Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #508: Fairy Tale In Germany

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

This week on Dwell Hello, a couple moves to Germany where they can luxuriate in the Black Forest, but unfortunately they are plagued by tractors, rolling hills, and a mother. This is a recap of House Hunters International S152E05 Fairy Tale in Germany, and we watched it on Max.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello, and welcome to Dwell Hello, a house hunter's podcast by us, the people here at Watch for Crappins. I'm Ben, that's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? What's going on with you? Good. And how you doing over there, baby? Oh, just, you know, having a great, great time. Today, we are talking about an episode that was recommended to us by, oh, by Lucy, who this is fairy tale in

Germany. This is House Hunter's International Season 152, Episode 5. We watched it on Max, and the name is Fairy Tale in Germany. That's the best way to look it up. And if you have any Househunter's episodes, you want us to recap, just email us at watchwork where happens at

gmail.com and put in your subject to well hello suggestion, and we will hopefully get to it. But with that being said, let's dive into this fairy tale in Germany, shall we? Let's do it. So this takes place in the black forest in Germany. What a gorgeous episode to look at. My God.

Oh, my God. I agree. Beautiful place. I agree. I was like, gosh, I was fortunate enough to go to Germany last summer as part of our European travels, which I was not in the black forest. I don't think, but I was definitely was, I was along the Rhine River. And at one point, I took like a little Rhine River cruise.

And at one point got off at a town called Baccarach, Bacarach. And it was so cute. and so beautiful and only got to spend about 45 minutes there and I was like, oh, I just want to spend more time there. I'm watching this episode. I was like, I would love to go back to like Bavaria and just spend a few days just drinking beers and

eating sausage and just strolling around like they do all this entire episode. Although they didn't really drink beer eat sausage, but in my mind they were doing that off camera. Yeah, there are things you wait for the cameras to go down. Tintolton. Your sausage binge. So we start with Lady in the Woods walking a little baby

doggy. And this dog is the star of the show as far as I'm concerned. This was the cutest damn dog. Got a lot of glamour shots. A lot of glamour shots. Yeah. The Yasmin is leaving everything she knows in New York City to settle down with tea

in the Black Forest region of Germany. And we see these two lovely ladies getting married and laughing. He knows everyone is in their wedding photos. I just wish we could get like anniversary photos of like, let's try

and recreate that. Like, just throw your wife around and just see people get more miserable decade by decade, you know? The dresses get more and more tattered and dirty and all the promises of youth are washed away.

Yeah, exactly. We don't. So instead, we just get this happy one. So I'm fine with that as a chapter one. Yeah, so Yasmin is like, it's our first real home together as a married couple, and I want to get to know my new family and T's like, well, I grew up with them, so I got enough of them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm a realist, and Yasmin is a little bit of a dreamer. And then we see evidence of Yasmin being a dreamer because she's sitting next to a pond.

And that's just like, this pond could be my life. Yeah, you see what I mean? Total dreamer. Wow. Congratulations. You found a pond that. makes you a total, total dreamer. Wow, whimsy, whimsy water. City people are always so enchanted by the country for about 10 minutes.

Okay. Like, oh my God, it's a hole in the ground with water in it. This is crazy. I can see myself in the reflection. I love nature. And like two weeks later, they're like fucking mosquitoes. What is this? A hole with water in it?

What are you fucking doing with this? Let me back to the city. I'm surprised you didn't just pull out a little banjo and start singing Rainbow Connection. Settle down, Kermit. Oh, my God. That is totally a rainbow connection girl. Like, my dad loved this song.

Why, there's so many. Also, T. Just told you, and this is why I don't think this relationship works. Because T. Just told you, I don't want, please don't make me move around my family. She's not kidding. She laughs at this part, but she's literally not kidding. She's like, please, they don't understand me.

And she's like, no, but I like your mom. So that's bad. If you're like, my mom is torturous. doesn't understand me and I don't ever get to say my feelings. And then your wife is like, oh, no, I love your mom. Your marriage is over. I'm telling you that. Yeah. So don't even try this shit. You're going to end up drowning her in that pond. Yeah, because you know, at the very least, we don't really know what all the issues are, but at the very least, there's just the translation thing because the mom doesn't speak any English. And Yasmin can say like,

Deutsch. So, you know, she has to spend the entire time translating any conversation between the two of them. And then she probably has to hear things like, why doesn't she learn how to speak German? And then she probably hears like, why doesn't your mom learn how to speak English? And then she has to be in between these two people, chatting, chatting, and they love each other so much, even though they can't understand a single thing they're saying to each other. Yeah. And if you ever took my mom's side, we're, we're done for. I'm telling you that right now. And also, guess why you like my mom? Because you don't know what the fuck she's saying. Okay. Half the point is what she's saying. That's what's pissing me off. And you. You don't understand the language. So you're like, she's great. Plus, I have to imagine. I love her red hair in her shawls, you know.

