Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckMed: I Dated a Pill in Ibiza

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

It takes a special duo to be worse than Johnny and Michelle Damon, but on Below Deck Mediterranean, Rob and Jessica are up for the challenge! The two are truly THAT couple: the one who ruins everything — a group dinner, a night at the club, your favorite yacht TV show — as they bicker passive aggressively over shopping trips and being present. UGH. In other news, Chef Tom finished a charter without any potatoes in the bin!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off, voice only. Launching during pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crappins, a podcast about all that crap we just love to watch on Bravo. And beyond, I'm Ben Mandelker from The Real House where there's a kitchen island and also the game brain podcast.

If you're a board game nerd like I am, go check that out. And joining me is a wonderful, wonderful man. I would hug him if I could, but we are in different states of both geographically and in life. It's Ronnie Caram from the Rose Prick Spatiaros podcast. What's going on Ronnie? Well hello you sweet little Pete. Happy Tuesday. Is it Tuesday? It's Tuesday right? Yeah. Happy Tuesday. Oh thanks. I'm just over here recovering from the big boat mess we had here at Lake Travis. No, no, you heard about it. I did.

I saw that amazing photo. Oh my God, the world. The world is like literally insane right now. Perfect for below deck, right? Wow, that's perfect for below deck. Is that Lake near you? Yeah, that's where I live, like Travis. Oh my God.

Oh, I live in Spicewood, but but yeah it's a little town outside of the Ukraine. So did did that happen because it was not like a windy day right it's just that all the boats started moving at once. Yeah so they had a Trump rally which I can't even believe because this is a pretty liberal place I thought I mean I think but and they're always complaining here that all these lives moved from California and then want to have their laws their way or whatever, you know. So I was shocked to open the news and see the big boat mass because a bunch of people had a Trump boat rally on the lake. And there were so many boats that it sunk other boats

because it rose the wave so high. And it was just sinking boats out there. So just add that to your 2020 everybody. I'm glad everyone's safe. I mean, listen, even if you're of a different political persuasion than I am, I don't want you to die. And I want you to hurt. Yeah, I'm horrors.

Don't want you to be hurt. Don't want you to be hurt, okay? I will just accept the hurt that you inflict on my community. But still, I'm just joking. No, I don't want anyone to be hurt. But that being said, that photo of that little boat, because there's this one photo that was on, like everyone's article.

If there's one little boat being overwhelmed by waves, then it's just like a lady. I'm there with her drum flag like, hey, help me! Yeah, it's beyond like the Trump or politics or anything. It's just that there was a huge boat thing that so many got out there that they were sinking the other boat.

I mean, that should just crazy. It's like, yeah, there's just something new every day. And I saw on Twitter today that an asteroid is going to be passing Earth, or like passing right towards Earth the day before the election or something. Oh, God. This fucking year. Where's Hillary Swank when we need her, you know? Seriously. I need that jawline to just stop everything. I feel like she has a powerful jawline. She can just say stop and it'll stop. I feel like she could make a very impassioned speech and physics will listen and it will move the asteroids.

She will get up there. I need Hillary to make a big speech, not think Chad, and just stop all of this. Just say, you know, when you start hurtling towards an asteroid, you didn't realize that you're hurtling towards people, people with families, people with jobs, people with boats that are sinking, and you're just gonna come in here, and I say to you, asteroid, no, you go to the sun, you go where you're a wanted, because

you also have a family and your family's in the sun, go to your family, you go where you're a wanted because you also have a family and your families in the sun. Go to your family, asteroid. Go to your family. Do your food. It's below deck day. Yes, below deck day. Let's have Mary Timeblog come in here and speak to that asteroid. Oh, hello, Mary Timeblog.

I'd just like to say, drugs are bad. Okay. Well, asteroid, I know that you're on a very vibrant path, but we've heard reports from Mars as you pass by that you might have some valium on you So I'm sorry. We're gonna we're gonna have to continue this earth without you All right, so here we are below dick midi-terrain Alright, so here we are, Bolognics Mediterranean. Yeah, Bolognics Mediterranean, home of Mary Time Law, who was nowhere to be seen in like Travis. So, this was a great episode, it was full of an awful, awful relationship, just sucking the life out of me, like an astronaut. Multiple. Listen, I want you to show to watch me.

I want you to show to get me to get yelled at, okay? I want to see me as being yelled at. That's what I want on this show. I don't want to see, you know, some of my attractive people, like making out all the time and fighting, okay? There's not one here. There's a reason why I don't watch the real world anymore,

okay? I've decided I no longer need to see reality stars and co-dependent relationships. And then here comes Rob. Here comes Rob. You know, by the way, I'm done with Rob. I am so done with Rob. I don't need Rob. Jessica, if you're still dating Rob, just break up with him right now. Even if you like him, we, like we, the, the, Auntie Ben and Auntie Ronny are here. It's over. It's done. Break up. This is our advice. Rob, how could you say that to me? Don't, you have a new episode with a... And no music, everything's very quiet because Jessica is dying on the dick.

I'm gonna use that. Talk to me, take a couple of breaths. Did you inject marijuana? Did you inject marijuana into your veins? Captain Sandy, Jessica's having heart palpitations. I think she just realized that there are no bingo wheels on deck and she's not gonna know what to do their hands for the next few hours. So Captain Sandy, what should I do? Yeah, tell her to come see me.

