Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #504 Young Buyers Hit Brick Wall

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

This week on Dwell Hellow, a young couple just wants a pool. In Grand Rapids, MI. Surely it will all work out…? This is a recap of House Hunters S066 E08 Young Buyers Hit Brick Wall and we rented it on AppleTV. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And welcome to Dwell. Hello. Watchwood Crapins podcast about house hunters. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. Today's episode is House Hunter's Season 6, Episode 8, Young Buyers Hit Brick Wall.

This one's a little more difficult to find. We ended up renting this off of Apple TV because we got a good suggestion for it. So if you're looking for it, that's where we found it. Just search Young Buyers Hit Brick Wall. So we start with some intro music, followed by Linda. And she's like, Eric is a tough cell. And then we meet Eric. And he's like, I would describe myself as a type A personality.

You know what I'd describe you at as a person with a fohawk? You are too old for that shit, sir. Yeah. You're a type dull personality. I looked up this episode. It was filmed in 2012. But based on the way it looked, both in terms of their personal style and the houses, it looked like it was filmed in 2003.

So, sir, come on with a... You're a type of name personality, okay? Yeah. You get a strong name from me. Yeah, I say this as someone who did have a fohawk. I had a foahawk. I was there. I did it.

I took part of it. And it was a bad one. I tried. I tried it. You look up old photos of me. That had a weird thing going on. It didn't really work out. But even by 2012, I'm pretty sure I had stopped with the fohawk.

Come on. Come on. Come on, man. Well, I get off easy because I'm bald. You know, I have a shaved head. So I can make fun of guys' hairstyles in any year because I don't have them. I'm just bald. Yeah.

Okay. Well, that's fair. So we are in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and we're seeing stuff that's going to be showing up on the episode. We see Eric and Chelsea. Chelsea is his wife, I think. And they are, I guess, are we in the show? Are we in the trailer right now? Actually, I got a little confused just now.

I think we're in the show. We see them sitting on a small camel. We're in the show properly. Yes. And she's telling, Chelsea is telling the camel, she's like, hi, are you going to spit at me? So they're riding a camel, and then we see them at an aquarium tank, and they're into zoos because they have a stingray there as well,

which is really weird. It's like an all-inclusive zoo. They've got a lot going on in Grand Rapids. I'll tell you that. Does Grand Rapids have a famous zoo situation going on? It's not what I was expecting. Yeah, and it's like a zoo where you can do every single. thing. There's stingrays. There's camels.

It's a lot. Yeah. It's kind of like the all-you-can-e buffet of zoos. Well, maybe it's not nice to bring up buffets when you talk about animals, but it's fine. So Chelsea is like, I'm Chelsea, and this is my husband, Eric, and I am a customer service representative. Excuse me, house hunters.

Do you mind that this conversation is being recorded for quality assurance? Okay, let's go on with the episode. She's like, yeah, my name's Chelsea, para Espanol, prima, oldos. Thank you so much

for being a Comcast customer. How may I help you today? And I'm a civil engineer. I grew up in Grand Rapids and it's where all my family is and all of my friends. And he's like, I want to, you know, I want to go to that new place

that's got outdoor seating. That's kind of bold in Grand Rapids. She's like, he sure is. We're going to sit outside. This is crazy. That was the funniest thing. Hey, did you hear? A place opened up with

outdoor seating. I want to go check out that outdoor seating place. I've never seen anything like it. Why am I going to pay someone to give me a picnic? I can do that for free. Oh my God. What an innovator. All this time I thought chairs had to be inside. But now there's one with outdoor seating. It's crazy. What's next? Indoor camels? So basically, Chelsea's like, well, there's always something to do here in Grand Rapids. It's a really cool city. You can go see the camel or this dingray or the outdoor seating. It's, it never ends here. You can stand on a bridge. That's a big thing in house hunters lately or bridges. People are like, wow, where's the bridge? Yeah, they love that. So then we see pictures of them and we see them in

college and, you know, basically their whole like young Eric and Chelsea. And so Eric is like, well, we met at a New Year's Eve party and went to school 500 miles away. So, you know, the long distance was really hard. She's like, yeah, it didn't work out so well. We broke up. It was the best three months of my life. Yeah, but then I went to Cambodia and I taught English the little three and four and five-year-olds, and that was kind of fun.

