Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckMed: Weak at the Knees

Episode Date: July 6, 2021

Disaster is narrowly averted on Below Deck Mediterranean when Matt returns from a case of debilitating knee soreness. But there's still trouble on the horizon when the engaged couple looks like they're about to call their wedding off. So much drama. Don't they realize this is a mmmmegayacht? Like, it's a MMMEGAYACHT.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who's what happens

Who's what happens Who's what happens Watch what happens Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much Who's what happens Who's what happens Who cares what happens Hello and welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on brotho that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karen. What's up, Randall?

Well, hi, man. Hi, hi, hi. How are you doing today? Um, everything's going great. Love, you know, holiday time, time for relax. You know, be proud of your country with your friends. Family. So I was in the fetal position with the pizza. How to go for you. Oh, just lovely, just lovely. Today, we are talking below deck Mediterranean. But before we do that, I want to give a shout out

our friend, Cedar, who has been with us actually from the beginning. She was a guest on Housewife Ho down. That was the original form of Watch for Crappens. She has a crystal business, and I kind of wanted to give it a shout out, you know? It's, she sells her crystals through Instagram, which is really cool, and she basically does these

like live sales, she goes on Instagram live, and it's literally like home shopping. She's like there and she talks about the crystals and people will buy crystals from her live on the air, which is kind of cool. So if you're interested in crystals, if you like yourself some crystals and all that fun stuff, go follow her at hippieQVC,

HIPP, IEQVC, I think the QVC stands for, PPI, QVC. I think the QVC stands for Quest, Vision Crystals. So that's, which I love, that's just called the QVC. So anyway, if you like crystals, go check that out. So tell her that we sent you because we love us some Sida. Yeah, right on. Okay, so here we are with episode two of

Bolognic midi-terraining. Yeah, I mean, if there's anyone that could use some crystals, it's this dilapidated crew going through it. Wow. So the first episode was pure craziness with Matt, hurting his knee, and then they had to bring in Duska from another boat who was a quote unquote sous chef actually turns out to be an assistant chef turns out to be just a lady in a shirt. Maybe has never been in a kitchen before. But love. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I want to do. Skabak loved her. Yes. So the episode ended with the guest having a fit at Captain Sandy and it's just this lady named Terez. It's just big Kelly. She looks kind of like Kelly Dodd and who else?

She looks like this girl I used to know. I'm Laura. So if you guys know Laura, she looks like totally like Laura. Yes, she's got kind of a Kelly Dodd vibe and right now she's letting Captain Sandy have it. We just ended with her going Mega yeah, it's like a mega yeah, it's not like Not COVID it's a mega ya'll Like it's not mega millions. It's a mega ya'll. Okay, it's a big difference So she has a girl

Sandy this is not okay. I mean that was a terrible and then one of the guys is like yeah Unacceptable setup husband. Okay. We don't need you support like she's doing fine on her own, okay? Yeah, exactly when guys do that though Yeah, so that's acceptable mega yaw at mega you know what you're better than that sandy So let's get that let's get the respect we deserve Sunday And yeah, then she tries to kind of spin it that she's not complaining. She's just kind of motivating She's like because you got it sandy. You got it sandy. But remember it's's a mega ya and so she's like you know what I've never been in this position in my entire career and you know why? Because of COVID it's because guys I figured it out COVID

Well, I'm just I'm scared for you guys. That is why I'm so upset. I'm scared for you and The husband is like oh yeah because like normally we're so easy. Yeah, we are. So we're easy. We're here for you, Sandi. So you go girl. You go. And then another girl is like, we're on your team and then Sandy leaves and then tries is like it's bullshit I'm like well so much for being on her team Yeah, she's like this is unacceptable is bullshit like having a fit So Dave is like wow, I'm okay to help but I imagine the disappointment finding me having anything to do with your food It's almost like the disappointment of me coming out of the boom. That was Daddy. Where is he? Are you the daddy seller?

Are you the daddy seller? Oh, so Katie is like, ah, do you think the chef is going to be back? I can't nobody does. So I can know please not even text and goes back at this point. Yeah, exactly. And they just keep cutting to a Zemdi bed. Matt's Zemdi bed, just to remind us that he is nowhere to be found. And Katie is like, leasing a shift. That's like, leasing a limb in the yawting world. But unfortunately for me, I don't have seven girls under me with lots of limbs to take their

place. So we'll be limbless. You know what I'm saying? And I'm just praying he'll come back, because I will strangle his little head. So she's asking the captain if the chef's going to be there for breakfast and the captain's like, oh, don't worry. Melia's going to help. Okay.

