Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #518: His Shirts and Her Pole in Boblingen, Germany

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

He’s a Marine who loves Hawaiian shirts. She’s a lady who loves to pole dance. And they’re both moving to a country that absolutely matches both of those passions: Germany!  This is House Hunters International Season 200 Episode 6: His Shirts and Her Pole in Boblingen, Germany, and we watched it on HBO Max.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, and welcome to Dwell. Hello, it's a watcher crappins, house hunters podcast bonus thing that we do here for One Drey Plus. Thanks so much for coming over here and listening. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. What's going on, Ronnie? How are you? Good.

How's it going with you today, sir? Oh, it's going really well. It's going really, really well. I had a lovely breakfast at a place called Toastique, which I thought was the funniest name I've ever heard. Toastique. Toastique. Tostique. We're going to go to Tostique, which they have some really good toasts. That's a very Orange County.

It's very, isn't it so, it's so Orange County? You should have called up Kiki Monique to meet you at Tostique and talk about Mozambique. I should have. Okay, this has nothing to do with what we're talking about today because today it is House Hunters and it is House Hunters Season 200, Episode 6. the name is his shirts and her poll in boblingen germany just look up his shirts and her poll we found it on hbo max formerly max formerly mc formerly formerly hbio max now back to being hbio max um formerly max or hbo but uh this is a actually just to clarify this is house hunters international not house hunters If you see an episode that you really like, be sure to email us at watchworkrapins at gmail.com and put dwell hello suggestion that exact phrase into the subject line. So that way we can easily look it up when we are looking for ideas.

Many, because of HBO and HBO Max and all this stuff happening with that app, they've actually gotten rid of a bunch of House Hunters episodes. So just double check that it's available on that app. because that's where we're really looking for. Or YouTube TV. This was actually suggested by Wendy and Savannah. So thank you guys for the suggest. Thanks, Wendy and Savannah. Shall we dove right into it?

Should we get into this episode? Let's do her, man. Let's get to it. So this couple, wow. So this guy is very bright. He wears very short shorts in pastels. Tight. short tight very very tight he looks like the cop from um reno 911 who always wore short shorts

yeah dangle dangle dangle yeah i think it's dangle i think it was dangle yeah he uh he's got he's got thick legs too they really is like he's hot he is sort of hot in a beefy offee straight guy way right yeah like yeah like uh he's sturdy he's like a sturdy he's like a sturdy he's like a sturdy He's a marine. Thick legs on him. He's got some tree trunks going on right there. Yeah. So, yeah, he's like, he kind of dresses like goose from Top Gunn, which is top of mind because.

Yes. Just was talking about Top Gun. And he looks like also the guy from that soccer show. What's that soccer show called on Apple? I was like, oh, yeah, it's the most feeling good show ever. Ted. Yeah, he looks like Ted Lasson. Ted Lasso.

Ted Nugent. So that's him. And she is kind of a crazy-faced. She's kind of like a Huntington Beach, Lisa Hawstein. She's got kind of Lisa Hoxstein face. They're both really tacky, like, strip mall, you know, run-of-the-mill white people from California. So they look like.

Yeah. And they're showing up in Germany. technically he's from Arizona but when she says that she's from Huntington Beach California it's like you didn't even have to say it you didn't have to say it because you look like every single person I've ever seen

come out of Huntington Beach California yeah when she says she's from Huntington Beach I said we know we know we have eyes yeah we can tell we can tell for those of you don't know Huntington Beach that's Orange County so there you go

you know the Orange County look. We all watch OC, so we all know the look. It's like where it's, I don't know if Tamara's son Ryan ever lived in Huntington Beach, but if he did, I would not be surprised. That's Huntington Beach. Yes, Huntington Beach is like not as fancy as some of the places they live on the OC, but, you know, it's, it's, it's that kind of general area look. It's like where like the OC angels would go to hang out would be, it's like, it's like Ryan before he became a cowboy would be like very Huntington Beach. Now he's not Huntington Beach necessarily, but he sort of is, actually. Yeah, okay.

So now we go to Hunter. He's been an officer in the Marine Corps for 10 years. And when he's not working, he has his own style of uniform. It's extremely tacky. So he's like, yeah, going for a little bit of a magnum PI look. You can see here, guys. Well, Dee, his newlywed bride, likes to stay in shape by sledding it up on a pole. And then he's like, yeah, you're a stripper.

She's like, I'm not a stripper. And then we get Kevin, who we've seen many times on House Hunters International, the realtor. And he's like, they're going to really stand out here in Port Bingen. Wow. I'm hoping we don't get attacked on way to home showing. Because he's so low crazy. This is, there was a big cringe factor this episode watching this guy and his like, Short shorts and very bright Hawaiian shirts just walk around.

And then she's just sort of in like Huntington Beach outfits, just walking around to formal Germany. And I was like, do we really have to export this to Europe right now? Like, is this really what we need? Does the world need this? It's not our reputation suffering enough. I know. Yeah, please. Come on.

Help us out. Okay. Help. I mean, even when they end up with their house at the end, they're sitting there out on the lawn with They're like fluffy umbrella drinks, ice teas or whatever. And they've got pink flamingos in the yard. And I'm like, you know what? Are you guys, why are you insisting on this?

Why? Why are you doing this? This is already tacky in America. And we already have a base level of tackiness that's unacceptable in Europe. Okay. Why are you doing this? They're like, I really can't wait to go to Germany and just piss everybody off, which is kind of fun to watch.

So, and D, you know, they're talking about their style and how wacky they are. And D tells us, yeah, the German stare, guys, it's a real thing. Yeah. Wait until you hear the fucking disdain that comes out of their mouth once you learn a little bit of the language. Because German people are not going to hold back. I can tell you that right now. I used to work with a lot of German people. And we had to run, I told you about this.

It was like a European traveling 19, 20's tent. And it was like a five, it was a very fancy like dinner theater kind of experience. And it was a Cirque de Soleil type show. So there were like trapeze people in the middle. It was really gorgeous. And all the waiters, except for five of us, were from Europe. And so there were a lot of Germans. And we had to run the plates out in one number. We had to like run all the plates in a circle. And they would always tell me, Snella, fatso, Snella fatso, moving. And one of the guys told me, oh my God, you are so handsome, but you eat so much. Maybe eat less. And then he grabbed me and made out with me. And I was like, wow, this is the kind of hospitality I could get used

to. You know, it's just like straight up, brutal honesty. And then a make out. That made me sneeze, that story. That story made me sneeze. I had an allergic reaction. Yeah, yeah, there, yeah, the Germans will definitely tell you. So, now the episode begins and D is like I grew up in Huntington Beach California and he's like yeah and I was raised in Mesa, Arizona. I was like this is basically an inverted you know Kelly Kelly Dodd relationship we're seeing here because she's Arizona and he's always he from Huntington Beach Michael I don't know it's just seemed like a really interesting parallel to draw in the moment and then it fell apart very quickly well I feel like they are both like the human embodiment of Pindoneman. on a map of where they're from, you know? Yeah. Like, you know how they have the pins on the map on the visual here on house hunters?

