Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #210: Staying On Track in Monaco

Episode Date: January 14, 2022

A boy who dreams of luxury drags his mom to Monaco so he can start his life as a Princess. Will he be ok with being one step away from the border? For those of you that like to watch along, this is House Hunters International S96 E04 and we found it on Discovery Plus.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off, voice only. Launching during pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. No! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, no! Woo-hoo! Well, hello! Well, hello!

Welcome to Duel, hello! Mmm! I'm Ronnie, and that's been over there. Hi, Bann! Hi, Ronnie. how are you? Good, everybody. Welcome. This is our season two finale of Dwell Hello.

It's our Watcher at Crappens House Hunters spin-off show. And man, this has been just an amazing season, amen. Oh my God, there have been so many funny episodes. And there were so many great ones that people recommended that we didn't even get to, like there's probably about four or five that were this close to being chosen. But ultimately, I mean, hey, we'll do a third season,

we'll get them in there. But for right now, we decided to take on an episode, another house hunter's international episode called Staying on track in Monaco. Do you know that do you remember the deeds on this one, which which season and episode it is? I do. We watched this on Discovery Plus and it was volume four season 96 episode four.

Stay on track and Monaco. And we say this every week, but these are kind of hard to find because there's different streaming services, et cetera. So this discovery plus, if you search the episode title staying on track in Monaco, it will show up under the episode section. Yeah, you have to hit a tab so it might not be fully evident at first. But then once you do get there, congratulations, you have a funny episode to watch because this one cracked me up I mean, we have this is it's been a funny season for us because we actually encountered many many interesting

members of our fellow gay community and we're getting all different flavors of it and in this episode we have young idealistic Totally naive and unrealistic gay, which was a real delight. I love a shallow, unrealistic gay. All right. That's what this episode is all about. Yes, this queen just wants to be rich.

He wants to live in a richest place in the world. He's wanted to since he was a little boy, like he has never been more inspired than he has from seeing Monaco and he has a different version than his mother, like he's even idealized where he heard of Monaco, you know, he's got like his own version of where he heard the story, which is a little bit more romantic than the truth, and he's just always dreamt of it, he's, you know, worked so hard to come to Monaco. Can't afford it, okay? And I love it.

I just, I just love it. He's like a Louis Vuitton belt and a pair of old Navy jeans. You know what I mean? Like, he really is. You're just spending all that money so you can look rich, but everybody, everybody knows you wear an old Navy too, girl.

Come on. Yeah. So this guy, he's like an Adam Ripont type, you know, like the ice skater. And we just see him say, this is the life, isn't it? Huh? This is the life. And he tells us, because right now we're just getting, it's the beginning, it's the sort of the preamble.

We don't know what's happening. We're getting little shots of what we will see. And he goes, the first time I saw Monica on TV was when I was five and my mind was completely alone And then it's not gonna be the only thing that's blown for you to keep that apartment I know so Linda comes on native New Englander Ben has always known he was destined for glamorous shores And then we just see Ben stepping out of a car like an onj new like, I'm here in the big city, mother. And he's with his mother. He drives up somewhere in a fancy car, you know, I wrote rental.

Obvious rental shows up in a rental luxury car. And when he graduated from school in Monaco gave him the out he'd been looking for. He did everything he could to make his caveat dreams come true. And he's like, I have just been working so hard to make this a reality. Now here I am, mom. Let's go shopping. Yeah. And he's like, I'm a little impulsive. I'm like, yeah, you're moving to Monaco and you yeah, you're moving to Monaco. And you're going to Monaco for graduate school. So then we also see this gorgeous realtor.

This lady is like a model. And she says, Monaco can be a difficult place to house on. It's the glorious and bling, bling. And by bling, bling, bling, I mean, not for American students. Yeah, I mean, it's like, I told you, I've got the leadership of Grandeur, let's do that. So we see him walking with his mom, and his mom is, of course, his mom.

Right, it's like, yeah. She's my mom, basically. Like, boys like this have a specific kind of mother. And my mom is the same, walking around in a fur by the water, taking your send a monoco and promising him anything can happen, even though that is a damn line, we all know it, okay?

Yeah, and like the narrative of this episode, it is kind of like, ugh, I'm living in some armpit of America, some like some dead end shit can town, and I just wanna go to the luxury and the beauty of Monaco. And so we see where he's from, he's from Guildford, Connecticut and it's like this adorable New England town.

