Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello 08 - Family Tours in a Tiny

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

This week, House Hunters goes to Birmingham, AL where a young weirdo family looks for a tiny house so they can follow dad to bar gigs. Sign up to Stitcher Premium at https://www.stitcher.com/premium using discount code CRAPPENS.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding over there. Hi, man. Hi, that was such a spooky introduction Well, everybody welcome back to dwell hello where we talk about HGTV's of the house hunters, but minus the law. It's just hair centers this episode you can find on Hulu this is episode

House Hunters regular flavor, season 160, episode three. Remember what's it called? If the episode is called Family Tours in a Tiny, and if you're expecting me to say in a tiny house or a tiny boat or a tiny, tiny spaceship, you're not going to get it because the title is just Family Tours in a Tiny. This is where Tiny is. Yeah. House Hunter says totally hip now.

So they're like, just call it a tiny. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're at 10 years. Okay. How center says totally hip now? So they're like, just call it a tiny. Oh, God. Yeah. Tiny has now graduated from adjective to noun. Okay, it's a tiny. It is tiny. This is one of those episodes on the HGTV where it's either a home show or it's a panhandling show.

I'm not really sure. Like, I was reaching into my pockets the whole time. Like I've got to have a dollar. I'm going to feel so stupid to stop like without a dollar to give this person. This episode was hilarious. I you chose this one. You texted me and said, should we do?

You had found two episodes that maybe we should cover. And one was an international. And I was like, you know, we've done a few international ones lately. Let's go back to a classic brand. Plus I saw family and tiny in the title. And I was like, those are two things that really don't go well together. So this should probably lead to a good episode. And man, this one had me cracking up.

Well, you know, I love big people and tiny things. I'm a big person and I used to drive a, what are those little tiny, kind of, little fiat? A little fiat. A little fiat. Yes, I got a little fiat. I'm still traumatized by the damn thing.

But I love, like, I use a little MacBook Air and 11 inch from back in the day when they still sold us. I just love big people and tiny things. And this episode is big people in tiny things for sure. That's that is basically correct. And I'll tell you who does not love big people in tiny things. The narrator this entire episode the narrator is just like disgusted with these people and the choices they've made. The narrator is the most judgmental I've ever heard her ever ever she is. She is she was like doing something she was like at at brunch with friends

And she got a call saying hey is that narration and did you upload that narration to Dropbox for this episode? She's like oh Yes, it's on the way, but you totally forgot and then she sits down and watches what they gave her and she's like Really I left brunch for this this bullshit. Yeah, I would believe if she was like slightly mimosadrunk as she never had this episode because this is the first line of the episode. Laurel and her musician husband Mike don't do anything by the book, especially when it comes to buying a house and grooming. They are cramming themselves at emphasis on cramming themselves, and they're two kids into a tiny house in Birmingham, Alabama.

God, isn't it hot enough in Birmingham? Now, I know that Birmingham is a hot ass place. It's some muggyness, it's some hotness, and now you're going to live in a tiny place too with big people? No. Yeah, they just like really, let me tell you something. The people in this episode, all three of them, you know Mike and Laurel and their friend Ricky they sweat the entire episode the entire episode

They've just walked to a car wash. That's what they look like. You know why cuz the shit's hot that shit is hot Birmingham is hot, okay? Hot in the name has ham in the name, okay? And if ham is all the way cooked through, you will die. It has to be hot. Yeah, I mean, we were lucky. We were actually, we were in Birmingham a few months ago. And luckily it was February, so it was cold. But all that meant was that it was torrential downpours.

I mean, it was, it was, it rained so hard that a hole opened up in my hotel ceiling and started raining in my room and that's not a lie. Okay, Birmingham is not I'm getting that sense that Birmingham is just not like even killed weather. It's it's either yeah, it's either a crazy humidity or monsoon. Yeah, so we know that this is a wacky cup. Okay, first there's so much to say about these guys First of all this lady is totally controlling Um, she's terrifying her name is Laurel and you know that she watches everything her fucking guy does and it opens with them

He's playing the guitar Extremely out of tune. I'm not sure if that's on purpose like maybe it's an old guitar They he's playing but it sounds like shit and she's playing the drums with him and just staring at him with crazy eyes. Now you know that this couple is meant to be together because they have the exact same crazy eyes. Did you notice that they open their eyes really wide like a Simpsons character? And that's also by the way what dumb people do

to like convince you that they're not dumb. They're like, but look, my eyes are really open. So I can't be dumb. Laurel has a lot of repressed rage, not even that repressed. Most of it's actually halfway out. You know, it's like semi-represst. And I feel like we're supposed to hate her,

but oddly enough, I felt like I understood her rage and I felt like she has for about 10 years been trying to just like channel her emotions and say, Laurel, you cannot change this man. Just do what you have to do. Read your book on your nightstand and all will be well. And I think she is like losing her ability to like keep the cap on her like decade of rage.

