Watch What Crappens - Candy Coated Christmas, Part 1

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

We're teaming up with our friends Matt and Jake at the Reality Gays podcast to recap Candy Coated Christmas, the first ever Xmas movie from the Food Network.  And that's not all — this cinematic masterpiece features the big screen debut of none other than the Pioneer Woman herself, Ree Drummond!  What's not to love?Be sure to join all four of us with Crappens on Demand here:  https://www.patreon.com/posts/60306454/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to a very special crossover holiday event. You're listening to both Watch What Crapins, and also Reality Gaze. I'm Ben Mandelker from Watch Your Crapins.

I'm here with Ronnie Carram from Watch Your Crapins, but also we got Matt Mar and Jake Anthony from Reality Gaze. Hey guys, how's everyone doing? Hi! Hi! Hi! I'm Ben!

I'm good, I'm high as fuck on brownie bites! Oh my god, there are a resistible of you believing that. I'm on my way to Serp Santa. I'm redrumming. I'm fucking chewing my bakery. So too much personality. She actually wasn't the one. We're gonna get to do this.

I guess she was. She was. I guess going to get to this. I guess we want context. Let's give some context to the people. So we are here. This is our second year in a row of coming together at the end of the year to recap a holiday movie. Last year, we did a holiday. You can go check that out in the archives of our shows. This year, we are here to recap the cinematic event

that is known as Candy-Coded Christmas, available on Discovery Plus, which is, as we all know, Discovery Plus is the most holiday of all holiday streaming networks. And not only, this is like a simulcast, it's on Watcher Crappens, it's on Reality Gaze, it's also a video. So for us here in Watcher Crappens, you can check this out on crapens on domain with patreon.com slash Watcher Crappens. And that's where you can watch this madness unfurl.

Same for us, it'll be patreon slash.com slash reality gates. Yeah, fantastic. We're both going to New York, both shows are going to New York at the same time. Yeah, it's pretty. Unplanned. If Jesus isn't gay, then I don't know why this time. Come on, you're there on Thursday, we're there on Friday.

It's very, I'm honestly excited to, like, because, you know, Ben is in LA, but like, I used to see Ronnie all the time. I haven't seen you in like, I just wanna hug you. Ronnie gives the best hugs, I'm excited. Guys, COVID, COVID did it. And also, nobody is saying that Jesus isn't gay. I mean, I feel like if Jesus were alive today,

people would call him gay because he never had sex. He never married. He never moved in with anybody, never married. We had a dog. We had a friendship. We got in really big trouble because we talked about running a train on Jesus for at the

last supper. And so let's clarify. You guys, I cannot believe you guys are being so sacrilegious about Jesus on the same show where we're going to be discussing the Pioneer Woman. Okay, this is just like, this just doesn't work. I mean, I'm Jewish and I'm offended. I mean, I just felt bad when you're saying Jesus didn't have a girlfriend and then you guys like, well, we talked about Jesus running a train.

Someone did leave our Patreon, they say, you sexualized Jesus. And I said, I'm sorry, but you know, but I will say, first off, I'm just going to say, I'm offended that there is not one gay best friend in this movie. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, know, like, uh, who does all those decorations? Straight people? No, thank you. I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you what I'm actually most offended about with this movie, which we are going to get into, but Candy-Coded Christmas featured no candy. There was actually no candy in this fucking movie. I had just, I had that to say too, was that was, that was my biggest pet

peeve. I feel like there was actually an awkward moment with peppermint sticks, like someone had peppermints and they were looking at them like they sucked. They were a little bit. And she had that, she was like, fuck these, fuck peppermint sticks. You know, when she was, she put them in like her chloroform for babies.

Yeah, there was nothing that was candy coated in this movie at all. And like, now, redrum and didn't make any sort of candy She just made brownie brownie bites. She was actually kind of like like I think that's somebody like some Somebody was like we need to call this movie hard candy Christmas And then they were like dolly pardon already owns all of that because hard candy is a thing at Christmas But actually I want to ask more of a kind of a metaphysical question. What is candy coated?

Like I mean what is that? I think it's like an M&M. I always that sugar coated. That's candy coated. It's candy coated. It's M&M. It's M&M. That wasn't even clear.

I think it just means that like there's so much candy, it just seems to coat everything. And I thought there would be some sort of like candy shop or candy explosion or just someone makes, I thought it was gonna be like, oh, we'll make mint candies or we'll make a cup of the world. We'll make candy canes and the silver, or the mint. They'll make...

