Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckMed: Oxygen Thief; Plus, Southern Charm NOLA

Episode Date: June 12, 2019

On "Below Deck: Mediterranean" this week, "Chef" Mila serves up a cake wreck and tops it with some lovely homophobia frosting. The countdown clock to her firing is officially ticking. Meanwhile, over on "Southern Charm: New Orleans," we meet Reagan's new boyfriend, and he is... nice? We'll let you be the judge of that. JUST KIDDING. We'll pass tons of judgment on him and their suspicious relationship. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Watch what crap bins. Watch what crap bins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap bins. Chikouji! Watch what happened, kids what happened, What happened, so what happened, So what happened, so what happened, What happened, so what happened, What happened, kids what happened, What happened, so what happened, Hello and welcome to Watch our Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo

that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real House where as of Kitchen Island. New episode is going to be up today or tomorrow. So keep an eye out for it on YouTube. And joining me is the wonderful and hilarious host of the Rose Bricks Bachelorette Rost. Ronnie Caram, what's going on?

Hi, Ben. So Ronnie, we have a big, big day today. We're going to be talking about watch, what we're talking about watchcraft. We're talking about below deck med. We're going to touch on Southern Charm New Orleans, but first and foremost, in case anyone did not see our Soche Meeds, we're not up on social media with us, we have announced three huge shows. and they're all in a Patreon presale right now. First, we are going to be part of the Queen City comedy experience. It's a festival in Charlotte, North Carolina. That's going to be September 26th, so that's on sale right now for the Patreon presale.

And then in December, on December 7th, we're going to be in Philadelphia going back to Phile and then on December 13th, we're going back to Seattle and we're going to be at the Neptune, which is apparently this big, amazing, awesome historic venue. So Charlotte, Phile and Seattle, they are all on a Patreon Presale. Right now, those tickets go on sale to the public on Friday. We sold out Philadelphia and Seattle last year, so don't wait too long. That's what we have to say about that. And of course, next month we're going to Cleveland, Pittsburgh and Baltimore. And then we also in September have Nashville show in November. We've got Indianapolis. We've got two shows in New York City and in December. We also have St. Louis. So you guys go to watchacrapins.com to find links to all the ticketing stuff that you

could possibly need. Yeah, and also go get your shirt, sir, for another couple of weeks. And until the 14th, there's free shipping on shirt on order as $45 and more. It's merch.com. We've got it to Rindas shirt, a team LVP shirt, a team Martini medicine shirt. I mean the possibilities are endless. Okay, go over there and get it. Yeah, so with that out of the way, let's talk some below deck Mediterranean. Shall we, Ronnie? Oh, sure, let's do it. Oh my god. Oh, episode two and this this chef has just turned into more of a monster than you could even imagine It's like simultaneously horrifying and terrible, but like oh, so I'm so excited to tear her apart

Yeah, she's trash okay. Let's just open by saying that that girl is trash Just keep it in your house Why don't you keep your frizzy unconditioned hair in your house stupid that offense me fucker me. Yeah, that's what I was I was gonna say too. I was like you can tell that she has no gaze in her life Based on that brillo patch. It calls a hairstyle No kidding and who can who can hate gay people that much and then turn out to be a meatlicker? Yeah, fuck off me. La piece of crap

You know, I'm you know I mean seriously. I mean Yeah, he thought the steak up in the microwave You lick the steak you shouldn't puke all over your first day and we're the ones who are not normal. I'm sorry No, okay, so here we go the mea bashing me lower. I know So this episode opens up on that microwave because Amela was reheating the steaks in the microwave and on that microwave because Milo was reheating the stakes in the microwave and you know Hannah is just like looking at her like Hone, are you really hitting up stakes in the Hone microwave, Hone, Hone, Hone, Hone, Hone Yeah, the theme song and so it's like Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, ding

From the microwave, you gotta love this show Yeah, exactly So Milo of course is like standing behind her decision, a hundred percent. She's like, you know what, she looks at me like I'm fucking stupid. Maybe Hana Shobicef. Maybe Hana Shobicef.

I was like, actually, it would probably be an improvement. So, yes, I would be a part of that. She might as well be, I mean, she could serve cigarettes and be better than you. Yeah, seriously, seriously. So Aisha comes in and she's like, Hey, this looks nice. Hey, this looks so nice.

Oh, it doesn't look so terrible. I just laugh every time Aisha comes on. And I don't know what she's saying half the damn time. Yeah, I don't really even care She's always smiling if she's so nice and then it turns out she's talking about I don't know like Penis and butts. I don't even care. I don't even care what she's talking about. I love it Yeah, she actually was on Instagram last night. She did a story and she was actually addressing us because we're like What the fuck is she saying Aisha the gay show likes the police and so she's like oh you guys

You have to I hear the entire story also leave it naughty lesson in great school So we had to put on my my flapper jersey, you know, and you know you had to put it on and I had to put on So I should a gay show less of Malaysia and I got into proper trouble with my with the with the principal And I went on the story went on for like five minutes and that was the arc of it It was hilarious. So you go as hilarious and terrible It's terrible So I'm waiting for these guests to be like fuck this this is disgusting like. Like, I broke a tooth on that stick, but the guests aren't. They're like, that's good.

You know, they're like the most thankful people ever, and I get being polite and kind, but got, you know, like as a waiter, I'm always dreading the guest being terrible, but this is the one time you want the guests to be terrible, and they're so nice and forgiving. I know, they're like, oh wow, that is delicious. Wow, you could cut it with a fork. Oh, Carol, no, you are you're putting your fork in the sauce. That's not the steak. Carol, Carol. And they say you can cut it with a fork, but she's like chain-sawing it open and then it looks like rubber when it's coming apart. And I'm like, these people are just being too nice. And

he's like, oh yeah, my wife is real tough to please on stakes Come on get me in our get me in our people. Yeah, so So Hannah brings the plates back and me last her how like how the food was and you could see Hannah was like how How do I say that they love the food? But at the same time maintain my high ground in this position. So she's like, well, the one lady Who looked like she had no taste in her life whatsoever? She gets she said it was cooked perfectly But you know honey eyes. Yeah, she said steaks were great But she's also wearing an off-the-shoulder real housewives of Orange Canyon

If it started no how I trust that honey I think she may have hit her head on that what a slide that we put out I sold real housewives of Horms can here if it's, I don't know how I trust that. Hanna! I think she may have hit her head on that. What a slide that we put out. She's married to a comaver, so I don't know how I trust that. Hanna! Even a clock is broken. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Am I right, Hanna? Not just not. Broken clocks are never out. I don't approve a broken clock. I only believe in putting clocks. For some reason, when we watch the show and we're taking notes and I'm like trying to do the accents, I have like the most amazing, beautiful Russian accent.

And when it comes time for the podcast, I start speaking Indian. I'm like, no, she doesn't. Thank you for coming back to my kitchen. This will not work for me. Well, she's like, I did it even though I'm sick. Yeah. Yeah.

With her own hunting eyes. So then the captain comes down and she's like, oh, a taco, huh? Wow. Can I eat this? Can I have that? She's like, oh, do it. Enjoy your culinary experience. So she eats, she bites into it.

And she's like, are those nachos for the guests? Because it's just that like cardboard nacho play. Yeah. She's like, yes, in Siberia, this is what you sort of at wedding. But Teito, nacho, but Teito. So then Hannah and Sandy are talking. And Hannah's like, well, Sandy and I had a rough season to say the least on eye.

So this season our communication is my main priority. She can't see the food and think I didn't notice. Oh, oh, no. So she's like, kept in those notches get a negative two honey's had a five honey. All right. I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't take them out on a this is Hannah Furrier for the Sydney restaurant guide 2019 I give those honey notches negative five notches out of five positive notches too negative honnays so um so then Travis is showing Jack how to full towels he's like yeah you show someone how to fall to towel and life is better. You know, happy days, you're rolling towels, living the dream every day, which is I think I think they're

setting up probably a storyline, which is that Travis's teaching Jack things, but Jowaw isn't because we're starting to see some friction with Travis and Jowaw mainly on Travis's side. So I feel like that was the early seed of Everyone getting mad at Jack and then Travis is gonna defend Jack because no one has taught Jack and he's been the one who's been happy to teach Jack Oh god really uninteresting conspiracy theory on my part, but I have a voice it simple conspiracy theory Simple basic ones. I think that that towel scene was to show that Jack is not getting the education that he requires You know what I think that crosswalk is trying to stab me from getting the whole food

Cuz it only brings two times and then it said don't walk what the hell am I supposed to do with that So Sandeys like who's on the bridge because I want to go to bed right now I'm gonna do what I call a night time nap You know what I'm saying? So long nap. The long nap. Yeah, the long nap good night and Jack's like, In good water, huh? That's when I get me buta sleep.

