Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #510: Tiny Dreams in North Carolina

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

This week on Dwell Hello, Bonnie shops for a tiny home with a view in North Carolina but needs to store a boat load of jadeite. Is her dream a reality? Or will it come crashing down as her house travels on the freeway? This is a recap of House Hunters S145E12 Tiny Dreams in North Carolina, and we watched it on Hulu.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's our house hunters episode here on Watcher Crappins. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Oh, so great. What's going on with you today? Not much. It's ready to talk some house hunters. This is an interesting one because when we selected this episode, which we normally like to choose episodes that are not behind the paywall or that are easy to access. And when we chose it, it was easily readily available.

available on Max and then over the course the next two or three days it was taken down from Max. Well, apparently someone sent us an email and apparently Max at the start of the month took down a lot of house hunters. They just axed a bunch of them. So I wonder if they're going. Yeah. And I also wonder, I noticed that some of these were over on the Discovery app because you know like Max is kind of oddly like has like a split personality where it's like discovery is part of. of Max, but not necessarily part of Max. And so I think you have to have like maybe an ancillary subscription to discovery. Well, they combined.

So it was discovery on Max, but I guess now they're making you pay for discovery separately again, which I think so. I'm not doing that. Sorry. Yeah. So it's sorry to that. Like it was shocked. Ronnie, Ronnie texting me and was like, Ben, where's this episode?

I was like, it's on Max. I saw I just, I just saw the first 30 seconds on Max and that was on Thursday, but by Sunday, it was gone. So apologies ahead of time. But the episode in question is Tiny Dreams in North Carolina sent in by Mary. This is volume 6, season 145, episode 12. Look for Tiny Dreams in North Carolina. I wound up just buying it off of Apple for like $2, you know, and it was worth it because I like the episode.

So I counted on Hulu myself. So here we go. North Carolina antique collector, Bonnie is simplifying your life and going tiny. She's got a real hick of a daughter named Emma along to keep her grounded And keep that accent just goofying it up the entire time Yeah, it's so interesting this woman Bonnie Her daughter reminded me of oddly enough Grace Lilly I can't explain it maybe I just like that Carolina thing

The Carolina is like the accent I should say not necessarily the personality She really got that version she really got a this She's like, hi, Mama. And the mom doesn't talk like that. Just she does. The mom's talks like, well, I love collectibles. And she's like, hey, mama, you know what? I think you need a big room with cat that boo that.

I'm like, damn, Forrest. I'm Bonnie. I work in retail. I live with my dog and my three cats in rural North Carolina. And one of my hobbies is I love to collect things. Jadiettee, antiques, baskets. Jeannieette. Is that a.

Jada? Jadiet. J.D. More J.D.I. I like to collect J.D.D.E.T. Yet. Yet. Yet. I collect things. Unique things I can collect and use. You know, like J. Dot teacups. Who doesn't need those? So I'm going to live tiny. I'm going to live tiny. And I'm going to have lots of collectables everywhere in a moving house. It's going to work out great. Hello. What are you talking about? You can't have a drivable house and collect J.Dite tea cups. People who go tiny on these shows always say, I just wanted to get rid of all. all my stuff and live tiny. She's like, I just wanna collect more and more JDA and live tiny. Yeah. So she's moving somewhere without coverage or a closet.

Can't wait to see how this is gonna work out, okay? She's like an aspiring hoarder. She's like, I'm a hoarder, but I didn't have the discipline to be a hoarder. So I thought, what if I just make the space smaller? And that makes the hoarding bigger. Yeah. Also, I think her daughter, despite what she sounds like, I think she looks exactly like Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks.

Yeah. The daughter's gorgeous. Yeah, her daughter is a stunner. Or like modern day, I guess, comparison would be Ali. It's a girl's name, Allie from Legally Blonde. She was the one that was on trial and legally blonde. And she was in. Allie Larder.

Yeah, Ali Larder. Yeah, Ali Larder. She's now in that Taylor Sheridan show with Billy Bob Thornton. Oh, she is. Good for her. Good to see. She's still working. She's just still sexy as heck.

Tell you that. much Allie Larder. Dang it. That one was never taken a day off the Pilates. Gee, have some, have some pie, Allie. I was going to a party and she was there and she offered me like a homemade like cupcake or something. Yes, I'll take it. Allie Larder. Yes. I love you. I'll take whatever Ali Larder gives me. I love her. She's so beautiful. She's so good and everything. She was really nice, but there was something when she looked at me where I felt like she doesn't know who I am and she doesn't know why I'm here. I'm I shouldn't be at this party. She's like, wait a second. I just offered one of my cupcakes to a non-famous person who invited this person. But she was very nice and she had a big

smile. Um, so I love that you only take, you only want, you only want cupcakes from people who accept you at a party. Like, give me the fucking cupcake. I care about the cupcake more than I care about the alley larder. Wow, what a joy. It took 20 years, but I finally got my alley letter story out of the podcast. I tell that pepcake, that girl's, that girl's from lately blonde. You're never going to tell anybody

because I'm eating off your head. And then I remember, I remember also turning to someone and talking to them in the wake of this Alley-Larder moment where I felt kind of like, I was like, it just felt like very like out of place.

