Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #318: Finding Family in Dublin

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

A Canadian couple moves to Ireland on House Hunters International (Season 187, Episode 12 - "Finding Family in Dublin" on YouTube TV). Will they find a place near a pub? And will it have Irish charm???Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Duel. Hello. It's our Watcher Crappin's House Hunters podcast. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Dude, bra. Dude, bra. I'm doing so great. I'm like watching these House Hunters episodes and just dreaming of travel. And what a sign today, we're doing one that takes place in Dublin. And we talked on our bonus episode last week, how we want to travel, but we're worried about

or not being internet, et cetera, et cetera. We have to do crappins. And someone said, you know where the Wi-Fi is really great. You guys should go live Dublin. Really? And this is what happened. So we're going to Dublin, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, Dublin.

Dublin. Yes, this episode that were a recap is from House Hunters International, season 187, episode 12 on YouTube TV. It's called Finding Family in Dublin. I'm sure it's on Max also. The key words there are finding family in Dublin. And basically the reasoning behind choosing this episode was it's a duo from Calgary moving to Dublin. I thought, wow, Canadian Midwestern accents and Irish accents, I'm in.

You know, I think that that's a pretty good way to look at it. I will also have to say, I'm going to be terrible at this. I'm just going to give straight up Midwestern. I'm going to give straight up Midwestern and then Cartoon Irish. and I apologize to all people involved already. It's the limitations. I cannot find subtlety in my accents. Okay, so first, so there's the couple, it's Sean and Terry, okay?

And it's not a gay couple. It's Terry's a lady. And Sean and Terry, we see them, they're like, you know, you ever see those parks where they have like public exercise machines? It's almost like gross, disgusting. My taxes are fucking paying for that. Fuck you guys. No, I'm not voting anymore.

You know what? I'm not only not voting, I'm not paying taxes anymore. Disgusting. So there's like this sort of like analog elliptical machine and Sean and Terry are playing with it. They're trying to figure it out. They don't know how it works. Like I think it's broken and they're fudcing around with it. So already I'm like, oh God, these two. These two are the narrator Linda is like newlyweds Sean and Terry are entering unfamiliar territory. The exercise machine. You are so cold, lady. Like, I've never heard such a rude fucking person as a narrator. Like, look at Sean, finally learning how to exercise.

Wow, leave it up to Sean to exercise in a public park and be too cheap to join a ballies. And then they're showing how much in love they are. So now they're still in the park, but now they're eating ice cream and she gets a little ice cream on his nose. And then he laughs like way too hard and then starts rubbing his nose into her face as she gets ice cream all over her face. and that's the first time I thought he's an abuser. Who does that? There was something really offensive about it.

I didn't like it. I thought he was too aggressive. Linda's like, they're leaving Calgary to explore his Irish fruits in Dublin, which apparently means spreading ice cream all over each other's faces. So congratulations, you two. If your family hates you so much in America,

just go look for new ones in Dublin. What about their family in America? Nobody cares about that. The only roots of the matter are in Dublin. Okay. This guy's a fucking monster, I'm telling you. He laughed too hard to not be a monster. Yeah.

So we see then Terry in the car saying, our wedding planner said, we can't get married, we can't change jobs, and we can't change homes in the same year. And we're like, we're doing all three. What could go wrong? I'm like, everything. Everything can go wrong. And I hope you're ready to call your fucking divorce planner. Because if there's anyone in life you should listen to, it's your goddamn wedding planner.

They do this for a living. You're just going to ignore your wedding plan. Okay. you're going to get married, you're going to not follow the advice of your wedding planner, and then you're going to let this man take you to Dublin, and you're not going to work at the same time. This is a recipe for dis-ass-ter. Yeah. So we are here in Dublin, and Terry and Sean are walking over a pedestrian bridge, or just some bridge.

They're walking over a river, I should say, on a bridge, and Terry looks at the river and goes, So you think it could swim in it? He's like, oh, I have my doubts, but me. baby, okay, well, I'm just going to push you in. And, you know, if you die, you die, I guess, huh? Have fun, baby. And he tells us, we met in Canada. We were working in a newsroom.

I was a journalist there. And Terry's like, I was a reporter. And Sean's like, and we were just friends. And then someone said, you guys are not just friends. And this cracked me out the timing of this. We watch this on YouTube TV, so we were watching it on HDTV. and a logo popped up really big on the bottom right of the screen that says good bones. You are not just friends.

Good bones. You're good bones as well. Stop lying to us. Oh, I remember the day just like yesterday. I was doing a report about a moose that stormed through a Tim Hortons. And my friend said, listen, I know this is an important report, but let's talk about the fact that there are sparks between you and Sean. They said, you guys are good bones.

Yeah. We kind of looked at each other and we were like, Oh, everyone thought it was the worst kept secret ever, but we just figured it out. And then I took my ice cream and I shoved it in his face and he smiled and I thought maybe this is a relationship I can have. Then he rubbed it back in my face with his own face and I thought, wow, this guy can give it, sure as he can get it. He can give it as well as he can get it. That's for sure. I love averse ice cream shuffer.

Sean's like, so I always knew my granddad's from Ireland. He's really cheery. By the way, he smiles the entire episode. He always knew my granddad's from Ireland. And we had a friend of ours say, Hey, I think you qualify for Irish citizenship. Now, can you take me through the hospital? That hockey poke went right through my mouth.

