Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello 323: Chasing Home, Heart and Hope in Sydney

Episode Date: November 23, 2023

In this harrowing episode of House Hunters International (S136E03), a tour guide stalks a chocolate factory quality control artist in Sydney. One of the creepier episodes we’ve covered, but we couldn’t pass up a chance to root for chocolate. We watched this episode on Max! Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Dwell Hello. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, little Ben. Hi, Ronnie. Hi, how are you? Good. So glad to be with another episode of Dwell Hello. There are only two more episodes in season three of Dwell Hello.

What do you think of that? I think that's amazing. So, yeah, we're doing this episode and then we're going to do another one and then Dwell Hello will be done for the year, but we'll be back in the new year. We'll be back in January. probably the first or second, probably the second week of January. I don't know. I'm not going to make any promises right now.

I don't know the schedule. It's like one week difference, but we're acting like, oh, my God. It's a huge season break. It's the season finale of Dwell Hello, wherein it goes away for three weeks and then is on for a whole other year. But that is big because our first season had 10 episodes. Our second season, I think, had 10 episodes. And now here we are, we're season three with 24 episodes. That's nuts. It's a lot.

We got a 24 episode pickup by ourselves. Because it's official. We have renewed ourselves. So House Hunters, here we go. This episode is House Hunters International. It is Season 136, Episode 3, according to some people. It's also other numbers if you're on different platforms. This is true.

We found this on HBO Max under that episode number. number. And it's called, if you're trying to figure out how to look these up, the best thing to do is search in Max, the app Max for Chasing Home, Heart and Hope in Sydney. It's also on, um, what's the other one? YouTube TV. But I think you have to pay for the YouTube one. Oh. Yeah. Because I went there first and said like you have to pay. I did Max also. Chasing home, heart and hope in Sydney is really what you type in and you just try to. different platforms so you find it. Okay. So this one is a disturbing. I would say this is a disturbing episode. You know, there are a lot that's like, oh my God, this couple doesn't belong together. Or this husband and or wife might murder each other. Like, you know, there's someone that are disturbing in that way. Or like this guy wants a cat tube. He wants to cut into a home to put a tube for a cat to be able to make it to a garage, which has deadly fumes, which will then

be going back. I think there's disturbing things like that. This one, I think, is straight up stalking and harassment. It's bizarre. Which I don't really like. There's a lot of bizarre things happening. First of all, also, thank you to Anne for recommending this to us. Anne wrote to us, and

she put Dwell Hello suggestion into the subject line. And if you have ideas for Dwell Hello, for our season finale, or for next season, put Dwell Hello suggestion in your email. and email it to watch what crapans at gmail.com. So thanks, Anne, for the suggestion because this was, as you said, in your email pitch,

one of the most awkward half hours we've seen on House Hunters. Truly, I mean, I was worried for this girl. So let's start with our narrator, Linda. Australia will be Maddie's biggest move yet. And then we see a guy driving, which turns out to be a bus. He's got a mic rigged in his car, like on some curses. everything like not a body mic but like a full mic rigged to his face or coming like in a question mark to his i don't know why i'm describing that who cares he's got a microphone in a car tell me more about

the microphone i know and um he says all right this girl is flown all the way from luxembourg make her feel welcome every single guy on the bus who's creepily alone what the fuck bus was this where were you going to i think it was a tourist bus unmarried male unmarried male cove I think it was one of those tourist buses where you get on and you're right around the city and he talks about the sights and sounds. But like I kind of also got the feeling like Maddie has been trapped on this bus. That's the girl for like three straight days. He's like, I won't let you off until you get your proper welcome in Sydney. And she's like, okay, you can let me off the bus now.

It's like some weird demonic game. Well, to me what's weird is that, look, I am a single guy. So I would be the single guy on the tour bus, right? But everybody's the single guy. I feel like when I'm the single guy, I'm looking around and it's like all families or couples or I'm like the only single guy. So to see a bus where it's just all single men sitting alone, I know. It's a creepy thing. What can I say?

I am one, but at the same time, I'm like, what are you doing on this bus? This is a creepy bus. Get off the bus. But realistically, we all know just people from the production office of house hunters. Let's be honest. So we all know it was like, there's, there's Paul from accounting, there's Dan from legal, there's so-and-so, the unit, like, you know it was like the PAs and everything. That's what was on the bus.

But still, if, you know, it still felt a little strange. So, but also, so we see this guy on the mic. We don't even know who he is. We don't even know if he's part of the episode yet. We think, like, I actually think it's just a driver of a tourist bus. And so we have Maddie, and she's like, I've always had the thirst to discover and go places. Maddie is like very empty.

Like she is sort of like an empty vessel of a human. She just sort of is blank. How dare you? She speaks with no intonation. She sort of has this smile on her face and you're like, what is she thinking inside there? What is what is you, what's really going on in her mind? She looks just like Hannah from The Bachelorette to me. I know you don't watch that show, but look up Hannah the Bachelorette and look what she looks like.

It looks just like this girl. And Hannah kind of had that thing. She's from Alabama. Oh, yeah. She kind of squinted her eyes a little bit, and she's just always smiling, and you really never know what she's thinking until she loses it. And then it's like, okay. I mean, none of y'all are even here for me.

What do we even do any of her? Like, what are you here to be on TV? You know, then you'll get it. But most of the time, she's just like, she's got this kind of blank, squinty smile going on. And that's what Maddie reminds me of. So we don't know. We think that the driver of this tourist bus is just a driver. We don't think he's on the show.

But then Linda says, and Maddie will have Sydney native Flinders to guide her. That's right. His name is Flinders, not even Flanders. Just Flanders. And we see that driver. Not Flanders. Flinders.

Flinders, the bus driver is actually on this show. Listen, in life, there are. flinders the way there are flusers and flinders okay this is a flinder okay we can't have a flinder without a fluser so um he's like you know let me tell you i'd rather be in the city close to me who the fuck are you tour bus guy so this is what creeps me out this girl goes travels around and she's hit on by the fucking tour bus guy and now he's like stalking her and insisting he knows best where she's going to live so she can be close to him. It's so weird.

