Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello 315: New Jersey DJ's American Dream

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

DJ Drewsky of Hot 97 and Love & Hip Hop fame searches for a Cape Cod style home with his fiancé Sky on the House Hunters episode "New Jersey DJ's American Dream." You can find the episode on Max under House Hunters Volume 6, S154 E6.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello, and welcome to Dwell Hello, a house hunters recap podcast by us here at Watcher Crappants. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Good, babe. Good to see you. Great to see you too. Always fun to take a step out here to do some Dwell Hello. For people who are only listening to Dwell Hello, we invite you to listen to the rest of Watcher Crappens because we're doing lots of fun, Bravo stuff. and for people who are new here from our Bravo world, welcome. So what we do here is that we recap House Hunters for House Hunters International. And today's episode, today's episode is called New Jersey DJ's American Dream.

This was a viewer suggestion. It is House Hunters, Volume 6, Season 154, Episode 6 on the platform max. So that's where you find it because you can, you know, sometimes they're labeled different things on different platforms. So if you go to Max as an HBO Max, but it's just called Max now. Just type in New Jersey DJ's American Dream. And that's it. That's how you find it. And it pops right up.

And once you press play on it, we're in the MVMT movement space, but without vowels. I was like, wow. Wow. Do I really want to work out at a place that refuses vows? I feel like that's laziness. And that's not what I want to think about when it's working out, trying to not be lazy. So let's use some vowels and say movement properly. I don't know.

I mean, if you're going to, if you're going to, what is it? If you're going to be about it, then do about it. Or if you're going to talk about it, then be about it. Listen, if you're going to lose that weight, it starts with the letters, okay? All inessential letters. Get out of there. It's just that's a letter. Letters weigh things.

Letters weigh ounces. Drop the letters. It started out actually as movement, but over the course of several years and a lot of dedication and discipline, it has shed its letters. Oh, my God, you guys, the movement space has Ozzympic face. Oh, did they get the movement sign gets Buckel taken out? It's Buckel fat. Buckel, buckle fat. So we hear Linda.

Yes. Well, first, before even Linda, we get a shot of this DJ. Because listen, if you're going to say in the title, New Jersey, Jersey DJ is American Dream. If you're going to put DJ in the title, you know that the audience is like, I'll be the judge of this, right? Because anybody can say they're a DJ.

Like, what are you, like, a version of Roseanne's son? What are you a Tanner? Yeah, are you a Tanner? Are you a guy who works at a radio station? Are you a, like, Moby? Are you Moby? Yeah.

So you've got a lot to prove. So we cut to him, and he's in this booth, but it looks like a rental space, right? It looks like a we work. Yeah. It was, I wasn't quite sure because he's like, I'm a disc jocque. You hear me on the radio, but he looked like he was in a booth, not a radio studio. And I wasn't really sure what was what was really going on.

Also, by the way, the fact that this was called New Jersey DJ's American Dream before I knew it was Househunter's. I just assumed it was Househunter's International. I was like, oh, my God, it's going to be a New Jersey DJ going abroad. and like being a terrible ambassador for this country. But he is just a New Jersey DJ while we find out just going to Rawaway, New Jersey. So he's a lie J. He is in New Jersey Lai J because he's in this weird booth at movement. And he's saying, hey, get the chance to be heard right in front of me, DJ Druski.

That's right. He does that like, I'm a DJ, so I'm going to say, that's right. I'm like, what are you, Joe Gorgas is a DJ now? Stop, stop, stop putting on the voice. Don't do it. Linda was clearly not happy with this. She probably saw this footage and I just know she had some paper and she just took it in front of her and just did that thing where she goes, she just picked up in front of her like an anchor person.

All right, DJ Druski from New Jersey. I'm just going to wrap my paper against this desk here to show my displeasure at this idiot that I have to now talk about for half an hour. Drewski, maybe a cutting edge DJ, and then we cut to him driving in an old like 60s convertible with the top down. I was like, oh my God, this guy, why does this guy have to try so hard? Who tries this hard to be a disc jockey? It's not even the fun kind of DJ that remixes music. It's literally a guy who's like, the next song for couples skate is back where we belong. I'm kind of into that.

Wherever that, wherever this is happening. There's just so much work to be that. You know what I mean? Yeah. So, Drewski may be a cutting edge DJ. The air quotes should be, just know that my fingers are going like this, everyone. Linda, can we not air quote in the sound booth? You know what?

Shockingly, you can hear the air quotes on the air. You're really doing those air quotes. hard she's like typically like Linda Linda we don't listen in tone it you don't actually have to do it the mic is picking up the sound of your fingers

crunching all right all right you're next fucker Druski maybe a cutting edge cutting edge DJ but his taste in home is surprisingly traditional what I'm trying to say is he's a faker and a phony all right so Drusky's like yeah

my home it has a white picket fence. I want the traditional American dream home. I was like, oh no, broken family. I just feel Drew is like chasing his dad. I feel like his dad left in an old convertible. And Drew, I don't know, just stood behind it like that little girl in Hope floats, just screaming, Dad! And now all he wants is that house he could never get. Yeah. Or he just loves Kathy Baker and Fivis Finkel. He's like, I just want my picket fences. By the way, there were many cast members I could have chosen to illustrate picket fences, but I intentionally chose the one that would trigger you the most.

