Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckMed: Provision Quest

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Chef Tom continues to endure endless humiliations: first he has to slice a cucumber — a cucumber!! — and on this week's Below Deck Mediterranean, he also must contend with bad fish and burnt buns. HE'S OVER IT, BLOKE!!!!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is I Am Watch what Kids, what happens when they saw it? What happens if you want to crack? What happens if you want to crack? Kids, what happens when they saw it? What happens if you want to crack? Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins,

a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Madelker of The Real House. Where's the kitchen island? It's Cartoon. You should go check it out on YouTube. Also the Game Brain podcast, where all you board game fiend's a cartoon, you should go check it out on YouTube. Also the game brain podcast, while you board game, fiends out there like me,

go check that one out, anywhere podcasts are available. And joining me is the hilarious and wonderful and kind and thoughtful. And to cumberslison without an attitude, Ronnie Carram, what's going on Ronnie? Moor! It's a sweet. I'm doing good, thank you for that sweet intro. What's going on Ronnie? Oh, it's a sweet!

I'm doing good. Thank you for that sweet intro. Bam. Of course, I'm always happy to give you a sweet intro because you're a sweet guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy.

You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. away here in Texas. I don't know what the hell is going on now. The world is his lost is goddamn mind. It's like there's fires there. There's some hurricane or some shit into. I don't even know anymore. Ben, you know what? I don't want to. That's only according to science. Only according to science, but according to

Joyce, who is at the store, she doesn't believe in that. What? That's a sign climate change. Oh. Do you really have a choice at the story who doesn't believe in climate change? No, I think Joyce is a metaphorical. A metaphorical composite of people. Well, here's what I call it. Well, here's what I call it. That's the world's going to hell. Okay, that's what I call it.

That's for sure. There's Ronnie in the house. The world's going to hell and no one's around a slice of cucumber. Okay. So, the truth is this, there's a lot to discuss. We got below deck med today. We got a fun week ahead of us. On Thursday, we're actually going to recap the home edit on Netflix because Beverly Hills

is gone. We got a hole in our schedule. So why not talk about organizing some closets? Okay. So we got the home edit. So you have some homework. If you haven't watched it yet, go check out the first episode with Reese Witherspoon and a doctor who has friends who ambush your closet. And then also a bonus episode. Dr. Whitney, our bonus episode

is going to cover a very moving and very real piece of art called my octopus, Tcha. If you haven't seen it. This is going to be an epic bonus episode week. So definitely in Chalka out Ma. Yeah, this is going to be our first recap of a nature documentary. But we are up for the challenge. Yeah, we have a lot of feelings about it.

Yeah, it's going to be a good one. So we're going to do that. And then we've got lot of feelings about it. Yeah, it's gonna be a good one. So we're gonna do that, and then we've got some more holes in the schedule coming up, and we're gonna be filling them with the great British bake off, which is gonna be whole areas, and really fun for us to do. And I don't know, lots of other stuff. Just stay tuned, okay?

Yeah, just subscribe, and just, whatever comes into your podcast inbox, that's just what it'll be, okay? Yeah. So, and also if you, I'm sure, we'll probably post on our social media like what the latest things we're covering, so go follow us there for all the latest updates, okay?

Yeah, and today we are doing below deck Mediterranean episode five, 17, because now below decks go for 97 episodes. They're the new real housewives of Atlanta, okay? They're just going to keep going. Yeah, exactly. And one of the great things about below deck as a franchise is that they have the most hilarious cliffhangers at the end of every episode. You know, a soap opera, a cliffhanger might be a car driving off a cliff or someone getting

shot like JR, you know, a drama. Maybe it's a dragon, a beloved dragon getting shot out of the sky and dying in a lake. Things like that, you know, those are cliffhangers. Below deck is, did you have to wake me up to slice a cucumber? A cucumber, really a cucumber. It's like who will slice the cucumber? And Asya starts this one.

Previous little blue-daked man is running. Oh! Oh! Oh! They show the past scenes and I was cracking up the whole time. It's just Tom screaming. It's like, can I get a fucking potato? Damn the fucking bear, I'm called damn potato, damn the bear.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Am I called down for the potato, damn the bear, whoo! Aaaaaah! Am I meant to make a potato? A potato, in 45 minutes when I need a certain ready in five minutes, and the last potato I had, you just put down the bear, you put it down the bear! You want some cucumbers? Alright, bugsie, bugsie. Okay, sorry there.

Just, just, alright, you know what, I'm gonna go get this chef. Don't, don't, don't! It was my call! Just just alright, you know what I'm gonna go get this chef No putting a polarizing whatever you're saying right alright. What's a fucking problem? I don't have an Just like wow Tom and it's amazing. I was totally into it It was amazing and so he's losing his mind because I think I actually at this point technically Asia has come back down to slice an avocado. Can we progress from cucumber to avocado? And she has volunteered. And she has volunteered.

And at the top, the cucumber, they bring out the most finicky avocado, the avocado. Yes, is it ripe? Is it not ripe? You won't know until you look. And so, so Asia gets the the avocado and Tom is like, I'll for Christ's sake, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll slice the avocado.

I'm moving on to an avocado for a snack. You know what's a good snack, a crumpet, that's a proper snack and I'm off a car, okay, I'll slow sit up. So she's crying and he's like, all right, comb down the water, what a wags, it's like, why are you giving me altitude?

Oh, fuck yourself. And then one of the most ridiculous, yeah, Lulu says fuck yourself, but it's not the kind of. And then Asha says, one of the funniest senses we've ever heard on reality television. I was on the fucking mat doing a fucking flip and then I heard cucumber, so I ran down. What?

Do you have a fucking crab with Sandy! Well, you feel the need to apologize, and I'm having a go at you for something you didn't do, which just doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter up to you. What are you... why are you apologising if something you didn't even do? It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous to do. It's more ridiculous than having an avocado first like instead of a croppet. I'm sorry for you. I'm not apologising cuz I haven't done anything I'm sorry for you if I have to deal with it. Like then I accept my vow.

So then we cut up to wrestling again with that douche rag. It's like well me to show you how to wrestle it is yeah. And so then Asha finds Bugsy. She'd like to live as the avocado and then she finds Bugsy and is like, can you come and talk to me at the bug please? So they go to the bug and she's like crying and she's like, he's so grumpy! He's so grumpy! Let me say the stop of the bloody waterworks! Come on!

And she's like, that's what he said to you Oh, I'm sorry. He just probably got caught up with sandy. I need just got caught up in the moment It wasn't about me Yeah, yeah, it's so funny because it's just like mad at him and yet also being like totally considerate She's like, I mean I heard sandy calling for a cute come on. I knew the girls just wanted a snack, so I went to the galley. And he's like, are you fucking serious? A cute come on, then, Frisk, you can't slice that yourself. And I thought he's under so much stress right now. The poor guy, he's miserable.

He's absolutely miserable and grumpy. I felt so terrible for him. I know, she's like a terrible witness in court. So, you just got him off, okay? You get him gone to life for prison for that cucumber crime, and you just totally talked him out of the jail cell. So, she's like, well, I've always had such a close relationship with my chief steers.

It's important to be able to go into them, and Bumsley's definitely approachable. She wore a beret this said welcome and in her eyes for a scene. I wonder if she let me stick me finger at her bum. It's no step someone to talk about it with even if she doesn't bend her. So then we see like things happening like Alex and some girl are golfing. Malia's waving at Tom through a window. Like, she, her energy around Tom is so nervous. It like makes me anxious.