And it's like this is when it's all coming out on house hunters. I feel like at some point they have been or will be all covered in blood, both together. Yeah. They're both crazy. And I think that she's, yeah, she's crazy, but so is he. And I feel like she picked him, which she knows.

And she's also positive crazy, like she's not negative crazy. We're like a mean crazy person. She's crazy in the way that she just wants to make everything work at all times. She's not destructive crazy, she's constructive crazy, which I appreciate. Yeah, now the other thing that is important to know is that when we, they are like singing, like you said,

he's on guitar, he's singing, she's on drums, in a perfectly nice room. And then we see them, they're sitting on the floor like you said, he's on guitar, he's singing, she's on drums in a perfectly nice room. And then we see them, they're sitting on the floor on like an enormous shag carpet in what appears to be a very nice living room. And just knowing from like the little preamble at the top of the episode and what's called,

we know that they are giving up what so far looks to be a pretty decent living situation to downgrade into a tiny. So already I'm like, you're a really nice shag carpet. And you're gonna leave it. You're going to abandon this beautiful big shag carpet. This is so one of their parents' homes. First of all, this is not a problem.

You know what? Thank you. You know what? It did not even dawn on me. You were so right. It has to be, and the parents were like, you guys can have the play room. Because you know that you know how there's like

the big play room in homes. I think they just put the whole family in the playroom. It's his, like, putting foam over the doors so they don't have to listen to the shitty guitar and shitty drums, and they're like, you guys just stay in there. You are so right, and it's his parents. Yes.

And the reason why I know that is you have to look at her face. He have to look, remember when I said 10 years of repressed rage, now it all makes sense. Yes. So he's like, I'm Mike. I'm in the music industry and I have crazy eyes. And she's like, I'm Laurel. And I'm a stay at home mom who enjoys Plekin, Crampson, old cheese out of my husband's Methusel beer. And I also have crazy eyes. We're like, yay. We have two children, Vera, who's six and Dread, who's three.

They name each child Dread who's three. They name the child Dread you guys. Dread. It's not even like a D-R-E-D-D or his name is Dread. Dread. I don't even, I'm, I'm, I'm like, listen, we are at this point in pop culture life, we are well accustomed to strange names, but Dread really is a new one. Yeah, because like the strange names are usually aspirational, right? It's like,

like, Hillary spells with like, 9 Ls and R-I-E-E or something, where it's like, trying to be fancy or something. Yeah, or if it's like, sometimes they're like, just strange, the strange nouns, but they're like just strange nouns, but they're like nouns that evoke pleasant things, like when a palatro named, when a palatro and the guy from Coldplay named their kid Apple, which is like sort of strange for a name, but at least like people generally think

positive things about apples or like, what's his name Jason Leade? I think named his kid like Rocket Launcher or something like that or Wagon Wheel or something like that or a wheel wagon wheel or something really out there, but at least you sort of kind of, it has some sort of childlike quality to it. But it's a dread.

Okay, it's dread and then the waitress from Alice who is like too dumb to get in order right, Vera, okay? Yeah, that's pretty serious stuff there. So she tells us their meeting story and she's like, yeah, I met him because I walked into a bar and it was love at first sight and unfortunately it wasn't mutual and I don't know why. Because you're a crazy lady off the street. Like you probably. He's like, you know, like, because you're terrifying, that's why. He's like, I was a little intimidated. I was a little intimidated when I saw a woman

in the audience staring at me, like, what is he doing on stage? Does he think he's better than all of us? He's playing guitar, like, we can't play guitar, I can play drums. He's like, I felt that through her eyes. Yeah, and she has that look in her eyes while you're playing. You're like, oh my God, that person's looking at me. Are they in love with me, or did they

want to kill the president for me? Like, what is happening? So she's like, yeah, that's how we met. And he's like, yeah. So, but then after that, after I was scared, we went on the date, and then we took a hike to 4 a.m. We killed a couple of teenage runaways, and then we came back and ate the kids together,

and just like five in the morning and she's never left. Yeah, I had breakfast, fell in love and she never left, you know? So that's basically it. And then she goes, never left. And she just looks so miserable. Like, unfortunately, since we did kill that hitchhiker, I know I can never leave because you will report me to the authorities. We have a blood pack at this point. Really? Because I feel like she's the more terrifying one. I feel like she is on him all the time, more than he's on her all the time.

