Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #415: Head, Heart and Homecoming in Cumbria

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

A mother and daughter look for a bed and breakfast so the mom can spread her wings. Will these two be as good at producing passive income as they are passive aggression? This is S156 E3 of House Hunters International and we watched it on Max.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And welcome to Dwell. Hello. I'm Ronnie and that's Benjamin over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. What's been going on with you, baby? You know, another day, another, another day, another dollar. Another dollar I'd like to put towards buying a house in a beautiful, grassy land like what we saw today on House Hunters. That's what I got to say. Well, this episode of Dwell, hello, is a... recap of a very wonderful episode of House Hunters International that we

both love and hold dear to our hearts and it was suggested by you guys and if it sounds like I am taking my time because I'm looking this episode up that is exactly what's happening but this is an episode of House Hunters International and it is called

Head and Heart in Cumbria and it is season 156 and episode 3 according to Max which is where we watched it. If you want to find these, the easiest way is just to search the title in the search bar in Max, head and heart in Cumbria. Okay. I think it's actually head, head, heart, and homecoming in fact. Well, there's two titles because this is home. This is house hunters. So there's multiple titles and multiple episode numbers for everything that comes out of that channel.

Because our organizational skills are about as good as ours are. So, you know, you might find it under any of those titles. But anyway, this was suggested to us by you guys. If you want to suggest something, just email us at watch what crapans at gmail.com and use the subject line, dwell hello, suggestions. And we'll find it. We get a lot of emails so things get lost easily. Be sure to use the subject line at dwell hello suggestions. All right.

All right, let's get into it, Ben. Let's do it. We open with Linda. Peru is back in her native England to start life over with help from her daughter. Natalia, who seems. just so disappointed to have to be here right now. So they're driving on an English road and Prue's like, I can live life for me now, darling.

And her daughter's like, you do you, hon. Now, this daughter is a very beautiful girl. I'm not going to say she's a very nice girl. She seems like she's nagging her mom the whole time. But then we find out that she learned that from her mom, because her mom is also nagging her the whole time, which is kind of my favorite mother and daughter relationship. So it's kind of working for me.

But there's something about, I feel like this daughter is like a service. It's like someone who works in a fancy store who's being mean to me. That's our personality. It's like a very snotty person working in a store where I'm like, I don't think you're allowed to be mean. Like, why are you being mean to me? You work here. But they're like, you're not good enough to be here.

Are you really wearing those shoes into Nordstrom? Prue is opening a bed and breakfast, but that's not the only problem she'll face in Cumbria. Spoiler alert. It rhymes with bentistry. Okay. Prue, go have fun. Prue's looking around, and she's like, look at this room. It's green ceiling. I think it's like, you think you're upside down after you've had four glasses of wine.

It's like the grass is on the top and the floor ceiling's on the bottom. Is it right right now? Hmm, the daughter's like, you don't get it, mother. Okay, so that's coming up. So then we're here. We're walking in the rain. It's Rue Natalia with her umbrella. It's overcast.

And Natalia's like, have you ever been here before, Mother? Like, when you were younger, dinosaurs rooms the earth. Well, not in the rain. I'm not a monster. But I guess back then I didn't have a daughter who insisted I go on to a television show. Come rain or shine and piss us on the rain. I left England when I was in my 20s to go to Singapore with an English husband. I left him.

And then I got a Singapore husband, and I had an Italian and ended up running my own advertising business. So it doesn't leave you really much time for family life. You know, and now I'm taking time for myself because I've left the other husband too. Fuck them both. That's what I said. You know, at school we had no option but to go out for the rain. You just had to get used to it. Oh, wow, how wonderful it must be for you to not have to deal with the hardships in life. You just had a wonderful mother who gave you everything, my sweet, sweet daughter.

Now, do you care to complain some more on my national television debut? And Natalia is telling us, I decided to come to England for university, like six years ago. Just enough time to get this phony accent down. I know. Sometimes she sounds American. and sometimes she sounds British. I really don't know where she lands on this accent spectrum. Yeah, well, she's got a lot of like natural,

because, you know, she was raised by Prue, and then she was raised in Singapore, now she lives in London. She's got a lot going on. Yeah. I'm just seasoned you. So Prue is like, I've obviously missed her,

and I've been married for 29 years, but now is the time to go all separate ways, just like the Phil Collins song. So I think that also helped decide that my time in Singapore would come. to an end, especially because my ex-husband also happened to work very high up in the government and revoked my passport. So here I am, back in Cumbria.

Rainy, Rainy, Cumbria. You know, as you get older, you wonder, which flag do I even salute at this point? And then you look at your husband's underarm flag, and you say, I'm not saluting that one. I'm out of here. Do you'll push up every once in a while. There's some advice for you in the future, not that you'll be seeing me anymore.

Goodbye. I love Prue's just like, and then I was done with his ass. I know. There's just something about Prude that you just know that she is the one leaving the husbands. Like it's not the other way around. There's no like victim hood here or hurt feelings. Prue's like, yeah, I got married. And then I was like, fuck that guy.

