Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Putting the Rib in Caribbean

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

Captain Lee is back for another episode of Below Deck, and it's already a doozy. Rib drama, family tragedies, and bossy guests are just some of the many treats in store for us in the first hour. We discuss it all — plus, an important conversation about tugboats.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Game Brain podcast. Joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Kerram.

What's going on Ronnie? Well, hello, Ben. How are you? How are you? What a day. You know, it has been so long since I've been able to watch Mades Cleanabout. I mean, it has just been too long. I was like, where's the Chlorox on purpose?

Where is it in my life? I'm really, really glad that Balodec is back already. I know, it's been three weeks since we've seen them swapping down a deck. And it's good, it's good that we have a new yacht in our life. And it's a big episode that the Balodec season premier, don't know how

this episode is going to have this season is going to go with coronavirus, but that's what we're all here to find out. It's going to go to God damn hell on hand basket. That's how it's going to God damn go. God damn it. God damn it. In the meantime, just a real quick reminder that next week is our big real housewives of Salt Lake City premiere live show. It's a virtual live virtual show. It's gonna be on location live November 12th. At 9 p.m. on the East Coast, 6 p.m. on the West Coast. Buy your tickets, come join.

You'll be able to chat with other audience members. You'll be able to chat with us during the show. We also have very special guests. We're not saying who it is, but we have a special guest. So we're really excited. This will be her crap and debut. So tune in for that. In November 12th, we're going to have a great, great time. I'm excited.

I'm excited. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Let's do it. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. Well, I have my glad you're in, Ronnie. That'd be very awkward if it was just me.

I'll be there. Just be like, hello. Welcome to the Ben Mandelker watch or crap is live show experience Well, even if I didn't show up to do it. I'd still support you and watch it Oh, you're doing great, Benny You're doing great, Kali. Oh, sorry. Kali's mom is not the special guest in case anyone was excited. It's not her Anyway, let's talk below deck shall we shall we just jump right into this? Yeah, let's do our bin so below back is that book Back is below the back back back back back doc below deck is back been lost super long time and

Thankfully Bravo has been playing below deck all day every day for weeks I don't know what their strategy with that, but you know, here we are. Yeah, here we are. So, yeah, we are, we're back in the Caribbean because the show took off about what, two seasons after the terrible hurricanes. So they're back and now like the show opens with like a semi-trailer. It's like the trailer but not the trailer Where there's like a lot of stuff happening so at first I didn't take notes because I thought it was the trailer But then it turns out I was like oh wait, this is fresh content So this is no trailer. This is a monologue by Captain Lee It's been years since I've been here and I miss the hell out of it buddy

Sandy beaches crystal clear water. It's like putting on a pair of your favorite blue jeans. Like going home again. Like cookies and milk. Like speed bumps on goddamn roads with goddamn children hurting the wheels of my goddamn car. Goddamn speed bumps. It's like taking a seat in a chair and being totally comfortable while you're doing goddamn it. I forgot about my ribs. I got a new crew, got a new chef, a new chief stew, new everything, one mad everything. They're still old Eddie. Yeah, and here comes Eddie, like, oh, I'm Eddie, sweet, lovable Eddie.

And it almost makes you forget what a dick he was in his final season. I remember Eddie and I will probably hold you to it for several weeks until I decide that I'm finally okay with moving forward Yeah, Eddie who hooked up with Rocky and then lied about it and then when she told people lied about it some more I made her look crazy now Was Rocky crazy of course she was Rocky. She's classically crazy Rocky, but that was shitty Eddie That was shame. Oh, man.. Welcome home. Yeah, welcome back

Yeah, so Eddie is back in the mix and then we also says things like I'm older and wise now But still the same old guy. Okay. Well pick a lane then are you older and wiser now? Are you still the same old guy Eddie? Come on. You're the same old guy then. How could you be older if you're already the same old guy? Get it? Oh Annie is so many questions. He's a mobius strip of questions. We also meet Francesca, she's the new chiefs too, she's like, I thrive on a tangent of detail, it all starts with me and my interior time and I am from Australia, the Australia

accent continues. Yeah, I'm not sure about her yet, but I cracked up that the very first thing you hear her say is no water mocks anyway at 80 tonne. Talking about glassware. She gives her, I'm sorry to interrupt Ronnie, but speaking of Australian cheats, I think we would be loath to not mention that Hannah Farrier gave birth to her little baby, her little honey baby. She sure did, it came out smoke at a Benson and hedges. It's a nail listening here, honey. I've been sitting in that room for nine months, if you don't get me a snack, we're gonna have some words. Get your fingers out of my face, lady. Someone

cut this damn unbilical cord off of me. I'm done with this room. Yeah, that baby came out smoking a cigarette and taking a break. Okay, we all know the truth. But yeah, congratulations and baby Hannah and baby Rondle over there. We love ya.

That's what crap ends. I guess we should also mention the other big Bravo gossip. This is the big thing that like broke like 15 minutes ago. Is that Erica Jane and Tom Girardi are splitsville. Shokka. Shokka. I'm shocked I tell you. I was totally shocked to cover

cross that ad live. Well that's sad, but you know what's not sad? She never signed to prenup. So you go girl, go Erica. Well you know it would be even sadder if there were water marks all over that prenup Well, you know, be even sadder if there were water marks All over that prenup because you know what I didn't want to see any water marks Yeah, she gives us her big Tony Robin speech. She's like to be a great Steve. You need to be able to lead

To lead to encourage to inspire. I was like you need to clean a fucking toilet, okay? That's what you need to do You need to tell people to go clean their toilet, okay, Tony Robbins. Yeah. We also meet Rachel DeChef, who she's always speaks like this, and she's like a little neurotic, but I can't tell if she's neurotic or not neurotic,

but she's like, when I'm in the kitchen, I'm super laser focused, but when I'm out of the gallery, I'm like, I'm in there. I'm in there. I'm in there. I'm in there, man, I'm like, I'm shimmy, I shimmy, I'm not in the kitchen. I wear tassel shirts. I'm not quiet, I need therapy. Look at me wearing men's underwear.

She sort of looks like a Kate McKinnon character, right? Like if Kate were, McKinnon were playing a chef on Blow Deck. This is what Rachel would be. If Kate McKinnon were playing Rachel Dratch, playing a chef, she's got a lot of us and our ladies mixed in. And so far, I like her. And then we meet James. He's like, does this do anything for you?

Does this do anything for you, bab? And he's like looking at his muscles in the mirror. He's the douche bro of the season. And he's some kind of English. And he likes to stare at himself in the mirror a lot and wax his eyebrows to within an inch of their life. Yeah, he's almost like a very bro version of Josiah. Like, if Josiah were bro-y

and also sort of like the shape of a brick, that would be James. Yeah and we know who's going to be crazy because one of the girls says, I mean something stiff and he's like, is that a hint? Yeah, he goes, I always get prejudged, people think I'm a player and then we see him saying do you like my ass? It's a perfect ass or something like that. It's like um well you sort of seem to fit the role so Yeah, I'm literally staring at himself flexing in the mirror like slowly He does a lot of self slow motion shots in the mirror where he like where he's taking off his shirt He takes it off really slowly and then fixes his tummy muscles and his booby muscles.

I'm not complaining to be honest. I like it. Doose. He's a doose that I can't. He's people who secretly think they're fat or even not so secretly think they're fat. I love an insecure hot person. I don't like some mediocre who's flexing in the mirror.

