Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #424: A Home Together on the Range in Canyon, Texas

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

This week’s Dwell Hello follows a House Hunters episode ( S169 E6) about a Texas couple that needs acres, a nearby barn, and babies. Lots of babies. Will their hard headed horse be elected neigh-or? We’ll see! Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, and welcome to dwell. Hello. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? So good, because it's a house hunters day, everybody. So excited to be here.

Who gave us the suggestion for this? Do you remember their name, Ben? I'm going to look it up, and you keep talking, and I will chime in. Okay, well, this is our House Hunters recap show here on Wondry Plus. So if you're listening to this, you'll remember. You are with us over on Wondry Plus. So thanks so much for being here, everybody. We love doing these.

And let's see, we're coming up into the end of our third season, I think, of these, right? Third or fourth season of Dwell, hello. And we've just left every second of it. Yeah. And Regina. Gosh, golly. Gosh, golly. Regina, thank you for recommending this episode, which is called a home.

Home Together on the Range. Regina recently said the same. Yeah, so if you want to watch this, go ahead and search that on Max. Just search the title Home Together on the Range in Canyon, Texas. And here we go. We start with Linda. Rodeo ropers, Brooke and Rodney. Roady?

Is it Brook and Roady? I think it's Roady. I think it's Brook and Roady. It is Roadie. It's on 10 acres and what? I was confirming it's Roady, yes. It's Roady. That's my mother's name because her name is Rhonda and she's always carrying a Rodee in the car because she's very classy like that.

So a Rodee for those of you who don't know is an alcoholic beverage that you drink in your car. So yeah, that name triggered me. So Brooke and Rody, they live on 10 acres in Canyon, Texas. And they might have a big acreage, but they have a teeny tiny, shitty little house. It's a very, very, very tiny. and it's his house which makes it triple gross because that's some cowboy smell in there. Cowboys, cowboys smell.

Yeah. They smell. Smell. But Brooks had enough of living in Rod and Roddy's tiny house and wants something bigger. So we see them looking at all these houses. And Brooke is like, we've been looking for a year and he's procrastinating and it's driving me insane.

Yeah. So what, Rodi may be able to commit if he gets the land he wants, and their agents, J.T. and Jamie, crazy eyes in walker face, my married pair who sell ranch properties may be just the ones to get it done. At the very least, they can all swing. I got very strong swinger vibes. And the wife, I don't know who's J.T. or Jamie, which is the wife, she has crazy eyes. Very crazy. There was a lot going on in this episode. I just want to preface this. There was a lot. There were, there were more people than usual, more talking roles. There was even like a lady who, like a late episode new personality who just like emerged out of

nowhere for a scene. That was unexpected. There were horses. There were things that we were talking about that we've never had to talk about before. Like, does the house have an arena? This was kind of like, this was, this was a big, big episode for us. It was a rich episode because normally in, especially in America in the American episodes, these houses are sometimes $5. I mean, they really are just like, can I, you know what, we're really looking to live somewhere that looks like the set of Roseanne. Could you make that happen? They're like, I don't know.

It's a tough call. I have to spend $10. It's like, oh, my God, no. But this one, they're like, okay, maybe $2 million and we want 500 acres. I know. It was wild. I was like, this episode's crazy. So we're now at the ranch.

We're at Rodi's ranch. And they're on their horses. And he's like, well, I'm in no hurry to move, says the guy who's perfectly content living in his shoebox. And Brooke is like, well, I would like to move. He's like, well, I'm perfectly fine living right here. I'm Rodi. I'm a rancher and I own a cattle company. And she's like, and I'm an environmental consultant in the oil.

and I grew up with an environmental consultant in the oil field. So basically you're like, okay, here's how we trick PETA. Here's how we trick the environmental protection agency, okay? Today we're all wearing blonde wigs and pretending that we sell lollipops. Okay, when there's no oil here, cover the oil rigs and sheets. Okay. The last thing I was expecting Brooke to say was that she's an environmental consultant in an oil field. Just even environmental consultant in general.

I was just surprised at. But it's funny, I was talking to someone who works in oil. And he was talking about, like, he was talking about, like, investing in and everything. And I was like, well, I would feel like a little, you know, I like the planet. And I feel like investing in oil is not good for the planet. He's like, no, no, oil is very, like, look, we care about the environment also. For instance, we only drill in private-owned land, not public land. I was like, oh, okay.

If it's land that you owed, you could do whatever you want to it. So, like, when she said that she was like, well, we use oil. What are you going to do? I mean, I use oil for everything. I'm friends with oil people, oil drillers and stuff. They're rich as hell. And they're, you know, they've talked to it over the years. They're like, Wani, everything's oil.

Hey, do you enjoy that plastic bottle you're drinking out of? Guess what it was made? out of oil. They're literally like oil isn't everything. So enjoy getting good. It was not so much a question about that. It was just to me like the way he was saying, no, it's environmentally. It's all it is.

No, we care about the environment too. I was like that's what this sort of environmental consultant is. I feel like she's the one who like is like, well, everyone, we only killed three rabbits today. So I think we're going to publish that. We are good for the environment today. Well, listen here. Oil's natural. Okay.

So have fun. Because that's my argument. to you. Oil is nature. I wasn't arguing about oil. You know who's customer service? Why don't you call God? Okay.

It's 1-800. Say a prayer once in a while. Okay. Okay. Well, I should know better than to talk negatively about oil to a Texan. So. You should know better. Oil is what keeps this world going around.