Oh, Kathy Baker, fucking Kathy Baker. You know what, be nicer to your waiters. How often do waiters come up to you and tell you how much they're amazed with you, okay? I feel like you should have offered me a breadstick at that point. Give me fucking attitude, Kathy Baker. I'm never getting over it. But fiancé Sky is the realist in the situation, insisting that their New Jersey home functions for them on the inside. Note that I've already chosen that I'm on Sky's team.

The first time ever I've said she's the realist. Well, Sky's one of those people who loves dating dumb people to feel smarter. And Sky does this thing where she squints her eyes and then she smiles and nods her head, like, you fucking idiot. But she's like pretending to be really nice. I think it's so... I love the move, the squinting. not, squint head tilt,

nod. I believe that the only reason why Sky is dating this man because she's so out of it. Like, Sky is so gorgeous and he's such like a meh. I think the only reason

why she's dating him is because she knows that if they were to be to have a couple name, that she gets to preserve the integrity of her name. She's like, well,

my name's already built into his stupid name. Skyski. Do you hear that? I did. What was that? Was that Sky? Bueller.

What did Bueller? Bueller just went, What the fuck? Bueller's on my side too. Skyski. So she's like, so this is weird. So I'm guessing movement is hers

because she's a fitness instructor. I guess this is like their joint business together or something. Or movement is her place and he comes in to pretend he's a DJ. Like, I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening. Or are they both employees of movement?

Why didn't they mention what movement is? That's the most interesting thing to me. I need to know. I think Linda was so disgusted by what was presented to her. She was like, I'm sorry, I refuse to elaborate on any more of Sky's backstory. Let's just get through this thing, okay? No, because now I'm looking at movement. Okay, movement.

Oh, that wasn't towards you. I'm saying that's what Linda said to her. No, I know, but I know. But I was like, no, there is no moving on. Okay, metamotion, mindful movement, Pilates and Yoga. Okay, that's in Hack and Sack. That's probably it, right? Movement Club Arrowlight, Men's Cycling, Jersey.

No, that's a Jersey. I'm not seeing, wait, movement rehab and performance home in Medford, New Jersey. Movement Premium washes and eyewear accessories. I'm going to see if it's this place. I think it's a rehab and, hold on, yes, because it's like got, like graffiti style riding on it. That sounds like them. So this is a rehab center to be our mission,

to be the driving force in our community towards a healthy, more active life through high level performance-based physical therapy, one-on-one training, proper education, and guidance. Where's the DJing? Where is that? Well, let me tell you something. I now have gone to Drewski's Instagram page.

I sort of wound up here. first of all he has 367000 followers holy shit druski you go boy he has now i don't know what what he's doing currently but he has as his credits hot 97 which is like major radio station love and hip hop in new york i don't know what that is with that and some sort of tequila thing but like he's like okay i've got to click on his link link tree now because now i need to know everything oh i guess he was on an episode of mori povich maybe and That's what I can find out. Wow.

Yeah, he's got a lot going on. This guy. Look at Druski. But does he? Because you know what? I'm sorry. With those credits in your Instagram bio, these are the houses that you have to look at?

Well, maybe this was a long time ago. Maybe he came up since then. I don't know. Listen, I literally believe everything I see on Instagram. Like, I'm the easiest, I'm the most easily fooled person ever. I'm like, oh my God, he's so fan. I have three friends of phone.

He's holding a microphone. He's standing next to somebody who has a gold record. I'm looking at this... I love you, Turski. Oh, I think he was very recently on Moripovich, actually, which is pretty... I'm looking at his stories now. Are there recent Moripovitches? I could be wrong.

He has a... I don't know what's going on. I'm just looking at his pictures. Oh, he won an award Best in Show for his car, so congratulations. Oh, he has a daughter now. So this was a while ago, because he has a daughter now. ago because he has a little daughter now driving a car oh god he's one of those people who gets his kid a little kid Mercedes oh my god no you're already parking like an asshole kid okay you're already

parking like an asshole well it looks like he's i mean it looks like he's he's a someone so that's good for him good for him you never know i love that house hunters is the great equalizer because like those people from last time were multi-million dollar uh soda entrepreneurs they still get treated like dragged across the coals on house hunters. They're like, more giving you the same production quality. We give everybody Dr. Drusky. Yeah. This is this.

I'm sorry. I got totally, I'm going to close Dr. Drew's. Did I just say Dr. Drusky? I said Dr. Dr. Drusky first. I got it. You stuck on it. I just rolled with that. I'm not going to give him an advance.

Okay, so Drusky is an established DJ who, in his free time, DJ is outside of like a little closet at movies. apparently. So now we go to Rawa, New Jersey. And we hear Druski is doing his DJ thing. He's like, what's up babies? It's DJ Bruske reminding you, DJ Drusky reminding you, it's going down. What is it going down? Don't know. Could you be more specific? Yeah. So Drew tells us, I'm a disc jockey. I'm on the radio. I DJ nightclubs. I DJ around the world. Each weekend, it goes down inside movement space. What?

Fix that ankle in my right beyond. Pibiboo! Wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki. Y, M.C. Reach up. Just stay in to Y. Stay in to Y. Reach up.

Your back's going to be better any day now, okay? So, Sky, not to be confused with Drew Skye, is doing exercise, doing exercise class, because she is a fitness instructor and has her own fitness studio and apparently her class is basically her saying, yes! Yes!

