabin. And the guys are just like, barbing place, barbing.

And Frazier goes to talk to Reena. And no, not Frazier. Jake goes to talk to Reena. And he's like, I'm Lee. They're like, what? And Reena's like, I mean, what's he gonna do now?

I mean, yell at me. That's not possible. He just kissed me. Well, never in the history of male supervisors who've kissed people, women that they've worked with, have they ever then turned that into rage and used it against the woman. So I think I'm pretty set. So Wes is like, wow, I think that guy's a solid bat. It's probably the mustache. I wonder how he gets it so dark. I'm gonna have to ask him about that. I love those mustache.

So then I just wrote down just struggling with pillowcases. I don't even remember what happened, but she was struggling with them. Yeah, she just got she just goes, I hate these pillowcases. It's like my grandma. We said I hate these fucking pillowcases. So that's you said my name and said a pillow cases. Oh, everyone's asking where Richard is and phrase just like, Richard, Richard, he was peeping. And so he comes out, he's like, do not go in there. And Heather's like, how much weight did you lose? He's like, listen, you know what?

I'm not going to change. Not one bit for this white party. I'm not changing. Sure. I thought that was an awfully familiar joke to be making by the chiefs due to a guest. But how much weight they lost where they were because we were there. I think that he's always talking about poop. He's like, I'm gonna shit that one. They comes out. Yeah, just shit. So then Justin's whole thing now is that he doesn't want to put on white clothes for the white

parties. He's like, I don't want to change actually not one goddamn bit, but Terry is like um, but it's a white party tonight So you have to wear the white you have to change and now there's like this issue because now Justin's trying to go down one Stereocates, but his room is another direction to the sky Collins like you're going the wrong way. No, I'm not Yes, you are no, I'm not and then Terry tries to go down It's like now you're going the wrong way Terry. No, I'm not yes you are no, I'm not and then Terry tries to go down I'm like now you're going the wrong way Terry. No, I'm not yes you are Get the fuck out of here my fucking staircase These people so Rachel is having West set up

Me some pause for one thought me some plot but like set up plates for her and she's like all right You gotta do mint mint, coriander basil. He's like, I'm just telling you, I've never done this. She's like, then matter,

you're gonna be fine. And then the gay is downstairs are getting ready and Curtis is like, all of this product just to put it under a fucking hat. He's so mad. He hates this entire trip. But it's probably really like his,

like the primary is his boss and he got dragged to this. Yeah. So it's time for Captain with the dinner. And Captain with the dinner, dinner with the captain. And Michael's like, I'm really excited to sit next to this captain. More Bobby play. Yeah.

And so Justin's like, where's the captain? And the gay is like, be patient. And Terry goes, you know, I actually think he's kind of hot. And Justin goes, Jesus! Has anyone in the hotel we can't even take her anywhere? Jesus, Terry, come on. You already have three full drinks in front of you, I and buying the way. He's like, you know what? Why don't you show up, right?

Yeah, I'm when he says we can't take her anywhere. One of the gay's Gus. Is that for you? Because that would be accurate for you too. You have a thermos at a formal dinner on a yacht. I'm just trying to be fucking efficient, huh? So Captain Lee sits down and then they start making small talk about Michigan Where are you from? You think Michigan? Oh my god. I'm from Michigan too. I went the first day. Oh, that's a nice college Is it so I Went to college one of them's like Jesus Terry you went to college. One of them's like, Jesus, Terry, you went to college. I've never known it.

Now I wouldn't know by your mouth, Terry. Suddenly Gagas. I'm sorry and how many words do you use a day? Justin? He's like, usually they start with fuck and you. Oh, God, got me again. God, I wish I had good retorts for Justin. Commershues.

Here comes one right now. And the captain's just not amused. It's like his unamused face. And the more drinking, more drinking, and the first course is soooed. And Justin goes, what the hell is that? And then the primer is like, I have no idea what I'm eating. And Terry goes, oh, well, you have to take a sip of this. You have to use a spoon. And like Michael, the primer just sort of like has a spoon and the cup like in his mouth. It's like he's never had soup before.

Yeah, he's like, how you eat this? I got no fucking idea what I'm eating. Okay, I'm just like, see how much metal it is. I got a little kick to it. It's not bad. He's like, what is this? Yes, that's exactly what it is. So he's like, you've dealt with a bunch of assholes. Have it you He's like, I'm on occasion. Well, we're just a bunch of real-state perfumes and then the gay goes notice had this one's clutching his thermos You're at the fanciest dinner of your entire life and you have a thermos

He's like, yeah, but I haven't had that. I've asked him to re-fill my A-s once. You know what that means? I don't got a tip. Shit. He goes, hey, you know what? I want some tequila and then Curtis, the gay goes, we are in the middle of a whiskey pairing.