Like, just the way she's like, Hey honey, honey, I just, are you smiling? Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, are you okay, are you okay, are you mad at me? Oh, hey honey, I'm waving through the window. I'm like, hello. I'm making me high stinker.

Oh, by the way, news flash, Malia, don't Tom, everybody. Yeah, tell me about this. I know it was on her Instagram that she's like, to all the single ladies out there, like me or whatever, but do you know any other information? It just said something like, here's a picture of the first time he cheesed. And it's like Beyonce with Jay-Z.

And then here's the second time when you're over it. Let's Beyonce being fabulous all alone. Which isn't really how that worked out, but. I'm sorry, I know what you're going for here, but I'm pretty sure Beyonce is still with Jay-Z, but it's the gorgeous picture, Malia. Gorgeous picture. Tom is a cheater.

I actually would not have expected that, but then again, his name is Tom, and it's about Tom. So, so she's got the whole, so everyone's like, poor Malia, my God, how quickly we forget in this world, this reality world, it's like, wow, now in like within three weeks, everyone likes Malia again, well, I will not forget, mom. Well, maybe, maybe like the Malia, when the Malia that we saw that we're all about angry, it's because she was under the influence of Tom. We can still be mad at Tom and like, it still can all work out.

No, I'm not working anything out. Malia's still an asshole, but nobody deserves to be treated like that. Even assholes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, so now Malia goes into the kitchen and she's like, Hey honey, are you alright? And he's like, though, I'm pissed off. I mean, is there no father fucking adult on board? I can slice a piece of fucking cucumber. I mean, if I was sounding that, then he tells us,

if I was sounding that situation, I would have seen that Tom's not in the galley, and he's not answering his radio, and you would have seen him out for a break, but maybe it's because I don't take any breaks ever, fucking ever, that she assumed that I was around. So like, yeah, you know what? Like she came and knocked on my door,

and honestly, if I were her, I'd feel embarrassed. I'd feel totally embarrassed. I'm like, why would she be embarrassed that she knocked on your door? Okay, you, she is the number one here. Okay, like she should not feel embarrassed for knocking on the door. It's like cucumber. That's part of her job. I know. And he's going off on her like he's, he would be, he's embarrassed for her for being such a bad leader. Get your ass in the bed and do your fucking job. And I'll tell you his embarrassed right now you okay a national Television looking like a damn fool and you deserve it so Malia's like I'm sorry

I'm sorry thinker. I'm all I am as well because it changed everything hasn't it H just started crying and I feel like I'll apologize to it because I didn't mean it to come off rude You know when I said fuck off already It's supposed to be a lovely you know when I said fuck off already It's supposed to be a lovely thing to say I like it that's okay that Malia says sorry that it happened but when Asia said it's that sorry sorry that like he like went off on her Yeah, it's like I need to find a better way to say you're fucking idiot just murder in potato Why don't you? So yeah, so now dinner is gonna be at 10 o'clock and bugsy's like

You know sometimes that's hard to rock that lawn between protecting your seas and keeping your ship happy So what I do is I just bring the thunder It's a fine line protecting my steel and getting a potato thrown down my throat And then only upstairs Someone's like oh She goes to check on beef right? She's like, well, I know you're like beef. So we're gonna serve a nice fish for you instead. And the girls like, well, I'll have the beef. I don't have it often, but you know what, I'm gonna beef it up today or whatever. So Bugsie goes back and reports

to Tom. It's very proudly like, like, she just really accomplished something. She's like, Tom Emily has agreed to eat your meat, Tom. She's eating the beef. Ding, ding, ding. And like instead of him being like, oh, thank God, I don't have to cook something else. He goes, but it doesn't digest well for her.

I mean, what? I'm doing it. It's idiots. Everyone's idiots. What are they gonna ask me to do next? Poach, then fry. Poach, then fry. Poach, then fry. Poach, then fry. That was she wants. So then the captain comes into the kitchen later.

And he hates her. He's like doing food prep. And he will not even look at her. And she's like, I'm gonna drink the longest cup of coffee you've ever seen. Oh, look, hold on, I'm taking a sip. Oh, I'm gonna take a bigger sip. I'm done now. Nope, not done. I'm gonna do the bigger sip. Oh, yeah. And she's just smiling like she's watching the sunset.

I hope he doesn't get annoyed if I decide to pour myself another cup of coffee from the cure. I just wanna annoy him, will it? Oh, that annoying you, Tim? Just wanna annoy him, will it? So she's like, you know, this is the first time I've seen Tom frustrated and I feel bad for him But if the guest comes looking for food, I'm gonna look for the chef. Whatever it takes. I need them to do his food Okay, at this point he can stay mad or choose the let it go Yeah, you know, it's like that. It's like it's like that movie frozen with that song let it go You know frozen which is actually how some of our food arrives on ship and he does not like that either. He does not. Do you want to build a snowman? No! Get the fuck away from my door, you little

quack! Get out! Alright, someone put my snowman in the bin. Alright, the ask for a snowman. I don't want to do a snowman. I do snowman anyway and they put it in the bin. I mean, what's the even the point? Why is he even the point? So then, um, Bugsy's newest table design is hanging underwear from from above the table and sex toys and stuff. Yeah. And, um, and the kitchen, it's quiet again. And Asia comes down and just ignores Tom and he's ignoring her. He's just being such an ass to everybody.

And, um, she's like, I can't believe that he got so rude and inappropriate. Oh, she's not in racked with believe that he got so rude and inappropriate. I just want to interact with him and tell you apologize. He got locked out, didn't me. Use some of my new jujitsu moves on him. Oh, oh much. So now Tom continues to cook and the guests are getting dressed. And then because there was this ridiculous ultimate frisbee thing that happened last episode, the crew has to wear speedos. So they're putting them like over their, left over their blacks. And then they're like stuffing, putting like socks in the crotch, you know, cause it's crazy. And just, I guess Asha's doing it and like being funny and Jessie's it and of course gets annoyed.

And she's like, Asha's personality is like enjoyable, but she makes me skeptical because Rob likes Asha because she has that easy free spirit. Sort of like someone who would like, do a bingo calling and like not even care what the number is, but I care. I care. Yeah. I mean, she's got such an easy free spirit. And then they go up and whip their dicks in Rob's face and just goes, but fuck it, Yolo. Yeah. And then Rob, for his speedo, he like, he goes to an ass sound for a cucumber for his speedo, he goes down an ass tom for a cucumber for his speedo, and jumps like,

Jesus, another fucking cucumber, not a cucumber down here, it's ridiculous, ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous mother. And so Buxi comes out to the gas and she's like, and all the ease everyone feeling tonight. I was like, oh my god, you're so cringed. Oh my god. I know.

You're doing a great job. I don't have a lot of Buxi hate. which I'm surprised by actually. I really thought I really thought really great. I'm gonna make her job. Crazy, but yeah, she's doing a good job and everything, but God, she really is cringe. He was feeling guilty. She's got like hard core camp counselor energy, and that's I think what that's what makes me cringe. It's like, oh gosh. All right. We're gonna be doing. I think that's what makes me cringe. It's like, oh gosh, all right, we're gonna be doing, you know, sing along tonight or something. Yes, and it's like a sex party basically. She's like, okay, a sex party at 10 pm at 11 pm. Tarday.