I just have to stress that this is exercise class is at movement where he is also a DJ, so still confused. So she's like, yeah, I work as a fitness instructor and I have my own fitness studio. Oh, it's her. So she just gave him a booth there. Yeah, basically.

So he tells us their story. It's like, Sky and I met three years ago at like a music conference. And that night, she left her heels in the car. And I was like, ooh, let me get hold, let me hold those hostage. So I have a reason to meet up with her again. I was like, what was she doing in your car after the music conference? God damn, Drew is fucking Drewski smooth.

What is this sad reboot of Cinderella that they're telling right now? What? Who? I've never, I've never gotten into somebody's car and immediately taken off my shoes. first of all. What are you two up to, you crazy kids? That's true, too. So Sky's like, yeah, and we've been together every day since then.

Yay. So Drew's like, it all worked out of my favor. So Linda's like, okay. Well, since getting engaged about a year ago, they've been renting near their raw way fitness studio along with their dogs. Do I have to say this part, Jimmy? Along with their dogs. Oh God.

Butter and toast. How many dogs have lost their lives because irresponsible owners name them after food. So we see Drusky and Sky walking butter and toast along the most unattractive patch that I have to imagine Rawway has to offer. It's just like this broken sidewalk with like a pile of trash and like dirt patches of dirt and whatever he is. I'm like, wow. Love the tire bench. I mean, it's like really bad. That chain link fence?

Wow, property values must be skyrocketing here. I love when I can roast marshmallows on just random trash cans along the street. I love that dead bat lying on the street. Next to the broken bat, two different types of bats commingling. So he's like, yeah, Rowe's about 20 minutes away from Manhattan. No, it's not. You know what? I'm not even looking at a map, and I can tell you,

It's not because everybody says they live 20 minutes away from Manhattan, and it's never fucking true. Every time somebody's like, come to my house, it's 20 minutes from Manhattan, and you go, it's a five-hour thing. It's a train to a bus and a bus to a train and a Uber and an Uber to the thing. Okay, some time. It's a bus to a train and a train to a thing and a train to a thing and a train to a thing and it never did a thing in the first place. Another hundred people just came up from the ground and came up for the ground and another hundred people just got on to a thing. a bus and we're driving around and another hundred people just roller plate it on to. Okay, so it is 59 minutes via I-78.

59 minutes, sir. Some estimates are an hour and 14 minutes. So how long, how far is Rawaway really 20 minutes? Liar! Yeah. By the way, who wants to live in a town that sounds like someone's eating a sandwich and trying to say wrong way? Raw way Raw way

Or like Raw way Do you want to live here? No it's Rawler What are you into? Raw Way Oh my God Really no comments

Well we're not all on prep You know what I mean? I need some I need some leeway here You're going to need to warn me for that Fucking Rawway Right off the bat You haven't even left your shoes

In the car yet Okay keep the bear back to yourself for now sir By the way If you're living in Rawway I am making sure I have my shoes on, okay? Based on that footage. Okay, you put your shoes on after you get that car on Rawway.

It sounds like a religion that celebrates uncooked meat. It's the raw way. It's a very, it's the raw way. Well, it wouldn't be that way because I'm looking at Sky's Instagram. She has 174,000 followers. Holy shit, what does she do? Oh, my God. It's all annoying.

Okay, so. Okay, how do you find her? What's her Instagram? I want to go to luck to you. It's Skylandish. Skylandish. It's literally. Oh, that's cute.

Skylandish? Yeah. Skylandish. So it's like outlandish, but she's 174,000 followers. My God. What do people do? Oh my God. Natural birth is one of her things.

Natural birth. And the vegan bodega. And she also has a series of stories that are just vegan food. Yeah, vegan food, baby hacks. Oh, I love baby hacks. How do you do that? I want to see a baby that will change the channel on the remote control for me. Is there a hack for that?

I want to see a baby who can peel a hard-boiled egg correctly. Because I swear to you, I just watched five hacks on YouTube on how to hard-boil egg peel. They're all lies. They're all fucking lies. Okay. I hate people who say hacks. They're all liars. I feel like there's nothing on the, like on her Instagram profile that looks any way original or interesting.

Like you know she's going to have very excited commentary about things that people have discussed so many times before. Guys, I just need to talk to you about natural birth. It's really the way to go. It's like, oh, okay, now Skylandish said it. So now it has to be. Yeah. I don't know what I'm coming down on her. I loved her.

Skylandish had her baby in a bathtub. Everyone's like, oh, my God. It's that the girl who makes me. Black ice cream? Like, literally. So that's the interesting thing I see on her vegan, her vegan story. She has a pitch cold black ice cream. What do you think that is? Oh, this is the vegan food? Yeah, so her vegan bodega. I'm clicking up. Can I say these two as a couple or a couple of hustlers? I'll give them that. They've got, they work their asses off. Good for them. They are. The black, I'm seeing it also, the black ice cream. I've actually always wanted to try that. I've heard about that. It's like, what is. What is it? it's like a char- is it like not charcoal ice cream but it's it's like a thing the black ice cream yeah actually her food looks delicious i don't know why i'm coming down hard on her when like all her food looks delicious she's beautiful i like to all everything she's good to say we're just like shitting on everything we see just for fun but she's actually pretty cute she's great i love her so uh anyway

sky is like um they're like yeah so rawway is 25 minutes from manhattan is what we'll tell ourselves and they just love that you know it's just it's close to everything that they need right now like needles on the sidewalk strange rabbit animals crawling through the streets it's just everything they need i'm sorry but i have to interrupt again because i cannot get off this woman's instagram and i don't know what's wrong with me so listen this is one of her posts this is from 137 weeks ago no 132 weeks ago. It says, Dear girl who sees her friends getting engaged, pregnant, married, moving into her first home, posting picks with her man, et cetera, and you feel like you're doing something wrong. Stop. Their season isn't your season. God hasn't forsaken you. Comparison is the thief of joy. And then I'm scrolling up.

