Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello 10: Castle Hunting in Ireland

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

This week, we check out a castle in Ireland with a wacky couple worried about murder holes. It's House Hunters International Season 10 Episode 5 for those following along! Sign up to Stitcher Premium at https://www.stitcher.com/premium using discount code CRAPPENS.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, hello. Well hello. Welcome to Dwell Hello. Today we're going to be doing Househ Hunter's International Season 111 Episode 5

Cold Castle Hunting in Ireland, which means you're gonna get to hear some terrible accents The every terrible accents my Irish my Irish accents are a little bit little bit rusty since I haven't been watching my love Island UK in a few months, so that's where I normally hone my accents. But I'll try my best. Well, everybody, I'm Ronnie, that's been over there. Happy New Year! Hi, we're Americans. We're Americans. We are proud to do terrible Irish accents.

You can find us over on the Watch It Crapins podcast, which is about Bravo, sometimes Netflix. Just go over there, listen to it, see how you like it. Yeah, exactly. you know just go over there listen to it see how you like it okay yeah exactly and on today's episode um house hunters international finally asked the question what would happen if some people from Connecticut decided by a castle in Ireland and more importantly what happens to men who never ever ever trim their eyebrows okay and episode those guys and they still. It's a very good start. It's a very good start. Does the air. It's a very good start. Does the air.

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Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does the air. Does on Hulu. This is 111 Episode 5 and you can find it on YouTube TV. That's where we found it. Yeah. And the easiest way, as someone who recently had to find it on YouTube TV, just enter in Castle Hunting in Ireland, in the search bar on YouTube TV and it will come right up. It'll pop right up, aren't we? It'll pop right up. It'll pop right up like a castle in 1322. So this is how it opens, the preview of the show, you know.

Gordon, who's the main guy, eyebrows, so I like to call it scary eyebrows. Gordon opens it. He's like, I'm surprised. Oh, codlery! And it's a sword. And the real estate lady's like, well, you like your weapons, I know. Oh, ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta She has some duty d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d Yeah, yeah, she obviously hates them don't blame her. She's also extremely hot like this girl has it together Way way too much sex appeal for the show also I think that she stays so smiling because She's not even a real estate person. She works for the auction people

Yeah, she's just leading them to like she got some some client who died or something So she's just trying to auction this shit off to whoever will take it But of course the Americans like we want some place with no air conditioning She's smiling because for the first time in 10 years someone's been able to show off the stupid castle It has no roof like let's let's show it to the Americans. They're gonna think it's something special Well before they start leading a regal life they'll need to see if they have enough money for a palace or a pile of rocks No judgment just saying So we now go to Southbury Connecticut, which is pretty close to where I grew up and

We see this guy Gordon and he's just like singing Irish music. I don't know what he's singing but it's a lot of like In the fish run to the mountain and a little pop it out of the goat and the gold wet The Bob went to the goat and the gold wet a glib and then they found a little wagon Why are like folk singers never good singers? You know like when people like there's never a family that sits around singing together That sounds great And this is a any country you go to okay, even if they're Irish style He's like Oh

We go with the love Fiac my cool has given the follow up to my car And the family's like ro ro ro it's like you all suck. Okay, you're all off the show, get out. I know. I would love to see some sort of American idol or voice type show that features family singing Irish pub music or Irish folk songs. Just like, it would just be a series of famous people

like staring at the audience because they'll never suitable their chairs. It's like, and the heart of the heart, and the head in the flow, get in, and in, and in, and the high, and the head in the flow, getting in the head in the high, the head in the head in the leprechaun, and the clover in the greens in the platter.

And the head of the heart of the heart of the goat, and the weaver. It's a lot. Or just family singing, you know, just a competition of like the Von Trappes, you know? Yeah. Von Trapp, the Von Trapp, I feel like there was a Von Trapp competition. Who could be the best Von Trap's?

