Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #407: Searching for Community in Bangkok

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

This week, an expat in Bangkok wants to plug into a community, and he’s not afraid to say it a million times. You can find the episode on Max (HHI S155E07) by searching the title. Love you guys.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello, and welcome to Dwell Hello. It's a watcher crappins. House Hunters watching podcast. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going today, Ronnie? Good. What's going on with you over there, honey?

Oh, not much. Just, you know, ready to talk some House Hunters International today. Today's episode, we are recapping House Hunters International Season 155, episode seven, searching for a community in Bangkok. You can find this on Max. That's where we watched it. And thank you to Amber and Andrew

for sending in this suggestion. If you have a suggestion for a Dwell Hello episode, whether it's House Hunters or House Hunters International, be sure to email us at watch for Crapins at gmail.com and use the subject line, dwell hello suggestion, because when it comes time for us to look for episodes to recap, that is the search term we enter.

And so if you use something other than that, there's a good chance we won't see it. So thanks for everyone who's sending in suggestions. A lot of fun ones that we can't wait to get to. But Amber and Andrew were really excited about this one. And so we decided, let's do it. Let's search for community in Bangkok. Search for some dick. Let's search for some dick in Bangkok.

Okay, now, Bangkok, I know from that song One Night in Bangkok. And that song I know because of the musical chess. There's a big song when I'm Bangkok. Okay. So for me, Bangkok's like all about parting and fucking and red light districts and drugs. And yeah. I don't know. That's what I think of when I think of Bangkok. You would not know it from this episode.

But because of that preconceived notion and ignorance, you know, because I've never been there, never even seen it on TV. What do you think of that? So I don't really know anything about it. But I have that ignorance about me. So the whole time I was like, this guy gets fisted. You know what I mean? that's one way to search for community I'm looking for a fissing community that's close to the center of town

I'm looking for a community a fist to sit on in Bangkok that would be great my my earbuds are dying I've got to switch to other headphones one second oh gosh today seriously it's it's so much is going on with my my poor little ears yeah there's It's a londerdrams. You always have to have two pairs of AirPods, then you have to keep one in your ear and one in the charging case. So when it starts to go dead, then you get the one that's charged and put that one in your ear. And then when they're both dead, you get the other AirPods case.

I don't know you could do that because I feel like when I put one in, it's like quiet until I put the other one in. Oh, no, you can have one in at a time. Oh. Yeah, that's how I stand. That's how I do it on planes. Keep that shit going forever. I'm sorry. Okay.

So Texan, Sean Harrison is the new teacher at school. in Bangkok, Thailand. Fortunately, he has a fellow teacher to show him around. Very large hands. Very, very large hands. I'm just going to go out on a limb and say, Sean doesn't know when he farts. Okay. Take it away, Sean. So, Sean's like, yeah, this tall bear that's got him around town. He's lived in Thailand for a handful of years now. And I'm excited to meet the bear community that he has out here. Pretty much, right? And the big bear is like, he's like a mini-me.

Okay, the big bear is like the husband from hometown. Yes. Is he me? He is. Do you think his wife's like a little blonde lady with soccer hair, soccer mom hair? Yeah, I think he has a secret wife who is 23, but as the hairstyle of someone who's 47.

So we start up. in my town, Austin, Texas. Linda's like, growing up in Austin, Texas, Sean knew the path his life was supposed to take after college. And let me tell you, a finger tops, tops. Sorry, I don't know, I'll drop that now. I'm even dressing myself out. Like, there's literally no reason.

Sean's like, you know, my path was supposed to be, get married, start a career, start a family, buy a house, those sort of things. And in some ways, I got really, really down on myself because I wasn't following that same path. I never got married. I don't have a personality to find a mate in life. I never got a career and I haven't started a family or bought a house. I'm a failure to my entire family. All my relatives look down on me. What can I say? But he's such a contradiction, isn't he? Because he's like, I, I just, everything was set out,

wife, children, et cetera. So you know what I said, fuck that. I'm going to become a super, super, super super christian what i mean you're expecting him to like kind of rebel in a different way i mean you're going to bangkok you know what i mean not then in high school dumb dumb over here had an epiphany and john goes i kind of had this moment where i said i think i'm supposed to move overseas listen in high school you have a lot of epiphanies it doesn't mean you're supposed to follow all of them okay that's what college is for yeah i'm junior high school i had in the tiffany which is where i became I'm obsessed with Tiffany and just listen to her a lot. I had an epiphanany Lennox.

