Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello 05 - Pups in a St. Croix Paradise

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

This week's episode of Dwell Hello tackles House Hunters International season 134, episode 3: "Pups in a St. Croix Paradise." Bad hair and picky personalities in the Caribbean! What could go wrong?Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off, voice only. Launching during pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, sorry. Well, hello, welcome to dwell, hello. I am Ronnie Carom, and that's been over there, Ben Madelker. How you doing, Ben?

Hey, what's up, Ronnie? How's it going? Good. Everybody, welcome to another episode of dwell. Hello, where we dive into the exciting lives of normal people, just looking for a little love in their real estate. That's right. Yeah, and you can also check us out on Watcher Crappens, which is our main podcast where we cover all sorts of fun stuff on Bravo and Netflix and Hulu or whatever else,

whatever else we find that we really like. But today we are in the world of house hunters and we're not just in the world of house hunters. We are in the world of house hunters and we're not just in the world of house hunters We are in the world of house hunters in National Yes, we're on an international journey now in real life I Watch house hunters international more than anything for some reason. It's the most entertaining out of all of this Yes

There's also one where they go look for houses on lakes and shit. They stop calling them house hunters and just call them like, you know, like front living or something. Yeah, it's like Chubby Family on a Lake living or what? Chubby Family. Pont, ride this pontoon. Yeah, you think it's going to be glamorous, but Home Garden TV tends to stray away from the glamorous, you know, they'll be like, it's a big front lighthouse, but it's gonna be glamorous, but Home Garden TV tends to stray away from the glamorous. You know, they'll be like,

it's a big from like house, but it's like a little cardboard box on a lake with horrible people eating Mike and Iks the whole time, you know? Yeah, this is like, HETV is like all about the Rumpus Room. Even if like the houses don't feature Rumpus rooms, like the brand is Rumpus Room. Like if the houses don't feature Rumpus rooms, like the brand is Rumpus room. Like if you look at the home stuff on Bravo, that is like, that's like grand staircase, right?

And HGTV is Rumpus room and that's where we're at. Like the Lakefront property is like Rumpus room and Bravo would be giving us like a penthouse on Fifth Avenue. Yeah, but that's why Bravo can't keep home shows going. That's right, because we want to see the Rumpus room. Because we are Rumpus rooms. Househutters are like, oh my god, you put a door up. And it's, you know, it's like Annie just getting into the mansion for the first time.

I mean, Bravo had about a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago, they did a home show with Carson Cressley and Tom Felicia. Was it named Felicia, Philip, whatever's name of? Felicia. Felicia called, why am I blanking what it was called? It was a great show, but the point was this, they had, get a room, get a room with Carson and, and, what Tom, and it was great.

They are hilarious, they have amazing chemistry, and they would go into mansions, and they would spend like six figures renovating these rich people's mansions, and they would do an amazing job, and it was so fun and so interesting, total failure, and it was kicked off the network. Because guess what?

People want to see the rumpus rooms get their renovations, and that's what people ultimately want to see, I think. Yeah, because you want to think that you can do it to your house, you know? Yes. Yes. But no, you know, you can't on that channel. But on how something to an astronaut, you can. And you know, I'm the same way when I watch International, I think, oh my god, I could do that.

Like, I could move to St. Croix. I love it. Yeah, I want to see the thing. I could get a perm. Yeah. Yeah, I could get a perm like my third grade teacher, Mrs. McCurdy, and moved down to St. Croix, and you know, just fawn over some chain link fences.

Like that, that could be me. Yes, that lady fawning over the chain link fence killed me. And that is today's episode. Today is called Pumps in a St. Croix Paradise. And for those of you following along, we just watched this on Hulu and its house hunter's international season one 34 episode three and the cover picture The reason Ben chose this is because the cover picture is just a lady looking fucking be wildered You know you know like it in westerns where people are going through the town the night shooting And there's like that lady who just crawls out of bed and her hair is all

a skew and she's just like, what the hell is that here? And she literally has the hair from Tootsie and I was just like, I don't know, because we don't know which episodes to choose, but it's just like there's so many and sometimes you just have to go with your gut and I just, I saw this lady with her hair and I was like, Ronnie, I think we should cover this episode based solely on the thumbnail. And you knew I'd like it because the description is an Indiana couple tries to find a home with plenty of room

for their dogs while staying within their tight budget in St. Croix. Okay. So your poor and you've got 20 dogs. I'm in. Now, St. Croix is a US territory. And that's actually one of the selling points for this couple so Given that it's a US territory. Does it still qualify as being House Hunters International? Should this just be regular House Hunters? Well, yes, no, it's not I say still counts, okay? Because it's a place that you'd see on a cruise, you know, if you go on a cruise internationally, they'd be like stop here It's it's not very mercant. Go ahead, it's not Merkin enough.