And if you ask for tequila, I will fucking kill you. He's like, you can go fuck yourself. And then the one with the hair, the straight guy with the hair is like, just and shut the fuck up. He's like, dang you go, you know what? I'm gonna throw myself off that boat. So he leaves. He like, he like, goes downstairs.

This was actually kind of an amazing charter because normally on Blow Deck we have like the asshole monsters, which is what most of these guys are, Deck we have like the like the asshole monsters which is what most of these guys are or we have like the awful gaze. So it's very rare that we have them both together and seeing them clashing was a real delight for me. It was like a great mashup. Yeah. So Reina is asking Justin. Oh no, yeah. So Reina sees Justin who's the guy who went downstairs and she's like, are you finished with dinner? Ha, ha, ha! He's like, nah, I just walked out of dinner. They're gonna be pissed.

And Heather's like, guess what, everyone? We're down a guy. He left the table. It's only matter of time before the five of them pass out into their soup. Just give it a minute, guys. Give it a minute. So Wes comes to talk to the guy Justin,

who's sitting alone. He's like, what's up man? He's like, I can't be dinner full of kiss asses for no asses. Yeah, yeah, bunch of kiss asses. I'm just in here. I'm just in here trying to enjoy myself and Wes goes, well, I think you're doing a fantastic job. I'm peanut butter jails right now.

Whoa! So Justin goes, fans, did it can kiss my ass. And he's sitting there like a little kid, like with his legs hanging off the swim platform. He's all upset. Yeah, it's not the swim platform, but like off the side of the boat. Yeah, so then Mike upstairs, Michael is like,

hey, where's the girl down on the galley and Rachel walks up, she's like, ah, you mean Rachel? Yeah, here I am. We're gonna have steak, here's your steak. Eat it, have fun, enjoy, bye. Hey, Captain Lee, where the fuck did she come from, huh? I guess.

And she was probably born just like the rest of us. Yeah, they're drunker than a four-peckered goat. Hey, they're drunker than a four-peckered goat. They're they're drunker than a herd of four-peckered goats. More runs, because as we all know, four-pe Pecker goats are the alcoholics of the goat world. The more places you have, the more drunky yet is just a fact. So then Heather is down in the galley and she's saying, she's telling Rachel that they love the steak, which I wrote down because she said this in front of a box of wheat thins

and I forgot to mention on Salt Lake City that when Jen Shaw was when the feds came to arrest Jen Shaw There was like a prominent wheat thins box in the limo there And I was like this has been a great week for wheat thins on bravo. They're just really in the thick of it, you know Wow, it's a new vaginal rejuvenation. Yeah, we've been proud of wheat thins. Yeah So they're all talking about the, yeah, that girl can cook son of a bitch eating our food. And then Wes goes to check on Justin. He's like, uh, can I get you anything? I just want my dinner. I want to write here. And Wes is like, this is why I don't drink whiskey. Don't give me whiskey.

I've turned into a grandma. And once I started to fight with a jeep, no one was in it, but I was like, fuck you jeep. I don't have it. Listen, I do handle my alcohol well. Just not whiskey. Oh, man, what a funny time. So then, then Michael turns to Captain Lee and he's like,

so how does your wife do? She's, well, nothing. She's paid her dues. Yes, you gotta put up with your ass. He's like, okay. I am so glad. I am so glad I did not wear my shirt with the giant parrot on it because they did not deserve that splendor tonight. God if I had wasted that black palm trees at sunset sure that these losers be real pissed. Oh. So he's like, where do you live? He says Florida, Fort Lauderdale. Oh God, that's a horrible place to live, isn't it?

He's like, actually I love Florida. And the guy's just like, ah, ah, ah, ah. So then West sets up like a little table on the swim platform. So now Justin's on like his best behavior. You know, he's basically the Stockholm Syndrome thing where he's like awful, but then like, he's gonna be really, really nice all of a sudden. So he's like, oh god, I fucking love you guys. Yeah, thank you guys fucking so much.

This is fucking amazing. Thank you. Oh god, I love this fucking chair. This fucking swim platform. Oh, the fact that that fucking stair master is facing the fucking ocean. What a fucking wonderful fucking time, man. So how there's like, Frasier, Frasier, I need you to get water for the bedrooms. Just put some water in the bedrooms.