So anyway, so Gordon's like, I'm of Irish extraction of both sides of my family and there's just something about Irish music that stirs me inside. Sorry, that was some end-year Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da So Liz, his wife is like history like history too, don't chase it. Oh, yeah, I love history. Yeah, I love history. Gordon loves history. He's like, yeah, history. Okay. Now the Gibson or something because he's dressing his son in It looks like it's me out of football gear like the the cloth and the foam Insides, but it's supposed to be I guess some Irish battle thing now listen. I watch every show I watch Trying to think of the name of it with ootrids Oh treat I watch like every show on Netflix. It's like about castles and fighting and stuff like that. I'm telling you right now

Gordon would not last two fucking seconds. Okay. He's like the preacher or the monk that gets his throat slit within like five minutes of the show Yeah, Gordon is the guy who like faithfully executes commands for the bad person and then like a shocked one he gets betrayed It's like thank you for doing that Now you die And then like a shocked one he gets betrayed. It's like, thank you for doing that. Now you die. But I did my my shot. And it's like, so Liz is like, well, so we were talking with this guy.

And he was talking about his medieval reenactment group. And it was pretty cool. And so we started going out and having events and castles. You know, well, we were in Connecticut. So it was more like we went to Barnes and Noble and had events, but we said it was a castle castle of books Yeah, you know we went to the Society for creative and Akronism Okay, and that's a world our kids have been brought up in there is something so fishy about Liz

Okay, this is how she phrases it. She's like well right after we got married. We started talking to this guy And he was into this reenactment crew. So we'd go out and we'd do these events and castles. But what the hell is this lady swinging? Like, what's the subject? I know. I also like the idea of basically, the kids were basically raised as larpers.

That's what she's saying. We've been raised in as larpers, which is funny because I think that like, most kids are sort of born as larpers. That's what she's saying. We raised it as larpers, which is funny because I think that most kids are sort of born as larpers, right? I think by the time you're like, the first 10 years of your life, you're pretty much larping everything you do, right?

Yeah, it's just comping a kid. It's being a kid. You don't need an actual name for that until you're like 50. Yeah. So then, so like, well, we went on a trip to Ireland with some friends and I, you know, I just started thinking about castles in Ireland. It was the strangest thing. So, yeah, and then we just see the slum of her daughter just like raising a bow like we will

move to Ireland. We will have a castle with NoRoof and we will shoot an arrow at every sheep that comes nearby. Yeah, frankly, we just want to go somewhere where it's illegal to use a bow. And I mean, for the amount of times our poor kids have been taken in for neighborhood cats gone missing. And then the sun and slow motion throws an axe and then the whole family lifts up their bows and arrows. Yeah, the family no one wants to live with.

You know or next to you, you know how on the show we're always laughing because the husband always wants privacy. This is a husband who needs privacy. This is the kind of husband you don't want any neighbors nearby because they will be dead, okay, there's deadly weapons as families. If they're not singing their they're terrible folk music. They're like, you know, having target practice right next to your bedroom window.

Now listen, I totally support larping. I have actually several friends who are very involved in larping and some actually design larps. And I think that's awesome. I just think it's kind of crazy to then invest like a million dollars into living your larp.

That's all. But listen, I support it, okay? So a- Passion road playing. Oh yeah, for people who don't know what that is, live action role playing. So Gordon's like, yeah, you know, spending money right now has caveats to have an outlay of an appreciable side

with a quarter of funding. He's one of those people who talks as crazily as crazy as possible to sound smart. Yeah, how have an outlay of any appreciable size would require funding? Okay, you just, you need a big fucking place for your swing or crew. Okay, Gordon, just say it in English. I know, I like that. Like, spending a lot of money has caveats. Like, yeah, because you're spending a lot of money. This is not revolutionary concept. It's like, if you're just going to spend $900,000, there will be some caveats. It's like, yeah, because you're spending a lot of money. This is not revolutionary concept. It's like, if you're just gonna spend $900,000, there will be some caveats.

As in, don't put it towards something that will sink you financially in your life. That is a good caveat, yes. Yeah. Well, welcome, welcome family, welcome to Ireland or any, kill any cat you want. Auctionier Helen Cassidy will take her clients all over Ireland to find their perfect place.

Well, if you're thinking about buying a castle in Ireland, they can be very reasonable, especially if you're an idiot. Castle dreams can come true on every budget, and you're purchasing a piece of history. A piece of history that has no roof, because that roof has been lost to history. That's why one would say it's a, sometimes it's a slower market, because you know, some of these castles have no roofs. So it's a little bit of a slower market. And this is like, well, we need to live somewhere.