I have to imagine also for tea at some point when she left home. She's like, now was the time when I leave home? So like to actually like, she's like, well, I already said. I already declared. This is the time when we leave home. So why would I be going home? Because I already have declared. I leave home now.

Yeah, I already said. I called it. Shotgun. It's like, I think I've told the story a million times. But one time I flew in Lafanza and like the flight attendant was like, now was the time when we learn about safety. She literally said, now is the time.

And she was like, now was the time we learn about the mask. Now is the time you learn about your seat. Everything was like, now was the time we do this. It was so German

and I loved it. So, well, I've told this one a million times, but when I worked with a bunch of Germans in New York, actually, at this fine dining place, we had to run dishes out at one point in the show.

Like, we were waiters in a show. So we had to run out all these dishes, and they would always be behind me going, Snela, fatso. And the first time was like, that is so rude. This is how we love. This is how we talk.

That was the time that we shame. So we see opening credits and we see this beautiful black forest, which is so foresty. Like this is a, this is, you know, this is like the forest. This is the woods. When you go into it, this is the woods. It's so like, this is what the brothers grim are making the stories about because literally terrible things happen in these woods. You know that.

Because they're fairy tale woods. That's where the witch comes out to eat the children. And Little Red Ridinghead has to kill the wolf. Who ate a grandma and all that? Yeah. And you can see it because I've been in plenty of woods in the northeast or around. And those woods are just like trees and there's like leaves and they're unremarkable. But these woods, I was like, oh, there is a witch in here.

I'm reading the Hunger Games prequel books right now. Oh, yeah. I'm 13. And I love those books. And they're told from the point of view of the bad guys, you know, like the rich people in the capital. And one of them gets sent, like the head guy gets sent to where the poor people live, like to work. And he sees a forest and he's like, ew, this is not like our forests. Like, our forests are manicured.

This forest is like, gross. It's like, there's like leaves everywhere. Like, is anybody taking care of this forest? Yeah. Reminds me of you. Like, what kind of forest is this? Unmanacred forest bullshit. Gross.

Gross. Unkempt forest. So we're here in this like gorgeous fairy tale forest. The black forest and he is telling us, growing up in the black forest, there's so much nature. It was beautiful. But at some point I chose, of course, my own way. I said, now is it such? My own way.

I'll leave the pants behind, mother. So then one of my friends told me her sister was an opair in the States. And I thought, oh, how could you be an opair? Can I be an apple? And she said, no, it's just, it's a term. You're taking it too literal. And I said, I'm German. Of course I take it literal.

So I put in my resume to be in O'Apple and here we go. But, you know, I thought I love kids. Let's try it out, you know. So I ended up in Manhattan and I met her. At the upper store, ironically. And Yasman's like, I was working at a cycling studio and living in Washington Heights because, of course. Right. And like it was just like it was beautiful.

Like there was so much music. There was noise. There was like people outside. And that's where I really discovered myself. Yeah. In the noise and chaos, I discovered myself. And it turns out I'm very noisy and very chaotic. Yeah.

I realized like I was a person basically pedaling fast, but going nowhere. And I don't know. It wasn't great. It wasn't a great realization. It's a lot of climbs that never went anywhere. That bikes here that actually move? My favorite part. Oh, you know what?

Now it all makes sense. Because later in the episode, she's like, so are these actual rolling hills and everyone's confused? But that's a thing in like cycling. Like what you're doing, when you're spinning, there's climbing. And then there's like, now we're going to do rolling hills. So it's like a little bit of up and then a down, up and a down. So she's like, oh my God, rolling hills, they exist just like on the bicycle.

Just like it's sole cycle. the real rolling hills are here. Oh my God. I actually found myself in Germany. This is crazy. So after living for almost two years in the States, pretending to be an apple but without really a pair, I had to move back because my visa was up.

Yeah, we thought we could get married in the United States. Yeah, but getting married as an immigrant to American is not easy. Even when you show up at City Hall of Jersey, dress like you're on the Foot of the Loom catalog. They said, I'm sorry, we have had our fields of marrying fruits for the day. And then I saw the great guy walk out. Very unfair how it worked out. It took a long time to find my pear costume, even though I'm really an apple inside.

I have identity issues. But back in Germany, I work for an IT company. So that's good. It's good to work somewhat popular, you know. Don't you mean IT? No, it is called it. I'm doing it. That's what the phrase comes from.

You know what the phrase says? You know the phrase, just do it? They're talking about German companies. That's what I'm doing. Well, I want to teach English to people whose language I don't know. So that's going to be really interesting. I'm just going to point at my belly and go, belly, belly. Say it, German person.

I want to gather many children into a soul cycle studio and be like, here's how you say rolling and here's how you say hills and i think that's like all you need to really do i just love the audacity of being like i don't know their language but i'm going to teach them mine like what girl that's not how that works okay you have to actually know how to communicate with them too i love new york though and like there were just like so many pros for me coming to germany like i get to be with my partner we could get married i would have insurance when i'd get on the bike, I can actually go somewhere instead of just being stuck in a dark room and pretending that someday I'll get to see a rolling hill.