And I was like, oh, that's cool. Okay, so this couple only does things that their friends suggest. Have you noticed that? I mean, we're like one minute into the episode. So far, they didn't even know they liked each other until a friend told them. And then they moved to Ireland because a friend told them that he has citizenship there.

What the fuck you do? Well, I've never lived internationally. The closest I ever came was one time putting a foot into Saskatchewan. So I've always been in Canada. So I was really looking for a change. Yeah, you know, I've never been to Dublin, but I kind of think that would be the connection to my family, you know, because look at these cobblestone streets.

I can imagine my grandpa walking on these streets. I can imagine my grandpa on a chew-choo train throwing bricks at strangers. It doesn't mean I should do it. Terry says, you know, going north and meeting your family, visiting the house your granddad grew up in, that'd be pretty cool. And he's like, yeah, that'd be pretty surreal, you know. Hey, are you no tool? Are you a no tool? Are you a no tool?

Are you a tool? And so Terry is telling us, I've lived internationally before. I loved it. Every day was different. My friend abroad told me, you know, she said, she told me over croissant. in Paris. You know, Terry, you should go back to Canada. So I did. You know, I didn't even know I liked croissants except we were in Paris and my friend said, you should have a croissant. I said, I don't know about it. I don't like how they're spelled in a confusing way. She said, you, you are going to like it.

And then I ate it. And she was right. I love croissants now. I was in Paris experiencing a sexual blossoming in my youth. And I was saying, this is fun. But then my friend, my friend, Michel said, you know, you're a little too boring for this city. So isn't there someone back in Canada named Cal or Gary that you can be with? And I thought, God, why not both? So I went to Calgary. And that's where I met Sean. Yeah, I think listening to our stories about living abroad are just so fascinating.

Tell them the one about how you like croissants in Paris. I just said that, hon. Oh, that's true. So we were cooped up. We were cooped up in COVID, you know, for so, long. I mean, have you ever spent three years just smiling at your loved one and watching them smile back at you? And all you do is just sit there in silence and smile at each other. Man, that was fun. So we were looking for adventure. I mean, it's hard to tap the smiling thing,

but we're pretty sure we could find some that comes pretty close, maybe in Ireland. I was looking for a full-time, a full-time job in technology. And Tara's like, well, you know, I didn't really know what to do, but then a friend of mine said, you should go back to school. And guess what? I'm going to go back and get a master's and help. health and education. I was just going to do health, but my friend said, God, you'd be good at education. Yeah, I mean, I had a successful job going on on air in Calgary's, you know, action news, you know, reporting on, you know, the latest maple leaf drought. But, you know, who cares about a successful on-air career when, you know, Rosalind says you could go to school instead in a foreign

country? So guess I'm doing that instead. And Sean goes, yeah, it was, it was like a now or never kind of No, it's not. Is Dublin closing? The fuck you're talking about it's now or no, no, it's not. She can go later. You leave her career alone. I'm very offended by this person. And he's still smiling like a fucking jack-o'-lantern, too, by the way. It's okay. I'm going to bring all my Avrilavre Levine and Alanis Morissette CDs with me and will feel a little bit like we're at home, even though we're in Dublin.

So they go... Well, this is the most adventurous thing I've ever done. I don't just go with the floor. And Terry goes, yeah. He's like, let's go with the floor. But hey, what time does the flow stand? That's also what he says every time a commercial break starts. He's always afraid he'll miss another progressive.

What time is flow coming on? So now they're playing at a shuffleboard table in Ireland. And Terry's like, hey, Sean. So I know we were planning on having dinner, but they said we should play shuffleboard. So here we are. Do you know how to play this game? Is this like where we get a bunch of cards and we just shuffle them? until we get bored?

Let's look it up on the internet before we look stupid. I don't want to do anything too risky, you know? And she's like, yeah, because I'm like freaking out in my head and overthinking, but then he brings me back down to earth and says things like, you a reporter on national news? Oh, heck no. So we have savings, but I've always brought in my own money. And so now I'm relinquishing control, and that's going to be an adjustment.

So, Sean goes, yeah, I think we're both excited. I don't think you're both excited. I think she's going to go fucking crazy the first second. And you're like, do you really need that sweater on? She's going to be like, I was on the news in Calgary. You'll fuck. So now we're going to go meet with a realtor who might not actually be a real person because her name is Leslie Light.

Is that a real person? Leslie Light. Are you fucking kidding me? I love her name is Leslie Light. And she's not even a real estate agent. She's a relocation specialist. Oh, I didn't know that. Yes, Leslie Light.

I love Leslie just like, I don't need a license to do shit. Hey, guess what? I'm not going to go get a master's in. Relocation specializing. I just made it up myself. So then meet with Leslie Light. And Terry's like, so I really want to be near Dublin City University. I'm not sure if I'm going to get in there, but I just want to be near it because I like being close to universities.

And she's like, you know, I figure I have to do something with myself before coming here. Am I right? Okay. Hey, is there a Tim Hortons in Dublin because I'm on punch number nine out of ten. Do most run through your Tim Hortons here? Yes or no? Hey, is there going to be a Brian Adams concert anytime soon? And Leslie's like, they're a really fun couple.

