Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #310 House Hunters International: Quality Time in Bern

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

*Dwell Hello is our twice a month podcast for Wondery+!* In this episode of House Hunters International (S58E02), Jeff and Emily move their family to Switzerland. Will they find the time to clock an American fridge, or will they have to bear the consequences of second hand cheap appliances? We watched this episode on Discovery+!Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Dwell Hello. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. We're the Watchwood Crappens guys here to recap some house hunters. In this case, House Hunters International for you. We love doing Dwell Hello. And thank you to everybody for being here on Wondry Plus to listen to us.

You know what it warms my heart? It does. Well, especially it, it was. warms my heart because this is a very interesting recap that we're about to do today. This is Quality Time in Burn, which we watched on Discovery Plus, season 58, episode two. I found it by just literally typing in Quality Time and Burn, and I came up and I clicked on it. But we did a show in Washington, D.C. this past weekend, and someone came up to us afterwards and said, I love D. Well, Hello. My family was on House Hunters International. You have to have.

to recap the episode that we were on. And I remember Ronnie was like, was it good? Because it was so funny. You have to watch it. So Emily sent us a link to the Househunter's International for us to recap this. We thought, okay, why don't we just do Emily's episode? I personally thought that Emily, it was like Emily's parents or something or I was not thinking it was going to be Emily herself was one of the two people on Househunters. But it is. It is Emily. Wait a minute. This was the lady at the show. Yes. No, this was a different lady. Didn't she say this was her uncle or something? This was her? Well, I thought it was her uncle or something also, but the lady on this show is Emily Burke. Unless she said, let me have my aunt reach you guys, but I'm pretty sure this was her. How fun, because this was years ago.

This is season 58 episode two. I mean, what was this in 1976? I mean, it was a long time ago. To season 9,047. I know. And you could see, this is an older episode. There was like different production styles, and they played different kind of music. No, this, I'm looking at the email right now.

She says, I just saw you at the Lincoln Theater. And my family was on this episode of House Hunters. So. My gosh. Emily won in the families. Emily, how did you marry a dude like this? Who's just like, oh, she makes all the decisions. I do whatever she wants.

The end. I was like, what? I've never seen it. I've never, I've seen guys who are kind of like that, but then like maybe a little stressed out, like, I'm going to get back at her. And, you know, there's something boiling under them. Jeff doesn't look like that at all. Jeff looks like he loves being controlled and working to do whatever Emily needs him to. It's like marrying a handyman with a really good job.

Where did you find him? Like, it was very clear that Jeff was going to have no say in this decision, right? Like, you could tell he said, so do you guys? want to move to Switzerland. Fine. If you want to move to Switzerland, I get to choose the house. Like, that was clearly the discussion beforehand. Yeah. But I'm choosing the house.

You're going to have more holes in your chest than a chunk of Swiss cheese, right? But luckily, I actually loved this. I thought this episode was so funny. And I especially appreciated the fact that since it was an older episode, it was very heavy on Linda, the narrator, which of course, we call it the narrator Linda, because she's such a Linda. So it was super Linda. The houses were crazy.

It was a good episode. Their early episodes are heavier on bitchy Linda, and they've tried doing this thing in newer years because Linda passed away. So they have like a sound-alike Linda who kind of sounds like Linda, but she maybe talks like this and maybe has a little more joy than the other Linda, which I don't approve of. They have that, or they've tried doing it where there's no narrator, which is weird. I don't like that.

I need some form of judgment or Greek chorus. in this show. Yeah, me too. So we go, why don't we just dive into it into quality time and burn? The first thing we see is a bunch of bears, which was not what I was expecting to start with. But as we learned much later on, burn means bears. So there we go. Bears wrestling under an underpass. It was like a rehash of my 20s. So Linda's like, Jeff's job in New Jersey can be a bear. Get it? Because there's bears on the screen. Linda was very punny in these early years, by the way. Everything she says has. has like a little pun in it.

Yeah, she's like, Jeff's job could be a bear, but Jeff certainly couldn't. Am I right? Doesn't quite have the gravitas to pull off a bear, but. And then it cuts to Jeff saying, I actually say goodbye, a lot by, because I'm traveling for work. Wow, just as intimidating as a grizzly bear, Jeff, I'm trembling in my boots. Oh, scary. So then we see a picture of like a little video of him like, goodbye, family, goodbye. and giving everyone a kiss and a hug and a hug.

I mean, what family is it? Where is this family from? It's not how families work. This is how it works in my house. Bye family. My mom would be like, Just go! Get the hell out of here.

So Linda says, But he and his wife, Emily, want more face time. And Emily is saying that this is their last chance to be together before the kids are grown. No, it's not. You're making it sound like they're a day before their 18th birthday.

They're small teenagers. You have to deal with these fuckers, plenty more. There's plenty more gross kid stuff you have to deal with. Don't let yourself off too soon, M's. Yeah, and then we see them as a family and a diner in New Jersey. And Jeff goes, I don't think there's going to be diners in Switzerland. And then Linda, Linda actively disagrees with them. She goes, truth behold, truth be told, there are Swiss diners.

And fondue isn't the only sticky ordeal ahead. Stupid diner denier of Switzerland. It's not the only sticky ordeal. I did mention there were a lot of bears in Switzerland, didn't I? Hi, before you go on the record and claim that this entire country doesn't have diners, why don't you do your research, Jeff? Sorry about that. Loser.

You know, another thing, Jeff is that dad. Maybe every dad. I know that my dad is like this. I have a feeling your dad is like this that says things like, you know what? I bet they don't have dinners. Switzerland, why the fuck would you say something like that? You know, the only time it's acceptable to say something like that is when you're somebody's dad. It's the only time. Otherwise, it's like, you ignoramus, why would you say something so

stupid? Yeah, why would you make that prediction? Why would Switzerland not have diners? That will definitely be dinners. Like, Linda was actively mad. Yeah, like, where do they eat? Linnd was like, let me stop this introduction to correct, Jeff. There are diners in Switzerland. Also, look at Switzerland, thinking they in Fented Koso. Hilarious, Switzerland. Good for you. Fucking Switzerland bragging up and that.

They're like, okay, we can do some filming here in Switzerland, but you have to promise feature fondue. It's our thing. It's our thing. It's the Switzerland writer must feature fondue. So they're playing Beethoven's Fifth for some reason. It's like, dun da da da da da. And Emily's like, is this the freezer?

On this show, we call it Bertovans. fifth. Thank you. Well, for better or worse, the Berkowitz's, I'll just, actually, let me rephrase that. For worse, the Berkowitzes are moving to Switzerland's noble capital. Burn, home of the Swiss diner. Ooh, burn. Also, you can tell this is an old episode because they don't have music mixing down properly. Or maybe it was mixed for like tube TVs, you know, where there was just, there wasn't like a sound bar under every TV.

