Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckMed: Bittersweet Zim-phony

Episode Date: August 15, 2018

So much happened on "Below Deck: Mediterranean" this week. Joao talked about Zimbabwe, Joao called Hannah materialistic, Joao talked about Zimbabwe, Adam froze fish, Joao talked about Zimbabwe, and a motivational speaker came on board to rhyme things. Come check out our super-sized recap of this hilarious episode! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hello and welcome to Watch or Crapins A podcast about all that crap on Bravo we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today on this beautiful fine day in the Mediterranean is Ronnie Karam who also can be found co-hosting Roseprix Bachelor Rose Podcast. What's up Ronnie? Oh, how are you being? How's it going?

What a lovely day to have a positive motivational speaker on board a blow-deck. Oh, what a fucking day. Oh, God Welcome to hump day. What an ass. I know. Well, maybe we could use the motivational speaker around here to motivate some people to come see us live speak around here to motivate some people to come see us live. Next week we are going to be first in excuse me I've got a frog in Mothraite. First we're going to be in Palm Beach at the Palm Beach improv talking real housewives of New York. That's next Thursday which I think is the 23rd. And then two days later we're so excited to be going to Atlanta. We'll be actually doing two shows. The early show is sold out, but the late show, we still have tickets available.

So go to watchacrapans.com and get your tickets there because all three shows are truly gonna be so much fun. They're always fun. Just listen to some of our recent shows. The Philadelphia shows, I mean, wow. So, um, they're just great. Like the Philadelphia shows were so bad. Wow. Whoa. Whoa. No, but for real, they're always super fun. So come, drag people, bring them, make them come. People who don't even watch Bravo actually have good times at our shows too. It's crazy, okay? Just come on over, okay?

And the Gars t-shirts are up over at watchupcrapins.com or crapinsaburch.com. You can just find the links at watchupcrapins.com. Gars, they're available till the first week of September A. When a new shirt will come out, and what else was I gonna say? And thank you to last week to Kate Chastain for filling in for men while he was away on his own

boat I was on my own with a fucking hilarious go listen to that show if you haven't listened to it she is just as fabulous top. So, sorry, I'm like, you know, it's hot in my room for some reason. I'm warm, I'm drinking coffee, I'm caffeinated, I'm excited, I'm really excited because, you know, I was gone for the past week and a half because I was on my own blowdeck med adventure. I was on a family cruise literally through the Mediterranean Going to many of the places that have been featured on Blow Deck Med and It's kind of funny like it's so sad when you do a Bravo podcast. It's so sad what happens to our brains because I went to

Dubrovnik and I was in this like public this big public square and I looked around and I was like I think this is where Adam gave Wes a wedgie and they got into a fist fight. And then I took a picture of it and I think I tweeted it out or it was in my IG store and people and the best part about having a Bravo podcast is that people were like, yes, that's where it was. I've confirmed it. People sent me screenshots.

But I was like, and I was. I've confirmed it. People sent me screenshots, but I was like, and you know what? I was on this tour and Everything, everything is game of thrones into Bravnex. There's some stuff from Game of Thrones. That's film there They're like this is where so is he was as shadowed and adorable leading the door Sandin bedore being walked down the street in her spanks Shamed body shame Sam and before being walked down the street in her spanks Shamed by the locals Damn it's the one who cheated and I have the ones getting shamed That's how I'd prefer to be in this tower than be around the gongles and gammies trance week On your left you'll see the right shamed so um

Well, oh, yes, they're just all so proud of of Game of Thrones and so I asked my tour guide I was like so um Do you watch Blue Deck med and I was thinking to be like oh, yes We're so excited because there were camera crews and they're just like what's that? I was like it's it's it's oh That's on and Bravo and how rude how rude rude rude How rude. How rude. Root, root, root, root, root, root, root, root, root, trash.

I help poor people trash. By the way, Croatia, I swear to God. Like so many times. I saw you post something that was like every guy in Croatia is like a gay porn model. Future gay porn start. Like it's not that they look like hot male models. They just had to look like they might just teeter into gay porn. They all it was like shocking. I was like every single one

Albania different story Different Like the people who come out of Croatia are just some of the most beautiful I've ever seen Yeah, and I would see them in New York. That's how I know my world knowledge, okay? Yeah. It's just from living there because I've not really traveled the world. But smelly!

Yeah. Everybody out of Croatia was hot. It was. Yeah. And I saw we stopped in Split Croatia too and there were a bunch of like shortlist people because it's sort of like a beach town. And I was like, this is literally like the beginning

of the gay porn. You know how you always say in gay porn is like at least like two minutes of guys just walking around like. Yeah, European. And again, like slick. Yeah. That's what it was like. Like at one point I was walking to the old town and this like shirtless guy, this buff shirtless Croatian guy just comes around the corner stops, wipes his forehead out, the sweat off his forehead and is like, oh, his friend. And then they just keep walking. And I was like, what is happening? Oh no. And can it happen in my town?

I also want to give some credit to some of the gondoliers in Venice, holy shit they're hot. Not all of them. There's some like, there's some real nasty ones but then there's like some smoke and hot Venetian gondoliers. I'm like whoa. You know where it's also like that? The Venetian. What's Vegas? Oh, you know where it's also like that? The foundation, Las Vegas.

I thought it was so awesome that they like built a city based off of a casino. That was like really cool. Yeah, I know. Thank you, you're up. Yeah, the wind, God, Steve Win, he really has a lot of money, doesn't he? It's a really ambitious plan. So anyway, that's my story about being a Mediterranean. And if I think of other little anecdotes, you're the kind of friend that will come back from a trip that I would actually sit through

that slide show where they're like, oh, let's all sit on the couch after dinner and watch a slide show. It'll just be hot people. Yeah, I definitely snuck some photos of hot guys where I could, but you never know in those countries. So when I was in Albania, there really were not any hot guys in Albania, and I thought I was gonna get gay bashed. At one point, I was, I sort of wandered off, we were like let loose in a bizarre. We went up in the mountains, went to a little castle, and then let loose, they're like, here, you get to hang out in this bizarre for an hour, it was like, chachkis, everyone

was like selling red soccer balls. So then I was like, oh, let me see, maybe I'll get some local out in this bizarre for an hour. It was like, Chachkis. Everyone was like selling red soccer balls. So then I was like, oh, let me see. Maybe I'll get some local food in Albania. So I walked up and like in all the cafes in Albania, it's just like old dudes, smoking cigarettes, just staring. And I was like, I am a gay person. I just, you turn into Colin. I basically did turn into Colin.

So I just were retreated back to the bizarre and Got yelled at by people. Is there a phone in this bizarre that I can use to call my mom? They're staring at me Yeah, so I just got like harassed by Old ladies who are like you want to buy this buy this you want it. It's good. Let me show you Let me show it's a good one. It's good. Buy this! It's not one you're novelty like guitar. Yes, you're novelty guitar. It was not a really... you take. It wasn't a guitar. I feel so ignorant for calling it a guitar. It was like this little bit. It was a stringed instrument with a really long neck. I'm not taking that on

a plane. Yeah, guys. Terrorism. Tourism. You've got to have small things. I mean, I guess terrorism too. Okay, so let's go to where we left off. Let's speak. Oh, wait, I do have to say one last thing. I did ask my Albanian tour guide. I go, so you ever hear Bliona? And he goes, oh no. He goes, Bliona, because for anyone who does not know who Bliona is, she was one of the breakout stars of Euros of Hollywood,

a sadly cancelled Bravo show. He was Bliona, because he was like, I think he was shocked that I even pulled out Bliona. And he goes, oh, yeah, Bliona, she's okay. She's pretty. She's sort of pretty. I wasn't asking how she looked, my mind. Yeah.

So I go, I go, I said, you know, she calls herself Madonna of Albania. She goes, hey, she okay, she's okay. She's okay. She's not that pretty. You know who's the Madonna of Albania, right? Madonna. Okay, they know who she is in Albania. You're not the Madonna of Albania.