And Melia's like, I've never seen this. I mean, this is the biggest disaster and we've crashed tenders. So. Oh, don't remind everyone. Okay, Melia, don't remind everyone. It's Glenn. And then you just see you just see Terras like it's bullshit She's behind the door having a during the medley hissy fit. Yeah, and so her her man Leah saying you're getting mad at me for this trip

And we're not getting our money back. It doesn't matter. Big look at me. What? I love you Look at me, what? I love you. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! So the guests just go ahead and party upstairs

and get shit faced, basically. Yeah. And Lexi is talking to Malia and she's like, yeah, you know, like this just reminded me all the stress. I mean, basically it's like the beauty pageant. You weren't a beauty pageant? Oh, God, yes. I mean, I don't tell people that,

but yeah, don't tell anybody. Yes, I was. I mean, I was good. people that, but yeah, don't tell anybody. Yes, I mean, I was good. I went to Russia. And I was the judge. Dushka, you're still here? Yes. I gave her solid salad. Her talent was meat. Oh, wait, that's my talent. So, then the guests are just like getting drunk now. And're like quote unquote doing the airplane with Katie. We're in one girl is on her back and like Katie's like

Batch is balancing Katie on her feet or torso and everything and just like they're having a fun time just getting more more drunk and awful. And we keep cutting to Lloyd on anchor watch. Like we cut to that a lot, but it doesn't really turn into anything. We're just looking at Lloyd, looking at the anchor. And then this girl, Jordan, she's just wasted. And she's like, yeah, Katie, tomorrow I'm gonna lift you higher on the airplane. And then your legs are gonna split. I got a cumbers call.

I got cumbers. It's an important business. I was waiting. I got a cumbers call. I got cumbers. It's an important business. I was wondering, uh, cumbers call, right? Just wasted. So she goes to bed and then we cut back to Lloyd, just kind of hunched over in the bridge. And he's like, all my jobs have been around people. I sold cars.

And all the first day, they made me stay laid on the table called standing on the desk, calling people, were they through things at me. So I could learn how to smile while I call people. Scope to do I am today. So what I'm trying to say is to res, if you want to throw a book at my face, I can take it. It was such a odd people this year.

Yeah, so Katie now, you know, Kate is some morning and oh no, it's still like Katie's like pulling food and trying to do everything she can to prep for breakfast and it's you in the morning and she's still cleaning and she's like, you know what? Some people can handle this, you know, I don't want to but I can. I mean, I went to boarding school and I like to say, she's to go to boarding school and that's why I'm so independent I didn't go back even when it was done. I chose to go into a hostile with the psycho matron Okay, just cut. We don't need to tell it. Yeah, I mean more about that. I love you can't just you can't just start that story of them cut

I Love when random boarding school storylines pop up. Like when Ben was crying, he's like, I went to boarding school and there's people, but she don't understand it. Like the one thing that made Ben cry was talking about boarding school. And then there was the other girl who looked like Paul Abdul. I think she had a boarding school issue.

And now we have Katie who earned her stripes. She can handle people being drunk and cleaning because she went to boarding school. Sure. So then, yeah, they're cleaning. We got the debut of VacuumCam, which is that there was a GoPro attached to a vacuum. And it's like, finally, you get to see what it looks like from the point of view, from the vacuum itself. So Lexi calls her mom. She's stressing out. She's like, mom, this is madness. Was it the talent competition? No, mom. I'm not doing that right now. And you're not supposed

to tell anybody I was even in those things, mom. I don't want any other dogs and badgents. Hold on one second. Hey, Terez, just want to make sure you're sleeping all right. Because I wasn't a beauty pageant. Just want you to know that. Sleep well. Hey, Terrez, just want to make sure you're sleeping all right, because I wasn't a beauty pageant, just want you to know that sleep well. Okay, sorry, mom, back to work. And the mom's like, it'll be okay, honey, she just got to hate when people say it's going to be okay. It's not going to be okay. It's not like to be mother. And then she tells a heartbreaking story about how her dad died a few months ago

from an aneurysm and because of COVID, she wasn't, they weren't able to be with him in the hospital, which is really sad. So now it's the next morning and now it's raining on top of everything else. It's raining and you know, Tres is like, it's raining and we're on a mega. Yeah, it's a mega like, like honestly, weather, like, why are you raining? Like we're not on like a boat. We're on a mega yacht range.