But they'd be you'd hear What's her face? Ellen or whatever her face is Elizabeth. Emily. Emily would be like, this is definitely not eating. It would be like, this is definitely not an eating kitchen. The music was also like,

it was like someone dumping the house hunter's bass. I noticed that too and I thought it was my TV. I'm glad to see it wasn't just me. So we go to Livingston, New Jersey, which is where my cousin lives, cousin Melissa. I just heard the name Livingston, New Jersey this weekend when we were in New York City. Must have been from cousin Melissa saying, can't go out, got to get back to Livingston. It probably was, to be honest.

So, Jeff Berkowitz, Emily and I just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary, and we have three amazing kids. Now, Emily said I'm not allowed to say anymore. It's her part of the scene. Yeah, I'll be the judge of that. Bring them out here. Fucking amazing kids. You don't tell me you have amazing kids. I tell you you have amazing kids, sir.

Well, look, to be honest, two amazing kids and an idiot, but we never say which one's the idiot, because that can lead to a life of crime. And so Emily's like, I'm a stay-at-home mom with kids, and the three of them keep me really busy. They're always like, Ma, when can we go to the dinah? I love going to the diner. And I said, you got to quit your dinah habit.

We're going to the land of no dinas. They keep you busy doing what, you fucking liar? Okay, the scene to illustrate this is Emily sitting there on a laptop in the kitchen. The kids run in like, oh, my God, we're home. Mama, can you believe it? She doesn't even care. And then they open the refrigerator, and there's literally nothing in that. There's eggs and milk in there.

What exactly are you in charge of over there, Emma? Emily's like, fuck this. I'm doing my blog. Those kids can raise themselves. They can go to the diner if they want food. So Jeff wishes everyone goodbye to go off to Chicago again. And Emily says, I always joke. we've been married for 20 years

and then we've been married for 20 years but together for about 10 and then I cry into my empty refrigerator Are you kidding? She fucking loves us This is the happiest they've ever been They are fucking more now than they have ever fucked this couple You can tell they're like a happy couple They make little smiles at each other

Like you can tell I think the best thing that's ever happened to them Is Jeff deciding to get a job where he travels Every week back and forth from Chicago Right So he says well absence makes the hot grow fonder. And I work at a great company and have had like really unique opportunity to move to Burn Switzerland.

And that's what we're going to do. And so Emily's like, I like that Jeff will be home. She's really excited that Jeff's going to be home most nights of the week instead of flying out to Chicago. They're just going to have like a lot of great quality time in Switzerland. I don't know that I believe that. I think she's like, oh, really? You're going to be home more?

Let's move to Switzerland. I think it'll be easier for me to get away with murder there. Let's go there. Nobody wants our husband home here. I don't believe that. I don't believe unless your husband's like in the military or something and literally gone all the time, who wants their husband home more? That sounds horrible. I know.

So now they're at the diner, the famous diner. And Jeff is like, so Tess, what are you most nervous about? She's like, making new friends having to explain to them what a diner is. They never can understand it in Switzerland. What about you, Benji? And he's like, trying to get a girlfriend when I'm named after a famous American dog. His mom's like, fair. That's fair.

We should have thought about that one. And then Emily is like, so do each of you guys want your own bathroom? And they're like, yes, please. And Jeff is like, well, you know, we just fairly recently redecorated our entire house. So Emily said, if we're going to move to a different country, please move to a country that's in the palette of what I just designed our house in. Neutral. Neutral. We're going to Switzerland.

Lots of white triangles in our current house finally got to the place where Emily wanted it to be. So we're going to the land of white triangles, Switzerland. You know that Emily was into really big clock art, you know, like home goods, clocks that are really too big. Like, I'm not leaving unless you find me a place with more clocks than I've already put in our living room. So then Jeff is like, so what do you guys want in the house? And the kid's like, room for a ping pong table? I'm like, you guys are moving to Europe. Okay.

You're not going to get ping pong tables in Europe. Also, you know, Jeff, fucking Jeff, the only dad who goes, I don't even know if they have ping pong tables in Switzerland. What do you think Switzerland is doing with their life, Jeff? Could you give Switzerland some credit? Ping pong is not some American sport. covered in pig skin, okay? It's two tiny paddles and a ball that goes

over in that. Literally every country has it, Jeff. Well, then when he says, I don't know if they have ping pong in Switzerland, the kid goes, well, they better find it. It's like, whoa. Okay. All right, sir, we'll get, what about pickle pong? It's a little smaller. That must

have been Benji. Yeah, probably was. It gets all animalistic when he's mad. So Linda's like, the whole gang is full of high hopes of what waits for them. far away. But let me tell you, everywhere they go, all they're going to hear is, ooh, burn. This is so dumb.

Switzerland, stupid Americans looking for ping pong tables. They're going to get robbed the first second they walk in Switzerland. Pounded in 1191 around a tight bend in the Arrow River, the medieval center of this Swiss capital is a world heritage site that does not feature ping pong, stupid Americans, and elsewhere in the city's long, cobblestone streets are lined with 15th century terrace buildings and arcades and yes a diners oh so miss pacman machines everywhere big arcade city uh so then um the realitor who is named barbara

but she's you know what was i going to say she's a barbara and she looks like a barbara doesn't she like the second i saw her i was like she has brenda blithen hair I was going to say she's Brenda Bluthin. She literally looks like Brenda Bluthin. She literally has the face of Brenda Bluthin. You know that she's going to kind of work for you, but you know she's the kind of realtor who has no trouble telling you no. You just, she has it all over her.

She has the haircut of somebody who's just, she says no a lot. Like she goes to the hair salon and they're like, Barbara, we could really do something better with the hair. She's like, no. Like Barbara, look at this picture of Barbara. Look at this sweet little picture. She's like, no. Barbara's a no person at the supermarket who passes judgment on you silently.

Like if you drop something on the floor, you look up and she's staring at you. And then she like rolls her cart away. She's not a silent person. She's a person. I don't think she would tell you off, but I think she'd definitely give you a like you would feel her. She would burn you with her eyes for sure. Yeah, figure she's the realtor. Burn.

Oh, burn. I told you. So the Narowitz is the Narrowitz. That's Linda. if she married into the family. They would call her Narrowitz. Linda Narrowitz is like, the Berkowitz has loved the Jersey house

that Emily gave her heart and soul to renovate. Literally, Emily came back soulless. Okay. Let's calm down here, Linda. She gave her heart and her soul to renovating a suburban home. She loved it so much. We're not even going to show you what she did with it.

Yeah. Emily's like, really, it's important to share her home with my family. I mean, I don't love them anymore because my soul died in Jersey. But I know that I should care for them. Should I get them more than milk and eggs? Oh, fuck those little rats. I don't fucking care. And with her choice tastes in the driver's seat, Jeff may give her the right-of-way.

