Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello 09: A Cozy Beach Shack for Nine

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

This week on Dwell Hello, we're recapping Season 166, Episode 7 of House Hunters: "A Cozy Beach Shack for Nine." Will a large brood be able to find their perfect vacation home in Michigan? And will it be able to accommodate a boat garage? You'll have to listen to find out.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off, voice only. Launching during pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. and welcome to Duel Hello. I'm Ben, that's Ronnie. Welcome to our show. We're here to talk some house hunters here on our show. That's the always do. How's it going, Ronnie? Good.

How you doing over there? Oh, I am great. I am great. Today on Duel Hello, we are recapping classic house hunters, season 166 episode seven. I forgot about, I forgot what this is, this one's called or something like family on a lake house in Michigan or whatever.

This is called a cozy beat shack for nine. Cozy beat shack. Well, it's gonna be cozy. It really will be. God, is there such a thing as a cozy beat shack for nine for Christ's sake? Hey, here's a title for you. Stop having babies, okay?

The world is overpopulated. Watch our planet and see what those poor polar bears and baby little penguins are doing before you start popping out 20,000 children to litter a fucking lake house. How about that? So the episode opens up and you know we see we see a husband and wife talking and this isn't Michigan so she has actually that they live in Illinois but they have very strong midwestern accents and she's like I want to be close to the water that's so important for me you know this has been like 20 years in the making, trying to get a vacation home. Now he looks like till the Swinton and Ron Howard just like jumped into a chilly con case. Oh, I mean, I don't know what something to melt things. What do you melt? What do you what do you dip melt meat in that's melted a fondue fondue pot like this? Yes, it looks like opi until the sweeten in a fondue pot. I am not I literally thought when I turned this on

I thought it was a lesbian couple. I'm not even saying that to be funny. I literally thought I was like I love this. I love that we have a lesbian couple that has like you know seven children as this is great Yeah, there's something is it lip injections? I can't tell what he's doing because it just seems so out of place for who they are. They're like, oh, we're gonna move to a lake house and Michigan and, you know, we wanna spend $5 and we've got lots of kids. So it just, I don't know,

it doesn't seem like the stereotypical person who gets like giant lip injections. Right, yeah. And, you know, his hair, he styles his hair very much like he is, like one of the lady DA's on lawn order, you know, like I can imagine that he had like three seasons on lawn order where he was at the DA. Yes. You know, like a lady DA, a lady DA hair, you know, yeah. And I

have to I love the way that they describe these shows before, you know, the log line or whatever. It says a couple that started vacationing in South Haven 20 years and seven kids ago are looking to buy a piece of paradise. While she's got a champagne taste on the soda budget, he wants a place that can fit his 26 feet, 26 foot sailboat. I'm saying, champagneastes on the soda budget. I know, but also, why is she getting blamed for having champagne taste when he's the one with the sailboat issues? Yeah, no sit.

Either by either sell the boat or just get a bigger boat that you can all fit on. Yeah, exactly. You shouldn't even have the sailboat in the first place. So we start the show in South Haven, Michigan. And the fam is just like, they're walking along a beach. And the mom is Shanna and Mark Shanna's like, who's ready to do some kayaking? And what do some kayaking?

Anyone, okay. And she tells us, I'm Shanna. I'm a regional manager for a company that provides services for data centers and clean rooms and that part or what? Okay, I had to rewind this five times because I had to hear, I'm a regional manager for a company.

Okay, I get it. We provide services for data centers. Okay. And clean rooms. And laboratories. What does that mean? I think that there are probably like medical spaces or scientific spaces. Oh, like a clean room.

It's called a clean room. Oh, I thought she was, I was like, are you also cleaning lady? Yeah. You know, I provide a regional manager of it on the weekends, like clean laboratories. It's just something I picked up a long years and I really enjoy it. Okay, so this can just be all boiled down to my ignorance. I'm glad actually, because I was like, the Flady works away too hard.