It's like beautiful town green adorable shops. You know, it's like a church, like a little white church with a steeple and a town clock. I mean, it's really like back to the future and he's like, ew, gotta get outta here. Gotta get some money.

I know. Yes, and clearly wealthy, right? Like, at least upper middle class. And it's on Long Island sounds. It's actually on the water. Yeah, like really pretty. And you know that his mother has just like put upon. Like, okay, but you know, he's off the rails,

but I'm gonna show him how to be responsible. And he has to get a job. And you know it him how to be responsible and he has to get a job And you know it's one of those like you have to get a job and at least pay 20% of the bills You know something like that because she's a good mom I mean, I think she's a good mom, you know, and she knows what she's got like she knows she opened the package Totally read the instructions and knows what she's got and it's just, you know, trying to, trying to kind of reel him in, but still be a good, like, friendly mom with him. It's so cute. A lot of mom. Like, if someone were to make a movie of the mom's life, she'd clearly be

played by, like, Marisa Tomei in the best way. Like, this would be, like, another Oscar-nominated Marisa Tomei role of, like, I just want the best for my son if I have to work another shift at the grocery store so be it I just want him to go to Monica, huh? No, this woman does not work in a grocery store. I imagine that she was like in the movie she does to make it more sympathetic. Okay, I was gonna go down the whole path. So Ben's like yeah I grew up my whole life living in Connecticut. It's beautiful, peaceful, quiet, a little too quiet, if you know what I mean. And he's there like walking along Long Island sound, like this really coveted real estate

and like a coveted view for a town. And he goes, I just wanna trade this gray for blue. As if he's like looking at raw sewage. It's like lovely wood in, you know, posts and like seagulls. And it's just like, it's literally a postcard. He's like, eh. And he's like, I just want a glass of champagne sitting on the beach.

Well, okay, stop planning on breaking the law right at first, okay, because you cannot take glass on the beach. Also, you're on the water. You're a little, what part of you walking along the water with your mom? Does not say you're on the water. Just bring, just take the champagne and block away. You're, you're there. He says growing up, I felt like Connecticut was not a place that I really fit in. Okay. Guess what? Monaco is not a place you really fitting. I mean, in Connecticut,

maybe you were too fabulous for Connecticut, but Monaco, you're two poor girl. You are two poor and two ordinary. So then now we meet the mom, you're too poor girl. You are too poor and too ordinary. So then, now we meet the mom. You're too poor to marry. You're too poor to marry. So the mom is Rosemary Franco. Benjamin was always fascinated with international places growing up. You know, my parents had taken a cruise to Monaco.

My mother came back with all the pictures. She just took photos of the time she went to Florida and told him was Monaco. Well unfortunately it was a big mistake because now that's all he wants. We should have just told him it was Epcot at the time. And he was like, oh my god, I could not believe this place existed. Having this alternate reality of Monaco gave me something to look forward to. Like, well once I get there, it would all be for me.

Like he's clearly gonna wind up as a male prostitute, right? Like this is how all the prostitution stories begin, right? Once I get to Monaco, everything will be fixed. I'll fit right in and I'll be adopted into high society. Me, Ben, the graduate student. I mean, you're gonna be sitting on traffic cones. I'm gonna tell you that much right now. So Rose is like, I knew it wouldn't be long for him

to be onto something bigger and better. Scott, like a little tear the whole time, like my son leaving me. So Ben says, I found out that they had a university and I thought I could get my master's degrees there. And then that would get me my foot into the door and now I make every decision based on what's gonna get me closer to graduate school in Monaco Monaco University. Sarah this is a McDonald's could you just give us your

order? Well don't get me closer to Monaco how many times do I have to ask? I wanted to get to Monaco so badly. I started working at an Amaco just because it sort of sounds like it. I only get my gas at a Texaco. I only listen to Monaco on Friendspeak. Oh, so Cardioliship. He basically, that's where he's been working. He's been into Cardiola ship

So we see him selling a car and it's so funny He's like so I think we have one part over here. You're gonna Lava co If you look up you'll notice that the entire roof of this car is made of glass the world is your oyster This is the monoco of cause Look this one has an navigation system and if you look up There's a dried up old dad looking at you from that rear view mirror. See? You did it. He's like, wow, that's just a mirror.

