Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #521: S264 E10 Old School vs Trendy in Maryland

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

A couple in Maryland wants a modern…no a traditional house with an electric…no a wood fireplace with a chicken coop…no a deck. Ugh. I don’t know if these crazy kids are gonna make it. This is a recap of House Hunters S264E10, and we watched it on Youtube TV. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello, and welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's a watcher Crappin's Househunders podcast here on Wondery Plus. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Good. What's going on with you, baby? Not much. Just here to talk some house hunters. Today's episode is called Old School versus Trendy in Maryland. It is Househunters regular. And it's season 264, episode 10. and I caught this on YouTube TV, actually.

I don't know if the numbers will be different on other platforms, but as always, just type in old school versus trendy in Maryland, and that should get you to where you need to go. And by the way, if you have any suggestions, just email them to us at watchwrapins.com. I'm sorry, watch what happens at gmail.com with the subject header, dwell hello suggestion. So, Ron, are you ready to dive into today's madness?

Let's do her, shall we? Here we are, old school versus trendy in Maryland. So newlyweds Bernardo and Nia need a home for their blended family in Baltimore, but they're having a bit of a culture clash. We cut to Bernardo going, what are you going to do with chickens? And she's like, we'll have fresh eggs. Oh. Mia's humble beginnings in Honduras

Have her dreaming of a sleek and social media worthy place As is always the outcome of someone who has a humble beginning in Honduras Meas humble beginnings in Honduras Have her dreaming of flooring That's pretty much it Just give her floors and she'll be sad Give her some floors and some chickens And she's happy

As a little girl I just always grew up wanting to have A sleek and social media worthy place You know, every time I saw one of my chickens growing up, I thought, God damn it, that chicken would have a lot of followers if she just had the right algorithm. Wow. Well, so then we see them and they're like walking around and look at various houses and everything.

And Bernardo, they're looking at a staircase. And she's saying, oh, my God, this could be great for prom pictures. And he goes, but the stairs look too new. And so then Linda comes back and says, and new isn't a buzzword for Bernardo. Just look at his fashion. He's old school. The more vintage and cozy, the better.

If he could live in a Burlington Coat factory ad, he would. So we see them looking at some basic things. And basically this episode is Bernardo walking around going, I hate new things. What are those new stairs? I refuse to go up new stairs. I want creaky old stairs. I mean, come on, Bernardo.

We get it. You're trying to hammer at home. But who gets mad at new stairs? Those are new looking stairs. I know. I've never heard of that new looking stairs, but he wants everything to be old. But Nia's not sold since she thinks old homes are haunted. Yes, these are two idiots. Get ready, America.

And he goes, yeah, I love this house. It looks like my grandma's house. Like, who says that? Like, wow. It looks just like Ma Ma's house. I will pay above asking. Does it smell like boiled brisket too? Great.

Oh, man. If there's a guy on house hunters, it's a guy working. through his childhood memories of his parents or grandparents. But now we've got duel because he wants his grandma's house and she wants her Honduras house minus the dirt floors. So, yes. Like we've got two dueling like childhoods trying to recreate themselves on this episode.

Exactly. So now we arrive in Baltimore and Nia and Bernardo were driving their kids in their cars and Bernardo goes, he's like, are you guys ready to fly kites? And you know, the kids are like, dad, we never fly kites. Why are you being so performative for TV? Like just let us play the fucking Nintendo Switch on camera, please. He's like, here, I got you. This is a gas station.

It's a gay pride flag. Go fly. You're going to love it. It's going to be great. I'm Nia. I'm 27 years old. And I'm a stay-at-home mom. He's like, and I'm Bernardo.

I'm 41. And I'm a registered nurse. So they met on a dating app. And she says, when I saw him, I said, this is my future husband. I truly did. And they got married. Oh, God. Do you know how many people?