Mint, no, it was all about hydroponics and shit and like marketing lessons uh... uh... most basic obvious marketing okay y'all this is what it is is that one of the producers of this film started a marijuana farm it went under and they're like I need a fucking write-off for this marijuana farm because where did they get this and I really I totally believe I think that's like somebody was just like I have this marijuana farm what can I film they get this? And I really, I totally believe I think that's like, somebody was just like, I have this marijuana farm.

What can I film here and make money off of and they came up with this movie? Well, it was just like, it was so strangely aggressive with its mint theme. Like at first you're like, okay, they're gonna go to a town called Papramint Hollow. And it's like, okay, cute and they love Papramint here. Okay, but then everything is like,

let me tell you about Mint. Mint is an herb. Oh, we've been 15 minutes and it's our last mint scene. So let's just remind everyone what we all learned about mint. Mint is an urban, it's used in a lot of things. No, it's the bubble. He's the bubble gum of mint. It's in lotions, it's in soap.

Can also be used to heal people. Also like, the midboard. Very uninteresting revelations about mint. Like I think if you are, you know, in your mid 30s, you've probably realized mint is in toothpaste and in cocktails. And you're sick. If you're sick. So, okay.

I mean, through the end, then the marketing, like, but how do we market mint? How do we market mint? It's like you're chewing gum while you say and She said she's like men is in everything and you go and They vote yes, it is Okay, well, we're getting we're getting we're getting to we're gonna get into this But I will say before we start this recap one thing that I'm very happy about Is the male lead Aaron O'Connell?

I have I have been internet stalking him for many years Okay, well like you have to see his you have to see his modeling days when you have to see his Instagram y'all when he was a model And he was just strictly a model. He was really, really special. I don't think this movie, this movie actually, I don't think showed him in his best light. And I actually don't think this movie was showed anyone. Poor redrum in the Pioneer Woman. This one even half light. I don't know.

I think I have better lighting than the redrum right now. Of course. She looks like a gargoyle. Oh. I was like, can we get some sort of filter on this lady? This is her star. It did look like they filmed this on an iPhone or like a Samsung Galaxy. Really, it really did.

And I, I, I went, I did a deep dive into no, only because I still am at my cubicle warrior job and one of the attorneys I work with, hand to God, is like an actor and looks just like this guy. And I have to see him every, I know he's gorgeous. Which one? And why don't I have pixatin' for his spank bank? You met him once when you came to my office to still office supplies, but you were too busy about getting free office supplies.

That's the one thing I don't joke about. The one thing I would drop a hot guy for is free legal pets and pets. It's true. The one thing I would drop a hot guy for is free legal pets and pets. He's just like, but it's still y'all. He's pretty hot. He was on like Tyler Perry. He's on that have and have nots, right? Yeah, that was I think was like his first big breakout thing. So I was following him just when he was just like a model. Oh, we followed him now.

Yeah, and then he got that because it's like, of course. Now one thing that I was very happy about is that I did go to a wedding about two or three years ago and he was a guest. And so I was like, that was very exciting and he had a gorgeous tall, beautiful wife. Still has her. And I was like hoping to be able to have a conversation with him just to be like, that's the hot guy.

But we never talked, we didn't cross paths like that. Well, I feel bad that he hasn't become famous enough to dump his wife yet. I mean, that's bad. I mean, I believe it after watching his, after watching his great acting, this guy is a mouth actor. He did not shut his mouth for the entire movie.

Did you guys notice that? He just sits there with his mouth wide open. The whole time, close your mouth. I think his smile is like one of his selling points. So I think he's really into it. Oh, really is, with his beautiful, beautiful. I think his smile is like one of his selling points. So I think he really is. Oh, really is. With his beautiful, beautiful. I mean, he is a, I've heard I wouldn't, can't confirm,

but I've heard he's also a pilot and flies a rescue to parts of the country for other people. Oh, his, his, well, it's true. His Instagram is all about him flying little planes and like playing with dogs. It's not even a joke. Matt is totally, thank you, Matt, for being on this plane. I think Ronnie was right.

Before we were a corny, before being a guide here, Ronnie was talking to Jake, and Ronnie didn't know I was in the room, he couldn't see, he had loving it, but he was talking to Jake, he said, oh, Jake, you're kind of like me, and Matt really is like Ben. And I really think, we're kind of like, we're like the gay podcast version of Big Business.

We're the little ones, I think. I don't think, yeah, I don't think that you need to say gay, big business. I think it's assumed that the original hollow, Jupiter hollow. Exactly. There you go. It's full circle already. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin

and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya.

Before we phone with the mouth too much, let's get going. Okay, and by the way, I did look up the definition candy coated is like an M&M. It's like a sugar coating. And in the UK, it's called sugar coating. But in America, we call it candy coating.