I'll tell you the Madonna of Albania is George W. Bush, because they have a statue of George W. Bush in a square that I drove by. They do? Yeah, because he visited. He visited it and like no one visits Albania. I guess so they were so excited that he visited They put up a statue named a square after him and named the bakery after him. I drove my god. There's probably a bakery there now named Ben gay man gay man bakery There's a very strong chained statue of the square like hello

a very strong chained statue in the square like hello. Welcome to albaini. The statue just talks over everyone who comes near it. Shut up. You do not. God even the statues are hot. What's up with the cobblestone batch? So everybody, we've not talked to each other for a long time. Okay, we're still getting caught up. Get used to it. Deal with that. Yeah, the low jack Albania coming soon to Bravo. The guest is just an old man sitting there, she might be. It's been like, you want to build what you want? You table. It's a tape. How about this? you want You table is a dip you take guitar you want the Instrument you want felt at you want felt at take a felt at like no, this is a show about a yacht We want to see the yacht. What's a felt at said dick felt at?

All right, well, let's pick up where we left off last week Which is Jawa has just snapped a dick pick of himself on Casey's phone. Oh, Jesus. And so Hannah comes into the bathroom. And Brooke is one of those who has found a boyfriend. So I said this about MJ last week on Shaz. Like they find they're in a couple.

So suddenly they're like the lady of the house. You know, she's wearing like this long fancy thing. And she's like, you have something to say to her, my little boy. And then it's like, I just wanted you to know you need to be careful not only with his earrings, I'm learning you, but also because you had just took cases fun, took a deck, pack on it. How night. I wouldn't be fucking impressed by that honey double honey from that one honey So that you're not being there

Consider it all night So then Casey weighs in on this and she's like, you know, I'm fine with having our sturdy friendship I'm like well that I'm glad I'm so happy that you're fine with it Casey, but you're not the one who's supposed to be fine with it. Okay. It's really not up to you to be fine with it. Yeah. And brick tells us it's hard to take what Hannah says is the truth, especially with jaw, because in matters of the heart, you can never trust the vocal fart. I don't know what she's saying. But she thinks that Hannah hates draw so much that she's just making up dick picks. I mean, ask for a look at the phone, brother.

Well, I mean, Hannah was also over dramatizing. He was pretending to take a dick pick, which is also like, you know, he had fully unzipped his pants in front of like the crew. Like that's like not good in a workplace, but it wasn't actually took it. I didn't know he was just kidding. No, well maybe he did.

Who knows, you know, either way, still not cool. Like I don't, you know, it's, that's weird. Well, if he did take it, you're an asshole. And if he didn't take it, you're a tease. So if you don't win, you're a joowkant win either way. And I really know one of this episode wins. You know what I mean? Everybody's kind of wrong on this episode.

You know who wins Zimbabwe? In Zimbabwe, we don't have a lot, so we only take dick pics. That's how we get along in Zimbabwe. Picture of my snake. Got my snake. My mom's a former. So dinner, they all go to dinner

and they all kind of hate each other at this point. And they're like like what a beautiful view And just like yeah, I couldn't have picked a bit of you. It's like staring at Conrad Yeah, exactly Brooklyn's back and one of the earrings falls off the Hannah's Lander and Hannah says don't wear my things you freaking me out on a Yeah, cuz it's expensive earring and it almost falls off the edge and has a Scared honey, scared honey really don't know Yeah, and

Drag us talk about being materially stick into Bobway We didn't even have buses. We had rocks that we walked on And they wrote We don't even we don't even in Zimbabwe we don't even have we don't even have the earrings We just have mosquitoes that just stick in there and just stay there until you're ready to take them off We don't have earrings we got spears Local through Matthew they stick in the ear alright. We make the best out of what we got Stick shut up, right so he said talk about talk about materialistic and Hannah's

Spear rings Britney Spearings so Spear rings. Spear rings. Spear rings. Spear rings. So, uh, she's, so Hannah's like laughing about this earring thing and then he's like talking about it and she's realistic and Hannah just goes from like laughter to like, honey face. It gives him like the full honey eyes.

Cause he is like such a dick. I'm sorry, like watching this episode I was like, oh, this guy is so awful. He is exactly sort of douche who will get up on a high horse about everyone else. And then he is the biggest asshole. Because you know, again, I didn't get to weigh in last week. I got soaked. When he took Conrad's shoe in the club, I was like, you fucking animal. Like what are you?

Like three years old. And Conrad's like, stay away. Stay away. And he's like, oh, and then he gets mad at Conrad because Conrad doesn't want to joke with him. No, motherfucker. Yeah. No. And then he, and now he, and then he's like, Conrad because Conrad doesn't want to joke with him. No, motherfucker. Yeah. No, and then he's like, oh, talk about materialistic.

And he's here like getting on a higher horse about materialism. When he's the one taking dick pics, have a professionalism. How about that? Yeah. And then he literally goes, he goes, I'm not just some dick. Like, yeah, you pretty much are. He's like, my dad had a train in Popeye, my dad had a tractor business, and we were robbed at gunpoint.

So you are being materialistic. I was like, what is one thing I have to do with another, you weirdo? It wasn't even that he was robbed at gunpoint. He's like, I mean, this is, he is again, he just like trots out his family traumas, which it's like, you know, this is, he is, again, he just like trots out his family traumas, which is like, you know, horrific when he had to go through,

but like you just can't use that to like support all your asshole. It's like, I'm not a decade who states his opinions and nothing, it comes from somewhere. I grew up, my dad's still a trectus, and then I was still a peransom. Oh, wait, what? And how did you, how do you being sold for ransom?

Which by the way, I can't even imagine how much money you were sold for because it was already overpriced. But I can't even imagine, like, what does that have to do with Hannah being like, you know, upset that brother, you're hearing, I mean, come on now. And then Hannah says, well I think he puts me in a boat, son. I if he sat down with me and told to me he'd know I'd worked since I was 15. That's actually a 15. Don't want to robber up two years of work. I turned her into Robin Leach. And this is where I worked. Now it'seeeeee! Oh gosh, so do I really.

This is like your materialistic, but there's more to life. By the way, track this. Track this. When you told the story about being sold for ransom, I mean, it's terrible. It's like a terrible no child, no person should ever go to that, but like when he said it, I just, I couldn't help but laugh and then I couldn't help but think of that midler in ruthless people being held for ransom and Danny DeBito doesn't want to pay and so they lower the ransom price and she goes wait a second I'm being marked down I'm being

ransom by fucking came art oh that's such a good, such a good movie. It is. It's like, alright, no one will take a while back, you know. He's in the basement like working out with, with a mop bucket. Yeah, with paint. Paint. Ah.

So anyway, so. Oh gosh. Ransom, hey guys. Ransom, right? Give me back my job. So, Conrad, Conrad wants to go to Vietnam after the season's over, so that's fun. Ransom hey guys ransom right give me back my job So Conrad Conrad months go to Vietnam after the seasons over so that's fun Yeah, so that sounds romantic

And then Conrad's dropping peanuts in his mouth and misses and throughout makes fun of him You know, and then they just all sit there quietly because like everyone hates each other and you're all goes this dinner is in signly Koi Like everyone hates each other. And Drakos, this dinner is insanely quiet. It's because of you, because you're awful. Like, and even the way he makes fun of Conrad, when Conrad misses like one or two peanuts and draws a... He missed your whole mouth. He missed all the...

There's more to life than that. He's in Bumbleway. We can't risk going peanuts. We have to put them in our mouth hole, because he can't do that. He's in Bumbleway. There's more to life, bro. We can't we can't we can't risk going peanuts We have to put them in our mouth hole because you can't do that in this in Bobway That he didn't get all his peanuts in his mouth. How you want to some peanuts Casey? And then Hannah is also gonna take this way too far because you know you give that girl an inch in a fight

And she'll take it to yeah, soicass. What are you taking off first? Can I do in Prague? I'm gonna have some mantis troughs across the carpestown, and by little porcelain souvenirs, I always remember the most romantic holiday you've had in your life, I'll laugh. Sometimes you need the bumps of a cobblestone road to remind you that love isn't always smooth, but it's worth the journey

So Hannah jumps on that and she's like you know what I'm gonna do in Prague honey not get called the materialistic bitch and then she does her squinting garage she's like oh squinty squinty shooting invisible laser beams shooting invisible laser beams. Puh, puh! He's such a fucking dick. So, um... The dick and then in the van she's like, did you hear him call me materially thick?