So, Shanna, I met this guy about 27, 28 years ago, I think, I don't know. So we've had five children together. And the oldest is Allison. She is the ripe old age of 22, and she's married to Corbin. And then we got she is, she's the ripe old age of 22 and she's married to Corbin. And then we got Isabel, who's married to Caleb. They just graduated eighth grade. And then we also have three boys Maxwell Lee. He liked to be called William in case he

wanted to refer to him by name on the show. No, okay. And Alex, who's 12. Yeah, that's a lot. Um, and oh, I'm sorry, I'm going back to this. She's like, I'm a regional manager for income. I'm just going to say this 20 times because I really like a certain she guys. I'm a regional manager for a company that provides services for data centers and clean rooms and laboratories. And he goes, I'm a nurse practitioner. Like, you need to have a longer title, okay? Like your wife just totally showed you up there, buddy. Yeah, you have to have like a long sentence.

Like I'm a nurse practitioner and the leading hospital for dandruff surgery in the upper Midwest. You're not clean, slurpy machines or something. So she's like, well, we've been coming to South Haven for 20 years. Here's what happened. We were going up the coast with a brand new baby daughter and she had a royal meltdown fit and come to find out it was a diaper issue.

Okay, diaper issue. You're going to edit that out, right? She pooped herself. She pooped herself. She hates when they tell this story when poop in our hands. She went poop. We got it. When she got married, I told this story at the wedding. She was so embarrassed.

She said, ma'am, if you ever get a chance to tell this story on national TV, please don't do it. So, you know, we should probably edit this out. But it was a tight shoot. We had to pull over on the side of the road. Okay, because, you know, poopoo issue tapers. And so we pulled over and with that got these beaches are amazing So we just stayed here forever

Wow That's called I know that this is like romanticized in your head But this is called settling because you're fucking exhausted Okay, yeah, we said you know what we looked around and we was like this is just a beautiful beautiful town So the first thing we did was we took this feces filled diaper and immediately gave it to the town. We dumped it in the town. We just dumped it right there in the lake. Feces brought us here, but love kept us here.

He's like, yeah, well, we thought we'd better be better. We thought we'd be better off purchasing and renting out for extra money, you know, so we can go up to 25, but shannans, we can go up to 225,000, but, you know, shannans just a little more complicated than that. Did you hear her job title? She's a little more complicated than that. That was a hilarious, hilarious euphemism. She's like, I want a hundred thousand. Wow, that's a little more complicated than that. That was a hilarious hilarious euphemism. She's like I want a hundred thousand. Wow That's a big difference 100,000 versus 225. Yeah. Oh Let me's complicated over there just you know you just wait till she puts on her pantshell, okay?

Yeah, you know, we have creativity we can go lower like for example when our daughter shit herself like an idiot on the side of the world You know we could we could look for a trash can there wasn't one so we got creative and we use the lake So there you go. We're a creative family. You know, it's like that old proverb You know that one that says wherever you wherever you go. That's where you are You know our version is wherever you shit. That's where you live. Okay. Wherever your baby poops. That's where you live That do a gather sign. So now Mark and Channa are just sitting on the beach. And she's like, you know, every time I see a cell here, I really see us as a beach-cattage kind of thing.

You know, sand in our doorstep. That's what I want sand and maybe a bin to put dirty diapers, right? In our doorstep. He's like, but I like the country, because the country is more peaceful than a beach. What's more peaceful than a beach? The country. Are you sure? But it's a beach.

But it's the country. All the classic house hunters, conundrum! He's like, I want more privacy where we can also be ourselves, you know, where I can just let loose and sing songs for the monkeys, you know? What's up with men on this show wanting no one to ever see them? Yeah, and like, how are they not being themselves right now? Like, what is the plant?

Like, you have a family of nine. You've given up privacy. These are fucking Satan worshippers. I'm telling you that right now, because he's like, I don't want anyone to see me ever. We gotta be ourselves, okay? And then we have that sailboat, which you probably take out there to like drop body parts in their creep. Yeah, I'm watching you, sir. This sailboat has way too much importance on this entire search. And she's like, yeah, I don't really care about it. So then we go and we see, um, now they're with our kids, uh, and they're sitting at some bench like something table with some very very sad pizza

Like the saddest pizza you've ever seen, okay? And Mark's like, okay, so family, let's talk about the style of house that we're all interested in and And she's like, um, let's talk about what I'm interested in am I right everyone? Am I right? Okay, so yeah, let's talk about something that's five dollars and not listen to daddy war bucks with a speedboat over there Okay, well now what kind of house do you kids want and the smallest kids like I want an a frame Thank you just want to a frame cuz it's easy to claim up on the roof, huh? He's like, yeah, mom. So the daughter and her husband, they want cottagey.