It's like they could just put their figures. It's like, yes, you are from Huntington Beach and yes, you are from Mesa, Arizona. You know, on the amazing race, whenever they reached like a checkpoint and Phil is standing there and they check in, they always have like a representative of like the country and like the local culture and like local like traditional garb to greet them. They're like, welcome to Mongolia. I feel like the She's like Huntington Beach Like welcome to Huntington Beach And he is Mesa Arizona

Like they are like The Amazing Race avatars for like Welcome to my local culture Exactly And they met a lot of dating app Because where else would you meet And we see them check into a hotel In Bolington Germany

With their puppy Their puppy is so fucking cute I can't with their dog It's this big shaggy Poodle type thing And they put a big bow on, or like a big top pony on top pony. Top pony.

I was so mad at that top pony because it reminded me of the dog and animal crossing. When you play Animal Crossing and you have to like go like, there's a dog who like when you log on in the morning, she makes announcements. And she's like, hello, Islanders. Today it's going to be sunny. And it's a dog. And she has a little top pony. And I can't stand her.

I don't like dogs with top ponies in general. But then Dom did tell me that it's actually to keep the hair out of the dog's eyes the dog can see. which I was like, okay, I will allow it to keep the dogs out of there, the hair out of the dog's eye. I will allow it. I will allow an accessibility oriented top pony, but that's the only one. Because you know this dog barely knows how to co-potty outside, but she's already trying to teach it how to like hang upside down from that pole. You know, it's just this is that kind of lady.

It's like, you're going to get a ponytail. You're going to hang upside down. You're going to make some dollars. I don't care where you be. Okay. That's a, no clean. That's a dog that's a dog that goes in circles a lot. You know that's a dumb dog.

You can tell that's a dumb dog, which is fine. Actually, like, dumb dogs are actually hilarious. Like, some would say even a dumb dog does the best kind of dog. But that's definitely a dumb dog. I said that about boyfriends. So Hunter is like, yeah, we're going to be needing a room that's dog friendly and print friendly. We both love prints and bright colors. Huntington Beach friendly, please.

poll friendly please like we do not allow Polish people here oh no that means something else in Europe God I guess we're going to have to get ready for a lot of poll jokes so Hunter's like yeah I was in 29 palms at the time

using a lot of my one palm if you know what I'm saying so I was maxing out my radius to possibly meet some women from San Diego or Orange County it was pretty tough you got a lot of blow jobs from dudes I'll tell you that much. I've been to 29 palms many, many a time.

It's right by Palm Springs. And there's a base there. And my God, it's fun to go out there. The guys are so fucking hot. All the military guys. Oh, my God. How does this? Wait, what is it?

I love just going to the Mexican restaurant there and just looking at all the guys when they're like, I don't know, in town and just looking so hungry, hungry, man. The 29 palms. Wow, 29 palms. That sounds exciting. It is. Wow. Did you ever hook up with someone from 29?

No, I couldn't do that. I feel like they'd be like, get down and give me 20. And you're like, yes. I can't do 20. 20 would? You're like, why don't you get down and do 20? You're lucky I even got out of a chair for this. Okay, sir.

Give me you 20 anything. So D's like, oh yeah, you were a two and a half hour drive. away. So I said, come over. Remember? I'll leave you the key. I just left him a key. I said, make yourself at all. So I met you on my couch. That's where we met each other. And so we do in Huntington Beach. I was basically so desperate for a man that I let a complete stranger just walk in the door and sleep on my sofa. It's worked out ever since. Yeah, even though we're newlyweds, we are kind of nervous because we've never lived together before in the same house. I mean, in Europe, someplace we've never been together at all at the same time.

But why not? Why not? You know, she has a decent couch. It's an actual sectional. It's not just a couch with a long chase end, which I really can't stand. It's an actual corner piece and separate pieces on the side. That's my kind of woman right there. If he had actually said that, I'd be like, this guy's my hero.

Because there is a difference. There is a difference. Stop calling him sectionals. It's a long couch that you're trying to trick me with your chaise. Yeah. Like, I understand it's a different section. You can take it off. since it's modular, but you can't sit in like a nice arrangement with those things.

I can't stand that. And I'm saying that as someone who had one of those sofas. So they arrive in their hotel room and D is like, well, I mean, how's our dog supposed to fit in this doggy bed? Because there's like a little doggy bed made for like a chihuahua and the big dog is like confused, like putting a paw in it. It doesn't sure what, not sure what to do. He's off to a great start. He's like, well, it's going to be a tough adjustment trying to maintain. keep her job she's like oh yeah i'm still working in the hours of the state so when it's night time

there it's morning here oh no not a lot of nightlife i guess i'll be pulling in the morning yeah pulling in the morning we've seen that in hunting after we got engaged we had to decide where we're going to live when we said why not somewhere that they're going to hate us let's just go somewhere they're going to absolutely fucking hate us at first we're going to go to connecticut but then we're like you know what germany's available so let's go there instead. We never found out what her job was, did we? Right? I was very curious to know what her nine to five. Essential oils. I don't know. Essential oils. I don't know what it is. Yeah, something like that. Make oil in America again. He says that an opportunity opened up in Europe. So let's just go for it.

We're going to make our first home together in Germany. Guys, Kevin's like, oh my God, please, please, no, please, turn back. Turn back for your own safety. Why does TV network always send me? these people. Well, Boblingen. It's Bablingen. I think it's, I feel like he said it differently.

It's a Bamblangen, Boblingen, Boblingen, Boblingen. Boblingen? I don't know. Used to be a very small. I watched this two days ago and I've already forgotten it. So, sorry. Sorry for the ignorance. Yeah.

Well, he basically tells us that Boblingen used to be a very small sleepy town with less than 10,000 people living here. And after the Second World War, it grew a lot. And there's an army base. is he'll know. So Hunter is, he basically says it's because of him because he, I think he got stationed there or something like that. Boblingin. Boblingin. So it's like an ing, not a gin. Yeah, boblingen. So yeah, there's a, there's a place, a army base there. And he's like, yeah,

you know, and this is a move because of me. And the only anxiety I feel with this move is making sure Dee's happy. Because look at Dee. Wouldn't you want to make this woman happy? God. I took her to a hot dog on a dip, it became a mess. I'm not going to lie. She really did try to dance on that thing. But God bless her, she just got the hutspa. That's what I say. And she's like, well, I think the only time that we really butt heads is over your sense

of cleaning because everything needs to be in its place. No dust. No crumbs. All the tunicants have to face forward. Close the cupboard. Put the clothes away. Make sure you turn off the oven. You know, things like that.

Okay. Don't put the iron in the bathtub. God, so many rules. Yeah, at first I thought she was saying he was the anal one because he looks really anal. He's one of those guys who's like, look at me, don't I dress fun, but he's in like super short, tight tight shorts and everything's like even as a wine shirt, it's like perfectly ironed and his facial hair is there, but it's like perfectly trimmed. I mean, he looks very anal. I thought he was the anal one. But no, he's the messy one.

He's like, no, you know, there's pile. Yeah, because he says, yeah, you know, there's piles of clothes. Like there's some, some are dirt. There's, okay, he says dirty piles of clothes and clean pile of clothes. And once you wear the clean clothes, you transfer them over. And then that's a good circle, you know. So he's saying like, I don't even fold my clothes. You're totally right.