Oh, so they're all still wondering is this chef gonna be back to do breakfast? And when he goes, if he doesn't come back, we're toast. I mean, we won't have toast. God, I'm just fun loving Malia. Why? I mean, I'm assuming that production just prevented Matt from coming back to the boat

to create suspense. But like, I think assuming that production just prevented Matt from coming back to the boat to create suspense. But I think if it were me, once I had my MRI, I would go back to the boat and help out where I could or maybe oversee things until I got my results, right? Like instead of just like staying wherever he stayed for observation, that seems like very, I don't know, this guy, I don't trust him. Yeah, I mean, you need to go on just a challenge. Yeah be at least sit there on a chair and boss people around or something.

Yeah, like has like a grandma to get a hotel room, but then we find out later a little bit why. So, um, Sandy is texting. Okay, we find out a little bit why he has to get a hotel room. Yeah, a little bit. I don't remember. I don't remember. I love the way for it to pop up.

I don't remember that part. I mean, I'm sure I'll remember it, but I don't remember. I don't remember. I love the way for it to pop up. I don't remember that part. I mean, I'm sure I'll remember it, but I don't remember why he had that. You will when I tell you. So the captain is texting him and she's like, any word if you're coming back and she's, he's not really very good about keeping his phone there and keeping them aware.

Which is also fucked up. Yeah. So then she texts our good friend, Norma, Norma. I need a chef. Um, I write Sandy. I've got a lady who's really good. Hold on. Let me look here. It says here, Sawab. Hmm. No, no, not that one. They different one. Okay. I'll send some people to quarantine captain. Okay, Norma. Okay, Captain. Wish I could hug.. Wish I could bug ya. I bug you, you're funny. I am. I'm gonna be an orphan.

Yeah, so she's also gonna have a stew in quarantine, just in case she needs one. So then now there's like Courtney's chopping pineapple or slicing it and then the guests are sitting down and they're like, is Matt back? Is he making breakfast? Is there a breakfast? I mean, what's going on? What is going on? So then Matt down and they're like, is Matt back? Is he making breakfast? Is there a breakfast? I mean, what's going on?

What is going on? So then Matt calls. And he's like, Sandy, I got the results back. It's nothing serious. Although I am sore, the doctor said I have a case of pussy itis. Have you heard of that? I'm not sure.

I'm not sure if I heard of it. I'm just like, are you going to be here for breakfast? He's like, I don't know because I am so. So she's like, you know, as a captain, I've had fires on the red sea. I faced pirates, uh, you know, but no chef, that's the end game. Okay. Because I'll tell you this month, you get pirates on the boat. You tell them you don't have a chef. Even the pirates are going to get the fuck off that boat. Yeah. We actually had that happen once you know

We said the pirates came on board. We say we don't have a chef on board and then the pirates like what if they don't have a chef They probably don't have anything worth taking so they just left although they did volunteer to make a salad for us Which was nice, but it was a good trick that we played on them because guess what we had a chef all along So Malia cutting flirt slowly. What does that mean? So this is Malia slicing fruit. And David is watching her and he's like, I think that Malia's great. Like really, really, really great.

Let me get some. I think smile. And then Courtney comes down to help with some fruit and she sees Katie and she's like, oh wow I like Katie. It's so good to see you. It's like, what didn't you come get me? I was sleeping down there. Why didn't you get me? Like, you needed the rest. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and so now the water taxi approaches with Matt and He tells us like, you know, I had deep anxiety and instead of getting over it, I bailed, you know, and two jobs in the past, I actually left before I even started

because of anxiety. And it's something I need and want to overcome. It's like, well, this is why you got check references, by the way, this is why you got, you can't just receive a resume. You got to call those employers. Yeah, well, this is why I was saying then we find out why he didn't come straight back because I think he was just freaking out.

You know, he was like having a breakdown or something. So I wrote, is he bald, Rick Moranis? I keep seeing different faces on this guy. And that's what happens to us bald guys. You could just imprint whatever you want on to us and we have to become it. So the guests are really pissed. And then we find out Z likes Courtney. And he's going to foot with her.