And then I got married again. And then I was like, fuck this guy. I'm better than this. And I love it. There's never an explanation. She's just like, fuck that guy. She's a heartbreaker. Prue is a heartbreaker.

Okay. Prue's a badass. She is. I love her. So they're on a dock, on a lake, and Natalia's like, oh, my God, stop it. It's beautiful. It's just what? This, that's picturesque. Oh, I forgot.

I was just raised with it. So to me, it's just normal. Oh, I guess I just have Cumbria privilege, as I would say. So Prue's like, well, now I can afford to move. I've had to sell my house in Singapore as we were looking for where I wanted to end up. And, you know, it was a little bit difficult to sell because there was just an old man with flappy underarms sobbing in front of the house saying,

please don't take my home. Quite hilarious, really. I just relisted it in the Zillow and said, comes with clown out front. Singapore, more like Singapore, me. Hiddyhoo, I came back to England to fix everything in my life. So, yes, memories of the childhood holidays in the Lake District came back to me,

maybe because I like the mountains and I like the water and I like the not ex-husband here and Cumbria has all of that. Listen, I love mountains, I love water, but it was impossible to move into a crystal geyser water bottle, so here I am. London.

England. Sorry, man. Lord knows I had tried every time my ex-husband would start to speak. He'd say, it's a crew. I had such a difficult time climaxing for so many years, and I moved to a town called Cumbra.

That's neither here nor there, really. Well, I won't have a job anymore, so I'll need income. So I thought, how about I run a bed and breakfast? I'll get to meet people all the time and maybe fuck them once in a while. And I don't know, I've always stayed in a B&Bs like this when we traveled. And I thought, I could do that. Prue is just like opening a fresh supply of men's store. She was like, well, here's what I need.

A fresh supply of new penis. Hmm. gas stations? No, mother. gas station. McDonald's. No. Come sit by a B&B

where stands for boobs and buttocks. Looking for a future ex-husband. So, Mother, what kind of meant you like? I like a P-P, bareback. Completely bareback, darling. Oh, and Airbnb might be fun.

Speaking of. So now they're at the bar, at a pub, talking about what she wants. And she goes, well, do we want goose? Do we want goose? Well, Mother, last time I checked you were kind of the ghost to dad, because that's what you did to him. And that was a good one, my daughter.

Just stock that place full of a few new men and ghost them. Love your planning, darling. So Bruce's like, well, how prepared am I to be in the hospitality business? Well, I'm quite terrified because I've never done it before, but I figure, you know, I'm quite demanding. And Natalia's laughing. Like, sorry for laughing at that, mother. It's just, you know, talking about being picky when I've seen both of your exes. Yes, and I'm a bit finicky.

You don't know how many times I made my poor ex-husband cry when he'd bring me back in bed, and I said, I don't eat that stupid man and throw it outside the window. Anywho, so I can maintain standards and that need to be maintained, and I think it would be a beautiful idea. And she goes, yeah, she's a handful. I have gone to a lot of therapy. I'm here to keep mother in check. So then we see footage of the place, you know, bright green fields mixed with, you know, little story-like houses, storybook-like houses.

And then we meet the biggest hater of a realtor we've ever had on. Keith. Keith does not hide his disdain at all. And Keith deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. I love Keith. Keith reminds me of that guy in Beverly Hills who stands around Rodeo Drive and like wears like a big red jacket and a hat. And it's like, I'm the mayor of Beverly Hills. He sort of has that look.

Like, I once was the mayor of Beverly Hills and now I've been banished to Cumbria to let women with frizzy hair live out the dreams of opening B&Bs. It's horrific. Yeah, he is dressed in a suit, you know, which is very old school. Like a three-piece suit. Yeah. Yeah. And he hates everything and everybody and his life and his town. And I love it.

I love it for him. And this is him on TV. So this is him being nicer for the cameras. Could you imagine in real life? Just take it. You know what, Keith? I'm not really sure about this house. No one's sure about you.

Just take the fucking house. Do a soul of favor. Find some walls to hide that face behind. You know that Keith, you know, when he's off the clock, he spends all of his leisure time drinking tea with his mother, reading the newspaper and listening as his mother says, it's going to be quite a warm day today. Absolutely a very warm day.

Should, I shouldn't dare to actually wear a coat today. Oh, I wouldn't wear a coat. As the son shall be out. That's very true. Very true, Todd. As good, my son, but my son never is, is he? Mother, was that a joke? No, darling.

Let's just enjoy R.T. Are you staring at something, darling? No, mother. He's just staring at a pillow, but he's dreaming of putting over her face. I dare say there's a sparrow outside. A sparrow. It flew away. Oh, that's a shame.

Did you hit your neck trying to snap it around, looking so quickly, mother? Well, a little bit, darling. Mission accomplished. I hate my mother, and yet my destiny seems to be to find houses for avatars for her. And so, I go on to Peru. Cumbria is in the northwest corner of England. the area is predominantly agricultural. It's most famous for the Lake District National Park,

which is now the World Heritage Site, and has increased the tourism for world heritage types. So, there are many businesses in the hospitality sector, which helps push property prices higher, thankfully. Speaking of agricultural, here comes Peru. So now keep us in the park. about something that belongs in the ground. Oh, dear, they let a sheep get into the pub.

Oh, never mind, it's Prue. Hello, Prue. So lovely to speak to you. What do you want in your quote-unquote B&B? Boring and boring. Boring and basic. That's all Prue for you. Hello, Prue.

And hello, I've brought my daughter, Natalia. And he goes, oh, how influential is Natalia? Well, I would say towards most people in workplaces and men, not very, but in this case we'll give her a throw her a bone. Natalia's like, well, before you answer that, so I've just moved to London, and when my mother told me she was moving to England, I was very excited. But, like, I think I'm going to be the voice of reason here. He's like, oh, like, goody. Yes, you're going to be the mom, and not this one. No, what I'm looking for is an old characterful house would be lovely. And so wish list, character property.

And Natalia's like, I kind of like modern. I kind of like glass, easy maintenance, which, by the way, have you seen all the houses in this neighborhood? Everything is like a thatched roof and stone. And glass is not easy maintenance. Yeah. Whoever looks at glass and goes, you know what, there's some easy maintenance right there. No. She's like, no, when I say modern, I'm.

I mean, posts, you know, 1400 BC. Okay, this is England. It's been around a while, and some of these places don't have windows. I just want one window for my mom. And Prue's like, well, I need somewhere separate from the guest, but with little tiny hidden doors in case there are single men stay. I need a place where I can type on a typewriter and write my murder mystery about Cumbria. So, Prue's like, yes, it's going to need to be at B&B because I want to piss away the last of my

money so I've decided to open a B&B and we need to move in and be running as soon as I find it. I just can't wait to get that steady flow of world heritage visitors. I can't wait to get all those people who say I saw you on House Hunters International. Now show me some sheep. Well I've been living in an island city for way too long so I'd love to be in the remote countries. I'm very remote. I don't want anyone around except single men customers by the... is by the truck full.

Who wants to open an Airbnb in the middle of nowhere in a non-tourist place? Please, wherever the tourists are, take me away from then. Put me by a waterfall. I just want to say it all day. So,

Natalia's like, well, it would be nice if you were in town, quote unquote, town, L.O.L. Cumbria's version of a town. And she's like, no. I don't want to be in a town. I want to be isolated. There will be things to do, people to chat to. And Keith goes, yes, I think that's right. Why terrify a whole land full of

animals when you could be out there terrifying pedestrians? It's important that the boring people like you in our towns that way people cherish the friendships they have even more. Without people like you in my town, I wouldn't feel so well-dressed. Someone has to entertain, Mother, and I don't want it to be me anymore. Well, all right, but I don't want to spend more than $620,000 because, Mother, for exactly what you wanted, why wouldn't you just push it a little bit more? Can we at least see the places before you try and talk her into spending more money?

I mean, you're kind of jumping the plot down here, lady. I know, she's, hello, who's buying, girlfriend? Who's the one shopping here? Me or you? So, Prue is going to be quite testing to satisfy. quite testing. If her marriage is anything to, if her marriage record is anything to guide us by, but they'll be jolly lucky to agree

on whatever properties we find for them. Let's get going, shall we? She is quite testing to satisfy, as I'm sure any hairstylist would tell you, which would explain the current state of affairs. So they're driving and talking on the phone. I'm sure she'll be in another relationship quite soon that will end just like all the others.

it will be a split end. I don't want to find myself in hot water with Prue, but if I did find myself in a hot oil treatment with her, that would not be so bad. So they're doing the old. I'll drive you to properties, but you're not allowed to be in my car. Let's just speak on the phone, please.

I'm carrying mothers hobby bird cages in the front seat, and I don't want to move them. Anywho, Clifton is a very big. very historic feel to it. There's a battleground just to the front of the property, which is the side of the last battle on English soil, which is exciting. And you can have a B&B there and look at the grass. She goes, ooh, that's a good story to spin for the B&B.

He's like, yes. Yes, that's what we tell people. And it hasn't worked yet, but who knows, maybe you can crack the code. Well, it's got a very pretty garden, doesn't it? Wait, is that a motorway I hear? Prue, you're a block away from the goddamn freeway. Did you not notice when you turned off? He's like, it is a motorway,

but once you put it a few times, you barely notice it, almost like your voice. This is an up-and-running B&B, four letting rooms in a private owner's apartment, for wouldn't you get it? Wouldn't you believe it? $620,000, the exact price of your budget. I wonder, would this be the one that you choose?

Because it's such a strange number, such a specific number for a budget. It's almost as if you knew this was going to be the one you'd pick all along. But the property is old, mother. That would mean a lot of repairs, a lot of maintenance. Where's the glass skyscraper? I so crave for Mommy.

Well, why don't we find out what this place is when we go inside? Shall we? So they do. And it's a cute little two-story white B&B. And I thought this was very cute. I mean, I actually thought all of them in this episode were very cute. Would I want to stay in any of them? Not really.

Yeah, so that's what I was thinking about. This was like, okay. I didn't love it, though. It felt shabby. It felt like a very small shabby place. And like I, if this was the B&B I was staying, I don't know, I'd be like, not my favorite, to be honest. Well, there's a woodburning furnace, some old furniture.

and proves like Oh, this is cute. Am I allowed to sit? And he's like, well, it's the dining area. Please do. I meant your face. Kidding. Kidding. Single proof.

Single proof. Oh, well, mommy's gone awfully quiet for once. Quiet, Natalia. I brought you into this world and I'm not afraid to take you out of it. Okay, moving on to the next room. Oh, this is so quaint. Look at this old corridor. She's like, it's quite tight, isn't it, mother?

Well, that makes two of us. I just love it hot cord or it reminds me of what I pushed you through when I brought you into this world. And Keith is like, well, on the left, we've got an owner's sitting room. So we see a little room with a fireplace and woodburning furnace and, you know, it's just like a little flat square or whatever. And she's like, oh, look at that fireplace. Oh, that's so I can throw all the photos of my ex-husband. So now they go check out the kitchen and they like it. It's nice and large.

And she was like, well, it's an old house. You've got secret corridor. Surely you can't avoid them. Oh, God, Natalia. Why are you giving that look? And she's like, ew, gross. Everything is gross here. I just want a glass skyscraper mother.

And the fridge is so small. She's like, you're such a party pooper. Yes. And there's like some concern that you have to bring breakfast from the kitchen to the dining room through a long hallway and she keeps on making comments like, ooh, how long until I spear the breakfast everywhere? It won't be long before those eggs on the floor. Am I right? Natalia? Oh, look out for bacon. It's on the walls. Good old Prue. Drop the breakfast again. Am I right? High five. High five. So now they look at one of the guest room and it's got like three

single beds and this one does look kind of sad. And Prue's like, what a big, big room. And he's It's like, well, they do all have on-sweet facilities, so there's that. Unfortunately, these people won't have the pleasure of their mother standing over them while they make a number two, saying, when are you going to be finished? It's my turn. It's my turn. It's called privacy, mother. And, well, you know, the thing about this room is it reminds me of a little bit of my marriage. There are a few damp patches that hopefully we can get sorted before it's too late.

Probably not, though. If history tells us anything. Well, can't date forever, am I right? So then they go into what would be her room, and it's completely self-contained, and he's like, and I don't know if you noticed, but it has its own staircase perfect for tossing old grannies down. Well, I did notice. Do you know why? Because I've got eyes on my head that can see stairs, sir. But thank you.

Now, what's through there? Another little bedroom? Oh, I thought you had eyes on your head. That'll be an onsuit. Oh, right. Well, you're doing very well, aren't you? She goes, apart from it not being glass, or a modern interior, mother. What, do you expect, like, a Miss Vandero building in here?

Settled down, Natalia. There's plenty of glass, darling. Look down at Keith's hand. He's like, oh, God, I didn't know. I was gripping it this hard. I'm bleeding. God just taking his head. imagining a life where every Tuesday night I don't have to do mother's toenails.

So Prue's like, well, you know, my daughter and I, we butt heads quite a bit, and we can read each other quite well, but I think she has to temper her views about what I'm looking for, because I'm the mother in this situation, and until she finds herself a Singaporean husband that she could divorce, I don't have to hear anything from her. So Keith is like, well, what do you think? Well, it's answering my brief. I can see I have my own private speech. I like the guest rooms. It doesn't need a lot of doing. And Talia's like, well, you say that, mother. But then, you know, much like you do when you look at any of your husband and you start factoring in the age.

Well, listen, what am I going to do? What are we going to do? Just leave this one as well. Listen, it would probably need a lot of upkeep, because it is very old. Well, who isn't? Well, we all have mothers. and so she's Natalia's like, well, but also don't forget you can hear them much. That's true.

Could we find a B&B where you can only arrive via parachute? Thank you so much. So then Keith is like, well, with Natalia, I think I have an ally. She's prepared to pressure mom and sing the positive of something just like me. What a novel concept, a mother who sees things positively. I wish I could see that day once in a while I quite like Natalia I can see us doing fun things together

like putting pillows over our mother's faces pressing down until the screaming stops and admiring squirrels walking through the park so now Prue and Natalia are taking a walk on a bridge and Talia's like oh I love how we're doing this in the rain very British well you do need to look over it

careful it's shocking look over here after 35 years away from england prue is leaning on her daughter natalia to help her find a home in cumbria so she can become a first-time bnb owner and also famously the worst reviewed one too mom is always thinking about other people like she always puts other people's needs before herself and this time around she needs to do this for herself and just be selfish for a change and i think i and help her do that. As long as she picks exactly what I want, stupid woman. And then they go to this, like, raging river. There's, like, rapids. Water is going down so...

It's like White River Rapids in the middle of Cumbria, and they're like, let's take a photo as close to it as possible. And let us scare all the viewers who think we might slip and be swept away. I'm like, please, can we... We just heard about what happened to the lady who was on. top chef, can we just take a step back from the rapids? Thank you. Oh, gosh. So then Prue's like, well, I've been running an advertising business for a while and now I'm ready to run and bed in breakfast because I like Dick. Challenges. And I like to conquer a challenge. I like Dick. Spot a dick

to serve. It might be a vehicle. So now Prue is pumbling on Natalia's phone. There's someone taking their photo actually. Now they're at that part where they're like, hold on, hold on. I've almost got the camera application on. Okay, what's this? This is Instagram. Is this? What are these photos? What are this picture of you in a bikini? Mom, just go to the photo app. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so many time. Photo with the rapids. Look at me. I'm a bird. A talking bird. That's hilarious. Watch me fly. Mom, mom. Look one of those stupid Snapchat filters. Okay, so Bruce's like, well, here we are at the ire of false waterfall.

She's like, me and my mom are very close. Yes, she's the most independent, strong, impulsive little character. Can't wait for her to go home. Here, look at the video we shot next to this raging waterfall. Wow, here it is. Three, two, one, go. Hello, here we are at the waterfall. Wait, is it on?

Is it recording? Yes, Mom, we're recording. Oh, three, two, one. Hello, we're at a waterfall and reporting for duty. I've got a B&B inside the waterfall. Come join us. And Natalia's like, here, this is the good one. This is the one I'm going to put.

Please don't post that off me. I look dreadful. You look amazing, mother. It's just a picture of her like. I'm not telling you're looking cute. It's like, we're friends. But we approach things super differently. Like our minds are like polar opposites.

Like, I'm smiling, beautiful. And my mom's like this. My mom. sometimes like she's a fly on a windshield. So now they're going to the next house, and Natia's like, I can smell the outside in the car and you can smell the farm. It's disgusting. And she's like, no, you're just imagining it.

But also, I think I did step in the manure by that waterfall. So perhaps there's something too, what you're saying. It's always easier to show people around properties they're on the same page about. So hopefully this will work a little bit better for these two. Keith hopes Natalia can convince her mom that stretching her savings for something more turnkey might help her relax. He also hopes his mom will allow him to watch Graham Norton once in a while.

The area we're in is east of National Park. The Yorkshire Dales is still an area of outstanding natural beauty and one that random old tourists get lost in every year. No one can never find them again. Natalia, I think this would be Perfect for your mother. So they come to this home, has our ivy all over the place, and Keith is like, this home is what we call a new construction. It was built in 1872, so come on in.

It's got five letting rooms, a private owner's apartment, and everything is perfectly ready to move into. Oh, here's a lovely bed for your mother. That's a woodchipper. Oh, I'm sorry. inside voice inside voice what a fun concept a letting room

be nice if my mother let me do something once in a while I would completely love being let some room especially when I'm trying to read

my novels in the bathroom and she needs to get her mustache shaved well I'm very scared but I'm afraid because I didn't want to go over Well, you said that you like the look of it, and Natalia likes the look of it, so you won't mind the price. $800,000, you poor, poor old soul.

Why are you laughing? That's way too high above my very specific budget of $620,000. Surely someone with the classy smell that you've got on you right now, that luxurious perfume can afford it. that's the cow dung I've stepped in at the waterfall. You would have thought that water would have washed everything away, and yet somehow a car still did its business there. The National Forest. Climbing cars everywhere.

People come from all over to see them. The extended world we've created for these three people. This is one of our more richly populated recaps of Househunter's. But it's basically, just the cast from below-deck adventure. It's like, Fay and the chef. Doing hours under something. So she's like, well, I didn't promise to keep an open mind.

So I guess, yes, I will try, Angel. So they walk in the every way. And it's really nice. And they've done wacky things like paint the ceilings different color. Like every room has a color theme. This is the worst part of the. And this is a green one. Yes, this is where she's like,

If you look up, it's like the grass. If you have too many drinks, too many tibbles, it's like, you think the floor, you think the ground is above you, and the sky is below you. Everything's gone topsy-turvy, much as it probably did when I left my husband of 29 years with a post-it note and said, see you never, fucker.

And then there's a blue-themed room where things are blue. The ceiling is painted blue. And she's like, well, okay, well, in here, well, never mind. Let's go look at the kitchen. Blue cabinets, white walls. Oh, look at all the fixtures. I've got a little...

I think you muted yourself, unfortunately. Oh, you're right, I did. I had my thumb just hovering over. You were overwhelmed with the... The sound of the soul. You were overwhelmed with the excitement of the kitchen. The size of the sounds. And Keith is like...

What a lovely kitchen we've got here. Well, it's very traditional. It's got two ovens to stick your head in when you're sick of mother instead of just one. And too hot, plates too, which you'll unfortunately have to use every single morning to make Mother's Farina. Oh, well, my granny used to have one. Maybe I need to get in touch with her to ask her, how to cook on it? Are there any ghosts in here?

So now they should check out the dining room and it's nice. And Natalia's like, hello, I'm here to give the Gen Z opinion. Whoa, this is got Riz. work work master life I'm obsessed like obsessed I absolutely love

I cannot it's giving it's giving luxury it's giving B&B it's giving hold on my mother is calling I have to interrupt your Gen Z moment

she's saying it's giving shingles she's come down with it I'm sorry I have to go but I was going to say it's giving Brat summer. Oh my God, I can already see it now. Chape Rowan and Charlie XEXS6CX coming in here and enjoying a holiday in Mom's B&B.

All right, well, how perfect is this? The food's prepared just through there. You've got a short distance to come and through here to distribute the food. Barely have to walk and hold a plate at the same. time, so it won't be as mentally taxing as the other place. Oh, no bacon on the walls and eggs on the carpet, I suppose. I mean, I feel right at home.

Mom, do you look like Queen Prue sat on your little throne? You just look so cute, Mother. And by so cute, I mean, it's $800,000. Spend it and don't make me look poor on national television. At this point, Prue's like sitting on a chair in the corner. And they're sitting at the table and they're like, Mother, you're just where you belong in the corner. So Keith is like, and here, here is your $800,000 view, which is unlike my negative $3 view of my mother's chin with its beard.

And it is a pretty view, but you really get spoiled quickly being around there because they really are in the country. So it's all Green Hills. You know what I mean? I feel like it's always the view. It's not like somewhere where it's like, wow. there's like one little chance you're going to get that view you know here it's literally everybody's view i mean it's your view for 800 000 but it's also the sheep's view for free i just also want to interject and like i want to book a vacation to cumbria as soon as possible

this entire episode is gorgeous it really is i mean that's what i'm saying like it's it's also beautiful like what's the view that you get that view literally everywhere they've gone has had that same view so um one, let me see. What are they saying? Yeah, Keith and Italia definitely seem to be working together on this one. It appears like they're trying to

segue my brain around to enjoying it. It's like they're trying to throw Mama from the train. And I'm Mama and this B&B is a train. So Keith is like, all right, now let's go look at some more letting rooms. And they go into

a bathroom and there's like this random, like, this half-tiled wall that's like intentional. and Natalia was like, oh my God, I like the bathroom, it's giving, I am dead, I am dead, it's beyond, and Keith is like, yes, yes, yes, yes, an attraction being filling. And like, Mother, you are blending in with the surrounding. It's almost a sign. God, what I would do to just have you invisible for one day in my life.

She just needs to, like, spoil herself. Like, she's worked so hard all of her life. But then, having said that, she's also extremely stabbing. Mother, what another $200,000. Now, by the way, of all the rooms in this house, these are

of this central landing, okay, this is the entrance to the owner's accommodation, which is completely self-contained and private, but unfortunately, no private staircase. Oh, yes,

this is going to be a deal breaker or a lot of a private staircase. Makes me feel like I'm in Webster. Don't count it out just yet. Look, it's got a port. to heaven for Mother. Where's that? The staircase.

Sir Pruze, like, well, that would probably change the colours of the walls, probably, and have myself a blue ceiling, but apart from that, it's really nice. And she's like, well, I like it, mother. But you're obsessed, darling. Obsessed, I know, I've heard. It's a beautiful house of you

to die for, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. We're not all made of money, you did it in great. So he's like, well, Bruce says she's willing to compromise on the prize, but I'm not sure that's really the case. But then again, if we look at her hair, she's not afraid of compromise. Is she really? Is it compromise or just zero effort? Time will tell. We've still got one more house to look at.

Compromise was the pet name I had for my ex-husband. So now we go to house number three. And Prue's like, look at these hairs. Yes, we've seen them. Because they're everywhere. They're literally everywhere. And Natalia's like, oh, I remember when we first came to England, and I said, why are these roads so dark?

Do you remember, Mother? Yes. I was scared countryside things, you guys. I do remember when you said that, and that was the moment I said, I have a very dumb daughter. So, you were 23. You had never had a street lamp before. After 35 years in Singapore.

is a really big decision to move. I left my husband. I'm leaving my life behind and really deep in my heart. I knew. I knew the entire time I wasn't home. So now I'm thinking, when I get home to England,

I actually feel like, well, I'm back. Here I am. Back in Tocapore. So, Mother, have you got any worries, though? She's like, oh, yes. As a B&B host is something I've never done before, but I have served clients,

but is that the same as serving guests? hoping, I don't know. And I guess, you know, I give my guess what I'd like, and I figure, hmm, I can live my life for me now. So guess what, guess? You're going to get round-the-clock service of sardines, sardines, and more sardines. And Natalia's like, you do you, hon. I was like, do you hate her or what? I really do feel like Natalia's just like gross. What do I have to be with this woman? Why did it take this woman to get me on television? So now we have Linda again. I'm doing all the Linda lines. You do the Linda line.

Prue seems to be willing to embrace some uncertainty moving to Cumbria. But Keith knows she would feel much more comfortable if she didn't have to stretch her savings as much as her skin's been stretched, having children with men that she didn't love. So Keith is driving on the road. And he's like, Laysenby is in the Eden Valley. Funnily enough, it's also what I've called my mother. ever since she turned 30.

It's a peaceful, quiet area, much like the bathroom when mother's taking her nap, and also has a steam railway. You get quite a few visitors who are train buffs, but no one who's actually buff, unfortunately. Lots of people discussing trains endlessly. Lots of train buss, but no one who's actually training nor buff. The only person I've ever heard crave a train more than the people that come through this town. spruce lots of train buffs come through here

a lot of people who have different ideas of the sort of engines they'd love to throw their mother in front of one day anyhow I just want everyone in this town to know if you're a train buff come run a train on me is it me or does it sort of smell

like a train yard in here oh must have stepped on something again way in here well I suppose that means there'll be people traveling up and down that I could grab out of, I guess, or push. I'm going to abduct, adduct people in my B&B. I'd be like, guess what?

Super rare train over here. Check out this caboose, if you know what I'm saying. Guess what we're having for breakfast? Rope. Guess who's working on the railroad? My vagina. Come and get it, boys. All right, all right.

Too far. Now we've gone too far. So they've arrived at the house, and it's like a simple little house, and it looks nice, but there's all these attached to brick garage-type buildings or barn-type buildings. And he's like, well, the house we're going to look at is a holiday let, which can be converted back to a bed and breakfast, if you so desire. Well, does all of this come with the house, all of these buildings? No, the barns around us are not included. Well, what a fuck, dude? Why would you bring me to a house, but then I don't own all the garages?

Like, who owns all the garages? That's weird. And the barns. What about that town hall over there? Does that come with a B&B? No, that's the town hall. And what about that pub? Do I get that as well?

I see a nice little family over there. Do I own their house now, too? Do I own everyone's house is here? No. One million burgers served. Is that mine? That belongs to a McDonald's. Hmm.

Sounds handsome. Oh, it looks like there's an advertisement for a very famous deer here. Is that mine as well? That's Starbucks. It's a national brand. And no, you don't have that. Well, it is only $580,000. I just figured I should show you at least one cheap, disgusting place that you could feel at home in. And Attire's like, you could afford doing something a little bit more, you know, Martha Harris. Oh, try spending your inheritance deal. Are you trying to spend your inheritance? She was, Damn it, I forgot about that consideration. Yeah, take this one.

I'm surprised that she didn't get reminded of that and try and talk her into spending less money. It is kind of weird hearing somebody be like, Mothers, you're so close to going to heaven. Are you sure you don't want to piss all your money away on a terrible idea of a business venture? Well, here we go. There's no owner's suite in here, so you'll have to sit with your patrons here in the sitting room, and you can watch things like comedies like Delors

Claiborne or misery. Just really anything with Kathy Bates. Just watch it right in here. It's just a big Kathy Bates stamp. Well, her movies really speak to me. Aspirational films, really. So they go to another room and she's like, whoa, look at this dining sitting for the guests.

And then, well, Keith, tell me, would I have a sitting room? He goes, no. You'll have to share the space. That's... I'm not... No, I was just thinking about what it would be like to share a space with many strangers, is that titillating or disgusting. I had nothing to add to that, actually,

because I was thinking of how horrifying of a life that would be. To live in a hotel where your living room is the lobby. Well, listen, I don't think I'm a party, pooper, although I do think I may have stepped in some people. I think you know that someone had... I think you know someone had... had to say those things. So it needed to be said. Whatever it was I did say, I said it. So there you go, America. Well, then we come up to a spacious twin room, but the rooms of this property do not

have arm suites. There's a bucket in the middle of the hallway that everyone comes to squat. I'm sure you'll find it as you most likely step into it within the first five minutes, Prue. Seems to be your MO. At 9.30 p.m., a cannon goes off and your guests have to play the hunger games and also get to the toilet. Well, that would mean renovation, mother. How long would renovation take? How long would it take to build a room for the bucket to be in? You know, Natalia's so negative about things.

So what? People have to fight for their lives just to pee. That's okay. Some things, some things it's very helpful for me because it makes me stop and think. And prove this would be your bedroom, and next door is the bathroom. Well, I need to build it all.

so people don't see me while they're squatting over a bucket as I skip to my bathroom. Or Mother, we could just rebrand it as the ghost of the Airbnb, and you could just go, ooh, and they'll feel like it's a very special experience. Guys, now let's go look at the backyard. You're not going to believe what they have there. That's right. It's a nice view. Padam, padam. Oh, my God. I die. Guys, when you are in a town where every view is stunning, there's nothing to do in this town, and it's not a good place to open an Airbnb.

There's your advice for the day. Go forth. Yeah. And so Keith is like, well, one thing that you could do is you could, instead of renovating it all at once, you could do the letting room's piecemeal, sort of like how I give my mother a little bit of poison every day. I'm not a piecemeal kind of a girl. I'm an get it done kind of a girl. I mean, I haven't discounted it for sure, but it is a good price for it, but no.

I think this is much going to be like. like Natalia's father. We're leaving. Scratch it off the list. Take all the photos of it, and burn them. We're never going to talk about this again. Dear home, thank you for having me, but I've realized

my worth. Have fun dying alone, Sucker. So now they are discussing homes while whiskey tasting. Yes. And so they're drinking it, and so they're drinking it. And so they

The drinking whiskey improves like, oh, this is disgusting. I think I'm having a heart flash. I'm going to be entering menopause any day now. Am I right? Mother, who are you trying to get quiet? I'm in a new town. No one needs to know. Look at Mother, for once, acting like she's sniffing whiskey

instead of everybody sniffing it on her breath. Well, at least it overpowers whatever it is on. That's on a shoe in the waterfall. Hold on, darling, I'm going to go get us another thing of whiskey. Oh, God, something's on the floor here, so it needs to be cleaned up. Let cows in here now, darling. Mother, if you're going to be opening up a B&B, you really have to pay attention to way of walking. Pru was starting the next chapter of her life by returning to her native England to run a bear back for the first time.

But Natalia hopes her mother's stubborn side won't get in the way of a happy, ending, pan intended, because she's looking for dick. Hasn't stopped me before. So, they're looking at house number one, and thinking about house number one, and Natalia's like, you know, although you, you know, like, loved

it, and then you were speechless, I wasn't exactly obsessed with this Charming Cottage. And the commuter from the kitchen to the dining room, we all know how you have trouble balancing eggs. And then, let's talk about property number two. Oh, well, I'm obsessed with it because it's expensive, mother.

Live a little. Spend some money, mother. And then, but what do you feel about the sheepy farmhouse that didn't even come with any bonus households from the village of it? And they like that one, but it's too remote and it's kind of gross. So she's like, well, I think we should get rid of the sheepy farmhouse because there's an onsuit situation. and so they rule that house number three. So now's between the one that's exactly her budget, $620,000, or the $800,000 one that is apparently really expensive

because it has color on the ceilings. Well, it's also, it's much nicer on the inside. It really is. Like, it's well-appointed. The kitchen's really nice. It's like, it's good to go, you know? And so then Natalia was like, well, it wasn't, the Charmin Cottage, it wasn't older property.

and there were cracks in the walls and it was damp and there was mold growing everywhere. It was not unlike your relationship with father. She was, who? Are you being a party peeper again, are you? A little bit. Well, you know, I'm thinking the cheaper one and Natalia's like, Mom, that one's on the freeway.

She's like, well, if we marketed it properly, we could say it's very, very close to the motorway. I mean, surely you could walk from this B&B straight to a field, another field a field by a freeway another field by a freeway I mean think of the possibilities

here's what we do we have our Airbnb right by the freeway and we say wow we're we're practically like a meridian we're practically like a oh I guess that would be median

I was gonna say we call ourselves Lear meridian but it's median not meridian my entire pun has gone to shit like what's on my shoe So Macaulia's like wow house number one we're choosing a oh mother

It's so mediocre and you deserve every bit of it. Thank you, darling. So we see three months later and Prue's outside feeding dogs treats and stuff. And she's like, well, look at me back in England. And I'm home. And my home is treating me so beautifully. And I'm just so warm and cozy in it. And business has been really good.

And I'm glad I didn't go for the belts and missiles. Let's show a clip of how happy the customers are. And then we catch you a couple. And she goes, welcome in, out of the cold. That's how I market it. You're not cold in the moment. And the guy's like, oh, well, thank you, I suppose. Aren't you just so happy that it was such a short drive from the motorway to this Airbnb?

Do I smell something in here? Well, I'm sorry, I stepped on something. I personally thought she should have gone for number two because it was nicer. And like, the whole point is you're running a B&B and you're going to recoup that money. hopefully by renting out these rooms. And it sounds kind of like it's a tourist area. You're going to have competition. So give some, like be in the place to get to the best leg up to make that money back.

I feel like she'll make. Oh, my leg will be up. Don't you worry. It will be open and up. But we'll see. I agree with you. I was, I was surprised that she didn't take that one.

But honestly, $200,000 isn't nothing. I agree. I mean, 180 grand is... I agree. It's not nothing. It's not like these shows where they're like, okay, it's another $10,000. But I again feel like she could probably recoup it, you know? I think she could recoup it, but either way, I forgot what I was going to say about it. But she chose... When it was, when it said the first house was $620,000, it's like, that's such a specific number for a budget.

People are always 600 or 650. It's always the zeros or the 50s, but no one ever says 620,000, and there's one that's exactly on budget. I was like, that's weird. She already selected this one before the show began. Conspiracy theory. And you're muted.

God, well, you're welcome. You just got a whole, a whole, look at all that time. You just got me shut up. You know, you're, the mute button, my self-controlled mute button is the best thing to ever happen. You were like, I can't believe Ben is just blatantly talking right. over me right now. I'm kidding. I was just nodding my head. Like, you go, girl. Yeah. But that is how the show works. They picked the house first. So they already own that home when they go looking at

what they're. I'm sorry to shatter this for everybody, but I met a couple who was on there. And they told me, well, that's at least how it worked for that. Who knows? Maybe they've changed it. This show has been on 97 years and there are 8 million episodes of it. So who knows? Maybe they changed it up. But, you know, she had it picked up, but like at least be subtle about it. And if you've already picked it out, like, why would you cast people like Keith? I mean, Keith is just like, oh, God. Did he like stand in a casting line to get on there? I don't think so because Keith is just like hating life. By the way, Keith needs to be, Keith needs his own show. Keith was amazing.

And I definitely believe this was the highlight of his ear because now it's back to feeding his mother's soup and trying to get peace and quiet in the bathroom away from her. constant demands. Oh, bless it. Well, I guess it's back to, may I buy an E, Pat? I'll buy an E. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being here.

And thanks for being part of Wendary Plus, okay? We will talk to you next time. Bye, everyone. Bye.