But thanks, kid. Yeah, this car also comes with a free trip, a free tip. Moisturize. You only get one skimsy daddy. Make it out. Buy it and get out. Okay. So he basically says how he based,

he stopped living his life so he could save up for this, this to live in Monaco. And so now we see him, it's his last day at the Land Rover store and he's like, you know what daddy, I'm moving on to something bigger, something better than Land Rover, I'm not gonna be a Land Rover, I'm gonna be a yacht Rover, I resign gonna be a Yacht Rover. I resign.

It's like, okay, well, thanks for working here. Well, I know the boss is like, oh my God, this kid. He's like, isn't this odd? This being my last day? He's like, I guess I'll shake your hand then. I'm gonna do it. Living, finally, living. Well, I mean, I am going to be sorry to see and go

if only because we won't get our 1 PM rendition of part of this world that we get every single day. Yeah. So now we see mom and Ben walking the dog. And she's like, no, I think you're really going to fly high. And he tells us, I think there's a really big divide between my expectations and my moms. I mean, I'm in a foreign country and I have the solutions of Grancher. So I need

someone there who can bring me back to the reality of what I can afford because, you know, she buys all her faux fur at TJ Maxx. I think she would do. Yeah. And as they just like walk through this like completely beautiful town The town square where they're westie like a place that people just aspire to live Can't wait to get to Monaco. I'm put all my hopes and dreams and childhood traumas in a basket and leave them back here in the town square Well, I live and recreate myself in Monaco So the real estate lady is now with them and she's like, Monaco is a small country on the edge of the Mediterranean Sea and it's separate to France, but it is obviously very, very close to France.

Yeah, and he goes, well, it's approximately a half mile wide and a little more than a mile long and there's 35,000 residents and we learned that $1 million will only get you 160 square feet of space because it's the most expensive real estate in the world. In other words, the perfect place for a graduate student. Yeah, exactly. So the real estate lady Emily is her name, we find out. She's like, we are known for the Grand Prix, but it's really a playground for the super rich. I'm just going to put that super in there so you can watch this episode in Lafharder. You have the clothing, the super yachts, the celebrities by the plane load, super celebrities

by the super plane load. You know, if there's anything that's been known for, it's wealth, in excess, super yachts, celebrities, not students, not students from America. Yes, those are the things that are pretty much known for. It's like in my dreams, I can totally see what my life should look like, but in my pocket, I just don't have the money to make things real. For shallow ass Ben. For shallow ass Ben. Why are you moving to Monte Carlo? You're little moving to Monte Carlo. Why are you doing this to yourself? So, so bet they they meet up and Ben's like Emily, hi I'm Ben because Ben, oh, oh I was expecting like Affleck not a

fan of that. Okay, oh I see there was a mix up. So I'm showing a student a house in Marlkeau. Okay, okay, shouldn't be a problem whatsoever. Got it. Why, what are you looking for and why is it anywhere near me? He's like, well, I want to one bedroom and being on the Mediterranean sea, a sea view would be ideal and on the top, very, very tip top, pen house preferably of a modern building that would be great. But most of all, I need to be within the borders of Monaco. Okay, and now has your boss approved all these expenses for you're an assistant, right? You're not purchasing for your sales, right? She's like, please tell me your budget because

it smells very poor out here. It's hurting my nose. I'm allergic to it. He's like, please tell me your budget because it smells very poor out here. It's hurting my nose. I'm allergic to it. He's like, let me explain, mother. Because his mom's like, okay, well, here's the thing. He's like, let me explain, mother. I have a soft budget of like 1750, but I'm pretty flexible. Right, mom?

Her purse is elastic, so. So when you say a flexible, does that mean you're fine with like a dumpster or cardboard box? Which would you prefer? Girl, you better be flexible because you're gonna be needing to put those ankles behind that head. So Rosemary says whatever realtor in Monaco probably wants to hear. Well, you know, he will have limits. He's a student. He's not able to work. So you know, I'm sure that's that works in Monaco, right? She's like, hmm, okay, so you're much more the voice of reason here. Hmm, okay. Hold on one second. Let me just call the office. Okay,

Shantel, okay, who's sick joke was this? Okay, because I'm not I'm not I'm not amused. I'm not amused at all. Well, I shouldn't just love to her at home. Well have you ever considered just being over the border and he's like um yes but no she's like well it is pretty obvious that Ben is in the um how do you say this for it I forget monogask the monogask state of mind, but his budget is going to make that very, very difficult. Also, his Americanism is going to make him very, very difficult because monogask is a native or an inhabitant of monaco.

