Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #418: Parent Roommates in Slovenia

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

A nerd is moving in with his parents, but they decide to up the ante and do it in Slovenia. They might have to share a bathroom, but who gets the real estate agent? This is S136E01 of House Hunters International and we found it on Max! Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to it. Well, hello. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. Thank you, everybody, for joining us for this House Hunter's podcast on One Tree Plus. This episode is called... It's an episode of House Hunters International. And it is from Season 129, Episode 5, or Season 136, Episode 1, depending on what platform you're watching. But who cares? Don't look it up by numbers. Go to Max and search the title, parent roommates in Slovenia. And that is what we are recapping today. And we have to thank Michelle, who wrote into us with this recommendation. This was a hilarious episode. And thank you, Michelle, for suggesting it to us. If you have House Hunters episodes, House Hunters, House Hunters International, or some of the other different types of house hunters, except for the ones that are one hour long, only the third. 30 minute ones, please write to us at watchworkrappins at gmail.com and put a dwell hello suggestion in the subject lines. That way, when we go searching for recommendations, we always type in dwell hello suggestion, and that way yours will come up in the mix. So thank you, Michelle. This was a great pick. Yes, very good one. So let's check it out, Ben. Let's do it. Let's just jump right in there. Let's just jump right in there. So Andrew's like,

I'm a young guy who can't decide whether he wants to be a grad student or a Slavit. warrior priest. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And he and his parents all start cracking up. And guys, nerd alert. Your delivery has arrived.

Wow. Well, Andrew, Andrew is moving to Ljubljana where he still will not have a love life to explore his family roots. And we see everybody hugging presumably relatives over there. And his mom, who's kind of like

Blithe Danner is like, he's an only child. Okay? Yes, we figured. We figured. We could tell. We could tell. But is he ready for his parents to move in with him? I'll give you the answer to that.

He's been dreaming of this moment for four years. And the dad's like, oh, he'll do fine without your help, honey. The dad seems like the same age as the mom physically, but mentally he's, he's like a Wothers original commercial. I'm not really sure what's going on with the dad, but it's not a physical age thing.

He's just very, he's just always that guy. I think he hit 40 and he was like, welcome to the bank. What can I help you with? He's just got that kind of like, welcome to the bank personality. He sort of has David Stratharne energy,

you know, and David Stratharne has that energy, David Strathairn, you know, the actor. I don't think I've ever heard his name said out loud. I don't, I think that's how you say his name.

Strathairn, Strathairn? I've always said David Strait-Hairn. Is it straight-Harn? Well, he has his energy, okay? And David-Davis-Trth-Aren, whatever, has the energy you're describing. Like, even when he was younger, in his roles, he always played someone that was like, Welcome to the bank, you know? So I feel that.

But darker. He's like, welcome to the bank. Like, sort of like more condescending, too. Yeah, he's got like a, like a, I'm a, Very intelligent, mature man, I can ruin your life at this bank. This guy's like, welcome to the bank. You know, it's more of a, like, I could imagine him in one of those flat straw hats that they wear at county fairs. Right.

Poing a little banjo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is the role that David Stratharren, I'm going to say David Stratharherer is named different ways that we have covered in case I say it incorrectly. But this is the dad. You don't want to piss off all those Stratt Heron heads. David Stratt Heron.

Come for. The dad is definitely the character that David Trethierens trying to play, but he can't help but keep his like, he can't help but be an actor at the same time. Yeah, it's like a typical movie version of a person. The real person's like, boy, I love popcorn. And he's like, I fucking love popcorn. And if you don't, I'm ruining your financial life at this bank. Yes. At the popcorn Bank of America. You know, it's funny because, yeah, basically this, you know, They're our lead guy here, Andrew. He is definitely on the nerdy side. And so you sort of think like his parents are gonna, a lot of times when you, you sort of see it in the parents too.

But the parents are just like these very, like, gregarious people. And the credits roll and we find out that this story of moving to Slovenia begins, of all places in West Covina, California, I was not expecting that at all. I mean, but where else though? Where else? Also, where else?

Like, where would this start? but also where else would it start? It all makes so much sense. It makes no sense and all sorts of sense at the same time. Yeah. So we are in West Covina, which a lot of people know West Covina because I think that's also where my crazy ex-girlfriend took place. I know it because it's where my friend Jenny is from.

And I also know it because you have to go through West Covina to get to Vegas and to Palm Springs. There's like a mall. There's like an outlet mall there, right? A lot of big signs. A lot of big like targets. All the big brands are in West Covina. Yeah.

So we're in West Covina. They've got a couple little doggies. And the mom's like, well, I'm Slovenian through ancestry. And my son and I learned that we could get dual citizenship. And since my son wants to live in Europe, he said, Slovenia. That's the natural choice. Always. Some would say Paris, but Slovenia.

So then they're zooming with Andrew. I like this Reddit, subreddit. called, should Americans say? It's like basically stupid Americans. It's basically people from other countries like, Americans are idiots. And then they will like copy posts that Americans make all over social media about how, and then, you know, mock us for being so stupid. And I know it's like a little self-hating because I am American and these posts are about me. I mean, they are very like, what, go to Europe? What am I going to do without an air conditioner, you know, which was one of my real thoughts because I do hear that from other Americans. That's what I had always heard.