Because when he said that I, I just didn't even register the part that like it was two piles. I just was hurt clean and dirty pile. And I thought he was trying to explain to her how you do laundry. I was like, wow, she's really messy. She doesn't even put her dirty clothes in the dirty clothes pile. He's like, it's a very simple thing. Put the dirty clothes in the dirty pile. And she's like, no.

Oh, yeah, because he looks super anal, but I guess he's the dirty one. No. So there you go. Oh, God, I really got that wrong, huh? And Kevin's like, Hunter and Dee, I think are going to really stand out here in bobblingin. Look around. No, bobblinginin. I just looked at it up on the internet and still, I fuck it.

but look around. I mean, it's not like anyone else's dress. Look around. And everybody else is like in very muted kind of H&M looking clothes. And then it's just because of these two fucking Easter bunnies hopping down the road. Everyone's like in like earth tones and formal wear. And then it's just like his thighs. We just see his thighs walking through the town square.

So Kevin's like, I can already see you bought the sunny colors from California. And you brought your dog as well. And they're like, yes. that was an insult. Actually, it was actually two insults. I can see you brought all of your fillets and crazy face. They're going to have fun with you. You could make extra money here, renting face out for bounce house.

Would you like? Would you like, number? She's like, oh, God. I see. I see you brought. I love him. I can't wait to invite Kevin over for some mities. Oh, I see you brought your disruptive colors and a animal that cannot be a working part of our society.

Thank you so much. Oh, yeah, we brought Duke. I would just love something very German. Here's what I'm into. Super Germany, okay? Super, super German aesthetic. That's what I want. I just wanted to scream Germany, all right?

This lady. She has no idea what she's talking about. Like everything they see, she's like, I don't think that's German enough. I mean, where is the German? Am I right? I want to be in a place that looks so German. you just feel like you're at October Fest,

but also has easy access to a Hawaiian shirt store. Is that possible? No. It's very important for us to be in a house that looks super German, but to dress incredibly American. Is that possible? I want a house super German. I want to be in a house that's basically screaming

how many times do I have to apologize? Okay? That's what I want in the house. I want a house that has no round features. only sharp 90 degree angles. That's how German I wanted to be. I wanted an assistant in the house to wake me up in the morning by telling me to get my acid gear and stop wasting my fucking life.

Okay, that's what I want. I want a very honest German home. So, but Hunter's like, but I'm looking for more modern, definitely an outdoor space for a dog, preferably a yard. You know, what is cool about German, like if you want something that looks like traditionally German, but also very modern. I feel like Germany like that, Germany, Germany can do it all. Because I think Germany can be both like crazy modern and also crazy fairy taley. And I feel like there's just like no way to go wrong in Germany, right? When it comes to German architecture. Like, I remember one time I went to Berlin and there was,

there was a nightclub and there was all these people standing in line for it and they were all very modern. It was East Berlin. So everything was like very modern. And the club was called sleek. I just thought that was so funny. No, no, no, I'm sorry. It was called Stark. It was called Stark. Stock. Oh, Stark.

Even more German. Very on the nose. It is Stark. We only give you glass here, nothing in it. It is a nightclub in a white room. That is it. Stuck. So he wants three bedrooms, three to four bedrooms.

They want guests and family guys to come over. It's just another, another. another bus full of crazy looking people to come torture the state or the country. And so on the screen we see wish list, three to four bedrooms. She wants her own office space. She's going to be selling those nutrition shakes pretty hard. So she's going to need a space. This is unrealistic.

You are two people with a dog. You do not need four bedrooms. Okay. I mean, maybe you'll have a child. But like right now, that was not part of any of the discussions. So you do not need four bedrooms. too many too many well i think they want a whole room for the pole right yeah i guess there's a room for the office so they live in one room they sleep in one room a room for the pole a room for the office

and i guess what the other room is for guests i guess is that that's how it works out i suppose yeah i guess i mean wow i don't know wow it really adds up yeah so uh pole dancing obviously that's on there a space for that and she's like i would love a kitchen where we could cook together and I want to be close to the city close to the city okay that's very important so you know it's pretty traditional that's a traditional ask and um she wants some sort of a life outside of the work uh you know work from home office so she's going to need to be close to some very start clubs what does it mean you want a kitchen that you can all cook in as opposed to a kitchen but you can't cook in together like i guess that they could like a spacious

Yeah. Okay, spacious. I wanted to be big enough for me, Hunter, and his legs. It's huge. Unfortunately, here in Bublijin, we only have one at a time kitchens, whereas one goes in at a time and then the other one leaves and waits their turn. Then they go in and then they cook and then you swap. It's very orderly.

And then, of course, they want a four-bedroom home with the stripper pole for $2,700 and a yard. So Kevin's like, oh, they're going to have to compromise. You know, because a big, spacious area for pole dancing, that could be a problem. We don't have that. I went to a polka event and there was, took much space for all those people to do their dancing. Like, no, not actual pole dancing. Pole dancing. Oh, you have to give me.

We don't do pole dancing here. We dance on Broadworth here. It is more economical. So stupid. So Kevin's like, oh, I have to tell you, the Germans love dogs. but when it comes to renting out places, they get very strict about dogs, which is why all of our dogs you see mostly in the street

begging for things. There's a tap dancing one over there. You really have to teach your dog how to survive out here. Good bad ones. Oh, look at that one singing over the rainbow. Very good dog. This one makes money. This one will live.

Yes, we love our dogs, but it'll be hard. It would really have to narrow down the search, mainly because we only like narrow dogs. So we have to have narrow apartment for narrow dogs. And by we love our dogs, we hate our dogs. So then Hunter- I got the impression that he was like, yeah, we don't do dogs in Germany. So good luck.

We're gonna have to find someone that's okay with mongrels. Okay, because we don't do that here. So Hunter says, we are both very competitive, but like, I'll always defer to her. So she like always wins out. She goes, um, you don't let me win. I win. I was like, okay. All right, Kelly Preston from Jeremy McGuire, relax.

Listen, I love a competitive stripper. Yes, people have dogs in Germany. In fact, dogs are very popular with 21% of German households owning dogs. Isn't that crazy? Because yesterday I was looking up stats for how many illiterate people were in America, and it was 21% of Americans are illiterate. And that's the same amount of people that have dogs in Germany. It's a lot of people.

Wow. Wow. But unfortunately, dogs are as popular in Germany as illiteracy is in America. Think about that. But are those dogs allowed in the house? That's the other question. They all live on the streets. Now you must live on the street.

You live on the street now. Do you know what I watched last night for the first time in my life? You're never going to believe it. Well, take a one wild guess. One wild guess. A movie I should have seen as a child. I've never seen before. Annie.

No. Peter Pan. I'd never seen Peter Pan before. Isn't that crazy? What did you think of it? Did you like it? Um, well, you know, it hasn't aged terribly well, uh, given that it has incredibly racist depictions of Native Americans. Like, crazy. You're like, what am I watching? Um, but let me

tell you something. Captain Hook. Captain Hook, I'm rooting for it. I was rooting for him. He's, first of all, he's dressed fabulously. He's got body. You know, he's got face. I don't know. I I don't see why he's so bad, you know, at Peter Pan's little twerk. But the reason I brought this up is because they take their dog and they put their dog outside. And they're like, you know what I'm talking about? Nana, the dog. Yeah, they just leave the dog out. Like the dog has to go outside.