So she's basically saying that like he's got like Monaco stars in his eyes. So Emily's like, well, you know what? I mean, if you go literally meters away from Monaco, the prices are significantly lower. I mean, just over the border or several borders and perhaps an Atlantic ocean. Oh, look at you. Right back in Connecticut, what you belong, isn't that funny? He's like, that is not why I moved here. Red, okay? I don't want to be in France. I want to be in Monica And then we get Like some weird scary horn start playing This fucking kid who is poo-pooing France France, okay, like you need to start working on your Nancy Myers movies

Okay, cuz you have to realize that France is a like a very wonderful alternative. He's like, uh, what does France have to offer? Culture, croissants, beautiful, beautiful sunsets. No, thank you. I want Monaco. He's like, but for the sake of investigation, I will look at some plain bullshit in France. Okay, the carb and green capital of the world. Great, but let's start with plan A. Okay, plan A. Monaco, plan A. So she's like, okay, well,

we'll just waste my time for the Penny Commission. I will be earning off of you. I know. You know, being a student is obviously very important to him to save money wherever he can. So starting just outside Monica on the French border to show him just how wherever he can. So starting just outside Monica, I'm the French border, to show him just how much he can get,

which is nothing, but at least he won't be in my little country. Oh, right. So she's like, keep him out. Yeah, so they go. She's like, you'll be living here inside of this wonderful gated, like this is a pen.

Yeah, well, you notice, made of Jane Link, but this is very, very fancy in Monaco. All right, let me show you a new house. Okay, you see, I have some chalk right here. Okay, stand right there. Are you drawing a box around me? Yes, it's your new house. So they go look over at this little town outside of Monaco.

They're good friends. And she's like, basically on the other side of parking lot is Monaco. He's like, but it's not of Monaco. They're good friends. And she's like, basically on the other side of parking lot is Monaco. He's like, but it's not in Monaco. But it does have a parking lot for you to turn enough tricks until you can afford a taxi ride in Monaco by the time you're 60. Right.

And the mom's like, I don't think a few steps from the border really matters that much. Oh, be quiet, you homely lady. You're not the one moving. You're get out of here. Quiet, mother of God, got peed on speed dial. She's like, all right, honey. Go ahead, let's take a look.

So they've got a view of the ocean, which is just a little sliver, you know? And he's like, ew, what are we looking at? Whether it's a one bedroom, one bath, with a balcony, a sea view, and a pool. And he goes, wow, a pool. And here's the brilliant part. You're not in my country.

Also, it's only $1,300 a month. How about that? He's like, okay, fine. So they walk in and the apartment is basically a hallway. Like you walk in and it's already a narrow hallway, but somehow it's also a kitchen when you walk. It's a kitchenette. And he's like, oh my God, it's tiny and old.

And there's no oven. I'm like, you're a student trying to live in Monaco, sir. What are you expecting? Get used to tiny and old, okay, because. That's what you, that's what you'll be finding in the parking lot. Exactly. So Emily's like, but you have microwave.

I love that Emily hates him so much. She's like, there's a microwave American. Okay. You may not, you may not have luxury, but you can have to steal your pizza roll. You may have to special order that because France has banned them just based on being disgusting. And then mom goes, come on. You don't cook anyway. you know what I'm saying? Well, I won't be able to even if I wanted to.

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thought was going to be also a bedroom, but actually there is a little bedroom and then there's a bathroom where the bathroom's actually bigger than the kitchen, but the tub is kind of like old. And he's like, it's just so old and just so dirty. Look at that crowd. It's peeling. Well, honey, it's practical. And it's not so old that something can't be done with it. So the tiny living space is like white tile and this terrible foam couch. I mean, do they just not want somebody to move into this place? Cause this is bad. This is, it's like, it's horrific.

And the, it's, it's basically like there was a sofa there. And someone said before I move out, let me make sure I take the upholstery. And they just stripped the fabric off the sofa. And it's just like that sort of like mustard colored, whatever you call that. Pup. Yeah. Yeah.

Film. And he's like, what is that? Which is of course, what everyone's probably saying to him every time you walk into Monaco, who is that post? Do you do this country? Yeah, she's like focused on the view because that's what you're paying for. And he's like, oh my god, that is beautiful.

Which I believe this is the one where it's not really. I mean, it's a little bit of the ocean, but you have to like, crane your head and hang halfway off the balcony. And you can see like a sliver. Yeah, like you have to like, crane to see it. But if you're just looking out at the balcony, it's just kind of like a hill with tree.