He gives a little smile. So then the guys are still complaining. He's like, are we going to meet the chef? Because in Texas, it's pretty gusty married to meet the chef. And Teresa's like, I mean, not that I care or anything. Hold on. Let me hold this napkin over my foot. So, you know, everyone on the crew is like, pissed at him. Like, Katie's pissed at Matt everyone. So then Matt is talking. Matt

now was trying to be like, Mr. like, oh, jolly good time. Just remember the team. So he asked Courtney, he goes, he's like, so was yesterday disaster and she goes, does it matter? Which was like, this great like fuck you. Don't even try to be friendly in my face right now. Like we're all just like laughing about how bad yesterday was. You fucked our tip. You asshole. And she's like, she tells us, wow, where's that limp gone? I mean, he can't come in here acting like everything's fine. And so then this guy has, now he needs time to ramp up. So he tells Sandy, he's like, hey, Sandy, do you mind if we just

like, let's order the cake in and order the crew meal in. So that's where I can focus on, you know, the guests. And she gives him this look like, okay, so you know my phrase, do your food. Let's change that to do your crew food, okay, because we're gonna need you to do the crew food, okay, we're not ordering that. And your food, crew your food. And he's like, um, I'm still getting to know the place and I have this knee. So listen, the more I can outsource stuff, that's for the battle.

Okay, gotta go talk to the gas. Bye. Yeah, I don't even know the place. I love this guy saying that now he gets back on the boat. It's like, now on, it's gonna be like four seasons. I don't even know the kitchen. I can't make a panini. And this is, well, two things. One, this is kind of ironic.

Maybe it's not ironic. I hate using that word. I never get it right. That this is his deal, anxiety, because that was Hannah's deal. And that made Captain Sandy fucking crazy. So it's like, it comes right back, right? And the other thing I wanted to say was Katie, you know, Katie's flying a little under the radar because so much shit's going down,

but so far Katie has not done the party that the guest requested, and she has, what's the second thing she did? Oh, she slept late, she slept in. So Katie might be trouble this season, just calling it out now because I hope so. Good. So Sandy Bass is her thing is she's saying that you know chefs are temperamental. She doesn't want to bombard him, you know. And so, um, so then Matt goes out to talk to the

guests to say he's back and he's like, it's a whole spiel and they just keep kind of just blonde woman who just looks so unimpressed with anything he's saying. She's like, we have to eat steamed oysters and chubi last night. I don't care about your name. Okay, it's a mega yacht. So now the crew is like inflating things. Like a big inflatable unicorn and they name it more reen, which I actually really appreciate it that. I was like, that's the perfect name for that unicorn.

Thank you for naming it more reen. And some of the crew starts putting together lunch and stuff. And the chef is like, well, I'm just trying to stay positive. You know, I really need to just internalize and just be calm. Be calm. And then they cut to Morin the unicorn trying to fly away. Morin just like blows over onto herself. She's like, little help, little help over here.

Just a giant unicorn that everyone loves. But I'm upside down, I help, little help over here. Just a, just a giant unicorn that everyone loves, but I'm upside down, you know, help anyone's marine. So then Katie is serving everyone in the hot tub and they're already wasted. It's like my morning and they're having of course pain in the ass drinks, you know, which I get, it's just as a server every time they order something, it's a pain in the ass. Nobody's just like, hey, you know what? Give us a vodka tonic. It's all like, letty Mary, smog a weed, it's espresso martinis. Yeah, it's all at once.

It's like, it's just, it's like a nightmare. So, and then, meanwhile, David is downstairs looking for vegetables to make in the paninis. Like the crew paninis is like a, it's like this ongoing Loki storyline that's throughout this entire episode it feels like. And then the British people are talking. I just wrote the British people.

So I'm assuming it's David and Courtney and because he's like, so well you've been in Lloyd. Oh David and Lloyd, oh it's like, oh so where are you from? Play me a th, oh where are you from? Brighton, oh that's great. Do you like the clotted cream they have over there?

It's pretty good and as good as Yorkshire Poods. Oh really, that's too bad. What do you think about Harry and Meghan? Oh, I'm pretty chuff for them. Oh, that's great too. British, British, British. Commissions. Here comes one right now. Celebrity beef. You never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellaside. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity few, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon.

Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. And then upstairs, one of the guests is is like and then Teres is like They're just laughing like that at each other

And then Lloyd says something about Brighton I think I could not understand what he was saying He's like I come from Brighton. It's a wicked city first We had the first game marriage at jail or video which which ironically is where Hitler wanted to have his summer palace. So, the fact. Well, I didn't know I was going to say the first game marriage. I thought it was going to be Barry, but Barry is like the first gay surrogate situation. Not going to give that one to like Barry. Okay, that makes a lot more sense. I was like, oh, I could pick up on things like,

I heard gay and I heard summer pals and I had no idea how any of it was tied together. Yeah. So then Katie's having a nightmarish time and Lexi's actually being really cool. We're led to believe by Lexi herself that she's going to be a mega bee, but she's actually pretty cool. She's like, listen, I can't have you right now because I'm ball tinting and I can't do anything but ball tint. And like she's like, I was fine. I'm just doing laundry. Yeah. And then you keep expecting her to be like,

fuck her, she can't even keep up. She's terrible at a job and she's not. She's actually really cool so far. Yeah. And then Lloyd and David are making peninias for everyone. And David has brought like a salt shaker. And he's like, it's the salt. As if the salt, I can't check if there's the salt

and modadi. What is this? Why is it? I'm like, it's salt. How do you not know what salt is? And then upstairs, the guests are just continuing to be awful. I'm like an out beer benon, I.P.A.

I'm like, please just like throw yourself off the side of this boat at this point. I can't. I can't. And Katie finally goes Can we just do one order or you're not eating brunch today and the other ladies like just bring a bottle of tea Doesn't some ice Craft of OJ will do it ourselves, but you know to rise is gonna be like I can't believe we're filling our drinks for ourselves

It's a mega y'all. It's a mega y'all Yeah, so It's a mega ya. It's a mega ya. Yeah. So there's gonna be a fishing trip for the men, for the bachelor party, and Malia and David are prepping for it, and she's saying, Malia's like, well, the good news is I don't see any red flags yet

for my crew, and then it cuts to David like tapping something aggressive, like, I was like, I don't understand what any of this is. I don't know. Opening and closing scissors really fast is when it looks like to me. Yeah. Just like going, I don't know.

I don't know. Go like, Rob, but he is violent with scissors. What's up, Malia? So then Sandy goes up to Matt and she's like, how are you doing? And you would think you would say, listen, I'm on the mend, like we're just gonna go through this, it's gonna be great the yesterday's in the past, but I said he's like, flustered, I got too much stuff. I don't know what's where, I don't know how to cook anymore.

What's the fork? Well, you know what I'm gonna help you out, I'm gonna go organize, cause that's what team players do. Okay, I'm gonna go down there and organize and he goes, yeah, sorry, again about crew food. Okay, well, you know what? You're at this starting line, so I'm gonna ease you in there. I'm gonna go down and separate vegetables from fruits to your food. You know what? I'm gonna go separate all that food that you overordered and injured yourself on.

Okay, because you're just, you know what, it's like you're at this starting line and you ordered 10 pairs of sneakers for one race. Okay, and you try to put them all on your feet at once. Okay, because you just said, you know what, it's like you're at the starting line and you ordered 10 pairs of sneakers for one race Okay, and you try to put them all on your feet at once. Okay, so let me organize those shoes off to the side that you'll never use Okay, so she goes down to the fridge and it's like beyond Terrible you can't even walk everything's all over and then the unicorn is trying to get away again So Z goes to like, Wrangle Marine, and he is then spends pretty much the rest of the episode, just trying to turn Marine over again. He just sees like, little, little Z out there on this

like security camera footage, essentially, and he just tried to turn her over. And Marine is like, nope, that's not the way you do it. Try again. Okay, you want to try again, I just need to get slipped over. If you can do that, no, okay. And then we get a little bit about Courtney. She's like, my friends are engaged at this point, you know, they've all got dogs and houses. And you know, I'm just going to show up like a skinny bitch at weddings. Then in time, that's me, trunkkin alone in a corner with a Corona. So then Katie has a little spiel about how she's not particularly about much, but she has

particularly about table set ends. And then I just made her British even though she's a Kiwi. And then finally Z gets Marie and turned over, which was, you know, civilly from my part. And he winds up going down into the crew mass and he's sitting there with Courtney. And he's just like spreading mayonnaise on bread. And he's just like trying to flirt with her a little bit, you know. And I'm like, here's the first rule of flirting. Don't flirt while you're spreading mayonnaise on bread. That's, doesn't really set a mood.

Yeah. And he's also like, because he's using one of those squeeze bottles and she's just kind of looking at him like, and he's like, so home is whales. Yeah, keep hearing, don't screw the crew, but you've got to give it a shot. She's just eating silently, ignoring him. You got mayonnaise on your arm. Oh, do I? So lunch. So the guests are sitting down for lunch and Matt now gives the stupid speech where he's like,

I never go and thinking I'm gonna wow them. I just cook my heart out. Well, if you didn't think you're gonna go wow them, then why did you have this entire panic attack about how the food won't be just right for them all? Like why? Don't tell us they don't, like, oh, you don't have any ego about this, please.