That's gross. Well, I am choosing to enjoy James in this nice window that we have of him where he can still be hot before his personality ruins everything. So yeah, before he's totally like gross and rapy because this is below deck. Yeah, he probably only has about two to three episodes total before it all goes downhill. So I'm like, you know what? He's hot. He's surprisingly hot to me. Like, I didn't think that he would be hot, but then I'm like, he is kind of hot.

I'm just going to enjoy him being hot for right now because probably in about two weeks, I'm going to be like this fucking asshole, get him off my screen. Yeah. And then we meet Elizabeth. She's like, I mean, a cloud just appeared with my mind the other day. And then girl says, you fucking Kai. And she's like, she goes, I've always been a real very spiritual person. I mean, Prometheus gave fire to the humans and started

civilization. That's what we're doing. And you see, she's just like in the woods about to light a campfire. Like, you're not Prometheus, lady. You're like a big lighter at best. Prometheus gave us fire to build fires on beaches. It's like I tried again, touch with a musical through breathwork, meditation, yoga, crystals. Like, what's important is that we get out of here the mind and live in here the implant And then we meet my daughter slash best friend Evry Okai and Avry is a deckhand and

He's like yeah, my friends call me a jack of all trades. Try not to commit too much about my personality to your memory, because you're not going to be seeing a lot of me. Yeah. He's like, I do everything. I sweet boat side, mop boats. I clean the sides of boats.

I dock boats. I undock boats. I put fireworks on boats one time. One time I took it at the district with a person on the boat. That was fun. I've done every job on a boat. I'm avery. I'm avery He's a goody-to-cheese and you know he steals out of people's rooms there. I'm saying it right now Wow he's too good to be true. Wow. He's like look at me. I'm working so much. You can't see me stealing out of suitcases I'm working so much you can't see me stealing out of suitcases I'm avery

So and then we meet Izzy is Izzy is Izzy is British right? I don't know actually I wrote Australian at first but then after a while I was like she's kind of that She's sort of like that. Should we know what maybe she has the accent of the South African girl on blood ex-sailing the one who the South African girl Who had a fake British accent and was like yeah, that's just what I have because my mom had a fake British accent So I got oh god the girl with the guitar oh Singer songwriter yeah, she's like oh my this, what's to sound like an Apple commercial singer? I'm not done it. Bumble-ble-ble-ble-ble!

Remember she kept singing the only song she's ever written or whatever? Got one stupid song in pageant would get onto like a band-bongo. I was like, oh not this song again. Yeah, so this girl is, she's wacky. We know she's really wacky because we see her with melons on her boobs and she's like, I'm melons. And she's like, people were probably describing it as a girl who's got definitely too much info. That is not how I beg, that's tibet for me. I got terene. My crawl to sweaty. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha is a worse version of Asha and then she was raised in Australia. So, yes, there you go. That the accent is another Australian New Zealand accent

that we can butcher. Yeah, I think they were trying to get an Asha, but Asha doesn't really seem like she's trying and this Izzy girl seems like she's trying very, very hard. You know? Yeah, I'm gonna say, Clashress is much as a part of the car, and rebel! Yeah, I feel like she is trying very, very hard. And she's not also a bad stew on top of it. Like, Asha's a part of the car and rebel Yeah, I feel like she is trying very very hard and she's not also she's also a bad stew on top of it like Aisha's a good stew

Yeah And then we meet the surfers Yeah, Shane People look at me like so-cow surfer. He must be a stoner, but they're wrong. I'm an environmentalist I'm like hey guys, you're not supposed to take those conch shells. That's not legal. I don't think saying your environmentalist makes you not a stoner. And in fact, I think if you said you were an environmentalist,

I think that makes you more of a stoner. Yeah, I mean, I mean, it's natural, right? It's plant. Yeah, exactly. But he's like, yeah, I'm an environmentalist. Like, the body is your temple temple and the world is the temple wait The earth is your temple and then the the body is a temple for humans. Yeah It's a really deep inside So then we see then we now we see like a montage of things and fighting and yelling and somebody's gonna get fired and

Captain Lee saying you know with coronavirus things are getting difficult God Dagnit see even difficult for me to see dammit Everything's different god damning Coleman. Why can't I say it? All right, so now we start the show probably because we haven't actually started the show This is just like our warm-up and it's we're in Antigua and it's it's February 11th So this is kind of amazing because this is like the coronavirus like that it is about to be a thing in North America on February 11th so in North America on February 11th. So Eddie walks up to my Sienna

and he's saying like how he hasn't been yachting in five years and instead he's been running a harbor tug and Baltimore pulling in massive ships to the port which for some reason annoyed me. I feel like tugboats are like, I think tugboats are generally known to be like the sweetest, most lovable boats, right? Like they're the ones that get to be the bath toys.

But for some reason, Eddie being a having a tugboat, I was like, Oh, you're trying to repair your image with a tugboat, and I'm not going to fall for it. No, tugboat sounds horrible, like a tugboat in Baltimore. I'm sorry, but that sounds like horrible. It sounds like penance for his time on this show. Like he couldn't get another job to like put him into tugboat. Well, I so I feel like the reality of a tugboat is probably more horrible than the pop culture image of a tugboat.

Like my vision of a tugboat, I basically, all my references of tugboats are bath toys or that one episode of Barefoot Contessa when I, Nagar, and opened it up saying, wow, my friend Bobby Lieberman owns a tugboat in the harbor. So we're going to go have lunch out there. I think of a tugboat is like something that like toes your car,

you know, like a, that's what it does, right? It brings in, it brings in boat. So I think of it as like someone who's like repoing you after not paying for your car. I don't know, I have a much darker view of the tugboat. So, no, you're, no, I mean, your tugboat vision is probably more in line with like the wires, especially since it's in Baltimore, but my tugboat vision is. Well, yeah, maybe it's because I watch the wires. The wire season two, basically, or the

end of Dexter, where like, well, I guess I shouldn't say the end of Dexter, but it's like a new life for Eddie, you know, like he ends up, he ends up, we just see it, the last shot of Eddie escaping his horrible, rocky debacle is on a turdable. I still think tugboats are adorable. I'm just looking at them, I'm just doing an image search. They're just these squat bulbous boats that just like they have their little stack and they just go, they just go.

And they just like tug things around. They're just like, they look like, they, and they just like tug things around. They're just like, they look like, you know what they actually look like? They look like a giant slipper. They look like a giant, like Nike shower slipper. Which actually make it seem very cute. Well, if Ben ever gets fired off this job, then maybe we'll see Ben like,

two two, bitch. Two, bitch, I just getting tired now? What is the cutest boat? I'm doing a good. Oh my god. No, you're not We have a whole below deck to get through close that window sir. Okay fine So we know that Eddie hasn't deduced too much because he's like it's really good to get away and make a little bit of cash Mommy No, Eddie and make a little bit of cash. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM long mystery begins. Yeah, and he's like, Captain Lee is always on the boat the first day. Something's wrong.

So he calls Captain Lee and he's like, hey, hey Captain Lee, what's going on? Captain Lee is like, wow, I've had better days. That's for sure. And he's in the hospital and he's in a sleeveless shirt. Yeah, he's, yeah. And he's is like I can make you feel better, cat. Man, like, well is there anything I could do for you? I mean, I'm in a hospital. I mean, what the fuck are you gonna do over there? Just stare at my mug for crying out loud. Here, do me a favor.