Yeah. And then one of the douchebag guys, I guess it's the primaries getting really, and it's just, wow, everybody has to wait for him because he's like 45 minutes late and he's doing his hair. It's like trimming his hair. He's like bald all the way to the middle of the back, you know, the middle to the front or whatever. And so he's poofing up the back.

Just he's doing everything that like big bald aging men shouldn't do. And trust me, I am one I know, you know. Don't do it, don't stop. Yeah, he's like putting a lot of effort into a look that's terrible and so everyone's just like sitting and waiting all the guests are waiting everyone's annoyed and Tom of course can't fire up any food so he's like if this is boring this is boring you know Malia the only reason I'm here is for you and if if this is

gonna make me pissed off being around you then there's no point for me even being here she's like pissed off at me pissed off around you around you not at you around you Do you even know even no part of prepositions don't you? The difference in around at this stupid little girl I was like I thought you were the bimbo so we got through the potatoes in the bin Well, this is a nightmare for me because I feel like this is all my fault Tom doesn't have to be here and I feel feel guilty he's here in the first place. It's tough, but that's love.

No, it's not love. No, it is not. You got this little fucker a job, okay? He should say thank you. He's not doing anybody a favor by showing up to work. There's plenty of people that Norma could have found, all right? Plenty of people. We ever really give Norma a chance.

Also, like what kitchens, I mean mean, what is the deal with Tom? He had leisurely works on yachts, but he seems to have a meltdown over every simple, fundamental request. He seems like a great chef, but he does not seem like someone who has excelled in yachting. Well, it's because he's on bigger yachts

where he has three people working under him. It's like when we watch top chef masters and all the chefs go crazy because they have to cut a carrot and they don't remember how anymore. That's true. And he did study under Gordon Ramsay and like I just I actually remember Kwame from Top Chef. Yes, of course. So I actually read his book recently and he talked about when he was like staging in at whatever it was per se in New York City, which is like Thomas Keller, and how like every chef there was evil,

and I'm just like yell, and they're just abusive and just like assholes, which is what we know of chefs anyway. And I think that Tom is just like someone who studied in that environment, and then just like continues on, because you basically have to be silent, and take the abuse and take the abuse,

until you get to a place where you can then like pay it forward and abuse everyone who's under you. And I think that's essentially what Tom is. It's like a product of that fine dining cycle of... It's a cycle of small penis. Cyclists, chef violence, okay? Yeah. And small penises, yes.

So Tom's like, I can't keep eating this up. It's not fair. For my shit. This is mental, this is mental. There's no fair, mommy. Mommy, I can't hit this up and then cool down and he did up. It's not fair, mommy. It's not fair. So then there's horror music as Tom stews in the kitchen basically. And they're still waiting for the primary. We see him doing his terrible hair. So yeah, and then Asia passes and Tom just gives her this dirty look and Basically, it's time to go to bed and Alex is like good. My bug. I'm going to bed Yeah, right and she's like a dream of me. I always do bugs. I can't even sleep because of you And then finally the primary is ready at 10.30 and he like he's like hey everyone what's up and his friends are so pissed at him

Which is like this is a great moment for me because I feel like Primaries friends always kiss their ass because they're basically paying for this trip and this time they're like no Fuck this guy. We're starving and he comes in and what a girl is like. Oh, well look He got those stone wash jeans from 1989 and someone else goes oh I didn't know we're going for a 90s theme tonight and then Bugs comes in with her stuffed speedo and it's a blue speedo and she goes I've got three booze man oh no crins Okay. Come on, shoes. Here comes one right now. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter

or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of WonderZ's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity view, from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and

Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya.

Uh, I mean while Aisha's doing, she's like cleaning something and she's like cleaning a floor and Rob just stands over her and goes, oh, so that's how you do that. Like, it's like what part of like using a towel to wipe up a spill is complicated for you, Rob. All right, everyone, minority people should move to the table, naughty, naughty. And so the table's decorated with like penis straws and I don't know, I don't know whatever. And so Tom's like, it's nearly half turn.

I know baby, I'm so tired. I'm so sorry baby, but as soon as you finish the rest of us can do the dishes and everything for you. No. You say that now. You say that now, but guess what? 10-35 comes around and guess what's gonna happen? You're gonna want another cucumber slice that but apparently no one on this boat knows how to use the knife. Just slice a fucking cucumber! So good luck to me for not having any sleep for the next 24 hours while I wake up here for 10 minutes. A cucumber, after cucumber, after cucumber, mommy! And then he sends up more eel. He's already done this, so he needs to get something new, because even they're like,

wow, more eel. Wow. And there's this one lady who's like, I was really nervous about the food situation, but it's been so phenomenal. I don't know why I wrote that down. I just think great review. They chose this lady. Like we're gonna follow this lady's journey now

for whatever reason. Yeah, I know. I really liked her actually. She's like everybody's art teacher, you know? Yes, yes. And we're just gonna lady. Yeah, we're just gonna follow her. Like she has a poncho, you know she does.

Like a real one. Yeah, so we're gonna follow her now And then uh, oh, sorry, go ahead No, I was gonna say yes, she you we are gonna follow her and then downstairs Aisha checks it on Jess to see if she's done the other cabins and just like yeah, I'm just like man You go And you know that Jess is just like, oh my god, I get this fucking girl out of my face right now.

Yeah, Jess hates her and Asia's trying so hard, but she just won't lighten up around Asia. So then Malia comes out to serve food, but she's not wearing a speedo. And the guy's like, um, Malia, I mean, up till now you've shown impeccable leadership, but when the team loses a you lose Yeah, yeah, she's like, um, okay, so then she goes and gets into a speedo and

They bring out misoglaes salmon and they're like this is misoglaes salmon enjoy your meal and the guy goes Yeah, I taste a little sweetness from the mesum plas I taste a little sweetness from the mise en place. Oh God. They're trying to sound fancy. Oh, that's amazing. So now this Wagyu beef is cooking. I was expecting, by the way, to be a whole drama with a beef. I thought, like, this woman's going to have the beef, and then she's going to not like

it, and then Tom is like, well, I told her it won't digest well. It won't digest well. But that never happened. So instead, Jess decides that she's gonna go take a smoke on the bow and so Rob joins her as they go out to the bow and they're smoking and Rob's like, I love you. And they're just being generally annoying. And then the background here,

they're trying to be fancy guests. Oh yes. He goes, whoa, yeah, this one's got good notes on that one by the way. Leather, leather, I think. Yeah, and then it cuts back to Justin Robb and they're like, you know, Justin's like mounted Robb and they're like dry-humping and you still hear the background. Yeah, a lot of leather, it's earthy, earthy leather notes. I'm getting a plum, I'm getting tin and aluminum too as well and glass. I'm tasting a lot of glass right now.

And the ever classic customer response. Excuse me. This is the art teacher lady. Excuse me, Bugs. I spilled my drink down my throat. I knew you'd love that. When she said that, I was like, Oh, Ronnie is going to be like very triggered by this.

Because when you wait tables, it's like, really? Do you think I've never heard that line? I was so happy for her though, because I feel like she hasn't like drank wine in a few months, so I was happy for her. It's so bitter at like, hacky customer material. Well, then don't wait on my dad. So, because he's got some great lines.