So a lot of upsides. Isn't this every American moving to Europe where we're just like, I moved here because I have insurance. So, yes. I get health care. So listen, you can only be denied Ozempic so many times before you're like, you know, I would live in a place with cobblestone streets. And window air conditioners. I like it starting to look at.

So she's like, I'm going to learn the language. And we see her trying to say happy birthday. She's like, um, Angela Merkel. Like, no, you have to stop saying that every time you want to speak German. But Angela Merkel. All right. Zumigkustaburg and start.

Okay, whatever. Yeah, because I'm leaving home. Like, it's really important to me. then I have access to people that care about me or like have to because I'm part of their family now. And then we meet T's mom. And she's like, yeah, me and T's mom don't speak the same language, but the first time that I came, we were like hugging each other. We were dancing together. And it just worked.

Well, she doesn't know that my mom was calling her stupid big hair slot the whole time, you know. I don't have the heart to tell her. Yeah, I don't have the heart to tell her that behind her back, my mom calls a pond dreamer. which is actually one of the worst things we could say in German language. A pawn dreamer. Have her look into that pond until I can drown her in it. Your mom's so sweet. I like her accent.

So T's mom is like, Jasmine, she is such a good daughter-in-law. I could not have a better one. I cannot have a dead and daughter-in-law at all. This is sarcasm and German. Saucasim and German. When we are sarcastic, we cry.

Yeah. Why are you crying? No, it is laughing. This is how we do it here. It is opposite today. The best part about Yasmin is that she's never around. She just goes to ponds and stares on them. It is the best.

When I saw her riding a bike and it went nowhere. Hilarious idiots. She stares and ponds and rides on bicycles that go nowhere. Well, my whole town is quiet and so. super old and it's, you know, German style. And then we see a text that says, Stamheim, it's a small village in Kohl with over 4,000 residents. The closest city is Stuttgart, about 40 minutes away by car. Or as Yasmin calls them, things that actually moves should she won't get into them. Take longer for her. You know, we're so German here,

like the buildings, we have a church, and there's like a town hall, and there's bells that ring, like, every 15 minutes. It's actually ridiculous. And he has been, what? You've been 15 minutes? Oh my God, I could totally design a great cycle course around that. So now they're walking around town, holding hands, and T. Start singing, This is where you're going to live in the black forest. It's so menacing.

Yeah. This is a very Hansel and Gretel kind of vibe that she's giving. It is. You're never going to. going to leave the Black Forest. So now we have realtor Kevin Buga. It's like people from all of the Germany. Who we found out is a superstar.

We just found out there. Superstar. Kevin is a house hunters, a superstar. We were looking at a thread about this episode. And they're like, oh my God, it's a Kevin episode. I'm in. Play it 90 times in a row. It's fucking Kevin. And this time he's got his shirt button down a little bit because it's so hot there.

Well, guess who else is hot? You, Kevin. Buh. I was like, damn. Kevin is letting loose this episode. Yeah, it's a K, it's a K episode. We got Kevin. It's a KB.

KB stores. People come from all over Germany to visit this region because of the black forest, and it allows you to be very one with nature, especially when you get eaten by a witch. That's a concept that the people here are very proud of, the witch mainly. Where into organic foods are witches eat children. That's pretty organic, no?

We just got an heroin, so that way when you leave your trail of breadcrumbs, you can know that it was made organically. You know, a wolf eat a grandma. That's pretty organic. Of course, he did use Nutella. So that's not organic. But, you know, we do what we can here.

So they're sitting at a little cafe talking. And Kevin's like, so, are you ready, Yasmin, for this beautiful, quiet, nice living, except for the bells that ring every 15 minutes so you can have a sleep. I love it. What's the point of moving to a small town if they're going to play fucking bells every 15 minutes? Ding dong.

Now is the time, doctor, we remind you what is 15 minutes past the hour. Can I tell you something? Okay. Can I tell you something? So when I went to Germany, my first day, I went to Cologne and there's a giant cathedral there. And I walked all the way to the top of this cathedral, which was a nightmare because I'm pretty sure I had COVID. And I walked to the top of the cathedral with COVID. and it's narrow, it's like terrifying, and just goes on and on.

You're walking up a staircase for like 25 minutes and you get at the top. They have all these bells. And so they're like, hey, the bells go off every 15 minutes because I guess, you know, in Germany, you know, if you were to go 30 minutes without bells, you're doing something wrong. So we, so I'm like, you know what? This will be great. The bells can go off with the ground. And they have all these bells. We're like literally in the bell tower at the top of a cathedral that's going to ring out over all of Cologne.

So there's a big bell. a giant, enormous bell. And then there's like some smaller bells. And so it was like 545. Like, okay, well, this is good because the 545 bell, it's just going to be the small one because it's not, who cares about 545? The big bell is for the top of the hour, right? So I'm like, this is good. So I'll just watch the, I'm going to say with video of just the little bell going.

