Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #519: From Rocket City to Studying Space in Strasbourg

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

A family moves to Strasbourg so mom can study at the Space Center and the husband can learn how to pack lunches. Will she get the French style chateau she’s wanted since childhood? She brought her helmet hair out, so let’s make it happen! This is House Hunters International and we watched it on YouTubeTV.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hi Ben. Hi, Ronnie. Welcome to House Hunters International from Rocket City to studying space in Strasbourg. So this is House Hunters International. We found this episode on YouTube TV. So if you've got YouTube TV, just search from Rocket City to studying space in Strasbourg. And it will pop right up and you'll watch it. And it's going to be a great time. Now this one, I actually found this episode. And I found it the way that most of us find our Dwell Hello episodes, which is by getting sucked into HGTV, my parents were in town last week. And my mom was doing the traditional thing of watching HGTV. She was watching the lottery dream house thing, whatever you know, the David show. Oh, God, I can't stand that show.

Let's get you into a nice house, shall we? Oh, that show is. Horrid. Okay, they get on that show, and lottery doesn't mean like multi-million dollars. Like, they'll win like $200,000. And he's like, you know what we should do? We should get you a $500,000 home. It's like, he's, that man is determined to keep people poor. He's, he's the biggest, like, a ruiner of dreams. We'll get people who have like, it's like they finally get one step forward. And he's like, nope, we're going to keep you poor. That's what the 1% does So enjoy the ride, bitch

Well, that's exactly right And my mom loves him She's like, you know, he's very nice, He's very considerate Sort of surprising, but my mom My mom really enjoys him People of him. I mean, he's been on house

I mean, he's been on HGTV forever. He did that. 20 years. Remember when he went, we were still watching that show back then that it be the next HGTV star and he won that show and he won it because he liked using color and they were like oh my god he paints walls and i saw him on rock the block he was on rock the block i mean i don't know i haven't watched every season i've watched like three and he was on one and every room

he's just like let's be in it pink oh my god we're gonna paint this the brightest blue possible because i love color he's just terrible just get him out of here and they all looked hideous Everything he did. Everything he does this hideous, this man, everything. And people just love this guy. They love him. Yeah. He's also, I don't love his tattoo work.

I'm not opposed to tattoos. I just feel like his tattoos are like not that good. His fashion work, everything. He's like, I'm wearing a bandana as a shirt and a coat can is my pants. It's like, what are you doing? Why are you on here? Well, my mom was watching his show and then it ended. and house hunters came on.

And it was this episode. And it was like in the first three seconds, I saw a lady, sort of a lady probably in her 30s with this silly haircut. And she wanted to move to Strasbourg because she wanted to go to Space University. And I was like, I just texted you.

I was like, uh, I think this is the one. I think this might be our next well, hello. So it was mainly because the haircut. The haircut really, I mean, she really, I don't know. I don't even know. How do you describe that haircut? Like, she's like this pretty girl, but she gave herself.

It's not like even a mom haircut. It's like a. It's Republican. It's like Republican. Yeah, it's helmet hair is what it's called. But it's like Republican Congresswoman hair, I guess, is what you would call it. Or what's the lady who is the prime minister? of being, it's like Margaret Thatcher hair.

It's like, it's just like this very prim and matronly haircut. And I was like, why? And like, why are you interested in going to space? Like, like, how does this fit with your vision of going to space? I feel like if you're going to space, you want like long flowing hair. I don't know why. But I feel like what's the point of going into like no, it's zero gravity if you're not going to have the joy of having big hair that goes in every direction?

Because she's like, I've already got a helmet. I'm ready for space travel. I'm already wearing the helmet. And she did it specifically for this because every time they show a picture of her recent past, she has like long flowing hair. And she also changed her makeup. I don't know. She got a really bad makeover for this because she looks like she's a 60 year old, like she's running a country, you know. And she's actually a very pretty lady.

And she's not old. Like she's a youngest lady. and she just like did this weird kind of, I don't know, I don't know how to say it, like conservative politician or like Hillary Clinton, it doesn't even have to be conservative. Like Hillary Clinton's old haircut back in the day. It's like I'm running, you know, a country kind of a hand. She really is like I'm a politician. I'm running for office. Like I'm going to wear a pussy bow if given the opportunity.

Yeah. They're going to take me seriously at the space museum and that's it or the space college or whatever. like that's it. I'm getting this hair. No one's going to stop. It's like she's going to show up at like Space College and then say not only she's going to show up and do her work, but she's going to make an announcement about new policies vis-a-vis who can use pens and who can use pencils or something like that. Like she sort of has kind of principal hair too. It's just like she's in charge of something. It's definitely a hair. It's like a it's a no fun haircut. It's a no fun. Yeah. It is a no fun haircut. Meanwhile, her husband is already on

grinder. I'm just going to say it now like her husband. There's no, there's just no delicate way to say it. But. And I know there's a role where you're not supposed to specify, you know, you're not supposed to like, you know, specify, not specify, speculate. You're not supposed to speculate on people's like sexuality or whatever. I don't care because I just see, I just see one of my sisters out there. And I'm like, come back. Come to shore. Come to shore. We're over here. It's okay. She's already got him. Hillary Clinton there, she doesn't care if you cheat. Come over. But I think if you were to have like a closeted gay man as your husband,

this guy's like the best kind. Like he's like the dream. This is like what you are. He's a great husband. Yeah, it's like whatever you want. He's like a tame gay. Like I think that's a dream. I think actually you have a tame gay husband.