And I think they'll do great in Dublin. I think Dublin is a complex city. So commuting times are slower, you know? Employment's high. It's a vibrant city center. Yeah. No, no, no. What do you think?

I thought you were going to say some more on behalf of Leslie Light. I apologize. I've actually, I just started thinking that's why I was like, it's Leslie lying to me. I've always heard really good things about Dublin, but I don't trust a place where someone goes, you know what's great here? Light traffic. Well, she says the city is really compact. So therefore, like, because it's so compact, because it's so compact that you can, like the public transportation. No.

Well, it's complex emotionally, but in terms of actual space, it's pretty compact. So you can... Makes much more sense. Yes, right. You can get to the Enya, you can go from the Enya concert

to the U2 concert in five minutes flat. Terry's like, you know, it'd be nice to have two bedrooms. And Sean's like, yeah, well, you know what else is nice? Our house in Calgary was central to lots of alcohol. Are we going to get, sorry, I was trying to be Leslie Light there. Are we going to be able to be close to pubs?

Because that's really what I'm here for, pubs. Is my face red yet? Should be what my granddad's was. Our house in Calgary was, God, we were right down there in the theater district. God, I mean, I could have, you walk out the door, you could just go see kittens, which of course is the Calgary version of cats, just a little bit more adorable and sweeter. It's Calgary Broadway. Instead of Wicked, we just have WIC.

It's about a green candle getting real mad at people, but you understand where it's coming from by the end. Yeah, you know, you should see the Calgary version of Hamilton. It's basically the same thing as the American version except everyone who's performing is on a toboggan. They're all played by ham. Different, different. It's actually Canadian Hamilton. It sort of reminds you of bacon. So, anyway.

So Lesz is like, So is there anything you can't live without, but sort of seems like you're living without as it is. And Terry's like, well, you know, I like feeling cozy and cute and like, I kind of like having a little bit of,

I guess, I don't know, could I have some Irish charm? You know, just to feel like we're living here. Lelze's like, okay, hold on one second.

Here you go, a bar of Irish spring soap. Get out of my face, you fuck that fucker. I know Sean maybe didn't care about charm, but I really care about Irish charm. And so I'm like, I'd be fine with modern, really.

You know, I really love modern stuff. I always think to myself, God, I wonder if my grandpa was modern. I bet my grandpa was the first person with a phonograph. So, Liz says, well, this is going to be a little tricky to manage. They just don't have enough money to get everything that they want. I mean, Tories, schools on the north side, and so, well, we're just going to start there and find a cardboard box they can move into.

So they want to stay at 1900 And Leslie lights like Do you have any wiggle room there? Because that's a little tight All right? That's as compact as the city. It's tight. Listen, the time it's going to take you

To get from cheap to cheaper It's very low. That's a positive. Okay, when I asked about wiggle room Doesn't mean I wanted you to shake your stomach, Sean. I would like a room to listen to the wiggles in. You know, I wasn't into him until my friend Denise was. She had kids.

God, I love them. I love a Wiggles Room. They'd be great. We can wear different colored t-shirts on different days. God, that would be fun. I want to sing a song about flowers. The Wiggles Room. So they go to a neighborhood called Smithfield Market in the heart of the city.

And let's like, So this area has been completely regenerated in recent years, as you can see. And she just points to like some planters. Look, someone put a plant in a planter. This city, this neighborhood has totally turned around. Yeah, look at that. It's a plant grow.

It used to be a historic horse market, you know. There used to be a homeless person here, but now there's a plant. We've turned this entire neighborhood around. And Sean's like, oh, this is what I envisioned, you know, when I came here. Except, hold on, in my vision, my grandpa was passing by a horse. I just said it was a historic horse district. Yeah. Domas.

Did they ever trade moose here, too? just horses. So they go to House 1, Northside Home. It's a new apartment building. It's quite high Spick. And Terry's like, I don't think you're, I don't think that's very nice. And she's like, hi, Spick.

It's all looking very good. You're going to love it in here. Get on in here. So Terry. The thing they put on screen, though, when they say House 1, they put the little stats. It says, one bed, one bath,

$1,800. And then it says, no Irish charm. I was like, wow, they just really pass judgment right there. Hi, this is Linda.

I make these titles also. I'm just going to tell you all, I can tell by the outside, this shithole has no Irish charm. Good luck. But didn't you say this place was highly despicable? I said high spec,

you dumb ass. Does that mean it has a lot of breakfast meats? No, not spec like that. Um, so. So let's see here. Terry's like, oh, gosh, I'm just worried about there not being any character. Well, it didn't seem to bother you

when you were choosing a husband, did it? You married Sean for crying out loud. So they go in, I just want to say, just in general, this entire episode, the houses they go to take about 30 seconds of screen time because they're all about 10 square feet. They really are.

It's like, it's so quick. So they go in and there's like this, it's got high ceilings. And like there's a really teeny tiny first room you walk into. And then Terry's like, oh, God, I don't know. It's pretty small. And then I'm worried about what will happen when we fill it up with clutter and everything like that. I mean, you've got your whole John Candy DVD collection. That's going to take up a whole bunch.