They're all cottagey, cottagey. And Mark, he wants modern, which is hilarious. They don't see anything even remotely modern. It's a dire episode. Even when he says, let's see something modern for the next house. The next house has like Granny Hurtins on it. There's nothing modern.

But then Mark has an obsession with Doilies. He's like, at least I don't want it. Nothing to dust and no Doilies. That's what I don't want. Yeah, I don't like old ladies. That's his thing in this too. He's like, I want somewhere for my boy and I hate old ladies.

And I want a big kitchen. They're like, Dad, you don't even cook. I want the A-frame. So they go to see their first house and they're driving around and she's like, Oh, I like this neighborhood. Glad Steve brought us to a place in town. You know what I mean?

It's real close. It's real close to downtown. I mean, snacking to have your privacy, honey, because it's close to downtown. He's like, and it's not the city, or it's not the country, either. What am I, a city mouse? They're also talking about this place as if it is a booming metropolis. Like, like downtown is like a place full of like massive traffic and festivals and like,

perhaps like the stock market of the Midwest. Yeah. and perhaps like the stock market of the Midwest. And like as far as we can see, there's like a video store and some like shingles, like some things hanging out front, like a pizza shop, you know? Yeah, there's like a lollipop store, you know? So they come up to this green Victorian-ish house and like really green, really green, with yellow accents.

And he goes, I like the color. You won the style war on this one. Wow. What the style war. And I can see why he would think that because when he gets out of the car, we see that Marcus dressed all like dad hip. He's like, yeah, I'm a dad, but I'm also pretty hip. And I'm going to be on TV. So that's why I wore jeans extra high with the cloth belt and a burgundy button down on top of another button down that might be a hem, Henley. I high with the cloth belt and a burgundy button down. On top of another button down, that might be a heavily, I don't know, I'm a little mysterious.

And I also have white sneakers on. Yeah, he's very hamptons in his head. And he's also wearing a really long belt, like a belt that hangs halfway down to his knees. It's odd. Yeah, it's odd. It's very neat. Yeah, and then we meet the real estate agent, Steve,

who is basically like He's like an exhausted gay. He's like every time he talked to me like Well, you could get this house if you wanted to I don't know I just like lunch with Sally and she's a handful If you know what I'm saying. Yeah, he's very over it the whole time. And it's like a very different gay style there because he's basically gay fiatty. Like he wears like sunglasses, like those like straight-gas sunglasses that just like look like one long stripe that kind of go on the back of your head

and they're always on top of his head. And he's like, all right, you know, you're only three blacks from the beach. You're three blacks from town to town. I mean, there's only three bedrooms, but what are you going to do? $5 spenders. All right. Just get your asses in there and shut the fuck up about it.

How about that? Yeah. It's like I was telling Sally at brunch. There's that house over there that has only three bedrooms. And she said, well, let me tell you what I got three of. Corns on my foot. And I said, well, Sally, that's what you get. And the dad's like, well, I'm not seeing boat storage here.

So what I'm not seeing. She's like, honey, we're right, baby. Come on. Yeah, also shut up about the boat storage. I hate this because he was probably won't want that boat. And he bought the boat. And now the boat dictates everything. And no one has co-signed the boat.

And you know, it's a stupid boat to have. And they only get to use it once a year. And now everything revolves around the boat. Selving the boat, okay? And then you finally get in the boat, but you haven't driven the boat for so long that it won't start. And it's like, dad, oh, well, hey, no problem. Guess what?

I've got a screwdriver in my car, glove compartment. And I'm gonna fix this right now. Oh, dad. And then by the time everyone gets home, their sunburned, the boat never worked. No one ate lunch. And dad's'm like, oh, dad. And then by the time everyone gets home, their sunburned, the boat never worked. You know, no one ate lunch. And dad's still like, I'm tinkering. I'm tinkering.

Stupid. So this house is $154,000. And if it were rented out, it would probably generate about $1500 a week. And Steve is like, well, you know, houses here that are close to the water will go within days if not hours. Unless you got real stupid lazy people.

What happens? Yeah, I mean, this place has just happened. I mean, it's gonna go an hour, you know, if that hour is a second, you know what, actually it's sold. Wait, hold on. All right, sold, you know what? Still not sold, their loan didn't clear.