Yeah. So that was one of my where and so they'll post shit like this and one of the things they constantly post about is people, it's Americans showing up places being like, look at me. I'm Slovenian. Hi. Are you my family? Just walking into bars calling themselves Slovenia, you know, like wherever they're from. And so this whole family's cracking me out because I just read a post like that. And the mom's like, we're so Slovenian. So naturally we're moving to Slovenia. I have a great-grandmother there. You know what's funny?

I do have a friend whose family line at like Slovenian. And as soon as I started pressing, as soon as I pressed play on this episode, he texted me. Isn't that weird? It was like Slovenian Shirley Maclean was at work there, you know? Something was going. Slovenian ESP. Shirley Maclean was about ESP, right? Or is she more just about afterlife?

I think she's more like, yeah, multiple lives. Oh, never mind. So he's not like Slovenian Shirley Maclean. It was not a Slovenian Shirley Maclean moment, but it was like a weird moment. So anyway, they're zooming with Andrew, the son. And Tom Terry, Terry is the mom, hence mom Terry. She's like, you know, we love our son and we just, we know sooner or later he's going to have a girlfriend. We wonder why it hasn't happened.

Anyway, Andrew writes epic historical, wait, let me see if I get this right. Okay, young adult, epic historical fantasy fiction. with pirates. I'm wondering where is... He's going to have a girlfriend someday. I mean, you'd think, like, who would be laid more than my son? Am I right? Part of me wonders if we've just got grandchildren scattered all over the place,

other than a computer screen, which is mostly where I've found them in the past. Not to judge, you know, he's an adult. But, you know, would Kleenex hurt? You know what I mean? So, Andrew has written a book. called Voyages of Fortune. Please keep your socks out of our laundries. Go ahead. Sorry to. I have to look up Voyages of Fortune. I did. I have it pulled up on my screen here. Andrew and Sir Clement. His picture is like what you'd think. He's like, hi, it's kind of the side, and he shaved his sideburns way above

his glasses. I guess that is that kind of picture, you know? Let me guess. Let me guess. Your mom isn't living with you yet. So about the author. Get your free copies of an alternative history novella and his something. You're not going to give me anything. It's an ad. Get your free copies of alternative history novella and a historical fantasy novella and a Russian thriller novella at Andrew Answerclement.wordpress.com Polish period, Slovenian period, American, period. So there's a big description on Amazon. Number one, I'm so sorry, number one Amazon bestselling author of alternative history, thriller, historical fantasy, and action adventure novels. From Westcovina.

I have like three. Look, I don't want to shit on anybody's dream because it's good for you. But first, learn how to shave your sideburns because you look crazy. And second, you're putting yourself as number one best, because you're making yourself. yourself such a whittled down category. You're like, Amazon bestselling author of alternative history, thriller, historical fantasy, short, sideburned, big toad, webtoed, shiny-backed, author novels. So book number one, this is, oh sorry, the tagline is Divergent Times, distant lands, different missions, West Covina. Okay.

So in Ostro, I believed you. I was with you. No, no, it does. It does. It does say that? No, it says all those things except for Westman. At the end of this.

I'm sorry, because I cut it off. He goes, lives in Europe, citizen of the world. That's all you need to know about Andrew. Citizen of the world. Well, technically Europe, but that's fine. So in Austro, Hungary, in 1898, a sickly girl discovers a bundle of instructions. A bundle of instructions, people. addressed to her by a legendary nobleman who lived centuries ago.

He entrusts her with the powerful ring and mission to protect the world from the ambitions of both factions of a mystical power struggle. It will require her to embark on a quest that will cause her own culture to reject her. She's going to be rejected by the Austro-Hungarian culture. The girl knows she has to accept. Now as an outcast, she must outwit the society and Urumi's evil designs as she attempts to alter a series of magical devices that can give anyone the power to control the world.

Now, I just want to say, that's paragraph one, and there's two more paragraphs that the next one's in Thailand, the next one's in Russia, and it's a pretty intense description. And I'm not going to go through all of it, but it's, this is a book. This is a big book. Well, I just like that he keeps himself accessible, because this is another one called Tito's lost children. And of course, I chose this because I like Tito's. So I'm like, did Titos have children?

Like, were they olives? Were they blue cheese stuffed? So I want to see what it's about. And it's a big picture of, I guess, Slovenia. And then him holding up his book in a street. And it says, an interview with the author. And you know it's like his mom interviewing him. Why don't I have babies?

It's the first question. And why don't have grandchildren? But he says, I was inspired to write Tito's lost children in a flash on top of Mount Lovson while on vacation in Montenegro. Like, wow, really just talking to the people here. You're like the calling Hoover of Slovenian alternative fiction. Now, I just want to make sure no one confuses that book with his other book called The Testimony of Some Poor Little Rich Kids, a novel. 30-year-old Luca Williamson is a self-absorbed jerk who has life pretty easy.

