Watch What Crappens - BONUS! Crappens Live at the Improv

Episode Date: April 5, 2016

We had an amazing time doing our live show at the Hollywood Improv last night. So cool to meet so many of you. We even had lighting. We’re still amazed. Thanks for everything you guys do for this show and us personally. Please enjoy this live bonus!! WE LOVE YOU! ------------------- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, welcome to Watch What Crappens. This is a taping of our live show. We did this last night at the Hollywood Improv. Thank you so much to everybody who came out.

We had so much fun. We even had lighting, okay? We felt so fancy. This was really fun. Hope you guys enjoyed this bonus episode. And thanks again to everybody who showed us so much love last night. We love you. Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. everybody who showed us so much love last night we love you all right, welcome to the lab at the world famous Hollywood Improv

Please welcome to the stage, Watch What Crappens I love the blue lighting, darling. And thank you. This is not as high as I need it, but close. This is amazing. I feel like we're doing the NPR delicious dish right now. Let's do it. This is really exciting.

Welcome to Watch What Crappens Live. The last time we did one of these live shows in LA was about four years ago. And Tammy was in our front row. Tammy! We had like ten people. Tammy LaPlaine! She was back in the front row. We had only like ten people that time.

BB Raven, darling. Yeah. No, I was going to say, we only had about ten people that time. But Tammy was a good laugher. And most of them thought it was like some terrible improv show. So they had to sit there. They were like getting their thing stamped for class.

God bless their hearts. They're like, this is not improv. I mean, I guess it is. Sort of. We just don't stick to the game. Yeah. It's improv without a game.

Yeah. Don't tell Ariana we don't take sketch comedy very seriously. So first of all, I want to thank the Sideshow Network for setting up

this whole thing for today. Holy crap, Sideshow Network for setting up this whole thing for today. Holy crap, Sideshow Network. This place, a dark place with a table in front of me. You win. And a bar. That's great. And for people who are listening at home, we're at the Improv in Hollywood. That's chandeliers, Donnie.

It's amazing. Some Shannon Bedore shit right there. We have, there are like, I don't know how many people are here because I'm bad at estimating, but I would say about 300, I think. Yeah, totally. Don't say that. We have people here from San Diego, from New York, from Atlanta. From Atlanta.

It's true. It's amazing. This is a good time to get out of Atlanta. The reunion. It is true. It's amazing. This is a good time to get out of Atlanta. The reunion. It is a really good time. Nini's going to try and pretend she was nice to you the whole time. Yeah. In fact, here she comes.

Bloop. Bloop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Dong. Dong.

Dong. Woo. Woo. She's that guy from Police Academy. Yeah. So thank you guys all for coming out during rush hour in L.A. That is a big, big ask.

And so we appreciate that. We have... We've burned through our asks. I know. Oh, and by the way, only one of these is vodka. So don't get worried. Don't be scared.

Yeah. One of these is water. I am actually double fisting with an iced coffee and a Bud Light. How are you doing? We also, by the way, in the audience, we have some actual real-life Bravo stars here. We have several members of Newlywed Season 1 and 2 here.

We have Brandon, we have Craig, we got Tina, we got Tara. What did he say? 1 and 2? He did not watch 2. He was like, lesbian couple, out. I'm out. Was there a season two that I missed? Yeah, there was. Lesbians. I think they're still together.

God bless their hearts. Just members of the Bravo family are here. So thank you guys for coming and bringing your star power and looking all beautiful. And also smelling really good and having touchable hair. Because you know that's the first thing I did. Touch everyone's hair. They're also really good sports, considering how much shit we talk on our podcast.

The fact that you guys actually showed up. Thank God those two girls haven't listened to that shit. I was like, hey, did you listen during your season of Neely Weds? And she's like, I don't think you covered it then. We didn't. Don't listen. No, nothing at all. We didn't say anything.

I'm a good gay friend. friend I say that shit behind your back oh my gosh so we are here for the next 45 minutes or so so we are not going to really recap a show because you know us it takes us two hours to get through a show but we have Bravo stuff to talk about we have Bravo gossip

to discuss do you have notes? we have Bravo gossip to discuss. Do you have notes? We're just going to do this from memes? We have the gossip item, which is did you guys hear that Tamara and Vicky were in a life-threatening... Look, everyone's so sad.

They buy that shit. Don't buy that shit. Everyone's like, oh no, they're really hurt. No, they're not. It's on TMZ. They're not hurt. When they're calling TMZ from the hospital bed, don't be worried. It's like Tamara's fifth boob job. Like, you can't pretend you're suddenly worried, okay?

Yeah, so basically they were driving like a dune buggy, and Tamara was driving, and Vicky was in the car. Yeah, exactly. Tamara was driving dot, dot, dot. It's always the worst way to start a sentence. You know it's never going to wind up well. So they were driving and apparently she flipped the car and it rolled over. It was like super scary.

But I think this is a good example of what happens when Jesus takes the wheel, right? Well, you know that fucker invented wine. Jesus is like, I tried, people. I tried. Do not get in the car with Jesus. He's drunk. Oh, wine. Turning water into wine, Jesus. I tried. Do not get in the car with Jesus. He's drunk. Oh, wine. Turning water into wine. Jesus.

So, they're both okay. They're both okay, which means we can joke about it, because if they'd gotten hurt, then we'd be just bigger assholes than we already are. Next year, Tamara's eighth boob job to repair the boobs that were hurt in the dune buggy. Exactly. They've been, like, flattened extra, so you're still, like,

putting all the dunes in there. Yes, the shattered boob. I feel plastic in my ear, batch. the dune buggy. Exactly. They've been like flattened extra so you're still like put a couple of loons in there. Yes. The shattered boob. I feel plastic in my ear, bitch. What was I going to say about Tamara's boob job? Oh, so the big part of the story that was like, you guys should really take this seriously because they were really hurt. Afterwards, Vicky almost

barfed. Vicky's almost barfed at like every dinner party she's ever gone to. I thought dune buggy was just another party. It's like, bleh! The real story is they served crawfish in the dune buggy. She's like, bleh! There's no

parking for golf carts? We knew this was going to happen. I mean, I think we all remember the way, every season they were always driving around in golf carts, almost crashing those things. I mean, who thought it was a good idea to give Tamara Barney a golf cart? Speaking of fake medical shit, did you guys read the People magazine article with the Brooks Ayers? It's so good.