And I turned to someone and I said, so where are you guys living? They're like, Culver. I'm like, oh, Culver, where's that? I was like, is that near Culver city? They're like, no, that is Culver City. We just didn't say the city part. And I was like, I am failing at this party.

I just always remember embarrassing myself with that Culver City comments. They probably got in the car and they're like, oh, my God, Allie Larder's friend really did not approve of us being at that party because we're from Culver. What's Culver? You were just passing on the insecurity from person to person. Like, you paid it forward in the most negative way ever. Ellie Larder's like, I gave that nice person a cupcake. and he just gave me such a look, like, are my cupcakes not good enough?

Everyone left shattered from this party. That cupcake stealer just looked at me like, what are you doing at this party? He was looking at me like, you're an actress. I know these cupcakes aren't good. I'm like, no, I know how to make cupcakes. I have depth. So she's like, well, I had a house. It was 1100 square foot.

It was a mansion. And basically, that was a money pit. So I decided to put it up for sale and it sold faster than I thought I would turn that people love junk. Oh my God. Is that jade? Get it in my purse. Get it in my purse right now. I have a question. What is jade by the way? Is that just like like that milk glass? It's like that green milk glass that they have like old antiques dishes and cups and stuff. You've seen it right? We've got a lot of it in the south. Yeah, I'm looking at pictures of it now. But yeah, that's it's just so funny because I was like I'm just laughing. I basically had a Culver moment, a Culver moment when I was like, JD.

J.D. It's a southern thing. You see it everywhere. And then they'll try and charge you like a million dollars for it. They'll be like, oh, you want two J. Dot cups? That'll be $200. It's like, fuck off. Get out of here.

I will have some Lapus Lazzuli instead. So, um, she's like, yeah. So I've been looking for a tiny home for me, tiny is just because I just want to live simply. And amongst piles of. of jadad and little dishes, you know, and enjoy life. I don't want the headaches that taking care of a house. And my children think that going tiny is kind of strange, you know, coming from an 1100 square foot home.

But, you know, I'm going to do what I want to do. They know that. Mama's going to do what Mama wants to do. So that's what Mama's going to do. Hey, guess what I made that Mama's going to do list today. And here's what it says, number one, Mama, number two is going to do what Mama's going to do. Check, check. Done it.

Oh, you know, being a mother, I've seen it all. I'm quite jaded. And I don't take a pic. I don't see it with any shape. So I like my jade. So the daughter's like, yeah, I think that she's kind of crazy. And I think she might know that herself. But, you know, we're going to embrace this together.

It's going to be fun. I can't wait for my mama to live in a tiny home. And then I have to come in and clean out every single month. I mean, I tell my mama to put on conditioner on her hair. if she wanted to do that, but now she was, my opinion, on what half she's going to leave in? Hey, little white rain never hurt nobody. Right, Mama? Come on.

Bonnie has $125,000 to spend. Unfortunately, she spent most of that on Jadeite. So she has $10 left over for a tiny house. $125,000. That's crazy. By the way, my tiny house obsession is kind of coming back. because yeah I kind of want to get a tiny house here in Texas because I need one I just want a tiny house instead of a big house I like a tiny house I want to try it I'm going to look into it okay just putting that out into the universe any tiny house builders give me a call I have to say I thought the tiny homes on this episode at least the first two were not so bad normally the the tiny homes episodes normally stress me out But I thought these were pretty good.

And we recently did a tiny home episode where there was some okay tiny homes. You know the stressful ones are when they're like, I've got a family of 10 and eight babies under the age of three. And we want a tiny home so daddy can play in the bar at night. We could park it out in the Walmart while we're like, no, it's child abuse. But when it's Bonnie, Bonnie is like, you know what I love? J.D.I don't do what mama's going to do. So I want a tiny home. You're like, okay.

Well, for you, it's okay. It makes sense. Yeah. It makes sense. even though it logistically makes no sense with your hobbies. So Emma's like, well, I just don't want her all the way out there in Timbuck, too. Okay, I want to see her. So then Bonnie's like, here's an inspiration board of the tiny homes that I want.

So here's a mansion. And this one here, this one's just like a four-bedroom house. Just some nice inspiration for going tiny, you know? Yeah, her inspiration homes were not tiny homes. They were really nice little cabins and stuff. So she's hoping for her first floor bedroom for herself and her dog, Scrappy, who's named exactly how he looks. And we cut to Scrappy. Scrappy's like, ah.

I was like, Scrappy, it's a scrappy a can opener with hair. Scrappy, which is what he'll have to be in order to bound over the piles of little chachis he'll be blocked in with. Scrappy, or as we call him, jadeite survivor, Scrappy. Scrappy, whose new dog bed will be made out of piles of little jadeite saucers. So Bonnie's like, well, for my kitchen, I want full-size appliance heads and granite countertops. That's very important. They're very in right now. And I don't want a house that's too small, you know, probably around 400 square feet.

That would be ideal. I'm like, Bonnie, I think you want an apartment. So Emma's like, well, the one thing I'm worried about is that my mom is underestimating. just how tiny these houses are going to be. And I know she has a lot of trinkets, we'll call it, and collections. Or as I like to call it my boyfriend, garbage. Pure garbage. She just collects big, big pieces of garbage.