Hurry up. Okay, it's sold down. Get out. Get out of the house, stop it, just filter. Okay, you know what the offer fell through. Keep going inside. Keep going. Oh, you better hurry. Hurry up. Okay, it's told them get out, get out of the house, the offages, falter. Okay, you know what the offer fell through. Keep going inside. Keep going. Oh, you better hurry. Hurry up. The competition is so fierce ever since downtown West Haven turned into the tech capital of downtown West Haven.

You know, they still sell microwaves from the 80s. It's a cool place. You know, if anything breaks, take it down there. Okay. And don't forget, be kind, rewind. That's the actual story down there. Yeah, we got we got three we got three startups that I've actually opened up in downtown. And by startups, I mean cars, I can actually start up. It's really exciting. So well, that sounds like a car with a husband attached. I'll tell you that husband and a screwdriver probably worked on that thing. So the mom's like, cute, it has charm. I like the big windows. It's like, mm. Those are just windows. Those windows. Like what port holes are you have?

Do you have any of your home in Illinois? So she's the poor mom is like living her first day outside of a big glue. She's like, whoa. Yeah. I'm not sure they understand how houses work. Cause in this first room, there's like this big red stove red stove and then Mark goes so is this the dining room? I'm not I'm not quite sure like yes. Yes. Of course is the dining room with the stove in it. Yes

And Steve's like well, I can be the dining room. I think they were repurposed it or something. Are you done yet? Are you buying this yet? guys That's definitely his energy. Are you buying it yet? And then they go, they go into a bedroom. It's this tiny bedroom and all the walls are sort of this like, it's not lime green. I don't know what sort of green it's like a pale green and there's like, it's like, I just not stuck or plastered, but it's just like an unsmooth wall. Lots of texture in this like gross green. The whole place is disgusting. It's gross, it's gross. Yeah, and like we say a lot on this show,

if this were any other show on HDTV, like Jasmine would walk in and go, tear down, tear down, we're just tearing this shit right down. So, Shanah's like, do you think this wall is load bearing? You know, is it load bearing? What do you think? And Mark's like, well, you think this wall is load bearing? You know, is it load bearing? What do you think? And Mark's like, well, I think every wall is load bearing

because I don't want to do any work. I want to place where we can just walk in and put our bags down and enjoy, okay? She's definitely not plumbing your mechanical, mechanical. I'm telling you that right now. But that's someone who watches too much HGTV, the wife, where you walk into a house and you, is this Lord bearing?

I mean, if you're gonna take down that wall, I'll just take down the whole house and start from scratch. So then they go to the kitchen and the kitchen looks like an RV kitchen. It just has that look, kind of like the counters, I don't know what material that is, but it looks like they're in the back of an RV

Yeah, and she's like, but I like it because look you can just do everything in one spot You just turn around you're cooking here. Well turn around you can clean in it. It's clean now And there's like chalkboard paint behind the stove and he goes, well, yeah, look at that chalkboard and Steve goes Yeah, she can right there. She can write down there when she's not cooking. So damn. Just like Sally, whenever I go over, I'm like, Sally, did you make me any food today? And she goes, yeah, I made you a food.

It's called a phone call, it's called a restaurant. Classic. So they have a bathroom right off the kitchen and the mom's totally grossed out, which I'm with her. That is gross. And she's like, and where off the kitchen and the mom's totally grossed out, which I'm with her. That is gross. And she's like, and where's the washer and dryer?

She goes, there is nine. Oh God, one time, one time my dryer went down and I was praying it with one of them. I didn't even remember, there's like a million of these kids, I don't know. And I had a serious breakdown on having a washer or a dryer. So I said, you know what kids, we're getting the car car, we're gonna drive until we find a washer and dryer. And that's when my baby's shat, and here we are. Oh, it all comes together, doesn't it? It's a circle of life.