It's so good. I didn't read this. Wait, what was it? What was it? It's so good. He goes on People magazine for this interview, and he's like, Everybody was trying to make me look terrible for years

and it was difficult to be with Vicky they tried to make me look like a con man and they said so why did you forge your medical your cancer records in like a knock off of photoshop that still had the watermark on it and he was like well

because they were calling me a con man so you're proving you're not a con man by faking your medical records. Well, he's doing that whole thing of I wasn't a criminal until I was sent to jail for a petty crime. And now I'm hardened. I kill people. It's like, no, you're just a shady ass motherfucker. You want to ask a difficult story, like something that's really had a difficult time in the press? Cancer.

Okay. Cancer never gets a good rap. It's always fucked in the press cancer okay cancer never gets a good rap it's always fucked in the press brooks yeah you see i need that awkwardness i need that awkward i need that awkward laughter to remind me in the show hey of course discussing horoscopes cancers just do not do well in the news um no but brooks is really shady and i like that he's teasing this out. You know what's a good way to remind people that you're not a con man is not going to People Magazine and telling people about all the ways

you conned everyone. That's how you do it. You don't just pop up every five minutes. I wonder what his thoughts were about the dune buggy accident. He probably said that he got hurt in it too. He's like, I got a broken arm. You weren't even in it. Megan King Edmonds shows up.

I've had a fractured wrist. God damn it! I've had a fractured wrist since the 80s because of that dune buggy accident. There's going to be a Zapruder film of it or whatever. What do you think that car ride was like?

That dune buggy ride. Shut up, bitch! There were four people in the ride. I feel bad for the other two people getting no publicity. I know. Kind of like dying in the back. No one cares. It's all about Tamra.

I feel bad for them just for being stuck in close quarters with those two women in a dune buggy. Listen, if you get in a dune buggy with Vicky and Tamara, you deserve to die. There's no saving it. Bye. Yeah, but they were apparently, for those of you who don't know, they were actually airlifted out of there. They were airlifted... What about the others?

The others were just left there. They're just left there. They're still lying by the side of Lake Havasu. Vicky's like, fix the dune buggy. We'll be back. It's serious. Well, the good news is I'm sure the dune buggy was insured. And if not, then it's going to be a real disaster for Vicky.

No, it wasn't. I love making a good insurance joke. Fake rich people do not pay their insurance. Yeah. The other thing. They paid paid for in the first place why may they pay insurance on my best mark my best buy card i haven't paid for that tv why would i get insurance for it take it okay i have like insurance about like stupid things i'm like i like buy i like buy a coffee and like would you like to insure that i'm like yes i would what happens

if i spill it you know it's like now $30 later. Wait, it's already done. We'll take that $10 Best Buy plan at the end. I know. At checkout. But you know what? There was other news. Do it. There was.

I'm watching you from the side. You have this eyebrow that's like sticking out. It's so hot. So this is something very special for people who are watching this in person. I have an eyebrow that shoots up when I'm talking. It like bounces up and down. And people... No, it's like... It's's so cute it's like an eyebrow cowlick it's oh we're talking about the actual eye brow that's like yeah like an eyebrow here's that too but i haven't when i talk my like my

right eyebrow goes up a lot oh i would never judge your eyebrow movements no it's fine it's fine but it's apparently something that i do and and people are really amused by it. I look like I'm cross-examining them or something like this, like getting all serious. You're Juliana Margulies. Yeah, I'm Juliana Margulies-ing it. But the exciting thing is that Erika Jayne, the real housewife

of Beverly Hills, she has released a new song. Has anyone heard the new song yet? You guys. Amazing. Brandon is already standing up. He's waving his arm. Okay, this song. So, Erika Jayne is one of those real housewives women. It's like her storyline to convince everybody her vagina still works.

That's like a recurring storyline. They're like, maybe I'm 40, but my vagina works. I don't give a fuck. That's always their story. But she's taking it to this level that is so disturbing. This video,

she's, she has a lollipop. Yeah. I mean, and she's like, and then she literally, I mean, there is a table here,

but she's literally doing it. She's like, like rubbing it. Scratching the vag. That was Ronnie scratching his vag. Again, another Easter egg

for the people here. There's nothing there. I'm 40. It's like down to my knees. Don't worry. That was totally safe. So she's not patting the puss. She's really just

itching her vagina. She's scratching the puss. Yeah, it's like a Vagisil commercial. So one of our ongoing jokes, by the way, the podcast,

there are actually some people here who are like new to the podcast. BJ, where's BJ? Oh, I love that someone named BJ is new to Watch What Crappens. Darling. BJ, we know you're out there.

This is BJ's first time listening to Watch What Crappens. Yeah, BJ. Our ongoing joke with Erica is that her whole thing all season has been like, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. All right. So she releases a song that's literally called like

how many fucks do i give zero we're like so i don't get we're not exaggerating that's her whole song i don't give a fuck rubbing her vagina and then trying to be like gwen stefani look your idol as a singer should never be someone who sings off key that's all i'm saying i love gwen stefani i love gwen stehanie too but y'all come on now that's some auto even auto tune she sings flat even with fucking auto tune i mean i love her i will stand up for gwen stephanie because i love her underwater like gargoyle voice no doubt yeah no doubt yes and then after i don't know what happened and i was in the right aid the other day getting some mic and ike's and uh i this magazine cover, and it was Gwen Stefani.

