Watch What Crappens - Candy Coated Christmas, Part 3

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

We're back with Matt and Jake from Reality Gays podcast to finish out our recap of Candy Coated Christmas. Will Molly be able to sell the house her mom grew up in? Will she be able to resist Noah's rugged charm? And will she finally succumb to the Peppermint Hollow lifestyle?? We unpack it all.Watch our supersized recap here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/60306575/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Welcome to part three of the crap and reality gets crossover event as we continue to recap Candy coated Christmas on discovery plus I'm Ben that's Ronnie. There's Jake. There's Matt. We're all here together. We're just we're just going through it You know, can it go to Christmas? Can he go to Christmas? Balsbitch

Yes, and before we get resume it, of course, don't forget to visit our respective websites watchrocraftens.com and realitygaze.com And you'll get links to our live shows and in fact all four of us are gonna be together in New York City the same weekend It'll be the crappies and then the very next night Realitygaze in New York City. So I mean come on y'all have to come join the whole all both shows. Oh, yeah Party time. Party time. And nothing says a party like Christmas. So we have been recapping Candy Coded Christmas.

This is part three, okay? And we are right in the middle of a dinner that this family has made this girl sit through. So they're trying to talk her into coming to this big Christmas party. And then they're asking you what marketing is coming to this big Christmas party and then They're asking you what marketing is what I think is really funny And she's like we sell them experience you you fucking That's a newspaper shut up. Okay, so when someone says we sell an experience then you'd be punched in the face

Yeah, that goes across the board or they're a hooker or a stripper Yeah, I sex worker than you do. Yeah, that goes across the board or there are hooker or a stripper. Yeah, I sex worker than you do Yeah, you do that is true. That is the exception. That is good for you. I guess yes Yeah, but otherwise if your dick's not out shut up Molly is like well, you know my dad wanted me to check this place out and everything looks great So now I'm gonna go to Hawaii Okay, and Kim's like oh honey You're not going to Hawaii just look outside and Molly's like oh my god someone has a huge hole in their coke back

So Kim is so manipulative she then takes Molly and puts her in her mother's room And it's also does the thing like oh, I think it's still here. Oh look here all her hides and I definitely did not write these in on the wall It's a little faded. No, it is fine and it's not faded at all the home goods Ross Chachkes and this pull this no one decorates a bedroom like this I don't like this this dissing Ross and home Once or twice But this was a spare room that was on occupied this is room that was unoccupied and no one was in the room there. It's unoccupied. I wasn't even thought of putting someone in there until about five minutes ago. And yet they put all, they're running their electricity bill through the roof, the room with all these lights and decorations.

She was like, I'm just gonna decorate an empty room that no one's gonna be in. Right. No. It's so right, too. This place looks filthy. It looks filthy. And you know, this is not a real spare room because everyone piles all the shit you don't have room for in your spare room. And this is way too clean.

There's no 1990 spare climb. But I know Kim was like, she like saw the she's like, okay, I'm gonna run upstairs and she's like, I'm gonna write Sarah and this bitch is gonna believe this was her mom's Yeah, she's like we can go on room up to five minutes. Yes Oh sewing machine all of it. Yeah, she's like my mom was six feet tall. Why does it say five six here? Well, I will tell you by the way I will tell you why there's not all sorts of crap in that room because if you remember from the exterior shots of this house This is a huge it's huge house. Only three people can't afford it are living in.

And like, you know where their money is going? Just utilities, what are they doing in this house? Just to, I mean, to hate this. Right after this. Why is it? But also, can we talk about what a monster Kim is? Because I'm surprised Kim did not murder this girl. Because Kim, really you didn't know that it was going to snow and close down the roads.

You don't watch the weather. You know this family all they do is watch the fucking weather. It's that kind of family, right? You should get out before dinner. You need to get out before dinner. That's the only app that my Aunt Peggy knows how to use on her phone is the weather app. The weather app? Okay, well, that's how she gets it.

You know that they watch it, weather all day, and they are keeping your own purpose. Yeah. So, of course, Noah comes, Noah and Kim are talking about her, and Noah's like, do you think she came all this way for a tour of mine? My think my purse is a bit sunny. I can't wait to show her the jeep's like on a guitar.

Shut your mouth, son. I've got this handle. Noah, you ignorant slut. Yeah. She's like, there, there, my doll, dumb son. Take this blanket up to her and just try to like connect with her. Mama's got this in the bag. If you fuck her tonight, we'll be fine. She's okay.

She's okay. If you dick her down, Christmas is gonna come. Get her emotionally attached. So he's like, fine, I'll take her to splink it, but we both know why she's here. And for the smell of her breath, it's not the mint. She's like, we both know why she's here and for the smell of her breath it's not the mint. She's like, we both know why she's here. She got lost on the freeway to Elle.

You were dumb enough. I thought. Can I just say, that this whole movie is triggering, especially with the brownie bites, because this is just an acid reflux nightmare. I couldn't meet anything they're offering here. Mint is terrible and chocolate. And so every time I know that I'm in my 40s now, but every time they said that I just felt like they should put

Zantek ads in this thing. I know, but you are one of those people also who just won't listen to real answers. You're like sugar. Why do I have acid reflex? Are you eating late at night? Yeah. Okay, well, that is so no, I'm you're like no, that's what I like to eat. Okay, well, are you eating late at night? Yeah, okay, we'll go really no, I'm you like no, I that's what I like to eat okay, well, are you eating like tomato sauce and garlic? Yeah, okay, well don't eat that I'm gonna eat that acid reflux for 10 years and he wouldn't even listen to him and then he finally got diagnosed at the doctor He wouldn't even tell me I had to drag it out of him. Why do you have a different tone than you do poodle? Absolutely not my was actually much router

But somehow more loving it's not weird Now that's very much like Noah in this situation, like denying reality, and then, but also like not putting the pieces together. I gotta go save an animal. I gotta be kidding. He's like, I got a couple of dogs in my car. You're not supposed to just leave dogs in the car, but I'm a little bit of a winter, you know what?

This movie was missing the gay best friend, and it was missing a cute dog. It was, it was actually. That's the fact that you turned the actor as like very much about dog that you didn't like a cute dog. It was, it was actually. That's the fact that you could turn the actor as like very much about dog that you didn't like request a dog. There were no pets at all. Maybe it cost to probably have a dog wrangler, you know?

Or a handler. So Molly's on the phone. She's now like in this chic little satin robe, despite the fact that she's freezing a rass off and she's like, it's freezing and it's tiny, but the people in this city are like really nice And like one of them was like friends with my mom gross. There's like mint everywhere the whole town smells like mouthwash. I'm like mouthwashers we want things to smell like mouthwash No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, how images in her mind that meant as an objectionable odor. And there's everything is meant-centred.

I know. I've literally never heard of this hatred I've met before. And she's like, you know, it's really gross here, but the people are nice, I guess, and that dumb smiling because I'm not educated well enough to know there are other emotions kind of a way. How are you doing, Dad? He's like, did you get a mint on your pillow? What? What?

What? And then dad says, hey, by the way, you're there for one purpose and one purpose only. You got to sell this house because by the way, shit's going worse here. There's no money. And then she says a line that totally took me out of the movie because no one says this in real life. But she said, way to raise the stakes, dad. I know, I was like, oh, shut up.

I was like, it was like, it was like get another wink wink thing. Like get a gala. I was like, I don't know. I got a real life for LA people. They got a note that said we need to raise the stakes here. You know, so the improv coach,

they had spelled check this movie was like, oh my God. They also got like a note, they're like, wait a second. We just realized the movie could end right here if she just sells the house to them. So can we like build in something why they can't sell the house to them? So she's like, I'm gonna sell the house to them and he's like, well, you can't.

Because unfortunately, they're behind on their rent. So now we've set up this movie where she has to kick them out but they're also like also be leaving anything. They're also like broke. Yeah, they're broke. This is where we find out they're broke, which automatically infuriated me. Not because they're broke. I mean like I get it, but just all the money that they were spending. Yes, excessive amount of nothing. No one knocks, which thankfully is free. It's like the first free thing that Noah was talking about. So he comes in and he's like, sorry to interrupt,

but I brought you a blanket that hasn't been washed in six years, you know, because it's cold outside. So you mind if I install a ring cam on your door here? No, stop spending the money. He just pushes her off the badge. She's like, what? He's like, I was saving you. I was saving you right now.

So now she finally realizes that he's really hot because now she's gone from like, ew, now she's looking at him like, oh my god, take me right here on this elf, right? And it came out of nowhere. It came out of nowhere now. Now she loves Noah. Look at what the hell you just hated him

and all of his carbs. She's already very about Christmas. I don't know why, yeah, she's starving. It's hunger. She only had two green beans for dinner, okay? Yeah. I know, and he's got a smell like protein. I mean, just look at him.

Oh, you know? Yeah. Just creatine and male growth hormone. A human growth hormone. It's like excreting meat. What do you want to say, man? And she does that like pork in here. She does that thing where like she flirt says his name

because he's like, okay, well, good night. And she goes, good night, Noah. Like, oh, she said his name. She acknowledged his presence. Yeah. How that basic, that basic name really gets me going have some beautiful dreams and sleeping times and a dreams Fun times. Yeah, so the rooster wakes her up if that ever fucking happened your rooster is dead I'm telling them I'm a little scary and I'll still kill that fucker

What my question is where was it and why was there? I never see it. There's no chicken house No, we've never seen a farm was it and why was there i i can't imagine there's no chicken house no we we've never seen a farm we've never even seen like she pulled up a rooster running like out of the way of the car just an establishing shot it's also no it's like the house if i remember in establishing shot was like surrounded by mountain a little bit like right no pastor and there's no reason to have a rooster if you don't have other hens There's just it's a

It's cheaper than an apple farm. Yeah, okay. I'll tell you got it Someone's reading their phone. Oh she gets a buzz on our phone and it's Patrick He's like how oh hi is Patrick started messy. This Patrick again with peppermint reality Patrick call me back Patrick again with peppermint real team booze Patrick call me back Lady one time I need this sale I need it so badly that I'm gonna check you almost a full day later And then stop stop texting you. Yes. I just bought an organ for me to play at my church and I'm broke Actually, I think this was a very realistic touch because there are those people that like, when you text, be like, hey, I'm looking to like patch a hole or something like that.