So they go out onto the porch and she goes, oh, look at this porch, I could have wine here or coffee or a diet, anything liquid, really anything with liquid I could have out here. Okay. Yeah, the porch was cute actually. I like the, they had some very colorful, retanned chairs, which I sort of liked in the backyard. I thought it was like, it was a cute,

I thought it was a cute backyard for that sort of house in that space, you know, so I liked it. I think it's because they were out of the house, which is like a horror movie, you know. It's like, they go outside and they're, it's beautiful. Thank God we made it. We're living, we're alive. And Mark's like, oh, you can build a garage out here. And she's like, oh, you think you're going to build a garage? He's like, yeah, I can build a garage. I guess for the sailboat

or something. I'm like, oh, so you're okay with building a garage, but God forbid you take down a wall inside. Yeah, you can't take down a wall, but you can put up four. Okay, buddy. There's a lot of access to his emotions. Yeah, but guess what? You know, Les Yard means no privacy. Look at all these windows looking down on us. Adalto, how are we going to sacrifice virgins in this backyard? Tell me how. That's just like, well, anytime we're in the city, we're on a smaller life. fucking idiots. What city is that Steve? What city are we in at the moment? Well, you know, with all these office buildings and residential towers around, you're always gonna have a smaller piece of land, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but there's nine people for a place with one bathroom and one bathroom is like

basically inside the kitchen. So yeah, and Steve goes, well look, look at your living room. It's got a nice big picture window. No Steve. It's a window. And then they go at the top of the staircase and he's like, well, you know, there's some space here. You can put a food time here. Someone can sleep here. I was like, no, you're not going to put a kid. Their bedroom is not going to be the top of the staircase. That's not how it works. Yeah, it's like the staircase landing. It's like, look at that, there's some extra space. No, most of you.

So the mom's like, well, this is definitely my style. Okay, you know what, then I'm done with you. Like, I don't even want to waste any more time with you lady if this is your style. You just walked into Annabelle's house, like the little doll from Insidious. Actually, that was a nice house. I take it back. I, of course, will never.

I have no idea what her house was like because I don't watch scary movies. I protest. So then Mark's like, you know what? I'd like to see something more modern and hip sort of like my dangling belt, okay? Can we do that? So Steve is like, all right,

well, I got some options that you guys would like. I don't know. I mean, you like, I'll just buy it already, right? Yeah. Steve's like, all right't know. I mean, you like, I'll just buy it already, right? Yeah. Steve's thinking, all right, you got about fine, four, three, two, soul, it fell through. All right, you know what, call me tomorrow. We'll see if this fell through. So dad wants more clean lines, which I like when people say on this show. So speaking of clean lines, they drive all the way out to the country, which we later find is literally just a mile away

And he's like, oh, I love how secluded it is now that we're so far away from the big city all one mile and a half of it away God so secluded. Did you see that goat that had been bowed? Over there on the side of the world looks good love it. Bye. Yeah So they go this house that's out in the country. You know, there's like farmland and raspberry signs and Channins like, oh well, you know, I really wanted something near the beach, so I don't know about this. And he's like, yeah, I want something close too, but I really want some privacy. And you know, we have got nine in our crew and this, I want to give everyone some space.

So I thought, let's instead of having a small house, let's have a house that's just also small. Yeah, yeah. So they go to this gray house and it's got a three car garage and they act like they just pulled up to the Rockefeller home. Oh, three cars! Oh, geez, three car garage. Oh, holy mother.

Now I know you wanted some clean lines and something modern. So everyone brace yourselves. Okay, we're gonna, we're gonna head right on in here. Okay. So they go in this house is $150,000. And uh, uh, China, China's like, Oh god, look at this. Oh, this is a tight entry. Oh god, I don't know how I can do with a tight entry. I'm like We what what what what for you? What was she expecting? I think rancor case and that thing. Yeah, it's a hallway like it opens up into a hallway Also this place is 150k for five acres on a river. Where is this and when can I move there?

This is amazing. The exterior is regorgeous. I mean, that river was beautiful. And honestly, the house is nice on the outside, on the outside. Yeah. And she's like, well, it's tight, but this front room is big. And she goes, and it's got a fire place. I mean, you guys wanted a fireplace and there's that.

And the dad, thank God for this dad, because he goes, oh, is it? I mean, what is that? And he goes, well, it looks like an electric insert to me, but still, all right, there's a chimney outside. Get off my ass. There's a place to probably sell in about five seconds. I was triggered by the fireplace

because it was asymmetric, like in the first episode of your dream makeover on Netflix. I was like, oh no, it was asymmetric like in the first episode of like your dream Makeover on Netflix. I was like, oh no, the asymmetric fireplace is back. I know. Now every time I see something like that, I'm gonna be like, oh, that is so trashy. But you know what though on that show, what's her face? McGee? Shemigee was like, well, you know, you could keep it asymmetric, which is very modern, but you're more of a Classic couple. So I guess that's what makes this house modern is that the fireplace is asymmetric, which is very modern, but you're more of a classic couple. So I guess that's what makes this house modern is that the fireplace is asymmetric. Yeah, I'm not sure how they use design terms on this show really. But they use them. So the mom's like, wow, this is this bedroom is small. Okay. What are there only two bedrooms up? It's awkward. It's pretty awkward because it's got the a frame in the bedroom. So it's like the attic.