My mom made us do that with our dog growing up. It was horrible. BJ was his name. We had to leave him outside. BJ had a terrible life. I'm sure. He was never allowed on the inside. What kind of dog lives like that?

I will never forgive my parents or myself for allowing that to happen. But maybe it was worth it because BJ went on and started a whole. wholesale club. So, you know, you go through hardship. That's true. Or you get to the good stuff. Peter Pan, I find that you, as you get older, you start rooting for the villains in the movies. Because you see their point, you know? Like, I watched, I took my niece to see Little Mermaid. And I'm like, okay, what did Ursula do really? Like, she offered you a deal. You took the deal. And then you wanted to go back on the deal. Like, you made the deal. Give her your voice. Like, why is she the bad guy? I can understand why she's pissed.

Team Ursula, Team Hook. I mean, those are two of my favorite gays out there, I have to say. Like, you know, like they...

The stepmother and Cinderella. Why shouldn't you have to clean up a little bit? Do your fucking chores and then you can go to the ball like anybody else. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Yeah. But Peter Pan. Some new young little butthead moves into the neighborhood and tries to take over.

Of course. You want her fucking stem cells. Put her down. I mean, do we even, do we even need to bring up Pinocchio, that obnoxious little puppet boy, like going off? He should have become a donkey. He should have just stayed there. Yeah, he was the worst fucking Pinocchio wanting to be a real boy. Oh, until you have to poop.

Great, great choice, idiot. Meanwhile, the rest of us are trying to become dolls, you know? I mean, the grass is really always greener, isn't it? By the way, you know who's a real bitch? Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell is a bitch. You watch that watch Peter Pan again and you will see Tinkerbell is a bitch. What does he do?

I don't remember. What does she not do? She is so mean. She's so mean to Wendy. She's very competitive with Wendy and she basically sells out Peter Pan for nothing. I mean, like, she is mean the entire time. And then like when she realized she like sells out Peter Pan and then of course Captain Hook like traps her in that lantern. So she's like, she's like, oh, no, I've learned my lesson.

But she never has like a moment where she's like, you know, but Wendy, I misjudged you. She's just like, no, still fuck Wendy. She's such a bitch. And she's such a diva. Like when she's almost dying in the play, you have to clap to make her come back to life. And like the more applause she gets, the more she lives. And I mean, I get it.

You know, I get it. So I get to them. And also fuck Wendy too. Wendy's like, no, don't do this. Don't do that. Be mature. Stop. You know what, Wendy, if it wasn't for these immature people, you would be eaten by a

fucking crocodile. Wow. Okay. If you boys need mothers. No. No, that was the problem in the first place. The mother put the dog outside. The mother let the kid, you know, go gallivant with pirates. Yeah, no way.

And by the way, that dad, that dad was punching way up with that, with his wife there. I mean, she was so hot and he is like this disgusting schlub. He didn't each and, and he complained the entire time. Uh-uh. Yeah, the doorlings. Shut up. Okay. Shut up.

Shut up. Team hook. Team hook. So Kevin's like, okay, well, as you can see, we are pretty much in the center of town. Look at all the dogs out there, drinking coffee outside because they are not allowed inside. It's very close to your workplace hunter. I know this because lots of very hungry looking men come. I'm sorry.

I'm getting sidetracked. So as you can see, you have everything you need, every day of men. because you're in the absolute center, the absolute center of town. Do you understand? Also, the train station is very close because most people are going to look at your face and try to flee. So that's handy for us. Yeah, yeah. So they're looking around.

And D is, of course, like, would there be some place for my poll? He's like, I'm not sure. I understand. Are you talking about Frederick Chopin or Roman Polanski? No, not a literal poll. You have to understand in America. We put poles up in our rooms and we dance in them. We have an entire land for polls.

It's called Poland. I should send you on the train. Let us see. Oh, my God, a land dedicated to pole dancing. Why are we here in Germany? House number one, city apartment, two bedroom, one and a half bath for fourth floor near amenities. Poll ready, small. No yard.

Okay. Not even close, Kevin. I love that Kevin's not even trying. They're like three to four bedrooms, big kitchen. And he's like, you'll get nothing. This was so bad. No, I was going to say, this was so bad. Every now and then we watch House Hunters,

and they give an option so bad, they just cross it off before we even, like, continue with the episode. Like, we don't even bother thinking that it's like, it's not even a question that this is going to get crossed up at the end of the episodes. They don't even bother trying to make us think it's in the running. They just cross it off in the first 10 minutes.

That's what this place was. It meant none of their requirements. I told you a couple weeks ago, I went to a party and saw all these waiters I used to work with here at the Moroccan restaurant in Los Angeles. Yeah. And one of them is named Katrina. She's this German girl. And we just love her because she is so blunt and so fucking rude. I mean, honestly.

And she's beautiful, this beautiful, blonde, very angular German chick. And when time a customer was like, yeah, I'm going to have to send this back. I really don't like this fish. And she goes, you know what? This is good for you. this is good for you. And then she just walked off. That is what Kevin just did right now.

They're like, this isn't what we asked for. He's like, this is good for you. Go up. Look at it. This is good for you. You just got catrined. So Kevin's like, yeah, even though he would like four bedroom apartment with yard and room for pole, how about one bedroom apartment, no yard, no pole.

And also no roof and also no electricity. Do you like that? She's like, would there be some space for my pole? He goes, well, maybe there, right in the middle of the living room, or you'll be judge. You know, you'll be judge. Well, I tried to run for a local judge in Huntington Beach, but I wasn't allowed. Well, okay, is there an outdoor space maybe? There's an outdoor space if you can put the pole.

And he's like, well, no. So here's an outdoor space. It's actually a balcony facing a backyard. Oh, but no actual backyard. No, just facing backyard. In Germany, we call that backyard. When you look at backyard, but not yours, it's actually called your backyard. Your little doggy could look at backyard and maybe think of pooping there, but it can't actually poop there.

So as long as you have invisible bags to clean up all the poop, your dog cannot poop. You also have a view from your balcony to a light pole. So that is sort of like having room for pole. No? Well, I'm not sure about this. Yeah, no backyard. And I know it doesn't have everything that you asked for, but the good side, we're $2,300 a month for this.

So let's take a look. So they look over it. It's really small. It's not, it's modern. He's saying it's modern, which basically means stark, you know. And it's fine. I think this one's okay. It's nothing what they're asking for.

But D is like, wait a minute. Where is the German charm here? Okay. Can I have some clocks with some little birds popping out at noon? I mean, what the heck? What I got to do for the German charm? You know, every time Hunter brings a new knick-knack from traveling or a mug or whatever it is, my first thought is, where can I hide it?

Am I right? Which explains why I want to have a house that looks like a giant knick-knack itself, right? Lady, you can't talk about how you want to hide all your tachies husband things when you want to put a pole in the living room. I know what I mean? Like, come on now. Yeah, let's be honest here. So, yeah, so this isn't going to work. So then he's like, well, obviously, I'm not an expert in Paul dancing.