And he announced us the dinner, he's like, okay, here's what we're having. We're having local muscles and local turismo, okay? Make glad. Glad you didn't fly those in, buddy. Yeah, and then, so the guests are finally eating the food and it's so shady. I went back and watched it a few times

and I'm fairly certain that when Tarez finally eats her food, they sped up the timing for her eating to make it look like she was an absolute animal digging into the food because she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, show me a bowline, how you tie that on to something really anything. I mean, this unicorn would be nice. This has been hell. This has been hell. Actually, larger question, what is rope? Just wondering. Okay, well, you know what, I'm going to go away now and just I'm going to leave you in charge of the swim platform. So, you know what, get comfortable, tinker with things, just tinker. And they keep on cutting to David, who's like sort of squatting like

golem as he threads a fishing rod and they just keep on cutting back to it. And I'm like, is there something wrong with what he's doing? Is this to like set up the fact that he should be teaching Z or like, like, I feel like they're kind of like banking this footage for later on where it's like, David doesn't pay attention to anything. Look, and it's like day one, David, threatening a fishing rod. I'm like, I'm just like trying to, I just want to know, do I have to bank this footage

into my brain for later, or is this just random footage of David threatening a rod? Yeah, I don't know. Below deck doesn't really get easier until episode five. And that's why having so many below decks slowly kills recapers, because you just finished another like finishing a below deck season feels like, oh my god, we did it. We did it.

And then the next one starts and it's like all these new people and they're all from different places. And you're not, you don't know what anything means yet. It's like a big mystery, a big bullet tech mystery. And the scenes are so short, it takes longer to describe a scene than to actually watch it because to watch it, it's just someone like filling up a glass of water

but then to recap it, it's like, so then here comes Lexi. She walks in the room and she's got some water and she pours the water and then she's serving. It's like why is she pouring water? And then while you're saying this, you're thinking to yourself, was there ever anything notable or funny about the scene or did I just write it down because I thought there was going to be something known?

Because now I'm committed to describing it. Yeah. So in the galley, Lexi is with the chef and she's like, she's pouring water. Would you help me deliver? Would you help me with that? And he's like, sure, I would. She goes, I love that? And he's like, sure, I would. She goes, I love you. And he's like, um, do you?

She says, I do. You are what? You are adorable. And then she tells us always flirt with the chef. Yeah. She's like, board flirting. I'm bored. So I'm flirting.

Because chefs are fucking assholes. Okay. Yeah. She basically is like, um, she's like, always tell them that you love them because then they'll give you spare food because he's also being creepy because she goes, she went, because when she asked,

will you help me deliver these? He wasn't like sure. He was, I do anything for you. I was like, you creep, stop that. But, you know, listen, I appreciate what she's doing. Get that, you know, we saw, this was what Melia did season, was it Melia's first season, right?

When like Adam would like try to impress her by saying, hey, Melia, guess what? I made you an extra spinach omelet. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so then the next day is the wedding. So they're starting to clear lunch and Kate's stressing about the wedding.

And one of the guys is just like, blah! Like this big huge burp the guys is just like, BAAAAT! Like this big huge burp. And they're like, okay, keep the class of coming people. And they guess all like lunch, so everything is going well. And then meanwhile, Z is back out on the little dock thing and we don't even know what he's struggling with, but he's just struggling with something like a jet ski or something So now after lunch they all they're like ready to go do some water sports or what are toys or whatever and

They're like hey bro. Uh, is that your jet ski because it's kind of floating away, bro And he's like it's probably may Ips Yeah, so they have to send him out there to get the stupid thing. I'm only it's like, I'm going to let him off the hook because I'm a good person this first few episodes. So don't ever forget that. Okay. And then the guys are going on a boat and the girls are getting on the unicorn.

Finally, we're getting some use out of this gigantic unicorn thing. But like the use is basically that the women get on to the unicorn, but it just stays like next to the little dog. It's just like, they go from sitting upstairs to going downstairs and sitting on something. Yeah. And so he's like, would you guys like some snacks? Jordan goes, a bottle of vodka. Okay. Don't write the right down to you. So meanwhile, Courtney and Lexi are cleaning rooms and Courtney is like, how did we get to get to the point of scrubbing toilets? You know, like they just are talking about how other girls just like wind up with sugar dabbies and they're here scrubbing toilets.

Yeah. Um, then the guys are finding the CQ cumbers. Like, what? I'm going to pretend to eat it. Ah, hey, uh, can you tell the chef, call the chef and ask him if he can pretend that that fish that he's serving tonight is something that we caught. That is going to be hilarious. It's so funny. And since Perez has such a good sense of humor, she will think this is the best.