It was like, Gwen Stefani, miracle baby. Gwen Stefani's 46, I think, and she's having a miracle baby. And I was like, Erica, this is who you're modeling yourself after. They're excited that she has something in plain. I think there are way worse people to model yourself after than Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani looks fantastic. This is Gwen Stefani on The Voice. Everyone else is like, I can make your career. I can take your gorgeous

golden voice and turn it into something. And Gwen Stefani's like, I could get you better clothes. That's Gwen Stefani singing advice. Own all her albums. I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world, the way i own them all um but either way i mean you're right though she's totally trying to be gwen stefani

and it just is amazing because the lyrics the song are really just her being like i'll give a fuck yeah i don't give a fuck you walk how many fucks do i give zero fucks zero rhymes with robert de niro you know what i can think about robert de niro i don't give a fuck about robert de niro like everything insane pretty much um we did not uh bring the little clip because that's what's been released on youtube but we actually have a leak because we know people we know we talk on skype yeah so we have an exclusive clip of the song yeah yes everyone's Yeah Everyone's excited There was a gasp Alright you ready

Alright hit it Hotness Who's that guy How the fucks do I do How the fucks do I do How the fucks do I do Zero zero zero I'm done Sometimes at lunch they ask if I want water

I don't give a fuck I really like eating peanut butter right out of the jar. I don't give a fuck. I use hairspray, yeah, but also gel. I don't give a fuck. When the UPS comes by, I sigh. I don't give a single fuck. How many fucks do I give?

None. How many fucks do I give? None. How many fucks do I give? None. Zero, zero, the song is done. And I don't give a fuck. Well done.

Well done, Erica. You know, I get that it's really hard for you to give an 80-year-old a boner. But you're officially trying too hard. Pull back. Pull back. That being said, still like her on the show? I do too. I do too. I still like her on the show? I do too. I still like her on the show too.

What do you guys think about Erika Jayne on Real House? Do you think she's good for the show? Who said slut? Did someone just yell out slut? Someone said love, not slut. I just heard slut. I thought someone was like slut! Slut love. Slut love. She doesn't, but last week she laughed

so I like her again she needs to I think she does need to loosen up a little bit we said this on the show a few times if you're going to be that down with the gays you gotta loosen up and laugh some more she doesn't understand what it's like to be around friends that you haven't paid for

I mean those women do not want to hear her shit it's like oh I had some air blowing on my vagina while i was like singing to a track of a song they don't care they're like work most of them like have job well one of them how many have jobs on that show on real housewives of beverly hills three are you counting kyle well eileen has a job eileen has a job lisa vanderpump has a job lisa rinna does jobs lisa rinileen has a job. Eileen has a job. Lisa Vanderpump has a job. Lisa Rinna does jobs. Lisa Rinna has a lot of jobs. Have you seen her on QVC? Oh, Lord.

She's like, I'm selling lemonade by the course. And baby, I own it. It's what you got to do, baby. Who doesn't like a sweater? Am I right? Am I right? Do you need a sweater? I know you're sitting at home really cold right now, baby.

Call. I have sweaters. Call me. I have been selling lemonade for now, baby. Call. I have sweaters. Call me. I have been selling, I have been selling lemonade for years, baby. I was selling it in 1991 to Lacey Chabert when she was just 12 years old.

Okay, baby? I go way back and I own that shit. Own it. Own it, baby. Trying to give advice to little girls selling lemonade on the street.

What are you doing out here, baby? No. Lisa Rinna. I did tweet at her. I said, why don't you come to our show? But that was 45 minutes ago. I don't think she's showing up. But I can actually imagine.

Be like, we'll pay you. She'd be like, okay, there, baby. She bursts in like in a top hat. La-da-da-da-da-da. Baby! Baby! Own it! Own it! That would actually be my dream. She bursts in like in a top hat. La-da-da-da-da-da. Baby, baby, own it. Own it. Wings.

Own it, wings. That would actually be my dream. I still have not gotten my croissant from her. She owes me a croissant. I'm very serious about this. She did say she would get me a croissant on Twitter. She's going to PayPal that shit. Lisa Rinna is not going to walk into a public space and order carbs.

It's never going to happen. I can actually literally verify this because one time, oddly enough, I participated in a bake sale in WeHo, and Lisa Rinna walked by, and she looked at the goods, and she nodded. She said, oh, this looks great. And she nodded and kept on walking. That is a true story.

It's one of the most bizarre stories because why I was participating in a bake sale, let alone one in WeHo, where you would just never sell anything to anyone. It's like a self-hating bake sale. And that Lisa Rinna walk by. I mean, this is what it is about living in LA. You have random stories like that all the time, right? Yes, but also thank God for the bake sales

because that's when you find out who the fat people are. I mean, we stay inside unless there's a bake sale. I go outside and I'm like, I like French fries. I do too. That's it. I've got a date. Ronnie, you sent me a headline

of something that looked crazy today that I didn't actually see the full article, but maybe you saw more of it from... Well, it was Daily Mail. Or was it Daily Mail? What's that one? Daily... International Mail? It was International Mail. It's right Mail? What's that one? International Mail?

It was International Mail. It's right in the headline. Two nicks! It's back. Brandon and Craig know what we're talking about. Oh my god, it's the first thing we all masturbated to. I mean, you're from Utah, yeah? So yeah, that boy knows about jerking off to International Mail.

You couldn't buy Playgirl, but you get International Mail, was this catalog from like 1991 dick outlines and like terrible clothes it was like no i'm just interested in getting like really terrible bathing suits that's all um so the headline uh i don't know who cares i don't want to pull it up but it was like daily mail you know that one where they bulletin the thing so you're you know stupid people can get through it fast. So I read those. But the headline was like Thomas Ravenel Shady Skeevy Fox or something it was quoted found new

30 year old girlfriend in the Barnes and Noble self help section. He found a new lady. And then the next bullet point was Ravenel who has two children with Catherine Dennis whatever her name is. Is it Cathy Dennis? What?

They have two. Do they have two? They have two. And they said the second one after they had already broken up. They have a second baby? Oh, my God. Well, yeah. You know, Southern Charm premieres tonight, by the way, which is partially why I'm wearing these lime green pants also because I haven't done laundry.