So Sean's like, yeah, I'm pretty quickly after that. That's when I found a job in Kenya. And things just fell into place really quickly. And I'm like, they fell into place for your parents who said, oh, no, we really mess this one up. Things fell in place for my parents when they said, God, doesn't it feel like? not having the unmarried one in our family around. God.

That's good. Things fell in place for my parents when they realized, shit, we're going to have to support this kid with the rest of his life. But also, this is the moment where we start getting red flags from Sean.

Because he starts saying things like, I loved Kenya because of the community I plugged into. Really plugged into that community. Hope that in this place I'm going to find a community to plug into. Can't wait to plug into the community. He says that so much.

Which leads me to believe, Sean is the type of person who's, it's like the type of person, similar to the type of person who just gets new jobs all the time so they can always be the new person and people will always do things for them. Like, oh my God, you're new. You want to come to lunch with us? Oh my God, you're new. Let me show you how to do this homework. Oh, my God, you're so new. You know, I think it's just a fucking user, Sean. Okay. You need to stop plugging into so many goddamn neighborhoods, dude. Like, are you a criminal? What are you running from, Sean? I know. He's like, yeah. I really felt like I was in that community.

Like we spent holidays together. It felt like the people became family, which is why I then eventually had to leave them, because I don't like being near my family. I was going to say, when you were having these big holiday dinners, did anybody accuse you of being hateful, spiteful, and useless? Then it's not your family. Okay, Sean? I like, I like him saying, it's like family.

I'm like, you know, you do have a family that you left in Austin. No, no, a better kind, a better kind. Seven years later, Sean returned to the States to get his master's degree, but he knew he would end up back overseas because he hates being around his mother. He's like, yeah, I was open to moving anywhere in the world, I mean, but the school in Bangkok, I mean, they're basically the first people that reached back out. So, also, I had heard good things about living in Bangkok, so that was another reason. I was like, okay, so you have no plans.

You just kind of sent out a general. You just went to the info at email address on a couple of school websites. We're like, that one will do. They said yes. I'm going to go. Because, you know, and I trust when an opportunity that I have no reason to say no to shows up to go ahead and jump on that. I know his mom was like, what about the opportunity to get a real job, Sean? What about the opportunity to go to Singles Night at the church?

Not jumped on that opportunity. Okay. What about the opportunity to carry on your father's lawnmower business, Sean? So Sean has never been to Thailand, and he's like, you know, and the main thing I'm really hoping for, guess what, guys? It's a community. Guess what I'm going to do to it? I'm going to plug into it. You know, a lot of teachers have reached out and have been really great about welcoming me in here.

And there's this one tall, hairy guy named Mark, who I immediately clicked with. And more like I just walked in a room and he kind of just like cornered me and wouldn't let me talk to anyone else. It's basically like family. He's like a big hairy guy that I kind of plugged into. You know what I mean? You know what's amazing? Before I plugged into him, his hair was already clogging my shower drain. It's crazy how that happens.

Basically family. Yeah. I always had this fantasy of like, what would it be like to be in Monsters Inc? And now I sort of, I know. I know now. It sounds a lot more like Old Spice than I thought. It's another walking down the street. And Mark's like, yeah, he's kind of like a mini-mea.

I'm like the really large bearded guy and he's like the smaller bearded guy. Both the beards. What I'm trying to say is that like beard-recognized beard. I don't know. I'm just so lonely in the city. I just need a friend. It's odd, you know? It's weird how we're kind of like on the same level because like he's a bear and I'm a

fair, but I have to work out a lot more, and he probably still gets as much dick as me. It's not fair. Yeah, he's just like a, he's a, he's a big man with a bigger, bigger personality. And like, uh, he wears me out. I'm not going to lie. Like, he's sort of just like, always there. You wake up in the morning. He's at the doorstep and go home at night.

He walks you home. It's sort of can't get rid of him. But it's fine. It's fine. I'm ready to leave the country. Literally don't know anybody else here. So, until there's another community to plug into. Big guy's mine.

So Mark and Sean are walking around and Mark's like, you know the good thing about this place. You can find food anywhere. And then we meet the realtor Diane Blackman. Remember Diane Blackman? She showed that guy around. We did an episode a few months ago. The one guy who had all the David statues out in Los Angeles at his house. Oh, my God.