He lives rent-free in his parents' vacation apartment in Slovenia. Wait a second. Wait a second. And writes books full time. Wait a second. He has no day job. no friends and awful memories of West Covina what no and enough family money to not care when his nosy parents oh god I really hope Terry and Bill have read this because I feel like there's something going on here when his nosy parents start renovating the apartment's bathroom and we know that a bathroom in the house that shows it needs renovation Luca decides to take a vacation from his first world problems generally honked off about the post-pandemic world of 2022 he heads to plovative Bulgaria and the plans for a solitary drinking binge are upended by a chance meeting with a group of

well-connected Bulgarians. He's invited to party with them. And then it goes on and on and on. And he strikes up a casual sex relationship with Alana, a spoiled hibster from a powerful local family. She wants to use Luca to get revenge on the mobster ex-boyfriend who dumped her. But when a beat-up homeless child begs for their help, the plan takes an unexpected turn over Alana's objections. Luca decides to take the little girl in. And then it turns out the little girl is part of the mafia. They're running for their lives. And then as bitch mother

comes in and ruins everything like usual and says, you didn't clean up the kitchen, so we have to go back to Slovenia. Please clean the computer screen. Wow. Wow. That's something. That's hilarious. The opening paragraph is this episode of House Hunters.

That is amazing. That is amazing. Wow. There's some editorial reviews, but we'll get there later because I feel like we've got way more. There's so much. We've got way more. I have to say that, by the way, we're ragging on this guy.

I actually love this family. I thought they were so cute. They were such a sweet. Like, his parents love him. And you can just see how much they love their sweet, dorky, very strange child. Yeah, they're actually like a really cute family. They're really sweet. And, you know, good for him for going to live his dreams.

He's got like 20 books or some shit on there, you know? Yeah. For him. Good for him. We're here to mock your dreams. That's just what we do. That's what we do. You have a dream, send it to us.

We'll mock it. You know, I don't care. So, Andrew's like, well, I was doing my PhD in Brussels. I discovered a passion for writing historical fantasy novels. And it's a passion I really want to pursue. And the mom's like, I miss him. I just miss him. And the dad's like, if he's not coming back, I mean, we want to see our son.

We're going to have to go to Europe. I just want to rip the band-aid off and go. they're acting like it's hard to leave West Covina to go to Europe. I don't know. I mean, give up West Covina, live in a beautiful city. Once we get caught in outlet traffic.

But I just paid. I just, I just refilled my carpool lane device for the 10. I just put $40 on that thing. I can't go to Slovenia now. So Andrew

is zooming with his parents and he's like, well, I'm glad you're going to come and pay part of the rent. That's for sure. And the dad's like, there better be a lot of space. I want to be able to stand at the front door, and anyone who comes in say, you can trust this bank. Well, honey, we'll come and live with you. As long as you don't write fan fiction about us living with you

and you have to go off to Bulgaria or something and fall in love with some mafioso daughter and you find a north in the streets. Just don't do that. Sure, Mom. And Andrew's like, well, guys. I don't really need much space. Well, you do if I'm there. That's for darn cute.

So then Andrew's telling us, I don't want a place that's bigger than we mean, and they can come visit, but not, you know, be there all the time. I mean, don't be on top of me because I'm still paying my part of the rent. Okay, we're going to have to do a half-and-half deal. If they want a bigger place,

I'm worried about keeping my means as a writer, a successful writer who writes about specific, historical fantasies that take place in eastern block nations. Well, I'm being completely selfish about this, but I think my role as a mom is just to make sure that he stays connected to the world around him. You know, part of being a mother is just saying, Andrew, please stop looking at internet porn and talk to an actual person, Andrew, please. My heart is in Lubliana. My son is in Lubliana. My husband wants to bring popcorn to a bank in Lubliana.

Look, I want to have grandchildren someday, and nothing's going to speed up that process than if I move in with my son. I just told Andrew, we'll go wherever you want as long as you just leave the house to get there. So, he's like, well, Slovenia's a little country. It's only 2 million people, and Ljubljana is the capital. And then we see footage of Ljubljana. And by the way, this was a great coming out episode for Ljubljana. Wow, I knew nothing about this city.

And I'm someone who played Where in Europe is Carmen San Diego. I knew nothing about Ljubljana. And it is gorgeous. Good for you, Ljubljana, hiding in plain sight. Well, here's the first thing I saw when they showed all those pictures of Ljubljana. I said, we're the strip malls. Where are they? Is there a West Lubliana?

that has a target? So mom's like, yeah, oh, so Andrew's like, yeah, so Slovenia is a little country. Only about two million people. Lubliana is the capital. And I really love Lubliana

because it sounds like Bubliana. God, I hope my mom doesn't walk me and masturbating to the Wikipedia page of Lubliana. So Terry's like, well, it's got a castle, looming over it, just sort of like our house has a sign for Ruby Tuesday's looming over it, and it has a river running through it, sort of like the 10 freeway in our town. So, you know, it's kind of like just going to the West Coveen all over again.

The center is completely car-free, but Andrew is really into the old Yugoslavian architecture. It's more blocky. You know, Andrew really loves some blocky Ugo architecture. And we see the ugliest downtrodden Soviet building. that's like this big block with blocky windows and blocky doors. It's like the lights flickering on on the outside. There's like a sign

that's like dangling by one corner. It's just like the saddest building. The editor, this is shady editors who are like, look what this fuck likes. Yeah, exactly. He's like, I can masturbate in here. Yeah, I told you. Well, I prefer more art and nouveau. It's a little bit more

romantic. Am I right, honey? You're darn too, honey. So then we meet the real estate agent who's kind of dead behind my eyes, but very cute. He's kind of giving vampire. Matija? Matja? Macha? Macha?