So he comes up with a tray of every answer he's pulled out of the fridge. And she goes, no, no, no, no, not cold. And he goes, what? Don't put cold down. It'll leave a stain. You need to put warm A round in the room. So he's like, oh, fuck me. And then he just mutters as he goes down.

Warm Atheon bottle is hardly standard. Is it? Yes, it is standard. When you're putting a fucking bottle in a hotel room. Have you ever had a hot like? Is this guy even really a steward? Is he just kidding? I might as well just take some feces and shape it in the shape of a bottom. Put it up next to the bed at this point, just to all trash.

Yeah, I'm kind of wondering if he's just like audition for the show. I mean, isn't really because that's, that one's, everybody knows that one. I, well, you know, I actually didn't know that one, but when she said it, it made total sense. It's like, yes, of course. But I think that he has, I think he overestimates his experience and his professionalism. I think that's what it is. I think he thinks he's the shit

and he doesn't like being bossed around because he thinks he knows the way it is. And I feel like everything that she said to him has been like very reasonable, except for the orchid. I will grant the orchid moment. But I think everything she said has been like, don't leave trash on a sofa.

Don't leave cold beverages on a table because it will get like a ring stand, you know? It makes sense. That's right. To be head of house keep, to say he's been head of house keeping for two years and not know that you don't put a cold sweaty bottle. I don't know, it's weird. So, and that's what I'm gonna get hung sweaty bottle. I don't know, it's weird.

So, and that's what I'm gonna get hung up on. I don't give a shit about anything on this show except the temperature of the water, you know? So, he's like, fuck me! So, then he goes down to make a bed with Jess and he's like, and they're what, babe. It's the tone that's used. It's the tone.

I'm just like, oh my God, I just tried to ignore her. Okay, you gotta, here's what you do. Put your feelings in a balloon and let it go. Okay, it's like my grandma used to say, shut up, you stupid pussy, make that. Listen, I treat what Heather says the way my parents treat me, just ignore. Okay. So, so then Heather is like checking in on the turn downs and she's like very, she's happy with what she sees and then upstairs Justin's like, I don't want to eat up there okay, I hate this shit okay, and he drops a fork. I don't know why I wrote

that down, but then upstairs now Terry is wasted and she's like, so Captain Lee, where'd you grow up? He's like, well, Saginaw. Oh my, I sagina, you know what I like about Sagina? It has the word Sag, and it has the word Nau. And you put them together and you got Saginaw. So Captain Lee, where'd you grow up? It's like mid-second. Oh my God, it's fine. We grew up in the same place.

And the guy's like, I love you, but you're repeating yourself. It's like, that's funny we grew up in the same place. And the guy is like, I love you, but you're repeating yourself. Like, that's annoying. That's what terms are. Because that guy is the only like civilized person of this charter, this one guy who actually is like kind enough to pull her aside and like whisper in her ears so that he's not totally like embarrassing her.

And she's most annoyed about that. She's like super annoying. And then after that, she's super salty about everything. Yeah. So the captain's like, gotta go. So he leaves. And the gays are mortified. Right. Um, all right. Just, you know what? It was our pleasure. Oh my god. That was a shit. So the gays, the gays are trying to do that thing. They're basically trying to say, like, we are so sorry that these people are awful, but they know they can't really say that. So like, he just sort of gets to the edge. He goes, I just have to say, I'm just, I'm so,

thank you, thank you for everything. It was our honor, sir. It was our honor. It was our honor. So Heather sees the captain. It's like, you look like you're having your teeth full. He's like, like, two goddamn broken outs. So then the captain goes into the kitchen. He's talking to the staff. He's like, like, two goddamn root canals. So then the captain goes into the kitchen.

He's talking to the staff. He's like, that was brutal. I don't know how many times she told me she was from Michigan. And that Justin flat out ruined. I'm out of here, kids. I'm gonna go dream about Michigan tonight. Okay, oh man. I'm gonna go do another 45 minutes

on the stair climber with a view just to remind myself that I'm not goddamn Michigan. Goddammit, who put a mitten on my bed? Oh, wow, Michigan's everywhere. So then Curtis is going to bed. People are going to bed and Mike's like, hey, good night, Beetlejuice, because Curtis is wearing like a black and white vertical stripe.

And he was like, this is Couture. He stopped. Like he stopped. It was about to say something. It was like, I will not. I will not. And just walks off. You may be my boss, but there are certain lines that should not be crossed.