My mom's got a lot of stuff in her house. I like to call daddy substitutes. But I'm supportive for the most part. Have you ever seen a j.dot dildo? I have. It's unpleasant. God. Bonnie's like, well, I'm giving up my collections. I'll tell you that.

I lighten some of them up. but some collections I would just never give up. I ain't going to do it. I ain't going to do. Now, here's another thing I make, a list of things that mama ain't going to do. Mama ain't getting rid of her collections. Check, check. Local real estate broker Stephanie Johnson,

who may or may not be a distant cousin of Riley from Below Deck, owns a tiny home of her own, and she's going to help Bonnie with her search in finding a terrible place for all her chachkes. So, Stephanie, is this what we wear to the office? You look like drag queen toilet paper. certainly is okay well i first met i first met bonnie when she called me looking for a house and she knew i had a tiny house

she knew that because i liked to go up and down the main street of ashway hey i got a tiny home anyway she heard me one day at the coffee shop was like i want to do that too she know i could help her find her happy place and that's what i intend to do now i gave her a jade-eyed dildo, but that didn't do the trick. So we're moving on the homes. By the way, I've dressed up because I got a tank top with sparkles on it. So first up, Stephanie is showing Bonnie a modern tiny on wheels. I don't know why that's such a funny thing to say. A modern tiny on wheels. Yeah, I want a tiny house that's not a trailer. You know what I mean? Because a lot of the tiny homes we see on these are just trailers and they're like outfitted to be homes. But I don't want

that. I want like a little house, like a tiny little house. Yeah. You know what? You know what would be a good example of a tiny home? Remember, remember my friend Diana. We went to her home in, when we went to Sweden, we went to her home. And it was like in the middle of nowhere. That was actually a tiny home. Is that what you would want? Yes. Is that a little too big? Is that? No. No, something like that. Just a tiny little house, you know. There was no bathroom, right? Oh, I would want that. No, I need a bathroom. Yeah. I need a bathroom. I need a bathroom. I want like a fancy tiny home where you like really kidded out to be like a rain shower and a, you know, fancy toilet and I don't know, just just well done, but tiny still. Yeah, because just because it's tiny, why does it have to always be in that same rectangle arrangement? Does it have to always be a trailer? Because they're putting them in trailers. I'm telling you it's the trailer thing. You can make a tall tiny house, you know, like a little tiny house with a couple nice big stories. I think a lot of it is.

It's just like you have to drag the house around on these shows, you know. So anyway. I think that there's, I think there is a world in which you get a nice plot of land and you just build a tiny home that may be L-shaped. And I think that's okay. An L-shaped, yeah. Something like that. And then you could put a little garden in the middle, like a little patio. Yeah.

Hell yeah. I'm in. So first up, Stephanie's showing Bonnie a home. It's a modern tiny on wheels. It doesn't come with land. But it's under budget. at $669,000, which is something you cannot do with a J-Dil-Dil-O. So Stephanie's like, all right, Miss Bonnie, you said you wanted to go tiny.

This is 266 square feet of tiny, girl. You know, it's kind of funny when I see Stephanie. I used to call her a passei tiny on wheels. That was when she used to have her segue before the accident on Main Street. Then she was legally not allowed to drive one of those anymore. Anyway, what was I talking about? Modern Tiny on Wheels, go for it. So I was like, what is this mama's shed?

What's my mama going to live in a shed? You put mom in the shed? Don't put mama in a shed. Bonnie's like, oh, it's a tiny house on wheels. That's great for when I go driving nowhere. Stephanie's like, yeah, it certainly is tiny in here. Am I right? It's awesome.

It's on a trailer so you can pull it behind your car wherever you want to go. So we could even find you land. So it's in a beautiful setting, you know, you just hook this right up to your Honda Civic. And boom, you're ready to go. And Bonnie's like, you really think. I think I could tell this? She goes, I think you could. You might need to get a truck.

She goes, well, maybe that's the first thing I need to do is get a truck. Can I just live in the truck? Mama, you ain't living in the truck. Mama's going to do what Mama's going to do. Let me tell you something. Put enough caffeine in me and just give a harness and put in my teeth and I'll drag this thing right to where you want to buy this house right now. And I'm like, yeah, Mama, you can get this house. You can build a porch.

You can build a swimming pool. You can build a mall right back with the T. You love T. T. It's right, Mama. Scott's the limit. I could get a deck and maybe fold it up when I move. Let's look.

I want to see. So they go inside. Bonnie, you were not getting a fold up deck. Can you imagine Bonnie like, well, is there somebody around to help me fold up my deck? No. Don't get something you can't do on your own, Bonnie. I'm not coming over there to help you fold up your fucking deck every week.

Fold up deck. No, no, ma'am. So they walk in and Emma's like, oh, man, you're not going to be throwing a lot of parties in here, mom. Not that you did in the first place, although I don't know if tea parties with your J. Dot dolls counts. Yeah, but it's got real tall ceilins. That makes it look bigger. And I like beadboard. It's got beadboard. This is another one that they're like, this is a modern tiny. This is not a modern time. This is a country tiny. The outside is shaker and the inside is beadboard.

Stop calling everything modern just because it's 2025. Stop it. I didn't know. What is beadboard anyway? I'm looking it up. I don't. Oh, beatboard's like the slats? Yeah, it's like the little mini slats that are like country, you know. Why would they call it beadboard if there's no beads? Should be called slapboard. Slatboard sounds horish.