And then he can turn it real quick. He can be all jovial with those like the hacky material. And then he'll be like, the next thing that comes this table better be my plate or the check. Yes, well, you know, I always say on these shows, like for years I've been saying, when people are too nice, don't trust them. You know, when they come up,

when the people who come up are like, hi, how are you? Like a least serenity. Those people will chew you out and get you tired. Those are always the people that end up fucking with you when you wait tables. Well, because the niceness is like a weird reward. It's like, if you're nice to me,

I'm gonna be wonderful, but if you're bad to me, I'm gonna be terrible. I suppose just so like a general neutral. Yeah. The point is this, if my dad walks into a restaurant, all waiters should be terrified. a restaurant all waiters should be terrified Okay, all waiters should be terrified and I don't care what you say you can say you know like waiters are humans too You should treat them nicely that it doesn't matter. Yeah, my parents are nightmares my dad

My mom's really picky right so she's like well I thought I was gonna get some mustard with this and so my dad gets like the waiter could have just been at the table and said do anybody need me thing? No, no, we're fine. They walk away. My mom complains about mustard and my dad gets up, puts his napkin down and goes and goes to the back section of the restaurant. I'm like, goes to the waiter station. I need some mustard here. I need some mustard here and they do it like multiple times during a meal. And I'm like, please stop. This is so mortifying. And they're like, well, we have a right to, you know, where the customers It's like, you do people are fucking mind-mairs. I have I think I've done that once or twice when the service has been so bad

If I'm waiting 20 minutes and no one comes by I have done the I'm standing up and talking to the host Be like, can we get some service? I have had to do that But it's like I've had to do it. It's not like I it's not my go-to There was more time I would it's like it's a game to him, like how much he can, and it's sweet and awake. So it's like, wow, he just wants to please his wife after all these years. Like that's, oh, by the way, happy anniversary

is I should talk to my parents. It's their anniversary today. But he's always trying to please her, but just as being someone who's sitting there and being a waiter, it's mortifying. Well, I have definitely, I mean, I will always remember the time that my dad like stood up at this lovely Neighborhood sushi restaurant and like walked up the sushi bar and started screaming at the chef

With the line I just said before which was the next thing that comes to our table better be our food or the check Because my dad was convinced that like we were waiting and my dad was convinced that the waitress saw him and then pretend like she didn't see him. So now he really was like, oh God. Oh my God. He was, and on top of that, I had Fran sitting at another table and I just will always remember that they looked like as my dad was screaming in a restaurant.

It was just like, and he's like proud of it. Like you talked to him now and he like laughed. He's like, yeah, I did that. That was so great. And there was the other restaurant where the owner of the restaurant came up and announced in front of the entire back patio where we were We just took a poll and everyone at the restaurant feel says that you're the worst customer here But that guy was a dick and I was on my dad's side for that one that guy was a real dick

That's for another episode. That's another episode. Wow. Okay, so here we are Malia sees the making out and so she goes up and she's like, oh hey guys I was just looking at the distance to that sailboat What the fuck are they thinking this doesn't assandals couples retreat? I was like, okay lady who just fucking got someone fired so you could like share a room with your boyfriend Yeah, exactly so she basically tells them that they can't be there on deck with um, you know like out if they're guests on deck You can't be up there without uniform, etc etc. And she's you know what the rules in yachting is that if guests are awake

You have to be in uniform on the deck. you take this up with Mary Time Law okay. I'll do someone call. That's me Mary Time Law. So yeah Rob explains that the reason why he was up there is because Rob Jr. had a mind of his own then. So then in the kitchen we just hear a lady comes out of the kitchen. She's like, um, Aisha, we brought all these remote vibrators. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

And she's like, where are you going to go, hold on your last night, Dancer? So then we just see the guests sitting around playing with these little vibrators. Yeah. And then it's like bedtime and Malia and Tom are in bed. It's like just a few more hours, honey Just a few more hours. Oh says you but guess what wait. Does someone want a cucumber sloss the meat or the knot?

Just wait just wait What is with everybody on these shows like all the guests are always so horny What is it with as like just being on a boat? We're like we're all gonna fuck each other at the end of this because they all seem to be kind of fucking each other Like so weird my friends are like that. I mean mean, I know that I'm more uptight than most, but my friends are not uptight, but they're not sitting around like, yeah, I can't wait to fuck later. Yeah, I got everybody vibrators. Yeah. Yeah, I think that like the show must put out casting notices and like swingers groups or something like that. I don't know. There's just something like, yeah, I mean,

I don't really think of myself as a pro, but then I watch these shows and I'm like, I think I'm actually a pro. I never thought of it. I'm like a pro. Is this just like a podcast of like two little ladies? Yeah. Just like, good, that's what we sort of are.

We are old men. It could be little men could be pro. Two queens just sitting around bitching about everybody's sex life. But yeah, sometimes I wonder too. I'm like is this what people are doing just like going on cruises and fucking each other because that sounds gross I like I love my friends. I do not want to fuck my friends, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual Yeah, it's just weird. I you with any of my friends. It's just it's never really just not with any of my friends, it's just, it's never really, it's just not, it's just not what we do, you know?

Yeah, it's not like, yeah, let's go downstairs enough. Let's go have some fucking sex. Yeah, yeah. We're also probably all too drunk being my friends that we never even get to that point. But anyway, it's bedtime and then I'm triggered by the alarm waking everybody up. I hate that sound, and that's why alarm sound hate it.

So then, Rob and Jess decide that they want to have like a really relaxing night tonight and be really romantic while everybody else goes out. And Rob's like, yeah, I would love to road around as you do. It's so Rob. And then Malia gets a text from her mom. That's like, her mom is basically what I'd expect her mom's like see you soon. I'll be on dock. Okay. Malia. I'll be on dock. And she's like, yeah, you can't wait.

Um, I'm using Lee enough. Malia's mom is named Mary. So all this discussion about Mary time. A lot. It's Malia's mom. Mom says we can't have Malia. I'm bored. Maybe it's a new wife or something.

She's like, you know, yeah, I divorced Mr. Time, la. Anyway, so it's the morning and so Sandy walks into the kitchen, into the galley, and she's like, she puts on this like fake British accent, she goes, hello Tom, and he just like doesn't respond. You know, maybe if I say and talk to him, like I'm in his natural habitat, and respond, hello? Oh. And she's like, whoa, you know what? It smells like engine here.

Have you been to engine? And he's like, yes, India and Nepal. Well, did you do any training there? No. Any cooking? No. Well, you know, a lot of people go there to learn. So, he just walks away.

Yeah, how dare she bring up a colony that in India used to be part of the UK and now she's bringing it up to throw my face. Throw my face on failures as a country. How could she do that? So then she's like, so Tom, oh you know I am a kid me to die Tom. That's me being British time. Did you get it? He's like, I'm just tired. She's just, oh, sorry. You know, I get that, Tom. I get that.

Can't wait to skewer you in front of everybody later. See you then. All right, well, you've just failed this test. What you should've said is, I just need a hug, and then you would've been great, but instead, I'm just gonna have to publicly humilate you. So, looking forward to that. Yeah, see you then.

