Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Running a Tight Ship

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

Someone shrank Captain Lee's shirt on Below Deck this week. Or did they? More antics from the hapless crew and their besotted guests. Did you know Camille dated a quarterback?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch For Crappins! A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today. It's the one and only hilarious and wonderful.

Mr. Ronnie Caram, hi Ronnie, how are you? Hello, Benoony Choons, what you doing today, baby? Just sitting here podcasting with you, what are you doing? I am putting finishing touches on our healing journey shirts that will be available at crappin's merch dot com by the end of the day. So go check it out everybody. Fabulous. Yeah, everyone go check it out because it's been a while since we updated our merch and

Ronnie has made some real fun designs. So you have not only healing journey, but also be real. Be real. A lot of real real housewives of Salt Lake City stuff. I know I was gonna say we should have a t-shirt called, but my childhood trauma, but that's probably not a appropriate. That's a little dark. Also, we do need one that's baby gorgeous, of course, we need. I mean, I can think of a ton from there. What was the other one you were talking about today from that? So, that we said, oh, Fudge College.

Fudge College. Yeah, I've got to get a Fudge College up. So just maybe we should do one that's, what about one that's like a recipe for a white bean salad? It's time for me to make my famous white beans. So, that's all I'm up to today. And you know, of course, keeping up with the blue decks. So many blue decks.

So many believe it or not, we're not here to recap real house as a Salt Lake City. We are here to recap below deck classic and edition. So we'll dive into that in one second. But before we do that, just a reminder to go support us on Patreon if you are feeling the spirit. If you support us at the crap is on demand level, you get access to two crap is on demand videos where we turn on our cams, you can watch us recap, not just listen. This week we did Potomac and I believe the second one will most likely be Salt Lake City. Last week we did Family Karma and we also did Potomac. And then of course you'll also get access to our bonus episode, which we do once a week. We don't know what we're doing this week yet for bonus episode, but it'll be good. And then we also

have a wonderful, wonderful, lovely Discord community. So hide all the Discord people who are always chatting about something fun up there on Discord. It's always lovely discord community. So hide all the discord people who are always chatting about something fun up there on Discord. It's always lovely and fun. And they also, there's just a lot of good chatter there. So go check that out. And now, now, let's get into some damn below deck and pick up in the middle of fridge stock gate

with Camille and Alyssa. Yes, it's a very intense fridge stocking moment because Alyssa was like, you need to stock the fridge, but then Camille was like, but I did stock the fridge and she's like, but it's not fully stocked. Like, I want it to be to the top with water. So you need to do better. and then Camille's like fuck you I put stuff in there so what more do you want for me? It's like when I was dating a really big and important quarterback I was like I did this already. You know what I'm saying?

So it's like you're telling me to date another quarterback like I've been there done that. Yeah, so Camille's like Um, I stopped it with like 800 water bottles even though they're leaving in the day So there and all this is like babe. It's easy. Okay And she tells us Camille should respect the fact that phrase Your has interested me with the second stupid decision So I don't need your attitude when I'm trying to do my job and it's just fucking bad vibes. Okay.

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Cleaning at 2.45. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and now it's 4.45 in the morning. Yes, and then we see everyone sleeping and we just hear, ugh. Ugh. Ugh. And we're trying to figure out where the grunting

is coming from, it's showing like shots of all over the boat. But it's Joni, the positive deck hand doing yoga on the deck. And he plays, he does yoga in that fucking obnoxious way that some people play tennis where every time they hit the ball, they're like, ugh. He does that, but with yoga. He does that, but with yoga. He does that, but with yoga. He's like, down dog. I'm like, you're in child's pose, sir. Now you're in corpse pose. What are you doing?

So he's like, working out is super important to me. It's how I deal with my stress. I'm like, wow, never heard that. Johnson before. Have you heard of ice cream? You fucking loser. So he's like, yeah, you know, you need to replace the salt pain with physical pain. You see what I'm saying? I do. And I just wiped some whipped cream off of my nose. As you said, it, but thanks for the debt. I replaced my salt pain with ice cream pain. You ever heard of Ben and Jerry's pain. It's a delicious delicious pain. I Replace my soul pain with pain a shock a lot. Okay

Stupid but totally supported So now it's like now people are waking up at 6 a.m. and freezer wakes up and goes I'm exhausted Stupid fucking slut. That was for you me. He's just like insults And then people are there people are like Rachel's in the galley. He only made a table and for you to say did you do this this morning? Brilliant. She's like, oh yeah, I told literally me this this moment is bit of a table You know, I've never given a table a blowjob, it's what I've done before. If you absolutely despise me for this table, I totally understand. And he's like, wow, it's brilliant.

And he tells us, day one was bad. I wasn't feeling great about things, or my few giant board motor boat sent David Speed as burger, whatever the fuck it's called We need to work harder. We need to work smarter and we need to work better I'm not sure how we're gonna do that. But I love the enthusiasm of me me. I can do this. I can't do this I can't do this So now I was more cleaning and now the guests it's like 745 and the guests are awake Despite the fact that they were partying really hard last night.

