Watch What Crappens - BelowDeckSailing: Up for Sail

Episode Date: March 3, 2021

Below Deck Sailing Yacht is back, and we have a whole boat of new accents to butcher! We're digging the new season so far. It has everything we could want: terrible tattoos, gasoline spillage, and douchebags lost at sea. We're in!This is a Crappens on Demand episode; so you can watch us record the recap here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/48254563Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who's the crap is Who's the crap is Who's the crap is Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who's the crap is Who cares what happens Hello and welcome to Watcher Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch.

I'm Ben Mandelker, you can find me also on the game brain podcast if you like board games, otherwise you can just hang out here I watch crap ins and joining me is a wonderful hilarious man who always knows to stow his kitchen aid mixer When he's about to go sailing. It's Ronnie Karam. What's going on Ronnie? Wahaaah Hi, welcome back. Oh, thanks. How you doing? I'm great. Thanks. How are you? Oh, it's just great. We have a whole new below deck. You know, it's been a whole two weeks since I've watched people clean for an hour.

So yeah, glad to be back. Listen, below deck sailing is back. And I thought it was much improved like a much better energy than last season. I was like, this is what it should have been all along. Well, I didn't want to fire bomb the boat. So that was, that was a big step. That was big for me. They didn't have Jenna and Adam. I mean, I feel like every show on Bravo should fire Jenna and Adam because it immediately improves your

show. Like even if they're not on the show, just announced that you're, you're firing those idiots. I'll be just in real house. I was Orange County has fire Jenna and Adam. I'm in. I'm suddenly a huge fan again. Listen, you know, Jenna and Adam get a lot of, get a lot of heat for why they're horrible human beings, okay? I actually am going to say, let's reserve a little bit of space for Sierra and Paget. Oh, gross.

It's like watching a salt teen and like one of those arms. It's like a saltine and a oyster cracker. Just having a terrible romance. Then you had Byron, you're like, what is this guy you're gonna do? Oh no, we're still, oh no, we're still on those two. Sierra and Paget, those people are what makes swinging scary. You know, Swinger couples, however, was like,

oh yeah, you think like, God, you must be really cool to be a swinger couple. And then you meet a swinger couple and they're that. They're just weird and gross and boring. And they're always like secretly fighting while they're trying to like have a threesome or whatever gross, okay. Thanks for ruining threesome, you guys. Yeah, I think that CR and Paget were secretly

the downfall of the season and like, CR is obsession with TEEK. I don't know. And then Byron know. And then Byron was nice, but I just didn't understand why he was there. Like I didn't understand his role on the show. It didn't quite make sense to me. Byron was the Larry, Larry and Moe or whatever of the, the chief officer first. Yeah. Chief officer first mate, whatever it was. Yeah. I thought he was fine. He's fine, but he didn't add anything. No, no, he didn't add anything. But Sierra and Patch, what I feel bad for,

because wasn't there a story, well, not bad, but you know, wasn't there a storyline that her family had that boat, the Parcival, and then they made it into like a business, and they fixed a boat, and then Patchet came on when he was like 15 or something and started helping them with the boat and then ended up banging their daughter,

possibly, possibly problematically, adding up years. And then, then they brought on the captain to sail the family's boat. What's that their whole thing? I think that, I think that Sierra's family boat was a different boat. But I think they chose raise on a sailboat and then Patrick came on to help

and then they started having a very bland love affair and then from there, it's like a love affair that you'd expect to see on the ion channel or whatever it's called. You know, it's just like, the Ion channel. Is that the murder channel? No, that's ID. Oh, I don't know.

Whatever it is, it's like a very, it's like a, it's a very bland love affair. That should be much more scandalous, but we don't even care. We don't even care that has such strange foundations because we just don't want to see them anymore. Yeah, and for people who hated it, we sure had fun talking about it for 10 minutes.

But you know, you get the point, it's over now, okay? It's a new chapter. God. It's over and we got a new crew. We still got Glenn, we loved Glenn. So we have Glenn and let's just dive into it. So, um, Oh, also we're on crap and it's on demand today,

but yeah, because this is a very special episode. So this is this is on video if you want to see the gold. Justness. I know I want to rotate the camera diagonally. I want to invent. Ben's got a new standing desk. So he's obsessed. I'm at my new standing desk and it really has not if anything gets actually made the background

a little less interesting because now you really only see the ceiling because even with a standing desk, my angle actually because even with a standing desk, my ankle actually got worse with a standing desk because it's even more dramatic of a low angle. So now I have, I'm out of, I have a lot of stuff going on here. I wasn't really, I didn't really get my, I didn't really do my setup for this.

I didn't rotest anything. So we're just trying it out today. This is a setup for you stand up. I didn't do a setup for like a standing desk crappin' on demand. So this, we're just kind of winging this look right now But I think it's okay. I think it's fine. I mean, that's honestly this is not like This is not like Stanley Kubrick over here. It's like a webcam. It's not a big deal

I'll crew all crew brace yourselves. We're going sailing. So An outspanant we love doing terrible impersonations on the show and we admit that they're terrible. We don't think that they're good. They are going to be worse than ever today because this crew is like a united, well actually it's not like a united colors of Beneton commercial because it's a pretty white blonde cast for the most part, but the accents are a smorgasbord I guess is a better way to say it. It's kind of like, hey, I remember the British Empire and we just see, we're just hearing accents from places that were colonized by the Brits. Although, I don't know if,

I'm trying to remember, I don't know if South Africa was actually colonized by the Brits. You are not dragging me into your goddamn history. I'm going to tell you now. You're not going to get it. The point is this, we got, we usually get some, we get some British, Australian and South African, maybe some New Zealand. We're getting some Irish this time, which is nice. I don't think we ever get Irish. I actually think that we don't have a lot of Irish

in general on Bravo, which is shocking, because that's a fun accent to butcher. And then we also have Florida too, which is fine. And then the girl in Florida too, which is fine. And then the girl from Florida has a really crazy accent where she sounds like she's from Australia and New York, like Long Island City at the same time, which is super weird. And we have a Brazilian lady who has taken on Australian

and English accents, so she's also- Only by people that she booms though. That's a funny thing about her. She just takes on the accent if she fucks you. It's a really weird superpower that she has. She's basically like, I'm proscielian, but I was with Englishman, and then after the Englishman,

I was with Australian man. So you know, it's everything. So what, their accent goes through your wood. Like what's happening? I need her in Madonna and hilarious Baldwin to have like a three way and see what comes out of it. Oh God. Probably, they'd probably get a bad press and then a new baby would mysteriously appear,

which is. Galadias, newest story. Galadias, newest story. Illadias, baby. So we start with Captain Glenn talking about, like being poetic, thoughtful, saying, it's not about the journey, it's not the destination. We just turn off the engines and go with the power of nature, and that's cool, it's really cool, and it's classic, it's timeless. I mean, when you feel the wind in your hair and on the sailing yacht, then you'll know.

And I'm like, well, first of all, you don't really have hair, so not I mean, when you feel the wind in your hair and on the ceiling, then you'll know. And I'm like, well, first of all, you don't really have hair. So not the hair, shame you, but don't talk about the wind in your hair, Captain Glenn. Second of all, then we see things falling over. And I'm always one over by the things falling over. Whenever they, like, they show me something falling off a shelf and I'm like, I'm in.

I love watching things fall off shelves on this show. I just don't like when people say power of nature. I find it really offensive because every time we see the power of nature on the news, it's not pretty. Okay. It's not someone having a fun vacation. Like it's a hurricane or it's a tornado, you know, or freeze. I mean, I think of power of nature and I think hemorrhoids. It's like, thanks, nature. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for that. Um, and then as we see a lot of things falling over. And then this is honestly a very bad omen for the season And then as we see a lot of things falling over. And then this is honestly a very bad omen for the season.