My earrings are alright, right? I can imagine Jow, just like in 1985 walking into a radio station as Madonna's playing, speaking of Blihanna. It's like, because we are living in a material world and I'm a stop this record right now. There's more to life. Madonna should know that. I was out for ransom.

I have to mention that I forgot to mention before the dinner scene. Hannah was telling Brooke in front of everybody. She goes, oh, you look wonderful in wonderful in that honey my ex gave me a top look is great with that. So she's still trying to like money shame conrad the next day which is so funny and then it turns into this. I'm not materialistic. I know. So the group is now separated and like everyone's pretty much gone back to the boat, but Zhao and Drow and Brooke are back at the restaurant. And he's like, I'm sorry, she asked for it. Nobody gives it back to her.

I'm like, well, it's not your place to give it back to her. And like, this says more about you and whatever ship on a shoulder you have against women in power, if you ask me, then about any sort of materialism that Hannah Mian has. And so what if she's materialistic? Okay, you're working on a yacht. Okay, so if you have such issues materialism, maybe you shouldn't be working on a yacht, which is almost like the pinnacle of materialism. Yeah. Not saying that you mean to work. No, go ahead. No, no, no, no, I just, I mean, I'm just, I'm just in clarify, I know he doesn't own the yacht, but still like he has submerged himself into a world of materialism and made himself

Subplicate into it. So like either be okay with that or you know, he doesn't go work And it's just gonna be a dick about whatever comes up like it could be any subject. It's like every fucking week with this guy Yeah, so brick says well she told me that you start to dick it again You've let no one can see and the cream is and he says well I would have done what I did right in front of you Well, that's kind of the problem. Yeah, exactly Exactly and he says I wouldn't be disclosed to you if it wasn't real mouth. So for oh, and she says I don't want to get out but a friend live in the hat before and the brain may forget but the heart remember

a friend lip and hat before I'm the brain man forget but the heart remember and then she just falls asleep yes I wanted la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I like me this whole lot, lot, lot, lot. Hey there, you know what this podcast needs? A nap. Let's go to commercial, huh? Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.

I'm Matt Bellasife And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out. So I forgot to mention that apparently Brooke went on some vacation or so I was reading this in bed so this was very short.

Oh yeah, Instagram post where I guess she found a new boyfriend and didn't let you know. So I think he found out on Instagram because he posted this meme and it's like the way I gave myself to you is the way I shan't have it give myself to anyone ever again you with an orphan my heart they could add my goods they could up my I'm like oh shut up the way you give yourself in some means shut up he's like I've never given myself like this to someone the way I have to eat you are not the big please you basically gave yourself a hand job and spent around a circle and waited to see which girl would end on and And the wheel of fortune landed on Brook. Okay, that was like, there was no big romantic thing.

And the way he keeps, and the way that he keeps framing it, that's like, all I didn't know until the last second, Mahat was trying to decide, it's like, ugh, that's not, you're not on the bachelor. The bachelor isn't real. And what you're doing is shut up. Yeah, and he's using just like he always does using something sad to make him look good when people are being mean to them. I'm Twitter. And it's like go back to Africa. You dumb fuck. Which goes to pay for this instrument. Pretty, pretty materialistic to think. Oh, yes. And now it'srow starts doing his whole, you know, wounded romantic, formerly ransomed thing.

Where he's like, you know, I never close to people because I close myself off. And she's like, oh, he's wounded. He closed himself off, but he opened his heart to me. Oh, heart to my eyes, heart to my eyes. He's like, I've given so much, so much. I've just, I don't want to get hurt. And I've, I've been really hurt. Oh, sorry, that was broke. Sorry. What are they both were though? Cause she goes, I don't want to get hurt. I've been really

hurt. I got my heart. I guess my to my to one time. I was opening a bag jar and I pulled it too hard and it broke and I got a little bit of a cut. I've been here so bad. Please don't be a pickle jar. Please don't be a pickle jar. I promise I won't. I won't. Because love can never be contained to just a jar. Love belongs in the world. Unmanks us with your must aside from us. Love may be a pickle, but not always keep its draw job.

Like a good pickle, love will last forever. Like a good neighbor, stay far from us there. What's in your wallet? Pizza pizza. So let's keep happy. So Brook is a kind of dancing drunk for Colin. Colin is laying down in the wild. The Jouw spot. I just want to say as we're getting on the boat Colin tripped a little bit and I was like, Oh, okay, so that's his arc for the episode.

Great. Yeah, he's like, oh! So, okay, that's what Collins up to. But anyway, yeah, sorry. So yeah, so they're back in the boat and uh, and Hannah is now, she's, Hannah is just full of rage and now she's mad at her car. She's like, listen, honey, if you're nice to someone who's just called me materialistic, then I'm gonna have a problem with it. You guys were were basically on a date a little love date between the two of you guys don't want peanuts and missing your nails together, huh? Honna I almost choked you out, honey So my grandma's reached across the table that choked you out and he's like there's no there's no need to make a big deal out of every situation

I'm coming to pad hunter So you know to breath this with Colin. Yeah, she's kind of dancing. He's like, you want me to move my legs? So right. I'll sit there touching my leg. To your leg. I'm just sitting up and up.

And then he slides over like a bottle of wine. And he's like, get a glass or a straw. She goes, let's do neither. Oh, I'm a wild-gathered hot. I can be fricking. I can get down. Remember when I fell in love with Ad in my home. Remember how you were the only person on this spot I didn't phone in love with? Look at that vase. Remember I fell in love with that vase. Oh, and that sponge, we had a toward lever fair in my heart. But never with you. Remember when I got my heart broken by any internee about Harpose?

Remember that man on the dock in Naples we flew the rope onto a boat. Oh, my heart fluttered for him. Oh, yeah. So Hannah and Conrad are both sco- well, Hannah's sitting in her, you know, she's curled up on a chair in the, on the deck. And Conrad's like, now it chains from over her. So he's down on the deck or on the dock smoking and Brooke, or a Jouisies them on the TVs.

And he's like, let's watch him on the TV, he's the TV, it's look at the air, so it's excellent. Look at these days of our lives. What's he thinking? What's he thinking? What's he thinking? It's like, like unmisterious science theater 3000.

Yeah, they're just like sitting there staring at the space. Yeah. So then Conrad goes back to his bed, and his Hannah's being so dramatic. And so he's back in his bed, and Adam comes, he's like, eeehh! And he tells Adam what's going on, and he's like,

I personally am a bud, Nipper. When I see Nugley Flower, I nip that bud. Unless it pertains to my cooking. Onions for everyone Look, I know she's materialistic. I mean, I know I'm a dick and I don't want to hear about it either Listen, I'm gonna nip some more buds. I thought about paying more. Can I like I'm a nip that's a bud living in the van So Anna goes to bed and Brooks there and Brooks like, I can't get mad, brah! She's like, what's he called me materially?

Second I think he was talking shit and if he was talking shit about you, I'd never let anyone talk shit about you on a show. He wasn't talking shit about you about me, what? He was male oversighting sonnets and love poetry because his heart is full of emotions and mystery and most of all deep, thoughtful, commentary and love. I don't know what I'm so then the next... I'm into it. So the next morning, Sandy's like bed-headed, getting her cup of hugs for the morning from the from the Nespresso machine. And Anna's like, hello, honey. I have a good sleep, Captain, honey.

She's like, well, I'll tell you this. I woke up at 2.30 in the AM because of the wind. So I'm going to be visiting my best friend hugs later. Hugging at. Hugging at. You know, my favorite cop show is hugged the naps. And Hannah's like, sucks for you, honey. See you later. Have a good day. And the captain says well, dad look at Hannah. She's trying Look at look at the way the Hannah tried right now. I'm gonna embrace that just like I would embrace Literally anybody just some broccoli and some potatoes and maybe brands You know I brace it all you know what sometimes life, you just have to press the reset button. And if that doesn't work, you take the cartridge out and you blow on it a little bit and you put it back in,

you press reset again and boom, Super Mario Bros. is working again. I mean, the fans knew how to do it. Just hit the top of the machine and the record starts playing again. God, I love the fans. So in the mess, KC's like, head to our tea wants some tea, do you want some sugar and cream in it?