I'm going to just call him Matt to keep the offense to a minimum. I think they said it like one time. And he's like, the real estate market in Lubliana has quite shifted in the past few years. Taurus keep coming. and all the people started buying apartments as investment. This is the first one that stopped at a brick box that had been bombed decades ago and asked to move into it, though. So, yes, you promise.

Apartments are all pretty expensive because of high demand. And we have very popular vampire tours come here too. So we like to cater to them. So now they all sit down. and they're sitting down with Matt and Terry is like, well, I would be really happy to find a place

where I can walk or bike everywhere. You know, Matt's like, have you looked around? What part of no cars in city center means you can't bike and walk everywhere? I really like being able to walk, though, okay? So I don't know if I'm going to be in the center. And the mom's like,

we need at least two bedrooms so we can come visit. Come on, Matt, you can do it. And two bass, just like your average American bank. And Terry is like, well, just as long as I have a view. Okay, I didn't come this far not to see a sign of TGI Fridays. Oh, sorry, I was coughing off the camera. No. Okay, so Andrew's like, sorry, guys, really caught.

Well, that, Bill, that was a rough cough. Bill wants to have a view and he also wants some outdoor space. So now the wish list is two. The dad's pretty picky. The dad's why, like, I want a huge shitter, and I want a backyard, and I want a tennis court and shitter. It's like, you will month get this. I'm telling you now. Is there a bank?

Is there a red lobster? Is there a Target? Is there a Home Depot nearby? It's like, Bill, you're not in West Covina anymore. You have to give up on some of these dreams. So I love a good house hunters international when they ask for something completely reasonable. Because a lot of times on the show, they don't. They're like, I want.

a mall-sized home for $5. And it has to have air conditioning that runs on gold fuel, you know, stuff like that. But this one, they're like, well, we just want a simple two-bedroom, two-bath with maybe a view and a little outdoor space. And he's like, oh, my God, how will I do? Question. Does this fast track pass work in Slovenia as well? Because we just refilled it. Can we use it to get in and out of the town square?

Oh, God, I don't even know what's. talking about. And we also only want to pay $1,000 a month. And so then Terry's like, Andrew's like, and I won't, I will not, I will absolutely not go any higher than that whatsoever. So then mom starts to rag on her son. She goes, Andrew, he is so cheap. It's not even funny. But it is funny because I'm cracking up and my cheap son. He will, he will walk around in the dark so he doesn't have to spend one Euro sense on electricity. What do we call on sky?

He's in the dark. He has no clothing. And he's just always moving his arms to keep himself warm. It's so weird. So Matt's like all three have very strong opinions about what they want. This is going to be very difficult. Let me guess. Matt doesn't win a lot of like sales competitions.

I don't see a lot of energy, Matt. Matt's just very like, why, why you call me? Wow. Matt decides to start with Terry first, taking them close to the city center to a place with classic European charm. Unlike Andrew, sorry, had to say it. But the views might be prettier on the inside. Also not like Matt. Sorry.

So they go to house number one and there's a giant hole out front with construction going on everywhere. And the mom's like, What is it? It's a giant hole. Oh, gosh. Jeez. And it's 1350 a month, which is $350 over budget. Dun, dun, dun, don, don't, don. It's old, but it's renovated. And the mom's like, what is up with this construction, Matt? What's the deal with construction? A do, do, but do, do, but do. So, Andrew's like, it looks like it's going to take forever. Like you finding a girl. Yeah. So he's like, no, they are just removing pipes. It's just temporary.

So this is the building. It's fine. Construction will not last a long time. Europe is known for fast construction. We are going pipeless. Pipeless sewage future Slovenia. Luby's really, really going crazy with population. We are moving to pipeless plumbing.

So it's an old building. It looks old on the outside. It's like a charming old. And they, it's going to be expensive, 1350. And Andrew's like, Ugh, disgusting.

It's really not feeling it. Yeah, he doesn't like it. So they go check it out and it's just space. I think it looks really nice. It's nice. I was shocked at how nice it was. Yeah, they open it as kind of one of those train, what do you call them?

Train apartments, right? Train apartments. Something like that. Huge. They're like a huge, long hallway. I mean, it's a really, really big place. And the mom's like, this really has a historic feel. It's like, I'm really liking the kitchen setup.

I mean, everything's all together. There's a stove. There's a kitchen. There's a sink. I love that. I don't see a dishwasher. And Matt's like, dishwashers right here where dishwasher normally belongs.

Sorry that there is no Applebee's sign on it for you to recognize. I can't believe the dad didn't raise his hand. he goes, here he is. It's like such a dad joke. We don't have a dishwasher. Sure we do. He's leaning up against the counter there. Am I right, Ted?

I got it now. And yes. So Andrew's like, guys, I don't really need a dishwasher or it's just me here. And he's like, no, no, we're going to need one when we're here, though. So this is a nice plus for us.

Watch like Andrew's next novel. A young man forced to use an electronic dishwasher. Pines for. simpler way of life from his overbearing parents, Slovenia, who escapes to Bulgaria where he finds a woman who only likes to wash dishes by hand.