It's such a weird thing. And so then we cut to the realtor, we'll see later in the episode saying, so are you guys together? And they're both like, no, but then it comes to Flinders going, but it would be beautiful. Yeah. And he's like, nay, if you stay in the city, he'd be close to me. And then she just kind of laughs with him as they frolic on the beach. And I don't know. She needs to run.

And she goes, I love Sydney. And he goes, I love you. Ew. Do you know how many people he's fucked from that tour bus? This guy is not just into you. He tries this with everybody who comes on the bus. He's discussed. Yeah.

And Maddie clearly sees this because she basically, every time he does this in the episode, She's always like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, oh, look, a palm tree. She just sort of, like, changes the subject. So now the episode starts improperly, improper. And we're back on that bus. And Maddie's on the bus. And Flinders is like, so everybody, I would launch and introduce you to a special guest. Her name is Maddie, and she's flown all the way from Luxembourg, and she's beautiful, and she'll be my wife someday.

Please give her a round of applause. And all the guys are just in their chairs. Like, first rule of bus club. Don't talk about bus club. I'm the only person you probably know that can clap with one hand. The rest of them are like, no, I can too. It's just a fat bus. A what bus?

A fat bus. A fat bus. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat. So she's like, I'm from Romania. I moved to France six years ago, and then I moved to Sweden. and then we see France. And it's a pretty bond, a bridge, a croissant museum, and then we see Sweden. And it's, you know, like a pretty bond, a bridge.

Can I just say everywhere is more beautiful than America? And listen, I'm pretty proud, I guess. I don't know, grateful. I mean, I'm grateful to be from where I am. I'm like, why not? You know, I guess I don't know any better. But every time I watch this show, I'm like, this is amazing. Why is everything here a strip mall?

Yeah, I mean, when I look at the show, this episode when she says, I moved from France, I moved then to Sweden, then to Luxembourg, and just every piece of stock footage is gorgeous old buildings. And it just makes me think of, I think, like, a few weeks ago when we watched the episode about the cat tubes. And I was just like winter dead trees in like coastal poor New Jersey. Not to poor shame, but it was just like these tiny houses with chain link fences and the Jersey coast and this woman. It's not more shaming. It's like taste shaming. Just like the visuals of like an American. Here, here's some houses.

I mean, admittedly, actually, last episode we did, we saw some beautiful houses in Tows. But the point is this, Europe still's got us beat in every... Yeah, it's got us beat. I mean, it's not poor-shaming because her budget's nothing, as usual. Like, she has nothing, you know? She's like, I would like a place for $1,200. Like, good luck.

Good luck, lady. But the places she sees are even so much more amazing. And you're right. The place is here. You watch regular house hunters. and it's like, ew, gross. It's so bad. That jersey episode was really rough.

So she's like, In all my travels, I've been looking for a place where I can really call home. Sydney kind of met all my conditions. You have beautiful beaches and outdoor spaces and very friendly bus drivers who follow you all the way home. Stock a bus drivers. you know I work in quality control for a chocolate factory what the fuck there's a traveling jobs where you can just go around quality controlling chocolate you fucking kidding me I'm out of here

this is my last episode of any podcast ever I've found my calling also though could you imagine having this I feel like if you're doing quality control for a chocolate factory you have to have some sort of bubbly personality I feel like you have to be like oh well hello I'll be ready to try our chocolates. And she's just like, hi, I'm Maddie. I eat chocolate today. I would like to tell you, the chocolate was better in the factory than it is in the store. We need to rethink it.

But also... Oh, Maddie's coming. Maddie's coming and her face is covered in brown. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? Today was good chocolate. I have done it. Chocolate is very nice. She, by the way, Maddie also says like three variations of the same sentence.

Once she starts looking at the houses, her three variations are, it's so modern, lots of natural light. And I think the other one is something like, wow. Like, that's all she says. So I'm just surprised that they have her in a position where she has to sort of like weigh in on quality, where she has to say more than like. I'm not convinced she's human. Yeah. Because she's also got a rectangular head.

Did you notice that her, I think it's her hair somehow? but it's like a rectangle. I don't understand how. I think she's like a chocolate bar that they make speak through AI. They're like, we're doing this for the chocolate factory. Just have the guy from the tour bus kind of stringer along.

They're like, don't tell anyone, but it's really Ruth. What do you mean? Babe, Ruth, she's real. Also, this reminds me, I was trying to find, you know, since Max has taken over all the networks that I watch, pretty much Food Network,

HGTV. Wait, or is that Peacott? No, it is Max. No, it's Max. Yeah. Okay, so it's really hard to find, like, a new show to watch for HGTV shows, whatever. So I was looking through the other day, and one of them is this new one where it's people in South Dakota, I think. They're like South Dakota people, which what?

I mean, no offense to anybody in South Dakota. Which what? I have a great ante from North Dakota. It's not like I'm like a hater. I just. I've never heard of like the big fashion, like the new design is coming out of South Dakota guys. Let's line up and get people from there.

Anyway, this odd lady and her husband do the homes, and she does everything in modern farmhouse, and she, which that's got to be over. I mean, I live in modern farmhouse, and even I'm like,

this is over now, right? I'll just do something different. It's over. But they've given these people a whole show to just do modern farmhouse everywhere in South Dakota. and she just walks around and she only says three things. Bold, bold, and bold. You know what I really want to do, honey?

Like something bold. I want to do something bold in here. What about if we took like a barn door, but then we painted it black? You know what I'm going to paint everything black? That's bold. Yeah, that sounds like what Maddie would be like if she had her own show in South Dakota turning everything into a modern farmhouse. I just thought of it because you were saying Maddie only says like three different things.

And that's the, that's the slated on the show. We're going to get bold. It's just funny that Maddie is in a position where she has to assess the quality of something and probably has to use multiple language. Although maybe that's why she only says three things because it's basically, is the chocolate. The chocolate is either good, bad, good or bad. So she only has to say good, bad, good, bad. Yeah. Yeah, there's not, there's probably not a lot of room for like a gray area and chocolate tasting, you know, when you're in quality.