And he's like, how the hell gets up that early after getting absolutely shit face not before? It's absolutely ridiculous. And then we cut to Peng, just puking somewhere and it got... Hey! Yo! So then Frazier is talking to the guests. And he's like, well well this morning we've got chocolate

paleo muffin. I will not even continue the rest because that's so fucking disgusting but good for you. Good for you good looking person. What a pathetic state of humanity that such a thing could even exist. Double chocolate paleo muffin. I'm just gonna throw myself off this bed because it's not even worth going any further. So he checks in with the loser. He's like, what happened last night? Did I miss anything?

Did we dranton? We've been revived. I'm so nervous. It's quite unconfident. And she's like, I know you told Camille to finish up the skylounge, remember? Well, she shuffled her feet a little bit when I asked her to vacuum the crew areas. Oh, oh, oh. And unless you're looking for chorus people for 40 Secular Street, I don't know that we need a stuffler around here. Just say. I really thought she actually stomped her feet, but that still works because in case you're looking for someone to do an on-see production of Stomp, it's not going to work here.

See what I did with your joke? I took it and used a different word with it. So, like, well, I think it's coming down to the fact that we're a bit all over the place. It's a whole mess up in here. I'll speak to her at some point. Now, I appreciate the communication from Alyssa. It's not the best news. On my last boat, I let the crew off quite a lot, so I need to be a bit more of a bitch. God, I'm a bitch. I love that. I hate that. Really, I do. bitch. I love that. I hate that. Really? I do. So, um, uh, Ross, uh, Ross checks in on Lee and Lee, Lee basically,

well, he wants to, he said that the guests want to go to, uh, to the beach today. And then we received just more cleaning and like, Haley's like fluffing a pillow like, she's like very sex pot about it. And then, um, there's some stuff with like the tender that tender's coming in and there's like some fenders being put out So now Katie gets to talk she's like I haven't been on a boat this size before But I'm like hardworking and I'll work like extra hours and like I want to be like right up there doing the same thing as the guys I would love to own my own boat. That would be awesome and I can watch that boat my yummy style

Yes, yeah, that's my ultimate goal. Like being 30, like down the road, it would be awesome to like have a family and like show my passion to them. Don't ever show your passion to your family. You know what they say? That's stupid, okay? You can't show your passion to your kids

and expect them to be impressed. Kids are never impressed with anything, okay? Enjoy your passion now, because it's all gonna be dead once you have a kid. And by the way, of course, when she says, I can't wait to have a family and show them my passion, she means, I can't wait to have a family

that I then leave in Fort Lauderdale and I show them my passion for this son. That's not so. Yeah. So Ross is like, do you enjoy sitting on that banana? He's so fucking creepy this guy So then Rachel Frazier are in the mess and they're talking about doing a crab round go

So there's that and Rachel's like Ping is from Thailand, so I can't wait to prepare this cuisine for him many many years ago I studied in Thailand where I live in Skavaz. It's where the ladyboy is living party. I call it sweaty cock instead of sweaty cock, which is a low goodbye. I'm a little bit high.

I'm a little bit high. I'm a little bit high. So I got more. So then, Fraser now is like telling Camille that someone's gonna do a raky sound bath. And there's just like more stuff, like this setting up a picnic. And then the gays are all flirting with Tony.

They like, they word got out that Tony has an eight pack and now all they want is to see Tony shirtless. So they just like flirting with him nonstop. And Camille is asking Ben to move coolers behind a, what am I talking about? They're on the beach. She's around the beach. So, Alyssa goes, Alyssa goes, Camille, could you

make these coolers behind the tree and Camille goes, yeah, hey, guy, could you make those coolers behind the tree? And then, Haley is showing off her dance moves to the guests. And now so Camille wants to go swimming. She's on the beach. She wants to go swimming. And I was like, um, are you allowed to do that? She goes, I don't know. I'm a free human being. She goes, hmm, you don't want to ask. She goes, what's the use in coming all the way down here and treating yourself like someone who's there to serve and do everything for everybody else? Like, I think that's a job description. That's literally what you're doing.

Why you came down here? I don't think you came down here as part of a travel package. She's like y'all being the stuff house to be fun. So then Ben's like, oh yeah, we're going to take off our chops and go swimming. Oh, I mean, so he goes with her. And this is like, listen, Katie, you're talking, like, working while this is happening. And this is like, um, that's not something I would do on Charter. I mean, I'm not even going to look at her right there. That's how wrong it is. So, Frazier Radio's at the guest are on their way. And she's like, where's the host to be working? But apparently, Ben and Camille, don't give a fuck. I mean, why would you do that? And he's like, yeah, why would you do that? Ugh.