So, let's see, Justin, Justin, and Bugs, like, it's almost out of I'm so happy. And Justin's like, um, that leads me to another question. Would you, Carol, Rob, and I just chold tonight and slept in my guest, Cobbum? Well, I'm just gonna have to think about it, Would you care of Robin? I just chold and I and slept in the gusts. Cabam. Well, I'm just going to have to think about it because tonight was supposed to be sing a fair foot Broadway song. She'll throw the campers. Hold on. I'll get back to you.

So anchor drop anchor drop. Everybody's cleaning everybody's cleaning. And then Aisha brings breakfast to the to the people and Mollietos Tom her mom is coming everybody loves breakfast and then Aisha comes to the kitchen and Tom's like hey I'm sorry about our spectre yesterday She reacts like she just received the most heartfelt apology of all time. She's like, Oh, thank you. Thank you. It's like, he just had like the most like, basic thing. And he's like, you know, I wasn't really pissed off for you obviously. And why is it obviously?

I'm saying for any intelligent person could see it, I was not pissed off for you, but apparently you thought that. So anyway, but I was really pissed off because I mean, it just doesn't make't make sense I mean you all owe a bunch of adults and you all know how to use a knife and like I'm sorry that I took it out on you I'm sorry that I took out my frustration with your stupidity out on you because your teeth stupid to receive that the proper way so I apologize for that and I do quite tolerate you quite lovely. She's like oh so I'm sorry you're stupid. Oh thank you. I guess next time I'll just have to poach this apology and then fry it afterwards. Next time I'll give you a potato down a bin. How's that? So then bugs and Jess your talk, bugs and Jessy, Jess are talking and Bugs is like, jeez, I've thought about it. You can stay in the gifts, Kevin tonight.

I'm sorry, it's your accent. How are you drink wine? A can. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We will do it. But jeez, I want to see the super stew come out of you as much as I've ever seen it or season long.

Okay, because I want to give you a gold stun, whoever has the most gold stuns, gets to perform at the end of the summer dance for the campers. And they're like, clip, early this morning. The table is beautiful jeez! They're really into these tables this year. I know, it's like really aggressive. It really is So it's time to prep the lines for talking from a Leo's mother Mary used to be time law Mary used to be time Mary X time law Mary's watching Mary's watching no pressure everyone, but a very lovely and quiet woman will be watching

An extremely supportive woman is about to come on board. Praise the sows! A woman who is impressed by different rooms is watching so make this the best you've ever been at done. So she tells us about her mom being a stewardess and so it's going to be so cool for her mom to see like stewardess is but on a boat instead of the error So they dock and her mom's like adorable except that she's just yelling if they dock and will he is like trying to be really professional Her mom's just like yes

You're doing great honey If she was like the opposite of Kali's mom. So, so Mary, so they they talk and then Malia comes and hugs her mom, which is so sweet and then Sandy hugs her mom and then bugsy hugs and then Tom everyone everyone's just there's just something about Mary everyone is just hugging Mary time long. She's got some stiff bangs but otherwise everybody loves it. No but I you know what I think there's I like those I like those kind of bangs like these these are not college which is bangs these are like. No I was saying Mary might I was saying there's something about Mary bangs remember.

Oh yeah oh yeah. Because this Mary did have bangs, but they were very much like, hey, I just got this book from the library if you want to read it after me, bangs. Oh, you know what, you brought this in a little late. You know what we're going to do? We're not going to stamp it. Okay.

Hey, I chopped up some apples for you if you want a little snack, bangs. So, Malia's like, my mom has always encouraged me, you know, she said, if you want to go into yachting, go yachting. If you want to take down the Columbia and Boat marijuana and the veins with Xanax cartel, do that. I'm here. I'm here.

I'm supporting you. So, so, Mary has always supported Malia, which is of course. So then, so now the guests are leaving. And they all line up. And this primary guy, he goes, well, as a business man, I really appreciate when people don't look at their job as a narrow definition, but actually has an end goal of making a customer very happy. Like I always tell my employees, you're not workers, you're ultimate frisbee players, okay? And you guys exemplify that, and not only a compliment, it's not only a compliment to you, but a compliment to the person who assembled you and knows a thing or two about finding

a cucumber at a moment's notice. Am I right? Now why does this chef look like he is got steam coming out of his ears now I normally I know you normally get a tip but guys I've got dinner tickets for you because I have dinner in my beach house every Tuesday in Malibu and they all just stare down at these tickets and they're like thanks thanks yeah so pissed and then we got to commercial and I was like is this a joke? This so is so evil to do that to this guy because you know this guy was so excited to be on TV and There's been on his Instagram Facebook like everybody. I'm gonna be on TV and then the world has just been like fuck you

You monster your terrible hair you monster your terrible hair terrible your terrible pants. Yeah, and then an Aisha's like, what the fuck it's insane? And then he walks away, but then it turns around and he pulls this tip out of his crotch and he's like, oh wait, one more thing.

I hope you guys all like crabs because that's not what's for dinner. It's what's on the tip. Here you go. And she does tip them. He was just kidding America. You can stop hating him now. So, Malia's like Captain Captain permission to bring on my mother.

Of course. Do your food mother. So Mary Time Law comes on board. And they're like, she's getting the whole tour, and Rob's like, This is your daughter's lair, this is where she bosses around, and... It's my feelings. I guess. This is where I've had to internalize a lot of fear.

Your daughter. This is where your daughter yelled at me, because I couldn't throw my rope on account of my arms being weak from holding so much emotion. Yeah, and she's like very nice. Oh wow, the kitchen, huh? Hi Tom, this is your kitchen. It's a galley Mary, you fucking moron. It's called a galley, what, let me guess, you don't know how to cut a cucumber either. Alright Mary, pop quiz. Two petaters left on the boat, two guests want petaters, there's one bin, why do you put the second petater if you say the bin you're fired? Well if you've already served them to somebody I would say they go in the bin because he can't scum damn it Mary you're

giving more on get out! Get out! What do you think you are Mary? Go back to the library you pulled out of get off this bed. You'll never be my mother-in-law, left, we're all tired, look at me, I mean I look great, but I'm tired on the inside, and look, I'm losing my temper, some of you are losing your temper, for example last night, I noticed with Tom, you know, I was a cucumber, right Tom, was it a cucumber? Was it a cucumber? It was a cucumber that you lost your mind over something, so I'm trying to remember

was, it was something really so small in it and I'm trying to remember what your drama was. Was it a cucumber? Was it a crumb? Can you just help me out here too? So funny and he's looking around like, oh, what? You speak. Oh, come on, he's looking much better.

What? They're talking to me. I mean, it should be so great for life. You cut that cucumber. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm lighting me up right here in the middle of the public. I mean, I'm a human right now. I'm a human. I'm absolutely a now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, me for something I have no idea where people have gone okay so next time you need a nap right down on the board when people are taking maps okay nap cow okay just read it down okay sure I'm happy to do that because sometimes I forget

just how stupid you Americans are and you don't understand that if a man is sleeping in his room he's taking a nap that's how it is yeah he's like well I can't fault Sunday for waking me, it is my job. Maybe I should have written a certified letter and sent it through the completely incompetent provisions people to freeze it incorrectly and get it in the form done there! But you know what, I'm British, and I'm not gonna dwell on the fact, and let it affect my job. I won't let it affect my job at all, I won't let it affect my job. So y'all that made me, So y'all that made it.