I think we're only going to be able to fit clean streams in here. I don't think you're going to get automobiles in this living room. I mean, it only fits a coach. And look at that. The ceilings are taller than the room is wide. It sort of feels like we've been throwing down a hole. Honestly. So, you know, I feel like I'm actually living in a hockey stick.

So Sean goes, yeah, but it's just the two of us. How much space do we really need? She's like, okay. You're like six foot six. Could you please not talk about how much room you don't need? I hate when people do that, you know. I know. You're the tiny one.

How much room do you need? Like, you're a giant, sir. I need room, okay? I need room to get away from you. I married you, okay? I need somewhere to hide. You're terrifying. Yeah.

Smile away from me. At least five minutes a day. So then the kitchen is like behind this wall. I don't know why that wall is even there. It is so, it's like this. It's like an airplane kitchen. It's like a galley. But they should have just opened up that wall or something.

I don't think you can even turn around in there. Like there needs to be laws like dog crates. Your dog should at least be able to turn around the crate. You can't turn around in this little hallway. No, it makes no sense. And Tara's like, well, I guess only one person, one person cooking only, that's going to be Sean. Because I'm going to school. Also, our friend said that Sean should cook more.

So he's on the stove tap. And Sean's like, I keep a level ahead. And that gets us through issues. And she's like, yeah, Sean's a planner. And I just show up. And I'm like, wait a minute. What are we going to be doing today? And Sean's like, oh, I know my strengths and my weaknesses.

Okay. My strengths cooking. My weaknesses, I never cook. I'm always at the fucking pub. Can we be honest about this yet? Because I'm in Aki. Let me just say it right now. I'm a dry drunk right now.

Okay. My strengths is moving to where my grandpa used to be from. and my weakness, it's probably being a reporter because now I'm going into tech. So apparently that didn't really work out so well for me, huh? Yeah, I didn't do so good at that job. And they go to look at the bedroom and Leslie's like, ah, it's a little small, but maybe I could get some bedside lockers there for you. Put that smile into possibly for a night before you terrify the whole goddamn neighborhood.

And Terry's like, well, you know, I used to be a news report. We know. You've mentioned. Well, yeah. But I was a news reporter, and I used to have a whole room just to get ready. That's not going to happen here, I guess. Look at Diva Terry. You know, I don't want to impress everyone in this room too much, but Leslie, have you ever filed a report on Katie Lang?

Because I certainly did. Just saying. So Leslie's like, well, I've got a news report for you. You're not working anywhere, and you need one pair of jogging pants and two hair ties and a bra. That's what they need. So then Terry does the thing where she says, I don't, I mean, I don't know. It doesn't scream like we're in a new country. I'm like, open up a window and see the new country that's outside.

Okay. Someone will be down there screaming up. Stop an American mother fox. You'll know. You don't need. It's so funny how this happens every House Hunter International episode. There's always someone who's like, it just has this, if you feel like, I just want, I just want this country in every single fixture around me. You don't need it.

Like, you don't. need that in your kitchen. You can have a perfectly modern house. You're in Ireland. And you know what? I feel like it's unfair too because I feel like people from other countries don't do that with America. I feel like there I feel like other countries aren't like, wow, I just wish this place is more American. How wish this felt more like Phoenix, Arizona? God, I wish I wish my home felt more like a strip mall. Seriously. So, um, Sean is like, um, He's like, well, you know, for me, the location is great because like, you know, just outside your door, there's like tons of pubs in restaurants where you can sort of drink away the sorrows of a failed reporting career, you know? But where's the Irish charm?

I'm worried about the size and also the Irish charm. You know what? I'm really concerned that he loves it this much, this fast. I mean, I want to keep an open-minded, you know? That guy would move into a keg if you'd let him. So Lousie's like, well, Terry is a little bit more interested in the historical side of Dublin, or at least she just likes some sort of Disneyland version of it. So I think this property coming up has loads of character, or at least it has a box of lucky charms in it.

That'll probably do her over. So they're in a restaurant, and Terry's like, I've got something on me face. And they like laugh and get all romantic. And she's like, well, we got married in the Canadian Rackies. And that's when we were announcing that we were moving. I said, you're dating, you know, when you're dating someone, everyone asks you when you're getting married. When you're getting married, everyone asks why you're having, when you're having a baby.

And when you're having a baby, everyone asks, did you know you married a man child? And when you realize you married a man child, you're stuck without a job in a way out of your closet kitchen. And when you're stuck in your closet kitchen with no way out and you try to stick your head down the garbage disposal, but that doesn't fit. And then when your husband sees you with the chopped hair, from the garbage disposal. He starts cheat man, you with a red-headed lady named Lucy. You decide to go back and tell all your friends who have suggested you married this beta

motherfucker to die in their sleep. I forgot what I was talking about. But this place is kind of smile. So with that being said, now that we're married, I said, join us and raise a glass because we are expecting to move to Ireland. No one laughed, but then that's because all our guests were just Canadian geese. And one dead moose, they tried to make it through it to Morton's. God, that was sad. That was sad.

I had to leave the wedding early just to report on it. I wanted to go to a place that wouldn't allow Sean guns. You know, those get scary. So, Sean, people are just trying to have their coffee, you know. So they're laughing over Guinnesses. And Sean's like, turn it over in a new country. turning over in a new country can be scary. Sorry, yeah, that was my grandpa, Pat coming out.