And he's like, oh yeah, I'm sure I'm cream. Yeah. And Brooks says, I don't say that's what they meant. And they said, just some, it's more than just the tea bag Something slightly impoper I Told you I could get them So Adam Conrad Hanna and Hanna Conrad I'm gonna have a gun. I'm gonna have a gun. I'm gonna have a gun. I'm gonna have a gun. All right, here's who's coming on. A guy with bro talks.

He can barely move his face and he's got two giant veins sticking out of his temples. Okay, he's a motivational speaker in other words. Hey, you ever hear of Alan Thick? You ever remember him? Hey, so guess what? They made a wax model of him and it came to life.

And it's this guy named Daniel Penley, yeah. It's like they took Alan Thick and let Casey Ironham. Okay. So this guy Daniel's coming on his motivational speaker and he's bringing out a bunch of people, including Omanim Lucy, who has dietary restrictions, who doesn't show his neateria bread or whatever. Anything. Like any of her restrictions or anything. Like she doesn't eat shit. Which is always the best on this show. And furthermore,

this guy says he wants to do a sharing circle with the crew. That probably just means he wants to pull the tips. Yeah. I hate people like this. These motivational speakers are liars. Okay. They are lying to you and taking your goddammit. Manta banks. That's where they are. Charles. Charles. What's the word again? Charlotons. Yeah. They are charlatans. Okay. Marlottons and Manta banks. So already I'm just like rolling my ass. Motivation. I don't know. So hey, I don't know so hey Because they're always if they're always the worst off, you know like the people who spout this advice like this are messes

Their life for their lives are a fucking mess. Oh absolutely So then we have this random scene where this This guy comes to deliver lobsters to the boat. He just like he's on a bike and he brings lobsters and dry I was like whoa like did you see that? Did you see that, mate? He just rolls up the scooter and a whole bunch of lobsters. Did you see that? Cermeter realistic.

Cermeter realistic. Oh my god, I love you Jouah. I actually started working out and I was like, oh, it's something just, it just popped into my teeth. Sounds like it. It's so materialistic. Yeah. Those lobsters, what people don't know is that they've been held for like ransom and

That's a big dive went through in Zimbabwe Lobsters are some in calls for yeah, all right. I hope someone calls for you, but it's not looking good Hey lobsters, maybe if you'd be less materialistic you wouldn't have gone on that cage in the first place and gotten caught a little lobster It's like how do you call me materialist? The lobster is Brooke and Hannah. Yeah, I'm like honey! Honey! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

The lobster's throwing an earring over the side of the tub. Listen, honey, I'm your chief lobster stew. I don't care who you are, I never throw any materialism back in your face since that time it started. Honey! Honey! So, Hannah wants a hug from Conrad. and throw in your materialism back in your face since that time it started. Hone! Hone! So Hannah wants a hug from Conrad. And look, Conrad, so we'll put that cushion cover in the dryer. Do you have enough? Alright, let's hug.

They're trying to talk like, um, two criminals on the run in a film noir. You know, it's always like, let's go to Prague. Once we go to Prague, everything will be okay. Promise me you'll's go to Prague. Once we go to Prague everything will be okay Promise me you'll take me to Prague promise me you when we get to Prague honey. I'm gonna make a wife out of you Corner right here. Yeah, I can't I can't read someone put the cushion cover in the dry It's like code I miss something sinister. I miss that the cushion I tell she's like I don't like to get a bit angry, honey. Also, I really want to see prog, so I'll break up with a med today.

Not materialistic, though. So meanwhile, Jamie has to get into like a harness to clean the side of the boat. And she's like, ooh, she's like the contraptions Yankee and my Fufi. So she contributed. Yeah, it was good to hear from you, girl. So the captain's like, gets her right along five, gets her right on five, everybody, they're right there, everybody, they're right. Let's see now.

I think we need to give out an award for the most improved idiot ever really on a boat. Casey, Casey, you may have tried to iron a goldfish this morning, but you also both a cracker and an actual goldfish. She's like, I'm, she's gonna like make them into one. She's like, I'm gonna make the cracker come alive. But you also got a bowl of nuts ready for the guests. I mean, talk about learning something, you know, that's one thing this crew has not seemed to be able to get a grasp of. She's like, just have some nuts out, you know. She's like, I got your gumballs. Oh, no, those are peanuts. So they're all white. They're bram. So the guests come on board and this guy Daniel, he, this, I mean, this season has had some really

extraordinary guests. The women who started off the season will go down in history as being board and this guy Daniel, he, this, I mean, this season has had some really extraordinary guests. The, the women who started off the season will go down in history as being the biggest idiots I think we've ever seen on either show. There was Honey Sarshar who was terrible. This guy, he hasn't been terrible, but God, he's got to be one of the most annoying people ever. He gets on and he is just saying empty turns of phrase that really don't mean anything. So it's like everything's a tell. He's like, may we live as long as we want

and never long as we want to live with him. We're wanting and wanting and not ever want as long as we live. Yeah, he doesn't make any sense. He's like, living your life in the moment is exactly everything and more. What? Like at least make it a cute meme.

May the sun always rise and the sun always set, but we'll always rise to set and set the rise. So I'm like, wait, God, are you talking about bread making? I don't know what you're talking about. Son rise at the table. So what I would say, because then the bounty of buffet can come to it. It's like shut up, dude. When you set the table, you're setting your life. And when your life is set, you're at the table. Like, what? Don't fork it up. You're setting your life and when your life is set you're at the table. What don't fork it up Sissy that walk Also, he's wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head like Guy Fieri so this guy can suck a dick He also has the same hair as Bernie from weekend to burn his so oh

My god, and maybe he is maybe just dead. That's why that explains a lot actually Thanks though So I am man god is loving Maybe it's just dead. That explains a lot. I think so. So, man, God is love. And man, who knows God knows no love. God is love. Right. Yeah. He's just everything.

He's like living your life in the moment. This is everything you want and more. Yeah. He's completely out of it. It's like sometimes you're tank is out of gas, but your gas is the tank of the life that fills the car Right guys, I keep saying these stupid saying so like Who's just like honey honey honey? She's like nodding smiling just like

Just ready to go back online shopping. Yeah, she's like I totally subscribed to that Yeah, she's like, I totally subscribed to that. Oh no, get me out of here. Oh my. Also, he's paying for this cruise as a business expense to get people into his motivational speaking. You know, he's one of those. Exactly. And so the funny part of the crew is just like,

you know, I get talking about their first impressions to each other and comments like, you know, I don't think you can get a real bad man from a positive speaker. I'm like, Jesus, you're already ruined. Oh God, poor sweet Conrad. Poor.

They're only terrible men, only. Yes. Watch talk to Tony Robbins. Watch some of the women that Tony Robbins has been around. How about that? Yeah. So, blonde, oh, so the blonde lady, we get our obligatory joao scene.

We're someone's like, what's your name again? It's like, yeah, walk wild, but with a jaw, joao, she's like, wow, never heard that before. Where are you from? Wow, it's like, yeah, yeah, kid, man, ransom, leave me since I remember it. From Zimbabwe, see the way you say my name, it's like wow and then you take the word ransom And then you take the O from ransom and you put it into a J and you put the J and the O from ransom with wow and you get Wow

So it's like on say at the African and we're a country that's really landed the whatever he's into and then he's like sitting down talking to the guests and Hannah says, today, what do you do? Yeah, do. Bono. I mean, well, Daniel is out there saying like, if it ain't so, don't say it.

If it ain't right, don't do it. Like, wow, I'm glad I spent $50,000 to see your seminar to say something that came literally out of a fortune cookie. Why did the chicken cross the road because someone had the dream of roads and they built knock knock who's there anyone always open the door. Who cares? How are you going to know if the doors closed? That's my point, guys. That's my point.