I don't think you can taste it and be like, that's okay. Send it on. I need to know what chocolate. I need to know, because you know how, like, sometimes you get a garment and it's like, tested by Cindy, you know? I want to see if there's like a chocolate bar out there that's like tested by Maddie, you know. There's just a little bite. You'll know what branded is because there's a little tiny bite taken out. And then there's a bigger bite next to it from Flinders.

I'm here to help. So we see her walking with the bus driver guy, Flinders. And she's like, oh, look, there's my office right there. And he goes, oh, yeah, well, that's the Sydney Tower. They actually built a Sky Tower in Oakland. But they had to build the antenna five hours higher just to beat us. What do you think about that? On the tour guard.

Like, okay, so this guy's just going to walk around tour guiding every fucking thing. This is why you don't date the guy from the fucking tour bus, okay? Exactly. And then she says, is that one of your stories? And he goes, yeah, I mean, it's a story tale on the bus. I'm like, and by the way, you guys are both saying puns here. You're talking about a tower. And she says, is that one of your stories?

Come on, Flinders. This is your chance to make a joke about the pun. She literally does not care about him. He's like, yeah, look at the Sydney Tower. She's like, is it made of chocolate? Then I don't care. Be quiet storyteller. Also, she was totally lying when she said that was her office.

She was just trying to throw off the scent for Flinders because she knows he'll be showing up there at lunch. with like a starbucks in his hand be like, I thought I'd come blow out some coffee for you. So he's like, when I get solo travelers, I tend to help him out a bit. I'll bet you fucking do you, Perv. Crazy. So I just said, hey, you want a little help around Sydney? Send me a text. And the next day, she sent me a text. And by I sent me a text, I mean, I showed up at her door because I followed him in the bus. I just wait to her to walk outside. I said, here you are. What a funny thing that you're texting me right now. And she said, I never sent you a text. And I said, ha, ha, ha, agree to disagree.

So they look at the water and she's like, I wonder if they have sharks in the harbor. And he's like, sharks are not, I'll repeat, or not mammals. They were invented here in Sydney in 1912. No need to be scared. Are you scared, Maddie? She's like, of course I'm scared of sharks. Fucking idiots. You know, I didn't get to where I am in the chocolate industry by swimming with sharks.

So she says, I trust Flynn is to be part of the house hunt because he lives his whole life in Sydney and he's been a good friend and he also won't leave my side so I might as well make some use out of him. Also, I know he's not liar because Flinders has to be his real name. It's too stupid a name to be made up. You know, it's funny because when I lived in Luxembourg, I was adjacent to the region of Belgium called Flanders. So I think he's just made that up so I feel more at home. I think his real name is Ezekiel. He's all. Have you ever seen the Sydney Opera House? That's your first time.

That is a house where opera lives. So just so you know. It looks like three little Hershey's kisses. I say good. They're good. But also he's trying to impress her. You think that she came to Sydney and didn't seek out the opera house right away? Because she goes, she's like, yeah, I've seen it.

She's like, yeah, I've seen it. But maybe first time from this angle? Also, it's funny because she says in it to us, she goes, you know about Sydney She goes I don't know if I'll leave Sydney With a husband I'm just going to say

That a little louder for you Flinders I don't think I'm going to leave with a husband But it'll be good for my career But I will not pay for gas Once I'll tell you that much So Flinders is like Let's face it

If you want culture Go to Melbourne If you want beautiful beaches Beautiful atmosphere And hot tour guys Who keep pretty girls Numbers off the sign-up sheets Probably illegally

Come to Sydney So she's saying like, You know what? I love about Sydney is yours, have green spaces around the corner. And then she like looks at a tree. She says, what's this tree? And he's like, that's a molten fig.

And she says, oh. So then it's like really excited. It was invented by the Morton family in 1809. She's like, oh, you can hear cuckaburras. You can see parrots. You can see creepy. yellow-toothed guys who drive buses always behind you. It's like small paradise with stalkers in beautiful city.

It's amazing. You know what's funny? So Flinders sort of looks like an Easter bunny that cut its ears chopped off. Am I right? That's harsh. I just called him Yellow-toothed Flinders. We're really hating on Flinders, but I do. Warning.

Warning. And yeah, he does look like an Easter. me right so now enter lily caramanian uh the realtor and also someone who is absolutely disgusted by flinders like she's truly is yes she looks just like someone and i cannot figure out who it is but um she's like ready for startup just check she's very beautiful she's ready her eyebrows are unfortunate but you know what i blame the place she went to so she she she shows up. Probably on Flinders recommendation.

That's the origin story there. He's like, Welcome to Sydney, Lily. You need to get your eyebrows down. Don, let me recommend. There's a man at the top of the Sky Tower, which is just five metres short of Auckland. He does a great job with your eyebrows.

She's like, well, north of the bridge, you've got more down to earth fire, but when you go south, it's more vibrant with parties. That's the place to be. That's where everyone wants to be. So she's like, what part of the city do you want to live in? What's your name again?

Middy? All right. Where is it? And she's like, one bedroom close to the city would be good for me. I love chocolate. And Flinders like, what about the inner city? Because I live in the city. And it would be good to have around the corner right to it.

Get on it. Maddie goes, thank you. So Lily goes, so are you guys together? And Flinders, they both look at each other. And Flinders, like, uh, no, nur, nur. We are friends.

with benefit. Yes, the benefit is free chocolate, and that's it. Yes, I guess. Benefit is I get places for free, even though I have to stop a lot of times and pick up men with one hand in their pocket. So, Lily goes, well, friends are great. Friends is good.

I started saying friends is great, but now I've downgraded to Friends is good. Just like, I'm realizing who you're friends with, so now you're no longer great is now a good. Sorry about that. And Maddie wants an outdoor space or she wants water views. And Lily goes, oh, well, that's all fantastic. So what price are we looking for, Pau-Dipaw?

Well, I was thinking I could pay in Kit-Pat's bars. No, honey, I'm sorry. She says, 1,200. Well, no, is that a week or a month? I should have known when you pulled up here in a tour bus with the actual tour guide. All right, let me guess. He has a guitar behind his seat, does he? Does he?

