Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #414: Glamorous Pest Technician Moves to Brisbane

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

A sassy pest tech moves to Brisbane and is on the hunt for not just a cute apartment, but a man to boot. This is S163E10 of House Hunters International and we watched it on Max.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's Watcher Crappin's special House Hunters episode or House Hunter's podcast. You would think that we'd never done this before by the way I'm talking right now. But actually, this is one of many. So thanks for coming to listen. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Good. What's going on with you? Not much. Just filled with joy doing this. We're a really funny House Hunters International episode to recap. courtesy of Ain't No Thing like Allison King, our Patreon super premium, premium sponsor. Allison King recommended this episode of... What a great recommendation. Great recommendation. Yeah. Fantastic stuff here.

It was hilarious. The name of this episode is glamorous pest technician moves to Brisbane. So you can find that on Max. That's where I watched it. and usually you just type in that name and you'll be able to find it because sometimes it's on YouTube TV, et cetera. But once again, it is a glamorous pest technician

moves to Brisbane, its House Hunters International. Yeah, great episode. So this guy, what a character. Okay, so he's eyebrows. First of all, we just need to talk about the eyebrows. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Listen, I get micro-nealing,

micro-blading, whatever you call. No, microneedling's for the face. I get that on my face. Microblading is different. Guys, microblading, it turns out, is just having someone, you pay somebody to take a Sharpie and draw grimace eyebrows on your face. Stop doing this. It's the weirdest trend.

I'm not just saying boys or gays. I'm not homophobicing out about it. Everybody stopped doing it. It's one of the weirdest trends I've ever seen. And thankfully, we're moving out of that trend and into the gelling, the eyebrow gel, or lacquer or whatever. whatever they call it. And that looks crazy too, but at least you're not permanently harming yourself. I think some of these people with these eyebrows are just, you're hurting yourself. Stop hurting yourself. It's like watching, it's watching self-harm. Or if you're going to do it, do it within reason.

I have a friend who did it, but it's very subtle. So it does not look, it does not look crazy. She just is like, it's like sort of accents it. Like she was concerned that her eyebrows were a little bit too thin. So she just would give a little something like it's a little body, but it does not look. like this this is literally thick sharpy on the on the forehead and you know the whole uh the reason that your friend had to do it was because of another harmful eyebrow trend god damn it i keep knocking my camera off because my light keeps falling i'm just a disaster but um she had to do that because the other trend in the 90s was making your eyebrows so thin that nobody recovered from it i mean people are still having trouble recovering from it you can even see on my eye

I'm still having trouble learning to grow these back in. They won't just grow back in anymore. It's like sporadic growth, not spares growth. Listen, let's stop fucking with our eyebrows. Let's just all have middle-aged hairy eyebrows. Thank you. Just let it grow wild and go crazy. Just curl up, be all over just like this.

Yeah. We're harming ourselves, guys. For what? For what? Exactly. I've gone to that stage in life where my eyebrows are just turning into giant canopies. And it's like they want,

my eyebrows now exist because they want to catch someone falling out of a 42nd floor window. You know, remember the cartoon, someone falls out a big, like a window, but they land on the, on the awning and they bounce off and land on the street. It's like, my eyebrows are like, I'm ready, put me in. I will do that for whoever is above me right now. Yeah, you're like a sweet side. You're saving people from sweet side.

So Eddie's like, oh, my small tin, Willington. I was like, oh my God, this is made for me. He's only said one thing, and he has those eyebrows. His eyebrows literally said everything else, and I'm in. And we see him, and he's got, like, suspenders and a fedora, and he's wearing, like, a pink shirt and, like, black pants. It's, I forget what, I don't know how you describe this look. It's a look that I feel like I first saw in the 80s, but then made a comeback over the past few years. So he's going for this look.

It's like fabulous Marcel Marceau. And he's walking alongside a woman named Maxine. I think her name was like Maxine Preble or something like that. And she's dressed in yellow and she is slowly growing more agitated with him over the course of the episode. But at this point, she still likes him. She is trying to do that thing like, oh my God, it's a guy and I'm going to be fabulous as well. But she kind of hates him, you know, where he like makes smart ass little comments to her. And she's like, drawing you sleep.

how well, you know, I can be like, you know, I just want to live alone, probably like you will for the rest of your life. Right, Maxine, and she's like, I hope you die. They're going to laugh. So he goes, I kill pets for a living. And she's like, oh, it's fantastic. God, what have I come to working for a gay pest control killer? I didn't even know that was legal. Oh, my God. You kill pest for a living and I show pest house. is get it? It's like, no, Maxine. It's not as good as gay humor. Sorry. Eddie is an adventurous New Zealander taking on a risky job in order to live out his dreams in Brisbane. Oh, really? He took on that risky job in order to live out his dreams. Do you hear that often? Ronnie just

joined pest control because he needs the money to live his dream. Aren't there other ways to get the money to live your dreams? Yeah, I mean... A glamorous world of pest control. Now, normally this is where I chime in and say, look, like, you know, pest control is a perfectly fine job, but if we're talking about risky jobs, I'm thinking firefighter or someone working like deep sea fishermen or whatever, but then I'm like, but Australia does have spiders the size of cars. So it is actually a pretty risky job. He's literally taking out, you know, snakes and bats and spiders and crazy insects. So it is, I guess, a pretty... It does take some balls to do it in Australia.