I mean, obviously we need two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, something we could have events in, a big bowl for people to put their keys in, Um, and a place you could do medieval reigning actments would be good. Oh, that sounds very exciting. Like, oh, Helen is cracking up like her baby is popping out of her body as this whole time, like she's trying

not to dilaphing. She's just nodding and smiling and just giving these little pleasantries. That sounds very exciting. And Gordon's like, castles really should have all the bits and pieces of, you know, medieval stuff. Oh yes, we're going to have some fun. Particularly afterwards, when I go back and have a pint with my friend the pub, I said, stupid Americans actually were interested in that castle with no roof. That castle with no roof has been part of folk tales for the centuries and centuries about, oh, the castle with no roof, no one would buy the Casual North roof, who would buy the Casual North roof,

they bought the Casual North roof. And I want fireplaces, shut up Liz, don't be quiet Liz, okay? So, and for things like, yeah, and also we need Cursor Curb appeal, something that really gives you the impression you're entering the medieval era also with the microwave. Gonna need that. You know I'm gonna give you a castle, but evil curves curb appeal.

The fact that it's a castle. Yeah. It does like in minivan out front. Gordon. Okay. And then this is like I also want a vault. I need a vault. And so Helen goes.

Oh, what all the foul packs you've been saving up. Can I have a here with her vault she says oh you have a good long checklist which is her way of saying oh you're being mighty unreasonable for a bunch of people from Connecticut who are trying to buy a castle for less than a million dollars it's a castle and you want to spend less than a million dollars yeah well Liz said that they're willing to go up to like a million and a half if it's like super dupes ready but because they're gonna rent it out and stuff but now she's saying she doesn't want to spend more than 900 and she's like and that's only if we can rent it out and Helen's like what are

her plans to show everything to a pal of a palace and brocks to a palace of palace what let's face it they're idiots. All right I think these sheep also pay me for it. Five dollars, alright, there it is. You know what, I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna bring them to a split-level house and just tell them it's a ruinous medieval dwelling. Don't want that in my Zillow is thing. Yeah, ruinous, ruinous medieval dwelling.

So I don't want ruinous in my Zillow ever. Most popular keyword search in Zillow ruinous. And they walk out this, it says, but it's very attractive in terms of medieval artifacts. So then Liz looks at and goes well this is definitely a fixer upper but I like it. I'm like fixer upper. It has no roof. It looks like it's been bombed out. It's not a fixer upper. Okay. It's the shell of a castle right? It has no roof. No floors. No windows. I know doors. It's literally literally a big rock fence that you're going to get crushed in the second you like sing terribly off key.

Okay. Yeah. It's not a fixer upper. It's like a make it, make it upper like fixer upper implies there's anything to like improve upon. It just piles of stones. Yeah. Make a rubber upper is something that you just have to come up with an entire lie for Airbnb

because this shouldn't gonna fly. So he's like, a hell on. Now what can you tell me about this castle? A better question. What can I tell you about it? All right. So it's $250,000. Liz loves that it comes on a nice big parcel of land so they can do outdoor

events and camping events and everything. And they love that it's cheap. And Helen's like, well, I don't know how many bathrooms and bedrooms are in it because that's for the future. Because there are no bathrooms and bedrooms. It's literally old grass and stones. And he's like, well, I don't know how much of a fixture up around what this needs a lot of work. Let's go. Oh, this is the doorway, I guess. Yes, Liz. By the way, you're fucking only hold it leads into the place from the ground. You never really want a piece of real estate. We have to say, this is the door, I guess. guess like or how about when they're talking about the potential for bedrooms Liz goes well it's hard to say with a ruin it's like you're buying a ruin

you're buying a ruin just just remember it like hmm I don't know does this come with a kitchen that's hard to say with a ruin oh and hell is like well I think you'd be excited about this building it's like it's a project and hell is like well I, I think you'd be excited about this building. He's like, it's a project. And Helen's like, well, I can't wait to show you the older parts follow me. And Gordon has to like scrunch down to get through this tiny little door, poor guy. And so he has to like bend his knees, which is apparently a big thing. And his wife is like, you can do it Gordon.