Yeah. I just learn to fold towels. I need some time to sleep. The last thing I want to do is be standing on the bridge. I want to be sitting around making a cup of tea. I love a cup of tea all right now. Get cracking on that tea. So Joao and Hannah go over the schedule

and she's like, well, we might need to change this because Jack has sustained the bridge on I. He's on anchor watch. And Joao's like, oh, hello. And I was like, wow, look at these two working together. I mean, it's weird. Hannah didn't even get told to go juggle some cops with her cock juggling monster face.

So nice. Yeah, well, Jihuahua is trying to make us forget all about that. He's trying to make us think that he's always been just a sweet, lovable Jihuahua. But I remember Jihuahua from last season. Listen, if we're not giving Jack's Taylor a pass, we're not giving Jihuahua a pass, OK? Well, Jack's Taylor has had six years of doing that shit.

I'm giving Jawa a temporary pass, listen. Wow. A dog doesn't just stop pooping on your carpet, okay? You have to teach it. If we just put our dogs down every time they pooped on the carpet, there would be no dogs, okay? You have to learn to pet the dog. Well, you have to say no to the dog.

You know dogs need training. There's also a theory of natural selection So there's that so next morning Everyone wakes up and I guess I guess what the one of the guys comes up and I just like standing there like a little coffee area Where they serve drinks for breakfast, you know, and it's like nobody's up. No You're the first right up. up! It's tearball! Everyone's asleep! Hoorrrr! Ha-ha!

Cut, believe you're the only one up right near! How about call for a day? Which is hilarious! Cause I love to swallow! AHHHH! It's call for a time in the morning! Um... Yeah, so-

Emma Stasia, I wish I worked in human resources so I could be like, and a stage I am a stage I come to the deck, please. Hi, Hannah Staja. I'm Ronnie. I'm in human resources. I'm sorry, but you are way overqualified for this job. Okay, you're fired. Yeah, too good to be here. Her flowers, her, she was,

she was making flower napkins that look like they were in the Disneyland parade. You know, they were like lighting up and turning around in circles. She actually created an electric parade on the table. Electric life. Yeah. So yeah, I mean, she's really good. I feel like what I like about Anastasia is I feel like there's like a like a tightly wound inner stress that is building up and it's gonna come out in these wonderful

Passive aggressive ways later on in the season. So I think that's really exciting for me Yeah, I'm ready for her to like strangle a baby because people that nice and like put together are usually baby Stranglers or like serial killers or something so I'm watching you and I'm rooting for you, you know, kill somebody. It's about time someone almost died last year. And it looks like someone almost dies this year. Someone needs to die now. Like if you're going to up your game every season, somebody just needs to die. Yeah.

It's your job. And it's actually even you. Yeah, she's like our Manchurian candidate. You, you are the one that we're choosing to do this. But we're too lazy to train the menchery in candidate. What am I supposed to do? We'll just do a t-shirt instead. Oh, who am I supposed to do? That's crazy! So then the captain is calling around looking for her radio.

And she's like, Jack, you have my radio, radio one. He's like, I think they're here. I think of Gortley, baby. Down here, chilling with the radio. You have my radio, radio one. He's like, I think that's it. I think I've got it, baby. Down here, chilling with the radio. And she's like, you're not winning me over right now with your long hair and your radio stealing ways. With the fancy smiles. Yeah, guys, he's totally winning her over.

He's like, the best thing I want to capture is put in me here, put me up by me here, and like a don't you schoolboy and slept in me here on the bridge. You know what and like a don't you schoolboy and slapping me Yes on the bridge, you know what I'm saying? Cup of tea time. That's what I'm saying Captain Sandy loves the man that she can train now. That's a woman who's had dogs. Yeah For sure big old dogs like yeah, go big like oversized golden retrievers Yeah, gigantic dogs. Yeah, so anchor anchor

Yeah, gigantic dogs. Yeah, so anchor anchor. Go and get a gear. So, so they're gonna, the ship is heading off to the new, the new, the new destination because there's gonna be a picnic and the afternoon, god damn picnic featuring the spirit of Captain Lee. So the, the guests are eating breakfast and the guy is like, hmm, I swear the banana is plastic but what about the strawberry and I'm like, they're having the most boring time, aren't they? They have nothing to talk about.

And then he's just like, isn't it with strawberries? Each one of the daughters in every look at how many babies they can have. And they're like, wait a minute. The Dances in every look at how many babies it could have Oh And they're like wait a minute now. We're gonna have to look this up. All right, and sure enough They're ovaries. They're ovaries who knew I never knew like enjoy your ovaries guys enjoy your ovaries and cream Yeah, so they're all at cuz Asia doesn't this whole thing like, people don't realize that I'm actually really smart. I actually have two degrees in science and overwears air. I've got me over at school and down.

So you know what I think I didn't do. I didn't press freaking publish on this Thing so I'm sorry people who are watching this on demand I did a terrible job. Oh dear. Oh dear Continue but I continue but I'm publishing this thing. Okay, well money published well Ronnie publishes that's anality. I'm gonna tell you all the interesting facts a bit I'm gonna tell you all the interesting facts a bit Schroobeer is feast of all they have ores, but I can't give him a knee job So I'm Jack Jack is Jack and Joao are like doing stuff by the tender and Jack just puts his his like a

Walkie-talkie on the tender as they're like trying to get it off the boat and draws like that's not very clever Is it? Because Jack has an ongoing issue with like, I guess he does not like having his walkie talk on. So that's gonna be a personal arc for him. Um, and then, uh, Travis starts taking, uh, you should, he takes, I use you to the, to the beach to start setting up the beach picnic. Um, and while they're doing that, Jouwau starts, uh, stocking Brooke on Instagram.

Uh, Brooke from last season, who was the girl who was the... if you only started watching this season, you would think that Brooke was the greatest love of his life, an epic romance, a whirlwind romance that ultimately went sour when she cheated on him. But for anyone who watched last season, you'll know that Jouwau spent the entire season playing Brooke against Casey, flirting with both of them, playing mind games with them, being a pig to both of them, being disgusting, and then, because Brook has daddy issues or something, she just followed him along like a puppy dog, and then he finally like, chose Brook in a very bachelor sort of ceremony,

which instead of a rose, it was like a cup of jizz and We're supposed to believe that this is like the an epic romance. It is not sir. It is not And then she cheated on him so you see she went in the end. She really did she really did So he's like I always did I ever sent up stalking her and I just hate it I hate being so in love with a woman who doesn't get back to you And Hannah's like onwards in upwards get every what are you gonna do? And he's like, Hannah is broke me in energy. I've just never seen in her before I was like, yeah You're so patronizing. It was Hannah has been doing the same honey eyes energy for like four seasons now

Okay, sir. Sorry to get your get your erection out of your eyeballs Yeah, it's really nice to see a different energy in someone once they're not juggling cup. What did he call her a cup? A thunder, a goblin. Thunder, I don't know. A cock gobbling thunder seawird. He's like, you know, if you don't talk to people

like that, then suddenly they're nice. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, and so patronizing is the way when he says it, he makes it seem like wow She's like really risen to the challenge. It's like no Like you just are like just like realize that everyone hates you So you're not being a douchebag and you realize that when like just like you said Ronnie when you're not being a douchebag People actually react nicely to you. Yeah, I mean who now guys

Hey there. You know what this podcast needs? A nap. Let's go to commercial, huh? Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident

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listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So, Milla is making her sandwiches. She's had time to go get inspiration. Because she's like, I need to make my sandwiches, but I have to go find inspiration for us from the sandwich. We're talking about, you have a list of sandwiches. They say club sandwiches. Yeah, they literally ask for a club sandwich. And then she has this whole thing where she's like,

if I were on the boat, I definitely would not want club sandwich. But I give what they want. I'm like, it's a club sandwich. You're looking too deep into this. Just make a fucking club sandwich. And the fact that she winds up being 50 minutes behind schedule because of club sandwiches, oh my god and then we cut to the island where they're still setting up and I just putting up an umbrella by the table

and she goes oh look this is shaded this is shaded it's a shaded LOOOL! LOOOL! It's saddened! What an invention! Oh, and look this beach, it's all pebbles, it's not sand! What a crazy thing out here, it's amazing! Oh! So Hannah is over-stewing because me, this not done with the sandwiches and she's at like terrorism level, orange honey. Yeah, like...