You know, turning over in a new country can be scary, but I want to learn about my granddad's life, you know, because there's like this fear of the unknown. Could you imagine this fucking oaf showing up to your house? Canadian Chris Pratt. Is Chris Pratt already Canadian? Actually, he might be. I don't know, but I am dying to do that.

I'm going to go to Lebanon. First of all, the name Karam, from what my grandparents told me, the name Karam in Lebanon is like Smith. Like everybody is a Karim in Lebanon. I'm just going to go there and be like, are you a Karam? I'm Ronnie. You're my cousin.

Can I stay here? Also, do we know what's going on with his grandpa? Do we learn if the grandpa's dead are alive? Because if he's alive, you know, he's just like, you know, you can just ask me that question, son. Is that so wrong? There's a reason I put your family on a boat in the first place. Your father's a loser.

He's always been a goddamn looted. Looks like he turned another one out. Welcome home. Why don't stories ever end like that where you go find your family, but they're fucking terrible. Yeah. Well, sort of White Lotus had that moment. Oh, that's true. That was hilarious, actually.

Yeah. So, yeah, so he's like, yeah, I think the biggest risk of the moment. move for us as there's a little bit of a, say, there's a big, there's a big, sorry, had grandpa Pat came through my mouth again. There's a little bit of a fear of the unknown, you know, and like, what do you do in a place where it doesn't snow all the time? And so they've never lived abroad, they're saying how they've never lived together abroad, but they're going to be starting a new chapter in a new country. And this is where Terry says, again, the thing about, like, don't, like, in one year, don't get married or change jobs or change homes. They're doing all three. And

Leslie's like, wow, that's a make-or-break moment. You know, if my wedding... If you're doing all three of those, this could be the end of yas. You're dumb asses. Leslie goes, you know what my wedding planner says, don't you ever move your seat back from your steering wheel, otherwise you're ending in divorce. So here I am.

Steering wheel against my boobs. And Sean's just like, damn, you're depressing. Oh, Jesus, Leslie, what the fuck? Your name is Leslie Light. Could you maybe be nicer to us? saying this could lead to murder. It's bad luck. Doing all three things in one year. We will even luck in Ireland.

Guess what you got? Not luck. You got not the luck of the Irish, all right? I see it all the time. Young couple moves here. Wife stuck at home. Used to getting dressed in a bedroom full of news clothes. Then suddenly dead. Bottom of the lake. Turns out you can't

swim in it. Spoiler alert. That's what we call Light in Ireland. You want to hear about... You want to hear you want to hear a sad story. You think that was me being sad. Here's a sad story. Your name is Leslie Light and you got a wonderful sister. And that sister leaves you behind and moves to America,

becomes a big famous woman. Her name is Judith. Yes, that's right. That's my... You want to know who the boss is? Apparently not me because you forgot all about me here in Dublin. That, now that is sad. I said, go ahead and marry him.

You're as good as Tony Dunza. All right. So, sounds like sink or swim in my life. right? Or hold your house, spouse's head under the water. God, she did just suggest murder. That's all I'm going to think about for the rest of this episode. All right now, so now that we've had a good laugh at our families, we're in Georgia and Dublin. As you can see, there's a beautiful architecture here and Sean, I can already see in your eyes, this is not Georgia America, nor is it Georgia in Central Europe or

Eastern Europe. This is just... I love this on Georgia by Ray Charles. It's not that one, you dumb, dumb. an architectural style. Well, I don't see any pubs here. Take all for fuck's sake. It's called drying out. Try it. All right.

What you're talking about? You're in Ireland. You're literally standing on top of a pub. Oh. So I am. You're what my panties need. All right. You're what my panties need after one Tom Jones song plays on the radio.

To dry out. All right. I'm sorry. So I've never been to Ireland. And this is not even completely. I'm sorry, literally. I don't even know where I am today. This is not coming from place of like, oh, stereotypical,

but everyone that I've, everyone that I've spoken to has ever been to Ireland or any Irish people say, there's a pub on every corner in Ireland. And that's, which I think is awesome, by the way. So why is he like, oh, I don't even see a pub? I guarantee there are pubs nearby. It's like a famous part of Irish culture,

which I have, of course, never been to. So I'm speaking out of my ass. I get the whole like, oh, like, let's get a drink. Like, obviously, right? Like, I get it. But I would be worried, and I'd love to drink. I love a nice fat martini. But I would be a little worried if the person I was just married to,

like, that's his number one thing. We need to be by a pub. That's not somebody who's going to, like, be giving you what you need. I'm calling divorce. I'm calling divorce on this couple. I mean, I understand if you want to say you want to be closer to the action and feel like you're really being like in the city. Or like restaurants, something, you know,

but just specifically, like, like, pubs. He needs a pub. So then Leslie does this pitch for the new place. So, have any of you heard about the concept of a muse property? It's like, oh yeah, well, I used to host the muse. No, muse, not news. Anyway, okay.

It's where we saw kitty in Calgary. No, you're stupid. Muse home. It's where people parked their horses and their hawks. What I'm trying to say is there's no apartments in this city. that weren't formerly places where horses stood around.

Do you think that I could be a host of the muse? No, you're fucking idiot. But I could. I brought three outfits. Hi, welcome to the muse. Guess what? I'm Terry and a horse used to live here. All right, over to you, Terry.

Hi, I'm Terry too. I'm also hosting at the muse. Hey, any hawks bring any news? Oh, here comes a hawk. Out my arm! Oh, my arm! Okay, I'm going to need some sick leave from the mules. This really hurt.

I really like living in the mules, but one of the problem is that I'm constantly having to give and take tickets for people who want to get their horses out of our house. So that's... It's cute, but you're on kind of horse valet duty the whole time. So it's basically a barn, this place. Yeah. And Sean's like, well, the character makes me worse.

about how modern it is. Yeah, it's a fucking barn dude in the muse, okay? Get the fuck over yourself. This is the cutest street I've ever seen in my life. This is, by way, I love this place right here. It's so cute. And also, they put up this thing on the screen. Did you see this where Linda's like, the term

muse originally referred to the royal stables where the king's hawks were kept during their melting period, or mew time. So we're trying to say this isn't a place where just horses chat. Also, giant birds. Enjoy. So this one's $2,100.

And Terry's like, $2,100, that's not ideal. That is not ideal. We said 1900. And Sean's like, well, she's a bit worried that I'm this whole income earner. And I know she doesn't want to feel like she's just getting an allowance from old Sean. You know what I mean? Having to calm down to the pub and bust in every time she needs a stick of gum or something. This is going to be hilarious.

And she's like, you know, I think it looks great. and I love that the character that we're talking about and you know, it doesn't feel like anything you get back in Calgary but to be fair, our house in Calgary is built from 100% hockey net. So you walk in and there's a staircase right there. Which is fine, I think, personally.

This is a split level? Is this a split level, Ben? I think it's just two story. I think it's just, yeah, just a classic two story. But it's like a nice, it's not like our shitty staircase. It's like a nice, well, well-painted staircase. There's a staircase when you walk in.

And then, like, if you don't go up the staircase, the first room you go into is a bedroom, which is like a nice size. And it actually has this carpet that's kind of like a tartan pattern, which I actually kind of liked. I'm like, it does, like, if you're going to be in Ireland, like this is kind of a nice vibe. And he's like, oh, this carpet is kind of giving me bagpipe vibes or something. You guys see the bagpipe vibe in this? I'm like, you are a bagpipe, sir.

Okay. You're giving me bagpipes. You are getting back pipes. So there's access to outside, but it's just like as big as the kitchen was in the last place. It's really tiny. You can barely even walk out there. And there's poop all over the ground, which also like, I love that Leslie doesn't give a fuck. She's just like, leave the shit in the backyard.

It's another old tool. Yeah. And it's like, God, this outdoor area. I mean, like, you just have room to walk outside. This is like hardly an outdoor area. I'm like, the other place didn't even have an outdoor area. There's been no, in fact, no place has outdoor area except for this one. And he goes, I don't know if I can do my morning exercises here.

She goes, oh, God, like you're hopping out of bed to do that anyway for crane out loud morning exercises. You didn't even know how to use the Fliberti gibbet machine in the park. So then there's a little onsuit bathroom, but it's the only bathroom in this place. And so now he's like, that's bad. It's bad, but it's not. I don't think it's the worst because he's like, oh, God, so you know what? Now, like, if my parents come, they're going to have to trample through the bedroom just to get here. And I'm like, that sucks, but I used to live in a place like that.

Remember running my old place on Fuller? The bathroom was through my bedroom. That's annoying, but, like, you just, you get used to it. That's true. And wasn't it also through the closet? No, that was my old old place where I'm getting your place is conflated. No, my old place was that to get to my bedroom, you had to walk through the bathroom to get to the bedroom, which was sort of weird.

Yeah. But, but, yeah, like, yeah, having, having people go through your, your bedroom is weird. But, like, also, like, it's for the three days that your family comes to visit in Calgary, you're going to, like, you're going to just dismiss this entire listing as opposed, you know? I would dismiss it, though. I have to say, I have to disagree with you there, because it's not only. only like, oh my God, they might see me naked or whatever. It's that your mom is going to go in there and just poop.

And then you're going to be stuck. You know, people are so weird in bathrooms. Like, you don't know what they're doing. They might be sitting in there texting forever, just lingering a poop. And you're just stuck there with your parent poop. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Or they could just stay in a hotel.

I mean, that's the other option. Yeah, I think that's a better option anyway. So then they go upstairs. this place. This place is cute. They go upstairs and there's so much light and there's this cute little periwinkle wood burning stove. Oh, if there's so much light, there is because guess who's in her bra now? Leslie lights.

Come on up. Yeah. Guess what? Sister Judith couldn't even dream of having this kind of bosom. So the kitchen's really nice. It's a nice kitchen. There's tons of light. The view of all these trees, it's so, it's just like tranquil and lovely in there.

It is really lovely. Cute wood kitchen, nice new tiles. And Terry's like, we don't cook a ton, so it's going to be a balance, you know, and knowing we have one income, who, who, you're going to need to get a job. You're not going to, you're not going to handle this person take. Even if it's just to get your masters and you know it's temporary, this is going to make Terry crazy. Yeah, this is, yeah, you need to get it. You need to get it.