No, no, she is. She is on him, but her eyes are like full of rage, like never left. Like, I think almost like she's waiting for him to leave. But at the same time this entire episode is about her following him around so I can't tell but the point is that like her eyes were giving like a lot of misery at that moment. Yeah and this is also the kind of guy that really reminds you guys I'm sure you most of our listeners already know this but when someone says I'm in the music industry you really need to do some Googling. Yeah. I mean, like, I can mean a lot of things.

Yeah, I mean, like, I live in LA. You lived here for a long time. Now you're in Austin, two big music capital places, music industry places. Yeah, when people say, I'm in the music industry, you should first, like put one hand on your wallet and then back away slowly because most times they're bullshitting you. Yeah, so he tells us he travels a ton because he performs all over the country

and I have to know what he does. I mean to be like, what he plays in, is he famous? Like maybe he's famous and we're just egg. We're just like totally ignorant. Maybe he's part of the Foo Foo Fighters. Like he's not in the Foo Fighters, but he part of the Foo Foo Fighters. Like he's not in the Foo Fighters, but he's in the Foo Foo Fighters. And then they basically get booked by accident.

Yeah, oh, I made a Foo Foo. We got the Foo Foo Fighters here tonight and everyone's like, but you know that's not to have grown, right? Just because you got a beard. So he travels all over and we see that they do because she's packing his guitarist forum. He's like, I'm going off, Dan. And they live in this two-bed tube bath, roughly 1200 squit.

Oh, my parents house. And he says that he goes, oh, we live roughly in a 1200 foot square home and then we cut to Laurel and she has rage eyes again and they put a thought bubble over her head, which I don't think I've ever seen on House Hunters. But they put a thought bubble that says, like, it's a foot square. I could say says 1,200 foot square.

Yeah, he goes, he goes, she goes foot square. Like, they're like, just in case her rageful eyes didn't already telegraph the fact that she can't believe that her husband just had foot square instead of square foot on TV. They actually added a little thought bubble too. She's like, you know what? I strongly dislike 1200 square feet.

I mean, he's gone a lot and he's missing so much. He's just missing out on so much by being away so much. So guess what? We need to have a place with some dirt in a place to play ball and we're just gonna follow him around wherever he goes Yeah, base and and this is all said while they're like in the backyard and a very large backyard kicking strange half deflated aren't balls around that maybe pumpkins I think they're pumpkin balls. Yeah. They were like, we're oddly shaped pumpkin balls with an irregular tumble to them. Yeah.

And she's like, I don't want to go above 400 square feet. And he says, I could do even less than that. What the hell? No. We have to do children. Think about your children. I know. Exactly.

It's bad enough that they're stuck, you know, playing kicking around pumpkin balls. And let's not mention poor Vera. Poor Vera, who they gave her a jack in the box, did you notice that? When they introduced Vera, they cut to her with a jack in the box, startling the fuck out of her. I was like, why are they doing Vera so dirty right now? Can't they just have her smiling and, you know, enjoying life rather than like being terrified at that very moment on TV? So the kids like, how big is all house gonna be? And she's like, I don't care. I don't care how big it is. I'm gonna look at it. I don't care if it's a fucking tin, starting box. I'm looking at it.

So the requirements are that they need a place that's on wheels that way they can drive around with dad. She doesn't want to go above 400 feet. And yeah, she's just what you said. Basically, I'm saying what you just said. It's like we're looking for rustic, cabanee, vintage, classic. That's what fits my soul.

I'm like, you need a comb, okay? That's what you need. It's start with the comb. Start with the comb. You'll be amazed at how much space you actually have once you actually shave a little bit. So now here comes the narrator with her first judgy comment.

She says, they have $30,000 to spend, but that amount may be a pipe dream, since they also need to budget for a truck and renovations. Idiots. Yeah. I've been Laurel. Laurel comes in here like, listen, for a truck and renovations, idiots. Yeah. Laurel comes in here like listen, I want a place as big as a roller skate.

Okay, that's all I want. I want to live in a roller skate. But then she's like guess what, guess what I love. I'm not 100% mid-century, but love it, love modern, love granite, love white cabinets, and I have a juicer. I'm like, well, like what it like she has basically two requirements, white quartz countertops and space for a juicer. Like that juicer has so much importance in this house

decision. It is a little crazy. And it's as big as one of the children. Like you don't, what are you talking about a juicer? That doesn't fit in a glove compartment. You're literally, you have a house on wheels, just drive it to John Budget's at this point. And she's like, well, we can still stick to a queen size bed, but we do need night stamps because he snores. I'm just like, what is that?

I'm like, what is that? I'm like, what? Well, she's like, well, I like to read my books. And he goes to sleep, he snores, and I like to read my books, and then turn my little light on and off, to mute his side out. He's like, how does a nightstand mute my snoring? She's like, it just makes me not focus on it so much.