So I think it's kind of a trial and error thing. Mostly, I suspect it will be error by looking at her, but we will see. So, you know, they're like, yeah, they're just sort of like looking around. This is really just such a bad place. He shows, okay, here's main bedroom over here. And there's also an integrated office. I'm like, having a desk in a bedroom is not an integrated office, Kevin. It's a desk in a bedroom.

So they talk about the pole more. And she's like, oh, the pole's no big deal. It's just another form of athleticism. Okay? He's like, uh-huh. So the balcony, it's accessible from here, from the bedroom, also from the living room, also from the office, also from the kitchen, also from the downstairs. Because they're all in the same room, actually. It's all the same thing.

But where's the space for Duke? I wanted a German space for Duke. Where is Duke going to put on his little leaderhosen? Hey, do you think we can start calling him Archduke now that he's in Germany? Wasn't there an Archduke here once? No? Is that Serbia? Trying to make a World War I reference.

I'm realizing it doesn't make a whole lot of sense right now. No way. Okay, I'll just, I'll walk that one back. I thought I was being topical of history and geography. And I'm just to get back on my poll, okay? Yeah. Let's just get back up here. Being in Germany is going to be a big adjustment for me.

Huge. I'm really close with my family, and I just want more space so we can host guests. I just love having guests, but it needs to be really true. I want my mom to come in here and go, what are we in Germany? Is there room for my mom to have a poll too? I just want to make sure that everyone in my family gets a chance to get on the poll. No? For one for one poll?

No. So this one's too cramped, and he's like, okay, well, I know it doesn't have everything on your wish list, but I thought I'd show you something close to amenities and close to town center, since everything will be new. Now we'll go to some realistic places you can afford, which is poo-poo. Okay, we are going to, a part of town, which I call poo. Okay, that's a score. Hunter's like, yeah, I mean, with two people and a hundred pound dog,

it'll probably be a little tight. But enough about my shorts, am I right, everyone? And she's like, yeah, I'm not sure about this place. It's really modern. It's not giving that German charm, really into German charm. I want a beerstein, okay? I want a beerstein. coffee table. That's it. And he's like, well, listen, I can usually tell what you're thinking,

honey, mostly because you say it out loud, very loudly in my face until I agree with you. But, uh, you know, I can tell you're maybe not entirely satisfied with this. What gave me that idea, Kevin, that I said I'm not entirely satisfied with the place. Fucking moron. Jesus. Um, I just love her saying it's not giving that German charm that I'm looking for. You know what else isn't you two. Okay. You're going to take away all the charm of the. neighborhoods. So shut up. Okay. So now we go to, uh, now it's time to heading, heading off to another place. And first they go to a natural wine spot. It's called off-grid. Now is the time that you have off-grid natural wine. This wine is very natural. You drink it now. So

it's off the grid. Unlike wine that you plug in. What do you, what do you have solar panel wine? Like what is this? What is this? Does wine not get Wi-Fi? What is this? What is this? mean. We Germans are actually not allowed to go off of a grid. Everything must be in little squares. This isn't a little small. Normally we drink grid wine here in Germany, but this one is off grid. So then, boy, is like, what kind of wine do you like? She's like, um, something German. How about that? I want super Germany wine. Give me that. I want the wine to look like it's coming out of a Stein. Can you actually serve the wine in a steins? That way it feels like a beer, but it's a wine. Is that off of the grid or on the grid that you prefer? I want this wine singing Vilkaman from Cabaret.

That's how German I want it. Okay. Give me your most German wine. And they're like, okay. How about Riesling? She's like, fine. I mean, is that from Germany? Great.

Give it to me. Give me a double. So Hunter says, well, even though we're newlyweds, we're just jumping in with both feet again. That's also how I get into my shorts. Just like she invited me over to her house. the very first night. God, I loved banging her on that dusty, mangy sofa that she had. So many great memories of Huntington Beach.

He's like, wow. Dee has left behind. Dee has left all she left behind. Wait, I'm sorry. Dee has. Narrator, you're confusing me, Linda, with his sentence. He has left all she left behind, except for one thing. I really got into pole dancing.

D for fuck's sake, man. And Hunter's like, yeah, you're a stripper. I'm not a stripper, honey. A Marine Mary's a stripper. That's a huge. That's going to be a huge headline in Germany. They're going to love that one. Typical story.

I mean, wait till they find out that we went off the grid, too. Geez. So now they go to the park. And the narrator is the... Hunter has brought something from the States as well. And he goes, well, almost every day I have to wear a uniform so I can choose how I dress. I can do whatever I want.

That's why I wear these crazy clothes because I hate being in a uniform. Like, you know, people, first of all, that's your choice to have a job where you're in a uniform. And also, like, people dressing uniforms all the time. Like, he's acting like he's so oppressed. He's like, oh, finally, it's me. This is me. Living my free, true life. I just love that they're like, here we are living out loud in Hawaiian shirts, short shorts, and stripper poles.

that's our thing guys So he's like a wine shirt Makes me feel happy at all times Yeah And so Did we find out that that Hunter got his style Because since he was stationed near Palm Springs She goes

Yeah When he was stationed near Palm Springs I think it definitely Rubbed off on him He's like well honey you should imagine You can only imagine the number of guys Who rubbed off on me too In the Palm Springs

Let me tell you one thing These guys are just come driving up to 29 palms, going to eat burritos at the local restaurants. And wow, next thing you know, back stall. Am I right, everyone? Palm Springs really, really, God, came off on him. He still tries to give me blowjops. Still tries it to this day.

Crazy. Crazy guy. That's why we can't allow these gays to marry, because look what they did to my husband. Hawaiian shirts. I just love that you went to 29 palms. And he's like, yes, this is me. I'm living free. But all he took from it was the Hawaiian shirts.

I know. I think there might be something going on. So now we go back to the car when Kevin's driving them to the next house. He's like, okay, we are driving a little bit further out for this one, mostly because I'm trying to protect the citizenship. So you can see this is turning more residential, right? He's like, oh, God, I love it. I love residential.

This is great. God, homes, people, sidewalks, love it, into it. Just keep in mind that the further we go out, the shops are further away. which is, I'm actually, sorry, I'm just telling everyone, I'm telling actually the Germans this. Don't worry. The farther we go, the farther the Americans are from your shops. Don't you worry, everyone. Well, I'm super independent. I'm very outgoing. I just say hi to everybody. I definitely need things to do all the time. I hate being bored. I cannot be bored, okay?

Anything to climb up and hang off of here? Where? Tell me where? Okay. Who am I going to meet? Or am I going to get my nails done? Who am I going to talk to? Okay? Where are the women around here? Where are they? Someone get out of here and tell me some shit that's going on on the street. I need to know. It's me, Dee. You're going to love me. You're going to love me. Hey, you ever heard of my tie-in? Was that German? I'm just trying it out. Yes, just what all the Germans can't wait to hear. There's a new American in town who's outgoing. Oh, no, please close shut us. When I was in Norway, they were like, oh, Americans are so cute. They're always so, they're always so chatty.