Well, it's New Zealand where he's from. He's from New Zealand, but he's moving to Australia. Oh, yeah, but he started in New Zealand. So I don't... God damn it. Fuck you, light. Just get the fuck out of here. Who needs you light?

You keep falling down. I don't even need you anymore. My light has taken on the risky job of being a light on a computer, which apparently it can. Can't handle. Okay, everybody. Keeps falling over. Yeah, it just keeps falling down. But a risky job in New Zealand.

Yeah, I think that it was easier in New Zealand, and then he's going to get here and just squeal. Because every time he sees anything in this town, he starts squealing, right? I know. He's like, oh, my God, oh, I thought that was a fly, but it was a car passing by. I'm okay now, darling. He seems just as amazed that he is in pest control as all of us. He's like, can you believe it? I'm actually in pest control.

Shocking. Yeah. So Maxine says, so not only do I have to find Eddie a property, I've been tasked with finding Eddie a man. And let me tell you, he's got the most expensive tastes. That's right. He's going to buy his man.

We're on an escort site. Let me tell you, no one complains more about expensive things than poor people. And I mean that both figuratively and literally, all right, because he's going to be begging for both, physical things and all right you get it right

that's my maxine attempted at humour we all got that right and he says you know what I just like nice things I would like I would like trendy higher I want with a swimming pool a gym of you and oh my gosh it's saying so greaty doesn't it

yes delusional that sounds delusional yeah I don't know if all those things you can get on the salary of being in pest control but you know you do you boo. And you know one thing I've never heard about Australia, affordable. No one's ever been like, whoa, you know what's great about Australia? It's just so affordable. Yeah. So now we have the opening theme song and we come back and now we have Eddie and he's telling us,

I was born and raised in Wellington, New Zealand, and I live the amiss of my life. And we see like little, little Eddie in a red polo sitting out a wicker chair. And it's life in New Zealand is pretty slow. It's pretty chill. It's also pretty chilly. And, you know, back in Wellington, I worked on the railway. It's almost like being a flight attendant, but on a train and, you know, also equally scary. It's not, though. It is literally not. You don't get to just call yourself a flight attendant, sir.

It was not like working. Have you ever seen a flight attendant on the train? No. What do you think he was doing? Tickets? Yeah. Tickets. Show me your tickets to get off, bitch.

Show me right now. All right. Now tell me this. Do you dog regular eyebrows? microneedled, microbladed eyebrows or gel eyebrows. Do not answer wrongly. Just threw your mama from the train. Right.

Wrong answer, honey. He's probably handing out potato chips and stuff, you know. So then he says, the first time I came to Brisbane was with my family. I was probably eight years old. And we would come every year. And the more and more we'd come, the more and more I would love it.

He's like, in now, I'll get a little older. I was thinking, oh my gosh, I want to live one there one day. So I did have an opportunity a couple of years ago with my partner at the time. We came here on a trail run and I loved it. Unfortunately, my partner was an offense. So we did have to go back to New Zealand, which was hard because I got a taste of my dreams. Then my partner ruined it. But I've murdered him with mosquito spray, actually.

He's dead now. So I'm back. You know, and you know what? when my partner and I split up, I thought now was the perfect time to come back, because I put it off for so long. So now Eddie has finally arrived in Brisbane. And Linda says, and to keep himself afloat down under, Eddie is willing to do just about anything. Well, apparently not get on the pole, but the next best thing, which is pest management. Could you imagine your dream being dashed because your boyfriend wouldn't let you stay in Brisbane? I could not imagine going back to

the pest control place like, well, they're like, oh, we're shocked at your back, Eddie. No one thought you'd be back. Just be like, oh, God, admitting failure and pest control. Back at the same pest control. I'd be so pissed. Yeah, Eddie, so now we see Linda's like, yeah, Eddie is willing to do just about anything, which is also what my mentality was when I took this job. Isn't that funny? And here I am, 20 years later. So, Eddie, we see him show up in a pest control van. And, and, And he's like at whatever client's house he's at. And he's like putting on lip balm.

And he's got the lime green polo. And then he just sort of walks and slow mo up the house to do his pest control stuff. Yeah. It's like, da-na-na-na-na-na-ne-na-ne. Peace control. And the truck says, trusted piece management. But I don't believe you. I don't trust you because you call yourself trusted.

You know what I mean? It's like, trusty, hey, trusty white van. Kids, you want some ice cream? No, I do not. I know. So he's like, oh, I work in peace control. It was not something I could see myself doing, but I do enjoy it. It's a bit of a shock when I saw my first Huntsman spider.

It was like the size of a dinner plate. Show a picture of the Huntsman's Spider. Isn't he handsome? Can you believe that he almost lost it all for Snow White? I'm sorry, that's a picture of the Huntsman. Put on a picture of the Huntsman's spider. Oh, yes, that's a spider. That's terrible.

I had to actually kill that. I don't know those about the piss problem. press control problem. Thankfully, I had my X around when that happened. He's dead now. He died from a Huntsman spider bike. I thought pest management was getting rid of people who don't like Brisbane. Those are the real piss.