And because he's not like the, it's more heartbreaking when you see a lady who's like oblivious and her husband's like, yes, queen, yes. You know, like we did that. there was an episode maybe like two years ago where there was a husband like that down in the south and we're like oh dear and he like love to play the piano and stuff but i think you want someone like this who's just like just a sweet guy a sweet guy who just made so sweet yeah he is sweet and he's like you know what i want here's your goal you want to go to space camp and lead to space and you want to lead nassas you know what my goal is to make you get your goals oh my god yeah I will take you. And I want to pack lunches. Like, that's all I want to do.

You know, I want a pretty house that I can clean for you. That's like his goal in life. I mean, that's everybody's goal husband, right? Yeah, I think so. I mean, they definitely have a dynamic from like a 1990s stage play, right? Like the couple that has some issues that she wants to go off to space and they're in a

foreign country and he's like a little nervous and worried about helping the kids. But he also is like seeking a man on the side. It's very evocative. Yeah. So Amy has the opportunity to earn her master's at the International Space University in Strasbourg, France. And so, of course, it's house hunters. So they say France. So we hear like accordion music playing Frerez Chaka. It's an accordion version of space oddity. So is it or is it Star Wars? I think it was Star Wars. Dun dun dun dun dun dun yeah Star Wars.

So then we see Amy, pictures of Amy in front of a spaceship. She's like, oh my God, we're about to get run over. Better get tougher hair. And then a close-up of the International Space University sign. And she's like, I want to convince everybody else to go along with the idea. Yeah, because this family did not want to. Can we get a close up of my son's miserable face? They kept doing this all episodes.

Which he's like, I don't know if the kids are really into it. And then it just cuts to the kid. He's like, uh, everyone's going to hate me here. So, yeah, we see John, Jonathan, the husband. He's like, I'm nervous about being a stay-at-home dad. I'm also nervous about crosswalks, tinfoil, clouds. oh, it's going to be hard. It's just like, yes, well, I'm nervous too because I hear in France, they often have women who have wavy hair.

I just hope my helmet fits in. Yeah. And it's his first time being a stay-at-home dad, guys. So he's super nervous about it. And we see him, you know, being a dad. He's like, you better not climb on that, Caroline. Am I doing okay, honey? Am I doing okay?

Get some nuts. Smack her. It's like, honey. I'm not going to make it into space station. He's like, honey, be nice to her. Geez, Caroline, don't listen to your mother. So we have our opening credits. And now Amy is like, well, we live in Huntsville, Alabama.

As you may know, because I'm wearing the official haircut of Huntsville, Alabama. Okay. That's this one. I think this is her cosmopolitan. She's like, you know, we're leaving Huntsville and I'm getting a cosmopolitan haircut. Right. Hand me some. You're actually so right.

Because you're 100% right because when we do see those photos of her with a longer hair, that's the huntsful hair. But she's like, I'm going to France. I have to be sassy and European. Give me the helmet. I want my hair to look like a macaron. That is kind of what it looks like. So she's like, so Jonathan tells us, we experience France as a family on vacation and just loved it. I mean, so we have two children.

That was a journey. I'll tell you that much. William and Caroline is 12 and Caroline's 10. And we have two dogs, Belle and Chevy. And we have also an adorable corner in the house where I just go and just shake. They call me their little Italian greyhound because they often have to put a sweater on me. And I just tremble in the corner. So that's our life.

With the dogs. Because the dogs are the like Chihuahua type. And they're just like terrified to like every time they show a picture of them dark. I'm like, is the picture shaking? Because it's a still picture, but you can still see the dog like. And this guy sort of looks like Ryan Seacrest. He's like a little sweet Alabamian Ryan Seacrests, which, you know, really paints a picture in my mind. He really is.

That's a good call. Yeah, he does have some Seacrest in him. He doesn't open his mouth enough though. because I like when Ryan Seacrest is like, and next, after that amazing performance, we have a country singer coming to sing a country song. Take it away. It's like, okay, diction, okay. Your diction is disturbing, sir. I can see your throat.

So Amy tells us, so I start out as a classroom teacher and the opportunity presented itself to become an education specialist supporting NASA. So I am looking to pursue a master's in space studies and the International Space University in Strasbourg, France. I thought this is perfect. I can finally live out my dream of going into space. Oh, what was that? No, this is just a for-profit university that I'm going to that just harms people who want to go to space. Okay, well, I'm just going to ignore that piece. It tricks school teachers into thinking that they're going to space.