So, of course, they make it look like the guests are gonna show up when Ben and Camille are in the water, and it's gonna be embarrassing, but they get out of the water in time. And then this lady, Dr. Tom, ya shows up. And she's like, I'm here to do the sound bath. And Camille, this is an example, a perfect example of what I talked about in Potomac,

of when people try to use, like, when they've overformalized their speech to sound like really official. So Dr. Tonya says, hey, I'm here to do the sound path and Camille goes, I do understand that that is true. Like, you could also say, great. I do understand that that is true. So the guests come and have some drinks and chat's like, oh my god, let's see, you always have the drinks. I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, but that's all we do drink. Being gay is very exhausting. So then they're like doing a sound bath. Someone falls asleep, of course. And then, um, then a Fraser in the kitchen is like,

they're getting like the food ready for this picnic and there's lots of Southeast Asian food, like mainly Thai food that's being prepared. And so there's like these soft buns and so Fraser touches them. And he's like, they are so soft. I want to make out with them. Is that weird or am I just disgusting human being?

In a way, I'll accept it. Um, so then, um, they're, you know, they pass out food and these little happy meal container things which are really cute. And then, um, Rachel is talking to the captain. He's on crutches. I mean, poor captain Lee. Yeah. You know, I have to say this guy has to smock quit. He's like, I can't feel half my body. Who needs it? He's kind of limping around. And Rachel's like, how't feel half my body. Who needs it? He wants to do this. So he's kind of limping around and Rachel's like, how are you doing, man? I can barely walk on this boat without crashes. Look at you go.

He's like, kids, it's challenging. There's a six-fingered kid trying to camp to seven. I'm gonna go do some stretches, all right, kid? He's like, you want the peen's gone. I just don't look pretty when I walk, but I was never going to be a runway model anyhow. Project Runway is like, all right, we'll just cross them off the list then. It doesn't want to be on the show. And then it just shows him leaving the room and he's like, God damn it. So now Fraser presents everyone with their food and everyone's eating and Peng's talking about how people would make fun of him for bringing

Thai food to school, which is like, what is wrong with children? What is wrong with children that like is like, it's delicious. It's like broken human beings. Yeah, what are we teaching our kids that they would make fun of this beautiful food? I know, it's like, yeah, like my mother would send me to school

with these and all the kids at school would make fun of me. It's like nice work, Rachel, fucking pain, I'm like happy birthday, pain, Rebleive your trauma lunch, okay? Children, don't you know you don't make fun of someone for the food that they bring to school. You make fun of them for the stupid things

that they say when they're grown men on a yacht, acting like they were the same age when they were growing that food to school. So the mouse time to go and stuff and they're talking about how that guy has a 12-pack. They're like, wow. And Frazier's like, he has more than 12 actually. And they're like, oh my god, Tommy, show us your abs. Tommy.

And so now the guest want to jump into the and jump into the jump of the ocean everything But like one guy is like a little hesitant and Tony is like all so come on. There's a chicken in the farm There's a chicken in the farm. I'm like wait a second. So you're supposed to actually nice. That was kind of mean Chicken in the farm the captain love that he's watching He's like He really painted a picture You didn't just call a guy and chicken, he actually established it, there was a farm.

And that was a farm that was perhaps solely for dairy or vegetation and that a chicken actually got into it. Wow, I loved it. So Frazier has this moment where he's like, I am a perfectionist. And I know that my team needs to step it up and mummy loves a challenge.

So that we see him talking to Camille and Camille's like, so what are you doing? And he goes, everything. Yeah, everything. And just walks off. I was like, well, you should show her. I'm just doing some hospital corners. My favorite type of corners, because it reminds me the place I'm going to wind up due to you idiots. So Rachel's worried about dinner because it was a disaster the day before about, you know, she's gonna wear Carter to make them feel more comfortable. And then Ross, creepy as Ross, it's like, oh, I crew, let's shower, not together, it's not a family shower, although it could be be if you'd like it to me.

God, I'm sexy. You're just a fucking creep. You're just a creep. Hey, get your fingers off your mipples. I just feel like he's like that guy just like standing in a skating rink like playing with his mipples. You know, watching people go round and round giggling him to himself. I'm like bloodshot eyes and beer breath. I feel he looks like a stress ball, but when you've actually squeezed it, you know,

not when you've released. Yeah. So, tonight it's gonna be a Playboy Mansion debaucheryous evening. So, Fraser's like, do you think it's a bit mental? How absolutely breathtaking you are. And extremely funny, he says that to Haley, and she goes, well, you know, people quite regularly

attend with art, you know, I mean, let me tell you something. I've wanked over myself. I've actually taken pictures of my body, wanked over it, I've masturbated over photos of me, to be honest. I got bang and pair of chips. Pretty proud of them to be fair. I've made me. So then, um, the gays are putting on their outfits. Like, oh my god, playboy. Hey Fraser, what are those handcuffs for? Has one of us been bad? He's like, I'm a gold pleased guy.

So then Rachel is downstairs as smelling fish. And she's like, oh, Camille, is that your name? Homeland, get over here. What do you think of this fish? She's like, I'm not putting in the fucking fridge. I'm off. No, smell it. Smell it. This fish smells like when I was dating the most important college quarterback of all time.

Something is off. That fish humiliated me, but I still want to date it. It's like smell style. I'm rich. I was like, yeah, oh well, it was so frosted as of yesterday. God damn, fuck my fucking face I got 40 pounds of frozen fish and now it's not frozen fish dimmer is So she calls Frazer down to get some advice her to sort of have a talking board And she goes so the brands you know smells really off and it's great on the inside and he goes how awful Are you talking about the stews or the fish? I'm sorry. I wasn't totally listening

Sounds about the same amount of what is so she's like you smells like deadly a snap show over here I have to pull surf and turf without the surf god damn So she's like I can do truffle flies and you just nailed it So then captain Lee's like, Frangeser, Frangeser, Lee, what the dress, what's the dress of Tyron because debaucher is playboy. He's mother fucker. So now Ben is dancing around in his sexy costume and like showing off his body and stuff, which let me good for you.

Good for your confidence. Yeah, it's good. And Tony is like, oh, go ahead. No, it's fine. This was a moment where I paused the TV and I was like, oh yeah, I have to remember, guys, last week, I said he looked like a Disney character, but I couldn't remember which one.

So I really looked up a whole bunch of Disney characters to try to find the right one. And I couldn't really find it, but the best I could settle on for right now is that he actually looks quite a bit like Peter Pan himself, which is funny because later on they talk about Peter Pan. But like that's where I'm at right now with them, but I know there's a better Disney character for him.

Well, I guess I'm gonna enjoy your journey. Thank you, all right, your journey to that. Commissars, here comes one right now. So Tony loves it. No, Tony doesn't love it. Ben loves it. So he's dancing around. And Tony's like, sometimes I feel like a piece of meat.

But I will do it for the family. Well, he says, of course I love my habits, but I like them because the things I can do with them. And so, like, then they show him, like, doing all sorts of strange, like, positions and weird, like, like, kicking and everything. And I'm like, oh, that is what you call ad privilege, where you're so used to having them that you don't even want to show them off anymore. You just want to do weird poses and like parkour with them.

I was like, that is not fair. It's like you don't even want to be sexually harassed for them. It's like, it's a part of these. So then Ross is being creepy with Katie. He's like, what is going on here? Just like dressing up in my playboy costume. He's like, oh, it's going gonna be hard to concentrate on anything else. Mmm.

I do enjoy the company of the fair of sex sex being the operative word. And you got that you understood so sex so sex is both people Referee to that as like men and women or sex, but sex is also something it's like, and it's like, yes, we got it We got it Ross. She's like, should I call upstairs? and it's like, yes, we got it. We got it, Ross. She's like, should I call upstairs? And he's like, yes, you should. You should walk up those stairs and I'll watch you. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh you know, raw jug and sex machine, but you know he spends half the time doing the helicopter You know that he does

Encouraging under his breath So no, Haley and Ellis are gossiping and he was like, how do you think fancy as who I'll start I fancy myself Excuse me, I'm gonna go joke off in the mirror This is like well, I think Camille Fancy's been I mean, do you think it would be bad if I flirted with Ben too? And she's like, you are going to get in trouble. So then we got the paying party where his face is on the table, faces everywhere.

And the captain sees this playboy party and he's like, God, just ask me right to the fucking wolves. Sorry, I was sipping my coffee right there right at that moment. Gap, gimme. So, um, uh, so then they're like, uh, so then Haley is showing, um, oh, I'm sorry, Lee Captain Lee is like talking about his nerve issue and this whole thing as well. It's extremely uncomfortable, but you can't just toss in the towel. Suck it up cupcake.

I mean, we all know cupcakes can't suck anything up, but if a cupcake did have a pair of lungs and a mouth, I would want it to suck something up. Hmm, so then Haley and Camille are in a guest room cleaning up and they pick up a shoe and Camille's like, oh oh my god she's a ten and he goes yeah well I have lunch but you know actually I have a bonk toe look at it it's like E.T.s toe I'm still fuck it though hold this fucking toe god damn I'm proud of that toe you know Kimmy help me bend this toe up to myself god I want me you know long term means that you're really good at blow jobs and Kimmy like goes, are you? I'm not a gag. Oh, you're not. Oh, that's such a terrible thing to admit you poor thing. Oh, now I understand why every quarterback in all of America hates you so much.

So the truffles fries are served with steak and the captain's like Rachel is a goddamn treasure. She has a cupcake that sucked it up. So now the guests are all being like, Katty with each other, they're being like sarcastic and laughing and Katty is like, wow, this is a tough room. They're like, yeah, we're gays. So then, now the debauchery party is starting.

So they're like upstairs and all the crew is changing into chip and del's outfits and stuff and playboy bunnies and everything and the guests really, they're like they want a stripper because I guess so Ben and Tony had changed into sort of like you have no robes and there would be short list but they were never called into service so then Tony went to sleep but now they want them to be their shirtless and Yeah, now they're like where's the strippers? want them to be there. Sure, listen. Yeah, now they're like, where's the strippers? So they have to go wake Tony up to come to the stripping. And he's like, Oh, you know, I feel awkward, but he's yawning. So what the guess want they get? So they come to do the worst stripping of ever seen. It's so mommy, these poor guys, they don't want to do it. And I don't like that on this show where they're like, let's make the crew give the guest lap dances. That's gross to me anyway.

But I love that they don't even feign interest. They're just like, eh. Eh. It's also like, it's also that sad thing where there's like a hot guy who like like is so like hasn't even thought once about like I have a great body what if I tried to be sexy with this body because like sometimes you'll see that you ever you ever go to like a gay bar and there's like a really hot like go go dancer but they don't know how to dance so they do weird things like they just flex or they do like actually like push ups or they do yoga poses and you're like sir That's yeah, they hit you in the head with their dawn. I mean making effort. You know what I mean

Yeah Anyway, I'm gonna make that money. It's not gonna make itself So Tony's like oh god, I cannot dance. I don't have sorry. I don't have my ring yet. I don't have nothing I might be the worst until forever So then chat's like oh my god one more aphlex Tony. Oh my god I didn't even know you could have ten muscles or how do you have a ten pack? It's like please don't touch me please So now it's later in the evening and Alyssa tells come me able to clean up the bar in the main salon and so

We know Camille's not gonna do this well. So she does something. And Alyssa comes by the bar later and there's like a full watermelon wedge up there. It's like a wedge watermelon. And Camille's like, I mean, Alyssa's like, this is why I don't let other people do the job because then it looks like I did a half-assed job.

So, um. And she comes to Camille just eating in the math. She's like, whatever, like slowly eating. And Aly God's to come y'all just eating in the math. She's like, whatever, like slowly eating. And all this is like, of course the bitch didn't do her job. Put it away. So I don't have to fucking tell you to put it away.

So she goes up to her and she's like, Hey, there's watermelon on the bar. So you got about watermelon in the fridge, girls. Stop playing with me. It's watermelon. Oh, and no pouting with me. Don't pout on me now. And she's like, um, I'm not padding, but just like that delivery. I mean, that's great. That's fine. That's what I'm saying. And let's just like, um, what do you mean?

Like, those were just like things I saw walking around. Okay, good night. And then the community was like, that was so unnecessary. You two are gonna have a very long season. So then, you know, it's early morning, because we hear, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah on salutations. Yeah. So it's 23 nets. And the way it's really windy and the cupboards are shaking. And Kathleen's like, don't fuck with me, wind and matting the mood. You know, the weather and the Caribbean is unpredictable. And St. Lucia is way down in the chain in Windward Islands. They don't call them the Windward Islands for a reason. They call them Windward We're in the Bay of God damn it and go fuck yourself wind is where we have to head through rolling around like a goddamn pinball on a slot machine? He eats meat, but that's how you think's going to win, where the islands.

It's like a puppy in a rifle shop. It's like a cupcake and a pinball machine and a pinball on a slot machine. Everything's rearranged all bad. It's like a credit card and a dollar, dollar slot. So he's like, you know, if it keeps rolling like this and nothing happened to him outside today, we're staying inside like a redhead kid during summer.

So it's getting windier and windier. So like, you know, lately on Below Deck, the new thing is like super rocky boats. And so, you know, we have our standard things of like cover doors opening. You know, I don't think we had too many things clattering down, but I really loved the new contribution to a shaky boat genre, which is whisks sliding on a rod back and forth.

So we saw some whisks go to the left and whisks go to the right. I was like, oh, I love that. That's a great touch. New whisks action on below deck, below deck whisks. So Captain calls Frazier up, he's like Mr. Hollander, Mr. Hollander, I need laundry. He's like, you don't have any whites. That's a negative, sir. Yes. And so Frazier then goes to Camille and he's like, he's like, all right, we need to do, you need to laundry for Captain Me, all right? Only the underwear goes in the dryer, the rest hand dry, like the stupid idiot that you are. Don't know how that makes sense. I just wanted to end the

sentence that way. So, so now they're serving breakfast and Camille's like working on the clothing and she brings the clothing to Captain Me and he's like, oh, thank you very much. And, and Peng is his mouth on fire from the omelette, which surprised me. I did not expecting a spicy omelette from Rachel this morning. She's like, yeah, Betty, it's got a rip through me. Yeah, fucking like it like that. Yeah, rip through me. Rachel's just on another plane this season. So then Alyssa calls her mom Virginia and Fraser is watching her talk to her mom and she's just like mom I'm second student and I'm like oh my god. So when she gets off, she's like she sounds adorable. Do you have any pillows to hold down over her face? She can stop that. I sense the strange thing in your voice.

What was that affection? Yes, I've never heard of that concept Please never do it again. My ears are bleeding please don't repeat that And she's like yeah, my mom's like cutie her names of Virginia And I'm definitely closest to her Because my parents have like been divorced forever But like I'm not really close to my dad because he's negative and hand primary custody. And one day my mom just dropped us off at school and was like, I'll be back. And then she came back and like two and a half years. So I have a problem with

bonding with people or being disrespected. So if someone's talking down to me, I never stand up for myself. And it's very important for me to do that now. He's like, I'm sorry. Did you hear anything about spicy eggs? I just felt pain, give a wet one. And everybody else. That was a wonderful monologue. That would be more suited for a community theater. You are a stew.

Last monologue, more cleaning. Thank you very much. So, um, wind um wind wind wind oh my god it's wind so the captain's like ah Frazier get up here please we have any issue sir look at me. I'm gonna open the door. I think captain's just in like the skin tight. I mean it looks like mamspranks and Frazier's like did the skin type. I mean, it looks like mamspranks. And Frazier's like, did the shit shrink? He's like, shrink, how about this isn't my goddamn shirt? Hell, man, it's not man. Look, it says right here, property of Camille. So then there he goes, I look like a pork

sandwich of the Jewish picnic. What does that even mean just like out of place, I guess, out of place, if it was Jewish picnic attended by probably conservative door to dox Jews, but maybe reformed Jews, maybe not quite so much. Or maybe some people like that Mandelker or sort of in the middle, who are okay with it in pork, but are still Jewish. You know what I'm saying?

So, uh, Fasier says, well, I've seen you look better, so I promise it will never happen again, never, ever, ever. God damn it. It's hard to say that. How do you do it again? God damn it! Yes, just like that. So, Fasier tells Camille that he needs a large and Camille is like, but there is no large in here. I like maybe it's in his room.

So she goes up to the captain. She's like, I'm so sorry about your shirt. We're figuring this laundry situation out, but there's no large in there. And he's like, that has to be because I sent one down. You can go ahead and look. And I think she actually finds the largest down in his closet, right? Yeah, I guess they never picked up his laundry. I'm guessing. Something like that. Whatever it was.

So he's like, I'm going to wear a polo. Do you want to wear maybe a football jersey, like a quarterback, which I used to date. Get out of here. Get your goddamn bits off me, crazy. So Russ, Russ is the deck he's the anchor. And he's like, all right, this is how we do it. We're going to pull that anchor out. We're gonna pull down anchor out We're gonna let it start

It gets rotten the spot needs to be just Can he's like so this this thing goes both ways right? He's like, oh, yeah, with your thing It does but not the other way not in real life just to go above Well, it's like oh my god come somewhere else. Those guys such a fucking creep You know with regards to my deck team. They've got great attitudes and I love them all But Tony's pretty green at this at this moment the load is all on me And I hope to spread that load amongst my crew my work load You see load is semen in slang and you know if you spread your load you're really saying

spread your semen like you're jacklating on all of them. Yes, yes we get it. We get it you fucking weirdo. So the captain's like today is one of those days when it's merrus is a whore in the front row at a pew and church. Got a mountain here, a mountain here, and a pass where the wind blows through it's a tricky docking But you get paid the big bucks to make the hard calls Now okay, so I've had pork roll at a Jewish picnic horror in church

Got to think of something good for a mosque next so then Another sailing it's just windy So then uh, now they're saying it's just windy. What? You're just gonna get it all in there. I want to get every world religion in here, okay? By the end of this charter, okay, they don't call it the Windwood Islands for nothing, because there's people of different religions here.

So, uh, so they're selling to the wind. That wind is knocking harder than a Mormon kid on a fucking walkabout. That wind is knocking harder than a Mormon kid on a fucking walk about That wind is is blowing It's blowing harder if that wind is blowing Then okay, I'm trying to get some real legends here that than okay I'm trying to get some moral allegiance here that work I'm trying to think enough okay that wind is blowing harder than a criminal trying to be re-integrated not reintegrated

reincarnated as a none as part of a Hinduist tradition. That wind is blowing harder than a bitch up at a pool, then a bitch up at a bowling alley. That wind is blowing harder than Tita Turner, to get home to do her prayers because she is blue now. We're so lame. So, so, everything's flowing around and captain's like, oh god, I don't want to blow into something. We're way too close to that sale of God. Yeah, man. God, you're in the 27 knots. That's not good. And then it just cuts to paying twerking in the wind badly, you know? That's like very poetic too. Twerking in the wind. So he's like, you know, we're just going to have to disembark you in the middle of this water and get a water taxi for these people.

So the anchor goes down in this bay and now the guests all have to pack. Uncommeals yanking a bag up the stairs and Haley's watching her goes, I wish I was in that bag. Someone had some privacy when I jerk off to members of how he looked like. I look like a sin. Mother and me, cheers, one badass bitch. So they dropped the hook out there and decided to ferry their asses in. So, um, Camille is all upset she didn't get to anchor. And she's like, oh my god, I was so excited to anchor.

I'm not gonna get the chance. But then, you know, they get together and say goodbye to all the guests. Time to go everybody, bye. And Peng is like, well, service wise, everything was great, except I was traumatized at lunch, almost cried myself to sleep, and we couldn't figure out where soaps and towels were. So thanks.

Thanks. And then me and by the way, right before that, though, when they all line up, Captain Leeson, like a blue polo, and Camille's like, Captain, are you upset that you don't have a white shirt? I'm like, Camille, don't tempt it. Don't say anything. He's like, well, there would be no doubt in your mind if I were upset.

And Fraser's like, I'm really sorry about this stupid slut giving you this terrible, terrible, shrunken laundry load. It really annoys me. And we'll fix that in my next meeting. I promise you I was like, I have no doubt in my mind next meeting. I promise you I have no doubt in my mind I actually just I just have no doubt in my head. I'm that's don't speak a great song Get it's an air warm can't get an out of my brain. I've got no doubt in my head So they're leaving and paying like buy and they're like by paying and he's like paying what?

Paying into man tax professional. He's like, got it. Bye everybody. So he leaves. It's a doc, Peng. Oh. Oh. Thanks for the plane ride. So you got to.

So you got to. Got to just so dumb. So captain, he goes, okay, everyone get into your blues. And by, I noticed I said, your blues, not error blues, because I'm already in my blues. And that's not so much a clue. Come here, blues, blues, can't it? No, you don't get it. Okay, we'll move on.

Okay, I'm going to meet you for a tip meeting shortly. So, let's see, tip meeting, tip meeting. He's like, wow, make sure I loved all the crew involvement. Total tip 25 grand, pretty healthy start. And he least like, holy shit, already envisioning that Louis for tonal handbag goes, get that airport. I'll give so many great blow jobs for that thing. So, so then he's like, well, that got some smiles on the faces.

So now it's more cleaning and now Ben and Tony are talking about it. If there's any girls on board that they like and Tony is like, I think they're all beautiful, but he's not vibing with any of them. And Ben's like, oh, I think they're all pretty cool, actually. I mean, I want Camille, but there's something about, something about her eyes that are just cheeky, you know? And then they do a flashback of Camille in her room with something in the eye.

Like, it looks like she just woke up on her face, you know, like whenever I just half closed. And then it's like, and Alissa, all I've warmed to her, she's pretty cool, Lid and Sheen, Tony's like, I'm bored. No, basically. So Camille, here comes one right now. Oh, basically.

So Camille and Katie are talking and Camille's like, oh my god Ben thinks I really want him. Katie's like, yeah, he thinks you're super sweet He thinks I'm sweet. I am sweet. Cool. I like his vibe. So now she's like into him. And she's like, I want to get to know Ben some more tonight. So I'm going to go like, open up a little bit so he can come on in. Ross is like, eh, did I hear a double entendre that I can jump on top of it? No, no, it was emotionally come in. So Alyssa's talking to Haley as they get ready. And she's like, I know that Camille likes Ben,

but she's been a bitch to me, so I'm gonna start with Ben, because I don't know anyone, anything, especially her. I'm not wearing underwear tonight. Oh, let's see her not stock the waters in the fridge right tomorrow. So now they all go out to dinner and Tony is concerned for Ross. Oh yeah, he's saying that he's saying to Ross like you know since Ross likes Katie like be careful because she works for you and he's like Ross goes, who we work together every day.

I mean, that could be a complete fucking shit show. Right? I would never do such a thing which has never literally stopped any boasts and on blow dead ever going after one of the women who works under him. Right. So they go to dinner and come here. I was like, okay everyone, like let's all hold hands. I want to say something. Can I just say we're all down here. The furthest south I've ever been. And I just want to say I hope we have a great season and stay safe and get fucking slammed and I thanks to everybody for being here.

Here in the south, this place I've ever been in my life. Glad I added that in there because I really contextualized this grace. So, um, so then now Alyssa and Katie are in the bathroom now and Katie's like, I like Ross, he seems cute. And also like, yeah, he seems like really kind in a kind of Ryan, crannies in face way like someone took Brian crannies and sort of smush his face, you know, and then made him wake up on a pillow. That's what he looks like.

You know, I like that for you. Yeah, that looks like the kind of guy who can drink anything out of a paper bag. So good for you. You go girl. So Camille and Ben are floating at the table. She's like, so where were you before this band? He's like, I live in France. She's like, oh, she's my pal Camille.

Oh my God, that's the most, like, my name is Camille. The most famous French phrase you could say. So then now they're all at the table. Analysts is like really turning on the charm for Ben. She's like, Ben, what did you get to drink? I guess margarita. She's frozen or on the rocks. Of no idea.

Oh, God, that was good. I shouldn't want an underwear though. And Camille's pissed. You know, because she sees what she's trying to do. And Haley's like, we've got a live soap opera right on board at the moment. As uncomfortable as the situation is, I'm still enjoying watching it.

Like, who am I to put my money on? That's right. I'll tell you I'm going to put my dick in myself. If I had one, go on my heart. I know. I feel bad that I keep saying that she's going to go joke off somewhere when she's a woman. I'm going to think of myself. All those times you had me say joke off and meant to think of self. This is so into herself. It's hilarious. So now Camille goes, she tells Ben, so I dated a quarterback of Ole Miss, yeah, a quarterback. He was the love of my life. I still love him to this day, even though he fucked me over.

Yeah, and Ben goes, well, one of the girlfriend's I've had in the past, this last one was serious. I thought she was it. But she went down a different path, and yet her lot, I was absolutely heartbroken like you wouldn't believe he's in this fun to hear about which by the way Ronnie I think we have to induct this into the new below deck you know trope hall of fame the guy who came onto the yacht because he was dating someone who we thought would be the one and then she wasn't the one this is up there with child in Fort Lauderdale and there's something else. Camille's like, you know what I call guys go

into yachting? I call him the lost boys. He's like from P to Payne, just yeah, running away from something. Like, that's what I'm into yawning too. Cause he was a quarterback, okay? A quarter back. We found love and he cheated on me many times, many times. I was just a joke at that point.

That's what people do in yawning. They run away from demons, quarter back demons. Yeah, yawning, yawning's about running away from star quarterbacks that you've dated. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe who would cheat on you. Star college athlete. So by the way, in the middle of all this, Fraser turns to Halingers, you've got Lyme in your week. She's like, oh, Fraser, like parts of you are going to be in my rig by the end of this. And Fraser obviously goes, I hope not. I was like, oh, there's Fraser's real accent, his real working glass accent. So he's like, I just want to prove to the captain

that I can do it. She's like, Oh, yes, you've got this natural personality to lead, don't you? They're darling. He's like, yeah, people don't understand your things. Yeah, they didn't understand that. You know, what do you work on cruise ships? That's what they think, isn't it, darling? I would rather my funeral be me rotting in a car park in Texas than ever stepping foot on a cruise ship. Disgusting. So Rachel gets the check, which is crazy. Don't do that.

Fuckers can pay for themselves. You earn that. Yeah. Well, you know, she's probably like, I'm the only one here who's actually sort of famous. So I'll buy the first dinner and then they go back to the boat and Camille starts like, she's like, working on the water taxi and then they get onto the boat and then she's like behind Ben,

well she's like behind the bar floating with Ben about like, Jorz or something. She's like, I thought we'd have Jorz a long time ago, Ben. And he's like, are you cramping my style or just trying to fling? Yeah. And then like everyone's going to go upstairs, the hot tub, but the hot tub's cold, they go back downstairs again. And Camille starts to twerk even more for him. And Alyssa's like, I will never chase after a man, like for instance,

wearing no underwear to turn him on. Camille's a chaser. I'm not. So when you don't's a chaser, I'm not. So when you don't have it up here, I'm pointing at my head right now people. You've gotta use something and Camille uses her ass. And Camille is like awkwardly lap dancing event. Meanwhile Ben has put on a speedo and doesn't change even though they're not going in the hot tub.

So he's just so weird I was sitting around at his speedo. And Camille's like giving him the lap dance and they're cheering her on. And Alyssa says, never have I ever, never would I ever just know. And then Camille goes, did you enjoy that? And he has like a tiny little boner in his speedout. And Alyssa's like, that lowers my value.

Dirty disgusting trash swamp bitch. So now it's 7 a.m. and Captain Lee's growling goes, we're like, fuck me. I think this morning everything is numb. I'm not progressing at a rate that I anticipated. Pain's getting worse, not better. I can barely stand up. In fact, can't stand up. I'm a motherfucker. And that's what the episode ends. Yeah, so it ends with Captain

I guess about to leave what the whole It's sad. I wonder if this is gonna be like he's gonna leave for the season or if this is like he's gonna have to like hang up his Hang up his captains hat because it'd be really sad. I know I know I feel like I'm gonna cry Well do it alone I don't want I feel like I'm gonna cry Well do it alone I don't want to hear a favorite way to cry No, don't cry around me cuz then I'll start crying and it's just gonna get ugly and I'll start cursing and say horrible things I'm actually an easy cry people may not realize about this, but I cry very easily So I probably will cry when captain Lee has to I'm assuming step out

I got it my only hope is that they don't bring back that weirdo guy from last season who started up the first like charter Yeah, the guy was like this is how we're doing dick cheers Oh, right. I want a table up here. I want a table in an L and then debt cheers at a P got it What the fuck is this guy concentrating on wasn't't he concentrating on remodeling the workout area and the- He was like a micromanager. I think he was actually not Australian but he was more of like a this is how we do it.

We're gonna make a little dick chair here. He was like a little sort of like Boy Scout guy. So I don't know. And then Eddie was like, you're not my dad. And then the blonde chick was like, my apologies. All right everybody. Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Bye! Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella.

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or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of WonderZ's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and

Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder Yeah.

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