Yeah, that's true. I think if it's a country, if it's a place that most Americans might have some terrible stereotypes about, then it's probably international. Yeah, and they've just been passed around. You know, they really have. Yeah, that's for country. Yeah, I learned a lot about them today,

and I was like, how can no one love this? This is like the most amazing place. I know. So the episode begins with, you know, we hear the narrator who introduces us the couple and says, Brian and Pam have big ideas for what they want for their home in St. Croix. And then we just hear Brian say, I want someplace I can run around in my speedo And then we see Pam walking through houses going I think that's a little more expensive than we want Do you call this a third bedroom? It's pretty small and steep. That's just not gonna work for me And then the narrator says but that dream comes out of price. They're not expecting and then Pam also says well You knew our can our financial constraints were though.

You knew our financial constraints. You gotta love only an American would say, I wanna move to the Virgin Islands and spend $5. Yeah. This narrator can't stand this couple, by the way. I want you to pay attention to the narration throughout the entire episode, is just like, it just walks right up to the cliff of being full out shady

without ever doing it, because it's HE TV, but this narrator is holding herself back from being like, for ending, you can tell she wants end every line by saying, because they're idiots. Yeah, and she's got a point. And this is one of, how center's always picks a side between the man and the woman, right? Sometimes it's like, the woman is intelligent, but her fucking husband with no jobs

have gotten more on, you know, that's one of their troughs. And the other is, well, the wife is just a bitch. And the husband has to put up with her. The wife is just a bitch. Yeah, this magic in control saying it. And that is this year, that is the season's, or this episode's trope, which is just the wife is evil. And the poor men have to deal with her the whole time because everything she said I don't think she's unreasonable, but the guys keep looking at each other like oh

I think the realtor is the real dick in this episode Yeah, he is such he is such a crook He lies about everything. He is a bait and switch or he is terrible But I think that in this case, I think the narrator just can't see on either of them. I think that she really hates both of them and she thinks that they are just totally unreasonable. I'm telling you, add because they're idiots to every piece of narration that we go through and it will all make sense. Well, the realtor in this is also an ass. You know that he left his family at like 55 was like,

fuck it. I'm leaving. I'm cleaning out the bank account. I'm gonna leave in the middle of the night. I'm gonna wear a pair of white jeans and I'm gonna get laid as much as humanly possible until the day I die. And he's just this douchey guy who moved out to the Virgin Islands. And every time he shoots his realtor narration, he's on a golf course.

He's just a prick. He's spending his evenings drinking piniacaladas at the Ziggy Island market and just mansplaining about some stupid thing, because he's mansplaining half the same. When he's not lying, he's mansplaining on this episode. Yeah.

So Brian, who's the husband, is like, we spent a combined 55 years in the military. She was a paratrooper and I was an infantryman and I just love that Pam got her hairstyle in the military. She was a paratrooper and I was an infantryman and I just love the, I just love that Pam got her hairstyle in the sky. That's what I was gonna say. She was like, she landed one day. I was like, I kind of like this look. She has this like very quiet mousey voice. She's like, I really like this look. Yeah. So, um, I also just like the idea of Pam just being a paratrooper. Like that is like the biggest twist.

It's like a, like a, it is an up front twist on this episode. You see this woman in the tutsie here. It's like, well, Pam used to be a power trooper. It's like, what, Pam, this Pam? Pam with like the little tank top and the perm? Yeah, don't tell Pam what size backyard she needs. She seemed like every backyard around. Okay, from the scum pot.

She's the only of the lamps, sir. Yeah. She has. The fam is a pair. If you haven't watched yet, when you see Pam, just imagine Pam throwing herself out of a plane in full military garb and be like, that was Pam. That was Pam.

That is. Just could not. Like imagine the lady that you like Like said excuse me as you tried to walk by her in the aisle of the hallmarks to hallmarks store and finding out that she was a paratrooper Yeah, throw herself out of planes every single day. So they met in Indianapolis, Indiana and brands like But you know what I don't like snow and so I said Pam we can retire where there's no snow Okay, guess what? There's a lot of like snow. And so I said, Pam, we can retire where there's no snow. Okay, guess what? There's a lot of places. There's a lot of places in the world. But hey, why not,

Virgin Islands? I never would have thought of it, but looks good to me. And he's like, we have a five year plan. Now, our five year plan was when Pam's youngest went to college, we were moving. Yeah. Immediately. They got the hell out of there. And now they're at the Zigi Island, Mark, just like drinking cocktails and making chatter with local expats, like this one guy who's like, I'm from Minnesota. He's like, Oh, Minnesota. I know why you moved here, huh? High five. But you hadn't heard that one before. Had heard that one before, huh? It's quite bear-tastic of you, bartender. And Brian's like, yeah, we're worried about moving because it's more expensive out here

and you get way less house for your money. But you know what, someone once told me, a pig, you know when a pig is committed to his job, he becomes bacon. And now we're bacon. What the fuck kind of thing is that to say, Brian? I wasn't, yeah, it took me a while to figure that out. I was like, I was like, are you saying

you have to roll the punches? And then I realized, oh, I see, you guys made a five-year plan. And you've come this far, and you guys are basically screwed. So your mom's just see it through because there's no getting out of it for you anyway. You're just gonna be in the life of debt.