I just like turning a light on and off. It makes me, sometimes when I hear you're snoring, I like to pretend it's a monster in the light, and when I turn the light off, it's turning off the snoring. That's all. But you're still there. He's like, chewing together means freedom and potential.

And it means closeness. So you won't be cheating on me bastard. Yeah, exactly. So let's meet Ricky Little. He was a good friend of theirs. He's like, Mock and I have always traveled into the same musician kind of circles. He's like, oh, good. That's even more vague and terrible sounding than a

singer in the music industry. Just saying that you've moved in the same musician circles. These guys have held down cardboard for each other while the other one writes down will work for beer. OK. I'm telling you that right now. They probably, they are the type of guys who like go to a bar and have like long discussions about like why

Carly Rae Jepsen is like not real music and how like Leonard Skinnerd is like the real deal. Yeah so let's go to house number one it's in 1964 air stream he's like what do you think about that? They're like wow well this certainly is vantage. Yeah I would say so. It's 173 square feet and Mike is like, well, aren't, by the way, let me say something else here. Mike's acting is so bad. Like, I was able to tell which one they chose

based on his acting. So he was like, aren't these more weekenders though? Can somebody live in this with kids? I'm like, okay, Mike, just stop acting. We know you didn't choose this one. Stop pretending like you're deliberating. And she's like, but I've always wanted to live in a square bullet, a bullet, which is also a brand of something that can make me a juice.

I just wanted to mention that. Mike, we can park this on the beach, anywhere in the mountains, anywhere we want to go, the beach of the mountains, anything like that, a cliff. I don't know, park it anywhere. You know everybody is horrified when they see this family coming down the road, like, oh shit. Everyone runs out of McDonald's.

Yes, they've got notices on their windshield to get the hell out of their neighborhood every morning when they wake up. Yeah, so Laurel's like, I think I'm kind of falling in love. I love this. They haven't even walked inside. They're just seeing it from the outside. I'm like, you can't even falling in love. I love this. They haven't even walked inside. They're just seeing it from the outside. I'm like, you can't even fall in love with one of these tiny houses until you see it.

Like, this is bullshit. So they go in and it's all painted gold and there's like gold plethora of everything. I think someone has taken deer antlers and spray painted them gold and then screwed them to the wall. Yeah. And also those airstreams like in the middle of the woods, like away from civilization. How many horror films have been shot in this, or taken place in this airstream? And it was the last person gourd because you know you come home drunk

when you live in an airstream, okay? I do it in a regular place. So you know if I lived in an airstream, I'd be drunk all day, I'm day, and you know I fall against a wall. How many people have died against those antlers, you know? Yeah, how many rich ladies have also been in this airshin because this is also the sort of place where rich lady goes What you's having a fair with the handyman? This is where this is where she's caught So Mike's like well this folds this folds into a queen size bed and talking about the couch, obviously.

And Mike's like, well, how many can sleep in here? And he's like, as many as you can stay up. And they're like, That's crazy. Awesome. Sorry. No, I was just going to say which sounds hilarious. And so you're actually living like that.

You guys, 174 square feet. It's ridiculous for four people, okay, even though two of them are kids. And by the way, Mike is like hung up on the fact that there's not enough wood. I feel like when you decide that you're going to like live a tiny lifestyle, I just feel like you're not allowed to complain

about the amount of things like wood. It's like you chose to have a tiny place. You're looking at an air stream. You don't get to complain about the amount of things like wood. It was like, you chose to have a tiny place. You're looking at an air stream. You don't get to complain about that. There's not enough wood paneling or wood trim. Okay, it's an air stream. You chose tiny. Yeah, someone's, Mimaw died in this thing

like a week ago. Just be happy that someone found her in the woods before her like decomposing body ruined the floors. And then we get another, another, another Ricky jam. He's like, guess what? This kitchen comes with a dishwasher and they're all like, what? Yeah, you watch dishes on this side of the sink

and then you drive them on this side. I was really proud of Ricky for moving beyond the, it's got a dishwasher, your husband. Oh, yeah, that's true. I thought that was coming. Laurel goes what a funny joke. Yeah Laurel hates this guy. This is a guy who brings her husband weed like you can just tell she hates this fucking guy. Yeah. The the last thing she wants is Ricky being part of their house hunting journey or their episode. Yeah so it's got like

teeny teeny tiny obviously kitchen and it's got like teeny, teeny tiny, obviously kitchen and it's got the sink, but then like maybe a couple of inches of counter and she goes, my juicer could fit there. We're gonna put of the limited counter space, we're gonna put the juicer. Yeah, so Mike's like, well, this is really functional, but I'm not convinced.