So she's like, beatboard's nice. I love beadboard. It gives that country feel. Oh, my God, this counter, it's not granite. But, you know, it is butcher block. I like butcher block for not being granite. I just love when people go into a tiny house. home and then they expect all sorts of luxury finishes.

And Emma is like, well, I love this sink. It's kind of weird. It's bigger than anything in the house because it's this big old farmhouse sink. And Bonnie's like, oh, it's wanted a farmhouse sink though. Could I live in a farmhouse sink? This would fit a lot of J-DOT in here. I know. Who complains about a sink being too big?

It's an amazing thing. It was great. I think that's, I think it's great that she has a big sink. Yeah. So she's like, you know what this sink is good for? It's a perfect place to watch Scrappy. You're not washing. Get scrappy out of the sink. We're trying to eat here. I know. Don't put scrappy in there.

Emma's like, well, you wanted full-size appliances, though, and there's no oven in here, and there's no way here to cook pizza, which apparently is an important thing for Bonnie is to cook pizza. Yeah. Emma's like, this is going to be a big thing. Mama cooks me pizza. Well, she'll make my pizza. You better find her a pizza maker. And Stephanie's like, well, there is an oven now. Come. on, there's a convection microwave. So that's just like an oven. It's like an oven. It's like a microwave and an oven.

Okay. Now, it's going to be a small pizza, but it's going to be a pizza. I guarantee you that Bonnie is not making any pizzas that are worth the effort to include pizza making accessories. You know those are weight watchers, French loafs or whatever. We all know. Yeah. She put English muffin, ketchup, and cheddar cheese.

Yeah. Or my famous pizza, the tortilla with pizza toppings on top. that you put in the oven. Actually, kind of delicious. Try it out. Of course. Yeah. I've been want to actually make some homemade pizza for like a year and I haven't gotten

around to it. Maybe tonight's the night. So Emma's like, well, what about displaying all your collections? Where would you do that? And Bonnie's like, well, it'll be nice to put a couple more shelves in. But Stephanie tells her, yeah, well, there's a lot of room for shelves, but you need to remember, too, because this is on wheels. And you know, what happens if you wind up committing a crime and having to move to another

state? I wouldn't know from experience, but I'm just saying if you need to get on wheels and get out of here quickly, you don't want things rattled around on those shelves. How are you going to escape the bank robbery if you got shit running around on your shelves? You can't have jade out flying all over the place. What about scrappy? I mean, I saw

deep impact. That wave came very far inland. You may need to get up and go next time a meteor hits this planet. And Bonnie's like, well, I don't see a place to put my canopy bed. That's for sure. A canopy bed. It's a tiny house, Bonnie. Let's adjust our expectations.

Tiny house shoppers wanting to put every large piece of furniture in their tiny homes is one of my favorite tropes in the genre. So funny. And Emma's like, yeah, that's probably definitely no. That's a can to put no bed. You ain't going to get no canopy? That's a no penny bed. Mama. And don't you tell mama no.

So now, now listen, you don't have room for a can of pea bed, but you do have room for a can of peas in your bed. Has a bed. So there's a bunk bed above the living area and a loft space above the bathroom. And so Emma's like, you can fit an air mattress up there. That'd be about it. I don't know if I could sleep up there. Mama, you aren't going to make me sleep up on an air mattress, especially not after getting a beat.

I'll tell you that much. I mean, what kind of world is this? And then it turns out there's like a little living room area. There's like a little sofa that folds out to full size bed. And I could already tell that sofa was not a comfortable one. That's like an IKEA sofa where you sit on. on it and it feels fine at first, but then after a while, your butt starts to fall asleep. And you're like, how is my butt falling asleep on a sofa? I'm on a sofa. There's no way that

my butt could fall asleep. But it does because it's an IKEA sofa. Yeah. And, um, you know, it falls out into a full size bed. Y'all, it's cozy. And then they are looking at this motorized thing and it is the bed. It actually is a motorized and it comes down from the ceiling. And, uh, It's not, I'll just say it's not like very artistically done. I mean, it's just a motor hanging off a wall. And it looks like a garage door opener. It's like, and she tries to sit in and almost falls to the ground. She's like, oh, I don't know about that.

Yeah, because like sometimes, you know, like this, I could imagine like if it was like a nice engine and everything. You press it, it comes down. You're like, if it did like a, it'd be like, oh, that's fun. But it is like a. You hear like chains be like And also by the way My first thought is what happens if you're up there Or you want to go up there

And you don't have power There's a blackout or maybe your generator's got Now you just can't get up to your bed You have to like take that little staircase Then hop up there and Bonnie's not doing that Yeah or like what if your daughter is sleeping on the couch below you You know and your bed falls on her Who wants that?

Yeah you smush I'll kill my daughter with an electric man It's okay I'll make a staircase out of jade So yeah, that, that bed was, Bonnie is too much for the bed. Like when she got on it and it like dropped down like six inches, she was just like no more. I'm not doing this. Yeah, it's a good, it's a good idea. But it's, I would toss and turn so much.