But, you know, that had to end. So here I am back with Eric. And he's like, yeah, I was always trying to get her back online. And five months later, we were married. And she's like, yeah, you know, it's called settling. So. Never should have made that sex tape with him. God, blackmail is a real bitch, huh?

It's like, yeah. So we're ready to move because this apartment's just too small for us, you know? Like, after seeing the dream of outdoors Eden, we realize we don't have to be confined by four little walls. And she's like, yeah, it's just time for a new house. Because our friends are all buying houses. So that's what you do. Your friends do it, you do it. They settle, you settle.

They buy a house, you buy a house. They try eating outside. You try eating outside. Before you know it, you're all covered in mosquito bites together. At least you're not alone. You know, Julie Morgan's turn, she marries a guy with a fohawk. So I marry a guy with a foothock. It's just what you do.

You go with the flow. That's why it's called Grand Rapids, not Grand Sit Stills. It's not called Grand Slolies. Okay. So Eric's like, I like older types of houses with wood floors, you know, floor, stuff like that. And so we see wish list, him, older house.

As opposed to the chic modern houses that we see in this episode. So, yeah. Eric would also like a house with a brick front, and we see a house with bricks, just in case people couldn't imagine that. But when we asked brick front houses what they would like, they said

people without foahawks. So we're really already in a conundrum here. I'm also, I'm Maureen. into a newer house, even though a lot of things on Eric's wish list are in an older house. So we'll see how that goes. Do you mind if I put you on hold for one moment while I just check with my manager? Okay. So wish list, her, two stories.

Well, I'm more interested in two stories because I grew up in a two-story house. So, you know, I'm just used to doing what you're used to, you know. That's Eric. She's really bucking the trend because normally it's the guy that's who says. He wants to recreate a childhood, but she also wants a recreate her childhood, which is, you know, You know, when you've been raised in a two-story house, you know, you want to live in a two-story house for rest of your life? What's the point of being raised if you can't actually be raised from the ground, you know? Yeah.

I'm no movie star, so those are the only stairs I'm going to get. Plus, there are an easy way to, easy thing to push Eric down. And Eric goes, yeah. So you're used to it. You know, you're used to stairs. You know, you're not a big fan of change, huh? I was like, whoa, Eric. I married you, didn't I?

I don't know who's the one who's afraid of change when you're the one. one with the foahawks six years after it was popular, but that's okay. No kidding, Ross hair. So Eric is like, well, you're concerned with some of the details like Crown molding, huh? And he's like, yeah, and like arch doorways. Arch doorways. Yeah, arched doorways. Love arched doorways.

You know, I need something that's going to get up in this household. It's mostly just for Eric's hairstyle to get through. I just really have a dream of going to St. Louis someday, and if I can't get there, I need to see it represented in my doorways, arches. You know, I just like an arch because no matter how bad things get with Eric, I can just always remember, at least there's a McDonald's somewhere. You know what I like about an arch doorway is it says you could have just been a regular doorway, but you aspire to be something bigger and taller and greater.

And so it may not be happening in my life, but at least it can happen with these doors. No matter how bad things get, there's something that's always frowning more than me. We also have not talked about Chelsea's aggressive side bang that she does, just swooping across her forehead. She's like, I like to hide myself as much as possible one my round to her. I don't want people to see that it's actually me. So I put my bangs and put my eye. I don't want to be in a situation. I just tilt my head a certain way.

Boom, I'm gone. Oh, God. I love crown moldings anyway. So Eric says, you know, okay, I'm more concerned about living spaces. God, I love that store. What a great jingle. But also, when I grew up, we always had two different living spaces. One was a formal living area and one was an informal living area where you watch TV. So here he is now projecting his strange childhood patterns onto the future home, which is that he needs to have two living spaces. Yeah. And so he, we see a house with. the formal and informal living room set up. And he's like, I like darkwood, dark hardwood floors, dark hardwood cabinets, things like that. And we see wish list, darkwood. So then we see another place.

And she's like, yeah, I like more blonde and lightwood. So, you know, we're really in a pickle. I have to say, not a lot of ambition between these two. Normally it's like, I need to have a jacuzzi. Because this one's showing us like what they like as they say it. And they're both tacky as hell. So it's already hard for me to care for this couple. Basic.