It's like an unremarkable hill with trees. I'm sure his view in Connecticut is significantly better. So Emily is like, yes, and on a clear day, you can see all the way to Italy, which is perhaps someplace you should go to instead, because, you know, this is your pool, you're very pool. So, um, so then he likes opens, slides open the door to that, uh, and it's the closet, because is this a walk-in closet? And then it goes, no. Listen, I haven't lived in a closet since I was four years old, bitch. Okay, get me out of here. So they go to look at the pool and he's like, oh my god,

you can see Monica. I'm on a god. I love you. Oh my god. I've been dreaming of you. So he says, you know what? Like, I love the, I love the terrace, I love the view. I love this big giant communal pool that hasn't been maintained in what looks to be 15 years. But the apartment just doesn't have much to offer. I mean, I'm like, doesn't have much to offer much like students in Monaco. What are you, what are you going to offer? So Emily's like, put it's a good deal. And the mom says, you know, it's a good deal.

And the mom says, you know, that's the biggest consideration here. You're close to school, which is why you're here. Listen, there are only so many rich, old men in Connecticut to marry, okay? You're taking this. And he's like, I brought a call, see something updated. And where is that? Monica, let's go to Monaco.

So he's talked, now we get his version. He's like, well, the first time I heard about Monaco was being little and watching the Grand Prix. And now I'm here. No, it was not. It was when your grandparents went to Epcot and took some pictures at a hot dot on the screen. So don't try and make this like you knew

what the Grand Prix was when you were two. And that you were watching the Grand Prix. What is this roshamon of Monaco that he's going through? So Linda says Ben left quaint New England behind to study the good life in Monaco where he will become destitute and go into a life of prostitution just to forward a croissant. Yes. And then this is where we find out what Ben is studying in Monaco. He is going to get a master's degree in luxury service. Now, girl, no, he tells us I hope to get into luxury yachting. Okay, guess what?

You're going to be waiting tables and scrubbing toilets. We watch below deck, sir. You know what this means. You do not need a master's degree. You definitely do not need a master's degree. And this poor kid thinking that working on a yacht will be stepping into the high life. I mean, we've seen this actually many seasons on the show. People who really think they are going to be the guests on those yachts. And he's in for an even ruder awakening than he's already going to be the guests on those yachts and he's in for an even router awakening then he's already going to be getting as a student in Monaco.

Well, you know, being a waiter so long, one of my best friends was also a waiter, but he's like snottier than me. He's kind of like the phrasher crane to my, I don't know, Cliff, I don't know what you would say. So he is very like snottie. So he would get like these fine dining jobs. Oh my God, he would just everything, like suddenly when the wine came to the table, he'd be like, I'm like, it's a silk rot, it's a five dollar bottle of wine.

Okay, it's a table wine, sir. But he got so snotty because he was fine dining now. So he felt like he was around so much money that he was rich. I'm like, please, and it reminds me of this kid. Yeah, yeah, this, when we find out that he wants to be a yaddy, I'm just like, oh gosh, this kid, this is gonna be a rough journey ahead for him.

Yep. So mom's like, well, Benjamin likes nice things and he's very influenced by that. And you know, he can get carried away. He just has to realize he might not get some on to go right away. It might take a little time. And again, he's like upset that he's like 50 feet away

from the border. It literally makes very little difference. So we get a little recap of House One, and we hear Ben say, it would almost haunt me to know I'm here, but not here. So you're gonna have to get over this, okay? Cause it's literally the same city. Like the entire city feels like,

I actually went to Monaco, I went back in 2007, and you cannot tell the difference between being in France or in Monaco. It's like being in West Hollywood versus, like, I don't know, not even Hollywood, West Hollywood, Hollywood, whatever. It's so immaterial and to see him making everyone's live's hell over this is both hilarious and maddening.

Yeah, he's like, but mom, I had to work so hard for so many years. Give me a second break. How old are you? And you were selling Honda's. It's not like you were scrubbing, you know, like scrubbing toilets. Get over it. Yeah, it's big dreams though. So, so now Emily's on the phone and she's like, she's just talking to someone. She's like, yes, I have my clients with me. Yeah, no, you heard. It's a student. I know. The poor ones. Yes, it's the poor ones.