I'd bring the house down sleeping like that. So they go into the bathroom and she's like, this is your full size bathroom. And it looks like a truck stop shower. You know, it's like really tiny. And Bonnie's like, oh, this is so. big. I like it. Yeah. And so then she's back in the main room. She's like, well, I like

this style and it's nice and it has nice open space and the counters are good, but I don't know. And Stephanie's like, but it's half our budget at $69,000. Imagine all the J-Dite you could buy now. Come on. You put it in a nice view. It'll be perfect. Yeah. And, uh, well, Stephanie found Bonnie a more spacious tiny home, but this one might be

a tough, at So we go to Bonnie and Emmett at an ice cream shop and Emma's like, Y'all got pizza? Mama can't make pizza for the next few months, so we're needing to supplement here. You got to make it out of ice cream? Like, man, this is an ice cream store. Mama, I ain't taking this. What are you going to live in the shed?

Ice cream shed? This is bullshit, Mama. Antique collector Bonnie has sold her 1100 square foot home and is ready to live a simpler life by trapping herself in a tiny home with tons of clutter. Simple. With her daughter Emma there, waiting for her mother to die after an avalanche of jadeite crashes down upon her face. She's there as a sounding board as well,

and she's seen a modern tiny that fits her country style and is well under the $125,000 budget. But she would have to purchase land. Yeah, that's kind of how it works. And also the whole purchasing land thing is where I get caught up, because you've got to run water, you've got to run electricity, you got to run a sewer. It's not like you can just plop it out there, you know? Yeah, exactly.

She'll have to purchase land to put it on and also deal with her daughter Emma's insatiable appetite for pizza. So now we cut to them all walking down the street. Today, real estate broker Stephanie Johnson is showing them a large, rustic contemporary that's part of a local tiny home community. But for some strange reason when she walks on public streets, she wears the decision. skies. I don't know who she's running from, but we're alarmed. All right, Ms. Bonnie, now I brought you to this property today because we're close to town, 20 minutes to Asheville naps, 399 square feet, 87,900, way under your budget, way under your budget. So Bonnie is like, well, I like the roof, but the porch, and I like that there's a porch in

double doors, but I don't know about the dark color of the siding. Oh, come on, Bonnie. Come on. You're getting a tiny home. You can paint it. First of all, this is under budget. You can paint it. It's going to take about 30 minutes to paint because it's tiny. So let's get over that. And this one is considerably nicer, I think, than the first one. Way nicer. And this actually had, I'm going to say this. I think this one had the best layout we've ever seen in a tiny home. This had a great layout. It was very creative. I've never seen it before either. The big open kitchen in the middle. I thought that was so smart. They should all be. be like this. Because remember the last episode, last tiny home episode we looked at, there was that one place that had like a table but then had staircases coming out of the table. Every tiny home always has like one aspect that's just like wrong. And this one, I felt like there was no flaws in the, it was so good that I even thought to myself, I could imagine myself living in this tiny little home if I wanted to live

the tiny lifestyle. I feel like this was the one that I was like, yeah, I could do this. I'm looking for tiny homes again. I'm back to the tiny home hunt. Get this one. Move to Asheville. Yeah. So, and this one's on a trailer.

It's not a foundation home. It's all skirting. Okay? It's all skirting. And so there's wheels under there. They're just hidden well. So she's like, with the money we're saving, we could find you a quarter acre and you could put it anywhere. I mean, anywhere you wanted if you wanted to poop in the ground and not have electricity.

Okay. So stuff, Stephanie is like, yeah. Or you can stay here and pay $525. a month and that includes everything, all the utilities, a community center, a pool, unlimited access to the pizza oven on site. So it's just a great option. Now look, I feel like you don't want, it's one thing to want a tiny house, but it's an entirely different thing to want tiny house neighbors. You know what I mean? I don't want tiny house neighbors because they're going to be a pain in the ass. There dogs are going to be outside all the time barking. They're going to be outside all the

time because in a tiny home you're going to be like let's eat outside everybody. I got a patio. And then you're going to have to listen to everybody hoot and hollering getting shit faced all night. I don't know. Everybody's car lights in your window and a pool, a fool with tiny home neighbors. No, I agree with this. It's too much. It's like too much of like, like, I've seen nomad land. I see how everyone just sits out on their, on their holding chairs. You have to chat with everyone every time we want to go out. And someone's all of a sudden, someone's like, hey, let me help you move. move your dishes and next thing you know all your precious dishes have been broken because you got a nosy neighbor who wants to help. So I get it.

But this makes the land thing. Everything you said about the land being annoying, it kind of makes that seem less annoying because it's like, yeah, it is annoying to have to run electricity and water and all that stuff. Right. It probably costs, I think probably for the water. It's probably cost, what, between $10,000 and $20,000 for the pipes and all that stuff. And then I don't know with electricity. But ultimately, if you're saving all that money with the tiny home, it's probably an expense you can absorb. Running well, I don't think it's five or ten thousand dollars to run sewage and water and electricity. I mean, I guess you could use a septic tank, but even that's not cheap. I mean, that's a lot of money too.

Well, I know here where I live, I'm in like, I have like a townhome and so we're like the little townhome complex. And there's like a gate with an intercom and they needed to change the the intercom. It was something ridiculous. Oh, you know what it was? The intercom broke that. like everyone uses. And so to put in a new one, to put in like a simple thing where you like press numbers and like calls your phone to be like there's someone at the front, they would have to run a phone line into the intercom from like the street, which is like all of 15 feet away. And that,

I know it's because it's like HOA drama. That would cost $12,000. So yeah. So you see. To run a phone line underground. Yeah. A big expense is. getting that stuff run.