That's our reputation. People think our reputation, people think our reputation is us being like loud and obnoxious, which it is. But I think that we don't realize that like we are so chatty. We go abroad and we're like, hi, how's it going? Oh, this is so lovely. Like all of our small talk I think drives the Europeans crazy. Yeah. I love small talk.

I'm going to small. That's, I think that's the most American thing about, well, I have a lot of American things about me, but I guess that's probably the most American. I'll talk to a wall. I love it. I want to talk to everybody. I'm still mad at the home goods I go to. I go there like three times a week.

And I get a couple of hellos, but I don't get that like recognize. You know, when people are like, oh, hey, how you doing? Remember when you almost bought that chair last week? God, what made you decide now? I mean, something, but there's nothing. They're just like, I've never seen you before, you know, by you're looking at me. This early parking attendant lady at my dentist's office is only now just starting to give me a glimmer of recognition. And, like, I mean, I've been working on this one for like three years now.

Like, I'm like, hi, how are you? She's like, hello. But now she's now she's starting to smile a little more warmly. But I've yet to get the, hi, welcome back. That's all I want. Yeah. Yeah, I need it. Like there's a manager there and she's like really like fashionable.

And one time she was wearing the Eileen Davidson denim jumpsuit. You know that we all know from Beverly Hills. Like a full denim jumpsuit. I mean, it was awesome. So a couple of weeks later I was in there and she was checking me out. And I was like, oh, I thought I'm glad you're still here. She goes, why wouldn't I still be here? I said, I don't know.

I just love, I haven't seen you in a couple weeks. And she's like, oh, you come in here a lot? I'm like, yeah, I come. I'm like, lady, I've seen this lady three times a week for months now. And so I was a little hurt. But I was like, yeah, I come in here all the time. I was like, and I always remember you because like, I love your fashion. I loved your denim jumpsuit.

She's like, oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, my God. What a monster. She doesn't even appreciate that she's a gay icon to me. I know. I need to find a home goods. And she's American. You really do.

That's a wrong. Whatever. This are wrong on so many different levels. It is. You try to be nice to a denim jumpsuit. So, house to garden house, four bedroom,

two and a half bath, spacious big yard for the dog. Pricey. It's pricey guys. So this one has everything it goes that they're looking for, but it's $3,000 a month. So, gosh.

Also, one more thing. The house has a very retro style that I'm excited to show you. which, I mean, looking at these two, they literally are a retro style. So I think it would work out well. So then Kevin's like, but first of all, okay, what you have here is already a great example of German 70s style. He's like, oh, well, I love the building. No, I'm talking about your fashion.

Oh, I've been. I just got, you just got German. This is very German. Now, look down at the mat there at the door. It says, Matt, welcome. Exactly. Exactly. You love it.

So she's like, wow, this is really something, that's for sure. And this place, when he says it is retro, that is another way of saying this has never been and never will be updated ever. I mean, the inside stairs, it looks like a motel from like here in Los Angeles, like one of those like kind of seedy motels where all the walls are that really thick stucco. But that stucco is on the inside of the house. It's weird. It was like textured. I kind of liked it, honestly. I thought I had some like the rest of the house, but that stairway scared me.

I liked the stairway. I don't know why. I thought it was sort of like it was retro in a way that I thought was kind of cool. I'm into it. You know, I have like weird retch. Like I do like certain weird retro things. Like I like an old school in 1984 wood paneled room, you know, for like a den. I think it's like that thing.

It's like, oh, it's what you grew up with it. So you have like fond memories of those. And like everyone makes fun of wood paneling. I know wood paneling is back in a chic way. But not the style as it was in 1984. That's still not back. Yeah. And I actually really like that a lot.

I find it very warm and cozy. So like, I don't know. I kind of like this staircase. All right. So this is the house for you then. I mean, it is that kind of house where it really is a time machine. And we know because Kevin says, I feel like I'm in time machine. And it is.

And he's like, they look like they just got out of an album music video. So they are just dressed apart. So no one else will rent it. So I figured this idiot would do it. Yes. seriously. He's like, okay, so over here is living room. It's very spacious, right? And before you even ask, I do not know if it fit Paul, okay? I do not know. I don't understand the pole. I don't like the pole and I don't want to see the pole. Enough with the pole. Here, here's a good place for Paul. That's inside the fireplace. Exactly. Okay. Take the hint. Take it. She's like, well, I don't know about the living room, but this would be a really nice size for, you know, three of us up here.

you know, it's like, you know, we can have fun. So then they look outside and it has this really nice backyard. But then Kevin's like, he's like, and you can see the bushes over there to the left and the right? Those are pretty much the borders. And Hunter's like, so there's like no fence just open? It's like, yeah. There's fence in some parts.

Yeah, I mean, there's some parts fence. But, you know, maybe you could get extra fencing. I love when realtors say shit like that. Just get a fence. 20 grand. Something like that. No big deal. And this rental. Go ahead. It's buy a fence. And isn't it like a shared backyard? It looked like there's other units that were attached to the same backyard. I don't know what it was. But yeah, the neighbors are going to hate them for letting their dog just run out there and poop every day. Yeah, absolutely. So he's like, they think they think Duke is going to love it. And then we see Duke just like, with the ponytail on top of his head. He has no idea what's going on.

Duke is just hoping that there's a blockbuster he can work at. I know, seriously. So then they look at the kitchen and it's nice. And Kevin's just saying how you can go from the dining area into the kitchen, which is nice when they do that on the show when the house does that. And they like, you know, it's like, it's great size also. And D is like, wow, I mean, this looks a little bit more modern than I was expecting compared to the house. You know, I just, I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I was really just hoping we'd have like a,

a coal burning stove, you know, and no electricity, maybe a cauldron. Is that possible that we could do that with this place? No. Okay. Yeah. Can I have a wall made out of Harabo gummy bears? That would be great. I need more Germany.

Okay? We just get more Germany. Don't re-traumatize me. I told you this, right? That I went to, that Michelle and Lauren took me to the Haribo World headquarters. Really? No, I don't think I heard this one. Oh.

Uh, because I hate gummy bears. Mainly, it's actually not so much. It's more like I don't like fruity, fruity smells and candies and things like that. Like I hate them. And like my least favorite thing is when I'm in a car and someone like opens up some like gummy bears and all that like fake strawberry, whatever. All that fruity smell just permeates the car.

So I hate the smell of like gummies on mass. But like the, the, the, the haribou headquarters were in Bond, Germany, which is where, um,

where our friend Michelle was staying for, year and so I was visiting her with our friend Lauren and so then we went to the Haribow World Headquarters which is basically like being in a giant room of wall-to-wall gummies and it was pure torture for me that was the worst thing I ever did in Germany go to there that's funny uh so she's like well you know this house is cool is so different we're definitely not going to find this back in california oh yes you would just not in huntington beach this is a very LA's old LA style house Yeah, it's 100%

This is like generic. She's like, wow, wait a second A kitchen that flows out of the dining room. You're not going to find that outside of Germany, I'll tell you that much. Yeah, she's an odd, she's an odd duck. Well, because, you know, it goes what the day is looking for and a traditional and it could be easier to please her on this one and Hunter because Hunter's not going to like it.