And you come and they don't respond. And then all of a sudden they realize, oh, you could be business. And then they texted and said, it's like, no, you missed your chance. I, this is so time like, because I just called someone, I cleaned out my garage because I have to put all of our fucking merch in it. And so I cleaned out our garage because I have to put all of our fucking merch in it.

And so I cleaned out our garage and there's shit I needed picked up. And it literally is like a grinder hookup. You're texting like eight or 10 people. And so finally, like three people contacted me back. Yeah, one person actually comes in, and ended up being this like young like gay twink. And I was like, I'm gaying it forward.

I'm giving him $100 to take shit away anyway but the one guy who didn't respond texted me that night and said hey bro you up you still need your stuff picked up and I was like what is this is 11 o'clock at night and I said no I'm good thanks and then he texted me to stay over to me. Then he texted me. It said $10 for some siggies And I went oh what I said no thanks and then two days later he texted me again at like midnight and says $10 for six What is happening And then he texted the next line to be like brown butter brownie bite Oh my god. And then you texted the next line to be like brown butter brownie bite. Brownie bite.

Brownie bite. Brownie bite. Brownie bite. I swear I'm sweating on GDD. But um, $10.00 whole pound of mist. Got a whole whole palette. But also y'all why? Okay so we accept y'all Molly goes down to breakfast and Kim and everybody's cooking almost

knocked over Mike. Kim and them are cooking breakfast. And Tyre an entire cathartan skillet of bacon like a pound of hours just so too big two pigs worth and but so Molly says oh you know I got it and she's like you're up early she's like Kim's like well we slept in late she's like six thirty and I went wait the

realtor was texting you at six thirty and the morning. That's much no sense. No, we're going to be like, no, we're going to be like, a five hour break in the morning. Yeah, that is. So this family is doing that annoying thing. We're like, we're awake.

Yes, all awake at 630. We're all fully dressed. Christmas lights are all on. And that's the line. That's the line. We're not eating cereal and milk and saving a little bit of money. We're doing a full meal.

There's like, you know, it has an actual griddle on it. I mean, it's like Dakota. There's no way a teenage girl is getting up at 6.30 without who's not wearing like a hoodie and going, should up, mom. Yes, also just when you're unemployed, like why the fuck would you?

You know, I just don't mind. Who puts a string of lights on their oven range? That's not safe. That's not safe. But I like the whole development of Dakota, the teenager, because now that they've got Molly in the house, and Dakota knows that she's met Leo de Caprio, who is some famous person, even though Molly doesn't have

her in the house. Dakota's never heard of it. Dakota is now like I'm an adult and she can't get Coke from Molly. Well, maybe she could but so she starts drinking coffee. I know. I know. I'm telling you this was written for a 10 year old girl. It really was written for a 10 year ago. It is. I kept. I. This girl's real snow weird. Or if a girl is related to someone in this movie. So, yes. So now we have a moment that's like very screen-ridery, meaning that this doesn't make any sense

why any of this happens. So, Noah is like, I gotta check on the greenhouse. He goes out there and Kim is making a whole bunch of pancakes because why not make 30,000 pancakes for three people? And then she goes, oh, I need to check on Noah in the greenhouse, like why? And so then she's like, oh, you just take care of these pancakes, which is like, you're leaving,

like you're leaving just this stranger in charge of your kitchen. And then she just walks out. And then Kim is, I mean, Molly is like, you're leaving, like, you're leaving just this stranger in charge of your kitchen. And then she just walks out. And then Kim is, and I mean Molly is like pancakes. And then she picks up a spoon to flip it. I'm like, a spoon with a little potato on it. She's got like a little potato on it. I'm a LA, we don't cook.

I don't know real life. Yeah, so she obviously doesn't know how to really live. Like I can't believe Molly literally can breathe. I can't know real life. Yeah, so she obviously doesn't know how to really live like I can't believe Molly literally can breathe I can't either did you notice that there were only four pancakes at the table that were burned like the ones that she made Were the ones that were burned and there was a whole thing of mix sitting there And that they like to not just admit now that now is the time that they can serve as like why don't you just make some more pancakes They just and you also have plenty of food. There's like a whole bread service and bacon and eggs You just don't eat the pancakes with Kim is like I'm gonna show you fuckers And she's like I'm gonna eat these burn pancakes

By all this like by way fresh maple syrup I believe it was definitely not like She's like, I'm gonna eat these burn pancakes. Oh! This is very powerful syrup. By the way, fresh maple syrup, I believe. It was definitely not like log cabin. Like that is like the stuff that's 1799 per tiny glass thing. No, great. She did like, she went like, log in fucking winter house and tapped a tree and got this fresh maple syrup.

Well, I'm not getting any ass. It might as well tap a tree. Oh, so this is $300. But mom is eating $300. Molly is eating a grape at an apple. By the way, I don't even believe they had in that house. Like, it's none of that makes sense. This is glorifying an eating disorder at this point.

What? Hey, listen, I always say, you know, some people call it an eating disorder and some people call it making an effort She's going to Hawaii she knows well that was those were sugary options for you know a non-carb diet But oh shut up, you see that is an LA that is no Oh my god you ate a carrot. That's a sugary. How do you get a pair of apples are a little less seeming at that? You know what I can't believe I'm not not comparatively not to berries But you know bothered me is that Kim then turns her and goes you had one job like no that was never her job

You just that was your job. That was How about you get a job you were told the state directions to go outside Yeah, that's it. So Molly is living in. That would have made more sense, but oh, she would have said, can you finish this? The script says I'm going to leave. Thanks for telling me that I need to go help Katoa

with something. Yeah, we're going to take care of Faghorn Leghorn for once. She was doing that bomb shelter ready to lock her in there because you know this is a key to happy. Her Q and on shelter Yes, it's like great away coming y'all all right way we go one we got well mother-fuckers Okay, so kid this girl is getting ready to leave and you can tell cuz she's in another hideous rayon outfit Oh

Oh Rayon Esther, I don't even know if that's a thing It's her thing is this this actress she lives in Los Angeles. I looked her up and I realized we have friends and comments because I think she did musicals. Oh my god Let's all hate let's all hate tweet her But no, I think she should musicals and she really musicals. They gave it a moment. Yeah, she did We'll get to that. She oh oh yeah, that's a great moment. She knows how people dress.

She couldn't have gone when she saw the wardrobe. Guys, can we have a redo? But nothing. She's not an idiot this actress. She doesn't dress herself. It takes her village to make something to sell. It really does. She's a costume choice.

The Mesh's here comes one right now. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellas-I. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin

and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent tick-tock of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya.

Okay, so she's getting ready to go and Noah's like, are you sure you can make it down the steps? And so she's like, yes, I sure can. But then of course you can't find keys. And all of a sudden we're in, get out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think Noah took the keys, right? Yeah. That's why we're believing. Yes. He took the keys. He's a sinister. But she's also wildly irresponsible. Don't forget she doesn't know how to do her job.

And then she would become the type that would just throw her keys somewhere. But they're in the house, right? of the type that would just were like, okay, throw her keys somewhere. But they're in the house, right? Where could they be? It's like, well I thought they fell out. The first time she fell into the snow, remember? Because she was wearing heels. Oh, that's true.

When she fell in the snow, then it snowed on top of it. That's what I thought it was. But it actually wasn't that at all. It's just that. That would have made so much sense. Yeah. So she comes back and she rings the doorbell. There's a lot of frequent doorbelling in this movie.

We're at the doorbell. I think it's one, three more times before the scene's over. So she rings the doorbell and he goes, oh, Aloha, how was Hawaii? You know what, shut the fuck up. Her keys are missing and she's got a plate to go to the server. And she's like, I can't find my keys. Is this funny to you? He's like, a little bit find my keys. Is this funny to you?

He's like, oh, a little bit, just trying to save your life. And so she's like, I'll adjust. She's like, well, I have to go to town and get to the airport. I have a very important errand. And he's like, OK, I'm going to town for a supply. So why don't you come with me and then we'll drive back and find your keys. How does that make any?

I have to go to the airport after I run into town. Come on, movie making. This is exhausting. And then he goes, let's get you out of your Barbie heels. How about let's get you out of this mint business and into something that pays the rent? That's the pace that pays money. How about I take your guitar and bash it into a fire someplace about that? It is the disrespect which they talk about her being a Los Angeles and the fact that they are so irresponsible and the same and the same it's really staggering. Yeah, okay, so then he is at the car and he's getting all the ice and snow off the windows to which i say why are you struggling this hard to stay in house that don't have a garage

and i believe in the middle of peppermint hollow yeah like a spare greenhouse you can park your car in and he scrapes it off but then he doesn't do a good job because he gets in the car and the windows just covered with snow and I went you can't see. Get out of the step trap. That's his stair and that's where he finally has this moment.

He's like look, watch my mouth and I'm going to tell you we can't pay the rent. Yeah, I'm excited about it. He's like thanks for not evicting us. I guess that's why you were here. And he's like, but you know what, I'm good for it. And plus it's Christmas, right? The season of miracles. And then we get a song called,

What Is It About Christmas? And fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. What is it about? Ba-la-la-la-la. Ba-la-la-la-la-la. This is, yeah. This whole mood, first of all, the song is sort of cautious. Second of all, this whole thing where he's like,

oh, thanks for not evicting us. So we're just gonna just suck the air out of this premise that she is there to evict them. And that she's gonna have to break the news to them. But now he's like, do I actually already know what's happening in this movie? So we're just gonna go over something. Zero stakes now for that.