They give her a lot of Looney Tunes. Yeah. I did recognize her, but I didn't know from where. I was like, I wonder if I know that girl. Yeah, and I remembered her because I remember it was funny because I was surprised that her name was Diane Blackman. So here she was. Diane Blackman's back. And she, Diane cannot stand Sean.

My favorite realtor is the realtor who hates her client. And she's like, you know, it's always very similar with people, you know, just like moving to Bangkok for the first time. like no one really knows what to expect. They're all just like a bunch of white people who think that they can get a palace for $5. Pretty much. And I wrote down Diane Blackman, she's back. But I thought right now I said Diane Blackman, she's black. And I was like, why did I write that?

She's not black. Big news. Just sing those words right next to each other. I was like, what was I on when I wrote this? Okay. So Sean wants a two bedroom apartment for friends and family, which everybody wants. Your parents do not need to be coming to Bangkok. You won't even go to Christmas at their house anymore.

You think they're going to fly to fucking Bangkok for you? No. And if they do go, they will probably stay at a hotel. Okay. They're not going to stay in your tiny ass, like, negative one bedroom house. Yeah. So he wants a nice view. He wants a few of some greenery, nice view of downtown.

something that's by the school, something that's in the city, but also in the ocean, and also underground, but in a high rise. Something that has its own private subway stop, also maybe free access to an airplane tarmac, its own night market that only Sean can exclusively go to as a resident. Wait, Sean has listed here, want to eat as much as possible, but not gain any way. Okay, Sean, I think your expectations might be a little unrealistic. Okay. Yeah. It's so funny because starting the episode, I thought the one I'd be making fun of the most would be Mark. But I quickly realized, oh, no, it's Sean's the problem here.

Because Mark is like, yeah, I think, I think it's what he wants. It's a little unrealistic. Oh, little guy. Come on. You got to bring it back down to Earth. So Sean also wants a space that feels like a community that he can bug into. And he wants space nearby that he can see people and be around people. people and not just coming home to his apartment by himself, asterisk, but also not coming home to his apartment with Mark.

Yeah. Please get out of my apartment, Mark. He brought that on the application. Super, super weird. And Sean also wants to be near work because he says, I like the idea of being closed to the community that I'm trying to plug into. I'm telling you, this guy's creepy at this point. Keep your hands to yourself. But also, he wants to live downtown.

So like what else, Sean? What else can we provide for you on your teacher's salary? What can we do for you? He's like, I would like donuts but not with carbs. I'd like to have tuck tuck parking. And an airplane hanger, but also a sign that says only swimmers. And then it just only swimmers. And then it cuts to Diane, who's so over him.

She just says, you can't be downtown and close to his work because his work isn't downtown. I died. It's fucking idiot. You're fucking idiot. Have you looked at the map? You can't be both close to both places. So the school is giving him a $400 stipend

per month to live, which is nuts. I mean, that's crazy. So he's like, I want to be under $400. And she says, okay, Mark, I'm going to need you to back me up on this one. Okay? So if we're looking for a two bedroom in town, $400 isn't easy, right?

Can we just want to emphasize, this is his list of things, and he wants to spend $400, $400. Okay. So he's like, she says, you know, she tells us, for $400, it's probably better to go for a higher quality one bedroom or just like leave Thailand, just like go somewhere else, go back to the land of fantasy that you came from because you're not going to find anything for $400. I don't know.

It costs more money to die. You know what I mean? So they go look at house number one and it's close to the school. I find it, I get that you would want to be close to work and he's going to work at the school. So that makes sense, right? But he phrases it in this way that's like, I want to be close to the kids that I'm going to be too. No, gross, weird. Why are you like that?

I really can't wait to plug into these kids. the community. Gross. Sean? Yeah, and Diane does the passive aggressive thing where she goes, well, this isn't very big, but you want to be close to the city.

So it's kind of your fault. It's small. Yeah, he's stuck because he wants to be close to downtown where all the fun stuff is, but all the people he's going to meet are by the school. So he really is fucked.