I've said that too that I've seen on apps. It's never worked. I've said it about a hundred times to people that I'm like, that is my husband. That is my husband. It never works. Why does it always work for other people? Well, the thing is this, everyone probably says that a million times. And until finally you do meet the person who is your husband. And then you're like, oh my God, I said he'd be my husband and he's my husband. It's like, yeah, but you said about a lot of things. It's always like that expression. It's always in the last place you look. It's like, yeah, because you're not going to keep on looking after you find it. It's, literally always in the last place you look. Like there's no other place for it to be. Oh, that's true. That's true. Yeah, it's a good point. Um, I mean, I do say he's going to be my husband a lot. But I like, I've tried lowering my standards. I even say it sometimes, you know, like where you're at a stoplight and you see like someone, you know, crazy in the crosswalk, you know, trying to clean your windows or whatever. And I'm like, that's probably my husband. You know, like that's probably him, you know. And even he doesn't want me. Even him, I roll down the window. I'm like, I don't have a dollar. I do have. I do have.

my phone number and even they'll scream fuck you in my face and I just can't win. So they are arriving at this park and then Nia tells the kids, you remember when we went to the kite festival? I don't believe this kite. No, I'm sorry, you guys do not fly kites. Stop trying to push this kite agenda. You were lying about the kites. That's so specific to you. Like we met on an app we're both into kites. Super into kites. Really went on that kite festival day. Yeah, banged. So we have this one. So Bernardo tells us that he has a blended family with three amazing sons who probably hate their new stepmom and his oldest is 21 and then he has a 19 year old and a 16 year old. And then Nia has a five year old daughter and they also have a daughter that they have,

they have a kid who they had together. So now we see them in the park and now they are flying their kites. So really continuing to push the kite narrative. Yeah, a lot of Kites and he wants to right now they're renting outside of Baltimore but the owner is going to sell their house so they need to buy house so let's do it people and they bring their own folding chairs in cars which i like so um nia is showing him pictures online of what he likes and she's like i want sleek and modern you know i want a more lavish home you know because i grew up in honduras and a coffee farm and we had dirt floors and it was a very small home and so that's where my ideas are coming from of wanting a bigger home, you know, wanting a better home.

And she's showing him photos of houses. And he goes, wait, whose house is this? She goes, it's just someone I follow on social media. My wife is always on social media. She just wants trendy. He's like, it's crazy. You're looking at someone's house on social media. Who does that? Like, I just feel like trends kind of play themselves out. My grandma, she has a fully brick house in Ohio. You know, they last forever those brick houses. I'm like, I hate to break. to you but brick houses were at one point a trend i'm sure like that's just what happens yeah and also you found your wife on a social media app so yeah stop judging sir so he wants classic style and he wants an older home you know he's like for 500 grand we can add whatever we want the guys always want to

remodel and then we see them a few months later on like the jasmine show where it's like i tried to remodel and i suck and she's like okay guys let's fix this water pipe that you hooked into the uh electrical socket or whatever. It seems like they never actually do the projects on this show because you're right. The guys are always like, I'm always looking for a project and then we see them choosing a house and three months later and everything looks exactly the same. They have not touched a single thing. Yeah.

So he wants projects. And she's like, yeah, Bernato, I don't see you doing that. Okay. And if we did 600,000, we wouldn't have to worry about anything else, which is also not true. Yeah, that's a lie. Yeah. So I don't like the idea of buying a home that already has been established, only because because, you know, like, there are these superstitions in my culture that there may be some spirits and, like, ghosts laying around and, like, roaming around amongst us.

So she wants, I'm like, I don't know, have you seen poltergeist? That was a brand new house. I think it depends on what your house is built on. We have that in our culture, too. Okay. There's some horror movie called Bring Her Back. I'm going to watch. And I just can't even bring myself to press play on it because it looks so scary.

You know, the We believe in Ghosts, too, you know. Bring her back. Some of us have just learned to deal with it. I'm glad that someone died at my home because I'm like, wow, this was a good house. I mean, it was good enough for someone to stay here long enough to die. You know, I'm in. And if he's still here, maybe he's like sweeping the floor. I feel like people who have died in the house have more skin in the game as far as like wanting to keep it clean.

You know, I'll just leave shit on the counter. Be like, maybe the ghost will get it. He probably still cares about his house, you know. You know what? I now looked up, bring her back because I hadn't heard of it. And I'm looking at the cast, because it's like all very scary looking. And they have the cast Sally Hawkins is in it, which I'm surprised about. But there's a woman named Sally Ann Upton.