See, we call that in improv, yes, anding to the DMV manual, okay? Right-of-way, passenger seat. I better not put the brakes on this comedy any. anytime soon. With her choices in the driver's seat, Jeff may give her more room to drive in the car that's family life of rooted trees that extended the seed of human family forest. Oh my God, I just can't stop myself. So Jeff is like, uh, Emily makes a lot of decisions in our household. So I'm actually going to be extremely flexible. Oh, you think, Jeff? Like, everything about you says deeply flexible to Emily's choices. You definitely can do the tree pose in your mind.

Like, you're emotionally very flexible. We see it. He's like, I'm just here to make beta jokes until it's time for me to fly off and possibly bang my coworker and Shigah. Wait, I need to rethink this. So let's go to Barbara's office. Oh, yeah. She's like, welcome to Switzerland. And so Emily is like, so our ideal house and by our ideal house is my ideal house, we'll have five bedrooms, minimum of three bathrooms and something that can restore my heart and soul because I left it in living since New Jersey.

Just like I would love to have an outdoor space. shut up, Jeff. And a garden, but do you like a garden to a stuff? What do you mean by outdoor space? He's like, yes. And I wanted to be close to school, but also close to work. And Emily's like, updated, modern bathroom, modern kitchen. I need a soul. And Barb's like, okay, modern, yes,

I'm a modern woman. Let me write this. You are not a modern woman. Explain what modern means to Barbara, please. It means watching reruns of Murphy Brown. She's like, I watch Murphy Brown at 7 p.m. every night. I'm a modern woman. You look like an extra in 9 to 5, the original. Barbara.

Jeff is like, yeah, we definitely need an American-sized refrigerator because otherwise, Emily doesn't like to have her eggs and milk in too cramped of a space. Yeah, Emily doesn't want anything chilled in Europe and anything made in Europe. Only American things to chill the eggs that only she buys her. Also, I love that this is about how big their fridges, but all she had in her fridge was milk and eggs. Right. And this is also, by the way, one of my favorite trips of all Househuners International. Like, we're coming to your country. Please make it more like America. Thank you. Yeah, they literally do. Emily literally says, we'd love all American style appliances. That would

be our dream. Barbara's not giving you a microwave. I'm telling you that right now, okay? She's not doing it. Yeah, Barbara's like, I will go see if there are any houses with stupid and fat appliances. Thank you. It's like, typewriter, this is Martin. Here, take. What is your budget? Just like, we don't need a typewriter, okay? Now, you put your Coca-Cola in here. Martin woman. So Barbara says, you know, there's just 1% of properties available right now,

and it's going to be really tricky to find such a big house in such a price range, especially with stupid, stupid appliances or quote-unquote American ones. So their budget is 8,500, which sounds damn good, especially in the past, because this is like, I can't tell what year it is, really, but it seems like a long time ago. And so it seems like a lot, but they are in Switzerland. And, you know, those clock people take your fucking money. So while he's telling her about the budget,

we get this like weird artistic shot of them all sitting with Barbara, but it's over an award that presumably Barbara has won. Okay, so I had to press pause and get a close-up of this award. It says, United 2020 Sells Achievement, international household goods first place. Packham Spurks Limited. And that doesn't have her name on it. And I don't trust that Barbara won this award.

Also, why is this award in English? Yeah. Oh, wait. Listen. It would be English. I'm like the girl from, I'm like the girl from New Jersey. He's like, did you learn English when you moved from Ireland? They speak a lot of English and sweet.

And so we all know that the award that Barbara would win. is most modern lady in bin. So Linda says, Barbara sees she'll be successful if she can make Emily, the head of household, happy in her new home. But even with a sizable budget

of $8,500 a month, netting five bedrooms is still a task in a country known for its high cost of living and tiny, tiny, refrigerators. So House 1, she's like, this house has three bedrooms,

full bathrooms. And Emily's like, Yeah, I don't know if that's going to work for us. Three bedrooms. Shikab, we have a space, and it's 15 minutes from school, so let's check it out. So this is 8,500. It's not cute. It's like an 80s-ish house.

It's got all this white tile and, like, old lady swoop drapes. I don't know what you call the drapes, but they're like theater drapes. They have, it's literally crazy. It's a crazy house. So they walk in and Emily's like, my first impression is that, thank God, I spent all my heart and soul in New Jersey because if I had a heart right now, it would be broken by this mess right now. This is disgusting. It's too close to a busy street and they're too many colors. And I will tell you one thing. This house does have a soul and it belongs in hell. It's a damn soul. It is a hell house. And they walk in and Emily's like, so what sort of, what would you consider this room? Because there's like a random couch. and then a grandfather clock.

And Barbara goes, oh, this is just like a regular reception area. It's a reception area. And then a lady's like, please wait. You cannot come to the kitchen yet, okay? We have five minutes for your appointment. Barb's like, see, I told you. And yeah, Emily's like, I'm just a little confused how to get into that. And Jeff is just looking like, don't we mean to the house, honey.

And Barb's like, well, we are coming to this part of the living room and the dining room. And it's like this weird room. I think they were going for Tuscany because it's like Tuscans. It's faux-painted yellow walls with rust-colored, like squared off columns in it. Like you could tell they built the columns in the house. They're like parking garage columns that are squared off. It's very like olive gardeny. Yeah.

And there's like an arched doorway and they have like a faux curtain. It's like a wooden curtain that they have like a wooden curtain that they have. like built in it with like vertical lines, but then there's an actual curtain that hangs from it. So it's sort of supposed to look like almost like maybe like a theater curtain or so. It's just like so bizarre. And there's a giant tube TV just sitting on the floor. Yes. The enormous enormous. Well, that's another thing we learn here is that nobody knows where to put a TV in these homes.

It's a weird. I don't want to call it a weird country. It's just a country not obsessed with television as we find out, which, you know, I mean. So Americans are coming. Put the television. on the floor. They love it. Yeah, make a TV and that. So then Emily is like, well, I think Tess would like the yellow, but she's the only one. And Jeff's like, I didn't even know they had yellow in Switzerland. That's crazy. Jeff goes, you know what? Wooden floors would make it much nicer. I'm like, how about a full demolition would make it nicer? Yeah. How about what floors in a house this big are going to cost you 100 grand, sir? Yeah, exactly. Just go into a tiled home. You have to take all that stuff up. So then Barbara's like, you could repaint the room. I'm like Barbara,

you know what I mean? Yeah. It's too much, Barbara. And did you notice there was also in that room, there was like this random like garage door window in the middle of it? So it was like normal windows and there was like a panel of windows that looked like a garage door that you just open up. Like really nothing made sense in this. Yeah, it was a weird house. And I think this is one of those that's like, take that Madagans to it, you know? Yeah, there'd be stupid enough to do it. You put the TV in it and they'll be sold. And Barb's like, oh, and you see you have a fireplace. And Jeff goes, is that wood burning?

And she's like, no, Jeff, it only runs on bad children, you fucking idiot. Wood burning. Jeff goes, he's like, it's a little bit dated. I'm like, really? What about this house is dated? Is it the tube TV on the floor? Is it like the wacky circus colors in every room? I know, Emily, it's like a little bit.

The walls are shaped like a jukebox, you fucking idiot. Stop talking, Jeff. He's like, okay, thank you. So then he's like, you know, this is a big house for five people. And she goes, you know, you've got to walk into a house with an open mind, cut to her walking into the kitchen going a mint green kitchen and an island shaped like a stop sign. Shoot me in my fucking face. My soul died anyway.

There was a peninsula and then attached the peninsula was like a hexagonal table. It just didn't make any sense. And the entire room was like different angles. It was like German expressionism in a kitchen. It was terrible. And Jeff is like, where's the refrigerator? And the fridge is like hidden in the cupboard. So they open it up.

And Barbara goes, this is the refrigerator. This is normal size in Switzerland. And so Emily's like, uh, and she opens up a cupboard or a drawer. And she goes, this is the freezer. And Barbara, so snooty. She goes, this is just for bottles. You know, like wine? Have you ever heard of wine before?

Do they have wine in America? Do you understand the concept of bottle? I mean, Emily just burns her right back. She's like, so is this supposed to be a whole oven? the rest is hidden behind a bigger fridge decorated like a cabinet. Come on, Emily. Emily's like preview. What the fuck are you trying to do to us,

Barb? I know, seriously. And then Emily's like, well, there's a lot of covered space. It's, I mean, well, it's a kitchen. And Jeff goes, it's nice. No, I wouldn't say the word nice.

Don't you know the phrase, it's a something means you hate it? Come on, Jeff. It's a husband. So they go to the, the primary room and it's pink and Emily goes, it's pink. Well, it does have a big walk in though, but it's pink. And then they go to the bathroom, which

is hilarious. Whoever styled this house is so funny. Because there's circular sinks that kind of jut out. It's very it's a video game that's like everything shaped like a jukebox. You know, I'm trying to think of what it is. A video, Dr. Mario?

Maybe. You know, it's just got a weird style where everything is like, curved and circular. Even the medicine cabinets are circular. Like you open them. They're like colanders. It was like an architectural student's wet dream.

Like someone said like, he has a good idea. I've built a house like this. And they got an F on their project. But like there's like a Rococo bed. It has one of those beds that has like all these ornate sort of golden swirls on the frame and everything. And then the bathroom has all these weird angles and the rotate like lazy Susan's in the bathroom cabinet. and stuff. And then you're like, okay, well, this is really bad. But then they go up another floor

to where the kids would be. And like, if you thought the kitchen was green, this up here, it is green. It is like, it's green the way American currency is green. It was just like, just like full, crazy green room. And it's, we find out later that it's a duplex that's been made into a house. So it's like two different places. So the boys, they're like, we could just shove the boys over here. I'm like, that sounds smart, just giving your kids, like, their own apartment, basically. And there's two kitchens. And Emily goes, you know, one thing with Jeff is he can sometimes be unrealistic about living arrangements. Which I like that that's just a Jeff thing.

Like, every time they're looking for a house, Jeff's like, what? It's a pool. We should live in this pool. We could literally move into the swimming pool. It's like, Jeff, people don't live in pools, Jeff. It's unrealistic. I know. Emily's biting her tongue.

She wants to scold, Jeff. so badly, but she's like, I mean, it'd be nice. We're on television. Okay, my mother's watching this. So, oh my God, you know where we should live? Right here, this food court. Would there be anything better? I mean, a Cinebond and a hot dog on a stick? Cool. So, yeah, they hate it. And she and she and Emily hates that they're basically so far away from the kids, like literally another floor, another apartment away. So they don't like it. And Linda's like, well, there is a true five bedroom at home on the market for Emily. And then we get a preview. view of Barbara saying, but it's $9,500.

So it's going to be a budgetary issue. So now we're on the city streets, and the family is getting a tour from one of the biggest con ladies I've ever seen. It's someone's grandma, okay, standing out there on the street. And she's just saying random things. She's like, I welcome you here to the city, Bernd, the capital of Switzerland. We're standing in front of clock tower from back to future. you'll see the cuckoo, the national bird of Byrne, the most famous cuckoo to ever live, Bugs Bunny.

It's like, what are you? What are you paying this lady? And they go into the clock tower and there's all the gears. And you know, Jeff is like, well, this seems like a good layout. I think we can make it with Jeff, it's not part of the show yet. This is just, we're just touring around. This isn't what we're looking at. Yeah.

And Emily's like, most American kids are really over-scheduled. There's just no family time. But in Switzerland, there's more time. Because it's literally all clocks. We're standing in a huge clock right now. I feel like I'm on a super Mario-Cat level right now. So Linda, of course, this is punny Linda. This is her punny phase.

So she goes, with more time on their hands now. Because get it, clocks have hands. The Berkowitz's want an updated five-bedroom home to spend it in. Is anyone going to laugh at my jokes? Anyone? God damn it, I quit house hunters. So then Barbara tells us, you know, Emily says, oh, wait, Emily says I have, so it must be Jeff, right? Emily says I have unrealistic expectations, so I'm worried.

You know what? So you can't live on a teacups ride? News to me. But you know what I did learn? They do have yellow in Switzerland. So here's the finding a ping pong table to live in. Yeah. And Linda also, this is the first house, by the way.

Because in this olden time, they spent a lot of times. recapping what we just saw. So Linda's like talking about the first house again. And she's like, the only thing wears for Emily than one outdated kitchen is another outdated kitchen, because that stupid house had two of them. We're crying out loud. Did anyone see that? With house number two, Barbara wants to knock Emily's socks off and prove to her how poor she really is by showing her home that's way too expensive. I'm surprised we didn't see Barbara waving socks. Melinda said socks. It was a pun about what was happening on screen.

What are people not getting about my humor? With this next house, Barbara has decided to actually let a bear in and drag the socks right off Emily along with her feet because Emily is being such a pain in the ass. As Aretha Franklin once sang, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me. As Kelly Clarkson once said, my life would sock without you. After this, I'm going to have a dinner of some sock-eye salmon. So, Barbara's like, in this house, there was famous writer living, Herman Hess. I was like, Herman Hess. Girl, this is the house they're going to buy.

You know, just go to Herman Hess's house. Yeah. Not buy it. Exactly. No, Emily's like, I can't wait to tell all my friends that we lived in Herman Hess's house. Even though none of them really know who he is, they probably all think he's going to create a house. Yeah, I had the good. Google him and I Google them and I still don't know.