The ones with the poor, yeah, everyone knows. So she says, I'm showing them a nice apartment today and it's a little over budget, but seeing as he said that he's flexible, it could be a winner. So she's like, okay, look at this, take a step. Okay, we're in Monaco. Now take a step, we're in France.

Like that. And the mom's like, well, you can't get any closer. It's not Monaco, mother, go away. Back to get out of here. She says, but there's a balcony, but there's no sea views in this one. He's like, it was fine, I guess we'll look. This place is 1900 a month. Yeah. This is a $600 increase. It's $150 over his budget, but then Emily is like, for your

quote, unquote, soft budget, LOL. So then, this is 600 over. because didn't he say 13? Oh no. Well, 13 was below, but this one is 150 over his, he wanted 1750 as a soft budget. Oh, okay. So this one, it comes, this one cracked me up because it comes free cleaning, which is nice, a linen change, which is nice, and a gift basket. I've never heard of a gift,

an apartment that comes with a gift basket. I almost would be sold by that. Yeah, this sounds like kind of corporate housing, right? Yeah, exactly. Oh my god, it's like living in a hotel. So they go in to check it out and there's very fancy music. And this one is nice.

It is nice. It has an aggressive pop of red thing going on with it, like a very red kitchen. And it's not just accents, it's accent plus. But considering the last place that they looked at, I think this one, I was like, okay, this one's actually livable and nice. Yeah, and so the mom's like, well,

I'm just looking around for the reception desk because this is like a hotel. Oh my God, look at these closets, so much space on me. He goes, I'll need it. For all the shopping you're going to do when you're not being rent in Monte Carlo. So he's like, I don't know whether whether or not that makes up for a CVU, I'm not sure because it turns out there's no CVU instead. How much CVmen am I supposed to take with no sevy you? Okay.

Who is this kid? This kid who is a student in the most expensive country in the world or adjacent to it, who also is demanding a sevy you on top of every single thing else. And honestly, the view that he does have is of like a street and these different houses. I would love that view. I love looking at other buildings and what looking at people on the street. That's my favorite. I am Pearl from 227. I am Nozy and I love to sit there and just watch people walk to and fro and make stories off about them.

That's my favorite thing. Yeah, I thought this view was pretty decent. It was like of the hills with home. I mean, it was pretty. It was like a good city view. Yeah. So, yeah, this one's like big and modern. And by modern, I mean, both in like red, but also in just newer, right? Yeah. The kitchen's a tiny little square kitchen, but it's still nice and new-ish. And he's like, and cleaning comes with that. And she goes, oh, I know what a mess you make. Maybe you do need the cleaning after all.

Shut up up mother. So mom is like, well, the view is air, but at least you do have a terrace. And there's like a nice bathroom. And so Ben loves how modern it is. And he likes to use it. The furniture is beautiful, which not maybe a stretch, but he's like, but to be of a budget and still not in Monaco is not to be ideal.

It's like, you are a literal foot from Monaco. This guy is deranged. Yeah. So Emily's like, so you're not coming around to the idea of being on the French side of the border? And he's like, at this point, I don't even want French fries Sarah playing in tall. Get me a fucking apartment in Monaco before I gouge your eyes out with the caviar's prune. Yeah, because if I'm gonna make the sacrifice

of being over the border, at least I'll have so many amenities I could learn to live with that. But I mean, I need to see you. So the mom is like, well, I don't know how important the gift basket is in the whole picture. I actually don't even know how important

is for you to live in Monaco, to be honest, to be what? On a boat? I don't get it whole picture. I actually don't even know how important is for you to live in Monaco, to be honest, to be what, on a boat? I don't get it. Yeah. Luxury, it's called luxury, okay. It's just like you need your balance. So now he's in a bar with his mom, but it's like kind of a club bar, you know,

like club lighting and stuff. And he goes, oh my god, mom, I'm taking such a big jump. It's so exciting. I mean, look at this place. I'm taking such a big jump. It's so exciting. I mean, look at this place. I'm sure I'll be coming here a lot after school. Yeah. And Linda says, it's love at first sight for Ben, but mom knows best. Love bites.