So towards time, this is 123 weeks. She says, don't mistake my positivity for a lack of struggle. But then I keep scrolling up And then, guys, wait for it At 109 weeks It's a sonogram and she's pregnant. I mean, come on, that's the cutest story ever. She's like, guys, I'm jealous. My friends are having babies.

And then she gets pregnant a few weeks later. That's like the cutest thing ever. This is the most emotional Well, hello we've ever had. That was a journey. So thank you. you, Sky. Thanks, Sky. Now we're going to get back to making fun of you. So, um, so. Then they saw three houses and they chose on. Good night, everybody. Thank you. That's the fun. I, uh, so

Drew's saying like, uh, you know, uh, right now is the time to buy because I've always wanted to have my own home and, you know, and I feel like we're paying off someone else's mortgage when we could be paying off our own mortgage. And then we see the first of. She gives her, she gives her squint nod. So you know that she told him to say that. She's like, we know. We need to buy a house because every time we pay rent you're paying someone else's mortgage he's like that don't even make sense babe what do you mean i'm paying someone's mortgage she's like yeah because they own the house and they're still paying a mortgage so that means you're paying their mortgage and you don't even own it so now he's like yeah i'm sick of paying other people mortgages and she's like

squint tilted it nod nod now excuse me while i slice carrots very slowly over here in the kitchen i've never seen a slower carrot slicer it's like the slice Slowest carrot I've ever seen slow. I think it was her first time. I think she's like, oh, they want me to slice a carrot on TV? Do I tell them I don't know how to do it? No, just you can do it, Sky. You can fake it to you make it, okay?

And you can tell because she brings him a bowl and he goes, thanks. I would prefer French fries, but I guess carrots work. So we find out that Drew likes, I like the Cape Cod style, you know, because I like the fact that the rooms are upstairs because there's separation. because if there's something going on in the living room, I can go upstairs. You know what else has that? Every two-story house. Yeah, but I also want my house to look like a potato chip, so I'm really into the Cape Cod.

I mean, I guess that's not true. The master is not upstairs in every house, but you know what I mean. It doesn't have to be Cape Cod style. Weirdo. I know. So then Sky wants a ranch home. She says, my whole life I've always wanted a ranch home. house. And she says, you know, I grew up with 10 people in the same house. And it was just, like,

really important to me to make sure we had a family vibe in our home. And I think that's why the ranch house kind of gives me that vibe. So if you're trying to, if you're saying, um, okay, Skies and do the classic thing that all the guys do on the show, which is that I was raised in a home like this and therefore I have to like, you know, assert some strange sort of family baggage. I guess sort of like 50%. Yeah. 50%. Yeah, I'm doing that. Yeah, because I was only raised with three other people four in total and I still want to be in a dark hole. I'm like, do we have any houses that are underground with no telephone service? That's what I would like. I don't want what I grew up with. I want to get away from it. Okay. If I grew up with 10 people, I would be hiding in a cave.

That's a lot of people to be in one house. So she only wants to look at houses that have three bedrooms, but he wants like, he wants to have like a main bedroom and a guest bedroom for all those people who are to come visit Rawaway, New Jersey. Yeah, 20 minutes away. They get there three days later. They're like, you son of a bitch. I know. So she also wants a beauty room because, you know,

she wants to get beautiful in a room. And we see her current beauty room in a rental, and we see a vanity mirror, and she has a placard, like a desk placard, that says, I'm the boss. And then a candle. And then there's a book. And the book is called,

You are sexy, you are strong, you are smart. And you have a pretty standard Instagram. So, yeah, she wants to keep her beauty room. And then we come back to her, she's still slicing more carrots. Like, how many, when does it end? How many more carrots need to be sliced right now? She's literally the slowest carrots, like I can get over it. Every time you say it, I just think back to her slowing.

She's literally going like, shut up. She's really, really teasing it out. Yeah. She wants a house that's moving ready. Yeah. She wants moving ready. She wants her beauty room. She wants to renovate because she's not going above 300K.

I love that people always say that, like, we're going to renovate. That's the hardest thing to do ever, okay? Yeah. So he says, again, he just keeps saying, American dream. American Dream Home, that's what I want. Why pick a fence? And that, part of that American dream includes a garage for his classic car. And he's like, yeah, it's a 1966 potty at Catalina.

The classic car can't be parked outside. It needs to be indoors. I was like, it also can't be parked outside because people will turn the tires of it into furniture for their lawns. Okay. Did you not see the sidewalk you walk down with butter and toast? okay and just that's that's why it has to be inside so this guy's like can you just put a tarp over it sort of kind of like what I do with your face when we have sex

and he's like no you just mentally mentally of course so house number one it's what Drew is what Drew wants right it's a Cape Cod it's a white picket fence and he walks up and he goes not gonna lie I like the outside

yeah what do you mean not gonna lie It's exactly what you wanted. Wow, thank you for having brutal honesty with me in this moment. That's not that you'd like the white picket fence. So now comes the agent, the real estate agent. It's A, it's John Samsell, who he really does seem like someone who could be on real housewives in New Jersey. Definitely a husband.