Oh, okay, good. I'm in. I thought this is perfect. It lets me pursue both of my dreams, which are space and living in France. God, I wish France was in space. That would really be a dream. Unfortunately, I guess either lifestyle I choose, I'm not really going to be getting my full dream. Am I right?

And the husband's like, I know how you feel, honey. Is this really a true? I'm looking it up. This is, okay, this is a legitimate, like, space universe. I was like made up. You think they made up a space university in France. Well, no, I mean, it just seems like it just is like, it's just such like a space university just does sort of sound like this sort of thing where it's like, like, is this legitimate? Is it?

Yeah, international space university. You can get a master of space study. God, this is not for gay people. I'm telling you, listen to this. Master of space studies. I'm spitting all over the place. This is not made for us. space studies program.

Can we please get less S's? Could you not have a gay husband and then go somewhere with so many S's because this is a lot. It's a lot. So Jonathan tells us, yeah, so a lot of things to think of through and process before I could just stay in Huntsville and, you know, I would go out for my quote unquote poker nights, if you know what I'm saying. And now I'm going to be in Strasbourg and I have no idea what's going to happen out. there. So much to process because I'm a mortgage broker. So I'm going to take, I'm going to take a step back for my job because people in France do not borrow. That's one thing I know. So it's going to be a complete flip of roles. And to be honest, I'm nervous about being more of the stay at home dad.

And then they, they show the wife and she says, I'm nervous too. I was like, geez. Amy, it's not very nice. I realize that there's just. no room in France for a mortgage broker because part of my job is getting people pre-approved. And in France, they're actually more interested in being pre- disapproved. And so I just don't know if I fit into that culture. We're going to rely on our savings, which we had spent many years setting aside for who knows what. And it was this. So glad I saved all that mortgage money because here we are.

Me not knowing a language and having to take care of children is going to be great. By the way, also when Jonathan says that he's nervous about being a stay-at-home dad, they show footage of him putting a goose hat on his head. Okay, kids, here's the goose hat that I, am I, am I approved? Am I pre-approved as a stay-at-home dad? I'm a fun dad, right? Right, kids, goose hats, anyone? Why can I never be the duck? Why?

Why? So she's like, well, here's what I know about Strasbourg. Strasbourg is the capital of Europe. And I know that it has a good bit of German influence because it's right on the border. And it's gone back and forth between French rule and German rules several times throughout history. And so we get a Chiron that's like Strasbourg is considered one of the four capitals in European Union. And it's the headquarters of several major institutions, including European Parliament and Council of Mortgages of Europe. Yeah, and it has that feeling of walking through history, the architecture, just noticing people relaxing and then people tensing up when my wife walks through with their haircut and then relaxing as she passes them.

I mean, it's just so historic. You know, when you read history and it's just filled with pages and pages of people relaxing. They think Strasbourg. A lot of people go to the Caribbean to relax. I say, think about Strasbourg, just a relaxing, relaxing place. Or as Amy's turning it into, Stressburg, am I right? I was joking at me. She's like, not funny.

Not funny. So then we have our realtor. I love this lady, the realtor, Eleanor. We've seen this here before. Eleanor, she's tall and she speaks a bit like this. And she always seems like she absolutely hates all the Americans that this show throws at her. And so Strasbourg is a green city. There's bikes everywhere to the point where it can actually be quite dangerous.

That's why we encourage people to wear helmets. But if you're aiming, you sort of grew your own, which is really good for her. So it's home to big international community. And the Strasbourg rental market is very boring market. And it could be quite difficult to find a property, which is my way of saying, this can be fucking annoying dealing with these people over here. Yeah, pretty much. And this whole episode is filled with them almost getting run over by bicyclists.

It's so funny because they're literally everywhere and they're going 60 miles an hour. And every time they make a step, like, oh, I almost got killed. Just almost died there. Well, bicycles. This is great. Isn't this great, honey? Terrified. Please don't make me move here.

So now we go to them all talking about what they're looking for. And Amy, it's like, I would really love to be in the city center because it's just so different than what we. we've been experiencing before. I mean, Huntsville. Not much of a city center. Okay? You couldn't even walk to the Chili's. Not a great place.

I mean, it's just so different from home, isn't it? God, I just want to walk out on the street. And, wow, it's me, Amy. Anybody? Oh, there's some cotton candy. Got some. It's just amazing city center, city center. It's our best buy.