Okay, this is Givencha. So. So then Justin is downstairs still eating his own meal and Raina is still there and he goes, God, I'd rather hang out with you fucking people than them and she starts cracking up. He's so rude. So then let's see, people had the bed, Terry's like, Michael, you need to go on the bad mountain, Michael. He's like, yeah, he at least goes to bed.

But so now the guests are that they're Terry and I think the other guy are trying to like find Justin or talk to him. And they start to like bicker with him. And Terry's like, I am going to kill him. And the gay goes, he missed a lovely lobster because no, I didn't. I had my dinner down here. So you go fuck yourself. Dick had I had the lovely lobster because no I didn't I had my dinner down here so you go fuck yourself dickhead I had the lovely lobster. He the fuck yourself right now you asshole.

She's like yelling down from him from above. She's like, what is going on down there? So Jason, what the fuck are you doing Jason? He's like I'm sitting my dad desk down on the back of the boat. What I'm doing. Are you fucking kidding me Jason? Look at me in my eyes. Look at me in my eyes.

Go fuck yourself, okay? I'm gonna fuck you, kill somebody. It's like looking at an actual trash bin, and the trash bin is talking, and you're listening to the trash bin talk. That's what it's like. So they're yelling at each other. And then she comes down there and she's like, well, no, she stumbles back to the table. And Reena and Jake are talking and

Justin comes lumbering and she's like, you show up to dinner. Fuck you. You really show up to dinner. And he goes, you know what? I'm going to need you to unpack that further. I haven't got to unpack that further. It's gonna have a guy to unpack it further. What? She's like, and I don't know what you're doing. You did not show up. Unpack it further.

I don't have to, I don't have to pack it. She's, I said, unpack it. Which, you know that this is probably something that happens to the office all the time. This unpack and pack routine. Heather, come on, we've got Guest Drama. And so she runs and they're like watching from the side. And Sticky came here as a family

and you couldn't fucking show up to dinner. And Heather's saying that she thinks that they're like Justin and Terry are secretly fucking her, that Terry is the dumb. I'm not sure if I pick up on that vibe, but either way, Justin's like, if you wanna get pissed about it, watch how goddamn confident I am,

sitting here happy as fuck. Justin, I can't believe you're doing this right now. And the gaze are in the upstairs balcony hiding basically. And they're like, oh my God, we can even hear them up here. And then Rachel runs up to stairs so she can watch her fight too. Rachel puts it perfectly, he just goes, they're just not chic. They probably won this from some sort of lottery or something. Hey, Fasier. Hi, it's Curtis. Um, does this maybe look like Beetlejuice? Just one of the check.

Does this maybe look like Beetlejuice? Just want to check. Oh, it looks like Beetle trash or a Beetle garbage. So it looks like. So then Justin goes, okay, I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to walk you back to your fucking room and you're going to shut the fuck up. Yeah, get your ass up those stairs. So then, um, The bad of my fucker. Frazier's cracking up.

And Rachel is like, Oh my, because he's crouching down so he can listen, because he doesn't want to get in trouble for listening, right? So they pass by and Rachel's like, Oh, it's like crouching tiger hidden still over there. Ha ha ha. And Justin's like, You can fuck shud,

you fuck out the fire, you son. And how they're like, Okay, well now I'm kind of worried that it's gonna go so far that we can't control it. Kind of like water rings. And Justin, Justin's like, Justin calls Heather over and it's like, yeah, she needs to go away now.

Terran needs to go away. And so now Eddie is getting concerned that it's getting aggressive and Justin's like yelling, like, go fuck yourself and throw yourself off the boat, huh? And how it goes. Two fingers or one. Because the queue's walking away, but then Terry keeps following him. Yeah.

So he's like while she's yelling him. So now he's sitting on the couch and then Terry's like hi. And she sits down. He's like get it, Rattie. He give it the fuck away from me. And Eddie's like, this is dangerous. So Heather just says, okay, now we should just disperse. Just disperse.

So he wats off and Terry's like, ah, stopping in the corner. And Justin's like, this is some shit that is fucking sideways. So Eddie's like, okay, why won't you guys stay away from each other? How about that? And then Terry comes like barging over like,

I've got something else to say. Michigan! So silly. And that's where it ended. It was a two-beak and two-beak. It was pretty funny. That is your brain on whiskey, people. That, there it is.

Well, that was fun. That was a good time. Tomorrow we're back with Vanderpump Rules, so come listen to that. And uh, we will talk to you on the next episode. Thanks everyone for listening. Bye. Bye.

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