Now having said that, everybody but Tom was amazing and the client never felt any of that cucumber rage. So here's $20,000 plus dinner and Malibu. Come on, it was well deserved. Now, I hope that we and by we, I mean Tom can keep it together for the final charter because as we all know we're all professionals And we've all been brought on this boat being told that we're all professionals and can hand small pieces of stress like I don't know like if something needs like I don't know was it a cucumber? What was that again with Navacado? Was the grain of rice that needed to be chopped? What was that again?

Tom that you just were a total on professional stewed about. All right, me to get jared. And Tom's like, I want to have a nap, baby. I want to have a nap. And really it's like, OK, baby. God, you better get to the whiteboard. Are you already not going to go to the whiteboard? No, she just told you.

Write it on the whiteboard. You're napping, OK? So everybody says. It's always about naps. Yeah, it's always about naps, it's handy. So cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and Alex is like, hey, uh, uh, Malia, were you in town peeing my matchmaker, huh? You in town, and Malia's like, yeah, I'm a great wingman.

So I'm not sure what that was about, because I thought he was like totally in love with Bugsy, but... Mmm, whatever. Wait, wait, Alex said that he wanted a, a, what? Yeah, he said, will you be my matchmaker, you and Tom? And she's like, yeah, I'm a great wingman. Oh, I think they meant with Bugsy. Oh, by the way, well, I'm misunderstanding things.

Last week, I made a huge mistake and did not apologize at the beginning of the show, but at least I didn't accuse anybody. Okay, I said, did I hear that right? Because I'm very confused. And I was. There were subtitles that said the old me would have beaten the shit out of her, but it wasn't Rob who said that.

It was Jessica saying that to Rob. And of course, that is how it happened. I'm so sorry. Not calling Rob an abusive person. Okay. Just a boring person. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So Alex wants speaking boring, Alex and Bugs is a relationship, no one cares, but he wants,

as you said, he wants Malia to be the matchmaker, matchmaker, and the wingman, you know. We should mention that Malia earlier, it was like, my mom had a lot of, you know, there was a lot, she had a lot to handle, you know, six boys oh wait five boys I'm a girl I forget sometimes sometimes I forget I'm even a human when I'm around time I'm just I just try to be invisible I just say sorry baby a lot so Justin Acer cleaning and Acer's trying again to be nice and she's like well who's gonna claim the room you and Roba standing in? She's like, all clean it. But will there become stains all over the seats? Yeah, no.

No. Just hate it. You're not gonna see on the deal. No, she's like, I don't like talking about sex with Asia. I don't really like talking about sex because I haven't had sex in two years. And it's gonna be with Rob. It's like, have you ever thought what would happen

if you had sex with that little tree thing from Guardians of the Galaxy? So, just like, I'm gonna do Laundry and she leaves and Aisha just goes, all right, when they tried, new band to, another band to fail. Yeah, she's not getting that banter going. So let's have a, let Tom Malia Bugsy, let's have a final preference sheet meeting of

this season. Okay. So for this final character, it's going to be all girls. Aaron Grace, Zeta Brown, Hannah Yu, Box Carb,ottle Opener, I'm just gonna say crazy words, okay? Willa Leslie, so it can't be patched all night. Hannah Storm? Oh, that's a good person. And Hannah U is a parkour competitor.

Parkour. So, yeah, so get excited for her to be walking all over our yet What is parkour I'm gonna look it up parkour is competitive. It's kind of like competitive walk It's like those people who like jump on things. It's like that French that French sport. You know, it's it's like Parkour and like people who like jump from rooftop to rooftop and then jump off like this They can't just like walk down this like walk they have to like bounce off the wall You know and they're like it's like how much can I'm going to jump on it and then jump off like this. They can't just walk down the sidewalk. They have to like bounce off the wall, you know, and they're like, it's like, oh, which can't.

I'm going to jump on it and then jump off of it. Oh, it's a training discipline using movement that developed from military obstacle course training. Practitioners called tracers or tracers, aim to get from one point to another in a complex environment without assistive equipment and in the fastest and most efficient way. Okay, I'm dying to see this.

I hope she doesn't say that. Yeah, it's the parkour was like, I feel like it was like a really big thing, like in the early 2000s when it started to like really break out and it was like, look at these people, they're well, there was even a there was even a video game. I remember it was a video game by like Mark Eko or something like that. It was a weird co-brand thing where you like a parkour guy and you're like, I get to walk, you're gonna parkour up to a billboard and then parkour over onto like a girder and you're gonna parkour everywhere but you're gonna wear a mark, I go at the same time.

So the point is this, I would love to see someone doing parkour on this yacht and see how long it takes to put it if they fall overboard. Yeah, they just like doing really weird things because then they're gonna go do some land thing and then Buxy's like, and they want to do a silent disco. Oh no. Can I tell you about Silent Disco? I had a birthday party.

You remember that? Were you at that party? Yeah, so it's when I first met you. Nightmare. No, it wasn't. Oh yeah. Yeah, I was like, no, we met in a gym, Ronnie. I know, but that, I think that was like the first,

that was like when I met you. Like around the time. It wasn't Yeah, it was it was a little bit after that, but basically the story is that One year for my 30th birthday. I had my birthday party at the Palli House, which is the same place where He's a Vanderpump and to read and Kyle got into big argument and Vanderpump drove off in her rules Roy So like bye so So I have my party there and it was so fun such a great vibe. It's great place for party It was so good. So I was like, you know what, um, so I had my party there and it was so fun. It was such a great

vibe, it was a great place for party, it was so good. So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna do it again. And so I was even more excited for this, like, Pally House times two for my 31st birthday, and I just invited so many people, I was gonna be the best party ever. And, you know, what they didn't tell me was that there was a silent, just to go plan for that night, and a silent disco disco is for those who don't know. It's meant for outdoor music festivals because what you do is everyone has these headphones on and the DJ plays music to the headphones and everyone has headphones on is dancing, but it doesn't disturb, you don't get noise complaints, right?

Because it's all in headphones. It's kind of like this fun thing that we're all dancing, but if you, disturb, you don't get noise complaints, right? Because it's all in headphones. And it's kind of like this fun thing that we're all dancing, but if you, like, you know, so they decided to do a silent disco at my birthday venue. And so there was no music. It was like a silent birthday party. And we didn't want to do a silent disco. So like, all my guests were there. And then the local news came to cover it.

So they had to turn the lights all the way on. So it was like silent. And the lights were at full brightness. And everyone was coming to my party like, oh, and they'd like come to Happy Birthday, and then five minutes later they would leave. It was like the worst. Yeah, I didn't know you very well. And I wasn't coming with anybody.

I was coming alone, so I didn't really know anybody. And I came in, I was like, what the, I said, this guy to myself, obviously. I was like, this guy is this guy to myself obviously I was like this guy is so much fancier than me first of all having your birthday there I'm like just me the thing I'm the one throwing up into the water fountain and you have this like fancy thing and I'd never seen that silent disco and your friends were so nice but yeah we were like hi nice to meet you and that we would just jet because I was like what the fuck what to meet you and that we would just jet. Cause I was like, what the fuck was that? No one is the person. Who is this men guy?

Yeah, and I was just like, and there were like some people that were like, really cool who were supposed to, I was like mortified every single time that people came by. Like, this would be like my time to like, introduce this friend to that friend. And like I had all these like ideas. Well, it's just so that time period,

it's like one of those things we're gonna look back in the 2000s and just crack up that people went to Silent Disco's, you know? And, but these people are like, that's kind of a Silent Disco. It's like, that still exists. I didn't know. And it's like it's a stupid concept for indoors, right?