Where's the best buy? I want to live right by it. That's where I want to live. And he's like, well, we want to be close to some activities for the kids. Hummy, what are you talking? about. It's one of the capitals of the EU. You can go practically tap Angela Merkel on the shoulder and get an autograph. I mean, there's a lot of stuff for the kids here. So there's four of you. How many bedrooms do you need? He's like, well, we'd like three, okay, because there's four people,

so three bedrooms. So we're used to having our own bathroom, each of us. So we would like three bedrooms and four baths, actually five, because my wife has IBS, and sometimes she just needs her own bathroom for that. So she needs to know. She would like her own bathroom for when she's feeling professional and spacey and her other bathroom when she's feeling IBSy. All right. Well, you know, this might be a bit of a challenge here in Strasbourg, especially in these old buildings that usually only have, quite frankly, just a faucet. And that's it. A faucet and a drain and the toilets are down the hall. Is that okay with you? Oh, well. It is pretty crazy that, I mean, I was joking because they really do just ask for two bathrooms.

and she's like, that might be a challenge. Really? Do you guys just not poop over there? No, we're European, so it's much more dignified about these sort of things. We don't eat all that's chilies and olive garden that you Americans love so much, so we don't have as many bowel movements. We drop small wooden beads once every three days. So as long as you've got a paper bag, you should be good to go, Huntsville.

So Amy's like, and I would love to have a balcony or an outdoor something or another. How about a big lawn? Can we get a big lawn in the middle of this city? It's like, oh, yes, that's, that's, oh, and I look, you've got dogs too. So, okay, well, how about a no balcony and a window instead? That works for you, right? Well, I think Amy hates these dogs because later she mentions that the dog, the kids are making them take the dogs,

which I think is kind of such a weird thing for the parent to say. Like, yeah, well, the kids are making us bring these things. So I guess we got to do it. Hey, can we get a place really high up with a balcony? That would be great because we've got little dogs that can fit through those bars. So that would be nice. It's like, geez, Amy. God.

That's some respect for the dogs. You need a backyard. Amy is what you need two dogs on a balcony. I would also request that we live somewhere that's close to, I don't know, a community where I can also be treated like a little dog. It's called pups. Have you heard of it? Okay. All right, Jonathan, we are not going to talk to Eleanor about that. Jonathan, now is not the time for your furry, your furry dreams.

Okay, this is about my dreams, Jason. Okay. Space. Space. Go to space. Yeah, we need something pet friendly and close to a park, preferably with a cruising element. And Eleanor is like, okay, what style of property are we looking for? Well, I would love something that has a European traditional feel to it,

let them eat cake, you know what I mean? That would be great. Is matronly an architectural style also? Because that's something I'd be really interested in. I want something that screams rain-on pantsuit. Do you have that? So Jonathan is like, yeah, and I love to, I love the look. of traditional, but I'm like more of a modern touch.

So the amenities and the comforts that we're used to, that'd be great. Like, I don't know, enormous refrigerator, kitchen island, open concept, four bedrooms, four bathrooms, giant lawn, but in the center of this old European city, is that possible? Could we get farmhouse modern with a pool in the back in Strasbourg? No, no, you will not find that. You won't even have a place to poop, sir, all right? I'll show you what I'll show you what I've gotten. You can choose one of those.

And Amy's like, well, here's what we've come with. Suitcases. Okay, that's it. That's it. I just came with me, my dreams and ambitions, and my baggage. Okay. Jonathan, kids, say hello. Now, listen, I'm going to need you to get us a good deal on this.

And if you do, I mean, I'm not saying that there's more work in the future, but I am going to space. And as far as I can tell, there's a lot of room for real estate out there. So stick with me, Eleanor. It's what you well. Oh, right. And how much are you willing to spend? We want to spend $2,400 a month, which for this show is a massive amount of money, I think.

Because usually people are like, here's $5, you know, but he's like, we have a lot of money. So Eleanor is like, well, that's a decent budget. I was asking how much are you willing to spend on your next haircut? Because I'd be willing to throw another $5 or $20 into that. It's a decent budget, but it's going to be difficult. to find them something with typical Strassburg character and a city center with three bedrooms. I mean, what are these

people need from me? Only single people who don't poop live here generally. So let's see what we can find. So full wish list, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, city center, close to the action, balcony, pet friendly, European charm, modern amenities, penises nearby, budget

$2,400 a month. Well, I can tell you, I have been almost run over by several bicycles, Eleanor. It's not funny, Eleanor. Okay, we're not used to the bike lanes, okay? In fact, we expressly forbid them in our town. We voted them down. Okay, this is not cool. So, Eleanor's like, but it does take some getting used to, doesn't it? I mean, yeah, the bikes ever, no, I'm sorry, your haircut. We don't have this style here in France. I'm going to show Amy and Jonathan this house because I think it would be a practical option for them. It's recent. renovated, modern designed, fully furnished, and I turned on the grinder and it beeped out of my hand. My phone fell to the floor. So you've got best of both worlds with this location. It's quite residential. Let's check it out. So they go to, I mean, this is not a good choice

already. This is a, it's truly just like an apartment. And it's pretty small for a family of four. although it's definitely doable. I have friends who live in New York City in spaces that are about as big as this is doable. But it's got, it's like a pretty standard like sort of European apartment. The one thing that's weird is that there's like this breakfast table that's like randomly placed like right in the middle of this kind of transition area between like living room and kitchen is like an attempt I think to try to make it more of a multi-use space. But like it's pretty tight quarters. Yeah.