Well, Linda says, although they already have a sizable budget of $8,500 a month and it's going to suffer a concussion. She says something about the budget suffers a concussion. So then I spent. She's like it's going to cause a brain pop. I know. I was like looking on Herman Hess's Wikipedia to be like, did he die of a concussion? I was like, why is she mentioning a concussion right now?

This has got to be a pun on something. Hey, Siri. How many followers does Herman have? have. She found this on the web. Herman Hess is Arrested Development, The New Yorker. So basically, he wrote,

Oh, actually, I do know who Herman Hess is. He wrote Siddhartha. I love that book. Oh, I love you, Herman Hess. I want your house. So this house is a five-bed, four-bber. It's a huge house. It is a huge, huge house.

And Jeff is like, wow, for $1,000 over budget, that, I mean, that's more than just a little bit, huh? I'm like, Jeff, you're moving your family to Switzerland, pony up the extra $1,000. I know. I really know. Just take that house. I feel like because Switzerland, Switzerland, is that IKEA or is that Sweden? Sweden. I figured I was going to fuck that up.

Never mind. I was going to say, people see IKEA and just assume everything's cheap. But wrong place, guys. You're not going to be put together in a few words here. Okay. People see fondue and think everything's going to be cheap. How about that? So they walk into this house and it's like an enormous foyer with all these, all these rooms coming off of it.

It looks like, I mean, this is already so majestic and so huge and shouldn't even be on HGTV. I was like, what are they doing at this house? This is crazy. It's a giant three-story like spiraling wrought iron staircase above them, you know? It's cement, right? Are all the floor is cement? There's like a weird, great floor. that was hard.

Was it cement floor? Yeah, and the foyer, it was hard, but then a lot of the floors had like a parquet kind of looked at them. Yeah, big square wood. Beautiful home. I mean, whether it's your style or not, I mean, pretty beautiful. This is definitely. And it also goes to show you what you can get for less than 10% more, you know? I feel like things aren't cheap enough.

Like when you go to home goods, which, by the way, no offense to home goods, we love you. Please advertise with us. But when you go to Home Goods and you see a couch and it's like $800, but then you go to a regular store and you could buy a really nice couch for $1,000, and you're like, but then why did I almost sit on that cardboard one for Home Goods for $800? Right. Or like restoration hardware once until restoration hardware like modern. Because I don't know anything about it.

And I was like, how much your couch is here? And they're like, well, they started like $30,000. And I like thought I heard it. I did that thing like, excuse me. I did basically like, you know, a full on double take. Yeah. Home goods. Home goods.

So they have these enormous. Yeah, it's not close. That's not the same example because that is very far from going to home goods and then going into restoration hardware. Restoration hardware. A bit more expensive. So they're walking around the giant space for the living room and like this enormous room and there's like this one little sconce on the ceiling. And Emily goes, oh, well, I like that there's some overhead lighting. I'm like, enjoy letting up your one parquet square.

Emily would not care if there was a dead person in every room. She'd be like, we're buying this house. Or we're renting this. She's putting a pause and spin on everything. Well, there's three ghosts. You know, look, I see a vision of a small girl without a head. I like it. It's charming.

She could walk in and it could literally be a naked man holding a knife, you know, grinning and being ready to stab her and her family. And she'd be like, love the home. we're getting this out. You know what? The walls are bleeding. I kind of like it. It means we don't have to paint them.

Just nice, natural red colors. So Barb is like, oh, and look in here. Look at the kitchen. Everything is brand new and here. And surprise, an American refrigerator, which is a big fridge, right? And Jeff goes, I wouldn't call that American. Jeff, get off your fucking high fridge, Jeff. It's a big fridge.

I'm sorry, that's an American size fridge. Barbara's like, look, it even comes with its own gun. But you know, okay, two things last hour. I'm sorry, I have to tell you. Two things. One, you know what he means by American fridge, because American fridges are fucking ridiculous. I was helping my sister look for a fridge. She's like, I want the one where when you open the door,

there's another door within the door and behind it or where all the sodas are. But then in this door that closes here is where you put crispy vegetables. And then there's like 10 different drawers that do different. different. Yes. At a preview window, like some of them have a thing where you tap it. You can sort of see inside your fridge. Just it's like, you're like a peeping Tom on your like broccoli. I can see you. Yeah. American refrigerators are fucking stupid. So I'm on Barbara's team on this one. But I just love the way she's like gritting her teeth. Like it's an American fridge. But by the way, the kitchen's great. It's not just that it has a fridge. Like it's a nice, wonderful square layout, a lot of open space. There's a cute little. table in the corner. Everything is updated. And by the way, everything is updated in this entire house. All the toilets we see, the showers, everything is like totally modern. Yes. I mean, and it's like traditional style, the house, but it's updated, right? So Emily's like, wow, look,

this dining room and this dining room is gorgeous. This is the one with like big wood floor and it has, each wall has, what do you, it's not crown molding, but it has molding covering the entire walls and then the roof has like squared off beams that run through the artistry beautiful it's like a castle room yeah it's really nice and she's like the house was built in 1735 and the owner said that we hope that when we build this house that someday someone will put a ping pong table inside it so maybe that can be you I know and Emily's like wow it would really be nice to live in such a historical property really You know, wouldn't you say that history has a soul, a soul, a soul? I can't get you that.

Shut up, lady, okay? And just like, well, that's a cool fact, okay? But it's not going to justify the extra budget. A super old fireplace, you're not going to get me to spend money on that. Herman Hesda, live there. You're buying it. Okay. So then we see more.

This house is so big. And like the primary bedroom is like modern. The bathroom is short. chic um and then they step out they step out onto a balcony and it's like wintertime by the way so everything looks bleak outside but you can see that during the summer that this is like a fucking manicured hedge garden back there like it looks out onto the alps like you know in the summer that backyard is like literally where emma thompson comes to drink tea you know it's like the never-ending story is that the hedge one it's just like a maze hedge where i brew you you

You just send your children in there and you never see them until they come back, like, either a goblin or like an empress of another land. It's just like so, like, it's amazing. You know what that backyard is? That backyard is what Kyle Richards tries to do with her front yard. Because you know, Kyle Richard has all those hedges in her front yard. She's trying to make it seem like all European, but they're just like very crowded and cramped around the driveway. Yeah. So just have Kyle Richards, like, totally getting lost for 20 years, you know?

You'll never see me again. know that was Tamara. Kyle Richards with like a who'll hoop and a stick just running through the yard. She curls in her hair. So I love that they're shown this thing that also

looks at the Alps. Okay, that's their backyard. So they go out and they're like, nice view, really nice view. She's like, yeah, that's over there, that's what we call the Alps. They're like, oh, nice. Barbara hates them.