Because the whole thing is like your outdoors at a, at a, at a, a bunch of indoors. They do them like clouds and stuff. It's a stupid, stupid thing. And the thing is also that they had phones have like three channels on them, so you can switch to different songs. So what happens is people walk up to each other and they're dancing like, what song are you singing?

What's one of you listening to? What are you listening to? What are you, it's just like the most idiotic thing I've ever participated in. And so like Of course the parkour girl wants to do a set disco like she's like I want to do all the things from 12 years ago. Yeah, and we got a frisbee golf in there so Ultimate frisbee. No, did they want to do frisbee golf? Oh was it ultimate frisbee?

The last charter wants to do I mean, we think of frisbee golf. Okay, so anyway, also so they keep going down the preference sheet and they're difficult. They're difficult people, so we're gonna get to see Tom Lee's it. And it's like, well, I don't like mushrooms, but I do like truffles, but not tarragon. Not even I don't. No tarragon. Yeah, I don't like seafood, but I do like crab legs, but just the legs and nobody in lobster tail, but just the tail. Because I prefer not to eat anything slimy, so no duck, no venison, no-

Well oysters, it was like, and I was just one person, so I was excited, I was like, Tom's gonna have a coneption. So then afterwards, now Tom and Liam are in bed, and Tom's like, I don't know what sound is problem, what was at the meeting. I mean, what was that? And Mlee is like, well, that's just how she is. Well, it's really sad. It's like, I mean, for any new crew member to come away from a meeting, having some sort

of scolding, like thinking like, what the fuck have I done? You know, like, the only person who's allowed to scold anyone is a chef who's allowed to scold anyone about a cucumber and avocado. That's the only person who can do that, okay? Yeah, he can talk down to everybody, but God forbid his boss say anything to him and So she's like oh, it's so hard. I've got my job and his job on my shoulders, but that's being a professional Oh god, I hate this look on you. Hate it Yeah, I hate it too because she was so strong all season and then as soon as time came along she just

Really crumbled yeah, so now most the group is going out Robin Jesser staying on the boat to have sex and so So bugsy gets into the van into like the van to go to the club And she's like smells weird in here, and it's just like probably got skid box on my knees And bugsy's out in some weird cutout tennis dress. She's one of the weirder outfits. Which says a lot. And Alex is like, you know, if, what does he say? My writing makes no sense.

My typing makes no sense. Here's what my time goes. No, ma. No, ma, forever. He was, oh yeah, he says, no my forever weren't here was the oh yeah He says half you wasn't here in the beginning God have got to be honest can't believe Jess is the OG of the interior no offense Yeah, I made it through I made it through my own terrible phonetic sense

Yeah, you did this really well done and then me while back on the yacht did is really well done. And then me while back on the yacht, Jess and Rob have like the tick on takeout and they're having like really boring banter about garlic breath and how like she just doesn't want to eat something because it's a fragile garlic breath or something like that. I don't. They don't like they have no chemistry. I don't want to eat garlic bread. Why don't you like garlic bread? Well, I want to eat it, but I'm not going to eat it. You'll scared of garlic? No, it's just like... But why are you scared of garlic? No, it's not there!

You present? I need you to be present about the garlic. I'm inside myself now about your opinion. I'm in my head. Am I in my head with a garlic head? So then Tom back in the van, it's like, oh, this is so crazy being up with me new chums. How to think the date that I came here, you were waxing Alex and Buxy's like, I locked it, I quite locked it. Yeah, and then a dinner, Asia is like, so I have to ask a question, is there actual sexual

chemistry between you, Bugsie and Alex, or was that just a drunk thing? Ooh! And Bugsie looks so annoyed. And she just like gives her a dirty, Alex is like, you answer Bugs and she's like, no sexual tension. And I was like, well, that's not awkward.

Yeah. Thanks a lot. So then she's like, I'm quite awkward when it comes to tension and relationships, such as like the kissing and laughing part. Why can't we do that? Well, why can't you do that? Because right now you're just giving him really dirty looks. Don't you remember?

She was dumped when she was 14. And ever since then, she's not been able to trust a man. Don't you remember that story? Yeah. So, Ace is like, is it just when you get drunk, you like playing tons of hockey? And he's like, well, maybe Bugs feels like that, but I like one different level.

And Bugs just gives him this dirty, death look. Yeah. And then like, wow, Bugs, you just like, no, I just need a pepper. Oh, it feels like I got fun down in my tummy! So it's super awkward and Lily is like, yeah, Alex is crushing a lot harder than she is. Awkward. And Buxy is all mad now. And so, um, then back on the boat. Rob is like, well, I have to go somewhere with this, when this is all done. I have to return somewhere and it will be with you.

So I guess New York, we should do something for your birthday. Just like, well, I'm gonna be with my mom on my birthday, so I guess it's gonna be you and my mom. It's a huge deal, you know? Yeah, he's like, we'll bake a cake. Well, he said to her, he goes, I want to do something just you and I for your birthday, which is like classic narcissistic behavior, right? Where you like separate the girl from like everyone. Like he's like trying to like close her world and onto him, like he comes on really strong, trying to cut away people.

What if she wants to do something for a birthday with a bunch of her friends? Why not that, Rob? Rob. But she's just gonna spend it with her mom. So he's like, I love you. I love you So then they're talking back on with the gang. They're talking about whether it's hard for Asia to jump in the middle of a season And she's like, it is hard. Oh, man, it in freelance. I'm used to jumping in but Banta and then we get with the one shot of Pete for the show,

just kind of staring off into space. I know, still waiting for Lara to text him back. So she's, you know, because she's still homesick and she's cruciac, because it's not the same as Seracco, or Sroco, whatever. So then they had back the yacht, and they're in the car and Tom's like, show me a bed and I'll show you how quickly I can fall asleep.

Look, I'm being hilarious. Isn't that a funny joke? I can be a light, funny person. Show me a bed and I can show you who quickly I fall asleep. Well, you're gonna have to write that on the whiteboard first. Oh, but for crying out loud! I can't even have a theoretical nap anymore. I can't even have a theoretical nap.

So then Robin Jesser is starting to bang and he's like, well, I was in a documentary about Tantric 6. Of course it is. The point is you release all your tension into her. I heard Sting and his wife have sex for like three days. Rob, of course, was in a documentary about Tantric 6. He, of course, he probably was on 35 episodes of Real Sex on HBO. Yeah.

And then we were like, ooh, a show about sex. Let's watch this and it's all creepy old people. Yeah, it's completely peaceful for owning, yeah. Yeah, so it's like, you know he was on that. And even like there are certain, like there are certain like porno videos that are like, here's how to masturbate if you're a gay man. And then you like, they're just just like these really awful videos of like

It's sensual and I'm telling you it's sensual because the music is yawning and it's just like a rob type and you're like I'm looking of course I had to Google documentary about tantric sex and see if I can see Rob anywhere in here Don't see him so far. It's see a lot of people having sex, guys. You know, it's just like 45 minutes of Rob sitting cross-legged with like a girl in his lap facing him also cross-legged and just like very slow thrust. Like, mm-hmm. Yeah, I don't need that.