You should get down on your goddamn hands of knees thanking God for oil. Guess who runs those factories that built your fancy batteries for your fancy cars, oil? Well, the point is, Brooke, as an environmental consultant in oil field, I just think is hilarious because I feel, I feel like she just publishes reports. That way, the oil companies can tell people, no, look, look at what we do for the environment. So, Rody is like, and by the way, we also train horses and we sell them. And so we see them like, they're doing this thing. They're walking in circles, the endless circles with their horses, which I don't know, is that like a thing that you do? Is that like part of, like, ranching is that you go around and around and around? circles. Wow. I didn't know. I don't know where the horse was going to go. It turns out I knew very little about ranching before this episode. Like I know that there are ranches. I know they're ranchers. I know there's animals on the ranches. But I actually don't really know what they do on the ranches. Yeah. A lot of circular movements, especially these ones because they're riders and ropers and all that good stuff. She's like a world champion roper we find out. And we,

And we hear their story. Rodi's like, Brook and I met in Clovis, New Mexico at a horse sale. Now, let me just tell you, that is something I would never say. And it's not that I don't want to meet somebody at a horse sale. I've been to horse sales. There's just no gay people. You know, I feel like straight people really take it for granted what they get in life.

Where you can just be like, well, met somebody at the horse sale and we fell in love. No gay. I don't think any gay has ever said that. Maybe there's maybe like one or two. It's not like there's none of us out there. I don't think there are that many of us at horse sales. I've looked. It just speaks to the privilege that straight people have is that they can literally meet anyone anywhere.

And gay people, it's like reduced to like back alleys, gay bars and critton barrel. Grind her. So they met at a horse sale and he's like, I always heard about her, but I'd never really met her. I guess she caught mine. Okay, why are we acting like this whole episode, I keep kind of thinking like he's the hot one. Like they are acting like he's a hot one. The hot one here is Brooke. She's a fucking environmental hoodwinker.

She's really cute. She's a world champion ropist. Yes. You look like the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Okay. Like, who are you? I know. He is so, he is, he is, what is it, punching up, whatever.

He is, like, she is so out of his league. And she's also like, she's like a professional, you know, she has like, she has like an advanced degree. She, like she went to business school, I think she said at one point, you know, and she's a champion rope. All these things. Like, she is so out of his league. And he is acting like he's the prize. I'm sorry, sir. You should be so grateful that someone like Brooke even looked your way.

Yeah, exactly. Because this whole time he's like, well, I don't know if I'm ready to be with Brooke full time. You better think your goddamn lucky stars, Roady. Because I don't know where you think you're going to get that again, but you're not. Well, Brooke moved to Rody's home here in Canyon a year ago, but she's over living in his 1,000 square foot bachelor pad and also realized she's been dating Rody. She's over that, too. The house is tiny. There's just not enough room in there.

Okay, here's what we have in the house. A hot plate, Roady, Rodi skid marked underwear. Please save me. Okay. Well, bigger house would be great. And Rodi's like, it would be the perfect place if you're going to try and get me to move. It's like, well, we need the perfect place.

Change ain't going to kill anybody, Roady. Okay? It's not going to kill anybody. He's like, well, you're pretty hard-headed yourself. A lot like your horse. The horse is like, what the fuck? Don't bring me into this. I'm been doing my role.

I've been going in circles. I'm not complaining. I know. I like that he put in a hard-headed horse joke like we all know what that means. I mean, I know what a hard-headed horse is, but he's like, head like her horse. Am I right? She's got the most hard-headed horse.

Tell him, Brooke. She's like, I'm betraying my horse for you, you son of a bitch. The horse is like, excuse me, I have been very flexible with both of you, okay? I rearranged my schedule to do this circle shit that you guys do every single day. Walk it in a circle. You think I want to do this? I'm not wasting this beautiful mane on this fight. I'll tell you that right now.

You two get your shit together. Okay. So the crazies show up, the realtors. And she's like, oh my God, hi. I can't wait to find you a place. I found us a place. We're a couple. We have a place, don't we, honey?

Tell me about a place. Like this lady's crazy. Yeah. To find the perfect ranch property, they've turned to the experts. Married agents slash swingers slash people who get into arguments, the Golden Corral, and then fucking the back alley afterwards. JT. and Jamie Haynes.

A lot of back alley talk today. A lot of back alleys. We specialize in selling the ranch lifestyle because that's who we are. We both grew up on ranches. You know what? It ain't just a ranch. It's a lifestyle. What are you doing this morning?

Mielking some calves and cleaning some shit. What are you doing? What else would I be doing? I'm living a ranch lifestyle, girl. What do you think I'm doing? Guess what we're serving on our salad? Not Thousand Island ranch. It's our last aisle. So Jamie's like, she's like, okay, kind of like, lay it out. What are your goals? I mean, obviously you want more room. Is there anything more specific? Brooke, are you interested in upgrading into a real man? She's like, no. I think I just want to have a big, a big open kitchen and open up the living room. You know, I want a closet. I want a closet. Like, okay, closet. Fine. Realters really have to get creative.

Everybody just comes in and says the same thing. Open space. You know what I want to do? I want to be in the kitchen and I want to see through to live in a room. Do you think I can do that? No, nothing's open space anymore. Girl, everything is open space. You'll find it.

There are no rooms anymore. There's no walls. You know, those people who invented walls, they're broke now. Okay? No walls. Yes. Walls are not allowed. I'm surprised we even get to poop in private anymore.

That's going to be the next trend. Just poop in the kitchen. So JT's like, well, so I know you all spend a lot of time outside and you spend a lot of time at the arena training the horses. Do you want like you want more than the 12 acres you have right now? And I'm saying that with judgment. Like you only have 12 acres. This is where it makes you less of a man, Rode, if you ask me. So embarrassed for you.