When you walk around, please refrain from saying, I am the captain now. I just like, I already did that. Yeah, I've already been about like 10 times captain. Sorry. Well, your chiefs should be arriving soon. All right, have a start to laundry or here's what here's one thing you can do I wanted to south west airlines book a ticket in case she fucks up and then if she doesn't do laundry rights I guess what you're getting I'm playing ticket home goddamn out my ribs out my ribs. I gotta go just Figure it out Eddie. Thanks pal So then Francesca walks onto the boat

and then she's just like looking around, judging everything, saying just little words here and there like, hey, fancy, die, die, bed. Kitchen, cool fight. Dolcewing. Yeah, this is the ugliest boat. This is Mottacute boat. So it's like kind of one of the Robert Goulet style boats

that they get on the show. It's not the original Robert Goulet boat that we saw on the show, but it's very like... Oh, it's disgusting. Dynasty. Yes. It's very like from the Dynasty era. Yeah.

So she comes in and she's looking around and she finally finds Eddie, whose butt crack is showing, because he's digging something out of a digable trunk and she's like, hello on Francesca are you the boasting? I was like she's going to be trouble because anyone who tries to send that friendly right up front is a monster. Yeah usually and she tells us, oh do you take my job a little bit too seriously sometimes to be a good chiefs to think like a guest

Attention to details, super important, everything needs to be perfect and meticulously placed all the time That's what I deliver, I love it, it drives me Yeah, I'm very, very serious, which is why I have an notebook, but not too serious because I did get it from Barnes and Noble But from the $5 section, it's no more skin. Any questions? It's actually a knockoff of more skin, it's called... Ball skin. C'mere shoes, here comes one right now.

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So she's like, nice to meet you. I'm from Australia. I'm like monster, she's a monster of trust. Yeah. So Eddie's like, oh, so you have experience I take it? She's like, of course I have experience. Have you seen my notebook? Man, at least I was coming to me.

The captain! Have you seen them? Eddie is like, well, Captain Lee is in the hospital. And then we just see Captain Lee being rolled into an exo room on a little wheelchair. He's like, you just, you, it's probably his least favorite thing is to be rolled on a little wheelchair. He's like, you just, you know, that's probably his least favorite thing is to be rolled on a wheelchair.

God damn it! I don't like this chair with wheels. Have I got a wheelchair? That has no wheels. Just push me across the floor. I don't want these wheels. I'm gonna be this goddamn landlocked prison, chair. All right.

If I wanted something with wheels, I'd drive a truck and then, yeah, okay? Get me out of the chair. So other people started arriving on the boat. Avery, then a yeah, okay? Get out of the chair. So other people start arriving on the boat, Avery, then Elizabeth comes and Avery beats Eddie and Elizabeth asks, hello, stupidly, God. I'm really not liking this Elizabeth girl right off the bat. She comes in and she's like, hello.

Hello. Hello. Sounds like Marge Simpson entering a haunted house Then James you have a really good March Simpson. I never realized that really good Marge Simpson, I never realized that. Wow! Do we have to watch out? So, you never noticed all those years of doing Carol from Real Housewives of New York?

I guess Carol is the long-aw sister. It's just open mouth instead of. It's a guy. So, Marge is the close mouth Carol Radswell. That's a that is a revelation Anyway, so James shows up so that he just approaches nothing happens and then I don't know what I put James from England I don't know how to play. James from England, that's my note. And he's like, I'm James. I'm from England in French Ascars,

like such a strong accent. Look who's talking, better being. So James is like, oh, chiefs do? Yeah, Frenchiska. I wouldn't kick her out. Bad. But mainly because I wouldn't want to tarnish my wonderful legs. Yeah, Francesca just walked around like,

that bed's not made, okay. And then Izzy arrives. We're just like learning a lot of stuff about lots of people. James is from Blackpool, Elizabeth has 4.5 years of experience. Oh yeah, sorry. And then Izzy's like, I'm like marinating and sweat. I'm just wacky and wild.

Me and my big rebel mouth again. So then, uh, we meet James, the tech hand, meet Shane and the Hawaiian shirt. And then the girls meet for chat and the boys claim that, claim the toy room, the toy closet. Yeah. So, so let's see, James is posing, like in his little deck hand meeting,

he puts his arm on the ceiling, and then he just like poses with, again, I was like, it's pouring in, we're in the window where his full duchiness is not an expose, so I appreciate all the hot poses. And then Avery, we get Avery's backstory, which is like,

the only thing that it's missing is that he's the father of a child from a one night stand in Fort Lauderdale. He's like, yeah, I love y'all, they can't imagine doing anything else. I mean, I've been on my own since I was 16, I left school, I wasn't speaking to my family. And then, I realized I could go down one of two paths,

I could either become a contestant on Top Chef or become a deckhand on below deck and I thought let's go with the ratings. Yeah, so I got to tattoo on my bicep of a yacht me that a bacon. So those are my compromises. I kind of liked him because he said my life has been a rocky road and I was like mine too. How are you so thin? I love rocky road. And I was like, mine too. How are you so thin? Love Rocky Road.

So Eddie's like, well, I'm trying to stay composed in front of the crew, but I'm panicking on the inside because there's so much up in the air right now. What with Captain? And oh my god. And then, friends. And the pandemic. Is it looming?

Yeah, I know. You think shit's bad now. Just like February 11th. I know. Enjoy that. So Francesca is asking her crew to tell them about themselves. And is he like, um, 50 meter bow, I was a deck, I was a stew, I was nanning, I basically did everything.

And then she tells us, I started out on the river with my dad. And then I started working and outside, mostly I've been outside, but then I've been inside a while, so to me it's long as I'm working up up for a challenge. Inside, outside, roof, no roof, arm here. Give me a second or work up a way to get a clitoris into this sentence, so Tom. I can't just clitoris there. There, just go with it.

I'm a rebel. Clitoris, she's just gonna say, I just punctured everything, clitoris. I say a rebel. The door. She's just going to say I just punctured everything. The door's. I say naughty things. So then Shane comes in and then he's like, he's the environmentalist and he like sits down. He's like, what's up girls? How you all doing?

And they're just like staring at him and he's like, hey, I'm getting Chief Steve vibes from you, huh? And she's like, that's right. So yeah, she's still mating. Yeah, she's like, that's right. So Yeah, she's still mating. Yeah, she was like, it is your boss. He's like, well, chief Steve vibes. Well, got it. Okay. Nice meeting you And then he tells us yeah, I'm pretty new to yawning. I went to Berkeley where you're supposed to get a job at like Apple Google. And I've never been on a boat over 150 feet, but hold on, the beach ball spinning. I do have Apple in my blood after all.

I'll hold on. Beach ball spinning. I forgot what I was saying. Turns out my only experience with boats is playing battleship, but I thought, hey, this would be cool. To be honest, I thought I was signing up to be a barista at a Starbucks and somehow I'm on a yacht, but we'll just go with it.

So he's just kind of looking around. He's just kind of wandering around. And he's like, where's our war shoes? I feel like he's being as a human ghost, meaning that like, his, he walks around the way I go. Like, you know how ghosts, when they go, ghosts hunt someplace, they sort of drift from room to room. And you're like, where's that ghost going?

If you're ever thinking about it, you're like, where's that ghost going? It's just drifting around. Like, he has the moving patterns of a ghost, but he's an actual human being. Yeah, and you know he's there, not because he like flicks light switches on and off, but because you're like, wait a second,

I just had a plastic straw in here, and it's a paper straw. He's like a paper straw goes. Yeah. So, if you're swandering around and Eddie's looking for him and he's like, Shane, Shane, we're Shane, Shane, you're Rams or you're Rams of Cajun Knuckle in that... Oh, there you are, there you are, Shane. And he's like, oh, bro, I believe we're bunking together and I'm telling you right now,

I'm relatively new to yawning, like the whole white love world, like basically any kind of a bone. I've never even been in water before. I mean, the earth will clean you. I mean, just rain count, just rain count. I've been rain bottom. And he's like, okay, here's the deal.