So basically, these like bachelor and bachelor at party's end. And now we are we start transitioning into Carrie and Clint drama, which in the beginning, everything seems fine because she's like basically Carrie is obsessed with this wedding. And she's like, babe, you're saying you're ideas tomorrow for my wedding. I can't be. It's my big day tomorrow big day tomorrow my wedding Our ideas because we're getting married tomorrow for my big day like everything's her big day It's not like our big day or the jeeps and saying it's my big day honey. Yeah, duh. That's that's how it is a surprise big day So the captain is fixing this oh Clint the burper It's probably the burper. Oh, he's so charming.

Clint's like, let's just get married on the fucking boat already. Get it over with. So the captain is fixing the chef's collar. She's like, oh, look at that. This is complimentary. Okay. I'm going to what you want me to leave it up like that. Wouldn't that be fun?

He goes, you mean pop the collar? God, only when I'm trying to impress the ladies. Okay. So like we were talking about crew meals, okay, you know, the crew works really hard. And it would be nice if they hating sometimes, you know, you know, if they didn't die of starvation, that'd be a nice, a nice feature, right? They're all right.

So she's like, patting herself on the back because she sort of gave him the space to realize that he could, you know could make a bowl of pasta. So then, Z and Lloyd are joking about chocolate because Z is like, I got some chocolate here. What kind of chocolate would you like? Would you like some dark chocolate, a milky chocolate? He's like, I like, and then one of them is like, I like my chocolate, like my women's, like, and how's that? Milky. You know, just another charming below dexing. Yeah. Oh, so Lloyd likes Katie.

He likes Chief Stue. Cause everybody has to like everybody on these boats. Like, damn, but you're gonna come on here and you're gonna pretend to be in love with somebody. That's it, this is below dex. So it's like, she's lovely, but she's, she's, she's still so, she's also scary. So then Lloyd and Dave are doing pillows, are covering pillows, I guess. And Dave's like, you know, it's very difficult to do this. Earlier, I had to figure out what a radish was. It's been very, very difficult on me. Have you ever had a salt? Salt? Four letters.

So, Katie tells us again, on my last vote, I had seven gears under me, but you know, you could always use more, the smaller the bit, the smaller the crew, you know, and in this kind of situation, you expected to get your hands dirty, but I like a challenge. Let's do this. Like, um, um, trouble. Okay, this is good. I've had seven girls on to me, seven girls. So then now it's starting to rain and Carrie is like last dinner before I meet.

Well, and then there's like thunder and I don't even know why they're even outside. It's like bad weather, but they're all sitting outside and it's raining on cushions and stuff and the guests are like, um, do you guys need to cover these cushions? Because it's raining on them. No, okay, all right, great. So in the galley, the chef's like, hey Lexi, are you vibing? And she's like, um, the vibe is a vibe. And he goes, vibe check. Wow. I don't even know what that meant. Well, I thought it was, this is what you call romance guys.

I was, my knee was sore and I said, vibe a lot. And then our relationship began. So, uh, so it's just like it's, it's fun during, it's terrible out there, but Katie is very busy synchronizing her stews to bring out the dishes, you know, at the right moment. I just love that Katie's whole thing is, yeah, I'm just delayed back, I'm delayed back to chase the, you know, just like to keep it easy. I want the table-scapes away, I want the table-scapes and you got to move it. Okay, three seconds in between stews, three seconds. Okay, I'm timing you.

I'm timing you, it has to be synchronized perfectly to the bait. Like, she says pretty intense. So they serve a truffle pasta and Torres just rolls her eyes. She's like, oh, they make it seem like she just hates this, but she doesn't. Yeah, she loves it. She likes it, it turns out.

And it's not gonna like that. Pasta and cream sauce turns out. And it's not gonna like that. Possible cream sauce. Yeah, it's a lava egg. And Malia, Malia is talking about how she's skeptical of chefs because of Tom and she doesn't think that Matt is hurt at all. So they basically all can't stand them, which I think is great. And he is now making that fish that we saw before. He's now cooking it like one big whole fish.. Meanwhile, it's like super rainy and Courtney is like slipping around in a room because of

the rain on her feet and it's like windy outside. The guests are covered in blankets like glasses are blowing over and breaking on the table. And then finally someone has this idea that maybe we should move on move the dinner inside which they've been all along. I'm just just like, but I'm trying to make things warm and now we have to wait to serve dinner and things aren't going to be warm because we're the better. Oh, sorry. Sorry, you're inconvenience, Chef.