So, yeah. I don't know. Maybe my dream is dead. But I don't know. It was fun to have it for the five minutes that it lasted. It might be worth it, though. That also may be just like L.A. bureaucracy causing all that. And like if you live out in, you know, out in the hills.

Spicewood, Texas. Of Spicewood, maybe it's much cheaper. Maybe. Guess we'll find one way to find out. Okay. So they go look inside. And this is a really cute place. It's high ceiling.

It's got some nice paneling. She says it's busy with all the different color woods. I like it. I'm not bothered at all. Like woods don't have to match, you fucking weirdo. Who wants a house that every piece of wood, like top to bottom wood is all the same color.

It'll look cray cray. And also just paint it. I'm sorry. I know she wants like a blonde wood, but like just paint it. Paint it then. But honestly, I wouldn't even paint it because it's nice wood.

So they go into the kitchen. It's a full-sized kitchen. Nice appliance. And all of a sudden, Bonnie's like, well, I do wish they were stainless steel, though. Okay, you know what? Do you see that you have like an actual open concept in a tiny home right now? Why? And just change the appliances.

Like it's not that hard. You know, it's half your budget, lady. Yeah. So they go in the bedroom and there's like a read. Oh, on the way of the bedroom, there's like this sort of space that's like a flex space. You can do anything with it. So she can even have a reading, uh, or she could put her collectibles there.

She could set up like a stupid like curio, like what they call it like a classic curio, like those play case. I don't know. Yeah. It's perfect. Yeah. The kitchen was my favorite because it spread out right in the middle and it's like it's huge for a place like this. And the kitchen is the center of the home. And you know what I loved?

Sorry. I also love the dining area. Like there was like a counter and you sit at it and it's right in front of a window so you eat and you can look out the window. I think that was perfect. Yeah, it was really well done. And then the washer and dryer is in there, and it looks really nice, too. It's in a perfect place. And then there's like a little mini hallway leading to a bedroom.

And she's calling it the little nook area or curio collection area or whatever. That's a closet. I mean, you need a closet, guys. Like, we have not concentrated on the closet. Now, I know that Bonnie's not much of a clothes source, no offense. But still, you got to have more than two things, you know? Mm-hmm. Well, I like the Emma goes, so this would be your clutter corner.

He could designate all your stupid Jada right here. This is where we can keep the pizza mama. They go into the bathroom and Bonnie's like, well, the wall's top. That's nuts. But I really would prefer a bathtub. Bonnie, you're in a tiny home. Okay. Like, yes, you could theoretically have a bathtub, but like you've got to make some sacrifices.

It's time now. Yeah, Bonnie's got a pretty big list and a pretty tiny budget. Okay, bombing. So she's complaining about the bathtub and she's like, and Emma's like, yeah, well, what about you? You sit on the toilet and then you got everybody looking at you because there's a window right there. She goes, well, I guess we could put a drape or something on there. I guess. Finally, some imagination.

So then they go to bedroom and there's that, um, that like smoky plastic that comes in sheets and it makes it look like frosted windows. Hmm. There you go. Solved. Solved. Except I was kind of janky because I'm not a straight cutter. And so there's like little jacket to all of mine. Then Stephanie is like, she's like, then they go look at the bedroom.

And there's like barn dwarves that show like reveal closets, but also can hide the TV and everything. It all looks really very nice. And there's like, but there's, she goes, do you think you have room for anything other than a bed in here? Well, oh, sorry, do you want like a love seat too? It's a tiny home. The bedroom. Do you need your fucking treadmill in here? It's a tiny home.

You can't put an indoor pool in here. Okay. Yeah. Sorry, ma'am. Where am I going to park my car? Not in the bedroom, you twit. Okay. So then she's like, Emma, you get the loft.

That's where you're going to be sleeping. And Emma's like, I ain't sleeping up there. It's like for a small child, not for me. I mean, what the heck? Yeah. And because the thing is you have to like climb up a ladder and then you can only crawl up there, which is annoying. I also want like is it can they not make these tiny homes just like a little taller?

I guess they would maybe flop over on their side. Yeah, it's fairly tall, but a loft like that is not abnormal. I slept one of my first apartments in L.A. I slept like that and then that place in New York and the loft I slept like that. And it was fine. It's actually nice. It's actually nice to just have a room that all you can do is crash and like either play video games or watch TV.

It's kind of a dream. Yeah. Yeah. Or they could just build these tiny homes a little bit. taller and put like buttresses on the size that it doesn't fall off it might look crazy but you can make the buttresses look really cute you can like hang plants from it and stuff yeah um so uh yeah they don't like this loft deal breaker for you miss bonnie she's like i'm kind of thinking it might be yeah can you put a pizza oven up here you think um and and it's like well i can sleep in the couch

downstairs that would be cool and so then they walk outside and look at that and um bonnie likes that the master bedroom's on the first floor because that's a big thing in a tiny home and um that it was permanent but she does have the option of moving it and it is moving ready there's room for scrappy and the cats you've got cats too cats where the cats come from are you just collecting things as you go lady it's just like i did find some cats on the way over here and i've decided i also have a collection of cats memorabilia from the show i went there to that's cool and I loved it. No, forever, bitch.

So then Bonnie's like, well, I just wanted something. I don't have to move. You know, something permanent would be nice. And Stephanie goes, yeah, I know we talked about that, but this one was just so you. I just wanted you to see the community. I mean, look at that guy over there who's only wearing a blouse and then a pair of dirty white underwear and nothing else. Isn't that cute? Look at him picking the lint out of his belly.

But hey there. How you doing? He's like, we're gonna. Fun fact, the guy who lives too down for you is a professional Dwight Yoakim impersonator. So he does a show on Thursdays in the parking lot. Hey, you the new neighbor? Come sit on my lap. I think I'm gonna have to think about this one.

Well, Stephanie's found an option that comes with land, but there's a catch. It's terrible. So now we go to commercial break. And now we have Bonnie and Emma walking down the sidewalk in Asheville. In Asheville, North Carolina, Bonnie is simplifying her life and going tiny with unreasonable expectations. With her daughter, Emma, who's way too hot to be dressing this poorly. So let's see what they're thinking. When we see a rustic option on wheels can stay in its current location for 525 a month or Bonnie could move in and find land of her own. Let's go see what Bonnie found. So Stephanie Johnson's

back with us after commercial, in case we forgot who she was. And we see a new house. This one is a standstill. It's not a movable house. It's just a tiny house cabin. And it's actually nice looking, I think. I like this one. Mm-hmm.

On the outside. Yeah, it's, it's very nice on the outside. It has a porch. This is, I guess, what we're talking about, like a house that's just tiny, not a tiny house. It's a little A-frame. Mm-hmm. And it's 518 square feet. which kind of, yeah, I think it's now more of a small house than a tiny house, but I don't know.

It sort of rides that line a little bit. So it's a cabin. And they're out there and they're out in the boondocks and there's a rooster that's going nuts. And Emma's like, oh, she's going to be getting a wake-up call every morning from those roosters here in the boonies. I mean, how far are we from Asheville? I'm like, you were in the car. You know how long the drive. So come on.

I'm going to pay attention. It's an hour from Asheville, which is crazy. That's too far. But it does have the view she wants. I mean, it's like rolling hills. I mean, it's gorgeous. The view. And it's close to a beautiful town called Burnsville.

Yeah, she goes, yeah, we're real close to Burnsville. Let's sound safe. They sell a lot of aloe there. You know, in case you burn one of them pizzas. You've got somewhere to go. You know, they can take care of you. I kind of want to look up Burnsville to see what it, what this town. Oh, it's really.

cute. I looked up a picture of, oh, it's a cute little town. I would be happy living close to Burnsville, I think. It's, it is very small. It's very small. Well, I mean, what do you need? You know, you all got a T.J. Max? I'm in. I am in. As long as there's a supermarket and a gas station, I think you're pretty much set, right? Yeah, well, you can go to Mount Mitchell. I see that. Yeah, it's like a little southern town, just like a little, a bunch of little country stores and stuff is what it looks like. Yeah. So then the view is really nice. It's rolling hills. This one's 1.45 and Bonnie's

like, I am horrified. How dare you? And Emma's like, that's really high mama. And she goes, yeah, it's way over my budget. I don't know if I can swing that. I got a J. Dot budget. I got a mind. Okay. And Stephanie's like, well, there's always eBay. Don't you even dare

say those words to Mama? Those curse words around here. Okay. Well, let's go. Let's take a look on inside. Things Mama ain't going to do. Number one. Eat by bitch. So they go check it out. And now this one, they love it because it has a spiral, like one of those metal spiral staircases. But it's like kind of right in the middle of the room, which leaves you unable to put a couch properly in this room.

Like there's nowhere to make a living room because it's this fucking spiral staircase. But they don't really notice that. Yeah, it's kind of, it's a weird. It's a weird thing. Yeah, when they walk in it looks just sort of like a house, right? Like there's just space. I get the sense that probably if you were in there, it looks a lot smaller than it does on TV.

The spiral staircase right in the middle was strange. It felt like something you would see in a strange, like maybe in like a New York City apartment. I had one of the left, the little loft space I lived in in L.A. that I had to climb up to the crawl room. And let me tell you, falling down that thing is not fun.

I fell down that thing all the time because you can't just fall straight down the stairs. You like keep falling on a spiral. You know, it's like a bar, and then you fall down another bar. It hurts. Yeah, we have a spiral staircase in my, like I grew up, I grew up with spiral staircase. Spiral staircase is part of my identity.

And yeah, there's like a certain arts to going up and down it. It hurts. It hurts like him. Yeah, but the keys you put it to the side. And why did they not put it to the side? I guess there was like a door to a room. I just feel like, you know what? Oh, here's what I think happened.

I think that was originally kind of like one of those ladder things. and at some point someone said, you know what we should do? I'm sick of this ladder. Let's put in a spiral staircase. Because if it were a ladder, it would make sense. It wouldn't be as obtrusive,

but the staircase is just right in the middle there in a strange way. Yeah. So what's up there anyway on the second floor? I forgot. I don't remember it. I think that's just like a lot. Oh, it's another,

it's the room. It's kind of like the upstairs space. There's a room. That's where the roof comes together. Right, right. The A frame, like the pointy roof. It's probably very hot up there too. You know it's hot.