Great job. Gordon, you're doing a great job, Gordon. Oh, Gordon. You're poor, Gordon. I also liked that before they went up into the tower, Gordon's like, well, this has a lot of possibilities. I mean, it's a wide open space. I'm like, that's because there are no walls and no building.

There's no building. Of course, it's a wide open space. There's always possibilities when there's no structure. Now listen here. Listen here, listen here, let me tell you what a skydisk got corbels, all right? And all these arches, those are great, that stance, those are great, great, you know what those are?

I'm just giving you a little lesson, all right? Yeah, he goes, you know, and then he goes to another room, he's like, you know, I have to say, I didn't see any murder holes coming through the entrance here. It's like, I didn't know murder holes were on the list. You know what else you didn't see? Bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, dining and living room, door, windows, foundation.

You need a place to poop before you can worry about murder holes, okay? Like prioritize. So they can be the same thing. On the bottom of the screen, it about murder holes. Yeah, like prioritize something. I'll be at the bottom of the screen. They can be the same thing. On the bottom of the screen, it says murder holes, a hole through which harmful substances or objects can be thrown by attackers. Well, there's always the option of an obliath,

which is a secret dungeon with a trapdoor and it's killing. It was also up there. That's exactly what your family needs when they start singing. And your guests can just like press a lever and you guys just like drop down into the dungeon. Does someone have the crank for this old bliet door

anyone? They're singing again. And Liz is like, listen, I know this to you, this is daunting Gordon. All right, I saw you trying to get through that doorway. But to me, it's exciting. So many new possibilities. Like Helen, I mean, Liz and get through that doorway, but to me, it's exciting so many new possibilities. Like Helen, I mean Liz, there's no real Liz.

You know what's crazy though? The sad part is I sort of agreed with her. I was sort of like, you know, this would be really cool to just like build an awesome structure in here that has like elements of castle. I kind of was like, this could be amazing. But then as I watched the rest of the episode,

I was like, oh, but what they want out of this structure is not, mm-mm. Yeah, I actually watched a show on, I think it's Hulu, because Hulu, you can watch such random shows. You know, you watch one home design show and they're like, look, crazy homes. So I was like, oh, I'm gonna watch crazy homes.

And it was these just insane projects. And some old rock star bought a place in a castle in Ireland that he wanted to fix up. And he's, he's like, I'll do it myself, you know, so he just keeps hiring crews and you can't just build something inside a castle people. Well, we need to to knock down this wall. You can't knock down the wall, people. Yeah. And there's a huge disaster that never finishes, you know? Yeah. Well, I mean, there's, in my mind, I was just thinking theoretically

because it's not my money. And it's like, it would be cool to see that turn into something awesome. But realistically, it's like, just like you said, you can't just like knock down walls. And I mean we Hillary has a hard enough time you know renovating, you know a house from 1994 on Love It or Listed I can't imagine anyone taking on a castle from many centuries ago. Oh my gosh. So house number two Hell is like I want this castle to be an inspiration to you so you can see what a finished historic Irish castle can look like

to be an inspiration to you so you can see what a finished historic Irish castle can look like. Yeah, Gordon's like standing in the shadow of these buildings that have been there for centuries, it's like a part of the whole flow of history and to be involved with something like that is something to be sought. I'm like, well how do you think the castle feels? The castle's like, I'm a castle! Oh no, get this guy out of me. How many historical shrubs you're getting out of me? Remove the Gordon. Remove the Gordon. It's Turin Castle and this is like oh you know what I wonder. I wonder what the acoustics are like. Head at G. Sickle. God. I love him. Oh, I've been the rose, lovely.

I have something to tell you, dear. Helen is just like, she's clapping along, but like looking like, Oh, so how long do I have to film with these people? Well, here you just have to put in the groundwork. And by groundwork, I mean vocal lessons Gordon Acoustics can only take you so far, okay? Number one was definitely cheap, but it would take money to build their dreams. What are they gonna think of number two?