Yeah. Way to lower the stakes, dad. Um, so they go into town, right? And so we meet Chloe. We meet in an actual app. Lauren. Chloe, you almost impacts the story. Chloe, girl, Chloe, a hater.

Chloe is a kid. Straight up hater. And that was like, oh, hi, Chloe. And he looks nervous. Like, I just got this woman pregnant kind of nervous, which I thought is what it was. And then she's just like, oh, hello. Blonde pairs. Oh, do I smell quinoa?

What are you from LA? I've got somewhere else she should be. I speak edible freeway bitch. Yeah. And Chloe's like, by the way, thank your mom for the winter bliss, which sort of sounds like a feminine product. And Noah's like, he's like, oh yeah, so every Christmas, my mom makes this mint lavender blend and hands it out to her friends in town.

And Molly's like, oh, it's for like, peep for everyone? No. It just for babies. It just for babies. Just for babies. I was just saying this a lot. This is just for babies For babies you're not in a baby business are you? I thought this was funny. I was like man. That's what work on adult How obnoxious is Kim that she's like okay? So for 11 months out of the year your babes were crying but in December I'll give you some of this

11 months out of the year your babes were crying, but in December I'll give you some of that. I just said we're not gonna make this. But you're not gonna make this. Do you want more of those fireworks? You fuck girl, you fuck. Also, I just have to say, Chloe's makeup looks like she's, this is a night look by a two-faced person at Sephora that did you wrong. Her makeup is so great. This is not small-town day makeup. I have a feeling. Well, it came to Crowey came to play for sure. Like she was getting at her all in this. Oh, she was like, she's like, this is her look up a dance. She was getting into that villain role.

She's taking this clip and making her manager give it to Tina Face people. Well, her whole thing is like, oh, I've been to the big city. You know, I've been to Cincinnati, but then this girl comes in and is like, I'm from Los Angeles, not that I've been to a city. It's I'm from a city. So now she's real, she's like, oh, okay, never mind. Yeah, and she's got her dick, right?

She's got Noah, so Chloe needs her guts. Well, I think Chloe, because she talks about a baby, Chloe is presumably married with a child So what they think why are we doesn't love her husband Chloe's Mary. Oh, yeah That's the winter bliss for Chloe's Chloe did so was Chloe just yeah did so was Chloe just yeah you're right. It's she's no yeah.

She does say thank you for the winter bliss, which implies that she has a baby. Maybe your sister, you know that Chloe probably has like a coat of panton really strip of their sister a little bit, right? Possibly. Lizanne, this is peppermint hollow. If she wasn't married with the child, they would like blindfold her and put her on a train out of camp.

Yeah, and hand made tail her till she, they would, she would have been on the wall when you'd throw in the van on scotch corners. But, so, so Noah's, this is who's, place out for the lights. So they're like, and she's, so she's like, who's, she's like, who's this? And he's like, oh, she's my landlord.

She owns the farm and she goes you don't look like a farmer I'm Chloe no one I go way back way back way back like in the back of his car We thought okay better she leaned in and said I sucked this Like has go sweetheart aren't you freezing I'm always like, you know what? I'm gonna go run and out. When are you leaving again? Go! Be gone! And then Chloe's like, oh my god, she's charming and it was like she's really nice. She's just, yeah I mean she's sweet and she's definitely not from around here. I didn't think someone like hair

I can't believe She really did flip her hair Blonde hair would be your type I know you're not watching the video. I really appreciate that even O'Rani is shaved head You really flip your hair when you encompass that role and I appreciate what's that one? I have long hair and I still push my bangs out of my face all the time It's a tick so so he's like I don't even have a type and she's that's the problem That's the problem

You don't know you like everyone. No, the thing is she's the point where I specifically it's it's to the point where she's just like her brain won't even fire for insults It's just like she's throwing it back to him at this point. She's she's just seeing red right and he goes and he goes She's just my landlord. She's leaving tomorrow. So you think it's gonna be something where Chloe says oh Yeah, like later on when they're like starting to date. She goes he told me you're just his landlord and nothing else Is that true? I thought you'd let me. You don't think you're a landlord? Yeah, but no, it doesn't.

It's just nothing. No. So she's crushed him hiding while he walks off. So then we go to the real estate guy. And he's like, oh my God, they got you here. I've got you 97 times today. So you still want to sell your house. There was a line of people dying to buy

an peppermint hollowerman hollow middle of the winter Missed it just missed it. So um, he's like oh, so she starts telling him about the property goes Oh the winter's property they throw a hell of a heart a heart of every year man I got so fucking drunk Oh, sorry, let me say professional on winters this and so I forgot that she said that she goes I want to keep this secret She tells them she wants to keep a secret and he shows up at that house. Oh my god. No, wait a list of comps I'm gonna get to this big one for the one of those behind you sticking the ground with the mom. It's a nitric.

So now Noah's just loading soil into his car, even though there's no home depot, and he's just like in front of a diner, just loading soil. Again, this is when he should be hot, and like he gets warm, and he should be wearing it least, at least at the tank top. Give us a tank top, okay?

It's almost offensive, the way they treated this piece of meat. They we really needed more Yes, yeah, I mean if you're if you're gonna cast a guy like that and it's take a shirt off if not Then just hire like I don't know that God it does the voice and frozen of the snowman somebody like I don't know that God has us a voice in frozen of the snowman. Somebody like Josh. Josh Gamm. Josh Gamm. Josh Gamm. Josh Gamm.

I think I stand behind the Catholic Aaron. I don't know about Josh Gamm in this adj. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree.

I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. alone. Like there is no middle ground in these movies for how many people. So yeah, so she's just like asking about a hotel again. He's like, like, when does bed and breakfast not good enough for

you? I'm like, oh, is it a bed and breakfast now? Or is it just a joke? I'm not sure. It was a joke, but he's not clear. It was a joke, but he didn't believe in it enough. So it kind of seemed like they actually might own a bed and breakfast. It's like also like maybe you should have a bed and breakfast. I know, I've been stuck in. You're joking, but you actually have an idea that could pay their friend. I know your mom is making pancakes for ghosts right now. I know. She's already cooking for an entire full holiday in.

Like the woman could use some guests. This movie really was, so I just missed holiday a little bit. I actually missed that movie. Oh, yeah. I mean, this was, this was, this is a different kind of cognitive sentence than that movie. Just completely.

So now, well, this one's fun because it's just all about like how unrealistic it is. Yeah. Like we're such idiots. Like, of course, it's a fucking Christmas movie. Like if you go on from the rain showed up with mint, I would believe it. Yeah, I would hate it. I would hate it.

It was just terrible because I thought it was being so cool and clever and awful. And this one at least is just like, it's doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing. Yeah, like I never was more terrifying. And the core concept, how it made no sense. True, so Molly's like on the phone with Gracie now. And Gracie of course, it's just like,

I'm surprised she's just not excessively backgaming and it's like repainting her walls or something like what's going on? Hi, how's it going? Get the money yet? Get the money yet? Huh? She's a Gracie. I feel terrible. I get the money tomorrow She's like it's not your fault. It's not your fault She was well one way or another we're gonna get this business going Gracie this business that pertains to babies Where there's no synergy anywhere else in my life with anything with babies Yeah, yeah, I'm not even a mother nor do I want children. Yeah. But the baby's crying very important plot point.

The baby is crying all the time y'all. All the time. Kale's not working. Kale's scared to hear you baby is crying. That's why God invented cabinets. Open it. Put the baby in, close the cabinet door, you are on the phone. So Molly is like a mollium drawer just there. Molly?

Yes. A bread drawer. Sorry. Molly's having this conversation outside and she's losing reception. And so we have this movie's version of what's it called check-offs gun. Is that what's called check-offs gun? Yes, check-offs gun. Which is like if you see a gun on stage,

it's gonna go off, right? So this version is a ladder. Okay, so she's like, check-offs ladder. Check-offs ladder. Check-offs ladder. Check-offs ladder. She climbs up a ladder and she's like, oh, Jeannie, or Jeannie, whatever your name is Gracie,

I can't hear you. I can't hear you on this precarious ladder. What could possibly happen? Oh my god. Oh wait, hold on. I'm getting a text. Hold on, I'm getting a text. Blue, blue. All flights cancel. All flights cancel.

All airports close. Zombie outbreak. No airports. We forgot an important thing, which is actually before she falls. She decides to recap what we've seen in the movie so far. Gracie, I'm in Timbuktu, Washington. Apparently, my mom left this house to me when she passed away, and if I could just sell it, I could get all my half of the investment

so we can get our business going. There. It's like, thanks. Thanks. Yay, great. Also, I just fell on the ladder. Oh shit. I didn't do that hold on He takes the he takes the keys after she's falling and goes oh families What the fuck could be broken sir?

Fuck that could be broken sir Bucker Aaron you can also he was hiding the keys Certainly, oh yeah, it was full on getting out get out. Absolutely was yeah so So then Grace just like Grace you just like hangs up because her baby's like wowding out and so Yeah And so Molly is just like, she's just losing her mind. And so now she is shivering in a blanket.

Yes. Right? This is the thing is that she's still cold. I think it's supposed to be like a visual representation of her most favorite. Yes, she got really cold. Yes, this is. Yeah.

So she's cold. And Dakota is like staring at her phone. Oh, I screamed in a favorite part of the entire movie. Yeah. And I'm sorry, she starts the fire with the phone. What she says, she says, what Molly says that she said, I can tell your, or orphan girl says, Molly, I can tell your cold.

So orphan girl takes out her phone and presses her phone and starts the fire and mullies lives in loss Ageless, okay? Los Angeles is like what's Sorry Your phone what is it double turbo Troyo combo whatever and so she freaks out and then Orphan girl just cuz yeah uncle Noah fixing you know that's what you like. He smart He went to MIT and I I actually threw the remote across the couch and guilt stop

Yeah, he went to MIT What so you now can connect an app to a fireplace and that means you're smart no? No, no, no, no, no, you're confusing it with a mass use its institution of technology. This is MIT, the regional one, the Marshmallow Institute. That is funded by the government hall of the city council. Oh, yeah. The only thing they teach is bent aroponics. And how to... That's it.

That in my reindeer husbandry. That's it. Yeah. The Mint Institute of Technology. Yeah. So she's basically, she's like, anything else I can do for you, you're just so sad and cold. And she's like, maybe get me a plane ticket to Hawaii.

And she says, but she's like, my piggy bank doesn't have enough for that. And I believe that she has a piggy bank. She does. I do. She was. She really loves me to be nine. Um, so then she's like, offer some peppermint hot cocoa because somehow this girl has not realized that Molly wants to eat healthy.

Why are you offering her a cocoa? She ate a grape for breakfast. She ate a green bean for dinner and now you're still trying to voice the carbs on her. But that's what people do, isn't it? When you're like, I don't eat carbs. So like, do you want some bread? No. Okay. That's what my family does back home. Me too. My father still offers me. He's like, yeah, you want to share a steak? I'm like, dad. It's been years. It's literally been years. No, it's like, what's wrong with it? We don't need to argue about it.

I don't need to have a parade about it. They're just giving me some brand. He's back to teaching her about his mint farming. Yes, because he says, by the way, since you're stuck here, you might as well learn about mint farming God forbid someone says that to me if I'm stuck on a lever But like well well well well well we have to say the master by my hand at all Kim as he's walking in the room Kim looks at him and says fix this

So remember she said that So he's never minded this all It should have been Jean smart So question what is this plot point supposed to do? What is the idea of him teaching her about this and her learning about mint Hydro panic supposed to because this gives her the idea of creating baby products Out of mix this is a big moment. They realize that they want to fuck they realized that they could go into this or she realizes it but he's not he doesn't realize it's a moment of all don't you know you can't say spearmen without spear so it barely makes sense that was like a Samantha Jones I enjoyed it I

enjoyed it so they're in the greenhouse because he's got to now be smart and he so he I mean he's acting like she's acting like an idiot and he's treating her like an idiot because he's got to now be smart. And so he, I mean, he's acting like, she's acting like an idiot and he's treating her like an idiot because he's like, okay, here's how we prune Mint. You go and you cut it off at the stem right above the first set of leaves and she goes, oh, wait, what? The first set or the second set? This Mint is confusing.

I don't do manual labor. Yeah, she's like, you don't have machines for this and he's like why would you use machines when you have hands? Okay, okay, well that is there won't be making toes Sorry, I'll just light a fire and hold it by Exactly. I'll just hook up my my niece's phone with a machine. It's just It's just so weird. This is where all the boring exposition comes out of he studied engineering His brother died. She why did we know? Because he has to have the daughter, but then I guess they didn't want this Why do you back whenever my chief? They're like why would anyone who went to MIT ever come back to this town?

Well, oh, it's because there's the daughter I'm he also there's also like these moments of like Like again, I was like have these people never heard of mint because he offers her mint and he goes why don't you try it? It's nature's toothbrush which by the way, no, it's not nature's toothbrush whatsoever. It's not. That would also be actually your toothbrush. You have toothbrush mint. Yeah, and also leaves were nature's toilet paper.

And you're not gonna see me outside wiping my butt with them, sir. That's not gonna work for me. Commu-sh-s-s. Here comes one right now. And he's like, you gotta chew it. That's not gonna work for me. That's not gonna work for me. And he's like, you gotta chew it. It's got to get the flavor. Pretend it's kale. I'm like, you know what?

I'm getting real sick of this kale, Jim. A lot of kale joke. You know what, the kale, the kale lobby might suit them. I know. Kale town USA. When I, yeah, they're gonna have a Peloton response. What? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. When I heard that that when I heard that this is the brother and the wife had some kind of I

soon was in auto accident because that's how everyone dies in in any type of movie I assumed it was redrum and scaring them and have been having a car accident because they were getting out from not eating the brownie bites. They were just arriving in the middle of the night and she pops into the plate and Brad is going, brownie bites in the middle of the room, they go, oh, lose control. And so- It was just an apparition.

Yes, and so, and then I had the idea, that's why I thought he might be her brother because the bloodline is the only one who can leave after you've eaten the brownie bites. So she can leave too. So that's why I think he's a brother. Really, really sorry. Like, wow.

Yeah, so. Now we get to know like too much about his business. I don't know why we needed to know this, but he's like, I went to MIT because my plan was to implement hydroponic procedures to mint. And it worked great. So we tripled our output of mint, and by the time the mint was ready, our biggest buyer went out of business,

and then we were stuck with a lot of mint. Time she's like, the economy is rough. Yeah, it's like, so you spent more than you had, and you haven't sold the extra mint off since. How long do, are we supposed to think that mint lasts? Are we supposed to be?

Well, they drive it. But also, we find out later, they drive it in the grave of chocolate chips. Of course, bones make it real. Of course, the most sweet, bitter, ever- So, resurrect chocolate chips once you have arrived in town. More than just glue, y'all. More than just glue. Redrum and goes riding on the spectral horse of chocolate chips.

Oh, my gosh. Are you telling me there is not Mary one? or they're just glued. Redrum and goes riding on the spectral horse to jump the chip. Also, are you telling me there is not Nari one supermarket or Whole Foods or anywhere that will take mint? You'll literally everything is made with mint in this town. I would think that you can at least pay your rent by selling mint to the town.

He's only selling mint to like Paul Molliv and the Coat Brothers directly. So it's like, he's only selling me to like Paul Molliv and the coast brothers directly. So it's like, yeah, that's his thing. He's only a man. He's only a wholesale man. He's a wholesale man. He's a wholesale man. He's a wholesale man.

He's a wholesale man. He's a wholesale man. He's a wholesale man. He's a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man.

He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. He's only a wholesale man. business and their life. They're like. They're like. I mean, your friends with B. Yeah, your friends with B who owns a bakery. Literally, this entire town has found inventive ways to use mint and they cannot think of doing anything except just growing

and getting rid of it. Have they not been to fucking Cambria where they have that, that what's that that bury the boys and bury they have in K and it's everywhere because that's where they grow it. It's like a whole thing. But you know, Alibary got it. Okay, so now we go to the kitchen and she's looking at her phone

and uh oh, don't, don't, don't. The teen is like Kim said there's no clear road for a few days and she's like, I'm guessing there's not a manny, petty place. I'm like, you just learn how to make with me. You just learned how to make with me. You're supposed to be a changed person. Well, she just got our fingers all dirty, plucking those stems and now she's like,

this is gross, but I wouldn't get a manny petty impairment in the hollow. Your fingers will all look like candy canes. No. And so finally orphan girls like hey Is this where she oh yeah I want to go shopping I'm gonna She says you want to go shopping yeah Molly's like DeSanta have diabetes to fuck yes I want to go shopping give me a

She just fucking like I'm a girl. I'm a girl. But here's what's funny. So she's like, yes, I want to go shopping and then it cuts to her and Noah and Dakota walking. And now all of a sudden, she's like, ew, shopping. Because he's like, oh God, don't you love shopping? It's just you, the line, the people, God, shopping, shopping. It's like, do you, don't you love shopping. It's just the ear of the line, the people, God,

shopping, shopping. It's like, you realize the scene you just wrote. Again, and I don't know why the script said, hey, how do we establish that they're shopping at Christmas? I know we decorated the town and it looks like Santa shat everywhere in every possible corner. And they're actually gonna go in stores and look at stuff.

Oh, we should have Noah say the very first thing. Don't you love shopping in Christmas. Yeah. Now, so they have a little bit like stupid banter and then Dakota actually like this moment. Cause Molly had like a good, like a proper like shut down moment, like that I believe her character would have.

Cause Dakota goes, have you ever been married and she goes, no you, I was like, thank you, Molly. That was funny for doing that, putting her in her place. And she's like, but you're gorgeous and you're mostly nice. You must at least have a boyfriend. She's like, mostly nice. Thanks, bitch. Okay.

She is, let me explain something to you. Oh, I love you. Men are only interested in women who are smart and successful. And then they dump you because you're smart and successful. Oh, the screenwriter wrote that and went, that's beautiful. That's lovely. That's what's gonna be meant to be. You just ran your business into the ground.

Yeah, some woman wrote it and then her gay best friend, ready, went, fuck that day and he got. You have to characterize. Oh my god. You just lost your business. I think the good goes because have you tried girls? I was like, and I just went, what?

Where did this come from? Like out of nowhere, just like, you wanna be- And because she just mentioned the existence of same sex relationships. And it's almost like in these movies, they don't exist. And it feels so transgressive for me but even to say it. I know we're like we're making so much progress.

Yeah, it's a closet, an closet at home is sexual and he's not out. But I'm saying it's still bad. Did you imagine a closet in Oregonist? There's a lot of them. He's just, no, but I mean he's just so ashamed of being in the house. We don't tell anyone I play it, Janice. There's a lot of them. He's just, no, but I mean, he's just so ashamed of being the last. It is. Don't tell anyone I play at Geno. So Noah then, Noah goes, oh, excuse me, I'm off to get some

adult beverages, which was also a little surprising for me. I felt like at this point, I don't even touch his booze. No, it's getting the beer. Yeah, he's getting the beer. So now Molly is just asking you, like, what about you? Are you boys in your room? So Dakota tells us there's someone, some kid named Parker, who we don't even see for like one second at the end of the movie.

We actually even see a profile, I don't even think we get full face. So it never pays off. If this is, if this is Sag standards, he's not going to get a picture. No, he didn't get a line. So that was somebody's child Patrick. I'll tell you that. And you know what? When we finally see Patrick, he's like,

whoo, whoo, damn! Yes, because Parker, because the woman that played Kim's probably told Parker, this is your first sag rule. You stick with this. You're going to get residuals for the rest of your life. And now you're not going to get shit. Just lied, everyone. Shit, man.

Sure, lady. I think I'm starting to go crazy with this long ass recap because I was just petting my dog and then I realized my dog's not even there. I thought it'd lick me so I reached down to start petting him. He's not there. He's on the couch. So when he when he was talking about this and she's like she's when she starts getting interested about talking about Parker she's like oh really and as soon as she bounds out this girl has like an interest in a girl

Of this interest the girl has an interest in this kid. She's like, you know fuck my business fuck Hawaii fuck everything I'm gonna get this girl laid That's important to me Yeah, I'm very determined to get her address. They go into the only boutique in town called to Shay and Guess who is running Touche? No, Rimlin. No, we aren't Touche. OK, we'll book in this because we're going,

but we're talking forever about this shop, but this is, again, there is not a montage of her trying on dresses and Molly making faces of Yeh or Nay. They just literally hold up a dress that it was the end of the day and that the camera operator is like, I'm just gonna zoom into it and then we'll zoom out when she puts on the dress and it'll be like she tried it on and they're like, great! The dress literally looked like a sugar con. I mean, it was just like this horrible. It was just like a weird walk. And it's another piece of evidence that they wanted this character to be mine.

Because this was like a little girl in church. I'm serious. And the girl, they never expected a girl who went through puberty to do this role. You just know. Everything felt really creepy with her too when they talked about adult things. Yeah. So they basically we get the backstory on Chloe. She used to date in high school. She used to date Noah in high school and she still thinks they're gonna get married about,

you know what, she's not his type. And she goes, well, what is his type? And she's like, hello, look at you. So then, yeah, they find this perfect dress and they're checking out. Don't forget the greatest quote of the movie. Oh, yeah, you're right. Give it to us.

You know, I don't, just like, I don't know. I don't think I'm pretty enough for that dress. It's the heart of the girl wearing the dress that makes it beautiful. I just gotta say. Well, I hope that's not the truth because I'm just ugly as hell. Hmm, that's gonna say. Well, I hope that's not the truth because I'm just ugly as hell. Okay, I'm never gonna find it.

I bought an El Sedress off of Amazon and my heart was all in it, but I still looked like Trek in a dress. Let me just tell you, she did. I looked like Lady Shrek and I really wanted to wear it. Molly, just like cute. I don't care anymore, we've looked at so many shitty dresses I'll just say this thing so she's happy with it. We can leave. I got a flight to cash. No. Why?

You someday so funny. So anyway, she's trying to buy this dress and she also has a Gucci and she can't because her credit card Nikolai, so everyone has no money again her shitty father which she calls her dad later He's like, oh, yeah, by the way, we're really, really broke. Mitt to call you, kind of busy. Your car's here. Your car's here. Your car's here. I'm sitting here with the feds in a hotel room.

Where his clothes is like, I'll buy your purse, I'll buy your sunglasses, I'll buy your shirt, whatever you want to buy, I'll get you. Well, we see dollar signs, but as she even says, I can cut you a fetch deal. And I was like, was that a mean girl's reference? It was, it was just like a, okay. And along with the kale joke.

Again, this is 10, 15 years old. Yeah. This script was been developed at that moment. Yeah, really. I mean, that girl was a young girl when she was cast for the role in. That's like four. But what's funny is, so Chloe's like,, I'll buy that that Gucci thing off you and then she's like no

But she but then she takes off her like her Valentina song Valentina song glasses and she's like How about this she's like oh she's gonna buy her the dress with her glasses and she's like yeah, I want that coat I was like okay, cuz she's now now she's like, yeah, I want that coat. I was like, oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Now she's cold. It was a weird like, swisheroo there. It's like, am I gonna buy the dress?

Because she doesn't really care. And we're at the side of the coat. Well, she's fine with that. She's right, pink. A bright pink coat. Like, can we pretend this is a Christmas movie? Like, why does this girl have to be so terrible? Put her in like a cute brown coat.

Something that would go with something. Camel hair. But she, it was like an acknowledgement that I'm gonna be here a while, so I might as well be comfortable. Minutes will be comfortable. Right, I guess. Okay.

So, they, more snowball, she falls over again. I mean, it's just out of control. These urges need to be in jail. They're awful. They are horrible. So now, back at just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's just, it's just, it's, it? Yeah, it's a turduckin' and like five and gourmet chocolate chip cocoa. Do you enjoy our new flat screen TV? Yeah. There's caviar at the like me to get some.

Yeah. Here, I have a pottery barn plate here. Put it on this. So good. She's like, you know, we just, we really understand you. Like, we really appreciate your understanding and we're gonna make it right. I promise and I know that's what you want

to talk to us about, right? And Molly is like, well, just, you are the spin image of your mother. You are the spinning image of your mother. Oh. Oh. Oh, good. She's like, what did you wanna talk about?

I don't remember. I was just sorry. I was just thinking about your mother just then and what she would have done in this situation Yes, I was just thinking about your mother who used to love coming up to me saying hi Kim and then slamming me in the face with dollar bills God your mother And that's so then we find out y'all Dakota's making lip bombs. Okay Again, which is great for a slow orphan. So good for her. The code is making lip bombs.

Oh God. And then we're going to the barn with Noah. And this is where we see. Oh, this is what the fuck for me. The grave of chocolate chip. Just kind of this mural. The grave of the chocolate chip. The access to this like,

this like living memorial to the brother because it's like, oh my brother put up an art. So I just kept this out to keep on adding on. So every year I add on to the art. I'm like, that costs money, that's rent, that arch that you bought. And also like, by the way, he got her down there because he threw a snowball at the window.

He's like, come on, I threw a snow, I like stopped. That's a snowball. That's weird. Stop buying frivolous things, like adding onto these arches. So that we see, yes, we now see the shrine to chocolate. And she said, I feel like I've been here before. And it's this moment. He's like, yeah, this was the old barn.

And he said, this was the horse name. And she says this, like, this is the most excited she's gotten the entire movie. She went, chock and chip. Yeah. But also like, you, this was your mom's house. Why are you surprised that you've been here before?

Right. Yeah. Like, second visit. It's like she had amnesia and now she just remembered. And because also too, this is where, okay, this was the weirdest, like sex scene ever, and not sexing, but did y'all think it was weird how she starts coming up with the idea of how she can help him sell the mint and the way they're talking about it, it's like they were so sexual about it, right?

No, it's like, but's like a very clumsy way. Yes, it's just like, hey. Well, anytime they discuss business, they think they have to explain it to us. Like we're all idiots, you know? Yes. But they go on this business thing. So she's like, wait a minute.

Let's talk about mint. And he's like, okay. And she's like, so you grow the mint. And I know that you're the mint expert, but tell me, after you sell the mint, what happens? And he's like, so you grow the mint. And I know that you're the mint next, but tell me, after you sell the mint, what happens? And he's like, people turn it into products. And she goes, like Winchers, Bliss, and he goes,

that's not a product. That's just something to help people. That's just something to help people. Sir. Have you heard of paper towels? Like, what the hell? They help people. That's not a product.

Exactly. She's like, why can't he both? And he goes, what did you have in mind? A business, you idiot, a business. The business, you mouth-breathing idiot. I didn't have to talk about all the ins and outs of the project. And then she touches this lapel, and then like,

as like, she makes physical contact with his hotness, and then like, then she's done. Like, her character is done for the rest of the movie, because now she has, she's been, you know what they say, Dicmatized, she's actually been Laplamatized or whatever, she's just. Her character is done for the rest of the movie because now she has, she's been, you know what they say, dick Matai, she's actually been lapel Matai's or whatever, she's done to lapel. lapel, lapel Matai's.

And on the ties. She's like, uh, uh, perhaps we could work for this close right here. And he's like, marketing, she's like, I'm done, we, I'm sorry. Profits, downsizing. The downs of the me. Collateral.

Process. Pattern. Promotion. Right. But, it's a quick book. Pattern. Oh, that's a funny one. That's a clever calendar.

That's exactly what happened. And then she says for some reason reason they should go back inside. Like yeah, she won it. Girl, I feel like that was the biggest misfire of the movie. He should have said that. It was such a weird thing. Well, but then they also didn't know how to end the scene. So this is literally the dialogue.

I'm going to quote it. He goes, right, the house, right after you. Okay. Okay, okay. That's it. You can't even handle it. Someone wrote that down. Okay, so now everybody's playing. Because it's just beautiful.

So they go in and Kim's like, well, we're thinking of going Christmas tree shopping. She's like, oh my God, I've never been Christmas tree shopping. And Dakota was like Are you Jewish like almost like did you infiltrate? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but I am very spoiled and entitled. But she's always picked out for me. Always like three stories high and in the middle of Daddy's lobbies. Yeah, this is the sad part, I guess, where she's like, they were always so beautiful.

They were picked out for me and then they were in my dad's hotels. And they're like, that is the saddest thing I've ever, was like, really? It sounds fucking amazing to me. My dad would go like trying to find one that somebody had thrown away on the street and drag it in. Like, take us nowhere.

But what I didn't understand is that was Christmas for her and they were fucking shitting all over her. Yes. It was what a weird. And so then they like, well, guess what? You get to pick out the trees. Then they go Christmas tree shopping and then she's walking around and be like, what about this one? And Dakota's like, no, oh, what about this one? And Dakota's like, no. I mentioned what about this one?

Because I was like, no, I'm like Dakota. You just said she gets to pick out the tree and now we wind up picking out Dakota's tree. Yeah. Yeah. Good choice. Good choice. Yeah.

But also what a bunch of what a bunch of losers in this town. It's like the day before Christmas Eve and people are going to buy Christmas trees. I don't know. You decorate this entire house. I'm sorry, I was just talking to you. I was talking to you, but the one thing you don't get is a tree.

And Chloe is there and she's just looking behind the tree going, just going, oh, wait, she's buying a tree. Maybe I'm not going to rip her apart inside for her because she's there. She's just like her, she's just that as well. Meanwhile, her baby is at home, Mount Arrest. Because that winter bliss. Why baby? Put in that baby drawer. And then, so they buy this tree and then they leave,

it's not even a moment. There's not even a music or they just start holding hands and she just said what? So this is happening. What's that? Thank you for bringing that up. So this is it. The whole crew, so the movie is getting them together and now it's just like, I mean, it looks like me on a Saturday night, like I fall in Mickey's and somebody sticks her dick in my ass. It just happens. Come on. It was like make a moment out of it. So we're doing this and the guy behind me goes, it just happens. Come on. It was like make a moan out of it. So we're doing this and the guy behind me goes,

we're doing this, we're doing this. I'm gonna fucking it. I'm gonna do it. Whatever. Oh good, Brittany's on, go to the beat. So now, in a movie full of cringy moments, now we have a cringe, here comes the big cringe montage. I have a tree that decorating it.

And Dakota, who clearly has no friends in this town poor girl. No, she's never gonna get Parker Let's be honest. No, she's like uncle uncle Noah. Is it time? And he goes sure on the first day of Christmas My true love get to me a partridge in a pear tree. I was like Right a pair of treat I was like for an honest and he's saying he sings and he sings okay day of I was like they are not gonna do this all 12 of it please I do the whole thing again then he sings okay then

then orphan girl sings then Kim opens her mouth and it's like up the first day I'm Christmas that was characters specific and I plot it. That's true. That was because I watched.

I was watching it with the closed captioning on it and it said, Kim sings very bad. I was like, oh. Say, I watched that, Kim. That was a very similar choice. So then they're like, okay, Molly, now it's your turn to sing in this song that is clearly horrifying you. And she's like, who me? I mean, I

don't say it. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, study theater at Vassar. No. Okay. I didn't go to Carnegie Mellon. It's fine. It's fine. I'm gonna send you a purchase. No. So then they like, you sing it. She's like, okay. I'm gonna fuck it. What? And like a pop style. And it's been mixed already like she's been nicked. It's been totally me I'm creed with my true love game little bit. It's like a meh and they just like yeah, she's got it Yeah, they love it. So I think okay, it's so that each got to sing it So this is over and like on the Fairfax day

I thought it was so good when they finally stopped or maybe maybe they sang the whole thing and it's on the cutting room floor They In my memory they sang the whole thing They sang the whole thing and they They do keep on going and finally she puts she puts the part and you know Normally orphan girl puts the partridge on the paratory at the top, but this time she let's, because she picked out the key of the tree and didn't let actually Molly do the tree, she's like, you can do it.

So she put, and then she sings, I mean like fucking Ariana Grande. And a partridge! Yeah, three! She's that asshole at the Happy Birthday song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, We were all singers like I was never of that but I'm not a singer. I remember in middle school when I was doing choir, I would sing harmony at a birthday song. But then like, you always spot her on the ears, the kid queers, doing that. And you hit like 18 years old and you realize

no one gives a fucking shit. They all hate you. Yeah, they all hate you. So now down stairs, so she wants Molly is in bed and she's ignoring Patrick's calls. And then Noah and Grant are doing paperwork. And they have to tell Molly that we can't afford this house. They're basically like, we can't afford this house.

We're going to have to move out, which is kind of funny, because it's like, do you want to have a conflict in this movie? They're actually ready to move out. And she has to tell them they have to move out. There's actually no issue here. He said that and went, well this is easy. Yeah, so she is.

So you go to me tells her, he goes, we need to tell you this something, we can't afford to live here anymore. So which point you'd be like, saying I'm so glad you said that because I actually have to, we need to sell this because this works out good for all of us. You would think, but instead she's like,

no, let's start mint business. Oh, it's in this, I feel like to myself, I was like, are we really gonna do a whole other plot point this late in this movie? She's like, look, yeah, and then she asked to explain it to him because she's like, you sell the wholesale, right? And then they turn around and sell it and make a profit. And he goes, yeah, that's how business works.

He's so smart, right? And she's like, why don't you just cut out the middle man and sell yourself instead of like, this was total, this was a total thing of saying she didn't say it, but she was, you know, she wanted to say, why are you letting big business make it big profit off it is? It felt like camera wasn't for dummies, too. A little joke. I was wondering how that works. Because she's like, instead of selling it to other people,

you could make products. Like, there's tons of things that you've meant, and it's totally free to develop products, which is why I don't need to sell this house to earn money to start my pacifier business. Wait. Wait. Let's just start the entire product.

Oh, my God. Hold on a second. Oh, wait. So that's it. Wait. Downstairs. Downstairs. So now, so now, now Kim is like making cookies for this party.

And she's like, and Dakota is like on the the phone and now like they're behind on the cookies So now she's like yelling at Dakota about yeah, I've done you're screaming time like oh now all the Sunday Dakota's like a teenager again. Yeah, what else is she gonna do? You have the girl cooking 20 pounds of fucking bacon a day Well, and so Miles comes down and she and like, guys, Molly has a great idea. Look at her business plan. It's like this handwritten scroll. That's like, on toilet. It's like, David.

There was an actual, like she wrote in the video. It was like a second graders across the pole. I'm telling you, the 13, the teenagers of the art department drew it and gave it to her. It was horrible. The teenagers, the best one with her, with her lip balm business, with Dakota, yeah.

So then Gracie calls up, great timing. And she's like, oh my God, Gracie, my dad has pressure me to sell this property. And that way I'll get the money. Oh, did anyone over here me saying that? Oh, good, no. And Gracie's like, yes, sell the property. Sell the property.

Can't think you like some brownie bites. All right, man, that's not good. Sell the property sell the property But that would leave this that would leave this whole family homeless and Gracie's like well as my teach as I teach my little baby Fuck them And then we hear, Gracie say, I'll take a peppermint and Molly goes, wait, huh? What? Huh? Huh? Wait a second. And guess who's in town, everybody? Guess who's just happened to be on the way to catch her husband having an affair on her. And guess what? She ate the brownie bite, so she's there for eternity. It's sad. Gracie, what's happened? No, Gracie is looking for that money now. She's like, I just spent half of them.

Yeah, I lost my husband over this investment. You told me that's the best way. She told her family, she's like, look, my business partner is a dumb blonde bitch and I gotta go fix this. I love, I love also that they have to like, rather than just having Gracie show up because everyone else shows up at this door,

they're like, oh, let's have Gracie not show up. And then she's like, oh, sorry, I'm surprised. I'm in town. And now I'll show up like just have a show up. And it's not even like they could have somebody else who lives in the town who has a fussy baby for her to see. But y'all the whole point of this and we do it for the beginning. It's Gracie comes over to Kim and Noah's house. And of course that baby's fucking crying. And even the actors are doing this like really overly loud talking over the baby, which is completely inappropriate.

They're just like, so nice of you to be here. And it's just so overdone. And so she finally, it's like, I feel like there actually is a Winters bomb. Like the way they put a close up on the product as she was spraying it, it was like they cut to like, it's like they took B-roll from HSN. They chloroformed the bait.

And they just like, yeah, so they just spray this bottle, they stick this pacifier in and wazoo, Wabam, there we go. Yeah, so, so, so, A little bourbon in the bottle with the same thing. I've heard. You know, Jake does the same thing when you stick a dick in his mouth He just shut up for Christ's sake and then so then so gracey's like okay I'm gonna go the only reason this is the reason why gracey could not show just show up at the doorbell because you had

They had to wedge in another scene with the pioneer woman because she's like oh yes Yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah, try the winter's bliss Say hi to Kim and her friend and her family like, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, Sidney, fill them to be Sidney and your cooter. You don't want the loob in your private parts. Made that mistake. Labgontz. Labgont pissed at me about that one, had to sleep in the outhouse for a week. So back at the house, she's like,

oh, by the way, my friend Grace is gonna come over and then ding dong, she's like, must be Gracey. She opens the door. Yes, thank you for a weird tour. I forgot about that. And here is Patrick with Comps which he couldn't email because his hotmail account must have been hacked

His net address got fucked over They only got him in a seat right out there She told him keeping a damn secret. He shows up like the day before Christmas or whatever. And he's not only holding comps, he's got them in a bright red envelope. He's like, oh, blah, blah, blah. It's like lights on them going off. When you open them, it sinks the song.

It's like, thanks, Patrick. And so she's like, well, I'm not sure if I want to sell. He's like, well, I understand. This is a very special place. I learned how to play Oregon in the back. They're actually, but, it's all so hard.

Please don't tell anybody. We don't, don't tell anybody. I don't know why he didn't just email her all this, right? So then you know, so then she walks in, so she's got this bright red folder and being the bright marketing executive that she is, she doesn't just like go upstairs and put it in her stuff.

She like walks in the kitchen, she was like, where do I hide this? She's like, he's come. And then instead of like any cabinet, she puts it on the counter. She's like, put it on the top of something. It's on top of the top. She puts it right on top of the toaster. So then Gracie shows up with a crying baby,

and then we finally get to see what this winter's bliss. It's an essential oil. So we already know that that came as up to no good because she's hawking essential oils That's some Lula Russian What is that what is the big one that everyone does? Oh God? That travel or something like that or something like that. Yeah, herb alive or something. Yeah, so So then so mall some mall mallie pulls Gracie away. Like, if the baby's calmed down,

so Molly's in the kitchen with Gracie, and she's like, oh my God, we have a problem. I have no money, whatever. And then Gracie's like, no kidding, you have a problem. I mean, no, is a tell, hunk of handsome. And you were right, this winter bliss stuff is a miracle worker. It's like Gracie, focus.

Oh, yeah. And Gracie also is like I'm duh They have a product and we can go into business with them It's like that's why the movie's not about Gracie Yeah, with Gracie with a no problem Yeah, I'd minute yeah, so then the teenager Dakota is in another room She's just like she's just googling. She's just googling Molly for no reason right now She's like you know what I'm gonna Google Molly

That Molly was broke in the store and now she's curious like what's going on with Molly She's broke look here people magazine the galancer bro the New York times magazine, the Deluxe, the New York Times, the my God, they're broke. He's like that line Well Noah Noah who hasn't paid his rent for three months He's been given the grace of staying in this home and then the landlord comes over and still doesn't kick him out and says, don't worry, we'll find a way to make you money. Is mad at her! How dare you! How dare you! Think what's wrong with the kids?

And then he walks in the kitchen and sees the red folder and goes, and what are you? Thank God it says, comes and big font. And he wasn't even like, he walked in and kind of staged direction though He literally just walked in and like hand was already out when he walked in the archway just picked them up It wasn't even like oh wait. What's this? To pick up the holder on the counter Yeah, it's not even like grandma Kim sick. Hey, honey. Can you toast some bread? So yes, so they have this huge blowing up. Yes

Why did you tell them the truth? And she's like, and then she's on the defensive and she like, she should be like, oh, it's like everything that Ronnie said, but she's like, I, I don't know, I changed my mind. It's complicated. I don't, it's, it's almost as if I don't know how to present myself, which is funny because I'm in marketing. Yeah, exactly. So she's like, you know, I should be able to pay rent for over three months and expect to just give you some cookies and live rent free for life. What the fuck are you lying about? And so she's like, Speed as Kim comes in, she's like, speaking of cookies, our cookies

are burning Satan. Hey, say the last word, bad. Yeah, keep turning real quick. Yeah, we said interesting. Seven of those 300 cookies got burned. It's ruined. Yeah, keep her real quick. Yeah, we're interesting. Seven of those 300 cookies got burned. It's ruined. Our cookies are burned and that's the real tragedy.

They know because oh, you're broke too. So we're not supposed to know that. Well, I get it now. It's all about the money. Not yours because you don't have any. You don't have it. Fuck you talking about. He's got to have pretty lips and an open mouth. He is, he is a, he is a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. He's sitting here acting like, oh, there's more important things than money. I'm like, sir, you're about three months behind

and you cannot take that ideological position in your heart. It's not a business, it's a home. Oh. And then he goes, he goes, stay, go ahead, sell the house. We don't need your help. And you do need her help. You do, you don't do. Go actually widely as if that's like,

like she wants to go to Hawaii. Yeah, I've got to Hawaii, yeah. So she goes out flying. Because Gracie should have said, like, excuse me, don't talk to her that way. She's a great person, she's wonderful, and she's here to help you. But Gracie's just sitting there doing nothing.

She's thinking about her husband. And so, it it. And so Gracie, but Gracie also realizes she can't leave the town unless because I guess that's part of the curse, she can't leave unless Molly leads with us. That's the only way she can leave because Molly has an adabrowning. The bloodline, no, the bloodline lets her leave. So that's why it's her brother. That's why knows her brother. So she convinces Molly to leave with her and go celebrate

Christmas with her. And so that's what we think is going to happen. And then she and then Molly is getting in the car and getting ready. Meanwhile Kim is reading Noah for Phil calling him a hypocrite. So she was really mad at Molly. But now she's like, she's just a dumb bitch. By the way, you're a stupid hoe. I mean, she's just, it's like no sense at all. Yeah, because Dakota's like, but maybe she just came here to sell,

but then she changed her mind. And Kim's like, yeah, and then she found out she was broke. Like the women of course are smart. Yeah, but no one goes, no one goes, we let her into our family. Oh, look here, look here. I'm like, Ben, you hit her. Smart yeah, but no it goes no it goes we let her into our Here You hit her How do you try to get away from you guys you couldn't even drive away from you get out of her

You literally tricked her into staying there during a snowstorm you her into staying there during a snow storm. You fucking three. You pushed her. You a santa. A jenda on her. You a mat potato agenda. Yeah. So, and then Grant even says this, she goes,

well, even if she came here to sell the place, which by the way, is completely within her right to do. Yes. Is it like, we are trying to open for this. And then she's like, I think she was trying to come up with other options. And I think she wants to help us, you idiot son of mine. And he's like, but all she had to do is be honest

and she was, well, maybe if you were honest about her having Chloe's tattoo named on your dick and he's like, well, all right, geez. He's like, all right, here's what we're gonna do as a family, all right. We're gonna celebrate our last Christmas and then we're gonna swallow so much winters bliss that we died together

Orphan girl is like the fuck we are you're gonna go get her cuz you're meant to be together uncle So now Molly goes to Touche and she's she's got a seller Gucci I'm assuming to get a plane ticket to anywhere And yes, and now Chloe is nicer because now Chloe realizes that Molly has been humiliated and dejected, so she's like, okay, I like this girl now. So, Chloe's like, I just wanna apologize. I know I wasn't the friendliest,

but like, Noah's a great guy, and there's obviously something really special between you two. Oh, did he break up with you? Oh, that's so sad. Oh, yeah. Listen, I didn't like you the other day, but now you're poor. Now you're poor, man.

You're like me. Okay. And so Molly's like, yeah, change of plans. Things didn't quite work out the way I hoped. And Chloe's like, really, I'm so sorry to hear that. Let me get that peppermint, yeah. Let me get that peppermint. And so she's like, so you're gonna need that purse

You're gonna need that purse and so Molly sells the purse back She's like you can have anything in the story you want I can give you credit and Molly's like I just want that shitty Cone dress That's all I want. I just want to buy the teenager one final And she opens a card that she's addressing to orphan girl. Sorry, I'm just gonna call her a orphan girl. And so she opens the card and is this not the creepiest, weirdest, like, almost carry potter?

It was a weird script. It was very weird. Sorry. Again, I'm a big person on thought. No, it needs to be noted. And so then she puts this card that reiterates that it's the heart of the girl wanting the dress that makes it beautiful. This is bullshit.

That's gonna really send Dakota down the wrong path. It's just not true. I mean, there would be no project runway if that was true. So she takes this card and she puts it with the dress and she tells Chloe, listen, Chloe, you haven't, you've just sort of been in the script but you haven't actually impacted it. So I want you to be able to have a scene with this family. So you take this and you're gonna go and you're gonna tell Noah,

hey, that's a good girl and you should go after her. Okay, I want you to do that. Next scene, hey, you know what, I decided to bring the gift myself. I decided to bring the gift. I know, right? Instead of like Chloe having this moment saying, you know, I think this is something for you to do

and her like, oh, you're right nope what the fuck well first first first ding dong hi a little birdie told me Dakota wanted some extra desserts for the party tomorrow I hope a little birdie told you that a little bee wants to build a colony in my food. Cookies for winners, breeze, bitch. Get it down here, drabe. I like to code everyone. Dakota, say it, say it Dakota. Oh, this is going to be a candy-coded Christmas. Yeah.

We look at the bed. So I think now we're going to see a basket full of all the lollipops and candy games and whatever I can brownie by it Like there's a candy code in there. Why did you say that? It looks like something they'd rescued from the trash. It was like all this shaping It was so bad. It was not it was not a Presented it was not an Ina Garten bear for Contessa would have made a beautiful basket with groupings

Yes, it was gorgeous. This was an Ina Garten. No, no, no, no, no. So then Ding Dong, guess who it is. Hi, I just came to bring this present to Dakota, but I wanted to do it in person and ask if you have a plastic bag for all my things that were in my purse. I can't leave this. That's what you're all about. I just pulled the muscle in my ass.

I'm not even joking. I'm like, I'm not talking to you. A trash bag is perfect. I'm holding it on my ass. She's like, I just wanted to do it in person, which is also alive because she did not want to do it in person. She gave me the clue of what to do. No! So Noah's like, I wasn't honest about my financial situation, because I wasn't either.

But then I met you ridiculously nice and deranged people and realized I couldn't go through it. So when I found out I was broke and I didn't think I had a choice, and I didn't think I had a choice. And I didn't think I had a choice to tell you. I was like, but why'd you just tell us? I was just so embarrassed and torn. And also really wasn't your business

because I just met you last two days ago. Yeah, I just met you like two days ago. And she's like, I was embarrassed, you know, but spending time with your family and making pancakes. Burning the pancakes. And making cookies. Burning the cookies. And shopping for a Christmas tree, and making cookies, burning the cookies, and shopping for a Christmas tree,

please don't bring down the Christmas tree. Oh! He just here, he just here to go to screaming inside. It was on the time release candle, so. Oh, God, you're back, it's going crazy! So then she's like, well, I didn't want to take this away from you, and he says, so that's why you came up with the business. But yeah, I'm nuts.

I'm like, what are you talking about? You're just realizing why she did that? It's just, and all this is weird. It's trying to be an earnest moment, but they're making jokes. And it's like no one knew how to handle the actual, the real redemptive moment, which is why fell flat as shit. And then she says, I'm leaving then, by, and he's like,

you can't leave, she goes, ah, how much mean? So he throws a snowball at another assault, another assault, snowball at her, and then she's on the ground again. And I love when she goes, when she's trying to pitch this business idea, she goes, you look, I got the marketing skills,

you got the unique products, which was the original lyric to, you know, causing a commotion by Madonna, you know, like, I got the music. I got the marketing skills, baby. You got unique products. You got the unique products. We have a very successful business with a diversified output. Oh. So, yes. This thing was like, it fell out of air because like, she tells them, close his eyes and

you think, oh, they're going to kiss. But she takes snow and then puts it in its face. And they don't even, like, they have to wait to the end of the movie. But like, come on, she fell down again. You go to help her up. She pulls you down in the snow. You fucking kiss and snow. Isn't it all off?