But I'll just say it's for Southern Charm. L.A. Charm. Why is Thomas in the self-help section? Thomas ain't going to read anything in self-help. What the hell is he going to read in there? Well, he knows that's where he can find the damaged ladies. How do you date 30?

That's so true. He'll find the damaged ladies who he can come in and be like, I can impregnate you for free I have a bridge named after me if you have a friend that I can get mad at

and throw their purse in a pool that's a plus just telling you right now what a disaster like a beautiful disaster like I I actually like

live for Southern Charm and I'm so excited is everyone watching Southern Charm yeah oh no Tammy says no did you guys see Tammy Tammy's doing this with her hair she's like live for Southern Charm and I'm so excited. Is everyone watching Southern Charm? Oh, no. Tammy says no.

Tammy is doing this with her hair. She's like, oh, what are they going to say now? I'm sorry. Oh, no. Southern Charm. Oh, no. I don't do Southern Charm. Southern Charm is amazing. Mostly because of the internet stuff, like the Facebook fighting where she's like, you're not a good father. And then it's like some other dude's dick in the picture. Like, they're terrible.

They're both horrible human beings, and it's amazing. Thank God for social media. I love that show. I love Southern Charm because they fight differently on it than on any other Bravo show, because they're like... That's some Junior League Texas right there. They're very polite, and they're very passive-aggressive to each other, and they're very sunny, but they go in on each other in the way that people from Charleston would.

It's like, oh, what lovely shoes you have. It's like, oh my God, can you believe Cameron said that to Shep? His shoes are terrible. That's how I was born to find. I'm raised in Texas. That's how you do it. Oh, you look so good,

so you finally got some sleep. That's how you say the. Yeah, it's like waspy. Oh, you look so good, so you finally got some sleep. That's how you say the bitch. The big scandal last season was that Craig didn't clean up his bedroom. And Shep was like, gosh, Craig. I can't believe you keep it so messy. You've got to grow up. Gosh. Your room is dirty.

My room is dirty. It's dirty. I know it is dirty. I know it's dirty. And then they kiss. And I was like, riveted. I was like, it is dirty. I know it's dirty. And then they kiss. And I was like, I was like riveted. I was like, it is dirty.

It is. Their big scandal, their big scandal was that like Craig and Catherine got lost one night on some weird Oh, we're back

at Southern Charm just in case you're wondering about newlyweds. Oh yeah, Southern Charm. Oh yeah. I was like, oh yeah.

Their big scandal was they got lost at night and they had to dig a hole in the sand and huddle in it for warmth as if they were in Cambodia or something. I don't care whatever happens on that show. I just need Catherine to wear some old great-grandmother's inherited fur coat some more that doesn't even fit. It's like falling on on the ground and then for her on that bridge where she's like

that's my favorite i need it to happen constantly and it does i'll watch what happens remember andy was like so you guys hate each other yes he's a he's a horrible father he's probably gonna kill our children he's like she's a stupid slut he's like I think you guys wanna fuck right now

they're like yeah they went home and fucked and made another baby what the hell it's true we're not even exaggerating it was literally like

he was like I would be happy if I never had to see her again for the rest of my life they're like when was the last time you guys hooked up last night

yeah you know well you guys also on newlyweds you guys did a great job fighting and everything like that you guys had a nice you guys had a nice showed a nice spectrum of fights you know like craig and brandon you guys had you guys had fights about bills you know that was you need a haircut i do need a haircut. You do. I do. Actually, Newlyweds, I like that it's one season and they can just tie that shit up at the end. So there's like a, you were wrong, I was right, our kitchen is still remodeled. We're fine. It's fine.

That's called winning, okay? There is actually a really pressing question, which is where the fuck is Crystal? Where is Crystal? Crystal. I didn't say Crystal. That's all I want to hear you say. Crystal? Where is Crystal? Crystal! Crystal! Crystal! She's in Canada right now. Crystal's in Canada. How dare she?

Well, have fun paying twice as much for books. I'm going to Canada in two weeks. Maybe I'll see her there. She just bought a new car. She just bought a new car. She traded in that Mac. Can she pick me up at the airport? I'm serious. With her new car.

Brandon brought her the car. Did she hold your baby, though? Did she, like, oven your baby? I'm so sorry. That's so rude. But you know what I mean, right? Not yet. We're tackling the lesbian.

From Wondery, this is Black History History for Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History Month exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life

and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power money and sex collide in a game of life and death follow academy on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can binge all episodes of academy early and ad free right now by joining wondery plus well and i'm trying to do it oh you are oh my god talking about talking about the babies please that's how to get a spinoff right there give that baby to her oh my god a fabulous pink furred and sequined baby by the way for the record crystal was originally going to get like a port like a porsche cayenne or something like that and then brandon was gonna get like a port, like a Porsche Cayenne or something like that. And then Brandon was going to get like a mini.

He was going to get a mini. And then Brandon was like, uh, I get the Porsche. Crystal gets the mini that I got off Greg's list. So, uh, we are,

I mean, we're actually already like, we're already like halfway through this shit. So we have, we want to, we, we're done with gossip things. No, I mean, we can still talk about gossip. I'm no i don't care you do it you do it i'll bottom

i say that but i'm the one who complains the whole time like i want to make sure we have time to get to the other stuff which is that we're thinking about something fun to do for the show and we're thinking should we go through top five bravo parties of all time or top five bravo vacation slash trips of all time and we want to know we want to know which one that's a two that's two for two unanimous for everyone everyone who wants us to talk about the top five vacations of all time cheer do something make a noise. Vacations. All right. All right. The crowd has spoken, even though we didn't give them the second option. All right.

So just so you know what you're missing. Know this. That's it. That's all I have for that. So Ronnie and I have both separately prepared our top five favorite trips slash vacations, et cetera. And we're going to reveal them to each other and to you guys. Okay.