Lily is so shocked that that Maddie wants to pay $1,200 for sea views or water views in Sydney. She literally chokes. She goes, like? Or a month? What are you saying here? And I don't think I've ever even heard this. And I've watched hundreds of these episodes. She goes, the reason I choked is because there's really, that's really, you know, it's really not steep.

I mean, we're looking for, it's Sydney. Matt, would you consider a flatmate? Have you ever heard that? What? That has got a roommate? On house hunters where they're like, you know what? For $1,200, I can find you a roommate. There was an episode recently where someone took on a roommate.

Wasn't there like a woman who had, yes, there was the woman who moved to, like, South Africa who had come from, like, England, and she was all super basic. and then in the end she wound up having to get a roommate. So that way she could stay in a place that she liked. Yeah. Oh, wow. But I've never heard it as a proposal at the top of the episode. It was one of those things where like, I made it work.

I've never heard a realtor being like, wow. There's no chance in hell. We can find you a roommate though. Okay. You can find your roommate and a card box. Yeah. Yeah, by the way, what, I mean, listen, I'm not here to count other people's money. But also, if you're working.

quality control for this chocolate factory. What's going on here that you, that you're, you can only afford 1,200 a month. I'm sorry, but that's like, it sounds like you have like a corporate level job. Yeah. Well, but listen, it's a job that anybody would do. Like, I would do that job for free. You know, you don't have to pay me. Call me chocolate company. I'm fucking here. Madam Hershey, we are available. So, um, so she's like, they're like, Lisa, would you consider a flatmate maybe? And Maddie's like, well, I guess depending on the location, if it's close, it might be worth considering a flatmate that's not Flinders.

Flinders is like, uh, oh. Let me just tell you, this is an episode about stalking. I'm just, and I always say I want to be single, right, but I'm trying to get one of these scammer people on text to fall in love with me. I've been trying it for months. You know where they text you and they're like, how are you doing today? It's like some random number. And then if you just act like you don't know, eventually you'll get someone's boobs, okay, in the thing. So she says, or they say,

how are you doing today? And I put thinking of you, I'm just sitting here waiting for a text like we've been dating for months. I'm like, please. Is that anybody, do I have no charm left? Like, can I even get a scammer on the text. You can get a scammer. You can get one. You will get one. Thank you. I have like a whole conversation and they literally blew. me off the last time. Well, you have to offer them money. You have to say, hey, can I, like, they're not going to talk to you if you don't offer money because they're scammers. They're literally out for money. So you have to make them feel like if they keep talking to you that they can get to that money. Oh, I think I'm too obvious. Like, they have to feel like they're talking me

into something. I can't just be like, oh my God, I love you, you know, because that's just how I am. I can just say, I'm so vulnerable. But I'm like, oh, my God, I love you. Just say, I'm so vulnerable, you know, ever since, you know, my dear great aunt passed away and I'm just sitting here with her inheritance and I just makes me think about how lonely I am to not be able to spend it. Well, I told the last one I was running for mayor. I mean, I thought that that would. Doesn't that sound like a good backstory? Like, I thought surely someone's going to want to date me.

No, not mayor. You have to say, oh, I'm sorry, I'm on my corporate retreat right now. Okay, here's this last one. Hi, what have you been up to recently? How are you? And I said, I've been running for mayor after selling my croissant business. How about you? And they said, I'm glad to hear that you're doing well.

Me too. After you run for mayor, my business will be taken care of by you, L.O.L. And I said, yes, okay, what's your business? And they said, how long have you been running for mayor? I mean, really, you're not going to answer me? They're like, what's your platform? You can say, no, you say,

just launched the campaign, I'm self-funded. Luckily, I have a lot of money. Oh, I should have tried that. Okay, I said, I'm a bad typist, but I said, I'm started preparing a year ago, it's a long process after my Oscar win, for some reason I stopped getting acting work.

Too talented? So I followed my croissant dream and now want to make more changes in my city than just carb intakes. And then I thought they didn't write me back. This was November 7th. But they actually wrote me back. Can you share a photo of you with me?

Now, granted, it's not a very clear question. Send a picture of Flinders. Send a picture of Flinders. I wish I added up. Okay, I just wrote back. I mean, it's late, but I wrote back, yes. So let's see if I get a picture finally. Oh, my God.

This might actually work out. Oh, okay. Here's the other. I already got a picture. Here it is. Oh, damn it, we're not on video. But here I'll show you, Ben. This is what I just got from the one that I was just texting.

Can you see it? Yeah. She may be AI generated, but I appreciate that. It says, I said, how are you doing? She says, thinking of you. And then it's a picture of a young lady with her shirt unbuttoned down to her boobies. And it says, hi, I'm Patty from California. Still remember me?

I don't. And I would never forget you if we had. met where did we meet tell me the story um while while this is all happening okay flanders no no no no this i'm i'm loving this i'm very excited for patty you and patty but also i'm going to send you a text because i found flinders instagram no way yeah okay let's do it okay so his his his instagram is so you think you can smile okay so he says i locked this account and threw away the key goodbye kids music buy kids music at finny music songs good is fine personal account flinders personal okay so he has

oh no flinders he did he lock this because oh he's even creepier now he's he's like really long-haired now with a baseball cap this guy's a creepozoid and he's oh gosh i don't know go let's see i want to see which one is okay so flinders personal he he updated he did his post a week ago he is he's I mean I like he's like a he's like an artsy fun person

he's probably like a couch surfer um wait is this he know anybody every picture is just a selfie of himself looking really closely into the camera it's does he have like a hot girlfriend I don't see anybody on here I see just him are you on Flinders personal

or you're on Flinders stoked I'm on so you think you can smile Okay, so follow the link there that will take you to Flinders personal. So you think you can smile. I'm not sure what that's all about. It's him like making things in the talk about with a hand immersion blender. So he has, he has a chicken run smile. Okay.

And so what happens is that like, what's the name of that studio that does all those claymation movies? Not Pixar. It's the studio that does chicken run like chicken run movies. studio. I don't know. Ardman animations. So he has a lot of photos close up on his chicken run smile

which is like, it has its own charm but it's like strange to see it on a human as opposed to a clamation, you know? We're monsters and I have to say that his personal is less scary than his other one. I think because there's other people. I'm sorry. His other one is

crazy. It's all teeth. And I feel like he's doing that on purpose. I feel like he's doing that on purpose. I feel like he knows he's got like silly teeth so he's like almost trolling us well it's not i don't even care about like his teeth like who cares it's just that everyone is just himself just staring right into the camera very close up it's weird it's it's not just like a couple we all have pictures of ourselves on our instagram it's like me with my nieces or me in front of a you know grocery store with a lady that i just met there and i'm trying to like get to fall in love with me or whatever but This guy, it's just like him staring right into the camera really up close.

It's creeping me out. I'm going to take a screenshot because I'm sorry, this is a lot to take in. This is, this will go on to our social media, okay? The Flinders, the Flinders grid. It's a lot. And he is, this guy has attached himself to this chocolate factory quality, quality expert. It's, I feel like when something bad happens, people take this down right away, this Instagram. This is going to be banned at some point when he, like, stalks somebody too much and he's in, like, some documentary.

They're going to be like, oh, my God, this is a guy. Then everyone's going to go look up this Instagram. And this is going to be proof that he was nuts the whole fucking time. But you know what the thing is, though, I have a group of friends who I know Flinders would fit in perfectly with, and they would all love Flinders. And I probably would like Philanders because I'd meet him through that context as opposed to the context of someone, like, attaching himself onto an emigray to Sydney. and I can totally see, like, I have a group of friends that we used to always have, we used to have dinner parties every week. You know this group of friends, and they would always bust out their instruments and then play

David Bowie music. They'd make like a little band at the end of dinner. They would get on their instruments and just play music, but there's always David Bowie. Always turned out to be David Bowie. And I can totally see Flinders being part of this group. So I can see out of context that Flinders like, oh, yeah, Flinders is like fun. He's like fun and carefree. But in the context of this as a creepy tour bus driver who's attached himself onto the house hunt of someone who just arrived in the country, strange.

Yeah. Yeah, odd dude. Okay. So also, if you're listening to this, please stop. Flinders. We don't know. Flinders. This is not for you.

I'm sure you're great. Okay. Do we think Twenders is paying for 100 plus? I don't think so. I think we're safe. Let's be honest. You never know. A couple years down the line where we're just going to put all these out again, not even thinking about it.

And then boom. A whole new wave of feelings to be hurt. Okay, we don't think about that here. So, real estate agent, Lily, is like, oh, my God, you're poor. Great. So we've just met Lily, and she's thinking that. So she wants outdoor space, water views. Lily suggests a roommate.

And Lily's like, you know, this is Maddie's move, not Flinders. And she needs to choose what's best for her. Linders is like, but I need best for her. This is music. So they go to a neighborhood called Crow's Nests, which is love that for a neighborhood. It's Crow's Ness. It's named after a nest for crows because they nest because they're a bird. Thank you, Flanders.

Thank you. And if you go walking around, counting them all, you're basically like a 90s band. And funny, I should mention that. I do do several covers of the Counting Crows. Na na na na na na na na na Mr Jones All right moving on So Lily

I have to move on to Lily's earrings This is the realtor So she's wearing these earrings That are like metal shaped like heads And like big faces And the faces are facing each other Like they're looking through her neck It just would make me so insecure

To just have like two faces staring at my neck It's so funny I saw the earrings but I didn't realized there were faces. To me, they were just watery shapes. Interesting. No, their faces looking at each other. They're like, how about this neck? Well, it's like, I can't see you. There's

a neck between us. You want to go on another date or are we trying to, you know, get a room and neck here? Guys, I need you to be quiet because I'm trying to steer this poor chocolate quality expert away from a strange tour bus driver.

She's never going to make you any kind of a commission, I'll tell you that. Yeah, get away from her. Let's go back now. Let's go back. It's like a reboot of Herman's head. So, so Maddie is like, so, what about this area, Flinders?

Would you live here? And he's like, well, it's a bit of the city for my chase, but it's closer to your work, which could then be closer to my work, because I can work from anywhere. So if you want, I'll just park in your driveway. Okay. And this place is 1400.

Now, her budget is, 1200, but I say it's 200 bucks, okay, and there's no roommates. So Lily's like, don't rule it out yet. You get a lot for your money, all right, even though you're on a fixed amount as a chocolate taster, whatever the fuck that is. Apparently, you're only being paid in the tinfoil that goes around to hers. Exactly. Just give them $1,200 a month and some packaging with contests on the back from M&Ms.

Hopefully you'll make it. Have you told you of employers that hunker girl is not actual currency, okay? Because it seems like they're paying you in there. By the way, this, so normally when people propose a low budget, which happens all the time on this show, it's like almost every episode, what they do is they take you to a place that's like a little bit over and then a place that's like a lot over and then a place that's usually actually under, right?

Because that's sort of the spectrum that they show, like, oh, well, you can go cheaper, whatever. This lady, her budget is so ridiculously cheap. for what she wants. They never even come close to even hitting her budget, let alone going under her budget. Yeah. No, not even close. This girl doesn't even try.

She was like, no, it's not going to happen unless you get a roommate. She doesn't try at all. So this place is adorable. It's 1400. It's so cute. It looks like it's out of a magazine. It looks brand new. It's like, well, I mean, it doesn't look like tacky brand new.

it looks like just redone, you know? The whole back wall looks out over this like kind of patio, cobblestone patio garden thing. And it's like huge doors that are see-through, you know, glass doors with glass windows. And they go up into the triangle that makes the roof. And it's all glass. It's so cute. It's really cute.

And Maddie walks through, I remember the third thing that she says, comfortable. She goes, I really like it. It's really comfortable. I like it. And Flinders goes, look at this window over here. She goes, this looks really comfortable and modern. Look at this place in the mirrors. I love the mirrors.

I like it. It's modern. It's beautiful. It comes furnished with brand new gorgeous furniture. The bedroom, like the huge king bed with really nice bedding. I mean, I don't know why she didn't just take this and move right in. Yeah. As a skylight.

And they're like, but what? Flinders is like, hey, do I sleep after more busy bus schedule? When there's a skylight. And the lady's like, um, hi, see these rods? you pull the cover down over the skylight. There's also a big TV in the place, and he's like, does this come with it? It's like, yes, this comes with it. And he says, I can really see myself coming over here, you know, watching a few movies.

No, sir. You have to be invited first before you come over and watch. No one invited you, and I'm so glad not to see Maddie on his Instagram. Spoiler alert. I think she was like, okay, you can go now. Goodbye. Yeah. So she, in the bedroom, of course, she's like,

I really love the light and the high ceiling, but it's not that big. And he goes, well, it's a gigantic bed in a small room. That's good. And Lily goes, well, Flinders likes it. And he goes, well, that's not for me to say, is it, Lily? So their bathroom, her bathroom, would be this really teeny tiny place, but I don't care. I love it. I want it.

The tiles are so nice in it. It's modern. It's modern. I like that it's modern feeling. It's modern. It's modern. What a comfortable shower. What are comfortable.

I hope I can sleep modernly in the shower that's comfortable. It's comfortable. Natural light. They go outside. There's a grill there. So Flinders opens it up. It's like, hey, you know what? Throw a few shrimps on this bed boy.

What do you reckon? And she just smiles and turns away. Like, this is what we call a grill. You can cook things on it. It was invented in 1776. By Sir Lord Grilfison. Yeah, I just like. like that she just turns away. Like, I'm going to pretend like I did not hear you invite yourself

over to grill at my place. I know. And she's like, I like it, but I'm concerned about the rent. The rent is not comfortable. I would love to have water here. I moved to Sydney to be close to the water. For $1,200, you're not getting close to the water, hooker. Okay? You're not getting that. You want a water view for $5. Yeah. You only get for $1,200 an umbrella and a towel to put down on the sand, and that will be your house. So Lily's like, well, you're not that far from the water, and unfortunately you're not that far from Flinders, so good luck with that. It's about 10 to 15 minutes away, so you can have the best of both worlds if you're just willing to move your lazy butt. So then we see Maddie and Flinders on a boat together, and they're like waving to people on the bridge, and Maddie's just doing that squint smile laughing thing, and she tells us, she's like,

I always knew what Sydney was as a kid, because I would watch the fireworks. show every, every new year, and the first place they showed, Sydney. So it made me want to manage my team of chocolate professionals one day in a city called Sydney. I was like, wow, this girl is really just living her little girl dreams. But also, like, that is your, that's like, that was your way into Sydney. It's like seeing fireworks and the bridge. It just seems like on TV. That's why I always wanted to go to New York. I would always see, like, the Tony Awards and Broadway and. you know, all that stuff. So hers was just New Year's

seeing Sydney on TV. I guess so. Well, I want to circle back to this boat because they're on this speedboat and they're speeding along and they're about to go under the famous bridge. I forget what's called. And she's just going, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go. James Bond style.

Say hi to the people. And Flinders goes, hi. And she goes, she waves at the people on the bridge. She goes, hello. I was like, who are these two robots we're watching? And then they like clasped their hand because it's like this really fast boat. So they're like clasping hands.

And she's like, don't be scared, Flinders. There's some weird, weird situation going on here. Weird vibes going all with both of them. And so there's little seals. And Flinders is like, oh, I love seals. Do you love seals? And she goes, I love Sydney. He's like, I love you.

And she's like, Ha ha ha ha, ha, thank you. It was, it was a weird moment. Especially because it was, it's, as Genesis was in seals, talking about seals. I love you, you're my seal. So Lily says, all right, well, I shared these two creepy people, something very independent. And the other properties I'm going to show Maddie are going to have, she's going to have to compromise with space and sharing that space for someone else that, you know, who she may, which you may or may not like. But that's tough titties because she only wants to pay three cents.

to live in the luxury housing. So good luck to this bitch. Oh, text update alert. My last text said, I would never forget how we met, tell me the story. And she wrote back, uh-huh, isn't that Miss Amy's number? And I went, no, darn it. Okay, just had to update you. Okay, so now Lily is like, okay, well, I've shown her independence. So the other property, she has to be ready to share with people, which she might not like. But guess what? The rest of us don't like. poor people wasting our time. But guess what? Here we are. All right. Here's a dollar bill. All right. Get it. Get it. Going down the hill. Watch her run. Watch her run.

Flinders says Maddie is super focused on practical matters like being close to work. And she really wants that water view, which is less practical, just sort of strange. But I'm a little concerned that she isn't thinking about her social life with me, Flinders. Fucking weirdo. Why does her social life have to be at bars every moment? night, you fucking elkie. Maybe some people want a social life kayaking. Maddie also does not strike me as someone who loves bar hopping. You look at her and you think this is someone who probably wants to curl up on her sofa

with some tea. So I think she'd be perfectly fine being out of the city. Yeah, me too. So now they're driving and Lily's like, oh right, here's Northridge. Or isn't it leafy? And she's like, oh, it's pretty. And Flinders like, oh, yeah, see the leaves. It's because we're in Northridge.

There's trees. It's like a ridge, but in the north. Trees first grew in the Garden of Eden in something, something BC. I don't know. I heard that. Lily's like, oh, well, you want to bring the factoids? Here's my factoid. 50% of the houses over here have their own jetty.

And one of the houses has their own flinders. Okay, come on. This is my time. Jetty time. I mean, you're definitely out of the way here. It's going to cost a lot to gas up my boss every day. So Lily's like, she's like, well, this is going to be a place for Mity. And then, but I think you'll get on board, Flinders, because guess what?

This is not your house hunt. You're not even supposed to be here. Next time you do get in my call, I please recommend that you put on some deodorant. Thank you very much. So this is the bottom floor of a big house, and the landlords live upstairs. So this Lily has fucking gum shit. I got to hand it to her. Not only, I thought that that was the share, right?