What is functional? That it has a sink? What are you talking about? Yeah, and then on top of that, well, there's also a moment where Mike is like, I'm not sure there's enough counter space and Ricky's like, oh yeah, that's because you're not looking the right space. He takes a flap and he pulls it up, he goes, bam, as if he just like presented a giant kitchen island. It's like literally three more inches of space.

And he's like, they go look at the bedroom and it's really tiny. He's like, oh I'm not really sure about this. But you can sleep on top of me while I poop. It's like the toilet's like in the bed. I don't even know what the hell's happening on this floor. And she goes, and Laurel goes, this is so much smaller than I thought it would be. It's 173 square feet. So Mike is a hard middle on this place.

He's like, I love her with all of my heart, but how can she even entertain this? And Ricky goes, look at the storage here, guys. You could turn this into bugs. Okay, great. So then where's the storage? Exactly. Storage is not just something you say. Okay, great. So then where's the storage? Exactly. Storage is not something you say. Like, oh, okay, guess what? We don't need storage.

Yeah, and then Ricky tries to sell them on this accordion door. That's going to like give them privacy. And like, but it's like a piece of paper. And he's like, oh, really? It starts to close its loading. He goes, can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? How about now? How about now?

How about now? I'm like, nice one, Ricky. Nice joke, Ricky. But look, it's got vinyl on the ceiling. You could record here. It's like an old recording studio. I know, and it's like, and he's like, yeah, that's really, that would be really cool.

And it's like, well, what about the rest of us, you know? Yeah. And then Mike tries to well, what about the rest of us, you know? Yeah. And then Mike tries to fit in the shower and can't. And it's got like another little accordion vinyl thing. It's basically like a very wide seat belt. Yeah. It's like, it is crazy.

Like watching him just standing in what's supposed to be a shower. I'm like, this is absolutely ridiculous. I'm sorry. And he's like, look, I thought you wanted white. This is gold, laurel. And the kitchen is outdated. You're going to want to paint everything white and put in white quartz countertops.

She's like, quite. I want quits. I want quits. And then Ricky goes, well, I know you're going to want to put in those countertops too, because you've been talking about it for the last four days. I'm like, oh, shady, Ricky. You know what, Ricky, you're being paid by these people,

so you better calm yourself. But not much. I mean, like what is a commission anyway on like $6,000? Ricky's like, book you, here's my commission. Thanks for ruining my life by marrying my best friend, you tramp.

Her rage eyes, when he said that, like I know you've been asking for those white courts countertops for the last four days. Her Rage Eyes, when he said that, like, I know you've been asked for those white quartz countertop for the past four days. Her Rage Eyes. She was just like staring at him and like, is he cheating? He's gonna give me a bubble about this because I have a lot of things going on in my brain right now. I know she looked at him like well, they're the easiest thing to clean blood off a Ricky. So house number two. Mike and his wife think going tiny with their two kids is a great idea. Wait, can I also say the narrators, when we went to commercial, the cliffhanger was this from the narrator?

Ricky's found something larger, but it may miss the mark in every other way. He's found them a giant piece of shit with a door on it. They've seen a funky retro air stream, but can they fit without feeling like sardines? Have you ever heard a shower cry? Oh look, there they are kicking their lumpy pumpkin balls again just as you'd expect them to. I know this was the saddest b roll to you cuz they're just like well we found some dirt for you just have your kids. Do you have any balls? You have any populated pumpkin balls for three hours.

Your daughter still seems a little shaken from that jack in the box you gave her. Maybe she should go around some pumpkin balls in the scary forest. Okay. So now. Ricky, this dipshit is like, all right guys, you gotta keep an open mind now. I got a surprise for you. It's not a surprise. You're on a dock. You're on a dock. There's unless there's gonna be like a little like micro machine version of a mobile like a mobile home at the end of it I don't think that there's any surprise here. No surprise here Ricky. He's like it's a houseboat And Mike goes I don't see how we would travel with this You know because it's on a lake

He goes with a car a big big one. You tell me. Mike's like, this makes no sense. And then he goes, Ricky, dude. Yeah, then Ricky goes, as long as there's water, you're good to go. I'm like, great. Enjoy touring in Phoenix. Enjoy your tour to the one city that this lake is in.

So funny. I know, just like, as long as there's water, Enjoy your tour to the one city that this lake isn't. So funny. I know, just like as long as there's water, well not all cities have water or like have water that houseboats can chill out on. So Ricky goes, it needs love, but come on, that's what you're here for. And it's got a beautiful sunbeck upstairs.

That's the roof, Ricky, okay. And it's vintage. So Mike is like, this is more fixer upper than vintage. And then Laurel is like, just like, well, listen, I grew up on the water and you grew up sailing, which is hard to believe that someone ever let you control a vessel. But this isn't that far fetch for us, I think. I guess I'm just trying to be reasonable here at it's terrible. Listen, I'm I'm showing up today in a little orphan Annie at a funeral dress. Okay. And I'm the reasonable one.