So then they show like this stock footage of an enormous spider on a tree and it just eats a little bug. But it's huge. He's like, well, I mean, the first time I saw that I nearly lost, I mean, it was the size of a dinner play. It was pretty scary. Oh, anyway, it still is pretty scary. I actually hate them.

I actually don't like anything bigger than an ant. I actually don't even like ants either. I'm terrible at my job, is what I'm trying to say. I don't like anything as big as a dinner plate. Even a dinner plate. I choose to eat out of bowls mostly. Or plates, which is a bowl and a plate mixed. Sometimes what I do is I put a bowl on a plate and then put it on my head and tell people it's a hat.

That's the best way for me to deal with dinner plates. That's a halate. A hat and a plate. That's what you call pest management. Plates, the original pests. Or a polite. That's a pesty plate. Right, we don't like those.

We don't like those. Or Pilates, really, if you think about it. That's a plate and a potty. All right, nobody likes potty mixed with plates. Pilates, as we all know, that's when you're late for taking your pills, right? Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's when you take a pill and pretend you're Christine Lottie, right? Speaking of Wellington, I lived in a pretty shabby apartment, so I'm hoping to find something a little trendy, all right?

I want to create a whole new self. I mean, I don't want a different job. I want a new me that looks like this, mate, because this means gorgeous, doing the same job I do, which is piss control, just in a different place, which is totally different, except it's the same. So it makes me sense. Failure is not an option, but unfortunately it does feel like an inevitability, but either way, I'm excited. So now we see Maxine and Eddie walking together along the water and he's like, I'm super high maintenance. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm not high maintenance at all. Although I do have a long list that you must, you know, consider. I'm not high maintenance. Walk closer to me. Walk further from me. Walk farther from me. It was funny. And so Maxine's like, Brisbane is a great place for young singles, especially in the suburbs.

Well, I don't know how far in the suburbs we can send Eddie. but we're going to try, all right? Yeah. Yeah, it's great for young singles, especially in the suburbs. That's not usually what people say. So Eddie is like, yeah, I'm still getting used to the different areas. I mean, everything is so spread out. It's like so daunting, especially being on my own.

And so Linda says, as much as Eddie wants a swanky apartment, Maxine knows the key to a smooth transition is finding him the right area, which is far away from the general population. I'm thinking of a new, I'm thinking of New Farm Newsdeed for him, or maybe South Brisbane, which are all really vibrant close to the city and have extremely fucked up eyebrows. Okay. I Google fucked up eyebrows and I looked at Google images and then did location searches to find somewhere where he'd be the most comfortable. Well, you know, Maxine is just as crazy as me, but I do trust it, but I hope I can. Maxine's like, you better trust me because I'm the only one in the city who wants to talk to you.

I'm sorry, I'm going to take you to the number one place that Google Images gave me to visit with someone with your eyebrows. Is Sesame Street close? Have you heard of that? Okay. No? All right. We're going to go to a new farm. All right.

So now in terms of where you'd want to be, do you know where you'd want to be? And he's like, well, I would like to be walking distance from bars or somewhere like an ant hill or a wasp nest. It'd be great. you know, some place where I can sort of ideally telecommute so we can bring the bugs to me and I can kill them in my place, you know? One to two bedrooms would be nice and two

preferably, something modern, I would like a balcony with the view and I'd love to have some facilities, you know, swimming pool, a gym if possible, probably looking at $1,500 a month for that. Oh, also, we could have covered parking and also valet service and on-site, restaurant, lobby, yoga room, if possible,

We could also get dry cleaning in the building. And actually, I think I want my budget to be more like $800 a month. Is that possible on a pest control salary? She's like, you're kidding me, right? And he goes, no. She's like, well, we might have to slowly adjust your expectations. He's like, oh my God, is that what you do every time you go into a dressing room? I mean, is this how we walk around there?

Well, I mean, would you get a roommate then? He goes, absolutely not unless he wanted to date me. She's like, okay, well, that crosses that off the list. So then we see a graphic of his wish list and it's no roommate. And she's like, he's asking quite a lot, isn't he? The plan is to show him what he can get for under what he's looking to pay, which is, guess what? It's a handful of splooch. All right, let's take it.

Let's take him. So now they are walking in a town called New Farm. So this is New Farm. It was actually supposed to be a farm, but somehow turned into a town. It's a real issue, you know. It's close to a lot of balls, restaurants. Ironically, no farms. but they know there's lots of activity, lots of parks.

Are you active? You know what? I already know the answer to that. He's like, on grinder? No, I don't mean. I mean, are you active? Well, Scruff. No.

Hing's little, you know, innocent. But yes, that one as well. She's like, do you move? He's like, um, sorry. Could you speak in English? Do you exercise? Oh, no. Gross.

Disgusting. Well, the property. we're going to see there's a one bedroom, one bathroom and some nice views as well, but doesn't have any facilities. Well, where am I supposed to use the restroom? Supposed to be in the parking lot?

