Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckMed: The Aunt Jemima Defense

Episode Date: June 25, 2019

Mila pulls out the Aunt Jemima's big guns to save her butt on tonight's Below Deck Mediterranean, but will it help? Probably not. To hear this week's two part bonus episode previewing the Big Brother cast and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Martini Medicine" "Team LVP" and "DooooooRINDA!" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Cleveland, Baltimore, Charlotte, Nashville, Carrboro, Richmond, Ft. Lauderdale, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, Ft Lauderdale and NYC! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors!

The Bay Area Betches! Betches! Megan the Slayer Taylor! Heron McNicholas! She don't miss no trickle-ists. Hot dang! It's Jessica Dang! Lisa Wallent.

Now that's what I call Wallentainment. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender! Hava Niggila Weber! Sarah Greenwood only uses her power for good. Jamie, she has no last name. Asli Savoni, she don't take nobeloni. You don't touch the Niggie Morgan letters. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. What you talking about Willis, it's son of Gillis. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the

bird. Just saying okay. Christy Wowardy Dowerry. Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Give a homer with Jeffrey Boomer. Hannah, God I love that banana. Anderson. And our super premium Patreon subscribers. Mina Kuchikuchi. Let's get Racy with Miss Stacey. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony.

The incredible edible Matthew sisters. Lulu Simon. Soon soon studio. Give them hell Miss Noel. Kelly Stump. The Stump Master. Always ready for Nicole pass already. One day your Rachel's in.

In the next eight, you're out. We're all in with Julia Conlin. Yes, we can with Howley, Carolyn and Ann. Nancy, Susan, toisto. We love you guys Oh, what is this one? Oh, what new ballroom is it? Who cares what happens, but there's so much that happens. Hello and welcome to Watch With Crappens. The podcast about all that crap we just left to talk about on burr. I'm Ronnie. Ron Carram.

You can also find me over on the Rose Pricks Bachelor Rose podcast. How about that? And here I am with the gorgeous and talented Ben Mandelker, who also creates the cartoon to Real Housewares of Kitchen Island. Hi, Ben. Hey, what's going on? Not much, baby. How you doing? Oh, man, I am just, I'm thrilled.

I love below deck meds, so I'm on a below deck med high. Well, everybody, guess what kind of high I'm on? I'm on the high, high. High? It's about to be July Hi, hi July and we're gonna go to such fun places. We have a three-show street coming up in July So listen up if you are in Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania That was all that sorry or Baltimore, Maryland get ready. We are coming to July 25th 26 and 27th Go get your tickets at watchupcraftfans.com.

Those are our big shows in July. Then after that, this is just going to be a quick list. Okay, we're going to Charlotte, Nashville, Carbaro, Richmond, Fort Lauderdale, Indianapolis, Chicago for two shows, New York for two shows, St. Louis, Philadelphia for two shows, and Seattle, Washington. And that is going to round out our 2019 for the most part. So go over to watch at crappens.com to get your tickets. That's also where you'll find merch links. We've got three shirts that will just be up for the next week or two. There's a team LVP shirt, a door, a window, and a Montana Madison shirt over there.

It's also where you'll find our bonus emphasis. We've got a two-parter big brother cast preview this week and it's where you'll find hangouts which we're gonna do and our crap and on demand videos if you want to recap so week on video. That's where you're gonna find all of that stuff. So go over to patreon.com slash watch what crap and say now on to below deck. I just want to say, I just must say really quickly also that we have a new Discord channel up or our server and it's super fun, really encourage people

to come join that. That's a Patreon exclusive. And if you come now, you get to see me work my way emotionally through the process of getting a new car. So yeah, go do that. Okay, so below deck maaaavd. Below deck, man. My friend, Dr. Jennifer Birmingham.

Back on the boat. So we're back with the vagina tickler, Mr. Dr. Jennifer Birmingham, neuroscientist, and vagina tickler. Yeah, I really enjoy it. How previously on below deck, man, med we see Hannah go there cannot be one mistake and just cuts to Milla and you're like oh Milla with those cans of crab no many many mistakes over and over again. I know you're just saying I was really curious about happy comes that so I got my finger on me boom! She'll be receiving a Nobel Prize in Science.

And now Nobel Prize for investigative discovery of colon features, Asia, the Gaysha, Wulf Laysha. With food all over her face. Oh my god, this show. So we open with the, we open with where we left off in a mass last week with Miele just making another terrible just embarrassing meal just terrible. And that dry faced old, that dry, I don't want to say old because I mean she's probably my age, but like that dry face lady who like changed books, March Simpson's sister.

Let's just say March Simpson's sister. She's not smoking. She's like that was disgusting. Let me get in that kitchen and cut something, please! Yeah, that lady, she's like an off-brand Meredith Baxter-Bernie. She is so lucky that Milla is a disaster because if Milla weren't a disaster, I guarantee all the attention would be onto her

and what a piece of work that woman is. I feel like she's every unwattered plant in New Jersey. I feel like she not only reminds me of a fern, her name should be fern, you know? Fern. Yeah. So Captain's like, I wait Hannah, today we failed in the food sets. What are we gonna do? And Hannah's like, hey, how can we fix it tomorrow? So give him a hardy breakfast listen if someone can't cook they can't cook throw her over board

Okay, let's just make this piece of band-aise throw her over board. Yeah, I mean if she can't cook a hardy breakfast is not gonna help That's just gonna be instead of just getting served shit. You're gonna get served hardy shit, which is probably worse You know yeah, so Jack and Travis are hanging out in the galley and they're talking to me and talking about how You know Anastasia was brought in to help me learn the galley et cetera and Travis's Travis is like You know, I feel pretty bad for her, but it's also her undoing if she can't cook for all y'all then she's got balls of fucking steel from being wanting to be able to do that Yeah, it's mental really Every time they show a close-up of me, but I just see a mega hat It's not weird because they're all wearing uniform hats like everyone's wearing red

shirts and red hats, so why is it only on her that it looks like a giant mega hat? Sorry, I don't know. I get Sorry. Oh no. It's good political. Sorry, but that's all I can see every time they can show her. Well, I guess maybe that Russian element helps. So. Make America gulash again. That's all that Ronnie was saying. He wasn't being political.

Can I tell you, I watched two episodes of Chernobyl last night before I went to sleep, and I had Chernobyl dreams. And I was really stressful and Then to like then segue into Milla. I mean, I'm just I'm just Russian atrocities This is what my life has been for the past 24 hours and honestly. I don't know what's worse watching that guy with a like a melted face on a hospital bed on Chernobyl or Milla's food Similar very similar both radioactive I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. people doing boring things. Please make your mess clean it up and let's move on. I don't need an hour mini series about it for Chris' sake. That being said, I can totally imagine Emily Watson walking around like a little note pad, questioning people

about Miele's food. So when you ate this, did you press the emergency stop button? But you still ate it. How is that possible? That's impossible. I'd fan the truth. I like the net of a Russian accent too. Because it's a BBC. Yeah, they're like Irish and Scottish. They're like, it's like every facet of the British Empire. Except Russian, which is not probably the British Empire, but there's like that. The coal miner dude is like,

Oh, tougher than morning to ya, I'm a miner. It's hot in there. I'm gonna be naked. We need a fanman. I'm telling you that right now I'm gonna I'm gonna my naked just the way my grandaddy did Yeah, the cast of the cast of my fair lady, you know pretends they got newt. It's like down Abby like solving radiation problems Happens this radiation. Yeah, take that snottie TV watchers that shows boring. I find it to be fascinating because I'm really not finding boring, and it wouldn't take you so long to watch it if you found it fascinating. Although one thing I will say, you know what, you know what I can't stand? That lady with a blonde perm, who's like, hey, let me go touch some radioactive people. That won't be a problem, even though I have a baby. It's like, lady, lady, what are you doing?

Yet, I give you a big, yet, right now. Yeah, that lady was the problem for me. That's like me, Les Mom right there. I would have a radioactive baby who shall cook Terrible food. Yeah, she had eating Falcos hair from the OJ No, Menendos brothers. Oh the Menendos brothers thing. Yeah, and she goes it she goes in and she's like the nurse like Okay, you got 30 minutes and she's there for like six days and the nurse is like wait you've been here all this time That's on you nurse. That's on you, nurse.

That's on you. Yeah. Totally. That says annoying. It's like, hey, I'm gonna go into a preschool and wonder why I got a cold. You know, it's like that kind of thing. You know what's annoying?

You know what's annoying? A chef who can't cook beef. Okay, a chef who cuts her fancy steaks to be half an edge. That's what's annoying It is that delusion, you know, it's that same delusion where if you just keep saying nothing's happening Everything's great. Everything's going perfect like somehow that'll save your job. No, I mean that is basically what meal is doing People's skin is falling off Yeah, that's basically a meal is doing they're like um, yeah, so they didn't really like it

But they eat it right. It's like oh well the radio activities only at 3.6 So like not a problem not a problem here. I put some graphite into your food enjoy Let's see asha is talking to Jack Yeah, cuz all the crew has to help with dinner and stuff, right? So Jack is helping put away plates and she's like, Jay, that's obviously not hi, guys, Jay! He's like, what's your name? Hey, is it supposed to go in there? And she's like, well, when you put away plates,

you're supposed to put them on top of other plates that are the same size. I'm surprised Jack didn't say something like, I love when she talks about plates, the real turn on, I love a turn, I love a plate talk, he seems to get turned on by everything, it's like, oh yeah, the wenchie, when she puts me in my place, I really locked that a lot, it's so hot. Both of the ladies, they're okay, yes. I saw a clean net fork off the table and I almost came myself.

The way she closes was blinds. Oh, I love a lady who can close a blind. So, yeah, she's like, Here's the one of Emma's closest hair. But I'm not gonna be the god cuz I found the embed without wound. I barely understood anything you said, which is an exactly perfect impersonation of Asia. Congratulations. So meanwhile, Anna stages downstairs

and she's face-timing with her mom and mom's like, oh, Anna's deja. She's like, mom, guess what? I made a perfect dinner her and all the bluebirds came out to see to help me do it and it just was like amazing and then me and joined she's like hi you want to say hi to my mom you want to say hi to my mom and then they'll start talking Russian together yes like you have such a good daughter stupid stupid bitch bitch Russian Russian bitch bitch you wait a

little boy wait a second I know a little Russian yeah I know that Russian wasn't being well she wasn't being nice in Russian I can tell and I say she calls her mother calls her mother as much as Colin calls his mother I know Anastasia does is call her mom no no like they're alone okay she already raised you let her have a little time for herself okay you, you're an adult. We have very Things we have very supportive parents on this show you know in past seasons It's all been about the X's the you know the phone call with the X's was like why aren't you calling me? I thought you're gonna call me then call me and then it's like and then hang you up

But this season it's all about oh Did you wear the apron? I love it when you wear an apron. Mama made beef car patios. She's like, Oh! Italian staple. They must have loved that. So meanwhile, down in like the underworld, Joao is like lying in bed. He's like, oh, guess what? Brooke texted me and she said, good luck. Hey, mixed messages A, are you kidding me?

Oh, I'm serious. Can you believe that she said, Good luck to me? What is that supposed to mean? I'm so upset with her. Back in Zimbabwe, one would send an emoji only, but she actually says, Good luck. I don't know if I appreciate that. It can't be like,

God bless me. It wasn't the brother. You texted her first, you know. He was probably like, I'm so nervous. I've so much to do here on the bay. I just want to impress captain Sandy wish you were here Which you didn't leave me and she probably just texted back like GL. Yeah By the way, uh, Dorao So what are you telling us that it doesn't feel so good to have someone playing games with you during a like a romantic Interlude is that what you're trying to say? Because last time I remember, last season, I watched you do it the entire season, okay?

And another thing, I was gonna reserve this for later in the recap, but I'll just say it now. I'm sick of this whole joow thing, I don't buy it. This like, love, oh, she cheated on me, and oh, I was really in love. You are the one who spent an entire season playing fucking mind games with her and Casey growing back and forth playing them against each other Floating with each one and when one would like knocking you to the other one play them against each other and Guess what you guys get together and you're surprised that there's a bad foundation on this relationship Especially when she goes and watches the entire season season and sees what a fucker you are And it's like you know what fuck this guy guy I deserve better and you're gonna play the victim

It does not work that way for me. Draw. It does not yeah, you are not the victim sir Okay, so let's just drop this is this is the typical every guy in bravo this year and the chick from southern charm New Orleans Tamika are on this like oh, we've totally changed. We've totally changed you have not changed once you're a horrible person You're always a horrible person you can learn to act a little bit better at dinner, but for the most part you're still gonna fuck people over You've just learned to get away with it better. I Listen, I actually think horrible people can change But this to me is not evidence of changing this to me is like he's trying to play the game on us that he was playing on the girls Last season, okay, and I'm on to it

Well guess who's helping him? Miss Captain Sandy's like, look at how much he's changed. Shut up. Get back on your banana. I'm not buying this from my other one. I feel like you're trying to ruin this entire show, and I'm not falling for an okay. I have no idea what you're saying.

I'm having mine. Sandy, I'd listen, someone gives Sandy some toast because she's out of her mind right now. So, now I'll ask the next next morning and Mela is super motivated. She's like, okay, I've made seven out of seven turbo meals, but now I'm really going to press Captain Sandy and show her that I don't need any help in the galley. Yeah, I could look for that.

Yeah. So, uh, Aisha goes to take breakfast order. So she's like, we're having a big, cool man. We didn't even like anything special you mean? Alright, here's what I want. I want two eggs, so very easy. Then I want two other eggs, scrambled, then I want pancakes.

Then that lady wants some two eggs, done a completely different way, because we're gonna really trick ya, by saying eggs in lots of different ways. Go on, honey! So, Aisha brings out a plate of bacon and sausage, and the guest's like, is that cooked? I don't want it, it looks weird.

I was like, okay, Milla is like a piece of shit, but they were fine. The sausages and bacon were fine. Like give Milla the one-starts-to-cutts. Yeah. They're supposed to be cut. So you mad that they're cooked or that they're not cooked because they're obviously cooked. You do know. Yeah. I was like, listen, let me let me have one stupid win. Let her have a win over the easily easily cooked food. Oh wait. Did I say that? Because guess what? Now it's time to make pancakes. Oh god. Well, also this group, okay?

Yeah, I get it you guys, you're a vagina's work. Congratulations on having working vaginas, you know? I wish I could go to a party store and get you some fucking ribbons that say my vagina works, I'm so proud of you. Do I have to hear about it every five minutes, okay? This lady is like, oh, I really like eating pineapple because it's good for your vagina. Oh, yeah

My guys guess what open the newspaper. There's a lot going on outside the world of your vagina What do you want them to talk about current events? Last thing I want to hear is this group weighing in on the perilous Chernobyl Maybe if they had pineapples in Chernobyl, there wouldn't have been this incident. By the way, everybody, I'm cutting down on smoking. I'm trying to quit. I don't want to say quitting smoking because when you say you quit, then people see me smoke and they're like, oh, that ain't quit smoking. So I don't want to say quit, but I'm cutting down. I haven't had a cigarette today and I'm seriously about to punch my fucking computer. No, I love it

I'm having sympathy withdrawal Actually, I think it's just cuz I'm like attempting to Do Keto which is pretty my brain. I'm putting smoking and intermittent fasting I don't know why we're doing this to each other But I know her to ourselves with each other, but I feel like we're both trying to meet each other to the boot of the stack No, I'm doing it now because we actually have some time off before we have to travel again. So like, finally a window where I could like,

try to do a diet or something, you know? I don't even know why I'm doing it. Jesus. I don't know. All I know is though, I did have a soft shell crab yesterday, everyone. Yes, there was a keto apparition. I apologize to the keto gods.

I have fallen out of ketosis, and I'm now in a three day reset period. And the fact that I'm saying these words is the worst. Yeah, I know, I hate us right now. Okay, I just had to explain my rage because I'm like, I'm not me too. I'm browsing over the top for no reason. Like, I'm adding a lady eating pineapple

to more of a giant oval taste. Your rage is not frothing for no reason. Your rage is totally entitled. I mean, so many awful things have happened in this episode already and we're only in about the minute 30 in you know Well as long as we got Chernobyl talk in there So then asha comes to get to food and she's like The very simple thing the very simple breakfast item that everyone in really the world can do?

Did you remember to do that? So then she brings up the food and they're like, ah where's the pancakes? I'm just like, we're doing a buffet pancakes. I'm about to miss some menu pancakes. You're not gonna know what to do with them. Like, little thought you would mean that no one with poo comes from. There is so many pancakes, you're gonna be able to stick like six of them up your mumhole. I know this because I know the exact capacity of my colon and rectum air.

So, Mela is downstairs struggling with her pancakes. She's like they're all crazy and weird abstract shapes that look like SpongeBob's friend, you know, what's the name of that guy? You know the pink one that guy They all look like that except if you got run over that what? I'm too old for that shit. I ain't watch a sponge. You know, his name is like Roger or something. Anyway, so they all look like crazy. They're like trapezoids and all this weird stuff and she keeps having to throw them out and it's like bitch. How are you not able to make pancakes? I mean, what is it?

It's like flour, baking soda, and milk and eggs and sugar and salt. You just do some sort of proportion of that and she just like one after the other and it's like 23 minutes later, she's still struggling with the pancakes and it's like 34 minutes and then it just cuts to Aisha going, freaking pancakes, how can they do? I'm gonna cut stew, I guess, going, my jaw is locking, I need to eat. I'm like, your jaw's not not locking shut up over there didn't

you know that's fine apple on the table you did not step on a rusty nail and get tetanus okay relax my jaw is locked my jaw is locked that doesn't make no one says that when you're hungry special pancake diet you can't have any free or cereal or croissants or any meats that were sent out and now look I'm so mad at this lady I lady, I'm not even sticking up for me, okay? But let's not act like we're starving children over their lady, right? I would be very angry, because I'd be like,

it's been 30 minutes for fucking pancakes. You know, I'd be angry. But yeah, the jaw-locking thing, like use the right metaphor, girl, use the right metaphor. Say you're gonna faint. That's good, that works. No, even that.

But check your privilege, how about that? Yeah, have a sausage. Have I ate your sausage and file a complaint? I have a croissant. Proper authorities. Yeah. We would reject your complaints. OK, we are equal opportunity annoyed right now.

OK, we'll be annoyed at Miele, but we're also going to be annoyed at these guests, because they've gotten off scot-free for a whole episode. You don't always have to choose sides. You can't hate everybody, guys. OK, welcome hugs. Yes, it's called below deck. OK, that's what this franchise is all about. You don't always have to choose sides. There is, you can't hate everybody guys. Welcome hugs. Yes, it's called below deck.

Okay, that's what this franchise is all about. So Hannah, Hannah, um, comes into the gallery because it's been about four hours. It's the pancake and never started. And she's like, um, honey, how are we making these pancakes? And meal is like, oh, special pancake batter. And she holds up the box of anchmyma pancake mix. Just so you don't tell me I don't bake, I use these American batters that everybody fucking

uses. So she's basically doing this like passive aggressive, oh well since Americans like it this way probably a reference to the grilled cheese when anesthesia said that Americans know how to make grilled cheese so she's probably like well this is how Americans like their pancakes oh this is how I'm gonna make the pancakes that's like why it's not a problem with her food it's just how Americans choose to eat yeah yeah but like also shouldn't the pancake batter make it even easier why is it harder with a bad pre-made batter there's

like literally instructions for you you you add water and an egg. I mean, come on now. She's such a liar and she's blaming, she's even blaming the, she's even blaming Aunt Jemima. Okay. Like she's telling Aisha before Hannah comes in. She's like, oh look, even in the pan, even in the pan is not coming out right. I'm like, oh yeah, it's a pan. Where else would she be cooking yet? Yeah, even in a round of pan it won't come out Round even in the blender is not coming out right? So Hannah is just completely over it now, you know, so she's like well a shift that can't make pancake batter It's a bit of a fucking problem, honey and me looks like oh Okay, I know

It's insane. Well, how about you cook that? Okay, I love okay Technically she said oh honey this is her first official honey the season She goes oh honey you already go my day So then so me I was like oh there's so much hatred in your face. Just, no. There's frustration and anger, because I'm saving this for this shit. So you don't need to come at me right now for anything, okay? Hanna! Ha ha ha ha ha. So she's like, may you bring an ancient mama into this?

Leave ancient mama out of it. Bet that, honey. So she brings up these pancakes and the guy goes, these eight pancakes, Harry, come on! And the captain's like, they're dollar pancakes. Could you imagine Wagen hour and you get three shitty silver dollar pancakes? I mean, also, by the way, if you're going to use a mix,

I endorse crusties. I don't know if you've ever used it, but my friend once made some from there. And once you have crusties, I don't know if you've ever used it, but my friend once made some from there and once you have crusties, there's no turning back Listen once you google how to make pancakes it tells you what to put in there It's flour some eggs some sugar and some baking soda whatever the hell yeah And if you are on like a yacht with a fully-starred kitchen You should be making like either buttermilk pancakes or sour cream pancakes or cream cheese pancakes

like there are options to make some good hearty delicious pancakes out there okay it's called Google and a garden alright actually Allison Roman and Allison Roman in the cookbook dining in has a fantastic pancake recipe and I highly recommend it well thank you Allison Roman thank you, Allison Roman. Thank you for the hard work. Contains zero percent graphite. Thank you for your nuclear pancakes. By the way, for real, I was also wondering while I was watching this, you know, me list Russian, Russia is home of the Bellini. How is she not able to like make, like, some approximation of a Bollini? I know later she makes a Russian, a Russian pancake, but like, make a Bollini bitch. Make a Bollini bitch. It's true. Make a Bollini.

We're moving beyond these fucking pancakes, okay? Because I can't. Now I'm getting hungry for pancakes. I'm really trying to make an effort to change my life here, alright? Mila! Okay, so the captain's like, Alright, you know what? I got a great idea.

I'm taking every guest and their magical vaginas to have lunch on the shore, alright? And they're like, oh my god, great idea! My jaw's locking them, dying of water! So she makes the smartest move she can, right? Yes, that's what I wrote down, smart. Yes, she's found in Applebee's and she's taking them to it. And they all love it.

And I'll see, I would too. So then she, then Sam, Captain Sandy goes up to Jack, whose hair is still like a giant mess. She's like, alright, okay, you need to do something to your hair. I don't want to see it again. It's like going out over and over again, looking for the banana and all you get is an apple. Okay, it's just not what I want to see. God, I don't love that banana head. I just don't love it.

Change that. So yeah, she's like, he got to do something with that. And he's like, wait, what what would you like me to do? they lay they lay they lay the captain lady would you like me to put it down so yeah got it do some and then he leaves and she's like chow you know you got to have a talk with them I'm friendly I'm kind but now I'm getting pissed I'd like that this is like the hardest challenge for Jack to like wrap his head around it's like literally just tie it up in the back.

You know, why do you have to keep on telling you? It's so simple. And I love the Captain Sandy's like, this year I'm a real badass. I'm not going to be friends with anybody. I'm going to tell them what sweat. Alright, this is the 19th time I've drawn you. This is got a great attitude. I love you, Jackson's great. You have a good work ethic sometimes.

Gotta put the hair up. Yeah, told him to put him in his place right there. So then Hannah's calling Aisha on her radio. She's like, Aisha, Aisha? What's up, Tika-nai-han-ai? And Aisha's like, Well, I'm justa-ing-wapping-me. Mmm, not supposed to talk like that anymore. I'm in the bathroom, I'm with my thumb,

praying in a bath. This one doing. It's my colon. It's in my colon. Colors like to somebody call. No, curling, not candy. Gosh, I don't get along with anybody on this, ma'am. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap-ins commercial. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident

not-so-expert-expert. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job

in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Oh. Why is Colin acting like this is the first boat he's ever been on? You had a whole season, you made it last time. I feel like everywhere Colin goes, it's like his first day at Summer Camp.

Oh, sometimes I've come to Target and I have a great time. But this Target, they're just like my kind of toys in the aisle. I just didn't like it as much. Hey, mama, I'm calling and they have Trump a can of but they don't have simply orange in it. I don't know. Can you come get me? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Mom, they're giving me a little trouble by in these tampons. Put them on the side, honey. I just want, I don't, I don't even need those anymore. I just wanted Colin to prove to everyone that he loves his mommy enough To go through the oil with those love you call me mom I don't know where the Nate Berkis collection is

25% off at all time it's not there mom. I'm swear it's not there It's not there mom. I'm swear it's not there Mom some targets. I feel really comfortable in but this one I couldn't find the doggy cookie jar shaped like an actual French bulldog Mom, I thought I was in target, but I'm in city target. What do I do? I Think Colin is just very sickly and that's why he's very close to his mom because in his like diary room sessions He looks kind of like He kind of looks like a mime, you know like his makeup so white and his eyes look teary I just worry that he's ill. I feel like he would love mime

I feel like if you enroll him in mime school, he comes out a pro. He's going down that escalator all day long If you enroll him in my school, he comes out a pro. He's going down that escalator all day long. Yeah, but I just mean like the color of your face should look like that, naturally. I just feel like he's sickly. And like he was saying how he's allergic to everything. So Colin, here's what I'm going to do. Is your new ante-ronning, OK?

I'm going to put you in a room. I'm going to throw a weed at your face. Then I'm going to throw a glue in at your face. Then I'm going to throw some dust at your face. Does anything people are allergic to you know dairy Medicine aspirin gonna throw those at your face. It's just like you know tough new up a little bit I feel like he doesn't look sickly, but I do feel like he was just like just very recently embarrassed by something You know at all times.

Yeah. So, uh, meanwhile, uh, Hannah announces that she's gotten over her anxiety because she's not going to worry about things she can't control, which I think is isn't that like a step in in the program? Like, yeah, yeah. Okay, congratulations on not being an alcoholic today. Like, I don't know what you're trying to tell us. But okay.

And then, basically Sandy is gonna put Anastasia and she wants Anastasia to cook dinners. Like this one last shot to make a difference. You got one shot, it's basically Anastasia's eight mile moment. So she's gonna be doing that. Milla is Hamilton. Okay. I'm not gonna lose this shot. No, I'm not gonna lose these shots. No, oh you shot me. No, but I'm not dead and I'm not dead

I'm a ghost now, but I'm not dead. No, no, I'm not And so anti stage is like well, this is awkward because I'm the third student charge of a gallery and but you know to be honest from what I've seen I'm a better chef than she is. I was I've seen I'm a better chef than she is I was like babe I'm a better chef than I mean Bueller is a better chef than she is you know yeah I mean I think really really pretty much anyone is I mean the the lady heating up the sausages at Costco for the samples is a better chef than Miele my papa did that for a while man you know that guy had a lot of different jobs in his life. He was like, he owned a gas station and a car wash. And like, he had like a food stand in Curveville, Texas

a long time ago. But man, nothing made him prouder than handing out weenie samples at fucking Costco. He's like, man. I've met so many friendly, wonderful people, Rhondle. I mean, you're holding meat. People think our crap and live shows are like Can get pretty insane

It's not as insane as one of the new batch of like complimentary sausage bites come out of the Costco sample thing And everyone just flux right on in yeah, they sure love those so What an odd plug for a live show by the way I Wasn't the plug. Yeah, I was just comparing the experience and several of our listeners have now the film of reference. It also feels like getting free meat at Costco. Watch what, crap is live, available now.

Watch what crap is live. In bulk. So meanwhile, Dr. Jen is now on the jet ski with Jack. And of course, Jack is just so horny because he hasn't had sex in about three hours. So he's like, oh, I'd be willing to risk my life to bang Dr. Jean. Never mind me job. Yes, I just bang a rut on the jet ski.

Just send her off in the waves afterwards, would be so worth it. Check luck, it's a pineapple of the sea. So the gas yeah. Starfish. And Jenna Jen's like like he smells like sunscreen. I was like oh god to him. That's like an invitation You know like Michael of old night long So a very obvious observation like oh my god. This he smells like water. Well look at that guy. He's got long hair He's he smells like he has shampooed in the last last three days. Me love me

love the bridge. Me love the bridge. Me love the bridge. Me love the bridge. Watch yourself it's a little rocky up here. Me love the bridge. Me love hey here's where I am is captain. God you're pretty. Love your hair. Love your attitude. I think your red hat looks great on ya. I love the way that you put all your dinner on plates Yeah, something so good for you love you are great on 902. I know I love doing 902. No and in charmed wonderful work there But I think you're overwhelmed. Okay, so this dinner. I'm gonna have the third stew to it because she's probably better than a train chef I read have fun have a good day and mean it's like no but I want to cook. No. No, no, that's not gonna happen. I'm not ruining my pipeline to free Dildos for the rest of my life so you

couldn't make another piece of bad meat. She was like yes or dead. They were happy with dinner, right? I gave iodine pills so no radiation poisoning. No no. They didn't like it. But they said the stakes had no flavor. They weren't seared. But they ate them. No. They're starving did that okay. They haven't eaten it. Salty with the laxja. She was trying to crush up her friends armed to drink it through a straw. Okay that's how hungry they are right now So she's like well, it does strike my ego, but I'm not quick sir. I'm like yeah, you don't have to be a quitter because you're gonna be fired bitch real soon I love watching terrible people sob Yeah, it's like one of my favorite TV traditions So we get to see her sob in the bathroom and I'm like, oh well you're a horrible human being okay?

Dying fire. Okay, so then the dry lady's like I hate to be a bitch, but I couldn't eat that food Well no one was asking you okay Yelp Yelp.com madame So Hannah's asking she's trying to plan out the dinner with Anastasia And they decided on Italian and Milla comes in with their when Anastasia's you know blog about what she's gonna make and Milla comes in She's like, I know if you don't want to discuss with me, you can do it yourself And she's like, um, that's not my job to discuss it with you. I have to bring every single juice Everything single thing you send the update back here, huh? I and now I'm so mad that I've got pirate eye, huh?

I alright. We're only one of my odds is close to get it to all I'm Yeah, I'm gonna say oh Your service your service is so perfect best she's true. I've ever seen in my life Well, the guests are fond with the service and not with the food And the conversation which by way me less started this right and And I was like well the end don't talk to me honey oh well they see it to my face and it's like I am literally saying it to your face right now okay do you not see my bulging honey eyes right now a mistake needs to cook because you feed a shit there boom and the music's like boom

it was pretty good and the meal elapsed like she just won a point So now a duos with Jack and he's like all right Jack in Zimbabwe We're gonna have what we call a heart conversation First of all my heart is broken right now second of all You need to put your hair back jacksick, but I can't be doing it every day Put my hair back that takes three seconds. Do you know how hard it is? What is that supposed to mean? I'm supposed to brush it every day, huh? What am I supposed to brush it? He's like, yeah, you've got to brush it. He's like, no! Brush it! He's like, I need it to be clean and slick. I'm not having it slick. I'm not having it slick at all.

You got to be cracking on me right now. having a slick, I'm not having a slick at all. You got to be cracking on me right now. So then Milla, they just so eat Milla outside looking for food like God knows where. I don't even know where she's in like a closet. She's in like the hole. I don't know where she is. So Anna Seaches like okay I'm trying and no one knows where the chef is and Milla's like well I'm being tolerant with Anna Stasha but you know she's in my jacket and my galley But I have limits of how much I can take Yeah, and so too the people eating her food so Anna Stasia is like I'm I'm used to being third student being like Like what are we doing today? Like tell me what to do?

But now I've got to come up this menu and I'm just afraid it'll be too perfect Yeah, and so Colin goes to Colin's mom Okay, mom, yeah, I'm just not sure if this is the right target for me Well, golly just make sure no matter how much your environment's changed, my callie says the same! Hey, golly! Did you see they got self-check out now? You should try it. It's a little confusing, but be patient. Take your time. Remember what they say. A stitching time saves, golly. You know what they say if a robot can take your job. You didn't deserve your job in the first place. Love you, Collie

Don't forget what they said about the tortoise in the hair a tortoise can have a grow hair that's the lesson And then Collin this is why I love Collin, okay, cuz he said shit like this in the fairy world I think I should like this. In the fairy world? You couldn't follow that up with anything, anything, and I don't even think of it. He was like, but in the fairy world, you go home when you work and then you go home to see your friends and mommy and in yachting, I don't even know what's happening

here. I saw someone's butt and their weiner. I like what he goes, oh, in the fairy world, after you do, you know, 8 to 10 hours of work, and you go home to hang out with your friends, and they just show a picture of Colin with his parents. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, fine, here comes Chernobyl. So, wait, what a competition. So there's like, oh, well, Kylie, it's so good to hear your voice. Bye, Kylie. Bye, just kidding. I'm right here still.

Look out, you two. I'm right here, Goli. This is how a little, little dinghy. So then, let's see. So Anna stays as, you know, taking charge in the kitchen. She's like Tyler wash those dishes perfectly I insistent are done perfectly as I do everything take out that trash don't get mad get glad and get Perfectly And me and meanwhile the guests are out on they're on land they're having they're just having great time

They're just so happy to have edible food so they're they're living life and They're having great time. They're just so happy to have edible food. So they're living life. And Anastasia puts Milla in charge of the salad. And Milla's like, I feel like throwing up. It's like watching two gay people living their life. So then Joao's cleaning his shower and he's like, oh, I hope that's conditioner on the floor.

And I was like, you never know with this group. So then Anastasia is talking about how she's conditioner on the floor. You never know with this group. So then Anna Stasia is talking about how she's making these amazing recipes. She's using her mom's recipe for meatballs, even though they're not technically Italian. She's like, they're Georgian balls. And me that's like, yeah, I'm gonna throw up. So then Hannah and Joao are in the galley talking. And he's trying to, he's like, the camera's holding me. So I'm gonna do a depressed scene so I can give him all

puse say next time I visit New York City for the reunion. Mm-hmm, seriously. He's like, oh, I'm so stupid, man. I was like, you are. And you stop acting like your relationship was for like 20 years and you were getting married to this woman, okay? You were complete precter her for the entire time she was on the boat and you dated for like a month, okay? Letting someone else come to Zim on their own dime, which you know she paid

for her own damn ticket to go to the family. Yes. Yes, exactly. And I don't want to hear this thing about like, you know when I get close to someone, you know I have a heart to open it up and so when I get close to someone, I open up them and I really open up and I swear to me to open up, I'm like, well that's on you, okay, that's not on on Brooke Okay, you got to work on your emotional availability Yeah, don't make me feel bad because you open up I finally opened up Yeah, you're just hiding your horrible personality until like someone you find someone to take it and don't and here's the thing You know that like when he's like oh, but I kept in and I texted back you know, he likes Center of dick pic Okay, so he's making it sound nice. Okay, we are're on to Jowel. Yeah, we're on to you.

So then Anastasia's like, well, perfect. Okay, so then we go to Anastasia and Meela and the kitchen. I'm like, why did I write that down? I've written down like literally 20 pages of stupid notes as usual. So Anastasia's like, could you taste this, Meela, and make sure it has enough salt? And she's like, of course I can eat raw meat. I'm from Siberia! Which explains that the meatlicking from the first episode.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, listen, I, I really enjoy like a beef tartar, et cetera, but like, beef tartar are supposed to be with like the finest, like, freshest beef, right? Because it's raw beef. But I feel like the meat you're using to make meatballs, it's not the same. You don't just like like supermarket beef. I'm not really, I love Anastasia.

I'm glad she stepped up to the plate. And I don't want to judge her like one of the real chefs who was hired to be like a classy chef. Right. Yeah. No. Okay, no. Okay, let's just start with now first. Well, from the false and she's making beef carpaccio again. Like, you just made that yesterday.

Yeah, she did a citrus carpaccio. Yeah, I was a little surprised by the carpaccio move because I'm like, this group, they don't want their world. Like, give them just hit, do something. There's nobody wants carpaccio tonight, it's in a row. It seems weird. but then again, she's stepping up to the plate. So you know,

uh, she's eating, she's eating some of her meatballs, but she's vegan, so she's like eating them and spinning them back out. And I'm like, hmm, that's even more of a waste of it now. You know, I'm not sure where I'm falling on this episode there. I said it. Yeah.

Um, you know, I, I supported it. I feel like I feel like the food is moving in the right direction. So I'm okay with it. Yeah, so she drives her food She's like, you know, I'm vegan by still trying my own food, which is like just like everything she does It's just like perfect. So then and then we get a shot of Colin getting stuck in a shirt Did you see that? Yes, he's like I found the hole. I'm okay. I don't even belong in my shirt anymore. I mean the stairs they should deliver some margarita and the lady's like you

make a spectacular margarita she goes it was like 15 whales surface it surface in the Mediterranean would be like did someone call my name? I know, they're like, whales are doing BuzzFeed Berkeley seats around the bar. What the hell? Like all the seagulls arrive. So then the downstairs, the deck hands have like

stumbled upon Travis's Tinder account. I guess because he left it open or something. So they're just like, crack and joke's about and he's like, I don't really want to date. I think I want to be alone because on Travis, I don't know, it's not that interesting. He was talking too fast for me to write down every single thing he said.

But he's like, if you don't have fun, you die young, my little A cup tit stranger danger. I was like, what? What is that? And then Collins was like, well, how many matches do you get with that kind of bio? And he's like 17 a year and they all crack up. Tyler's like, well, what's your, what's your stranger danger word?

Colin. He's like, what's that? He's like, well, when you feel I'm safe, what do you say? And he goes, well, I was always taught to say snuffle up against. And then I said, Mom, I'm 19. Like, and what about your, what about your Tinder profile, con? Oh, well, I'm actually not on Tinder, but I'm on something called Tinder, which is for Tinder boys. So I want something called fairy. In the fairy world, we don't have an app.

Ferry's only. In the fairy world your mom tells you you're going to dinner with me. Seriously, her! In the fairy world you send the girl that you like a little note saying, I'd like you and then you never talk to her again. So the crew mass, they're having dinner in the crew mass, I guess. At a station, they serve some a big bowl of zoodles. Well, they're not zucchini noodles. They're like dinner at the crew mass, I guess. They had a station just serve some, a big bowl of, uh, zoodles. Well, they're not zucchini noodles. They're like their sweet potatoes.

She's like, she's like, have fun. It's vegan. She's like, vegan and Jack is like, what's that? I don't know what veganism is, but I'm turned on by it. When she serves me food without meat, man, that's so hot. Wouldn't be the first rough noodle I stuck it in. Give you the day. So, uh, then Joao is like up with Sandi and he's like, well, Sandi, I just had a good cry in the shower.

Or as we call it in Zim, showering. Get it? Yeah, he needs to drop this shit. And she's like, oh god, good for you, Crane in the- let me tell you something. You're a good person and you did nothing wrong Sandy, do you have a DVR? Do people send you these episodes? You did nothing wrong nothing except toy with Brooks emotions for a whole charter and Undermind any real chance to have a solid foundation for your relationship

You know what you got to feel it. You gotta have your cry because guess what that is? That's healing. You know what you need? A nap and a hearty breakfast. That's what you need. Alright, I want you to take it out and when you're dreaming, I want you to dream of a banana floating up to you. And your friends on it, your friends name is Captain Sandy and you say hi Captain because you would never call her Sandy because you're not disrespectful like that And then you let Captain Sandy give you the longest hug of your life and then 20 minutes later boom you're awake again Not ha ha, nap hugs

Let's toast to that as in let's get some toast together Banana nap hugs all right now get on your Mary way there Mary But man, I'm that pugs. Alright, now. Get on your merry way there, Mary. Andrew, I was like, I'm so privileged to be working with Captain Sandigan. She reminds me of my mum. Ah. Life.

Ah. Like. I hope that she doesn't ruin me after I have opened up to her about crying in the shower. And by crying, of course, I meant masturbating. That's how to be called in Zimb some bad way I was crying the other day So the good cry stage is like we're doing this put some candles on the table. Let's do that perfectly and then Basically, they're splitting up work because Hannah has to keep she has to make Aisha go down to do the

The room the cabins because the boys suck at it And she's like yeah, it would be better for her to stay there And they cuz it takes longer with you boys always the case with you boys except when it comes to fucking But I don't hurry so then Alhana is that what she does after she does a joke? Oh, ho-na. Oh, ho-na-ing. Duh-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du- aware and when they when Anastasia finds out that Sandy is gonna be another seat at dinner. She's like, um, I Can't do anything about her dietary requirements because I've already cooked everything. I was like wow so much for like oh No, I'm third-sew and I'm used to being it told like what to do and now I've got go with the menu Like I'm sorry. I've already cooked everything so show you what she gets. Yes. You turned into a diva really quick once you have that power, you know

Yes, you turned into a diva really quick once you have that power, you know? I like it. Yeah, and so they're eating dinner and Milla is trying to tell Anna Stace I had to do a beef carpacio. She's like beef. It's supposed to be flat I'm just like no, it's not we're doing it different. I mean normally it is flat like it's a big flat thing But like who the fuck cares? Let her make an architectural moment Who the fuck cares? Let her make an architectural moment. Yeah,'t talk. Eee. So it's like this formal dinner and Anastasia's put foam on her carpacho. But the timing's off, so the foam is dying. Guess what else is dead?

Foam. Yeah. It was dead. Stop using foam, everybody. Stop. This like Marcel from Top Chef, too. Yes, enough with the fucking, I was like 20,000 seasons ago.

It's dropped the foam. Can't. Side note, side note, side note. I appreciate a foam. I'll say it. I like a foam. Well, there you go. There you go, guys.

Just a moment of foam. He said she said. Well, foam can still be over and I can still like it, you know Yeah, it's like truffle oil. I like it. I Don't care if Dina cow and comes on. Yeah, but let me tell don't let my Jell I hear that yeah I don't care if Padma decides to have a pithy challenge pithy quick viruses Shes we love talking about things that are over like kale and Yes, we love talking about things that are over like kale and foam and gale Simmons am I right am I right?

Blaster heart So yeah, so beef car plot to you again and the captain's like yeah, I guess what Hannah? I don't eat raw meat and she's like well, I don't usually either but here I am and then dried out ladies like I don't even eat There yeah, you take this husband. Everyone's like, Client Dry face. So I guess it's not funny how last night all of you loved the raw meat. And today none of you liked it. It's literally the same thing from last night guys.

Yeah. So Hannah brings the some of the Carpacea back. And I'm just like, well, they don't like raw meat. And if they just like, um, Carpacio is a staple of Italian cuisine. And that's what they all put down. So that's on them, bae. Yeah. If they don't like my food, then it's on them.

Which, you know, you sound a lot like Miele right now. Like, except with more hugs for gay people. She just like stepped right into, as you said, Deva Chef. Yeah, it's like all about Miele. Yeah, all about Anastasia. So columns like, wow, I think it's pretty good. Anastasia's like, that is all the approval I need. I know that's what I feel like when my mom tells me good job.

Well, yeah, Anastasia, you know, she said last week that she all she wants is a approval. So I guess when she doesn't get it it she just gets angry at people, which I like yeah So then up for the salad, you know, it's in a bowl Which I don't know if it's the below deck taught me the bowls are bad because remember those people were so mad at Bulls but now I'm at it a salad in a bowl there I said it I'm just mad because it looked like a perfectly nice salad But it also looked like the sort of side salad that comes with your sandwich on Delta you know. And also but then she also named it something crazy because Hannah's like all right, honey, this is an 11 Dijon

vinaigrette. 11 Dijon's. I think it was a lemon lemon Dijon. Not with 11 Dijon's. Oh thank you. Dijon of a of 11 flowers. Because that's what I thought she said. I thought she said 11 D zone. So it's like, oh god, now we're trying to make Dejohn fail. We took Rape Poupon and we took Kroga's house brand and we took Trader Joe's. I love when I get so mad about something that I'm the dumb one.

And it's like literally 10 times in episode. Yeah, and I like that. You heard 11 Djejohns and didn't stop to think, maybe I heard that rock. It's an 11 D zone. I did later in the episode or something else someone's oh no, it was before They were jacks like oh you can't believe it's given almost a cold team kitchen everyone's young and Mila It's getting crazy down there and calling it's like yeah, don't go down there. It's terrifying and he goes He's getting MacGolly down there and I wrote why did people call it is getting MacGolly down there?

And I was thinking of real housewives. Yeah, uh, uh, not Auckland. Which one not Sydney? What's the other? Yeah, um, Chesher Oh, Chesher, yeah, you're thinking you should like don't have us with MacGolly And I was like we did everybody watch that. I feel like no one in America watches that one, you know And then it took it I literally had to sit there and think about it it I'm like, oh, he's saying it's getting ugly down there My god is my godly McGolley is my godly. Yeah, miss with me once shame on you mess with me twice don't amiss with my godly I know I My my my McGolley sound clips are missing. I guess when I switch computers like a year and a half ago

They did not make the transition so it's very tragic I will say what's also funny is that our standards for food are so low this season, that when they put out like a very like perfectly lovely, perfectly nice looking salad that had a dejon dressing, we're like, oh, thank God. Whereas like two years ago on regular blow deck when that guy Matt was making very simple foods like always

a chicken salad. We're like, oh god damn it, raise the bar. But now we're like, oh thank god. A simple green salad with a Dijon dressing. Yeah, now we're just glad that people aren't buying, you know? Yeah, exactly. So then next up is spaghetti and meatballs. And I just wrote really.

Listen. But okay. There's, listen. Sometimes if you do something simple, if you do it right, it's perfection. And you know what? I mean, okay, but there's no panic even. Does it like, there's no, I mean, okay, okay, look, again, you're a sample.

I feel good. I agree, it looked, it was. It was getting in me, balls. It looked like it could be a good on-trick horse, if you will. It's a bit of a beef corpachio. Yeah, I think it would have been better It looked like it could be a good on-trick horse if you will. It could be a Corpacio. Yeah, I think it would have been better if there was a- start with a beef corpacio, then do a small spaghetti and meatball moment, as like a pre-meat course, and then you do a fish, like a nice piece of fish for the final.

You know? I don't know, but if I paid that much for a boat, my sauce spaghetti came out, so someone would get it. I'll, you know. I don't know, but if I paid that much for a boat and I saw spaghetti come out, someone would get it. I'll tell you that. Well, you'll please put that on your preference sheet so we don't have a misunderstanding. Oh, I will. Could you imagine a preference?

Really, all it would be is M&Ms. Well, the peanut M&Ms, that's it. Well, sounds like Colley would be able to cook for you. So then, yeah, so the meatballs come out and the dry lady, as you call her, the dry is like, oh now it's really gonna go down because I'm a big meatball person. I'm like, oh god, what is she not a big person of, right? Like, oh, the...

Yeah. Here comes the dried out lady from Jersey, that huge meatball critic. Oh my god. Oh, I love lasagna, I'm a big lasagna person. Oh, congratulations. And it's good. And just like, oh my god, she likes something. Congratulations. So this time for dessert. And see, Anna stage just something smart, which is that she serves an offigado. And even she says it's like smoke and mirrors, right? Because it's interactive and it's cool. And an offigado is by the way are delicious and they're so easy

So of course she serves it and everyone's happy and and I say she also like goes up there to present it in person And then the guy who's there is like hey, are you sure you're not a talian? Huh, are you sure you're not a talian? I guess you get it. Are you sure you're not a talian? She's like forget about it. He's like Yeah Yeah, I think I see you get it. Are you taking that diet? Yeah, she's like forget about it. He's like, hey, yeah, yeah, you make the diet breakfast. That's crazy. And I say just like you wrote beneath me. So then, uh, um, spaghetti and meatballs was too good for you. So Hannah's like, well, I have to say that if I were me a lot, I would not appreciate having the fidds to take over my job

But at least mea was actually surprisingly taking it and stride which means she's actually she's either really patient or she's used to it Oh, I'm saying I'm saying Hannah and Colin are talking and drank dishes and she's like, you feel homesick, can I? And she goes, are you feel homesick, can I And he's like are you feeling homesick yet? Says you're in No, he knows he's gonna be on this is coming. Yeah, so I could look at you It's most that you can draw dishes like that when you're in the fetal position, huh?

I you're getting better at getting homesick, okay? A little bit in the fairy world we call this the 5 p.m. Blues. Um, so then Anna, uh, Anastasia goes to bed with me. I mean, in the same room, right? I guess they sleep in the same room. Do they sleep in the same room? What is going on here? Anna Miele in bed. I don't know. I think Miele and Aisha. I don't know, but Anastasia calls her mom again. And I'm like, oh my god, stop calling your mother. My mother would hate me if I called her that much. Yeah, yeah.

She was like, why don't you ever call your mother? But then when I do, she's like, hello. Oh, you made me pause. Congratulations. Did you tell them it was my recipe? So it's like mother's day. I'm like, Dong Dong Dong. I'm like, hello. Like hi, mom. It's me. Hi, Ronnie. What are you doing? It's Mother's Day. What do you think I'm doing? I'm doing everything for everybody else. Okay. Well good talking. So meanwhile, the guests are being crazy and they're gonna go skinny dipping sort of, so they go skinny dipping and then like a lady who's like, she's like, I'm gonna be crazy

on a girl skinny dipping too. So she takes off her top and she jumps in and Travis is like, she's in shape for an old bid. It's for she. It's getting that point in the season where they're all horny and they're gonna start hooking up with each other soon. Yeah so then let's see Mila's not oh Mila's like it is not part of my nature to give up as the Russian person am I supposed to cry all day? No I will be standing the street. You have to adapt to different things so I don't see it as a problem do you understand

gay person adapt to vagina or die? And then Milos lying on her bunk bed and Aisha comes in to check in on her and she's like, oh, I hope the captain doesn't fire me after this charter. And Aisha's like, don't think like that. Think positive. Like, I'm positive that Captain Sandi is going to fire you much better. So then the next morning Anna stage is like um are you making a pancake because that's way too thin it is Russian pancake. So then the captain and to our talking and the on the bridge and she's like you you're my little protege. She's like, she's like, they're natural born leaders and Joao is what?

He's just so eager to please me. That's actually not a leader. That's a follower, ma'am. And meanwhile, Colin is also eager to impress Joao with his culinary skills. He goes, I do this thing. I take two starboard bursts, and I put a sour patch in between, and it's delicious. So if you need me to make dessert, I can do it. Oh, colleagues, I'm so glad you shared your recipe. That's my favorite snack for my favorite boy. So they're all talking about how much

tif they're gonna get, because it's time to leave. And Hannah's like, oh, Debt, we're gonna get much. You know, the tip needs to be divided amongst the crew that have done their job. Mm-hmm, yeah. Uh-oh, dun dun dun. I love a little tip drama. Tip drama.

I, the only thing I love more than tip drama is docking drama. Let's get to the dock. Fanders, fanders, fanders, Jua. You wanna pull the sleeper here? Oh great, great job calling you, Dwao, great job. And the ladies are like, God, look at her work. Isn't that amazing?

Sandy, Jennifer Berman gives her goodbye speech. She's like, God, it was so great to see you guys deal with this. To know that when we came on here, we had regular vaginas. and by the time we left here we had pineapple smelling vaginas. I mean you know what can I think pineapple? I'd like to give an extra five dollars to pineapple. Okay thank you everybody thank you pineapple. And congratulations to Richard who finally jerked off for the first time in his life. Way to go Richard.

to Richard who finally jerked off for the first time in his life. Way to go, Richard. Too bad he's fl�ed on this tip. Here you go. You know, we were we were real worried about that food, but Captain, I saw you working on that in real time. It was like you rejuvenated it like a sad vagina and guess what? It made the experience so much better to have better food with a different ship on the last night Not to make anyone feel awkward here, okay? And Mila is prepared to feel awkward. She's wearing her funeral satsang. She's wearing the black one She's literally dressing like the black sheep now. Yeah, it's like fuck off. Yeah She's like what in now so then they leave and it's time to get to cleaning Cleaning cleaning cleaning cleaning cleaning All right, we're gonna have fun tonight, but you can't bring home loose strangers, all right

Jack's like why would I bring home loose strangers when we've got loose crew And then meanwhile, Asia's talking about how excited she is tonight to party and Hannah's like sail honey Do you have a thing for Jack? She goes, NOOOOO! I'ma try to do the game like I'ma try to to to my brother! So I don't think his best speed tried to do brother. Look at him, they were the main! You know, when you just want to blow your brother, that's all I mean. So then they have the tip meeting and the captain's like, well, we made it.

Here we are. Obviously, we were challenged in the galley, just the kitchen, which means Milla, you're an idiot, okay? And I say that is someone who loves good hugs from Russian ladies to wait gay people. Okay, that team you did great Thanks to you all Hannah you're doing amazing Meela. You're still here Hey Meela Thanks for being a human being and having warm skin like someone who's alive. Okay great job with that everyone else great job

And your actual work And I'd like to also reserve this portion of the tip for Anciamima great work Anciamima you did your best And I'd like to also reserve this portion of the tip for Ancimima. Great work Ancimima. You did your best. You know, just because someone here has, someone's been here forever, it doesn't mean that they just stop getting credit. Ancimima? Here's your part of the tip. Here you go. Here you go. Sorry, you had a bad sous chef there. You earned this. And you know what? We're going to get you a new uniform. So that time. So then outside Hannah and Anastasia just like chatting and Asia comes up and just I So Sandy Sandy all of a sudden was like, you know the one thing with me. La is every time I come for her She always says yes captain. Yes captain. Yes captain. God. I love that attitude It's like a banana for me. That is amazing

You know what captain? I keep thinking she's gonna fire me. And she's like, all right, me and that and the bridge, me and the bridge. Cat, she's respectful. All right, guess what? Your attitude has been amazing. All right, so here's a bold star for that. You've got a passion.

Here's a star for that. Or a fashion. Here's another star. Your galley is always nice You know when I walk by the galley the energy's great and they're good. Here's another star. It's a pleasure Like it's a pleasure. She's pulling out like old El Paso and and like Fucked up pancakes. What's her pleasure is that? like fucked up pancakes what's her pleasure is that so me was like before I had both with the food was great but I had problems with the captain but Sandy is

showing me maybe it was not my problem with my personality it was the other captains yeah turns out I have great gay hating personality so she's like this has inspired me captain I want to do great food and not to buff a forever, I want to prove to you what I can do. And she's like, gosh, well, if I got no chef, I got no charter, what am I supposed to do? Throw her overboard, okay, get Ben back here, we know Ben's coming back to spring him back here.

Captain Sandy, I have great inspiration now. Next charter, one word, Totino's Pizza Roll, okay? That's actually three words. Alright, me, but you know what? You're not a great counter, but you are a great inventor. So I'm gonna give you that. Here's the physical star. And that brings us to the end of below, Jackman, everybody! Go get your tickets for Arch-A-Live live shows in Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Baltimore, and also all of our other shows are available at WatchUpCrapins.com, as well as our video recaps, our bonus episodes, and our t-shirt links.

Everybody, thank you so much for being here. We'll talk to you next time. Bye! much for being here. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to WatchCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.