He's like, 12 acres, trees, that's nothing. That is nothing. How am I going to live with just 12 acres in my life? He's like, Brooke, because she's a pretty little woman with dumb ideas. She was thinking about having 60 acres, but I'm thinking 600. What are you going to do with 600 acres? What in the world are you going to do with 600 acres? Your thought sounds good.

Never seeing a neighbor. That's what I think 600 acres sounds good for. You know, because if anybody comes, well, I guess it would be worse because you still will have people that live close. So they will come to your house because if you have 600 acres, there's No target. There's nothing close by. And if someone needs a cup of sugar in Texas, they will bring their ass over 600 acres because at least it's closer than a target. And not only do you have to give them your fucking sugar, you have to sit there and talk to them an hour because they just made

a trip probably on a horse. It sounds like hell, actually. You know what 600 acres sounds like to me? It sounds like an arena, an arena for tornadoes because everything in this episode is so flat. I don't know what part of Texas is this West Texas, Ronnie? What part of Texas is canyon? I don't know. I don't know. I've never heard of Canyon, Texas. Everything, it just looks like a big old playground for tornadoes. Now, maybe that's because on the airplane the other day, the woman next to me was watching Twisters. So I saw a lot of tornadoes on the screen, so they're top of mind. But I was just like, enjoy your house while you have it before a tornado comes and knocks it all down, because that's what's going to happen. Canyon is close to the city of Amarillo. That is out there. I don't even know.

where that is. God, Texas is so big. I've heard about rural Texas, but I've no idea where it really is. Oh, it's Western Texas. Mm-hmm. Oh, it's actually Panhandle. West Texas, you knew. No, it's a panhandle. There you go.

It's out there. So, so, wait, let me get this straight. You're looking for six, between 60 and 600 acres. Is that what I heard? God, dream big, buddy. Dream big. And Brooks, like, well, I don't think we can afford 600.

And Roddy's like, and a barn. I want a nice barn. barn and attack room. That's all I care about. So, Rody's like, well, if we're going to move, I'm perfectly okay with spending two to three million dollars. I wanted to be term key. And Brooke is like, there's no way we can do three million dollars. I have my business degree. So I'm a numbers cruncher. Okay. And we can afford $1.5 million. That's it. Which, by the way, still pretty good. So he's, so. Yeah. What do you guys do? So wait, cattle ranching.

an environmental something or other pen, let's do that. I know. She's like, I'm an environmental consultant, but I'm a number cruncher too. I have a business degree in environmental number crunching. So, Jamie's like, she's like, well, I'm excited. By the way, the more that Brooke talks about her background, the more none of it makes sense. She's numbers cruncher, but she's an environmental consultant, but for an oil field. However, she's also a champion lassoist.

I get how they all work together. Girl's got it going on. It's wild. Yeah, she can do everything. You know, this life, you can do anything you want in this life if you're just to go get her. And look at her. She's going to get her. That's what she's doing.

She's waking up in the morning. And they're like, hey, Brooke, what are you going to get? Her? I'm going to get her. That's what I'm going to do. I'm oven at him. So she's, the lady's like, I'm so excited to look for some places that fit both your needs and have more space for Brooke. I totally understand what there's no room.

You got to start decorating. Building your life together. Having babies. I didn't not have babies. That's what we do here. Cattle and babies. You guys are missing something. Hold on a second.

Let me look through my purse to see if I have it. Of course, I don't because you're missing a baby. I have a baby. Hi, let's talk to your hard-headed horse. Hey, horse, what do you think about, what do you think about Brooke? Honestly, it needs a baby. Say, even the hard-headed horse thinks so. And that's a stubborn horse.

That's not going to say something it doesn't believe. So we go to house number one. It's $2.2.2 million. Beautiful ranch-style home with Don and a pool. It's a nice one. Oh, my God. This property is perfect for them. It's got facilities.

It's got land. It's got room for babies. I love a house that has facilities. It has, yeah, it's got 320 acres. It's got a beautiful barn. It's got a shop. It literally, there's a Macy's on this property. People don't realize it, but some of these ranches come with a Macy's.

Well, we actually don't have stores here in this town, but we do have a couple of girls named Macy. They'll come over and shovel some shit for you. I mean, they're saving up to go to high school. Yeah, Macy, she's real helpful. She's free here, but you do have to get transportation. A lot of acres. So you may have heard how Barbara Streisand has a mall in her mansion. So this one does not have a mall, but it does have a girl who wants to work in a mall.

And her name is Macy. So be nice to her. I'm sorry, by the way. Barbara Streisand. Nope, I don't know. It's a her. Jamie, what did I tell you about mentioning, mentioning coastal performers? Do not do that when shown houses.

So it's 320 acres. And J.T. is like, at 320 acres, it's got a beautiful barn, a shop, an arena. And Jamie's like, it just fits their lifestyle. I mean, they just live this lifestyle every single day. I mean, they ride, they sell horses, they have cattle, they have baked, just kidding, they don't have babies. But they will one day, hopefully, hopefully we'll do this right. Okay. This comes with $2.2 million and some eggs stick inside of you and hopefully make some babies.

I mean, I don't even think we should look at another house. I mean, are you with me, hardheaded horse? Okay, should we look at another house, yay or nay? The horse is like, well, you know, I only have one answer to that question. I literally can only say one thing. You think I'm going to say nay to hay? Come on. Hello.