Unfortunately, yes, that is the answer. There's no pool or gym, is that what you mean? She goes, yeah, I guess, well, where are you supposed to hit on people? Well, it's only 1300 because well, look, I do need a summer wardrobe, so I love that price. I mean, for 200,

new wardrobe. I know. So they go in and it's a one bedroom and Eddie is concerned. And it's like a very straightforward apartment. It's like all white. There's like a little island, there's little kitchen. It's very, very simple. It's like a standard apartment. But he loves it at first. He walks into this simple place and goes, wow. Oh my God. It's so modern. Yes. You know, this is one of my favorite parts of the property, the kitchen. Are you much of a cook, Eddie? He's like, no, I'm all the baker. She's like, oh, okay, so what's your favorite thing to bake? He's like, um, probably my curate cake. I'm like, you are not a big. I got a vibe, like, let me think of the first cake that comes to my mind. He's like, my carrot cake. I mean, I think

it's pretty good. I mean, like, it's perfect because you can roll out your batter here. I'm like, well, you don't roll out cake batter, but that's fine. Yeah, I don't know that I. I believe that he was a baker. And I also don't know that I believe that he's a pest person. I think he's kind of lying about everything. Yeah, something does not feel right here. So he's like, there's room for all the mess,

because I'm not a very clean cook. But you know what? It's not perfect, but it's actually fantastic. Now, it's funny because I'm thinking, this place is so small and it's so plain. And he's acting so fabulous. I'm surprised that he likes it. Well, he sees another place just like this later.

And he's like, gross. It's so plain. So I'm confused as to why this one's okay. But they look at a bedroom and it's small but nice. It's a really nice, clean, new looking place. And he's like, oh my God, this bedroom's too small. I can't believe it. What am I supposed to do in here?

Supposed to go to fucking bed. What else do you think you're going to do in there? I know. He's like, there's no view. She goes, yes, well, they've just frosted the windows in anticipation of you moving in there. They're like, oh, really? The neighbors don't want to see you. It's for neighborhood safety.

All right. It's not really for yours. So he's like, just the furniture? you come with it. She goes, yeah, and he goes, well, I do like that. It's very nice. It's poorly put together IKEA shelf. Really like that. Love a little wobble in my shelves. Well, I'm glad you liked something in this room. You know, he's really worried about the size of it. I'm just like, you're going to be sleeping here, mate. That's it. Yeah. So then out of the bathroom and she's like, now, the light does actually turn on the fan. You know what? I like that she warned him

because my bathroom, it does that, and it makes me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to go in the middle of the night when you just want it to be dark? You don't want the light to wake you up. Why would people hook up the fan and the light together? Can a man have his nighttime pee? Yeah, that's, that's annoying. But I think that, like, she has to say it

because this way he doesn't turn on the line and go, what's that noise? Is there something wrong here? Does I'm hearing it sound there? It's like, it's the fan. It's attached to the light, so you don't have to complain about it. So it's like, well, this is more spacious than I thought it would be, look, there's plenty of space for all my skin care. Maxis, I didn't realize that you used any, but that's nice to know that you try.

Anyway, well, I'm not going to say Eddie is vain, but he ease into his own self-preservation. And then we just like, had to him. He's like, he's like attaching. He's like putting on lip balm in the mirror. So get out of here. they leave the bathroom and now they're checking out the living room and she's like the furniture comes with the living space and he goes, I do love high ceilings and what a view to look at? Unlock the bedroom, you stupid slut.

So then they go to the balcony which is really big and he's like, this is absolutely lovely. I don't really like that the other balconies can sit through. That's like not a lot of privacy. And as we've said many times before, how do you think they feel? How do you think they feel? one moment they have a view of Brisbane, the next they're seeing two giant caterpillars on your forehead. Yeah. This could be your viewing platform, like a modern-day dating game without the air, you know?

Can you see that? Is it creepy? You could just stand out here in your underwear, look around for hot guys. You know how you do. Maybe touch yourself if you see one. You know, it's like a little hello wave, but instead of waving your hand like this, you're waving it down there by your wanky. Yeah, I think it could work for you. And he was like, Maxine, when was the last time you had six?

Probably over a decade ago, it shows. It shows Maxine. So, well, Maxane, when you put it like that, you make it sound like I'm being picky, don't you? Because she's like, listen, you could find the man of your dreams and you've got, you know, a great view. And he's like, oh, you're making me sound picky. I love the size of the lounge. I love the kitchen. I don't think I can get past the bedroom size and the fact that it's,

there are no building facilities. I mean, there's nowhere for me to mingle. Listen, no one meets anybody in the apartment gym. Do you think? Is that a thing? No, and even if you did, then it's weird because, like, if something were to happen and then it's like you have like a fling or something, then you're running into them at the apartment gym. Like, you don't shoot where you work.

Yeah. So he's like, well, I'm not going to cross this off the list, but I would like to see what else you've got, which I'll bet is what everybody at every, retail store says when you come out of the dressing room. Have you chosen anything else? So, well, to get any space and amenities, Maxine will have to break the bank. Unlike what she did with her dress,

which we all know only cost about 10 cents. Just look at that shit. So now they're going to a new flat, and it could be $1,900 a month. $1,900 a bit of a good. So they come to see this place. I think it's nice. I mean, there's like a little couch.

I don't know. I think it's pretty nice. And he's like, it's pretty basic. It's like toast with nothing on it. It's the same as the last place you just saw. And it's like, you know what? This place feels very Maxine. It's like toast with nothing on it.