I will teach you anything, as long as you're honest with me with what I what you don't know because I can't stand what someone says they know how to do something and then they can't and she's like cool. So what should I do now? I was like oh I didn't realize it starts right now at this minute. Yeah. So then they're cleaning the deck and as Shane goes up there and he's like so I'm here to help you guys wash down. And like yeah, and he just kind of stands there. They're like Shane, do you know how to use a hose? I do not.

In fact, you step on it. Is that way has that how it works? Like no, that's not how it holds. It's the water waste or Shane. Oh, right. I got it. I'm on it. I'm on it.

It's a friend. Then we see Francesca and she's saying, Tobaya, she good chase you. You have to be a little bit of a mom. You know, the sort of mom that sort of smiles a lot at the other moms and then at home, she's terrible and locks herself in a room and makes you microwave dinner every single night. That's the sort of mom you have to be. She's like, Naya, to prove this, here's what I'm going to say to you. Now, I want you guys to just do what you do, and then I'll come down and see how you're

going, and if you're not going right, I'm locking you in the car with the windows turned up. Right? I'm gonna wear lots of macroma and high-waisted jeans, and some sort of a mom. And a little bit like, I'm used to working with cheese stew who are just very militant and mean. But I believe in being aligned. And she makes prayer hands. She's like, I feel energies.

I feel vibes. And I think Francesca has good intentions. Like, we're good girl. Namaste. Yeah, enjoy that. Enjoy that. Enjoy that. There's no way. Francesca's about to be turned into a monster

and I'm telling you that right now. So Eddie's talking about something. I wrote down, Eddie's talking about something. And now they're making beds. I don't know, was Eddie's taking anything interesting? Some of the boats or?

No, he's just kind of like, like, look at me, I'm a mini captain lean now. And Avery's like, guys, guys, want me to hit the tea really well? Eddie, I'm a mini captain lean now. And Avery's like, guys, guys, why don't you hit the teeth really well? Eddie, walk in the teeth,

hit the teeth great, all right? Then we're gonna move down after that. I'm gonna move down down there, okay? And then I'm gonna watch the dishes, all right? Not good for you, then I'm gonna talk to both, then I'm gonna talk to both. Then this boat is gonna fly

because I've had every position ever on a boat. And then we go over to Izzy, who is like putting sheets on a bed and she's saying how like, you know, the good part about putting sheets on a bed is that you get to get all these strange positions. And it's like you get practice with sexual positions when they make beds, because I'm wild and I'm talking about sexual things. And then the best part of all time, which is, is he in her attempt to have a potty mouth,

actually gets a potty mouth, because she activates the bidet by accident, and it just splashes her directly in the face. It's truly one of the most vile things that has happened on this show, and I was so delighted that it happened, is he right off the mat? Yeah.

So then upstairs, James, who's the semi-hot one, is like, I mean, it's definitely too early, but why you think of the girls on the boat? And they're like, oh, that one's hot. And then he says, I'm just here to have fun. I'm here to do a bit of work, sure, but I'm really here to flirt with the girls. I'll work hard, but I'll turn the line, and I'll see what I can get away with. I'm a bad bad boy I was like, yep see look now like if

If James is Nondoosh meter like if it were like a tank like we've already like our little needle It's like oh, we just lost an eighth of the tank. Okay. We're running out. We're running out of non-dewish juice He's so do you see you didn't even need that long of a sentence. Just say, hi, I'm James, I'm a fuck boy, pure and simple fuck boy. All right. Exactly. Does he remind you of a penguin? Is that just me? No, don't say that. Where are you running penguins for me? No, I'm not a real penguin. I'm not a real penguin. I'm like a, I guess I'm like

really in this mindset today where I'm associating everyone with cartoon versions of things. If you think of a cartoon penguin, like with a real circular head. The middle here reminds me of a tugboat. Yeah. All right now let's watch Ben Spiral. Oh, he is like, I will find a reference

and I will post it on one of our platforms. So, every is like, bro, I've learned my lesson hooking up with crew. And the surfer guys like, I've got a girlfriend. Her name is the earth. So then the chef comes and she's oh, wow, I'm Rachel. That's the Meaching Francesca. Look at me. I'm shittin'. She has so many tassels hanging from so many different places. They don't make any sense. It's like all the tassels decided to do a Buzzly Berkeley musical on her chest. Yes, she does have kind of a natural chimney about her. I don't know the tassels or the wisest choice.

You know, like, you know, those old timey, like night clubs from the 20s, when the bands, it's behind those, there's like a whole bandstand area, you know, I feel like that's what the tassels are. They're like, they're just like, it a bandstand formation on her chest. She's every horn in one. So Francesca is like, oh, she rolled the chef. She goes, I am. So did you just get off the plane? I do. It's been really hard getting here. Okay, so I got

my personal. Okay, so I went to the supermarket and I just put my purse in the basket. And within two seconds, it was stolen. stolen okay and it's like this Louis Vuitton purse and like Mercedes-Benz keys like girl I know and she's like it was my Louis Vuitton as well and she's got a really serious face I was cracking up at her and then they keep it going because then she gets her interview section and she's like it was overwhelming just to get those credit cards pay pay for things, I mean, you walk into a season you just want to grab the bull by the horns, but I'm not in the state I should be in, like mentally.

Sucks, just sucks. Do you know how many months I spent building up all those Dave and Buster's points just to lose the card? Ha ha ha ha ha. May I every time I want to get my coupons at the end when we're checking that, I have to enter my phone number and then the thing. No, I'm not going to be able to focus tonight.

So Francesca Aswell is a bit press-captainly's close, which will come back to haunt her in a very small way. And then Rachel She's like getting herself you you know situated in the kitchen and she's really excited. She's like Yes, yes, yes, because all the ramikins are in the proper place and like it's very akin to how I probably would react if Ramikins were in the proper play. I think we all like that if a ramikins where it should be Yeah, it's a hard thing to find in life, really. Yeah, I'm a good, you know, properly placed ramikin.

And so she's all excited and she's, she's really happy and she's talking about how she's such a perfectionist because normally this takes days and then it turns dark really, really fast. She's like, but then these past 72 hours have been a nightmare. He's learned to suck it up. It's a smile been a nightmare. He's just learned to suck it up. It's a smile, with a smile. Check, I just sucked it up. Let me tell you something.

They should rename that supermarket, not stop and shop. It should be called Stop and get robbed at shop. Stop and get robbed at shop. Trader Joe is more like Got stolen from Joe's. Hmm. Provisions are here. And Eddie's calling the captain to see if he's okay. Don, don, don, don.

And then we see the shut. They just keep cutting back to the chef Rachel, who's so funny. They cut back to her and she's like, I got cameo. I'm so excited. They're like, Provision's, Provision's, Provision's.

That's like, that's the contour. That's the contour. That's the contour. I've got curly. I like provisions provisions provisions It's like that's about to her Coats factor I have got currently Yeah, she's definitely doing that she's just she's like a combination of Martin shorts character I forgot his name from SNL a little get dancing guy and Grimley Ed grimly with the triangle with a little thing. Yeah, a little bit of our mochi. Yeah, and then also Kristen Wigg being like, it's a match like the target lady. I'm just prepared everyone and everything to other things this entire episode. I'm just going to that's

that's what I'm here for visualizations of the target lady. Okay. So, Captain Lee is back during these provisions and he's just already groaning and it won't, he's like, he gets, he's like approaching the boat and he just hear him go, don't fuck with me. I don't know who he's saying it to but it's just like a general announcement to all of Antiqua. Just like, don't fuck with Captain Lee right now.