So now we get this. Now begins the pattern of Hannah abusing Brooke. I'm going to say abusing quotation marks, because it's kind of like a normal cruise, but they're putting it together where it's like total abuse of Brooke. She's like Brooke, Brooke, Hannah, Hannah, Brooke, Brooke, can we get a table on the Sunday? I think they won't know you don't the Sunday. She's like, oh, wow. And this by the way is a hallowed below deck tradition that like three quarters of the way through the season that they make the heads do look lazy and then the other

students get mad at her. Like every single season this happens. Yes, and it goes through the whole episode and it was cracking me up the whole time because you know, they always have a shot or ten of Hannah leaning and texting in a hallway. I don't know. She has to learn not to smoke and check her phone on the show because the moment she reaches her phone, there is some sort of camera on the wall. That just is like, hand on her phone.

Hand on her phone, hand on her phone, hand on her phone. Hand on her phone, hand on her phone, hand on her phone, hand on her phone, all never mind, you know, with that cupcake bake off, she was in that place. Meanwhile, Collins on the phone with his mom, she's like, how's it sleeping in that box? He's like, oh well, you know my bed at home. Let's put that in a half.

Oh, Colin. Colin, that is terrible. Am I still the big spoon? Yeah, mom, you're still the big spoon. I'm Colin. Well, guess what? I got you a nice big body pillow for your bed at home. Okay, I'll be nice and comfy and cozy. Lunch is served. And the blonde lady, guys. My favorite. I'll care be nice and comfy and cozy. Lunch is served and the blonde lady guest. My favorite. I love blitches. I just wrote that down because I'm with her. Oh yeah. I'm not gonna dispute that. So don't think I can't compliment somebody on these shoes. Yeah. So then Hannah, so basically the weather is bad so they can't really leave a port.

So Hannah's going to put them on a tender and they're going to get like a little tour, the local castles and everything. And then like there's just like, I think there's just like a shot, I just wrote this down. I don't even remember the context. It's just Jouao talking to the guest and he's like, well, everything happens for a reason. Yeah, well, everything, he's sitting with them and he's like, things happen. You know, I come from Zimb Ballboy in the, the economy crashed. So me and my brother left with nothing.

And we came here with nothing and Conrad's like, that's his opening line for every conversation. Zim, Zim, Zim. I was so furious that the producers did not include a Zimbabwe montage right there. Like, that was like, that was like the perfect, like, they set it up. I wanted to just see a full montage of, wow, I'll see something like when I'm in Zimbabwe, in Zimbabwe, in Zimbabwe. It's so mad.

I'm sure we'll get one at the reunion. Just zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom. Then there was like a random shot. We see like everyone doing things across the boat. And there was just like a random shot of Sandy just like taking a bunch of papers and just sort of like, hi, there we go. They're nice and organized, right? Yeah, they were all in a mess.

But now I've slapped them against the table a little bit and guess what? One nice pile. Oh, there we go. That's a nice piece of paper. Because you know she's inspired because she is also a motivational speaker. I don't know if anybody knows that. But Captain Sandy is actually a motivational speaker. He can go paydle to listen to her speak.

Look at that. We are also, I like to think that we're motivational speakers. Oh yeah. You motivate people to waste their time listening to us. Yeah, motivate people to hate on other people on TV. Very motivating. Yeah. So, Brooklyn Adam are talking and Adam's like,

guess what I'm gonna do? Typhoon! Oh yeah, they just came up. Bud Nippa. I'm a Bud Nippa. It's easy to make, cause there's no David. A Kuggenut Mel. He's Kuggenut Mel. nipple it seems to make because there's no daryen uh cuckin up now he's cuckin up now

he's cuckin up now I just said not milk you never know this bell I can get down that'll be the name of her dance song that'll be Brooke's dance hit when you're in the club and you see a coconut, I can get down. I can get down.

I can't get out of the show. It's happening to the coconut show. I can get down. I make you, I make you a niggas drop at the coconut shop. I can get down. So if we mentioned that the boat can't go out on the water. Yes, we mentioned that right. Okay.

So they have to come up with things to do. So Hannah's like, I'm going to send you the castles on me. We're going to meet Jamie's hero. Can't talk to you. We all know her hero is the quick bunny, but anyway. So he's like getting those tenders with your like drinks. And they're like, yeah, we want some bloody berries and the lady goes, do you have those? She's like, yeah, we've caught them. So she starts freaking out because they need cocktail service and she can't go. Yeah, she's almost going far away. So I'm going, no.

So they're basically packing these coolers of like beers and bloody Mary stuff and Colin is going to basically be the bartender and Colin is like, I don't even know how to make a bloody Mary, which is like, I mean, you drive a ferry. Like if you have the ability to drive a ferry, you know how to make a bloody Mary. It's like literally like mix this mix with vodka and add some stuff and that's it. But Hannah's trying to syrenow him and she doesn't make it. I go she's like it's like syrenow for cat for bloody Mary's. She's like he's what you do.

You take a drip of vodka and you put it on the inside. Then you make the rain of something loin. If you've got it, if not, just get your fish and he's like, I'm trying to follow me. Be well, Daniel's on a tender be like, the only reason you have not is because you ask not. Really? I'm going to ask you not to speak. How about that? Yeah, but about beggars. Yeah. Like beggars literally stand around all day asking for something. Yeah. Yeah. amount of not. Okay. Exactly.

Also, I love how that turned around on him because he's like, you have not, because you ask not. You ask for a bloody marioness and guess what? You're not gonna get one. So you're just gonna stay on a professional TV, you idiot. Yeah. It's so true. So Hannah's like, I got too much going on in my head

between Cohen Red and Joao and everything and I'm just making a steep in the stakes. So I'm gonna go and smoke and break Then Brooke meanwhile is like setting the table for lunch and she like puts her little little you know Stones and marbles on everything. She's like good to go I just loved how proud she was of her table scape But also like so sad like she's so put upon. And Hannah comes up to her and she's like, you in case you're fine to do that service. She goes, just, just, well, yeah, I'm on late. So we'll do it in order. You guys do that.

And then I'll do that. That was the time I was going to dedicate myself to feeling love. So Sandy meanwhile is in the kitchen helping Adam like pour some pad tie into a bowl or something and she's like, oh yeah, I like helping out. Ah, we're on the same team. You know what I like doing? You know it gives me a thrill holding one side of a bowl and watching that stuff pour into another bowl.

That's great. That's a fun time. Guess what makes the dream work? Ty, cookin' that milk? Think dig. Teamwork. Hey, Adam's a G-girl. God.

So God, I love that banana curry. So Hannah, so the guests come back and Hannah makes a bloody merry for them. And then Lucy, the lady with all the restrictions, she wanders into the kitchen in a bikini and she's like, so Adam, hi, I'm Lucy. Uh-huh question. When you see your fish,

does that like, what does searing mean? Yeah, so it's time can it be a bit raw because didn't that raise the bacteria level of the fish if it was heated but not cooked all the way. Now there's two ways to look at this. There's my way, which is this lady is allergic to everything under the sun. And she's going to come in here and grow the chef about everything. Yes, or there's a way that Adam takes it, which is like, roll the chef about everything. Or there's the way that Adam takes it,

which is like, she wants me. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I don't think so, Adam. I think that she wants to make sure that there's no bacteria getting into her system. Yeah.

But yeah, she had to come ask a chef that had ingredients. Yeah, you had to come down in your bikini, huh? If I'm a fish, you bake me filet, me slow braids, man. I'd freeze you to make sure you didn't have bacteria in you. You had to come down in your bikini, huh? If I'm a fish, you'll bake me filet, miss, low braise me. I'd freeze you to make sure you didn't have bacteria in you. And then I'd just chop you in half and throw you up a board. Personally, I mean, you didn't really have to freeze me

if you're gonna do that, but then he's like, he's here to chop. Yeah, he's, yeah, he's basically like, well, actually, we freeze the fish because that's how we killed the bacteria. That's how all fish, you be all fish, everyone's gotta do that. She's like, oh this is fascinating.