And so that tastes ready to blow. She's like like why don't you just finish your fucking sandwich? Is it really that hard? So then she's got she's made this brownie because it's this lady's birthday so she's made her like a little brownie thing and Hannah's like oh you can send that without a knife, honey. This would never this should never happen on a super yacht someone doing a brownie with that in I've never heard it such a thing Which is very important for what happens in like two seconds. Yeah, so then back on the beach I Asia still I Asia and is it I? I think it's just Asia but either way Asia and

And Con are still setting up they've basically done nothing. They've like put out some towels It's just like hey Hannah Would it be terrible if you could creep me a 10 minute warning before the guests come and he's like they're coming right now But I guess they're inside the beach the call is coming from inside the beach The geese Men coming too soon Am I right the geese! Typical men coming too soon! Number RAAAAT!

I don't know what to play with this job, even though I love a good blade job. Hey! So then, they're just trying to figure out what's in the sandwiches, which is hilarious to me for whatever reason. It's like they're trying to like, match up the ingredient list that has been written on the saran wrap on top. Yeah, and was right. And by the way, the difference is like, okay, this sandwich has no bacon, this one has bacon. I'm like, I think you could probably just like just get to shore and then like take off

the plastic wrap and just look. And if you see bacon, you know it's a bacon one. And if you know, like these were made by Mela, there's a certain way you're supposed to be able to tell which sandwich they are. You're supposed to lick them. Okay. Take them out, lick them, put them on a certain way you're supposed to be able to tell what sandwich they are. You're supposed to lick them. OK? Take them out.

Lick them. Put them on a plate. You'll know which is which. If you see glitter lipstick marks on your club sandwich, that means there's no bacon. So Anastasia is doing the bedrooms and the bathrooms back on the boat. And you could just tell she's killing it

with the bedrooms and bathrooms. I've never seen anybody work like that on below deck. It's because she's not only working like hard, she's working like, she's doing like pirouettes while she does it. Yeah, it's like she, her face is just sort of like saying, I know, I know, yes, I know. I'm well aware, yes. I know, she's like operating on a baboon heart

in the meantime, like on the side You know she's like I'll be right back bed kind of makes you the baboon lives Like pirouading off doing a grand jump of the year So it's off. Yeah, she's killing it. So now Mela is starting to fret about making this cake tonight Because I mean because the brownie the brownie cake was one thing, but that's not the birthday cake. So now it's just to make a proper birthday cake. And she's already starting to fret

because it's not her strong point. And meanwhile, out on the beach, things are starting to go wrong because the guy ordered a margarita and oh no! She forgot the tequila! No! And I just have memories of this She forgot the tequila And I just have memories of this should never happen on a super yacht. They should never happen on a super yacht They should never happen on a super yacht. Oh, no, oh, no

I feel like that's just what I'm gonna hear in my head just in everyday life like I like trapped on big You should never hit me on a super yacht Oh My nose I'm like, you should never have been on a super yacht. gonna say that's a good couple to bond those two monsters But now I'm nice to you out today. I'm nice to you out today So you know good for him talking to me. So anyway, she's like a beautiful easy girl to go to school And he's like and here's that going she's like well nobody is that so far You're trying So then Hannah's like oh shit, I forgot the tequila So he is dead so far. He's still trying. So then Hannah's like, oh shit, I forgot the tequila.

I've got so many bowls in the air at the moment. I'm not surprised to drop to one. That's why on a super yacht you need everyone to do their job. And then they show me. And I'm like, okay, so mea-le sucking is the reason you forgot the tequila. Come on! And they show mea-le trying to get like a plastic bag out of a box. Like, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Duh, just saying yes.

Yes, yes. Yes. Reminds me of pulling gay people from families and sending to camps. Duh. Maybe that's the key. It was just hiding. Like gay people should be, huh?

Maybe that's the key. It's just hiding like gay people should be. So you should back on the island. You won't believe that. It's a good one. It's a loss. And the guys like, you know what, Aisha, you're a real good at owning it. Good for you. That's a good quality.

She goes, oh, thank you. Oh, look. Oh. So he's adorable. I know. She is so funny. So then, so, Jihuahua comes in with a tender. And he's got like two bottles of like Don Julio

or something of Patron. And, he's like, whoa, Jihuahua's like, he's got like two bottles of like Don Julio or something or Patron and com's like whoa, Jowell is like he's like Aquaman, like he just comes in to save the day. I'm like well I don't seem to remember Aquaman you know arriving with two bottles of tequila and a boner but okay so then Jowell actually it makes sense to me because I tried watching Aquaman and I lasted about 10 minutes. It was the most inspired piece of shit I've ever seen So it works for me perfect example here comes Aqua Man. I'm like turning it off Yeah, like an optimal lined super hero so

So Colin's like oh, you know you could just throw me the you could you could throw me that to kill like a catch And I'm a big boy now so J. Wow like throws in the first bottle and then his mom passes by I said, you can go, it's a good catch. Let's try another one, Kali. Let's try for number two. You can do it. And then, Jowell, which Jowellau throws the next one and Colin, of course, uh, Colin, Colin tries to catch it and he breaks the bottles together. And he's like, well, I don't know why I would think that I can catch a bottle with one hand while I've already got a bottle and another, and I should have just caught him with one hand. Like that's the nicest way of putting it because he throws two tequila bottles at

somebody. I know. It was a good try,ie. You live your learn. I'm so proud of you anyway. That was the referees for Collie. I saw you catch it. You are flustered. There was thunder coming in. It's not your fault, Collie.

I still love you. So then over on the boat, Hannah's checking on Mila. Oh no, Anna Stagia is checking on Mila. And she's like, what are we making today? To prove she's flifto Moscow? Yeah, and Mila is like, in Russia we have a lot A, and by that I mean potatoes, not Gays! Let's pretend that these Gays are potatoes, we'll put them in an oven and then mash them. Ha ha ha ha! Pulsasa! So, oh god, Rain is coming, but in the meantime while the Rain is coming, Jack is starting to his official charm offensive on Captain Sand.

He's like, I'm gonna ask the Captain Sand if she wants a cup of tea to get on a good book. You know, I'm gonna make the best tea on board. Gonna go down like a roller silk. Yeah, so you just put a lot of honey in it. And then I like this, it's never gonna work. So he gives her the tea and she's like, oh thanks for the tea. Person with long hair and terrible manners. Oh, this is delicious. You're gonna work for me for a,

I'm never gonna have tea a different, you know what this is me? Did you make me some hug, celestial hugging in tea? Because this is like a hug. Wow. This is, it just, you know what, it's like this is like,

ooh long, as in like, ooh, it's gonna be a long nap today right now So then Hannah's back with Milo talking about food for the night and me just like tonight They're request Italian Caprese they want prosciutto melon, but I don't have one of these machines the slices the prosciutto I'm like you do have a machine. It's called a knife. Yeah, guess when they also did not have those machines in like 1,500 Florence, okay? Like, they figured it out, you can do bitch. Maybe if you had a gay, a gay would help.

And then she got a job. And I'm going to make a truffle pasta with real truffles. I'm like, whoa. Yeah, she's good. That's crazy. I guess you have to specify that after you just like poured everything else out of a can in the last episode. I feel like her version of real truffles is like finding those little like Hershey's quote

unquote truffles and putting them in there. So Hannah's like, yeah, they're like those little rat chocolates that we used to give my niece in order to make her poop. Yeah. So Hannah's like, uh, like, will? For Zihani, I have your back. And Mila's like, she's like, me? Me, honey, if I was a witch in 30 years, got you back. Listen, I support your love for troll dolls.

Okay, so Mila's like, I hate fake people. I think Hannah is fake. Fake people. I'm like, how about the bitch who gets on there and acts all friendly and hates us, Gays? How about that? That's what I call fake. Well, I don't know. She hasn't been nice to a gay so far as we've seen. I can't believe there's not a gay.