Yeah, so you're kind of hitting the triangle part of the wall or the ceiling or whatever. There's also a window and they're like, oh, what's this? And they open up the blinds the window. It's just a wall. It's like a window on a wall because they clearly added to the house and they just cover it up the window. Yeah. And the carpets hide his and this is, this is pretty gross. It's like when you're a kid and go rent a cottage and you're like, oh, you're scary. It's scary. It's scary. Yeah, it's, it's just like a no, at first I was like, oh, this is okay because the living

room had like wood paneling and I'm actually of the mindset that I actually really like wood paneling, believe it or not. So I was like, oh, it sort of has like a cool kitchy vibe. But as they go further and further in this house, it's just terrible. I mean, those rooms, you know, they get so hot in the summer and then you can't stand up straight in them because of the A frame.

And then Marxy is like a lighting fixture and he goes, um, if a doily could transform into a light, this would be it. It's a doily light. Oh my God. Doily light, do a light. This would be it. Isn't Doiley Light. Oh my God. Doiley Light. Doiley Light. So then they go into another room with like curtains on it

and he goes, okay, you know what? One thing, not on my list. Old lady cottage. I hate old ladies. Have I mentioned that? Doiley Light, old lady curtains. I hate it. I might be a little concerned there.

All right. And Shannon's like, oh my goodness, this is awful. This is awful. This is just awful. Just so then in the kitchen, the kitchen's big, but still hideous. And the mom's like, oh, got a kitchen this big. Everyone's gonna expect me to cook things.

That's disgusting, honey. I can't do that. Everyone every day is gonna be like, ma'am, can you make pancakes? Ma'am, can you make me eggs? Ma'am, can you make me eggs? Ma'am, can you make me the waffles? I'm like, how much can one ma'am do? You know what I'm saying?

Who, I've never heard a mother of this many children saying that they were fusing to cook. I know. Um, so then they go on the deck and guess what the mom likes. She's like, oh my gosh, this deck is nice. I can see myself drinking something out here. Like plus this lady and her just wanting to have a cup of coffee on a porch.

That's really all she wants. Also, we should comment that Mark, I feel like this is the scene where I noticed, Mark's look for this house. He's just wearing this big blue dress shirt, but he's untucked it. so that way he's like cool. But because it's like a dress shirt and not like a casual shirt, it's like really long and flappy at the bottom.

I was like, classic dad, trying to be cool. Classic Mark. Yeah, so I mean, the ex-deers are very nice. It's very pretty. Once again, this is the second house in a row. I mean, and the river is is lovely and it's only a mile and a half from From from from from the from the city, you know, yeah, and her biggest thing that she hates when they're talking about it Cuz she's not really a beach cottage. She's like, but you know, it's definitely not craftsman or modern

She goes, yeah, and I'm gonna get pigeonholed into cooking She really does not want that. Also, it doesn't have four bedrooms. And she's like, you know, I like the view, but we're not at the beach. So it's basically like, it's ultimately, it's a terrible house. Yeah, I think so too. So then they're driving to the third house. And he's like, whoa, this is really different. Was that a security gate back there? Oh gosh, I hope the court is Satan telling you that

right now. So if it's not, I'm a little worried about this place. So they go to this place. It's actually in a community. And Shana is now wearing like an adorable eggplant poncho, not in the shape of the color. They both look super cute actually in this one. She's wearing a sweater poncho thing and then he's wearing some J Crew dad chunky knit sweater. Yeah, it's a lime green thing, sort of an honor of the first house.

So, yeah, I thought this one was gonna win because they looked cute. I was like, yeah, they're dressing up to look at the one that they picked. Also, it was the best house by far. So they, oh by far. By far, like, it was to me, it was no question. So this one's 225 grand and it's this blue house

and it's like a cab, you know, it's a two story cabin, but this one is modern. It does have the lines of a modern house, like a big boxy modern. You know, I mean, it's technically old. But it's, yeah, but it's, but it's, it's got like, it, it feels, this house actually really like it. It's a really like it.

It's a really like it because it felt like vacation. It felt like a cabin, you go to a vacation, lots of wood everywhere. The space was great. But Channa's like, well, that's not a beach carriage. I'm sorry, it's not. It's not, you know. So this community, it has three beaches. It has a clubhouse, a tennis court. It has a restaurant. And this house has four bedrooms and it's fully furnished, but it's $250,000. Oh, it's 250, yeah. And so he's like, well, you know, I know it's over what you wanted, but it rents for, oh, Steve, this is Steve saying, yeah, I know it's more, it's more, more what you wanted, but

it's running for two grand a week. I mean, you're only 200 yards from like Michigan. Stop your bitch. God. So they go up and they first walk into a screened in porch. And by the way, the craziest part about all this is that this was the least private of the houses. Like you could see every other house around them and every scene. And he doesn't mark not once, complaints about privacy.

So they're in the screened in porch and there are these chairs that are made of wrenches. And so she's like, oh, I love these chairs. Who I love it? I know the wrench. The wrench reminds me of the wrench that we had to use to fix the dryer when it went on the fritz and then we had to drive up the highway and then you know who had, you know what,

and heard, you know what, you know what I'm saying? And of course, guess what she falls in love with. Oh my God, a patio, you know what I could do? Drink things here. I mean, think of other things I could drink, juice. Maybe I'll have a juice one They'll get crazy and have a juice. I see myself go and crazy and have an a juice I or maybe a sparkly water. You know those kinds of I could drink something out here

I'm telling you right now. I can picture myself. I see a lot of beverages right in this spot right here I can look at the wrench chair. I don't want to sit on it because it looks very uncomfortable, but I can look at it and drink my coffee right here. Yeah. And let's see, what's neck? What else are they looking at? They're just like walking around. There's an arrow room. They go into the kitchen and he's like, well, it's not big, but it's open. I mean, the kitchen looks perfectly like the perfect size for that sort of place. And you know, they say it needs to be updated and and she's like, oh, I love this bookshelf. I love this bookshelf. Oh, this is a nice bookshelf.

Yeah, she loves that bookshelf. And the kids can measure themselves against the other kids. Look, you know the kids measured themselves on this wall, so maybe our kids can be tolerant. Smoke those kids. Smoke yeah, our kids kids retailer than yours losers and The living room has like sliding doors that lead to nowhere and but Steve is like yeah Well, you could put a deck in there some sort of barrier so if someone opens it They don't fall out and die because they're stupid. Yeah, that is creepy though

Just a sliding glass at door that opens to nowhere on the second level But that's like that's like the second time we've seen that, well, we've been doing dwell hello. Like, the fact that it's happened more than once is crazy. Yeah, do you think people just run out of money or they're just like, okay, couldn't put the patio for a while? Yeah, they must.

I mean, at least put in a Juliet, so that way you just don't go fully tumbling out. Yeah, so it's about their budget. The kitchen needs updating. There's no place to keep the boat. Oh, bye. Hmm. How many traditions are in this neighborhood?

Do you think you're alive? But the house can also sleep 12 people. And then they get into a golf cart, which comes with the house, which by the way, I think a golf cart that comes with the house is way more useful than a place for the sale boat. And it doesn't house is way more useful than a place for the sale boat. It doesn't even matter because this community has a place for the sale boat.

And we learned that Steve is like, yeah, well, you can store the boat in the community and that rent income could just easily offset the cost you stupid face. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to go for it, are they? Yeah, so then they have to try and decide, is it worth it getting a more expensive place and letting the rent offset the price? I don't know Yes, yes, definitely. This is way the nicest there were so yes, I was gonna say there was like two full-on garbage houses and one Great house that was actually technically within their budget. Yeah, I agree with you. So they sit down to talk about it.