So this one is $500 a month, but it has nice views. And Sean's like, wow, I've never lived in the middle of a bustling city. I've always been in a, residential neighborhood areas. I feel like it'd be a totally different experience than anything I've ever had before. Okay, so I already know you're not going to choose this one because people who've

never lived in the city and have only lived in suburban areas will always go back to suburban areas if you're given the chance. I think so. And a lot of times the city people do too. Like, don't you feel like it's always a progression towards the suburbs anyway? You know, at some point, you're like, this is hard. I remember living in New York. I lived there for 10 years. Loved it. And that was my 20s, you know, and I loved it there. But at some point, I was like, this is just too fucking hard. Like, why am I climbing up the stairs in the snow and the rain and getting pushed around and getting treated like crap? And the subways never run and the bus. Like, at some point, I'm just like, you know, bye. I'm going a place where I can afford a couch. That's it. Exactly.

I mean, luckily, Los Angeles is kind of all suburbs. So, you know, I can still feel like I'm in the city, but I'm really in the suburbs. Oh, I felt like cheating when I moved there. I was like, I can't believe. I felt like such a pussy for living there. But, you know, it was easier. What are you going to do? So they go into the, so house number one. So it's an apartment.

And it's modern. It has clean lines. There's a lot of light in there. It sort of, it reads like a studio because it looks like there's a bed in the living room. But we find out later that there's actually a folding door that kind of creates a wall effect, but there's windows too. But it's basically a studio.

It's like one of those offices with glass walls, which is super weird, where the bedroom. is. I'm not really sure what that's about, but it actually was kind of pretty. Yeah. And, you know, it looked like a nice, simple, small apartment in a city. And Diane tells us that has a view that's, like, really, like, for a view that's as stunning as this, it's like almost impossible within four or or five hundred dollars, aka, you're a teacher, not a millionaire. So what else do you want? And Mark says, yeah, there's a lot of knowledge that I need to. doing part on this little guy and I'm going to help him. Now, look under that bed. There's drawers. And I think that would be perfect for snacks. And this becomes the defining quality of this apartment

for them. Snack drawer. So this apartment has no storage and the storage that it does have is under this bed and you could put your clothes there. But what I would do to put snacks. snacks, 100% snacks. Mark definitely does seem like the sort of guy who really only has three t-shirts, two pairs of shorts, and the rest of his storage is dedicated to like Twizzlers and Twix. Hell yes, peanut butter crackers don't store themselves. I'll tell you that much. So Mark's like, yeah, you know, this is not very much space in here.

It's interesting, though. And he just comes up behind Sean, like, oh, little man. And Sean's like, well, I think the size would be okay without Big Boy over here. And they're sitting on this tiny little sofa. Because I think this is the one where all the furniture has been custom made to fit the space. So they're sitting on this tiny sofa. And Sean's like, is there any place to actually dine? And Diane's like, oh, yes, hold on one moment.

And she basically takes out a cutting board that's like attached to the wall and folds it out and puts a little peg down. It's like, here's your dining room table. You can fit a fork on it. So then we see the little glass bedroom thing. and he's like, you know, I don't know if I want a bunch of people to come over and then feel like they're in my bedroom. What kind of horror are you, Mark? If you're going to move to Bangkok to be a full-fledged sled, I need you to stop needing walls. Mark, I mean, Sean, based on your glowing personality, I'm not sure a lot of people are planning to come to your apartment in the first place.

I will tell you exactly where his glowing personality lie in his arms. He's got very, very nice arms. He does have good arms. He's cute. He's cute. He's got nice arms. He's cute and he's oddly tattooed in places that you wouldn't think that he would be. I was like, oh.

And kind of a hot way. Like a hot, hot, odd tattoos, right? Decent tattoos, yeah, like decent artwork on the tattoos. I'm like, hmm. Then they go out to the balcony. This balcony is hilarious. In order to partake in the balcony, you have to squat under the air conditioner unit. There's like a giant air AC thing.

And then there's like, sort of like some sort of great and you have to get under and squat under the AC and then look out the great and that's the balcony and Sean's like well I really wanted a two bedroom for this five dollars so I'm not sure about this and Mark's like I don't think that you can get that for 400 I mean look I think it would be very unlikely to find and if you did find it I don't think you would like it Okay. And so now we see Sean on a bike riding through a park singing, Take in the Green Lung. Yeah. It's like, taking in the green lung. And Linda says, Sean is fortunate to have fellow teacher Mark to guide him around the bustling city of Bangkok,

where he thinks his three cents will get him a mansion. Good luck to you, Sean. Bangkok, otherwise known as Sean's first Christmas in Kenya, am I right? enjoy biking through the green lung also known as a beautiful park that you just ruined with your stupidity sorry i sort of froze on that one so sean's hard to come up with the green lung joke on the fly i'm not even going to try it so bangkok is the biggest city that shan's ever lived in and mark slice you know i think that your best experience would be closer to the school. That's where I am. And Mark's like, yeah, he needs to be around a community vibe.

Finish a sentence, Mark. That's it. You need a community vibe. For what? To plug into. To plug into? I want to plug into a community. I can't wait to fucking plug into this community.

So Diane says, I think this house number two is a really good example of a place that's close to the school and actually does work. work with a teacher's salary, you idiot. I can't believe I'm wasting time. I know I'm not going to get any commission on this. So house number two is literally next door to the school. So now Sean, that's too close for Sean. He's like, well, I mean, I knew we were close.

I just didn't know we were right next to each other. I just want some separation between work life and home life. Yeah, and I think they would want it from you too. Who wants a teacher that lives upstairs? That's so weird. Yeah. So Diane's like, well, the reason I'm showing him this is because it's his close as you can get and the community here is a big plus and so only one I could find that doesn't

have a law against plugging into them. So Mark is like, oh yeah, I used to actually live here for a long time. That's a lot nicer than it looks right here. And if you look closely, you can see my butt marks against the wall, did a lot of funky stuff in here. So this one is $4.50 a month. And Sean's complaint. He's like with this place I'm further outside the city and it's still $50 over what I was hoping to spend But it does give two bedrooms. $50 over you are you are trying to spend $400 a month to live and you're going to complain about 50 more dollars Do you know it's already wild that you're expecting to pay 400 to pay $450 a month? I could only dream of that

I know I'd be like hi this is your tent city welcome to the tent city. Yeah, enjoy Um, so then they go see this apartment. This one's very bright. It's got very white floors. And it's the one he calls a tree house. Yeah. Because it's overlooking a park. And it's really nice. It's bright in there. This one's kind of my vibe. I like this one. I like this one too. And there's this crazy like periwinkle sofa that looks kind of like shiny and plasticy in the corner. And it's cute. Yeah, I'm even, I'm gonna even, uh, fan out for the couch a little bit. I think it's not. I love a couch you can just wipe down, you know, especially the way Sean lives. Especially with Mark is coming over. Especially with all these big plugging into the community parties they're planning.

So it's a tiny corner, a tiny kitchen, and it's got like two little hot plates in there. And Sean's like, not sure about the kitchen space. And Mark's like, this, these cabinets are even low for you, right? He's like, yeah, even to me. Try to remind you that you're short. and you have short person energy with these requests. So it's like a kind of a gross small bathroom and everything. And so the main bedroom is nice size,

but it has a big king bed that takes up a lot of it. So Sean is really upset that he has a big bed taking up the room. I'm like, well, what else are you going to do in this room? Yeah, that's weird to me too. I was like, were you punt? What was it dance class in this room? Well, actually, we do have a dance class. We do have one, actually.

So his issue is also that the, The primary bedroom doesn't have any closets, but the secondary bedroom does have closets, but there's no bed in the other bedroom. So what are you going to do? Well, surely you're not going to go buy a bed. That would just be fucking crazy. Like, who does that?

That would be a wild concept to buy a bed for the place that you're living in. I know. It's probably like $5,000 to buy a bed. Rent is $20 here, but beds in $19,000. I know. This is a bed economy, sir. I'm like, I'm pretty sure you could probably find a bed because guess what?

You live in a city and everyone in the city has beds mostly. So, Sean, so he's really upset that the clothing storage is in one room, but the bed is in another. I'm like, do you not know how to use your feet? Can you not walk? Do this small apartment to the closet. It's really not a hard concept. So let's see what else happens here. Okay.

So then there's another tiny little room. it's the one you're talking about. And this is the one that Mark's like, oh, but you can dance in here. This needs to be the dance room. So Mark whips out some breakdance moves, which, I mean, look, I don't know break dancing from a hole in the wall. Well, actually, I do know holes in the wall. You know what I mean. But I don't know how to break down.

But I do know that it's not easy to do a handstand. And that guy's just this huge guy is just like popping up on his hands. I mean, what the hell, bro? And then Sean bust out a very aggressive worm. The worm. And he worms over to Diane. And Diane's watching like, these fucking Americans. I'm getting out of this career.