Right now. Live on the podcast my memory is terrible and i don't have notes okay so i'm gonna remember it's basically the top thing ronnie remembers from the past five years being a chronic pothead um for some reason this is not a good answer but for some reason I love the trip on Beverly Hills where they went to Ojai. Because Kim Richards was like, this is where I always come. I love Ojai because ever since I was a little

girl, we'd come here and I'd be like, wow, it's so green. I'd look at the green things. And they're like, okay, Kim. To be fair, she thought it was called So High. A town that gets me. She'd never admit it, though. And you know what?

God bless you for never admitting one goddamn thing, lady. That is how to not get charged by the police. Do not admit shit. Admit nothing. She needed all those dollar toys from Target. She was going to make a vision board.

Giving Kim Richards scissors. God bless her heart. Yeah, God bless her. What happened in Ohio? I feel like some shit went down. They were in this weird bed and breakfast. They did the golf cart thing.

It's like every season of Real Housewives they got to pile into a golf cart and drive around like it's the craziest thing that ever happened. And then I seem to remember them did the golf cart thing. It's like every season of Real Housewives, they gotta pile into a golf cart and drive around. It's the craziest thing that ever happened. And then, I seem to remember them

jumping from bed to bed. Oh, you turned so fast. It's a path, Lisa. It's a path. Darling. Darling. Do you know what Ken and I have done

for this path? I feel like at one point, Taylor Armstrong did a cartwheel and then her butt was exposed to the wind. Was she still on there? The suitcase was in Colorado. That was another

trip. Oh, okay. The suitcase in Colorado. Okay, Colorado. I switched. Colorado. Because that... Number five. Someone take notes. Someone take notes. You know what? You know I love hearing like, I told you so. Or, I love saying, I told you so. That is so Taylor.

Because that second season where she was like, this happened to me in that? I was like, I told you so. That is so Taylor. Because that second season where she was like, this happened to me and that? I was like, no, it didn't. And then she was in that suitcase crying all drunk. And then they also had that scene where she was in the hot tub and she's like, well, you know what I mean about the things. The things. And they're like, wait, should we talk about this?

And then she got shit-faced and showed up to dinner and was like, how dare you not believe Russell abused me? Or whatever. about this and then she got shit-faced and showed up to dinner was like like whatever it came out so crazy and it made me oh my hate turned to like love hate like i'm obsessed with taylor now i watch her periscope it was also it was also one of adrian maloof's finest moments when adrian maloof just looked at this crazy mess he goes i think you're having a nervous breakdown and she's like really and she's like yeah like get the fuck out of here with your mental break get out of ohio good at that that was like that was a good moment for her hon i just think you're crazy right now you just need to have a seat i do you know really and the best part about taylor is that when she has a mental breakdown which is like a lot her hair just flattens.

If something happens, it just gets like stringy, like she's in the ring. It's just like her hair knows, like, oh, it's going crazy. All the moisture is like, goodbye. God, could you imagine if the ring was Taylor crawling out of your closet? Or your toilet, I mean. Yeah. Oh, Taylor. Do you know what happened to me?

No, just be quiet. Go back in there. You get a phone call and a week later, Taylor curls out of your TV and you just have to hug her and everything's fine. My number five favorite trip comes from the Princesses Long Island. When the princesses... That should be one. I feel like that should be number one. The princesses, so not all the trips are glamorous, okay?

The real houses of Beverly Hills get to go to Dubai. The princesses of Long Island went to a vineyard down to L.I.E., okay? They literally, they went to a vineyard. I actually, I had to go online and like remind myself the details of this. So these girls, they had to go online and like remind myself the details of this.

So these girls, they go to a vineyard and there was, this was like the culmination of a big scandal in their group because there was Ashley versus Joey. And Ashley had been, you know, Ashley hated Joey because Joey said, you're funny looking. And that's when Ashley was like, I am the hottest funny looking girl I've ever seen. Not true. So Ashley has started a hate campaign against Joey. And she had texted everyone on the cast saying, don't hang out with Joey. And then Erica.

Like everybody was lining to hang out with Joey anyway. Lining up to hang out with Joey. What's wrong with me? I'm so sorry. This is what happens when you talk about the princesses of long island all intelligence just goes so basically what had happened was that erica who was the self-anointed hottest girl of the north shore she she and amanda went and showed joey the text that said, hey, you know, like don't hang out with Joey. So then like Ashley was all like – Ashley was like mad at Joey.

All this stuff was brewing and they went to the vineyard and it all came out that Erica lied about showing the text to Joey and then Ashley felt like she was – you know, she didn't have any friends and she wound up hyperventilating, running away. And she called up her parents and asked for a private jet. She was 40 minutes away from Great Nights. She asked for a private jet. And then she uttered the most famous quote of all time. She goes, Mom.

It was actually Mom. I looked it up. It was? It was Mom. We've been saying Dad. She goes, Mom, help me. It was just this is the worst like storming out of a party but you have nowhere to go yeah like she left and she was like it's a field where is the private plane supposed to land like it was probably like by the time it finishes taxiing it's there

and on top of that though we always forget about this part she went so crazy she actually had to be taken to the hospital because she flipped her lip so much i think she i think she had a stroke right like she has something real she had a stroke afterwards oh oh before i feel like it was right after that she's like you gave me a stroke i hope you're happy i was in the hospital with a stroke and he he's like, you were? For me, that fight That was some stroke selfies. Hey, if you get a stroke, don't take selfies. So ugly. I mean, no offense. Who does that?

Well, I think for me that episode was not only one of the funniest trips, but it kind of is like the torch for all the low-rent Bravo trips for those series that didn't get their second season yet yet so like okay we'll give you like five thousand dollars to go down the street and like hang out at the bar you know this is your big vacation you'll work your way up to dubai like secrets and wives it's like a slip and slide in the yard someone's yard like a city away yeah it's the bouncy castle where jonathan stuck his thumb up of what's-her-face's ass. Oh, my God. The bouncy castle.

Yes. I wish that was a vacation. I'm paralyzed, Jonathan. Secrets and Wives. He stuck his thumb up my ass, man. That girl. I will never forget her. The end of Secrets and Wives when she was, like, proving something to everybody by throwing

her husband's chandelier off the balcony. Yeah. It was, like, at least $300. I mean, it was a cheap chandelier. But still, girl, you're poor now. You better be saving that shit. Find Craigslist. Craigslist revenge, okay?

Stay off the balcony. Seriously. So I think that's my number five. What's your number four? Can you jog your memory? I don't know. I have a list of some of them here that might help.

Oh, okay. I'll just steal yours. Oh, I do like this one. Can I say that? Or do you want me to take these? You can take what you want it's really not a real list i really my memory is really so bad i'm so sorry what is that who had a camping honeymoon brandon and crank they're right there oh my god i'm so sorry i just see it obviously but you guys that was really like going to your honeymoon in a place

where you know people are going to beat you up i mean that was just crazy yeah why are you going to go to a family camping spot you guys were in short shorts pride bracelets and like gel like pomaded hair like what are you doing did you guys actually choose did you guys choose that location or did bravo send you? The concierge. The concierge. The concierge was like. I was told it was a bubbling brook. Okay.

In case you're not hearing this at home. He said, I was told it was a bubbling brook. Gravel parking lot. Gravel parking lot. But you see, it seemed ghetto to you, but you actually achieved Real Housewives of New Jersey status with that trip. Yeah, because Real Housewives of New Jersey actually had a vacation in a parking lot once in California. They were literally in a parking lot calling What's-Her-Face an asshole. I've been on one of those trips.

I've been on many of those parking lot trips with me mom and papa. They had this RV and they would drive me and my cousin Matt around all over the country once a summer. Parking lots. Every one of them. I'm like, why did you buy a vehicle for this? We're in a goddamn parking lot. I wish Lauren had been there though. I know.

Just tell everyone how horrible they are. Yeah. I really liked Morocco, mostly because Luann got kicked off the camel almost, and that show was hilarious. It's also the place where there was a fight. Alex was trying to tell everybody off to keep her job on the show, because she knew she was going to get fired. So she was like, Alex, this is New York, for those of you who don't watch.

Yeah, real life's in New York. There's this dorky one he used to be on there. And she's like, listen here, missy. That is not like how you spoke to me. I always say she looked like a cartoon carrot, you know? Yes. She is that cartoon carrot. Like on an educational film for how to eat your veggies.

She was the veg. She was the carrot. And then she's like, why did you bite me, missy? We're going to have a talk. And you're like, oh, you told me to eat you. She was the carrot. And then she's like, why did you bite me, missy? We're going to have a talk. And you're like, oh, you told me to eat you. You're a carrot. But yeah, she was yelling, and she was trying to get in everybody's face. And at one point, she's like, Luann, I have something to say to you.

And Luann was like, you just clumped down here in your Herman Munster shoes. Like, just leveled it and walked away. She's like, waving her finger. Luann, my favorite Luann moment of that Morocco trip was when she had arranged a little dinner thing at 8 p.m. and Ramona didn't come down for another hour. And Luann was livid and she's like, this is not the Plaza Hotel. This is Morocco.

It's now my mantra for life. Always remember where you are. As if no one's late at the Plaza Hotel. I'm sure. By all an hour late. Alex McCord's big moment for me in that too was when she was so angry and Kelly Ben Simone was trying to calm her down. She was like, close your eyes. And I opened them.

And I closed your eyes. And I was like, close. She's like, you're mad. She's like, you're sad. She's like, no, I'm mad. You're sad. I'm mad. she's like no i'm mad you're sad i'm mad close your eyes i'm mad i forgot about that open your eyes close your eyes and she just kept repeating that the hell you gonna prove with that it is without she did it that was the best part she's like it's like watching a traffic light.

So good. By far – A traffic light. By far, Real Housewives of New York City has the best trips. Like, my list is almost entirely composed of New York City and Beverly Hills. I think in New York, they can't travel anywhere. That's what I felt like when I lived in New York. I was like, get me out of here.

Like you feel so trapped, you know. I was just glad whenever they got to somewhere with open air. Yeah. I mean even they had one episode where they just went to Atlantic City. Just to go to Atlantic City last season. That was the best. That one started off – I'm going to make that one my number four. That was good.

I'm making that one my number four on the spot. Yeah. John, John, for sure. That one actually opened up within five seconds five seconds in Heather Thompson going like fuck you Ramona

I don't give a fuck and she just stormed in what is going on with this episode wasn't that the episode where they drove there and they met up at Sonia's apartment and she wouldn't let them in the foyer that's why Heather was mad and they met up at Sonia's apartment and she wouldn't let them in the foyer? That's why Heather was mad. Oh, wait.

That's why Heather was mad. Oh, she was yelling at Sonia. Because Heather was being captured. You said Ramona. I was like, wait a second. What? What was this scene? Because you know I could forget that shit.

I'm sorry. I meant Heather and Sonia. I'm very sorry. You didn't even see it. Not you. I'm captivated and drunk at the same time. We didn't even get to see it. We just heard, fuck you.

You don't want me in your foyer and then we saw her coming out all calm and collected i love when they think that their mics are turned off because they're inside like you always shoot outside it's not like you're used to shooting in a backyard you fucking idiot yeah like not even not even the new jersey christening like started like that one took like at least one minute before the cursing. This one was literally five seconds. The christening.

Can that be a trip? I love the New Jersey christening. That was amazing. That was on my list of parties if we did the party. Girl, they showed a crucifix and then people were beating each other up.

It was so good. That show was so good. It made the baptism scene of the Godfather look like a walk in the park. So for my number three of trips, I'm going to say Beverly Hills, Amsterdam. If only for that big play. When it started and while it was going on, I remember thinking, this is so lame for a trip.

Like, they won't do weed. Do it. You see, I'm talking like them now. I won't do weed. Who says that? You ain't going to smoke it? You ain't going to eat it? You ain't going to mainline it?

What? Do weed. Get out of here, old lady. But I remember thinking, God, fuck this. They're in Amsterdam. They're not going to get high. Whatever. And then?

Then, all of a sudden. The glass. The glass. The glass. That is a deadly weapon, Lisa Rinna. I love Lisa Rinna acting all innocent. I just show a gif of her every time, like throwing that glass. Fuck you!

And then grabbing that turkey neck, like, get over here, Kim Richards! Rip that shit right off. What a great moment. Like a gizzard at Thanksgiving. And Eileen, I mean, actually, I mean, you know, it's shocking that Eileen is still not demanding an apology from that situation.

You beast! You beast! Do you remember when you threw my water glass? Insinuating that that was my husband's ex-wife that I just disregarded on the floor. Just say it! Oh, calm down over there, Liam. This bitch, okay, she got wine thrown in her face last season. She was, like, drawn into this whole thing.

And the thing she's mad about the most is Lisa Vanderpump asking about her affair in the Hamptons. She's gotta get her, like, anger priorities straight. I'm so glad she just finally said i'm mad at you because asking me about when i fucked my husband first was wrong finally thank you thank you just admit it like look i ain't a ho shamer if your husband and wife respectively both sucked and you found somebody better that's called life go girl but don't be acting like, why is everybody mad? I just don't understand why divorced people can't just be

friends. Of course you want to be friends. You ended up with some soap actor's dick in you. Get out of here. It's easier for you to forgive. What about the wife and the husband sitting at home? They're sad. I purposely did not say that. Did you see me swallow it?

You can let it out. Ronnie, let it out. No, I will not. I will not let it out of here. Let it out. So Amsterdam was great. And on top of that, we always forget, there was other shit that happened in Amsterdam. That was when Brandy slapped Lisa Vanderpump.

Like slapped. Brandy slapped, yeah. They fought on that boat. It was great. It was a great trip. That's also where we saw the pictures of Yolanda when she was like, oh, look, this is my homeland. And then there were, like, random horse farmers

coming up to her and being like, remember, I dated you. And she's like, oh, I don't remember. Like, she never remembers poor people. It's hilarious. Yeah. I love it. It's like, I grew up on this block. I remember nobody is my mother i don't know she says but i don't but

it's where we saw her in the limo when she was like 19 or some shit with julio iglesias and she's still acting like she won something she's like oh look at me with julio in the limo. Julio is 60 in that picture, bitch. What do you think you won? You did not win, Yolanda. I mean, she just bought a $5 million house, so she won. She won. Okay, I'll give you credit. What's your number three? I'm stealing from yours.

I already said my number three. No, you said it. I said my number three. I don't remember this one, but that one has to win. You do the number three. I was going to suggest this one for your number three, since I forgot to say it for my number three no you said i said my number i don't remember this one but that one has to win you do the number three i'll just i was gonna suggest this one for your number three since i forgot to say it for my number three oh that was good ben you're so good at preparation i just thought of it right now that's why i was texting i was like this is for ronnie and then i was like oh he's not reading i'll just have to tell him you are you are so good this one right here my notes are literally like 10 pages.

No one needs to see them. Ben, this is so good because I would not have thought of this. Ladies of London in Denmark. Do it. So good. Do it. So good. I almost forgot.

This was, I hope that people watch Ladies of London because it is a fabulous show especially season two really came into its own i don't know what if it's coming back or not it is so so good and this trip i don't want to have thanksgiving at a party like in america and like like sit around like eat like watch football and then i would like unbutton my pants like can i do that at the restaurant? No. Well, I'm uncomfortable. So what was great about the trip to Denmark was that Caroline Fleming,

we got to see her in all her glory. Like, I like Caroline Fleming. You know, at the moment they get there, there's one guy taking photos. She's like, and then again, the bus, she's like, I'm really so sorry about all the paparazzi that just always follow me everywhere. I'm like, there's one person. There was one teenager with an iPhone, bitch. Are you kidding?

And then everything. Oh, here is my great-great-great-great-grandfather who decimated 10,000 people. Isn't that wonderful? They have a statue for him now. Mommy and Daddy are so mad at me. Oh, let's lighten everything up with this story of how I killed your grand, grand, grand uncle. What the hell kind of story is that? Welcome to my home.

My great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather killed Jules. It's all these old guys around like, oh, that was good, wasn't it, Dunning? Isn't this restaurant the most wonderful restaurant? You really must try the comté cheese. You know, one time I came here, they didn't have the comté cheese you know one time I came here they didn't have the comté cheese and they looked all over town

and they finally brought it for me isn't that so wonderful of them to bring it all to me it's like bitch don't act like you're just like

oh where's the comté you're probably like get me the comté or I'm never coming back here again with my cameras you're also so sad to wait in the restaurant

for like two hours while this fucker was running all around Denmark looking for some cheese ain't nobody heard of as for blue cheese i mean what happened to blue cheese am i right how lucky are you to be in a restaurant with me with comte cheese by the way we haven't done clear the flam in a while only because we keep forgetting but we keep on meeting too we will we will do it again that's an endless fountount of cuckoo. So definitely that one.

We only have a few minutes left. I'm doing yoga in the frame of a door. This reminds me of the piece I get from the hashtag door. Hashtag olive. Hashtag garlic. Hashtag flooring. Hashtag front door. No, hashtag front, hashtag door.

If it has a syllable, it's getting a hashtag. Who are these fans that are finding her from like hashtag door? They're like, ah, finally. Finally, I found someone who does yoga in a doorway. So for number two, for number two for our trips, how about, I think, what about New York again when they went to, I think it was St. John's

and Aviva Drescher demanded a banner. Oh, that was good. To be put over. I mean, that whole trip was some gold. Because isn't that the one where they showed up and Sonya was like, don't touch my suitcase. Please, please. I cannot have foreigners touching my suitcase. That may have been Morocco.