I just wanted to wedge in an angry moment. That's all Didn't really make sense didn't really track, but I thought I'd just do it anyway because why not? Yeah, you're lucky Hannah's being fake and actually yeah last night Hannah tweeted something like oh, yeah You calling me fake that's called being professional and trust me. You'd rather that than the angry Hannah believe me hashtag And trust me, you'd rather that than the angry Hannah. Believe me, home, hashtag, home, I. On I. So now, over on the beach, I just like choked on myself. See, God was like, listen, Ben, you may be angry at meela, but there's no need to wedge it in, angry monologue,

but there's not supposed to be a once. I'm going to make you choked right now. So ch choke. Well, it's too bad because you checked right when I have my most fascinating moment on the entire episode. Are you ready? Yeah. Brownie on beach. Brownie on beach. Oh God, I love a brownie cake. I love a brownie cake. Well, also I wrote, captain is eating the melon. I wonder if this becomes a plot point. Because they show Captain the captain of the kitchen eating melon like this is delicious. You know what?

I'm gonna hire this melon to be on every cruise I do from now on. What a melon. You know, I grew up summering on a melon farm. So this was, this was really, it took me back. So on the boat, she's like, all right, you know there might be... BORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBORBOR Pepsi cans we can throw up into it just to see how it works just be a fun arts and crafts project for everyone She's like, hey, sorry I'm just gonna just gonna comment that we're we're heading right into a tempest tempest in a teacup. Hey Jack. I'll take a refill

She's like hey thunder. I got something to say to you baby mine don't you cry taking out My don't you cry taking apps listen When I was a little girl I went to a meteorology camp and I learned all about thunder and you know it just takes me back to being a little girl You know I was born on the moon Learned to slice melon in ham. I learned to slice melon and ham, got to understand the weather. I learned so many things. So everybody's like covering the toys and checks up.

Oh look at that, the weather's coming. I've seen no reason to run, except run inside, ain't hard. So he goes inside. It's like, what the hell are you doing, dude? And the captain's like, you got to move faster, lady with the hair, the curly hair there's a storm comment because he literally he literally says you sure you don't want to cup a tea while this rain goes off just a quick one sure get cracking with it so the guest return and you know throughout the captain, he's like, should I cover first?

How about you worry about maneuvering and I'll cover. So they're getting everything ready and then Jack's like, look at this thing float, which means it's full of air, which means we should deflate it. There you go. He's like, just put it in there. What the heck is wrong with you young lady? What in there? Let's move on.

This is what happens when you hire a British Roddle McDonnelld impersonator. Okay, nothing but an aptitude. So then Mela and Anna Stagia are looking around for plates. I mean, the show, you know, seriously. Well, okay. So, why do I write that down? Who cares? They're looking for plates.

So, you guys, glad you tuned in. Yeah. So, Mela dinner for the birthday cake tonight She's gonna make a white cake with white frosting She's like just the way our world should be and she's like she's basically like I'm not a she's like I'm not a fucking cake person Like well, you know what and then she talks and she says she didn't do a participatory course in the court of blue That's fine. You don't have to be a cake person if you're going to be a chef, but you're a yacht chef. You have to cook everything. And so don't act like it's my fault. My fault, the viewer. That you, yeah, it's like don't act like

it's my fault that you came on to to a job that you're not qualified for. And didn't bother to memorize the most simple cake recipe you could have. Yeah and she's like the opposite of Anna Stasia because Anna Stasia's like if I clean a toilet that's gonna be the most gorgeous toilet ever. If I'm doing brain surgery on a bad wound it's gonna be the buzzer forever. And Anna Stasia's like fuck cake you know maybe they like it. Maybe they were like maybe not not so then a bunch of crew are downstairs in the crew mass and they're just like eating and talking and

chatting and then Travis walks and he's like oh I just I just tossed the salad everyone's like oh no the one that you're eating and they're all like oh my god we thought you were masturbating that's not what tossing to sell it is but I don't know how they expected him to be doing that but what did he say is like I've been tossing the salad flat steak I'm like what? I've discovered that there's so much strange regional slang on this show now that some of it I just say I don't I'm just I'm just gonna I'm just gonna just wait to watch it watch it over me yeah but you never know maybe the flat steak was you know made it different I just say I don't I'm just I'm just gonna I'm just gonna wait Yeah, but you never know maybe the flat steak was you know made it a different sexual thing I have no idea. It's all very important to write every single thing down at all times. Yeah

So now there's this this this Pajudo situation. So Milla has this ham that she got this Pajudo That's not sliced she's like I'm not the butcher, okay? I'm not the butcher like she just doesn't do what what does she do what can she do she can't even slice me you just answered your own question can yeah exactly can corn can corn so yeah she's like captain's like where's the ham I don't have machine. I'll do it. My dad was a butcher. We slather the pigs and hang them up. We take out their skin and we cut them into a bunch of different chunks.

We take a little bite of them to make sure they're okay. Only with gloves first, of course. Then we salt and pepper them. Then we slice them up and make some bacon. That was fun. Also, I had some chickens. I used to some real hard-tailed egg came out, you know, because I'm a chicken farmer. It's like, jeez, the captain's Andy.

It's like, so you're growing up on meat farm? That's why you can cut it so good? No, it's because I'm a fucking human being with eyeballs, and I'm not a three-year-old. It's called Take the Knife and Slice it in. You dumbass. And she's like, God, this was great. You know, I got to cut the meat just like I was back on that meat farm But I really didn't like that actually got I hate that

Yeah, I can kill my you know what if I if I didn't have two arms to reach back and pat my own shoulders in a self-hug love Probably kill myself right now. All right. Give me a moment hugging me that meat farm was like an anti-brand Zeno You know what you know, you know in life. There are good things and bad things. There's captain ran captain ran And then there's the meat farm, okay, and you gotta find your happy medium, okay? Yeah, so she's like Thank you for the health captain. She's like, oh god. I'm glad I could contribute to this It made my night. It made my night. The only thing that could top this off would be a very simple white cake that clearly no confidence chef could mess up. Yeah. So Anna Stasia starts

passing out the cake. She's like, Oh, wow, she made the cake. Everyone wanted to taste it. Everyone wanted to taste it. Everyone. So she's passing out little cake. She's like, oh wow, she made the cake. Everyone wanted to taste it. Everyone wanted to taste it. Everyone. So she's passing out little pieces. And Asia's like, oh, you're me. That's yum. Oh, that's yum.

That's yum. That assage. That assage is like, hi, professional speaking here. I would like to recommend that everyone actually taste the cake Yeah, cuz Anna stage is like I think I just bit into baking powder which is weird and I just says Yeah, it's got this from the back and tears And it's like oh honey readily honey readily honey readily Oh, you're doing some frost in honey and it's like doing it now and you can tell that she doesn't know what she's doing First of all, she's measuring with like just regular cups out of the you know out of the cabinet like there's no cup measure on

Yeah board. Yeah, it's a high-bake lady Regular cups out of the you know out of the cabinet like there's no cup measure on yeah board Yeah, it's a high bake lady, so yeah, it's also used to doing sauce. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, she's like a little So it's a whole radish In Russia, we put beats, whole radish and soy sauce and call that frosting, okay? You know what we do if you need more liquid grab a gate, bash them in the head and squeeze and soy sauce and cold at frosting, okay? You know what we do if you need more liquid, grab a gate, batch them in the head and squeeze. Like disgusting. Okay, so then Hannah's like,

I can't save that to the guest once again, or Nye, and be the taste that she goes, I've tried stronger. I'm like, man, could you like maybe like take your mind out of Siberia for a moment? I've had stronger. I like you've had stronger. What sort of baking powder culinary tradition have you been engaging in? So, Milos, like, I believe she thinks she's professional and she's doing her job right. But you know, if a dog thinks that he's very important you don't tell him you are a dog You'll just let him think he's important like

That's rude, but also guess what you do do the dogs you fucking horrible human being you tell them they're important And you pet them and you make them feel good. Well, technically she said... And a donkey or are you? Technically she said donkey. If a donkey thinks he's a unicorn, you don't tell him he's a donkey. Um, but actually I think you would tell the donkey that because you'd be like, hey donkey, stop taking selfies and pull this cart. Well, isn't that just an American thing too?