All right, listen, I'm sitting down in the mess in front of a giant bowl of fruit. I've got a little cheese, a knife, and some rich crackers. All right, so listen, Hannah's gone. No one's interrupting my meal. All right, just have, just have a hard attack, Mack. Walk down here. So, well, Jessica's dying. This is like Crosscut with the O Beach Closing Party and a bitah and Asha's there and Michelle Damon is just trying

to get her to drink so she straddle her up on this thing and pouring a shot down her throat and Asha's like, oh she's strong man, oh she's doing an offense to candy get some alcohol into me. This is what my victim must feel like when I stick my finger at my bum. Yeah, Michelle is basically sexually harassing Aisha hardcore over on this island. And then Tom back on the boat,

it's like, what's wrong with Jess? Did someone do something awful to it? Like toss potatoes in the bin. That would be terrible. Jess, look at me. How many potatoes am I holding up? If the answer is zero, you'd be correct if they're all in the bin. They're all in the bin.

I might know why Jess is having a heart attack. Someone probably called her sous vide lobster undercooked. Is that it? That is. Jess, tell me something. Is your heart racing because you had to witness something being poached and then fried because it is the most ridiculous thing Then you've ever seen in the world of the combat art and I can't believe it I would have a heart attack three times over if I had a wiser again So bugs are like where she got off the jet ski mess. She's not feeling well or something

Like wow thanks for the support bugs so then back with Robin Malia He's like well, it's clear that I said something that made her anxious Yeah, maybe it was when you said you were still texting with your ex After already having a history of being a little like not upfront about your relationship with her So yeah, maybe you did say something that made her anxious. I don't know, maybe it's because you were exiting. Okay. Exiting, exiting.

So they basically like take a warm shower. So Jess goes in to take her warm shower to fix her heart. And then she goes over to Jess to Sandy and she's basically like, yeah, my heart was beating so fast it freaked me out. Luckily, I do have history of being a nurse. Well, I played a nurse in a school play. The school I wasn't even part of.

It was just one of the weird jobs I did. And I quit. Quit that one. Well good, I'm glad that you're okay. I'm glad you made it down here. I would have gotten up, but I'm very close to a thousand grand bar. This right there at the end of the table. Could you just go ahead and flick that over to me?

That would be great. Let's take your blood pressure. Come on, come on. I take my blood pressure every day. Okay. Now, it's 155 over 42. I'm going to text my friend who's a cardiologist. Alright, give me a sec.

I mean, one of the reasons why I take my blood pressure every day is it's kind of like a little hug for your bicep. Didn't that feel nice on you, Justin? I'm very serious about medical attention and maritime loss. If someone is having a heart attack, I'm going to text a friend about it. That's right. Unfortunately, with maritime law, no drugs are allowed. So if you're having a heart attack

we could maybe do CPR and that's about it and then the rest is up to you. Yeah, now I'm gonna give you a heart of abusive advice that I never give. Heart do not take an app. Okay, that would be bad. Okay, we want anti-napps for hearts on this boat. I had heart palpitations and the end result was that I had a heart attack. I was in cycling class. We were listening to some Susie Q

just saying one of her great songs two of hearts and I said you know what two of hearts How about five of hearts because my heart was swelling so big and then I just fell over Feet still stuck in that bicycle and everyone came over and saved me But you know what if you're ever gonna have a heart attack It's a great great musician to have a heart attack to you. Stink CQ. Now, heart palpitations turned into a heart attack, and just a few minutes ago, I had fruit,

and suddenly it turned into a Kit Kat. Now, are those things related? I don't know. But as a captain, I'm gonna stay on this. Now, let me wait for my friend to text me back. All right. The late Natalie Cole had a wonderful song that addressed this issue.

It was called Jump Start My Heart, which is exactly what they had to do at the cycling class. Thank God that song was playing, so it gave them a clear instruction to how to save me. Nope. I got a message from my friend who says it's not that bad. And just it's like, well, hard to see is run some of my family.

It's like me to my parents both died of heart attacks, which is so sad. Yeah. And she talks about how she was in spin class, you know, and her heart never stopped beating. And then her arm went numb. It went numb. Her heart, her arm became a nun.

It was crazy. You. So she had a disease called spontaneous coronary dissection. So it's crazy. And when the three women die of a heart attack or stroke, I have no idea. I have been, I am now been like totally self-modeling

my heart ever since this episode. I'm like, I'm such a hyper-conductor. I'm like, am I having heart palpitations? I can't tell. I can't tell what's a heart palpitation and what's just been, you know. I'm like, am I safe? Am I okay? Am I bad? I don't know. I think sometimes we need to just like stop and really learn things from things from these shows and what I'm taking from all of this is it's spin class is bad so told you so So basically Jessica's like well this relationship is taking a physical toll on me Because my biggest fear is to be vulnerable and to fall in love and then it falls to shit So biggest fear also platypuses very scary very very scary terrifying terrifying creatures

Is it a duck is it not a duck? What is it so back at the party? Platypuses, very scary, very, very scary. Terrifying creatures. Is it a duck? Is it not a duck? What is it? So back at the party, I'm just like, I'm a feather, then I want to dance. I fucking owe this a B-Sum. You know what?

I want you to just sit on your mouth. And John is like, oh yeah. So she opens her legs and then he puts his head in there. And he's like, baby, pee on me baby. Oh yeah. And the sniff is off. It was really charming. It was too retrash.

OK. So trash. Trash, we told you about a beast that you bitch. So on the boat, Bugsy is trying uh, it's time to get started with some decorations for dinner tonight. So she's doing that. And Melia and Tom are kissing in the cabin, and Sandy's gonna be joining for dinner. And then Aisha calls up on the radio.

She's like, hey girlfriend, everyone here wants to come back news, so we're coming back. Lou! And then Melia's like, all right, and then bumps her head on the bunk. And Bugsy is making Alex wear gulps. The spin dies, you have to go, you have to go, fish them dress like this. Tom, can you tell me what's on the menu?

If you say thunder, I will totally get it because I'm here. She's like, all right, well, we're gonna be having a beef fillet and we're gonna have a martini glass filled with coffee jelly and two of a su and some cremonglés and I would have included a side of potatoes but we all know someone in this room threw them in the bin. So, she's like, I'm not finished yet. She's like, all right, finish. She's like, espresso martini finished yet. She's like, alright finish. She's like espresso martini crem anglaise. Amazing. We also have something that my mother loved. It could be a salad with

a ruler or as we call it rocket and pair and the tears of my dreams that have failed her, failed her miserably. I'm sorry mother, I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best. I can't do it. It's ridiculous on this yacht mother So the tinder returns and just is crawling out of bed like oh my god I almost died today and Chinese like everything guys everything great on me. I just sniff a jaina and It's just like you know, well, we want to see your journey. There's incredible balls So me here incredible balls so many are incredible balls Johnny So Alex starts like tossing baseballs and

Johnny just can't hit any of them he is just swinging and missing and he gets like one that basically you know Tumbles into the water and everything You just got traded bro. Yeah, bro. You just got traded. It was great. I'm sure I'm sure there was someone out there who enjoyed it so then Now it's time to get dressed for dinner and Malia's gonna be a sous chef for Tom again and Michelle Michelle comes up to the table and she sees the table scapes this table scape is out of this world I'm gonna stand on top of and peel over it. All right, Johnny get ready get ready And then Alex is just crowding bugsy as she finishes up the table going. Yeah. Yeah, that looks great That looks great. It was so good, but you're amazing

You're an amazing creature the way you do that table, but yeah So they also down and Johnny Damon is wasted like Wasted and he tries to do a to us he goes saloon Like thank you Matt saloon But yeah, he's like Hokkaite Musgronday Penanday squirrel rabbit

So bugs he brings up these plates of roast beef fillet and Johnny is like so as he just looks at him and he's like, I'm Bugsie. He's just like, more well done. He's like, yeah, and the captain's sitting there just looking at him like, oh geez. So Bugsie takes it back down and the captain's like, oh, do you want it this well then like Maine? Do you like it like this? Do you want me to pass it to you? And he's like, oh So Bugsie takes it down and got a hand at the tom. He's already got a new one ready He's right here. Here's for the complainer

You know in the gallery you can do everything right and they don't like it and you're investing so much of your surfing to those ditches And that's what hurts. That's what hurts the most. That's what hurts when they don't appreciate what you do You don't appreciate at all, mother So Johnny's thinking that's what's perfect big guys And it's just so delicious and my sugars. Wow, and it's high It's hot honey He just starts cropping her bib Whatever happened to class

So bugsy into bugsy ghost atomic The love that they've been raving about it. Johnny gave it three beabes squeezed There's a no one said it was cold right right? It was all perfectly temperature, right? Perfect. Everything was perfect, right? Everything was perfect. This wasn't a huge mistake after all, it didn't fly, I didn't write. It was perfect. So, Stereo's captain's like, you know what I like? Egg White Bites. And one of the guys is like, from Starbucks, so seg White Bites? I was like, yeah, and I looked up the recipe because I liked them so much. But you couldn't eat them. You couldn't make them the same right? You know why you can't replicate that? They're made with the eggs of unfertilized comodos. And they're like, oh!

He's like, that comodo bit always kills. Johnny says something like, you're eating them with waffles. What? Johnny said something like you're eating waffles Yeah, they do sex-rapping with those commas at rank and so you know I'm a year old so everyone gets into bed and Jess and Rob have pillow talk which goes something like this I'm just worried about how much this is too much is changing in the past few days and guess I'm sorry for today Ignore that

Is that your ex or is that Is that the drug king pin you're running drugs for right now or is it both? So asian bugs during the kitchen drying glasses and Aisha's like, thank you, Shtain. Excuse me, did you say Shtain? That means I love you! I had an immediate Vietnam flashback because back in 2002, I was the assistant to a very powerful producer who would fly off the handle. And he would scream at me. Like 12 hours a day, I just get screamed at. And one day in the morning, he called up, I was asking for this.

He was like driving into work. And he was asking for this or that, whatever. And at that time, like my friends and I would always be like, hey, what's going on, jerk? What's up, jerk? What a jerk. And so he was like, okay, I want this. I need this script on my desk and he might coffee. I'm gonna need to call with this producer, that producer. You got that all, and I was like, sure do, jerk.

And then I was like, what did you call me? And I was like, jerk. It's like, I was like, it's a thing that people say. It's like a slang, which is a lie. It was only between my friends, but I had's like, I think it's a thing that people say it's like a slang which is a lie It was only between my friends, but I had to like, fix that. It's just something that, you know, people say to friends You know, like hey jerk, what's up jerk? He goes, I'm not your friend. I was like, okay sir Terrified Well, bugsie is acting like him. She's like, she's saying it's not a term of endiamant

If you need a term of endearment, look at my breath, love, laughter. Sir, it's like, where is just my words of affection? Bucks is like, wow, thanks. Oh, so, so then the, I'm like still like, I'm like taking my place, but I'm taking myself back to 2002 and I'm still trying to claw myself out of that space. So, uh,

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You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So hey, it's 1 a.m. and the guests are dancing, okay? Dancing and they're up late and Asia's cleaning and it's 2 a.m. They're dancing and Michelle Damon is Finessing Asia's butt. Yeah, she's like Asia has like picked something up as she bends over and Michelle's like hey, they're pretty lady like a that thing, huh? Yeah, yeah, you bend over and can't help but sexually around you all right, and she's like you guys are so

I can't help but sexually around you all right. And they just like, you guys are so fun. A bunch of shit stains, that's what you are. I mean, Johnny's being off the side of the boat and smiling right in the camera. Trash. So then he goes down, he's carrying Michelle down. He's like, I'm gonna beat your ass. We need to not have more babies.

He really is a caveman. I mean, he really, really, really, like he not only looks like one, he talks like a caveman. He is basically a caveman. Yeah. So final day of charter. Early morning, everybody's got a pack.

Clean, clean, clean, pack, pack, pack. Rob is still sleeping. Don, don, don, don. They were supposed to be up at seven at seven thirty? He's like who dear? Let me rush Here I go Going to a button button button So he goes out and Alex had to stay up and Ross like this is not okay And that transfers to someone else's lack of rest

What is my relationship doing to this boat? Okay, and that transfers to someone else's lack of rest. What is my relationship doing to this boat? What did the chicken cross the road? Because it needed to get to its bed, because it was a little underrested, because the chicken that was on before him forgot to relieve him of his duties. But only because that chicken was very upset,

because another chicken that that chicken had dated was texting that chicken. What was he supposed to do leave a chicken crying? No. Sometimes a chicken just needs to be present. And that's all that that chicken wants of his chicken lover just to be present. And is that so hard to ask? So then he's making out with Jess again at the table Emily on the deck.

Emily comes over and she's like Morning, he's like see it is morning Do you mind if I get some coffee? I'm Warned out for more the chores I haven't done yet So she sends him to get coffee, but then she looks and he's done nothing She's like um the deck looks like shit, okay, head to platform. Seriously, what the hell, what are you doing? I don't wanna come out here and see you

and Jess kissing on the off deck when things aren't done, okay, the boat looks like shit. Yeah, yeah, basically Malia is like, yeah, he is lost in his romance with Jess and, you know, and so now he's just being terrible. So then, so then we see Jess observes in a table scape, which I think I wrote down because I thought like, I thought it was going to lead to something because last episode bugs is like, you're going to do the breakfast table scapes and I want the biggest compliment to come from

you for your breakfast tables, you can do, and Jessica, you can do it. So I thought that's what this was leading to, especially because they also put that in the previous leaves. So it's like, here it is, Jess's big moment, she's gonna do a table scape, and they're gonna love it, and they're gonna mention it, but it's like, no, she just did a table scape. Yeah, it's like, very, pretty table scape, Jess.

It's like, thanks. I'm gonna go iron out, okay. So, Bugs follows her down she's like well I have to say the laundry looks great just and then she tells us the more you invest in someone the better they're gonna do. I'm so glad that I have taken the time to teach Gis how to put folks on a table. Yeah so then Bugsie goes up to Captain Sandy. I was like, how's your long tripping this chat, huh? And she's like, oh, it's great. It's so, there's so much of it. Everything's hanging there. Oh, you did such a good job, Bugsie. I know, I know. I invested in myself, so I can invest into jazz. So, Malia and Rob are talking Emily is like let's prep these anchors. Okay, come on now

Which color are you supposed to do which color you supposed to turn and he's like red? Green green I think you're just tricking me and it's really red no it's green the green one all right green Red is the color of embarrassment, which is how I felt this morning, and now I feel that you're sort of dismissing my emotions. There's a lot going on with Jess and I, and now it's affecting my work, my head. What can I do? Do I listen to my head? Do I listen to my heart? My heart is green. My head is red. I'm going with my head. No way! Sorry, sorry. I am feeling rather blue though, so that throws a little bit of a spanner into the work,

doesn't it? So Bugsie is still with the captain. She's like, she's stomach rate. Long trees is choppy. Kippin. Oh, she's doing so great. She's like, all right. Just bring Jess to the bridge.

Jess, Jess, bridge, bridge, Jess, Jess, bridge, not no, Jess, I see you out there on the diving board. That is the diving board. Okay, come to the bridge. You can do it right behind you. Okay, right behind you. And okay, come take a selfie in the place with the big steering wheel. Just like you called.

I see all my clothes hanging in my closet. I just want to say thank you. Bugs says you're killing it and you never you would never allow the time to actually do your job effectively. So thank you for doing your job, which is like doing your food, but in your case it's doing your laundry. Thank you. Do your laundry. So Jess is like, wow, a compliment from Bugsie and from Sandy. Am I dead? Oh, I feel bad if that's like her, if like that's her heaven. Like if you die, your heaven is like,

hey, good job on the laundry. Really? This is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my afterlife. Good job on getting my auntie's way. Those 80-watties have never looked better. Thank you, Jesus. So everyone's waking up.

Michelle put her thumb in Johnny's bungalow last night or something, and then they've got one hour till disembarkation. So now we see Rob and Jess Rob's like, where's your head? She's like, what are you talking about? It's on my neck dummy. No, I just don't want to think so much and I'm thinking where too much which is amazing considering how vapid I am.

She's like, well, I won't ask things then if I don't ask. I'm not gonna ask anything and you don't have to think about things and then but when I don't ask just like, well, I won't ask things then if I don't ask. I'm not gonna ask anything, and you don't have to think about things, but when I don't ask, just like, don't think I don't see you, because I'm just not asking you don't have to think. He's mad because he had a facial expression. Yeah. He's just so much reassurance at all moments.

So then, crew, crew, crew, proceed to the marina. We're getting rid of the bunghole tatcher and his trash wife alright get down there everybody all right time to dock this should be pretty smooth we're gonna dock everyone all right so uh dock dock dock and Rob all Rob has to do is what he's done all season long which is throw a rope to a guy on a dock so he like throws the rope but he basically throws the rope, he basically throws the rope the way Johnny Damon

was hitting the balls, okay? Just, it's like flops into the water. And he's like, oh, I missed. Rope. Where's your head out, Rope? Why did you fall in the water? It's like, hurry up, Rob, hurry up! All right, I shall try it again.

Flop. Rope, you are getting me into my head and I don't appreciate it. Rope, I just want you to be present. Be here, Rope. I don't want to talk about the past, Rope. Hurry up, Rob! Alright, let me try again. Blop. I suppose we should talk about my ex shouldn't be wrote So that's the big drama basically of this episode is that rope and bad

And really it's just like oh my god this guy is killing me and So Malia goes over to bugsy and she's like we had to do the heaving line three times, okay? Let me go up, insta-piss, up, insta-piss, up, insta-piss. Bugsie's just like rubbing her temples like, I don't know what any of this means, but I'll rub my temples because it seems like it's stressful. Oh! And then Rob's right behind her and he's like,

well, everyone's allowed to make a mistake. It's a bit rude. Not a mistake that could potentially imperil the boat. Okay, you dumb dumb. Because what I gathered from it was that like you have a small window to get that rope to the dock because otherwise the boat's going to drift into another boat, right? So he's like, everyone's allowed to make a mistake. Am I okay? Well, then fine.

You pay that $20 million. Yeah. And then Malia tells Alex, so whichever side you're gonna be on is the critical side because I cannot fuck around anymore. And he's like, all right. So then Johnny tells him all five. I like it. Johnny's like incredible job everybody.

And Michelle's like, food was amazing, service was amazing, the John is sniffing. Amazing. Listen,, food was amazing, service was amazing, vagina sniffing, amazing. Listen, last charter was good, but this time was away about. Yeah, he said, he said, goes, oh. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So time to get cleaning. So doing some cleaning and cleaning and cleaning, and Malia pulls Rob aside and she's like, the stern when we come in is super critical, the heating line

if you throw it and we don't make it to the dock once that's a mistake, you made that mistake three times. And no, I don't want to hear about your ex, I can already see your bad to ask me that. But what about my ex? No, I don't want to hear that. If a text is delivered but not read, has it been read or just delivered? That's my question. God dammit, wrong.

And he's like, well, I'm very conscious of the fact that I'm not showing up on deck. I'm in the mental state of trying to show up for the boat and trying to show up for Jess. And that's not really fair. I need to compartmentalize better. I was like, well, there you go. You've just given yourself a reason to cheat.

Yup, exactly. There it is! How about this? Focus on the boat first, because that's the thing that everyone is on. That if it breaks, you all die. How about that? Focus on that one first.

So then, Aisha and Jess are making a bed. And Jess is like, so how long have you been in yawning? I'm like oh no, did I say asha and Jess? I think I think Asha and Jess are doing that because they're talking about like how long have you been in yawning and asha's like five years And how is your last relationship on the boat and asha's like well? I mean can't of the same year The right when we left he went back to 6 cool friends and sure that won't happen to you though I mean we were sort of in the same situation except the guy that I was with everyone just really loved and he was fun and he was so shabble and you guys just sort

of like a tree and she's like um, were you on I love you yet? And Aisha starts cracking up and she's like, oh, you see! And then Aisha suggests telling us, that's probably why you don't have a boyfriend. No. No. Aisha's like, we were only on that for six weeks.

Is it a ridiculous? Yeah, I think the reason why Jess is like, kind of, caddy to Asia for the rest of the episode is because Asia basically shared her about this at this moment, like unintentionally. I guess we're not. It's probably why I don't have a boyfriend. No, she actually had a boyfriend on the yacht

and he fully kind of cheated on her, etc. Asia just has been down this path before and I'm not falling for that stupidity. Yeah, Asia is like, is this your first proper relationship on a boat? It's like, yeah, she goes, oh, that's probably why. So then, main salon, tip meeting, tip meeting. Well done, everyone. Asia, having you on board has been a breath of fresh air Jessica you're getting better. So thank you got on my clothes Tom I'm blown away to the potatoes

Sorry that you died in early death and we're not appreciated. We're raising a flight for you tonight So cheers to all of you and again remember is the end of the season you count your money You don't worry about the shitty tip that Johnny got after his wife sexually harassed. I'll have you with this Yeah, Tom looked terrified by the way. He has this like look where he's When he doesn't want a smile, but he feels like he should be smiling He does that he like has this weird frown smile that he does He's like, oh no, it's mother gonna get it to me. It's mother gonna yell at me, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault about the potatoes, it wasn't my fault, mother, it wasn't my fault! Um, and, uh, Aisha, that tip, Aisha's like,

hey, what did I let down? That's so... BAMMER! So cleaning laundry, cleaning laundry, cleaning laundry, so in the mess, Aisha, Rob and Jess are sitting around eating, and Aisha's like, all right, if you fell in love with someone, I mean, absolutely, deeply, madly in love. And then you found out that the head of Mark or Pines would just do stay with them. Yeah. And Jess is like, yeah, I still love him. That's it. Your expense Rob, get it? Let me just adjust my pantone color. We are here. This has made me feel purple right now. I'm a little bit embarrassed and a little bit sad. I'm red and blue. Alex is like what's the equivalent of a micro penis for girls? Oh really, what vagina?

I'm like, I don't even know what a vagina is. So then they start like, then like, Asia and Rob start joking about like being virgin. It's like, we don't know where virgin's all. So they're joking and Rob, this is Rob's joky banter. What's your main export in New Zealand? Sarcasm. And she's like, sheep, a thang, sheep, dairy, milk. You know, anything to do with sheep. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Jess if she wants to go to one of those stories and take a walk and that she's like definitely and Aisha's still going on about Dairy and she she really is and Rob's like geez you sure got a lot and she's cracking up anything to do with fans So Jess is like um do you really want to go shopping Rob?

And he's like what if you see a shirt She's like you want me to bring do you want me to bring it to you or do you just want to come? And he goes, well, you guys were having your own conversation. So I wasn't sure if I was invited. Shut the fuck up Rob, enough of that, don't, that's so passive aggressive. And I'm getting so mad right now because the rest of the episode,

he pinsed on her for being passive aggressive when he fucking starts it right here. Yeah, it's really hard to take sides in a couple like this because they're both just annoying me with this. Oh, yeah. It's like one of them started it, but then they both do it the whole time, so whatever. Yeah, I agree though that he does keep like, he starts haunting her, yeah, he starts, and then she just takes the bait every single time.

She does, because he's like, what are you having your own conversation? I didn't know if I was invited, and so she's like, well, you were too, so I didn't want to interrupt, huh? And then Alex, like, whoa, fucking jealousy, am I right? Bro, fucking jealousy. Ah! Yeah, and then she's the one who's jealous. He started it.

Yeah, exactly. And she's like, why am I being jealous because they were in the middle of a conversation. But like, Alex is like a little obnoxious to her, even though they're friends when like last time He's like you know I saw his side too. We remember he like took up for Rob and he's like you got to calm down You got to calm down like they're both kind of gaslighty to her Stop triggering me

I mean, I do see that but I think that is because Alex and her friends and he's probably dealt with her and relationships. Oh, not that's true. It's like, oh my god, please. No, not another thing where you're like whining and crying the whole time over some guy. Yeah, but either way, you should not have said jealous much because that was out of line. Okay. So, um, Jess is like, uh, she goes to Rob while he's touting a cabinet. And so like, you want to talk? It's like, oh, I have nothing to say in this conversation. Like, what the hell?

How is that even a fight? Yeah, like, are you really finding about this when you start the passive aggression? So then she, like, does this thing where she does, like, a pause is there and then slowly walks away, like, all right, I'm mad. I'm going to express it by my slow gate. Here I go. And then, of course, they meet up again outside. And then, Jess is like, all right I'm mad, I'm gonna express it by my slow gate. Here I go. And then of course

they meet up again outside. And then Jess is like, are we looking for things to get upset about? Yes, yes you are, you got it, congratulations. He goes, he's like, I was in the conversation. Oh yeah. Well I'm so sorry that you were so involved in that conversation. He goes, do you feel threatened or something? No, stop this. And you know, Jess is falling into it too. Rob is the first one who did the uh, well, you guys were in your, your own conversation. I wasn't sure what I was invited. Rob is the first one who started this. Why is Jess getting blamed for just, you know, coming back at it? I know, but they're both the same. Cause she's like, well, I'm sorry. You were so deep

in that conversation. Oh my God. You guys find better fights. You're boring me. Okay.'re boring me and you're you're even boring me more than mulean Tom and we get a cut So it's like who which couple is boring you the most right now Then we cut to mulean Tom and bed and she's going you're a stinker. No, you're a stinker. No, you're ratchet No, you're a You're a wretched little thing aren't you? Wretched wretched wretched. So, it was the English fight ever. It was so British, it was so British it was great. So, so Rob and Jess are still fighting and Rob's like, I mean what the fuck is this?

There's more here, there's more here around us, you know. I was in a very surface conversation and having a fun conversation., while I was detaching from everything else that was happening today. Do you know how difficult it is to be on green when you're feeling red? That is hard. And then we see bugs and owl checking out shops so bugs can fight a very romantic sun visor of the week for whatever they're doing. And then Aisha calls her brother and she's like, Oh, Jerry, we're the mostly American and the rules are lovely,

but they're just not the kind of people I'm used to hanging out with. The crew last year we had Ben Tarr, but this crew so far it's harder to be in Tarr. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's her whole issue. I mean, she's only been there for like two days, but I mean, admittedly last year's crew

was a much more fun crew. Like, they were just like silly. They were also a terrible crew, by the way. They like to not do their job and they got wasted and they were like drinking beers and smoking cigarettes. So then we go, oh, guess what? Jess and Rob are still fighting. So now they've both taken a shower and Rob is like, can we try to get better at communicating so that

this doesn't happen again? She's like, yeah, whatever. So they apologize to each other. And like, the plan is that they're just going to communicate better and just stay present. Yada, yada, yada. Yeah. And then William Tom are watching sunset and she's like, did you have a good charter? And he's like, well, I do believe they get easier. I've learned that the more you prep, the more you have ready, and then the standard of food goes up. The last boat I worked on was Rosanante. And we have three chefs. Those were the great days, the Rosanante days have three chefs doing three things of work. Let me tell you something. If you have a need of the patata, they're always three because we have three chefs

with the patatas there. Ah, yes, but now that I'm a soul chef, things are three times harder. Exactly, that's it's my, that's three times harder. That's why I feel this way, three times harder. I just kept thinking you do not have the stones to work on the Roastonante because the the Rosinante ship is from the expanse Which I watched the size of it so I watch and that is a rough and trouble ships are Rosinante I'm gonna get up potatoes the Rosinante Yeah, I looked at Rosinante and and it's a horse

Rosinante is donkey No, it's also the expanse so Rosinante is donkey hote's horse in the two-part Nineteen-os. Okay, that's fine. And it's also a sailing vessel. It's also sailing. Yeah, I looked it up too So it's like I need to see this but it spelled a different way. It's a sailing yacht that's rented out like this But it spelled the other way. It's also a luxury 38 meter boat or something. I don't know. I'm sure everybody's dying to know what it really is. But to me, it's just a big, special shot. Okay?

It doesn't like crying about potatoes. Ugh. Uh, Rose said, don't die. So uh, hey, let's get dressed up. So everyone's getting dressed up to go out in the visa and Buggsy says the thing that's like really my nightmare. Look what I've got glitter! Yeah, so Bugsie's gonna glue gun beads to everybody's face or some shit.

Yeah, well I was just gonna say that like Bugsie does like a nice like a little beating thing on everyone's brows and then when you get to Alex his entire face is glitter He got like a blue smudges. I was like what happened with Alex So they get to dinner and she's like guys who would like fair then who would like what are you drinking Alex? You're drinking when I say you're drinking cuz I'm the boss and he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, yes, ooh. And Tom's like, very nice menu, very nice menu. It looks like they have an Ampa supplier potato that were not thrown in the bin,

it's too mad about that bugs, he's still mad, still mad. So then a mind comes to the table with a crystal ball seeing that he does like labyrinth. It's like labyrinth. Yeah, it was like, I was like, are you the goblin king? Yeah. And what else? I believe in the are you the goblin king? Yeah, and what else? I believe in the babe.

The babe with the power. What power? The power of voodoo voodoo voodoo. You do ow. Bugsie is very much like a creature you would find in labyrinth if you think about it. Right. Yeah. Like, it's like, I'm trying to get to the goblin city.

Oh well, if you want to get to the goblin city you have to do your laundry and there are Sits with you You'll need the Barrett key to get him to the city Oh Who needs a goblin king when you can have a table scape here do this table and then she Starts doing a table scape and then like four of the hours past by and she's like, no I have to get to Toby and Then you come back to reality and Alex is just going my favorite role is a dragon role

So then just like hey Alex remember when we were working in Ryebel Do you remember me saying that there was some snotty South African and Share remember that he's like oh I don't know when did you leave Rybo? Rob when did you leave and he's like I left a week before I came here sick. Oh my god So you were there. So were you with another South African? Yeah, I guess a gay guy called Leonis. She's like, that's it. That's it. That's crazy. That's crazy. And she's like, do you remember Rob?

You remember? He goes, I do not. But we're here now. So she's like, I, I know, babe, I know we're here now. I'm sorry for trying to piece that together and having a fun time with the name game. At the same time, you can't ignore the fact that I've full conversation about you before I even knew you. He's like, well, you can't expect me to remember everything. I'm not an elephant. Get it. So he's like, oh my God, well, that makes me overthink. And he's like, don't develop that habit, please. Then to just, you know, like, don't tell me, like and he's like don't develop that habit, please Then it's just you know like don't tell me like ah, they don't tell me we've been there like can you respect that? I do respect some argue with me

So I'm getting defensive. I'm not getting defensive You all Next time you get defensive I'm gonna say you're defensive Wow You know I shut the fuck up Rob because you also ruined this situation. It was a fun time I mean I couldn't tell if she's being passive aggressive in this conversation because I had there's a lot of things happening between the drag and roll and Raya Batch, whatever that boat was called and so but it's like it is annoying like if you're all having fun and then someone says Be prep but I'm here right now. It's like oh, you're like a banter killer. Like you just killed the fun of the conversation

and you almost like shamed her in a way, you were sort of implying that she's like living in the past. So like she had to write to be like, what the fuck? And then you're gonna be like, oh God, they're from annoying. You're a dinner, stop fucking fighting. It's the most annoying thing that couples do. I know, but I'm just saying that I think that so far,

I think that like Rob has started the awfulness and she can't help herself and Rob keeps Rob keeps keeps doing it They're both obnoxious So it's just like I feel like a Lord has happened before I've come. It's hard to penetrate me self into it So to speak It's like trying to stick your finger up your bum, but you're wearing underwear at the same time And you can try to push that underwear up in there too, but it doesn't all look at it. It can all go so far So they all get into vans and

Jett bugs get stuck with Jess She's like what's wrong Jess? Oh, I'm okay So in the other van, Tobin Malia are talking to Aisha and Alex and Malia is like well I don't know if those two are the best match and Tom's like terrible They're terrible together terrible. I mean she likes the fact that he's a model and that's it I mean kind of true And Malia's like, yeah, I mean Rob is a spiritual person and Jess Well, let's put it this way the background of her phone is herself, you know. And times like, it robs, it's probably spring flowers or something like that.

Ooh, shade, I'm wretched on time. I'm so wretched. Yeah, and he says she's a shallow motherfucker. Like, okay. Um, notice that Malia is not dating a deckhand. Okay, sir. She's dating a chef. So what? He wants to date, she wants to date some model. It's not like he's dating a chef. So what he wants to date she wants to date some model. It's not like he's dating a librarian So I had trouble coming up with real jobs for a second So now they're at the club and Jess, of course,

is just like pounding in a bank cat, of course. And Rob is like, now that Jess is pounding, he is going to overcompensate and show that he is like life of the party because he's just here. He's here in the moment. So he does some bar trick where he sticks a red bull to his palm and is able to pour and he's just like, oh my god, how did you do that? some bar trick where he sticks a red bull to his palm and is able to pour and he's just like

well you have to push the can hard into your hand. Do you want to try it? I don't want to push hard. Do you feel the section? You have to do it yourself. Do you feel the suction? Do you feel it? And just is like what a watch and flirt with each other like what the fuck? I don't want to watch him flirt with you, you show like what the fuck? So then Alex is wasted, which of course means he's gonna tell Buxi how he feels So he's like I'm fucking into you, alright? I'm nervous. You're the last person I think of it night and the first thing I think of in the morning Oh jeez with that. It's fucking weird. I mean you're fucking different. I'm into it I mean you're fucking personality turns me I have no idea. I'm a fucking weirdo and you're a fucking weirdo and I fucking love that and I see you on his, he saws my eyes but that might just be the glitter.

It's all of my fucking face because we're both such fucking weirdos. So fucking gets me already and let's talk about Matt Damon and John Damon and all the demons that came from Boston, okay? It's fucking awesome life. So they make out and he was like, bye, bye friend zone. So then Robin Jess are fighting again. Rob's like oh this hot and cold shit I just don't like this check. I don't either. Like you're done already you're just looking for an

excuse. That's you projecting yourself isn't it? Got you? You're being you're being hot and cold. You're making me hot and cold. You are. Yeah, he's like, so why did I just change my ticket to Bali? Please answer me that. I'm like, the reason why you changed your ticket to Bali is because you were still pursuing her. And then when you did that,

you like achieved what you needed to achieve. And then once you did that, now it's all gone to shit. Okay, I watched Love Island. I know the way these stupid relationships work. It's all about the pursuit. And once you've pursued it, and once you've gotten it and done,

and gotten your kudos for being a good boyfriend, now you can stop being a good boyfriend and start being an asshole. That's what's happening here. Also, there's a little part where it has to Tom and Belia and he's like, say, when are we getting married? She goes, I'd marry you. But then on Instagram, on her story, she had something that said, um, I, you were, you were my type. Wait, oh god, I'm ruining it. Of course, sorry guys. I'm not.

But she's like, yeah, you were good for a while, but my taste has changed and now my taste is champagne. I don't know something like that. Like, I'm the worst. Sorry, I even brought it up, guys. That sounds about right for like a, a sassy, millea moment. Yeah, you're all right for a while, but, millea moment. Yeah, you're all right for laughing out my taste of champagne.

Yeah, something like that. So I don't know if there's trouble in periodoys. So now Rob is telling us, he's like, just fucked with me at it. I don't, I think he said what he said is cursed, but I think it was maybe fucked or I don't know, but he's like, just bleeped with me a little too much. And I feel broken.

That's how I feel. Well, have a baby next time you just don't text your ex like right under her nose and not be upfront about it. And then say these passive-rested things to wind her up and then gaslight her and say shit like be present, be present when she's just trying to have a fun story. And how about that, Rob? Yeah, and that brings us to the end of Below Deck.

What will happen next in this crazy crazy relationship? I don't care bring back Anna on board! Yeah, this is a terrible terrible relationship and Just send them off to the Rosinante and give us a new people Yeah, all right everybody. Well that will do it for this episode of Bolognic Mediterranean. Thanks so much for being here. Bye everyone. Bye!

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