And she's just, she looks like a sitcom star from the 80s. And her shot is just her smiling with her hands out like, it's me, Sally Ann Upton. And I'm like, I love what this lady got cast in a horror movie. Bernardo's like, see? Oh my God. Established. Sally Ann Upton. I really, I do recommend looking this lady up.

has other shots where she's wearing a rainbow cap, like a, like a Candace Luann, like engineer cap. And she has it on her head. She's like, hello there. I'm Sally Ann Upton. See me in the next horror movie. I'll be making a smile. Oh, this lady's crazy looking. Yeah. She's got like Paula Dean hair and a big glitter cap. Bring her back. I love that they put her in this movie. Yeah, she's in Wentworth and bring her back and Auntie Donna's Coffee Cafe. I'm in. I'm in on Sally Ann Upton. So this also, by the way, Nia's request that it has to be a new house

reminds me very much of Teresa Judeyce, who in her first Jersey reunion famously was like, I don't want to move into like a used house. I want a new house. Not a used house. I don't like some used house. And then Melissa sent her that card that was like, congrats on you a used home.

Yeah. She was like, people don't wash the floors the way I wash my floors or something like that. Yeah, so she's afraid of ghosts and she's like, you know, because there's ghosts laying around and goes, what are they laying eggs? I don't know what she's talking about. All these ghost talks. Stop the social media. So she wants four bedrooms and he wants the primary bedroom to feel like an oasis. And he says, I love tray ceilings because I'm tall.

So I didn't really know what a tray ceiling was until they finally showed it. But it's, I guess, one of those ceilings that has like an outer rim and then it's sort of as it's like the opposite of a recess floor. Like a recessed, a sunken living room is like the, is like the opposite of a tray ceiling, I guess, right? Where I guess the tray ceiling is sort of like a recessed section. And which those always look very cute to me. But I also thought it was funny. It's like, sir, your head is not scraping the ceiling. It's not like you cannot stand up straight in the room unless there's a tray ceiling in there.

I thought that was such a. It's also insane to be going to say, I only want old homes, but they have to have tray ceilings. because old homes, that's not an old home style. That's like a new, newish thing to have. He's like, I want my grandma's house, but with the tray ceiling. Like, that's not how it works, Bernardo. In fact, you know what? Homes are most likely to have low ceilings?

Old homes. Enjoy? How many times have we watched couples move into like some A-frame house or whatever and they get into their bedroom and there's like a slant. The roof slant is like over the bed and they like lose their shit. It's like, because that's old home design. Well, also, trace ceiling. aren't because you're tall.

Tray ceilings are for already extremely tall ceilings. You know, for those rooms with like 10 foot walls and then you have a tray ceiling. It's like decoration because your room is so fucking big. You need something to focus on. It's not just a giant wall. So it's like you don't, you wouldn't even need

the tray ceiling in a house that was big enough to have tray ceiling. He's silly. Bernardo is silly. He's ridiculous. He's like, yeah, I want this to feel like our oasis with tray ceilings. And we want a finished basement. know, in an office. And I just recently graduated to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner. So I want to have my own practice, you know, in my home, which is perfect.

If I go to a psychiatrist and I go to that office and it's a home with six children in it, I'm asking for my money back. I'll tell you, I'm coming here to get to become like saner. Yeah. How are you going to expect me to become more sane in a home with six children? running around. I actually think I would like feel like if I'm going to an old little brick house from like 1923 to like meet with a psychiatric nurse practitioner or like maybe whatever his business that he wants to start. I feel like I would I would feel less inclined that this is a like a proper business if it's in a little old brick building like brick house. I think if it's in a new construction,

I'd be like, okay, well this person like it's tidy or whatever. I don't know, this is a theory of developing on the spot that it really has. Now I want to go to a strip mall. You know what I mean? I don't want to go to your house. Like do you rent an office for fuck's sake. Yeah, something. I'll go to a Starbucks over your house.

Fuck. So they want tray ceilings, a deep tub, and a basement office. So we're still at the park. The kids running around with the gay pride flag. And Nia's like, wow, you know, being here at the park, like it really reminds me of how I want a big yard. Like a crackhead possibly like sleeping under a tree or oh a lady pooping. That would be nice. I love parks.

So he's like, we both agree on a large yard so the kids can have a safe area to run and play. And he's like, and my wife, she wants chickens. Yeah. I grew up with chickens. So I would love the idea of having a chicken coop because chickens, they chase out the spirits, you know, the bad spirits, chickens, they're your guardians. So just like every day I can go and I can just pick some fresh eggs. He's like, but I don't know about that.

He's like, we'll put that on the back of the list. Yeah, give me a pasteurized egg any day, I say. So we go to the, you pasteurized eggs, right? Okay, so we go to a chicken coop and we see it or we see a wish list, chicken coop. And Bernardo's like, yeah, I don't know. That's going to be on the back of the list. Chicken coop. Who did I marry?