Young man meets wonderful, beautiful mob, princess, escaping the mob and they decide to kill his father who demands a dishwasher. Evil mob boss kills people who don't pay him back by stuffing them in dishwashers, which, as we all know, is the most evil machine

made by mankind. Well, this is a nice space. high ceilings. It's really hot in here, though. This bank cares about you and you're a cool factor. Did they turn off the air conditioner? And he's like, there's no air conditioning here. Fucking stupid American slub. This is Europe. Not some place off of highway in California. He's like, well, that's going to be a real problem for me. Yeah, well, you're a real problem for country. Get out. Not so much for me, Dad. It's Europe. It's not that normal to have an air conditioner. God, mad, am I right?

Young writer, trapped in a house with his parents, yearns for a warmer home that he can live in and wash dishes by himself, so he escapes the Bulgaria and meets a mob princess who also is a pirate and refuses to put air conditioner into her house. Excitement follows.

So, Mom likes to chime into the bedrooms, which are just like simple yellow bedrooms and stuff, and Andrew's like, after 10 years basically living around your all, you know, I'm like a young single guy, you know? And it's a bit weird to have your parents with you even part of the time. So we're going to see how that works out. Yeah. Well, someone will be able to do your laundry now. So they go, the baths, everything looks good.

Like, this is a good apartment. I don't see really any major problems with it. Um, uh, take this one for sure. They should definitely be taking this one. So the mom is like, wow, this has a bathtub. I could give up my view for this. She like splays herself in the bathtub. But it isn't a huge bathroom. And Andrew's like, why is this bathroom so huge? This is ridiculous. And the dad's like, well, I like a shower. This bank needs a shower.

So I'd be willing to pay a little bit more. I think you've, you're overruled on this one, son. And Andrew's like all angry and pouting. He's like, God, damn. You know what also makes Andrew look like a teenager is the fact that I don't know what he's doing with his mustache when he shaves it. But he's like going too hard or something because his skin is all irritated over his lips. So he has kind of like a, he doesn't have a mustache. He has like a must rash over his lips.

Did you notice that? A must rash? It's like a teenager. It's like that kid on, that kid who's on Big Brother right now who's got, who's trying to grow in that mustache. And it's so terrible to see. It looks like a Matt groaning. Oh, is that the guy with a big, big curly hair? Yes.

I'm like, please stop trying. You always yells at the camera. I haven't watched Big Brother in like three weeks. I'm just like, it's just so. it's just it drives me nuts but i i kind of want to match up no you don't need to okay so um basically they're talking about bathrooms and then the mom's like wow this place has a bidet that's nice and Andrew's like wow more money for something to spray water on my butt so he's such a brat he's like basically stomping his feet in every little thing I know so they're

not sure about this and Andrew isn't really sure about that construction in the street. Sounds like it's going to be real noisy and distracting. I'm a writer. Yeah. And the mom's like, well, you know, you nailed it with historic charm. The great room would just be perfect for our family. And then Andrew goes, yeah, well, I did not, however, see many good places for writing.

And the dad, the dad goes, well, you're going to have a hard time finding a place to sit your butt down and write, huh? It's like, you've got a sofa, you've got a chair. What else do you need? Yeah. So they're going over the ups and the downs. And Andrew's like, looks like we might be too close to city center, in my opinion. God. And the dad's like, well, I'm actually finding myself agreeing with both of you on this one.

Not sure. Construction city center? Let's keep looking. But to be fair, I do kind of agree with you guys on everything anyway, because that's just sort of my role here. Who wants popcorn? So then we see a guy picking an apple. It's like some older guy in a white shirt.

and he's hugging them and speaking in the language, I don't understand. And the mom's like, my grandparents came from small farming town near Lubliana. And they came to the United States in 1911. Do you understand me if I talk louder? I live now very close to a golden corral. Do you know what that is? And then Andrew knows the language perfectly, which I don't know why that didn't surprise me. But I was like, of course he does.

But it should surprise you because like you speak. It sounds like you speak. If he's not speaking it perfectly, because what the fuck would I know? He's speaking it very confidently. Exactly. So he's telling him, he's like, we're part of the Anzor clan. And the guy's like, oh, he's like, this name Anzor is a rare last name. And Andrew's like, yeah, it's been really great coming back here, meeting all these.

long-loss relatives. And the guy's like, oh, Manzer, real special name. Like, um, by the way, guys, I think this is just a crazy old man on the side of the street. I think we should keep like that. He's like, nope, we're probably cousins. He just said, we're probably, okay, he just said, Ansor is the president on the back of the $20 luby. So do I have one to check that? And he just took it? Okay, and he's running away. Bye, cousin. Carly the actual long curse. Our cousin just said he's been,

he's been cursed by an evil slab of meat and that we have to get away from him. Otherwise, the curse will spread. So I think we, I don't know who this guy is to be honest. I think we should keep on going. So then, mom's like, well, my father was Slovene, but, you know, he wasn't allowed to learn the language.

So we lost the language. We lost it. then she's telling the guy, thank you for inviting us. And he's like, I don't know who you are. He's just waiting for a tip. So now Andrew's translating.

He's like, this is how people lived in the 200s and 300th. And that's how he lives now. Wow. It seems like he might need to be on an episode of House Hunter soon. So, I want something that reminds me of being in 300 AD. So Terry is like, my son, whose superpower is masturbating in 27 different languages.

He already speaks fluent Polish, and Slovenian was way easier for him. So this guy says he's going to take us to see where he lives. Okay, I think we're done with us. So for you, Andrew, let's get back to the house hunting. She goes, Andrew's a kid who never really seemed like a kid. He was almost like born as an adult. He's our best friend. Oh, it's so sweet.

I was like, I thought it was so cute. And then Andrew's like, okay, so this man says, he says that this is the room he made in his house about two or three months ago. He wants to live in a room that breeze of oldness. Okay. All right. Come on now, Andrew. Okay. The car's waiting for us.

We got to go. We got to go. He wants to feed me a special vial of something. He says it's going to make him make me special. No, we're going to go now. Bye, sir. It's great meaning. Wow, Andrew's really buried in the history that he writes about in his books, and Europe just seemed like a natural fit for him. I'm not going to let him get killed by some old hobo. I don't care. Get away from me, Andrew.

You know, he's found this place in his life at a very young age, and I'm really proud of him. He's, you know, you raise your kid not for yourself. You raise him for other people to tell them stories of how people can move up. to Bulgaria and meet mob daughters and then go on a life of adventure the dad is so cute he's crying he's like you raise them for other people other people who now have

their imaginations running wild with mob bosses with busty bosoms spying on the wall of China you know when we sent our son off to Slovenia we said just tell them tell them about Cece's pizza

we can bring it to them I love that you don't only pick chains you pick the worst like the worst of what West Coveter has to offer Golden Corral Cece's pizza my God you're like

The Incredible seafood buffet So so Angie Well we're looking for roots and he's living them and dad dad's like I think he's bringing us a beer okay everyone it's not a beer I think it's his urine let's go so now this family needs to agree on how much space they can afford so we see you know memories of being this this episode I feel like is guiltier than most of showing us clips of stuff that happened five seconds ago over and over again I keep getting

confused on like where we are in time because they'll just be like wait a minute what about this construction I'm like another place with construction. Nope, it's what happened five minutes ago. Okay. So now they are going to look at another place. This one is 900 a month, which is 100 under budget. It's got two bedrooms, one bathroom. Don't even show me this place.

I ain't shit with my parents. I'm not doing it. You're going to have to figure this out. For some reason, there's like a streak on house hunters, especially Househunters International, of parents moving in with their children into places that only have one bathroom. And this is a real, real trigger point for you. It is.

I feel like that's one thing about being an adult. You know, there's a lot that's just out of your control, no matter how old you are. Taxes, death, all that good stuff, you know, disappointment, depression. But one thing when you're an adult is you can say, I'm not pooping where anybody else poops. And that's it. I'm standing by that. I don't care if I have to work 10 jobs. I'm not going to fucking do it.

Well, unfortunately, you don't understand what it's like to live in Slovenia in the year 200 or 300. everyone poops in the same place. So we walk into this apartment and it's like the first thing, it's literally you come face to face with this wall of mirrors. It's crazy. They're obviously trying to make it seem bigger. So they come in. It's almost like they walk in the front door and then have to like side shuffle to get into

the rest of the apartment. And the rest of the apartment's like, it's not great. I don't like it. But it's not as bad as I thought it would be based on the outside of this very, very like nastier's. Yeah. So the real estate guy, Matt, He seemed like kind of dead-eyed and stuff.

And he still is, but I'm getting, like, kind of like hot gay vibes for Matt as we go along. Because he's definitely that vibe. And he's just, like, so cute in his little mince warehouse outfit and stuff. And I'm starting to, like, fall in love with Matt as we go. And on this one, he goes, well, this one is 100 under budget, but you will see what that does to you. So come in and see what you get, you cheap idiots. You get what you pay for. Yeah, have fun pooping with mommy.

So they walk in and they go into like the primary bedroom and dad is like, well, if this is the master bedroom, that means we're sleeping under whatever that is. It's like a light fixture. He's like, what, what a crazy, they just, why can't they have light bulbs? They're just a shape of circles like they do in West Covina. What happened to circular light bulbs? Am I right? And Andrew's like, well, it's enough for me. It's got a bed and it's got a desk.

And it's just this tiny, teeny little kids' bed, you know. And he's like, I have an amazing view. That's all I need. Well, we're going to be living with you, honey. Well, somewhere else, not here, right, mom? Come on. So. I've got the logline for my new book.

Oh, an unemployed but massively talented writer stuck living with his parents discovers that the light fixture above their bed is actually an alien force that can be used for good. but then when a mob realtor's son comes and steals it, he goes on for a life of adventure in rural Slovenia. So now they look at the little tiny kitchen, and the bedroom. Andrews like, I think it's weird when a kitchen leads to a bedroom. I thought it was the other way around.

I thought you had to go through the bedroom to get to the kitchen. I think it's really weird when a bedroom leads to a kitchen. In writing, we call that a revision. So mom loves the view. The views are really beautiful. Like you just, it's up high. You see out into like this, it looks like a village. I know it's a city, but it's like really medieval rooftops and everything.

It's, it's really gorgeous. It was at this moment, I was like, they're going to go for this because this is a view you're not going to get in West Kavina. Yeah. Yeah. Truly. Yeah. So, Andrew likes the location. The price is right, you know, and he's like, and it's right on the edge of the pedestrian zone.

It's not totally in the tourist center, but it still has access to Ceces. Unemployed man who aliens have just told has the biggest penis they've ever seen on a human. He hides out in the Cecees while his Russian mobster girlfriend eat zebras out of a Slovenian think tank of politicians and red walls. I'm sorry, I'm getting lost. That is really pretty. They find success making fully customizable pizza for the masses. So, yes, they're right on the edge of the pedestrian zone, which is exactly how I described your father to my mother.

He's just all over the edge of being pedestrian. So, of course, Andrew likes that it's cheap. And, you know, mom is like, Well, I'm prepared to overlook a little dated furniture for this fantastic view from every room, but let's face it, this place needs some work. Yeah. And so the dad's like, I don't know.

either I need more space. What about when people walk in? How, where am I going to ask them to wait while I go over their financials? Is that a thing? People visit other people. I've never really had that experience in my life. When Andrew told his parents he wanted to move to Lulubliana Slovenia, his mom, Terry, jumped at the opportunity to be back in her family's homeland. So she says. And then the mom's like, I'm a warrior-slavic princess, honey. you know what I love about Lubliana and this may be disrespectful to the city name but I do love that it sounds like it was like whoever named the city was like drunk what do you want to name the hey what do you want to name the city oh well I want to call it like little Leiana like little leon lo blia laudela little bit oh yeah Ljana lulia oh yeah so Durinda Medley's Hey, you be on it, bitch. Hey, we're gonna.

So, um, Andrew's like, you know, I'm not comfortable basically living with my parents. I'm yet. We'll see how that works, because we're all looking for three different things. Also, I have no idea who's going to win what we're going to end up with, but I will tell you this. At the end of the day, my penis will be in my hand. Here's a bit next, honey. You know, I'm not worried at all. about Drew, but she is, by the way,

I'm just going to workshop that. Do you guys like that? Maybe we start calling our son Drew. That's what will make him more appealing to someone who wants to have sex with him? Anyone? No? Yeah, well, he's an only child and I'm worried that he's going to be alone. And right now, he's mostly living with him, the imaginary friends that he creates in his books.

They're terrifying. They're terrifying women. They all seem to be about overbearing parents who chose to move in with him. I don't know what that's about. Uh, so then he's like, I'm a young guy and I just can't decide whether I want to be an American grad student or a Slavic warrior priest. Oh God, honey, he's doing the Slavic Warrior Priest bit again.

Well, if Andrew lived in a past century, he would be a monk. He would just be very happy with very little tiny monk cell and a strange haircut where he could just sit and write and masturbate. I've been looking for age-appropriate Slovene women. Yeah, Slovenian women that might be interesting to have in the mix, but Andrew might do okay on his own because he's talking about joining a curling team. Like, what? The mom just wants to come up. He's like, don't worry, mom, I'm going to be social. I'm going to join the Slovenian curling team.

You know that's not about curling hair, right? I don't care. Well, he'll do fine, and he'll do fine without your help, honey. Whoa, where did that come from? I mean, like, yes, you're doing great on E. That was not a crack of the facade. I'm a very happy husband. So then Matt takes them to a nice big house, but it's very far away.

And they're like, why are you taking us so far away? Matt's like, please, this is the only way we can be alone? It's like, what, wait a minute. Is Matt falling in love? I think Matt's starting to fall in love during this episode. With Andrew. Yeah, how can you not? He's just so charming.

I mean, that's a big. Maybe Andrew doesn't want a lady. Maybe Andrew wants the warm embrace of a man. a man named Matt, okay? Man named Matt. So let's find out. We go to House number three. This one is $1,400 a month, which Matt's not even trying at this point.

But also, like... That's like, fuck off. You get what you get. It's Lulibbiana. It's Lulibiana. Ljubljana. Ljana. I get what I want, Ljana.

I just want you to know I'm a Ljubljana, 10. You should be so excited. So they get there, $1,400 a month. And Andrew's like, I am not willing to pay more, especially for one extra toilet. Who wants one extra toilet? So they go in, it has this door that just opens automatically,

like a supermarket. And this house is huge, it's modern, it's beautiful. Honestly, this is a great deal. $1,400, this is like $50 more than the tiny-ass apartment at the top of that building, the communist building. This is a great deal.

And then we find out that it's 20 minutes, excuse me, It's a 20-minute walk from the city center. Like, in Europe, I think one thing that we both discovered, everything is a 20-minute walk. Like, walking 20 minutes in Europe is just, like, going out and getting a morning coffee. Like, everyone walks 20 minutes to get somewhere.

So, to me, that's, like, really not that far away from anything. Well, I mean, we were always staying kind of in the center of town, too. I don't think everything is a 20-minute walk. But I do know what you mean. And I think that a 20-minute walk sounds really close. Andrew is like, that is so far. I'm like, 20-minute walk. My Puritan?

They're not, listen, you guys aren't going any clubs. You guys are just going to hang out. This is a gorgeous, this is a shockingly gorgeous house. Like, normally when House Hunters International goes to former Eastern Bloc countries, you know, we don't always see so much modernity. But here we have like a fully updated gorgeous house for a cheap price. And they're like, I don't know. I don't know about this.

They're like, gross, a sauna in the bathroom. Why in the world would we do that? That is crazy. And Andrew's like, well, I don't need to pay $400 extra dollars for a sauna. I mean, $400 extra dollars for a sauna, walk in closets of fully modern and enormous kitchen, huge beds, huge, huge living spaces. Who wants any of that? This is absolutely disgusting. I mean, I like an older feel.

I hang out with my parents. I mean, this is just renovated. It's clean. Oh, boy. Who wants counter space? This is ridiculous. It's so funny. is literally everything they see is like tons of space perfectly rebuttled and they're like

disgusting so the dad likes it he's like well this checks all my boxes except for maybe no outdoor space and andrew's like yeah well the problem is it's further away from the city center i mean it's gonna be a schlep every time i want to go into town 20 minutes walking every time i have a date that's going to be 20 minutes to understand that's going to be a lot of walking for me mom and dad So the dad's like, but it's quiet out here. Yeah, you don't want to move to a new place and then be struck in the middle of nowhere, even though you're not, right? Yeah, I get that. I guess that.

It's another family. He's like, this is another, Anzer-Clement, slash Clement family three-way tie. It's like when we have to decide between going to Cheddars, Red Lobster or Outback, that's a answer-Clement family three-way tie. So house number one, the good part is it has two bedrooms and outdoor space, but it's no view and it's not on budget. And house number two does not have two bathrooms, but it does have a view and it's on budget and has outdoor space. And then house number three, well, its biggest cons are that it's modern and discussing and has space for everything. It really has everything you could ever want at a bargain price. So that's all terrible.

So X is across that one. My opinion, house number one, yes, house number two, probably because there's a view, but only one bathroom. So that's a no. Get rid of that. And house number three is the nicest, but it is too far. So I would take house number one. I would take house number one.

Even though house number three is amazing, I totally understand. You do want to be in the thick of it, at least in the beginning. So I think house number one is the obvious thing because the construction won't last forever. But I had a sense that we're going to go for house number two because people always choose the worst houses. And I knew the way that the way that the mom loved that view, I was like, there's no way that anything can compete with that. Yeah. And, you know, it's like a tourist thing.

It's like, oh, my God, look at this view. All the rooftops. And a local is probably like, oh, my God, you got somebody to take the view of the roofs. Oh, that's disgusting. Well, also, don't forget, the parents are actually not moving in here full time. They're just, they just want a place that they can live, they can come part-time. So they already have a big-ass place. They even said they have like a five-bedroom place in West Cavina.

So they already have space and they know they don't have to be cramped for the rest of their lives in this place. They're just happy to have a view and something that feels super European. Yeah. So they pick, which house do they pick? Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun down down. Of course. Of course. Yeah.

The garbage one. And they do it in the funniest way too because the mom, I don't know if you notice, but she keeps acting like she has acting hands. She'd be like, I really enjoy the kitchen. what do we think of the kitchen wow that house had a nice walkway she like makes these acting hands so they're talking it over on this little boat and the dad's like well this decision might really show who wears the pants in this family sure might honey who wears the pants so she her pick wins so he's like how do those pants fit you and she's like they fit quite nicely thank you very much.

Ha, ha, ha. So, so that's the one they choose. And then, you know, we go to like three months or so. And three months later, they're walking all hand-to-hand in the street. All the tours, all the Slovenians are like, ugh, Americans invading, moving everything. To end this, I want to read an editorial review of the book.

The Kosovo War, Tito's Last Children. First of all, the title is, the Kosovo War, period, Tito's Last Children. I don't think you're supposed to have a period, colon, a tale of the Yugoslav Wars. I don't think you're supposed to have that much. You're not supposed to have a period in the title. Okay, there. But here's the review. This is by Romana Turina, Journal of the Society for Slovene Studies.

One in a long list of novels produced at a record-paced by Clement. Because he just can't stop writing. He just spits out these books. It keeps the reader turning the page. Effective in its ability to offer experience of urgency to the reader, Clement can put characters on the page and draw attention to immediacy of their feelings. Walking in the steps of the protagonist, we are introduced to the impossible relationships a young teenager is asked to form

with the family of the man who accidentally killed his parents. You killed your parents? You killed him off? When he found a floater in Detroit. but this was shared. I also want to say one last thing is that the way this episode, I know you were ending it on the review

because that is the way to end it, but I have to point this out that when this episode ends, Andrew basically says that like, you know, when his parents aren't there, it's fine, and it's a great, this place, the apartment is a great place to spend time with family and friends

and just hang out. And we see that there's a guy on the couch playing bagpipes. It's, didn't you notice? I forgot this at the end. He ends up with Matt. I can't believe I forgot that. Matt's at the apartment.

I think they end up. Well, I don't know if they end up together together. But I was like, oh, my God, they ended up. My fake gay storyline in my head came true. Matt's there in the apartment, like playing music or something. I was honestly, like, I wasn't totally sure that Andrew was straight. I don't know. But he says that his great grandfather played bagpipes.

Oh, I bet he did. You know what? I cannot believe I almost skip. the part where he ends up friends with Matt. That was so cute. I loved that part. But did you hear about the twist in that book, that review? The Bag Piper killed the parents. So be careful, everyone.

And the bagpiper was Andrew all along. Don, ton, ton, ton. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. This was a super fun one. We will talk to you next. If you want to give us an episode to cover, find it on Max. That's like the easiest place for us, honestly.

And email, watch what crapans at gmail.com and say, house hunter, no, dwell hello's suggestion and we will search and find it hopefully. Thanks to everybody who does that. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Well, hello.