I thought this one was actually pretty good. I mean, it's what he's asking for, which is modern. You know, he wants some modern look. But I don't know what modern means in Huntsville because he doesn't think it looks modern. He's like, um, yeah, this isn't what I wanted. I'm like, this is exactly what you asked for. This is like you walk in, it's sleek. It's all beige and beige, you know, sleek couches and stuff like that.

So I'm not really sure what he thinks of is modern, but I feel like she served them what they were asking for kind of and it's central you know i mean that's not like a big sprawling place but it's by the city center i mean what do you want you know what amy says you know i'm watching jonathan look at the kitchen and look at the refrigerator and that just makes me really happy because you know i can realize i can concentrate on school and i can just trust in him and trust that he's got this because you know what anytime he gets nervous i just hand him ahead of lettuce and he just calms down right away it's just sort of the cutest little thing so it's a rooftop six floor, three bed, one bath, central

located, balcony, modern, long commute. Oh, this one's long commute. It said centrally located at first. But there is an elevator, and I think that's a good thing. It is centrally located. It's centrally located in the city, but the space university is a ways away. Yeah, that's far away.

They're like, don't let normies get close to the space center. So they... Going to space is literally about having a commute. So I think 45 minutes is nothing compared to like light year. So I would say, I think it should not be an issue. Yeah, that's how she should sell it. She's like, well, we're talking light years here. This is nothing, darling. So, um, you literally want to go to the moon and now you're going to complain about a 25 minute drive. I don't think so, honey. Yeah, get east to it. She's a Los Coles Ristair's fan.

Why do they say that? What do they say? That's, that's, remember when we saw them do that thing in Vancouver and like you come up and you complain about something and you go, I don't think so, honey. That's funny. So Jonathan looks out the balcony and he's like, oh my God, I love all the rooftops. So many ways to escape. Is there somewhere I can tie a rope here and kind of swing over to to that one over there? And Amy loves a view. It's a modern kitchen, great breakfast area. Yeah. Amy doesn't like that there's a dining room table, but then in the kitchen there's like a high kind of bar table. She's like, why is there a table by a table? Hi, it's called a kitchen and a dining room.

A kitchen table and a dining room. These people, they're confused by odd things, which makes me wonder what's happening in Huntsville. You're literally going to a university in Strasbourg for space. and this is the thing that is like confusing to you. This is the thing that's shocking and surprising. There are a lot of confusing things for us that are happening on screen. We'll just say that, okay? Well, one other thing, and one thing they don't mention,

but I think the most confusing thing was the table in the kitchen because it's like this really high table, right? Like a bar table. That makes sense. But it's a whole, it's great. It's a great. So it's all holes. Anything that drops on the table is falling straight to the floor.

Anything you feel, any crumbs. is going straight to the floor and then you have to clean a grate. It's weird. Like your kids eat kids are pigs. So you're going to have to like sweep and mop every time. And I don't know. It's a weird kitchen table. It's a,

no, I agree. I think the table is actually very strange because it's like, it's just placed strangely. It feels like the owners put it in there to try to like sizzle, add some sizzle to this place. But it's, it seemed ill conceived,

I would say. I think you just get rid of that. And you go to IKEA and get one of those like little islands, you know, and you can make that like a prep area. Yeah, so they, there are small rooms. Everyone is going to have a small room in this one. One of them has a desk and it's right in front of like a full size bed. It's this tiny room with a tiny little desk. And she goes, oh, there's a desk in here. I like that because I can work in here, you know, and I can file papers or I can answer emails or I can pick up the phone in here or I can write things down with the pencil. Just list all the things you could do at a desk Amy. We get it. You're going to work. Okay. This is great because this is where I can do my space work. I mean, it's not a lot.

I think basically I just have to log on and email out. Anyone out there? And if I get no response, I just try again the next day. Have we found Matt Damon yet? Anybody have word on that demon? Does he still have potatoes in space? Hi, this is Amy. Just want to call a meeting in the universe.

Anyone out there? Just want to say I'm setting a time looking for a confirmation. We're going to try for Tuesday. 2 p.m. I don't hear from anyone. We will have to move this again. So, oh, up, we've found a link to Matt Damon. Matt Damon, have we found a way to keep Aquanette from exploding in space? Okay. I'm just going to wait. I've got about a month until I get a response, but thankfully I can do it wait at this desk. Okay. Hi, this is Amy again. Amy to the universe. Has anyone been able to find any pantsuit outlets.

You know. Pantsuits. So Eleanor's like, I'm surprised by their reaction to this apartment. I thought they were going to really like it. I mean, it's a great location. It's ready to go, especially Jonathan, because it's got modern feel, which he's requested, and doesn't seem to understand because they are not into this. And Amy's like, well, okay, this apartment is doable.