Yeah. And so, Eddie announces, the captain's here and he goes to see him and captain's like I'm gonna tell you one thing I'll tell you whether I'm injured or not injured no hugs all right So his ribs are killing him. He's like my ribs are killing me, but only when I move and breathe god damn it I just breathe. I just move when I said I breathe. Oh, I just just breathed again. But this is yawning, all right? Suck it up, Crane Puff. Yeah, he's like, I feel like I've been rolled up in a bad sheet and beaten with a ball bat.

Suck it up. I like that he captains himself too. I like that too. He's giving his injury a one-way ticket off his body. Yeah, so 17 hours before this charter starts attention attention all crew sky lounge in five So they all go up to the crew meet for the crew meeting and captain leaves like well everything is under control and take your goddamn hair What's your name? Avery, is that a woman's name or a man's name?

I don't know. I don't like it. I heard you were a murderer. Sorry that your trial went bad. Hope you got taken off the, uh, taking out a jail. Easily there, Mr. Avery, right? That was a real good Netflix show. You're in.

But still get your goddamn hat off. So he's like, all right, the engineering department. Here they are. Look at them right now. You're never going to see him again. Mario, Zach, first officer, John, get the fuck out of my face. I'll never want to see you again. All right, you're not cute enough to be cast on this show. Get them work on provisions or something. Now, if you're saying to yourself, hey, these guys sort of seem like they're from Save By The Bell that's because one of them's name, Mario, one of them's name's Zach, but Zach is a fictional name and Mario's the name of the actor.

So don't get too confused, okay? Bye. Okay. Oh, now I have an a repeat of last season. There will be no physical intimidation. And then we see a clip of that crazy guy in the minivan with Kate losing his mind. Ishten, ishten pinet.

Ishten pinet, yeah. Losing his mind and punching windows Yeah, that's great. I called somebody with that the same day that Kate called somebody a yachty No, that was a different time when she was That season was so great so awful those men. Oh, man, and there was a period of time And I really liked ashton and yeah, no, I think that um She was there were Kate said something about Ashton's mom like because they were talking about I think that she was, Kate said something about Ashton's mom. Like, because they were talking about, I think, not Brian's mom, but the chef's mom and then Kevin's mom.

And then Kate said, what about your mom? What about your mom Ashton? And he's like, don't you, don't come back, name mom. And he just told about me, mom. Like started punching the window. So anyway, no more of that. And he's like game They got away with it last year

But if they try it again this year, I'm gonna have a lot of goddamn frequent flyer miles of my American Express goddamn it If anyone thinks I won't fire someone in the middle of a charter, they don't know me, okay? Is he's like captain Lee is like a really hot daddy, but like a really sweet grandpa They would also take you over his name spank you because he's like captain Lee is like a really hot daddy, but like a really sweet grandpa, they would also take you over his name, Spank you. Claytoris. Then. Wait, did I get confused?

Which one is he? Is he is the, as the New Zealand one? I feel like he's always being a rebel, yeah. I like her talking like that. Like, like, captain Lee turns her arm where she talks like that. She like adopts an accent All right radios if you want a real one-way ticket real home home real quick let me find you without a goddamn radio All right, we're gonna have guests tomorrow have at it. Don't forget. I love Cheerios. Do not have my Cheerios

So yeah, then we see Captain Lee with Francesca in the wheelhouse Tell like her like show her the mug like now This is what I have my coffee in every morning, and I'll take it with caffeine made, okay? And they're focusing on this mug so much. I am very concerned that this mug is gonna break by the end of the season Because we've never had this focus on the mug, right? Yeah, this is too pottery-like to to last, you know Like something's gonna happen and that mug is gonna be a major storyline. So he's like, listen here, I don't micromanage, all right? If you've got an issue with anybody, go to them.

Try and resolve it. If you can't give me your straight unbiased version. If you can't give me your gay unbiased version. If you can't really don't care about the sexuality of your version that's not the point where I'm a yacht. Right? Now laundry is a pet peeve. I hate laundry. Right? Mudry's a terrible human being and I never wanted on this boat again. Unfortunately, has to live here. Now there's one shot to make a first impression. Do it lady. There's a bar and there's my bar.

Which is a good bar. Even though I don't serve looker. Cause I don't have license to do that. And I know Mary time law. All right, any questions? My bar is way the fuck up here, so what I'm saying is there's two bar, mine's a little bit higher, someone get a gymnast, and we're gonna have some uneven bars, okay? Good time. So then he tells us how much he misses Kate,

because he's just had Kate for six years. He's like, it takes a long time to get to the level of trust Kate might share. She's got huge shoes to fill. Huge Kate chastings shoes. Jets like, I'm a size seven. You know, and I do miss Kate. I do miss, I mean, I know that she's on a Bravo chat room, which I fully support, but I do love I have this Kate on the boat even though I have no problems with Francesca. I just love the I just love Kate's vibe that just She just she just sort of hates everyone, but then she's very sweetly tells them what to do

Yeah, no one's really mastered that like really hardworking yet I give zero fucks about any of this or any of you vibe at the Kate. Like her breezy competence it's like we don't I really love that. Yeah I'm just like just how she didn't care about hair you know she'd be like oh I'm high very professional I've got perfectly ironed clothes and my hair looks insane right now and you can just like a dick how about about that? Yeah, or I just feel like there would have been like a lot of opportunities for her to make fun of everyone on this boat so far

and she hasn't gotten, like we have, like Francesca's not doing that enough, like she needs to mock her crew. Like she, you know, can't be like, oh, I like, you know, is he's interesting? I mean, that's interesting as someone can be who doesn't know how to operate a day. Well, listen, there's a way to iron and this isn't meant the crease goes down the front of the pant and off the side

All right, Francesca you want to walk the plank you want to walk the plank just kidding kidding pal go on kid You do it. I believe in you. Yeah, she doesn't know what kind of a dick I can be. I can be a huge ironing dick. Yeah. So Francesca goes to Elizabeth to tell her about the crease and she's like, oh. And Francesca's like, I haven't gone to the bathroom since I've been on the boat. And Chef Rachel's like, please don't die of reddle failure. Shimei. Shimei.

So then Eddie is just like spritzing a sentence. I have read all failure. Shimei. Shimei. So then Eddie is just like spritzing a sentence and he's like, oh, cool. And then it's time for the preference sheet meeting. It's charter number one. And our first guest is one of our favorites on this show, Charlie. He's the High Maintenance Gay,

who makes our blood boil every single time we showed up on the show. The worst. He is the high maintenance guy who makes our blood boil every single time we showed up on the show. The worst. He is the worst. Charlie and his husband Carlos, who both suck. Oh my god. So he's like, well, this guy is this fun guy. You know, Charlie, he's got a propensity to get on the edge, you know. And then we get a clip of Charlie being like, what is this asparagus? What is this even?

He's just so terrible so Charlie and Carlos are coming with a bunch of their friends and They want to have an international team dinner service and Rachel's like, yeah, awesome You know, I'm like what I'm not yawning. I'm a private chef and I train in India I collect tassels and I can do crazy dances. I can do vegan. I can do keto. I mean, I'm gonna fuck this trucker in the mouth right now. Yeah. I mean, air your vape, air your Vedic chef in Monaco and I studied in India. I was like, damn girl, you've got a lot going on. I'd still your wallet too. Just to get your essence on it. Yeah. This is get some of your experience on me. Get it on me, Louis. So he's like, yeah, we also have a neon carnival scene, which

is also Lexi's birthday. All right. So don't let the bastard see a sweat. Was that a do you know commercial? Yes, it was. Will you call me on it no you will not are you will get applying dick at how get out of here kids now who is Lexi by the way do we know she must be a guest right so then Lee is like you know what Charlie demands a lot and he doesn't mind paying for it but in order to get to the pan at the end of the rainbow you have to create the rainbow first and I honestly thought that was like the most profound thing that Captain Lee has ever said I was'm, those are words to live by. So then Izzy is trying to find protein bars and then everyone goes to bed.