I just, I just wanna know if I was gonna get diarrhea though. She's tough. Yeah, pretty much. And by the way, of course, then I had to look it up for anyone who's wondering, the reason when you freeze the fish, you're killing parasites. And you have to freeze the fish much colder than you

can freeze it in your home freezer and if you're gonna do it in your home freezer it takes like two weeks to kill everything off as opposed to like an industrial freezer where it's like a certain temperature and then it's like 12 at the point is don't try this at home kids and it doesn't kill bacteria it kills the parasites. Oh okay I was gonna say thank you Twitter, because they were like, actually you do have to freeze fish to kill the parasites. But now that you told me that,

I'm like, did he have time to freeze a whole octopus that day before he cooked at that night? I don't, I'm not sure. Well, I mean, you know, Twitter's right, you do have to freeze it, but like, it's not as simple as just like, oh, you throw it in your own freezer, which is funny because, you know,

I have Caroline Fleming's book from our little giveaway from a few months ago. And she has a few recipes which is like, put the fish in your freezer for two hours to kill everything and now it is sushi and now take it out and eat. And I'm like, I think it doesn't work that way. Yeah, people keep getting found dead in their house and they all have her book. It's the weirdest coincidence. How lucky are you to have parasites from me? I'm in love now. My grandfather, parasite killed your grandfather, parasite. Caroline Fleming's Instagram is so out of control these days because she has a boyfriend and it is like new levels, new levels. I'm able to clear the phone later, but for right now, a new levels of flam, new levels of flam. So let's see here Lucy in the chef.

Okay, so Lucy's like, well, okay, then I guess I don't want to disturb you. And he giggles and goes, you look like you're ready to go already. Yeah. I guess she is so gross. So she giggles her way up. And then Hannah is talking to Brooke.

And oh, I said, Hannah dishes to Brooke. No, she literally hands a pile of dishes to Brooke. And she goes, you need to pick this away. And then Brooke gives us the camera. This look like, you know, look a little kid look. And she is, what I can't do on Hannah. Yeah, because then Hannah's like alright Hannah I'm gonna get one break until 530

then you can knock off between 530 and 730 and bricks like but I assure you don't want to do lunch lunch is the time when people both fall in love and Hannah's like no I'm just going to break and that's an in-bork is like well as a chief stew, that first service I'm bought, I would want to be really present. I was like, uh-oh, bugsy alert. If I were chief stew, it's happening.

It's all happening. I did not see this coming from Brook, although I should have, since we used the exact same voice for Brook that we did for Bugsy. But here we go. Like, we didn't even have to change the voice. If I were chief stew. Well, Bugsy, like we didn't even have to change the voice. If I was cheap, dude. Well Buggsy, our Buggsy is more of a nag.

If I was cheap, dude, I would go and break. And Buggsy is like, if I was cheap, dude, I would be in love. A totally different. Yeah. So, Hannah's like, you know what, honey, I didn't take breaks the fist part of the chart of season, so I just want to be dealing with you into bad it now. Yeah, I'm so glad sure what Brooke's confused about, but if she needs support, then support she'll get. This sort of support that says, clean this up, honey.

Clean it up. Now what sucks on all these shows is that no one knows if the other people are talking all this shit behind their backs, you know. So she doesn't know that Brooke has been like, I'm the only one working on the hair bed. And she's just getting that idea today, you know, when Brooke actually like spells it out for her. But I always feel bad for people on the, it's like

the Carol and Beth anything all over again, which we will not get into. We will on Thursday. So now to lunch and now Daniel does one of my biggest pet peeves. He announces to the table, he goes, Hey everyone, I've got a quote for you. I wrote today. God. Like one of my least favorite things is when people write their own quotes, I answer to Graham.

I mean, maybe if it's like, if it's a funny line, I don't mind if you write a funny line. Like we follow some people on Instagram who will post like a little funny quip that they wrote because that's what you know That's what if you're a comedian. That's what you do like but what I don't like is when people post Inspirational shit they came up with as if it came down. It's like bin into so it's like it's from like play-doh Okay, like you know, it's like like you were no you were not you were not Mark Twain you were not Shakespeare.

And so this is- You are not Moses either. I'm from a very religious family, and so I'm used to like you sit down and everyone holds hands and we pray. You know, it's usually my dad helped tell some Bible story or what. Like I get it, but I hate one people

because also as a religious person, this kind of self-help bullshit is like what I was taught as a child is like Satanism. Like when people are also as a religious person this kind of self-help bullshit is like what I was taught as a child is like Satanism. Like when people are like trying to start their own religions that's when your ass will get stoned in a square. Okay. So when he starts out and he's like, oh, I've got and by the way, I know this is all crazy for anybody. He's like, how dare you? I love self-help. I know it sounds crazy. But the man's like, I've got a quote that I wrote, you aren't given the power to dream without the power to manifest those dreams. So, receive it and believe it.

And then his friends like, Amen! I know. Oh my God. If I'm me and my was watching this, she would like stab herself in the temple right now, just beat that with the swirls. Well, my problem with like homemade inspirational quotes is that they are too long and rambling. Often, they don't actually have, like, there's usually no, like, artistry behind them, you know? Yeah, log line it.

So, like, and he, like, honestly, your version was actually even better than his version, because his version was even longer. Not, like, with more content, it's just wordier. His actual quote was, you were never given the power to dream without the natural ability to manifest that dream and make it a physical reality. Like that is not a quote. That is like, that's not a quote. That's like something you may have written. That may have maybe a comment that you wrote. That may have been something that was part of a paragraph, but as like a quote with a capital

Q, something that's going in the annals of literature, that's not going in there. And most like self-made quotes are just too long. Like there's so many people I've seen, right, things like. In life we are who we choose to be, so I choose to be a powerful person because powerful people are the people who want to be powerful and that's who I choose to be. It's like, that's, no, no, no. Okay, you know that they say comedy is in brevity, but I think inspiration is in brevity too.

Oh my God. And it's not, you didn't write it either. Everybody's heard that. Yeah, believe it to receive it, receive it, whatever. You're not giving the one. And I'm also this bullshit. You're not giving the power to dream without the natural ability to manifest that dream,

making it a physical reality. Well, good luck. Guess what? I haven't started flying yet. Yeah, exactly, which is why I'm invisible right now. And I could totally walk to a buffet and get whatever I want, nobody would see me. Guess what?

I haven't had two Julia Roberts. So just tell me when that happens. Yeah, I guess what I didn't trip over my penis this morning on the way to work. So guess that doesn't work. Yeah. I would do wonder what my dream was from last night. I don't remember. The best part of this to me is they're invited all these people who basically don't know

them. I mean, they just keep looking at them like you're an idiot. And this blonde, this blonde older lady, they just close up on her face and then she goes, okay, then. Just starts eating her food. Yeah, clearly this group was like a Frankenstein group. Like it was clearly like they just basically mashed up like six different people who volunteered to come on the yacht. So then this guy, I think it's like a guy who's like, I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. This group was like a Frankenstein group. Like it was clearly like, they just basically mashed up like the six different people who

volunteered to come on the yacht. So then this guy, I mean, he then the food comes and he goes, guys, when you bless food, it actually changes the molecules and the food and it actually turns that into good for your body. Then why are you chunky? Bless your food harder. Why do you look like a candle? How about that? Can you eat something for your face? So then the food source survive and these people are

so like one over you know I mean it does look it looks great all the food looks great, but at one point some spring rolls come by I don't think I was spring rolls. Oh my It was not like a souffle that arrived. It was spring rolls and then street food Dober Lucy takes out this huge camera to take pictures She's trying to capture the exact moment when the molecules in the food change become good for her body I'm gonna find that bacteria. So the wife goes, oh my god, he loves it. He's not even Asian. Oh my god, you people. So Casey is he from Zimbabwe? Because that's where I'm from. I would love to see him at our

soup. They say, don't give you $5 to bring it back to me. How about you serve Zimbabwe food for once? How about that? We never got to have Zimbabwe food. That's all we get to Zimbabwe food. All right, we didn't grow up with Asian food. Here's my dick. So Casey and Brooke are chatting and Casey's like,

Are you okay? My hand is really flat and it still burns. And bricks like, I don't feel great! You know, you can tell that Hannah's having fun and it's impacting us. I'm in my work, it's impacted. My heart is impacted. And when my heart is impacted,

love is impacted. Gaces like, I'm just a bit confused as to what Hannah thinks her role is as chiefs do But then at the same time I'm pretty much confused by everything like tin foil. What's that? Yeah, actually what is still Are we working for a bowl of soup like how is it that our soup is our boss? Well, I start chicken noodle talking to us and telling us to do things Where is our chicken noodle talking to us and telling us to do things? Then it comes back to Daniel saying, how can you strive and never arrive?

I'm like, you're just rhyming now. You're literally just rhyming. Now you're just disregarding flat tires completely. Because the difference between driven and a plan is a goal, which makes a zero sense. And his friend goes, yeah, and then you have to put that plan in play. And he's like, that's right. That's right. Winner of the, winner of the free boat trip from my last motivational seminar.

That's right. Winner, winner winner chicken dinner So now he gets where he takes off his robe He has to those molecules in action. Yeah, and the wife is like oh my god. He brought his teeny bikini Jesus So Juaos sits down because the guest is like hey Juao come sit with me and talk so he was like all right then Chee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee those either we just had magazine pictures of them. WF magazine although we didn't have both W's which is WF magazine. It's very difficult. And you can tell that this friend is a new convert to this motivational shit because he keeps going like yes. Like he's just scored a pointer he's won something because he's

being so overly encouraging. Oh yes, in Broadway. Oh, yeah! Okay, you can calm down, Mube. So then Conrad is watching Jowaw on the camera. So I think it was on like, it doesn't matter. Conrad was watching Jowaw and then he goes to Hannah and he's like, so Jowaw is just talking to the guests. It doesn't seem like it's professional. Do you think I should say something? And she's like, It doesn't seem like it's professional. Do you think I should say something and he's like, listen mate, when you're talking with a guest, I understand you have to talk with a guest and everything, and you tell a good story and all that, even though you're such a bullshit artist.

But let me tell you something, you can't sit down with them, don't sit down with them because you can't do that. And Zroow, of course, is furious. Zroow, who talks down to everyone who tells everyone how they should act, tells everyone who they are and what they are and what they should know He's he tells us it's like don't tell me how to do my job mate because you have a shit idea of how to do your own job So don't tell me you know, fuck all so then we see Adam Oh, sorry. Oh, it was just a quick one. We're Adam goes the primary is requested surf and turf

It's like the 1982 country club. I love it. Okay, Adam, you're not wrong, but I can't wait to see. I actually typed, I can't wait to watch you sort of banana foster. And that's what he did. Exactly. Also, you're on a yacht. Of course, someone's going to ask for surf and turf.

That's just what happens. Yeah. People still have surf and turf. So after Conrad tells you, wow, don't socialize with the guests who are talking too much, you need to be working, et cetera. Jowell does, of course, he goes right up to Sandy. He knocks. Oh, so Sandy is like having a sands in her room or something.

It's like all dark. She's like trying to bring back to life of banana. And you're sweats in hotel belt, belt of Jor, and wondering why these girls are always dying on Netflix. What the heck is going on? I just love that catheter, Dinov. Oh God. Have you ever seen the umbrellas of Sherbrook?

Oh, so many umbrellas. You know, I just love an umbrella too. You know what's great? I spent time doing a song about umbrellas. Wait, there's one about? Oh god. Where have I been? I'll tell you where I've been watching Bel de Jor. I don't repeat. Did you know that Rihanna has all the letters of the word rain in her name? You think they're thinking about me here?

You know what? You know what my favorite type of insurance is travelers because they got the red umbrella. And also I like to travel. You know, I tell my friends without the whole problem, why go to double-a, when you can go to triple? You know, that's just a little more money every month. You know who got life figured out? Mary Poppins, you know, she just grabs it and growl

and she's off. She's off, she's having a great time. She's the world. You know what I've always wondered, what do they call him, Dog Day afternoons? Aren't dogs fun? You know, if that sounds great to me, a dog day afternoon. You know what the thing about dogs? They're all bark but never a lot of bite. Oh God, I get that inspirational guys really rubbing off on me, huh? God, I wish I had a poster around here.

So, D'Rale's like, Sandy, you know, I was just talking, the guests wanted me to talk to them, so I was just talking, and I just, you know, I was talking with them, and I wanted to make sure they said, okay, but I didn't cross any lines, you know, I just want to make sure everything's like, oh no, that's good. Engage with them, you know, you know the line, you know, you're a good guy. So, you're, they responsible. You're, you're good here. You're take this umbrella and bring it down to them. They'll like it. Yeah, she goes, I know you. I see you. Okay. He said, uh, he's a freak. Yeah. Like, like, he, like, just, your boss told you don't do something, do it, but he goes above the boss

and then top of that his demeanor is so fake you know because with everyone he's like oh mate oh mate but then with Sandi's like Sandi Sandi I just wanted to check in here his voice gets all high and lilting it's like yeah and he's just doing the pre the pre-crime thing of blocking Conrad from Taddle tailing on him so So Conrad does say something. He's just gonna Look like a piece of shit for saying anything. Exactly. Well God forbid he tries to please the guests. Unlike someone who had too many Cooks on a trip. You know, Joao is like every cutthroat asshole in corporate America. I think he is the guy in every single Wall Street movie who's like, Hey, buddy, you know, and then like he takes Your job or he's the one who like sets you up for failure ruins your whole career like

He is exact type of personality. Yeah. Oh, wow So Conrad and Brecker next and they're talking about the fight at the restaurant last night What do you think about last night? Well, there's a storm in the place to fight like that, but that's a hana is she doesn't know a time or a place and Conrad actually says Yeah, but she's more subtle she's She's about to settle as a Valentine's Day card at Valentine's Day They're called on Valentine's Day! She's about to settle as a wonky son of spring there from a man you won't expect into force

quickly. She's about to settle as the gentle touch of a male collar, all a walk through the garden back. Isn't it amazing that we're in this, we're in the middle together. Stalk in the middle with you. So now it's nighttime and Sande's asking Hannah how the guests are and Hannah Hannah Hannah Hannah Hannah. She's like, God damn it. Hello, Cindy. Come on, Defeat. How are you? How does your day and the dark? Oh, it was just great. No wind. It just come and relaxing. Hey, so I think we're gonna leave in the morning because there's a lot of wind right now. Do you think the mind?

Do you think the mind? And she's like, you think they'll be fine. So, hands like thank you Hannah. She's you're welcome. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. So Hannah tells the guests and she's like, so I'm sorry to say, honey, that we won't be leaving until tomorrow because the wind and the big dude who's like the friend of, he's like, you know what it's disappointing but we trust sand and like well thanks how about you

just like trust that your boat is bobbing left and right and you can't move how about trust that someone will clean that hot tub because the water is already nuclear green and you've been here for like an hour. I'm seeing like cellophane, cellophane wrappers of the spring rolls floating in the hot tub. Yes. So then Adam's like, I've said it before. I've said it again. And lay the scale. Also, when we're on dock, all I do on me, yeah. So they serve the surf and turf. And we get some more words of wisdom from this crazy person He's like, you know my dad my idea as a kid was to perform Exorcisms because like as a kid I really enjoyed taking demons out of people. Oh, I thought he was saying his dad used to perform

Exorcisms doesn't matter. He's talking about exorcisms at dinner He's like, I'm going to exercise this, Boleterias in the morning. Turn the molecules from bad to good. And then we get the pattern, Anna, like, could you help, could you help clear, honey, broke, could you help clear, could you help clear? And it's like, all right, I have clear. All right, could you make the baits now?

All right, I'll make the best. Did you come up by answer? Did you say, she turns into the baits now? Alright, I'll make the best! Did you come up by answer? Did you say? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! She turns into the nurse from a big business. Like, going back and forth between the delivery rooms. We need you in here, we need you in here, we need you in here. Oh!

Mm-hmm. This will just be a small prick, ma'am. That's what got me into this mess. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So, then after all of this mess. So, then after all this craziness Hannah's like, alright Brooke you can go downstairs to the cave and then help out Casey who I believe is trying to iron a bedpost. Brooke's like, I'm already here, I anticipate love and needs.