But for some reason, at 545, they said, you know what? We're going to let's all, all bells on deck. Bring up the big. Every bell, if you're a bell, you're commissioned, and all those bells are hard to go off. And I swear to God, it was the loudest thing. Because imagine being, like, 10 feet away from the giant bells that are going to ring out over the entire countryside. It was, I was, my phone started to go crazy. My watch was like, you're in a loud environment.

I was, like, actually scared for my ears. It was crazy. It was a crazy bell moment. So when she said these bells go off every 15 minutes, I was like, you're in a loud environment. I was like, I know how loud these dolls are going to be, and they probably go off. It probably is very agitating. Yeah, it sounds like hell. He's like, okay, well, the black forest bell, how it works is every 15 minutes you hear,

dong, and then you look at the non-German person and you say, you're not German. Okay, so the city rules. If they happen to be near a pond, feel free to push them in the pond. We call those American dreamers, pun dreamers, if you will. We ring bell every 15 minutes until all Americans are gone. So that's how we're doing. That is when Germans go on too far, to find Americans, and push them into bonds. So he's like, do you believe you're ready for this quiet lifestyle or do you need a little bit more action?

And she's like, I believe I'm ready. Yeah, I'm like totally ready. And he's like, well, I think it might be easier if we were closer to Stuttgart City, you know, or as I call it, not by my mom. Yeah. I'm being too polite to say that, Parches. Yeah, but I really want to be close to family. For the record, not your family, okay? Your family is my trauma.

So, Stuttcott, it is. Yeah, and she's like, no, I want to be close to family. And she goes, no, not a priority for me. Definitely not. Like, I grew up with them, I got enough of them. Okay, I'm laughing, but I'm laughing through tears. And Kevin's like, well, how much space do you need? How many rooms?

And they want to. And Gassman's like, yeah, Like, ideally, I'd like room for us to like not have to look at each other because like I smile and laugh a lot. But clearly, like, so does she and that doesn't really want to. I get the, I'm saying this right now. I get the, from what we get for the whole episode, yes, Ms. Crazy. She's one of those people that's like really self-helpy and really smiling.

Oh my God, I love pawns and playing rainbow connection. But the minute she's in a mood, it's like, fuck you! Why are you talking to me like that? Was it tone in your voice? And T's just like, oh, my God. Why? Leave me alone. Yeah, this is, what goes on behind closed door with this couple, I think will be very interesting to see. Because I am not, they are all very happy and lovety-dovey, but there's trouble in paradise.

The fact that, like, it's the most important, one of the most important things that they need in their space is enough space, that way they can be away from each other. Which I get, like, that's important. I think everyone needs to have their space. but she's like, no, I really need that. Oh, wow. Yeah. You're the forest also you can go walking around in, but that's fine. So he's like...

Yeah, she's like, if we were talking about me living with her mother, a studio apartment. But I'm living with her. I need five bedrooms. For me, I want to have bigger kitchen because I love to cook. Really just cabbage. I just want to cook different cabbages. What I want to do is line up three different cabbages every single day, chop them and cook them, and I need to have room for all of that.

Is that possible to do? I'm German. Also, we have little dog. we call little creature. His name is Miko. And we see Miko. And Miko, I can't with Miko. It's like the sweetest dog. And I love how he follows them and looks at them and like does little twirls. It's the cutest fucking dog. Miko is like the Beyonce of dogs. Like Miko finds the wind and finds the light. Like every single shot, there's like the beautiful golden hue on Miko. And Miko can just be at home anywhere. Like everywhere they went to Miko's like,

I love it here. Look, I'm comfortable right here and just like poses perfectly in a spot, you know? I mean, just the cute. rest. And I think actually Miko was a little bit of a spoiler because, well, I'll get to it. I'll get to my Miko theory later when it comes up. No need to get ahead of myself right now. Okay, well, very good. So maybe you can tell me a little bit about what you're willing to spend. And he's like, well, I've been America, so I learn to come here and insist on spending $5 on something. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So $700. But like if I'm obsessed with it, like maybe like maybe like, like if hashtag Pond Dreamer, maybe we can go a little bit higher.

Like we need a, we just really need a great newlyway at home together, you know. So $700 for a two bedroom. I'm moving. What the fuck are we even doing here? Like, why are we even here? And I'm just going to go to this cute little town. I feel like there's going to be so many cute German dudes in this town. There will be.

And I just want to say, spoiler, really all three of these places were totally, totally fine. Right? Like, they were all doable. Yeah. There were modern, spacious, largest spacious. There was a studio, but, like, you know, spacious. I mean, we've seen, when they go to Europe, we've seen the weird-ass stuff that they are stuck with. Like, that one girl who had, like, her kitchen was in a separate apartment on the same floor.

Like, they're just weird shit in Europe. And this was, I was like, this is all well-designed architecture. Strange. Yeah. Every place was kind of cute. And just the town itself was so cute. So then he's like, well, let me tell you. you Stuttgart, high demand.