So. So let's see. She doesn't like the kitchen because it doesn't have granite. The kitchen is looking cheap. It's like that. It does. It's like low end. The kitchen's low end.

She'd have to redo that. And the bathroom's really low end too. She's like, that looks like that's just a sticking shower. I'd have to tile that, which you can't do. You'd have to pull that out and have the whole bathroom redone, which is not cheap.

But I think that's a deal breaker. The kitchen and the bathroom, you can't do both of those. That's too much money. And on top of that, they wedge the washer and dryer into the bathroom in a really strange way. It's like you walk in the bathroom. The first thing you encounter is the washer and dryer. And then like you have to scoot by it to get to the sink.

It's just a, it's a very strange layout. I don't know if the washer and dryer would be a deal breaker for me because I think the utility of having a wash and dryer is ultimately so important that I would deal with it. But it is really weird. You do need one, but in the bathroom is odd. I mean, on House Hunter's International, you see that. but not a stackable and not in the bathroom. It's weird. So she does not like the kitchen of the bathroom.

So like I said, for me, that's a deal breaker, but not for her. And I like that I love Stephanie, the realtor because they keep complaining. And Stephanie does not give a shit. She just smiles right in their face and tells them no. She goes, I mean, is there somewhere else we could put the washer and dryer? And she goes, well, not unless you wanted to build something outside. Wouldn't that be fun? Okay.

Hey, let's keep on moving. Yeah, you don't know. We're not doing the outside thing. And so then they go up the spiral staircase. And Bonnie's like, oh, this is nice. It's a little small, but it would be your room, Emma, just like a hot, un-air-conditioned, basically Adam. Attic. I call the Attic Adam.

That's what I do. I'm going to put my favorite jade-d out there and say, here, this is where Adam lives. And you can live there, too, Emma. I'm going to store my jada and Lord's first man. And was like, well, I think this is more than you could ask for in a loft in a tawny home. And Bonnie is like, yeah, you're right. You can stand in it. She's like, I can do jumping jacks.

He's like, please don't do that. So they go outside. The view is beautiful outside. You know, it's very charming. But I'm like, I don't know. I don't, I like that this is murder. It's too, it's so far from like the city and it's the layout. As someone who chose that, I chose to live too far from the city.

and it sucks for everybody because I want to have dinner parties and they like coming over, but they're like, okay, you know, so now it's, it's in traffic, it's an hour. It's like, okay, so now when I go visit them, it's like a whole thing. It's like, okay, I got to knock two hours out just for travel there and back. And then it just kind of ruins everything. It's worth it to live closer. Pick smaller and closer. That's what I say, Bonnie.

Bonnie, can you hear me? Can you hear me, Bonnie? So there Bonnie's like, well, it seems like there'll be a lot of upkeep. And I'm not crazy about the counter and the cabinets and the washing and drives right smack in the middle of everything. And I don't like the upgrade. I don't like the fixtures. There's a rooster. Everything about this place is shitty.

This is probably the worst one we've looked at. I'll take it. I'll take it. Hey, can I fit a really tacky red leather couches in here? Okay. Let's do it. Can't fit them against a wall? It's okay.

Put them right in front of the staircase. It's kind of at an angle. The God goes into the kitchen. Who cares? So that's exactly what she does. She deliberates, and she doesn't even really consider the other two. Even though the middle one was, like, truly the best one.

She does take this one. She puts red velvet sofas. She puts one sofa at an angle in front of the staircase. I guess to create like a separation of space. It is really janky. I think the one thing that was sort of nice is that she brought in this table that her dad made. It was kind of like a banquette, which is cute. It looks uncomfortable as hell hell.

but it looks it looks nice and their Choshkis are everywhere Tiffany lamps everywhere she opens up a cupboard she's like I can find some place for my J-DOT I was like oh god this is the perfect place for her actually yeah it ended up being really cute and I like that the daughter's like

well mama if you picked that one we're gonna have to make sure that there's neighbors close and have to help you because I ain't coming out here and then the weirdest thing they put Emma they put a canopy bed up in that loft for Emma and I'm like God the canopy bed up there that was crazy I was like she picked this for that fucking bed. But like it felt so,

it feels like the roof itself is your canopy. It just felt so busy with like a canopy and then an A frame. I was like, this is not right. You know, when you buy something nice and you just, you're like, I'm going to keep this forever.

I think that was one of those purchases. And I really do think at the end of the day she picked this house to fit that bed. Yeah. I think that she didn't want to get rid of her red velvet sofas. I think she really liked those. She just needed, you know,

she needed space for her chotchkes and this really is very much her kind of spot like bon of course bonny's going to live on a hillside in the middle of nowhere with a rooster out back and like a strange spiral staircase this is a hundred percent the most bonnie home it's just like so bonny coded yeah it's it's it's very bonny forward it's really bonnie forward all right well thank you so much for recommending this to us mary jolly we appreciate it if you guys want to recommend an episode best to make sure it's on max Because we've already told you the stress that that causes. And just email us at watch what crapans at gmail.com. And use the subject line dwell hello suggestions so we can find you in a search when we search through the email.

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