The only thing I can say is nice. So that's a trick question. And I don't like you, but you put me in that situation. But hey, hey, hey, hey. I'd love some hay, nay. The horrors is feeling aggrieved. So Jamie's like, so a lot of places around here, we find that they'll spend more on their facilities and their barns or arenas or even their shops or even their girls named Macy and their

animals. then they will on their home because they love that. That's what they love to do. They love, you know what, riding in circles on their horse, that is the thing to do. They will spend money on that circle place more than on their homes. So, you know, it's what's what they're into. It's kind of like Barbara Streisand singing the classics. Honey, if you mentioned Barbara Trisand one more time, we're going to start doing solo tours.

So we tried to do a little different when we try and show properties because we brought our horse that. So we're going to get four on our horses and just tour the property. That's what we're going to do. We're going to do it on our horses. Let me tell you, this couple, not only probably fucks half the neighborhood, because they are definitely giving swinger vibes. But they also really put a lot into selling the house. Like they do something for their money. And I think that's when you're making a lot of commission on a house, you really pull out the stops.

Because this one, they're like, okay, we'll bring you horses. We're all going to take a horse ride. You know, that's so nice. And then later they make them a big dinner. They grill the horses probably that they killed. Yeah, they, okay, jumping ahead at another house, they grill up a steak and serve dinner. This is a listing. What are you doing cooking dinner in your listing?

That's not appropriate. Well, they just do it outside. They're like, hey, we'll sell your place. You don't mind if we test drive this grill, do you? No, go ahead. Of course not. Hey, we left some dishes in the sink. You mind cleaning those?

Feel free to leave me a leg or something. Oh, we'll do, Macy. We'll do. All right. Hey, or Macy's the caretaker. Are they still working at the barn? So, yeah, I was also like, did they transport these horses with like a horse carrier? Like, how did the horses get here?

Are they using the property's horses? I had a lot of questions. You're going to the back of your car. Well, you have a horse trailer thing. Yeah, they probably just have a double horse trailer on both trucks. And then they pull, you know, two trucks. They probably brought their two trucks. Is that hard?

Is that hard to load up a horse trailer? Is it like a thing that's going to be like an all-day affair? Or it's just like, oh, you just pull it up and open it up and just look at them in. It's easy. You back up into it and then you just attach it on to the rig on the bottom of your truck. Okay. So it's just like. People have it all figured out.

Yeah. Well, because you know, like there's so many parents that have like babies. And it's like the amount of time it takes to stuff all the bags and all the things and all the items. No, babies are awful. It takes like two hours. No, babies are awful. They grow up awful. We're useless, you know?

That's like in the whole, and I'm not even getting political, so don't worry everybody. But like the whole abortion fight, I'm like, babies can't take care of themselves. Like, you have to really want a baby and like be there. Look at horses. Horses, you can drop a horse and they'll pretty much figure it out to start walking around. They don't know how to get in the car. You're just like, get in the truck. And they're going, okay.

I'm getting some hay, right? Hey, hey, don't say nay to hey. I'm going to run for Neyer and my slogan's going to be don't say they to hey. Hey. Hey. We are pushing a pro hay platform. So yeah, I was just curious. I was like, is it a hassle?

Pro toys, unless you're a horse, because they can walk. Oddly enough, I'm a Republican, which is really awkward because people think I'm a Democrat. You know, because I'm a horse. It's really awkward when I'm a. people say so you're an elephant like normal horse yeah donkey but people see donkey people see horse they just they can't separate it you are such a Yankee oh my god it's a very do you guys have horses I've seen revolutionary war oh yeah we got horses we got horses but these are like the farms around here are like Martha Stewart farms they're not real they're

just like yeah they're fancy farms 40 million dollars outs outs um Yeah, they grow cattle, but they just turn into cheese and foie. Anyway, wait, why am I a Yankee? You just said, I mean, I am a Yankee, but why am I a Yankee? Because I don't know, don't know that a dog, that a horse. You don't know anything about you. You don't know the difference between a horse and a donkey. I know the difference.

I know the difference between a horse and donkey. I was just making a joke about his horses look like donkeys. So anyway. I'm just giving you shit. I'm not really calling you a Yankee. I love you. I mean, I am a Yankee. I love you in your Yankee ways.

I have a Yankee, but I just, you know, I do know the difference with the donkey and a horse. I know you do, babe. I'm just, I'm just teasing with you because I'm from the south and you're from the north. I know. I feel like I activate it. I feel like this episode is like activating our regional specialties. It's activating stuff that we don't even know that we have. Like, it's activating regional issues.

Like, what are you doing, calling me Yankee? Well, sorry. If the shoe fits wear it. It's probably a penny loafer. God damn yank. I was like just being the horse saying like people always think I'm on the donkey party and you're like, oh, you're such a yank. You don't know the difference between the horse. I was like, whoa.

Whoa. So anyway, we are now going looking at the house and it's gorgeous. It's a big gorgeous ranch house. And Rode's like, well, this barn looks like it's in a different county because it's all. the way over there. You got a drive to get over to it. It's like, yeah, that's all you've got your horses. Yeah. He's not going to drive. I don't blame him because like, what if you've got an issue with a horse? What if the horse needs to talk or something? They're like, well, I need attention. You can't be like, oh, let me draw over to the barn. You can't have 600 acres on your

wish list and then be mad when things are far away. That's what I say. But he just wants everything to be convenient, except he wants the 600 acres also there. He's like, everything that I need, I want to be within hands reach, but then I just want 600 acres to separate me in the rest of the world, you know? So Brooke is like, well, he ain't got to walk that one going to walk, going to walk that far, but I kind of like it. There's no flies up here, none of that manure ruin and everything. So he does not like that this barn is far away, but they go into the house and

there's nice wooden beams. It's very like what I would imagine, like a fancy ranch house would be. Like, if I were, like, you didn't like it? I do like it, yes. I was giving that look because my text went off and I'm so I'm fucking professional. I'm texting with a cleaning person. I thought you didn't like the beams. You're like, a Yankee would like that.

I'm attacking you this whole episode. I'm like, you goddamn Yankee and rolling my eyes at what you're saying. Typical Yankee. You were talking to Texas and thinking the beams are nice. my text just went You're a dork Actually these are All of the houses are pretty nice in this one

You know they are kind of your big box mansion But they're pretty They're well done There's a lot of like woodwork and stuff And yeah the beams were really really nice in this one Because sometimes they're just really cheap looking You know But these had some pretty nice features

They better be for fucking two point whatever a million dollars Geez Yeah this one was just really really nice It just, it's like if it was so nice that I literally, when I was watching it, I was like, do I, do I want to move to a ranch? I even told you like yesterday after watching it. I was like, Ronnie, I never thought I would be interested in a ranch. But after seeing that episode, I was kind of interested, like just big, beautiful land. I would love it.

The house was gorgeous. I loved it. But, you know, where I live in Texas, the ranches are not $2 million. I mean, they're five million. You know, they're not. Yeah. You don't get just a ranch for $2 million. You can get a nice big house that looks kind of like this, but not on hundreds of acres.

That's cray-cray. I was like, could I be a gay liberal? But there's so much it goes into it. There's no plumbing out there. There's nothing like that. You have to have your own like systems kind of set up on most of these places. You know, you have to have your own water system, your own well, your own, you know, all that good stuff. Plus tornadoes.

It's not just there. Plus tornadoes, I guess, yeah. I was like, can't. You've ever seen a tornado? They're so neat. I know. I've never seen one and they terrify me. They're so cool.

I just have a recurring nightmares and tornadoes. They went away, but like for years, I would have dreams of like a tornado touching down. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, the meanest task wife out of all the housewives in the world is mother nature. That's right. Ain't that the truth. You'll get you. Yeah.

Okay. Sorry. Okay. So here they are touring. They're looking at the house. blah, blah, blah. It's basically huge and gorgeous. What do you need to know?

It's two-story, and he's like, wait a minute. I don't want two stories. Rody, we know, you lazy ass. Rody, the man of 600 acres, doesn't even want to walk up some stairs. This man is really very lazy. I think that Brooke makes all the money with her 10 jobs.

He only wants to walk. He will walk horizontally as far as possible, but one staircase, uh-uh. And then he also has another demand. They walk into this nice-ass home. and the owners have a request, which is that people take their boots off before they walk in. And Rodi's like, I don't take my boots off. I don't take my boots off at my house.

And I'm never going to take. It's like, yeah, we see that you don't take your boots off at your house because your house is a trash bin. Okay. But you're in a much nicer house. Take your boots off. Yeah, your boots probably want to be taken off in your house because they're actually cleaner than your house. And also this is not just normal like, hey, guys, could you take off your shoes when you come in? You're like, oh, my God, you fucking snob.

Like, I'm not a pig. He's a cowboy. He's like literally walking in shit all day and he still won't take his shoes off. That's really bad, Brody. And he's such a baby about it. He's like, I'm just going to wait out here. You can just go look at the house without me. I ain't even come in there.

I got to take off my boobs. And then he goes outside. Brooke has to go outside and go get your ass in here. It's a little fucking baby. Brooke can do so much better. Honestly, I feel like she should be like James Marston or something like that. Not Rodie having a tantrum and storming out of the house, okay? I don't know.

She found one of the princes of Canyon County. I don't know that Brooke could do better. I mean, I know that she could anywhere else, but sometimes you just got to work with the population you're given. You know what I mean? God knows what Brooke has been working with. She's being hit on at the horse show or the horse market. You know, God knows what she's seen over there in Clover, Texas.

you know. Yeah, it's just a whole bunch of boat bridges probably and she's like, you know what? At this point, my bar is so lowered.

I'm just going to take Rody. It's a boat bridges. If there's one bumper sticker on her SUV, it probably says, what does it say? Settling.

It ain't just for pilgrims. So, this place is great. So, and Rody's like, it feels real lot in here. and Brooke is like, I mean, that's one thing I want to. I bet the floors aren't saying that.

Sorry. What? So Brooke. Brooke is like, Brooke is like, well, that's one thing. I bet that hard-headed horse isn't saying that either. So, Brooke is like, nay. Nay.

It's hard-headed, but it's got a soft means. Don't say nay for hay. Hey. Wait, don't say nay for hay. That's a confusing political slogan because it's a double negative. Don't say nay to hay. Why don't we just, why don't we just have it say yay to hay? No.

It's got to say, we need to have nay in it because I'm a horse, but we want to say yay to hay. So we say don't say nay to hay. Don't you, why don't you follow in my logic? He really is a hard-headed horse. Running a failing campaign as neyer. The mayor. The mayor of Canyon.

All right. Here's what I want in my campaign. Sugar cubes for everybody. Like, well, why are we going to pay for the sugar cubes? You don't pay for sugar cubes? They give them to you when they want you to do shit.

This is why we can't trust the Democrats. I'm a Republican. But you're a horse. But not a donkey. I look more like an elephant. If you really think about it. it? I don't think so. But his flat-

Roady, he ain't running anything. All right, I'm so mean to Rodi. Ever since he threw this temper tantrum. So she yelled at him and makes him come back in there. And they have, this is actually fairly pretty. I mean, it's funny the things they start picking apart because the beams are nice. The vaulted ceilings are very Texas. It's huge.

The rock fireplace. And it's not fake. I mean, these are these huge stone. It's really cool. Yeah. And then the kitchen is all white, which is actually very rare in Texas. Like, normally you see very darkish kind of wood and stuff. And so it's pretty cool.

And they're stainless steel appliances. I mean, it's really nice. And Brooke, like, I don't like white cabinets. Brooke, you know what? You're with Rodey. You don't get a say and taste. You're going to take these gorgeous cabinets. You're going to like them.

Take some dirt from the 600 acres and smear it on the wood. and you can call it stained. How about that? And then they go outside, and she's like, look at that pergula! The way she said pergula, pergola, the way she said pergola, pergola, I was cracking up, and then they're looking around. For some reason, I also was surprised that she knew, this may sound totally obnoxious, I was surprised that she knew what a pergola was.

I just didn't, I just wouldn't think she would care. Excuse you? The reason why is it's like, oh, I just call that an over. I think I would expect her to say that and not to know like, but of course she knows because Brooke is like smart and worldly. And that was for me, that was for me to learn. I had to come to Brooke. Brooke did not have to come to me. And so when she said Pergula, I didn't the South invent Pergola? I don't know, but I'm sure there's someone in the South and Pergola. I'm sure Macy's mom's name Pergola. Hey, Pergola. Have you seen your daughter, your daughter broke her leg. You have to pick up Pergola, you got to pick up Macy. Which Macy is it? Don't ask.

Just go down to St. Macy's and ask for Macy. Well, that shouldn't be confusing at all, should it? Okay, Pergola Benson's coming over. She's going to pick up Macy. Why don't you just call an ambulance? So you get back in time to watch Nancy Macy with me. Oh, God. Can you just call an ambulance?

Now, Pergola, you and I both know. You'll get here faster than the ambulance. okay so now they're talking about how white cabinets are super trendy and the ladies like they are so on trim and brook's like well you know i just want everything to be open i want to be able to see the people in our living room yeah and then they're looking at um another they're looking another thing and and um it's our trophy room and like here's a room where you put all your trophies I guess roadie won't be in here because he's not anyone's trophy. Am I right?

Am I right? Oh, Brooke, you don't seem to like that joke too much, do you? If they called them loafies, might be fucking roadie. And he's like, oh, I don't like the barn over at the neighbor's place. He goes, oh, yeah? Well, I do. And he goes, well, maybe then I like the white kitchens. Like, wow, you two are really ready to.

Yeah, that was so noxious. They're together forever. It looks like. Yeah. Leveraging the barn for the kitchen. I don't like that. It's basically big and gorgeous. I mean, what can I tell you?

They do have a laundry shoot, which I loved. We had that when I was younger where there's a hole in the bathroom cabinet and you throw your clothes down it and then they go down to the next level below you. It was just so fancy. And of course, we would always crawl into it and get stuck in there. My bad I would have to come pull my fat ass out of that. That's a problem. Grab me by my web toes and just start pulling. Even.

He was like, yeah. Oh, I'm dying. Yeah. Yeah, they talk about having, with all this stuff about the laundry shoe. They talk about how there's space, they have a family, and that way they can have a whole bunch of little ropers,

which I then imagined like a little girl with a big curly hair wearing a calf tan going, Stanley, Stanley. I think that the neighbors are having sex. Oh, Stanley. It was just a noise while they were using a blender. Well, we made a wish to a monkey paw and so we just want to have two little ropers.

You really got to be careful what you wish for. It's true because now we have two children. They're just very nosy. They just keep checking in on us. So, Rodi's like, this house is bigger than we need. The barn, it's long ways from the house. And I don't like that. And you're definitely going to have to drive down there.

It's like, well, I love it. It's amazing. Can we afford it? Probably not. So the next place J.T. and Jamie have found is a lot cheaper, but it turns out local boy, Rody. Hold on. Did I have enough venom in that tone? Let me say it again.

Local boy, Rody. Okay, you're really overselling it there, Linda. We get it. Okay. Well, he's got a little baggage with the property that Brooks not happy about. Oh, no. I know. I was like, what is going on in this episode?

there's baggage with a property. What? It's wild. Brody's like, okay, I admit it. I've fucked this house. I've stuck my penis into the chimney of this house. I was like, who did he kill? Like, well, now is when we learn about Macy's origin story. Okay, well, here's the truth. Pergola Benson and I, we did have a fling once. It was quick. It's over. There's nothing between us anymore. But Macy is my daughter. She lives at this house. Pergula So roping champion Brooke is hoping to buy bigger home in canyon With her boyfriend Roddy Where they can raise a future family

God willing Better have baby thing So now it's two stories Rody does not like that They do love the gigantic wood door Which is very pretty And again it's exposed to beams It's stone

It's kind of similar I didn't like this house actually There was something about the shape The house looked really nice on the outside, but I felt like it looked, it didn't look nice to me on the inside. It was not, it was not my jam. Hmm. That's all I'll say about that. I didn't like it. Well, I would love to join in, but let me just tell you the truth about it. And I'd literally just watch this last night. I don't remember what it looked like. They all kind of look the same to me. They're gigantic homes. I just don't, I'm lost. And I just keep thinking like, what if you can't find a cleaning lady? Like, what do you do? a cleaning person. That looks like how. This one, this house, I don't remember much about it, but this was more like, there was just something about it that did not seem, I seemed to remember it being kind of gaudy. I didn't like the layout. I don't, I remember enough to know that I

just liked these elements about it, even if I can't picture it in my head, but I know I didn't like it. And then this is where a roadie breaks the news. This is the story passed. It was like watching Dolores Claiborne. He's like, so I do know this property. I used to come down here and rope all the time whenever the people that had it before. I'm like, oh, that's nice. You like the arena? Oh, yeah, I like the arena. And a matter of fact, I took my engagement pictures down there.

And he's like smiling, like really proudly. And they're like, what? He's like, yeah, maybe we could find that tree where I took that picture with Pergola Benson. They're like, what? Pergola Benson, you're engaged in her? And Jamie's like, I didn't even know you was married before. He goes, I was. I was.

And Brooks, like, I'm honestly pissed. We came to a house where Rodney has such a history, or Roddy has such a history with this house. And I'm hesitant because of the baggage it comes with this place. I mean, that is crazy. He took pictures in the arena. Well, this is ridiculous. What is he, a pie sample at Costco?

Does everybody get a picture? So Jamie's like, well, it's totally understandable. By the way, I don't know between Jamie and J.T. I don't know which one is the husband and which one's the wife. I think J.T. is the husband and Jamie's the wife, I think. Yeah. Well, it's totally understandable. She's ready to be engaged, have some little Mr. and Mrs. Ropers, find a home, settle down.

And then he brings up his old slut wife, Pergola, and how he actually had pictures with her. And by the way, we all know what pictures mean, okay? because when you're around these parts, pictures is more than just pictures. If you know what I'm saying, how the hell do you think Macy got in here, by the way? Satanic blow chops. Pergola has been known to get around, okay? Pergula. So, JT goes, well, hi, Brooke, look at the positive side.

At least you know he's willing to take engagement pictures. Obviously, I'm not because I can't get nothing done. three years and still waiting. Oh no, don't wait for Rodi. He's going to go cheat on you and be with that girl in about two weeks. I'm telling you this right now. I want to do a follow up on these because I know he cheated. And I'm telling you right now he's still married.

I'm going to say right now, this is he's not only married, still married. It's not like the divorce papers haven't been signed. I think he's actively married with a family on the side. I'm telling you that right now. Oh, he just seems so lazy. That's a lot to pull off. Yeah. So, well, maybe that's why he doesn't want to go upstairs because that's what the family is. So, uh, can I tell you something just to say one positive thing about him, or at least to be on his side for a second.

It is very difficult to take off boots. When people tell you take off shoes when you come into my home, that's one thing. Taking off boots, especially as a man, those are so difficult. Have you ever seen me try to put on boots? You know what? I just stopped wearing them because I actually popped a vessel in my eye one time trying to put on boots. I totally agree. I think it's hard enough taking high tops on and off.

So boots are hard. However, if you are a professional rancher, if you're a ranch person and you've been wearing boots day in, day out your entire life, you should at least have some hacks. You should be able to be able to take them on and off. Sorry. That's true. I have zipper boots now. They're the gayest thing I've ever owned. Okay, so not yet.

I'm getting close. So they look around there and it's pretty. They're like, well, look at the view. It's just a big flat, nothing, really. But it is pretty. Yes. And then they check out the upstairs. It is just to say it's huge really doesn't describe it.

It is enormous. I mean, they just keep walking through room after room. It's exhausting. Yeah, they go they go to the arena. They see the tack rooms. There's his and hers tack rooms. So, I mean, it's a lot. There's a lot on this property.

And then they go fishing. They go to a, they take their horses to a fishing hole. They go fishing. So at this point, I was like, okay, they're fishing. They love this place. This is the one they're going to take because, you know, how could you not want to buy the place? Yeah. Yeah.

That's a full experience. Now they're fishing. I mean, they're really taking them on a journey, you know. um roadie jamy goes roadie actually said he's never caught a fish in his life so hope we catch something uh let me tell you something if he was pergola benslin i'm sure he caught something along the way and it was probably a bit fishy so this place the outdoor barn area was actually used as an event center for a wedding like they made they had a big wedding here and it says like i do or something like the wedding decorations are still up the next one oh really yeah the next one i'm

sure that actually all three of them have weddings probably so this one is the one where they're like oh my god you could have a wedding here and he's like oh it's got a little door i could run out the back yeah so basically the house is honestly it really fits all their needs the only downside is that he took engagement photos there once and brook is just not going to have it that's like uh that's a hard stop for her yeah so um next up up. Now, Brooks trying to get her boyfriend, Rody, did ditch his bachelor pad so they can buy a place. Blah, blah, blah. You know, it's the intro that they do after every commercial. They're like, here's the entire plot. So now they're going to see Kim, the seller. We get to meet the seller of a home.

And it's actually Kim G from Real House of New Jersey. I was like, what a twist. It does look like her. It really does look like her, doesn't it? this is a scary-ass lady. I love that we got to meet her two-thirds of the way through the episode because this is basically a pocket listing. It's not on the market yet, but they are aware of it. So JT and Jamie go in to meet with Kim to talk about selling the place. And Kim is like, they're like, well, so I talked to Gary, your husband, and we told him that the buyers are around $1.5 million. And he said that they, they'd, they'd, they'd, It's more like 1.8. And Kim's like, well, he would say that, that cheating idiot. But this is my pride and joy. And I would probably need a little bit more, maybe $2 million, because I've decorated this so beautifully. And I don't know, Ron.

And what did you think about the way Kim had done up this place? I thought it was a bit busy. I thought it was pretty nice. It was a very East Coast ranch to me. It was like very, wasn't this another white cabinet house? It looked very. It was. I just felt like there were stuff everywhere.

It felt cluttered. I felt like there were lights hanging down and so many couches and so many chairs. And I was like, I just could see how Kim was so proud. And I was just like, I'm not sure. I feel like we've had a few different like interior designers look for houses on house hunters. And every time they show off their stuff, I'm always like, I'm not sure about this. Yeah. None of these houses were really tacky, which where I'm from,

there's a lot of big tacky houses. And I didn't feel like any of these were truly tacky. So I think for the most part, I was pretty proud, even of this one. But this lady is full of shit. She's like, this is my pride and joy. I was like, oh, wow, granite countertops. You're still getting 1.8. Okay.

Exactly. So she's like, she's basically like, okay, well, well, I just want, I want 2 million. Okay, I don't want 1.8 million. I put a lot of time into this. This is a Kim special. And they're like, okay, and we know that you made it look fabulous. Not Gary. That's right.

Gary hasn't done one good thing for this house or this marriage in 20 years. So I want that extra $200,000. Now listen, talk to Gary. Make sure it's all right with you, Kim and Kim, Kim, but we're going to be cooking the mistake because she's wanting an entertainment space. So we're going to kind of do lots and hope that's okay with you. Kim's like, sure, you can entertain here. Of course you can't.

Kim, you're looking desperate. it. Okay. One minute, you're like, I'm not taking less than two. And then the next minute, you're like, oh, God, please let them cook a steak. So they'll take this fucking house off of me. Come on, Kim. Yeah. So they walk in and then we go, everything is huge. This house is big. Everything is big. Like, it's mind-boggling, even talking about it. I'm like, oh, my God. It's so massive. The big bedrooms, the chandeliers over the soaking tub. It's like, it's huge. He's right and he's like, I'm going to sleep in the closet. This is as big as my house. We don't talk about things being in the closet around here. So then the barn, they go into the barn and it's massive, but it's definitely been used for events. This is where the thing that says I do is up. There's like stuff everywhere.

There's like chairs and like it's, there was like clearly an event there like two nights ago. But it's massive. And then J.T. is like, and now look over there. There are some wedding bells. Little roper's coming soon. Am I right? piping rope many roper's coming and so it's a pocket list in y'all and it could be two million and brook's like well i don't like two million and uh rowdy's like well hell we could rent this out and just make our house payment right here look at this apartment

because this little apartment's really huge it's like another little house that they have and um so then they go outside and this is 16 area 16 acres sorry and there's no barn or arena yet but But you know what? You can always spend more money and get a bar in an arena and even put lights in it. There you go. The lights are a big deal for them, apparently, because that's like one of the selling points. They're like, this house has lots, the first one at least. So they. Arena lights, yeah. Yeah, Rodi is not a fan that it's small because it's only 16 acres. The house is amazing, but no arena. So now they, but they all sit down. This is when they eat their steaks. At a listing, I guess they did get permission. I guess I'm. missed that the first time around, but I was like, why are they eating steaks? Kim, you just, you just see Kim's face at the window like, thanks for the in-bite mother crookers.

Please don't spill barbecue sauce on the flagstones. Thank you. Just got those important. So now, so now it comes down to which house is going to make both of them want to leave the bachelor pad behind. So they're choosing between the places, you know, house number one. One is big. It's too expensive, but has everything they need, including an arena and lights. House number two is also really great, but photo shoot, hello, and house number three does not have the arena and is also a little bit out of their budget. Yeah. So, don't, dun, don't, don't, dinton, dinton, where are you going to have a baby?

Where are you going to have a baby? So what do they pick? Let's find out. House number one. They chose house number one, which I did not think they were going to take. I thought it was going to be out of their budget. I didn't either. I really thought it was going to be house number two because I thought that the photo shoot thing was sort of like, it felt like a fake reason why not to buy it.

But house number one, I definitely did not expect. And I was actually quite delighted that they chose it. I thought that was the best of the bunch. Yeah. And they actually paid 2.2 for it. They paid the full price, but they did get the furniture and a herd of Angus cows. They got a herd of cows. That sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

Yeah. I don't know how much I heard of cows cost, but it's got to be a lot, right? A lot. Yeah, it's a lot. That's a pretty good buy-in. You know, my friend Nora, I talk about my friend Nora and Cindy, they were ranchers for a long time. They had cattle.

Wow. They're cattle people. That's a lot, an Angus cow. So then they basically, you know, he loves it because this got the anchorage. And she's like, we had to make some conference. compromises, mostly the way Rody chooses to live sleeps in his boots. That's a little

rough. And he did, this was funny. He's like, well, this is the fancy house. Well, now that I own the fancy house, we do take our boots off. He's like, yes, I've come to realize, I've come to realize the value of that. I was like, I like

just get your slip bones. But they do have to drive to the barn on this one, which they don't like. But Brooks, like, I like it because you could just leave the cows at home. You know what I mean? You can do your roadie at home, your cows in the field, just like it should be. And then he's like, well, I guess that's what we're doing. I wouldn't want to leave the bachelor pad.

It took a lot of convincing me to get me to leave. But now we bought this place. It's probably the best thing I ever done. And she's like, that's exactly what I wanted to hear. Now I'm pregnant. He's like, oh, no, say, I won't say nay to hey, everyone. comes in one final one final pitch

hey guys I'm sorry I can't be your horse anymore I just got me I just became mayor okay but I'm sorry your taxes have been raised for more sugar cubes for the heart unfortunately sugar cubes don't pay for themselves but we're going to

raise tariffs on sugar cubes from a different ranch anything coming from Amarillo is getting a 25% tariffs. You realize that you pay the tariffs. You realize that you pay the tariffs. Not Pergola Benson.

What? No, the tariffs on Pergola. No, but you pay the tariff. What? All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being with us. We will be back in a couple weeks with our final dwell hello of the season. Believe it or not.

And that should be some good times, everybody. We'll be sure love you very much. We'll talk to you next. time.