Okay, so this is a share. You only get the bottom floor. The owners do live upstairs, which kind of sucks. But hey, at least you get a water. you. No, because she goes, you can also get a roommate. To live in the bottom floor when there's already roommates upstairs, you fucking crazy. Are you going to make any effort today, Lily? Yeah. And that, well, because Lily's disgusted by this whole situation. She's not going to waste a good listing on these people. So Flinders is like, well, it's not going to be a rave cave.

That's a bit disappointing. I was like, well, did Maddie ever say she wants to have a rave cave? That's just what you want to do in Maddie's house because you probably just live in any of us. Also, creepozoid, too old for raves. Yeah, raids are over. So Lily's like, well, so, I know that there's landlords upstairs. Just think of them as neighbors, okay? Look, there's tons of green space. You can't even see the house because there's trees in front of it.

Also, because the house is a dirt patch. I hate to break it to you. I forgot to mention that part. So it's like a park entrance. And Lily's like, but it's so much greenery. Is there even a house there? That is crazy. And she's like, well, it's because it's a beach house.

You have to go through that. to look down at the fucking water, you stupid imbecile. Right. By the way, this place is $2,400 a month, which is literally twice the budget. But the idea is that with a roommate, it comes back down to 1,200. So this is awful deal. So they walk down, and then there's like a view. It's a view of like, okay, I don't know, Sydney.

I've never seen Sydney. But the view that we see from this house is a pretty view. We see some water. But it's not like a big, beautiful vista, which is what I, I thought that's what she wanted to see, but she loves it. Maddie loves the view, and Lily's like, well, this is the million-dollar Sydney View, I guess, because that worked out well, I really wasn't sure what we're going to be getting here. And Flynn's like, well, I mean, I guess if she chooses the Waterview, I won't be disappointed. It is nice, but it would be nicer if she was in the city.

And so this place is not the new modern place that the other one was, but it's cute. It's got like groovy artichoke lights and brown hardwood. And it's small, but it's a water place. It's cute. What are you going to do? Yeah, lots of natural light, as Maddie points out in every step she takes. Comfortable? It's comfortable.

It's nice. And if you sit in the primary bedroom, you can open up the door and you can see out through the glass and see the water view. So it is a pretty view. And then there's another room for the roommate, which is a small room with this brown. bright vermillion accent wall that they all are disgusted by. This has no view. There's like a window, but it's at the top of the room. It's like, so Lily's like, well, I don't know.

You know, no, Maddie's like, I don't know, you know, maybe it's comfortable, but it would be hard to find a roommate for this room. And Lily goes, oh, yeah, well, you know what, maybe you'd have to find a roommate and give them the good room so that you could just live here. I was like, Lily really does not give a fuck. About anything today. You know what, Maddie, I've got an even better idea. You get two roommates.

The second roommate takes this room, and you just sleep on the staircase outside going down to the water. How about that? But you still have the access to the bathroom. Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. Maybe you can sleep outside, and then you can rent it to three people to live inside. And maybe when they throw away their dinner that they haven't eaten, you can go to the trash can and get that out. That saves you from cooking.

What about that? Good idea, Lily. You're doing great. So this house comes with its own little boat. And, you know, Maddie loves it. Maddie's like, well, you know what? This is great. I don't even have to leave the house. I can just sit here and look at the water. I'm giving her an Australian accent.

I can sit here and look at the water. And I have my own entertainment here because I have a boat so I can go wherever I want. I don't have to go anywhere. And Flinders is like crying in the corner. He's cradling himself as she says that she doesn't have to leave the house. So then we see Maddie and Flinders walking and she's like, So you said didgeridoo? And he's like, didgeridoo?

So didderidoo? No, didgeridoo? Okay, now you're just gaslighting the girl on how to pronounce didgeridoo. She's pronouncing it right. I hate Flinders. I hate him. I don't think I'm a thrill seeker. I'm just very curious.

And there are so many things to explore in Sydney. I'm like, wow. Oh, yeah. You don't think you're a dual secret. I never would have suspected that. So they watch a fairy pass by, and she's like, but, you know, I will see, you know, hopefully I can make friends here, you know, because going where you don't know someone is scary.

And Flinders is like, this is called The Rocks. It's one of the oldest areas in Sydney that Paul men play guitars mediocrely to woo customers into their beds. Shall I do it for you? Plink, plink, plink, plink. Like, of course, this guy, which is out of fucking guitar. Yes.

Of course he does. Of course. And so he's just drumming and he goes, baby, baby, and she goes, baby, baby, baby, baby. And some random person walks by and just drops down like some dollars in front of him. Like, here you guys say, hopefully you can get yourself some soup tonight for dinner. Okay, I just got a text from my new love. Thanks. Oh, she said, I'm sorry.

I thought this was a new friend I met at the charity gala last week. That's why I dialed the wrong number. Hope you do not mind. And I said, no, I don't mind at all. And she said, thanks. You are a very good-tempered person. L.O.L. As I'm sitting here screaming,

Fuck, Flinders! And she said, maybe our encounter today was a prank arranged by God. It wants us to become new friends this way. What's your name, please? And I said, Flinders. A prank by God. I love a divine prank. Okay, back to the Senders.

So now they're driving and Lily's like, we're going down to Surrey Hills. No guitars allowed, Flinders, all right? City ordinance. Flandres is like, I'm going to help us see the big city life where everyone's hanging out and traveling. Everyone's hanging out and having friends and it's very energetic. And I think it's definitely going to enrich your life. In fact, when she gets here, I'm probably never going to let her leave. I'll just put it in my boss.

And if someone else wears Maddie, I'll say, I don't know. I never saw her. Sorry, chocolate factory. So she is shown a two-bedroom, two-bath, renovated close to the water and the harbor place, right? Yes. I know it's not great, but you're coming here for the lifestyle, because this is the downtown area. This is like the hip neighborhood. And by the way, Flinders, that's they're driving around, Flinders goes, you know, the only thing you're in danger of here is having a good time.

And Maddie's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. And you see Lily's face? like get this fucking busker out of my back seat right now. So Lily's like, well, this is 1800, but if you find a flatmate, it comes under. Yeah, and also if you found a place that was 1,200, it would be 1,200, Lily. You know, honestly, I think Lily is the least defensive person of this trio, so I'm just not going to come for her. I just feel like, I feel like she is just giving tough love to Maddie, because Maddie is the one who's trying to find a a palace for $1,200.