That's basically the climax of the, of the first day. So 6.20 a.m. people waking up. Eddie falls out of his top bunk. Well, he's like, he, he like jumps out of it, but he thinks the floor is closer than it is. So he has like a, a really precipitous land. He's like, oh, he's used to tugboat bunks. So, and he has Captain Lee's breakfast ready. She's like, here it is. Coffee Cheerio multi grain Cheerios, multi grain Cheerios. And then that's all she has to do is make coffee and Cheerios. Yeah, and it's it's a task. It's right. It's not going

Well for her. It's not it's hard. There's a lot of balance and Rachel's like, oh, I've got camel toe in my uniform camel toe camel toe camel toe and Shane is like, well, bro, you know what? I could go for like 12 hours of sleep right now. So you know what? I'm going to meditate right in front of the captain's window. It's like, I'm a big morning guy, right? Cause body is temple, right?

Meditate because that's how you set the president. That's what he said. Yeah. That's what he said right before voting day. I know. He's like, mentally, it's amazing because I get into a flow state. That's how you set the president I'm like this is why the dams can't win anything We're trying to get the president by getting into a flow state

Yeah, we're doing it wrong and the captain's just looking out the window. He's like what the fuck fucking kids So now more cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and then we just see Rachel just say oh fuck my life Fuck, fucking kids. Ha, ha, ha, fruit or something, but still 17 minutes worth of fruit. I'm in subanana, that takes like all of 30 seconds to chop up. A snail could make this fast and they don't even have hands, do they? Do you say else have hands? Francesca.

See this is where we need to be in Kate Justin. That would have been a Kate moment. I wouldn't think that making cereal be that difficult, but she does have a lot of season her name, so I mean, I don't know mean I can't read kids. I listen. I can't do kids work for her, okay Yeah, so the captain is talking to Eddie. He's he asked how the crew is and Eddie's like well, you know Every is cool. I'm gonna cap them. I have really cool and Shane has some green growing things I guess how are you feeling after some port and, well, good kid, until I rolled over. Ha, ha, ow!

Ow! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Lee is very happy to have any on board because he hasn't had a good boastsin' in about like five or six seasons. So he's really happy to have someone he can trust, et cetera. And while he's talking about this, Shane is just like still doing yoga

literally on the front of the yacht, right in front of Captain Lee. And then they're like, we're Shane. They're like, oh, he's putting his mat away or something. And then we just see him putting, he takes his yoga mat and he puts it in the closet and he closes the closet and he goes, sick. He's sick.

Yeah, I put that mat in the closet. Sick. So nine hours later, Izzy is finally done putting up a dama on cereal and takes it up. And she's like, let me know if it's not mad the way you like it. All right? He's like, he just looks at it like.

DADDY. DADDY. Grab daddy's. Have a bit of a spank. Hey, Granddaddy. Have I been a bad stew? So, uh, and then we see James. James is just like walking around without pants basically.

He sort of has shorts on, but he's like curled them all the way up. I guess, I don't know if he wants. I think he wants to tan them, but he's pretending like they're overheated, uh, which is like, I don't really think that's like a thing that happens. So he's just like showing off his big old games and everyone's like, whoa. Yeah, and Elizabeth calls him and so he goes to her and she's like, whoa, nice pants. He's like, I just want to show my legs off. And she's like, yeah, I've dated people before and yachts and let's just say I want to

see be the first time I don't fall in love with someone on a boat No, I cannot take this right after Justin Rob. No, I can't take it And then and then James is like this is the longest time I've gone without a winks since I was 14 I think it's been what all of 15 minutes. It's crazy And he's like okay So of 15 minutes, it's crazy. And he's like, okay. So Francesca and Elizabeth are talking about him as he walks away. And she's like, well, he's too young for me.

But you can fool around with whoever you want. You're a hot, front-old lady. You're like Sophia Petrillo with a really good bra. You can do an old lady go for it. Do you ever see the episode of Golden Girls where Sophia hits on the Japanese gardener in her house and he teaches her about sushi and she teaches him about the word kiss? That's what you could be like.

And I'm not saying that because I saw that episode last night. Working in real life, every turn. So I grew all crew out of my bed. She died. I felt felt damn it 30 minutes till showtime Jesus felt so bad I felt so bad for Captain Lee he looked like he was in so much pain, but it was also so hilarious and sitting in that chair But oh god damn it son of a bitch

So everybody has to change to go meet the the gas and stuff So everybody has to change to go meet the the gas and stuff Hand towels table wide champagne poured furniture uncovered and then we hear the guests coming Oh my god all the colors of the yes It was like the visualization of what it was like when coronavirus first came to America. It's like salt coming. And I was saying, YAS, here we come, coronavirus. We're like, no, no, no.

So I think it close to it, Charlie. It's kind of YAL, right? Yeah. And then they, so then they like going to meet everyone. Of course, Charlie, like he just starts his sexual harassment right away He's like oh James beautiful eyes nice to meet you beautiful eyes Oh, and then look at you Shane more beautiful eyes even more beautiful. Oh Shane Jane beautiful eyes beautiful eyes and

He's that guy who's been to a restaurant one time and takes his friend He's like oh my god totally know that waiter. Hi waiter, number three. Oh, Germano and I drank. Oh. Lots of times the chef came out, gave us some free bread. Tell the chef I'm here. What's your tell them I'm here? Your read on him is actually so incredibly accurate.

It's like, you guys think Ron is being funny right now, but this is such an accurate read on this guy. And actually, shockingly, I thought this was so far, I actually think that Charlie, this is the best he's been, because maybe that's because he brought awful, awful people this time. And these are the sort of people that are like, oh, we're getting to go on a yacht for free.

So we're going to complain, because they, it's the other people that are even worse than him this time around. And so, yeah. And maybe we're just used to him because he still is terrible, my God. Yeah, so then Shay, he has a friend named Shay and she's like,

I'm hungry and I need a drink, you know? And so of course they, what do they order? A espresso martini's, it's below deck. And as they look around the boat, as they're given the tour and everything, he's just like been there every day. You know, he's like, oh yeah, I remember this sweet. Oh yes, look at that bathroom.

Oh my god, that bathroom, my friend passed out in one. So don't be that friend this time. I've been here before. Oh my god, he is so that guy. I'm like triggered by that because we've all been around people like that, you know. So yeah, everything is like, yeah, my friend of that. Yeah, I've been in this hallway. That staircase, I've been on most of those steps.

And she's like, what's your name again? Is it James? Oh my God, how old are you James? Oh my God, we're two years apart. I mean, that works for me. And then her girlfriend says, yeah, she wants to show you her giant pizza, James. Oh, I thought that I thought that it was a gay who said she wants to see a giant pin. Oh, no, her girlfriend was making James and the giant peach joke. Oh, that makes much more sense. Maybe I was just projecting some sort of weird thing. So, um, now it's time, hey, it's time to end.