He looks like Juicy Joe. He looks like a blonde version of Juicy Joe. He has the same facial features. He also looks like one of those things from Super Mario Brothers. You know like the things that throw the little wrenches. They pop up and they throw a wrench. Of course. That's what he looks like too.

He does. He does have that vibe to him. He also does that Jersey thing that guys do, you know, because Jersey's the land of like, there he is, you know, where the guys are so close. So he does that thing where he's like, Truski, Grisina again, Gray Senior, let's shake hands with our hands touching each other's stomachs like that. Like he grabbed your hand and then he pulls you in and then you guys just hold each other's hands tightly as each other's stomach touches each other's hand.

It's weird. It's fair in New Jersey. So I say, let me tell you about this house. Okay, it's got two bedrooms, one full bath, a ghost that comes out every third month, you know, and it's just under 1,000 square feet. It's heated by Taya fire, all right? It's $250,000. And I was like, a year?

Who the fuck? I'm moving to Rawaway, New Jersey. Forget all the shit I just talked about this place. I'm out of here. I'm going there. That's where my cave is going to be located. So already, I'm thinking that this is the one they're going to go for just because their acting is so bad, because they always do the worst acting on the one that they choose. So Sky goes, only two bathrooms and only one bathroom. That's an apartment. I was like, okay, this is the one that you guys got. Okay, got it. Really? You thought it was that? I'm looking to see if there's a home goods

in Rauway, New Jersey. There is. Is there a red lobster? That's more importantly. Okay, hold on. Red lobster. Wait, I want to say sights and sounds of Rauway. Red lobster. Raleigh tourist attractions. Yeah, there is.

No, really? Yeah. They even, Grubbubb delivers it even. I'm fucking out of here. What am I doing this place? Things to do in Rauway from Trip Hobo. Okay. Oh, this is sad. Tourist attractions in Rawa, the best Western Riverview in Suites.

Yeah, that's sad. That is sad. That's a sad one to open with. Like, this is the tourist attractions. And that's it. The end. And Red Lobster. Wait.

Wait. They have a store in Rauway, which I think is a jewelry store. And it's called Just Beed Yourself. I feel like that is a sky business. That's one of her business. Just bead yourself. And I have to say, this is so fucked up, okay, because now I'm on a website called Family Days Out. It's fun kid activities in Rawa, New Jersey today.

So there's just bead yourself. And there's all these things for kids. And then in the middle of it, there's an ad for Meow Wolf, which is like the artistic experience in New Mexico. But it's right in the middle of the list. So it makes it look like, oh, yeah, you go to Rawa. They got to jump a jungle and it just bead yourself. and, you know, a really cool artist installation for adults. Oh, gosh.

Okay, so House one is, I think, the prettiest, right? It was cute. It was pretty. The floors are nice. The floors are nice. It's small. You know, you walk in a small room. There's some stairs in the back.

It's really teeny, tiny, but they're all teeny tiny. I like the floors. I like the walls. I think this one looked the most modern. And sweet, but doesn't have central air. No. And John's one of those real estate people who's like, yeah, yeah, you can put the air. You can put the air.

They're like, uh, but it doesn't have windows. You can put the windows. Yeah, but it doesn't have a kitchen. You can put the windows. You can put the windows in the kitchen in the air. All of that. It's going to cost five dollars. What is it?

$5. What is it? Five. Okay. It's five dollars. Yeah. And Sky's like, yeah, but like there's no central air. And Drewski's like, you know, I feel like sky's nitpicking on everything.

Like, give it a chance. Let's look around before you start crying wolf, okay? So this guy's like I don't know if that's what crime wolf means But there's a pole in the middle of my dining room I don't know if anyone's noticed that And John goes oh yeah that That's a steam pipe

Okay but don't worry about that we can decorate that She's like how do you decorate a steam pipe It's blazing hot So the kitchen's terrible Terrible back splash terrible everything It's just ugly And she's like I'm not cooking in here I'm not slowly chopping a carrot in here, that's for sure.

Yeah, I need a place where I can take my time with carrots. Okay, this is not it. I'm worried that the steam is going to explode on me. And John's like, hey, you know, all you do is you knock out a wall. Okay, you put it in a kitchen island. It costs what, like $30,000, $150,000. No big deal. You know, the great thing about being a contractor as well as a realtor is that when someone sees a problem with the home, I see the solution.

And I know exactly what it's going to cost. Yeah, and the problem for everybody else is you're purposely giving them shitty homes so you can make money remodeling them with your own. I mean, it's so obvious what this guy's doing. He's like not giving them what they asked for. He's like, you fix it. Fix it and post. I'm post. Hi.

Nice to meet you. I'm post. Speaking of which, we can take that post out if you want. It's not loading there. Double builds. So there's a detached garage, which is big enough for the car. And then the backyard is like a. it's like a

it's not a lot of grass it's mainly like bricks not bricks but it is bricks right it's like those cobblestone type brick things you know yeah and they're not like where they put mortar

or whatever with the bricks they're just like into the mud it's that kind of thing we've all seen them it looks kind of pretty yeah but um it's not good

she's like it's like it's not good for the dogs look there's no grass to cut I was like this why is that good for the dogs you want the dogs peeing and staining into your bricks Yeah, you got people on the bricks.