The bedrooms could work. And Jonathan's like, yeah, but they're like right on top of each other. And I'm not really at hop. So I'm going to need like rethink configurations. Yeah, it's a little too much. Well, to get Amy that charm she's after, she's going to have to change that hairstyle. Am I right, everyone? Hellenor needs to take them to another place in the city.

And so now we go to a new part. So we have a commercial break. And now the kids are at a museum. It's like a science museum. And, and, and Amy is definitely like teacher, teacher mom because she's like, okay, kids. And what's that? Saturn. And Saturn has what around it?

Wings. And what else? Your mother someday. Your mother. Mother. Can you go now, Mommy? Can you go now? Shut the fuck up.

For the past decade, I've been working with the Human Exploration Rover Challenge with NASA. and now we're going to attend the university, and I'm just looking forward to pursuing a master's in space in France. It's been my dream, also to be a princess, also to be a queen, also to be a cat with a chateau. So I'm going to get one of those. Damn it. I mean, he got to live out his mortgage dreams.

Oh, look, girls, girls and boy, everyone, everyone in the family, look, this is Felisette, who is the first cat in space. And Jonathan, what, what, why are you saying? saying icon so many times. Sorry, just Felizette is I've heard that she's kind of an icon in certain communities, but she's a French cat, okay?

And she went up in 1963. Did she come back down? No, she died horribly, kids. Okay, stop crying. Stop crying. Stop being a wuss. We're in France now. Stop it. Is Felicette? Is that related to Felix the cat? Oh, I don't know. Felicette.

Felicita. Felicita. So she's like, oh, God, we had to do so much convincing for the children. They were really nervous about it. Oh, yeah, they were really nervous. There was a lot of waffling. And by waffling, I mean sobbing. Yeah.

Okay, close up of our son's face. He's like, did you know that the human brain weighs eight pounds? Shut up. Stop quoting Jerry McGuire. God. Can we get better role models for our children in France? Jonathan's like, no, there really was. lot of waffling specifically by me being a stay-at-home dad I've really had to put in some reps with

that waffle iron it's hard feeding kids in the morning but I'm up for it I'm up for this challenge who we they're going to miss their friends back home but they're also excited and it shows the kids and they're not excited at all they're like oh why do we have to come here why so amy's like um yeah you know, we're thinking about the future. And they don't understand that. They don't see that the hard gives them growth. What are you doing to these children? Amy hates these children.

And I kind of love it. She's like, yeah, we're making the kids come here. They don't want to, but fuck them. Okay, they're going to deal with it. The hard gives you growth. Jonathan's like, oh, if that were true, I'd be six feet tall. I'm also looking forward to these kids, inevitably. coming back to America and being in their 20s and having therapy and whining, being like,

I had a hard life too. You know, when I was 12, I was forced to live in Strasbourg in a beautiful city center. My mom kept suggesting we get a ghost cat from 1963 that died in space. Strasbourg has a fabulous international community. Oh, Strasbourg has a fabulous international community. And I can see them sitting in really well. and being ignored by the rest of the international community. I imagine them walking down the street and meeting people and then getting questions like,

what is this Huntsville and what do they do to your hair there? Note, Jonathan, that I use the word fabulous. It's a little inside joke for me to you. I understand. I can't. I can't. Felicette, am I right? So what were the kids' reaction when you told them,

did we already talk about this? Okay. Oh, and so it was Caroline that insisted that the dogs come to France, right? We're going to have little American dogs in France. We love when Americans bring more American things to our country. That's just something that's so joyous for us. Well, hopefully Caroline and William will like this neighbourhood because we're only 15 minutes away from the city centre. and that's a place where you can take dogs.

That's how this all ties in. And he's like, oh, that's not bad. 10 to 15 minutes. That's pretty good. So we see House number two. And Eleanor has picked it because Amy wants French charm. And there is French charm because it's a historical building. But it's only semi furnished.

So they would have to buy extra pieces. And the jury is out on their taste level. Let's give it a look. So this place, house number two, is three bed, two bath, third floor. It has French charm. It has two bathrooms, as I mentioned before. So it's semi-furnished, but it's a little pricey because it's $350 over budget.

So they're like, oh, galley. They give that face of like over budget. It's also by a tram stop that goes to the university. That takes 45 minutes to go to the university. And Amy is like, she's just, she's like, I don't know if I love the distance keeping me away from the family. Lady, you are in space studies. Okay. Like an astronaut just got home like yesterday who's been gone for three years, okay?

You're going to have to get used to distance. Did you see gravity? Yeah, exactly. So they're freaking out over the 350. But they love the size. This apartment is really cool. It's got like ground moldings and ceiling moldings. I mean, it looks very, very pretty and very French, which she loves.

Because she's like, I've dreamt a light. I've dreamt of this since I was a little girl. and she loves the view, which is basically the street. I mean, it's not that great of a view, but it's still a really cool place. Yeah, I like this one. But 45 minutes from work is a lot. That's a long way away.