It's the last thing I do for. It's so weird that you know the exact dance move of the creature I was comparing you to in my mind this whole time. I'm psychic. So, you know, Sean likes it. And Mark really wants me to take it because it's close to him. So we'll see how that goes. Diane knows that Sean is going to have to give up more than just a second bedroom for his housing stipend to cover the rent, idiot. Geography teacher Sean Harris is acclimating to his new home of Bangkok, a big change from his hometown of Austin, Texas, and his last teaching gig in Nairobi, Kenya.

Mark, take it away. Mark's like, my first impression of Sean, he's really tiny. My second impression is no matter where my hand is, he's. trying to sit on it. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. The third, can't get over the hand part, bro. Can't get over the hand part. Well, guess what? Here's a fun fact that no one cared about that we're going to introduce later on for no good reason. It was Sean's faith that led him to a life of idiocy. And we see a picture of Sean playing baseball as a kid. And he's like, yeah, I grew up in Austin, Texas, and we were a Christian. And we went to church, but it wasn't a big

part of my life, but at the end of high school and college when I was in my big epiphany moment, I decided to take ownership of my faith and make church a choice for myself and also not living near my family. And a big part of that was the summer mission trips I went on where I was getting outside of Austin and going to rural Tennessee and doing mission work. Thank you, Tennessee. I learned the rest of my life from you. You know why I love Christianity? To travel. I mean, wow, what a religion. I mean, just the best travel out of any religion. Gotta say, Christians where it's at. I mean, Mormons, they travel. Christians do it better. Okay? Mormons is just blah, blah. Let's all wear the same clothes. Christianity is like jeans and a t-shirt. Jesus, it is. Let's do this,

okay? Mark's like, well, from what I know of Sean so far, I think it's really likely that he will overthink a lot of different decisions about these places. So I'm hoping I can separate it will versus what doesn't matter because if I don't do that soon, he's going to do another monologue about being Christian in high school and no one wants to hear that. So Linda says, the only thing Diane has not delivered so far is something within the range of Sean's housing stipend, L.O.L. Let's see what this is going to look like. Hey, everyone. Sean found three pennies under his mattress and that's his new budget for rent. Good luck. Can't wait for Sean's reaction to the Big Mac box that he's about to be shown.

So they go to house number three, which is a condo. And Diane's like, so this apartment is an opportunity to show Sean something that is really close to downtown. And it's by a community that he can quote unquote plug into with locals and expats. So everyone just try to hold your laughter while he sees the closet. I'm about to show him. Diane says, okay, well, this one's good. And the owner realizes that her apartment's only on the second floor. and she needs to make her price a little more competitive.

I like that she's, I like that she's like that. She's like, you're seriously charging this much? Listen here, I've got a guy who does the worm, the worm from America. You think he wants to pay that much? You better rethink it, sissy. This man almost made it on to so you think he can dance. Actually, that's not true. She doesn't know that.

It's called playing hardball, Sean. Okay. You can have this place for 400 exactly plus an autograph. So, Mark is like, well, you know, the further away from the school you are, starts to present some challenges, and I think you start to feel lonely. I know a thing or two about loneliness. I'm not saying it comes in ways. It's just the constant feeling you feel. And then all of a sun, you see your best friend coming to your world and he wants to move downtown.

Please stay. That's what I'm trying to say. I may not know a lot about loneliness, but I do know this much. When I was young. I never needed anyone. Mark. All the snacks by myself. I want to eat all the snacks by myself all the time.

So they go check out this room. This is very, very tiny. And Diane's like, it's cozy. Okay? And she's like, yeah, I think that he's saying a lot more by what he doesn't say than what he actually does say, which I totally get because I'm doing it right now. Can you hear what I'm saying?

I'll give you a little short little idiot. I'll give you a clue. It starts with an I ends with the T and the middle rhymes with Dior. Start it an I and ends of the T and in the middle it sounds like Tia. Dia. It took me too long. I'm trying to say it's idiot. I got you.

I got there after a while. Thank you for being such a good community that I could plug it. So this place is tiny. There's like a tiny little knuck. And Sean hates this place. But he doesn't want to be rude because, you know, he's learned better. And so he's not saying anything. And Sean's like, yeah.

So am I wrong in thinking this bookcase is on top of me? She's like, it's literally on top of you, Sean. Stop being such a fucking pussy, okay? Sometimes it's hard to know when the bookcase ends and Mark's, Mark begins. But isn't me, are there like five IKEA bookcases in here for no good reason? Yes. Yes, this is true. And a giant TV, yes.