Alright thank you Patello. Patello, that was the most romantic thing. I love her needs. Oh, thank you, Petal. Petal, oh! That was the most romantic thing. Oh, is that a sad thing? I think I'm in love with her now. But which petal was I? The I love him? Or the I love him not?

Oh! Oh! Ugh! She and then so now Broker's getting a bit of sick. I'd guess I'll just do everything. Ha-ha-ha! Oh. yeah. So then she comes back up to clear the plates.

Yeah. Oh my God. I just paused. I'm fast forwarding through the episode right now. And I just paused on this guy's face. And it's like, it's literally terrifying when I screenshot it and send it to you. So you could just have it for your collection.

No offense. I hope this guy's not listening to the show. If you are, I'm so sorry could just have it for your collection. Okay. No offense. I hope this guys not listening to the show. If you are, I'm so sorry, but you shouldn't be listening to this. Okay. Yeah. If you are, I know it may be too late to switch careers, but maybe switch careers. So maybe go to school.

So Brooke is like, Hannah Beasley hands Brooke a giant stack of plates and it's like, yeah, you go do this, honey. And then Hannah's like, look, but Hannah's, I'm going to try them. And Hannah's just sitting there eating bananas, smoking, taking videos. Eating the banana fosters because she feels like her service is done, you know? So she's like, hey, banana, full step, right? Could you believe that I was cold material is too cold? And Brooks, you know, Brooke is doing the classic thing. I'm doing all the work. Hannah's getting all the credit. But I kind of feel like, but even before Hannah said it, like she's the chiefs stew, the chiefs stew has like,

that's the role the chiefs stew is to bossing around. I'm sorry, like, I mean, kind of, but that said, Hannah is like for the rest of the, at first I was like, okay, Brooke. And I just, she's just being mean because Joao's like influencing her to be mean. But right when she says it, she's like, I do owe this is she got sold the glory. They just keep cutting back to Hannah sitting on the counter eating.

I know. Over and over again. It is pretty, it is pretty damning, but I also feel like, well, Hannah does get the credit. At the any chiefs do you should get the credit because they have put together a team who's taking care of the shit, right? That's the way it usually works. I mean, it definitely sucks. It sucks for Brooke. I'm not going to take that away. That sucks.

She was doing a lot of work. But they just show, but then they show that Hannah has cleared all the dessert plates yourself, because she's holding eight dessert plates when she comes in. Yeah. You know what I mean? Exactly. And she puts them down at the table and Brooke gives to out, because she was down there in the pantry down

or in the dish washing section or whatever. And they're giving each other looks like, can you believe she's dropping these dishes? Will she just fucking clear the table herself? So what do you, why do you two are back here like flirting? What the hell? And also the other thing is Hannah,

Hannah may get all the glory, but she also gets the anti-glory. She gets the, she gets when things go wrong, she's the one who takes it, right? Like when the toast isn't there, when Adam hasn't made the toast for Sandy and then someone hasn't brought the toast up or whatever, it's gonna be Hannah who gets the shit. So that's when you're like the authority person. I'm saying this stuff from a very privileged point of view, which is that I'm not working for Hannah. You know, I'm sure I was working for Hannah. I'd be like the authority person. I'm saying this stuff from a very privileged point of view, which is that I'm not working for Hannah.

You know, I'm sure I was working for Hannah. I'd be like, fuck her. She's eating bananas, fosters, I'm carrying like 10 sauces. Yeah, it's hard to tell. For me, it's hard to tell. Like through the, through the, like I've got anxiety, I was like, get your ass to work.

You know, some things, and it's hard to tell in this because then she does drop the plates and goes in, it sits back on the counter and eats in text. So I'm not really sure what's that I'm down on in this. But Jowow is up stirring shit with Brooke and she's like, it really hurts. She's like, she's like, should I talk to him? And he's like, I would someone's gonna do it. He's gonna do it. Get in there. Well, this is the same guy who was like, don't tell me how to do my job, but when he is then is now saying, oh, why don't you tell Hannah how to do her job essentially.

And also the other thing we should point out, the reason why Hannah was having to banana fosters is because she couldn't help out broke because Joao was in there. Oh, yeah, she's like, dick is my way. So then we cut to Colin and he's like, wow, maybe the biggest douche off the boat, but on the boat, he's a hard worker. You can't knock the guy. Yeah because Conrad has overslept. So Colin is up waiting for Conrad to wake up because Conrad is like an hour and a half

late. So he's like, can I go to bed? Can I sleep on my half size bed? Is my bed at home with Mom? He's like, Ghost Mom is waiting for me. So Jowel's like, yes, you can. So Jowel wakes up, Conrad. And, you know, the thing that's also insidious about Jowel,

is that he wakes up Conrad and Conrad was like, oh, it looks like that long go away from him. I must have fallen back asleep and Jowel's like, eh, it happens to all of us. He sort of says something like that. He's just like, eh, you know, all cool about it. But he is the jerk who acts like, oh yeah, no big deal. But then it's gonna be the first one to tell Sandy that Conrad overslept, you know, all cool about it. But he is the jerk who acts like, oh yeah, no big deal. But then it's going to be the first one to tell Sandy

that Conrad overslept, you know. But I was confused by this because didn't he say, didn't he say, well, I want to go to bed, but Conrad is still asleep and it's 10, 15. Like, I want to go to bed and then Joe out said, but he said he'd be up at half past 10. Well, because he's like, did he sleep late? But I guess he did. He was

supposed to wake up. He was on break. Conrad was on break and he's supposed to be up again and then Conrad was going to go to sleep, but he didn't come back from his break. So Conrad had to stay up. That's what I that's what I imagined was going on. Okay. So then they cut to Hamma taking selfies with Adam and the kids in what breakfast. Yeah. What breakfast cleaning. And by the way, Adam's got his crocs up on the stove. Yeah, which is rainbow crock So so Brook she File Brook is now she's at a breaking point and so she tells Hannah. She's like I feel like sometimes you're taking advantage of me And not in the delight for a sexual way and you so she's now Hannah's like

in the delat for a sexual war. And so, now Hannah's like, whew, honey! So, Brooks like, I'd rather do an equal amount of work. And Hannah's like, we all do an equal amount of work. Double honey, honey, honey, honey! But I've got never heard some day

and more power shifts do. And then Hannah's gone. Hannah's like, congrats. That's called being a stewardess. He did the laundry. And then the best part is after all this, it's like, surprise twist, because a stewardess, you did the laundry. And then the best part is after all this, it's like surprise twist, because Brooker's like, I did the laundry and Hannah's like,

well I woke up an hour early to do all the laundry yesterday, it's like, don't do that, laundry twists. Landry fight. So then it winds up with Brook being like, you know, because Hannah's basically challenging on everything, it's like listen, I've earned my rank and this is my job to boss you around.

I've been doing this for eight years and so then Brooke is like ahana you really are going to annoy me so I tried carefully before I because I have a lot to say here dun dun dun oh Dress and then Hannah's like all right what is it that I need to hear from a second Steve what is there what else is it that I need to hear from a second Steve? What is there? Hmm? What else is it that I need to hear from the second? I just like Tried carefully. I have a lot to say for instance

You make me feel terribly uncomfortable on occasion You're better at read like that cuz my heart's mush I didn't totally like the way you looked at me the other day. I said it. And that's the end, right? Isn't that how this ends? It's like dead. That's a great hanger. Yeah.

Oh God. Next week, this fucking, this motivational speaker is still on. I think playing a trust game with a bull queue. What do you, like, he, He like puts the pool queue against his chest and he says something like these are your obstacles and this are your hopes and he like leans forward and crushes the pool queue. He's like he wants to do it next. I'm like you just broke the pool queue on the bench. You idiot. And that brings us to the end. So we will be in West Palm next week to do the Real Housewives of New York reunion, part one, West Palm. And then we'll be doing two shows in

Atlanta right after that on the weekend. We'll be doing, I don't know, I think we're announcing it tomorrow morning. Yeah, we'll figure it out. We said, oh no, we We have a lot of logistics to figure out. So we'll announce it and it'll be glorious. Yes, it's going to be fun to see everybody. Thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you next time. Bye. Hey, prime members.

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