Okay, the prices are high, but also the black forest, the prices have gone up a lot too, you know, because people come here with children they don't want anymore and just leave it to feed. So, it's also a very popular vacation destination. Okay, now is the time that we go to

Stamheim. Okay, these are, we are going to be very close to T's family and T is of course. This is where Cameron comes from. And she's done a lot of David Kelly shows. Cameron Stamheim. So there she is right now She's coming out to the grocery store Okay everyone hide

Lead her trail of breadcrumbs into the forest So Yasmin I was like, well I don't really know a lot of people here So having family close by is very convenient But you can't talk to them either You don't know anyone anywhere You don't know how to talk to them either You're totally right, girl

Go to class first Get you get to a duolingo And you'll be a lot of happier. So she's like, family is so important. But then we see that they're going to look at this house with Miko. And T knows this neighborhood because it's right by her mom's house, which she does not love. And this is a one-bedroom apartment for $800 a month. And T doesn't like it because it's $100 more than they wanted to spend, which I have no pity for you because that's nothing.

And it's also like right on the street. And as they walk in, there's a tractor coming down. down the road. And she's like, oh my God, is that like a tractor driving on the road? Slow down, sir. There are bikes that don't move on this street. Do you think that tractor could handle a rolling hill? So they go in and, Miko, that, okay, you know what? You know what's so funny? Remember how I said that Miko was a bit of a spoiler? Our note taker, Shelby, picked up on the exact same thing because they go into the apartment and Miko jumps onto the couch and just like hangs out on the couch. And I was, and so I was like, wow, that dog certainly

made himself at home and someone else's furniture. Like, I kind of feel like you would, like most people would, if they bring a dog into an open house or to look at something, they're not going to let the dog just jump up on like a couch or onto a bed. Oh, you don't know many dog owners. I guess not. Especially when they're little, you know, they're like, they're just, you know, what do they do? But you're right. The dog not only jumped up on the couch, but it does. what a dog does if he knows the place. Like there was a little pillow on the couch and it jumped onto the couch and then hopped right up onto the pillow and then turned in a circle and sat perfectly and primly on top of the pillow. So you know what? Yeah. Yeah. This is the house. And at first I was like,

I was like my first thought was, isn't it funny how dogs just immediately know where the pillows are? But then later on, when they go into the bedroom, the dog, here's where I thought was actually the couch thing. I was like, oh, okay. Didn't really, didn't strike me as odd. But what I thought was actually crazier was that when they went to the bedroom, the dog got onto the bed. and curled up on like the pillow that you put your head onto when you sleep. And I was like, if that's a stranger's, like, if that's a stranger's pillow, that's wild. That's wild. But if it's your pillow, it's like, I understand people let their dogs do that.

Like, I don't care. But like, I was like, this has to be the house that they pick because they are way too chill with their dog curling up on a stranger's pillow. Yeah. So they go in and T. doesn't like how dark it is. There's not enough furniture. Well, God forbid you furnish your own apartment. I mean, Jesus Christ, there's a couch, there's a kitchen, there's a bed.

Everything else is up to you. The world isn't your employee. Yeah. And then this is a really nice apartment. Everything is like modern and clean. And there's so much light coming in. And then there's an area where there's the table, the dining room table. And it's like the one area that doesn't quite have a window.

It's like everything is bright. And it's like slightly darker where the table is. And Tia's like, no, it's very dark over here. I don't know if I like it. Yeah. That's true. So then I was also like, they probably chose this place because... The same room.

It's literally the same room that's like wall-to-wall windows. I was like, this is... They probably chose this just because she was drumming up some criticism for this place. That, like, she's nothing she doesn't like about this, so she has to manufacture an issue with, like, a cat, like, very slight shadowing over the table. Yeah. But the view is the street, which they don't really like. And Gassman's like, oh my God, like, I look over at the space. I see my sweet prince napping so sweetly.

Like, I can see myself waking up here in the morning and feeling refreshed and being like, hey, guys, 10 more minutes. Be positive. You can own this world. I could set up my peloton right in front of this window, and that way, when I'm cycling on it, I can feel like I'm actually driving down the street. Oh my God, here comes the track here. I'm going to die.

Okay, maybe this is the one. Maybe this. We really have to try that track to stop coming down the street in that from that angle. It freaks her out every time. I'm trying to swerve. I can't. I can't swerve out of the way. She's like, I can't wait to wake up every morning and just look at this window and go,

Hi, Germany. I'm here. Girl, you're going to get a can throat at your head in about five seconds. I'll tell you that. Hey, nobody want to hear that. We've already got the bells. Yeah. It's too much.

It's too much. It's like, yeah, yeah, this, yeah, I don't like this window. You know, it's something I don't like. about it. You know, I'm just thinking, like, hey, my family is right, you know, right at the doorstep and, like, maybe I want a little bit of distance from them and by a little bit, there's a reason why I went to America. Hey, I'm really got to work on that visa. Yeah. And the, she's like, oh my God, I love this modern bathroom. Well, not the whole bathroom, but this one wall. This one wall is fine. Like, this one wall with tile and paint that she liked.