Like the fact that she's like, these are the Alps in case you're too stupid and think it's Mount Everest. It's the Alps, Americans. And Emily's like, I really like this house. It's beautiful. It's redone. I mean, look, even the mountains are redone. When did you guys get the mountains?

It's the Alps, you're stupid. Can we get some American-sized mountains? Is that possible? Can we get some American-sized Alps? That would be great. So, Emily's like, I don't know if we can afford it, but it's renovated. He's like, but it's expensive. But it's redone.

It's expensive. But I don't know if we can afford it. it, but we can get it. You see, you just wanted to argue with me, you fuck. So then we see, then we have like this random shot of Barbara back in her office and her phone rings. She goes, yes, hello. It's like, Barbara at work. I'm sorry, Barbara. I know you won the 2012 award written in English on the award. I'm just here to tell you there are no American-style refrigerators. I would suggest taping a diet coke to one and saying, look, this one keeps Diet Coke on the front for you.

Hello, Fritz. This is Barbara. I was wondering, could you take one of your grandfather clocks and put a handle on it? We'll tell them it's a refrigerator. Okay, thank you so much. Dong dong, dong, dong. Cuckoo. Hello, it's Barbara. Hello, Barbara. I just wanted to introduce you to the page boy haircut. Stop trying to make me change my hair. I refuse. I'm a muttered lady. Very modern lady. I use word 95. Thank you. Bye. I don't even know what our accents are trying, but we're not trying, okay? So then we see the bear pit. Okay, we go see the bears

lying under the freeway, which apparently is like a pit they built that bears can just go play into the freeway in. They just got some bears. The two bears are adorable and they're playing. I could have sworn one was about to fuck the other one. And then they cut away. And then you hear Jeff say,

look at the bear playing. I was like, we know what's going on with those bears down there. Those bears are horny. Yeah, but Jeff is also like the most obvious dad. He just says every obvious dad thing. Like, look at the bears. They're playing. Like, yeah, dad, we see the bears, dad.

All right. Ping pong? I don't know. I don't even know if bears play ping pong in Switzerland. This place is crazy. He's like, burn means bear. And it's a symbol of power. Oh, yeah?

Well, how about a symbol of a diner? I'm starving, dad. I don't even know if they got those here. I'm so glad you said that. That makes so much sense because I thought he said bird means bear. And that's just some of the power. Now he's just going to gaslight his family. The word bird means bear.

You know, bear means rabbit. It's like, what is Jeff doing? Jeff's sick fucking game. Sick. He's a demented human being. So Linda's like, Jeff, although the Berkowitz has uprooted their Jersey family away from Emily's heart and soul of a home,

they still will have a, Jeff is still going to have a demanding work schedule, while Emily helps the kids adjust to a non-diner and ping pong existence. A lot of the, and he's like, yeah, you know, getting the house settled is going to be falling on Emily because I'm going to be working a lot. Yeah, and taking care of the kids will also be shared by Barbara. Robert's like, listen to me of stupid fucking kids. This is a refrigerator, okay? You put your Coca-Cola outside until it's cold enough for you.

What is this sunny delight? It gets out of the refrigerator. No more haircuts Linda, by the way, when they show the bear She goes, the bearish task, get it, because there's bears It's a symbol of strength, according to Jeff. That's the fact when Linda really made an effort, you know, where everything's like a pun or a play on words.

So, Marryator's like, oh, good. No, I just love the idea of Barbara after they sell the house that she then is forced to also be the nanny for the kids. I come in the house, I forgot to tell you. You know what I have? An umbrella. Do you know what it can do? It can't fly, you stupid umbrellas don't fly.

Stupid Americans with your dreams. Umbrellas for rain. They call me Mary Poppins because I pop you in the head every time you ask for a bigger refrigerator. Would you like a hot pocket? Well, congratulations. I'm going to put a call in your pocket. Americans.

So then I liked that also back then, Linda was kind of sexist because she's like, Because she's like, with Jeff's pocketbook begging Barbara for mercy, she opts for a location further from Central Bird, where his wife's not going to try and spend all of his money because she's a wife. So then we go to house number three, and it has six bedrooms and four bathrooms for $6,000 a month. So we know that this place is literally five hours from Byrne.

I know. Barbara. You forgot to mention. Imagine what Nobel Prize winning author lives in that house? Oh, none. Oh, sorry, Barbara. This is not going to work for us. Rice.

And rice used to live here? No, there's rice in the house because there's no refrigerator, and this is all you can eat here. Okay, enjoy your home. Bye. Wait, Barbara, come back. And Geddes. And Geddes used to live here. No, but I thought if I said it, it would help.

She's not even a writer. The lady who made baby cabbages. Just to live here. So they walk into the house. It was like a red carpet. That's like from the, the foyer game in Switzerland so far is very strange. All three foyeres have not been great, even in the great house. And this, now, I love that they have the theme of bears, because house number three, a bear totally lived in this house.

It's marble floors with like a runway red carpet running through it. Then they walk into the bathroom. There's a urinal. And then they look at the shower and it's got LED lights that change colors while you take a shower. Let's go to shower. There has got to be a glory hole somewhere in this house. You just know it. Yeah, when I see Jeff and Emily, I think disco shower.

So Emily's like, well, the urinal from my point of view is not necessarily a plus. But I guess from a male point of view, that's a good feature. Linda seems to really like it for Jeff. I don't know. I wish she would really update her her POV on things. So there's a bedroom down there with bunk beds and Barbara's like, well, I don't see closets. And Barbara's like, you provide your own closet.

It's not like America where every, it can only legally be considered a bedroom if it has a closet in it. But that's not like that, everyone. It's an American thing. Yeah. So they go into the main living room and dining room and there's a lot of space.

There's like some, there's like an old, we've seen actually every house has had its own unique stove because in the other house, they were like this giant porcelain-tiled stove from like 1760. So this one has its own stove. So cool, these stoves. They're really into their stove artwork. Yeah. I love a house that comes with a threat of me lightly burning my calf as I walk by because you know that would be me.

Pure porcelain right in the middle of the room. Yeah, that's walking through that room, like fall right into it. Yeah, that's not good. But their artwork is so cool. They all have like really intricate paintings on them, you know? Mm-hmm. It's nice. Good stove game.

