Watch What Crappens - BelowDeck: Sailing, Takes Abbi Away

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

Looks like Abbi's going to venture out on her own Abbi road. The beleaguered deckhand on "Below Deck" has come to realize that impulsive, unprofessional pastures are the best fit for her. Plus, Captain Lee shows the guests a water park, and Ashton continues to blur the lines between co-worker and horndog. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Watch what crap is! Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is! Who cares what crap is! Who cares what crap is! Who cares what crap is! Who cares what crap is! Watch what crap is! Who cares what crap is! Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real House Swear is a Kitchen Island which is a Real House

Rides of New York parody. It's available on YouTube and a new episode just dropped and joining me is the wonderful and lovely and very well lit. Ronnie Karam of those Prick Basharos podcasts. Hi Ronnie. Hi Bima. Hi, when I say he's well lit, I'm not saying that he's drunk. I'm saying he's actually well lit because this is a crap and it's on demand episode. And if you're a newbie, that means it's a Patreon thing. You go on to Patreon, you spores on the crap and it's on demand level. And you don't get to just listen to the podcast, you could just see the podcast.

Ronnie and I have rival kingdoms on. Sort of, yours is more of a plaid, mine's more of a kingdom. What can I say? We're very patterned tonight. Yeah, seepes patterned. So I did mention Real House, where there's a parody of Real Housewives of New York, and speaking of Real Housewives of New York and speaking of Real Housewives of New York, we are excited because in case you missed the big announcement yesterday or this morning

or whatever because it's nighttime, crazy episode alert, we have announced what we will be recording or doing at our shows this weekend. So in Indianapolis on Friday, we are going to be doing the latest episode of Real Housewives of Dallas. And then in Chicago, since we've got two shows, the early show, we're going to recap the latest New Jersey episode. And the late show, we're going to do a classic New York episode. It's called Bon Voyage Ramona. It is season six episode 10, I believe, yes. season 6 episode 10, I believe, yes. And to remind you what this is, this is the episode that happens in the wake of Ramona throwing glass at Kristen Takeman's face. And then Ramona defending her actions, later on going into the woods, having a

flashback to her dad, and then calling a friend to have her flown out of the Berkshire's so that way she can go to a party in the Hamptons. So It's an amazing episode and we're gonna be recapping that Saturday night in Chicago at the late show. So that's that and watch what happens.com if you want to take us the indie show the Chicago Shows are sold out and real quickly. Here's what else is on the roster. We got two sold out shows in New York.

We got St. Louis with not too many tickets left. We got a sold out show in Philadelphia, but we have a late show that still has tickets. We got Denver. We got Seattle. The Golden Crappies are actually still tickets available for that Detroit Columbus Sold out show in Austin, but we do have another show after that that does have tickets Houston Birmingham Nola Kansas City Omaha Salt Lake City Vancouver Orlando Charleston And another city, but we're not announcing it just yet, but stay tuned to our social media For that watch or crap iscom to get all that stuff Do it and I was I am scrolling around here while Ben is yapping his face off because I

Forgot I announced during the real house was of Atlanta recap that we were re-releasing the ho ho ho Kai T-shirts and the happy Oh, oh, Kai! T-shirts and the Happy Ramonika T-shirts for Christmas and Hanukkah. And I forgot to press re-release. Guess what? They're re-release now. Whoa!

They're right now. Wow, they're re-release. Do it. Live on the podcast. Also, if you happen watching, crap is on demand. Fun fact, this episode has a special guest, a big cup of soda from McDonald's. Because yes, I went to McDonald's before this. I'm sorry. We all have our weaknesses.

Don't apologize. McDonald's keeps the economy going. It does. McDonald's makes the world go around. It sure does. I love some McDonald's. Okay. Just I eat some french fries sandwiches over there and Canada taught me that that's normal. So I'm Andy McDonald. You can some McDonald's okay, just I eat some french fries sandwiches over there and Canada taught me that that's normal So I'm Andy you know you can find McDonald's all over the world even Thailand Don't ever hamburger in Thailand You know it happened to born into the China banana We got the sweet belly, which is all the name of a new appetizer

Sweet belly. the sweet belly, which is also the name of a new appetite, errrr, sweet belly. Oh, sweet belly. Sounds like it's something I should get tattooed if I'm gonna be on top chair for sweet belly. Eww, please try our sweet belly. It's only 1599 for three small pieces of an indeterminate meat. Isn't indeterminate like an unknown amount of time. It's sir. That's putting too much thought into it. Okay. So today on the low deck, everyone's barfing and quitting.

You know what? I want to say something to the millennials out there. You guys take a lot of shit in those worlds and it's because of people like Abby. I think millennials are like the smartest, most brilliant generation. They've had access to everything. They're very smart, little go getters. I think you guys take too much shit and then I watch this show and I'm like, you know, they cast Abby so the old people consider. Oh my god. Oh, that's fucking millennials. Right. Old people can say that, but just remember, old people were once, oh, those fucking hippies, you know, old people were millennials once too. So everyone needs to just chillax for a moment.

That's true, but the millennials are getting the old people back because have you seen on Facebook, all the old people like, how dare you boomer boomer say me I have a lot of boomer say me going on. It's actually the most hilarious thing someone tweeted out that Boomer is like an offensive term. It's like the equivalent of saying the N word to a black person is it's like Oh, yeah, I was like, oh, yeah, totally Don't think so. Hi, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I guess I stepped to the back of the line for the VIP meet and greet for the couch of sluang Cabaret Yeah, totally the same thing. Yeah, oh good Yeah, I'm embarrassed for everybody right now. I'm

Thankfully generation X and I don't give a fuck really so thank you Jenny and Garofalo for making that happen. Yeah, I'm I'm really bite. I'm some sort of like weird in between generation. I'm not really generation X I'm 78. I'm I mean I Spursely I'm 78 years old, but I'm also from 1978 and It's like I'm not really Gen X for a while. I was Gen Y Which sort of felt like a consolation prize for people who missed out on Gen X. But I'm like, a little too young to be Gen X,

a little too old to be a millennial. I'm just sort of like, just me. Yeah, I think I'm technically Generation X. I mean, Generation Y, but I won't. I won't get to be a Gen X. I'm like on a cusp. I looked it up one time, because we were talking about it on this year podcast

Which usually recaps television shows? Yeah, but we're really gonna get into some philosophical Tangent's year. Well, it's funny because there's also different definitions of what is millennial right? Because I think some people say it's like 1980 on and then it's like oh's people who came of age in the 90s or I don't know. I feel like you know it when you see it, right? Like porn, you know it when you see it, or not porn, but in decency, right? It's not the famous thing.

I know it when I see it. I said, porn is in decency. No, that was a famous ruling about what's like in decent content from the 70s. And like that judge, I think it may have been a supreme court thing was like, I can't define it, but I'll know what you know when you see it. I'm like, that's what a millennial is. You know when you see it, Abby. Like a like a like a quarter pounder. True. You see it all comes full circle. Quarter pounder when you see it. Yeah.

Like does anything look like a quarter pounder? I mean, I know there's like a million different kinds of hamburgers. Okay, maybe a Mac or a fresh plate of chef shows sweet belly. You don't really know what it is, but you know when you see it. Oh, okay. So one line I didn't notice Kate saying last week was these girls are thirsty. They also like to drink a lot. these girls are thirsty. They also like to drink a lot, which I'm immediately going to say to everybody that I see. So we're still with the woohoo girls and those are just basically single girls who wear bathing suits, but only when they're on boats and then they do this a lot. Yeah, exactly. And then they go home and watch this is us Yeah, and then they keep telling each other like they're big inside joke when they're really rebelling and parting hard They go that's what she said and they say that every other yeah, it's a it's a new joke I don't know if you've heard it, but like when someone says something that could be provocative you go that's what she said It's like just wait. It's gonna catch on. Yeah, well, I still think.