You have a fat person right here who tells you it was a hot ass man. I'm like, lipopedia. Okay. So, this movie, this movie is one of the cheapest things I've sat through in a long time. And I watch Bravo. But I mean literally every song they had in this movie was a rough one though. This one is that Beach Boys song.

Yes. I hate by the way. Yes. That's what you Beach Boys in general, you know, thanks for for- Certainly Nick. It was that seriously. Santa, Santa, Santa for the hard work. Serving Saint Nick. It was seriously. Santa Serving, Santa Santa.

It's... It was like a monster. It was like a monster. It was like a monster. It was like wake-borten Santa. Or something like that. I mean, y'all, this didn't even look good enough to... We watched TLC and WeTV and this...

And like, love after lockup has hired filming standards than this did. This was, this was low standards for a lifetime slash hallmark film. Yeah, that's what I'm expecting hallmark, yeah. But you know, I have to say, I thought what was funny was like the, just the way it starts with Discovery Plus films. Now, I've got nothing against Discovery Plus, but usually the Discovery Plus logo I associate with like crab fishin' and trucks

and naked and afraid and it's like the fact that I'm just like this film. Just that there's no attempt to holiday it up. It was just like, here's this very corporate, Discovery Plus films presents Christmas. Yeah. It's like wild tuna, you know, that's what I expected. Even, can we even talk about a very dangerous catch Christmas? I don't know if y'all, I actually really love to talk and look at fonts, and the fonts were terrible for this film. This was bad, bad fonts.

This was Ronnie Bad. Like, I've used that because they use like the thing in Photoshop where you don't know what to do is you just thicken the font and then line on it. Yeah. That's what I've done. I've done it for like two. Okay. So I saw that and I was like wow. This is cheap. This is cheap. And I like that it said, you know, so it is we start off with this like fake beach boys thing and we see like some weird footage of a Santa surfing. And then we see the production companies.

We have first of all, Marvista films, whatever you're just bringing up Marvista, it was always gonna be a question mark. But second of all, it says in association. We're in so Cukumongo film. I don't know. But koenma films. So mar pictures.

In association with just to be clear productions. And I just love that just to be clear. It's like, I just imagined the president of just to be clear productions goes into discovery plastic of just to be clear productions goes into the discovery plot and goes just to be clear Our intern wrote this That's what's called just to be clear. There was that sort of like a warning just to be clear. This is not very good And you know it's some bitchy twink who enters the phone with that company. You know, like yes just to be clear Just to be clear

I don't know who you are Just to be clear just to be clean anything I I feel like this movie also really leaned into maybe because I just recently got back from being in Oklahoma forever And so but maybe Ronnie cuz, because you're not in California anymore, but I felt like this movie was a little bit of like anti-California propaganda. Like what? A little bit. A little bit.

It was like, you and your crazy marketing job, what even is that, those California lips? It was all about like, go back to your small town. That's where people should live Ain't no big city living for me. Hopefully there ain't no Jews here either That's what the whole I mean that's what all these movies are It's true. I'm not sure if Hayes is gonna be the mayor I mean it really is like that. I want to get my car tuned up and I said oh you know

Do we still have to get the inspection or whatever? Because I haven't lived here that long. I don't remember how it works. And the lady's like, oh, really? Where'd you come from? And I said, oh, I just moved from Los Angeles and she goes, hey, any you might not want to tell people that. No, it's crazy.

You have the spirit of Christmas within you, Ronnie. I was like, damn. Yeah, that is crazy. So we see extreme closeups of, it's a woman who is packing up various satin pink fabrics. Pink is her color, y'all. Pink is her color, and we see lots of Christmas chotch gues all around.

With a lot of sying. She was dressed like a pointesetia, like wallpaper or something. Her outfit is terrible. Terrible. I learned that it's because she's going to Hawaii, but it's terrible. Terrible. Terrible. You don't have to look like Hawaii. It is Rayon, Ronnie. Thank you for saying that. It's Rayon.

Rayon. Rayon. It was a decent invention. I'm not dissing everybody. I'm just dissing this rayon where it was just hard to watch and I was like What did this girl? What did Becky from Roseanne do? Yeah, Becky Becky both Becky's were blonde. She was she's but this one was Becky one This one was more Becky one. I mean, it's gonna I'm gonna bring this up again repeatedly

But I think honestly that the one who produced this film, that they're 13 year old daughter and her gay best friend who like go to high, go to some like middle school, wanna be art directors and they let them art direct this film. Because it literally is like, how do we show people this person likes Hawaii?

And then later on, how do we show people it's Christmas? How do we show the mother lived here? Let's write her name at the top of the board. Sarah! Like it was just so indicating art direction, it was horrible. Horrible. And also, it doesn't make sense because, you know,

later on, you know, as the movie develops, you get the sense that Christmas is vaguely important to Molly, but it's just sort of this thing she does in Hawaii. But like here she is packing up, and she's got all the Christmas Chaches, all of them, all sorts of random crap that she picked up at gas stations along the way, driving from San Francisco to LA when she's 22.

She only wants, she only wants Hawaii and Santa surfing and like going surfing for Christmas. It's not in Margaritaville. Yes, yes. No, Margaritaville. And they really they really villainized like any kind of money too, which I notice. Like, ew, gross, she's from California.

Ew, that's disgusting. And then one point. A coach bag. Yeah, one point. She's like, well I spend Christmas at my dad's hotels and they're like oh my god Yeah, I think the the money in the money in this we'll get into it But I have a lot of thoughts about people's attitudes towards money in this movie

And how they spend it and how they save it or don't save it because I got real judge I got so John these fucking people in this movie and also This fucking people The concept so mad I love them in real fury and Ben I was like you actually been turned red right now Ben, you can really actually Ben turned red right now. I am furious and I want to rant right now, but I am saving it. That's because it's really mad.

I mean Ben doesn't get mad that often. But it's like the nerve of these people. The nerve, that's all I'm going to say. It's like this or when an uber decides to like go around the block. I mean that's like the thing that's the level. So anyway, so we're also seeing credits and they say introducing Redrum, which is, huh, it's a pioneer lady.

So anyways, so this girl, we don't know who it is, but she gets an income and call on her device of an unknown brand. And it's Gracie. Gracie is calling and she has samples of some organic pacifiers. That's what they make in California. This was, by the way, this was thrown at us in 90 seconds. And to digest that she was a,

she was a baby product thing. And then we also had to learn that Gracie had a child and we also had to learn she was going Hawaii and that dad was going and it was just like it was so much exposition in 90 seconds even for a holiday movie for me. I actually respected the efficiency of which they just got some basic information across. I was like, bam, here's Gracie, she has a baby. They've known each other since their eighth. They make hats and fires together.

And guess what, the blonde girl, we don't even know her name, but we know she's entitled, because she just said, okay, I'll have my dad transfer in my half of the money. Yes, and that did piss me off, because you've got Gracie, Juggling a baby, Juggling all this stuff.

And then you've got point set a outfit over here. She's just like, my dad will transfer it. And I feel like Gracie, like we're led to believe that Gracie is good with money, but, hey, she's investing it with this knitwear. So, I don't know. No, no, no. And also, she's got her baby dressed as Santa Claus.

And I think it's just like setting the bar to, you know? You know, Gracie's husband just left her, right? Like I feel like that's the only joke. That's what he felt like. She's like deranged and she's like hot. She will not accept the truth. She's like, let me go see him. I'm gonna go see him in Montana.

We're up here. She's mom. We're going to his mom. She's actually confronting him with his mistress. That's with the baby. With the baby in his mattress. She's unravelling in this movie. Oh gosh.

So the blonde lady is like, Oh, I'm going to Hawaii. So then we hear about the bank and all this stuff. And why is there no online banking in this world? Thank you. Or you know, the girl Gracie is like, oh, guess what? I just stopped by the bank to put in my half

of the investment money. Girl, don't you got internet over there? What's happening? And why is there no online banking? I'm sending it Weston Union. I know. And then we hear like a little snippet of like their childhood bond that they have

and the blonde girl, we still don't know her name at this point. She goes, remember when we cut our price on lemonade and put Amy Klein's lemonade stand out of business? This is, oh, we destroyed her. We destroyed her. I was like you awful awful human Person and I'm gonna change yeah the hallmark movies. There's always the person that comes from the big city And with the villain right they want to like ruin Chris. They're like the gay

Basic like everyone thinks of the gay like they just want to ruin Chris miss and call it all the days. Well, we do like they just want to ruin Christmas and call it holidays. Well, we do. Yeah. I know. And she is that person. The lead of the movie is that. Yeah, she's going to kill everyone's lemonade stand. So they're like, oh my god.

Like, is this could be really we're having our company. And then I think the blonde goes something and says something like baby steps. Wait, that's a great new company name. I'm like, you guys have already deposited money don't even have a company name. They don't even have an LLC. They don't even have an LLC. They don't even have an LLC.