So now they're looking in the Baltimore suburbs within an hour of his job in the city. So they go to this first house, which option one, it's $629,900. So it's basically $630,000. And it has four bedrooms. It's close to his job. It has a lot of space and everything. And we go up to this house and it's like a, it's like a very vertical box. It's like someone took a shoe box and put it on its side, on the longest side.

And that's the house. Yeah, I like this one the best. I'm going to say it right now. I like this one. I think this one's cute. It's kind of stylish and modern looking. I like this one. I mean, you know, remember where we are.

We're in House Hunters. But for the House Hunter's House, I like this one the best. Yeah, it's a little generic for me personally. It was, no. I don't know. But they meet up with Sean, what was the realtor's name, Chantre? Chantre.

Or Chantra? I think it was Chantre. And so Nia, they pull up and Nia does this thing. She does this at every house. It feels like, oh my God, I like all the black details because she sees like some little accents. And that's like her favorite thing to point out. She's like, oh, my God, black details. I love that so much.

He's like, I prefer brick, you know, but whatever. That's okay. There's stone. That's a nice touch. But I want brick like my grandma's house. Yeah, this doesn't look like my grandma's house. And I want a standard 600. And Chantre is like, yeah, well, we should take a look still because you might change your mind.

Also, nobody wants to live in your grandma's house. Okay, let's go. The grandmals are still living. Okay, they still own those homes. So let's check this one out. And she's like, this is new. And we're going into a buyer's market, guys, because this home has been on the market for a while.

Okay, it's overpriced and shitty. You're going to love it. You are going to love this shithole. Probably got cracks in the foundation. Let's have a look. Yeah, it's sort of this generic house. Everything's gray, gray lamat, gray this, gray and white, gray and white, grand white. There is a fireplace that's been

like built into the wall or something but it's like not real and Jean-Trey is like yes this fireplace is electric and it changes colors. Like wow. And he's like yeah I don't want that I want a real one. My grandma had a real fireplace so I want a brick and mortar

fireplace. Okay. Brick and mortar brick and mortar. Yeah I'm going to brick and mortar now. The kitchen is nice. Modern has a nice island with Waterfall, what do they call it a waterfall pour? Waterfall surface. A waterfall.

Yeah, a waterfall countertop. A waterfall island or whatever where it comes over the edge. I used to think that was so ugly. I was like, who wants this? These are so ugly. And then what do you have to clean the whole waterfall section? And then I got one and out. That's all I want.

I don't know why. I mean, who thought they would come up with a new style for a freaking kitchen island? But they did it. They did it. Someone said, we are going to keep this running all the way to the ground. God damn it. someone chased the waterfall and they actually caught it. So Bernardo says,

the stove top is gas. And he's like, oh, I like that this is gas. He's like, because I don't like that electricity thing. And she's like, I prefer electric,

which like no one ever says on this show. Everyone's like, oh, electric, that's too bad. She's like, I prefer electric because I keep burning myself on these. Lady,

why are you burning yourself on the gas stove? I love that she is like playing Patty Cake. with an electric stove and not getting burned. What is she talking? I think actually an electric, one of those like smooth electric tops is actually easier to burn yourself on it because it just looks like nothing's happening. Yeah. Yeah, you don't see the fire. You know?

Why are you touching the gas stove? Why are you touching the range? Yeah. So it's like, well, you just got to be careful, honey. I mean, if you set off your, if you get off your phone and social media, maybe you wouldn't burn yourself and I like that that's why she's burning yourself. She's like, oh, the stove is on. I was looking at someone's Instagram.

I know. Hold on. I just want to like this person. Ow! I tapped the stove top instead of the phone by accident. Why does that keep happening to me? I tried to double tap it. So this is just like one of the stupidest observations. Can't have a guest to.

I tried to like the eggs and I burned myself. I tried to swipe left on the flame, and it turns out you can't do that. Yeah. So they go outside, and there's no deck, which is apparently a big thing for, it becomes a big deal for Bernano. Because none of these homes have real big decks. And so he's like, but wait, where could I put the grill? I mean, come on, we need a grill. And she's like, where am I going to have a chicken coop?

And Chantre is like, yeah, I don't know that the county is going to really love a chicken coop anyway. It's like, what the hell? He's like, I love it. He's like, no chickens for me. So then Nia, she, oh, then they go upstairs. And there's this railing. It's like a metal railing and it has a wire. Like the railing has like wires in it.