Am I right, Maxine? Listen, it's like toast with nothing on it, which is basically what Maxine's breath smells like, I'm sure. Maxine? So then we, this is actually like a little bit of like a preview of like where they're going to be going. And when we come back from commercial break, we're back in like Eddie's flat. And he's having like a very rom-com moment. He's trying on different outfits for Maxine while she's sips white wine.

It's kind of like a gay and his girl. And so it's like it keeps cutting between, he like walks out of frame, walks back in frame with a new outfit. He's like, what about this? What do you like this look, Maxline? She's like, it's a bit too casual. All right. Well, what about this? I don't think you should go on a date dressed in your pest control outfit, but try another one.

And then he jumps out in another one. She's like, that one's perfect. And he goes, do you reckon? Listen, this woman does not like you. Otherwise, she would have said, at least try one pair of pants that fits. Just one. You don't need to wear leggings everywhere you go, all right? She's like, I've been in real estate for 15 years and I've never sold a single thing.

I'm this close to landing something. So if it means watching a gay change outfits, I'll do it. it. Well, after a dream of living in Brisbane was crushed by my ex-partner, I'm his back on my own, hoping to create a whole new me in this country, new name, new potential, new eyebrows, no one will catch me. You know, it's an adjustment to live in this fast-place city. I think that what I would like to gain most from this move, most of all, is my independence, learn to be on my own, and hopefully for not too long, but also the request within my career, because, you know, they call me the most glamorous past tech you'll ever find. And then we just see, like,

Lots of insects and everything. And then like a little turkey, a little turkey's like walking along. This is the best. We see all these terrorizing things. And then a turkey's in the street. And he's like, am I cold? What does it scare me so much?

It's like, I'm sure you're really going to progress in your industry, given your reaction to a turkey. So Maxine's like, it is so freaking quote. quote funny, right? He's a pest control specialist with the highest standards I've ever seen. I mean, piss control. Good you imagine. Okay, Eddie, now that we're walking on the street to the next house, you're not really making this easy for me. Eddie's like, oh, is that what, picking out a dress? It seems like it was never easy for you, was it, Maxine? No, not that. I'm not talking about that. He's like,

well, I'm sorry, but it is your job. He's like, are the things not easy for Maxine? Dating, all right. Clothes picking. Split ends, am I right? Hot oil treatments, not easy, apparently. Apparently, you have a lot of trouble with those. Using oil of ole. Okay, what you've got to do is to stay over the sun, okay, Maxine?

General water drinking. Are you right, Maxine? Making jokes. They just really suck, Maxine. So she's like, okay, ice cream time. He's like, oh God. Maxine's favorite saying, it's always ice cream o'clock somewhere. Am I right, mixing?

Ice cream, you scream, we all scream because there's a turkey on the street. At least I'm not picky about the ice cream, right? Do you have mango custard? I was like, that was very specific for someone claiming to not be picky about ice cream. And they're like, no, but we do have mango cheesecake. I was like, oh, you raised his specificity and you challenged him with it. Do you think that's just a thing over there where they're like crazy cheesecakes, mango cheesecake? We don't have mango custard.

We do have mango cheesecake and mango toothpaste. Which one would you prefer? So he's like, we know I've saved up the last year to come back from Wellington. Help the hell on earth that is Wellington. And I'm hoping fingers crossed that I can find my dream apartment away from all the turkeys. And Maxine's like, well, he can have what he wants, but it's not what his price range. shaky little monkey. So if Eddie wants to live within his means,

he may have to think about getting a roommate, a roommate, a roommate. We've brought in a turkey to interview with Eddie. Oh my God. Terrified of this thing. I mean, it's a perfectly normal human going to work. It's just a turkey and like a tie and glasses and a mustache. You're not a human going to work.

You're a turkey. So now Medi, Medi, that's their couple's name. Maxine and Eddie are walking on a sidewalk. And he goes, Maxine goes, we're in New State. As you can see, it's very happening here. Very, very happening. He goes, lots of singles I owe. She's like heaps of singles.

Singles coming out of the walls. You know, we'll be able to find you a man in no time. It is a two-bedroom, one bathroom, and it has a pool, Jim and all of that. So it would be great for you to seduce a man off the street or possibly a turkey. So, so, so, keep. Pool, spa, gym, all of that. And he's like, oh my gosh, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

I mean, so many boxes getting ticks. It's like, please don't be dirty. What do you mean? Boxes getting dicks. I'm talking about that, right? Boxes getting ticks. I mean, geez, is it that different from Wellie? Sorry, I just, I like to mention tics a lot because it's kind of my industry.

So we're in the second, now we're finally at the second house, house number two. And it's, is this the one that had the, no, the third one was the one that had the brown fixtures. But this is just another, again, another pretty standard apartment, right? Yeah, this one's 1900, though. So he's like, what is two bedroom and one bed in 1900? And she's like, well, maybe you'll have to get a housemate. He goes, well, I don't know about sharing a bathroom. Why would I want to do that?

She goes, you've never shared a bathroom. I mean, I don't know what to say. I've given you everything else. No, Maxine, this isn't like some little like, oh, what's the big deal? So you're going to share a bathroom. That's a huge life choice. You don't just tell someone, oh, not only are you going to have a roommate, now you're going to, like, have a roommate that you have to poop after.

No. Yeah, share a shower with. That's a lot. No. Sorry, Maxine. You're fired. And I just like where she goes, I've given you everything else. He goes, okay, let's just bake it up there, Maxine.

Because one thing you haven't given me is fashion. All right. Yellow dress. So he's like, oh, I don't like to have to come home and listen to someone else's problems, which is probably why I'm single. Am I right? I mean, listen, the worst you ever have to hear from me, you say, hey, do you have any problems today, Eddie? The worst is one word.

turkeys all right done all right okay now all right now they walk in she goes

now eddie don't look at the view straight and just go straight into the bathroom

I bet you hear that before haven't you kinky bastard at the bedroom but it was the bedroom

you must look like you have to go pee by the way you're shuffling in the hallway I can tell you need to

go straight to that bathroom Yeah, don't look straight. Just go straight into the bedroom. And so they do. And he's like, well, it's pretty big. And she's got built in wardrobes as well.

I feel like the high ceilings makes it more spacious. Yeah, literally. Because there's more space vertically. It's funny how when you add space to things that feels more spacious. Yeah, it's crazy how that works. So then they go into the kitchen living room area. and Max, and the kitchen is basically, it's kind of like a loft style kitchen. It's basically like an L-shaped kitchen up against the wall. And he's like, oh, no, this is pretty basic. It's like a perfectly fine

kitchen. It just has a slightly different layout. There's no island, but there's plenty of counter space. But he doesn't like it at all. He's like, it's pretty basic. It's very Maxine in here. She goes, okay, well, Dan, he'll bake. he goes Well, you know Now I mean look at that view The view is stunning Well actually now that I look at the view

There's not much of a view She goes, it's industrial It's like yeah And she goes For 1900 with two bedrooms She's gonna have to get over it Maxine I know she's in no mood

She was like I came on this show to be a real estate agent Not to be a real estate agent And Mitchmaker Okay I'm not getting paid enough for this shit No one's paying me to be an eye our wrangler. Right. Some people pay a lot of money to look at a warehouse and that's what he's going to get. He's like, well, this bathroom is pretty mexane. She's like, go ahead and explain that one.

Plain Jane, never going to get me. You know what I mean? So where's the other mirror? Why aren't there two mirrors in this bathroom? And he's like, why do you need, she says, why do you need two mirrors? You've only got one face. He's like, the same reason you don't need any. Double gorgeous. All right? It's like, you know, there's just not a lot of room for, so if I would get a flatmate, she goes, well, you need to get someone who just has really basic with their hygiene. He's like, I especially don't want basic hygiene flatmate. So now there's a second bedroom and he's like, well, it's spacious, but the balcony is not big.

And she goes, well, but downstairs by the pool area, there's barbecues. You can take everyone down there and it keeps the messy out of the house, doesn't it? By everyone, I mean, all the friends you're going to, I don't know, but you'll see people down there. Just go down there with meat. Hopefully people will gather. So then they go down to the pool area and it's like, all right, so this is definitely where you'd bring everyone down to. I can see that. Now I just have to make friends who actually want to come over and hang out with me, no problem.

So she's like, well, all this shared space makes up for lack of space on the balcony. No, it doesn't. You can't just take me to a public park and be like, well, your house is small, but here's park. No, especially because that public space, everyone uses it. So when you want to use it, there's always awful people at those places. You know, like just when you want to use

the grill, there's always someone there who decides that that's the day. They want to do a four-hour spit roast. Yeah, I've never wanted a place with facilities because of that, because of the people that use them, you know? So he But the place is pretty

bland and expensive. I don't have to get a mate because I don't want to share one bathroom or one mirror. I think vaccine can do a lot better. I'm not sure if you can tell, but I'm quite a colourful person and I want my apartment to match my personality. So now Eddie, he goes on a date where the guy named Janie and he's like, Sue, what are you doing for big? He's like, oh, piss control. He goes, piss control. No, pest control, like cockroaches and spiders. It's, ewe. It's kind of.

Sorry, it's my accent. How do you guys say it? Peace? Oh, another shot, please. Marrying this one. Marrying this one. I mean, piss versus piss. This is amazing.

So I'm on the hunt for a man. I suppose I'm looking for someone who's driven, respectful, willing to come for the ride with me, enjoy Brisbane, show me around, take me out, not murder my dreams before I kill him with mosquito spray. You know how it goes. So now he goes on another date with someone named Connor. This guy has a beard.

And he's like, bloody Maxine, she's so pushy. She's like, I want to stay. Conner's like, why no, right? She tried to bodge in on our date, stupid bitch. Oh, this guy, he's so sarcastic. I love that about him. And in terms of what he wants versus what he wants to spend, it's going to be a little bit tricky, much like his butt on a date.

I mean, seriously, that guy is very. himself like peanut butter on toast all over this town. Ask all the guys. I know them all. It's so funny that this episode of house hunters is like mixed with some sort of like speed dating bee storyline. I don't think I've ever seen this before. Also I have to say he can pull some pretty nice butt. Yeah, he was definitely honestly punching above his class. I mean, I don't want to be mean, but like, but the first guy, I was like, this guy is this guy's cute. I was like, I- Yanni's cute. Yeah, yeah. He's pretty. cute he's not I don't think he's punching above his class he's just or his weight he's

punching above his eyebrows weight you know what I mean like those eyebrows should not be able to pull like this but it's working for him so you know I might consider a magic marker or a sharpie soon so um he's like I don't think I have expensive taste at all I just like nice things that are expensive you know you can have something that's bougie and doesn't cost much and I expect how to find it so now we are going to now we are We see a tall building and everything, and Maxine has brought Eddie to South Brisbane. And she's like, you know, the great thing about South Brisbane is the South Bank Park Lanes. There's a man-made lagoon and a beach here with tons and tons of turkeys.

Maxine, how could you do this to me? Man-made lagoon? Wow. Was that your nickname in Kinder? So they're walking in, and he gets startled. And he's like, huh? He goes, something just flu at me. She goes, so what do you do when you go spray houses and bugs jump out of you? Are you like, oh my gosh, he like imitates him. He's like, carry on, Maxine.

Keep it up. All right, well, the facilities in this complex are second to none. It's only a one bedroom. However, it has a ginormous balcony. I am talking half the size of the apartment. And he's like, what are we talking about proisweiser, Maxine? 6,700, but it's well worth it. So we see this one, big balcony,

don't, don't, don. And they go to the elevator, and she's like, we're on the sixth floor. On this level, you've got a gym on this end. He's like, oh, the place where you go talk to people who are almost shirtless. The place where you work out, disgusting. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. And they go, and it's like, it's gorgeous.

This building has a really nice facilities. There's like a yoga center and everything. They've got a wellness. room in a spat. And so it's really, it's got really nice stuff and everything. So they go into the apartment and the apartment has like a very kind of like modern look to it in the sense that all the cabinets in the kitchen, which is the first thing that you see are kind of like wooden or they're not like real wood, but they have that dark brown look to them. So it's nice. It's not just like a big white room. Yeah. It's kind of got that mid-mod thing going on there. Yeah.

And she's like, well, what do you think of this? Can you imagine yourself baking up a storm? And he's like, absolutely, not normally a friend of Brown, but I do like that there's black features and handles on the brown. So that's cool. And it's got an island, which I love. Listen, have you ever had anybody pointing out black knobs before? Love them.

You know, I didn't realize I was a black nub stand. I mean, black knob stand until I got to this apartment. I realized, yeah, black knobs. Let's put them on the list. So Maxine sees something crawling on the wall. And she goes, and look at that. It's a pest. You're a pest controller, right?

You can sort that out. He's like, excuse me, we're not working right now. I'm not impressed with the pest and by the pest I mean you, Maxine, or is it supposed to be funny? Or I wish I had some spray that could turn you funnier, Maxine, because that was not it. That was not it. You know who's a mother, not you? Right. Maxine.

I'm like your stylist who picked out this dress, not working. at the moment. Okay? So they're walking around and the ceilings are really high. And Maxine goes, well, they have to be to allow your head to enter the room. That was a joke, Eddie. Gould, you know how gays love funny, fabulous women? She's like, yeah. Do you know any? They could show me a house. Learn from them, please. It's such a mess of spice. It's great for entertaining. But I'm a little to I wanted a view, you know, with the apartment being so bougier, you'd expect, you know, bringing guests out there for them to be like, where, what a view. But it's more like, wow, what's an unpleasant view. Because the thing is this, the balcony outside is, it's clearly like first floor, right? First or second floor. So it's not really a balcony. It's like a patio. But honestly, it's a huge patio space. It's big enough that you can have a table with chairs out there. It's like, yes, everyone can look down on you. But no one is. going to care enough. Like no one wants a spy on Eddie and his friends. Yeah, and it's a city view. I mean,

what do you think of city view? It's of buildings. So I was a little confused by this. So they go to look at a bedroom and he's like, well, the bedroom's bigger than I thought. And she goes, that's what they all say, right, Eddie. He goes, well, that's what they want to hear. That's for sure. All right, behind you is a double wardrobe and then you'll do, then when you do find a lover, there's a small cupboard for him. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha five Oh, that's hilarious Maxine And then this one can be mine

That one can be his right She says, I see this relationship going forth Straight to counselling, am I right? He's like, that would have been hilarious Had it not been for my last relationship They ended up in counselling After my dreams of Christian Brisbane You want to keep it up, Maxine

Yeah, oh for two with the jokes Maxine Okay, don't think I've gotten over the one About my head being too big to enter a room You work for me now, all right? So then they go up to the roof, and there's this amazing rooftop pool and has all these amazing loungers and egg chairs. It's very modern, very chic up there, to which I say, good luck getting a chair in the summer, because it's all going to be filled. It's nice, but you're never going to get any space up there. Yeah, which he's going to love, you know, because he just wants to meet people.