I don't like that. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,, it's great. But like no one needs, no one needs to do anything for three days, you know. Let's do it, let's eat. Okay, so then the van returns.

It's me. And everyone's tired and going to bed and bugs you, shot down Alex, and so that's kind of sad. And he's like, I think she's afraid, you know, when she gets real, she shuts down, you know, but I'm not like the other guys. I'm not like the other guys. And then you just hear in the guest cabin, oh, baby.

Oh stop. Baby. Yeah. Baby. How's that feel? So in the morning, even my head. Yes, so now's the morning. No, no, I was doing more robboise. No, you should be more robboise. Yeah So it's the morning everything is calm. Tom is rolling out dough for some reason. There's cleaning

Sandy has some humble requests. Hey, uh, Malia, can I have a deck room member vacuum like cabin and hallway and, uh, the crew must too. Can we, can we have that? I don't know why we're having a scene dedicated to this order. Yeah. But I'm sort of intrigued to see what's gonna happen. So Malia comes to her and she's like, um, just, you know, I'm gonna have a lead deck hand now. I'm gonna name somebody because, you know, over the season, it's been well deserved. And last season, I got to have a lead deck hand now, I'm going to name somebody because you know over the season it's been well deserved and last season I got the title of lead deck hand halfway through the season and that meant a lot to me so it's going to be great to reward someone's efforts.

I love that. Now you know what who probably loves it even more? The dust on the floor in the hallway. So again the vacuum would be wonderful. Could you name that dust on the floor and the hallway? Lead getting picked up. That would be great. Well, the lead deck can be the one vacuuming my bedroom

because that's really what I care about now. Well, I love that they're trying to even have some sort of, like, some sort of facade, I sometimes had been here have some sort of facade, asims had been here, some sort of facade of suspense about this. Who do we think is gonna be the lead deck, well you have Pete, the guy who has been literally fired off the show and we don't even see him.

And you have Rob, the guy who can't throw a rope. We've reversed, yeah. He actually was the lead deck and was demoted. And then you have Rob who can't throw a rope So that leads only Alex like why are we even trying to be suspense is it yeah? It's gonna be like Darian the first mate like what's the point? It's gonna be the cucumber I would love that so we're near port rena airport all crew all crew okay So the the guests text them and they're like Sandy we're near port anyway we can arrive early and she's like oh my god of wars why in the world

would that be a problem sure come on down I couldn't believe that so then Tom's like so she's like all all crew all crew if you happen to be napping it doesn't look like anyone is because there's nothing on the white board so the guests will be coming on one hour earlier. Shouldn't be a problem for anyone, right? And Tom's like, well, that's not cool. That's not cool at all. It's not cool at all.

Oh! So the provisions arrive and this poor lady is just like getting it at every turn is back. And she's like, we have fresh lobsters, super freshers. He's gonna love the lobsters. I don't know why Myrish right now. So she's like, he's gonna love this lobsters super fresh is he's gonna love the I don't know why my wrist right now so she's like he's gonna have to have a fresh heart and a fresh lobster oh we got the funniest lobsters and potatoes I'm getting funny flutters just looking at these lobsters right now

also Tom gets so many's like fish arriving in the back of a car it's baking in there he needs to come in a refrigerated van, what a fucking joke! NOOOOOO! Faaaauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauau I'm watching them frying, patting them frying, it's a joke. And he's like, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. I'll go find her. So she goes to Captain Sandy's. This is a fucking fish. Little office. And Tom's freaking out.

She's like, I'm Sandy, we're having problems with provisions again. And she's like, why isn't Tom coming to me? You know what, you need to have Tom come to me, not you. Yeah, which I actually was glad Sandy said that because she is right. So Malia is like, um, Tom, she'd like you to speak with her. He's like, what, I called her. I called her.

Where is she? I called her. I'm like, she's your boss. You go to your boss. She doesn't come to you. Yeah. And so he goes to Sandy and he looks pissed. He's like, so Malia just told you the fish is warm.

I mean, what can you do? What can you do about it? She's like, so, Malia just told you, the fish is warm. I mean, what can you do? What can you do about it? She's like, well, here's what they do. They bring us more fish at their expense because you can't serve that. He's like, well, at least put it in these coolers. I mean, it's just a joke. Carry your bags.

Look at this, carry your bags. She's like, carry your bags. Yes, carry your bags. And the guests come in one hour. She's like, I get it, Tom, I get it. So she calls up. She's like, hey, food norma? Food norma? Yeah, guess what?

The food was room temperature. You got to send it again. They're like, oh, we're so sorry. We're so sorry. And she's like, here, talk to Tom. Talk to Tom. He's like, well, you know what? Everything's absolutely fucked right now.

So you must have just sent of us some halibut and some cord. And the provision is like, well, do you need it for lunch? Absolutely. I need it for lunch. What if fuck what I want? I mean that snack. I mean that snack. No, that's what cue composer for apparently And then he sneezes as a big sneeze which I think I'll be noticed because it's corona time I'm like, I know me too He was fucking hell everything fucked in goes when he sneezes he goes Christ Fucking looks bad on me again, mummy. Mallya, mallya, lia, lia, lia, fucking hell, mallya, lia.

So she comes and he's like, I'm done, I'm done. The guest's coming in now. How is this fair? Now look at this. How am I supposed to put it? How am I supposed to put this way? Not fair, mummy. And the captain's like, okay, she's gonna get the fish. All right, Sandy. Well, guess what? The fish isn't the problem. All right. Yeah, and she goes, well, she's like, okay, she's gonna get the fish. All right, Sandy. Well, guess what? The fish isn't the problem. All right.

Yeah, and she goes, well, she's like, well, I think that that bread looks good, that you made, that bread looks good. The bread is bench! Okay, that bread is going to be in rot now. Okay, I hope you're bread locked to see your potato friend because it's been in rot now. And they're like, no, no!

No, it's not burnt. He's like, it's burnt. Don't try to human me And then they're like they're like so then Sandy's like pulling Mule away, you know because he's like fine I'm about throw the bet I'm on the bread away, but we all know it's been just bitch His hand mommy wouldn't a breathe of it. So Sandy pulls Mule away and she's like stop Saving him stop stay out of the galley, let him do his food. He needs to come to me.

Okay, here's the deal. I'm the captain. You need to stay away from him because when you're filtering him, I don't get the information I need. And you just hear him go, fucking joke. I'm a little bit like, but he needs help putting provisions away. No, stay out of the galley. Anyone can go in there

But you he's gonna walk off the boat then let him walk and then Tom takes the the tray of the bread that the biscuits or whatever He was that like they're like it's fine. They're not burning Frozen out anyway, it's like fuck this Mother. Oh my god. Rose out all those biscuits It's mother. Oh my God. Rose out all those biscuits. He's. Oh, God.

Such a asshole. My God. He's awful. He is awful. And it's hilarious. Oh my goodness. I never thought that he provides so much entertainment. Yeah, this is definitely one of the best worst chefs

that's been on here. Oh, yeah. He's probably, like, I agree. I think that he's the best worst chef. Yeah. Hisrums are epic. Well everybody that brings us to the end of Bolognick Mediterranean. That was this fail. Thank you so much for being with us we will be back tomorrow with something something something something something. Yeah have a great day guys and talk to you later Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors ain't no thing like Allison King Ashley Savoni she don't take no baloney Dana C Dana, dude. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela itchles

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