You'll be in ocean views, but also debt. Yeah, and I'm just laughing like that made any kind of sense. Yeah. So then we go to the beach with their mouth. Can I also say by the way, when they talked about the snow, I always think it's funny when people are like,

well, we didn't like this meteorological affliction. So we move somewhere else where there be a different meteorological affliction. I was like, you're Hurricane Ali. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. So you know, just so you know, it's not all, it's not some sailing.

You know, you're not some sailing. You're not somewhere. You know, in Los Angeles, there's no snow, but then your house lights down hill. So, amongst many other things. Yeah. So we go to the beach with their dogs and there's a dog cam. So house hunters and internationals really going there in this episode. Yeah.

They're like, we're going to shot from the dog's point of view. Yeah. So those dogs are months in, Dudley. And then we meet Chris Hanley, who's the real estate agent. And he's talking about St. Croix and how it's called the Seven Flags because it was owned by seven different countries. And he's like, and now it's owned by the United States. And it was purchased from Denmark in 1917 for 25 million

and heck of a deal. If you look at it on those terms, I mean the stupid, stupid Danish people selling their islands to the US, USA, USA. And when we're on the dog beach brides like, you know, the key is making ham happy, okay? And the way to make her happy is given her a place for her dogs to be. Not her husband, her dogs. Why doesn't this guy take ownership of anything? Have you noticed that? It's like her dogs, her kids, like Brian, are you even in this relationship? Okay, I need a little more we and a little less me from you, Brian. Yeah, yeah. He's, he, well basically he has like, Pam is very sweet and lovely,

but she clearly does not allow him to make any decisions And he's just now given it all over well Pam wants this and the dogs want that the kids want that He just wants a speedo. Yeah, he just wants a speedo So he tells the second choice is a US territory, which is very important to me because you can still have the safety and security of the United States Excuse me, sir. you're on international right now, so you better get to leaning into that international quality. Otherwise, I'm gonna have to demo you the House Hunter's regular. Yeah. So he wants a view.

He wants a pool with a view of Buck Island. Buck Island. Buckass naked. And Pam's like, it's really important that if we can't see that, I mean, why not? You know, we deserve it We need a fence to New York a three bedroom two bath and I want some privacy because I want to zip around there Guess what in must be no I think Chris is like I just got a really bad visual and they just looking and like fuck you

I know they're like how about you get us a visual of Buck Island and shut up So they're budget is willing to spend three dollars. I know they're like how about you get us a visual buck island and shut up So they're budget is really to spend three dollars. I know they're budget is $575,000 and Chris is like Well, would you go any higher and Pam's like well, that's not really in our financial plan and then Chris goes okay Well, you're in the game, but it's gonna be a challenge Like don't I Chris bothers me so much. I can't stand that he says you're in the game, but it's gonna be a challenge. It's like condescending to them already. We know that they're being cheap skates,

but he's like, well, you're in the game as if he's like the king of San Crou- I don't know, I don't know where I was going. I was just like, I was like always trying to explain everything around you. He's like, hey, see that over there? Coconut palms, like sand and salty water Yeah, got some palm trees before we've noticed that they don't grow in deciduous forest

Yeah, I'm Mars Brian Yeah, I was like see that beach the beach is where the land starts to transition into the ocean So we call it beach. It's usually made of sand, but sometimes it can be pebbles. It's like okay thanks. Thanks Chris. And Brian goes what are we doing? And he almost stops the car he goes, gosh, oh for God we drive on the left down here. And the bitchie real estate guys like, um, you scared me, okay. This is not bode well for people in St. Croix. Brian is going to be making a lot of accidents. Yes, and he's kind of scary about space it. He's like he's still got his military bus cut just to say, I was in the military. He's one of those, you know. So house one, it's

very blue. It's a very blue house. Ranch. Yeah. And Brian says the most like expected thing you'd expect him to say, walking into this place. Oh, for sure, it isn't Indianapolis. And this place is 600,000 and Pam is pissed. Like she hates this real estate guy. But she's like, um, you knew what our financial constraints were. So and he's like, shut up, eighties here.