That's true, but sometimes I just think from the customer's perspective, because if you can't do it, just tell them no. You know what I mean? That's true. That's true. That's true. Okay, $1,200. All right. I'm going to show you a place.

It's $9,000 a month. But, you know, you could also have children and have them get jobs. Like, what kind of, what kind of backup is that, Lily? So they get to this house. It's really loud outside. And they go in, and Maddie's like, I like, I like the blue door. And they walk in. There's a long hallway, and Flinders is really trying to sell the place.

That way she stays in the city. He's like, well, this, this is classic right here. Look at this hallway, hallway, roof. I mean, I'm more accustomed to walls that are made of cardboard, but this is great. I love drywall. It's a cool concept. But what about the hole in the drywall? And Lily's like, oh, don't even mind that.

We could either paint it or put a poster over it. Put a poster over it. What is this, the Green Mile? What are you talking about? And then Flinders goes, well, maybe you can turn the attic into another bedroom. What? The way, it's not an attic that is easily accessible.

It's literally a pull-down. He is one of those people. He is one of those people that would do that. He was like, oh, I live in an attic somewhere. I'm telling you, he's a couch surfer. So Maddie is like, she's like, oh, very modern feeling in here. Nice kitchen small, though. But bothered.

I love the mother. Southern, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. There's some modern. And it's kind of, it looks like it's going to be great in the beginning because it's got that little bedroom. It's right by the front street, but she doesn't have to worry about that. The roommate could live there. And then it's one of those long train apartments. And she assumed it's going to be really big, but it's not.

It's like a tiny little kitchen, a tiny little everything. And it looks like it smells. I don't like this place. I think it's fine. It's fine for, if you're going to be like, if you want to be in the hustle. and bustle and you have a restrictive budget. Like that's kind of like, I feel like that's like the sort of apartment you have when you're 22, right?

And so, um, then there's like the bedroom. The closet is just like two pegs with two hangers hanging off them. So that's the closet area. And the window, she's like, I was hoping for a sea view, but it's just a view of a pipe. And it's like, it's a gayest pipe. I mean, what are you going to do? And, uh, the tiny bathroom, you know, all that stuff. So then outside there's a tiny little patio.

That's cute. The patio is cute. The living room opens up with like pocket doors to the patio, which was very cute. I like that. I mean, it's cute, but it's a testament to how not cute the rest of the place is because she goes, Oh my God, this feels like botanical garden. What? No, it's like a little cement block.

Tyrannical garden. She's very positive, Maddie. She is. So she's like, I guess I could see myself living here. I mean, the kitchen feels small, but I'm in the middle of the city, and it's battered. I like that it's modern. So Flander's like, well, definitely, I mean, it's, you know, it's a massive plus living in the city.

I mean, $900 a month, that's great. And finding a roommate in the city, no problem. It's not going to be drama at all. I mean, this is where people want to be. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I could move in if you want. I could help out. Yeah, if you ever need a bus driver who probably won't pay his rent that much on him.

for you. Ding. So they walk around and Maddie's like, I cannot even imagine choosing. And he's like, and Lily tells us, Flindus is making it more about him, which I love Lily's read, and I just wish he could say this stuff out loud.

I love that Lily just so openly hates them. Same. So now they're debating, and so, you know, House number one, there's, wait, where is it where it says, it must be later. So they're talking about House number one. That's like going through all the ups and downs,

you know, house number one's far away. House number two is closer, but it's really expensive, and house number three is in the city. And then it lists all three houses. You know, they put them up on screen, and each one has its own little descriptor. So house number one is, it's a big one better. House number two, Maddie's Waterview,

and house number three, Flinders Dream. Flinders dream. So Flinders is like, all right, let's eliminate one. And she's like, well, and I couldn't. walk to work is the most beautiful place number one and I wouldn't have to live alone but you got me thinking like oh my god you idiot mabby you're not going to take number one number one was the only acceptable place it was the closest one to your budget it was beautiful it had space what it's close to your work that's the one that she eliminates so uh she goes for the waterview one uh in in uh wherever it is Northbridge, and she gets a roommate. And so we go three months later, and she's like, Sydney is treating me very well.

And even with my job, the colleagues are here are great. And there's not that the transition was so easy. And also, like I found a housemate, Florina, she's been amazing. And then we see, and then she, she's like, we meet Florina. And what was Florina doing again? She just shows up with, like, flowers, right? No, Florina comes over here. Okay, so Maddie's sitting outside with her laptop.

Like, look at me working on chocolate outside. And she goes, Florina, it's amazing. And then Florina just walks up with a cat and puts it on her lap. Oh, that's what's what's what's Florena off to? Florina and the cat. She's like, I have Florina and cat. So it's like I won. Not only roommate, but cat.

So then they're paddling. together in the water, her and Florina, and Dum-Dumb Flinders is on a pink blow-up flamingo. And he splashes her. He splashes her. And he's like, look, I have to roll of this and you still get a pipe view. Am I right? Flinders is such a fun person to be around.

I think it's still too early to decide on things, but we'll see. Wait a second. I decided, no, I hate them. Get out of my face. So just to update you, I'm pretending to be Flinders with this texting lady. I said, Flinders, what's yours? Nice to meet you, Flinders. My name is Patty, lives in Los Angeles, and you.

And I said, so great to meet you. I live in San Diego, and I write children's songs. And I'm getting nothing back. I think even she has better taste than to fuck with Flinders, you know? Yeah. Gotta hand it to you, Flint. You actually got the text hooker to stop texting me. That's crazy.

Well done. Yeah, Flynn. Well done. Well, on that note. note what a wacky strange episode it's amazing it's amazing what they find on this show thanks everyone for listening if you've got suggestions for dwell hello email watch for crapins at gmail.com and put dwell hello suggestion in the subject line and that way we will find it when we type in the same thing into our email and find all the suggestions so thanks everyone and bye everybody

Catch the next one. Bye.