We then just see a diagonal Cindy Bar Shop. And I'm like, ooh, this is how we're going to bring the, we're start the season off was with a Cindy Bar Shop. Cindy Bar Shop cameo, okay. All right. Yeah, because sailing people I'm learning are like the, the sailing type of person is like, trashier, not trashier, but like senior. It's like motorcycle people, you know?

It's like motorcycle people could be in a car, but they're like, why would I have Welshman? I'm a man, give me a motorcycle, yeah. And it's like tattoos and that's yawning people. I'm learning sailing people, sailing yawning. Yeah, yeah, it's actually very on-brand for Cindy Bar Shop, since the rest of her castmates, they prefer the Hamptons and she's like,

Quagg, and this show is kind of like the quagg of the below decks, right? It's like, it's like, yeah, it's fancy because it's a yacht, but it's like, it's not as serious. It's not as serious. It's not serious it's not as serious. It's fancy or they're taking the ferry. You know what I mean, but not much. I mean, if you came onto my luxury vacation

and told me my food just fell on my face because that's the experience, I would say fuck you and I'd write a terrible, mean horrible, like gay, expletive, filled, yelp review. Yeah. And by gay expletives, I mean, fucking, batch, batch. You know stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, no, exactly. I mean, fucking bats, bats, you know, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, no exactly. I mean, it's like it's not a pontoon boat. It's not a pontoon boat. So, but and Cindy Bar Shop is not a pot. That would be like saying, Cindy Bar Shop is kind of a pontoon boat.

She is in retrospect, but like, quagg sailing out. That's just very Cindy Bar shop, you know? Yeah, and for those of you who don't know who housewives are, cause you only listen to below deck, just to yourself a favor and Google Cindy Bar shop, literally watch any clip and you'll say to yourself, pontoon, they nailed it.

Yeah, exactly. So Captain Glenn is like, I'm back, but the rest of the crew is new. And this time, I'm hoping these guys are a little more chilled out, not so crazy. And then of course, we see like many clips of them being crazy and very not chilled out. Yeah, so now we meet the crew.

So we've got Gary, who's like a big face long hair guy, like kind of an Aussie surfer dude. And he's like, oh my good side, like, cause I'm good with people, I can drink a lot of rum. So I'm gonna wanna win it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay, sure. And then we see Daisy who's the cheese stew and she's like, Hey, he wants a lot of margaritas.

I'll put them in his hole. And she's the Irish girl, but she doesn't sound Irish to me at all. She sounds very Irish to me. She sounds very Irish and she reminds me of Valentina from Ladies of London because she's like, pay for say on my bitch, but I'm just trying to get the job done And I'm a I think I'm really worried or see Yeah

Usually when a lot of people say you're a bitch It's not just because you like to get the job done. It's because you're a bitch Like that's what I've learned from Bravo, you know when people like yeah people say I'm a bitch, but guess what, I'm just professional. Now, it's like by episode 13, it's pretty clear you're just a bitch, okay? I don't think we've ever had one misread on the bitch front, right? Is there ever been anyone where you said,

she's not a bitch at all? No, but that's not really my personality. By the way, that would be a bad thing if we said she's not a bitch at all. No, but that's not really my personality. By the way, that would be a bad thing if we said she's not a bitch at all. We want, we want, we want, we want her to be a bitch through and through. We're gay now, we love that. Yeah, I know, we're like queen.

So then Natasha, the chef is a chef and she's like, I just have standards, that's all. I'm like, oh, Natasha's, Natasha's a tight ass. I like it already. She is. Now I have to warn the audience. I'm probably gonna call Natasha and Natalie several times by accident because she sort of looks

like Natasha and Natalie who were twins who were on the amazing race together and then they went on to survivor together and Glad we're gonna have my sister. I shall get So I like I have Natalie in my head for some reason and seven Natasha and then later on There's a guest who comes up board whose name is Natalie So just like bear with me like that's gonna be this's gonna be my challenge for the first few episodes. And then we get our dingbat for the season Allie.

And you know, she's a dingbat because she says things like, I got you present. It's such a wrap, it's a possessed raw. And she's really like teeth forward. She's very gum forward. and she describes herself this way. She says Are they sentimental music? Are those theaters? And all my pets and I'm dead shop of jacks. I'm unique Yeah, I'm just wondering what those pets are called. Come here, no, hey, no I'm just wondering what those pets are called. Come here, knife, hey, knife.

Taylor. Taylor. I don't know. Jimmy talent. So, and then we meet Sydney. And Sydney is like, my parents always say they give me a proper reason, but they're not sure if it took, I was like, she's American. She's American, but she sounds like Irish.

Or at least at that point, I'm projecting an accent on to her. Yeah. Uh, and then Jean Luke, who also sounds like he'd be this sexy, mysterious guy because like, who's not sexy, mysterious, and their name is Jean Luke, but he's not. He's like, I'm John Luke. The it factor for myself is my life. People like to climb the mountain.

And then we just see him in a hot tub with just like the world's worst tattoos. It's like someone tattooed an edhardy shirt onto his body. It was just, oh my God, when they show his back tattoo and it's like a coat of arms. Oh, what? Or like a family crest? I'm like, oh my God.

Like you have that much of a canvas and this is what you put on it. Yeah. Yeah. This, this is how you do it. Like, you know, I have a thing with tattoos. I have a thing with tattoos in that. I can't stand when tattoos look like clip art

and it looks like they're just competing for real estate on someone's skin. Like I like it when they flow together and they look artful, but when it's just like, I'm gonna stamp this Hello Kitty here and this coat of arms here and this like picture of a piece of toast right here, like Adam Levine, did he have a piece of toast tattoo? I feel like he did. Maybe he did. He has a lot of tattoos, right? I think he has like a tattoo.

But they were all very patchwork. They were all very much like, he's someone clip-arded things onto his body. And that's like a pet peeve of my like bad. I mean this guy's the bad I just noticed his back one because it's like a family crest coat of arms thing but it's like it's just it's all runny. It looks like maybe he got it but then like maybe sat sat down with the chair with the back too soon and it like ran or something. It's like a piece of meat being unwrapped. It looks disgusting. I don't know how to describe it.

And then we meet Colin. Now Colin has hot tattoos, I think. So, Colin, he's the engineer and he's like, all you have to know the ins and outs of everything works from the engines to the personal traumas on Colin. I'm Colin. So then we get the obligatory montage of everything crashing down because still no one learns that it's a sailing yacht and you know, that's what we learned last season for every commercial.

It's like regular blow deck, but it's sideways. So we start in Marina Lav in Croatia and Glen, Captain Glen tells us that he loves sailing in Croatia because it's more adventurous and exclusive with beautiful towns and fishing villages. You know, I love coming here. There's so many protected waters. I'm like, I'm sure they love your fucking yacht coming through there, buddy. Yeah, we'll tell Mr. and Mrs. Turtle to go out

and bask in your gasoline. So that you're literally going to pour overboard despite what you say. Yeah, where else does it go? Okay, so you're not going to pour the gasoline overboard so you're just going to clean it up with towels and then probably throw it overboard. Like you can. Yeah. So first on board is Daisy and she's like, I'm a bit of a legacy. I made her Australian now. It's gonna take me a while to work up to Irish. It's gonna work on a need about at least. I don't, I have no promises for this.