Start driving Uber, okay? Yeah. So then Terry loves it, though. She loves this. And Sean's like, you know, I know you're getting a little carried away right now because, you know, women. But I don't want to be sleeping at night. And let's say your parents come. And then your dad's going through our bedroom to go to the bathroom.

I mean, have you heard the stinkers he's had at our old house? I mean, that was bad enough. Well, you know what? Beans some magical fruit, am I right? We'll just have to be more careful what we serve him next time. And I know I'm real strict. about the budge, but gosh, cuteness overload, am I right?

Look at this place. So now they go get some fried cod and fish and ships, basically. First, Linda Sass is Terry, because Terry says, because she goes, you know, the cuteness factor, the character factor, this is winning me over. And Linda goes, Leslie hopes

Terry is willing to take her own advice with a place that might be slightly better fit for Sean. I'm like, oh shit. Come up for Terry. She is so bitchy. I love it. So now they go get some fish and chips. And Terry goes, when in Dublin? And the narrator's like, this is their first time in Dublin, but not Terry's first time wearing nine shades of pink in this episode.

She's only brought one jacket to Dublin. And it looks like unicorn diarrhea. So thanks for that. Thanks for that, Ter. Terr is like, you know, because they're eating their fish and chips. She goes, you know, this is going to sound silly, but I kind of want to divorce. Also, you kind of forget that Ireland is surrounded by ocean. Like, so like obviously the seafo is going to be, isn't it funny?

Because like, in my mind, for some reason, it's like right next to Kenya. So it's like, oh my God, no, it's actually in the ocean right now. And it sounds like, I'm going to step out of my comfort zone. We might get lonely, but I have family here. I haven't met him yet, but, you know, hey, it's sinking in, and it's scary, and it's daunting. And Terry goes, I think it's probably improper to ask for ketchup here, huh? I'm not going to do with that. Should I ask for ketchup?

Don't embarrass me. They could be my family. You know, the last time I lived abroad was actually, I was just in, I was in North Dakota. I was pretty close to home, to be honest, and we just ordered ketchup there all the time. So now they're in the car driving to the next place. And Sean's like, well, I hear that this next place is traditional for, oh, they're passing water. And he goes, oh, so I hear in Ireland that a lot of families go into the cold water in the winter. And Leslie's like, yeah, a bunch of idiots and the New Year do that.

A bunch of pneumonia addicts do it, hoping that they can get their poor little ante to get pneumonia and die. But not me. You know why? I'm not a moron. Hey, Leslie, if you happen to see a see a son. sign for ketchup sold here. Do you mind pulling over? I'm sort of going through a drought right now in this city. Hey, I know you don't like swimming and water, but do you like swimming and ketchup? It's like sweet and tangy all at once. I'm having mad craving right now. My neighbors have this

thing on the New Year's. And I live in like an older neighborhood. There's a lot of older people here. And older than me, which is really cute. They're all really sweet. But they do this yearly thing to bond. where they plunge into the lake, because I live in a lake neighborhood. I'm not going out there on New Year's Day at fucking 30 degrees or 40 degrees and jumping in the water with you, rascals, are you fucking crazy?

No, I will not do. And of course, it's a one lady who's trying to, like, start a neighborhood yoga thing, too. Fuck you, lady. Fuck your yoga and fuck your cold plunging, okay? You want me to plunge into something cold? Send me some Ben and Jerry's. Otherwise, get the fuck out of my email.

Exactly. So, Leslie knows Sean and Terry are taking a leap in their relationship as a married couple. So she tries a comfortable option that can use the stress of too many changes, like no ketchup in Ireland. So this is a house three on the south side, one bedroom, one bath, 1900, which are acting like it's this great deal. It's one bedroom. Have they all been one bedroom? They've all been, no one, she didn't find them a single two bedroom place. And Leslie doesn't give a fuck, man. Leslie's like, fuck you. You'll get what I give you. All right.

So this neighborhood is called wrath mines. It's where people would go to mine for things and feel the wrath of the Irish underground. The wrathmans. So here's a little brick building. It's got nice new, wide plank new floors. And it's like a kitchen living room combo with a tiny two-person counter. This one's me. I think this one's like, it's me. It's far away. It's like, I think if you're an expat, like, what's the point of just moving to the suburbs? And like, we've all met those people, those people who are like, oh, I moved abroad and I moved all the way of the suburbs. And I didn't really like it there. So I came back to America. And I was just like, really?

But you didn't even do it right. That's, that's me. I moved to Texas. I moved to Austin, which is a great city. And I live outside of Austin. I'm never in Austin. I don't know anything. People are like, oh, my God, have you been to this restaurant?

No, because I moved to the fucking Burbs. Now, granted, I don't leave my house anyway. So it's perfect for me. but I get the, I get what you're saying. And I should move to Austin. And I'm quite to move to Austin. I just accidentally shamed you. Thank you, Ben.

My friend suggested it, so I did it. So, this apartment has new construction, but before you moved in, there was a horse living here, so consistency is key. So, let's see. So the son is, oh, the bedroom. He's like, what does he say? I wrote it so.

gray. I don't know what that means. It's just so bland and boring. The bedroom's like fine. It's space. But they're like, wow, there's a lot of space, but it doesn't seem like a lot of space. It just looks like a small one bedroom. Like there's not even room for a dining room table. But does he actually say, you know, there's a lot of coverage space here. Yes, he does. He says lots of covered space in here, you know. Like, covered. I wrote covered. I was like, yeah, it's a house, dude. It has a roof on it. No, it's got a lot of cupboard space here in this bedroom. Whoa, look at all these cupboards. You put all your cups and your boards in there.