Like long wires that parallel the railing itself. What you would normally see in like a public kind of building, like a commercial building or a museum or something. And she was like, oh my God, I love this railing. I was like, really? This just feels not like a railing you'd have inside your house, right? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It doesn't look great for kids, though, because you know, they'll be squeezing through that and pushing each other through it.

So they check out the rooms. They check out the house. Oh, it's fine. It's a pretty generic house up and down. You know, it's like the LVP floors. Everything's great, like you already said. There's a, you know, bathroom with a standing shower. She likes that there's a Jack and Jill bathroom because it connects bedrooms.

And she's like, we can have one kid over here and the other kid over there. And he's like, wow, you've got your own vision going on. I see chicken lover. So then they go into the primary and he's like, well, I don't see tray ceilings. And that is huge for me. Because look at the way my head is like three feet away from touching that ceiling. Is that three feet? Might even be, might even be six feet.

I mean, what's the point of having all that ceiling up there if it can't even go even higher? He's ridiculous. with these tray ceilings. I can't. We hear a lot of stupid things on the show, but tray ceilings is up there. So someone insisting on tray ceilings. No pun intended. So now they see a double sink and she's like, oh, you're going to love the tub, Bernardo, because there's a bathtub. And he goes, yeah, I could try to fit in there. It's kind of a little tub. And she goes, oh my God, but I could see it. We could do a whole shot in here. Look, I'm framing it for social media right now. The chicken in the bathtub, drinking some champagne.

Chickens don't have fingers. Well, help it, Bernardo. Come on. Yeah, she is like Nea Spielberg over there, setting up her whole scene. Like, hold on, everyone. This is beautiful. Great backdrop for all my social media content.

Love it. Let's do this. I'm going to buy an entire house for one post of a bathtub on social media. I'm going to become viral over my bathtub. People are going to love this. Then she's like, you know, I pick up really good energy in here.

I don't think there's any spirits. Yeah, this is great. I'm feeling no spirit. It's here. So then they go to the back and that she loves like that there's a luxury grand entrance on the first level, which I don't seem to remember it being very luxury. It's literally a door. It's a door. It's a door.

And then they go downstairs. It opens up into a big open concept hallway, basically. Yeah. And then she's like, oh my God, this surface here, I can really see like a picture or a mirror. And he's like, huh, with this price, I don't think we're going to be. adding any mirrors or pictures. Oh, God. I'll tell you who has a lot of mirrors and pictures.

Grandma's house. Let's go there. Let's move there. But she just sees a wall and she goes, oh my God, we could put a picture there. Yeah. That's what you do with walls.

Mia, for fuck sake, man. So they check out the basement. And she's like, is this a living space? And she's like, yeah, you could have a living space here. And so they name all the kids. They're like, wow, the kids will all enjoy this area. Because that's where you live.

Not like ghosts who are dead. And she's like, yeah, maybe the kids could be playing over there. He's like, okay, vision have her. So there's also a bathroom down there. And she loves the marble details, which is funny. It's just like dollar tiles, you know, with marble painted on. And then there's another bedroom down there and all that stuff. And he's like, well, I could have my home office down there, but I don't know.

It's right off a playroom with the kids all there. And she's like, that's why you have a door, honey. So he says that this is just going to be so over budget. And he grew up in apartments for a while. And it wasn't until high school when his mom purchased her first home. So this is a big milestone for him because apparently he is going to pattern everything he does in his life off of his mom and his grandmother. So he really feels like it's just essential for him to start this chapter off on the right foot. And having an office next to a playroom, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. So Chantre finds a lower-priced home for Bernardo, but Nia is a tough sell. And he is like, it looks so used. He's up. So now the next house, this lady is ridiculous. They're both ridiculous, these people. So it's 30 minutes to work. And we go to this house.

It was built in 1960s. And then she's like, it's built in 1960s. So who knows how many people have lived there? Oh, my God. So many ghosts. Like, I'm not, I'm just going to say. this I don't think everyone who's lived there has died there too. I think people have lived there and moved on. She's like oh my god, people keep dying. There's so many ghosts in this

house. People are so funny about dead people. You're gonna be one soon. Okay. Yeah. So be nice. It's like when young people are mean to old people. It's like you're gonna be one kid. Okay, like have fun with your perky boobs and your high button now, but you're gonna be in my seat very soon. Okay, so enjoy it. I wonder if dead people feel the same way. They're like, oh really? We scare you. You used to So now they get to this house. It's 485,000. It's like a, it's a colonial.

