Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #501: Hunters International: A New Start in Athens, Greece

Episode Date: January 2, 2025

We start the New Year and Season Five of Dwell Hello with a visit to Athens, Greece, where a school principal gets her groove on. Will she find somewhere near the meat market she so clearly craves? We don’t know, but we’ll tell you one thing. They don’t have THAT in Indiana! This is a recap of House Hunters International 110 E4 and we found it on Max. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello. And welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's a Watcher Crapins House Hunters podcast. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Good.

Doing good. How you doing today? I'm great. I'm great because you selected a very funny episode of House Hunters International for us to recap today. Today's episode that we are going to be recapping is called A New Start in, in Athens, Greece, which is, you can find that on Max. Just type in a new start in Athens, Greece. It should show up.

It should be season 110, episode four, but really, as you know, you know the drill. The title is really what matters the most. So that's House Hunters International, a new start in Athens, Greece. Yes. Now, we never really know what we're getting into because basically, now that we've opened it up to you guys, And you tell us what you want us to do. A lot of times we'll just open the email and search for that subject matter and be like, that one sounds fun.

We don't look at anything about it. We just turn it on and we go with it. So sometimes we really don't know what we're getting into. And sometimes we're like, why would someone pick this? You know, it seems basic and stupid or whatever. Or if you're not in the mood that day or whatever. And this one, I had no idea. But the first, you know, I thought, well, I don't know.

But then the first line out of this lady's mouth was, wow, we don't get that in Indiana. And I was like, this is my episode. That's all I needed to hear. And I was like, sold. I sold. Yes, ma'am, things you're seeing in Athens, Greece are probably not things you're seeing in Indiana. You fucking Nimrod. And also, let's thank Andrea 10 for sending a sis.

Thank you, honey. We love it. Yeah. Shockingly, you go to Indianapolis, no Acropolis. Even though they rhyme. There is no Acropolis in Indianapolis, but there is a quizness. Yeah. So, wow, you don't get this in Indiana, and we see the Acropolis in a bustling marketplace. And Linda, going, Rebecca is an workaholic. I almost said alcoholic. Wouldn't that be great, though, if she was just like, Rebecca is an alcoholic.

She's embarrassed herself in Indiana, so she had to move to a different country. Her friends tried to have an intervention, but she just had a rash reaction and said, guess what? I'm moving to Greece. So here we are. She threw a Baclavat somebody's head and got on a plane. And here she is. Some people can't face her a truth. So they moved to Athens. Welcome, Rebecca. How will Athens react to Rayon? Let's find out. I would love that. It is still a little bit of a read to be like, Rebecca's a workaholic.

It has nothing to do with this episode, but I just want everyone to know. It has everything to do with this episode because Rebecca says it over and over. She's like, I'm just kind of known for always being at work. You're a principal. That's literally creepy. You can't just hang out at school all day. You're a principal. What are you doing there?

Go home, you fucking weirdo. I hope parents called like, you know, it's weird. I was dropping my kid off early. And I noticed the principal's cars there, no matter what time I'm coming. It's weird. But you know, the other thing is what's really fun with this episode, but also frustrating,

is that the entire episode, Rebecca keeps alluding to some dark thing that happened in Indiana. Like, every 10 minutes, she's like, well, things are to get really out of control. Things start to really spiral. I was really, you know, everything was out of, nothing was working right. Like, it was a dark time of my life. Or like, what happened?

What happened to Rebecca in Indiana? What were you accused of? Because I feel like Rebecca was accused of some shit. You know, Rebecca living at the school, she probably had, you know, like cereal in her hair. And I don't know, but you're right. And she does this thing where she smiles, where she scrunches her nose and like has a crazy intense smile and everybody she talks to. And I, there's something weird there.

Because when she says, yeah, I started to spiral, I'm like, I'll bet you, did you still look like you're spiraling? What do you wear? Are you wearing your bathrobe? What are you doing? Her hair, she has like one side of her hair sort of like coming down and it's kind of like, it's like scraggly. Like we just like she just was told five minutes ago, by the way, you're going to be on camera. So she did as much as she could, but she couldn't get to all the hair, you know, to be camera ready. Yeah, she took, uh, it's like she took a nap in three days of just human marination.

You know, just like, flop sweat. Yeah, she doesn't look well. And you know what? Let me tell you, she goes home and changes clothes at one point and still her hair is terrible. Like she never combs her hair. Like she's still spiraling. I'm surprised she's not walking around

with a bottle of vodka. Honestly. I know. Shockingly, by the way, I enjoyed her outfits. I was like, you know what? That was a nice choice, Rebecca. I support that. Hair is still a mess. But the outfit looks very nice.

You know, bless her hard. I mean, I didn't feel like she was a terrible person or anything, but I was like, you're a mess. You're a mess of a human. These outfits are, and they just look so, I mean, I get that you're in a different country, but they just look so, I don't know, cheap. Was that the way to say it? Inexensive.

I don't mean cheap, like, floozy cheap. I just mean like, I don't know, you're going to greet you. Fast fashion. Yeah. Listen, I'm in fast fashion right now. I love it. I love children working. I've always believed children should.

work. So I love when my clothes are made by some children in another country. You know, I support that. But just on hers, I don't know, there's something off with her. And I agree with you. It's a mystery of what's wrong with Rebecca. And we don't really find out. Yeah. And I was spoiled because our last, well, hello, that we did. There was like a secret from the past. But we got to find out what it was, which is that this guy took engagement photos at house number two. And that was his deep, dark secret. And they teased it. And it came out. And we found out. But this time, She just keeps saying, well, you know, things in Indiana, my marriage fell apart and I just really started to spiral. So here I am.

I'm like, who did, what was the hit and tell us about the hit and run. You know there was a hit and run. Yes. At the school. Like she was like Catherine from Southern Charm where she was just speeding through a speed thing and was accused of hitting the cross the crossing guard. Like I need that kind of a mystery. Yeah. It's going to be something like that.

But either way, let's get into it. So she's like, yeah, you don't get this in Indiana. And so we see the literal acropolis. Rebecca is a workaholic. And then she checks into a hotel and the person's like, may I have your last name, please? And she's like, Meyer. They're like, okay, you're not allowed here.

We've heard about your past. Please see the hostel next door. We do not accept hot dogs here. I'm so sorry. And then we see the signpost. and it has arrows pointing all which way is like a cartoon. And it says elementary, middle school, annex, academy, administration. And she's like, oh gosh, I had a goal to be a principal before I was 40.

And then we see her in the classroom with kids all around her and stuff. And the teacher who I think she moans later is like, this is our new principal kids. And she's like, well, guess what? I've reached that goal at 35. Yeah. Okay, brag a little bit, Rebecca. Congratulations. You did something by 35. Have you seen the city you're in? It was built on people who did all these things when they were 18. Okay. So, okay, like Socrates was Socratesing probably at about 12. Okay, so let's take it. Let's relax here, Rebecca. Okay, you're not going to press it happens. Listen, how many 35 year old principals do you know? I'm sorry, is there a statue of Forbes around here that I could take a pose in front of? Oh, yeah, just go tell it to Plato, okay? Because guess what?

You're not impressing anyone here in Greece. They've got bigger accomplishments than becoming a principal. Hmm. So everybody's like, oh, my God, yeah, you're, you know, you're the new principal. And Linda's like, while she climbed a ladder quickly, she fell off of it. People smelling like rubbing alcohol and really just having terrible balance in general. And then we see Rebecca playing doubles tennis. Wait a second.

I'd like to revise that language. Can we scratch while she climbed the ladder quickly? While she slapped her way to the top. Sorry, I just had to say it, everyone. So we see her playing tennis and she's telling us, well, making it to principle of 35, that had repercussions on my life. I'm sure, Rebecca. I'm sure her husband was like, you know what, Rebecca?

you're just trying so hard to be principal. I can't be married anymore. I mean, we can't even have dinner without you ringing a bell. I don't need you to ring the bell to tell me when dinner's over, Rebecca. I get it. You do not have to give me a gold star after sex. This is just awkward. It's like Adrian Rennier.

You gave me detention for not finishing my plate before I had dessert. And I will not stand for this. I'm out of here. He's like telling his friends, yeah, I mean, when I met Rebecca, she was everything. We did everything together. And now I just, I go to sleep. She's not there. I wake up. She's already left the house. It's hard. Like, oh, yeah, well, it's tough being, tough being married to a high-powered CEO. She's an assistant principal. So she's like, this new city of Athens, I'm investing in me.

Okay, Nea Vardellas, let's relax. Invest in a dress. You know what I mean? Like, go, go get Go get better dresses. Start there. It's just, you know, good on the outside, good on, don't worry about the inside. That's all bullshit. Okay. Get a better dress. You'll feel better.

Invest in telling us what the repercussions were on your personal life because you can't just like be vague like that and just not tell us. We need to know what went wrong. I think she's saying, right? She tried to be principal by 40 so hard. She just worked, she overworked as a principal and then that ruined her marriage, I guess. and then her marriage spiraled out of control. I just wondering what that was.

Look, an assistant principal can work just as hard as someone who's like in corporate America versus someone who's like an engineer. But for some reason, there's something about the way she's describing it. It just is all the same language as like any movie we see of someone who just cared about their career more than life. And it's always like someone who works on like Wall Street or something.

So I just am like, for some reason it's just like funny to me. Her being like, yeah, I work too hard to be. become principal and like I lost my marriage because of it. I don't know why it's funny to me, but it just is. It's just it's like you know how hard it is to keep up with standards of Singapore math expanding across the America. It's difficult. It's also like elementary.

You have something on your nose. No, I don't. Fuck off. You have detention. All right. All right. Where's the bathroom key? This is me as Rebecca.

I need the fucking bathroom. I'm sorry. I said the F word children. I need the bathroom key back in my office immediately or no one's parking in handicapped again oh god I parked him handicapped in my gotta get out of here Rebecca's spiraling Always be selling you know it's like that's what it is it's like it's like all the tropes that come with those those storylines of like the coke and like the desperation but like applying it to like elementary school as assistant principal is like hilarious yeah so um we see ruins of greece which might as well be ruins of rebecca's life you know there's like toppled husbands and you know

No budget for staplers. And what'd you say? Marble trapers. It's like a stack of trapperkeepers in marble. Michael's penis falls off. That's a different place. But it's like Velcroed on. She's like, wait a minute.

This is the wrong country. Okay, so the narrator's like, finally the perfect work life balance is key. And she's like, I want to be in the center of all the action. But her modest budget means downsize in the city. And so then Rebecca, we now meet her colleague who, I forgot her name. We'll see in like a moment what the woman's name is. But she, her wig, I love it. She's amazing. It's like a thatched roof in medieval times. It's just, she's perfect. This chick is so amazing. And she's just got this

like peaceful, smiling look on her face. And we find out that they met online because we see that Rebecca Her hair is not handling it well in Greece. And the realtor's hair, who's Greek? She's just like, this is hair in Greece. You know, it's like she's, it just doesn't, Greece is not kind to hair. And so this woman's like, fuck it. I'm getting a, I'm getting a wig and I'm going to be happy.

Guess what? Yeah. She's like, I just remember her last name was Crane. Was her name Diana or something like that? She's like, I have a wig. Jody? Lori? Elizabeth.

Oh. I had a wig. I'm happy. My scalp feels. feels good. And now I can just quietly coax this young lady into the suburbs with me. So, yeah, the colleague is, whatever her name is that we'll find is basically like, yeah, it's more bang for the buck in the suburbs. So Rebecca's like, well, but it's not the Acropolis View. I didn't move all this way to land in a suburb. I'm like, you've lived all your life

with that on Acropolis View. You will continue to live your life with that in Acropolis View. It'll be okay. Rebecca, I've known you for two minutes and let me just guarantee you. You were born to live in a suburb. And I'm saying this, I'm podcasting from a suburb, okay? There are some of us that are just like, this is what's meant for us. Okay. So just accept it, Rebecca, okay? So, and also to stop being such a bridge and tunnel tourist, like, oh, my God, I need to be by the Acropolis if I live in Greece.

That is so like, I'm living in Times Square. I'm a real New Yorker now. I'm close to an olive garden. Come on. Yeah, it really is. So that was actually just the intro. And now we start the episode properly. And we see some guards marching around a plaza.

They're like, Rebecca's here. Lock down the Acropolis. And she's taking pictures of them and everything. And she's like, I am from Indiana. I am pretty well traveled. However, I've never been to Europe. So I was like, she's like, I've been to Ohio, though. So pretty well traveled.

I wonder what that meant, too, because Asia. I feel like that's everyone's first trip. I mean, my first European trip was literally this year, and I'm 49. So I'm not well-traveled at all. But I always thought that that was people's first stop when they're well-traveled, right? Maybe she went to... I went to Europe, like, 20 times. Maybe she spent a lot of time in Asia or Africa.

But it just was funny when she's like, I'm very well-traveled, but I've never been to Europe. I kind of feel like you have to have been, before you can say you're well-traveled, you have to have been to at least two of the major continents. Maybe she's been to Asia and Africa, but for some reason, I don't feel like she's been to Africa. I'm just going to put that out there. Yeah, you never know, but I don't know. But I like that also she goes, I'm very well-traveled.

And then it just cuts to her, hanging off the balcony, holding her picture, making a big, gigantic, gaping, white-eye smile. I was like, girl, no one has looked more born for corn than you. Would you stop? She's like, I've been to Cincinnati and Cleveland. So like my passport's pretty full. I did go to Peoria, Illinois. Haven't quite made to Chicago, but you know, there's always next year.

She's like, this will definitely be a culture shock for me. That you couldn't even come up with a culture joke in the birthplace of yogurt. I mean, I just don't have much hope for her. All right, so she goes to a hotel. She checks in, and she's like, good morning. I was an assistant principal for three years. I loved it. However, I was really wanting to challenge myself and take a detour from personal setbacks.

Ma'am, please. No one is here for your personal setbacks. I'm putting you by the ice machine. I go. I know. We are concerned because we did receive a wanted ad for you. They came through our fax machine. So she's like, I'm moving here.

He's like, congratulations. Okay, so then actually the con- See her she goes, you're moving to Greece? How come? I'm like that. Like, why would you do that? Oh, how come? Why would you do that?

Like, why would you do that to us? What's wrong? So, because I was recently divorced. I wanted to be open to a new adventure and I'm running away from problems that I really don't want to discuss right at reception. So please stop making me spiral or I'm taking the bathroom key. Personal issues. I have personal issues in Indiana. I don't want to talk about it. So she's like, so I looked into everything that I can achieve. And an international education

really seemed to make sense for me. So it's a big career opportunity teaching children in Athens. So wait. In international education, does that mean she's going back to school? she's teaching or she just means she's going to be learning things because she's international. I wish I could talk to you more about it, but these are in her personal issues. She's spiraling. She's like, wait, do I want to teach internationally or do I want to learn internationally? Teach or learn. Teach or learn. I'm spiraling. I'm spiraling. It's Indiana all over again. But you're right. Her wording is just bizarre through this whole thing. She goes, so it's really a big career opportunity and a clean slate of socially.

What happened to you socially? What did you do? This lady got wasted. Okay, here's what I'm telling you. The husband left her. She was starting to drink too much. She got wasted at a school function and shit herself. I'm telling you, it's something bad.

And then someone said, when in Rome? And she said, no, when in Athens? And then she was like, that's my new path. So now we meet her colleague and mentor. Julie Crane, who is Greece's answer to Julie Chen. And she, this is, we made her, so you were close with Jody. It was Julie. And Julie loves her, she has her wig, she has a smart little ensemble on, and she is just a reasonable person.

So she's just so smiling. She just looks like someone who's got it all figured out and has like dealt with crazy people her whole life. She's like, oh, hi, honey. Yeah, it's just great to meet you in person, isn't it? And Rebecca tells us, Julie is a colleague assigned to mentor me. Now, so these girls like met online and have kind of become friends is what I'm getting, right? But they don't go too far into it because Julie doesn't work at the school, right? No, I think she does.

It's a colleague. I think she does work at the school. I think. All I know is that Rebecca started her clean slate with her friendships and she had such an issue with her social life that she now has to have her social life assigned to her. Yeah. So Julie's like, there's a lot going on with Rebecca. It's a promotion.

I just couldn't be happier for her. Like, are this lady high? Is we legal there? Because Julie, high is fun. Let's, now let's go have a drink together and get wild and show our tits to someone named Yaakov. So they sit down. And Julie's like, Yamas, as the Greek say,

Rebecca's like, yamas. Wow. Wow. The Greeks say it a little more quietly, and they're Greek. All right. So I'll sip on these. So it's exciting, but, you know, it's also overwhelming at times. And how she adjusts is really important to me.

I really hate to see this nice woman spiral again after she just spiraled and lost everything socially. That's going to be fun to watch. Listen, Rebecca, I know you're new here, but it's going to be fine. Just keep asking questions. For instance, I don't know, here's a good question. What the hell happened in Indiana? I really want to know. I got one.

Have you heard of steamers? Okay. Hair irons. Hot oil. Any of those. Here's a question. Why is it that every time the waiter passes with a beverage, you foam at the mouth? When we ask for a drink,

drink and you asked for nacho sauce in a glass were you kidding why are you snorting the nacho sauce so we see the part of Indiana she's from on a globe and then the globe twist Athens you know I'm part Indiana my mother is from that's my grandma my mima is from Indiana yeah so I was like yeah I got it so Rebecca's like I just have so many changes going on and they're all going on at the same time. So I'm moving to a new continent by myself. I'm diving into a new position, but life is really about opening yourself up to whatever awaits and closing yourself to the disaster that preceded this one. Yeah, there's just so much going on. You know, new continent,

new job, new lawyer, new litigation I'm just trying to get through. Anyway, can't wait for Athens. So many new laws. Athens is one of the world's oldest cities and is known as the cradle of Western civilization. Cradle, thank God. I'm really ready to take a break. When is it time for someone to cradle me? Am I right? Philosophy, education, and the arts thrive during its classical era, but now, in its post-classical era, apparently nacho cheese and a glass thrives. So congratulations, Rebecca, you ruined it. Then we see an infographic that says Classical Athens, 508 to 322B.C. And then we meet our real estate agent, cat. Ugh, the best.

This woman, she, okay, she's dressed like she's 14 years old. She has a little choker on, and she has nothing but disgust and disdain for Rebecca. Truly, and probably everything. Because I like that Rebecca's view of Greece, she's like, oh, my God, Greece, everyone's just so nice, right? I've never heard that, honestly. I've never heard that about Greece. I've heard Greek people kind of hate us and want us to get run over in the street.

Now, did I hear that from one of my best friends who's probably really obnoxious and asked every Greek person she met to take her picture 37 times? And you know who I'm talking about? Yeah, probably. But I do kind of believe her. Wait, I actually always thought Greek people were really nice. I thought that was like you come in. They're like, oh, come on the inside the table. I mean, also, at this point, I now, Neovar Dolos was my previous comp, but now it's NGK.

But still, I still always thought it's like you go in and like Olympia Tukakis is there and she's setting up a seat for you at the table It sounds like that, right? You know? I would think so Opa, we eat, we but I mean they throw a glass to celebrate, you know what I mean? That's true So I don't know. That sounds like, or plates They'll crash plates. Go, congratulations, you found love? Boom, boom! Start throwing plates and getting angry and stuff. Now my friend did not go to Athens. She went to Rome, I think. Oh. No, that's Italy. Why do I keep bringing up Italy? What's the other big? city. Well, maybe she did go to Sparta? Did you go to Sparta? No, it was that. It must have been

Santorini. Now that I'm talking about her and this place, I think that she probably did pull her selfie thing because this friend really loves taking self, not selfies, but she loves to take photos and then she'll pose in front of monuments and then she'll make the person take it 20. She'll be no, no, no, no, no, no, I didn't like that one. Could you do it again? No, no, no, I didn't, could you get this angle and then she'll make you do it 20 times? Like when I had to take her to see the Hollywood sign. She made me go to like 17 different locations to get the perfect picture until I finally told her to shut the fuck up and I might have called her a few four-letter words that you're not supposed to say. And she still brings it up whenever she's upset with me.

Like, remember that time you called me up? But you push people, you know. So anyway, my point is, I don't know if I should blame Athens. Raleen. My place to be. I just realized something. You know what I totally forgot? I went to Greece. for like a day on a cruise and I was there and everyone was nice I can confirm that the people thought I interacted with were very nice well I mean you were with port people you know what I mean no offense I know they were trying to sell me hats and stuff but you know what I feel like that's some real boots on the ground you know reporting like wait I was in Greece for four hours my tour guide that is well traveled though that's very well traveled and you're like

Oh, yeah, I think I was in Greece, actually. Now, that's well traveled. Suck it, Rebecca. That's just, yeah, that's just being on a cruise. You know, I don't know if it feels like it's like you get the bragging rights of being able to say, oh, I was in that country. I went there. I went there.

But it's like, it's like listening to a greatest hits album and then acting like you're a super van of an artist. Yeah. So then Kat's like, I wish I was Rebecca so I could fall in love with Athens all over again and again and again. and again and again. Ha! I also wish I could fall in love with Forever 21 again and again and again. Look at this. Is this not a great...

Ah! So Rebecca and Julie go to the farmer's market to talk, and Rebecca's like, oh my God, this is sensory overload. And Julie's like, exactly right. Just don't spiral, Rebecca. I'm not here. It's just look at it. It's just all... When you really pare it down, it's just pita bread and olives, just in different packaging.

Just calm down. Today, more than a third of Greece's population lives in Athens, and there's no shortage of reasons why. But there is one very good reason why not, and her name is Rebecca. Maths migration just started happening. Her name is Rebecca. The fall of Athens started now. So Julie's like, Athens. has the best of all worlds geographically.

We've got sea, we've got mountains, a wig store, and then we've also got nightlife, friendly people. I love it, or should I say, I love it. Did you get that, Rebecca? There's a lot of, this could be a lot of olive humor you're going to have to get used to. So Rebecca's talking about what she wants, and she wants a one-bedroom, spacious,

to utilize as an office as well, and it must be modern and furnished a balcony of you, sorry, of you, and it needs to be near the center of town. And she wants nightlife. And Julie's like, whoa, whoa, well, calm down. I think you just want a nice backyard somewhere. Let's be honest. Greece is listens.

I know Athens looks like it's all fun in games. It's a rough ladder to climb. Don't bring up ladders, please, Julie. Not today. You don't know what I had to do to get to this. disposition. Actually, I do know. It's all over your outfit. So Julie's like, do you not have a tied stick. Julie's like, she wants the nightlife and it's exciting down there, but it has its disadvantages. Do you know how hard it is to wear this type of wig in a night in a club? It's not

going to be easy for her. Well, you know, listen, having lived here, having worked here, you might want to consider a suburb. And Rebecca's like, no, thank you. So where's the work? It's near she doesn't want to live too close to school. Rebecca's like, listen, I don't want to be too close to school because I'll just work all the time. I mean, is it as Netflix and Chill Night? Have I just put on a 90 and had some ice cream? Better check and see what's going on in Room 11C. Am I right? You know what I've got to say? Okay, my favorite movie is not stand and deliver. My favorite movie is stand and deliver and deliver and then deliver and deliver and deliver and never sit down. Now that's a movie. Okay. All right. Relax now. You know, historically, I am known to overwork. So if I live too close, I might be tempted to go into work. I mean, this is a fresh star, and I don't want to fall into bad habits again.

I mean, we don't want the bad habits. Like, I don't want to go back to that place. I don't want to go back there, Julie. Okay, I don't know what you're talking about having all of. Sex addicts who pooped her pants of the function. That's what I'm going with. So, and there must have been a hot janitor there that she was banging. I mean, there's something weird.

Like, what were your bad habits? Your bad habits were not just going to work. work, okay? Let's be honest. Let me read your nasal passages. Get over here. So Kat's like, how much money you want to spend? And she's like, 500. She goes, okay, well, you're going to get something small, no. And Rebecca's like, great. She's like, God, die. Can't wait for this commission. Maybe I can buy what you say, macaroni and cheese. I know. This, I mean, that's one of our favorite tropes on these shows that people put this huge list and then they say, I'll pay five cents. But when she went through that whole list,

downtown center of activity, she wants to have a view, she wants to have a big enough space that she can use it as an office as well. And then she only wants to pay $500 a month, lady. Literally insane. She comes in and she's like,

welcome, Greece. I want to live on Suzuki Lane. The look that cat gives her, cat just like, oh, like stupid. I'm glad, I'm glad that I have this choked on because otherwise I'd be choking her.

Nothing could be more representative of my feelings right now than they choke her. So, location one, House Number One's location downtown could be a boon to Rebecca's social life, but let's just be honest. It's going to be a lot of rejection, the short amount of time. So let's see what happens. House number one could double Rebecca's social life, but unfortunately, two times zero, is still zero. Sorry, Rebecca. So, Kat tells us about the areas,

the Nescosas area, right in city center. We're going to see one bedroom, sixth floor, walk-up probably. Amazing, no, it's not, it's kind of a walk-up. Amazing terrorist. And she goes, and it's exactly budget you want.

500 cheap or faces. I mean dollars. Sorry. Poor person. I'm so sorry. Am I speaking out loud? It's in the location. want, Julie, why are you writing 500 with two olives? Because I'm just trying to illustrate a point. Everything's about olives. Okay. But I'm really excited to see this. So they go and they walk up a staircase.

At the top of the staircase, there's like a landing and there's two doors. And Rebecca's like, um, there are two doors on this floor. What's going on? She's like, yes. But because it was built in the 1970s, there's two doors, but it's actually only one apartment. The 1970s, the 1970s. The 1970s, has nothing to do with this wacky situation here, which we find out lanky routine. You know, in the 1970s, two doors were required. Just go inside. You know, they did things strange in the 70s.

You know, doors, two doors for every four children or something like that. It was our loss. So you have a problem with it. Talk to Zeus. So they check it out. It's a little tiny, teeny tiny kitchen. And there's, some kind of old wallpaper with cherries on it.

And a steel backdrop, which I liked. I thought it was fine. But Rebecca's like, oh, okay. Wow, $500 really didn't get too much in Greece. But the thing is that this tiny kitchen is behind door number one. But the rest of the apartment is behind door number two. So if you want to cook yourself a meal, you have to go out into the hallway of this building to go into a set basically a separate apartment for your kitchen i've never seen anything like that but that's

she's the only person she's the penthouse right isn't that the penthouse apartment yeah but it's just like i can't yeah it's weird it's a weird it's weird it's weird so um it's a tiny kitchen and she goes yeah i can't wrap my brain around this being in a whole different location and uh julie goes well you're single so maybe you don't need so much oh really Julie. Now her real thoughts come out. Julie ready to throw down. She's like, you know, listen, you know when you get a good kitchen, when you earn it

by finding love? Greek rules. I mean, who are you really cooking for? Am I right? You're going to spend all your time at the school. We know you're a workaholic. Is the cat going to have trouble getting in here to make itself pasta at night? You know, the good thing about Satsiki is that you don't really even need the stove top

for it. You just can get a little cooler in your bedroom. room and just stick it right in there. Why do we pretend that you don't just have a box of ho-hos under one of your pillows at all times? You don't need a kitchen, honey. Like, damn, this lady, Julie is fucking hardcore, man. Yeah.

So then they go across the hallway to see the rest of this apartment. And it's like, it's small, it's okay. It's tiny. It's sad. Depressing. Rebecca's like, wow, well, this is inviting. It's a lot different than, the kitchen, which is again in a different apartment, that's this, this is okay. And Julie's like,

it's very modern compared to the other part. Sort of like my wig. I don't know if you know this, but this wig is fresh off the line. And this is a very modern Athens wig. I mean, just look at, look at, look at, look a cat over here. Yeah, she's right. Very modern ring she has. Surprisingly, yes. So there's this little tiny hallway thing. And she's like, oh my God. Wow, this is small. I don't even know if I could walk through here. And cat's like, it's, you could use his office. It's like, thanks, cat. Kat's like, look, here's the toilet. You can poop in it or type on computer on it. Yeah.

And they're like in the-ch-ch-ch-ching. She says, and this here, this is the waiting area, which you can use as an office as well. Julie's like, oh, that's sweet for you to think that anyone would be coming over here to wait for anything. Yeah, no, there won't be a line of people trying to get in here. But that's nice to say that better. So Rebecca's like, oh my gosh, this room's even smaller than the kitchen. is this a washer? And she's like, yeah.

So there's no room for a dryer? Is that what you're telling me? And Julie goes, oh, God, typically in apartments, they don't come with dryers, you know, even furnished apartments, not for single people. It's so single people. Greece doesn't like single people. So they've made it so that single people can find someone else by having to go outside to put their clothes on a line.

You never know who you're going to run into out there. And then she asked, in order for her to get to her shower, she has to squeeze past the the washer just to access the shower. And she's like, oh, it feels like a little game. Yeah, it's like a, it's like a labyrinth. This is, uh, this is fun. This is fun. Yeah, I love it.

I mean, listen, there's already a really high chance that my friend's going to die alone in a bush. So can we just get her less of a labyrinth feel for an apartment, maybe? But, you know, but then they, uh, start walking to the rest of it. They see the living room and Rebecca's like, well, oh, this is nice, looks very modern and chic. I love, I love when do they go to these crappy, crappy apartments and it's so bad that by the time you get to a semi-decent room, you're acting like

it's an architectural digest. Well, this is very modern. Did I end page this? So it is pretty nice, you know. There's like, I mean, the living room is so teeny tiny, but she's like, wow, so nice, wow, so modern, so chic. I was like, it's none of those things. And cat goes, it's pretty sunny too. Yeah, because it's fucking open windows onto the, you know, the parking lot, cat. I love that cat's like kind of selling it with her words, but her eyes are like, you deserve this. I know.

So, so then they go outside. The bedroom is like actually a decent size. And then the real selling point for this place is that there's this enormous terrace. And they walk outside, the 360. views of the whole city. And Rebecca goes, wow, Julie, the acropolis. And the camera zooms in on this hillside. I'm like, I don't see the acropolis. I looked at it like five times. Did you see the acropolis? I was like, I don't see the acropolis. No, but you know what I did see? A lot of laundry lines. A lot of lawn. That's what the view was, was just other balconies with lines out for the laundry

because there's no dryers. So Julie is just like, wow, looks like there's going to be a lot of single people up here. that it's a definite plus so it says that they're admiring the acropolis but i don't know i didn't see it i think that it was all at this point i think rebecca is is like she's now just hallucinating like the old the old days of indiana are coming back and she's like losing her mind slowly she's like i know there's there's the acropolis i see it it's right there's like honey that's a hillside maybe that's why she thinks she's well traveled she's just used to walking outside as a girl and going Like, today I'm in Paris, mommy. But anybody likes some tea?

They're at the DMV. Okay, so Rebecca's like, oh my God, it's just all so beautiful. So now, Kat's like, look, you can see the sea from here. And there's like a sliver of the sea way off between a couple of buildings. And so she goes, oh my God, this is amazing. And Julie's like, well, I mean, it is kind of a long walk for you to have to drown yourself. But I guess it'll be worth it once you get there. Am I right?

Kat's like, I think this apartment is H-O-T-T-O-G-O, if you know what I'm saying. I'm 14. So Rebecca is like, well, now I know where I would eat when I would bring my food from my kitchen, seeing that every day when I came from work, how amazing that would be just relax up here. I mean, assuming I did come home from work, I probably wouldn't not just be at the office 24-7. I love working. So then we go to the suburbs to see what more space is going to be like. And we see house number two.

And she's like, oh, my God, another balcony. And so let's see here. She's like, I really didn't want to move all this way and land in the suburb. Rebecca worked her way up the teaching ranks. And then she messed it all up by being a drunky, drunky little skunk, fucking a janitor and shitting at a school function. But it's time. It's time.

She's always wanted the big chair. Which is why she fucked that janitor on a Barka lounger. So then... Papa Zons are next. Just be sure to wipe down your shes lounges at the community pool after Rebecca's been there. So she's like, this is my first head principal position and is at an international school. Exciting. And one of the school admins walks in and hands her a set of keys.

And she's like, oh my God, thank you so much. No problem. Hope you enjoy this new position that I should have had because I've been working here for eight years. Okay, have a great day. So she goes and she fills the blank space on her laminated sign on her office door. And she just puts available under the plaque with her name and title. And then she takes a picture of herself with that plaque and posts it on Tender. So she's like, there's so much to learn.

I mean, the thing about being a school teacher is you definitely make mistakes, but you learn with other children. You know, I just can't wait to meet these kids. I'm not allowed to speak to the other ones I used to kind of administer for anymore. That's really sad, but you spank one child and you got shit all over your pants and suddenly your whole life is over. Whatever. These kids understand, you know, that's a little bit of your kids.

Sometimes you do make mistakes and that you should get a second chance. That's something that, I don't know, maybe the people of Indiana should learn someday. Anyway, I'm so happy to be on this journey. So are you guys canceling everybody for no reason here, too, or is that? So Julia's like, well, welcome, Rebecca. This is Old Town Plaka. That's so funny. That's what they used to call me in Indiana.

Oh, Old Town Placa. I don't really understand it. Mostly because I just didn't have very good luck at the dentist. I was just always so afraid for them to clean my teeth that I just stopped. So, you know, that's me, old town placa. That's why it was such a big deal for me to say that my plaque was available on my door. You know what's crazy because all the other teachers would get Starbucks cards at Christmas, and I would just get gum.

Everybody would buy me gum. I never really got that. It's not that I think about it. Well, Rebecca's board colleague, Julie, is here to help with a transition. and go get them, Julie. So they are walking around and everything. And this is Rebecca again and goes, you don't get this in Indiana.

Julie's like, you certainly don't. Big idiot. So they stop at some stores and stuff. And Julie is telling us, I've known Rebecca now electronically for about four months. And wow, can people really sell themselves on the internet? Am I right? Wow.

She does not match her keywords. Let's just say that. Do they have a show called professional catfish or is it just for relationships? Just wondering how I could apply. So Julie goes into the store, she's like, this is my friend, Rebecca. And the clerk's like, oh, hello, nice to meet you. It's like, you can call our old town block up. You need more help than I'm willing to give here.

Okay. I'm so sorry. Please go to the next door. This guy's like, oh. well this is time honey from Tegeta's Mountain and would you like to try a little bit? Okay, please don't take the whole jar. Okay, well, all right.

I have to charge you for that. I have a nice selections of dresses in the back but I'm a dressmaker, not a miracle worker. Please move on. This is called time, honey for a honey who needs some time, okay? I don't even know what that means, but it felt good to say. Honey, you're past your time.

All right. Moving to an older country doesn't make you younger. So she's like, oh my god, honey, wow, how interesting. Oh, oh. So school is 25 minutes from city center. So I think this would be perfect. I don't wanna be too close to the school store clerk

because I'll show up there to start working. Give me the honey. Okay, all right. Okay, let's let's let's let's let's let some other people have some honey too. Rebecca, she said, no, it's mine. Okay, well you know, the Greeks are known for their honey and their olive oil.

That means there's plenty of, Honey, in other places, let's let this old man. Okay, his hand is turning red. You can let go of him now. She was like, historically, I overwork. So I just can't live too close to work. So then we see the flashback to house and the kitchen tour. You know, because this is house hunters.

So they show you the same things 20 times in an episode. So then Julie's like, well, I want to nudge her towards a suburb. And then we go to the city center area. Okay. It's the next one, guys. city center area. Yes. And Kat's like, well, it's a bit noisy.

I don't know if you mind that. And Julie's like, well, I know that the daily stress is wearing you and getting more quiet is optimal. I think I read the dossier on you. I think you need to be in a place with less demulation with fewer janitors. Okay. We're going to take you to the suburbs. We're going to Napsico.

Okay. It's in the suburbs. And, you know, and Kat's like, I think it's good for someone who wants quiet life. She's like, but I just said I want to go out and meet people. You need quiet life. Okay. So Kat's like, it's only 10 minutes walk to Metro Station and two stops from your job.

And she goes, well, I don't want to be too close because I'll be in there. Who took the staplers? Who's eating Pop-Tarts in class? There are gluten-free people who could be affected by this. So we go to this building. And it's like a standard building, apartment building. It's $500 a month. It's on budget.

And they walk in and it's actually nice. It's a perfectly nice apartment. Generic, but like after the apartment we just saw, generic counts as luxury here. It looks, all the rooms are nice. Everything is furnished. I was like, this is a good place. I was like, this is probably, she'll probably take this one.

But Rebecca's got this like sex in the city thing in her mind where she was like, I'm moving to Greece. I'm gonna be having Cosmos with guys with hairy backs and like, you know, riding on the back of motorcycles and stuff. And so she walks up to the building and she's like, this is residential. Man, you're the principal of an elementary school.

What, right? Like, come on now. So they walk down over there, Carrie Sadshaw. It's gonna be fine. Yeah. So they start walking through this place. It's 500 bucks a month, which is, you know, know, right on for her. And it's spacious. It's modern. And, you know, Kat just keeps pointing to random things.

And now it's like a closet. She's like, you can use this as disc. She's like, oh, okay. Well, I guess I just need to, I just need to get a chair. Can I get a chair? Can I go to the city center? Can I get some honey? How about some honey for the chair? Okay. All right. All right. Let's settle down now. We'll get you a chair for your office. So it's fine. You know, this place is fine. There's a little corner balcony and there's a nice view. And cats like, you can see mountains. And she's like, well, I mean, that's not the Acropolis or the city center. I mean, there's no olive garden there. Right. Where's the history? It's not right outside my door. That's for sure. And she goes, and Julie's like, no, but it's the suburbs. There's nice greenery, okay? Fucking Zorba. You'll, you'll survive this.

You're in Greece. You're literally in the history. Okay. Sorry you don't see an actual marble column staring at your face, but you're there. You made it. Don't worry. Yeah. So Julie's like, this apartment is huge for Greek Sanders. She just doesn't get it. So there's a kitchen and there's open living here.

And so Julie's like, look, this screams more space and easy living to me, right? I mean, look at all these other balcony. Look at all these places you can smash plates. I mean, there's just, it's just so much more space. Yeah, and then there's a second balcony. And Rebecca's like, oh my gosh, green space. This is just kind of my mother, right?

So they look at the bathroom. There's a guest bathroom in this one. And so that's really nice. And then there's a bedroom with natural light. And there's a big glut. Well, what they're saying is big closet space. But, you know, they're lying on this show. They're like trying to gaslight us on this show.

But whatever. Yeah. And the balcony is, it's a big balcony. And Becca's like, wow, I mean, I can do cartwheels out here. Like, well, just make sure you've got the underwear on. We don't want to repeat of Indianapolis. I did the research. I was going to say, well, I'll wait for that.

Go ahead. You're starting? So then she was like, this would be a great place to entertain, but I would be more of a homebody here. And that's just not what I envisioned when I moved here. You know, where's Samantha? Where's the other one? Where's Moran?

Oh, we'll leave Moran. Branda at home, am I right? Spoiler alert. We could put you in the hottest nightclub in the city, and you'd still be a homebody. So might as well lean into it, okay? So there's a bathroom that's nice, and there's a plus sign on the wall,

and it has like a washer as well. And Rebecca's only criticism of this is she goes, so the toilet paper, it's kind of an odd spot for toilet paper, right? And it's, what is it? across the room. It's like across. So when you sit on the toilet, it's like, it's the wall facing.

It's not like to the side. It's facing. And it's like a little bit far away. So you just kind of have to lean forward. And that was the moment that I knew that this was the house that she had chosen. Because as we all know, they've chosen their house before they film. And I was like, that is the observation that you only make if you've had to take a dump in this house. And you've been like, fuck that toilet paper is too far away.

Because if you're doing a walk through, you're not going to just sit down on the toilet and gauge how far away. the toilet paper you're right is that is one of the things when you move in that you realize that you really got screwed on yeah that is a lived in comments and i was like oh this is her way of saying like whoever sold me this place i just want to point out you didn't point this thing out and this is a problem i'm letting all the world know i actually have toilet paper roll drama because i moved into this house in texas and i was like there's no toilet paper roll in here and they're like oh you just put you know that means you can pick your own and put it in your yourself. It's so easy. So I did that. I did it wrong. Now there are two gaping holes. Then I did it

again. Then there were more gaping holes. Then I did it where you get the things that you nail into the wall and then put the screws through those things. And it was still falling off all the time. Then I tried to fix the wall with that there's like text string on the wall. So I couldn't get it to match the text string. So I just kept trying to put the spackle and stuff on there. Now I've ruined an entire wall. Now I'm going to have to hire somebody in to come and fix this whole fucking thing all because I said okay to there not being a toilet paper roll holder when I should have said get a fucking toilet paper roll in here or I'm not going to do it you know that you can also get standalone ones that just stand up like a pole and have a thing you look like a

weirdo like really you can't just put a toilet paper holder in there shouldn't be that hard but it's just simple things that you're like whatever it's something I'll settle on and then you settle and then your life becomes a disaster because of it But yeah, you're right. That's how you knew. That's how you knew that this was her place. Because, like, an observation about a toilet paper holder, that you only get that once you've been living in it.

Yeah, this lady is peed here. This lady is pooped here, for sure. She's done all. Okay, so they leave this house. And Kat's like, I get the feeling you like it. And she's like, well, I did, but I want to be excited. And I just feel like it has all the features I want. And Julie's like, it's open.

It's a great setup for parties. Then the extra bonus bath, the balconies, don't forget the balconies, two places for you to jump from when things don't really work out here. Am I right? Hold on one second. I'm just going to reflect on how fun it is that I keep on saying how you're going to have parties. Okay. Moving on. So now let's go see House number three.

First we see Julie and Rebecca at a sandal shop. It's handmade. And the shop owner is used to people like tourists coming in because he goes, wow, don't forget. What did he say about these sandals? He said, oh, you know, these sandals? The Beatles have them. Don't forget the Beatles wear these. She's like, oh, wow.

She goes, how wonderful. This is, well, this is, this is wonderful. Let me just put my foot in here. Oh, no. Did you have honey on your foot? I do. I do. I'm sorry.

Is that not allowed? By the way, just so you don't think I'm a weirdo, I did not put honey on my feet. I was licking my toe when I had honey on my mouth. Do I sound weird? Am I spiraling? Sorry, I'm starting to spiral. It's Indiana all over again. So she's so recently divorced Rebecca is embracing a change of scenery in Athens, Greece, where she's going to ruin all of this city's legacy.

And so she's like, well, you know, life. took a bit of a detour. I don't want to get into details, but let's just say there is certain databases in America that I'm now in. Detour. I don't want to go too deeply into it. Let's just say broke, snorted, shat, fucked, left. All I just want to say is that I had to take a covered wagon and sneak into Canada so I could get a flight into here because there's something called a no-fly list. Anyway, I don't want to get into it. And then we see hugging, Rebecca hugging a horse

and then she hugs a large wooden version of the state map and then we see a cake that says Bon voyage, Becca, and then under it there's a little picture that says you're not allowed within 30 yards of the school. And then we see a patrol car

and then we see like a blurry mess but we see fists and we see a plastic drink flying through the air and then we see her in an orange over a face and just hear us kirkplunk there's a manifesto in her bag about health care so then we see rebecca get some sandals you know and then um uh rebecca wants to really experience athens and to her that means life in the city but her modest budget and dresses will only get her so far So we have a flashback of her in Kat's office, like, you got honey on my keyboards.

I just bought this. I did love the scene where we see Rebecca, they're like, you know what, Rebecca, we want to get you as a single empowered woman who's going to eat, pray, fuck her way through Greece. Let's do it. Put on your best dress. And so she's like, you know what, I'm bringing out the black and white moo-moo today. And she's just like doing this confident walk down the Greek market. I loved that shot. Sean. I loved that for her. It was like sort of an awkward house hunters walk where they just let you do it one time. But it was, I still love that for her. I was great girl. I liked that. And then I also like she had a big chunky necklace at one point. So I appreciated what she was trying to do. So we're now going to house number three. And yeah, in the middle of this is where the sandal maker is like, you know my sandals have been worn by the people's too. Like you're a liar, sir. You're a liar.

They go to, we see a lot of flashbacks. And then I'm just like scrolling through, there's so many flashbacks. Okay, house number three could clear things up. Okay, you idiots, we are in the hypocrite area, as in you'd be a hypocrite to be a principal after what you did back in the Americas. But anyway, we're going to go see penthouse apartment,

most beautiful views. It's over budget. So it's over budget. So this is the penthouse view, and it's a hundred bucks over. Well, no, the other one's penthouse too. They both were penthouse. houses. Okay, okay. Yeah. So they go and there's a timely little elevator and Rebecca's like a hundred dollars a month. What are we going to do? And Kat's like, oh God, trust me, will you? So they go look at it and they get up the elevator and then there's more stairs that they have to go up. Yeah. And she's like, I don't know about that. I mean, I go up an elevator. Then I have to get to my unit and go upstairs. I mean, they just barely got to that staircase because they get in that, first of all, the elevator is like a coffin. I don't even know how they got the camera in there.

You see them all bundled up in the elevator. The camera's like up her nostril. And then they're in the elevator and goes, oh, boom. It just like goes like, she's like, um, is this haunted? She's like, no, that's, we call that Greek elevator ride. That's fun. Don't do a part of experience. So, um, she walks in and she's like,

I'm not really sure about this fuck hole. I mean, my God, I've been in ass cracks that smell better than, ah, the view! And there's like a huge, view and she starts squealing and runs outside to check it out. Yeah, and this time you can see the Acropolis. It's definitely Acropolis. And it's kind of a cool place because it's like all windows. It's like you're at the top of this building and every wall is like a window. Like everything is. But my first thought was like it's going to get hot in there. It's going to get

so hot. It better have good air conditioning because you know what? Waking up, I used to have an apartment where my, I had a window that faced east. And when that sun comes, in in the morning it does not matter what kind of blind you put up you are it's going to get hot and you're going to have sun in your eyes yeah um so she goes in to check it out she's loving it so far and she's like i mean there's no tv but when this is my view who need the tv and uh you know julie's like oh honey you do you need a tv you're going to need to see your fraser reruns that's what i do You're not going to miss one of the new matlocks. The kitchen's small, but it's bright and everything.

And there's like a little dish, hidden dishwasher. There's balconies. I think it's like, I actually think it's a cool apartment if you're just like young and single. And you just move there. I think it would be a totally fun thing to just have this all around. But it's not going to be for her. We know this already. Yeah.

And then she's, you know, she's doing that thing like you said, where she's just seeing such shit that she's excited over every little thing. So they walk into the bathroom and it's just a normal shower. And she goes, oh my God, look at that showerhead. I feel like I'm in a spa. Like what have they been just hosing you down? What are you excited about? Tell us about the spas in Indiana because.

Tell us about the regular showers in Indiana. Is it like a tub hooked up to a hose? Like what's happening? I know. So he's like, well, there's no wash her here. She goes, oh, I don't need to wash my clothes every day. Yeah, but you still need to wash them. And this is like 30 layers of stairs and elevators, girl. I know. So, and she's like, oh, my God, look at this bedroom. There's so many windows and mirrors and windows because the bedroom is basically like a bed up against a mirror and behind a window. It's just like, I'm just like, you're going to be boiling. But it's really just all about this view. And it's just, it is a gorgeous and very cool view. It's just, it is a gorgeous and very cool view. you know and yeah so basically it's time to make a decision because Julie is like live in the suburbs don't be fucking stupid and this one's all about the view but the only

one that really had the space was the suburbs so they go over everything and I really thought it was going to be number one oh I was so no no I thought it was gonna be number three because of the view I was gonna say so when I saw the total paper thing I was like she's definitely choosing number two but then number three she was so taken with that view and it was kind of a cool apartment even if it was small and lacking certain things, I thought, I was like, oh, she's going to do the whole thing where Julie's going to say, well, you need to be wise with your money,

so you should go to the suburbs as the better apartment. And she would say, I know, but I've got to follow my heart. I'm going to take that penthouse one. But shockingly, she's like, you know what? At a different time in my life, when I had a different police record, I would have taken the top house. But now I'm going to be better about it. I'm going to take house number two.

Yeah, she did it. She took house number two. And she seems happy because later she's like, I'm happy. And then they show her hanging out with a friend. And guess who it is, the guy from that school. She started fucking the guy from the school, which I love for her. I love that she immediately went to Greece, found a guy to fuck right at work. And boom, just nailed him.

I mean, he could not have looked more eager to have gotten out of that apartment. He was like, I thought you said you'd wanted me to deliver some pencils to you. Why are we still here? Can I go? Can I go? Hold, I just want to show you one more thing. Real quickly? Really?

I thought he was totally begging her. I got that five. No, I know. It's like, it's like, I feel like he's like, okay, I'll bang you. But I also want to go. Yeah. But also I hate your apartment. He's like, I tried to poop here.

It was difficult getting the toilet paper. She's like, damn it, I know that was the one thing. Well, super fun episode. Thanks so much for the suggest, ja. Love you guys. Bye. Bye.