She's like, this wall is my style. I love it. So they go in the kitchen, which is small. So she's like, Where am I going to fit my cabbage? And Yasmin's like, yeah, but you know what that? What we can do? Like, even though it will be hard for us to get around each other, we can also just like learn how to it. We can just dance. Like, we can dance in the kitchen.

So, like, when I'm trying to get by you, it's actually dancing. It's like so fun. You know, Kevin's like, Americans. Yeah. And T, too, is like, I don't want you dancing in my kitchen. Get the fuck out of my kitchen. So she's like, yeah. And, like, I could walk over to my mother-in-law's house.

any time I want, then we could play our favorite game. What? Vought? What? What? What? It's so fun. Yeah, the negative thing about this is that we're far away from the city,

and I think it would be easier for Yasmin to adjust to Germany closer to Stuttgart. And by Yasmine, I mean, please, please let me go to Stuttgart. I cannot be back here in Stamheim. Well, Kevin finds an apartment right outside of Stuttgart, but he's not sure if it will be the right fit for crazy ass. Possibly psycho Yasmin. Let's go see. He's like, oh my God.

Yasmin, she gets so excited about things very fast, but then she gets disappointed very fast too. She's always a surprise. It's like, uh-oh, mounting evidence against Yasmin. This is why she also probably likes the mom. Mom's like, oh, T, you had so much promise for me, but now I'm disappointed. So now we see them dancing outside.

They're being goofy. And Yasmin is like, I was healing from her heartbreak. when T and I matched in our dating app and I got like a little notification and I looked and it was like, yes, new personal record on my bike. Yes.

Yeah, and then I went to all my friends and I was like, oh my God, what am I doing? What do I write? What do I say to this crazy American help me? I don't know how to do. What should I say? I wanted to be romantic and impactful and beautiful. So I just wrote, hi.

I wrote hey. Yeah, that was like so good to hear because I was breaking up from a previous relationship Well, the relationship was okay, but like the mom broke up with me, and it was like so sad. So just to get that little hay, I was like, oh my God, yes, that's the one. We're going to get married. You know, and then in three months we were married. We were engaged.

I mean, isn't that crazy? And he's like, yes, actually, please don't tell that story to people. Yasmin and T are giving up the excitement of New York City to settle down with their very stereotypical lesbian lives near T's hometown in the Black Forest region of Germany. So they're on a teeter-totter that's a big log. And they're like, oh my God, what should we do to balance? I'm going to put my leg up. I'm like, oh, my God, I almost died. She's so funny.

Like, literally. It's so good. You know, knowing that someone from Manhattan is coming to a little cute town in Germany, yeah, you know, I get that. It's interesting. I'm worried that she'll be bored. She's like, yeah. She's like, but, you know, you know, she's like, but I think you'll have fun here. will seesaw all day long and then you go off to the pond and I hide away from my mother afterwards.

Yeah. And she's like, um, you know, like I used to look at you and I used to like think, oh my God, party boy, but actually she really likes to just chill, you know, and she's like, yeah, I like to be at home doing puzzles. Like, the biggest puzzle that I'm working on is what sort of escape room can I put Yasmin in that she can't actually escape from? How do I put enough locks on my door that Yasmin can't give my mother a key. But sometimes, and Yasmin's like, yeah, but sometimes your girl wants to get dressed

up and feel like, ooh, she's still got it, you know? She's like, yes, this is why we have Pont. Frogs and Toads love looking at Hot Girl. So she says, I mean, that's why I think it would be better for us to be near the city. So Kevin's like, well, I was noticing that he was much more worried about

Matt Yasmin being happy and every time we walked by her mother's house, she would shut her and put on a fake mustache, which I thought was an odd reaction. Anyway, she might be missing the community, their friends and the hostel and bustle of New York City, and also she might be missing the extreme distance she has from her mother. So the benefit of living closest to God would definitely be that there's nightlife and puzzles and many people they can get to know. But, you know, I think that city is important to some people, you know. When you're married to an unstable person, it's important to go to gay bars. and remind yourself that you have other options, you know? Also, many more custom shops so that way that she can find more disguises to hide away from her mother from. Custom shops.

Unfortunately, they also lead to housing. But still, different colors. You know, different colors. We're such idiots. Do people living in these places just hate our asses? We know we're idiots, okay? Calm down, Germany. Okay, so we see them coming up to house.

Jeremy, he's like, I'm going to get you a fatso. So we see the three of them coming up to house number two. And Yasman's like, um, that was a lot of driving. I do not like driving. I'm telling you that right now, Kevin, you little asshole, okay? Yeah, she was like, I have to say during the entire drive, I did not like what I saw. I'm like, you mean the beautiful German countryside with these like adilic homes and rivers and trees? You know you moved here, right?