I'm so sorry. You need to give, I just... You said the thing. Yeah, yeah. S-K-S-C-A.gov. She says baby steps and then for a friend, Grace, it's like, oh my god, that's the neighbor company. And in the same breath, the blonde woman goes,

yes, what about these glasses? How was it? Are you gonna check to see if it's available? You want to Google it? You're not really kidding. You're like, sure. That's what I was saying. I mean, beyond the LLC, Google it,

because there's of course 90 million baby steps out there. I was so mad at these things. I know, the moment you come up with your company name should be of some import. You're like, square teeth. You know, and I screamed. That was there were about six or seven times that I screamed. What? Like that at this movie.

And that was one of them. That was a big what moment. And also like, what are you going to do? Like, are they baby shoes? Because the name doesn't really make sense. Baby socks. That's a pacifier. That's it.

It needs to be called baby socks. Yeah. Like your baby socks make sense. Baby sucks. Oh, what is that? It needs to be called baby sucks. Yeah, baby sucks. Okay. Baby sucks. Your baby sucks. Baby sucks. So anyway, so the blonde is, she's just like, like they have this moment, she goes,

well Hawaii here I come, well I'm like that's a bad business partner. She's already leaving, you put your money in the bank and she's going to Hawaii. Yeah. And so now they sort of grace, Gracey's like, I'm gonna go spend Christmas in the snow with my family.

Oh, you're already hung up on me. Okay, great, great. Could I ask a question really quickly? Maybe I would, I miss this. There was a statement that Gracey said that chilled my bones. She's like, this lady talking baby, this lady has her first date with a snowman.

Oh. Oh. She's already trying to like mean. She's just trying to keep the image that she has of her family together knowing that it was crumbled to pieces already. Maybe it made no sense because this baby can't walk. So the baby can't build a snowman. And then it's too cold to really put your six-month-old baby

It made no sense and there should be a romantic entanglement with a snow no I just kept picturing her tarting her baby up for a date with a snowman who would eventually melt Because the songs like I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus it ruined like it ruined the culture. I'm telling you I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. It ruined the culture. I'm telling you, I saw it for a year. Poodle has a big, y'all called Jake Poodle, if you are new. Poodle has a big problem with Frosty to Snowman, and basically almost all holiday cartoons anyway.

He's gone on. But didn't you call, what did you call Frosty to Snowman? It's this kind of like, the ultimate hero's journey where Prosti sacrificed himself at the end, like basically kills himself for a child. And then in some kind of weird epic of Gilgamesh, they reincarnate him while we're watching it on the 30 minute special.

And I'm like, did no one have questions? As a child, I was really confused. I think you're triggered because we're gay. And I feel like it's the same trajectory of the gay friend, right? It's like, you never see this person except for like a bachelor at party. You know, it's like my friend.

You know, and then it's like, it's done for another five years. How does he see this character ever? How does he save them again? Because he like melts in a greenhouse spoiler. Sorry guys. To keep her warm, he goes into the, takes her into the greenhouse. And for some reason stays with her, not watches out while they're in the...

This is why it's triggering. This is why it's triggering. Because it's that friend who that friend who's like oh, let me do your dishes for you Like I didn't ask you to do my dishes. Yeah, you're a favor He he kills himself for her. It's so weird. He's met her 10 minutes ago. It's a strange Suicide in in Christmas films. I feel there is yeah lot. Yeah, I don't I don't like it It's I was triggering I was triggered by most of them Rudolph is a gay allegory gay allegory Yeah, I'm a lame or they're like can he really lead though like all the straight up

And the elf is like I'm just I'm just a nithesit. I need to go find someone where I'll be in, and he goes, the island miss a choice, and it's basically a gay club. It is fucked up. It's like slammers, and he's doing booty bumps for Christmas. I really wish there was a good Hanukkah story that I could adopt a gay narrative too. I mean, I guess like Judas Mac could be,

I'm not sure. I'm a little rusty on the hammer. You guys have a whole holiday. Yeah, you guys literally have a whole holiday revolving around flames. I think you're gonna go, okay. Okay. It lasted for eight days.

Oh, oh, by the way, it's like way jumping ahead. Way jumping ahead, but since you said it, one part where the blonde girl says like, oh, I've never put up a Christmas tree. And did you see the way that little orphan girl? And yes, that's all I'm calling her is orphan girl. I have About her We're gonna get there. We're gonna get there. We're gonna get there

That was such a that was such a what moment I was Let's let's move forward. So after she's done talking to her lunatic friend, the blonde goes downstairs because she hears her town car has arrived. And she goes downstairs and her hideous floral jumpsuit. And it turns out her father is Captain Lee from Below Deck. I was like, that is the cameo crossover. I looked this up.

He's her actual father. That actress's actual father. Wow. So I guess we know who runs recita production. I guess. Well, I just want to say they were super lazy on this. That's her actual father. We find out because he calls her Molly.

We find out her character's name is Molly. Wait, that's her real name in real life. Her real name is Molly. Yes, that's her real name in real life. Yes, that's her real name. So it's like she's Molly. They're like, what do we call redrum in the pine air? What will color be? Yeah. Like let's make some stretches here. No, the problem is she, they kept, they kept calling her Trixie and redrum and kept forgetting who it was. So the closest was and redrum and kept forgetting who it was. So the closest was me. Me. Man, she would not answer.

Could you just see? Red, where the fuck is Trixi? I've got something to bet. Oh, that's me. That's me. She's also got this purse on her because she's got money. Don't forget, guys.

Coach Bag. Yeah, it's a Gucci bag. Or Gucci bag.. Coach bag, yeah. It's a Gucci bag. Or Gucci bag, yeah. It's Gucci. It's a Gucci bag. This is such a thrift store Gucci. It's the ugly as Gucci. It doesn't go with her outfit at all.

And then she takes another cream colored jacket to put over her, stupid Hawaiian thing. Molly. Molly, why are you wearing your cream jacket? Molly you and danger girl you can't even pretend to be rich for one film she's going to Phoenix she's telling everyone she's going to why so so then so she's like daddy daddy captain Lee why don't you have any bags? He's like, I've got bad news. And gallant resorts, which is a-

Oh, excuse you. Galaunt. Galaunt. Galaunt. Like Felicia Galaunt from another world. Don't you dare. Felicia Galaunt is hurt. Linda Dana from this recap.

Well guess what, Galaunt resorts are going under. And she's like under, underwear. Like, this is a marketing CEO, by the way. This is like the same tones I used when he was like, look, it's a real Gucci bag. Yeah, that underwear was definitely a shaky green joke that was put in there by a comic. That needed a couple of bunch of drums.

Redraw probably got a little punch up. So it's probably one of Lads jokes. He wanted to put it in. With a husband, Lads. That's your husband, sorry. I went through a Pioneer woman phase because I'm from Oklahoma and I had to. And my son, Brycey.

And then I cooked some of her recipes and realized they weren't good. I like something. I mean, I cooked them too. If it's beyond flour, butter, eggs, and water, she don't know, she don't have it going on. I like something. I mean, I picked them too. If it's beyond flour, butter, eggs, and water, she don't know she don't have it going on. I'm sorry. And wait until you see the baked goods that they keep closing up on. I'm like, my, my nine year old niece does, but I think she's well now, but they're better than that.

I remember once watching a pioneer woman episode and she's like, I'm going to go to town today because I got to buy five pounds of sugar or something. So she goes, she goes to school. And she's like, I got to get in here before the Baptist. She's like, the Baptists are coming soon. I got to get in here quickly. I was like, I got to get my alcohol so they don't judge me. I just say on a personal level, I do enjoy, I do enjoy rederm. I don't have hate for her. I don't want to see her.

I do like her. I would, I wanna kill her. I have friends that know her and that are, one of my second cousins lives out in Slotterville, which is right by Papa Husker. Slotterville. Yeah, Slotterville, it's by Rubatum and Oklahoma. And so they stop. Slotterville. Slotterville. Slotterville. It's by, it's by Rue Bottom and Oklahoma. And so they stop.

Slotterville. No, no, no, no. It's all right. You're just making shit up, man. Oh, these are real, real, real, real, real, real, real. That's all the time. Yeah, yeah. Because there's like, there's Rue Bottom.

I think bushy heads out there. Oh, I swear, the person's saying, I can't, I can't, I can't do with this. We have a street here in Austin called Glonin. And it bothers me every time I have to turn on to it. But at least the redrum it is wonderful, wonderful, nice, and all the, also good things about her. I want to hear some stories.

Well she's beautiful and I love her work and precious. So, and the recent, and the recent, so due to the recent drop in hotel occupancy, Bayesat the hotel has been forced into bankruptcy. And Molly, now we know her name is Molly. She goes, I'm the head of marketing. How could I not know? It's like bitch, because you're bad at your job.

You're bad at your job. No, it's gonna be hotel. You should be working. That's kind of the point, honey. Her dad's like that's kind of the point. I'm in the middle of that. Yeah. Then the fact that she says, but it's also your,

also you're gonna be having a problem. So all the money that she says, but it's also your, also, you're gonna be of having a problem. So all the money that you were gonna use for your seed money, that's no longer an option. So dad stole her money. Okay, thank you for this. I wrote, I think her father is a swindler and an asshole. He is a bamboozler.

No, she's just a terrible business person. Okay, she didn't even know that her company was in trouble. And second of all, she didn't even procure that seed money. You think that she's procured that seed money out of time? That's true. So maybe he did it to her. She was like, oh yeah, my dad will send that. And she sent Gracie up the river.

Oh, that's right. So she just basically promised something that would hurt her father's. Yes, it was Captain Lee's. That makes sense. Yeah. So she's terrible. Well, none of it really makes sense because where did you deposit the money, Gracie? Like if you don't have an LLC, you don't have a business name. It's in the wall somewhere. It's in one of her handbags.

I would have her good chebag. I gave him a check. Yeah. She deposited at Washington Mutual. She's like, they're still around, aren't they? So, so Molly is like, she's like, well isn't this what you always wanted for me to go off and create my own business? Just like you did and use my marketing skills, like girl. Relined totally on your money and everything that you built. Yeah, that's every father's dream. Oh, I can't wait to buy my child a business. Did you notice that when he said, and I need to tell you, so you might, he's like, am I out of a job? And then the next breath is,

but what about Hawaii? Yeah. Yeah. Your whole life is done. Why is more important than, yeah, you know what? But what about Hawaii? You know what, when she was like to that position There was like mass resignments from the higher up tears of this organization

They're like we we're getting this one as our as our CMO. No, thank you. We're quitting the girl with the knockoff Gucci Awesome You're a monk comes in here. Y'all she was fucking in quarantine and watch white lotus And she's like I have got to go to Hawaii because that's like her because she's from California and everybody from California loved white lotus This movie would have done a lot better with the soundtrack She probably watched the first two episodes Then realize what was gonna happen. Then she's like, this is getting heavy.

So then she's like, well, I mean, like, like how do we get the money? Like, do I have to sell my kidneys? He goes, not yet. This is funny. Because he also knows like, wow, you're so bad at marketing. You probably couldn't even sell your own kidneys. No, no.

He's like, look, I'm not a smart ideal, but listen babe, I think I know of a way you can get your money back. Remember how at the high school talent show you put your fist in your mouth? Get to the world. Get to the world. Get to the world. It's like something weird from two big,

where two big. Oh, yeah. He's like, remember that house, your mother grew up in, because, oh, in Spirament Valley, he's like, no, permanent hollow. And she's like, who makes up these names? It's kind of like a wink, wink. Like, look how mad at this movie is.

That's the voice of the audience. Yeah, it's very mad. It's almost like someone who says the name of a movie in the movie. And then doesn't actually show anything can be good when that name is uttered. Why do Hollywood people dress this way? Yeah.

So he's like, yeah, remember we used to go there before your mother passed away and she goes, yeah, we used to go riding on chocolate chip. I'm not a what-scream for me. But she's also totally fine with that name. Like, I've known it, holla sucks, but chocolate chips are that name. Like, peppermint hollow sucks. But chocolate chips are real. No, I'm this chocolate chip.

Well, because all women love chocolate. Yeah. This is literally one of the themes of this movie. All women love shopping. All women love chocolate. And so they're all bad with money. And just so we bad. With money. Just so we can't, what money?

Her father literally just kind of, not even in one senses, it's like, he gets like a full, in a script, like a full paragraph and a half. That's just like, so this is what you're gonna do, and just like lays it all out for her. Hands her this thing, says, you're gonna go sell this house and peppermint hollow,

or whatever, peppermint, sell this house and peppermint hollow or whatever in Peppermint that now say pepper that Pepermint hollow hollow But I laughed again the fucking art department on this said hey We know how apple has those ten plates. Why found one that says deed Deed so we're gonna print this out at the paper at the top just said deed It was read at least. So it was matching the decor.

But also like this guy is the CEO of like an international hotel group and he doesn't have just like lawyers who are like, oh, we'll take care of this. He's like, no, I'm just saying my daughter who's terrible at marketing just send her off to peppermint fucking hollow just to sell a house out of no, just to sell a house. Out of note, just to sell a house. Like, as if there's no, it's like there's like,

there's some people in there as if there's no like eviction laws where you have to get people like 80 days or something. It's not like, it's not like in LA where there's squatters rights. They could have had those people on the street in a day. That's, yeah.

But I liked that the girl who sings all the Apple commercials from like five years ago got some work. It was this was like the selling sunset version of Christmas of Christmas music. I like cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. I I'm a brownie warrior, a brownie warrior! You might be at Minty, but I'm so flinty here I walk, what you walk? Fast, fast, fast, the cars go fast. Girls don't ride red box they take car I got a private plane It should end with boss bitch everything

Don't scandalize peppermint hollow to hear that word boss bitch Like you say that about B Yeah, so we see a plane which is crazy because you know that that shit was Southwest. No Southwest because I'm about to fly it, but you know it was. And then suddenly we're in Peppermint Hollow. There's no big great scene for it.

We're just now in Peppermint Hollow. The town Christmas threw up in. It's just everywhere. There's not even like a drone shot that like goes in and focuses on the downtown it's just a red sign that says peppermint hollow well how could they it's a user that's the saddest phrase ever um as mint even so peppermjaro apparently um exists uh... in this movie in washington state

is mint even native to washington state is that like is mint out you've already you've already asked for questions that meant a specific northwest of our but i don't think so i feel like mint we see in like warm and tropical areas right also it depended on where they are in washington but it doesn't really snow a lot in the Pacific Northwest. I guess it does east of the mountains, but I'm sorry, I needed to know where this was.

The other thing is that the Pacific Northwest tends to look like the Pacific Northwest. And this did not look, there was like not even like a comic locker walking through or something, like no rich win peaks or anything. No shimmering, no shimmering vampire no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, ew, crouch! And they're like, it's like, it's a candy cane. It's like a candy cane display. It's like, ew, bam, bam, bam.

And they're like, wow, look, it's Christmas sweater. She's like, Christmas, crouch! So we just saw your apartment. You have like 37, no glow. You're all the Santa Christmas every year. Christmas! But now she hates Christmas. Yeah.

We know, if she was truly from Los Angeles and went to Hawaii every year, you know what, she would be taking so many selfies with making all these scram things. And she would be literally finding the wings on the wall and taking a picture and being like, what the hell. You know, like, if her be scoffing, no.

Super weird that like they made, we're only two minutes into the movie by the way, sorry audience. But like, no, there's so much they've made her a person who loves Christmas to a person who hates Christmas already so not not even a reason why we know that her mother's dead and this is her hometown but like they could have said like you know how your mother loved Christmas so much and like oh that's the reason she doesn't love Christmas.

Yes. No, the writers couldn't even make that jump. And they never do. Would that make her like Christmas? What are the things that like she, if she had like a negative association with cold, like New England style, Christmas is that like it reminds her of her dead mom.

So therefore, this is why she has this terrible reaction. But they don't even, they're right. They don't even throw that line. That beat is not there. That that that is not there. That is that is screenwriting 101. But yeah, I'm going to tell you what beat is there. A commercial beat or a we'll see you tomorrow beat because this is the end of part one. Sorry. I'm really bad. I'm really bad. I was going to be given. I was going to be given. They'll not like like five more minutes for us to actually get into some of the story.

No! I don't think we did last year either. These are an instant questions. We did not. Yeah, we had a lot of fun to talk. So yeah, everyone, thank you for listening to this, the launch of our recap, and we will be back tomorrow with more of Candy-Coded Christmas. Yeah, if you want the videos, go over to Crappens on demand on our Patreon or go to their

Patreon for RealityGaze and get those. And go buy tickets for our live shows in New York, of course, and there is. Yes. They're playing at, where can they get yours? Ars are watchwattcraftens.com, where are ticket links for you guys? Ars are our link tree and our insta. Well, but on realitygaze.com is where it all all. Yeah, you can find them. That okay

Bye Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors ain't no thing like Allison King actually Savonie she don't take no baloney. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniella itch olds Dana C Dana-do Aaron McNickles, she don't miss no trickle-ists. Hava Nagilo Weber! Jamie, she has no last name-y! Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch! Jess Sayin' Okay! Wee McLeven, Karen McLellin!

She's always sublion, it's Kelly Ryan. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg! You don't touch the Nicki Morgan lettuce! There ain't no problem that Sarah's Alvia can't solve you. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors? Somebody get us 10ccs of Betsy MD. Always the wiser, it's Allison Weasler.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. She's cheese on a bagel, it's Megan Ragle. Erica, 500 days of summers. The incredible edible Matthewsisters. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. My favorite Merto, Karen McMurdo. No one makes us feel well like Megan Capciwell.

Mina Kutikutikouji. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good! Kristen, the Ruby Rubano! Can't have a meal without the Emily sides! We want to hang with Liz Lang! Shannon, out of a can in Anthony! Let's get Racy with Miss Stacy!

Let's take off with Tamela Plane! She ain't no shrinking Violet Coochar! We love you guys! No Shrinkin' Violet Couture! We love you guys! a short survey at 1dry.com slash survey.