And she's like, you know, I like that greenhouse in South Haven. I mean, green and yellow. Whoa, real deal beach cottage, real deal. Real deal beach cottage. I love that everything is whackable. You know, you can walk to the beach. You could walk to downtown. Assume you don't get killed by all those criminals

that are roaming around the city. You know what I'm saying? And she's like, we could go downtown for dinner. He's like, well, that'll appeal to renters and it is a good buy, but it has three bedrooms. And so next up is number two, the property on the river. And he's like, you know, so much privacy. God, I love that my boss

are just gonna be swinging and tinging out there, huh? Yeah and I love the views of that river you know but they're like yeah but it doesn't have four pitch rooms and the ones it did have were really small also was hideous also it has windows that just face into walls also pink carpeting also terrible doily lamps everything about it's actually really horrific and an oversized kitchen where I'll be making pancakes and eggs for every single child in the county. So it's pretty much awful.

That kitchen hold is a cook. I'm gonna get pigeon hold is a cook. I'm telling you that right now. All right, so let's talk about the amazing one. Number three, cabin in the woods. Whoa, amazing, the furniture. I could drink so many liquids. Oh my God, change my life, the furniture I could drink so many liquids. Oh my god,

changed my life, blew my mind. A bed for every child, room for us all to sit around a dining room table. It really checks literally every single back. Okay, so let's so happy there. Let's get the shitty one. Let's get that shitty one that we hate. Let's let's eliminate it. That was, it's just so pretty. It has so many amenities. It even comes like off-cart Let's let's that one's off the list. Okay first. That's the one that we don't want. Okay, here's what we can agree on We're gonna get the shittiest house that we saw. Okay, and so they choose house to the river I thought they were going for the I thought they were just gonna go with the first one

I was like I would go with the third one But I think that the budget is gonna scare them off even though I do think thought they were just gonna go with the first one. I was like, I would go with the third one, but I think that the budget is gonna scare them off, even though I do think that they could have offset it with rentals, but I was like, they probably will go for the first one and maybe fix it up, but no, they went for the worst, I was so shocked that I wrote down in my notes,

OMG, they chose the river house, question mark, question mark, question mark, exclamation point, question mark, exclamation point, question mark, exclamation point, I was like, yeah, shocked. Yeah, I was to you. I wrote down because naturally in the show goes ding dong when it's time to see what they chose, but I wrote ding dong's.

So that's how that's how I just added a mess there to express my displeasure. So we go to see them at the river house and And she's like, you know, oddly enough, I got everything I wanted. A water view right on the river. I'm sitting right on that deck. And I'm drinking things, dang it. And you know what?

So like, you know, six bids went in and we put a bid in 162,000 and we actually didn't get the house. And in some ways, you could have said this was God saying Aim higher aim higher you could do better, but we said no, let's stick around and let's see what happens and Yeah, then it fell through and we got it. So here we are You know, I said I'm gonna pray right now And I closed my eyes and he said God what are you trying to say and I heard this voice from off in the distance?

Hey, you're a cheap skate You're a cheap skating. I said you know what you're right. I am this voice from off in the distance, say, you're a cheap skate. You're a cheap skate. And I said, you know what, you're right. I am going to try to get this again. So we did. So I mean, they did, they did improve a little bit. They give it a nice paint job. They put these navy blue walls in.

But I don't, did you notice that I was feeling all excited. I was like, you know what, maybe they have a vision that really works out, you know, Shana. She, you know, I wasn't so up on Mark's style, but Shana looked great the whole episode. She has an eye. And at first, I was like, oh, these blue walls, this is nice. They, you know what?

Maybe I'm wrong. And then they have these hideous, granny sofas. Did you see those? Yeah. I was like, why? Why? Yeah. But, you know what?

This is like just watching the nature show. just have to say I don't understand it But I'm glad they're happy. I'm glad they're happy and it means that The better house someone who would appreciate it and deserves it. We'll get it instead Yes, and they'll be like in that that restaurant that neighborhood restaurant like Look at us just doing whatever we want. Never having to cook. And this lady's gonna be at home like, damn it, I just got pigeon-wooled. But you know by the way that that restaurant

that's attached to that community has gotta be a god-awful restaurant, right? Like that's clear, right? Well, yeah, but I mean, did you listen to them talking about her cooking? I mean, that's true too. Sometimes anything's better than nothing, you know. Gotta eat!

Gotta eat. Alright everybody, well thank you so much for being with us with Dwell, Hello! We will talk to you next week! Go find our other podcast, watch what crap ends, Hero's Tissure Premium! Or really wherever you listen to podcasts, but I'm... We probably be better here. I mean you're here already. Yeah, let's support that your premium media already.

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