We're like donkey, you are a unicorn. If you believe you are, of course you are. It is very American. We love you. like donkey you are a unicorn if you believe you are of course you are very American we love you so Hannah brings the up the piece of cake up to Sandy and he's like he destroyed this one a so Sandy tries it she's like oh oh oh oh oh god Oh you so bad so bad We're in trouble So yeah, so basically now they have this like horrific cake going on

I'm like I cannot believe I was in a weird way. I was sort of thinking okay So Milla like messed up the first episode, but then was gonna come on strong But she just continues to get worse and worse so So they have now a cake crisis going on. An anesthesia is like, hi, hi, I'm anesthesia. I'm just way better than you are at pretty much everything. Can you make cupcakes? Can you do that?

Like even children can make those. And they don't take eight minutes. Can you do that? No? No. Yeah, she's like, I can do that really fast. You know, and she's like, okay, we do cupcakes. And Anastasia's like, yeah, I've cooked on about

for 14 people, so my lovely food, no excuses, okay? If you check all the no excuses cupcakes. So she's, she's, me, that's like baking soda. She's like, yeah, but not as much as you, Pat. I was like, oh yeah. Beaking soda burn, see, that's what I was talking about. That's where it's starting to come out a little bit She can't love it. So me let's like look let us make the cupcake about let us make them in one thing

So it looks like cake. I'm like that's a cake. That's a cake That's literally cake And she's making cakes. Okay, so I know me too. I was like I mean it's because they're in smaller things. I know. And you as like, do you realize that if you cook a large cake, it's gonna take longer, and therefore, when it comes out, it's not gonna have as much time

to rest that way when you put the frosting on it, the frosting is all gonna melt. Do you understand these concepts, Milla? Very simple. Yeah, derpy derp. So she just, she compromises by making two smaller cakes. So then the guests, the guests are like, hand up in Anna. And then we see Sandy coming in and just looking the batter off. Yeah. Oh, this is good.

This is that good. This is that good gay friendly batter that I like so much. So then the guests are everybody's working basically, but then they show Jack just kind of wandering around and going to his room. He's basically not doing anything on this boat. And so they serve the Caprese Sal, which has this like giant blob of cheese right in the middle. It doesn't look, it looks like it's from like the 80s, you know, and it's like not very elegant at all.

It's like what a, it's like what someone like Milla would think is elegant And I think that by the way Milla is a total con artist I think that she has scammed her way through all of this shit just not I don't think she even wants to be on TV I think that she just scamming her way into just to scam her way in life because well you have to want to be on TV I mean you have to apply to do it, don't you? But meaning that, like, I don't think fame is her endgame, I think that, like, I don't know what her endgame is. I just, I just, when you look at the photos later on

of, like, her plated food, and then you look at what she actually plates, it's like, this is not the same chef. I'm sorry. This is not even close. Yeah. And also, I don't think that was even mozzarella cheese wasn't that barata cheese I think it was I think it was barata and like I mean of course I would love a giant blob of barata but the truth is it's still not an

elegant present it like it's basically like she took it and just from the packaging just put it right on the plate. You didn't like yeah and Caprazi is not made with parada. No, it's not. I mean, I know that's half mozzarella, but come on guys. Yeah, so then Colin comes into the kitchen Now everybody's helping me like his captain's big thing was like teamwork makes a dream work family makes a Snamely, you know what? I don't have a rhyme for that. Let's just stick with teamwork and help each other So Collins in there and he's like I'm gonna do some dishes So he's helping her with dishes and me less starting to get there and he's like, I'm gonna do some dishes. Hi. So he's helping her with dishes and me just starting to get mad. She's like, oh God, I don't need this.

Okay. No, get out of kitchen, okay? There's no. You go back to Goulog. So he's just like, it's no sin man in the kitchen. It's sick. It is. And the captain goes, you know,

I'm standing right next to you, right? And Hannah says, oh, that's a PG version. Wait till she starts blowjob in toss and salons. I also liked when Anastasia was talking to Asha, like off to the side about how she like made the cake and saved the day. And Asha goes, oh, thank God for you to fit Diverski to see it. Oh, I'll hover there, imagine I'm not from Asha at all. for you to fit the VSK suit. Yeah. I'll hover the emph that I'm not from VSK at all. coming together. So then they get their truffle pasta and they're,

God, this is good and she's real tough with her criticisms of pasta with truffles in it, aren't you, honey? Yeah, Carol. So then, Mela's trying to frost this cake and just as I dissipated, like the frosting is all melting off and it looks like it's a full-on cake rack. So what does she do to fix it? She starts putting whipped cream on the cake, which is whipped cream is not frosting.

It is not frosting. And of course, I can't whip cream. It's like ready whip. It's like, by the way, whipped cream, if you are a chef and you don't know how to make your own whipped cream just throw yourself off the boat I mean come on yeah um the captain's like you definitely have to make that look better you know I was born on a whipped cream farm yeah we actually it but believe it or not it what what happened was we had little bottles of cream around and we actually had whips and we just whip the cream when it acted out. It was, it was finished. Oh yeah, we did that too. We just called them gay people.

So, yeah, so Hannah's like, so then they, Mela does actually recover it a little bit and makes them it looks still like very much like homemade. It does not look like it's coming out of a super yacht kitchen, right? And so like, well, who's going to carry the cake out in hand? It's like, well, I think you should anesthesia because you made it and you made it excellently and you're an excellent, excellent stew. Perhaps even chef, I don't know. You're saying you've been in this one over here. It looks like I'm right here

You heard her I didn't make it she gets all mad yeah, and now she's all she's like oh I'm already feeling bad the cake didn't work out and now you have to say this in front of everybody I'm like so you're gonna scam your way up into this position you're gonna put out some bullshit someone has to do it all for you And then you're gonna get mad when they get credit. You don't get the credit I this sounds a little too. This is I'm gonna make a political comment, but I just won't I didn't she say and you have to say that in front of everybody. Don't you fix miles Yeah, don't give me your fix miles. Fix miles.

I want angry scowls next time. And so the captain makes jack to the dishes after and he's ending both the floors. I'm working all over the place. I don't say. Hey, a bit more tea, son, because he does actually make her more tea So the cake comes out and they're like oh gosh Carol did you have this cake? Oh, I certainly didn't guess what this is the best cake. I think I've ever had in my life. Wow What a view what a view And

Me let's like oh congratulations, you voted off. And then the stage was like, we did it. Teamwork guys, and then check us. I pulled it off. Literally this morning, already in the full again. I like that Anastasia can make, like, Anastasia can make being humble, sound passive, aggressive. No, like, no, it wasn't me. We both did it because like you just know

She's being like in her mind like oh, I fucking did all this. I did yeah So it takes a lot of takes someone to actually do the work and then it takes someone to watch I mean if you weren't there seeing me make the cake did I really make it? No, thank you. Yeah So so yeah, so then the guests are like, Oh, who made this wonderful cake? And I just like, Oh, it was Anastasia. She's a great girl. She is over his only eight side. Also, hi, Beth. And I thought it was a normal question. He's like, you know, who did the baking? Does she actually do her own desserts as well?

Because not every chef does, you know? And then so upstairs, Mealers like, they locked the cake. And she's like, did they lock the cake? She's like, oh yeah, you know, they said devastation's doing so great. And she's like, well, it's not nice to let them know that. Did they ask or something?

And she's like, that's the man sorry over here on the inside. What is stupid response it is? You ask, who made the cake? Who made the cake? And you tell them who made the cake? Who does that? You say, me let me make the cake, because she has Le Côte on bluish experience. She was mad because the guest even asked who made the cake in the first place. Like, who does that? Who does to someone else's kitchen and say, who makes the food? Yeah. I was like, well, they knew it wasn't you, okay?

Because there was like no cat, like pieces of can stuck on it. Yeah, exactly. And now Meal is also telling on a station that she's mad about Hannah. Like, and when Hannah says, you take the cake out because you make it, you know, she don't have to do that. Why does she say that to make me feel worse for what I do? I'm like, how about you make the cake properly and then you won't have to worry about us doing making you feel bad about it?