Let's think about this guys. Yes, they walk in and Mike's like, well, I like the ceiling. I this ceiling is great. I mean, it has some issues and he like pokes and like the ceiling. I, this ceiling is great. I mean, it, it, it has some issues. And he like pokes and like the wood is just like disintegrating up there. Yeah. He's like, well, we're gonna have to take this all out and redo it.

And he's like, where's the tub? She's like, well, we can put a tub in. No, you can't. What are you, what are you pretending that you're walking into like a five bedroom house? Like, well, you don't like it, Change it. Just put it in the tub. Also, what's up with the constant requirement for a tub in a tiny home? Like, what do you understand what sacrifices you're supposed to be making in a tiny home?

That has to be on wheels. Like, stop asking for a tub. Okay. You're not going to get a tub. Yeah, your tub, your tub to wash your children is going to be a tiny sink in the bathroom of whatever bar your husband is playing and let's stop pretending. Exactly. St. Laurel says something which really should go on the Zillow Listing. This is not that bad. I mean it's pretty bad but it's not that bad. Oh I have a question. Could I get white quartz in here. In front of me. And Ricky's like, you can reconstruct, reconstruct the however you want, Lauren. Yeah. And she really wants the white tubs.

And they wanted to washer and dryer. And so yeah, there's no tub, but the bedroom is a nice size for them. But the thing is that like the bed is up against the wall, which means there's only room for one night stand. A mic goes, we like night stands on either side of the bed. I'm like, you are looking at a tiny home. You're not looking at a limpton hotel. Yeah. And so then they go up on the deck and dance around and stuff. And Mike's like, the highlight of the like, when the highlight of your place

is just that you're outside now, that's not a good sign. You know what I'm saying? We got out of that place. It's amazing out here. And so then Laurel starts listing all the things. She goes, here's the thing, Ray Gies. It doesn't have a bathtub for the children.

It doesn't have a washer or dryer. And we're definitely missing some essentials. You know, but the bedroom is a winter. I'm like, and it's also a boat. It's also a boat. And doesn't have a washer or dryer, and we're definitely missing some essentials, you know, but the bedroom is a winner. I'm like, and it's also a boat. It's also a boat, and you're trying to tour around the country. Remember how you want to drive on highways? It's a boat. It's a boat.

Boats don't drive on highways. It's like, but it could be special for the kids. Just make it we need to rethink mobility. Like, sure, enjoy putting your house on a trailer every time you want to like Go to the next stop like I don't Showing up at a bar in a house boat I'm a truck it's it's it's it's it's it's a enjoy wearing a life preserver on the highway. Yeah So more playing music and her playing the drums

and staring at him crazily. Well, there's also the narrator before that, goes, Ricky wants to show them something that's not a floating renovation project, but it's a tough sell. So let's see. So they've seen a retro-air stream and a houseboat. So today they're seeing the high there bus. So it's a bus that says hi there. Wait, there's another, you also, there's another piece

of narrator shade. Laurel and your musician husband are going from a 1200 square foot house into something about the size of a postage stamp. They're just very stupid people. Yeah, she's very judgey. So Laurel, who is basically like, what, put my kids in a boat in a parking lot? What the fuck do I care? I'll be inside the bar anyway. Is suddenly like, I do not see my family living on a bus.

Now you have lines that you're drawing in the same. Yeah, I was surprised. I was like, I like what? And then Rick gets like, well, the person's family did it. You guys can do it too. Have you seen how Danny Bono Dugia's turned out, sir? And she's like, well, we're up and more of like the Adams family.

Ha, ha, ha. So then the narrator goes, this bus was built more than 30 years ago and it shows. Which is why the list price is only $4,000, about $3,995 to expensive if you ask me. Also, I'd like to port out the Adder's family lived in a nice large house, so that doesn't really work, Laurel. So Laurel's like, it looks like it's falling apart. He's like, this is vintage and awesome, it's a bus.

Hey, listen, you need to look past what you see, honey. Imagine going on a road with an automobile. Honey, I know this is out of the box thinking, but we're actually gonna be in a house that has wheels and is in the boat. Are you okay with that? I don't know, I don't know if I can see that. God, I just wish there was some sort of helicopter

that we could renovate. Now I knew that we're gonna pick this one because again, Mike is a bad actor and for the first two houses, he was like, this could be sort of good. I think I do like this one, I see potential. And this one is like, oh my God, it's a bus. I'm gonna juice everywhere. Oh wow, I love it, it's a bus like, oh my god, it's a bus. I'm gonna cheers it everywhere. Oh, wow, I love it. It's a bus. It's a bus. It's a bus. It's a bus.