This is what you're going to be living in. Like, this is literally gorgeous. Like, where were the billboards? Like, where was the Carls Jr.? And then she sees the house and she's, Oh my God, I fucking love this house, Kevin. You're a fucking hero. Oh, my God.

I told you crazy. She's fucking crazy. So this is an hour away from the family, but closer to the city. And there's two bedrooms. It's very nice. And the backyard is stunning. They go out into this backyard and it overlooks the city. I mean, it's like...

And there's a pond. There's a pond It's everything she could ever want It is like This is like the obvious choice Like this is perfect But Yasmeans finding things To nitpick off of

She's like Um this bedroom I appreciate your optimism about it Because it's like a nice size bedroom And it has light And it has a bed and it's very cute But there's writing on the wall And the vibe is off for me

Because there's like The writing says Lebelings plots Which I think it means Cozy Corner Is that what this? She's like Yeah

I think they said yeah She's like yeah It means cozy corner But, I mean, I'm not cozy, you. I know, I'm not, I don't feel cozy here. I hate it. And he's like, oh, no, this is our cozy corner. You know, we sit here and we be cozy together.

And, um, this is the corner for coziness. Yeah, that's the time to be cozy in the corner. It's cozy together. Come on. Hold on. Like, there's a, sorry, I'm getting a little bit hungry. Let me go to a hungry corner. Okay.

Now I can be hungry. Yeah, but like there's like a cozy corner, but cozy is not romantic. Okay, where's romantic corner? Okay, we changed the sign. It's not about the sign. Okay, hold on. Let me just calm down a little bit.

I mean, look at T. She's like more chill than me, and I'm a little more excitable, so we keep each other leveled. Oh, my God. One of us has air plugs, and the other one doesn't. You guess.

Excuse us. We have to go to the leveling corner so that way we can be leveled. And she's like, I'm not a fighter. You know, I'm more of a choker, so I laugh and then that kind of loosens the tension. Oh, that's not going to work for much longer, I can tell you that. Because you know what people hate when they're really pissed off?

Someone laughing at them. Yeah, that's going to murder you. I'm warning you right now. She won't like that. Yeah. No cozy corner is going to protect you. So they go into the bathroom and Yasmin likes the mirrors in there and but she's like, I don't get it with these like colors and stuff.

It's just I don't feel it. It's like it feels off. Like, I don't get it. I don't like it. And Kevin's like, you know, the funny thing with Yasmin is she gets excited about things very fast. This is like what I said before. She gets excited about things very fast. But then when she looks good to closer, disappointment comes very fast, which is fortunate because this house does have a disappointment corner for her to stand in.

Yeah. So they look at the backyard, which is gorgeous. And they check out the kitchen, which is huge for them. You know, they love that. Beautiful views. Beautiful views we didn't even add. Yeah. And he's like, well, you know, it won't.

be boring for you here because you're close to the city you know on the other hand you're a little bit further away from your your family you're like oh my god mom mom i miss you i miss her you uh oh so the issue here also is that i think this one was like a thousand euros per month instead of 700 so it's 300 over so they're concerned about like being make make those ends meet to which i say you know one of my favorite responses that is you know get a job get a job Good job. Yeah. And I mean, look, $1,000 for that is nothing. It's a beautiful view. It's a beautiful hillside, like, hill views. Gorgeous. This is fucking incredible. Oh, my God. So this to me was like the, like, this is the auto buy.

Like, this is like, this is no need to look at house number three. This is the one you get. So now they're walking around the town and, um, he's like, oh, look, it's just Christmas, Christmas trees. Oh my God, like Christmas trees? Have you ever cut down your own? She's like, no. Why would I do something so stupid? It's going to be so fun. I can't wait here to come here and just start cutting down trees.

You know, moving back to Germany, I got culture shock by my own home country. You know, because like in the States, the people I met was so open-minded, even when it comes to like emotions and talking things out, you know? And then I came home and I saw my mother. And I was like, oh, I am feeling your culture and I am shocked. It's like, my family is not like that. You know, it's very hard for me. If I'm trying to express my feelings, they don't understand me. And that's when I get extremely annoyed.

And Yasmin's like, yeah, that's true. There's not really feelings. Well, I'm allowed to talk about my feelings because I'm American, but you're not. So that's fine. God, I love her mother. It's a cool. I'm sorry your mother's not emotionally supportive to you and is closed off and is cruel and is very passive, aggressive with everything she says.

But she made me gingerbread, so I love her. She loves this thing to my feelings. She's like, oh, my God. So then they're walking through a cornfield. Oh, God, this part. She hands her a stock of corn, and yes, I was like, oh, my God, did you literally just spit corn? And then now I'm opening it, and there's like legit, real corn inside? Are you fucking kidding me?