Oh, they also said, they also like to say, winning. Did they say winning? No, no, but I'm just projecting that on top. Oh God. I was gonna say, how did I not catch that? I was in like a very hateful mood when I was watching this. I was like, if these bitches will, who, one more time. Well, that's what she said.

Doing great. Golly. It's doing great. Carrie. That's what she said. And by she I've been in TV. And of course I'm talking about she wanted more lasagna, but I said, you can't. It's against the policy of your program, but she did anyway.

So, you know, okay. So I still I'm still on woo in my notes. So let me go here. Um, so second day of charter, they're on something. It's not spelled Riley Beach, but it's pronounced. I think Riley Beach, which made me just want to fight with somebody on Twitter like Riley from below that. I thought they were on. I wrote it down. I thought it was Crabby Beach. Maybe that was a different beach later. No, it's like Reli-ly Beach. Or Reli-ly Beach.

Reli-ly. It's like, fuck you, you want a piece of me? Yeah, beach. Got it, got it, got it. It's like, hey, this is a place where we can set a lunch pre-knit. I don't know. Why don't you try? How about you ask me once in a while. Okay, I'm not just a beach. Okay, I can provide a lot more than just being a beach

Okay, listen, we just want to set up a beach picnic here. Got it. Got it This here, Eileen It's just Abby is crying because that's you know Abby's just trying to ruin an entire generation this episode so she's just like crying with her hair down on my dad. I think her hair is down. I actually can't actually prove that right now because I don't remember but in my mind her hair is always down. You know what I have actually the video I'm gonna pull it up because I

don't think it's so big that when it's down, it's actually up because the hair that's that the part that's down is down But then there's so much up top that it just rests on the part that's down So it's actually like the down part is like a step stool for the part that's up So that's like up on the down part So her hair is down her hair is literally down. What you know what? I'm down here. It's down. When he has a status, my head is down. You know what? Like, come here right now.

My hands are down. OK, but in her defense, she's playing with it and trying to put it up, but she's sobbing and then she puts it up. But your right is still is down. Also, now that I'm fast forwarding through this video and looking at it frame by frame, Kevin, could you keep your clothes on?

That would be great. OK? Yeah, a lot of shirtless. You're very cute and everything. I think you're very handsome, but there's something about Kevin's body hair right in my face. And I don't need you to be smooth and wax and everything. But I feel like I'm getting hair in my teeth,

the camera is so close to your hair. And they just keep doing it over and over. It's empty. Yeah, hit it off with a rug. It was like a journey that his chest here went on this episode, but like a journey with no arc. It was just like, here's another shirt that he's can't get into. And there's another one. And he's stuck in another shirt. The editors has loved showing Kevin like right in the camera with his chest here right in

my face. Yeah, fully. Also, journey. I love you, journey. OK. So I'm not missing you, journey. OK. Journey. Yeah. Because you were saying it was the whole journey he went on. I don't want.

I know journey. The band is listening to this right now. I don't want to. I think we're missing them. Journey. Keep taking off your shirts. I, I like whenever Kevin would do that thing where he put on a shirt and then get stuck. And then like the top of the shirt was over his head and his hands would be like hang down.

So he sort of looks like a nun or like Igor from Frankenstein, you know? He's like, I'm stuck at my shirt, you know? Wow, yeah. Just make him sexually viable. So I think it's just changed my entire mind. You've changed my mind to my Kevin. So Abby is crying because she has at her wit's end because she's had to endure the indignity

of putting her hair up. And she's like, I don't want to do this anymore. She is used to life on a sailboat, not a motor yacht, and also she's engaged now and just wants to get back to fucking and fucking and fucking, you know? So my great fuck buddy, Edwin and Maryam knows like, alright. So she's like, you know, the level of professionalism, it's just like, it's too much. I can't.

I can't. She's just, I just like that she is just voluntarily declaring to the world that she just can't be professional. You know most people say like you know I want to do it, but it's very stressful and I don't feel like myself out here or I miss my family or My head's not in it, but she's like no requires too much attention to detail and professionalism. I need a boat That requires broad strokes. You can mess things up. No professionalism Basically, like just give me a canoe with a hole in it and I'll be fine. That's all I need I know and I know I keep parping on this, but I don't think selling is easy. I mean, I don't know where she's getting

I don't know like how many times Let's be honest. It's like literally the hardest work I can do. It's hard. Oh, well, let's hope we get this in the winds the right way so we don't all die. Like that's not the boat that you want someone who's thinking it work. Yeah, I love that. Like she says professionalism and perfectionism

as if those were bad things on a boat. You know, those are the things you need the most. How many times do you think that she's been hit by a swinging boom on a sailboat? Because I just think at this point, like she's had like as many concussions as a linebacker. Probably, yeah, she seems like it. New print, do you remember that new print

commercial where the lady was like, I was sailing on a boat and then like black and white the boom hits her in the back. She's like, ah, now I take a new print. No, it's a real show. No, it's a real. No, it's when the ladies on the pain commercials, it's like her, she's like holding her head like this or fingers on the edge of her eyes. Like, my head hurts.

Can you tell in this poster? That's what I do. I make a little sun vibes with my hand and and I say I need the comfort of the firm and wasp blonde lady from the Tylenol commercials. Yeah, I love those. I'm being in Garmin Greg. Oh my god, Genoa Huni place, whatever her name. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, know, but the woman who played her mom, the one who played Jenna Elfman's mom.

Jenna Elfman. She used to do Tylenol commercials and I loved her because I was a small gay boy. If you were Jenna Elfman's mom, I'd be like, Jesus Christ. It's like someone who does that to Jenna Elfman's mom like, you must have a headache. You want to do a commercial? I was upset when she started doing real acting gigs instead of the time I'll commercials, because this woman, her best role, was walking on like a floating diagram

of the human body with like pain centers and being like, you know, like nine out of 10 doctors recommend Tylenol. I was like, yes. Yes. To Jenna Alpinot's mother. Like nine out of 10 doctors insist that Jenna Alpinot's mother

should be taking care of them. No. Okay. so Abby's like, oh, it's so hard being professional. So someone's like, do me so bad. And she's like, you know, she's really hard. Like, I'm trying to be happy all the time. My nose is peeling. So then we see some shots of we see Kevin and the fridge talking to himself again saying, oh my god, come on Mr. Dolby's scene. And then I guess goes up to Kate and goes, Kate, can you get everyone a fireball shot and Kate goes, yes, because she's so excited because she knows that they're doing fireball shots

now. They'll be passed out by 9 30 PM later. Yeah. And then when she passes that Courtney passes out the shots and Courtney's smart ass happy face is so funny. She does the same one. She did win Abby, so she was engaged. She's like, she's like big wide open mouth,

mini leaks face. Yeah. She's like, and you know that she hates him and then actually passes about the girl who ordered him because who did this? I did it. I ordered. Cornies just like here, take your trashy shots. Here you go. So Brian goes and finds Ashton and is like, Hey, Bri, Hey, you talked to you. You talked to Erbie. She's crying. I was like, Bri, she's crying. I was like,

so then Ashton is like, yes, I will go offer her my penis. And that should help her with every woman needs. He's like, Erbie, let me give you some words of advice to make you feel it better. When you act immature, but you look much older than you are, it causes a problem and that's hard in yutting. Do you know what I'm saying? No. I would like you to have a seat on my face. Like he's very inappropriate. Ashton. I mean, I guess that's a given, but he's very like, all right, lady, what do you need to talk about? She's basically Gilbert Godfried.