Your basic. So she's like, and make sure it has three bedrooms and two bathrooms. So her wish list is three bedrooms and two bathrooms. I guess because they're going to have a kid someday. He goes, okay. And Eric's like, well, I can compromise on that. I could just have one full bathroom, not a huge deal to me. Excuse you.

I don't want to poop or my guest poop. That's it. I need my own pooper. And frankly, you need your own pooper too. So you need at least two bedrooms just with one. couple if you're me. Yeah. Well, he also wants a backyard for the dog. So Eric is like, yeah, I want a yard where I can actually have a dog. You know, being married is great and all, but I still need another companion, you know, someone who kind of gets me other than this dumb dumb. Yeah, I'd like one too, preferably one that

when I'm sick of him, I can cover him with some sausage on his face and the dog will just eat it off. I'm sorry, was I using my outside voice? Dobermans? Do you know what? Do those work? Something feral and big. I think that getting a dog would be good practice for raising kids. All right. So if you're going to diss me and say that you want a dog too, because I'm not good enough, then guess what? I'm going to force you to have kids. And also, at least the kids will have their own place to poop just like the dogs, the backyard. Okay, we're getting three bathrooms. That's it. So he's like, I don't think, I don't think dogs and kids correlate at all. We'll eventually have kids. And she goes, okay, I want to pool too.

But the kids could drown in it. Well, I don't want the kids to drown. But if you drown, that's okay. Okay. So Chalci says, you know, there's not a huge reason to have a pool in Grand Rapids because there are allegedly rapids around here somewhere. But you know what? The seasons are go by so quickly.

But I just want one because I know it's going to piss off Eric. He's like, hey, we're not going to use that. And then I'm going to be stuck cleaning it. She goes, I'll clean it. I'll clean it. Anything to get out of the house with you. Okay. because she says that about a lot of things.

And it turns out they have a real issue. He does all the, I'm sorry, what? I was going to say, well, it turns out they have a real issue about cleanliness because of the laundry. Yeah, because he does all the laundry. So she's like, Eric hates how I do laundry because I do not separate colors. Like, I don't believe in that. So he insists on separating colors and boom, you got to do the laundry. Sorry, if I do it, your jeans are going in with your whites.

So he wants a laundry room, preferably on the first. floor because he's lazy. And then we see Chelsea has now taken cookies out of the oven and they have all kind of like spread into each other. So she's made her cookies incorrectly or at least spaced them incorrectly. So good for you, Chelsea. Well, you know, I'm more go with the flow than Eric is as previously established as evidenced by the fact that I went back and married him because I had nothing else to do with my life. So, you know, I came back from Cambodia, married him. Very good with the flow. he's like yeah i go crazy just with everything you know i really go crazy you know the way i separate my laundry etc and so she left a sad cookie and he's like ooh that's not perfect gross can't wait to

marry a dog wow thanks for melting all your butter before you made your cookies they spread out and became floppy in the pan way to go oh and you're going to clean a pool i don't think so so their budget is $145,000 how crazy easy as that. Oh my God. I don't even understand. Is that true? I'm moving I don't rapids. I mean part of it is that are still real been I don't think so I mean part of it this was 13 years ago the economy was different. It's also in a more it's not grand rapids is not rural it's a city but like it's you know it's a different part of the country like where LA everything is like 10 million dollars just to like you know find a three by three you know plot of land to put a tree into. So you know I don't know. I don't know. But wow, $145,000 as a budget to get a house that could potentially be two stories. That's insane right now. That's insane right now, Madison.

Linda says, well, they've asked their real estate agent, Mike Oustendorp, for help. And by the way, if you've ever wondered what someone named Mike Oostendorp would look like, it's this guy. This guy is the most Oostendorpi Mike you've ever met in your life. There's no more Oostendorpi person than this guy. Okay, Grand Rapids, Michigan. you can still get a house for 175 grand. Well, Get out.

200 or 300 for nice ones. Wow. Get out. I'm getting the hell out of here. What the hell am I doing? 349,000 gorgeous home with all original wood floors. I'm out of here. Bye.