So they they drive to Galway County Galway and Helen she brings him this castle and I could not for the life of me Understand what she was saying. The best I could get was she goes may I present you to Carol Kane on week hassle? Carol Kane Carol Kane on week hassle Carol Kane, it's welcome to the castle Welcome to the castle. Judd her she'll be here in any moment Welcome to the castle. Jack Herschel be here in any moment. Um, so Liz is like, well, it's big. It's got some stone in it.

And Gordon goes, I'm seeing matriculations and several instances of lookouts in a permanent position. So the latch guard. Okay. Yeah, I think you should focus more in the fact that there's a running toilet. Okay.

Yeah, this place is way more modern. It's like finished. It has forests on the inside, it has like a little kitchen, it just looks like a little house on the inside. Yeah, it's like quote unquote more modern and by modern meeting that, like it was brought to like 1987 or something, like modern compared to the Middle Ages when it was built.

Yeah, it has a roof, so it's like super modern. It has a, yeah. And's like supermod. Yeah. So it's, yeah. And this one's 750 all in. And this is like cool. Now this just says cool all the time for the rest of the episode. Yeah, she just goes cool. And Helen's like,

when there's three acres with plenty of outhouses and a river for you. Listen, another keyword I don't ever want must a little search out houses. Or plenty of outhouses, notkalo search out houses or plenty of outhouses not a phrase I want plenty of shit holds all over this property for a girl So they walk in and like immediately Gordon hits his head He's like oh short door, but they don't even pay attention because Helen's in the middle saying, I'm here. You can roast your boar. Stupid American. It's probably think that's what you do. Then Liz goes, oh my God, there's a stove. You know, stove's keep things warm.

And Gordon's like, you know, the middle, the medieval factors and what I'd hope for here. It's not much of a medieval factor, but it's comfortable. Well, the kitchen's on this level, but I don hope for here. It was not much of a medieval factor, but it's comfortable. Well, the kitchen's on this level, but I don't see appliances. Well, what do you want, Gordon? Okay, they didn't have dishwashers in Henry VIII's time. Make up your fucking mind.

You know why it's not as medieval as you'd like? Because it's the 2000s. Yeah. I love him complaining about medieval, and then he's mad about appliances. Yeah, exactly. So, and speaking of the appliances, most of them are hidden behind the giant door. It looks like almost like a wardrobe and it opens up and there's like a sink and everything

hidden behind there and he's like, oh man, he's like, it looks so medieval on the outside. I kind of wish the inside, match the outside, and then they put up on screen, they say, medieval kitchens did not have microwaves. Yeah, and he goes, I need to kick in the medieval. I want the medieval microwave. Ridiculous. I would be more concerned with the fact that the thing looks like a giant structure on the outside, like it's an enormous castle, and then on the inside it's like one room. I'm like, where's the rest of this castle?

Yeah, that's true. I think that's what happens when you build a house inside a house. Yeah, you just, like if anything is haunted, it's that castle. It's the Carol, I mean, Carol came literally played a ghost in Scrooge. So like in this castle.

In this castle. She is now like, she is like, resume the role in the castle. So they go to check, check out the bedroom and this cool cool cool. I like that light. It's like a tree. It's like it is a tree, Liz. And the beams are really nice. And there's like a face painted on a window. Look at that of face in the window laughing at me. That one terrors me at all. Yeah, another thing I don't want in my solo listing. Face in the window laughing at me. Yeah, and then Helen, I'm like, okay, now Gordon, what do you think of this? I'm gonna bring something over to you. Please stop singing. It's not a microphone. It's a sword.

What does he say? It's like, yeah, some color. Yeah, I love color. Yeah. If the sword comes with a castle, I'm in. And he goes, hold on. Let me see if it balances here on the middle of my, that's how you tell a good sword. You want me to show you how to look at a good sword? Hi, Ellen. Good morning, Ellen.