Get in there, woman. He's like, he's about to like about the coconut 11 salt and sand He goes well, I know we're pushing it a little but wait till you see what you get with this place, okay? You get some tiled floors, so yeah 25k over your budget. I think you're down for it now And where's the furniture? Yeah, cuz asking prices at the top of the range and I need furniture still. He's like, yeah, but look at this. It's a cabinet. Yeah, because Chris says that it's furnished. He goes now look at this size and look at the it look it's furnished And there's like two barbell owners and a TV in the entire place

Yeah, because well it's gonna be one of the better kitchens you're going to find. Which this place, I'm sorry, I know that they're in the $5,000 range, but this place is not cute, okay? It's fun. On any other show, they would walk into this place and say, this needs a complete gut. It is terrible. There's like the one piece of decor that they have in there is this like dreary piece of fabric that has the faint image of an octopus on it and just like hanging on the wall just like this sad

Like shroud just lying there. I'm like this place is so this is so depressing. It's brown like brown like velvety chairs, you know, this place is gross is depressing And bugs all cameras that there's like a big kitchen island that looks like home, you know, basically it looks like kind of every kitchen island you see in Texas. It's a big stone is. It looked like a, it was like that brown and white kind of granite look, you know, but it wasn't granite, but it's like that.

That's the splotchy, splotchy uglytop. And she's like, I love her. Mama's happy. She says, Mama's happy. So they go look at the guest bedroom, which are each of the saddest in the last. Yeah, the one bedroom has this very sad salmon wall on it. And the other one has this faded yellow. That's like, is this faded yellow,

or is this just water stain I can't tell and she's like well I love the bed oh Pam I know I'm gonna need you to have better goals Pam because that is so sad it is a sad bed it's like it's like on this giant like storage unit thing and then the windows in the master are like there are these pretty small windows that have like vertical, I mean, I'm not vertical blinds, but like slat windows. Yeah, slat. And he's like, well, I love the view. I'm like, of what you can see of it. There's tiny little, like these tiny little windows, you know, it's depressing in there.

It's like jail. And he's like, I love the view. I can look up every morning. I can wake up every morning, look at that. She goes, me too. And I was like, you two are way too easy to please. Little things. I know. Yeah. And also, by the way, you're in St. Croix. Like, every view is going to be amazing. You're all, every house had ocean views.

And he's like, privacy, where's the door to the bathroom? Come on. I'm going to need some privacy. And he's like, listen, I think the privacy is good. Shut up real estate guy. Yeah, no one else can think of you. Chris goes, yeah, he goes, well, you can put up some, you go, you can put some sheet rock up here

and make a door. I'm assuming he meant drywall. I don't know what he meant. But like, how about you find him a place that has a bathroom door? It's like literally, there's no door to the bathroom. Yeah. So then they go to the yard and it's big and terrible. It's like literally there's no door to the bathroom. Yeah. So then they go to the yard and it's big and terrible.

It's awful. But it's all like chain link fence and then the neighbors are right on the other side of that chain link fence. The chain link, it's like this disgusting chain link fence and this patchy soil and I'm like this is this is like a jail yard and of course Pam is like I love it of course Pam loves it Pam loves a patchy yard. I need this for my dogs and Brian's like but the neighbors they're right there now at this point I'm thinking Brian is on Megan's list and his neighborhood in America because you know Brian's just always walking around naked and people have reported him and now he's moving to the Virgin Islands to get the hell away from everybody because he's so afraid of neighbors always seeing him naked because all he wants to do is walk around naked.

I know and and it was also funny is that like he's like the house their house is right there I'm like I don't think that's that bad where that house was like they have an entire chain linked off yard in between them in the house. I mean, the neighbors will pretty much just see dogs running around and pooping everywhere. But it's not like it's like, you know, three feet from their window, you know? But Pam's easier.

She's like, well, as far as my want list, you've hit them all. And Brian's like, put the neighbor, what about my privacy? You want to make a pooper? And the real estate's like, you know, you just keep coming back to price. Why do you just keep coming?

Because Brian, they're on a fixed income. You dope, did you not here? Or on a fixed income? It's not like they could just say, hey, you know what? I'm going to sell some lemonade today and make that mortgage. They're on a fixed income, sir. Yeah, yeah, Chris, like maybe,

how about like, instead of like not everyone, you know, like stole thousands of dollars out of their company fund and skipped off to St. Croix, okay, Chris, not everyone did that. So then the narrator of course, now here comes the narrator and she's like, Brian and Pam continue to realize the big cost of big dreams, idiots. Because they're idiots. Because they're idiots. So then the next segment, we see them jumping

into the ocean with scuba stuff. And Brian's like, I think I just peed in my pants. I'm not a big water fan. And my friends say, but Brian, you're moving to the ocean. And I say, I'm moving to an island with green and trees. I mean, listen, as long as there's a fantastic Sam's to give me a buzz cut on land, I want electrocute myself while I watch idiots get their legs bitten off by sharks in the water.

But Pam is having the time of her life and we're seeing all this like choppy, shaky underwater footage. It's like my paratrooper teacher and she's like, it's like swimming in an aquarium. I'm like, well, no, you're swimming in the ocean. The aquarium is like the ocean. It's not like you're swimming in the aquarium. The aquarium is supposed to be the ocean. I'm scared to death, but we're not getting any younger,

so why not do it now? Let's enjoy our fruits of our labor from our service in the military. I'm like, okay, we got it. Thank you for your service. I feel like that guy would be the guy, like if you're awaiting on that guy, he'd be like, oh, I was in the military,

you might wanna redo this check. Where's my free tear me, Sue, sir? It's a free tear me, using that to get a tear in my suit. So now they're driving to the house number two and Chris is driving. And Chris, really, this is probably his low point. He goes, so two fish are swimming upstream, and one smacks his head into a concrete wall.

You know what he says? The other one? Damn, and Pam just like loses it. She's like, that's funny. That's real funny. Oh, so Chris's family real estate agent. He tells us, wow, Brandon, Pam, they're intense, you know, I mean they have a plan they come from a military background and they're on a mission But at the same time they have a pretty hefty wishless. I mean pooping behind the door go back to America loser

And Pam's hair wow, I mean that's where all the intensity is at, am I right everyone? Am I right? And so then he starts to guilt them, they're driving around and goes, you know guys, I mean, if you guys got here a couple years ago, there would be a lot more to pick from, but I guess some people were a little slow with their five year plan. How about next time you get a three year plan, idiot. Kalantar losers. Yeah.

So now house number two. So house number two has a critical flaw in it, which is that it does not have a view of Buck Island. But it does have a south shore view and they're like and meanwhile it's the most gorgeous view. It's a gorgeous home. It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. It's a long uphill,. Beautiful, yellow. And I mean, it's astunning. It is comparatively. It's astunning home. Yes. Beautiful pool. It has beautiful outdoor deck.

Like it's like yellow with like nice white, like trim and solar panels up top. It's really pretty. It's a pretty like island home. So Chris is like, well, God, just, you know, it's price a little bit higher than what you want. It's $589,000. And then Pam, of course, like, well, God, just you know, it's priced a little bit higher than what you want. It's $589,000. And then Pam, of course, like, that's a little bit more than just a little bit.

And she hates her now, by the way. Pam absolutely hates his guts now. And she does not hide it through the rest of the episode. But also Pam, listen, I'm on Pam's side here, okay? I mean, her hair is the best. But Pam, the last place was 600,000 and this place is 589. So it is cheaper. But it's still over the budget and Chris is a dick and he lies about everything.

He said the last house was fully furnished and had two chairs in it and that crazy bed and a TV and that shroud. Okay, so Pam's like seeing through this, okay, she is a little tough. So they walk in and it's sort of small. There's tiling everywhere. There's this weird Island that's like is it an island? Is it a bar? It's like a peninsula that sort of sticks out in the middle of the room It's not a great feature to be honest the kitchen The kitchen is the kitchen looks nice, but it is small, but then again, I mean Pam is a little fixated on this idea of entertaining

I think she thinks she's coming to St. Croix and is gonna make like a million friends and I'm actually not sure that that's gonna be true. But she's like, I gotta entertain. No, no, it's to go to fucking Pam's house. They're gonna be like, no. A lady with 20 dogs? No, I'm not going to her house.

Yeah, exactly. And you know she just boils roast, you know? I'm feeling she boils roast like, like, I mean, God would be like, come to dinner and she just put green beans and a roast in water to boil and was like here. It's like, no. Come on. How many times can you have Texas caviar, right?

Yeah, how many times does it not make this better? Okay. Yeah, Pam, come on. And he's like, and look at him on her side again. So he shows them the view out of wind out another window and it's all telephone wires. You know, it's all like electric wires which is just so depressing and as we've seen on the bravo real estate shows we know that people pay millions of dollars to get those put under ground so I'm more to find. So then so I'm getting annoyed at Pam because she's turning her nose up at so far what seems

to be a very lovely house but then I take her side again because Chris is like, he is a, he is a used car salesman. He is so full of shit because she goes, so where am I going to see everyone when I entertain? He goes, um, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve right here. And she's like, what? And he's like pointing at this little,

this little peninsula, this stinky peninsula. And he's like, you can see 12 people right there. Chris, you are lying to their faces They can see like four people there and Brian People must be a magician and he goes come on do you really want that many people over for dinner and she goes well When I entertain yes, and then she gives him dagger eyes Yeah, like who the fuck are you to tell me how many people I'm inviting over for my party? And you're not on that list or not anymore

And right behind that peninsula is the rest of the room, which is really tiny and he goes and now on to the entertainment area and Brian Grand goes short walk and Pam goes don't blink Yeah, yeah, cuz he goes we'll take a quick way. What yeah, don't blink so then they go into master bedroom Which I thought was lovely. There were these nice beams up top I thought it was a nice I thought for a master bedroom It would like kicked the ass of the other house. It was it was really very cute Yeah, and Pam just keeps loving Pam just sleeps all day depressed I think because the second time she goes up to the bed and she's like beautiful bed reminds me of the bed back home It's a bed pam day

beautiful bed reminds me of the bed back home. It's a bed pam day. They talk so much about the things that remind them of back home. I'm like have you guys considered not moving? Yeah. Just consider getting a space heater. I think you guys are gonna really miss out. I like this freezer reminds me of those not stays in Indianapolis when it snows. Like why are you leaving? Why are you leaving? So then they go into the bathroom and it's hideous as she is honestly it's a little outdated don't you think and he's like well come on you could spruce it up inexpensively it's just oh everything it's inexpensive to you I know and then he goes well you can live with it I mean it's just something that you have to update down the road like sir there's like a lizard performing a Vita in the bathtub this place needs to be gutted the That place is a bad.

And so he keeps telling him, oh, well, you know, you can get along with it right now. You don't need to redo it right now. You could do it down the line. Fixing it. Gasoline. And all the way to the realtor is keep telling people, oh, you could just change that.

You don't know how much it cost to just like redo a bathroom. He makes it sound like, oh, just redo your kitchen. Who cares? Yeah. And then he's like, oh, just redo your kitchen. Who cares? Yeah, and then he's like, oh, and you know what? I know you want three bedrooms. So here's the third bedroom, and it's like a nook at best. It's this tiny place, and she's like, you're calling this a third bedroom? Maybe a nursery, but not a third bedroom, and he's like, yeah, it does make a pretty good nursery. He want to make some babies. Yeah. He actually says something like, well, I guess that's not in the plans, huh? Yeah, that's right.

He does say that. He does say that. Yeah. Like age savings are at the same time. And this is not even a separate bedroom. It's just a door from inside of one of the other bedrooms. Yeah. It's like a walk and closet, basically.

And Brian actually likes this. But Brian likes this place. And he's like, I don't think we need to have a third bedroom. I mean, the kids just need an air mattress. They're not going to spend their time in their bedrooms. Well, Brian likes it because it has the pool overlooking the island and he can be in his speedo, you know. And it's also like a nice house, too, by the way. Yeah, it is a nice house. So then he's like, well, there's no room out here for the dogs. And he goes, well, I mean, there's so much land. Just make a dog run.

You know, get a guy here with a weed whacker and some machetes. And there's like a steep hill, like a steep dirt hill. And even I mean, Pam's like, you gotta be kidding me. You can't be kidding me. Yeah, but it's like, is like It is not not ideal for a dog right? I mean it is like this big steep dirt patch She's like this is not where I'm having my dog. He's run around. Yeah So she's like this is not gonna work for me and he's like wow god I'm having trouble figuring these two out. I mean sometimes Brian takes the lead and sometimes Pam takes the lead

I mean, I don't know who to focus on. How about both of them, you idiot? And how about you stop lying? Stop like bringing them places that are like really two bedrooms when you say they're three bedrooms or say that you can fit 12 people around the three person kitchen island. Stop lying. Stop lying, Chris. So then we're at the beach with the dogs again. And she's like, do you think you're gonna like the Stoky-Doky-Doky? Pam and Brian are learning that beach homes are more expensive than they thought. Because they're idiots. And then she goes, but Pam's prioritizing pooches over price tags.

And Pam's like, well my dream is to get a whole bunch of dogs when we get down here. I have like a few acres of land and save every dog I can. Yeah, and she's at the pet rescue now and she's playing with a dog named Taco and they're talking about how they put the dog in first class to fly down there and talking about how the dog had a great time. And I'm like, I think that's great. But like, how about like, so like you're trying to save money,

stop flying your dog first class, just like get like a second seed in coach. Oh no, I'm with them on the first class thing. You've never experienced hate, like you experience when you bring a dog on a plane. Oh my God, people hate your ass. I would rather get first class, but then the person next to you and first class is pissed at you

and they're rich, that's just off at you. So, I don't know. Pick your poison. Well, Pam is prioritizing pooches of her price tags and we're the narrator. So, obviously. She gets suckered into volunteering for this place while she's there, which is very tricky

of a volunteer lady. And then meanwhile, dumbass brides on the ground going, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul-wul- volunteer lady. And then meanwhile dumbass Brian's on the ground going, woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo screen except for Buck Island and they're like, they put an arrow that says, Buck Island, it was sort of like, I feel like the producers were like being like, this is the stupid shit that they wanna see, like a hill in the distance. Yeah. And so the real estate guys,

like so if there was one deal breaker, what is it? And Brian goes, privacy, listen, we've lived in neighborhood associations and I am over that. God, you think nuts were nuclear bombs away people treated by.

So they come up to the next house, which is tight on dog space, but Chris says it's tight on dog space, but there's enough area to clear below to make a dog run. So they show up, it's 575, so it's within the budget, and there's a private entry area. And one thing was like, from the overhead shot, you see that this place actually has like two driveways. And my first thought, I don't know about you, Ronnie, was like, why don't you just put a fence around the second driveway and make

that the place for the dogs? Well, it also had an entrance courtyard. So you go in and there's a huge fence to off courtyard. This was a really nice one. I think this was the nicest one. I actually, I actually let I agreed because I thought the second, I thought the second house was the nicest in terms of the way it looked. And I thought the outdoor space was really wonderful. But the interior was shockingly small for how big it looked on the

outside. Yeah. But this one, this one, I mean, it had this one has like an ugly kitchen It sort of has a generic look when they walked inside. It was just this big open space But I kind of agree I kind of came out of it that this house number three was was the one I would take Yeah, and Pam's not gonna take anything without out damn backyard with some chain link fence So don't you want to try it buddy? And she's like you know that I want to entertain and then Brian looks over at the real estate guy like, Oh, so you don't say anything to her or she's on a mission.

And then yeah, exactly. And then on top of that the kitchen, the kitchen is ugly, but it is, it has some nice stuff on it and it's like a nice size and she just keeps on saying how small the kitchen is. I'm like, this is not a small kitchen. This is like a very like normal size, very workable kitchen. And the real estate guys like, well, let's just move this discussion to the back burner, which is big enough to entertain for 12 people, okay. So then we get another, wow, look at this view from the bedroom. And it's like a hole in the wall. Yeah, and then the master the master has like this these really kind of like aggressively blue walls But it has a very large shower and Pam's like we could take showers together and Chris is like Sex with that to see here. No, please no And then she opens the closets,

which are just like totally normal closets. And she goes, these are good for storage. One thing we learned is we like storage. Well, what's the living in a house, Pam? That's a loving in a house, Pam. I know. You know what a closet's good for?

Storage. What is she storing anyway? I can't imagine she has a bunch of ball gowns. I feel like she has a lot of flight goggles. Like, snoopy flight goggles. I feel like she has like a lot of macrame things. Yeah. So it's a nice little patio and Brian's like, Look at this view. This is what I want. A pool of you. I don't see any people.

And he goes, Yeah, look at all the jungle. She's in the area for the dogs and he's like, come on Pam There's a fencing area around the pool plus there's a front yard area. She's like, well, they don't have a place to run She starts hating him again, and this is where he's like get a machete a weed whacker Yeah, just take the jungle honey There was so much space for the dogs to run they could literally run around that pool They could run from the house to the pool to the house to the pool. They could like and then she said, well, I don't want the dogs poopin' around where I'm swimming. I'm like, well, then take the dog for a walk, like every other human being.

Yeah, where do you find out what the fish are doing? Where do you want the dogs to poop? I think they should use that front courtyard area. How's it being difficult? I agree. I think use the front courtyard or just like fence off one of those driveways. It's already dirty. It's perfect for pooping on. Yeah. I do that. This is the nicest one. Did we agree that this is the nicest one? Yeah. I think ultimately this had this had in terms of like budget, everything and needed. Like the kitchen was good enough. Open concept. You could have done things with it.

It was very dreary. The decoration, but they could have done something with it. And it had a nice pool. I thought that like for the budget and everything, this, this sort of had everything they needed. So they're deciding, they're having that moment where they decide. And yeah, she's like, it's like what you see in magazines. This is what I envision. And the narrator goes, wow, Pam's dreams don't match reality. Because she's an idiot. Because she's an idiot. So house number one, you know, the blue disaster,

whatever it is, $600,000. It's like, no furniture, what about privacy? She's like, but it does have room for the dogs. And a view of Buck Island, you know So this way we can look at our window and on a clear day. We can see a hill across the water House number two five eighty nine He's like I love the book you and love the pool love the privacy She's like, but you know there's no dog run and it's pretty small and steep

Yeah, and no bucket island, no bucket island. Yeah. And then house number three, there's privacy and then she goes, the kitchen is too small. Pam, it is a full size kitchen. It has a very nice fridge actually, a fridge that I would be envious of and it has everything you could possibly need. And for crying out loud, it's an concept living space. So just buy an island from IKEA for crying out loud Hey, why do we have to explain these things?

Yeah, but then she says what she really means. I don't see much room for the dogs Don't don't literally room everywhere for the dogs literally room everywhere for them So Brian's like well, I guess we could take the second one off the list But what? Yeah, I know could take the second one off the list. But what? Yeah, I know. How's one? Take how's one off the list? That was the worst one of them all.

How's one was hideous. It was hideous. It was hideous. The worst. Everything about it was terrible. And of course, Pam loved it because guess why? She can adopt 30,000 dogs, okay? And guess who's going to hate that?

Her neighbors who she's too close to. Exactly. They're going to be like, who is this crazy lady who just moved here from the Midwest and brought 30 dogs with her Seriously, so Brian though is still pushing for house number three and he's like well listen I could clear out the an area for the dogs and she goes you could but would you he goes hmm We'll see It's just a real nice way of saying no Stupid here we are with the stupid husband answer again.