So then they go back inside. They go upstairs. The bathroom upstairs, because there's only one bathroom in this entire house, by the way. And it's like an old lady bathroom kind of. I shouldn't say old lady bathroom, but it's like this, it's like a, this bathroom from the 30s. It's like pink and just sort of like outdated and gross. And this guy's like, I need a soaking tub. This is disgusting.

I'm definitely not going to like soak in this tub. And he's like, but it is a tub. She goes, not a soaking one, it's pink. You can't soak and think. I like how they define things on this episode. And he goes, oh, yeah, well, Sky sets her mind to something. It's got to be Sky's Way or the High's Way. And she's like, that is 60% true.

So, and there's also, like, no closet space. And there's, like, they, like, go into one room and, like, the door won't even open up. And Sky's like, oh, wow, this is, like, a real 1930s walk-in. I was being sarcastic. You can't walk in. You can't even fit your finger in there. Stupid. She's like, this is a full gut.

You got your garage. I want a soaking tub. That's it. And we see the beauty space. We see the bedrooms are tiny. Drew likes that the bedroom is upstairs. I don't know. He's such a weirdo.

And I'm like, is Guy partying all the time? I know. Does the guy have her friends over? She has annoying friends. That's what that means. He goes to sleep early. She has annoying friends. they watch reality TV together.

We know, like, we know that. And she's like, honey, will you get us some popcorn? It's like, grr. So then Skye's like, we don't have a third bedroom that we really need for our guests. And again, I'm like, if you're 25 minutes away from Manhattan, your guests are staying in Manhattan. They're not staying in Rawa. Yeah. So then let's see, they go to the basement.

So there's basements in all these homes, too, which is pretty badass, I think. I always wanted a basement. And there's a toilet in the corner of the basement But nothing else Yeah, super weird I guess there's like somebody And somebody who built this house Just wanted to poop alone

I remember being with a kid And I'm like just banging on the door My mom would be in the bathroom going Mommy mommy She's like, could I just have a fucking minute For myself? That was my mom who built this house She's like I'm gonna put a toilet in the basement

And nobody's gonna come down there This whoever put that toilet in there, they not only wanted a poop and be alone, as I think by the way most people do when they poop. But like she wanted to, the person wanted to poop and be alone,

but also be in a very large space at the same time. Like, I want to poop but be very echoy. I want to poop echoes. I don't want to be walled in. I want to poop so bad that I wanted to sound like there are 10 of me pooping and calling back to my poops. I want a poop, but also being in a space.

where I can imagine a dance true practicing. Yeah, a dance poop practice. So Drew's like, I like it, Cape Cod, Picket Fence, American Dream Home, American Dream Home, Ponyer, Pondia, Garage. Strange toilet placement. I love it. It's everything I could want. And this guy says, I hate everything about it. It's not a ranch, and it has nothing that I want.

And he goes, it's got me, baby. And she goes, yeah, still no, nothing I want. She goes, oh, no. So now we go to House number two. And Sky's like, well, this looks like a ranch, but maybe a Cape Cod or is this, is this, are we looking at this house? Please tell me we're not looking at this house, aren't we? Yeah. So I like that, I like their terms for homes.

Is every one-story home a ranch home? This is, this felt like it was stretching the definition of ranch. Right. I'm going to put it. Is every one-story home a ranch home? I've never really known. What is a ranch style? I was also called a rambler.

Well, this, well, I don't, if I had to choose between ranch and rambler, this definitely felt more like a rambler than a ranch. I don't even know what a rambler is, but like a ranch to me sort of sprawls a little bit. And this was just, this was like a freestanding apartment. Yeah, there are other types of houses that are one story that are not ranch style houses. Okay, this is called Rambler. I knew, I knew the answer to it, but I still had to look because the show is brainwashing. It's a Rawa Ranch. It's a Rawa Ranch.

So let's see. So they go check this out. It's a one-story house. This one is... It's above budget. It's at $3.29. So it's over their budget. But it does have three bedrooms and two bathrooms. But there's no garage, which seems a little bit like a deal breaker because he does have a very fancy car that needs to be put somewhere. Yeah. Fancy, old. And so they have a timely little bit of... little living room, a little dining room table. Okay, so you walk in and the living room's really narrow and there's a dining table in there. So it's not a living room. It's a dining room. And there's not room for a couch. And then it's just this little tiny kitchen that can hold maybe a hot pot. I'm not really sure. You know, we've heard we talk a lot about open concept, but this is

more of an open in concept. Like, yes, there's no walls between the living room and dining room and kitchen, but there's also not a lot of floor either. Yeah, there's nothing. Like, it's one room. It's like as big as a microwave. It's like a studio. And then she goes, Sky goes, I don't see an island. That's what you're worried about? An island? Really? How about a space? There's nothing here. There's nowhere to move. I know. How about a wall that does not close in on your elbows? This is like being buried alive, basically. And so John's like, what? An island? What? That's what? What? So a few thousand. Come on. And then there's an ugly bathroom. And she goes, now this is a soaking tub.

