Watch What Crappens - Crazy Times In NYC

Episode Date: August 16, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Today's show is brought to you by Audible. Please visit audiblepodcast.com forward slash Bravo for your free audiobook download. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crap Fins, a podcast dedicated to all that crap you and we love on Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV, and joining me as always are my two trusty cohorts, Ben Mandelker from B-Side Vlog and Ronnie Karam from TVgasm. Say hello, my lovers.

Hello! Hola! Hello, hello. Hello, my lovers. Hello. Hola. Hello. Hello. Well, on tonight's show, we are going to obviously start things off with a hell of a lot of gossip because, you know, that's always fun and there's always a lot of trash out there.

And then we will move into the Real Housewives of New York City. We're going to stop by Los Angeles, million-dollar listing Los Angeles, that is. And then we might even have to stumble into Top Chef Masters because Ben is the only person in the universe still watching that horrible show I will defend it dearly you will defend it but before we get into that we must give props to our friends over at the

Sideshow Network that helped put this whole production on and we should also give some shout outs to all of our loyal fans and listeners out there you You guys have been amazing to us. Your comments on iTunes have been out of control and as a result I'm now allowed to eat cookies and not kill myself.

So thank you. He'll be much nicer today. I don't know about that. I will not guarantee being nice. But again, we should also tout our lovely Facebook page which so many of you have liked. So definitely check us out on Facebook slash What Crappens.

Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. You can find us on Twitter at What Crappens. You can find me, Matt Whitfield, on Twitter at Life on the M List or at Yahoo TV. Ben, you can find at B-Side Blog. And Ronnie, you can find at TVgasm.

And now I need to take a moment to do some facial yoga. So Ben, take it away. Why I need to take a moment to do some facial yoga. So Ben, why don't you take a moment to relax? Facial yoga. I'm still doing it. You do your facial yoga. And by the way, we have to give a shout out to Audible,

which they're super cool because they have all these books and stuff that you can download and stuff. So if you want to read Carol's book, whatever it's called. Class with the Countess. Class with the Countess. There are a lot of books from Bravo.

And you can go to – and here's why I'm telling you this. Because if you go to audiblepodcast.com forward slash Bravo –. Let me double check that I got that correct. I wouldn't want to give you guys the wrong URL. But it's audiblepodcast.com forward slash bravo. You can get a free book or free download. Am I the only one who read Andy Cohen's book?

You did? You read it? Am I a terrible person? I mean, I'm a terrible person for various reasons,'s book. You did? You read it? Am I a terrible person? I mean, I'm a terrible person for various reasons, but am I a terrible person for reading his book? You're not a terrible person. I read it on Twitter, but I follow a bunch of those Bravo idiots, so they're always like, Oh, Andy, I read your book. Oh, my God, I'm reading it for, like, the fifth time, Andy. It's so good.

Well, I'm not going to stick my, like his butt like all those fake Peggy Tanos. He's no Jill Zarin. He is no Jill Zarin. We love you, Jill Zarin and Andy Cohen. But by the way, if you haven't read Andy Cohen's book, and I haven't, you can go to Audible. If you go to audiblepodcast.com forward slash bravo, you can get a free audiobook download and if you get download either carol's or andy's let's see if we can make a contest and see yeah who's gonna download what i think i'm gonna download carol's i want wait i want someone to download one of these books use

your free like audio down download audiobook download and i want we want a book report this yes exactly summer book report we want we maybe and you could maybe we can even pipe this person in with like their their little their book corner this will be like oprah's book club except with us does carol even have a book yet is it out no you guys are all talking about carol like she has a real book she does well she has a she has her original one about nobody wants to read about the dead husband we want to read about the widows that are fucking well Well, we don't have to read. We listen to it. Yeah.

And if it's in her voice, I'll listen to that all day every day. Oh my god, can you imagine ours? My husband had such a big one and now he's dead. Listen to that to the grocery store every day. Would that be filed in the biography section or the

horror section? Horror biography. Where in Audible would you find Carol Radzowil? Royal horror biography. I don't think it would be in the – they have thousands of science and technology books, but I don't think that would be in any of them. Look at me covering all the bullet points. Okay. Can we talk –

Just to move on. All right. Look at me covering all the bullet points. Okay, we need to move on. And we need to talk about some gossip. And I would like to start off with Miss Alex McCord. Yes. Formerly of the Real Housewives of New York City slash Brooklyn slash the Hubble that she lives in. Don't tell Bethany about it. Because if I remember correctly, Bethany was in utter shock about that townhouse. I'm in utter shock that any of you people are watching Bethany's talk show.

Talk about a fucking horrible trailer. Wait, I'm not watching it. Are you saying all those people you mean in general, like the listeners? Right, I'm not talking about the two of you because I know that you're busy, you know, watching Bravo all night long, but there are plenty of people out there that are watching her show during the afternoons, and I cannot fathom why anybody bothers. You mean the people that don't have a podcast about talking about Bravo stuff? Did you just regulate me slash yourself?

You need to be regulated, Matt. You need to be regulated. Well, we're talking about books on tape and fucking... Come on. Interest me. Yeah. The poor listeners. We haven't even started talking about Bravo yet.

I know. We've been wasting their time because we're not talking about my spider butler. Oh, yeah. You and your spider butler and your waffle boyfriend. So what is it about Alex McCord? Because a hive is missing its bug eyes. Just tell me what's wrong with her. What happened?

Shall I do this since Matt suddenly is just falling apart on the hosting. Matt is doing face. So I'm doing face. Matt is furious and he is stomping around his apartment like an angry Ramona singer. Um, okay. So I guess Alex has been giving, um,

some behind the scenes dirt about how real housewives is produced. And we actually got a good amount of dirt from Jill. And if you haven't listened to that, go listen to that episode. Even if you don't like Jill Zarin, she gives a lot of interesting insight. Episode 25, available for download on iTunes or streaming on TVgasm or B-Side Blog.

Yeah. So she just says, Alex gives a lot of interesting little things. She said the way to really annoy reality TV cast members is to make them wait. And so what the producers would do a lot of interesting little things. She said the way to really annoy reality TV cast members is to make them wait. And so what the producers would do a lot is that they would pay for the car service to pick up these women. And then they would delay the car service. So they're waiting around. And then everyone's getting annoyed.

And the funny thing is, this is an obvious trick. And you'd think after three or four seasons they'd be used to it. But I guess they just keep on getting annoyed every single time it happens here's a thought do you think that they might have just done that to alex because she lives in fucking brooklyn that's true too there's just i didn't know that car services could even go out there i know that you pretend that you're bff with her because she's tweeted you like 14 no she dropped me alex dropped me oh well then then fuck her let's talk some shit nobody wants to drive to brooklyn no no um so why is she telling this gossip who's she telling all

this stuff to she's telling it to her three twitter followers and because she and simon are on this new horrible vh1 show that nobody's gonna watch she is so alex does these reports for something called rumor fix and um uh she apparently she does these like these very low rent videos that simon records like and like one of the videos there was like an airplane flying around in the background or something like that oh i don't know um let's see what is it like a vlog and alex blah and alex I think so. By the way, I've always hated that term. Is she modeling in the background in some slinky lingerie? Probably. She is so gross. Sexy green bean.

I don't miss that. I miss Jill, and I miss Crazy Kelly Killer and Ben Simone. I do not miss Alex and Simon. I'm going to just say it. Alex also says that production buys, obviously buys obviously everything so anytime you see anyone on the show buying anything production is paying for it which is why which is why we need to get on a fucking show so i can go shopping you'd buy the tackiest stuff matt are you kidding me we know you'd be buying leopard skin everything you would you would you would have like a little

hat with a flower on it. And you'd be wearing leopard skin. And you'd have a mink stole. And you'd probably get... And you'd be mixing it with a zebra skin beach bag. To carry around all your knitting and stuff. And you'd probably get a perm. You'd probably get a perm.

The only thing that I would buy are used... Condoms. You'd probably get a perm. The only thing that I would buy are used little mini leather biker gloves from Carol. I'm selling my biker gloves. Not because I need the money, but because I want to see them in a happy home. Every glove deserves a happy home. I'm an assistant. Luann next year will not have a charity coat event Carol will have a charity half biker

leather glove event and I'll be sponsored by Hamburger Helper and the Hamburger Helper glove will be wearing her leather gloves could you imagine if Carol had her own brand of Hamburger Helper Carol Radziwill's Hamburger Helper I'll help you make hamburgers it'll taste like dead husband you know who's gonna help her make hamburgers that

that creepy gay neighbor of hers that secretly wants to be a reality star what's his name like hey my name is trip and i wear interesting, and I hang out with an old corpse lady. It kind of sounds like you, Matt. You got interesting glasses, and I feel like there's got to be some corpse lady in your life. Unless it's just a corpse. I have a better chance of having an old corpse lady in my life than a hot man.

An age-appropriate hot man. Then why are you torturing Matt? I don't know. I'm not angry at you at all, Matt. I'm going to be honest. You were joining in. You know why, Matt? Because you're an easy target. One of the reasons why is a callback, but five times is a dog pile. Hey, AV Club, if you're listening this week and you want to review us again, feel free to mention how I get trampled.

Oh, please. Oh, please. There's some kind of weirdness going on where it was reported last week that Adrian Maloof didn't show up to the reunion. And we were talking about on this show, well, why would they tape the reunion already? That shouldn't have happened until right around now. Yeah. And it didn't seem to make much sense. And then there were stories out this morning that she had a surprise appearance at the reunion and caused all kinds of shit. And then there was a story on Perez

about the reunion that's been taken down, so I don't even know what that says. What the hell's going on, you guys? Why is there such a big controversy about the reunion? And what could Melty-faced Adrian have possibly done? Well, I think Melty-faced's life is melting down right now. Obviously, you know, last week we talked about her pending divorce from Paul, which I believe that he brought on. Surprise, surprise.

And, you know, I do think we did mention this last week as well, that they are probably going back-to-back seasons into production. So just like Jersey last year, where it's all unfolding like 10, 12 months after the fact, the lines are getting very blurry for me. And my other thing is if you don't show up to the reunion, you should be fired. Yeah, I agree. Like I feel like Jacqueline set a bad precedent and so did Kim Richards. She should have left rehab. She was in a cage. Nothing is more important than the reunion.

I don't care. Kim Richards walked out of rehab like ten times. She just walked out of there. She wasn't in a cage. And when she did come out of rehab, she was still wasted. So I don't know why she couldn't show up for the reunion. Okay, but let's both be honest. Or all three of us be honest right here.

That show needs some fucking Kim Richards. We can't lose her. We cannot. We cannot. We cannot. By the way, I would love if Kim Richards appeared at every reunion actually in a cage. Like, they just had her in a cage in the corner. Like Debbie Matanopoulos. If you reach for anything on the table, it's like there's a wall in front of you.

Like, it's a wall. Hey, the reception on this reunion's bad. I just keep seeing bars on my TV. What's that about? Hey, these horizontal stripes Are making everybody look fat These are vertical Who's trying to trick me with this cage? Hey, this carpet looks like newspapers

I'm gonna pee on it like a gerbil Hey, everybody, I'm a gerbil now. Okay, I'm going to make little poopies that are like little marbles. Okay? Hey, where's my flashlight? I just imagine that she's looking for a flashlight. I don't know why. You also made her into Carol, but that's fine. By the way, that's the progression of my – it's like when I try to do an Australian accent, I become British.

So when I try to do now a Kim accent, I now become Carol. So yeah, Beverly Hills is going to be a really good season. Everything that we've been reading so far about that season sounds insane. And I love that the Lisa and the Adrian hate is amplified. And also remember that in the last reunion for that show, which, you know,

at the very end of the season, obviously they were talking brandy made a comment to adrian like like oh well your marriage has failed i mean she didn't say that but she made the kind of comment like you would know what a failure of a marriage is like or a sham of a marriage or something weird and adrian just gave her those evil you know her face doesn't move but right intensity still it's so fucking weird and she gave her that really evil look so if if jesus loves me um let's play a little game right now if jesus loves me i'll start um adrian will walk in to a penthouse in the palms and find paul

fucking brandy glanville in the shower that's a really specific fantasy well don't you think that she i mean brandy is brandy is off her rocker oh in the best possible way in the best possible way and part of me thinks like as lisa's little minion if lisa told her to go seduce paul she'd do it. Oh, yeah. She needs a starring role on Sir Lisa's spinoff. If Jesus loves me, Jesus would make sure that Adrian wears yet another magician's robe to the reunion this year. Last year, she only had a magician's sleeve. This time, I want her to look like a warlock, okay? Because we know that's what she is.

She needs a little hat, too. I want her to look like a warlock, okay? Because we know that's what she is. She needs a little hat, too. Adrian and the confessionals, those ensembles are the most amazing things I've ever seen. She really knows how to bridge the two worlds of wizardry and hair tinsel. And I'm going to bank on the fact that Kyle will likely be wearing outfits from her new boutique, which the three of us need to take a field trip to ASAP.

Tell me about this. Where is it? Kyle has a new boutique. It's located in – I don't know that she could afford the 90210, so it might be on Ventura or somewhere in the Valley. Next to Lisa Rinna's store? Lisa Rinna's Bel Belle Grey is no more. It got broken into too many times, and now Tori Spelling, who's across the street on Ventura Boulevard, is no longer neighbors with Lisa Renna's boutique. Wait, I feel like

Ronnie was trying to say something, but he was broken up by something. Ronnie, were you trying to say something? You know what? I was just saying the vowel, but then I thought, no, she wouldn't be in the vowel. Pero, I'm actually looking it up, so you guys keep talking. Maybe she was in Tarantulas. Maybe.

Did I tell you that? Maybe she's going to sell diamond water at the counter. I hope so. Well, you know, her ex is a Tarantulas type, if you know what I'm saying. By the way, speaking of boutiques, etc., I do have a little bit of an update about our own favorite Sheree Whitfield.

Sheree... You mean my mother from another brother or my something, my fake mother, the mother I wish I always had? Yeah. Because Kay Rae from our Watch What Happens Twitter wanted us to talk about it. Yeah. Kaylee Molina, we got your tweet uh she kaylee sent in a link to this article about charay charay as i like to call her talking about life after the real housewives and there's really nothing too interesting but um she she did announce she by charay is back

ladies and gentlemen the wait is over i know you've all been waiting. It has now been reborn as an online boutique called shebuysheree.kitsielane.com. Wait, wait, wait. So does she really just have a fucking Etsy account? And she's probably living in Kim's garage. It's Kitsielane, not Etsy Lane. It's a mixture of Kitson and Etsy, I imagine. You guys, I'm on this bullshit website right now. And you can't even come into the website unless you give your email.

Like, you have to register. What? Oh, I'm sorry, Shibai Shirei, you're not Guilt or Fab or One King's Lane. Is she fucking crazy? Well, I guess you have to do this for this Kitsie Lane thing. You have to become a... This is ridiculous.

She's only selling jewelry and accessories now. Oh, Lord. What are they going to be? Some big-ass, ugly feather earrings? She loves a feather earring. She's got... Apparently, there's a screen grab

that's on this site from 2fab.com, and it looks sort of like a glorified dog leash that... or collar that's... This looks like that failed Etsy website website what's that called regretsy where you go it's like really terrible arts project i'm looking behind the i'm i'm

peeking behind your fucking sign and form charrette hey hey hey we have an email address where people can email us at and it's watch what crap is at gmail.com log our asses up you know what you do when you put she and Etsy together, you get shit. See, that's what you get. Okay. We've been online.

We've been recording for like 97 minutes already. I'm going to start talking about the real housewives of New York. Let's do it to talk about. So if you have any other gossip, just keep it to your damn self. Can I just make a proclamation first about this episode of real housewives of New York city? It was like the most uncomfortable hour. I think I've spent in about 10 years.

It really was. Ben texted me or emailed us both last night saying it was stressing him out. And I had just pressed stop because I couldn't take it. I was fucking stressed out watching this show. I had to press stop. Wait, Ronnie, did you not make it through the entire episode? I did today. During the day, it's did you not make it through the entire episode? I did today. During the day, it's easier.

Yeah, it's scary at night. Before bed. It's tough before bed. I'll give you that. It was every single scene was a stressful confrontation or an uncomfortable confrontation, with the exception of Carol talking to her assistant. Look, it was so good that I sat down and I wrote a full page of notes. So I'm just going to start and we're going to go chronologically and we're going to knock this bitch out.

Wait, I want to make another macro. You're not allowed to make any more proclamations. Excuse me, mister. I am going to make a proclamation. This is a macro observation about the episode. Did you notice how it seemed oddly edited together? Like scenes just sort of started without any explanation. Like, the show just started and there was a business meeting and no one was like,

so I went over to Ramona's. It just began. And then there was a dinner at Le Cirque. And Ramona was like, oh, well, it's a special occasion, so I got everyone together. But no one explained why. No one explained why. We're going in order, Ben. Chronological order. Okay. This is what happened. We're going in order, Ben. Chronological order.

Okay, this is what happened. At the beginning of the season, the ratings tanked, and everything was fucked up, and nobody was talking about the show, and it was bombing, and Jill was trashing it, and I honestly think this is the episode where they went in and they re-edited the show, and they're just making it crazy town.

I agree 100%. That was totally my impression of it, that they cut out all the filler and they're like, let's put a huge amount of crazy in one episode, so that way it feels like it's wall-to-wall crazy and everything. Yeah. This was like a season premiere. This was crazy shit going down at every single commercial

right before and right after every single commercial break, and I think that the ratings will be up as a result in the coming weeks. I don't think so, because it wasn't even fun crazy. It's like, I just don't get New York. I don't get it when I live there. You guys are such pussies. Why am I a pussy? I liked

it. I thought it was fun crazy. You guys were all emailing last night like, oh, I'm so uncomfortable. I have to turn it off. This comes with a guy who quote-unquote clutches his pearls whenever you mention anything pertaining to, like, vomit. Well, look, I thought it was uncomfortable because it's just neurotic, horrible people

with terrible personalities and no hope for going to heaven. All dogs go to heaven, though. Exactly like the three of us, and that gives us a show called Watchmen. I thought it was very uncomfortable the whole hour, but it was hilariously uncomfortable. It was one of these things where it's like, I cannot believe these grown-ass women are saying these things, and in some cases saying these things with little reindeer antlers on their head.

Oh, God, that was so creepy. And then they're all dancing around like they're you know trying to be all nice and friendly to each other but ramona and luann they're dancing around and trying to be nice while oh well you know what did you mean by that oh well i didn't mean anything by that what did you mean by that i didn't mean anything by that well i know you meant something by that well i don't even know what you're talking about but i know that you meant something so if you meant something then you if you did if you say you didn't, then you didn't. But you did. But you did. It's like, oh, it just made me want to fucking throw up.

Shut Ramona up, for example. So I just put a fucking sock in her mouth. All right, Matt, since you're hyperventilating by the fact that we're not going down the list in your order. Do I sound like I'm hyperventilating? I'm drinking wine. I'm sitting in my office and I'm drinking wine. We know you're rolling your eyes. You don't care, but I care. And it's hurtful.

It's hurtful how you care. And everyone else is telling me it's hurtful. I didn't even care. I'm going to get on with it. You're trying to be above it. But, Ronnie, you had to know that it was all good fun. We were just trying to promote the podcast. We weren't trying to make fun of you. We were just putting you in a good light.

That's all. Well, let's be honest. That's not putting me in a good light you know you're making me look stupid with my with my wine and you know but we're making your i love mario he's like well you know you tried to make my wife look stupid and what if she had said she didn't like it um she did she did say that she did say she didn't like it and guess what you don't need any help in making her look like a dumb fuck she does it herself every five seconds how does how does ramona not understand the taste of her own wine not because it's her own wine but because ramona pinot grigio tastes like fucking toothpaste water it tastes so distinctively like toothpaste only a fucking moron could not recognize that taste somewhere in in Beverly Hills, Kim Richards' ears are perking up.

What? Toothpaste sweater? Huh? Huh? She's rattling her cage. She's got a mug going up against the bars. Toothpaste sweater, my new mixer. I don't need an olive. Do you need white teeth?

Well, I love that in this fight over this wine about like how like no one wanted to cave in you know mario was saying look you were trying to bust us and it was obvious that really everyone that that's what luann and jock were trying to do and neither one of them would were willing to admit it you know how could they not it was so obvious well jock would probably think it's hilarious and luanne's just like oh do it of course it's mean of course they were being mean but ramona and luanne hate each other and it is you know she did give ramona the option to say oh this one's lovely but of course ramona can't just be a nice person she has to taste something and say oh that's horrible

right right okay so that's a very good point because you know they're saying that luann is a terrible person but you know yes ramona ended up dissing her own wine but ramona is also a horrible horrible bitch and she could never say something nice about something and you know she thought it was somebody else's wine she thought that jacques picked it and she wanted to make jacques look stupid so she's like of course this tastes like shit. She's also to blame here. I'm sorry. I agree.

I mean, she likes to piss on things. That's definitely for sure. So if anything, she was called out on what a horrible personality she has. She has to hate everything so much that she hates her own product. And you know what? I'd like to point out, you guys, that we've just done some really good psychiatry. We really have. just done some really good psychiatry we really have and by the way and and you know apparently when this wine tasting fiasco happened that was like in the fall and then all of a sudden we're in it's the holidays and mario brings us up to jacques at this dinner table like why didn't he

why didn't mario just you know call jacques on the phone and be like hey you know what i really didn't appreciate what you did last night. Because Jacques doesn't have a phone. He has a wheel of cheese. He has a wheel of cheese, and Luanne doesn't get reception in the Hamptons, which she partially mothers from, but mostly she's in the city. You know why she doesn't get reception? It's because a drunk

girl passed out on her cell tower and broke it. I was going to say she doesn't get cell reception because she prefers to use smoke signals like that oh my goodness talk to balky face to face because he's just such a prankster you never know what if he's rolling his eyes on the phone you don't know what he's doing he's balky he's crazy he's doing the dance of joy right now. Totally. Could you imagine if Meepos was a real place and that's where Jacques came from

and Luan all this time thought he was French but then had to find out he was from a weird Eastern European country? Should be devastated. And then his best friend was Mark Lynn Baker and I don't mean the character, I mean really Mark Lynn Baker. That would be a huge selling point.

That shit just got really niche. So for all of you who don't get that, that's the star of Perfect Strangers. Yeah, it's Larry. For my redubbed channel of the Housewives videos, I looked at my analytics and everyone's like 50. I think we're all just like – just basically you look at the analytics and it says old and tired. Oh, my God. Oh. Okay, okay.

The beginning of the episode started with, you know, again, no intro. Let's just dive right into the crazy. Yes. So it started with a toaster oven meeting and Sonia, who was trying to launch this project. Sex sells, you guys. What an original campaign. Really, you're going to have a half-naked guy holding a toaster oven? Thank you so much for taking your time to come up with that.

By the way, I don't object to such campaigns. I think there should be more of them. But that being said, it really is a bizarre angle to take a sexy guy holding a toaster oven. is a bizarre angle to take a sexy guy holding a toaster oven i mean it's just honestly anytime this toaster oven surfaces i am like simultaneously confused and like happier than i've ever been turned on you know and i'm a little turned on but i'm like i am so happy that this is somehow a through line for the season is this weird toaster oven i mean i every week i say this but i i find it to be the most peculiar thing that this quote-unquote socialite is sitting here trying to hawk a toaster oven. Like, it's a toaster oven.

It's like a three-tiered microwave thing. It's huge. It's an easy-bake oven in silver. I was going to say, it's going to be an easy-bake oven. She's going to pull it out. It's going to be from Fisher-Price. There's going to be a light bulb as the cooking mechanism. She's like, oh, I just got this from the factory right now.

The factory sort of looks like a Toys R Us. I found it on the shelf, and I put my name on it. Here's the funny thing. When you watch these shows, typically real businesswomen, and I will even give props to Ramona, but Bethany, you see this airing on bravo and that shit is in the store when we first heard about skinny girl margaritas it was not in every store in los angeles by any means but you could actually like go out and try to steal yourself a bottle real quick this toaster oven i don't think we're ever gonna see we're never gonna see it on a city target shelf at the beverly connection this is the sort of toaster oven that you resurrect a dead

corpse with okay meaning that like someone some crazy high school student like has already gone like has gone into the back of it and you plug it into some human because you know the voltage is probably off the charts you know it probably smokes when you turn it on it'll probably be like weird science too and kelly lebrock will pop out when they turn it on. That would make the season so amazing. Well, they're re-editing right now, so it's very possible. Kelly LeBrock is definitely free. I have a fear for other future household items

that Sonya might usher into our world. Well, her house is falling apart, so she needs plenty of them, so I wouldn't be surprised. I saw on a really late night infomercial the other day this stuff that's like spray cement, and it comes out of a can. You spray it, and it's like for cracks in the ceiling and stuff. So you could just spray it yourself and not have to call the plumber, and I thought Hurricane Irene. Sonia should be on the cover of this shit getting a percentage of this. This is what she should be doing.

Sonia should be on the cover of this shit getting a percentage of this. This is what she should be doing. Except she would probably think it's like hairspray, and then she'd walk into a party with a helmet of cement on her head, and she'd be laughing. And no panties. No panties. So I lost my pants, and I put cement on my head. Who knew?

I'm Sonia. I'm fun. I party. I love party. I want a sexy J, and I put cement in my hair so I look like the dot above the J. Okay, back to the actual meeting. Do you guys think that Sonia disrespected Heather and Heather's business acumen by having Ramona show up at this business meeting? Yes, 100%.

Yes, but Sonia's also an idiot, and she's very easily pushed around which is why ramona hangs out with her and i'm sure she said i have some meeting with heather and ramona was like oh i should come to the meeting i should help you i should hear what she has to say i'm a very successful businesswoman excuse me there's an earthquake earthquake there's an earthquake oh my god la right now i totally felt that i totally felt that. I totally felt that. My computer just went dead. Oh, shit. My house is shaking. Oh, my God. Is it still shaking? It's still shaking.

Well, we don't live far from each other. Where do you live? It's not shaking hard. I am like... But I'm not giving you my street address. Oh, shit just fell. My house is not shaking. I have a question. I'm kind of jealous. Is that weird?

Is it not shaking because you're drinking? I think it's because I've gotten so fat that I'm just holding it down. I am casually now in a doorway. We just had our first live earthquake on our podcast. By the way, I'm really glad

we were podcasting that because i've been having because there was an earthquake um a week ago and it was at 3 30 in the morning and it woke me up well i woke up like two minutes beforehand actually ironically and when the earth started to shake i like jumped out of my bed and i cowered next to my bed with a comforter on my head and then I realized afterwards that where I had jumped was in the direct path of my bookshelf and had it been a real earthquake the bookshelf would have fallen

earlier in the podcast when I called you a pussy I'm standing by that look at me being horrified by an earthquake what a pussy I am I will just say that like two seconds ago when the live earthquake happened on the podcast i might have screamed like a woman no no you know what you should have because i heard the thing fall over in your apartment i was it's on the podcast

my little toki doki toys just all like fell over like little dominoes this was this was god's way of being like please stop talking about these women i am shaking you this is like god wants to slap us next i think it was bravo i think it was bravo pr um anyway let's move on okay we kind of bravo pr doesn't have that kind of power otherwise they wouldn't have misadvised on their hands but i'm jesus christ people i'm a little let's have a moment of silence right there because wow that was that was powerful and i could not agree more wait um i'm a little let's have a moment of silence right there because wow that was that was powerful and i could not agree more wait um i have a question how is it that it was shaking so hard at your place matt and i was definitely like shaking here but like you had shit falling off

your off yours you guys nothing happened i'm sitting in my house there is shit hanging on every inch of the wall like i have to decorate every second you hanging on every inch of the wall. Like, I have to decorate every second, you know, like, every inch of the wall. And there's nothing. I mean, I'm waiting for shit to start falling on my head. I'm disappointed. Are you suggesting... It's like, I never get any of the tragedy. Are you suggesting that I'm pre-Parkinson's?

No, but we had... Then we had... Oh, no, no, no. Facebook is lighting up. Shake, shake, shake. And the earthquakes. Earthquake. Anyone feel an earthquake alone in my office? Not fun. Earthquake. Anyone feel an earthquake alone in my office?

Not fun. Earthquake. Earth moved. LOL. So glad you're there, Facebook. Really, really, really groundbreaking stuff. Okay, back to the dinner party. We already talked about Jock and having their feud over the wine.

And now I need to talk about Luann being horribly awful. We're not done yet because we got interrupted during our toaster meeting. Hello. I know. That was the equivalent of also Ramona ruining our flow. We were Heather. Of course. Fucking Ramona fucked something else up.

So Ramona, this is my favorite part about that meeting. Ramona's obviously being a bitch. She takes a call on the phone. Heather's mortified. The guy who seems like a hack. I can't believe anyone would hire that guy. He seems like a petulant little fuck. I wouldn't hire him.

But everyone's all pissed off at Ramona. And Heather's like, fine, I'm not going to do this. So she's going to back out of this toaster oven thing. And Sonia freaks the fuck out. She knows she can't hire anybody and she keeps saying i'm a client i'm a client and it's like you're not a client and the look of sheer terror on uh sonia's face was just priceless i loved it can we just dive back into the vault for a second do you not remember last season when one season wonder cindy bar shop took a phone call um a

business phone call in front of sonia when she was trying to present her toaster oven for the first time. And Sonia lost her fucking mind on Cindy for the rest of the season because of that. And yet she lets Ramona do it during one of her own business meetings in her fucking dining room. Good call. You fucking hypocritical whore. No, you said you watched last season. So you must remember that there's a pecking order, according to Sonya as well. Yeah, because she has a big old beak and she likes to go get some, you know, snacks off the floor of her house because she can't afford real food.

She said there's a pecking order, and when Ramona's here, invites you to whatever, you listen. Ramona can do anything she wants. That's what we've learned. Who puts up with Ramona? This is what I don't understand about New York. How are people not just walking around with baseball bats and knock people like Ramona out? Not people like Ramona, just Ramona. You know, that guy, that guy who was in that meeting, the guy with the beard, the creative professional, he looked like he wanted to strangle ramona he he wanted to take a baseball bat and an axe and a chainsaw to her face

so many ramonas in new york there are so i mean she's not original she's just one of many and i just don't know how people don't um don't and don't be hating on me either new yorkers because you know that that's true. You're standing in line anywhere. I remember being a waiter in New York and saying, so how is everything? And this is the typical New York answer. It could be better. That sounds like something Jill Zarin has said many a time. It could be better.

Fucking Ramona. All right. Let's keep going. Okay, can we please get to Le Cirque because I want to talk about Luann and how Carol thinks that Luann is racist towards Native Americans and we can't say Indians anymore. Discuss. Well, actually, Carol was wrong because I think

the accepted term now is American Indian. It's no longer Native American. But that being said, it still was not the best thing for Luann to be talking about scalping and having – What about rape, like that people are rapists and scalpers? And that Jacques is like calling her an Aborigine and saying it's just his polite way of calling her a savage. I mean were they just so drunk or has Luann just lost her fucking mind?

It was one of those things where you just would never want to say any of that on camera ever. But she did it. Luann does not seem to know that she even does anything wrong, which I really love. I had a quote from her here about that. Where it's like, Luann de Lesseps stands up for herself and says, I'm not a racist. And she's like, well, you know, it seems like she just

has a problem with anything I say. I could say tomato, and she'd say tomato. I was like, oh, of course that's a Luanne quote. Of course that's a quote. By the way, I am still so distracted by this earthquake. I am not a professional. I am not a quote. By the way, I am still so distracted by this earthquake. I am not a professional. I am not a professional. Whatever.

We're all alive. Do you think anybody died, you guys? It was a magnitude 4.4, and it looks like it was over by Anaheim. So Disney World may have collapsed. Let's hope so. God. Over all those people who are protesting the police uh-oh uh-oh i have a question when is this luann storyline about her and the baby gonna end i'm getting a little tired

of that like you're not gonna have a baby you're 85 years old there's nothing else going on up in there so stop going around and talking to people and making sonia relive the fact that she miscarried once and bring out her inner sadness. And why do we have to listen to that? Like, so you miscarried when you were 20. I don't want to hear about that. That shouldn't be something you bring up at lunch. But also, that's like me inviting you guys. Wait, wait, wait.

Bring up at lunch or bring up on national television? Or ever. Yeah. I just don't want to know it. I don't want to know that. Okay. If you invited us to lunch, what would happen? What if I invited you to lunch?

From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself.

But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. I did you to lunch tomorrow and I was like, you guys, I'm going to have a baby. What do you think? What do you think about that? What do you think about me getting pregnant? I would laugh.

I would say you just lost your dog under your bed and you had a panic attack because you thought he ran away. You might not want to have a baby. I'd be like, if you had a child, you would not know what to do with that child during an earthquake because you wouldn't even notice that there was an earthquake going on. Your child would be under rubble and you'd be like, oh wait, was there an earthquake? I don't know. You're perfectly perfect fucking reality show people because neither one of you said,

Ronnie, you can't make a baby. You have a penis. I think you can have a baby. You could have a baby with Luanne. Ronnie, I believe in dreams. No. I think you can have a baby. You could have a baby with Luanne. Ronnie, I believe in dreams. No. And if your dream is to have a baby, good God, you can have one.

I'm going to have like 10 babies. Are you kidding? I mean, drop them, you guys. Like, drop them out of me. Not like rent a baby. Well, it depends on what counts as a baby. If you call your poop your babies, then you can definitely have babies. Wow. Okay, now I am clutching my pearls, Ben. Now I am.

There you go. Just so you could clutch those. Okay, we're leaving Le Cirque and we're going to move on to the bizarre five-minute interlude starring the man of the season, Harry Dubin, who has fucked all of the housewives except for carol's zombie puss if penises could throw up mine would have thrown

up the minute he came on the screen how this is his comb back hairdo this is this is the real problem with the women here in new york city on this show if this is this is the best they can do like after all this talk about this guy who has honestly poked every single hole in the greater tri-state area, this is what he looks like? Just some schlub? What is the deal with this guy?

I mean, does he have a monster schlong or is it his bank account or is it a combo? That's what makes me crazy as well about this show. Here's a bunch of old ladies chasing around money. Not one of these bitches has made, and don't even go there about Carol. Yes, she's had a job, but you know that she got that shit through somebody that she knew. Like, I'm going to defend Carol.

I think she's a fraud. Well, I would tend to agree because every one of these women have married into money. And Ramona with her, oh, I'm such a business. Shut up, Ramona. No, you're not. You married into money and ramona with her oh i'm such a business shut up ramona no you're not you married into fucking money just like everybody else so what happened to feminism what happened women like growing out their armpit hair and just like having a fit like telling guys to fuck off and when you open a door for a woman they kick you in the balls what happened to that we're like reverting that that's called go to silver lake i've seen it all or go to atlanta because nini will do that yeah with the exception of the armpit hair okay back

to that guy for me back to harry dupin for a second what did you think of um poopy the pig yeah so that was a bizarre thing for me so this is like a butt dance are you kidding me is this like 2005 and netscape just why why is he making a cartoon called poopy the pig like i don't understand that i don't understand who it's for like where it's going to air why he's doing it it makes no sense to me whatsoever shitting a pig are you kidding me well the best is i love how aviva then you know because aviva has this very even though she's you know she's she's a jew like me she has a very sort of waspy accent. And I love how she

talks to us and she says, well, you know, we really hope that Poopy the Pig does well, because if it does well for Harry, it'll do well for Harrison. So we really have a lot invested in Poopy the Pig. And to hear her in this high-fluten accent talking about Poopy the Pig, to me, was one of the highlights of the episode. She truly is turning into Madonna with that

fake fucking accent. I love that accent accent i love that accent like without doctors now if only madonna could get a peg leg hmm it can be arranged it can be arranged i'm pretty unnatural so um i really don't like aviva i don't hate her because i don't i don't find anything hateable and also she's handicapped so i don't like Aviva. I don't hate her because I don't find anything hateable. And also she's handicapped, so I don't want peg legs attacking me in the streets. If a peg leg can catch you and beat you up, you deserve to die.

Why would she be on a team pizza? Why would she be... I think there's an Olympic runner who has no legs who is running in the Olympics. From South Africa. He's from South Africa and he has two bionic legs and I'm rooting for him. But you just said if a peg leg

can catch up to you, then you deserve to die. I think this guy might... I think we found a peg leg who could do that. I'm always sitting down so it wouldn't be hard to catch me. And also... Another reason why you shouldn't have a

baby by the way what happens to aviva in an earthquake allowed in the olympics why is that fair that's not fair that's like how come you can't take stimulating drugs but you can have organs that aren't yours i don't think this is listen listen it wasn't a problem because you know what there was this whole controversy that his disguise like bionic limbs would somehow like help him. You know what? I watched the race, his last race. He came in dead last. OK, so it turns out that it does actually help if you have legs in a foot race.

Well, and it's it's also called he has no legs. And let's be honest, the Olympics are not about the fastest times. They're not about sticking the landing they're about the heart string pulling stories a la carrie strug and you know single moms and rape victims and you know people with disabilities i don't care about who wins i care about the stories that make me cry i care about ryan bailey the sprinter that's all i care about now that's who you want okay let's pick let's let's take a second here what olympian do you want to do is that's yours yeah ryan bailey uh ryan bailey the sprinter not ryan bailey the water polo guy but the ryan bailey

the water polo guy is also you know a solid contender ronnie can i assume that your pick would be mr may trainer i haven't really been watching. I know that that's horrible to say, but I only watched one night of gymnastics, and there was a guy who fell down a lot, so I guess I would probably do him because I really like insecure guys. You can control them easily. You sound like

Ramona when you pick your friends. That's how you pick your men. Yes. Look, I think that one reason I hate Ramona is because I'm probably just like her. Oh my god. You guys guys this is better than therapy well you do anyway i would like nathan adrian i was gonna say nathan adrian's like number two nathan adrian is mine two first names i hate that uh if you saw nathan adrian you'd probably excuse him yeah you would get over it real fast. Okay, moving on. There was a photo shoot that Heather held and Sonia showed up.

We kind of briefly talked about that. What did you think about Heather then dragging Luann into the situation kind of to get back at Sonia for having Ramona there? What was Luann even doing there? That was another example where they just had no exposition. They just started a scene and the people were there. It's like, why is Luann at this photo shoot? She was busy trying on jewelry in the background and the thing that was weird was that like it was a photo shoot i it was strange that they were discussing the logo still and the and what

should be in the photo shoot at the photo shoot like that stuff that i would imagine would be set beforehand the whole thing kind of confused me and it was all very tense too well do you guys think that that's going to come up at the reunion? Because, I mean, Sonya is denying the fact that she approved a logo, but then they cut back to it. And Sonya definitely points it out and says, yes, I'm fine with that. And she and Heather are at a clear impasse there. Is that going to be a crux of an issue for the rest of the season? And do you think that that will be a major sticking point at the reunion?

Yes, I think so. Oh, God, this is going to be the most neurotic fucking reunion of all time. Three parts, three parts, please, God. Oh, God, I just it's it hurts me to even think about this reunion. I think it's going to I love when small shit like this becomes the source of huge arguments later down in the season. I love it. Well, and you know that the guy that's working with Heather, when he told Sonia the deal is that Ramona cannot show up during the official photo shoot, that means Ramona shows up during the official photo shoot, right? Probably.

Oh, yeah. They showed it in the previews. Did they? Didn't they? Where Ramona's saying, uh, did you or did you not tell her I couldn't come to the photo shoot? And she said, well, I agreed with her. She's like, well, you

would, you just lied to my face. You just lied to me and you talked behind my back. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's gonna be good. And, and Heather had, like, crazy clown makeup on during that, that, that. Heather always, she has, like, she puts on white face. I wonder if she's doing reverse racist menstrual shows.

Reverse racist. Does it have something to do with the fact that she worked at the house of Darion too long? She puts that white face. It's like she's miming. She's got the white face, and then she wears a turtleneck to cover up her chicken skin. She would be perfect for miming. She's got the white face, and then she wears a turtleneck to cover up her chicken skin. She would be perfect for miming. She and Jacques should move to Paris. But she never shuts up.

A mime school. Oh, that's true. She can't shut the fuck up. You know, the thing with Heather, and this is going to be very catty because I'm going to be making fun of her physical appearance here for a moment. But she's got one of those young young old faces where sometimes she looks young and then all of a sudden she looks like she's 48 you know and it goes back and forth sometimes within like seconds do you guys ever notice that i have they've really perfected the reality show lighting for these women i think that the that the housewives genre has really made the lighting people up their games because i saw lisa vanderpump in some interview on something. I don't know. It was like she just popped on my TV, and I was like, holy mother of fallenness.

Jesus Christ, what happened to her? It's only been a few months since she's been off my TV. And then I realized, oh, they don't have the right lights on the red carpet. Either that or magician Adrian Maloof cast a spell on her to make her age rapidly. Oh my god, so true. She's found a way to boot a Mac system into her brain and have Photoshop Adobe CS5 as she's on the show. Just retouching her as she walks around the city. That shit looks so normal on the TV and then you see her on a red carpet and it's like, whoa!

God is angry with us today. Perhaps there's another fire that started from the earthquake at her house right now to punish her even further. I know. The 40-minute mark was Carol's gay, quasi-gay neighbor trip, boring snore, and then the show ended,

Real Housewives of New York City, with Luann's coat party the fight with ramona continued sonia made an incredible scene and fool of herself yes and then we wait wait wait wait wait wait stop no what whatever but those you can't you can't gloss over the fact that i remember uh that that was i was going to set up like the four things and then kind of get into it but okay well we're going i'm gonna talk about sonia and how she was uh super drunk super super drunk and then i love how like she so she's going off on jock saying that jock needs to make a commitment whatever and then she's very casually just drops in this stuff about you know jews love babies or something like that i was like

you know like just i love how this episode seems to either pertain to awkwardness around a toaster oven or awkwardness around racial stereotypes or ethnic or religious stereotypes. Did anyone notice the Jewish comments? Is that just me? Am I just being Jewish? No, I didn't notice it. But I think that every time she says something, there's a part of my brain that just fills up with soap. I can't hear anything. She's so boring to me.

nope i can't i can't hear anything she's so boring to me i loved the part where um do you want to keep talking about that because i really did love the part where sonja took way too many pills before she sat down what was wrong with sonja you guys she may have smoked like a fern beforehand no kidding she was out of control in that scene she was when ramona pushes the wine glass away from you there's a real fucking problem yeah also uh i was actually talking to our friend lisa timmons about this episode earlier today and lisa was laughing she was like she's like i love how luann is like oh doesn't life and style throw the best parties and she's like lisa was like life and style is like the bottom of all the tabloids. Like, this is not the New Yorker here.

This isn't even Us Weekly. Life and style is just a shade above the post. And Luann's acting like they have been invited to, like, the Nobel Prize. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, come on. Ramona's cover of The Learning Annex was how she opened the season. Well, and Luann built the Suez Canal.

That's true. With her bare hands and her Indian ancestors, they built the Suez Canal. She invented gaming to save her people. She did a really great job with that. I really love those Wheel of Fortune machines. Great the saps carol's like this is racist this is racist i'm not trying to get away from new york even though i hate it and wish it was dead um but i do want to uh point out that someone on twitter named patricia pat patient moi i don't know you guys could you name yourselves things that are pronounceable

on twitter she's just like some white girl. Like, Patricia Passion Moi. Okay, whatever. Hi, Patricia. Just listen to the last wet crap ends. At the end, they say they love Tammy. Real Housewives of Orange County Tammy because last time they hated her. We reserve the right to be hypocrites and change our mind every five minutes, first of all.

We are not talking about Tammy Knickerbocker, are we? We're talking about Tammy Twitter people. Tammy from Twitter. We also love Alexis Bolino. She's very funny. Or he. Whoever's running that Twitter account. It's a robot with extensions.

Okay, before we wrap up New York City, we have to talk about the ban brought in. First of all, who doesn't know the fucking words to Jingle Bells? You should go kill yourself. I know. Thank you. Thank you.

Now, that's the suicidal. And you know how to sing it. That is a suicidal offense. I agree. Because when Aviva was like, I'm not sure if I know the lyrics. I don't know if I can sing. As if she herself were at the Olympic trials, to be forced to go on desynchronized diving. Like, oh, I don't know if I can do this.

It's just jingle bells for crying out loud. And she had to check with her husband before she went up there because she can't do anything without him pushing her on an airplane or in an elevator or making her spread her legs, I'm sure. My god, she's such a pain in the ass. She probably has a deep-seated fear of jingle bells because she was probably singing it when she got caught on the conveyor belt oh my god you are terrible what i'm just it's just a theory because everything else scares her from that instance at least they admitted it because sonia just got up there front and center wasted off we're out like okay ron just bark like Ron, and by all of us, I mean,

really our listeners and not me and Ben. And will you please give your rendition of the mega Christmas mix entitled, uh, jingle bells. I want to fuck you in the ass. Evergreen. I want to fuck your ass. I want to.

No, no. They're so naughty. They're so naughty. Well, Evergreen, I wanna fuck your ass! I wanna... No, no! They're so naughty. They're so naughty. You are naughty. The funny thing is, even before they got, this crazy band got to the repeated chorus of I Wanna Fuck You in the Ass,

this whole Jingle Bells song, they're singing, there's like this oompa-loompa music going in the background. They're all off-key. They're all out of sync. They're like, It was so bizarre. And then this guy starts singing, oompa loompa music going in the background. They're all off key. They're all out of sync. They're like Django Bell. It's like bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. It was

so bizarre. And then this guy starts singing I wanna fuck you in this. And then the best is Luann. Luann goes, only Christmas music! Only Christmas music! And then they cut to Carol in a confessional going, I really like them. I think I'm gonna hire them for my next party. Cause I'm so young

and hip. Cause I'm so hip that I don't like that. I think I'm going to hire them for my next party. Because I'm so young and hip. I'm so hip that I don't like that. I like horticulture. Trip, hire the fuck me in the ass people and tell Rajna. This is another example of housewives refusing to pay for shit at their parties.

None of them can hire a musician. If Luann had just hired somebody, instead of walking down the street, taking any old homeless asshole off the street and offering them a coat in return for some song, she wouldn't have them singing about fucking old ladies in the ass party. Suddenly, Sonia is... With a megaphone.

Suddenly, Sonia in the city is not looking like such a bad event planning service. I'm like, bring back Karen Quincy or whatever. If that's what Life and Style does for their christmas party sonia in the city book them booker i loved honestly it was like the best sort of battle like it was the best culture battle that there could be on the one hand these guys in mohawks repeatedly yelling i want to fuck you in the ass the other the other hand, Countess Luan, the doyen of manners, getting her doilies in a

bunch as she tries to shut this down. It was fantastic. I thought it was genius. I just thought it was amazing, amazing TV. Yeah, I thought it was the best episode of the season by far. By far. And we have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks. I mean, next week even goes even

further off the rails. And thank God they decided to re-edit. But did you guys watch Million Dollar Listing? I did. Or are we moving on to Top Chef Masters? What do you guys want to talk about? Well, my DVR seems to not have much respect for Million Dollar Listing because I've now set it on the TiVo three or four times. And it's recording it on, like, Saturdays. And I don't even know what

episode like what order i'm watching them in great news is you don't have to watch it in order because it doesn't make sense yeah uh here's here's what happened um they all looked at a bunch of houses and then they made some deals and um and then houses were they looking at um there was that house that was up in the pacific palisisades that Madison was doing with his friend. There was the house that Josh Altman was selling in Hermosa Beach for $3.25 or something like that. Oh, no, no. The one I had was the one where Heather threw a drink on. That's two ago.

Which I think I'd seen. But then there was another one after it where Madison was trying to sell that beach house that he wouldn't show while it was being built. Yeah, that's old. And he still couldn't sell it. That guy sucks. The story of this one was that Josh confronted Madison. So after Heather threw a glass of wine at Madison, he at Madison. In front of a lot of people. He sent her a cease and desist letter.

So Josh went and was like, hey, can you just stop this silliness? Although he didn't say it as nicely as that. He didn't say it as nicely as that. I am already starting to think right now that you and I are about to have a fucking cat fight. Because I get the impression that you are Team Josh Altman and I am Team Madison Hildebrand. I'm kind of like here's the thing i i i it's very fitting don't know if i can be team madison because he he alleged in his letter apparently that heather did some great bodily harm and like assaulted him etc and like emotional distress emotional distress okay so here here's the thing. She is sketchy for going to Josh Altman and everything.

No, she is a snake. But that being said, I mean, Madison should just get over it. I mean, don't be sending letters and being like, oh, great emotional harm. You know? Okay, Ronnie, let me ask you this, though. Let me say, first of all, Madison is a compulsive liar. Did you guys see when he went to Colorado and he was telling his mom his sob story about how Heather betrayed the whole family and how he doesn't even understand what happened? She was just suddenly yelling at him and stealing his money.

She did. She did all of that. No, but he does not say at all how it went down. Like she got a listing that was worth three point something million dollars. Because she probably screwed the seller. Can we just admit it? She's a whore. I ended up just firing her outright, not listening to her side of the story, and then refused to give her commissions for properties that she worked on. Yeah, but then she starts calling all the clients in the Rolodex.

Yeah, but nobody's paying attention to the fact that then she's digging through his files in his Rolodex when she's no longer his business partner and then talking shit to his current clients fucking up his future business that's a problem don't piss that you don't not pay somebody you don't want well but apparently it wasn't she wasn't contractually obligated to to that money so that she's sort of screwed in that situation when you say apparently you're saying that because that's what madison said in his confessional yeah but that guy's obviously a liar because i saw what he told his parents and it was all lies well he also told his parents for a long time that he was straight and everybody knew he's a big old homo so if the parents believed him it's their dumb fucking fault yeah there you go and he hasn't told anybody that he's got cohen's dick up his ass every other day either and you know he does oh yes he does why do you think he's

in a speedo and all the summer bravo prom? I don't believe a thing that that guy says. I don't believe he's even a real estate agent sometimes because he can't sell shit. Okay, but why is Josh Altman going to fight the battles for his, you know, dumb hag girlfriend that's going to be around for about another six months? It's like – Because he's a man. He's a man. And that's what men do. That's what men do.

That's how straight – he is a caveman douchebag. Yes, but, you know, that's what girls want. Yeah's what men do. That's how straight men... He is a caveman douchebag. Yes, but you know, that's what girls want. Yeah, girls like that. It's kind of hot. Here's some insider gossip. You want to hear this? Yeah. So when I was pretending to house shop about two years ago and was deciding that I'm going to go look at million-dollar houses, which I could never afford, And was deciding that I'm going to go look at million-dollar houses, which I could never afford.

I actually toured the house that he lives in, that Josh Altman lives in. And it's really – like I used to live on Waring, one block north of Melrose. And that house is like either on Sierra Bonita or Willoughby or something right there. And I went through that house. And? I really wanted it. By the way, that's – let me talk about that house for one second, which is that – I think they're renting it, though. I don't think he owns it.

Okay, because he's Mr. Slick. He's got this great car. He's always wearing designer suits, and they live in this tiny little bitty bungalow. It's not big. It's not too, too glamorous. I mean it was on the market, I want to say, for $1.1 million, and it's beautiful on the inside. And it's beautiful on the inside. But like, you know, if he's selling $40 million worth of real estate to, as he would say, Persians and Beverly Hills every single year, you'd think that he'd be in some sweeter, you know, sweeter man's. In the comment section, there was a big fight over these douchebags.

And someone said that if you go online to the online listing service, you can find all the agents and see what they're listing, which is kind of crazy. And they said that his all have his face on them, but if you keep following the links, they all lead to different agents. So I'm wondering if he's got some kind of pyramid bullshit going on, or he just gets like a tiny percentage of whatever his people are selling. And the other thing is, I was speaking to a real estate person, and every time they say on screen, final commission is x amount um that's bullshit also because apparently the commission is actually negotiated with the client

so like you don't just automatically get your like whatever 10 or 20 percent whatever the commission is but it's not it's not doesn't work that way apparently it's always negotiated and a lot it's never as much as always negotiated and it's always negotiated typically for a lot less than that percentage. And these people also work for major real estate houses in Los Angeles like Keller Williams. And guess what? They're taking a cut of that fucking money. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm glad we're really setting the record straight with Million Dollar Listing. Some of our listeners might need to know this information in case they want to move to Los Angeles and buy a million dollar home. I think so. I never thought I'd see the day that Josh Flagg is my hero. Yeah. Well, he becomes – So cute. Yeah. He is cute.

But let's talk about him trying to work out this episode, Ben. Oh, God. Oh, wait. I think I saw that. And he was like, that was interesting. Thank you. Yeah, I've seen this one. You know what I don't... My only complaint about Josh, truly, is...

Is the velvet slippers. Even worse... The boyfriend. Even worse, that throne behind his desk. The chair. Yeah, that... The chair. I'm getting flustered now because because why does he have that ridiculous chair and is it is it like a family heirloom or did

colton it's from fucking z gallery it looks like it looks like it came from outer space okay and it landed and i think superman arrived in it okay and i think that if if that's not the case that means that colton picked it out and if that is the case with josh flags money with josh likes money which makes me like colton even less because he's using josh's hard-earned money to buy crappy you know it really does you guys don't like colton. I think he is so sweet. He's so sweet when he calls his boyfriend fat. Well, his boyfriend is Josh Flagg is quasi anorexic and Colton is cause and is calling him fat. Well, he wasn't calling him fat. He was saying that his cholesterol is too high and he doesn't want him to die.

And also we're gay. We're supposed to call each other fat if we're overweight. Yeah, it's like It's a service. Or at the very least, you look disappointed and don't make eye contact with your friend. You don't just pretend it's not happening. Here's an example. Hey, Ronnie, how am I looking these days?

You've looked better, but you've looked worse. Thanks. Let's not have an example with me because I will really cut myself tonight. I will cut myself and stick my finger down my throat. Don't forget to go to GameFly.com, forward slash, ha ha, and get your 15-day trial at GameFly. So, Josh Fly, I wanted to say I saw an episode where he was at dinner with little Colton, and it made me realize why I like Colton, because I really like Fraggle Rocky, guys.

Those little guys's so cute! I want to pet his little face! For some reason, I don't know why, it doesn't even make sense, but he kind of reminds me of Mona from Who's the Boss? I don't know why! Living legend Catherine Hellman?

Do you know who is just like Mona? Carol from Carol is Mona. Oh my god. Wait, if all the Real Houses of New York City were cast members of Who's the Boss, which ones would they be? I like this one. So Carol is obviously Mona.

Aviva Drescher is clearly Judith Light, the uptight psycho blonde. Yeah, do you think Luanne is Tony Danza? Because that's kind of hilarious. No, Jacques is Tony Danza.ann is Tony Danza? Because that's kind of hilarious. No, Jacques is Tony Danza. Jacques is Tony Danza. Who ended up being on Charmed would be... Alyssa Milano.

...would be Carol, but with those band-aid things pulling back her skin. Wait, so Carol is Mona and Alyssa Milano? That's amazing. She has to walk off stage and then come back in through another door. Well, who's Danny Pintaro? It's got to be someone I hate because I hate Danny Pintaro because I once was at a party and he was there. Did you go on a date with Danny Pintaro? Ugh, please.

I have standards. He was there and, like, it was like I didn't even realize it was him because, you know, by the way, he got fat. I'm so happy to say that because, you know what? So we were at this party and I entered this group of people. It was like two or three of us. I sort of entered this conversation. Was it like you and Mindy Cohn and Bronson Pinchot? In my dreams.

In my dreams. Alas, all I had was Danny Pintaro and like one or two other people. All I had was Danny Pintaro and one or two other people. And Danny Pintaro just turns, looks at me, and says something along the lines of, Nice haircut. Like that. I was like, what? I was like, I don't even know you.

But I didn't even know him. And he just totally dissed my hair. Ronnie, what would you have done had he said that to you? I would slap him. Well, I just said... I had dry eyes, and I would have asked the host for some Vaseline, and I would have put it... I mean, some

Visine, and I would have dropped it in his drink and watch him barf and have the shits all night. Wait, will Visine make you barf and get the shits? Totally. It's the new diet. OMG, I'm going to have a visine shake after we stop recording i tell you one thing when danny pantaro said that to me i so i was like thanks and then i walked away and then i told someone you know in classic gay form i was like that guy over there just said this to me and then like i mean danny pantaro i'm like i just got dissed by a child

former child actor i'm like i don't know if this is a low point in my life or a high point. What do you think Danny Pintaro is doing right now? I'm going to guess that he is a hostess at the Cheesecake Factory in Rancho Cucamonga. I don't know if he's qualified for that. And notice how I said hostess, not host. I think he's probably masturbating alone in a room that smells like cats. And the other browser windows that he has open are like monster.com. I think he's trapped under a stack of teen beat magazines from the 80s that had him on the

cover and it fell over because there was an earthquake and he's trapped and god that's why god made an earthquake god was trying to kill danny it all comes together now i knew it another one solved you know that's why the earth shook. The earth shook because it was like Final Destination, you know. He like just barely avoided death. That's going to be the opening to Final Destination 6. It's going to be like a bookshelf that's like shaking. And all the kids are going to have to escape the bookshelf falling over.

And then when they find him and he's dead under the stack of magazines with him on the cover, someone's going to be very poetic and say, he was killed by his own vanity. And it will be Catherine Hellman. Played by Carol. What, Ronnie? It was Danny Pintaro. He's the gay...

We've been talking about him for ten minutes. He's the gay little kid on Who's the Boss? The little blonde one, Jonathan. What was the last name? Jonathan Bowers. I just looked him up, you guys. I don't think he would look very good fat. He looks like kind of Clay Aiken, right?

I think that he has maybe some illnesses. His best years were behind him. Yeah. Oh, you know what the first thing that comes up? Well, Wikipedia is the first thing, comes up well wikipedia is the first thing and then there's a strip of pictures and then the first article is called washed up celebrities danny pintaro yeah he's he's a washed up asshole he made fun of my hair and no one makes fun of my hair well god just took care of him for you he's under a stack of teen beats

which by the way may not not be a real magazine. I think it's Tiger Beat and Teen. Tiger Beat and like... Teen, right? Or 17. Oh, Teen Magazine and 17. Those are all real, I think. But I mixed them all together and made Teen Beat. You guys, we should totally work in TV.

So, wait. What else has been on Bravo? The Misadvised season finale is on i just said something mean about it which is not fair because a my friend is one of the producers on that show so congratulations to her your show and i've never seen it like that's how good of a friend i am that i haven't even watched a show still sounds like you've been misadvised sounds like i've been listening to your advised um wait can i talk about top chef masters neither of you guys are watching it right well no i mean last week i said that i was going to watch everything so we could talk about it this week but um i'm a liar and i didn't watch

top chef masters misadvised or the love broker which as you said earlier ben what is the difference between misadvised and love brokerker? We'll never know. We'll never know, because I'm not going to watch those. But let me tell you about Top Chef Masters real quickly, which is that last season sucked. It was boring. They had bad judges, etc., etc. This season is so much better, guys.

The judges... Okay, you sound so earnest right there, and I'm just going to have to make a proclamation, because you like to make proclamations. Please. Curtis Stone is the most boring person in any show that Curtis Stoneis stone is on i am boycotting i hate him stone looks like an arrogant asshole and he gives people dirty looks and i notice that when he's judging them if they're homely like if he's talking to an ugly chick or something he gives her the body check

like he looks her up and down like she's a disgusting piece of garbage and then he gives her a fake smile and he might as well have the madison laugh from million dollar listing oh my god that's my favorite thing ever i'm so excited whenever i see him come on to a new show and he's skinny and by the end of the season he's like i love it every time he isn't he is an asshole and i wish they would get rid of him but i would say the chefs have a lot more personality this season. Plus, my least favorite celebrity chef of all time, Art Smith, is on it. And I hate him, but he's a great villain. And so it makes me engaged. Is Art Smith the chubby guy who used to work for Oprah and make Southern food?

Yeah, but he lost weight. And he's the biggest bragger there is. This past episode, he mentioned about five times that he made a cake for Lady gaga and he and he always mentions that so 2009 i know but he's always talking about how he cooked for the obamas and for oprah he is like the worst but um there there's the first episode and he's like well i cooked for oprah girl and i'm like you know what so does mcdonald's like every day yeah millions served and the millions are all over yeah her acres millions of acres and have you guys seen gail's ass gail's ass is fucking huge gail simmons or gail gail oprah's gail oprah's gail oh i imagine she's got some booty going on there no it's like

tripled in size since op Oprah has gone off the air. Oh, well, you know, they're standing and eating red velvet cake that's shaped like Tyler Perry. Oh, or like pussy. Shaped like Tyler Perry. Oh, fuck. Oprah loves Tyler Perry. She does. And she also loves Fantasia Barrino.

And Maya Angelou. And she's also trying to rescue Rihanna right now. I love whenever an African-American celebrity is starting to act a little crazy and maybe go off the deep end. Oprah, who thinks she's Jesus Christ, is like, let me

swoop in and save you, Rihanna, before the cocaine takes over. Guess what? The cocaine has already taken over. Rihanna's a lost cause. Save her on your fucking lame-ass network. No one watching that. Stop trying to be nice. Yeah. Yeah, no one likes it. I'll bet Jennifer Aniston probably texts her like, Oprah, do you have

any sugar I can borrow? And she's probably like, fuck you, Jennifer Aniston. I ain't even returning that text. What does she say to Julia Roberts? She's probably like, Julia who? Pretty pretty woman not pretty old lady i ain't your friend bitch you ain't on my tv what do you think she says to tom cruise damn you little and you never paid for my couch to get clean i still got little tiny baby baby shoe print marks all over my goddamn cash and we're still using that couch in the green

room over here at not oxygen what does she say to john travolta i knew you was sucking dick i knew you was when you came on my show and i thought god it smells like someone's been sucking dick and it was it was you sucking dick that whole time i knew it oh fuck i think that matt something just happened in matt's pants that ladies and gentlemen was a matt with field orgasm oh god this is better than cardio ah nothing like an earthquake to uh bring out the best in our podcast oh god that's true anyway um i think we're i think we've stopped talking about bravo a long time ago and

we are also minutes and minutes over okay well we'll wrap this up I will say thank you guys all for listening you can always download us at the on the iTunes store we are watch what crappens we love all of the comments that you leave there and on our Facebook page don't forget to

like us if you already haven't done that follow us on Twitter at What Crappens and follow us as individuals on Twitter as well. I'm Matt Whitfield. I'm at Life on the M List. Ronnie Karam is at TVgasm. Ben Mandelker is at B-Side Blog. Please stay

in touch with us. We love all of the crazy things that you guys write to us and we're looking forward to another week of craziness next week and we will have Jersey back into the mix so we won't have to blab on and on and on about all of the random shit we talked about tonight and we we apologize for

the earthquake but Jesus was trying to attack us yeah Jesus want any Pintaro you guys it was Danny Pintaro it was actually it wasn't even an earthquake it was just it was just what happens when danny pintaro fat danny pintaro walks down the street of rancho cucamonga i can't afford to live in fucking los angeles please who's the boss it's whoever's delivering

pizza to danny pintaro all right we'll see you guys next time thanks for listening okay bye hey boys looking for something to rock your world have you been fantasizing about a hot All right. We'll see you guys next time. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye. Hey, boys, looking for something to rock your world? Have you been fantasizing about a hot new DVD or maybe an adventurous new toy? How about a luxurious new lube? Well, here's an offer you won't be able to resist. Go to adammail.com now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. That's right, guys, 50% off. But that's not all. When you choose one item at 50% off,

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