And she's like, you know, we're a pretty odd family, but this is ridiculous even for us. And it stinks, of course. And Ricky goes, smells can be taken care of. Then why haven't they Ricky? Okay. Then why do you still smell like bacon from 19 years ago, Ricky? Smells can be taken care of, but not stupid. Okay, meat, Mike. So she's like, look at the color. It's green. Mike gets making your face look green.

Which is like, yeah, but look at all this space in the kitchen, you guys. There is no space in the kitchen. Mike is such a liar. There's like not even a real gas burner. It's one of those things you buy at Target and put propane in. It's got like two little burners. He's like, look at all this space.

But then he says, look, there's space for a juicer, which he knows is the smart thing to say. And then he goes, and look at this oven. Wow, it works. And he shows oven. Looks like the oven, like, it's like, rust it over. There's like carcasses of dead rabbits in there.

I feel like that's like a shadow base just staring out the oven. Yeah, but... I felt like I heard like people's souls exiting. Like, we've been waiting for someone to open this door for 30 years. The haunting of the high-thereboss. No way. And Ricky goes, the haunting of the high-thereboss. No. And Ricky goes, well, you could have your, you could, you know, you could, you'd have to cut your Thanksgiving turkey in half, but it would fit in there mostly.

I would come out with rust on it, but it would work. You know that that's going to be a Thanksgiving big back. We all know it. And there's, that is probably the least detrimental. I'll say this recap because that sounds delicious So she's like Ricky. I'm not saying it Ricky. Help me see it. Not your belly button Ricky. Yes. I see you talking with your stomach folds Okay, I mean make me see the best as livable home Ricky Yeah, and And Ricky is like you know what it would all have to be taken out and made nice and new

and white, like I know you're gonna want it because I know you gotta have your white countertops. The white countertops, Laurel, that's what they call you. But he really knows how to please her because she's like, help me see it Ricky. He goes, what quartz? She's like, okay, okay Ricky, I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it Ricky.

She goes, she's like, well, I mean, it's gonna cost thousands, depending on the finishing it's thousands. I'm like, it's the bus cost $4,000. You have a $30,000 budget. You will be okay. Yeah, she's like, oh my God, it's just so much time and effort. I mean, I'm not sure.

Where do we bathe? I mean, I was like, that's actually a good question. Where do you bathe? Where do you bathe? So it's like a it's like a two-part bathroom. So it's so there's a there's like a toilet area and then across the hallway is the shower and it's a washer there's a washer dryer too. So Laurel's very excited about that. She's like okay that's really exciting. This is almost as exciting as when I first met Mike, which shows how exciting our relationship really is.

So she's like, yeah, look at here, we could put bugs here instead of storage. I don't know what they have against storage, but they hate it. This family hates fucking storage. The only thing they're storing is that juicer for crying out loud. Yeah, so then they go back to the bedroom,

which is actually really big. They're back at the bus. Yeah. And Rick's like, coin bed and wait for it, you can fit two side tables there, okay? So then they go back to the bedroom, which is actually really big. They're back to the bus. Yeah. And Rick's like, Coyne bed and wait for it. You can fit two side tables there. Okay. I don't know. Did I measure? I didn't. But I'm guessing you could. But you could. Have I said courts yet?

And by side table, I mean we can take a bridge chair and fold it up and try to balance a lamp on it. She's like, what's not exciting? No air conditioning, Ricky, which finally, they say something normal. You know, I'm like, okay, I can see this being like a real family. Yeah, and Mike goes, hmm, I'm just concerned that this isn't as functional as I thought it would be.

It's a bus, it's a bus. It's like what part of like a home for like a family of four sounds functional about a bus. And Mike's like, I don't know about this. And Ricky's like, well, no, when you guys in your heads, you're funky and quirky. Come on. So Laurel's like, it's a lot for me to take in. It's a lot.

So they now it's time for them to think about it. And so they go and they sit. They sit at their kitchen counter and she gets herself all dressed up, like they're going to like a air stream gala or something. And so she's saying that she just love the air stream and can't believe how much she love the gold and that's pretty much her pick.

Yeah, and then a fire truck passes, and she's, oh my God, he likes fire trucks. So don't traumatize them. For what you're teaching your children, that could be a house driving away from them at this point. Yeah, that's a mansion, that fire truck. No, there's not a babe. Yeah.

She liked the gold, and he he's like the functionality was cool, which I still don't know what they mean by that And it was 12 grand so that's their budget and laurels like yeah, I mean, I can't believe that houseboat But geez, I did like that there was bunk beds in there a space for them at least Yeah, I mean I actually think that if they didn't have the requirement of having to tour around, I actually think the houseboat would be the one that I would choose because it seemed to be the, had like a good layout and had like a lot of light, which I liked about it, but of course it's also a boat and you know, you know, your house could just like sink, which is never exciting.