Oh, she's like, so this is the first time I won't be working. So I'll have free time after classes. It's gonna be so interesting to live the lifestyle we learn about in class. You're not gonna be living that lifestyle. Okay, you're gonna be serving that lifestyle that you learn about in class. I think does he think he's taking a graduate program

on how to be rich? Like I don't know, does he know what his program is? Yeah, he just heard luxury, so he signed that, but you gotta, you gotta do think. You better learn how to work a squirrel machine. I know. I mean, like I was, I mean, the fact that he really is saying, and he's gonna be living the lifestyle we learn in class. He's the, it's gonna be, I would like to see a follow-up

on this one. And so the mom's like, well, you know, he likes to find a thing in life, but most people don't start out that way. And he can't have it all at the beginning. I've watched Ben save money to do this. And I can't wait for him to be paying 10% of the bills. It's going to be amazing. And then he's like, oh my God, I like this beer, but it'll take

even better on my terrace in Monaco. She's like, or your terrace in France or how about just a terrace in Connecticut, honey? This is way too expensive for you. I see it with my own eyes now. What are we doing? We can't even afford this beer anymore. So Linda's like, well, House one is a bargain, but Ben called the camera crew a bunch of sea words when we showed it.

And number two had, let's put it in his own words. No sea bill. of C words when we showed it. And number two had, let's put it in his own words. No C peel. House three is in Monaco. So Emily is like, well, in order to find him a good deal, the compromises is going to be a lot of construction work outside. The owners are desperate to find a tenant, absolutely desperate. And unfortunately, that will require some special services on Ben's part, but I think we are and he was going down that path anyway, didn't we? Yeah, so the mom and Ben come over

and the mom's like, wow, there's a lot of construction outside. He's like, yeah, it's really loud. Yeah, okay. Shut up poor people. That's what you're gonna have to take to get this. And this place is gorgeous. Like this place is really, really nice. Like nice wood floors, really nice furniture

and ocean view. It's a passive aggressive listing. This is Emily's way of saying, if you ask one more time for Monaco, I like, like this is what I'm gonna show you. This is not you. This is not your life. This is not for you. you are a graduate student,

you do not belong within the confines of this country, you are gonna be in France in a shack. I don't know if I told you the address, but it's 00,00, you didn't earn this street. So let's go, let's take a look at the living room. So he's like, oh my God, this is beautiful, this is exactly what I'm looking for. Yeah So he's like, oh my God, this is beautiful. This is exactly what I'm looking for. Yeah, he's like, oh my God, I wanna move in.

I can't imagine what this must cost. Well, let's just say, he goes, well, there's a catch. I had to put a lot of strings to get a good deal in Monaco and because of the construction, the owners wanted to give a discounted price, which is not for students. This is actually not for you at all. This is just a big joke for you.

I'm sorry. So, the mom's like, what's the discount? She goes, it's 2,500. And the mom's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can one of those construction out, uh, tracks outside, do us a favor and get rid of Ben's gag reflex? Because that's the only way he's affording this place. He goes, oh, as if you really thought this was going to come in around, you know, $1,600, right? So he's like, oh my God, I love the bed.

Oh, and there's a second terrace. Oh, there's a walk-in closet. I just want to live here. It's so beautiful. This is exactly what I'm looking for and more. And soon I will be living here. I will because I'm a student and as a student I can live anywhere I want. So the mom's like, but do you feel this? I mean you hear the noise and do you feel this vibration? I mean my god Ben, he's like, well at least we don't have to pay a quarter in the wall for it to do this. Am I right? Emily's like, well bear in. It's only in the day, the construction, the rest of the time you're just tripping over the holes in the street.

You love it. It'll be great for you. Yeah. So he's just like ready to sign. He wants to move in despite the fact that it's like beyond out of his range. And especially when they're like, oh, well, the construction is only for six months.

I'm like, so you only get the discount for six months. You know, you want that discount for two years, right? Yeah, because he's saying, oh, but the construction stands soon, right? The minute that construction's done, your ass is on the street. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You are doing, you are doing my work on the street

for all the people eating outside of the casino. You need to think the Lord every day you hear that Jack Cameron. That's for sure. I know. So, um, so now like Ben and his mom go on to a boat to like discuss things and it's like a really It's like the oceans are turbulent because you just see the mom like a bit down just like like I'm surprised surprised she's not puke right there on camera. And he's like, wow, this is the life mom. We should get a bigger boat. I mean, this one's so small, let's get a bigger one. She's like, yeah, I'll get right on that, honey.

Ben wants to be Madagascar. His house one is almost unthinkable. He's like, just because I'm a student doesn't mean I want to live like that. House two is fancy, but francy. See what I did there? I just wanted to emphasize that was in France, because apparently France is bad now. So it was too francy, if you know what I'm saying. And House 3 is on the right side of the tracks, but not really for students. One, both so lay on a budget. Two fancy, but not fancy.