It's like a cute, like very standard house. I actually like it. I think it's like a, I think it has a lot more charm on the outside than the one that we just looked at. It's just like a standard home from the 60s that you see in suburbs all over. Yeah. And this one is 485. So this is cheap. And it's like full on brick brick home wood paneling all that stuff.

And she's like, what do you think of this beautiful colonial home? I'll be the judge of that, Chantre. Okay. Tell me what's beautiful. And it's like it's okay if you like used up stuff. Oh, okay. So they they walk in and everything and Bernard was like, look, look at this fireplace. It's amazing. He reminds me my grandma's house. I'm like, oh, Nia. Let this be a vision of what the rest of your life this can be like with this man. Every single thing is going to come down to how his grandma did something, when she did something, why she did something, and why you're not doing it just like her. And she's like, yeah, it looks used up.

And Chandra goes, yeah, it was built in 1963, so I'm pretty sure it's been used. You fucking idiot. Walk around the house. By many people, I'm sure. And then really used up house. So now they check out this. They've got these radiator heating things all over the floor. There's radiators on the floor, like classic radiators.

They're not even like, they're not even the old school con. They're like they're modern ones, like the long rectangular ones that looks sort of like baseboards. She goes, what's this? It has like horizontal slits. What's this crazy thing at the bottom? Like, that's a radiator. It's like, wow.

Bernardo's like, yeah, that's old school stuff. I love that stuff. I wish I could marry that fucking floor radiator. because that's from my me mom i would have loved that and she's like i've never seen that before so they go now they check out the dine you know everything's like fine the dining room's cute i think except they use like kind of a royal blue they picked the wrong blue but um but um you know it's fine and she's like chantre is like well the light fixture is modern and it doesn't fit in this house at all but you guys will probably love so that's an update watch your head it's not on the tray ceiling

He's like, damn it, no tray ceilings. Nia likes the cabinets in the kitchen. And then there's space for like a second dining room, which Nia likes and everything. And then Bernardo says that he likes the way the rooms open up into each other. So then they go through some sliding doors and they go to the outside. And it has like a nice backyard. I actually have all three houses.

This one has the best backyard, I think. But no deck. There's no deck. And Sean Trey is like, but there's not an HOA here. so you can have up to six chickens. So that's good. And she's like, six.

I don't know about six. Maybe I'll just start with two or something. So she's like, that could change over time with the regulations of the county. Okay. So just don't get too attached to your chickens. How long do chickens live? Do we know?

Oh my God, don't tell me about chicken ghosts. I'm not living in a place with chicken goes. Bernardo goes, what are you going to do with those chickens anyway? She's going to start up a vaudeville act. What do you think she's going to do with them? You get eggs.

What else do you do? chickens. You're not going to slaughter them there. Like, you're just going to get eggs. It makes a good point, though. There's a grocery store around the corner. Yeah. Okay. And it's probably cheaper to get eggs than it is to raise chickens. Yeah. And also, you don't have to clean up the poop every weekend. So they go inside and head upstairs and check out the bedrooms.

And she's like, is this a bedroom or an office? Whatever you want it to be, Nia, no one's going to force you to have an office where you don't want, no house. The joys of that new house is house hunters. Yeah. Like, you could do anything with it. So Bernardo says, like, well, with my line of profession, we just need to have a really, really private area. Well, good luck with all the ghosts listening in. Oh, God, Bernardo.

You can't wait for your clients to listen to chickens as they rip out their heart for you. I know. So they look, they think they go to another bedroom. Nia thinks the windows are a little small. And, you know, Bernardo's like, but we're moving in a modern direction. direction a little bit. It's not modern whatsoever. And then they go to a bathroom and Bernard was like, oh, see, look at this. I love the upgrades in this bathroom. I mean, I could see you doing a few selfies over here. And she goes, she's like, selfie is like disgusting. And I just love that she was like

doing selfies in the bathroom when like in the last house. She was like, oh, we could set up a beautiful scene here in the bathroom. Yeah, all of a sudden she's against doing social in the bathroom. But, you know, he's the man. And we've seen it. So many times. times on the show. The man just wants the cheap house and that's it. He's like it's cheap. It's 485. We're getting this. So look, it's a tiny window. It's called modern, honey. It's called modern. She's like, no. Yeah. So they look in the office and there's like a complete there's a there's a completed basement downstairs. So that's where he'd, you know, make his office and everything. But there's also like a there's an area that's unfinished and there's a sink. It's kind of like a

industrial sink. Like a laundry room sink. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like an industrial. Yeah. Yeah.