And so there's a little tiny room that she could use for an office, which she likes and she goes, and there could be a pole in here. There could be a poll. we may have a winner, honey. We may have a winner. I'm having visions of like a printer getting knocked off that shelf every single day as she tries to do her bull dance. Like, well, knocked over the HP again. Can we go back to Staples? Yeah. And it's right in front of a window and the window looks out into the neighbor's home. And so Hunter's like, wow, yeah, it's perfect

for the neighbors to see. She's like, perfect. I love it. I could love it. It's the point of stripping without an audience. These dollars don't print themselves. Well, actually, the euros are coins, so they'll be very hard to take, if they thought them at you. So, please don't break the windows. This is a rental. Dee is like, gosh, well, I like the floor. And there's lots of storage here. And the bedroom is huge.

And Hunter's like, yeah, I don't really think the color palette in Germany is consistent with my taste. I would, you mean bright, like, neon fluorescent green? and like flamingo colors. Like, no, I don't think so. Yeah, I don't trust you to, with your taste. So he's like, yeah, we want to be able to host friends and family. We need a big backyard, blah, blah, blah. So they keep looking.

This one's big. This one's really big. Lots of rooms. Yeah, they just keep going up and up and up. Yeah, it feels like it. And then they get to, like, their bathroom and the mirror on the bathroom. The mirror of the bathroom is like really high up. So she can't even see herself in the mirror.

I just imagine the designer is like, you're not allowed to look at yourself in the mirror until you are at least five, six. Otherwise, you do not deserve it. You are not tall enough to ride this Mia. You do not deserve reflection until you are five, six. I mean, there's a place for the pole. That'll make sure you use it every day,

just climbing up to look at yourself in the mirror. Just to get your hair. Just to comb your hair. Really get some thigh work there. So they like this place. Kevin's like, well, he's looking for modern. She's, you know, and there's not too many modern things here, but I feel like it's absolutely important to have modern option for Hunter.

He's so hot. He's so hot. You know, so let's go show a hot person something. I want to show your legs something. Do your knees have eyes? Let me look closer. Okay, okay. I can get off the floor there, Kevin.

I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm 29 pounds. So now we see Dee and Hunter, and they are dressed up for October Fest. They go to this big sort of festival here. Yeah, this is so embarrassing. Why are they dressed like that? No one is dressed like that. They're just like in costuming October Fest costumes like you'd wear at an American kind of jokey thing.

And everyone else is in jeans and a T-shirt, just looking at them like, why? And then he goes, wow, that looks like a beer fest place. Really? You mean the place that's serving beer that says October Fest? So Hunter and D have come to German. need to embarrass everybody. Okay. They're bringing a little bit of California clothing with them. He's like, well, when we were out of town, I'm wearing something like this. We get stairs. But God, it's good to be here in Germany where we're, well, I mean, we're also getting stairs.

You think those are good stairs? That lady, do you think the middle finger being flipped up means the same thing in Germany as it does in America? Wait, hold on. I think she's saying something in Germany to me. Go home, stupid. I don't know what that means. I don't know. I don't know the language yet. We're new here. Good to meet you. You know, the Germans stare, I mean, that is a real thing. I mean, German pallets very muted. And so when they see us walking down the street, they just sort of stare at us. And some people ask us, are we walking in a grid formation? And I say, sometimes I walk in circles and they say, you should leave the country now. And it's, it's awkward. They really do stare us down. I'm really uncomfortable. Oh, gosh,

that was a pretzel in my face. It must be a compliment. Thank you. Thank you for the pretzel. Thank you. Can't wait to be your neighbor. There's something called the German fling where they put a soup in some mustard and flinging at you. Normally they throw pretzels at the street dogs. So I guess take it as a compliment.

The street dogs, which we also call our home dogs. So then Kevin is there. He's also in it. He's also dressed up. And they're like, oh my God, what a coincidence. We ran into Kevin. Wow, it's so fun that you dressed up for this event, too. He's like, Noel, this is just what I'll tell by Avi Dei.

So, because these are in like leaderhosen and stuff. And then they walk up to this giant thing of sausages being cooked, which is funny because I actually cooked Broughtwurst last night. It's like I knew this episode was going to be happening. And she's never tried Broughtwurst before, which. Hunter just walks up. He's like, wow, what am I back off? the plane in 29 palms?

Jesus Christ! I'm in. Oh, wow. So now that's now it's time to go to House number three, which is a very modern apartment. Kevin finds a place that's more hunter-style

and is closer to town for D. In other words, tacky as fuck and embarrassing for everyone around them. Well, everything is almost brand new in this apartment. It also has traditional touch. It could be great for both of you.

ugly no neighbors too close enough to kill you so house three terrace apartment three bed one and a half bath third floor modern traditional touches what does that mean modern traditional kevin's just throwing everything at the wall it's got like an air it's got like an air fryer but also like one of those half doors that opened up like you're in the alps yeah it's got a thatch roof but also an air friar yeah we are now 20 minutes away from center of babling in and And we're going to look at three bedroom apartment. Let us go. Rooftop Terrace, 3,000 for this one.

And they're like, oh, my gosh. And Kevin's like, for being modern and traditional at the same time, pretty good, eh? Well, that's a little tough, but we'll see what it has to offer, okay? So they walk in and they're like very happy. It's like very open, very spacious. And there's like these beams that run across the ceiling that look very nice. I like this one. This one was my favorite, I think.

This one was my favorite. Yeah, I think I would pick number two, but this one was pretty nice. But fucking beach. Like, oh my God, you know what? This is German. This is, you know what's German about it? The beams. God, those are such German beams.

What are you're talking about? We're like farmhouse modern beams. I think, God, God, Germany. Germany has arrived. I just love beams. Wow. It's just like, it's just so, it's so beautifully German. It's like I can hear the brothers grim writing stories right under this bit, under this beam.

Makes me want to put. put a kitten in oven. This is so German. Question. Do all Germans get complimentary breadcrumbs in case they are led astray by a witch, or do you have to buy those yourself? Oh, gosh. And look at this table. It's so big. Oh, and the colors on the paintings. God, it's like it was meant for us because they've got, you know, crazy modern paintings in there. And she's like, I would say I was a bit worried moving to Germany, but I didn't know what to expect. You know, I was really scared. I mean, we know.

a lot about Europe, don't we? We know so much about Europe. God, we love it there. But we didn't know much about Germany, but I did get a pretzel. I mean, it was in my face. I do have a bruise, but I think we're going to like it here. I don't eat cards. But they don't know that. I have to say, I was very nervous moving to Germany. I was like, I don't know how I'm going to deal with all that hubbub and the excitement and all those tall buildings. And I realized, oh, I was thinking of New York, which I casually call many germs, but we're going to Germany. So, So that was a moment of confusion and I had all got sorted out, thankfully. Not getting germs in me, going to Germany.

It's different. Well, we haven't done our research very well. I'm also practicing stand up. I'm pioneering something called pole stand up where you get on a poll. You tell jokes. Kevin, did you laugh at my New York City bit? Call it hang down. Kevin, I'm going to need you to, I need some feedback.

Was my New York City bit funny? Was it more of a groaner? Well, I got a corner. That was a good one. We're hanging upside down, so it worked for me. God, I got to change these shorts. Excuse me. God, these were tight.

Kevin, I'm just noticing you're not really laughing at my jokes. No, not laughing as how we laugh in Germany. On the inside, I'm screaming get out over and over again. So this is considered laughter. Okay. Oh, wow, look at these countertops. They've got sparkle in them. That's nice.

I wonder if I could wear these. Oh, the faces say it all. Their faces are just like, wow, sparkly, sparkly countertops. We're in, Kevin. Can I put a pole on this countertop? Or is that not? Could we replace this refrigerator with a pole? What if we do a pole?

Okay, what about we do two poles, one where the fridge is and one where we then move the fridge to? All right. Well, Kevin, you might have a problem with this. ceiling in here. It sloped. It slanted. How's Kevin supposed to get up? How's he supposed to get up in bed? Kevin, what are you going to do in here? It's one of those slanted ceilings. He's like, oh, my God. And I love that Kevin's like, oh, no, that's, here's what you could do. You sleep in the bed backwards and so you put your feet. You put the feet where the heads are, head what the pillows are, and dog outside.

This is fine for you. This is fine for you. You sleep backwards. This is fine. This is fine for you. You sleep for you. But I do have to say, my favorite thing are the Americans that don't know how to deal with a slanted roof. They're like, what?

It's a slanted roof. What happens when I bolt up in the middle of the night and bunk my head? I'm like, I have a feeling you will adapt to the slanted roof. Like, it's not like Germans were like, the Germans who slept here, they also had to sleep under the slanted roof. And they were fine. I was like, what? I can't do that, though. What happens if I'm sleeping in the night?

I realized I have to stand up in my bed at that very moment very quickly. I might hurt myself. Is that why everyone here is in such a bad mood? They just wake up in the middle of the night to take a pee-pee and they hit their heads. God, I'm being in a bad mood, too. Yeah, well, look, there's another room, but we have slanted ceilings here. But you know what you could do? Move the bed to the other side of the room, and then maybe only she gets a slant.

You don't all have to get a slant at the same time. You can do it. It's fine for you. Can I put a pole under that slant, you think? So then they go to another bedroom and he's like, oh, good. Thank God, normal ceiling. Oh, look, in a real American-sized tub. Wow, and a shower, too.

This is great. I love it here. You know what would be a great place to live would be America. Why don't we move back there? All right. We still haven't seen the office. You have mirrors everywhere. So that's good for you.

And she's like, oh, yeah, I love the mirrors. The way I can practice. I can just look at myself, practice, stripping. Not stripping, dancing. But, you know, I will say the space is a little tight. Okay, that's what she said, right, Kevin? Hang down, a little more hang down for you. I couldn't really do a lot of spins in here.

It's kind of a small room. What if I spin into a mirror? I'm going to my own face cracking. Kevin, how many times I have to tell you? How many times I have to tell you? I want a place that feels authentically old, old-fashioned German, okay? but I also want to make sure there's no slanted roofs. There's room for a pole.

And all the bathtubs and showers are the size of something you get in America and a kitchen size of something you get in America. I want something to be like a house you get in Huntington Beach, but put it in Germany and make it old-fashioned like it's old-fashioned German, but make it sure it's Huntington Beach, too. How hard is that? It has to be exactly like Germany. And nothing is, she doesn't even know what that means. But she's only happy when she sees an American-sized bathroom.

Oh, thank God. Well, you can see over there's a park so that is outdoor space for the dog. So she's like, um, okay. Well, it's a patio. So it's not really what we're looking for. He goes, uh, well, you know, it's good for you. Yeah, it's modern though. And everything seems pretty new.

So it even has some traditional beams. Look, that's what you're looking for. I like the beams too. You know, I looked at those beams and I said, yeah, Germany. Germany beams incoming. Hunter's life, but it's way to Ukraine. I can't even stand up straight. And she's like, well, I feel like there's a joke in there about Palm Springs,

but I need to get on the pole to really workshop it. Just 29 palms. It just bend over the whole way through. But those vaulted ceilings. I mean, that's just part of the German charm. I mean, look, you can't do the German stare without waking up and bonking your head first in the morning. Okay? You have to be angry about something to start the day.

So they immediately. say house number one is out of there. They're not even going to consider that. It's tiny. It's ridiculous. Hunter likes the garden house, which is the second one. And he likes that one the most. Even though he wanted modern, that one has place for the dog.

So I like that someone's actually thinking of the dog. And she's like, well, I'm not going to clean that whole house by myself. So you better, you better get a swiffer. Okay. That becomes her whole thing, which of course is how I should realize that in the beginning when she was talking about cleanliness, that that was, like her thing. But in my mind, my warped mind, I thought he was the anal retentive one, but he was also making her do all the cleaning as punishment. Be like, well, you made the mess. You got to clean it up. So I was thinking that like, her whole

thing was like, I'm naturally messy, but as part of our agreement, I have to clean up after myself. And I don't want to have to clean up after myself over three different stories. Yeah. So they get rid of the apartment in the city. And she's like, so the garden home, and he's like, well, that was a place to the backyard. She goes, but I don't want to clean it. And he said, well, I'm learning how to be a cleaner person. Hunter, clean your shit up. If you stop being a slob, you could live where you want it.

Why is it D's job to do it? You know, just because she works from home. That's not fair. That's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. Hunter. Okay.

He's like, I have guns. I don't need to clean things. I'm a man. You're a man in short shorts. It's clean. Clean. So they choose house number two, which I think is actually a pretty solid choice. And then we go three months later.

And she's like, well, you know, Germany for us has been wonderful. It's been really nice to learn how other people live. I mean, it's so fun that we just walk out on the street and we've hide everyone and just watch them all run away and hide behind barrels and crates and things like that. They just love playing games like that here in Germany. Who knew? This is so funny to me because they're sitting out on their lawn and like lawn chairs with these giant iced teas and pink flamingos in the yard.

She goes, yeah, you know, this is crazy. because Germans, they're always watching. They're always watching. It's crazy. Yeah, they're always watching probably with BB guns in their hands. And he's like, yeah, you know, and she's doing pole dancing right in the front of the window. So the neighbors are constantly watching. We have had to replace two panes.

You know, at least they tip. At least they tip. Apparently, someone made it, they're all very hilarious. Turns out I'm not the only funny one. They're always making this joke. Like, we're just watching. So that way we can find some reason to deport you back to America. and I'm like, I just laugh because I just, I love joking like that.

And they say, we're not joking. I said, no, I know, because you guys laugh on the inside. But I learned and they're like, no, we're not even laughing. And I said, you guys, you just stop. You just go crack up already. Listen, I'm not going to leave a country where the teenage neighbors say hello by playing with their wieners at their window. Honey, please stop dancing in front of that window. What a silly couple of people.

glad they found their place. I wonder if they've been vandalized yet. Do they do that in Germany? I feel like vandalizing in Germany is like moving a flour pot like a few inches out of place. Oh, you think you hide your key in the flower pot? Boom. Two inches to the left now. Good luck finding it stupid.

Oh, good luck having three pet flower pots equidistant apart on your porch because now one of them is a little closer to the other one. It's like a signature things. Everybody, thanks so much for being with us here on another 12. Hello. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye.