Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello 01 - High Flying in Wichita

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

Welcome to Dwell Hello — a twelve week limited series on Stitcher Premium! This week we're recapping Season 151, Episode 28: "High Flying in Wichita," which follows two circus enthusiasts as they move to Kansas. On their wishlist: Berber carpet, breakfast in the tub, Berber carpet, nearby burritos, Berber carpet, matching air vents, and BERBER CARPET!!! This is truly one of the most special episodes of all time.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Ben. We are releasing a 12 episode bonus series called Duel Hello, where we're going to recap House Hunters and House Hunters International.

You're about to hear the first episode. If you want to hear the rest of them, the only place to do that is to tripremium. Just go to stiturprimium.com and sign up with the promo code Crapins to get a free month as a Well, hello, and welcome to dwell hello. This is a brand new limited series from me Ben and Ronnie Carrham Both of us are from watch or crap ins and this is an exclusive show First it your premium and in this show we are going to be doing something that we've always loved doing which is Talking about house hunters house hunters house hunters international the whole. We are getting into it. Yeah, hell yeah. We love us some House Hunters. So we're just gonna go through some classic episodes of House Hunters. If you guys want some episodes covered, please just tweet the

season number because there's like 9,000 seasons of this apparently. Okay. This yeah. This one for those of you, anyway, just the season number and episode number two is at what crap ends or talk to us on Instagram or Facebook wherever, wherever you prefer to do that. Do that. And we'll look it over. This one, Ben, is season 151.

Yeah, episode 28. It's called High Flying and Widgeta. And it's, and it's a, it's a doozy. It's a doozy. Um, this one is, this is one of the most absurd episodes of House Hunters I've ever seen in my life. By far. And guess who can bring the absurdity better than anybody? It's the Gays. The Gays. It's the Gays. So we wanted to start with a nice, a nice gay episode to get this going. A nice gay episode and not just any gay episode, circus Gays. So as two Gays, ourselves, we like game recognize game.

And yeah, we just had to dive into this one. Yes, and they're not only circus Gays, they're going to top it. Well, sorry, no pun intended. They're going to top themselves by doing circus in the backyard gays. Okay. So these are gays who just move to Wichita, Kansas, and just do circus in their backyard. And I love that shit. I think that's amazing.

Yeah. So the episode opens up. It's like we know we're in for a special episode just on the little teaser that they do at the top of the show, where this one is one where we hear the narrator, because you know the later episodes of House Hunters, they've faced out the narrator. So this is still in the narrator phase, and so it opens up, and we see, in the beginning I just called them Brown here in Blonde blonde because I didn't know their names yet So you see the brown-haired guy, which is Alex. He goes, um, it's definitely not the aesthetic that I want and then Chris the blonde goes

Does nothing give you joy? That's nothing bring you joy Alex and Chris both want a home in Wichita, but neither wants to compromise. They're moving to Wichita. I mean, there's no bigger compromise than that. When your boyfriend gets a goddamn job in Wichita and you move there, that's like the ultimate in compromising. You two will figure this out.

Yeah, exactly. So Alex is the one we find out who's moving to Wichita. So I think the blonde guy gets a few things. Okay, he's allowed to have a few things and and we see we see just like clips of them like looking at things and one of them goes it's a really good place for dogs I mean the one goes gross Come round. I'm in the show when twirling around on a ring and the narrator's like, and then there's this. The narrator is so juggie.

She's just like, yeah, I've been doing this for 20 years and we've reached a new low. And then there's this. They're in a hoop. So, obviously, these queens need a backyard. Plus, Chris likes to eat breakfast in the bathtub. Yeah, yeah. And you just see him sitting there eating eggs

with slices of cucumber. And that's it in the bathtub. And he's just also staring vagantly into space. He's just naked, eating what looks to be a very flavorless breakfast and just staring at the tile like, why am I in Wichita right now? And then it cuts to the other guy going,

and the fans don't match the trim, that's a problem. And then it's like, Ding dong, brum brum brum brum brum brum ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na So now the show opens properly and it's just Chris spinning in a hoop. I mean like has there ever been a more amazing way to start the episode then just like one of the one of the house hunters just twirling above ground. Highlights in very very fast motion. Okay. Very high-lighted speed. And Alex is just like that spin looks really good honey Hi, I'm Alex and I'm a software designer. This is Chris. He's my fiance and Chris is like hi. I'm Chris I have highlights and on the side I teach area or acrobatics. What do you think of that suckers? And I perform as an aerialist I'm known for my high speed spinning. He's known

as he's like a drill. He's like a drill. He's like a drill on this screen. He's like, I'm no for it. Yeah, and then Alex is like, his name is the Texas tornado. I'm like, really? Like, we just like, he's going so fast. And then the spinning stops. And I'm like, going so fast. And then the spinning stops. And I'm like, whoa, whoa. So then where do we go after here? Alex gives us their background. He's like, I met Christopher at the Shurkest Studio.

You know, we're both unconventional people, and that's fantastic. We've been together for three years, and we got engaged six months ago, and we just haven't stopped spinning since. Do you know what an honor is to be engaged to the Texas Toronato everywhere I go? People say, hey, you look familiar and I say, yeah, you might have seen me in the photos in Toronato magazine with next to my fiance, the Texas Toronato.

They met in Texas, but a job brought Alex back to Wichita, where he likes to stand over the couch with his backpack, watching Christopher type on his laptop awkwardly. Yeah, and Alex is like, yeah, he's not happy. The weather is very cold here, and Chris goes, it's so cold. He's like, but it's a small town, but there's so much to do. You can even kayak. I've had a wonderful time here, so we're moving. And then Chris is in the kitchen making a green juice and Alex gets, are you gonna make me one? And he's like, no, go! Nope, I also like that when he says, yeah, Wichita, you know, it just has so much to do,

breweries and restaurants, and they just start this beerol of Wichita, which I cannot believe was ever sanctioned by the Wichita like Chamber of Commerce, it's just like dead trees and brown grass and like a vacant like post-apocalyptic wonderland with like one strange like modern like their symphony halls in the background. It's just like this brown brown grass with like a brown river and like no one around for miles. Like yeah, there's so much shit in it. There's like one duck always in the river there. The Wichita duck. Yeah.

Just like waiting to be fed. It's like someday I know people will be here and they'll throw me crumbs of bread. Ha ha ha ha. Well rather than find a rental, they've decided to buy a place, the only issue. We're not on the same budget, the same place budget wise. And Chris is like, yeah, he likes to live beyond his means.

Personally, just give me a ring and I'm happy. Literally, just, I can spin in it. I'll be very happy. You put Ben, it's a chair. He's the Texas tornado and I'm more of the Kansas sidewinder, I guess. Little slower. And Alex is like, well, I guess, a little slower. And Alex is like, well, I think our budget should be $27 million in Christmas.

I was thinking like, like $175,000, you know? Meanwhile, I'm like, you know, so I live here in Los Angeles and like the going rate for a shack that's been peed on by a skunk is about four million dollars. So that even think about like $175,000 for a house, it's like it's unheard of here. It's unheard of. And Chris is like, well, you know, 175k because I want us to be able to travel. My motto is let's have fun anywhere besides Wichita, which my fiance is forcing me to move to.

And he's like, well, yeah, Alex, Alex knows he wants to spend less on our house and more on future cruises, getting us who hot in the Bing Bing Texas tornado style. Guess what I want. Bow. So then we, then they're in the kitchen and Chris is there and he goes, give me a spatula. Alex goes, sure, they're right in front of you. Well sarcasm aside, I'm into ranch homes. Well I'm really into modern homes.

And then they show this modern home in Wichita and I was like, oh, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's a payless shoe box. Yeah, it was, it was, yeah. Alex has, so Alex has all these specific demands. It's kind of funny because you think that Chris is gonna be the one who's gonna be just totally crazy, but it turns out that when you were at the blonde,

he's got like the bleach blonde highlighted blonde hair. So, you expect to be a little more. And he's the Texas tornado. Yeah, and he's like the star. He's a celebrity. Yeah, he's a local celebrity in Texas. He's the tornadoes. And, but the thing is this, it turns out that I think that when you were,

when you were spinning in that ring, you were literally unwinding and, and Alex is not unwound. So he is more tightly wound up and he has all the person he thinks he's like, first, I'd love to find a house that has a square roof. Okay, I want a square roof. Has to be a square roof, okay? I want a square roof. That has to be a square roof. I love square roofs, okay? Later they walk into a room and he's like, oh my god, I like this room.

It's square. Chris is like, uh, rooms are all square. Yeah. I'm not, listen, this is just some advice coming from the text of tornado. I'm not saying you're boring, but you do love squares. Mmm, and Chris is like, um, well, our intention is to entertain a lot. So I need hardwood floors because I have an old dog and he can't tell the difference between grass and carpet.

So no carpet in Alex's is like, but I love carpet. I want Burber Carpet. My family had a whole house wall to wall a Burber. I would love to find a house with Burber Carpet. I want... Square? Square Ruth, Burber Carpet. My family had a whole house wall to wall a Burber. I would love to find a house with Burber Carpet. I want it. Square, square root, Burber Carpet. Okay, and I want the Burber Carpet to be in the shape of square roofs, okay, little squares

that we can say are little Burber roofs. You can call me Burber, okay, because I'm not being Burber. Also, I feel bad that Chris's dog is old and can't tell the difference between grass and carpet, but also like If that dog is so old that it can't tell the difference. I feel like the dog might not be around Do not say about that dog down. No, I'm not saying put the dog down Cuz I'm sure the dog is I'm sure the dog first of all that we all know the dog has an adorable cape

And it's like the sidekick to the Texas tornado. Okay, you know that dog What's like can't tell the difference anymore. It's been the sidekick to the Texas tornado. Okay, you know that dog walks like I tell the difference anymore. It's been twirled to death. It has been twirled. But also like that dog's probably not gonna be around that much longer, so don't make long-term decisions on the house based on the dog. I think that dog.

You know, just don't get burburied. Don't get burburied just because your mom likes it, you know? Like that's the thing to do. I don't even know what Berber is. Berber is like that. It looks almost like it's matted. Yeah, it's like a flatter carpet. It's really tightly wet. Yeah, yes, yes.

Oh, yeah, that's a classic. That's, I do feel like that's very childhood. It is. That's what I had as a kid. My mom put that in our house. And she also painted all of our, she was super fancy. So she's like, we're doing wall treatments in this house. And she also painted all of our, she was super fancy. So she's like, we're doing wall treatments in this house. So every wall has been textured with a broom. And so what they did was they put like the plaster

on the wall and then they painted down with a broom. So it was like this. Yeah. Almost denamy kind of look. And then all the walls were painted salmon. Okay. Like do you think I'm gonna go to a house? I want to be like, I want to broom textured salmon colored wall

because my mom liked it. No, branch out here, I think you're with a tornado. I, my house growing up, we actually, was all harbor floors. And so I grew up actually really, really wanting wall to work, wall to wall carpeting. Like it was such a joy for me to get my first apartment here in LA, and it was like, ooh, there's

carpeting everywhere. Like I'd loved that, you know, and I'm only now moving back into hardwood floors. On the bright side, you could just pee on the floor, wherever you wanted, and it wouldn't be a problem. You see? Yeah, it's great. Yeah. So then we go back, we're so then we go back to Chris, because we're still learning about them. And he goes, one of my routines is taking a bath and eating my breakfast in it every morning before I leave the house.

And then we see him with his like eggs and cucumber again, like having an existential crisis. Wondering if this, am I really prepared to move to Bichita right now? Is this really happening for me? Will the Texas tornado be appreciated in a land of real tornadoes? Will I ever get to digest my breakfast in the bathtub again? Is there another thing aside from cucumbers I could be having with my eggs? I've heard tales of bacon. He's like, and you know the funny thing Alex is worse nightmare backtabs.

And Alex is like, I hate bath tubs. Hey, um, I think there's cesspools of germs. I like nice, tiled showers. And also, the trim, the doors and the outlets, everything needs to match. Yeah, everything needs to match. And also, we need a large yard for our circus equipment, which is like my favorite demand. Also, circus equipment, okay, okay, the vents have to match the trim and circus equipment. We need them at all, and Berber Carbiding, okay, the vans have to match the trim and circumsquitment. We need them at all and burber carbony, okay?

And also we want a finished basement, but the question is, is the finished basement gonna be for Alex's media room or Chris's home office? Like if he does not give Chris the home office, Chris is literally moving to Wichita. Like you're not gonna give him an office, like that's bullshit. Yeah, for your media room. What your fucking TV anywhere.

And I like how the narrator says that she's like, even if they get a finished basement, they'll still have to do get out. But wait, there's more. Then she goes, and finally, since Chris is a creature of habit, and likes to eat Mexican food every single day, he's insisting that they live in town

right in your restaurants. The man needs a burrito. And he's not in tubs or twirling it backyards. Chris needs a burrito in his hand, but the tiny dip of salsa to dip it into. And then we see we see Chris sitting in front of a Mexican food restaurant on the stairs in a leopard and like a leopard zip hoodie in a leopard, and like a leopard zip hoodie, and a fur trim, even his burrito. How do you go, Lauren? I don't wanna have to drive 15 to 20 minutes every day to get a taco that I'm gonna want. But he's like, I just like that he starts off as day

with like a really dull palette, you know, like, we're gonna start with just some eggs and cucumber. Okay, nothing too crazy, some would say maybe no flavor at all, and then we're gonna start with just some eggs and cucumber. Okay, nothing too crazy Someone say maybe no flavor at all and then we're gonna go Gosh so Alex tells us the house that has been really challenging and Chris is like and I tend to bring strong opinions Which is brought some challenges to this process. He's like I just want to live in a castle. I just want to live in a burrito just to this process. He's like, I just want to live in a castle. I just want to live in a burrito. So now we're off to house number one, which is a ranch house. And so they walk up and Chris is like, oh, I love this ranch. I think ranch is. And now we get to meet our realtor. It's Stephanie McCurdy and

She is like she's like all right Steph. This is my moment I'm gonna make my hair as big as possible and put on my brightest bank dress You could do this Steph just because I have curds in my name doesn't mean I can't be fancy Hi, I'm Stephanie McCurdy. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this.

I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this.

I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I'm gonna wear this. I feel like, are you speaking to me in code right now? Are you trying to say, look at these two gay guys? Well, I would think that except they're literally

doing cartwheels behind her. That's true. She was like, I was expecting more of like a Jack Will and Jack. And this is like, Jack and Jack, times five. This is Jack and Jack times five and Jack and Jackie or Jack That's the Texas tornado. Yeah, so she's like well Alex and Christopher really want to be close to bars Shocker They also need a burrito which is strangely phallic So this is gonna be difficult. Let's see what we can do. It's really hard to find a place close to bars and burritos we can do. It's really hard to find a place close to bars and burritos. Not my workout out for me.

So no burritos nearby, but there is a duck who looks very hungry and he's adorable. So I think that might be great for you guys. Um, we're going to come in here. So this place is $200,000, $2,400 square feet built in 1978, same age as me. And, um, the kitchen is like really, really, really narrow. It's like this long narrow kitchen with like really bad countertops, yeah, dally. And the countertops are like so gross. I mean, Chris is like, love the countertop. So beautiful.

And Alex is like, well, they're not modern, but they're not old looking either. So, hmm, I'm not really sure. And he's like, oh my God, and look, there's a desk built into the kitchen. Yeah, I was like, okay. And Alex goes, Christopher thinks he wants a private secluded office, but I think he'd be very happy right here in the kitchen. I'm like, that's the worst place to have your office. How are you gonna take a call while you're making your smoothie and not sharing it? I'm Alex's, oh no, because the smoothie maker is Chris, the blonde one.

That's right, sorry. The Hollywood podcast. Just in case anyone's confused at home, like, wait a second, on this season, Fit 151 episode 28. I'm sure you're following right along guys. So Alex is like, well, I will say the top on the desk doesn't match a kitchen counters or these counter top.

So you know what? There's three different counters that don't match. I like things that match. I feel like whoever owned this house was like we could match all these counters But I feel like when we sell this house, there's gonna be some really anal retent of guy who will just lose his shit If we just do three different counters, and that'll be really fun. So let's do that So they look through it and they're like, oh my god love how open it is Yeah, it's not open really at all. So that's kind of a weird thing to say

Yeah, there's like a weird the kitchen sort of like comes out into the living room and there's like a weird sort of bar, but then the living room is like a drop, it like drops down a little bit. So it's like this weird kind of like hang nail of a kitchen that comes into the living room area. It's a little odd. Yeah. And they say I like a lot of fight.

Love light. Lucas Whirls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah like outside. Okay. So then let's go outside the backyard is huge tornado huge Huge and then they go down to the basement and oh my god. This would make a really good media room It would make a better office And let's test that out. Let's see how good of an Alusso be. I could do a handstand. And so he just starts,

Christus starts doing a handstand. And Stephanie's like, oh my God, oh my God, I don't know what to do with myself right now. She's like, well, Alex and Christopher, full of personality. So, you have no idea

if they're gonna do a summer salt or sit on their head. They're crazy. So then they go to the bathroom and Alex is like, well the captain, do you match the kitchen? Love matching things. Oh my god, a breakfast tub. So then they take, then they go to the master, which they walk through this really narrow

hallway. I feel like that was not addressed, but they were like, I feel like they were in like a catacombs or something. And they get into the master and Alex, they hate the carpet and the master. He's like, this is 50 shades of baby brown. I mean, but I do love carpet. It's only were more hard and clumped together like,

I love firmer. I wish it were a carpet that felt like hard would floor but was more scratchy. I wish it was like carpet that was like a hot tween singer but carpet. I wish it was a carpet that was like, hey I'm a carpet but I might also be a rental car office.

I wish it was a carpet that was trying to say, be right back in shorthand. Burm. I wish it were a carpet where if I kneeled on it for about 25 seconds, I would have red lines on my knees the rest of the day. I wish I had a carpet that if it was at a gay circuit party, it could be two friends who are a bird and a bird. Burbur.

Burbur. So Chris is like, oh my god, this room feels small for a master. And it's a small and cramped bathroom. And the bathroom's not in the master. The bathtub's not in the master. How is supposed to eat breakfast in a bathtub if it's in the guest room? Do you know how hard it is to walk from the kitchen to a bathroom that's not in the master with a breakfast tray? It's hard

And Alex is like but the shower is huge and I like showers and Chris is like well at least it's an ensuite Which becomes their new thing that they're obsessed with. Yeah, now on sweets are the issue. On sweets. So now we go to commercial and we come back, we just eat the two of them dangling from a hoop. It's like when you go out to a bird, like when you walk out and you look at your bird feeder and there's like two birds, you're like, oh my god, there's two birds eating the

bird on the bird feeder. It's like, oh look. Every time they come back from commercials, it's just, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh definitely not the aesthetic that I enjoy. And Chris is like, does nothing bring you joy? Yeah. And also he's like, so far they found a roundhouse. But guess what guys? This is a very rare thing to happen on house hatters. It was far from town. So now they're seeing a place closer in.

Wow, yeah, they want to be closer to the wasteland. Yeah, they want to be downtown. the wasteland. You know, they want to be downtown. And so she shows them a place downtown and Alex is like, well, that's straight really busy. It's like two cars. It's like two cars. It was two cars and it was, listen, you're, this is not the Sean's Lise, relax. Okay.

So, well, you crazy summer solsters were sit on your headers. So, well, you crazy summer solter's were sit on your headers. Today, this house is 175,000 and Chris is like like the prize. So they walk in and the door is like kind of like rustic and antique has this glass and I love this door. I love the glass. I hate the glass! I hate it! The glass is awful. I like to play everything. No, no, that was Chris who hated the glass. Alex likes the door and he goes, but it matches the outside of the house and Chris goes,

okay. So then they go to the dining room and he's like, God, I wish just kitchen was more open to the living space and then Alex is like, oh my God, the vents, they don't match the tram. Why aren't they white? I can't believe that they do not have matching vents in different rooms. That's it. This is the perfect house, but the vents are not right. We cannot do this. And the cabinets are really weird and they are really weird. And this is when I thought, you know what, they're going to get this house.

This is when I made my bed that they're going to pick this house because, you know, as a game myself, I feel like we know a lot of the same crafting tips. And I feel like these cabinets are very gay, like poor gay cabinets that I would have done at one point or I might do now, you know, where they're regular brown counters, but then they tape off the bevels and then they just paint over and then they tape off the bevels and then they just paint over and then pull off the tape and it's like, ooh, you can still see the wood on the bevels. Oh! Yeah. And then Chris opens up. One of the cabinets, he just opens it up

and he looks and he goes, oh, I close his it. I mean, which is what I would do, just for fun. And then he's like, oh my God, I like sinks like this. I hate sinks that are over at the top of the counter. And he's like, oh my God, I like sinks like this. I hate sinks that are over at the top of the counter. And he's like, oh my God, would you even do anything of the kitchen? Is this sink a top or a bottom? Cause I just hate an under mount sink.

Yeah. So yeah, he's like, how many times do you think about the sink and how it like goes at least once a month? Yeah. So then they go into the bathroom and Chris. Chris is pretty funny. He sits down on the toilet and he's like, oh my god, this is so small.

The toilet paper roll is in my armpit. It's like, has no one ever pooped here ever? And it is, it's right there. I, one of my pet peeves is a poorly placed toilet roll thing. Like I hate when it's like time to poorly placed toilet roll thing. I hate when it's time to use this toilet roll, and it is behind you, and you have to do the weird thing you have to reach behind you, or if it's far away,

like that matters. Yeah, and this is also an episode that's really heavy on toilet paper roll placement. It's weird, that's the thing in this episode. So they go into the master and Alex is like, oh my god, it's carpet, it's not birber, but it's carpet. I mean, I guess I could get used to this soft feel on my feet, but I prefer something that's gonna be more irritating.

Yeah. God, I wish this was less comforting to my feet. Yeah, I wish I could get exfoliated, but in a way that's like maybe leave some infections. Well, this would be a really nice home office or a meeting room. Yeah, this is like the ongoing. It's where this could be a media room because it's square. It's like all rooms are square, Alex. So they go to the backyard and it's like a big backyard.

So they like that. And then it's like a big backyard. They like that. And then there's like this salarium. And what's weird about the salarium first and foremost is that it has a giant window into the living room, but the salarium feels like it's own room. It doesn't feel like a porch. It just feels like a, just a, it's one of those like add-on rooms.

Yeah, so it's kind of funny because in the living room, there's like a window to another room. It's like very much like old seasons of Big Brother, right? The old Big Brother house had like a big window that led that looked from one bedroom to another. So, um, so they're in there and there's like wood paneling and Alex of course hates it. And he's like the carpet is disgusting and the panel with the drop ceiling makes with a really nasty fan. Makes for a really good combination of gross. Oh my god, but look there's some intercom.

Ali Oaxa, please bring me a tie-round. Yeah, because now they're in the bedroom and then Alex is like, um, this is a white vent and it's the third color vent I've seen in this house. It's like tracking vent colors. Um, question. Lady in the weird dress. Stephanie Stephanie whatever. I don't care. Where is the ensuite? Well, there is no on sweet, but there is a whole bunch of Fucking dead, all right, you better watch your back bitch There's Burber there's Burber carpet in the ensuite. There's Burber carpet in the bathroom. Okay, fine. I'll look at it Oh, you fooled me you bitch. Okay, I appreciate it. It's good news. So Chris is like, well, this is definitely what I wanted.

I mean, that has a busy street. Yeah, but it's on a busy street, but that bathtub. I can definitely soak and eat in that because it's a bathtub. Yeah, so they're talking about the house and talking about the downsides. Like, well, there is no ensuite and the kitchen is very closed off. And then Alex goes, and there were four or five different vents. We saw in different colors. Like the best, like the easiest thing to fix to go down to Home Depot and like screw one thing in with another. He's like, there are two new many different vents and different colors. So Alex is like, listen, cat with the weird dress in nine lives. I would like to see something more sleek and modern this time. And she's like, sure, sure, sure, some result there.

So she takes the real estate ladies like, okay, guys, now modern is hard to come by. But this house has a star on it. Yeah, I like that they're like, well, I know you want it modern. So here is a house built in 1951. The giant star. And so it has this giant two giant stars. There's one big red giant star and then there's a smaller red star.

It looks crazy. And then they walk up to it and they go, well, it has awesome curb appeal. I'm like, what? It looks ridiculous. I like that they walk up and Chris goes, well, it's not a ranch in Alex's and it's not modern, but I love the stars. I feel like, I feel like it's the first house I ever saw

that looked like a waiter. I felt like that house was going to take my order for something. Chris is like, well, you know what? There's lots of great restaurants. I smell burritos. Then they go in and start looking around. And they like the fireplace and they like the antique fixtures, even though they were looking for a moment.

And he's like, my God. The fireplace is awful. It's terrible. The fire place. It's intriguing to look at. Yeah, Chris is like, it has like faded yellow tile. Not like that was ever yellow. It's more like it was once white and now just like years of like oil splatter or like decay has turned them yellow

It's like old paper, you know, yeah Like they would print a wanted sign on there, you know, yeah, old west. It's like it's an old west tile And Alex goes wow, I love this sunroom. Maybe have a cup of coffee Dare to dream Actually the sunroom was cute. Actually, the sunroom was cute. I like the sunroom, but then the real problem, the kitchen made no sense. This kitchen was bonkers.

It was like a narrow galley kitchen, but then for one half of the galley kitchen, there was a wall right in the middle of it. It was like a tuning fork or something. Yeah, it was pretty bizarre. I think it was a home project where they're like, let's open this kitchen, a love open concept.

And then they came across the dreaded load bearing wall. Yeah, that is a load bearing wall. And they clearly did not want to invest in a beam, which we all know fixes all load bearing walls. So yeah, so they're like, okay, this is a little crazy. And then of course Alex is losing his mind because like, I don't like the back splash and I look at that trim, look at that trim over there.

Ah, trim. Yeah, he's like, hate the trim. Oh my god, and this wall in the middle of the room, what would we even do with that? And then they're on either side of it and they're like, Marco Polo, Marco Polo. Like this, this wall was built for you guys. Right.

I know. It is actually the perfect one. Do you know how many times they will have little jokes or do music videos from the side of that wall? Yeah. So there's a media room that they like. There's a projector. Although there was a drop ceiling that I'm surprised they

did not call out. And then they go out and the yard, the yard is small. And my favorite was when one of them was like, oh my god, eight different houses can see directly into our backyard. I'm like, you guys are putting up a circus rig. You guys will be the tallest thing in the neighborhood. I know. And every house they looked at was surrounded by a lot of houses it could see.

And it was cracking me up. I would laugh my ass off if I could see and it was cracking me up. I would laugh my ass off if I looked outside and that's what I saw. Just two dudes twirling really fast staring into each other's eyes going, where are we going to put the ring? I like that also. There's, it's still like a sizable backyard and they're like, where do we put our circus rig?

Oh my god. These guys are actually the cutest. So they go to the basement and he's like, well, we put our circus rig? Oh my god, these guys are actually the cutest. So they go to the basement. And he's like, well, I guess it could be creepier. Chris is like, could it? Because there's like a shower for if we ever get chemical burns. And sure enough, it's this weird basement

with a fixed shower head, but no shower stall already, you think. I feel like it was maybe for animals. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. That's my guess. It's definitely, it's a good hiding hole for Storm season, guys.

For the real tornadoes that aren't part of circus hobbies, because we get those up here. I like how she said that. It's a good hiding hole for Storm season. This is a basement from the soft franchise and she's calling it a Heidi Hol and she's calling it a Heidi Hol for a very scary meteorological event. It's a little Heidi Holf, you know, just down here. Oh my god, and look at this. This could be an office, meeting a room. So then they go to the bath and the bathroom is so small and Chris is like, oh my god, and this toilet put paper rolls in the shower.

Why is it in the shower? This is so tough. There was the craziest. That was one of the oddest things I've ever seen on this show, a toilet paper roll in the shower. Do you know what happens to toilet paper when it gets wet?

It gets wet! Someone made a decision, a very weird decision. Yeah. I was, I know, the longer I watched this episode, the less crazy I thought they were. I was like these guys They're just in a very crazy place right now. Yeah, and he's like, but there is a tub You wanted a tub and he's like, well not this tub. Can you imagine me eating eggs and that thing? Mm-hmm. And then they go to the master and Alex the dream Mm-hmm, and then they go to the master and Alex the dream

The search is over there was baby all the time Yeah, Burber, but it's not just but it's also like a disgusting Burber. It's like a weird periwinkle Burber with like diamond patterns and Lots of stains and stuff Yeah, but the laundry there's laundry in the closet. It's laundry in the master. That was a little weird. I mean, convenient, but weird. And Chris is like, convenient. You don't have to go to the scary basement to wash my clothes. He's like, I will not be doing your clothes. Yeah. So now it's time for deliberations. So house number one, they love the look of the home. They like the hardwood floors, the carpet and the finish basement and the backyard, but the ensuite was awkward and was at the top of their price range and the location is

a trek. And the bathtub isn't in the master. It's not there. And then number two is 170,000, which is cheaper. It's a great location. The plan was guess what it was. Albin, but what about the rig? Yeah, the backyard isn't huge,

but there still is plenty of room for us to put a circus rig, so that's okay. But it has the nicest bathtub, but unfortunately not an on-suite. Will it be a deal breaker? Yeah. And a salarium. Don't forget the salarium with its wood paneling and fan that Alex doesn't like. So then house number three, how's it?

What's funny is they put all the houses up and you know, they always put like the check marks and then the Xs. And like, how's number three? I felt like was all Xs. It's like they go, well, the curb appeal was wonderful. What? I still don't understand the curb appeal in this house. You had to have a star in there from Texas. That's like the only thing they saw.

Like, yeah. The basement was scary. Like the carpet. Baba. It's not the modern home of my dreams, but it's the closest we're gonna get. Yeah, I think you can get a little closer than 1951. Like, I think we...

Even just going three more decades would still be a lot closer. And that still keeps us, you know, three more decades out, from more four more decades out from where we are now. And they agree it's number two, which we knew was gonna win because of the cabinets and the bathtub. I thought it was the best. I thought it was the best of the houses, because actually, the first house was actually,

I thought it had some good potential, but it was very far away. I mean, all joking aside, obviously, which tower has stuff in it, and to be 15 and 20 minutes away, that's pretty far. I would want to be close to your burrito, okay? You gotta be close to them.

They're showing them while they're living there. And he's like, well, I'm getting used to this. I'm setting up my home office. And they're like, before, and it's an empty room. They're like, after. And it's got one food ton in it. Yeah. I was really expecting a lot more from Alex.

For how anal he was, I was expecting just like a beautifully set up home and just like mattresses against the wall and shit everywhere and what was he doing He was screwing on new vents to cover up the mismatched ones He's like and Chris like our vents really the priority right now hashtag mattress against the wall You know what I'm feeling stressed at I'll be in the tub with some eggs. And then we see him in the tub eating. And guess what, at the end of the day, Alex got the media room in the basement, which meant that, I must have meant that Alex bought it, right?

Because Chris is the one who made the biggest sacrifice here. Okay, so like Chris should have gotten the basement. Yeah, but he did get a home office still, so it all worked out. Yeah, he did, he did the thing that everyone else does, is do a guest room slash home office and then we see their rig that they built. Yeah, it's a little terrifying.

I mean, it was a scary rig, okay? There was like an A-frame ladder on top of a scaffold. It's like, could you just have gotten a longer ladder, guys? You guys do know that they're real tornadoes. You know that's like probably the first structure down, right? You know, like, hey, let's put it for carrier structure up in tornado alley and see what happens. Yeah, let's just leave poles outside together

and wait to see if they bail any children while we're at it. Yeah, surely nothing could go wrong here. So that was it. That was a fun fun episode and I would love to see an update on where that house is. So Chris and Alex if you're out there send us a picture. We want to see what it looks like. And thanks everyone for listening. We are so excited to be doing more and more and more of these. Yes, we will be back. You can catch us on our regular podcast. Watch what crop and we'll talk to you next time. And we'll be back. We'll be back in a week on the next episode of this one. Yep, we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to watch or crap and add free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon music app today. Or you can listen to add free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity view, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows, it snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how

much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering app.