That is a lot. But if you can take a tram, I think that helps a lot because, like, you can do a lot on a train. That's like time when you can be like doing work. You could be listening to a podcast. You could be just like. Did they say there's a tram? Yeah, they said it was a 45 minute tram.

stop. Oh, yeah, then I would do that. Yeah, that's different. If you can just be like, if you can use, you can use that time, you can nap. Like, you can make up a lot of time if it's just on public transportation. Yeah, because that's like break time away from your family. You can just chill and watch shows and do all that stuff. So yeah, I would do that. It makes me wonder, I wonder if the Space University has maybe a shuttle. Shuttle. Does it have a shuttle? The Space University have a shuttle. Anyone. Is anyone out there? Anyone get the joke? Anyone get the joke? Come on.

Don't leave me hanging here. I got it. I got it. I was hitting my baby. Sorry. Yeah. I laughed on the inside. Like Amy. I amy. Amy's cracking on. She's like, you know, I didn't really appreciate this podcast at first with the way they were talking about my husband and my hair. But you know what? That was a pretty good joke.

So they check it out. This one has like very bright rooms. like they've painted all the rooms different wacky colors. And it's okay. And all the rooms are tiny. They walk into this real tiny room. And they're like, I guess we'll sleep here. This will be the couple's room. And Jonathan looks at the bed and goes, well, that's a full size bed.

Oh, God. And he's like, yeah, they're better to cuddle with, right, Jonathan? He's like, oh, God. Jesus just shoot me in the fucking face. Oh, God. I almost choked on my own spit. And then they go into a really large room. and they're like, this is where our son should go because he's creative.

What the fuck? That's the largest room. You can move the bunk bed to the other room. Like they don't have the concept like, oh, we could just move the bunk bed. They see a bunk bed and they're like, this is our sense. No, you're like a fucking huge room. What are you nuts? Seriously.

But this place is great. And I was like, oh, just get this place. Please, please, like, we can end the episode. This is a great spot. The view you see old Strasbourg, like, Please don't bother with any place else. But, of course, we have to. So we go now, it's time for a scene change.

So to get a better price and a shorter commute, Eleanor takes them to a garbage house in the suburbs. Why even move to France at this point? I did think this other house was kind of weird because they had two bathrooms, but one bathroom had a bath and the other had a shower, but only one had a toilet, which is weird, because usually a half bath is a toilet,

Not a shower. That's kind of weird. You have a room for just a shower. Doesn't everybody go pee before they shower? I don't know. It seems like kind of a natural progression. It feels like the toilet is more important. I just feel like it might like might also be good to have two toilets.

I don't know. Yeah. Because like that's asking us begging for the men in the house to go pee in the shower. Yeah. And you know they will. I would do it. So now they're at a, wine and food shop,

uh, where Amy is like, so I have a question. So is everything, is everything here French? No. No.

Sorry, this is Japanese over here. Of course. Like a wine and cheese shop in France. Is this French? Um, they do have some stuff from Italy and Spain, though.

And she's like, anything from Huntsville? Like, no. Do you have any of our Huntsville mayonnaise? No? So Jonathan's like, yeah, it's a good opportunity because I'm going to be a stay-at-home dad. So I want to pour more time and effort and energy into the kids.

I just can't wait. I mean, you know, I've just worked so hard in mortgages. I can't wait to get closer to the family. Aren't you excited, son? He's like, please don't make me move here. Please, please. We see them sitting outside the shop now eating their shakudery, which is really. cute and she's like oh this is good it's got a little little tang to it's like oh really i'm not

getting any no no i actually i just seasoned my food with tang just get ready just getting ready always keeping your purse you know let me tell you this stuff is powder and it travels to space are you paying attention kids tang in space okay i'm ramping up i'm ramping up my diet because it's gonna happen it's gonna happen the the strasburg to moon pipeline is strong She is like, you know, Eleanor says, at first I thought this was a massive change for Amy going back to school and French university. But I'm realizing it's actually a bigger change for Jonathan. He's going to be responsible for caring for two children that hate him and his wife. And he's got to put them into French school where they'll be endlessly bullied in the language they don't understand.

And that's the kind of bit that's actually quite nerve-wracking. I know that Amy will be fine through anything. I mean, you could put that woman in a hailstorm. wouldn't even feel it. I mean, that hair. Am I right? That hair. Look, he's already trembling at the thought of it. I think he can hear my thoughts. Okay, everyone. Welcome to I, Kerkir Gruffenstaden. For house number three, Jonathan, you don't have to hide behind my leg.

I wasn't, I wasn't angry at you. I was just saying something German. Thank you. Thank you for your approval. I really go on that. So they come up to this little kind of ugly gray house and it's really hideous from the outside and they don't even hide it. Amy's like, what the fuck is this? This is disgusting. I've shot out better house designs than this lady. What are you doing to us? But it is 10 minutes.

It's 10 minutes away from space, space university. And it's fully furnished. But the toilet is separate in one bathroom. And that's basically what it is. But Amy's like, yeah, this is gross. And Jonathan says, well, it feels safe. I mean, like you could just say, hey, kids, go walk around and don't have anything to worry about. It's just got that nice down-home Ilkirk Grafton-Stad and feel, you know.

It's safe, isn't it? Is there a knitting circle nearby? I just wonder, I want to make a sweater. So they go check it out. The living area is insane looking. It's insane. They did it like in cement. They did all the walls and some kind of cement wash.

It's all gray and then like dark gray. And then the fire. It's like a skinny L room. And then the fireplace is covered in this bizarre giant format green tile. It's a weird look. And then they've got a super modern like tufted gray velvet. It's a weird. It's like everything was like matte and shiny at the same time.

It was like dark gray and like gray. It was like weird. just not, it wasn't like a cool slate gray. It was just like a weird, it was like something went wrong here. And it's so like the moment you walk in, it's so hideous. And they're like, oh, wow, this is lovely. Look at this beautiful. This room, the kids are going to love this room.

You know, our kids are always like, wow, dad, you are so gray. You're such a gray person. You're like, just like come out and be gray already. And I'm like, why do you guys always say that to me? But anyway, they're going to like it in here. But they just never understand. rooms or that things can come in or out of rooms, which cracks me out. Because the other room, they were like, oh, this is his room because there's a bunk bed.

And then this room, they're like, the kids are going to love this room because there's a TV here. Like, okay. So they check out the house. This one has one bathroom again, which is super weird. And there is a full-sized fridge, which is a big deal to them. And Jonathan's like, this really reminds me of home, which, again, I'm wondering what's happening in Strasbourg. and they've got maroon cabinets.

The kitchen is like crazy in 80s. It's like from an 80s movie. And they're like, oh, my God, what a great modern kitchen. Oh, I like when they go look at the bedrooms and they go to this one bedroom and the wall is like this bright neon yellow. It was like a highlight or kind of yellowish kind of thing. And like, oh, this will be perfect for Caroline. She's going to love this room. What fun colors.

And then they go to the next room and then they start to realize that all the rooms are that color. It's not just the kid's room. Like, oh, okay. Well, it's a bit bright in here, I guess. This is fun. Okay. Yeah. This one is crazy colors everywhere.

And was I thinking of the wrong house before? Is this the one? Or did both of them have bright colored rooms? What the hell? I don't remember. So, yeah. So anyway, they check out this one. This one's pretty nice.

And so now they have to debrief about which one they like. and Amy is like, I mean, you know, outside's hideous, but I mean, the inside's surprisingly comfortable. And he goes, yeah, and there's plenty of space here. Space, get it, honey. She's like, oh, thanks, honey. Thanks for trying, honey. Because this is my dream.

So ultimately, they cross off the very first one right away. And I just assumed they were going to go for the hideous house. I mean, I felt like they were, they seemed like more suburban people. I thought they were going to, it's close to her university. I did too. I was like, and there's a TV. So I'm not for sure. That's what they were going to be doing.

But they made the right choice. Yeah, it was cheap. It was $1,700 a month. But yeah, they chose the beautiful French one. They did not have bright bedrooms. Like I told you guys earlier, I'm crazy. I got my houses mixed up. But that French chateau looking one is the one they ended up getting.

And I think that that was a really good choice. That was a good one. Yeah, I think so too. So they chose the right one. It looks really cute. The kids seem happy. And also that ends well. I'm happy for the daughter because, you know, the mom is going to have to like spend an hour each way, which is going to give the daughter more time away from her.

Because I think the mom hates the daughter because every house they would get to the, they would get to the tiniest room. And the mom would always go, oh, this is Caroline's room. I'm like, what? Why are you putting Caroline's? It's like, oh, here's the laundry closet. Oh, Caroline can sleep in here. Does this door, is there an option to put Fars on this doorway? That's so funny.

Yeah. There were a sweet couple. They were actually like a really sweet little couple. And I'm excited for them. Yeah. And they're kind of couple with like zero taste too because they're like, oh my God, we've really had a good time putting our own spin on this apartment. And then we go to the apartment.

It's the exact same. Nothing has changed in the apartment because literally did nothing. Who are you trying to kid over here? I'm just happy for her because I feel like being in Strasbourg, like that haircut has like a, it's going to last for three more months before she's going to like cater to the sneers of all the French women being like, ugh. Yeah. Yeah. They'll fix her right up. But yeah, that's a good couple.

I wish them all the happiness in the world, those kids. They're so sweet. Yeah, thanks everyone for listening to Dwell Hello. If you have a suggestion, email us, watch for crappins at gmail.com and put Dwell Hello suggestion in your subject. And we will try to cover your the episode. Yeah. And also let us know, let us know if it's on Max or YouTube. And then like those are the two platforms that we go to for our house hunters.

We don't go to any others. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.