It's the same tub as the last place. It's just a different color. It really was. And by the way, the kitchen, this is like a brand new kitchen. And it looked kind of fog. I was like, really? I mean, you put some plastic on some appliances, like some, it's a show that they haven't been touched yet. And it's supposed to make it sexier.

But this was sort of like a not great kitchen. Yeah, just like a generic tub in a generic bathroom. I was like, this shouldn't even be on this show. Yeah, this bad. So then they go outside and they like the backyard, but there's no fence. So that's going to cost a lot of money. And there's no garage. And John's like, what?

What's that? 20 grand? Come on. Who cares? Come on. Give me a break. No big deal. No big deal.

And there's the master bedroom has doors. Or actually, it's not the master bedroom. It's one of the other bedrooms has doors that lead outside. And Sky's like, oh, I hate that because it means that, you know, guests have to go through your bedroom to get outside. I'm like. And also. crazy people from Rawway are going to break into your bedroom.

No. Yeah. And it's weird because it's the only back door. So you have to go through a bedroom to get outside of them. This is an odd setup. Yeah. So she's like, but you know, I'm the one with the beauty room and he's got more clothes than me. It's really crazy. So they go look at the basement.

And Drew's like, manned space. I got equipment I can put down here. A microphone. A microphone. A headphone. I got a headphone. And a microphone too. Yeah.

He's like, you know, Sky has a computer room and I feel like I should take over the, I mean, I mean, not computer room, a beauty room. And I feel like I should take over this. Imagine if Sky had a computer room, a secret computer room. But there's like a full bath down there. They're like excited about this basement. But the basement, to me, is just like a unfinished basement that's just has walls painted. It was not great. Yeah.

And so he's like, yeah, I don't get my garage and there's no fence. I mean, I'm not mad at the house, though, but, you know, it's not too story. So maybe we can look at some others. So now they go up to house number three. And the Andrew goes again, this looks like a nice Cape Cod. Would you just stop saying Cape Cod? At this point, I don't even know what Cape Cod is. I don't even know anymore.

I forgot. I think he's really, I think he's like actively trying to raise the property values in Rawa by just saying Cape Cod over and over again. Because then we see B-roll footage of this, like, depressing train station as, like, the path train goes by. It's like, yeah, scenic Raway, New Jersey. So it looks almost exactly the same as the last one they looked at. Almost exactly the same. On the outside, yeah.

It's so this one is four bedrooms, four bath, and it's 274,900. But also, this is important. It's four bedrooms, two bath, and it's 1,200 square. feet, that's not a lot of, like, 1,200 square feet is a nice amount of space, but for four bedrooms, that is a tight fit. If you're also going to include your, like, kitchens and living room. That's very tight. Yeah.

Tight. And it's hideous, too. Everything's dark brown, and the windows are kind of covered, but kind of not. And then I think that, I don't know if they're, like, long spools of fabric or if they're seats or what they have that they're using as, like, curtain type stuff. but it looked like a, like, it looked like a flag that had been furled up. It was, I mean, what was tricky was at this house, someone was still living in it. So all their stuff was everywhere and their stuff was terrible.

So everything just sort of looked. It was just so cluttered and cramped in there. And like the kitchen wasn't too bad, but it was just, everything was just sort of like on top of itself. So it was just tiny. And it has this like little, um, fake granite counter that just juts out that they've put chairs at, even though it juts out for no reason. And John goes, look at that.

You got your island. That is not an island, sir. I go make a one. Give me about 10 grand. So what? Come on. Give me 10 grand. It's a peninsula at best.

And it's the only place in the entire house where you can eat because there's no room in like the living room slash foyer or slash whatever. So Skye's like, can we like open this up? He's like, hey, maybe for like three or $5,000. I don't know. I got to speak to a guy. I got a guy. don't worry. So they go down to look at the basement and they're like, um, it smells here. This is disgusting. And John's like, yeah, well, it's a finished basement with a full bathroom and

it probably, you know, it probably just needs to humidify it. I think that smell I wouldn't worry about. It just needs to, it may be a dead body, maybe it's some black mold. I wouldn't worry about it too much, you know, just get a humidifier. It'll fix everything, you know? This guy's like, well, I mean, the bathroom's big and I mean, it works and it has a washer dryer and a cub and it's color coordinated so it is terrible sky okay there's a there's there's being positive and then there's just like walking over a cliff like i'm not gonna fall i'm not gonna fall because i'm being positive people who are positive don't fall don't walk off the cliff lady yeah they're like they're in this bathroom because it also smells better than the rest of the basement and they're

in it and they're just talking about how great this bathroom is because it's it's color coordinated color coordinated and it's modern and it's new. And it's like, okay, so like this house, so the TLDR is that this house has a really nice bathroom, like hidden in its moldy basements. So I guess we should take it. The only place anybody wants to spend time in is the basement bathroom. They're like, it's the only place that smells good in this house.

There's also, by the way, a kitchen island in the basement for some reason. And so John's like, hey, there's your kitchen island. There you go. And she's like, well, I don't need it down here. Why do I need to get it? We've seen in all of these homes today have been inhabited by husbands who go, I could do that. Hey, honey, I'm going to, I want a kitchen in the basement. I could do that.

Hey, honey. I want to poop in the basement and pry. I could do that. It's like just never finishes. So the yard is fine. It's sort of mangy. There's no garage. And John's like, well, you know what?