There you go. There you go. But you can't kiss before the end of the movie. I think so. Yeah. But what's also weird is that I've got this business plan and then we just need to seed money. And then all of a sudden, she's like, oh,

what if we don't get the seed money? He goes, well, there's always risk and business. I'm like, hello writers. Do you realize you switched your characters by accident? Like, she's the business one. Not only that, but Gracie is the seed met. Gracie just left. Like, she just put the money in your account.

What are we not understanding here? Is movie makes no sense? So we make the movies over. I kind of think, oh, they fixed it. I thought, so they were like, they're the fundraising montage now I'm like wait we're doing a fundraising montage we're doing this in the last five minutes in the last five minutes No trying on dresses montage with orphan girl, but now this yeah, my god

So we have this horrific song that's plays while they're doing this like oh this was the worst one and here We're and we're watching them trying to raise money It's crazy. It's cooking the giant meal for this party. And it was just it was amazing because you thought okay, they're gonna have to fundraise to a lot of people. Y'all they asked three people and pretty much if you just face time your friend like two friends, you can raise all the money you want to start a business and you just see them all going you want to start a business. And you just see them all going, you have like, yes.

They're like, the director's like, we're in business. Can you mouse? Yes, more. With your mouth. And Mollie's, oh sorry. No, I was just saying he was, well all I had to do was,

so basically Mollie takes out a home equity line on that giant house. That is the craziest fucking Deus Ex Machina of how about a home equity line? Okay, I'm just gonna say I screamed what again If I scream too because if I told my father Chelsea Marr because y'all the dad ends up coming Shocker dad ends up coming at the end of Christmas and so when she tells her dad Hey dad I took a home equity line off of this house and he's like I'm so proud of you

If I did that my dad would, you did what the fuck? What's the, I'm going to rip your ass a new one and I'm the lawn mower, son. Like, no way a parent would act like this ever. And then we're starting, this is a big thing happening on Vanderpump rules to the season where they're like, we need money for a bar. Let's both get second mortgages What no Do that why would anybody do that like you're gonna lose your house both of you and so to see it here too

But yeah, they go talk to all these people and Molly's like I talked to Gray scene Patrick and I was like I talked to the tattoo removal guy and Talk to me she's interrupting the whole time. She's saying perfect. Yeah, turns out he has an entire food empire that we didn't realize about. Yeah, no, jogger. That's how I got my store.

So dad calls Molly and Molly's like dad everything's gonna be okay. And he's like how's selling going and she's like I'm, everything's gonna be okay. And he's like, how's the selling going? And she's like, I'm getting a home equity loan. And he's like, wow, I'm so proud of you. So weird. It is really weird. So she needs a funny.

It's that, you know what, the only thing better than debt is more debt. Congratulations. So I know everybody's wondering what's happening at this big Christmas party they're throwing. Yeah. So there's nobody is wondering what's happening at this big Christmas party they're throwing. Yeah, so there's nobody is wondering Nobody's wanting this this homie this homie small town where everyone's in comfy sweaters and full of Christmas cheer We finally get this wonderful potluck that we've been promised this big potluck with all these Christmas cookies

And it is like a formal ass affair. They're all in shirt and tie. I'm like, wait, what? This totally does not make any sense. I'm talking about it. I was not expecting this. So of course, we see Patrick. Or not Patrick, we see Parker. Parker Dakota is intended. And we never hear him speak. And apparently they're dancing like the Holy Spirit

is between them. And she has her dress. We never got a scene of her putting on're dancing like the Holy Spirit is between them. But. And she has her dress. We never got a scene of her putting on like, like, the whole mind of God. Thank you for the dress. She just has it. Nope. She just has it.

And B is there. And B is so passive-aggressive. She goes up to Molly and she goes, so you do like, mint. Merry Christmas. Like, she's like, I knew it all along. And instead of her actually fucking eating a brownie bite, she says, by the way, I had one of your brides about it, it was pretty good. Instead of this build up of her actually eating the fucking bite, like this one.

The bite, and then she, and then B goes and tries to push it on to Patrick now. She's like, Patrick, by brownie by like someone. What what trauma happened in B's life that she can only be singly focused on these brownie bites? Yeah, and she just does it with that. Yeah, brownie by. Would you like some mint male like she's so creepy. So then it's, you know, there's a kissing scene because I'm stressed like they're going to the off-scrash for some reason.

So they're in the they're kissing on the dance floor, Molly, which is fun. That should be the end of the movie. And you think that's the end of the second end of the movie. Even in the recap, when I know this shit is not over, I'm like, okay, bye guys, really good. See you in New York. Yeah. But no. No, no, no, it's a present. No, they're ending. It's Christmas Day. Look, it's black time in here. Yeah. That is going this 11 hours. So now everyone's exchanging gifts.

Dakota received a mug that said, I love coffee. I'm just mumbling. I'm a woman now. I'm a woman now. I'm a woman now. What is this family in mugs? Yeah. Because then she gets her grandma a mug. Is this just like is this some just a mug family you guys just spend about five hundred thousand dollars

Some of the actually made me not like Christmas Dan and then someone someone got for Noah an ugly Christmas sweater I'm like you know you only wear those in the anticipation of Christmas like this is not gonna rise full to him right? so and the anticipation of Christmas, like this is not gonna be useful to him, right? So then someone from Mali, what they got from Mali was that, they took a selfie altogether, I think at the Christmas tree place. Yeah, and the frame.

For her gift was a frame that said, some things are meant to be. Just what you get, somebody who notoriously hates men. Nitoriously. Just a trick, too. Scented frame that says mint on it. And then there's a, Just what you get somebody who notoriously hates men notoriously switch Scented frame that says mint on it and then there's a well ding dong ding dong guys must be Santa And I'm gonna get this one. I was oh my god I found them fucking in front of me

That nanny Molly that fucking nanny I want it to be Gracie and Chloe just both holding like bottles filled with like lighter fluid with like hanker chips coming out. Like you've come and not were taking down the men of this town. Before he cheats but playing. It's it's it's captain Lee. He's there and he's like daddy and he's like great news. The board on Christmas Eve because this is when the board does things. The board agreed to restructure our debt, which I forgot to tell you wasn't options. You probably didn't have to do any of this.

I screened and we may have to sell some hotels, which I should have told you we were going to do. But we're back at business, so all that doesn't matter. And we're gonna lay off about half of our force, but we're gonna be fine. We're gonna, you and I, you're gonna be able to get another Gucci party. People are gonna go to jail, you and I are gonna be fine. So, yeah. She's like, wow, how fun, amazing.

And they have breakfast with memoses and- And I am. Literally 19-4-course. They have breakfast with memoses and- I am. Literally 19 courses. I am. They have that. I mean, look, Molly comes out with a pancake, she comes out with a pancake, pancakes, and it's like- Oh yeah, she's been-

She's like, I didn't burn them. I know. Because a good woman knows how to cook. Yeah. Not have a career and be intelligent smart, but knows how to cook. Domesticated, you are ready to get married, then she goes and rings a little bell on the front door to be let outside.

I was like, really, is this what we're doing, to Molly at this point? Also, why did this there in the hotel business? Why did they not say, let's make this a bed and breakfast, let's make this, let's rebrand the Galaunt hotel group in with this, let's use this as the spirit of our brand. It really is a horrible form. And I don't know, I don't know where they go from here.

Like she's not gonna stay there. No, she's not, she's gonna stay there. That's what they're gonna do. They're gonna have their ruins. Yeah, she's gonna stay there. Yeah, she's gonna stay there and get that D. Because then she doesn't care about LA. LA is for trashy lonely people.

You don't know how to make pink. is staying her marketing job. Where is that? Given up on on Hawaii cuz no one goes Hawaii's got nothing on us. No, no I was trying to think so stinking way too pragmatically here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I Everything on your little everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. Everything Suddenly learns that she can wear solid colors and all the patterns. And then they kiss the movie ends and then we get this like two-minute EPK of just redrumming, just talking about, uh, I am so excited to be part of a holiday movie. This is the first time I've ever been on a real movie set. You'll never get me to leave because I'm undead. I will.

And her bless her heart. I mean, I guess she's just making a like Lucille ball choice. But I mean, that is beyond red. It's just like she looks like a Simpson's character come to life with the color of her hair. Yes, she is. I thought it was funny that she has such a small role, but they dedicate the entire thing to her at the end.

I don't even like the poor other actors who like that. And she never, she never. She never, she never, the whole movie. She must have, she probably had, because you should have had Molly fucking eat a brownie bite and when she eats a brownie bite, that's where she gets the idea to start a mint business with fucking Noah.

Or just, yes. Or she leaves, yeah. I wonder where I can find this recipe I wonder if it's on food network.com Yeah easy make read your own and a part of like whatever you're ever been an inspiration you know what this is like a hookup where I don't know their name I'm investing too much in it all Yes, you are. You're all crying at the end. It's probably gone for a long time. So everyone will be pleased. I'll be really learned about redrum and she likes mint lube. I'm going into some movie.

Don't put it on your hands, though. Don't put on your hands. Thank you all for doing this with all the wonderful ways. It is so fun. It's now become our holiday tradition. I love it. Yeah, it's amazing. So thank you guys. Remember everyone, you can check out realitygays

at realitygays.com and check them out. Also on social media and by take us to their live shows, you can check us out at watchrocraftens.com and also come to our live shows. Yeah, you guys are touring together. Yeah, and as a reminder, this was all on video. So if you want to see it it patreon.com for both of us So yeah, everyone it's as long as game of thrones

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