Why is this bookcase made out of pasty, pasty, warm, sweaty skin on top of me? That's Mark. That's Mark. I don't mind that he's trying to put a book on me. It just makes me feel loved. It's okay. So this kitchen, he calls roomy, but it's not roomy.

I don't know what he's talking about. It's like one inch of cabinet space or counter space. He's like, oh, my God, it's huge in here. It's literally not, but I like that this realtor has a way of just lowering your expectations all the way to the ground. So anything she shows you, you're going to be impressed with. Yeah, I was surprised you waited to the last house to do this. Like usually they start with the first one. That's the passive aggressive realtor move.

Like, oh, okay, you want to live downtown and have a washer and dryer and two bedrooms and a subway stop and have a great view of everything. For $400, okay, let me show you how much space you actually get. And they do that. And then they feel bad. And then they take them some blades off in the suburbs. And it's all. That's my favorite property brother's movie. They're such assholes, those guys.

They're like, oh, we found you exactly what you wanted. Here it is. And just kidding. That's like five times what you can afford. But you can buy a foreclosure that we can paint. So she's like, do you like it? And Sean's like, um, well, guess what? For $400.

This is, and this being this close, a central part of town with this community that you can, for fuck. sake plug into. I think this is the best deal we're going to get. I'm not even going to smile when I say that. I'm just going to be angry at you and you're going to have to deal with it. Yeah. So then Mark is like, you know, Sean has some really strong core values and he's going to look around and he's going to be measuring each apartment against his core values. One core value. Are you a good person if you can't reach your snacks? So now it's time to deliberate.

Sean is an adventurous spirit who's also kind of dumb, and he took the first job he was offered. So congrats on that. You almost got human trafficked. And now he's in Bangkok, sight unseen. He's torn between the allure of the big city and staying close to his students and colleagues. So Sean's like, well, number three is a piece of shit. Let's go ahead and get rid of that one. Okay.

Not even, doesn't even give it a nice thing. He doesn't say, well, I really liked it. but it's not in reality. He's like, no, don't even want to think about that ever again. House number three is a sinner and it belongs where it's going. Hell. House number three is like my family, never want to see it again. And so Mark is like, well, what about the dance studio?

And Sean says, well, I like how it could help me plug into the school community. I can't with this guy. Isn't it creepy? Like, I'm creeped out at this point by this guy. But he's not sure how to use the second bedroom. I'm like, I don't know. Like literally anything, it's more space for crying out loud. A desk, a closet.

I mean, do I have to do this for you? So they label them as house number one, snack drawer. House number two, dance studio. Mark's like, well, there are the three things on picking up that would be most important to you. You want view, functionality, location. and if I were you, I would add I would add Eminem's into that mix, but I can't bear it to make out with occasionally when you're both drunk.

Sean's like, well, they both have views that I like, but in the end, that city view just feels so over the top for me. And I mean, the snack drawer does have an edge, but they both have a functionality issue, but snack drawer wins in that argument, but the dance, I did get a random boner in the dance studio for some reason. That was good.

It turns out I sort of blacked out when I was doing the worm and just sort of felt the sensuality of that floor they'd recently sweat on, sweat it on. So I don't know.

Edge the dance studio. And Sean's like, well, at the end of the day, I came here for the teaching job and to work with students and to get to know my students better. So the smartest choice for me is just to be close enough

that, you know, I can invite the students over or hang out with the students or be like, hey, game night with the students. Woohoo! students, fuck out of here. Your students don't want to hang out with you. Creep?

No. So the answer is dance party. So one month later, you know, looks cute. It's a bunch of bros come on. They're all like cooking on that, like one hot plate, having a bro night. Mark's like,

Sean, Sean's been adopted by Mark and his bro friends. And, yeah, so. Good bro and out. That was what he did. Congrats. Yeah. They're good.

They're like pros doing bros. things in the end. Yeah. Totally bro- broing out. Yeah. Well, that was a fun episode. Good suggestion, guys. Yeah, thanks for that suggestion.

That was really fun. And again, if you want to suggest things, email, watchwork crap and say, Gmail.com and put, well, hello suggestion in your subject matter. Until then, thank you everyone for listening and subscribe me here on Wondry Plus. We'll catch you on the next Well, hello. Bye. Bye.