Three, not fancy. Three coveted zip code. So he's like, well, I feel like I have to eliminate one. I think the first thing I should eliminate is a useful degree. Okay, that's out of the way. I'll take the expensive one. Yeah, he's, so is, in my mind, I'm thinking,

okay, he's gonna go for number two because it's it's a night. It's like a livable apartment. It's not in Monaco. It's only a little bit over his budget. So like, that's obviously the best one. So he's like, okay, we have to eliminate one. So there's obviously one that's just totally, totally not acceptable because I only get to look at a beautiful street instead of the sea. So that's gonna be number two. I have to get rid of that one. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I had red stuff and a bad terrace.

And it's not in a Monaco. And she's like, wise decision, honey. So he's like, okay, so we have to talk about that Monaco part, okay? Because, oh my God, Monaco, it was the biggest to have two terraces. Oh my God, I mean, even with the biggest, it had two terraces. Two terraces, oh my God. I mean, even with the construction.

I mean, we left that place. I looked at that street and I said, I mean, who's not getting Jackhammer to be in this neighborhood. Am I right? The mom's like, well, what about the Bojole apartment, which is funny because it's Boze Salay, but she called a Bojole. It's one of the things that,

one of the ways I find joy in life is one of people use Bozile and correctly, which has really never happened until it happened like right here. So, I'm so Bozile. So Bozile. So look at the Bozile, Bozile's Waze. So she goes, well, what about the Bozile one?

And it gives you a lot more money to play with. It's a very workable, nice apartment. Is this sea ever gonna calm down? I swear to God because that shark could I spent a lot of money on that shark could report on land. I'm not uptrucking it, okay? I understand, Mother, but my dream was to be in Monaco. She's, but do you have to spend more money? I'd look at this. I mean, come on. You're gonna be outside experiencing this, this world, the water, the boats, sun. I just, I see Monaco apartment in your future someday.

And I also see you standing next to someone very shriveled up in a wheelchair with saliva dripping down as well. Mother, stop your psychic bullshit, okay? There's a place for us. Mother, stop it. Okay. So then he's like, you know what? I think the one that I'm going to go for is the absolute worst one that's the least

hospital that has some sort of disgusting decaying sofa in it. That's the one I'm going to do. And I'm going to use my leftover money to buy a sheeting sofa in it. That's the one I'm gonna do. And I'm gonna use my leftover money to buy a sheet to put over it. I was like, this is what you're gonna go when he goes for house number one. Yeah, I was actually shocked to. I'm surprised that he wasn't sobbing at this point.

I mean, like, I mean, like, look, I think his goals are totally unrealistic, but also, like, you know, enjoy some of your delusion, right? Like, it's just awful. And she's like, but you'll have some money left over the shop and buy accessories and a couch cover. So now we see it all designed. And of course, it does look much nicer.

Basically, I mean, it had that foam couch of it. So anything would have made it look nicer. But of course, he has like a gold candle labra and that little tiny rear. Yeah, he's putting the lessons he's learned in graduate school, school to work, right? So decorating and stuff. He did a good job. I just cracked up for myself that gold candle labra and then they go sit out on the back and he's like, I'm bringing my gold candle opera. Hold on a sec, mom. Yeah, he's like, he's like, I think I made for Monaco. I mean, I'm learning something every day that I couldn't get in a textbook. I'm like, what are you

learning? You're learning how you how to not afford things? You go into Monaco and not buy things because you realize you're a student in Monaco, not with any, with a job. Yeah, he's like, my mom had a good point. You know, I just need to learn more. And I already know how to put my fist in my mouth. I'm coming for you, Monaco. He's like, then there's like, let's go do more shopping. So walking down a sidewalk and he's like, can you believe this is my playground?

I'm like, it's not your playground. You cannot afford this, okay? Your playground. You have the only thing you're missing is one of those like, brooms on a stick or like one of those dust pan things on a stick like they have a Disney hand. Yeah, and he goes,

and you know what, with all the money I'm saving, I could go for a car at least. And she's like, oh my God, a small one, please. I know it never ends with people like that. So funny. What a good one. Well, this has been a really, really fun season. Thank you guys so much for being here with us and listening to these. These are all available. Season two is all available for free. If you would like to listen to season one, that is on Stitcher Premium. So go sign up for that.

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