The pivoting across the world was really hard for us. But all her parents and her aunts and her uncles were yaddies and her grandpa even represented Ireland in the Olympics for sailing. And so she's like, oh, there's a little bit of pressure not to disappoint anyone looking at parents in my grandparents in the Irish nation and Bono and in yeah, you know what I'm saying. I think that family is rhyming from something. I bet if somebody does some some deep Google Google dives, they'll find that her she's

from like an Irish gang family, you know, like an Irish mafia type family that's always having to run from something because your entire family she's like she went back generations everybody always on a boat running from something okay look around the girl you heard it first. Oh it's my aunt Patricia and my my aunt Margaret and my aunt Margaret Patricia and my uncle Peter they all know all your So then dumbass Gary the first mate He's like I feel like a lot in with me had women to jealous of me because it jealous to me hair I'm king of the jungle I'm king of the jungle

Saking his hair he starts to shaking his hair around so he yeah Gary comes on board and Catherine Glenn is like Gary Glenn. I was like oh my god. You did it wrong. It's Glenn Gary I was like, can we please have Ross? Yeah, bring back Ross. We need to like see this through I can't have just Glenn Gary. I need to have Ross from the end. Yeah, bring back Ross. We need to like see this through. I can't have just Glenn Gary. I need to have Glenn, Gary, Glenn Ross. Hey, listen, Gary, just wanted you to know, coffee is not for cleaners. Coffee is for closers. Okay, you're gonna have a great time on this.

It's no. I'm gonna coffee in my hair. Oh, coffee is jealous of me. Oh, God, where does that sound? Does that sound too? We're jealous of me. Hey, I'm going to go. Oh, God, we're a disaster. Disaxence. Oh, it's like the accents and also the voice textures are all over the maps. Oh, my. Okay.

Just throw yourself judgment away. Okay, there's nothing we can do about it. So now Natasha comes rolling up and she's just start saying she's like, I'm not a person who's good at sports. I'm not good at singing, but cooking is the one talent that I know God has given me. And she tells us that she is training and she's a chef. So she's here. Yeah. And then Danny, the proselion, she's like, you know, my accent is a

mystery. I'm proselion, but I dated an Irish guy and an Australian guy and an American, you know what, maybe I need to date an American so I can talk like, oh my God, let's go to the mall and do some shopping. It's like, you still sound proselian, okay? And I wish I could say that that's the most stereotypical ridiculous American accent I've ever heard, but I mean that is kind of true.

I mean, just listen to this show. We're like literally, well, we don't love malls, but you know, the rest of it. When not, I feel like when non-Americans do American accents that either do Valley Girl or cowboy, there was like, Howie partner, I'm American or they, or they do what she did Valley Girl. Like those are like our two extremes, which kind of does sum us up pretty well. Yeah, I mean, I'm in Texas and living California, so. I live in Texas.

I hear those all the time and I have to say, pretty good. Commissions, here comes one right now. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

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You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder-y-up. Yeah. So, um, uh, so now Colin comes on board and he's coming in from Panama because he has like a boat down there or something. So I feel like I'm surprised. I, we didn't get anyone who has a, has a, has a child in Florida, which I think, I think I'm gonna guess. Colin has his child like in a dog crate, like downstairs or something.

You know, like the long term babysitter. I think it's Colin. I'm gonna guess Colin S's child like in a dog crate like downstairs or something you know like the long-term babysitter I think it's Colin. I'm gonna. I think it's Colin too. I think that's bringing at that reveal that he has a he has a child In Fort Lauderdale, but he's working on a boat in Panama and he he misses both of them Yeah, I'm just gonna say Colin cuz he looks probably the right age and he looks like actually he knows his job the best He looks probably the right age and he looks like actually he knows his job the best and the other two you know, you know, I mean no one would have a baby with Gary or Some Luke right? Yeah, yeah, I don't think so and the other thing about Khan is he sort of looks like the type of person who would love to have a scene where it's night on the yacht and he's sitting on one of the decks and he has, he's like sitting and his legs are sort of like, he has his arms around his knees and he's smoking cigarette and he tells a girl, yeah, I got, I got a kid, yeah, long story.

I mean, it was a mistake, but, you know, God, I love him, everything I do is for him. You just know he's gonna have a scene like that. Yeah, she's my life, bro. She's my life. Okay, so Daisy's looking at Danny's resume and she's like, uh, what you've got quite a resume. You don't want to be cheap too. And she's like, no, not for me. I'm fine.

Park normal. She's like, oh, come back. Santa. Yeah. So no, Ali comes on board and she's from Australia. She's from Melbourne. Okay. She said, get wrong. And out of this continent, rock these instant and get on to a yacht.

And of course, there's like several instances where people think that Natasha is like the third stew, including Danny, which is like, that says a lot actually about so many different things. So, Ali, the thing with Ali is that she's used to being a deckhand, but now she has just taken like a seven day course on yachting and she's learning interior. So like you said, she's going to be the disaster.

And I think no matter where you're from, we all have this girl who this is how she says hi. Oh, Ali! It's like an air raid. Air raid, so'm not leaving. Second air raid, air raid, so I'm not wearing, like people are, they're people in parts of the world who are actually getting under their couch. I say watch this. Colin gets a text from Panama.

He's like, it's all right. Tell your grandma to take care of you. Everything's falling all right. I'm not an air raid. New girl just came on the boat. So then Natasha and Gary are speaking French because she's like, she's basically saying, do you speak French? She's like, not very well.

She's like, why not? I can speak Spanish. And then Danny is like, I can speak Spanish too. And he's like, oh, that makes sense because you're from Brazil. It's like, isn't Brazil Portuguese? I don't know. Yeah, but that's Gary. Because Gary only speaks fuck-boyly languages where he knows how to say like three things just to get into your pants

You know, it's like hello. Can I get the lady some water and we're fucking right like those of the three things he knows how to say Truly the romance languages so so then Sydney arrives and she she meets Captain Glenn and she says that she's from Florida. So, you know, Captain Glenn is so Canadian. He's like, where's home? Florida? Oh, really?

Florida? Yeah, in, you know, what's that, she's Florida. I've been there. Yeah, we docked there one time, walked around a little bit. What a great place. He's like everybody's dad Glenn. He really is. He is so sweet and adorable.

He is just the cutest. cutest man on Bravo, it's Captain Glenn. And you know, you immediately have to worry about Sidney, because she's the girl whose family has a boat, you know, which I've heard this before. I've been burned by this one before Bravo. And so she grew up on a boat and they do charters even and carries just like, yeah, the sunshine state. She's like, yep, you still know what Florida is. Thanks. Thanks, Captain. He's like, I can speak Florida,

with Floridian. So, yeah, and he's like, oh of me have been a predictive, pretty good, every good on board is attractive. Notice none of the girls say that. The girls are probably like, awesome. Thanks. Right. For this group of guys, we've got the, the, the squarehead with the hair and the guy with, you know, raw meat tattooed on his back for no reason. and the guy with, you know, raw meat tattooed on his back for no reason. Speaking of which, Jean-Luc arrives and of course, Glenn, Glenn's so short, Jean-Luc assaults so tall because he's 69 and he's like, oh, whoa, you're a big guy, aren't you? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

And Jean-Luc is a guy who miraculously sells by on being that tall and he's like, vacuously sales by on being that tall and he's like, I'd be lying if I said it was the first time I heard that. Look at this, my head doesn't even have the ceiling. God, it's all funny games until you try and get on a plane. Or in this case, into a little tiny. Fun and bad. Yeah. You know, if I were six nine, I think what I would want to do is go on to profession where I have to sleep in cramped quarters

I think that's just call that would call my name honestly, so He by the way, he must be terrible at basketball like terrible at basketball right If you're about tall and you still can't get on a team Yeah, it's pretty bad like can't you like isn't like doesn't Luxem get on a team, yeah, that's pretty bad. Like, can't she, like isn't like, doesn't Luxembourg have a team that needs position to feel like somewhere, somewhere, and Dora, I don't care where. Like, Myanmar, like there's a team somewhere

that needs a tall person. So Jean-Luc is meeting the girls and they're like, come on, he's so tall, he's so tall, he's not tall, he's so tall he's so tall he's so tall he's so tall he's so tall he's like four vineyards climbed up on top of each other um so uh he gets along with Colin or whatever he meets Colin and Colin is the first person who doesn't say anything about his height he's just like, hey. So then the boat is a mess, of course, because it's below tech.

So everyone has to, guys, we're gonna have a meeting in the cockpit, everybody come out of the cockpit. Now, and now welcome, I'm looking forward to this. It's about the journey, okay. It's gonna be long hours. One thing that's upset me is very easily avoidable screw ups, okay? So every department, I want you to chip in with each department, okay? Okay, just some examples of some easy avoidable screw ups.

Okay, if you're cleaning, don't use gasoline, easily avoidable. If there are people swimming and they're going off over their horizon, keep an eye on them. Just easily avoidable things. That's all guys. That's all. If you're six foot nine, don't try to fit into a five foot cubby hole for a bad. Easily avoidable guys. So yeah. So basically, um, or, Porsche on Luke. His whole existence is an avoidable screw up on a boat. You know, it's like, you know, it's too big. So Gary is like, my management solves dictatorship.

It's all good. I'm happy. You're just kidding. Just kidding. He just starts shaking his head around. You know, this guy's karma, if he is a terrible person, and I suspect he is, this guy's karma if he is a terrible person and I suspect he is, this guy's karma is gonna be to lose his hair. He's gonna be just one of those guys he goes bald and just can't handle it. And they are really fun to watch in the food court.

Oh wow, and that hair is gonna be a, that's gonna have a strange pattern. I actually believe it or not, I actually like his hair. I'm surprised. I like that it used to throw back on him. It works for me. I'm sorry, I'm putting it out there. QtU.

Okay. So now it's time to clean. So now it's time to clean and it's clean and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and then there's a stew meeting. And basically Daisy tells Danny to teach Ali all the basics, which is like what a fun concept to finally have rather have the seconds to train the third suit like what a novel idea on low deck. So Daisy's like, oh, I just feel incredibly lucky. Danny is extremely strong and she can take it to hold right on to the wing, which is great because it means I can concentrate on getting the boat turned around and listening to you too So then Glenn is talking to Colin. He's like I want to hear about this cat. Tell me about this cat You've got which means cat him Iran. I was like really talking about a cat

But I didn't you know I'm dumb so Colin's like I've spent a hundred grand on it He's like a hundred grand with that including buying the boat and then fixing up the boat? He's like, no, no, no, no. It was like a hundred grand and another 90 grand and another 157 million dollars is basically what I was like Jesus Christ. That's a lot of money you guys are spending on these these cats. Yeah, the catamaran seriously. So yeah, his whole like existence is that he goes away, does the job, saves up enough money to then bring it back to the catamaran. And, you know, that way someday he can wind up in a bar with Rob from below deck and have the more enigmatic backstory. I'm a treasure hunter. I repay it to Kater Moran, you know, in Piano Month. It almost feels like a pale syndrome, but it's not. So then Natasha's having a chef meeting with the stews, and she's like,

as a chef, I hate when people run to me and tell me, oh, you will never guess what they want. Because you know what? I cannot guess what they want because I don't see them. So you tell me what they want because you see them and I don't see them. So maybe if you would tell me what they want, then I wouldn't have such a problem with knowing what they want. Do you know what I'm saying? I was like, oh no, she's going to be a nightmare.

And I love it. Yeah, she just doesn't like people stressing in a galley. Why would anyone ever stress in a tiny, tiny galley? That's diagonal half the day. With pams flowing out their head up the time. Yeah, it looks like Boulder guys in that galley. So this is Sydney's first super yacht, but she's like, yeah, I grew up as like a naked boat baby.

I grew up in the water in Key West. My childhood was interrupted by the filming of Real World Key West, but other than that, I'm pretty normal, I think, except my whole tragic backstory is that we would get takeout from restaurants and eat it on the boat instead of actually sitting in the restaurants, so that's my personality. Yeah.

So then provisions, provisions, provisions, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. And Gary, Daisy, Natasha, we're going to have a preference sheet, we're going to have a preference sheet meeting in the cockpit because we can't have it in the green mats, because the green mats are so crazy, Bernie, guys, come on, let's meet in the cockpit. OK, because the Grimads are so crazy, Bernie guys, come on, let's meet in the cockpit. Okay, go primaries, or Russi Mickey, from Newport,

they're joined by Greg Alexa Rodin Natalie, they're avid sailors, fairly trashy people, but unfortunately I'm gonna take the trashy back cause Mickey's dad passed, that's not nice to me, sorry, my bad, take it back, they're trash. I decided to write down Nikki's preference sheet. I posit on her preference sheet, like sort of bi-accident and then I happen to see what was on it.

I was like, I have to write this down. So this is what Nikki Lynn writes on a preference sheet. Fairie cuisines. Seriously vegan, but not boring vegan. Love the crazy stuff like carrot hot dog and tofu ribs, etc. Pasta rocks as well. Love all cuisines, just not meat. Meat on both for me is like cocaine for captainly.

No, no, no. Seafood's okay for other people, but please do not bring any dead animals on board in the form of beef or chicken or lamb or other or the tip goes down a thousand dollars for every animal. And for breakfast, eggs, not on my plate, omelette toppings, no freaking way. Breakfast meals never! Patries, nope. And for breakfast, eggs, not on my plate, on the toppings, no freaking way, breakfast meals,

never, pastries, nope. Salads, oh hell yes, all. So I am the same. It's really exciting to be good. I know, I really, I actually thought she was gonna be a very different type of personality based on that one. When she came on, she actually wound up being pretty chill

and cool. But like based on that, I was like, oh my god, this is going to be some awful, you know, influencers sort of person. Like I was like, I was like prepared to really hate her based on her preference sheet. Yeah, she's, but then fish are okay for whatever reason. It's fine. I mean, that's how I am. I'm a vegetarian. I'm not a vegan, but I fish sometimes, you know, because I've always felt like fish, I don't know, like they're kind of dumb or something, but then I watch these Facebook videos because I'm on the dodo Facebook

and so I see these videos of fish that are like little pets and they come up and you pet them and I'm like, oh my God. And then I watch our planet, which, you know, I don't know, I still do it, but I feel very guilty. But I'm surprised that someone that militant would be like, oh, it's okay, they can have fish. Well, I just think it's funny that someone that militant,

who was wearing shirts during the charter that say, like, no meat or whatever it was, is like, on a yacht, that's poisoning the oceans. Yeah, always. Being on TV, Trump's, you know, ideals. So, so, so they, yes, they have to cook vegan food and Captain Glenn's like, vegan, like, how do you say it? Vegan, I mean, we don't say vegetable, so why is it called vegan? Why is it not? Vegan, vegan, how do you say it? I'm such a dad. I'm such a dad. Yeah, I'm a dad. Back in, back in.

So then Daisy, this is how Daisy trains Ali. She's like, um, you know, the vacuuming you're doing don't do it so much. Just go like this back and forth and then be done with it. It's okay. Don't waste your time. So then they're doing the windows, then it's night time. And Daisy's like, all right, Gale's, everything looks hearing. Now I just go off and be safe. She'll, so they go off to, and Glenn's like, guys, are you done? What's going on here? Have I told you about vegan versus wagon yet?

I'm working on it. I'm working on it. We should also mention that Ali is a vegan too, and she says she stopped eating at meat at age five, and that she and her mom would go driving, and they would stop the car every time they saw a road kill, and have a moment, like a prayer for the animal and keep going, which I think is very sweet,

but also never going on a road trip, because it's a lot of stops, that's a lot of stops. That's a lot of stops in the highway. It's a lot of stops and also I was thinking, I hope your mom had like handy wipes in the glove compartment. You know, I need that part to be added into the story. Yeah, some of those animals may have been rabbit. Maybe some of it may have been a,

well, you know, even if they're rabbit, they still have a soul and they deserve to be remembered. Yeah, oh, Ali so Daisy Yeah, how did I miss that that was like the best part? I've been vegan since I would five This is how's five and even if we see roadkill on the road we'll pull over and say a prayer Because Forever and ever your soul will be part of this world forever and ever. You got killed by our GMC Roadrunner. So let's see. So they're all drinking beers together on deck and Shawn Luke is downstairs like taking self taking pictures of himself

In different like hats, which is I guess like a guy's version of pretty woman trying, you know, it's just shit he brought from the gift shop to look cool on TV. And thank God, at least he knows it looks stupid. He put Jean-Luc's stupid hat, takes it off, like him better now. Just mind your mouth for that. So, yeah, everyone's hanging out, and the guys are loving the ratio of girls to guys, you know? And Gary goes, one's hanging out and the guys are like loving the ratio of girls to guys, you know, and Gary goes, oh, we've learned, I've learned one thing. You don't screw the crew, which it means that he's going to screw actually probably about two to three women on this cast.

Yeah. And no one, no one's buying that. So then, yeah, this is where we get the huge back tattoo and he can't fit in the bed. Jean- on Luke and so Colin's like, you happy up there? And he's like, I guess we'll find out. And he tells us that he's fit on every other boat that apparently not this one. And this is an extraordinarily tiny boat because there's three people to one room, right? Who's the three people?

The three people is, there's three, three of the girls are in a room together. I genuinely feel bad for Jean-Luc because he is very tall and he is 10 inches taller than his bed. Because I was thinking to myself, why doesn't he just bend his knees and do like a fetal style? That's how I like to sleep. I like to curl up into a little ball. Why doesn't he curl into a ball? Does he not know about the ball technique? Or is he the sort of person that just has to be fully extended at all times? Well, even in the fetal position,

because I sleep fetal too, I didn't know that about you. I sleep fetal on both sides. Side turn. I do a swimming motion, because I can't move in the bed, because bea-ler's always right next to me, so I have to like, do, it feels like swimming, where you like put your arm up and your leg out to straighten out,

and then like, like turn over, and over and then feed along the other side. So I never actually moved positions, there were locations in the bed. I just changed positions or whatever. So my point of that stupid, nontensical story is that yes, you do have to get straight occasionally. And yeah, you should be able to fit in your bed. But I don't know. Yeah, I mean, you do have to get straight sometimes.

Of course, I also think that Jean-Luc looks like kind of an annoying sleeper. Like, he at one point, he has like his pillow in his arms. I'm like, that's exactly the wrong way to use a pillow. No, it's not. Are you kidding? He had no pillow behind him, did he? Or did he have two pillows in one first?

Okay, here's how to sleep. One pillow on this side, one pillow on this side, one pillow behind your neck, and then one pillow behind, two pillows behind. One pillow on this side, one pillow on this side, one pillow behind your neck, and then one pillow behind, two pillows behind you, one on either side, see the rest of your arm on the phone while you're breathing. That's the big pillow privilege. That means you have all those pillows.

I do. You look like you only had one pillow and he was propping his head up in the corner or something like that. If you had another pillow, that's fine. But the point is this, he was doing all sorts of weird positions and I get it because he's too big, but I'm like, dude, go fetal.

Maybe the lie here is that when you go fetal, you don't save that much space. Maybe you only go from like, maybe it's a difference of only like four inches. I don't know, but poor guy. Okay, so then in the morning, he hasn't know, obviously we know why. So then Gary is just telling everyone to clean. He has a blowdack. I forget what it's like doing blowdack. It's like, they clean. And then Gary says to clean. And then Daisy says, did you sleep? Oh, maybe we should clean.

And then another girl comes by and she's cleaning something. And then some guy lifts her up and then they clean. Yeah. But then at one point, Gary is like, he's like, hey, John Luke, could you get some dissolved, there's some black things on there? So, so, so John Luke goes off to get some dissolveant for this black goo. And, uh, that he just comes back with a bottle, an unnamed bottle, and just starts pouring it, just starts pouring it on the deck. And then Colin is like sweeping it. He's like doing his like, his newsies newsies choreo like he's ready to start doing choreo and then like just before he breaks into songs he's like he's like wait a second. That

smells like pitch rolls at diesel. It was a smell diesel here on this non-catermarine and they're like wait a second and they're all smelling it and it turns out there was there was gasoline in the in the bottle. Yeah, someone took a as as Colin says, some idiot is put gasoline in a cleaning bottle. And the most important thing to do is consign this. We are not gonna let this go in the ocean. And so they start trying to towel it up and stuff. And like you said, you know, that's going. Look at that bed over there, Mr. Kimmerman.

Look at that extraordinary bed. Okay, switch, switch, switch. Yeah, yeah. extraordinary bid. Okay. Switch, switch, switch. Yeah. Also, who could have possibly left petrol in a cleaning bottle? I'm gonna say it was Parker from last season, because he is the sort of person who would do that. Or Elizabeth just swung by. Oh, I thought I was putting something special in here for James. I didn't want you guys to run out of gas. Yeah. So yeah, so the point is they have spilled fresh gasoline

on the deck and it's eight minutes until the guests arrive. Yeah, so then we get the guests arrive. But they get it, of course, it's starting, you know, they're, how are we gonna do this? The whole bunch is gonna go, oh, where are we gonna do? Everything's gonna be going to be back to gas. The guests are here and everything's fine, right everything's going fine Yeah, the guests come and wow

Orange County This is orange County for you. This is orange County at a bike show You know like the weekend or the weekend or bikers who all have like a $15,000 motor cycles is this they were giving me Huntington Beach so it was strange to me that it said they were from Newport Beach because there is a difference between Huntington and Newport.

So I think that they were, I think they have Huntington Beach origins, but they have now done well enough that they've moved into Newport Beach. Yeah, they have Huntington roots. Yeah, so they also terrible tattoos A lot of terrible tattoos happen here. And there's one guy in this group who he's like the clown. He's the funny one.

And he's wearing kind of like a denim speedo and like a wacky hat. Like he's like, oh, I'm gonna make an impression on TV. That kind of guy. And Bravo plays into this fiction that I love where they're just pretending that coronavirus really wasn't that big a video and it's still not going on at all

because he's like, I just want to make this the most unforgettable time ever after quarantine. It is so nice because everyone's out of quarantine. So I guess they could do this because they had to do the quarantine and then they all got tested and shot and people are probably aggressively tested or whatever, but I do love Bravo that is just like, I know it makes people crazy, but not me.

You know, I like that they're just pretending nothing's going on, because that's how I deal with problems. They're just like it's over. Wasn't that terrible, and we all thought we were gonna die, and then it just aimed it. Now everything's great,

let's just go on with life. I do like how they keep talking about quarantine in the past tense, as If we're not stuck in our house, it's still by and large for 80% of the time unless we are like, you know, essential workers, et cetera. So, yeah, so they all come on board. And, yeah, there's Nikki, there's a Natalie where I'm like, Natalie Natasha is hard hard and a Nikki, honestly a lot of N ladies so So now they're they're all toasting and it's a whole boat tour

Oh, we also forgot to mention that of course this deliberately wacky guy has brought a brony paddleboard of course He did because that's wacky wacky so they get the tour and Wacky! So they get the tour and then we get a Premonition shot of Ali. Premonite? Yes, Premonition.

Premonatory. Premonatory. What are you called? A foreshadowing or a Premonatory. I want that to be a word. Let's pretend it's a word. Two more teams.

Two many syllables for a recap that involves, you know, these guests. Preminatory. Okay, so we get a shot of her confused in the laundry room. I know it's people can get mad. Basically, which hopefully is shades of the future, because you know, BulloDec does confused laundry the best, okay? Yes. No one does confused laundry like BulloDec.

Promonatory. Yeah, this is true. I wrote down Ali's confused about something in the laundry room. We know this is just one episode until that our import starts to fall down on her feet. Yeah, it's a wacky Greg is like, Pell is hunting and then humping the master couple. For memes, Ronnie. He really is.

Mm hmm. So then, Nikki's, Nikki, who's the main lady, whose dad passed away, it's like, you know, my dad would always say, live it up, because you just don't know when it's gonna end, guys. Like, oh my god, lighten up, Nikki, Jesus. I'm like, Nikki, what are you doing with these shmows then? So, yeah, so now I like that we're gonna leave, we're gonna leave Doc and the ropes are coming up

and we're going and Rusty's like, we're gonna bend this pitch over, yeah. And Greg is like, bend this pitch, yeah, wacky, wacky meme guys. Wacky misogyny, fine. So then Natasha's like, oh, we're going sailing. Come here, baby. And she grabs your kitchen aid.

That was like the most emotionally authentic moment of 2021. We're grabbing that kitchen aid of being like, come here. It's like those movies were like, it's like those movies were like, like troops are coming in and the parent has to hide a child under a tree. Like a behind the couch or something.

So Daisy's telling everyone anything you can thank to me. No ions, no ions, alright. Lady in the laundry and assuming her is disaster, nothing ironed while the sea is coming up for her. Neuon, I know this will be sort of common sense because will be diagonal and there's a hot iron. Do not touch the hot iron during the diagonal times in a bit. I know it's obvious, but I can already tell you're kind of dumb. Well, I'm sure nervous. It's like the first time I ever went to Florida.

Thak-khan, what kind of paradise is this? But I'm nervous because the guests are avatielers and we're avatielars and that could make our job harder because if there's holes in our games They're gonna see it They are should face Yeah, they could just blow a Kleenex near their face and they're like, oh, we're selling Well, she and I look at this hell. Yeah, those guys are so drunk all they're gonna see are holes Okay, they're already humping random things around the boat literally just put a whole bunch of old spice things around them and I'm like, oh, it was a pretty impressive fleet. So the sales going up, don, don, don, don,

don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, yeah, the music for this is so majestic. That was Kisina Moranga or Pichanga, I forget. But- It's so majestic, it does not. Yeah, it's awesome majestic, but this is like the crown music. It's like.

Oh no! I always go out. I always go out. They do it every single time. I always, I'm always like, I'm just sitting there watching and I'm like, oh, the magic of sailing, I get so into it. And then of course Greg and his speedo climbed up to the front of the boat

onto the bow or the stern, whatever it is. And I'm like, oh God, he's gonna do King of the World. And then he somehow mages to do something worse thinking of the world. He starts playing harmonica and thrusting his pelvis. I'm like, please. I'm like, please. I'm like, you're singing a song at Glam, he's like, yeah, I'm glad you're singing a song at Glenn.

He's like, yeah, I'm gonna fuck you, Glenn. God those guys were wacky. So then Glenn is talking about how Sydney surprised him because during this whole thing, you know, you see them like, move the rep and then lift that rope and then turn that thing and then that rope, this crew seems to have to have a lot of more knowledge than the other crew right because below deck regular I don't think I don't it seems like they don't really do anything I read the reddit AMA well part of it one of you guys sent

me a sent us a link for the reddit mm what the fuck mma mma AMA yeah the reddit AM a Rob from last season, who's just so much more of an asshole off camera than he is on camera. And he was giving away production secrets. And basically he's saying there's a whole skeleton crew that actually does the work the whole time and not there. Which makes sense. That was in the New York Times, by the way. Well, I don't read that trash.

Okay, I don't read. I think like he's giving away the secrets. Like he's so cool when it's been like published. Yeah, well, it's like a couple, you know, it's long. But anyway, I won't go into the whole thing, but I just thought it was funny because on that show, you could probably get away with it, but not sailing out.

There is no room for a skeleton crew. I think that's why everybody has a name on this one. Yeah, I think so. So yeah, so Glenn is saying all sorts of stuff that doesn't make sense to me like, okay, stay on this tag for a while and take advantage of this puff, which sound like they were just getting high,

but whatever. So we're all diagonal and then Gary is asking for 1942, Porfavor and a hug. Swaggy. So wacky. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Plates for desserts, Plates for desserts, pipe for desserts, everyone's hammered his hell.

And Nikki starts getting really annoyed. And she's like, please, honey, slow your roll. All right, slow your roll. I think, yeah, yeah, you fucking slow your roll. Give me a whole, man. Just give me a whole. The guys are just nightmares. They're they're awful and she's like,

this is your one warning. And otherwise it's gonna be apocalypse, okay? So now the the sales are coming down. John Lucas going to bed and they're changing into their blacks and then now, and as they're bringing the sales down, Glenn's French Canadian side really comes out because he goes from being like,

oh, I'm just glad he's going like, one, two, three, oh, one, two, three. I was like, where'd that accent come from? Glenn. So everything goes great, okay. And Sydney is confusing accent wise, but she's really good with the wheel, apparently. So Glenn's super impressed. So then Gary comes in and Glenn's like, wow, that was amazing. That was so amazing, Sydney.

And Gary's like, yeah, look, let me get some full head there. Sorry, it's just irritating. Darius are touching her forehead, gratuitous forehead touch touch So now it's dinner and there's this vegan meal coming out that looks lovely It's like a beetroot corpaccio. There's a tuna tartar for the non vegans and Natasha's just talking about how she just would work herself to the bone just to make people happy because that's just who she is so the dishes are going up and They arrive and then Rusty goes where's the meat? And they arrive and then Rusty goes, where's the meat? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, dumplings. God, little, damn it, I love you. Sir Miyoki? They look lovely, they look lovely. So then we see another clue that Allie's gonna be a disaster is an extended shot of her trying to open up a cabinet.

Like very Elizabeth. This isn't Elizabethan moment for her because she's just with a cabin door like, for like a minute, we're just like watching you're opening this door. There's like multiple doors and she's trying multiple doors and then finally one opens so she just goes with that one. But these doors are different than normal buts because they have to lock a certain way to not fling open, you know.

So she just doesn't know the special sailing ways of cabinet doors. You had a K-Bam? She'll learn, maybe. So then we see, and then we're back to the guest going, butson house, butson house, butson house. And then you hear a voice, I'm assuming it was Nikki saying, I'm gonna murder someone. Okay.

So Nikki is telling her dad's story, because this trip is for her dad, you know, who passed away. So one of the drunk guys is like, hey, Linky, tell us about your dad because we're here for your dad, right? Go ahead and talk about your dad. This will be good. And she's like, what's your name? Daisy.

Oh, Daisy, dude. I've never heard that one before, I bet. She's like, well, my dad came here with $8. I was $5. It was with $8 I was $5 it was $8 it was $5 I remember saying five Great just playing a harmonica yeah, oh, so he's like just playing And then thing so then the guys start drunk fighting where they don't even know what they're talking about. One of them was like, I don't think that I'm gonna be able to put them on. No one knows what the fuck's going on. So Nikki's like, uh, goodnight motherfuckers. She gets up and goes to bed. Yeah, pretty much. Actually, this is the worst dinner I've had in my goddamn life. Um she leaves. And Daisy goes and tells the girl

and then Nikki is upset with everything. And then we have this shot of Greg sitting at the table and there's this other lady. I think this is Natalie. And she's like, so what do you have to say about that? Craig and he goes, it's Goliath. She goes, whatever, I don't give a shit And then I'm serious with the angry guys like you know second Greg like I have to fucking about the hall

And now we also have like the beginning of Daisy for the next five minutes telling everyone to toy the up She's like, I just need you to toy the up can you toy the up please? Can you toy the up, please? Can you toy the up, toy the up? Or I just need you to toy the up. Can you toy the up, toy the up. Can you, the toy the up, toy the up, toy the up. Toy the, toy the up. So Greg's like, oh, hey, I like you tattoo, bro. And this is like, I've got a tattoo here,

but it's offensive. And Greg's like, isn't on your vagina? I'm just like, no, I'm embarrassed now. It's on my, I'm so embarrassed, which is why I brought up the well, I'm embarrassed now. It's on my own, I'm so embarrassed, which is why I brought up the tattoo that no one can see. It's on my lip, look at that, it's on my lip. 2020 was such an awful year for that I only got,

I got my only tattoo or was pissed at the world in the yachting industry, which my family pretty much owns. It just says, fuck off, family of yachts. Well, she's my lip, ssss. So then I have Greg. Is he dead?

Oh, so Greg goes into the- the master bedroom and he's like, Hey, he dead! And he's like seriously, get the fuck out of here. Hmm, he's like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey fuck out. So then, now Jean-Luc is awake again from his non-sleep and Gary gives him all evening duties and Jean-Luc is doing this whole thing of like, I couldn't get any sleep and now I've got a long list to do. This is, it's gonna be like non-stop and I'm like, okay, so Jean-Luc is gonna be like the crappy deck and now, I mean, it's sucked that he doesn't fit in his bed but now he's complaining about his list of things to do But his list is really long. Did you listen to the list? It's like all right. Here's what you need to do

sweep all the decks then mop all the decks then clean all the windows then Shine every piece of metal on the boat. Oh, look wait a second. This one guy does this overnight He's tall. He can do it. So now it's the morning and serving coffee to everyone and Jean-Luc is back in bed. They're all up at like 630 in the morning. What's his shocking? Because how wasted they were. But um, uh, she, Nikki, Nikki's basically like, don't get wasted tonight. Otherwise, I'm going home. You assholes. Yeah. So then there's carrot bacon being served and Ali tells Natasha. She's like, he would take me so well, some of the chess,

what about the death of after 10, beg and ban? Y'all just doing that. And she's like, yeah, you know what? You don't have two choices. I stress out or I do it. So I'm doing it. Check. Wow! If Troy graduated from culinary school, I was invited to cook at Mirazor, which is the best restaurant in the world, and I went there and I cooked, which is very difficult going from a third world country to, you know, getting a work visa in Europe. So there I was working the best country in the world, and I thought, wouldn't it be more fun if I worked in a tiny, tiny, tiny,

galley that was diagonal? So here I am. be more fun if I worked in a tiny tiny tiny galley that was diagonal. So here I am. So Daisy is like she's checking on the gas and she's like are you okay to think about breakfaces I don't know for sailing right away so I don't know if you want to have break this man if you want to wait or and the guys like oh we choose sailing over food. Now here's what Daisy here's where Daisy is so soap opera E The thing about breakfast is I don't know for sailing right away so she's basically starting it off like how important is breakfast I don't want to serve your breakfast basically right. Yeah, so the guys like no, we're real sailors sailing over food So she's like oh all right, so you want things more in your hand then is opposed to a certain tables. All right, then sounds great to me.

A lecture that's taken care of. Yeah. Like why don't you just say breakfast is about to be served. And also why are these people have such a hard on to go sailing at seven in the morning? Like chillax. It'll be because I think she's made them feel like total wussies if they don't say they want to go sailing right this second She's phrased it in a way like they're care about breakfast or sailing Are you maize or are you mean all right? Let me answer me that do you like sailing or your buses? Pussies who want them later not so do you want to sit there and your pussy bottoms eaten

Mamlet or not. This is how you want to sit there and your pussy bottoms eaten, eaten croissants and all sorts of dink-tty lady foods. Or do you want to be a real man and go sailing with a breakfast barito in your hand? You tell me what you want. No man! Where man! Pull in my torte! You tell me what you want!

So she goes in, so she goes in to the galley and she's like, well, it turns out they're all bunch of real men who want to have hun sandwiches and breakfast for some cheese and just little bread sticks in their hands. That's all that I want. And Natasha is like, and she looks down there's like already half of a beautiful spread. It's been like arranged. It's so huge. It's like I played this big of like beautifully cut fruit

like laid out in spirals and like a croissant tray. It's like all this stuff. And she's like, well, I'm accustomed to a different way of doing things. And she's like, well, I agree normally about, you know, these are real men here. So they're not going to sit here with their little lady like food plate there That's that's not for real men. These are these are men who want you know what they want They want a shoot a seagull have it land in their hand and just eat the head right off of it for breakfast while they go sailing And it's just like well, you know, you have to initiate the breakfast You don't just tell them you know, you just initiate it and she's like, well, you know, what these are men who run?

They don't skip. So they're just gonna have some, you know, they're just gonna have some handheld if you will. They each have five chesticles. You child men with four chesticles that they're only gonna go It's only gonna have some croissants for breakfast and not sail right away. You do that. And Natasha's like, no, you tell you set the table and you say breakfast is ready. That's what you fucking do. And so Tasey's like, oh, well, you know, she's like a dog with a bone, that one. And I'm not going to fool out the first chapter, so I'm going to give in this time, but I don't

want to be a pushover all season. Like, you started this whole thing. Tasey's going to be a gaslighting monster. So another great casting job. Good job. I don't want to be a pushover that is happy to not sail first thing in the morning. Okay, who do you think you are?

So, so, all right. Breakfast is ready. So here's what we're gonna serve. You've got a choice. Dipers or underwear. Choose boys. We got you all some celebratory, literal dresses that fit tiny,

digital girls for you to wear while you're your breakfast on a perfectly horizontal boat. All right. Um, so Natasha is with Gary. I don't know. She's she's saying like everyone's keen to go sailing, but you know what? They're not going sailing in five minutes. The goal is to go sailing at like nine in the morning. It's like seven forty five or something. So she days is like, well, she says you have time for breakfast.

So hopefully the wind keeps blowing and you'll get to sail because you never know that chef's trying to ruin your entire sailing life. muckletting yourself right now. It would be such a shame if you never got to express your full manhood after breakfast. She's such an asshole. Yeah, I noticed that. So then the big news is that Jean-Louis did not pump all the naughty boy's last night. And then he really didn't do a lot of things. He left fingerprints on things

and stuff and Gary tells us that he grew up like super tidy because of his mom and that's just how he is now. So what Jean-Luc did is like hard for him because he's like, well, the guest sort of desperate to go sailing but we're having breakfast instead. And he's like, oh, desperate to sail, great, are we gonna sail? So he goes to start getting ready to go sailing. And then the guys who have been pumped up so much for sailing are like, I was sailing or not, what are we doing? And Russ is like, well, I've been waiting to go sailing.

We even said skip breakfast. Ugh. I'm like, honestly, it's like it's 7.30 in the morning. There is like a literal full day of sailing ahead. Like you're damn breakfast. The game's thing I've ever done eating breakfast. Where's my pride parade? Ugh.

Well, everyone breakfast is set. So if you want to go sailing, hopefully we'll go sailing real soon. And when that time comes, I'll just remove the douches from you. Well, you're breakfast. So Natasha gets Allie the carrot bacon. She's like, oh, yummy.

And then Daisy is ordering people around, go do the cabins, blah, blah, blah. And Nikki is like No, she's talking to Daisy. There is no Nikki, right? I got Daisy Mickey is no no. I got Mickey confused with the girl Danny the girl from Brazil a lot of the end of an e-sound to there's Nicky Natalie Danny Gary. Yeah, so this is Danny And she's like I accepted taken stew so I could have more fun And none of the responsibility like the main story

That's that hurts So she goes and starts doing her work and then can we can eat you for sailing and it's like 10 15 minutes or so and Daisy's like, oh, holy shit man, there's the problem. Now I've got to clear all these plates in 10-15 minutes. This is what I was worried about. Well, you wasted 20-d am minutes Daisy. That's true. So now they're like Russian clear the plates before they go sailing and everything and oh, there's a lot of catabatic winds coming through that, accelerate over the hills, at which point,

Connor's like, kid of marine? Did someone say something about a kid of marine? No, just kid ofatic. Oh, I wanna give them a lively sail. Put on that lazy sail, engine off, and we're sailing. And the majestic music is playing. And all the guests are weren't now wearing t-shirts that say live strong,

sale hard, which is like, okay. So, sale hard, guys. You are, their manliness really is tight up into the selling. It's really strange. It's like, wow, I caught a lot of wind. So since this is below deck, but on it side, a board falls in the kitchen and Natasha's,

she's like, what the fuck? Yeah. And then one of the guests is like, wow, this is like rich pirates. Pretty much. So Gary has to wake up, Jean-Luc. He's pretty much being a dick, because Jean-Lou

didn't do a whole bunch of the things that Gary asked him to do and it's obvious that he didn't do it. But Gary is gonna do the passive aggressive thing where he opens the door and he's like, hey, Sori, I know you've been having some trouble getting some sleep, but did you happen to rinse down the boat last night? Because I noticed it wasn't rinse down. So you'd think that I wouldn't even have to ask you, but it's kind of fun to ask you and make you feel shame about oh no production on the lights because I'm talking to you right now So sorry about that brother. No, I think he did it. Yeah, he's I assumed it was Who's being a dick he flipped on the lights and he's like oh

Cuz he's on the top bunk so the light is right in his eye while he's trying to He's on the top book so the light is right in his eye while he's trying to I thought production Yeah, and then Gary goes whoopsie His old right brother, but I guess I'll leave sleep now And he leaves and Jean-Luc is very very upset Yeah, so

Yeah, Jean-Luc is telling Colin afterwards that polishing the whole boat in six hours is impossible. And then we see dolphins. Dolphins are like the breakout star of Bravo in 2021. We've seen on real househouse of Atlanta. We've seen them on Southern Charm. And now here, although there is some question about are they dolphins or are they sharks either way? The dolphin shark is a breakout star and it's here on blowdeck sailing. So that's exciting. Yeah

So the guys are gonna go snorkeling one of them's like hey, that snorkel another one gets I've never snorkeled because do you know how to breathe then you know how to snorkel? It's just in a man has drowned in Croatia It's not as simple as that Greg It's not as simple as that. Greg. Oh, so now we have Danny telling Allie how to do laundry. Okay, so when you take things out of the dryer, just fold them. That's my tip.

Yeah, when you say things coming out of the dryer, you need to fold them and then put them on top so it looks nice and Not messy and she's like okay. Have you ever had carrot bacon? It's really good I'm a rebel. I wish carrot bacon was called like Death males or something really really rebellious So now Greg and Alex are going to go paddling out into the waters and the toys are going out and everything. And Gary tells Jean-Luc to keep an eye out on the guys for paddle boarding, Alex and

Greg. And then, so Jean-Luc is supposed to be keeping an eye on them, but then Nikki starts talking to him and she's like, I told her, I'll just, we found your future husband. She loves shitty tattoos. Hello, like my little daughter, am I right? Am I right? Ah, anyway, you're hot for my daughter. I told her I saw a guy who's real tall

and he's got a tattoo of ground beef being and wrapped in a supermarket. She's into it. You married. And he's like, oh, yeah. Where you based out of? Oh, West Coast. Well, there are jobs on the west coast This guy's such a goofball. Yes, so every guy on the shows terrible right what do we what do we see? What do we think is gonna happen in the future? I think Collins gonna be pretty decent and

Obviously, Gwen's fine. Collins seems to be the best so far. I think I can't tell with Gary seems like he'll be awful, but I actually don't find him awful just yet, so I'm holding on hope that maybe he might be a surprise. Like I'm holding on hope that he might be season one, Ashton, as opposed to season two, Ashton, but he's going gonna be a monster, I think. I'm calling him a monster. I think he's a monster. No, there's a very good shot.

I mean, that's because they all men on below deck tend to be monsters, but so far, I have like a glimmer of hope that he might not be a monster. Not sure. I think just because he's like really tidy and that's basically it. So you just like a clean person. Make cleans up after him.

It's clean. I'd say I'm like at the step towards being a person. But then again, it's a while. It's probably tied to you too. So anyway, so Gary and Daisy are just sitting in the crew mess talking about like they're basically gossiping about their staffs and Daisy's like, yeah, so I think that Dany is really strong. I'm really

happy with Dany and Gary thinks that Sydney is strong, but he thinks that Jean-Luc is not great, but Daisy tells him that Jean-Luc hasn't been sleeping and Gary's like, okay, like, you know, he clearly doesn't care. Yeah. And then out on the deck, Gary's people are like, hey, where did Alex and Greg go? There's not, we're missing some wackiness on board. Where are those guys? They're somewhere on the ocean, aren't they? Yeah. So God, you know, the air has changed

or we're missing some toxic masculinity. Anybody have, oh my God, where are the guys? Where are the guys? And John looks like, oh my God, I was totally about to move to Newport to marry some skank that Whose mother I just met Darn it, I lost him! And so now they're like, oh my god, where the where the dish bags?

Yeah, and um, that's that's the cliffhanger that we lost the dish bag and the and the generally pleasant guy who went on of getting Roped into this trip The guy who's his only screen time is that he doesn't know how to snorkel and then he was just like off, sent off into the great blue. So I guess we'll have to find out what happens. Hopefully, I'm rooting for the sharks. I'm rooting for the sharks. Yeah, dinner time suckers. Yeah. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being with us today.

Thanks for being with us on demand. Those fee watching this bid, yeah. Yeah, I just spit all over the place for no reason. Thanks so much for being with us today. Thanks for being with us on demand. Those of you watching this video. Yeah, I just spit all over the place for no reason. I'll have him spin forever. Geez. I don't think this is super fun. We will be back next time. We'll be back tomorrow with Real Housewives of Dallas.

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