Oh, my God. Look at this craftsman for six. This is like living big. Let's see what this one is. Four bed, three and a half bath, 2200 square feet. Gorge. Oh my God, then I could know in Ustendorp.

I'm out of here. Can I tell you something? I just looked up Mike Ustendorp on Zillow. And he has the most adorable picture. And he has a little bio. He says, I have over 40 years of experience in West Michigan real estate market and have routinely been a top producer. I have managed, trained, and mentored many agents during my career

while maintaining consistently high levels of personal production. And I am the proud father of two beautiful daughters. And let me tell you about my grandchildren. I'm active in my church and a strong believer in and supporter of Christian education. As a long-term resident owner of multiple properties in West Michigan, I know the market. And I also know Jesus. So contact me with your real estate deeds. And let me tell you again about my grandchildren.

Gosh, they're great. So wonderful. I'm going to fit right in. He is. He is just a, oh, he's a beauty. And the last place he sold was 180 grand. Okay, let me tell you, the guy's not making a ton of commissions, but he sure has a haughty. Well, he hasn't sold anything in a year.

He's only sold 65 things on Zillow. Well, that's, I feel like, I don't know how many, how many houses does a real estate agent sell in a year? Your name is Mike Houston Dork. Mike Lerg. Well, maybe he's retired now. So then we see Mike driving and he's like, well, the first-time buyer is something I'm familiar with, you know. Part of the problem is the expectation. These guys think their dollar is going to go a lot further and they think they can get all their wants in one house at an affordable

price. It's just not realistic. Here's what's realistic. Poop on a platter, $10. That's what you get. You want to give me a couple hundred? All right. I'll get you something more. So we go to house number one. It's a Cape Cod house built in 1946. And Mike's like, okay, guys, so we've got a Cape Cod style house. It's three bedrooms, a bath and a half, 1,500 square feet. And they're asking for about 114,900,000. $1,000. Are you kidding? Are you kidding me? It's crazy. And it's a cute house. It's pretty nice. It is cute. And Chelsea's like, oh, my gosh, I think it's adorable on the outside. And Eric's like, oh, I don't know. Three bedrooms looks a bit small to me.

It's $114,000, Eric. So calm your fohawk. He's like, well, actually there's, Mike says, there's actually a nice addition on the back. It's kind of a fooler from the street because it looks like it's one story on the street, but it's a two-stop. story edition in the back. We call this a house small it. You'll really enjoy it. One thing I noticed so is that the siding is vinyl. It's not brick. You know, I'm a brick man. And Mike goes, actually, that's aluminum, Eric. You know, don't guess what you drink your diet soda, Zada. You know what's funny, Eric? One thing that I notice is that your hair is stupid and not cool. Why don't you just go bully a diet pop? So they go inside and Chelsea is like, oh, this is very nice. Sorry, I'm just going on the flow, because I know you're supposed to say that when you walk into a house and they walk through. There's Harvard floors, and there's coved ceilings,

which is like those curvy ceilings, I think, where it's like curves, it's like you don't have corners. I don't know that I would consider these cove ceilings, but I mean, I guess they fit a very, I guess they could fit that. So then they see the second living space, which is all what they want. it's a done, you know. And Mike's like, notice the belt-ins back here. That's a nice feature. That means that they belt it in there. So you can't move those.

Those are built-ins, but that's actually quite fancy. And Eric is like, well, it's dark hardwood. And you know, I like the dark. And our note-taker, Chandler says, side note, note, is he okay? He's really bent on those dark cabinets. He's like obsessed with like dark wood. So they go in the kitchen and Chelsea is like, oh, look, it's real tile, Eric, which apparently

is something you also were obsessed with that you didn't mention at the top of the episode. No, he did. He said real tile and wood. Oh, that's another one of his things where he's like real tile. Oh, wow, it's real tile. It is like 50 cents a square foot tile from the lows. Girl, I've seen it. That's the stuff you get if you're doing like the cheapest flip in the world.

It's the shittiest tile ever. He goes, oh, my God, it's real tile. And Darkwood? Oh, my God, this is it. And Chelsea's like, this house is too old for me. I want to see something newer. But let's keep looking. So they look at a bedroom and it's kind of hideous.

It's like, I think a kid's room. And Mike's like, I guess it could be an office, you know? Mike is like, you know what? It's like what you probably have to tell to your friends when they see Eric's Fahawk. Just try to look past the decorating and you'll see the real thing in there. And, you know, it's good. And then Eric is like, well, they go bedroom two and Eric thinks it's workable. And then they go to the top floor, which is where the primary bedroom is.

And it's got slanted ceilings because it's a Cape Cod. So it's like, you know, there's diagonals going on. Eric's like, what's the deal with the ceiling? I'm like, are you really upset right now? You literally shaped your hair to fit this room. Okay, be happy with it. That's funny. It is like that.

But yeah, it's where there's no. attic or anything. So the roof goes all the way, I mean, the ceiling goes all the way to the roof. And so it makes those slants. And we see this a million, we've seen it a million times on these shows. So it goes, what's the deal with the ceiling? And Mike goes, ah, excuse me, let Usterstoop get in here for a second. Now listen, this is a Cape Cod style, Eric. The roof line is the ceiling line in this style of house. Okay, you don't like it too bad. What are you going to go complain about there being a Jessica Fletcher and a cabot cove? Shut up. Just take it. Take it to the Marines. So Chelsea very quietly is like, it's fun for me.

This is the first sign of sweet Mike Ousendorp cracking. Because over the course of the episode, Mike gets more and more frustrated with Eric. Because Eric is like a full-fledged asshole. So Mike is like, okay, but the, you know, the, and also by the way, okay, cheery, sweet Ustendorp is back. The upside is that there is a half bath up here, but they don't like it. Well, Eric doesn't like it because of the ceilings. And Eric goes, yeah, I mean, it's crazy. And here's what I mean.

I hate it. Like, well, it kind of took me a little off guard when we went upstairs. I mean, in my mind, he almost dared, I don't want to curse, overreacted to it. I mean, I'm the father of two daughters. And let me tell you about my granddaughters, am I right? I mean, you're going to say those sort of words like overreact to me. I don't know. It's a bit harsh.

Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot to do with. You know, Eric, in this price range, this style of happening. this is a big bonus to having these slanted ceilings. This is what a lot of people really like this. And Eric's like, no, I don't like it. You can't fit my, look, look, they put a mirror here. You can't even put the mirror on the wall because the wall is slanted.

So they just have to rest it on here. I don't like it. I'm like, it's $114,000. You better learn to like it because this is a steel. You can't even get a cardboard box out here for that much. So he's like, well, Chelsea doesn't seem to care that there's not a lot of room. in that master suite or whatever you want to call it. You know what?

Here's my review. He did it. Also, every single person who's ever met you. Same review. So they go down to the basement and Mike is like, well, guys, guess what? I know you want two living spaces. Here's the third one. It's in the basement.

And Charles, he's like, that's awesome. Am I supposed to say that? It's awesome. And Eric's like, you know what? To be honest, we've already got two really nice living spaces. So this would just be an added bonus. I'm angry about that. Yeah, I'm very angry about the extras.

And then they entered the laundry area of the basement, which is really nice. And he goes, well, like, hey, this thing's that the laundry is downstairs. That means I'm going to be hauling everything up and down. I don't like spending too much time in an unfinished basement. And Chelsea goes, well, a little hard work could be good for you, which is so funny. But that's not an unfinished basement, first of all. And second of all, that's your man cave. You could be doing your laundry.

You could be playing video games. You could have your own whole life down there. You're crazy. I think any husband who saddled with the laundry duty would love to have a full man cave basement with also their laundry rooms. Yeah. And if the basement is not finished enough for you, then finish it. You're $40,000 under budget. So stop complaining.

It's like not the end of the world to take your laundry basket down an extra set of stairs. Yeah, you're big dope. So now he's like, well, I don't know why Chelsea has to be such a peen in the butt about the whole laundry situation. I don't know why she has to even have an opinion. She's not the one doing that. Well, you're the one who is insisting on doing it. So don't, like, erase her out of the situation. I'm sure she would do it if given the chance.

So then Mike's like, okay, well, guess what? Here's a deck in a backyard. And Chelsea's like, wow, that's a lot of space for dogs or kids. And Eric's like, no, no kids. Yeah. So then he's like, well, there's good things about the house. I mean, it's in our budget. And Chelsea's like, yeah, I love those arched doorways, the cove ceilings.

They're so unique. They're so classy. And there was this whole slope ceiling scenes, which he had a hard time with. But, you know, he could get used to it. Come on. See your head a little bit. Big deal. It's not like it can make you any dumber.

He's like, I don't know if I could get used to it. Sloped ceilings. Oh, gosh. She's like, but I think you're making it into a bigger deal than it is. He's like, maybe, but probably not. She's like, well, I would like to see you. if we could find something with a pool. Can we find something with a pool? And by the way, we'd never find anything with a pool. This entire episode, poor Chelsea.

No, they'll have places with a pool in Grand Rapids. I mean, what the hell? And Mike's like, well, we could take a look and see what's out there. And Linda's like, now that they're looking at newer and more spacious homes with a pool. Let's go look at house number two with new construction. All right, now, Eric, I'm going to have to have you have an open mind about the house, okay. It was built merely in 1976. That's too new for me. So now we're, now the, now the group they are at a restaurant and Eric and Chelsea are sitting at a table and they're sharing a plate.

And Linda says, Chelsea and Eric have $150,000 to spend on their first house. And Eric wants perfection for his money. L.O.L. He wants perfection, but is only willing to spend $150,000 for it. We'll just see how that works out for him. I'd like to describe myself as a type A personality. And when I get hooked on something, it's all I can think about. Well, he clearly did not get hooked on hairstyles. So today.

So we go to see the house number two, new construction. And he's like, Mike, Mr. Uffster Hopsters, listen, I would like to see some Brick Seidon. That's what I asked for. And Mike goes, well, I think you're going to really like it. It's got a neighborhood association. everybody loves an HOA, right? And it's got a community pool. Oh, yeah.

But hey, if I can't have my own pool, a community pool would be great. I am agreeable. So we go into house number two. Was this the house where Eric got mad that there wasn't enough brick on the outside, or was that house number three? I can't remember. I think it was this one. Okay.

Because there's like a little bit of, there's like a panel of brick. and he was like really upset. So Chelsea says, I'm not sure. They all kind of look the same, honestly. Yeah, Chelsea goes, well, I do notice that there's no crown moldings

or arched doorways in this house, but since this is kind of the house I've been looking for, I don't think I'm going to bring it to anyone's attention. Ha, ha, ha. To be fair, I don't know. How is it the house you're looking for

when it doesn't have anything that you want? I know. So they go into the kitchen and Eric is like, Oh my God, is this a laminate on the floor? What am I supposed to do with the laminate? That's not real wood.

It looks kind of cheap. Suddenly this guy who's wearing a Van Huisen shirt is concerned about looking cheap. Okay. So Mike is like, well, Eric, let me drop some Ustendorp knowledge on you. In a newer house like this, you're probably not going to get that hardwood. We find that in older houses. So, you know, think about that. And Chelsea is happy because the cabinets are lighter.

blonde and but Eric's like, I want dark cabinets and dark wood. I can't deal with this. Yeah. And she's like, well, you know, this is the kitchen. And he's like, well, you don't have a whole lot of working space in here. She goes, yeah, but I never really have you in the kitchen either. So whatever. It's a one woman kitchen. What are you going to do? And he's like, that's true. I'm down there separating colors from whites. And Mike is like, okay, well, I think you're really going to like the deck in the backyard. So we go out and there's like this big, there's like a big sort of sprawling lawn because it's kind of like a communal lawn almost. And then talk about the homeowners association that and the HOA takes care of like, you know, public shared spaces and

everything. And they go back inside. They go into the half bath and there is laundry in the bathroom. And this is a no go for Eric. I think laundry in the bathroom is a no go for me as well. It's not Europe. I'm okay. I think if it's like beggars can't be choosers. Like I think if if the whole house is like works and then there's the laundry happens to be in one of the bathrooms, then that's just that's, that's an okay sacrifice for me. Like obviously a separate laundry room or basement would be better, but I can deal. I can deal with it being in the bathroom. So he's like, well, I don't know if I, the bathroom with the laundry. I don't know. I don't like that. Well, Eric's the one that does laundry. So I guess he he also poops the most. So, I mean, I guess it's up to him. So now they go upstairs and they see the main bathroom and it's a dated bathroom. And Eric's like, well, one thing I notice is fake tile again. Gosh. And Chelsea goes, you sure are picky, aren't you?