Like, that's not exciting. Yeah. But, um, uh, so then Mike goes, well, I know we can ride it around the lake, but can we take it around the country? No, you can't, it's a boat, it's a boat. And then there's the high there, bass. He's like, well, it is the least expensive,

it's amazing, it's my dream come true. But what do you think about it, Laurel? She goes, well, you'd have to remove every wall and start over, I'm like, that's, I think goes for every single one of these houses. So yeah, you want to remove those walls. You can only keep cardboard tape to a wall for so long. You know, get the damn things out of there, Laurel. Yeah. So my excess, I think there's potential. And I couldn't, I couldn't imagine how cool it would be to be on a bus with my family and such he goes, well, you're winning me over because you're sweet and awesome.

And basically you said there's room for my juicer. So I don't need anything else really. Let's live free. Now this is the best part because we get to see a makeover and I love the makeover show and that's one thing that's missing from house editors, even though they do have house hunters remodeled or whatever it is. Yeah. Now you've seen that one? I have house hunters remodeled or whatever it is. You've seen that one?

I haven't seen that one. I haven't seen that one. Yeah, that's pretty, it's basically like house hunters and they attack on a half an hour of renovations. Yeah. But I will say this, when she gets on saying, I just don't see it, I just don't see it. I was like, of all the places, even though I said like, I did like the houseboat, I actually felt like the bus, like I was shocked as you couldn't see it.

I thought it was pretty clear how it could be made into something nice. It was it had the most space out of all them. So now comes the renovation. Also just touring. I mean, it's pretty standard that you tour on the tour about. Exactly. Tour bus. But not called door houseboats.

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, they picked the bus and he loves it and they did a really nice job. It was so great. Yeah, we ragged on them, but they're pretty cute and they did a nice job with this bus. They just basically gutted it, painted it all white, put some plants and she got her white cabinets and she did not get her granite countertop. She's using the dreaded butcher block.

But she got, we know, but she got her white quartz countertop, which is what she was, right? Oh, butcher block in there. Yeah, why she was saying she got white, she got white cabinets, but not white counter. She said she put wood because he loves wood. Oh, yeah. Then inspire him to keep making it every morning. You don't have to give him man what fucking countertop he wants Also, he got the bus that's like you yeah, you should like your whole thing is you just wanted a countertop and the freaking juicer So you like the fact that he would take the the countertop from him from her is rude It's rude and but your blocks of very bad choice for that because she's gonna be getting juice all over that shit and it's gonna Staying it But your blocks of very bad choice for that because she's gonna be getting juice all over that shit and it's gonna stain it

Everyone goes, oh hey all you have to do is rub but your block there with some oil a couple of times a year Yeah, right good luck getting any homeowner to do that Exactly and she goes well, I found room for the juicer. So that was a big thing for me I mean my children have no place to play or live and I can't take a crap without having one knee in the laundry room, but hey, Spaceful juicer. And then of course, Mike is like, well right now we're parked at a friend's house. Of course you are Serious And they're like they're at the friend's house and then they're on the hammock like just raising hell like falling over and screaming You know those friends are waiting for them to drive the hell away. Yeah. Oh

You know those friends are waiting for them to drive the hell away. Yeah. Oh Gosh, and Mike's like it's about doing things speak to your heart conditioning my hair just doesn't speak to my heart But this is great. I love Traumatism my children with a very cramped childhood that speaks to my heart and she's like I just can't wait to be right next to him every Second of every day and every not. Well, I hope no one re-erends them because that's their house. So they're my not stands. They're going to nightstands exactly. Oh, well, that was fun. They did a great job. At the end of the day, they did a great job with that bus. So it was funny to brag on on but they are actually a pretty cute couple. I actually I actually thought like

We ragged on them the entire time and I thought they were so lovely to be honest I thought they were like I thought they were actually the best couple We were so happy to have holes. Oh, and by the way Anyone who's on house centers that is listening to this podcast don't listen to this I mean, I guess it's too late to tell you. Oh, yeah. But people reach out occasionally if they've listened to this. We're mean, okay?

This is not for you, okay? And if you did listen. No fans, love you. Don't kill me in the middle of the night. I can grads on your new house. Enjoy the house. Yeah. And focus on that.

Not us. All right, everybody. and focus on that, not us. Okay. Alright, everybody. Thanks so much for being with us. Come see us on our, or listen to us rather, or see us sometimes on our other podcast, watch what crap ends, and you can follow us on at watch what crap ends on Instagram,

and what crap ends on Twitter, and we'll talk to you later. Bye, everyone. Thank you. Thank everyone. Bye. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.

How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder-Yah. and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering app.