Like their meth in her suitcase. What are you protecting? It costs like $5. It's the cheapest drug ever. That was when Luann cheated with a pirate. The fact that that sentence even... Is that the same trip? The fact that that sentence can even be uttered in all seriousness shows why it's number two.

Luann had sex with a pirate. And by the way, honorable mention... After he fucked Sonya in the butt. In the garden. Yes. honorable mention after he fucked Sonia in the butt in the garden yes an honorable mention to last season's trip when Luann

uttered the be cool don't be all uncool I made eggs a la francaise an honorable

honorable mention to when they went to Montana and did nothing it was so dull it was actually amazing

that one Geraldine Parsons Smith? Yes. Yes, that's, yeah, that's what that came from. For the Geraldine Parsons Smith comes from there. I can't even be here.

I can't even be walking right now. Like, right now, we're in a forest, okay? Okay. And it's, like, really bad for me. Because my father

That's actually Berkshire's honorable mention. They're all the, they're the crazy bitches wherever they go. New York City is. Like, we can melt them all. Which obviously, obviously takes us to number one.

I mean, do we all know at number one the best Bravo trip of all time? Scary Island. One of the best Bravo trips, Bravo episodes, Bravo meltdowns, everything. That was really good. It is like the gone with the wind of Bravo but it's never gone the wind never blows it's just like an

apartment with the doors always closed there's no wind blowing anywhere it's just staying there and getting stuffy and it's 2016 that bitch was still

tweeting that today like Kelly Benselman was tweeting something was she today yes well it was posted on our Facebook today but within the week.

Something was, she was like, oh, people need to stop giving me shit for something that happened three years ago or whatever. That was some good shit, girl. Have you eaten a jelly bean the same since? Yeah. I have not. Between the jelly beans, the Al Sharpton. Al Sharpton. The gold.

Bethany, shut up. Multi-snaps. Multi-snaps. And there was not only that. Multi-snaps. There was like so much, because even before that crazy breakdown, there was a whole episode. I think that was Turtle Time also. There was a fight on the yacht. That was Turtle Time, that one?

Oh, look over there. That was called the Turtle, okay. And then people always forget the third. It was three episodes. This thing was three episodes. And the last episode, Jill Zarin showed up, and everyone was like, oh, fuck.

Just when we thought we could save this vacation, here comes Jill Zarin. I remember Alex McCord, the look on her face. She wanted to cry. She actually wanted to cry. They all got scared, and I loved Bethany. She was like, I can't. I don't know what's happening.

I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I didn't know she was coming. Walls up. My wall is up. I don't get this. It's like it doesn't fit with this island. I don't get how Jill Zarin fits with this island. I don't get it. It makes me want to cry. Literally, if Jill Zarin comes any closer to me, I'm going to kill myself. I'm just going to cut my throat and be down on the ground bleeding out on the floor. Okay? I can't

deal. Literally, I'm crying. I can't. Walls up. That is definitely the number one that was so beautiful and i just you know as much as i hated jill zarin please shut up jill zarin hey jill zarin if you're listening to this you're probably talking at the same time shut the fuck up and listen to this how about that get off your phone and yet at the same time i want her to come back so. So, yeah. I do not. So soon, babe. I don't. No offense. I mean, I like your daughter. But I don't need you to come back.

I mean, you seem nice. You're not on the air now. So, head pat. Oh, look. Head pat. Head pat, Jill Zarin. Head pat, darling. But, yeah.

I don't need her to come back. But that was hilarious. She'd cause this entire season of shit. And then you hear, hi, everyone. Bobby, come on, Bobby come on blobby like dragging her husband through this mansion she did aviva before aviva did aviva she's like where's my banner i thought you'd be like congratulating me for showing up at scary island aviva literally oh we didn't finish talking about aviva's banner yeah poor aviva i feel so bad for her now when i

see her all sad on twitter i don't know because she's still tweeting things out like here's what Bravo did to manipulate my person. Shut up! It's like forever ago. You were fired. No one cares. Yeah, Aviva, you know, it's so funny because she was not like she was normal, but she was like a whatever. And then when that thing

happened, because that was the first season that all those new housewives came on, and it was like, this season's going okay. And then when that happened happened all of a sudden that season kicked a tiger was like okay finally we have a cast and then the craziness has been going on since then why did they fire heather i don't think they should have do you think they should have she quit she did not that's what they else yeah kim fields quit too i'm sure well uh new york is coming back on wednesday we yeah so i think the way we're going to be doing our shows. The Asian Jew.

Brace yourselves. Oh, yeah. It's the first time. I cannot wait. I'm so excited. She said the eighth that she's Asian and Jewish 20 times. I think it's important to her. Well, Thursday's show, we're going to be talking about Real Housewives of New York City.

We'll be talking about Beverly Hills. We'll be talking about the Pumper Union. And as long as everything goes on schedule, Matt Whitfield will be joining us for that episode. Yay! Maddie! So, I think we're out of time. He's old. He's gone now, darling.

Oh, Dallas is next week. Dallas is next week. This week, yeah, there's Shaz. That's so Persian. That's so Persian. That's so Persian. It's starting to show on a Sunday. Southern Charm is tonight, yeah. Southern Charm is tonight.

It's like a clusterfuck of new shows. Bye Potomac. Bye. Bye now. Clear. Clear Potomac telling. So, you guys, thank you so much for coming to the show. This was so fun. This is the best being done in 45. We're going to try. And by the way, everyone, like, buy drinks from the bar.

So that way they'll let us come back. That guy is totally finger combing his hot head. And Tipwell. Getting ready for you. Yes, Tiger. We just did it. Tipwell. Thanks, Josh, back there. Thanks, Sideshow. Thank you, Josh. Thank you, everyone. We just did it. Tip well. Thanks, Josh, back there.

Thanks, Sideshow. Thank you, Josh. Thank you, everyone. This was so... We hope to do it again. You guys are the best. Thank you. We love you.

We love you. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com survey