That's true. This is like the reason you never go to any of those places in an apartment building, because it's someone like him being like, Hi, I'm Eiddy. I'm with the peace control. So can I just fucking do the elliptical? Yeah. I used to have, in my old apartment, the building had a pool on the roof, which was amazing. It had this great views. I loved it so much. But anytime you went up to the pool area to just like chill out, you're like, I want to use this. You know, I'm in this building. I should use this area. I'd go and sit in one of those chairs by the pool and bring like a book or do some work up there. There's always someone like Eddie who is yapping. three feet away and just going on and on and on and you can't get any work in and it's like not good eavesdropping either it's always like so i had the funniest thing happened the other day my car they needed to go into the shop so i brought to the shop and then afterwards i went home and i just like naped for three days and i'm like this is what i have to listen to in my zen area it's the worst yeah you can't zen out in public you know and also as far as those zen rooms go those are people

who are too cheap to actually buy something to fill that out. They're like, just call it Zen and put a pillow in there. Yeah, and there's that too. So, but it's this, that being said, this is a really nice rooftop. And Eddie's like, you know, I wasn't expecting this at all. I really do like it. I'm just worried about the privacy to the balcony and like $700 a month. I'm not really going to hear that kind of option of getting someone like, you know,

not that I want to, but obviously there isn't that second bedroom even for like a flatmate. And she goes, well, you're just going to have to get that boyfriend. Good luck with that. O for three, Max. So, like, don't think about the money. Think about the lifestyle. Think about the lifestyle you could buy with a boyfriend. Just watch a step.

You could fall in the pool. He's like, don't you dare, Maxx, I'll drag you in with me. She goes, I'd like to see you try and drown your ass in there. All right? Don't think I haven't done it before. I'm studier than I look, little gay boy. So, Eddie, so now it's time to think about it. So it's time to come down to three options.

And so they sit down at like a little brewery to like discuss, is it going to be house number one, house number two or house number three? He's like, let's face it, stranger poo is not going to work for me. Get rid of number two. I can't take it. He goes, you know, I said I'll be thinking about making sacrifices. And Max and goes, well, you know, when you see. that, I couldn't tell if you're being sarcastic, to be honest.

Well, listen, I do want to make a sacrifice, but you're going to have to stay still long enough for me to tell you to a pole and stake you. You know what I'm saying? So then, before he goes further in, like, the deliberations, they have flights of beers. So he's like, they both have like three or four beers. They're like, okay, let's go on to the next beer before we discuss anything. And she goes, all right, but I'm going to swap you my beer for your beer, because this one's called the Big Easy, and I think you'd like that since you're dating two guys at once.

I'm really getting a hang at this gay humor, I think. He's like, shorts fired. My gosh, Maxine. Oh, but Connor and Gianni, such amazing people. So, you know, I'm feeling hopeful. I'm feeling hopeful. She goes, should we do a pros and cons list for the boys? And because that's mean. She goes, well, we're going to do it for the homes.

And goes, yeah, but the homes don't have feelings. I mean, God. I mean, why don't we just make a list called cons and have your pictures? cheroa over and over again. All right. Well, in that case, I'll still do it. Pro for the boys. They're both out of your league.

Cairns for the boys. They've actually taken the time to talk to you. All right. I think that narrows it down. So he's like, well, I am stressed because some tick boxes and some don't, you know, it's just like a whole thing. Let's get down to business, Maxine. And she's like, all right, shall we squeal at a turkey passing?

Not the pest business. So basically he's leaning towards house number one because it's cheaper. And he's new. He only put some of it, some of some money away for savings from Wellington, but not a lot. So he's got to be prudent. But she's like,

or you could bankrupt yourself in a fancy building. How about that? So I think I remembered it wrong because I just said he got rid of number two, right? He got rid of number two, but then he was leaning toward, but then he was leaning towards, towards number one, the one that was under budget. And she was like, yeah, but you're like gay in the city. You need to be in the cooler place. So even though it's a few hundred dollars more, it's probably

worth it for you to go there. To house number two? To house he got three. Oh, to house number three. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. So he ended up giving the 1700 with the balcony he doesn't really like. But you know, I was actually impressed that he was going to choose number one and be sensible. I was like, wow, good for him. But then she's like, no, you don't. You want everyone to make fun of you. It's like, all right. Well, I guess I'll do the one I can't afford and we'll have to leave in two months. She's like, Sam's good. Good for you. Yeah. So he goes for that one. And then he is now with Jenny. It's now it's like a few months later. And he and Johnny or Yanni are, they've hit it off and they are now dating. And Yanni has actually moved in.

It's like, wow, that was actually pretty cool. quick. Yeah, this was really quick. Yanni just moved right in and they're like flirting. They're kind of cute, I guess, you know? And Yanni's like, well, I'm going to take you on the city cat one day. It's like a bus, but it's on the river. And it's like, so then it's bitter than a boss. God, Brisbane, the city of opportunities driving cats on waterways. Oh, God, last time I was this excited about a bus on the water with speed too. Love the way that ended. So, yeah, basically he's happy.

He's got a hot boyfriend. And then they ultimately wind up on the rooftop walking along. And Yanni pushes him into the pool. And he's like, oh, my God. Pretty cute. And that's pretty much it. That's it. Yeah, pretty cute to see that little guy happy.

You go. Now, Yanni, prove yourself to be good and wipe those eyebrows off and get him some help. You know, if you're going to be a good partner, where you start. Absolutely. Well, everyone, thank you so much for being here. If you have any suggestions for Dwell Hello, email us at watchworkwrappins.com,

and please put as your subject line, dwell hello suggestion. That way we will see it. Thanks so much for listening, and we'll catch you on the next one. Bye, everyone. Bye.