And she's like, oh, no. It looks scary. I want to get out of here. Like, you know what? I don't want to watch a ghost washing its hands. Let's get out of here. That's a ghost sink. So he's like, can we maybe get rid of this pillar in the middle of the room?

Because that's disgusting. And Chantre goes, yeah, absolutely. I don't know. I don't think they have that there for no reason. It's in such an awkward place. It is the strangest. It's not even a pillar. It's just like this little tiny wall that when you come up this staircase, it like separates you from like the rest of like all these different rooms.

It's a really weird one. Yeah. So he's like, God, this reminds me my grandma and I really do love that. We know, Bernardo. Jesus, you're entering psycho territory here. Is your grandma in some wooden chair in your basement at home right now? Like my grandma just loves random small walls locking the flow of whatever needs to be in this house. That's just so grandma.

So they like the price is good. So Sean Tray tries another new build, but with not much time to find it before Bernardo and Nia lose their rental, it comes with compromises. Yeah. So let's go check it out. It's an hour from his work, but it's a lower price and it's brand new.

And it's going to have construction going on all over the street. And he's like, well, but that could be in the way of the kids playing outside, I think. Kids love construction sites. I used to play on them all the time growing up. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. We were always like hiding in a house that was being built and, you know, hiding and, you know, getting nails on our feet.

You know, all the fun stuff. All the fun stuff. When we're kids. Kids being kids. This is. This is. This house that they go to now is just like so many of the houses we've seen on the real house as a Potomac, which makes sense. We're here in suburban Maryland.

And it's just like a generic McMansion. It's clearly part of a McMansion community. We can see it being built in the background. It sort of has Chantre sells it as a traditional style home with craftsman-like elements, which basically is like, it's got some pointy rooftops a little bit. Nia sees it and she goes, I do like the black details.

I'm like, we know, we do love a black railing. We get it. And this has siding and his grandmother did not have siding. So he doesn't like it. But this one's 2,500 square feet and four bed, two and half bath. And there's an office, right? When you come in, it is an actual office meant to be an office. And he's like, yeah, wanted an office.

So this is good. Would prefer a tray ceiling. But I mean, actually, if you're going to have an office in the home, having one right off the foyer is actually really good. So, you know, that's not so bad. But yeah, where's the tray ceiling? I mean, if you call it an office, but you don't have two tiers of ceiling in it, I don't think so. Yeah, and then there's a formal dining room. And he's like, I don't like this setup.

Maybe it's that there's a light fixture right here in the middle of the room. It's because that's where the table goes, dude. That's where. I know. That's where the light fixtures go in dining rooms. Come on, buddy. But the funniest thing is they really have a big emotional reaction to the staircase. So there's this random staircase.

And the bottom of the staircase kind of like kind of fans. out a little bit into the, into whatever spaces there, the hallway. And Nia loves this. She loves this, that, just that little element of the staircase opening up. She's like, oh my God, I love these stairs. This is my favorite part of the house. These are the best stairs ever. It's like a princess.

Like, I can imagine any princess walking down this staircase. This is royalty. This is where we're going to, okay, we're going to have the kids take prom photos here. And only that, like, we're going to invite heads of state. This is a staircase. It is so grand. It's just a staircase. It's like a generic staircase.

It's a little wide at the bottom. And he's like, those stairs are too new. I hate them. Those aren't grandma's stairs. Which is the most ridiculous critique. Anyone could ever, ever have on this show that the staircase is too new. Do you want a little staircase? Mia looks around at the walls and she goes, I see that I've seen this color before.

Isn't it gray? It's like a grayish color. And Chantre is like, yeah, that's what's in right now. And she goes, yeah, it's in. And it's very trendy. And Bernardo's like, we're trying to stay away from trendy. Well, perfect, because you're moving into a gray home. I know.