I want a little judgment you have against eyebrows. Like they just don't affect you the way that they affect me. Like, James is dead to me because he overwaxes his eyebrows. And I think anybody, any guy who waxes his eyebrows to that degree, I'm not saying you can't wax your brows, boys, okay, don't write me letters. I just mean when you go to that, that extreme and you do it that much, there's something wrong, okay? There's something wrong. It means you're a gross person

and you don't have any judgment at all. Like it doesn't even bother you. No, well, I've been in your to it by watching, I've now watched three seasons of Love Island UK and if you think that James has an issue, I mean, like, you should just see the guys on that show. I mean, it's ridiculous. And so like, James, I'm just used to it at this point.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Don't worry, though, I'll tap into it and create some eyebrow judgment because I don't want you to be alone in this. I want you to have someone to play off of. So we think you see, like, God, I don't feel so alone in my hatred. You know, it's always better to hate together, guys. Yeah. It looks, you know what better to hate together, guys. Yeah. It looks, you know what, his eyebrows are like,

if someone pressed like option N on his eyeball and put a tilde up there, you know? Yeah, just hold it down. Yeah. Or hold the letter down and it gives you those options. Yeah. Oh, so the captain, it's time to knock,

undock starboard dance, I burn down, so it's, a cyber starbird cyburns, alright, we got it, everyone do it, let's do it. Eddie is like, uh, Undocking is like a spectator sport, everyone watches and the last thing I want to do is look stupid. I'm like, I don't think these idiots will und- as long as the boat doesn't sink and catch fire when you undock, you're not gonna know the difference between a bad Undocking or a good one.

Yeah, I think they're taking selfies because they're aiming the phone at him, but I think they're taking selfies, not pictures of him. And he's telling James, he's like, loosen the rope, man, loosen your tie. And he's like, I can't. Oh, Shane, yeah. Shane's just like, I don't know what to do. Like, I'm like, I get, I'm sort of like mad because I feel like Shane is the epitome of like, I don't know what to do. Like I'm like, I get, I'm sort of like mad because I feel like Shane is the epitome

of like every stereotype that, like right wingers have of left wingers and I'm like, oh Shane, why must you do this to us? Why, why? Oh babe, don't make it. I think it's just because it's a voting day to day in America so maybe you take it, but just think of it as a good stereotype that people have for dumbtoms.

You know, it's just like dumbass guy, you know. I just feel like if like, I'm not trying to make this political, but if Biden loses, I'm blaming Shane. Yeah, I think it's like the stereotype people make of like Trader Joe's checkout guys. Okay, that's more it's more of just like yeah, just down to the shirt he wears, you know, we come on to one of those shirts too. Okay, so they're making drinks for the guys and they are ordered like 90 million espresso martinis, which means you have to make espresso, right? So is he goes down to make espresso and Charlie's like where are drinks?

Where are they and this has been Carlos is like we could have got a Starbucks by now Yeah, exactly and Francesca's like, um, easily is so slow. I mean, how long does it take to make espresso? There are two coffee machines. Use both. And is he's doing that thing that anyone with a curieg understands? We just want your coffee. And so you hold the top of it really tightly thinking about, I'll make it go faster. It's like when people also squeeze their temples, make sure that thought comes to their mind. Yeah, she just holds it really tight. And meanwhile Chef Rachel is all excited because she's making so many vegan things.

So she goes up and she serves sweet chili tempi. Yeah, vegan and vegan delights for the guests. Now I just love the way that Rachel just effortlessly just throws like round after round after round of food at these guests and just having come off of Tom who's like, oh they want a biscuit. They want a biscuit. Oh I'm so, so slow to cucumber now.

I have the slow to cucumber and she just like, oh yeah, here's a basket of vegan delights. It don't fill up too much because I'm gonna put out like five platters of lobsters and steak and pork chops and oysters in about five minutes. Yeah. So Francesca's like,

sorry about the espresso, it's coming. In the meantime, you want more champagne. And Charlie's like, yeah, I'm getting Carlos to try that little piece of it. Try it Carlos, shut Carlos, try it. And Carlos is like, gross. You guys, you liked that bad. Yeah, he liked that bad.

Yeah, well they're hilarious. And then, yeah, so then Elizabeth is unpacking bags downstairs, they just have all this clothing and she's like, and then of course we go back to the guests and the non-primary guest is like, aren't they getting paid to be ready the second my ass gets on this boat to fill this because he has an empty glass in his hand So he's like already just being a full Twatt about it all yeah Charlie's like yeah, you need to go to the bitch mouth

Because they need to learn so kind of bitch mouth And so the guy starts digging on his glass and then he's like, it's visually empty again and then drips it all over the furniture. Ugh, he's awful this person. Like these people are so terrible. So it's time to drop that anchor and then Charlie is like, well until the crew figures out what the hell is going on, I'm going to fill in.

So what do you need? And it's funny because when Charlie did this I was like oh he's so obnoxious but now after what you said and your assessment of him which is so accurate I'm realizing that Charlie being like I'm gonna fill in was his way of being like I've been here before I know where the bar is I know how to make drinks yeah I know where everything is yeah it's like basically my house yeah so he goes down and he takes orders. He's like, what do you need? Bandage, what do you want?

Hairclips, what do you want? Apro, spray, sweat, what do you want? God, blah, blah, blah. He takes all these orders and then he goes inside and he tells Izzy. He's like, I'm giving you a God to have. I mean, everyone just seems so overwhelmed. Yeah, and she's like, oh, I guess, all right.

So we, April, spritz, and an espresso martini, and Ashley need some sunscreen, so whoever that's located, and is he's like, oh yeah, well, there should be some sunscreen downstairs, which I'll get, which I'll get, which is like, it seemed like at first she was telling him to go find the downstairs, which is wrong. But then she's like, okay, I'll get it,

but instead she actually just leaves the bar and lets him make the drinks. I'm like, are you idiot? Yeah, she goes down and tells on him basically to Francesca. And she's like, the problem matters up there and he's making drinks because you get a side to the other once over wheeled. And she's like, yeah, I'm questioning the decision to deal with these extra as fuck gas and this extra as fuck chiefs do. What an ade this to myself. I could have been outdoors. I'm like, what about Francesca has been extra as fuck?

Like, Francesca has so far been relatively even killed and she's like, oh my god, why would I put myself in between these extras fuck gas and this extra fuck heads stew? I'm like, you're God, why would I put myself in the 20s, extra, I was like, gass in this extra, I was like, head stew. I'm like, you're the one who's the weak. You're the one who took 30 minutes to make cereal. Yeah, so Francesca goes up to Charlie at the bar and she's like, what is happening here? Because that's her friendly way to just drag out a word. And Charlie's like, oh, I know how busy you guys are.

She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Get out of here, you know, so she picks over. And he goes, you know what, that's called today a learning curve. And that's called tomorrow, get it right. Just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, monsters, and try to say, well, I understand. For 24 hours. So then, um, Francesca likes Elizabeth, because Elizabeth is doing what she's told, and she's like, thank God for that, because Izzy, it's not happening right now. I need to do with this is, who know what they are doing.

What better if I said, spot, she wouldn't even say, glass, no. So then Shane is meandering around doing nothing as usual. And he goes to the bar and he's like, oh, and then we see Captain Lee talking to Izzy. And he's like, sell, how's it going out there? And he's like, well, it's good. I'm a little overwhelmed.

And he's like, well, that's not exactly what I want to hear. Ow, get it, dear meat. Three of the one I was making my under the comment. Under the breath comment. And the chef is getting lunch ready to bring right now. And we see Shane go to the bar and he grabs the straws with his hand, like all the tops of the straws with his hand, which, you know, now we are in Corona times.