You want a garage for your car? We can do that. We could do that. Custom garage. We could do that. Yeah, no problem. We can take every, to do a kit, take care of everything. Yeah, we'll do a custom garage.

Who cares? What is it? Five dollars to build that? That's fine. And Sky's like, this is not moving ready. And so Drew goes, yeah, plus there's no fence. The dogs can run right into the street. Okay.

And so I'm like, come on, come on. You know what we should do? Go inside. Let's go inside. It'll be different inside. So they go inside. They look at another bathroom. And Sky goes, wow, that's a deep soaking tub.

It's not. It's a tub. It's a standard tub. It looked a little deeper, but I don't see why. It looked a little deeper, but I also feel like all the other tubs looked deep enough to soak in. Right. It's not like they weren't just like plates of water. Like, well, you can soak.

You don't think you can get your shoulders in there, right? So, I don't know. I forgot. So he's looking at the, so the master's downstairs, so he doesn't like that. Drew doesn't like that. Right. So they go look at the upstairs bedroom. Also, it's hideous.

by the way. It's like legit scary. At the bathroom you have to go across the hallway to get to it. Yeah, so then they go upstairs and there are these tiny little rooms with like attic ceilings, you know, where the ceilings are kind of like coming into the rooms. Yeah. And he's like,

I don't like that. I don't like the ceiling coming down like that. And John goes, well, Bruski, listen, the attic is the second floor in capes. Don't you know that stupid? And he's like, oh, really? And then John tells us, he's telling me he don't like the ceilins on the second floor what do you expect in the cape fucking idiot fucking idiot i'm gonna take him for all the money you got i mean excited to have him

as a client i love that john finally got pissed at druski seriously so they're by the way i mean that's fine it's it's an angled ceiling it's sort of charming so jerusky's like i don't want to sleep in a room with slant ceilings i feel like i'd hit my head so sky's like so don't you want a cape Cape Cod, do you understand what you're saying? Do you know, do you even understand the words coming out of your mouth? I am about to sacrifice everything for it to live with you in Rawa. And you don't even know what a Cape Cod is. But neither one of them do.

Because the last house, they walked up to and she went, it's a ranch. And goes, it is? And she was, I think. And then John's like, hey, welcome. And she says, is this a ranch? And he said, yeah. She said, told you, told you it's a ranch. Neither one of them, no.

They just keep saying these words over and over. It was not a ranch. That was not a ranch house. being conned. So now they have to decide what are they going to get? Don't don't turn. So they're sitting in their kitchen

and House 1 is a white picket fence and it's the cape. It's the cape guys. Has a garage and it's fenced. And nice landscaping. And Drew likes that the basement has potential to turn the toilet into a full bathroom.

So there's a lot of toilet upside down there. But Sky hated the pink bathroom and she would, then she knows they'd have to completely got it and there's no central AC but he's like yeah but it just has that american dream feel to it you know because when people see druski they think american dream when people see americans they think wow those people must not have central air huh so then we go to house too they have a soaking tub and drew thinks it's overpriced but it is moving ready and it has central AC and the basement's a perfect

Drew Ski Playhouse. And then house number three, Sky liked the four bedrooms and the soaking tubs. And she liked that the basement was finished, even though the basement has a mystery smell that no one can figure out. But Druski didn't like that the bedrooms had angled ceilings, you know, on the second floor. I guessed house number two. What did you guess?

I honestly was flummox because I was like, these three houses are so miserable. Every now and then you get a house hunter's episode where you're like, You just have to start over. Scrap this episode. All three houses were so terrible. I feel like none of them had a redeeming quality for me. Like I barely could find anything nice,

except the first house had the cute landscaping. My only clue was I felt like the acting was bad for the first house, so I thought Mabel they'll do the first house. I was like, also it does have that nice car. It does need a garage. You were correct. That is what they chose. Ding dong.

So they closed five weeks ago. And they did do a remodel. John did say to his word and remodel it. He did a nice job, I thought. But yeah, but wasn't this one $30,000 over budget? And then they came up with, no, that was the second one. Oh, that one was under budget, right. Yeah, it was under budget.

So they, they were, it was good. The kitchen looked great. And then they were in the process of fixing that bathroom. So I was like, okay, well, you know what? With that new kitchen, I think it is the right choice after all. It's cute. They did a good job. And they showed the living room, which they had redone as well.

And it looked really cute. You crazy kids. You did it. They figured it out. They did it. They did it. You know, they don't essentially see. But you know what?

They figured it out. And you know what? In the end, these were three terrible houses, but they made one of the terrible houses look kind of cute. So I'm impressed. And I also have to say, like, there are two people I would have expected to be terrible. You've got this guy, DJ. And then you've got this lady who owns exercise. You know, I hate exercise.

So I would just, and she has, like, books called, like, you're great. So I would normally. not like these people, but I have to say their house turned out great and they turned out to be pretty cute too. So all in all, what a warm hug of an episode. Yeah, I have to say they were like pretty lovely people and it all worked out pretty well for them. So happy to see there's a real Rawa miracle. And on that note, thanks everyone for being here for Dwell Hello. Send us your suggestions. Just email us and at watch for crappins at gmail.com and maybe we'll We'll choose one of the episodes that you really like.

So we'll catch you on the next one. Thanks for listening here on Wondry Plus. Bye, everyone. Bye.