And Anna's stage is like, I don't think that was the intent. Today was very stressful. I'm now going to fix a hole in the bottom of the boat. Grease the tires on a bus. It's not even near us. And then I'm going to clean the toilets and probably make a tent course me up for the morning. Anything else? Oh, and if anyone needs to, I found a million airhurt just saying, it's like, I know what she meant, fix smile. Fixed smile. You know, I don't need a fixed smile. You know a rush, what we call that? Gay about to be bashed mile

That's what we say so calling in shower in bed and they're talking about how the girls are all gonna go at each other Eventually and throughout does the thing of like two cats circling each other Which is so true. I love your cats. Hi, Kate. Nibbichai. Yeah. So, yeah.

So, Jack is, I just wrote, Jack is lost. He doesn't really know what to be doing. And he's, I was just the next morning. I guess it must be the next morning. So. Yeah, it's the next day breakfast. And there's still a lot of strawberry ovaries. Yeah, and they're also still

complementing Age Anastasia's cake, much to Mela's disappointment. Yeah, he's like, Anastasia, that cake was amazing. You got talent, kid. Yeah, you have got talent. So then Jack and Jowell are talking and Jack's like, I'm neat to work and I'm dick. I've necly. I'm just there for the suntain.

So which is funny because he's very pale. So Joao is like, well, bacon zim, I have to tell people this, that I really need to prove that under this type of pressure, Sandy can trust me, and if she trusts me now, then she'll trust me all of a season long. And once she trusts me, then I can go back to sexually harassing women the way I like to do it the best. Thank you. And then Tyler's just watching everyone. He's watching Drow like walk around like, wow, taking notes, taking notes. And he's like, people start working on Yacht and they think they're the tech. The fact is you're a janitor on a float and toilet. Right?

I figured like that must have made you so excited, Ronnie, because that's basically what you've been saying for the past six years that the show has been on. Yeah, validation, thank you. Made some of those. Finally, I can leave this parking structure. I've been validated. Yeah. So now it's time for docking drama, docking the boat docking the boat the boat is coming into dock We are through zero from the stoppers Sandbags like that distance up my back my hand, please. I drop on a hand farm

Blue slurs, we're all in the back, Twister! And then they do it and everything goes fine. And I was like, fucking nailed it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I've already said man, tamper and vodka. It's kicking in really quickly. I'm just joking. I'm so terrible. I've never done the vodka tamper. No, I thought it would be nothing to try. Not on the side, but on someone else. Maybe I'll do it to check.

Carol doesn't realize it, but I've already stuck it in her ball, and she's having a great time getting off the bat late at the night here! Uh, so the good vibes are here, and the ladies are like, Hey, why the leave is that cake, Quizzin' Amazing! Oh, the cake, and the primary guy is like giving an Oscar speeches like, I told myself I wouldn't cry but this is the greatest vacation of my life getting to have some very rudimentary tacos and enchiladas and a cake that tasted sort of like well actually the cake was pretty amazing.

I'll never eat a strawberry the same way again. Thanks for the cake. It's a cake here. I've got a separate. It's all on my behalf for the cake. Great. One last time. Who made the cake?

Who made the cake? And a station did, oh no, you see it me again. So hit me when I'm down. Why you do that? So we get our first hint of this Mela being an awful, you know gay basha Because she's like in Russia mint of cry even at the own mother's funerals. So that was uncomfortable and weird You know what's uncomfortable and weird anyone who has to graze up against your hair by accident Yeah

Anybody who's got like scabs passing your hair. I know just like a full-on scrape. So now it's time for the tip meeting and you know Sandy is like well gosh god everything was great you know they love the food the interior was great the deck hands are great I mean this guy wasn't good but he made me a good cup of tea what can I say I love a cup of. It's getting up there right with naps, not there yet. Yeah, throat hugs. It's getting worse. My right jack throat hugs. And he's like, I'm always getting in trouble.

Look at for me, I have this smile. Ding! I paid a lot for it, so I'm going to use it and get me out of trouble. Yeah. So it was a really nice smile. I didn't even notice that there were a veneers until he said that he paid for it. I guess I don't think I noticed how much he smiled until that moment. And then I was like, it's really nice smile. I didn't even notice that they were of veneers until he said that he paid for it I guess I don't think I noticed how much he smiled until that moment and then I was like it's a nice smile and

Well, we watch too much bravo. We don't we can't tell the nearest anymore like I think like the cat lady You know joss a wilderness scene. I'm like totally normal face. I just don't think I guess I don't expect a sort of like a The guy from Liverpool who worked in the merchant navy to have veneers. So I just don't even look for them there. Well, now he's been gagne-narrated. Yeah. Yeah. You can get into my struggles.

This is why we need a straight prod parade being. That's right. That's right. Mela can be the grand marshal. Yeah. Find a white hood for her. So Colin, so now Colin, Joao and I share like joking around and stuff

after the meeting and Colin's like, gosh, I really don't know much about New Zealand Jix. I just found out they're called Kiwis. Is that cause, is that cause of Kiwis? Why, and you laughing at me, you're laughing at me. Colin, good lord. No. Because he's saying He was telling I you say he's like, you know what how are we gonna get more tips?

I you know and I'm gonna do to get more tips. I'm thinking to get in the deep V a deep V like why would you want the deep V like making it sound like he's talking about over China He's like, I don't know about these things. He's like jacks It's like, I don't know about these, they were saying you're like, checks. It's okay, Kali. You know what? You just be you and that's all we can ask for. We love you, Kali. Mountain till you're married. We love you, Kali. Kali, do you want a kiwi salad? Is that, did I hear that right? You want me to make you some kiwis? And then what is I used to say here? She's like, uh, it's like I opened the window and fucked enough. I honestly, I didn't even, I was, you know what?

I was running out of time before this podcast and I needed to, I was like, I can't go back to decipher another thing that I used to say. I'm just gonna let Ronnie say it. I'm like, Ronnie clearly wrote it down. Yeah, everything I used to says, I go back and, and like, make sure I have it down But I don't know what that meant and I listen to it three times. Yeah, so then everybody's cleaning and getting ready to go out Which of mean which of course means Jack is taking a break? Well also, yeah, yeah, exactly

And I'm gonna be la yes, and so she's like so He's curly hair veneers, you prefer boys, do you? And he's like, piece of, he adjukin, he creates a bruvad lade. No! So they're like having a moment and it sort of like gets under skin because he's like, I can't believe I was giving off the void later on, you know? So she's trying to outjack, who's not even gay. So we're already getting the first seeds of her homophobia.

Yeah, I couldn't tell she was like flirting with him or what she was doing. It seemed flirting. Like, something out or whatever. So then the captain has a talk with Mela because she's like, just kiss the food wasn't complained to that nobody died. Doesn't mean we can't talk about it. All right, so have a seat here. Now listen here.

I was born on a yacht farm. Okay, we raised yachts, we skinned yachts, we hung yachts to drive, we cut yachts. So you need to cook better. And Mela's like, oh, but Mela respects that because the captain ends it with her positivity where she's like, okay, you were sick and I get that but guess what you don't just have this we've got this you mean we've got this team work okay yeah exactly it's funny because Mila gives her this look she gets her own honey eyes to captain Sandy like

stupid lady puttering the girl log but then she's like oh I loved what you have to say I was like oh that's right because in Mila's world if she's near to, but then she's like, oh, I loved what you have to say. I was like, oh, that's right Because in Milla's world if she snares at you that means she's like, yes, I have you have my respect I see a lot of sugar out of solidarity Milla hugs. It's just a sneer. Yeah, so then So Jack is telling the guys In their cabin. They're just hanging out while they get ready and he's like Milla thought she was a game on and Tyler's like That's a compliment wait just to see you with that hair no Travis yeah it's like wait till she sees you

with that hair down there buddy and he's like yeah it should be properly minced yeah so so now they and mella brings the guys beer and like for a moment it seems like there's like hope for me like that that like she might be some like a sort of personable or whatever so she brings the beers he's like hey guys here's the beer I'm fun Milla now look my burglou pad is bigger and longer now that we're not it work right now so here beer fun Milla hates the gaze. Happy drinking everyone. So then they're getting ready, and Jack tells us his backstory.

He's like, I don't know what to do, really. I was dating this bird, and, you know, I said, listen here, I'm going on a boat. I'm not being loyal. Hell, I'm not even being a worker, really. I'm getting it down. So I want to get a wiggle on with some bird out here with a snoggy snog wiggle wiggle. I want to get the pick on with some bird out here. Snoggy snog wiggle wiggle.