And so I saw that and I was like, bad, shame on you. You could infect everybody. And we don't really know what he's doing. And then James and Avery, oh my God, there's a jewelry store here in Texas called James Avery. Oh, look at that. So James is like the most un-James, the most un-James avery couple of guys

You could have by the way, but anyway James is like what do you think of the birthday girl? I'm avery's like yeah, I like her. I like older chicks too Older So then Rachel is just babbling on about how like about about food prep about that You know, it's all about how it's perceived when it hits the pad. You got visually got set You got tays. It's like a fun little puzzle that you put together and then it comes out as a giant tassel He's tick on your shirt. Sorry, I'm an nerd It's gotta be received new relatively So Charlie's like did you got say this table setting? Oh my god

And then we go into Shane who's kind of been bowing around the bar and You can't see this table setting. Oh my God. And then we go into Shane, who's kind of been bowing around the bar. And he's like, you know what? I'm here to be a deck kind. But first and foremost, I'm a Neviamentalist. And then we see pictures of him holding up signs that are like, cream.

So he swaps out the plastic straws, the straws and he tells us that he brings his own satchel paper straws wherever he goes. He's like, we have one plan in, we destroy Earth, where humans are gonna go. The moon? Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Sir, you're on a yacht. Like, is there anything more polluting and unnecessary than a fucking yacht. I know, could you please speak to like Stephanie Tuneffish below your yacht who's getting poisoned? Do you know how much how much fucking pollution you're putting into the ocean and waste right now for nothing for no reason? I don't think that Nancy the more a eel appreciates

this giant boat over her house. Uh, so Eddie sees him and he's like, yeah, paper straws and goes, oh, well, save the turtles, I guess. I mean, listen, I support paper straws. I think it actually believe it or not. As silly as it was, I actually did think it was cool that he did that But I'm also like, but you should also be doing your job

So let's see So now it's delivered and Charlie's like yeah, you know like I read about the sadding from the table But like really in order to get along with this new chiefs do I need to learn how to talk a bit more astral yet. So I love Rachel because she got these guests to shut up by putting out like a huge pile of amazing food so they were all quiet I guess we all like it really got quiet I love this avocado reduction and so they're just really, they're really happy so far about what Rachel's done. And then we see Eddie and Avery, they're working really well together and he's talking about really how great Avery is. And it's just like he's a great asset to the team. Yeah, and then it's time to put out the toys and these guests get a chance to be monster.

Charlie and Shay go on with one. Who cares? They go on on the water toys. And you just get us. Cachala. Yeah, Carlos Carlos. Because I'm this is got us. Cachala.

Things I don't need to hear. I'm like, I'm just let me enjoy this one year of no Cachala. Like, do you have to bring that back? Like, we've just like literally enjoyed, like we didn't have to deal with any Instagram photos. We didn't have to deal with people posting up the schedule as if anyone on Facebook cares.

It's just like, like let us have that. Blip, blip. Too much fun, having too much fun. Let's hear about someone's grandma about to die. Avery gets a text from his mom that his grandma's really sick and he's like, what should I do? And she says it's up to you, honey. Bloop.

And then he starts crying because I mean, obviously, really sad. And I just figured it was going to be one of those like, you know, I really need to be there for my family, but I'm more dedicated to my job. I thought it was going to be one of those, but they tricked us. I know. Well, so can I tell you something weird? It's weird and this is weird and might be a little sad. But so during the scene, or I guess we're after the episode,

so Dom and I started talking about like our grandmothers and we started reminiscing about like when they passed. And I was, I started talking about my grandma Sally and Sylvia. And how like Sylvia's Sylvia died about like eight or nine years ago. And Sally was I think around 2009. And or something like that. And talking about how it's been so many years. And it's been crazed at so many times.

It's Pat, we just were talking about our grandmothers, et cetera. And Dom was saying how it's sort of weird. How when you meet someone who's like sort of our age, or a little older, who's grandma is still alive, that's sort of like a crazy thing and I was gonna, my friend Leah, I was gonna mention my friend Leah, who's grandma is still alive, but I just didn't bring it up, but I thought about it. And then this morning, I woke up and Facebook was like, here's a memory that you, here's a memory from 2008 and it was a picture of me with both of my grandmother's and I thought

that was so strange and then my friend Leah texted me and was like hey I just wanted to give you some sad news I just thought you would like to know that my grandma passed last night. I'm like this is so weird well first of all condolences to Leah's grandma she was like a hundred and Leah and her family but also how weird, right? To like, after that whole discussion, like geez. Yeah, that like, I get this photo of me with my grandmother's that I've forgotten about was sort of like,

put that into my life and then Leah's grandma died. It was very weird and sad. And give your grandmother, give your grandparents a hug if you can, everyone. Yeah, I'm gonna call my Mimma after this, whatever. Call her. Bring it down.

It's not a bring it down. It's like, it was not a bring it down. I'm gonna tell her, come down. Because I'm gonna be the sliding doors of the nursing home and I'll throw some cookies in that. And then run away. It's a celebration of their lives. It's not a sad thing.

It's a celebration of their lives. But it's like one of those things, it's like, isn't life weird sometimes? Yeah, God, it really is. Or maybe Facebook, I guess Facebook. Or Facebook, just listen. Facebook is so evil now that not only does it listen to you and give you relevant ads, it kills appropriate family

members for you to relate to your conversation. Facebook can tell which are your grandma photos too. It's like, hmm, I'm a robot, but I'm sensing grandma energy from this photo. I'm a robot, but I'm sensing grandma energy from this photo. So back on the toys, Charlie's like, oh my God, dude, I sit up rainbow. I was like, wow, Captain Lee did make him a rainbow. That guy's magical. Yeah, so anyway, I got lost in my notes after all that grandma discussion.

Oh, it's okay. So the guests are just being monsters on the toys. They're pushing each other into the water and then they're coming too close to each other and about to hit each other. And so Eddie is screaming, stay away! That's dangerous over here. You're gonna hurt this lady, who's in the water! And the captain's like nothing but fucking Many ants and Charlie's like cook hell the engines you're too close to a paper in the water

And then he laughs as he falls off his jet ski of course The people the worst people are the worst at jet skiing don't you notice that yeah I'm surprised someone hasn't been heard on one of these yet like running into each other Seriously and one of the yet, like running into each other. Seriously. And one of the ladies is trying to come up, be helped out of the water and she's like, ow my titties! But evil guy goes, don't wear your implants are fine. Yeah, or so we think it right now.

So then we go back to Avery, who's with Captain Lee, and he's saying how he might not see his grandma. He goes, well, we thought that she had the flu, but I wondered if that was some creepy foreshadowing, but she was 86 and so he has to leave. So in my mind, I'm thinking, oh, he's going to leave, but he'll come back. But he's like, yeah, thanks for having me on the boat. I said, what, Avery, I was just getting attached to you. I know. Yeah, it's really sad. And so he leaves and everyone's really cool about it. They're all like, you know, family comes first. So do what you have to do. And then we get his

goodbye thing where he's like, you know, last thing I want to do is leave, but it's a decision I have to make. And I couldn't imagine doing things different I imagined myself one day on a boat in the Caribbean again. No matter what, I'll be successful just like Captain Lee Ow! Sorry Fuck my rev again And that brings us to the end of the first below deck of season eight. Yeah, well, I do have to mention this.

I do have to mention the gaze one more thing, a few more things that happened before we close it out, because I need to roast them for this, which I guess it's just one thing, which is that basically Francesca serves them some snacks, because he has some snacks and they go oh, tortilla chips. So original. Is this gluten free? Yeah, Carlos. He had pleasure. And now we're done.

T-T-H-Chips. I'm original. You guys, thank you so much for listening. Uh, we'll be back tomorrow with some great British Bake Off. And, uh, buy your tickets for our live show next week. And, and that's basically it. Stay safe and be kind to each other and we'll talk to you in the next episode. Miiiime! Bye!

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