Hi, Dr. Reathernott. Thank you. So they go outside and she's like, so why did you think of the famous Carol Kane on Weak Household? Yeah. And- Well, it's cool. I like it. I saw what did you think of the famous Carol Kane on Weak House all And well, it's cool. I like it and you stream half acres shit houses everywhere It's my like a little castle efficiency Which it's not I don't again. I don't think I want those concepts paired and so Gordon goes

Well, it's sadly lacking mirror holes and obliath. It's not something you was hoping it to be so Sorry, these were murder holes. Must have murder holes. But Helen saves the best for last, but the price is gonna be a problem. And their little outdoor activity today is falconry. Yeah. My family's been cursed with a passion for history for as long as I can remember. When I was a child. I love cathedrals

so That's basically what dictated my life. I love cathedrals. Yeah, and eyebrows your your family's also been cursed with crazy eyebrows So we'll never fucking stop and listen like okay, you know what that Falcon wants to treat just give him a treat Well, here's what I tell him you find me a fucking murder hole Falcon You'll be fed when my hole is murdered now figure it out So then we get like a little review of what we've seen so far So we house number one and you see Helen's like well, we're in the younger part of the castle

He's like oh, young girls relatively speaking and then You're the one who wants a medieval, sir. Yeah, and also, Liz goes, oh, and the fireplace is fabulous for medieval cooking. You don't cook in a fireplace, Liz, okay? Yeah, and then the narrator says, to find a move in Ready Castle that fits their budget, Helen brings them literally across the country.

I mean, can we give this woman a raise for crying out loud? Hehehe. She delivers a palace, but it comes at a king's ransom. Which could set these idiots back. So here we are at Valle Hanan. Valle Shunan, Sanan Hanan. Valle Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan, Hanan Oh, our castle. Well, this is a remarkable renovation. It's far better than two and a half bathrooms. So many features you're both be happy with today. Not one festival toilet in the bunch.

All right, for prices 1.3 million. And this is like, oh, that is way more than we can afford. Oh, man. You are buying a castle. Wow, how much money do you expect you to pay? It's a castle. If you're not planning to spend at least a million dollars on a proper castle, then you should get out of a castle. Wow, how much money were you expecting to pay? It's a castle. If you're not planning to spend at least a million dollars on a proper castle, then you should get out of the castle.

Yeah, get out of the castle game, Liz. And she's like, but it's a fantastic rental property. You could get a thousand dollars a night or more. How many thousands does it take to make a million point three? A lot of visitors. It's a lot point three. A lot of visitors. It's a lot of nights. A lot of visitors. A lot of swinger parties, okay?

This guy can barely crouch through a doorway. Well, let's see, their budget is 900,000 and 1.3, that's $400,000 more. So really they have to just have 400 people come visit at 1000. That's not as crazy to think about that way. You can get 400 people. You have a little fair $1,000 Probably not

So this is like, you know, I mean being able to rent it. It's not enough of an insurance policy and Helen goes, but look There's a nice murder hole You know what's nice about this property? You don't have outhouses. You have what we call inhouses, which is basically an outhouse that's inside. It doesn't have any plumbing, but you can still get that feeling of shitting in a hole. And then murdering it. Then murder it yet. Set in the hole, murder of the shit you've got yourself a murder hole. 1.3 million please.

And you just drop that shit right into the ubleat. Just drop door under the loo That's deep in Gordon's like Look it's a suit of armor. Will this armor fit me no Gordon. Okay, the door doesn't even fit you Gordon Gordon you're gonna have a roof on that castle before you get into that suit of armor So so They're walking around this castle. And now this is the castle, this is to me,

this is like the castle, like this is like, here we are. Like if I'm in the market to have a castle, this is what I want my castle to look like, assuming by the way, asterisk, assuming you're not doing something cool, like an ultra modern house with like castle trappings, right? Which is what my vision was for house number one. But if you're at this point in the show, we realize they're not looking for that experience.

They actually want like a true castle castle thing. So I'm like, here it is. This is perfect. It looks great. Yeah. And they go look at the bedrooms and there's a foreposter bed. And this is like, oh my god, I love this bed. It's just not huge. So pure. It's like a full size bed. I'm like, you're the first person to history of house hunters that actually likes the smaller bed. Yeah. And Gordon gets a pretty big medieval feeling in this place. And how is like, be careful of the stairs are different heights and widths. Oh, I love that. I love that every day going up and down the staircase is gonna be a hazard to your health. Cause you can trip at any moment.