I want to get the picket on the boogie flock and get my crack on with a little bit of a snog in a poogie whistle and get on the fluggin' the fluggin' nanner with a copper right on pie in the face. Am I right guys? So they switch up van, they are in two separate vans and Mila is with the guys and she's like I do everything to not sit in that van. And so in Hannah's van, Hannah and Joao are like shading Mila. Well Joao is trying to be nice. She's like yeah everyone just stop hating on Mila she's the person. Beckons in Bobwe we call Mila a very special case and you rinse so you know I'm doing Russian accent. I'm just gonna stop so the point I'm not even gonna get any of these accents until like week 13

I know they're all cross-pounding the fact that I started to give to our Russian rock accent like becken's in Bobway So anyways either way they'll talk about Mila and And it's like listen honey. You don't come come on a yacht. This big and see what you serve, and then you're considered a good chef. That means you're not a good chef, okay? And I'm not trying to be a bitch. She's a very nice person. She just can't cook for shit,

and she's also a very not-mice person. Not being a bitch. Back in the other van, me just like, oh, I just noticed that this tailor, or this Travis has ringing his nose and he's like, God, well, aren't you a classic Russian homophob and she's like, yes, yes, we are. I don't see a man.

I don't want to see a man kissing front of me. Yeah. If she was just like ardently proud to be homophobics, she was like, yes, thank you. Thank you. I work hard to have these thoughts. Yes, thank you. So just actually surprised because the way they edited it in the

Previews it made it look like you would be able to stick up for her in a way, you know, like maybe she's just saying that Kids aren't ready, but you know, you don't know how she means it really, but nope she tripped it down on that. So yes, we are homophobic. Yes, she's like, oh, yes It's a Jack kisses Travis. I come a Trot. I'm calling Travis number Tyler now Now you're in my driving I keep riding Tyler, but I guess it is Travis. Sorry if I've probably said Tyler a million times everybody Sorry, oh, maybe I'll get it next week. See if what maybe I won't she start saying this bullshit in your home You can do whatever you want. I don't want my son to be growing up and seeing two men kissing each other and thinking this is normal because this is not normal This is not fucking normal. You know what's not fucking normal. You're fucking hair. Okay. It's called get some conditioner That's what's not fucking normal and it's just like yesterday's I love her! You're such a homophane! And to know what else I love Putin.

And I'm very proud of him, and I'm very glad he doesn't let the gay pride spread. Happened in my country. I was like, oh my god! Yeah! I was like, whoa, oh, she's really... And meanwhile, they're cutting back to a joao. You know, she's very sweet. I mean, she's a lovely person.

Can't cook. But she's a lovely person. She's one of the sweetest people I've ever met outside of Zenbapway Very sweet. It's like in another thing. You know what Putin he's so good I would let him put it up my ass if I did not hate that act so much Tell us like shut the fuck up. She goes don't tell me to shut the fuck up I say what I want and he's like I'm gonna get out of this van And I'm never gonna speak to you as a human being again. All right

I just like oh look at you some personal feelings it, huh? Like it's so bad. Like some personal feelings being touched little snowflake right there Madhu cry at you and all of his mother right bit And he goes, well, maybe I have been with the man and she's like okay It's like maybe I've been with man. Maybe my friends a guy and she's like, oh I've been with men maybe my friends a guy and she's like oh I don't care good for them all I say I don't want to see it he's like oh my god and he said and you said it's not normal you know and

he's like that your opinion on gay people shows your opinion on humanity and I don't like that shit yeah he will he goes homosexuality is absolutely normal so fuck you which I thought was great and then She's like oh so why is a man fucking man normal? But then like what about man fucking? I number wise in that normal then which is like the most infuriating logic of all time That is like for classic idiot logic of course she pulls that line out of course and then because animals count fucking consent You moron

And also on top of that then aisha comes in she goes Yeah, she's not really helping right just trying and He's like you're an idiot and me but it's like both Alchemant fuck man He's like your mindset is warped and you're a piece of shit and you can sit on the opposite side of the table from me You absolute oxygen thief She has no way she's lasting another episode. There's no way with Captain Sandy as like you know I had they're going to tell Captain Sandy and also I don't think Bravo would stand for I think that Bravo would be like you got to get rid of this Jesus will she'll get fired and she's like oh typical gay people doing this to me. They were the ones who sent me up. Oh my god

I just I can't with people like that, you know I mean it's nothing really new but it's still like geez and it's pride week. I know. Jesus Christ. But you know what are you gonna do? Stupid people gonna stupid people. Stupid people are gonna stupid people. Hey, why don't we pivot over to Southern Charm New Orleans? Real quickly just to check in on that show because they had their second episode

and it was really good. It was really good. Yeah, it was a really good episode. So we finally, okay, so we finally find out what's going on with Reagan and why Tamiq is so mad. Because Reagan has her party or whatever for her. Reagan Charleston jewelry, which is weird that she's still keeping that name. She's still keeping Jeff's name.

Yeah, that is after a year. It's odd. So like we finally meet Reagan's boyfriend, Reese. And I, you know, we see him right in the beginning. We see his ass actually also. He's like, he's like, oh great, I get to be on TV show. Sure. I will first see my ass. Happy to do it. So basically, Reagan is living, she's living in a house now with Reese and her sister who I forgot her name. And Reagan tells us the whole story, like, well, we actually met 12 years ago in college,

and then we see these photos of Reese in college. I was like, oh my god, he looks like someone who was like really into Limp Bizket or like what's something like just like something so like post Malone or you know like I was just like oh no I was like I think I'm not gonna like this guy just from his college photos yeah this guy basically looks like someone took Chef DNA and just like I don't know like put it through a Snapchat filter and just put it on some Frappboy.

It does look, he actually looks like Shep, right? Like he actually has a... It looks just like him, he looks like he could be Shep's like, chunky brother. I mean, he's not chunky, but like, the rounder face brother. Yeah, so they met in college and, and by the way, the story keeps sort of evolving over the course of the episodes. The first version is that they met in college. They had a great romance, but he was like a frappler.

I'm not ready to commit, so she went off and then she wound up with Jeff. And then when she and Jeff divorced, she was like, well, I was always sort of scanning the ground, wondering when he was up to. And then I texted him at like four in the morning to be like, hey, how are you doing? And he's like, whoa, guess what? I have a gambling problem, not gonna lie, I've got a gambling problem, and I was at the track. I was spending money at the track.

And I was awake, so I texted her back. I was like, hmm. Yeah, this is not good. And also Reagan's story is just so bad, because it's so obvious what she did, you know? So she was with this guy he fucked around on her so she immediately went to Jeff to like get this guy back so then she was with Jeff and then the second she was mad at Jeff she called this guy to start fucking this I mean she's just ping ponging between these two guys and she's so fucking shady that she's yeah so shady she's so fucking shady and and she's obviously been having an

affair with this guy I mean last year she got that place in the French quarter to study but Jeff couldn't come over it was yeah that's the thing that the fact that like that Jeff couldn't come up or was weird and and yeah there was this whole thing about um she's like, well, so Jeff and I were like, right before Jeff and I were engaged, we got into a big fight and Jeff left me and he went up to Chicago and left me alone. And I was like in a city and I was boyfriendless.

So I went out with Reese. And then we're talking and being like, no, I should be dating someone who's from around here. And this is what should be right. But then apparently he got wasted and sort of puking everywhere and so she had to take care of him and he's like, and he just still wants to make out with me. So that means that she really loved me. And, but then he, but because he, I mean, you can't make this shit off. This is amazing. Yeah. And then like, but then because he was such a disaster, they got into an argument over the fact that he got wasted and then the next day

Rake it went off and gotten engaged to Jeff. I'm like Yes, what that's like That's like 24 hour turnaround. No, I and then got pregnant because she's pregnant So she's not drinking and we know that because, you know, obviously the show was shot a while ago, we know it's because she's just got pregnant. Like she just dumped Jeff, went straight to the Southern to even cut pregnant.

And Jeff is, it's interesting how Jeff is like kind of going along with whatever she's saying. Like, okay, they're both believing her, whatever her story is, even though it's so obvious. Like you guys timeline it. Yeah, exactly. It's just, it's like though it's so obvious like you guys timeline it. Yeah Exactly It's just it's like it's just and he's just at first

I was like oh this like for the first like 30 seconds. I was like this guy seems pretty cool Like he's like very funny and they do have like a really good rapport and he seems like he seems fun and everything But like he just when he said oh, I've got a gambling problem. And oh, he like commitment issues. He works at a he works at his family's horse farm. He's like, yeah, so I pretty much just work at the horse farm and smoke weed all day. And yeah, it's like I sit around watching horses fuck all day while I smoke weed. Oh my god.