Geez, I wish I'd been more pickier. Oh, God, I'm just going to hide under my bangs right now. I'm so embarrassed. And Mike is like, well, you know, a little Ustendorp coming through here. Just, you know, I want you to know, tiles can be added. That's something Eric could do. if he decided not to be a lazy bum anymore. Yeah.

And it goes, oh, gosh. So, sorry, I got lost. So then Eric's like, well, I want real tile. And I like the looks of real tile more. She goes, oh, you want to up our budget then, big boy? You're going to work another job? Huh? Huh?

Huh. I'm sorry. Please hold. Hey, is that a wighead? Oh, no, I'm sorry. I just turned, I just turned my head a little bit. I'm back. Oh, okay.

Go to see your face there again. Chelsea had me scared. So they go into a bedroom. and it's narrow. It's like a little spare bedroom. And she's like, oh, it's a little spare bedroom up here. He goes, little is an understatement. Okay, relaxer.

She wasn't saying this is like... Oh, yeah, well, I think you're maybe a little dramatic, so... And then I go to the guest room. It's nice eyes. And she's like, it's a nursery, maybe. Because, God, I can't imagine not bringing a child into this world with you as the dad. God, wouldn't it wouldn't be great to pass along your great personality to a little baby? He's like, no.

So. Then we see the basement and it's not huge, but I think it's a pretty nice basement. And Chelsea's like, well, it's just a bunch of guys down there anyway, you know, as long as there's ventilation so I don't have to smell their feet. It's just a little room with a boardroom conference table, you know, under shuffleboard. Come on. Who cares? Yeah, just a bunch of guys, you know. So basically Eric doesn't like that there's no brick or hardwood floors, which, by the way, you can put in later.

And, but he did, he liked the primary. So then they like it. And now we go to shots at Grand Rapids in front of furniture store. And Linda says, Grand Rapids couple Chelsea and Eric are at a furniture store scouting furniture that they'll probably never buy because he's too cheap. And since they're hoping to upgrade from their rental apartment to a spacious single-family home with the budget of $150,000 and room for a footh.

Oh my gosh, you can't wait to decorate our future home. Papa's on chairs. Here we come. Well, to try and please Eric, Mike has found a lot of, an older, less expensive home. It's also got Chelsea's two stories. Oh my God, just how I grew up. So we go to house number three. And this is the one. And this is the one that has like a patch of brick on it. And Eric is complaining? He's like, is this really the best you could do, Mike? I mean, look, we got brick house over here, brick house over here, brick house everywhere. But this is the one house that doesn't have as much brick. Come on, Mike. It's like, yeah, it's also $124,000.

What are you expecting? Yeah. And this is one of the first agents we've ever seen show people so many properties so far under their budget, you know. Yeah. And Eric, yeah, Eric's a little bitch. So then he's like, so, okay, Eric, I know you want Al Brick, but I'm worried about the financial ramifications of your decision. That's it, buddy. Got to be truthful with you. Okay. Sorry to curse so much, but I just had to say it. So then we go inside and, um, There's like a brick fireplace. There's these very drab green walls. And Chelsea's like, I don't know how I feel about the red brick here. And he's like, actually, I don't really mind that red brick, mainly because I have terrible

taste and watch strange, strange finishes on everything. Yeah, but you know, I'm still not happy about the brick on the outside. Oh, you know what? Just take what you can get, Eric. He's like, hey, why are you repeating your wedding vows here? So then there's like stains in the carpet. which is they don't like. And Mike is like, you know, if I were you,

I would just lose the carpet all together. You know, that's what I always say to my girlfriends about Eric. I just wish I could just lose them all together. Dare to dream. So then they go to the dining room and they have white crown molding and a cove ceiling and Chelsea likes it. And then they look at the kitchen and Eric's like, wait a minute, what's the deal though, Mike?

How does it go from hardwood to lamb in it? Get serious about it. He's like, oh, I was hoping you wouldn't notice that. He's like, of course I noticed that. I can always tell when we go from hardwood to laminate. That's a deal breaker. I can't buy it. I can't live in a house that has both hardwood and laminate.

Oh, geez. This would actually be the easier thing to change, I think, because it's just one floor, you know. Yeah. So then they go to the kitchen. Oh, we're still in the kitchen. She's like, you've got hardwood floors in the first two rooms. You don't even come in here that often. I mean, come on.

It's like, you know, I was always looking for that dark wood. but the white's actually not that bad. It's not that bad. Mike goes, boy, this Eric is a tough nut. He's a tough, he's tough to please this one. Sorry, sorry, I got a little out of control there. I apologize to the audience who had to watch me lose my temper like that. God, really went postal on that one.

So then they go look at a little half bath and she's like, I don't know how I feel about a bathroom in the kitchen, especially when I'm stuck with a stinker in there already, you know what I mean? They go to the backyard, And it's small. And Chelsea's like, well, we need to mow this one. I'm like, yeah, that's a yard. You'll mow it.

It'll be fine. I don't know. The grass is too tall in this yard. I don't know if we could buy this house. It's a little too much. And Erica's like, it's big enough for a dog. She goes, yeah, it's just a bummer that there's no pool. We could have had our fabulous pool that would have been open for two weeks in our Michigan summer.

Yeah. Not a lot of places to swim in Michigan. Yeah. So then they go see. the bathroom and there's it's like the old 60 style bathroom where there's pink tiles everywhere. And he's like, oh my gosh, it's original real tile. I love it. Ugly as fuck, but it's real tile.

So that's all that matters. So then we go to some other bedrooms. And there's one bedroom that has a balcony. So Chelsea's like, this could be our, this could be our bedroom because we could have a, we could have a balcony. And he's like, um, there's no way that you're going to get a king size bed into this. this room. Stupid wife. God, you're so dumb.

Then they see the basement and this one's finished with carpeting and they both like it. And there's laundry there, which he doesn't bitch about, which is nice. Oh, wait, sorry. He's like, the only thing I don't like about it is the laundry room down in the basement. Of course. But this time it's a finished basement. So you can do laundry in a finished basement instead of an unfinished basement. So Chelsea just goes, picky Eric.

Sorry. That's his name. sorry to speak up like that. It wasn't very cool with the flow of me. So Eric is like, but now is the time to be picky, isn't it? It's like, I wish someone had told that to Chelsea when she married you. So now they're talking about what they're going to do. House number one is older and has dark hardwood floors, but Chelsea wanted potential for a pool.

And then house number two was new construction, and he didn't like that there was no brick involved, but she liked the blind kitchen. But house number three, God, it has so many of the features we've been looking for. You know what? Let's do, let's get that colonial. And you know what? Let's make sure we paint all the walls a hideous shade of yellow. Okay, I'm in.

Let's do it. Let's do it. And they even got a discount. It was $1.24.9. And they got it for $1.22, which is pretty good. And she's like, well, gosh, we couldn't move in because we had to renovate the multicolored tile bathroom. But watch me make an iceberg lettuce salad. Look, we had these walls that were kind of this crazy green.

So we just, we made it just a pale yellow because isn't that nice? A pale yellow room after room, just pale yellow. God, it's so nice in here. Yeah, and it didn't have much curb appeal. So we painted the shutters, pute green. So, what are you doing? You're making the house look worse. What are you guys doing?

I think that chose the right house. ultimately. But I do have to say, I think that first house, while it was small, and yes, those ceilings in the primary bedroom would have been annoying. I actually thought that first house was charming and would have been a good option. Yeah, I mean, I think they made the right choice to you, but I just love that they're going to fuck it up. I mean, it's so ugly. Everything they're choosing to do to it is completely wrong. And you know what? I love that for them. Like, what is that shade of yellow that they use? It's sort of like a butter. Is it like a butter yellow? It's like that milky yellow. I don't know. I don't know. The taste level wasn't as high on this one, but it was still a fun watch. That guy's a little butt head. That's for sure.

Oh, God. He was such an asshole. Thank you to Ildi for recommending the episode, or Ildico, I should say. And if you have a suggestion for a Dwell Hello episode, let us know. Email us at watchworkrappins at gmail.com. Please put in your subject to dwell hello. suggestion and be sure to yeah send us send us an episode you think would be really fun for us to recap all right everybody we sure love you we'll talk to you next time bye bye