Oh, God. You know how gray ages, those neutral colors. So then they go into a large room that they like. And Bernardo was talking about like, yeah, maybe we could add some used furniture in here or something like that. And they're like, what? Use furniture? He's like, I mean, you know, try to keep, try to narrow the budget a little bit. bit like he likes old things he's like okay if we move into a newer house we need older furniture

then that's my compromise what the hell and there's no fireplace which he doesn't like and she's like but we could get one of the electric ones that changes colors and our kids fingers won't be burnt aren't they still hot why why did people in this family keep touching the fire what it's wrong with this family do they not have fire in honduras what that Hell. Please teach your children about open flames. And Bernardo goes, they make gates for fires to keep the kids out of the fire. So they go into an open concept kitchen.

There's an island, you know. And he doesn't like the color or she doesn't like the color of the cabinets and stuff. And he's like, but we've got kids. We don't want white cabinets. You know, there's going to be like little dirty palms everywhere, you know. The kids touch. everything. What did you not learn about the stovetop and the fireplace? You're going to get their burnt little fingerprints all over our white, white countertops. No, let's do it all dark colors.

And he's like, and where's the deck? Where's the deck? And she's like, well, you could build one for $10,000 to $25,000. And he's like, okay, so we're getting up in the price really quick. Because they have a door, they have a sliding door for a potential deck, but because there's no deck there is just a sliding door that opens. And then they have a little gate, they have a fence that way you don't actually fall out. Yeah, that was pretty weird. Yeah, that was pretty right in the kitchen. So she's like, well, it smells new here.

I don't smell dead people. So that's great. You know, I love the space. And he's like, yeah, we could do some entertainment here. He knows as long as we're putting our guests on rope so they don't fall out the window of the kitchen. I know. We'll give them a helmet.

So they go up the stairs. And there's like a whole bunch of. generic, you know, living spaces up there, carpeted rooms. There's no spirits up here. He goes, oh, great. So I have to pay an extra 20 grand for no spirits. Great. Yeah. Great.

There's a spider in the bathtub. And they're like, oh, my God, it's a spider. And then Shantra goes, oh, spirits is spiders? And Bernardo's like, oh, is there a spirit in that one? And she's like, no. But what? There's a spider. That one doesn't have a spirit.

The spider feels like it would be a spiritual thing. Nia knows how to read the spiders. She's like, nope, that's a spiritless spider. Don't worry about it. I know my spider spirits. So they go to the main bedroom and he loves it because they have Trace Elling's guys. The only home in town with Trace Ellings. He's like, this is it.

I found it. I saw this on social media and knew I was going to marry it. Yeah. They also, the bathroom is really nice. And he is a big guy. He's tall. He's like a, he's a big tall guy. And the shower looks really big.

It's really new. So it does look like a good bathroom for him. And then they go back down the stairs. They head down the stairs. And she's like, oh, but look at these stairs, honey. Ben Chantre is like, I mean the steps. Can you die? She's like, I just feel like a queen coming down these stairs.

I just want to emphasize for people who did not see this episode. This is not a big grand open staircase, like the one that Teresa Judas has in her home. This is just a staircase with two walls. alongside it. And again, at the end, it's a walled in staircase. It's like the least glamorous staircase you could imagine. Has she been on a staircase before? It's like, I love it. It's so glamorous. And he's like, no, this house is too sterile and there's no deck. And she goes, honey, you know, we could build it. And he goes, I'm not building a deck. She goes, you don't have to. We would hire somebody, honey. It's like, yeah, that's more money,

babe. Do you not understand? So now they go sit at a restaurant. And talk about what they're going to get. Their rentals being sold. So they're running out of time to find Mee Ma's house. What are they going to do? So house number one is like big, well, we know what the houses are. Basically, and we also kind of know exactly which house they're going to go for. At least I knew.

I was like, they're going to go with the tray ceiling because he's been obsessed with tray salings. The only thing he's been more obsessed with in grandma's house has been tray salings. And that's clearly what he's going to go for. Yeah, I thought he was going to go for the cheapest one. I thought so too. And I actually liked that one. I actually liked that one that most, believe it or not. The other two were newer and more open, but they were just, they were so generic.

And I thought the older one was cute. And, you know, I thought it would work well. Yeah. So they ended up getting the tray ceiling and they put in an electric fireplace. So she won something, you know. Yeah, it all worked out. It all came together and now they have a luxury house with a fireplace. And she said, I'm just kind of waiting to add some of my sparkle with some razzle dazzle.

And he goes, you are the razzle dazzle. Now let's go fly some kites, baby. And that brings us to the end of House Huntall. Thank you, everyone, for being here. We really appreciate it. Super fun times. And we will catch you on the next episode of Dwell. Hello.

Bye, everyone. Mm-hmm.