Sorry that you are right now for two minutes. Go yell at the rain storm. Yeah. Go tell it on the mountain. So Matt is, he's like, I mean, how much longer until they're seated, it's going to be cold. It's going to be cold. I'm like, sir, you're not here to cook dinner last night. It will be fine.

It will literally be fine. So he brings the whole fish out. Because he's just fine, I'll just serve it myself. So he brings out the whole fish. And he's like, I'll bring the rest out in just a second. And a guy goes, so what are we supposed to do with that? He said, he'll bring the rest out. Oh, sucker.

Oh. Oh. You're supposed to have a conversation with that you idiot. What else do you think you're supposed to just hang out? Wait one second. And so, yeah, so then they're just, so the fish, they eat the fish, they love it.

The fish is a big hit. And then it's like cheers to carrying Clint. They're getting married tomorrow. Woo! Everything's fine. Everything's fine. What could possibly go wrong? And Carrie is like kind of annoyed now.

She's like, what? And Clint says, I'm looking at you because you're so hot. She goes, oh my god, you're like drunk out here. Yes. He goes, uh, hello, babe. You better love me. You better love me. And Teraz goes, oh, welcome to being married, Clint. On a mega, on a mega yacht. You're like, babe, you're gonna marry me, right? Hey, Kerry is not making the dance party tonight. Oh, yes, yes.

Yeah. They serve me a group. A cream brulee. They serve the cream brulee and he loses his mind. I guess. Yes. Oh, yeah. Cream brulees. Yes. Um, so they're like, Matt, oh my God. And Malia is telling the chef. Yeah, I mean I have to say you're pretty efficient. I thought this was gonna be a disaster and clickos Yeah, last night was horrible So

Lexi's Lexi's telling us she's like, you know, I'm glad that Matt came back But I think he thinks he's a hero when he really isn't because he screwed us the first day and it's like you send up to cook so why should you be getting a pat in the back for cooking, which is exactly right. He screws them and then he comes back as if and like, oh it's like I saved the day from the shit that I cause. But that being said, what are the odds? This happens with like every seconds due on Blow Deck. What are the odds that there will be a scene later where Lexi is be like,

well, say something like, I feel like I do all this work and Kay doesn't even say thank you. She doesn't even say thank you. You know there will be that scene too, which is funny. Yeah. So then Mollius checking on Courtney and everything's going okay, they're talking about how crazy it is.

And Mollius like, yeah, I don't know if the chef's gonna make it. He's a little temperamental and Courtney's like, you know what? Maybe I'll just quit and I'll just come back tomorrow because I'm exhausted Yeah, yeah, she's like she's like a no-bid if I ever witnessed this madness and I love how it's fucking you It's absolutely fine right now so so now everyone's like going to bed and it seems to calm and everything so now Clint Clint is in his room with Carrie and everyone's like going to bed and it seems to calm and everything. So now Clint Clint is in his room with Carrie and he's like, I don't really want to go to bed. I don't want to go to bed and Carrie goes Well, I'm sorry, but I'm exhausted and tomorrow's my big day because and he is and I love that she's like tomorrow's my big day and all the students are like, oh God

I keep forgetting that we have to do a wedding tomorrow Like the exact opposite for this, dude, is definitely not their big day. And she's like, what are you looking for, Clint? You're a charger, I need a charger. You know what, you're gonna want your phone charged. I can tell you that much, you know? We're gonna have to figure it out.

My phone is charging, I have a charger. Uh-uh, yours is the big black block. Okay, now you're here. Who cares, the fucking charger, Clint? Who cares? Don't get mad at me. Don't get mad at me. Chill the fuck out.

Chill the fuck out. You know, don't get mad. She goes, I'm calling your mother. You go, I'm going to do it. He goes, he goes, do it. You're drunk, God.

She goes, you're such a douchebag. You call me a douchebag one more time. You're a douchebag And then he likes storm they have this amazing shot of care I'm I mean of Katie basically listening in and then she hears that he's like coming to the door So she runs around the corner and he comes storming out and he's so drunk He doesn't even realize the camera. It's like right there trained on his doorway and so he comes storming out and then he just hear a carry crying I'm not the night before my wedding Oh below dick yeah, there

Will they have a good wedding? Who knows? We'll find out. I'm gonna tell you this much, they're from Texas. Hey, so everybody, thanks so much for being here. We will be back tomorrow with some real housewives of New York City. Whop, whop! Thanks everyone, talk to you later. Bye! Watch what crap ends, would to think it's premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Allison King!

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