The bad guy's like, he's just in a constant state of like, so she's whining. And he's like, think, go home, you know, basically, she's like, but I can't. And he's like, yes, she can. Angie will. But now we're going to be too mean, Dan, because Tana is still ball thing. Yeah. This is the episode where every 10 seconds we have to check in on Tana. Jimmy Krueger. Yeah.

And then every time he barfs, he, well, every time he even gets the barf sweats or bars, he does this thing right into the camera where he has, oh, I don't, it's like I'm smelling your bar. Okay. So now I've got Kevin's chest hair in my teeth while I'm smelling your barf breath. Yeah. We don't need your sweet belly breath. Okay. Get some green tea mouthwash. Would you? You've got bigger problems. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong.

What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. you can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So then we go, we see Simone in the laundry room where she's like, well, when he's towels coming from, it's like rain in towels. What would do it? So she's like slowly having the laundry room, which she loved so much is now turning

on her and she's going nuts. Yeah. Um, she's a delight. She is. Yes. Every time they cut to some own, wouldn't this taste come from it's raining. So then, uh, some of our, I guess I'm assuming, Tanner and then Captain Lee's, I think they're going to go to a water park. And he's very proud of this water park. Captain Lee is actually like he built the fucking water park.

He's like, ladies, you having a good time? Like, whoa, see that over there? That's a water park that I have arranged for you to go to today. There's, and then when they come back, he's like, did you enjoy that water park, ladies? Let me tell you something. I'm giving you a one-way ticket to the water park.

Have fun. Have a great time. Gatos. So Courtney and Kate are talking in the kitchen and Courtney's like, what are you going to do for the full moon dinner party? Play there. Tower of seafood. I'm hoping. Towerowers? No, no. Possibly a seafood tower that goes to the moon.

It should be an actual tower. A seafood tower in the shape of the Apollo 13, but less disastrous. Like who did that space shuttle in the first place? I mean, really. Okay, so I have a bunch of neon rage decor, you know, mushrooms and body paint. We're gonna stimulate the feelings of being on drugs basically. Are those like magic mushrooms that she's using or she's just putting mushrooms in punch? I think she just put some craminy mushrooms in the punch, you know, I I think she did say I mean like it's a beef tongue My you could literally do whatever the fuck you wanted to at this point. I'm not mad to be honest

I'm just gonna float poop and some lemonade and it'll still be whatever better than whatever it can't be serves Let's try that so ashen walks up to the wheelhouse to have a chat with captain Lee and Lee already knows you can already tell and Lee already knows. You can already tell, something's a foot. He's like, oh boy, this is not giving me a warm and fuzzy feeling right now. I feel like I got matches stuck in my teeth all over again, on account of the, on the, mouthwash they got in this goddamn island.

Well, she's depressed and she'd like to leave. I tried to give her the medicine, but she wouldn't put my penis in the mouth. And the captain's like, immediately, it's a isn't the workload. He gets that luck or he's just like, isn't the workload. Yeah.

And Ashton says, no, apparently sailing life is different than a motor yacht. Yeah. It's like how's the captain hasn't heard 90,000 times yet. Exactly. And he's like, well, I didn't see this coming at all. You know what I call this?

A classic example of a mouth writing a check that your ass can't catch! Captain Liyism! You're asking, catch it. Ask, ask, ask, ask, check, ask, check, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, right? Ask ask ask check cash station, right? Why is there bulletproof window kicking my ass in there? Hi there, this is Captain Lee from the bank of your ass is in America right now. And I just want to say that you have overdrawn funds from your ass, taken by your mouth. Hi, this is Captain Lee calling from Aspargo.

All right. Would you like to talk to an ass banker? All right, mouth check writer. This is Captain Lee calling from HSBC. Calling to let you know that we put a hold on your ass because your mouth has been taking too many funds. Hold on a minute. This is Frost ass bake calling. This is the teacher's ass you can. All right. This is a wash assing tin mutual. I think there's only two things anyway. This is city.

Hi, hi. This is Captain Lee from Chase Aspire, your Chase Aspire, your Chase Aspire card. I should actually the president of that. I think actually Tanner is. So he's like, yeah, in a beautiful boat, exotic location, you're getting paid for doing what most people would do for a nap then, like, okay,

you're overstepping a little bit there. Okay, yes, beautiful location. It's a lot of lifting, it's a lot of mopping. Okay, you're overstepping a little bit there. Okay, yes. Beautiful location. It's a lot of lifting, it's a lot of mopping. It's a lot of cleaning salt off with those. I don't know if a lot of people would do that for free, but I'm with you. Okay, let's go back to the aspect. I mean, I don't know.

I don't know. Here you are doing manual labor, in intense heat and humidity with a boss who's sexually harassing you. I don't know. Sounds like a dream jab to me So Brian tells Tanner that Abby's leaving and he's like this girl's a tornado of emotion, right? She just gets engaged now. She's now she's quitting

You know what? How to mouse right checks and how to ask his cash Right, that's my question. I have a question. What if you're using an online portal? Does your ass still have the ability to send checks to your mouth? So Kevin is, Kevin Mewal is in the kitchen and he's like he is he is he wants to think outside the box so that way he impresses his father aka captain Lee and he's very stressed about this me another word for ass by the way go ahead well not quite but you know we still appreciate what you're going for there I

wonder if he'll be serving a rump roast with a sizable endowment that can't be touched, especially not by them out. Yeah, so he's like, he's not my best friend, you know, he's like, he's got me about the balls, so I'm gonna think outside the box. It's already in all street in my mouth. And Brian just comes in, he's like,

Hey buddy, where's it? Tomorrow, there we go, boo, there we go, broo. Here we go, broo. It's already in all street in my mouth and Brian just comes in he's like hey buddy with it tomorrow There we go, but then we got brew here we go brew on the hot one here, so then kids like hi Simone Guess what you're going to the beach today and Simone's all happy and I was just imagining kids saying You're going to be to do laundry. Sorry. There's a lot. We're going to laundry beach Have fun surfing on that tide. Have all ALL the fun. Snuggles. And some of us like, what favorite thing about yachting?

It's thing exciting places for thing. Like, she'd be excited by anything right now. I know, she really would be. So now the guests arrive at crabby beach and They're there and I just like that there's a beach called a crabby even though it's not spelled like crabby It's spelled carry a bi but I just like Good crap every beach I've ever been to I'm like why the fuck am I here is disgusting? Like you came up with the idea of just like sitting on sand in the sun and sweating all over the place People it's a stupid idea people who like luxury so

Yeah, Simone's getting burned out with the laundry situation and she's starting to feel like the thirds do not the seconds Do so that is brewing inside of her, but she gets to do this picnic today. So that's exciting So yeah. Then we see the girls jumping on the trampoline, I guess we're the waterpark. All right. I wrote a check that my ass can catch waterpark. Okay, bought this whole thing for you ladies and guess what they're doing. It's like it's always an opening for prices right. Yes people. Yeah, they

bounce around on these like inflatable things, etc. So then Kevin and Kate are talking about dinner for tonight and Kevin's talking about how the first course will be often big scallops and there'll be some chorizo and rice. And then he's gonna go onto a grilled beef tongue. And he goes, beef tongue, wow. Wow. She's not even high, bitch. She's like, mm-hmm. Well, he's like, yes.

And she's like, I'm not sure if I was a charter guest, I'd be super excited to have tongue in my mouth. And he's like, and then she goes goes hold on. I'm still writing downtown So running down this guy's a total fucking idiot asshole and I can't wait to watch him get fired Hey, how do you spell tongue then because I think I accidentally spelled it as the dish that will all be returned to the kitchen Thank you I'm trying to spell tongue. Wow. It's so funny. My hands just printed out a southwest ticket. I was trying to write tongue, but I accidentally wrote Stoever's Mac and cheese that everyone's gonna be requesting instead. Huh?

So he starts naming all this stuff, let me just say, he seems very talented and not as much of an asshole as I keep expecting him to be. I still kind of like him. I don't know why, but I will say this. People are barfing and pooping their brains out on this boat. Maybe scallops, chorizo, and beef tongue

aren't a good thing to mix together. Yeah. Well, don't forget there's also a ramesco sauce in the mix here. The kids like, yeah, it's a lot of food. Yeah. He's kids like, Ramesco, what's that? He goes, well, it's sort of like a pistol. You're a maniac because he keeps serving stuff that no one must eat. That's really bold. I appreciate you.

So then, let's see, back on the, I don't care like I'm reading it's like and then someone mob something yeah okay so the Kate is in the room she's in her room with Abby and Abby's you know in the process of pulling up or putting down her hair who knows I can't believe she doesn't have Kevin's hair line at this point because I don't know if she does as fuck with her hair yeah so Kate's like hi Abby how's your day going please Please tell me something terrible. And Abby is like, it's good. I'm leaving.

It's like, what? I was really not expecting something that you see. Do I'm going to get my EDM to play to make sure you get off the boat? I've written a really good song about how you've got herpes and everyone hates you. Yeah. It's written by Kate Chastain and the Josias. Okay, I wish you liked to hear that. So, Gabby's like, is that really a shot, Kate? And she's like, um, yeah, are you sure? It's only four and a half weeks and you really already look stupid. Are you

putting your hair up? Are you putting your hair down? We really can't tell it's like a sensory deprivation chamber, but it's your hair. So like hitting me all at once. It's a really hard decision. I'm letting people down, but I have to come to terms with it. I just hate professional itself. She's walking around in her, she's walking around in her dark poker glasses all over the boat. Tell me, each person individually, it's like big brother, you know? I gotta tell you something, guys. I'm quitting.

Just get the fuck out of the boat. I've never seen a non-apology tour this long. Yeah. Yeah. Go like get like a little, get the tender and just get to shore. So, um, so the guests are coming back and they're all drunk and Kate goes, they're drunk. And, uh, and then we see Kevin in the kitchen and he's like playing around with a beef tongue and the beef tongue gets its own kairan. The tongue is like right there

and it just, it just says beef tongue. I was like, it's Kate doing the kairans because you know that she wrote that. No, if Kate was doing it, it would be... Beef time. Heh. It would be a thing that no one wants. Heh. And he's like, some people would be, see beef tongue, and be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, then that's what you serve to people. Sounds great. For the record, I also feel like all this exoticism around beef tongue is like a little crazy.

I feel like beef tongue is a fairly standard thing that you could get at like at delis. It is and it's also kind of like a newbie food craze, you know, like, uh, awful. Where people are like, oh my god, awful. And that's like what they call depression meets because that's all people had, you know, like, um, awful. Where people are like, oh my God, awful. And that's like what they call depression meets because that's all people had, you know, it's like, I just ate a possibly dead raccoon off the side of the road. Not sure if it was dead or a fool is just foaming at the mouth about to die. But now, and you know, invested these say in eight, these millennials just love to eat their awful. They love their awful.

They love their livers and kidneys and giblets, et cetera. So now it's nighttime and Tanner's just getting sicker and sicker. He just looks terrible. And meanwhile, the guests are getting ready for the evening and Kate is doing the table scape which she says is like a children's rave, which is cute. Also like a children's rave is what you could say about I think most things on like Nick Jr.

Right? Like blues clues or what was that one that's really big on Nick Jr. That's I don't know because I'm not a fucking perv. No, there's a one. There's that one showing on Nick Jr. That like no people go nuts for they do like a tour You for yeah, it's such oh the waiting to Todd. There's no no no. It's the one that's like That's all I have to wait. It's like no no. It's not to worry. It's it's on the tip of my tongue. It's like yo gaba gaba Oh, that's that's a kids thing. I thought that was a band. Well, actually it started off as a very serious biopic starring Linda Fiorentino,

and then it was adapted to Nick Jr. to become something for toddlers. Wow, is that true? Stop lying to me. I believe everything you say. Yo, Gabba Gabba. The story of one woman, one woman, the woman who created the calculator, starring Linda Fiorentino. And now, a children's show too.

Yeah. Yeah. Musical starring Tina Yathers. Well, but yeah, sounds realistic. I believe it, man. So anyway, Kate is just like to say, teammate, he others a lot. Okay. So if Kate is making vodka mushrooms lemonade,

huh? And the court. Okay. Kate's making that and Courtney sees it and just goes, disgusting. It's like, no, it's not those two are perfect pair. There are. And it's Hannah, guess what Hannah's doing?

Barfing. Hey, can we enter the shot of Kevin taking off his shirt really close to the camera again? Please, guys. That was great. That was really good. So now Captain Lee's having is gonna be having dinner with the ladies So he's sitting with them beforehand making chitchat and he's like, so did you guys enjoy the waterpark today that I built with funds That I took from my ass and that I had as well. Guess what? I didn't write a check with my mouth. I wired it. Right. My ass entered the routing number and cast it. What do you think of that?

That's right. That's right. And I paid no fees because I actually have an advanced small business account for my ass. So no fees on it. So don't worry. So, um, by the way, I think you took my captain Lee signed a book and I took yours. I just took, well, I took the one that was left there for me. Um, that was rude with me. I will, I will cop to that. But today, I was like, you know what, I need a hug. I'm going to read the inscription, the captain leap put in my butt. Nothing there. Nothing because we were on our way out the door when he was signing up. I was like, we got to go and he's like, all right, yes, half cast, half cast. Wait. So, well, no, I want to look at the

captain leap, or just see if he signed the one that I that it was my size. I saw what he was saying. It was saying you guys. It wasn't like wrong. You have changed my life. God. God damn it. I love you. Don't say anything to Ben. I'm leaving him a blank book. He was writing it to both of us. But before he had a chance to write the second one, I was like, we got to go. We can't be late to our own show, which turns out we could have been. We could have an hour later than it was announced Well, I actually have the book right here and here is the inscription says It says you look thin you have you grown hair great says you guys

Welcome to the bank ask America loyalty program Please enjoy a credit limit of a hundred dollars I can be exclusively in Captain Lee Water Park all around the island of Pukat. They're truly Captain Lee Gaddamit. By the way so many bravo we have so many bravo books at this point I'm gonna start right behind me where you see me right now I'm gonna start a bravo thing. And I want to do like Andy, Andy Cohen does. And this is the only thing I want to do like Andy Cohen does. But I want to put a bunch of Bravo books and then top it with glorious dinams book because that shit just cracks me up every time.

It's like Neenie talking and then glorious Steinem right above her. You know what I want to do? I want to have a stack of Bravo books and on top of that my degree from Dartmouth. I'd be like Which is actually right there Yes, Ben. I No, no, this is actually coming true because it's it's right above the two guess who games that people gave me with Bravo faces. So this is like Kim Zolciak pictures degree from college. This is where this is a direct correlation. Guess what? Guess what? I got my GD, I got my GD in jail, which is much better than I so what? Who cares?

I got, hey, you know what? I'm gonna open the door again. I hear cold ice cool. You know what? Because it's funny. I like that there's a game called ice cool. Because you know what? It wasn't cool. That's why I had to open up the window.? I don't know. What can you do? So The captain is loving the presentation and by loving I mean he's doing this He's like wow, you know the presentation was good last night as it should be Because that's what the guest should be getting every goddamn night over the top. Did you see the waterper? I've been every goddamn night over the top. Did you see the water park? I built. Let me tell you this, okay, the quality,

it should be like this, okay? My hand is at like around cheekbone level. It should be like this every night. It should be not down here. It should be, in fact, it'll be higher. It should be up here. You know, it should be like, it should be like a tap of the water slide

from the water park that we all agreed was amazing. And then not down here in the raft thing. So I want to be captain Lee water park and not a slip and slide. So Kevin comes out and announces the the courses to everyone and I can never tell if people are going to boo. I mean, they do a good job on the show. Like, you can't tell if people hate it or they love it. Yeah.

Well, they they are. Oh, Ron is doing a full Tanner over there. If you were watching this, if you're watching this, which is by the way, killing children everywhere. And I'm like, sounds great. I'll get you in a time. Hand me five of them. I literally thought Ronnie had died when we were in Tampa. I was like, Ronnie, are you alive? Are you alive? Are you alive? So, he was.

Why in Tampa? weren't me because we were in Tampa and you weren't answering your text messages for hours and hours and I thought I was like, oh, I thought maybe you had died. I'm sorry. I put a silent on your name. I didn't explain it being mean for no reason. I didn't. I went to sleep.

I was going through a lot. Yeah, I was going through a lot. So, but then you used the same thing because I texted you back and then you were like, nowhere to be found. I said, then I took my nap. You know, we heard each other. Yeah. So Kevin, I never said, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just before I almost died,

I never know if people are going to boot Kevin, because he says things like this. Today, we've got local baked skillets on bottom is chorizo and like a black eye only. What the fuck? What the fuck are you even talking about right now? It's disgusting. Yeah, well, I liked the sound of it personally, not to be a complete. All those things maybe individually, but scallops and chorizo. Well, that's a classic Spanish combination, I think. Yeah, maybe I don't know. What am I talking about? The point is this. He does not do himself any any any favors by presenting the beef tongue and saying,

well, I've brought you something that I I hope you try because I don't think you'd ever order it anywhere else in the world, but now that you're tripped here, you have to eat it. So I hope you try it. If you'd like, you can pinch your now nostrils together so that way you don't taste it quite as much. And remember that if you want to throw up, Tien, I can show you how to do that best on this boat. Enjoy. And then breathe right through on his face on the camera. Hey, Beth, so it's like, all I need is one person to be a ladmouth and say, it's disgusting. Well, the, why are you setting yourself up for this? But then guess what?

It works out because first a lady goes, I wanted to know whose preference she said they wanted to. And then another lady eats it and goes, tastes like tongue. And then they cut to commercial while the captain's like, huh. But then when they come back, suddenly they all love it. Yeah. Come on, guys, was this just a second take? Because this wasn't even tricky. But then when they come back suddenly they all love it. Yeah, come on guys

Was this just the second take because this wasn't even tricky. They literally were like gross tastes like tongue Then they come back and they're delicious A little tongue never heard anybody am I right everyone am I right? I'm gonna write everyone, am I right? It's what you said. So then the lady is making small talk and she's like, well, Captain Lee, I mean, I'm sure you know what a strip club is like in America and he's like, I will pass on that.

That's more of a water park guy, you know what I'm saying. She's like, well, it's funny that you should say that because the tie version, well, have you ever heard of a ping pong show? Big week for ping pong shows on Bravo. That's all I got to say. Wow. It really is. Second. It's not funny how things dovetail like that on Bravo. Storylines just come together like that. It's I'd like that Bravo is taking a warm slant on sex trafficking. I think it's really sweet. Yeah, so it's like the perfect time in history to goant on sex trafficking. I think it's really sweet. Yeah, it's like the perfect time in history to go easy on sex trafficking. I love that ping pong is like sex trafficking.

But that's like sex trafficking with skills. It's like we're going to steal you away from your family and sell you to rich old white guys, but only if you could do tricks with her who. So, uh, be while we have Abby who is still complaining downstairs and she's like, I don't want to work on a motor yacht ever again. I need to focus on my passion in life, which is sailing with Patrick and Greece. That's because that's what he wants. And it's what I want to. Passion your passion life is sailing with Patrick. That's my passion. I want you college to learn how to sail with Patrick

Which you're probably gonna quit I have checked your Instagram because I'm bored, but it's probably actually Patrick from SpongeBob Let's be honest. Let's like make everything a reference in Nickelodeon She's probably just a degree quest rod She just wants spanicopita. And honestly, I respect that. Termus a lot of now that's now we're talking Termus a lot of. I don't I still don't know what that is and I know you've told me but I keep forgetting. What is that? It is my number one favorite thing Greek food. It's a dip. It's made with... Pobacanese?

It's made actually with salted cod roe. Oh, God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Why are you having a chest pain over salted cod roe? Because I just smoked two weird bait things and drink a cod dip. It's so delicious. It's so delicious. It is so delicious. It makes me weak. And what bothers me is that a lot of places that are like, it's a Greek restaurant, but they only serve very basic stuff.

But when I find the term is a lot of, I'm always like, yes. Yeah, I'm cod dip. No, just love you though. I don't really do. No, no, just trust me out. Next time we're in a greenery. Oh, we're in the red. Yes, we are. Yes, we are. We're going to be like we did into tree. We will get both. We we're going back to Detroit. So I feel like maybe we will do both. I mean, we're definitely getting the flaming cheese. The second night. Yeah's it happening? Okay, this recap is gonna be nine hours So I'm glad I'm spending the word about about teramus a lot of because it is truly the best thing in the entire world

I'm gonna name my first child teramus a lot of just you can always be like oh my god I love teramus a lot. I It's gonna be like this is the first child beds ever truly loved that is so sweet I'm gonna be talking about Friday, the whole Friday. And meanwhile, I've ruined a child's life because I've made them after some time dip. No, Terry.

Terry, first of all, I'm sure there's someone out there named Terry Missalada. Hey, have you seen Terry Missalada lately? She's looking a little down. Should we get a record? Missing, Terry meets a lot of. Terry, wait a minute. This is too rhyming to be real. All right call off the search for Terry. Hi, I'm calling looking for Joanne Miss a lot of. No, we have a Terry Miss a lot of is that what you're.

Is that who you're talking about? because I'm gonna talk about whatever's on my mind. But I think my favorite thing that we do, Ronnie, is just break off and do like Midwestern lady voices and like at an office. It's just like real life. Hey Tidda. Did you run that by Terry Missalata in accounting? Yeah, you really should give her your receipts. Listen, I know that you, Terry, come on in here. We need to have a talk.

I know that you've worked here for a span, a couple of five years, but your behavior is unacceptable. All right. Terry, you've been working here a long time, and you know, we noticed that you still do the hunting-pank method of typing and we, you know, you're in office hero, but that's not going to cut it. Listen, Terry, I know that you have like finally reports it over here at Human Resources, but you can't sue someone for calling you a doll.

Musk, okay, can't do that. Listen, listen, Terry. Don't be vulgar. Terry, I always thought you were a greed employee and all these complaints, that's, that's Moussaka to me. But, uh, uh, uh,

uh, listen, thanks for bringing your kid to work on, bring your kid Sokka to me, but Listen, thanks for bringing your kid to work on bring your kid to work day, but God get that kid a Baba Rackenoo Terry, let's do that Terry here's what I gotta see we have a office dress code and We have to say that we code and we have to say that we we are very liberal here but you cannot have your breasts out covered not with nothing but paste these steos. Wow, we're really stretching. Why?

I feel like we're doing yoga right now. We're doing Greek working Greek foods into office plays an office plays lecture. That's it. That's the end of the day. A lot of barfing pooping and Greek lady, you know, Midwester ladies talking back Greek food. Okay. So let's see. So now it's time to paint the hot guys for the ladies who are still going woo over nothing. So there's like all this day glow paint and first, Aston is painting Brian, but then Courtney comes and takes over because they're like sexy time now. Yeah. And why do I have Abby? It's been a hard day. I never want to work on a motor yacht in my life. Yeah, yeah. That's what we already got. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So basically, yeah, Courtney is like painting Brian's face and

Ashton is like getting a little jealous because you know, Ashton wants Courtney. This is Ashton. Yeah. I mean, it could be anything. Brian could be like licking a piece of toast off the street. You know, like he could be chewing a piece of gum that was left under a desk somewhere and Ashton would want to chew it. It's true. No, I'm not calling you to that piece of gum from under a table. But I just loved way Courtney keeps shooting down Ashton because when they're done, Ashton's like, do you want us to sit up to sit and Courtney goes, no. No. I was like, well, it wouldn't be her if she didn't say something like that.

Isn't it funny? Have she flirted with me? It's like you're discussing die. So then they're God. Do you guys this chair? I can't get rid of this chair. It's okay. I'm torturing the listeners.

I'm like, I'm really long sailboat. Like you hear the creaking like, I love sailboat. See, that's what I love about a sailboat, the long creaks. Your chair seems very unprofessional and has no attention to perfectionism. love sailboat. See, that's what I love about a sailboat, the long creeks. Your chair seems very unprofessional and has no attention to perfectionism. I don't care because like I can lean back like this. But here's the thing. While you might be torching people with your chair, I'm torching them because every time I take a swig of this McDonald's, I know everyone's hearing like the ASMR of like

ice sloshing. You are and by the way, while you're showing that, I'm sorry. Hold that up again, that cup. Sorry for people who aren't watching this, but also go on Patreon with fucks wrong with you. So this McDonald's cup. McDonald's is so foolish shit. Okay, McDonald's don't sue me, but it says on the cup locally owned and operated. Oh yeah, McDonald's. You're real, you're real fucking. I'm just sad that there's no monopoly ticket on it. When is monopoly coming back? I wanted to do a live monopoly ticket draw I'm oh, it'll be back in just like every other year. I'm gonna peel off something you'd be like Oh my god park plates. I win a park overall place so So like hey then meanwhile is caves with Courtney and she's like eyeing Brian and she's like

Do you see the penis ravine on Brian? That's like amazing. I can't focus. I mean usually I don't like bodies like that I like when people see bodies like that. They're like I don't like bodies like that. I'm like that It's not that I don't like bodies like that. I'm terrified of bodies like that. I love the body like that. It's not that I don't like bodies like that. I'm terrified of bodies like that. I love a body like that. Was he? Yeah, but a lot of people like court things like, ah, don't like that. I mean, I really just need to know a guy's personality. And then retroactively, I'll be like, oh my god, I like him now. So he's really hot. Hey, did you guys know I dated a really hot guy? Yeah, I'd like to logick with that. really hot guy. I'd like to logic with that.

Okay, it's like, um, I'll mention I have penis basically everyone should get penis ravine implants. Like it doesn't matter if it's small penis. As long as they have a penis ravine, that's not like care about. I feel like I have a penis rolling hills. I have a penis mount. I just have like a mound. I have like a food bomb mound. Okay. It's ready to take over the world. The reveal. The reveal. How about a pond?

And I also, I also have a penis pond. I also like how Kate talking about the sexiness of Brian's penis ravine is punctuated with tan or just barfing. Yeah, and also like they're barfing and then beef tongue big beef done. So the girls are of course freaking out when they see the boys and then back in the kitchen. Okay, still talking about penis ravines. Okay, I'm screw past penis ravines. And then after dinner, I'm hoping I'm not messing you up with your notes. I'm literally, I just see penis ravines 20 times. And I don't like working on boat about. I think I just kept either the same thing kept happening, or I just kept happening the same thing.

Yeah. Well, so after dinner, Captain League goes into the kitchen and goes, well, Kevin, son about dinner, you stepped up the game quite well. I could find no fault with dinner and I appreciate the effort. You know what? It's almost as if that food was almost as smooth as a ride down a water slide at the water park that I love.

Oh, so then the next morning, the girls have special t-shirts that the main lady has made for them. What did they say? Did you, did you bother reading them? I did not. Yeah, I did. Me there. I was like, you're boring me. Well, I think they just said, woo. Okay. Should I look in this video?

I have the video. Why not? I'm sure it's going to be very underwhelming. It's going to be some, I'm just going to say like McCall pool, whatever name is McCall sink. Like buy buy buy McCall and sink. You know, it's actually tough to find because their uniform shirts are blue. So I keep trying to stop on blue, but then it's like, Kate with fresh muffins. Yeah. The Kevin is just made shockingly not out of discarded parts of an animal. And then it keeps cutting to Abby. I mean, yeah, Abby being disgusted with her mop.

Yeah. Okay. Well, because the music is all like, while you look it up, what I, what I liked was that the music was all like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, you just see Abby with her mop and the music is like, dun, dun, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just pushing the mop around basically Abby's personality. Oh, so they say, why? to all basically Abby's personality. Oh, so they say

why limit happy hour to an hour? Oh my god, these women are like the equivalent of a gather sign basically why limit happy hour to an hour? It's not even artfully said. How about like whyland happy hour to 60 minutes or something like that like Yeah, it's also a total clip art font Okay, so McCall pool you can do better. Okay, you can do better McCall sink. I keep calling your McCall pool Yeah, McCall what's your name McCall sink? Sorry for sorry for confusing my

Structures and her cousin and her cousin, Mick Leva message float. That was for you, Terry. Masalata. Terry miss. Hey, Terry. Terry miss a lot of we got a complaint from a call. What was your what was your new one? A quick leave a message.

Make leave a message float. Oh, I just got it. Make leave a message. Well, locally owned and operated. Make leave a message float said that she got some very bad customer service mute, Terry, Miss Alada. Do you have anything to answer? Do you have anything to say for yourself? So Kate's like, okay, here's your white chocolate raspberry muffins that's stupid made.

And then it cuts into the captain just eating a cereal. And one of the ladies is, a cereal by the way, is captain Lee is captain Lee being sponsored by cereal. Because that's like literally all he does. He loves the bowl of cereal, but they showed it four times today him just being like, hey, I Bet it. I think I'll say one thing. It's probably not Captain Crunch. He calls himself a captain Would you know where a goddamn water park is in the middle of Thailand? I don't think so Let me tell you what my cereal is. It's called Nut and Honey. All right. So when you say, what am I eating? I say, I say, not what am I eating? Not honey. It's a good cereal and a good

joke. So one of the girls is like, Oh, captain Lee and I were having so much fun together last night. He really does have to take care of his ladies and the fun of the girls he has. That's what she said! Woo! Queen of Old Boat Comedy! Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I'm gonna go to the store. Courtney is ironing. She's like, I hate ironing. Oh, she just throws the iron off the boat.

Electric heat. So then Kate checks on Tanner. Abby is still miserable walking around the boat. And then Ashley goes, hey, I'm gonna go. If you can have your stuff picked while the time we hit Abe's. She's like, yeah. And he goes, if you can have your stuff picked while the time we hit the dock and she's like, really? And he goes, yeah, we'll have a meeting with you.

And then you'll leave. And she's like, well, I know that me leaving may be in post-event stupid, but that's who I am. I was like, oh my God, you're never getting hired anywhere in guy band. Like, she literally just said on national television, as if it were a virtue that she's impulsive and stupid. She, it was her words.

She literally said, leaving the yacht may be impulsive and stupid, but it's who I am and how I deal with situations. Impulsively and stupid. I hate professionalism. I need to be on a boat that needs someone who's impulsive and stupid, and does not require professionalism or perfectionism. So who wants to come up? Who wants to?

What is this girl big? Does anyone need an oil tanker for me to work on? I can just helmet. Let's try to go to Alaska. Yeah. So then this is where the captain, captain, catered the wheelhouse. And he's like, you know what I hate?

She's like, there are really a lot of options. We play and have a cold. Should I start listing things I hate or are you just going to jump in here because we'll be here all day? He's like, great team. Man's last. Did not see that, did not see that coming. Thought it was going to be something about some sort of financial

institution that has low funds from the asshole, but no, okay, green tea mouthwash. Open to it and accepting it. Well, you've got bigger problems than that. The one who likes cartoons and waxes is as I passed you much. It's now barfing all over the boat. So good luck. Yeah, good luck. Also, are you open to the idea that you may just be gurgling with green tea and not the Listerina said aside for you. Okay, just think about that. Oh, I didn't think I didn't ask one why the mouthwash for so hat. So then Brian and Courtney are talking in the crew mess, I think ironing and they're

talking about their parents and he's like, what are your parents do? She's like, my dad's in finance and my mom didn't do anything really while I was growing up. What about you? And he's like, well, my parents got divorced and my dad passed away. They said, hold a check, but I think it was drugs. Really hated the guy. And she just goes, that's sad.

Wow. really hated the guy and she just goes that's that's that's that's basically like one shrimp on some crushed up ice okay well that's like really sad and I'm trying to fantasize about a tower of seafood. So could you just like take off the shirt of your personality? So let's see. So now Abby's with there's more stuff about how Brian wants to be a real model first kid, but like, I mean, we yeah, congratulations. So then Abby is with, yeah, it's like, wow, what a novel concept. A father wants to be a role model for their son or daughter or whatever.

I mean, yeah, especially this show, that's like the new thing. It's the new like, it's like the, it's like the new thing at all. It's like the top chef cook. I was living in the gutter and cooking saved me. Yeah. I love that we're like angry people's

like perfectly lovely redemption stories. Like, I can't wait to back. Like redeem yourself at home. You know what I mean? Yeah. I love that we're like angry people's like perfectly lovely redemption stories. Like I got you with that like redeem yourself at home. You know what I mean? Like redeem yourself off of my TV. Okay. I don't need this. Yeah.

So um, it captains like pole anchor. That's what she said. So Ashton is telling Brian. He's like every subset we asked to leave like what do you think is going to happen? So then we cut the abby crying in the mess hall, putting up her hair, taking it down, putting up her hair, taking it down. It's just like a nervous, crazy ticket at this point. Yeah. And she's like, I have to leave like, where am I going to go? And kick us. Um, that's what happens in yawning, you know? I mean, when in a minute you don't have a job, but then you realize you don't have a job and you're homeless.

Yeah. Yeah, Abby's like, do I just get put on a dock and good luck? I was like, yeah, you're the one. Yeah, but just, and well, where am I, where am I gonna go? And Kate goes, well, you're probably go to an airport. That'll probably be the first step. And that because, okay.

Wow. Wow. Maybe you should call your fiance from Greece. And have them come over and pick you up so that way you can resume your passion of being a very unprofessional person on a book that we'll probably think. Yeah. So the ladies are packing and wooing at the same time. Tanner still barfing. I mean, what the hell? I don't care. So actually, Kevin adds up helping with the lines because, you know, he's going to have to help out. Yeah. And then you know, Kate was sort of helping out. She was like out there while they were docking. And like, when they finally got into the dock and all the guys like did all the lines and everything she like picked up a line and touched it like here I helped okay. Yeah I

I have to I helped so then um they everything goes well and um it's time to get rid of Abby even though she's already quit but the captain's doing my favorite move where he's doing this with this radio. He's like Just twirling it. I like his waiting. He does his dance move. He paces and just twirls his radio right with his legs crossed He's twirling his radio with one hand and then doing this the other one Well, he's still he's waiting for the airwaves to be open a K for Abby to stop pressing down on her speak button. He should have so see all God. So he's like, I understand you'll be leaving. We don't really have time for this.

She's like, um, I really don't want you to guys, you guys to take it personally. He's like, yeah, I'm not taking it personal, but there's protocol. All right. And that's a great Goldie, huh? movie by the way, if you haven't seen it. Guess what? Goldie Hun overcame adversity. You didn't, sorry, I said protocol on the same name as you. Maybe I should say you're going overboard because she was a real thick and that.

Listen, you're like a bird on a wire right now. And let me tell you that death does not become you. All right. So here are a few private Benjamin's from the tip and we hope we hope you. Yeah. You're definitely not a working girl, which isn't even a Goldie Han movie. And I'm just saying it because of your lack of Goldie Han mess. Well, hopefully you laugh your way out of this boat right now.

Well, I thought something was pinching my butt, but it was a pillow poking up to laugh your way out of this boat right now. Whoa. Oh, I thought something was pinching my butt, but it was a pillow poking up through my chair. It's like, who's here? So yeah, so basically, she gives her her passport and it's like bang, and then he just puts on his shades and shakes his head all around the real house,

which is this like favorite thing. He's like, well, someone's gone, gotta put on the cool shades and shake my head, shake it out. Wow, I eat some Cheerios. God damn it. Why do these Cheerios sort of like Arizona, I see, God damn it that mouthwash. So Abby really is on big brother in her mind

because she just keeps extending that. She's like, I think it's saying bye to the crew on a motor yacht, which is not a sale boat. So she goes, she's saying bye to everybody again, one by one going really slowly. And she goes up to Courtney. She goes, bye Courtney, I didn't really get to know you well, but I still really liked you. I mean, good luck.

Courtney's face is like, I didn't care for you. Yeah. Courtney is like, um, by lazy person because I'm like motors. Courtney's like, should I do that thing where I open up my jaw and smile as if I'm supporting you, but I'm actually hating you at this moment? I love that for you. Bye. Yeah. So she's guess what Abby's last line is working on motor yet. For me. Really? Couldn't tell. Enjoy avoiding that. Enjoy avoiding that swinging boom and reaching for the new print. Yeah. Enjoy praying for the wind. Yeah. So, so, so people are gonna be so obsessed.

They'll be able to be like, there are mothers, okay? So then, best meeting. So the captain's like, as you already know, we lost a member. God bless, bun over there. Sorry, dead bun. All right. Well, she didn't get it, but understand this isn't for everybody. All right. She's compensated in God. So move on. Now we all got $19,000 or $1900. And I just want to say, Chef Kevin, you nailed it. I was impressed with everything. And your mother and I have never been more proud, but we fully expect you to fall in your face next charter. So don't disappoint me, son. Don't disappoint me. Hey, that week's tongue was good. Unfortunately, I'm leaving your mother and it's all your fault. So thanks for being a good child one day out of your entire life. Goodbye.

So then cleaning time and I love this is one of my favorite montages because they do cleaning I'm like, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, like, well, I've requested a hot blonde for our dictating. Good. So then, um, uh, yeah, Captain Lee, the doctor comes on board to deal with, or they're calling a doctor and Captain Lee gives Tanner his tip. He's like, oh, I feel like I shouldn't accept this, you know, I'd rather, I'd rather put this money towards a bottle of wine that I can give to Kate my aunt my aunt's friend Who I'm trying to fix the end my sexy in so the doctor comes and The doctor checks him out and basically like well. Yes sweet belly Which as we all know as an appetizer at sir that costs way too much money

But what it is Get off the goddamn boat ladies get off the off the boat, ladies. Get off. Come on. Go to the water park. Yeah, so everybody goes out. And Ashton is now going to try to flirt with Kate to make Courtney jealous. Well, what's happening?

So what's happening is that Brian takes Courtney on a little afternoon fling. They get on the tender and move her around. And they're just getting to know each other a little bit more and it's nice and kids like somebody has a bang Brian. He's like so hot. He needs to be banged. Piennes ravine. Piennes ravine. I want to take a donkey down onto that penis ravine. Yeah, penis ravine.