It's so beautiful. They keep going, God, this is so medieval. And then they do it close up and it's of an Eric conditioner. I know I love that. She goes, she goes, okay, everyone look up and they just see an Eric edition. He's like, oh, awesome.

It's a murder hole. Yeah. And Helen goes, let, awesome. It's a murder hole. Yeah. And Helen goes, let's hope I can get a check before he does something stupid and falls down those stairs. I know. I love Adam. So, I know. I know.

She's like, these people are ridiculous. That Eric conditioner cracked me up. It was like the fact that they were going on and on about how medieval everything is into that big ass air conditioner right there in the hallway Yeah, I'm every room it's so funny And he's like God, this is a wonderful space. I feel like I'm back on the day in Ireland. It's better than great. It's magnificent Well, I'm glad you're impressed with the great old stupid but there's a surprise downstairs the dungeon We're unwelcome guests. We're stored along with the Wi-Fi box.

Let's go there. It's about to say there's all these cables. It's like the least medieval room in the entire building. Like well, for all your internet communication. Yeah, we got a prisoner, but unfortunately they keep messing with the Wi-Fi, so we had a lot of them. Gordon's excited. He's like, I was only asking for one murder hole, but I get two murder holes at Dungeon, and it's perfectly plays a perfect dungeon with Earthling capacity. Yeah, and this is like, come on, the challenge is we need more entertaining space if this is gonna be 1.3 million.

I mean, I'm not ready to say yes to this, Drasmissie. And how would you squint at her? Like, die. How much more entertaining space, there was like a magnificent living room, there was this big dining room, it's a castle. How much more entertaining space? I mean, I think that she wants to like host

the giant larps at this castle or something like that. Yeah, that must be. And also when you're only, when your point of reference is like a place with no roof or walls, you're basically outside. So of course everything looks small. It's like, wow, house one, which is five acres of outside. We're house number two, which is a thousand square feet or whatever. So now they have to deliberate and Gordon's like, well,

I really think that we should go for the fancy one because even though it was the most expensive, and it does include the M word, which we all know stands for, um, am I doing this? That's the best bet, you know, and she's like, but we're going to put ourselves financially at risk. Yeah. She wants a one that doesn't cost anything with no walls, no roof or whatever. And he wants a most expensive one,

but they agree that they can't afford that. So he's like, what the, he the murder holes? Come on. And so it's like, I'm sorry. I got lost. I got lost. I was just thinking for murder holes. And I found it. So Gordon's like, well, Helen, I got lost. No, I got lost. I was just thinking for murder holes. I'm not funny.

So Gordon's like, well, Helen certainly took us on a road trip, didn't she? Oh, wow, we crisscross all over Ireland. And Helen's like, God damn, has fun. So I'm just not not not reimbursing me for my guest money. God damn, stupid Americans with a stupid, stupid, stupid castle wants. Yeah. And this is like financially, we'd be at risk, but guess what?

Number one, that'll be a journey He's like a money pet. I mean, are we gonna be able to handle that from Connecticut? Now this is the part I really want to see these two on the phone with contractors in Ireland exactly who are watching on their castle That's what I that's what I was thinking to like how is that gonna work out? So then and go this is the part of the show where Gordon starts to talk about the Willys a lot. He's like, wow, I mean, having to go from nothing to livable, that's giving me the Willys. And that's an authentic medieval expression, the Willys. Yeah.

And he says, Aura a lot too. He's like, you know what I really like? The aura of the murder hole. I love murder hole, Laura. And you know what else? I like the aura of the murder hole. I love murder hole. And you know what else I like the aura of sickenstown to you did you like sickenstown that's a good aura that building. Yeah, it's like you know house number three. I really like that. There's no open ended costs. It's ready to move in. It gives me a medieval feel. It's got heat,

murder holes, dungeons, anything any reasonable person would require, you know. So let's move to the place with no walls and no roof. And that is the first one and they pick house number one. Yeah, because he says, because when she's really pushing for it, he goes, he goes, wow, you're really becoming a dreamer. I like that. Or something like that. He's like, what could you dreamer all of a sudden? All of a sudden, dreamer. That's all I want. That's my wife to find would be a dreamer. I like that or something like that. He's like, what could you dreamer all of a sudden? All of a sudden dreamer. It's all I want. There's my wife to find would be a dreamer. I dream of my husband finally being able to walk through a goddamn door

where it's what I dream of. I really want, you know, we decided ultimately to go for house number one because we realized the sky has no limit. There's literally no limit. There's no roof. So that you we see them getting comfortable in their new outside, which means setting up a tent because they can't like live in the house. So they're setting up a tent with the family and their daughter's like, wow, this is so much fun.