But you know, like, it's not like Mexican art. Like, you know how Mexican tile has like really cool shapes and stuff? Like the Talavera? Yes, it's like really like cool shapes and bright patterns and stuff like that. Whereas Swiss oven art is like all little tiny white people that they draw on things. Like it's literally only white people. That's their art. They'll have the occasional bird, but then like a little white.

girl like look pointing up at a bird that's very it's what i would imagine is what's wrong to be um but uh jeff jeff is like oh i like the floors i'm like these it's like tile everything's tile jeff and like um i don't know if i like the floors like could be cold in the winter and i also have another problem how do you put a tv in this place i mean we're american you can't just give us a room and not be able to give us an option for the tv and bitchy barb goes oh yeah standard americans Oh, yeah, I understand the Americans. Yeah. Okay. Okay, good luck. So then it's a real small kitchen. This is a total bachelor pad. I love that Barbara's not even trying. She's like, okay, let's see. The absolutely hideous, disgusting house, which they'll only take after stupid. Then the house that they're going to take, because it's only the decent house that is the option, which I make the most money off of. And then another stupid house that's like got glory holes all over it and disco balls. And now, of course, the most important part, what's the fridge like?

So they go into this, like, it's sort of like an angular galley kitchen, a lot of angles in Switzerland so far. And it's a small fridge. And Barbara's like, so Swiss fridge, yeah, it's not an American style one. Sorry, it does not have a television inside it. Are you going to be okay? And Emily goes, I'm afraid to ask. And she opens up the freezer and it's got like frozen things, like little blocks of frozen things. and the frozen fog coming out of it.

And she goes, is this the freezer? Yes, you fucking idiot. That's typical Switzerland freezer. That freezes things. And Emily's like, yeah, that's not going to work. I love that there's no appliance stores, by the way. Typical Swiss refrigerator, free visa. No one has considered calling to Best Buy Dong, you know.

Sorry, we do not need large freezers in Switzerland. because we're not all addicted to stoff us French bread pizza, you idiots. Yeah, it's called cooking for your family. You're stupid. Why don't you boil a part of cheese and call me? This is where, in Switzerland, we only use swizzards. In Switzerland, we only use freezers to cool down our clock pots. And Jeff goes, well, I think that Emily thinks this is a great house and got great

space it because Emily, she's like, this house sucks ass, and if Jeff makes me do this, I'm cutting off his nuts. Where do I watch TV? I can't watch my Bravo. So then we go up to the master bedroom, which I think the master bedroom actually looks kind of cool. It has these like, it's sort of like up against the roof. So the ceiling is sort of is angled and there's beams.

But Emily is like, we're going to hit our head on the beams. You know, Jeff, when he gets out of bed, he just stands up. He stands up on the bed. We need an American size roof, okay? And, you know, now that you mention it, I love to know that this house that Herman Hess lived in, it's probably where he wrote Siddhartha about how to be happy having nothing. Like that book is literally about giving up every worldly possession and every single thing to find happiness. And now that house is like 10 grand a month and someone's watching Housewives in there. L.O.L.

It's so true. I'm playing ping pong. So, yeah, so they, by the way, this master bedroom does not have an unsuit, which means they would have to go all the way down to the foyer, essentially, and take a shower in the disco shower. So Barbara's like, but stupid Americans follow me, because we have a fantastic view of, repeat that to me, it's called the Alps. You know about the Alps, right? Yeah, we love that show. I mean, it was an alien or was he a talk? So, Emily's like, you know, Jeff is pretending to think this house is amazing because it's cheap. Watch him.

And he's like, oh, my God, look at this view. The view is of a row of condos, first of all. And then behind that is the Alps. The other place was just the Alps. It's like your hedge garden and then the Alps, your labyrinth and the Alps. And he's like, look at that, he's like, oh, my God, you have to go downstairs for the bathroom. I love it. And you can get LED while you shower.

This is the house for us. Emily's like there was no massive bedroom. There was only one shower. The kitchen was really small. And I also don't know how I feel about the location. It's far from school. It's far from downtown. And honestly, I just have a noise back there.

And I'm pretty sure the entire back wall of the house just fell over. Okay? It's a shit house. But she keeps changing her mind at the very last second to act like she's agreeable, even though we all know that it's not. Because he goes, but I love it. And she goes, you know, we're far from downtown. He goes, but the budget's good.

And she goes, okay, you know what? It's a strong contender, and we can make it work. And then they leave. I'm like, she's going to pinch him the whole way home, slowly, like, pinching harder and harder and harder. Jeff is like, hey, Barbara, help me out here. Help sell this house for me. Just say that someone famous, some Swiss famous person lived here. Can you say the Miss lived here?

What? You know, the Miss, the Swiss Miss. Just say that she lived here. Oh, for fuck sake, you stupid American idiot. You know that rich Swiss Miss moved here from America? She's not even Switzerland. And when she came here, she asked for American fridge, too. We kicked her right out of the country, fucking idiot.

Not even real marshmallows in the Swiss mess. She was a slot. We call Swiss Miss and Switzerland did me in stupid slot. In that, it's an epithet. She's a real Swiss Miss. This is what we call working girls. We call them Swiss Misses. We don't call them painted ladies.

They're just Swiss Misses. So then they go to the park to walk it over because one of the things that were listed, they're like, when you move to burn, you can see clocks and bells with cracks in them. And there's also a river and you could walk alongside the river. Those are the big selling points of burn. Yeah. Which, by the way, after this episode, I 100% want to go to burn. It looks so pretty. I've literally never been anywhere except Mexico and Canada and America.

So everywhere we watch on here, I'm like, that is the most glamorous shit of Evers. They're inside the clock right now. Like, I know I sound all cynical, but on my insides, I'm like, oh, my God, turn. Going. I know. Me too. I've actually had this weird thing with Switzerland, like, for like a majority of my life, I wanted to go to Switzerland, which is crazy.

I met these dudes. They ran the cop. Remember when I told you I worked in a coffee shop in Trump Tower when I was like 20? Yes. And it was called Cafe Demitoss. And it was owned by. guys from Switzerland, they were so, first of all, the oddest looking people I've ever seen. I don't think it's because they were from Switzerland, they just happened to all be odd-looking

people. But their skin was really pale, and they were all not only bald, but, you know, like I'm bald, like shave head, you have kind of an outline, nothing. It was just like pure skin, like they never grew skin on their heads or their eyebrows. And then they wore real thin, rimmed glasses and two out of three of them was named Thomas. And I remember they had like the nicest watchest ever and they were the most well-dressed people I ever saw. They were just the oddest people. I was like, how did they decide to do this?

They would just show up every day and go, how's it here, cafe Demi Tos? Everything going greater to Demi Tos. And I feel like they just left with bags of money every day. I've always been amazed by Switzerland ever since that job. I, this makes me want to go to Switzerland even more. I mean, literally, it's a country with like beautiful Alps with an emphasis on chocolate and cheese. Yeah. And clockwork.

Who doesn't, what's not to like about that? And now we have adorable bears in the center of the city. So, like, I'm like, I really want to go. Now, Emily cracks me up because once she has heard that Herman Hessa lived in that house, she will not stop mentioning Herman Hesse. She's like, well, the Hermann Hasseh, house, that Herman Hasseh, lived in. It had such a large kitchen that I can only imagine how much Herman Housa loved that, you know? and had an American fridge, which is not very Herman Hesse,

but I'm sure Herman Hesse would have appreciated that if we were alive now. Listen, Herman Hesse would have appreciated a nice access to Ben and Jerry's, just like the rest of us. I don't even want to hear about it. So they're going up one of those trains that go backwards. I don't know what you called us. I think it was a finicular, but I wasn't sure if it's a finicular or if it has some Swiss name like something like, they called that one old gilder, you know.

So although Jeff wants to make his family hat, The high cost of living in the country is making his head spin. Just like, can you believe we're actually going to be living in Switzerland? She's like, I cannot believe we're actually going to be living in the Herman Hessa house. I mean, just imagining Herman Hesse coming to that fridge every day. I wonder if Herman Hessa gave his heart and soul to that house the way I did to the house and Livingston, New Jersey. In many ways, living to New Jersey is pretty much like the Switzerland of America.

House 1 needs a refresh on paint, but it's budget-friendly at $8,8,500 a month, and eventually some stupid American will buy it. Wait, let me read that from the top. I was just handed a revision from the producers. House number one needs a fresh coat of paint, and then it needs to be destroyed. House number two, the Herman Hessa House. They say Herman Hesse, I say Herman Hessa. Who do you think is right? Me, or the person who doesn't know that diners are at thing in Switzerland. I cut to Emily's saying, I really loved everything about that Herman Hess House. Tess, which rhymes with Hess, by the way, so I think that's a sign in and of itself.

She could have her own bedroom and have her own bathroom, and then she could do her favorite thing, which is a cosplay being a waitress at a diner, because we named her Tess, which means she's either going to be pushing dim sum for Sigourna Wiva or working at a diner. Am I right? And come on, it has the American-style fridge, chef? He goes, well, kind of American-style. see a roll. I don't see a row for my Pepsi's. So then house number three, $2,500 under budget. And he's like, it had everything. It was spectacular. I mean, imagine being able to drive two hours to school and to work every day. What a bonus. And then we could all wait in line for the disco shower in the foyer.

That's what you call quality family time. I wouldn't have to work as much. I mean, why have a job when I could get a hand job? Write my own. guest room. And she's like, I remember the fridge? It wasn't American. Remember how small it was? He's like, I don't recall. It was a wonderful house.

So number, dun, dun, dun, dun, done, dun. Number one, combined duplex. Number two, noble estate. Number three, terrace chalet. So she's like, well, I know which one I'd eliminate right away. And he's like, Benji, she's like, we're not supposed to say that. We promised each other. just leave him at a diner and don't say a word.

We'll just back out slowly. So Emily's like, thank God that crossed off house number one, because the last few episodes we've seen in this show, they've literally taken the worst house. So thank God that was crossed off. So she's like, you know, one house is really expensive, and one house is within our budget. And I know which house I'm leaning toward.

Hold on. Let's see if there's a Hess truck available for our children to buy a Christmas time, if he catch my drift. Yeah. He's like, well, it would be cool to live in a noble prize winner house, but I don't know, it's so expensive. And she's like, it's pretty special, though, Jeff,

like the side of my breasts. And he's like, okay, I'm used to giving you what you want. I'm pretty sure you want it. She has, said, the Herman has house it is then. Thanks for making me walk along this river instead of just fucking saying, yes. Jesus Christ, Jeff. I know.

One month later, the children have been abandoned in the middle of the city. Because we see the three kids being like, how do we use the Metro? This is so fun. Well, first, I wrote one month later, kids find their way out of labyrinth hedge and approach an ATM for help. Please, get someone tell us how to get to the Hermann Hesse diner. They were approaching the ATM together because I thought it was like magical. It's like Lion Witch in the ATM or whatever.

But it was because there was a train schedule on it or a bus schedule on it. So Jeff's like, it's a beautiful city. The downtown is incredible. It's got beautiful covered Miss Pac-Man machine arcades all over the place. We haven't seen our kids since we moved here. They disappeared in the backyard. I hear there are adults and ruling a land and have children now and possibly riding tigers. Something about a lion and some sort of Christian parable.

So then, yeah, Jeff is like, I think our kids are normally, they're very busy in New Jersey. So it's been nice that they have only themselves to rely on. You see the kids trying to figure out the schedule, like, I think this is the bus we get on. I don't want that crazy realtor to shove us into the clock tower again. They may not have as many sports to play, but they rely on each other more. And they spend time together as they search the country for American-style fridges. So that's been good. So we have two new rituals.

One, we put a ping pong table where Herman Hessa wrote his most famous novel. And two, we've decided our second ritual is how much hideous black furniture can we move into one of the rooms? You guys, Emily. Now I see why we're not seeing the Livingston, New Jersey renovation. Oh, my God. This is hideous. It's like the set decorators of ruthless people. We're like, let's do, you know what, let's do a house hunter's interviement.

international episode. Did Peewee's Playhouse do a funeral episode and you stole the furniture? Where'd you get this? It was like Cherry went and got a drug addiction and had, and turned into this furniture. It was just like all these big black

modern furniture with like red, bright red accent pillows in the middle of this like, yeah, in the middle of this like beautiful ornate old room. Weird. It was like the Deo scene from Beetle Juice as a house hunter set. Really fucking weird. Herman Hesse is rolling around in his probably fucking ornate home. I have to tell you, I'm a little bitter that Herman Hess wrote that book making me think that happiness meant being poor when his ass lived in this place.

Okay? It's kind of pissing me off, but I'm going to let it go. Well, maybe he wrote that book after he lived in Switzerland. Maybe he was like, ugh. I have to leave this house. Maybe he gave this house up, yeah. He had a dream. He was like, I feel like one day this house would be taken over by strange, ugly furniture and a ping pong table.

I must get out. He's like, one day, I've had a vision. One day a lady with no soul will be in this home. How do I avoid becoming that lady? It was literally, Siddhartha was literally based on his future vision of Emily coming into this house with a tacky, Beetlejuice furniture. Oh, God, this was a funny-ass episode. Emily, you're right.

And we still love you. You're so sweet. And thank you for recommending your family's Househunter's episode. It cracked us up. Yeah, really good episode. That was super fun. Thanks for every, thanks to everybody

for being members here on Wendry Plus. We sure love you guys. And if you want an episode covered, if this one was on Discovery Plus. I don't know if we mentioned that. But if there is a specific one you want, Make sure it's on either YouTube TV or Discovery Plus and tell us where you saw it and what the season number and episode number and title, you know, all that good stuff. And we will.

We've been running off of your all's request for a while now and they're usually really good. So let us know what you want to hear and we will talk to you next time. Bye.