So Courtney looks totally bored on this date, but she's thawing a little bit, I guess, because this is what she's talking about She's attracted personalities not hot bodies Yeah, which is why she's dating the Duncan Donuts guy like give me a fucking break. Okay, he didn't ugly person Okay, then I'll believe you so then we then see Tanner still in bed now now He's been diagnosed with sweet belly and Simone is like like very sad that Tanner's not gonna be going out to party with everyone. And she's like, I'm really bummed that he's not going out because, you know, he's so hot.

I'm like, wait, wait, where did this come from? What? Back's have been ignited. Oh, she's been in that laundry room way too long. Too many funes from the oxygen. So then we get a mystery call. The captain's like, hello, Asfargo.

This is Captain Lee, may I speak to him? Now listen here. I know you weren't available at the start of the season, but I need you here in Thailand in less than two days. Pack a bag. Is it possible to get from wherever you here in Thailand in less than two days Pack a bag Is it possible to get from wherever you are to Thailand in less than two days? I'm not sure. I don't know, but I think it's I hope it's Kelly. Do you think it's possible that it's Kelly?

I really Yeah, Kelly. Oh Kelly. Oh I wasn't doing lines. I was telling you to pick up the goddamn line Kelly. All right. Get on the boat. Oh I think it's gonna be Ross. I would love it to be Riley. I would love it to be Riley, but I think it's gonna be Ross. No Kelly. Come back to me Kelly.. I know, Kelly is so sexy. That's damn it, Kelly. We should have reached out to him to have him come to our, one of our Florida shows, because we need to see that sexiness in person.

Yeah, I would have had a boner. Yeah, it would have been so. So then Courtney and Brian are having that, I don't know, they're flirting. I'm bored. They're flirting and Brian. And Brian says, this is the funny part with the flirting because Brian's like, so you don't have a husband or children, she's like, no.

Not even a serious boyfriend and you're like, what, 30 years old? She's like, I'm 26. C'mon. Sex. But like, I hear you have a daughter. She likes the food So then okay, so are we out yet? Let's go out. It's evening time time to go out

Let's go out that's why and so ashtans like cool knee brine or flower garden growing nicely But I don't mind. I like the competition It's like oh please stop. This is so awkward to watch like Courtney and Brian are flower garden growing nicely, but I don't mind. I like the competition. It's like, oh, please stop. This is so awkward to watch. Please stop. Please don't. Don Abbey with a little flower competition. No. Solidarile flower competition. Knowing Ashen, that was that he would show up with like a flower pie. He's like, liquid, I agree. It's like, no, that was a beer talking metaphor. Yeah, and get your penis out of the flower.

So okay, please stop giving that flower a lap dance. Yeah. He's like shoving the flowers face in his crotch. We're very sexy. So in the club, Simone is like, this club is the wine. Oh, good. I'd like to like it because they do have a long room downstairs and they say you need to press the linens. Thanks. Yeah. And I actually go to Kate. I guess he's going to flirt with Kate

to make Courtney jealous, which I'm sure is a great plan. It's totally going to work. So he's like, hi, Kate, what are you having? She's like other than a seizure. I guess from vodka would be great. Thanks. Yeah. So Brian, Brian is very crafty because he knows that Ashton's gonna be the ultimate cock block. So he puts the idea in Ashton's head that maybe Ashton and Kate would be a good item. So that way Ashton starts thinking about that and focusing on Kate and Brian has some time to like, you know, flirt with Courtney.

So of course Ashton's like, oh, Kate, I never thought about Kate before. I never thought about her that way. Let me give it Ash and it's like, oh, Kate, I never thought about Kate before. I never thought about her that way. Let me give it five minutes to think about, like, cut to him, just walking up to Kate and just kissing her. But he doesn't only kiss her. He does it in that gross way where he grabs her face. It's like, you're taking someone prisoner, you know? It's like, whoa, and she stands there kind of stand and then pushes them away. And she's like, ah, she's like, um, don't use. She goes, don't what she said. She had the best.

No, she had the best response. When he kisses her, she goes, is it New Year's? Why did we do that? New year. Could you imagine telling that to someone I think as to you is a new year? Yeah. And when she said, I said, don't use my house, but she said something like, oh, my mouse. She said, don't use my mouth as your receptacle for your insecurity and jealousy.

This is why I've trusted shoes. Yeah. Which I agree. Amen. Seriously. We should also mention that before he kissed Kate, Ashen was still trying to like get with Courtney, and he was like trying to get her to dance because come on, cool. And she just shakes her head like, Ashen's trying way too hard. It's gross.

Yeah. So they all go back to the boat and they're, you know, wasting stuff. And so he's going to try it now again with Courtney. So he's trying to boss. We should also mention that in the van ride over, Brian started licking Courtney's dance feet. And she like disgusting. Okay, because I don't want to be a spectator to four play. So, uh, Ashden, they're there in the crew mass, Ashden and Courtney and Brands just walking around.

And so Ashden's trying to assert his dominance. He's like, what do you want? What do you want? Courtney? You check hot sauce. And it's like, all right, I'll get you some hot sauce. Brian, get some hot sauce, get some hot sauce and brands like whatever. So he just brings the sauce and she's like, well, that's barbecue sauce.

So he's already failing. That's not hot sauce. Mm-hmm. This is not busy. That's barbecue sauce so he's already failing. That's not hot sauce. This is not busy. Be that's a one bail. That's a one. So he's brands like I don't care about hot sauce. It's good night. And he's like, okay, good luck. Good luck. Ask them. All right. You go ahead. Yeah. He's like, I'm not going to be thirsty. So Ashton then tries to undermine. And he's like, well, I thought that I thought that the Bryan was into you, but he just went to bed and I'm sorry. I thought that he liked you and I'm sorry that that this has to be a big let down for you that you're just stuck with me, you know, I'm very sorry. You know, you're very sensible, you're very grown up and even though you're not as old as as you as you look, I mean, you're mature. You're as mature as as your physical appearance right now.

Oh, is that what he said? No, he said, you're as mature as every one of your positive features. Oh, I put yours mature as every one of your positive eateries. Oh, and he's like, okay, I'll try that again. I'm going to go to bed. And she goes, he has no chance. I can't imagine him having less of a chance than he has right now.

So she goes, and then Ashley goes to bed in Kevin's air. And he goes, cool. You know, I just wish we had girls that wanted to have fun and get banged. I'm tired. Honestly, I'm tired of working so hard to get my dick sucked. And Kevin's like, yeah, these guys have standards, huh? That's the end.

Oh my god. I know, Ashton. It's sort of like he was looking so sexy a few weeks ago when he was like pushing that the tender off the rocks And it's like leg muscles were bulging and I'm like Well, he is sexy like he's so cute. That's the thing. It's just his oh His first. Yeah, yes So entertaining it's those you know that wholeny me We all deal with it. Aston, all right.

Keep it in, boy. Bang. Don't ever tell Orman she isn't as old as she looks. Not a good line. Never. Yeah, not a good one, ever. Well, everybody, that brings us to the end of Blodec. Thank you for being with us on this late night recap.

Yeah. But no, I feel fucking crazy by the end of this. You probably do double. It's crazy right now. It's crazy. We will be back with another crap and it's on demand video recap for Real Housewives of Orange County this week. Before we go off to Indianapolis for Real Housewives of Dallas, followed by Real Housewives of New Jersey and a classic Real Housewives of New York episode who are you to get me wet, strong,

Ramona Shinga in Chicago. Doubleheader in Chicago. It could be so fun. You guys, thanks for listening and stay tuned also for the announcement of our next live show, which will be tomorrow. So talk to you guys later. Bye, everybody. Love you guys later. Bye everybody.

Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to watch our crap and add free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. us about yourself by completing a short survey at wundry.com slash survey.