There's a bug in here. And Liz is like, yeah, sure, we can have a nice easy time and retirement But we chose to have an adventure and it pulls back on them as they're making the tent and the kid just goes Oh, there's a bug in here I know they do something cool which is that they have a contest where they invite kids from like a university to submit ideas for how to Re-do the castle, which I think is really cool and so I was Really curious this episode was shot in 2015. It's been five years. I want to see where it's at. So I did a search and I found their website.

And the website was current in that they had an update from August of like, hey, we're going to be like disinfecting the walls. But as far as I can tell, they're the castle is still the castle. And I think that if I remember correctly from the website, there was a blurb that was kind of like, well, some castles are really meant really for defense. And you don't really live in the castle, you live in the house beside the castle,

and then when people come to attack, you go into the castle. So I kind of feel like there may be rebranding their intentions to like, they're not gonna live in the castle, they're just gonna buy the castle. So I kind of feel like there may be rebranding their intentions to like, they're not going to live in the castle. They're just going to buy the castle and then play around in the castle. Yeah, I'm looking at it too. And the, they've got horses now. So that's something. I'm trying to get close in, but it keeps changing the page. I think for larping, I don't see

any windows. The design looks pretty cool. Well, I don't think I saw the design. I don't think I saw the photo. Yeah, the main picture there has little arrows. You can look at the different pictures. And so they show the drawing that one, I guess. And it has a bunch of new modern windows in there. And it has some solar panels on top. And then it has a picture of some guys with a cement truck.

And are you on the Sigginstowncastle.com? Uh-huh. Yeah, that's front banner picture. Are you on the Sigginstowncastle.com? Uh-huh. Yeah, the front banner picture has little arrows on the side. Oh. Yeah, I would say that the website is also rather medieval. OK, all right. So they have got a strange window feature.

It's like a window in the shape of a candy cane. Oh, yeah. I see that. I mean, this would definitely be really cool once they get it up and running. Yeah, hey, you know what, you got to drink. Go get you a castle, you know? Yeah, I'm in a hurry for fun, but go get you a castle.

I love the castle. No, I actually thought it was kind of cool. I was kind of thinking, wow, like that's, it is kind of cool. I just, I think again, my vision for building with a castle would be to put something more, I would want like castle foundation with like cool modern, like modern classy wood, whatever thing around it, but that's not what they're looking for.

Yeah, and they did make this a community thing because they said, we don't want just a home, we want it to be a community thing. And you know, I mean, on one, on the cynical side is, of course, you get free designs and stuff like that from having contests. But, you know, they also get a lot of people teaching classes there. They have traditional skills, living history, or flag project filming a TV episode about this music session, music sessions, you see, heritage week, heritage week. So it looks like they're living up over there. I mean, but that being said, we are five years into this project. So it's, I mean, this is definitely a journey. I actually feel bad because you know that they got really

screwed by this pandemic and getting their count. I mean, I, I know people who are in a lot of worship from the pandemic and the people who decide to buy people. They're people of castle. I'm invested in their journey now, damn it. I don't know, but this is pretty cool. So that's the end of this. Duel, hello, Everett Boulding. We will be back so far.

Next week. Yeah, we'll be back next week who knows what we'll be recovering, but it should be exciting. This was our second Castle Theum episode. I can't believe we've had already two of this series. It's always an adventure seeing what HTTP has for us. So thank you all for listening to this show on Citro-Premium. We really appreciate it.

Check us out on Watch for Crappens for other snarky recaps and be safe and sound and we'll talk to you in the next one. Bye guys. Bye. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about

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