You'll sell or know, but I'll hire somebody too. Okay, there. There you say. So Pam starts to choke up, and I realize this is how Pam works, okay? She chokes up, she puts tears in her eyes, she distracts him with, she makes her hair move, so it distracts him like a fish in the water if they see like a little,

if they see like one of those lures, they are like, oh, I want that, you know, so she's doing that with her hair and he's like starting to fall for it and she's like, oh, there's an acre yard for the dog and it's more dogs that we can rescue, we just rescue more and more dogs and spend more and more money on feeding them and making sure they're okay.

And the pool, the pool isn't that pool like our pool in Indiana, isn't that nice? And he's like, it does remind me of the pool back in Indiana. Well, though, aren't you moving again? Why? He's like, you know, your wants are really important because it makes you happy.

And that pool does remind me of the kids. I could fix this so 600,000 is doable. Okay, Pam, so you're choosing the highest after all this complaining. After all that complaining about the budget, after all that, Pam, so you're choosing the highest half-carre all this complain The budget after all that like she's not taking into consideration our needs Well, Pam then why don't you take the five hundred seventy five thousand dollar house that I had an open concept How about that Pam? Yeah, you should have taken the third one and used all of that extra twenty five thousand dollars to get the dog run You wanted in the jungle which would have been amazing yeah, so but then

dog run you wanted in the jungle, which would have been amazing. Yeah. So, but then he's like, okay, we'll go with house number one. And she's like fake, fake cries. And then he's like, she's like, thank you. And he's like, well, you don't need to thank me. That smile is enough, which, you know, I actually think I would have liked to thank you to be honest. I don't know if that smile was enough for me. It wasn't for me.

I would have been like, look away and say, thank you. Yeah, I actually took a picture of this smile. I'm going to send it to you right now, Ronnie. And you tell me if the smile is worth a thank you. I'm not sure it is. I'm looking at it right now. It's kind of a scary smile, but you know what? There's a lot of what-do-whatever she said. But you know what though?

We haven't really dwelled on this hair enough, because this hair is so terrible. Pam, this hair ages Pam 20 good years. Like this is a senior citizen's hairstyle. And Pam is, you know, like they're probably in their, they're probably in their 50s, maybe early 60s. But I think actually they're only in their 50s. And this hair, Pam, Pam, that's work on the hair.

Well, so, you know, besides her hair, I think Brian is a daddy. Like, I think he's kind of hot. He's young, too, right? Yeah, he's young and hot. I'm not really sure. If my husband was like, you know where I want to move to, a beach where everybody's just on vacation all the time, and I could just walk around and make it.

I think I'd be worried. Okay, this is not carefree hair that she has. This is worryfree hair that she has. It is. She looks actually, now I'm looking at her. She looks exactly like my neighbor's grandmother, Margaret Sikalski. Oh no, she wasn't, she wasn't Sikalski, but it was Margaret something. I forgot Margaret's name. She looks exactly like Margaret, the grandmother. She was, she was German and she used to be like a model back in the day and she was also like She like she was sort of scary, but like beautiful in this like old German way

That's what this lady reminds me of but Pam doesn't quite have the the former supermodel thing She has the parachute provide going on. Well, tell you what Pam does have five damn dogs now. She got five dogs and Taz queen and pepper of the new. And Brian got what he wanted. He runs screaming, woohoo! And you know that he tried doing the scene in a speedo and they just didn't let him do it. They were like, no. Yeah, they were scared for that. I was waiting for that.

Where are these Costco shorts? You are not coming out here in a speedo, sir. Well, he couldn't do the speedo because remember they got the house that has a neighbor that's too close. So he couldn't do the speedo. He had to stick with Kirkland brand. Oh.

And then we saw their bed. And Pam has put on the world's worst bed spread over that bed. It was like a violent clash of colors going on there. And then in the kitchen, classic Pam, she put up a little sign that said, happy. Right there on the counter. I've actually preferred a gather.

I would prefer a gather. I feel like a happy son would just mock me Mm-hmm You know, I especially if you're gonna get an island that way you do want people to gather I mean after all that talk about how you want to entertain and you're not gonna put up a stupid gather sign at that point Just see it through see it through Well that brings us to the end of this episode of House Hunters International International. Everybody, thank you so much for being with us. Yeah, super fun. Thank you for listening and catch other episodes of Duel Hello on Stitcher Premium.

And check out our other show, Watch What Crappens, anywhere podcasts are available. And for all the updates on Duel Hello and Watch What Crappens, just follow our social media at Watch What Crappens on Instagram, at what crap ends on Twitter and all that fun stuff. We'll see you next time guys. Bye. Bye. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon.

Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this esteemed jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen, add free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Out.