That's a nice way of seeing. There's no fucking closets in here, Linda Light. I know. I ain't going to give you closets. You're not getting another bedroom and you're not getting a closet, mother truck. They go into the bathroom, which is a nice bathroom. And they're like, oh, look, this is a modern bathroom. And Terry goes, I feel like we're in a hotel.

Like, what hotels has Terry been subjected to? Yeah, it's not the cutest. So Sean's like, whoa, you know, what, I feel like you don't really get this in Ireland. And she goes, no, I'm not getting Ireland at all from this place. You have any little short people around here with red hair and big giant shoes? Les is like, oh, thanks a lot. Yeah, we don't have anything modern here.

Let me just press this crank so your elevator comes to get you. Because we apparently have no electricity or running water here either. Well, you know, it's nice and modern, but I'm a little worried about the location. Because, you know, I'm a city guy. I was hoping we'd get some more urban feel, you know, like the outfitters, you know. I want the men's level to be in a completely separate level. And I want to have to pass through furniture to get up there. Yeah.

I mean, can't you see me in this big T-shirt? Can't you see how I'm a city guy at heart? What about me does not speak of the urban experience? I'm basically a Jetson and a car that sounds like this. I couldn't help but wonder, are there no modern apartments? here in Dublin type type type type type type type Sean in the city so Terry's like well this is very from school but I guess you know it's the same is back home too and I don't really love that I want more Ireland in my life I say they're going to pick number one because it's close to the

pub so I thought it was going to be number two because number two seemed like it had the best of everything like there was it was roomier it was gorgeous there was the issue of the bathroom but I was like, but realistically, how often are they going to have parents that are there? I mean, he smiles too much and too intensely to really give her what she wants and she clearly wants number two. So I don't think he's going to have a turn. And also like the way this show works is that they always go for the worst option. Like number three was the worst. Actually, I thought, I actually thought number three was the worst because.

I think number three was the worst. And they eliminated that right away. But I was like, they're not going to go for number one because that kitchen was like literally unmanageable. And it was so small. So even though it's a good location, there's going to be pubs near the other one. It's got nice light. It's cute. It's got charm.

but there's space. And even though there's a bathroom issue, you know, his parents probably aren't going to come visit. I mean, his grandpa left the country. Not maybe, you know,

maybe they're fugitives. I don't even believe that, you know, they're probably like, we can't go back there. We'll get in trouble. Just send stupid Sean over there. He can serve the time for the rest of the family.

So, uh, basically, you know, that he can, he hates the bathroom situation and how's number two. And, um,

so they, they go for house number one. I could not believe it. They go for house number one, which is close to a bar. Well, I have to say, this guy's trouble. And they saved $100. Like, oh, please, he's going to drink that in five minutes. Like, why are we acting like $100 is so much to Sean?

I'm sure. But also, like, Sean, what drove me nuts was that Sean kept on saying, like, oh, you know, I hate the idea of people going through our bedroom to go into the bathroom. Like, that would be so terrible when we have guests. I'm like, it'll be bad for you when you have guests who have to go through your bedroom to go to the bathroom. What happens when you have this tiny-ass closet and you have guests? That's going to be even worse. So what about the guests that are you're living on top of you in the closet?

Yeah, there's nowhere for the guests to sleep. And either way, you're going to be coming into their room to poop because the bathroom has to be out of one of the rooms. But I think ultimately they were just like, we're moving to Dublin and we just want to be like close to all the Dublin action. And for that, you know what? I think that's smart. God bless. God bless. Yeah, I think that that's smart at the end of the day.

And when we see, they actually make the space look very cute. So it turns out they had a better sense than I realized. God, they look like such a dorks three months later. They're like, let's see what they're doing three months later. And they're in like their little bike helmets, which you know, a safety first and everything. But she's still wearing that unicorn shit jacket. And they're just like, whoa, bike riding. And she goes, look over there at that park.

I can picture a picnic there. Romance, your favorite. it. Wow. She really, she's so ambitious with what she imagines. What you also don't see is that they're biking very quickly and then you see just Leslie in her car trying to run them off the road. Oh, get you want us the Irish term. Here it comes. And that brings us to the end. Oh, no, we don't because guess what? Sean's like, oh, guess what, we're not going to have time for romance right now. Guess why? Because Patch is emailed us for a family get together.

That's right. Pat. We see that he has found his family. Yes. Also, I firmly believe that they stole a mirror from house number three because when they looked at house number three, there was a mirror in the foyer that was like the circle mirror that had like this lip underneath it. Yes, I remember that. When they showed three months later, the same exact mirror was over the fireplace of house number one.

I was like, either you use that in house number three to fake stage it or you stole it. And I think they stole it. They virgled it. Don't trust. Don't trust. Anyway. I love that. Oh, so funny.

Thank you, everyone, for listening and supporting us here on Wondry Plus. We really appreciate it. And we'll catch you on the next Well, Hello, in two weeks. Hi, everyone. Bye, everybody.