And then they go on this date and she's like oh I'm not gonna have anything to drink thank you and there could you like anything it's like a double jack on the rocks please. I was like oh no. He's like so he's like Reagan he's like Reagan is the hottest girl I've ever been with. Super stacked fat ass. I mean I know that sounds really bad, but like it turns me on Yeah, it's like that's why I'm with her. Oh God Just like it's so bad So then she takes him to this thing and Jeff shows up first because he's like, okay

I guess we're gonna be friends now So I'm gonna come support her line since I basically helped her build it and like you know was her you know Worker bee for all these years. So he's invited, so he brings over champagne. He's like, I'm not gonna have that right now, but you can have it if you want it. And he's like, this is so fucking awkward. She won't even drink with me, you know? Yeah, he's like, I sort of comb my hair, and she won't even drink with me. Poor Jeff, he got us, his hair looks great now. He really improved it.

And in the interviews, they clearly have like, someone to fix his hair looks great now. He really improved it and in the interviews They clearly have like someone to fix his hair, but when he does his hair on his own I don't know why he can't just comb his hair over Like all he has to do is comb it from the part to the other side of his head But then when he's done combing it the hair is going on all these weird different directions, but there's a part I'm like yeah left to right. No, but it's not just that like then he's not doing his product right like like because it's done right at the interviews he just doesn't know how to do it it drives me nuts but it's an improvement over last season a big improvement yeah so they have this party and then Jeff starts freaking out because Reagan was just really weird

with him you know he showed up with a gift and then Reagan was acting super weird. And so he wasn't really sure like how to take it or what was going on. So he's like, I'm getting shit faced, right? So then all the friends show up and Tumika's now pissed off at Reagan because she's like, obviously she's starting something from me. How did she do this?

Why wouldn't you tell your best friend? And I'm like, because you don't have her best interest at heart. And if she did tell you, you would have totally ruined her, you know, blown up her spot in front of everybody and totally judged her. Of course she's not going to tell you you're not a good friend. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

The first one telling you this, but yeah. So, so, uh, so, uh, uh, Reagan brings Reese into this party and he's been like chatty this whole episode. And he gets his party and he like does not say a word He's just like Just mouth-to-close his eyes are wide open. He's staring at Jeff He's it's a mixture of like fear and also man-crush because he's like later on when he's talking to Jeff He's like oh my god. You run the scenes. Oh my god. That's amazing. And he's like I think that we're gonna be friends

We're probably gonna be friends. I could see us being friends. I mean, I got same tattoos. So like, we're probably gonna be friends. Jeff is like, we're never gonna be friends. Yeah. But then Jeff is kind of charmed by him. Cause this guy is like, he seems nice and funny and stuff. He's just, oh, I mean, I just don't know that that's the man. You're like, yeah, I'm gonna marry that guy

and have a baby immediately. Yeah. So Jeff is like, yeah, that guy is not Vanilla Bean. And he's not French Vanilla. He's just Vanilla. He's just Vanilla. Oh, look at Bitchie Jeff coming out to play. So Tamika and Reagan's friend Rachel was there also.

And she was hilarious. She's like, my favorite. Yeah, Rachel was just looking at Reese. I was like, oh, he scared us a motherfucker right now. Yeah, and he should be like God going into that group Yeah, and Justin Justin was also providing some commentary. He's basically like Frappoy Bob player, rap boy, Bob player also by the way

We got to see Justin's commercial because he's a personal injury lawyer. So there's like a commercial or it's something like like call the king oh ring the king the king firm if you got personal I was like I don't know I guess I don't seem to I never piece it together last season that he's a personal injury lawyer but now that I know that he is like oh that makes a lot of sense he's probably on a lot of bus stops yeah he's like accident this he's like, oh, that makes a lot of sense. He's probably on a lot of bus stops. Yeah, he's like, accidentes! He's like the accidentes guy on the bus. Yeah. And then Justin went into this hole

because all the guys are like, why is Jeff being so nice? Jeff isn't freaking out. Jeff needs to be freaking out more. Like we're on a TV show. We need Jeff to like step it up. Because Jeff's just like, you know, the guy's fine, whatever we get along. And it's making everybody crazy.

And Tameka's totally fueling it too you and they're just like this isn't normal and so then Justin's like well you know I you know what happens suicide they commit suicide and I have friends that commit suicide I don't want it to commit suicide and I was like what the fuck you he's just like crying and it's like so he pulls Jeff aside and he's like bro I just I don't want don't want to, you're gonna kill yourself. That's what happens. And Jeff's like, Jesus Christ. So that's what he thinks. You get married, you get divorced and then you kill yourself? No wonder he won't get married. Jeff is being surprisingly funny, like, because normally he's, normally I am sort of low-key worried about Jeff.

Like, allocation would be like, I wonder if Jeff Charleston's doing okay. But like, he seems like he's okay right now. Fingers crossed. But meanwhile, the other thing that was happening this episode is that, like, Tameka is just, can't stand Kelsey anymore. And just hates Kelsey, and is now no longer going to hide it. So Kelsey is there, and Kelsey may be a little drunk or something, because she's also being,

she's being like, I'm not sure. She may do anything. No, no, but like for instance, when Rachel and Kelsey are talking with Reese about his background, he's like, well, I race horses and we know our know, our horses race and Rachel goes, who's your biggest competitor?

And it's like, Jeff Charleston. Woo! She was strong. She was a little drunk. And Rachel was like, bitch face. Yeah, she's like, oh, yeah, there's some bitch face right there. She's like, stand there and be quiet. I'll give you a number just as one you can see.

So yeah, why did Jimmy could get mad at her in this scene? There, she's like, stand there and be quiet. I'll give you a number just when you can speak. Ha ha ha ha ha. So yeah, why did Tameca get mad at her in this scene? Because basically, Tameca, Rachel and Reagan are talking about, like, Reese and Jeff. They're just talking about the guys. And then Kelsey walks up and is like, why do you need to walk away to talk about that? And Tameca's like, the mouse, the mouse is squeaking.

And then she just starts being rude to Kelsey and Kelsey is like oh bugger because I mean still Kelsey did not deserve that. They're so mean to Kelsey so mean to her and to me who's mean to her. I mean the other ones don't really stand up for her but yeah that's true too so uhuh. Cause like wait are you being serious? You're being a mean girl right? Are you serious? Me like this? And Tamiqa basically tells us, this is Justin's 500th girlfriend and he's never going to marry her.

He never marries any of them. So why should I bother liking her? Which is so mean. But also kind of funny. God, she's horrible. That woman's horrible. I can't with her. Yeah.

So then what else happens with this? So Justin's crying thing, I think, was probably my favorite part because it was so sad, but just just reaction to it was so funny. And basically, they're all gonna be fine and just get along, but Tamika figures out by the end. She's like, okay, wait a minute. This is her third time refusing a drink. So what's up with that? And when she does refuse a drink, which is like, I'm just not gonna drink right now. Tamika like oh really and then you know she gets that look like and Regan's looking at her terrified like with a really tight terrified smile like please do not right now

Yeah, not not now Opening And I'm pregnant right in front of my ex husband. Yes, everybody else. You know, I don't I don't want to have a scene right here next to Zales and Laura Ashley. So that was pretty much the cliffhanger, which is basically like, dun dun dun, Reagan's pregnant. Oh my goodness gracious. That brings us to the end of Watch What Caraba. Yeah, thanks everyone for listening.

In case you missed it, we have just announced new shows, Seattle, Philadelphia, and Charleston, not Charleston, Charlotte. Sorry, everyone, hope you didn't give you a scare there. Charlotte, Philadelphia, and Seattle. Those pre-sales are happening now for the next few days. They go on sale to the public on Friday. Philadelphia and Seattle did sell out last year. So if you want your tickets, make sure you hop on it. And then of course we've got a million other shows to

go to. So go to watchcraftens.com for that. And also all that lovely merch including that martini shirt medicine. And we will be back tomorrow to talk real housewives of Beverly Hills. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at 1dry.com slash survey.