I thought it'd be like a Cadbury cream egg or just be like a nice, sugary filling, but there's literally corn. in here. Yeah, like, naively, I thought I'm gonna have to come to Germany and, like, cook corn. But I don't. You can just, like, eat it off the trees here. This is amazing. Where's that tractor when you need it? I want to come first into the cornfield, like, I'm rooting for the tractor. So she's like, yeah, like, I just like have to scale down. But, you know, like, sometimes I want to be, like, in a city where I can just, like, go buy things. I can buy whatever I want. She's like, no.

I work at it, so no. I just can't believe the corn had corn in it. It was wild. So now they're on the Autobahn and they're driving because the Audubon has no speed limit in certain areas. And Kevin's like, yeah, the Autobahn, you can go fast on it. It's exciting. This is what gets out all my rage when I have to drive around stupid Americans

to show them beautiful houses that they're not going to choose. Anyway, this next property is right between Stuttgart and where the family lives. Someone called it the middle. and it would be a good compromise. On the other hand, it is a studio apartment, and they won't like that, and some things are just like a little bit inconvenient, but that's how life is.

That's why sometimes you have to go stand in the corner, known as the inconvenienced corner. Well, he's an asshole, because you're showing them a studio. Are you kidding? It's bad enough you already showed them one bedroom when they wanted to. But I think he's doing that whole, like,

oh, here's what you get for under budget. It's stupid, right? Okay, enjoy. You're telling me there's not a single thing. apartment or home that's in between these two places, that's better than a studio. Come on, Kevin. Yeah, I like that Kevin's like, fuck you. Hey, this house number three, this biggest quality is fuck you.

Fuck you in your face. Okay. So they walk into it. And, of course, little Miko's there looking all cute. And this is where he has and it's like, oh my God, those are rolling hills, right? And they're like, what are rolling hills? Stop making things up. I don't know what it is.

Yeah, sorry. Sorry. So she's like obsessed at Rolling Hills. They've never heard of the concept. And they go in and it is a studio. I mean, if you're looking for a studio, it's a nice studio. But this is 100% not what they're looking for. And it's really small for the two of them and the dog.

But there is a lot of light. It's too small. This one's an auto no. We all know it's going to be an auto no. And Jasmine goes, yeah. I mean, like, imagine when we're in a disagreement and I like have to sit right here on this couch and pat right into your face. And she's like, oh my God. Please, no.

he's like, well, you can go outside. He's like, yeah, but not in the winter. He's like, well, Kevin then says the craziest thing. He goes, well, unfortunately, I don't get paid by the amount of disappointment I produce, but I can imagine that they would like the bathroom. I've never heard a realtor on these shows say something like that. I didn't realize that's what he said. That was so funny.

When he said that, I was like, did he just say that? Not wondering I got super star. Only I got the commission on disappointment. But hopefully that like the bathroom, it's modern. And she's like, oh my God, nice bathroom, but that's literally it, Kevin, you idiot. He's like, oh, God, chuching. So she's like, when I think about Yasmin in my life here in Germany, I cannot feel myself in a studio, you know. We need to be bye.

That's what we need. We need to be able to say bye. And so now we're going over the different houses, and they're talking about their options. And I thought they were going to choose number two, honestly. I thought so too. I didn't get the whole clue of the dog liking house, number one. I thought number two is just, first of all, it's the best, it's pooping, right? So everybody, even people like me, you don't like to talk about it, love to poop.

And second, it was like that hillside, the pond, the backyard. There was nothing wrong with it. huge. It was just amazing and they did not choose it. And that's what I knew. They're done about this couple. Yeah, this is not going to work out. Like this, there was no reason not to take this perfect department. And they went with the one that was like on the first floor where the window looks out onto like a main street. Like and not in a fun way. It's just like it's just right there. No. No, no, no. And right by the mom. Right by the mom. That he doesn't want to be around. Yeah, I just this is not going to work out. But they chose.

And then we see three months later, they bought a new plant, and Yasmin's trying to say Liederhosen. She's like, that's like literally hard. I can't wait to teach language. Now that we're together, we've picked the perfect newlywed apartment and it's just been so easy. It was just like totally meant to be. And I've even found more corn that has corn on the inside too.

She's like, unfortunately, I still have to see my stupid fucking mother. But at least they keep each other company. So I'm so happy. They just stay out in ponds together. Yeah. So I'm very disappointed in their choices. But you know what? I did see when I was watching this on Max,

they have House Hunters Renovation. Have you ever seen that? I have seen that. That's like an hour long thing because the first half is like, the first half is like House Hunters. The second half is renovation. But it's really fun to watch. Oh, maybe I have seen that a long time ago.

I mean, that's how I remember it. Maybe it's 30 minutes, but I think it's a full hour, though. Oh, no, nobody got time for that. We just do 45 minutes on just a 20-minute show. We'll be here all day if we do an hour. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being here for Dwell Hello. We really appreciate you being here, part of Wendree Plus, go get Patreon and all that tickets for our live shows and all that good stuff.

And, of course, our entire catalog of Dwell Hello episodes on Wendree and the rest of it over on our Patreon. We sure love you guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye.